#Stolichnaya

[luegootravez]

Ashley Smith by © Thom Kerr

[eyepaint]

[musicmags]

[int1macyyyy]

"How is you're night going?" Feat. lightning OTF, Stolichnaya

[sray600]

[2badso4nick8]

Stolichnaya: Absolutely Fabulous

[craftspiritshop]

Discover the craft spirit world with Crystal Head and Stolichnaya Vodka from our online shop Shop now for fast delivery and hassle free ordering

[holy-reference-in-a-username]

I LOVE HOW YOU DRAW EM IM GONNA CHEW EM ALL, oh yeah, and i have some questions :3

how tall are they?

favorite foods/drinks?

what are their hobbies?

favourite animal?

DID I ALREADY SAY I LOVE HOW YOU DRAW?

CHEW TOY HOURS YES!! as for the questions:

first question is answered here! basically two short kings, edd is huge, and matt is fairly average (don't tell him i said that)

Tom- Smirnoff

Tord- Stolichnaya (also vodka)

Edd- Cola

Matt- ...blood

edd and tom have pre-established favorite drinks, so i'm not messing with those. i think tord and tom being friendly ONLY when shitfaced has sooo much comedic potential. having similar tastes is even funnier. as for matt... he's a vampire after all. id say his favorite non-human body fluid would be orange juice.

favorite foods are same as in canon (bacon for tord, the other 3 order their favorites at the diner in WTFuture)

im gonna put their hobbies in their own post...

as for favorite animal:

tord is not an animal person, unfortunately.

and finally THANK YOU!!!!

[andavs]

Drinking Preferences in 9-1-1

Quick note: All of this is free from paid product placement because the show doesn’t have the characters interact with/drink real alcohol brands. They only use real brands for set dressing when they aren’t the focus and wouldn’t really be recognizable unless you already know that bottle/label.

So Maddie and Chimney have Grand Marnier and Monopolowa vodka (real brands) sitting out on a bar cart but the one bottle anyone interacts with is the fake brand of Glencallan scotch. The bar Chimney worked at was fully stocked with real brands of vodka (Deep Eddy, Stolichnaya, Tito's, Absolut) but no one actually touches them.

The fake prop brands fall into two categories: totally fake and generic, and lookalikes.

The totally fake brands are things like Glencallan scotch (a mashup of Glenlivet and Macallan) or the piscos behind the bar in Peru. Buck has Meichtry Draft beer in his fridge, which is a common prop beer that other shows use too, and a lot of characters in the show drink the generic Genuine beer.

The lookalikes are things like the beer Buck serves Connor that's called Cerveza Extra but it's written in a similar font to Corona Extra so to the passing glance, it’s recognizable to most people as a real brand they’re familiar with. When Buck and Hen are doing shots, the tequila is Carlos Medina Especial, made to look like Jose Cuervo. (Judging from the bottle shape and back label, Buck and Taylor were also doing shots of a different fake Jose Cuervo.)

Because they aren’t restrained by product placement, the show can give the characters their own drinking preferences instead of having them all drink the same brand with the clearly visible label conveniently turned towards the camera.

And because I was watching anyway, I kept track of how many times each character drinks what. (Scenes that show them drinking and what they're drinking, not counting up every drink they've had.)

So as of 6x12:

Chimney

Beer: 15 | Wine: 9 | Spirits: 4 | Cocktails: 0

Chimney seems to prefer beer, and he also drinks wine with Maddie pretty often. His go-to spirit appears to be tequila, but he also had scotch while his dad was visiting.

When he’s hanging out, he has a beer or two.

When he's misery-drinking, he has more than two, like when Albert first showed up or when he felt responsible for letting Shannon die.

When shit’s going down that he's not directly involved in, like when the Buckleys were coming or when Karen thought Hen was cheating again, he goes for tequila. It's a fake Don Julio called Señor Suertes.

But when things were really wrong, when Maddie first left and he was falling apart trying to figure out what happened to her, there was no evidence of him drinking at all. The entire apartment was covered in baby stuff.

Maddie

Beer: 2 | Wine: 18 | Spirits: 0 | Cocktails: 0

Maddie almost exclusively drinks wine, and in their new house, she and Chimney have a small, full wine rack on the counter.

She first drinks a beer after dispatch was taken hostage, when both Chim and Buck are also having beer but Josh is having wine. She seems to have another beer at May's graduation party, but everyone's drinks are in plastic cups and look more like juice than their usual prop beverages.

She stops drinking through all of s4 (pregnant) and doesn't seem to have another drink until the balcony with Buck at the end of s5.

Athena

Beer: 2 | Wine: 26 | Spirits: 4 | Cocktails: 3

Athena drinks the most out of the main characters.

She usually drinks wine, but she'll also go for something stronger, usually when she's out at a bar. She often has a glass of wine with dinner, and seems to favor having one after a rough day. After she slapped Harry, she drank a neat whiskey at home. She's added whiskey to her coffee twice.

But like Chimney, when she's spiraling and obsessively cleaning the entire house after realizing Hudson was in there touching their belongings, she was totally sober.

Bobby

Beer: 0 | Wine: 0 | Spirits: 3 | Cocktails: 0 | Club Soda: 2

Obviously Bobby doesn't drink, but when he was struggling with relapsing in Starting Over, he was holding the same prop Glencallan scotch that Chim has. When he did relapse in Worst Day Ever, he was drinking a fake Jack Daniels. In Point of Origin, he was drinking a generic vodka.

(Interesting that he chose a 35 year scotch, which is not cheap, when he previously drank Jack, which is about $25.)

When he's out with people who are drinking, he usually goes for club soda or water.

(The same scotch being used for Bobby, Chim, and Buck could be intentional, but this is also a common fake scotch brand used all over the place, so it could just be that they had it on hand.)

Hen

Beer: 9 | Wine: 11 | Spirits: 1 | Cocktails: 1

Hen is mostly seen drinking beer or wine; beer when she's out at a bar, and usually wine when she's at home or at Athena's. Hen and Karen have a full wine rack in their kitchen (added after s4), but clearly neither one of them will turn down tequila (I like to think it’s Chim’s influence).

Eddie

Beer: 13 | Wine: 5 | Spirits: 1 | Cocktails: 0

Eddie generally sticks to beer. He's also the one we see drink the least out of everyone who does drink, but Maddie's only one scene ahead of him.

We've seen him drink wine a few times (always red) and he also had a cognac or brandy at dinner with Shannon (judging by the type of glass). But when he's most comfortable and relaxed, having a drink with Buck or the team, he's drinking beer.

We don't see him drinking after a rough day unless he's talking things through with Buck over a beer. If he keeps anything beyond beer in his home, it’s kept out of sight. There was no visible alcohol in his house in Texas either.

Buck

Beer: 12 | Wine: 11 | Spirits: 6 | Cocktails: 2

Buck is pretty evenly split between beer and wine.

He worked as a bartender, but he doesn’t seem to have much interest in alcohol beyond having a drink with other people. This makes me think he wanted to bartend for the social aspect of it, not because he particularly cares about spirits or making cocktails.

Buck also doesn't seem to care about the quality of what he drinks. Chimney's go-to bottle is about $40-50, while Buck's doing shots of bottom shelf tequila with Taylor and Hen, and drinking a full pint glass of watery margarita with Lucy. (This man should stop drinking tequila.)

The first time the Buckleys all have dinner together, Phillip has scotch and Buck has wine, but the second and third times, Buck opts for scotch with his dad. These are the only times we've seen him drink scotch, so I assume he did because his dad did.

The only time we've seen Buck drink alone was while he was depressed after the blood clot, as there were a few empty beer bottles scattered around his kitchen when Eddie showed up, and he was sitting with an empty beer bottle when Eddie and Chris came by after the tsunami.

He has a small wine rack on the kitchen counter that has a few bottles in it, and occasionally there's a wine bottle grouped with the olive oil/other cooking bottles.

Random Observations:

Buck and Eddie didn't have a beer together on screen until 3x9, the Kitchen Scene.

Athena frequently drinks wine at Bobby's apartment in s2. They keep alcohol in their home (out of sight) and he has no problem pouring wine for others.

I'm pretty sure that the only time we saw Buck drink in all of s1 was (trying) to have a glass of wine on his date with Abby.

Hen and Athena almost always drink wine at each other's houses. I think they only had beers once.

Anyway, I think prop alcohol is really interesting and I have a passion for label design, and this is what I've chosen to do with that. Hopefully I didn't miss too much.

[vladdyissues]

What kind of drink do you think Vlad would be?

That's a good question. (When you say "drink", I immediately think "alcoholic beverage", so if discussion about alcohol is not your thing, please disregard this post.)

If Vlad were to be honored with a cocktail, I think it'd have to contain these elements:

Vodka, for Vlad's fanon Slavic heritage

Bitters, because he's bitter about losing Maddie

Something expensive or "rich"

Something pink or reddish in color

Something dairy

Something fruity, because fruit loop

So here's my iteration of a "Vlad Masters" 🍹

Ingredients:

1 oz Stolichnaya Vanilla or Smirnoff Whipped Cream

1 oz X-Rated (vodka-based liqueur for a pink color and fruity flavor)

.5 oz Badel Pelinkovac (Eastern European bittersweet liqueur)

.5 oz Goldschläger (cinnamon schnapps with gold flakes in it, so it's both hot and rich lol)

1 oz Bailey's Irish Cream

Combine all ingredients except Bailey's in a rocks glass with ice. Top with Bailey's and stir. Optional: garnish with a maraschino cherry. Enjoy with charcuterie that's heavy on the cheese.

[musicmags]

[int1macyyyy]

Ohhhhhhhh shit my store got in Stolichnaya it's on I'll update in a little bit

[darklydeliciousdesires]

Sky Full of Stars - Chapter Ten.

Huge thanks to the few of you still invested in this story. I'd love to hear from a few others who are reading it, too, if you'd be so kind as to leave a little comment?

Previous chapters - One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Eight Nine

Tag list - In the comments

Words - 4,430

Warnings - 18+ content throughout. Minors DNI!

“Baby love, you’re quiet,” he called, walking around from the lounge and into the kitchen after finishing his call, finding the space empty. “Jade?”  

Silence. Had she gone for a bath, and he not noticed? Checking the bathroom, he found nothing but an empty room, the same with the bedroom and her mini studio. Going back into the kitchen again, he pulled his phone out, scrolling to hit her number. It was while the call was simply ringing out that he noticed a letter next to her untouched glass of wine, picking it up. As soon as he began to read, he cut the call, concentrating on the contents.  

With every word he read, his heart sank with a led weight, his forehead creasing further. “Lady, you’ve gotta nerve.” he whispered into the nothingness of the kitchen, putting the letter down again and picking his phone up. Still no answer from Jade. Fuck.  

He knew exactly what this would have done to her, bringing back an event he knew she hadn’t truly processed and moved on from, seeing the bomb that had been Polina suggesting even for a second that any of it had been her fault. Her son was a steroid junkie whose actions had finished his relationship; Jade could have been absent for more than she was, and his choices wouldn’t have been her fault. It made his anger prickle sharply to read even the mere inkling of anything to the contrary.  

What was more, her words would only solidify the fact that Jade more than likely did blame herself for what had happened. If she didn’t, then it would be very untrue to form, but he couldn’t know for sure since she hadn’t ever really opened up to him about it beyond one brief conversation. All he did know was that emotionally, she was now likely climbing the walls, and out on the streets alone.  

Picking up his keys, he left the apartment, wracking his brains as he strode down to the elevator, trying to remember her haunts. Conveniently, most were in SoHo, just a five-minute ride away from her building, Adrien hopping into a cab. He tried The Back Room first, then The Library, both missing the blonde his eyes tried to pick out among the patrons.  

Lighting a cigarette outside of the second location, he stood and thought for a few moments, taking stock. He was a mixture of worried for her welfare, and slightly pissed off that she hadn’t gone straight to him about it. She always said how much she trusted and loved him, but these actions didn’t back that up.  

It wasn’t about him, though.  

Feeling his insides begin to coil further, he paced back and forth slowly, trying to remember other places where she might go, her little ports in a storm. Of course. 

“Where we heading, my guy?” the cabbie he hailed asked as Adrien climbed in. 

“Shark Bar, Nolita.”  

“Can do, bud.” 

It was colloquially named as such because of the shark motifs that hung upon the wall, the actual name of the establishment Spring Bar, a place he’d visited with her one afternoon shortly after Christmas. They’d sat at the bar sinking tequila shots before going back to hers and having horny, drunken sex for most of the evening, and at the bar was exactly where he found her upon entering, sliding onto the stool beside her.  

It took her a moment to look up from her large glass of iced Jack Daniels and notice him there, sheepishness crossing her sad features as she cast her eyes downwards with a sigh. “Am I really that obvious?” 

“Yep.” His tone was a little flat, Jade looking back up at him to see his brows knitting. “When you bolted, you went in the fucking wrong direction.” The bartender then arrived, placing a napkin down. “Stolichnaya, double. No ice.”  

“Right away.” 

He nodded in thanks, turning back to her. “I don’t need to ask you if you’re alright, because I know you’re not, and I won’t make this about me being pissed off that you ran away instead of coming to me. Saying that, though, we need to talk about this. You need to talk about it, the contents of the letter that fucking thoughtless woman felt compelled to send to you on her asshole son’s behalf.” 

“I don’t want to.” 

“Well, you kinda have to,” he spoke, taking the glass placed before him and sinking it in one, requesting a refill he immediately received, “because I���m done with watching it chip away at you, the way you stuff everything down and refuse to talk about it. And don’t you dare say it doesn’t, baby. You might be able to hide it from others without consequence, but you can’t with me.”  

Her lip began to wobble, feeling discomfort slither against her insides, like an eel angrily thrashing within her belly. It should have been comforting, that the man next to her really, really saw her, but to Jade, it was scary as hell. “Not here.”  

“Alright,” he spoke, tipping the contents of the glass down his throat before he stood. “Drink up.” 

She did, sliding off the stool as he left a handful of bills atop the bar, grabbing her hand and squeezing it tightly, thumb rubbing a soft circle. It told her that yes, while he was pissed off with her, his love still shone through the brightest.  

It didn’t stop her from being scared to death, though, her mind immediately sending support pillars to the emotional wall she’d built within, desperate for fortification. They arrived back twenty minutes later, Jade walking straight to the sideboard where she kept her liquor bottles, picking up the bourbon and a couple of glasses. “Do you want a drink?” 

“Nope,” he spoke, flopping down on the couch. “I want you to sit here and fucking tell me everything you’re pushing down, because I know I’m not getting the full picture. I also want to know why you don’t deal with it, deny yourself the perfectly fucking human act of properly acknowledging whatever it is that’s bugging you.” 

“I do deal with it, just differently,” she shrugged, sitting down next to him. 

He scoffed lightly, shaking his head. “No, you don’t. I know it, so does Jen, too. I don’t get it either, because short term annoyances, you speak your damned mind immediately! You deal with it right there and then, and I admire you so much for it because in that respect, you’re definitely more forthright than I am. When it hits you deeper, though, you run from it,” he explained, Jade feeling her heart beginning to pound.  

“I don’t run, I -” 

“Yes, you fucking do! Quit being in denial over it, Jade!” Immediately, he felt bad for yelling at her, seeing her eyes turning glassy. She had to hear it, though. He’d reached the end of his tether at watching her beginning to crumble from it. Her meltdown and fleeing her apartment that evening had been the final straw for him. “I don’t want to yell at you about this but fuck, baby. You can’t keep torturing yourself like this.” His eyes searched hers for some kind of answer, but she wasn’t forthcoming, gripping his hand as she rested her head down on her knees.  

She had to tell him. Somebody other than her had to know what she held within, what she hadn’t spoken of to another soul, that nobody other than she and her ex knew. It was with bravery, but crippling fear that she took a deep breath and finally spoke it aloud.  

“Three months before Ivan beat me, I found out I was pregnant. We wanted to wait before telling anyone just to be sure, so we did, but sadly I miscarried at six weeks. He blamed me and my busy work schedule, said it was my fault. I think that’s ultimately why I got a beatdown, because he couldn’t keep in how livid he was that our baby died before it was even a baby at all.”  

A cold wave washed right through him, pulling his hands from hers, wrapping her in his arms instead. “Fuck,” he breathed, stroking her hair, strong hands gripping her tightly. “I’m so sorry that happened to you, baby love.” She rested her head back to her knees, sobbing quietly while reliving it all, feeling comforted by the warmth of his arms and the kisses he laid against the centre of her back.  

“You cannot for one fucking second think that it was your fault, you can’t,” he spoke softly, making her sit up. “It wasn’t, and it didn’t warrant you being attacked by him. It wasn’t your fault, Jade.”  

“But it was, though!” she cried, shaking her head. “Even if it wasn’t anything I did or didn’t do to lose our baby, I should have seen it coming. I should have gotten out of there quicker and then maybe I wouldn’t have ended up with pins holding my cheekbone together! I should have known he’d never forgive me for it! I should have seen it coming with Jen as well, instead of ignoring that she was spiralling because I couldn’t deal with it, and now, now I’m terrified I’m going to miss something coming with you that means ultimately, I’ll lose you.” 

There it was, her emotional dam finally bursting, Adrien seeing what had been lurking within that she’d so desperately been trying to ignore. She blamed herself for things she truly didn’t have any control over, and then couldn’t deal with how that made her feel, attempting to do the impossible and thus finding absolutely no resolve over what was emotionally crippling to endure. It was hard because she made it hard, rather than facing it rationally.  

“Honey, you’re not going to lose me because of something you didn’t see coming. If we have problems, at least from my perspective, I'll be straight up and tell you. I’m big on communication,” he began, Jade cutting in. 

“But what if I mess it up somehow and that doesn’t happen, and...” 

“Hey, come on. You’ve gotta calm down. The only way you’re gonna mess things up is if you keep on doing this, having meltdowns because you can’t deal with everything you avoid, and then it bubbles up and you don’t have a clue how to see your way through it. You have to trust me enough to be there for you, talk to me about things, not see it as weakness. Because I think you do, don’t you?”  

She couldn’t meet his eyes, Adrien knowing he was finally breaking down a wall, gentling a little as he took her hand in his again. “What Ivan did to you was not your fault. Jen OD’ing was not your fault. Thinking you could even control that for a second won’t lead you to anything good, but talking about it until you feel better, even if it isn’t to me – although I’d prefer it if you did – will lead to you to good things.” 

She winced a smile, shaking her head. “How the hell you want to be with an emotional headcase like me, wow. I don’t know. I’d get out now if I were you.” 

“Nope, won’t be doing that,” he spoke, hand tightening on hers, “and you can fucking stop throwing bombs at me because you don’t know how to deal with something good happening to you. Because deep down, you don’t think it’s real unless it’s a mess.”  

Another brick tumbled free from the wall. 

“You’re right,” she finally acquiesced, “I do that. I see myself doing it, and I try to stop myself. I think I push the self-destruct button, to stop myself from becoming hurt. Can’t trust that you’re not going anywhere when all the signs point to the fact that you are. But my fucking brain won’t let me see that!” 

Yet another brick fell. 

He took a deep breath, moving to crouch before her, taking her other hand in a tight grasp, too. “Do you want to know how much I’m in this for the long haul? I’d marry you right here and now if I could. You’re it for me, Jade. You’re the one. You’re right, I’m not going anywhere.” 

Her mouth dropped open, her eyes softening as they rounded. “You would?” 

Resting his forehead to hers, he nodded. “In a fucking heartbeat. I’m not saying that putting a ring on your finger will fix all of your stuff. That won’t be easy, either. I need you to see, though, how much I truly am here for you and intend to be for the rest of my life, because I’ve fallen so deeply in love with you. That part, loving you forever, fucking easy as hell.” 

With those words, granting him the kiss he sought, her wall finally came tumbling down.  

“Thank you,” she breathed when they parted, stroking his face, “for being real with me. I think I’ve gotten away with a lot I probably shouldn’t have because people think I’m scary, so don’t challenge me. You’re the first person who ever has.” 

“Don’t get me wrong, I still think you’re scary, too,” he joked, kissing her again, “but I love you enough to call you on your bullshit, because I want you not to be so stressed by it. You have two panic modes, Moo. Wound tighter than a watch spring and crying uncontrollably.”  

“I know, but I’m not either of those right now,” she spoke, drying her eyes. 

He leaned to catch a tear with his lips, pressing a kiss to her cheek. “Maybe a little of the latter.” 

“Yeah,” she chuckled, “but you just told me you wanted to marry me, and it wasn’t a proper proposal or anything, I know, but still.” 

He lifted his chin a little, his smile crinkling his eyes. “Would you like it to be?” When he saw nothing but sheer delight reflecting back at him, he lowered down to one knee. “Jade Lucia Burton, you are the most incredible, beautiful, sweet natured, hilarious, amazing woman I’ve ever met. Will you do me the total honour of being my wife?” 

How was this real? How had she managed to find this lovely, patient, kind, holy grail of a man, and have him love her so much that after just six months, he wanted her to be his wife? She didn’t know, but what she did know was there was only one answer to his question. “Yes, Adrien Nicholas Brody. Yes, I will marry you.” Pulling her close, they entwined happily, sharing kisses and whispers of love, the rest of the world falling away into insignificance.  

“Secondary question; are you completely sure? Because I’m just a nerdy dude from Queens and you’re entirely too cool for me,” he spoke, prompting her giggles, Jade stroking his face. 

“Erm, have you met the ridiculous calamity that’s me?” she cried, kissing him again. “I’m saying yes before you come to your senses!” 

Their laughter grew, Adrien moving to sit back at her side. “Okay, third question. Will you marry me the day after tomorrow?”  

Her eyes practically fell out of her head. “What?” 

“I did just tell you I’d do it right now if we could, but you have to wait twenty-four hours after you apply for a marriage license. So, will you? Shall we do something crazy while we’re both still young enough to appreciate it?” 

She could barely keep in her excited giggles. “And people call me mental!” 

When they finally went to bed that morning, neither could really sleep, instead enjoying themselves with much less restful pleasures before arriving at the courthouse as soon as it opened in order to be issued with a marriage license. With that all-important piece of paper secured, everything seemed to move in a whirlwind.  

They decided not to tell their loved ones until after, wanting it to be just for them, deciding they could do a blessing or similar with their family and friends there at a later date. Adrien had suits in abundance, travelling back up to his house upstate to fetch one the afternoon before, leaving Jade behind to search for something suitable to wear. She wasn’t very interested in a big, traditional dress, a very unfussy woman where her fashions were concerned.  

After an unsuccessful shopping excursion, the dress she chose was actually something she’d never worn, finding it hanging at the back of her closet, still bagged and tagged. It was long, iron-grey silk designed by John Rocha, timeless and elegant.  

“Well, isn’t she perfect?” she spoke fondly upon pulling the garment from its bag, seeing it had a few creases. It was nothing that a steamer and a little patience couldn’t fix. They’d managed to get in last minute at city hall the following morning, a cancellation meaning they would be married at nine twenty-five, both up and out of bed by just coming up to seven. He was ready way before her, waiting for her by the front door. When she walked out, looking so beautiful, he almost cried.  

“Are you absolutely sure a total knockout like you wants to get hitched to me?” he spoke, nuzzling her nose with his, kissing her lips softly. 

“Never been surer of anything in my life before.” 

“Good,” he chirped, reaching into his pocket, “now you can have this.” Taking her left hand, he pushed onto it something Jade hadn’t even thought about, not even while they were shopping for wedding rings the day before, her mouth falling open. There upon her finger, he’d placed the most beautiful engagement ring she’d ever seen, a cushion cut diamond mounted on a platinum filigree band. It was a hundred percent to her taste, exactly what she would have picked herself, should he have asked her.  

“When did you get this?” she cried, covering her mouth with her other hand, watching it sparkling upon her finger as she tried not to cry, save ruining the makeup she’d fussed over for an hour. “Baby, I love it so much. It’s perfect!”  

“Yesterday, while you were across the other side of the jewellers looking at bracelets,” he smiled, bringing her hand to his lips and kissing her fingers. “Glad you like it.” 

“I love it,” she confirmed again, leaning to kiss him. “Thank you.”  

One cab ride later and they arrived just on time, checking in with the front desk, all ready to get hitched. Or so they thought. 

“Will your witnesses be arriving shortly?” the lady asked them, both staring at one another with wide eyes. Shit. 

“Um, oh blimey,” Jade grimaced, starting to fan herself with her hand. “I think that’s the one thing we forgot! Shit!”  

“Well... I mean I could be one?” the woman suggested, turning her head back to the small admin area behind the desk. “Cece? You fancy coming to watch a couple of beautiful, famous people get married?”  

The aforementioned Cece looked up from her computer, her mouth falling open. “Oh my Jesus, it’s you two!” Her surprise made them laugh, watching as she flew out from her chair. “I do, yes! Anything to help out!”  

“That’s really kind of you both, thank you,” Adrien spoke, Cece looked very excited as she took them in, noticing something as she pointed at Jade. 

“Hold up! You don’t have any flowers, hon. All bride’s need a bouquet. Wait, wait.” Moving across the space, she raided a vase containing a large bloom of gardenias and a lot of greenery, pulling everything out and giving them a shake to remove the excess water, a handful of tissues offered by Lauryn, the front desk lady. “Wait, wait, I have ribbon in my desk somewhere!”  

After all drying and securing was done, they were ushered down to the courtroom, Jade feeling her insides fizz with excitement. It might not have been the wedding day she’d dreamed of, always saying she’d do something small and lowkey when she finally met the right man, but at least she had the latter of that perfect. Because he was.  

Yes, most certainly, he is the man who will come into your life and never leave it. 

Those words, spoken to her three years before by a psychic who she hadn’t put any faith in at all, they couldn’t be more accurate. After a mere ten minutes, exchanging rings and vows, they were pronounced husband and wife to the cheers and applause of Lauryn and Cece, their first kiss captured by the appointed photographer.  

“Can you do something for me?” Adrien asked, holding her face in his hands. 

“Anything.” 

“Love me forever?” 

She smiled, kissing the tip of his nose. “Always.”  

Truly, she had never loved anybody more in that moment than she did her husband. They left Manhattan behind later that morning, Jade piling her bags into his car and heading up to Cleveland with him, ready to see the place she would now get to call home.  

All along the journey, he kept looking to his side, beaming a smile as he laughed, taking one hand off the steering wheel and gripping her thigh. “I can’t believe it. You’re my fucking wife, Moo!” 

“I really bloody am!” she replied, grinning widely. “It’ll be such a cool story to tell our grandkids one day, won’t it?” 

“It will, yeah,” he confirmed. “So, how many kids do you want us to have?” 

“As many as you want to give me, sexy mans. Ideally two, though. Depends how much it hurts.” 

“Two sounds good.” 

“But not just yet,” she was quick to follow with, “I’d like it to be just us for a few years first.” 

“That makes a lot of sense, actually,” he agreed, “especially since our house is still half a damned construction site!” Their house. It made her heart flutter to hear him call it that.  

He was nervous to let her see it, Stone Barn Castle still very much under construction. He’d shown her some pictures on his phone, though, of how the renovation was shaping up. “So how many rooms did you say were done, baby?” 

“All the exterior is, every damned stone needed to be repointed, and the new roof is on as well,” he began. “The kitchen is done, the bathroom, our bedroom, and that’s about it. I’m sorry, I’m taking you up to your new home and it isn’t even finished!”  

“Oi, stop with this,” she soothed, rubbing his arm affectionately. “I can cope! Mum and dad decided to renovate their brownstone about four months after we moved in, and it was bloody chaos for the remainder of that year. I’ll be fine, just as long as I have a place to cook and sleep. And other things that involve a bed.”  

“You’ll love the bed,” he winked, his mouth upturning. “It’s fucking huge, I had it custom built, all black carved wood.” 

“Are you a secret goth mans, Mr. B?” she asked in her cutely comic voice. 

“Nope,” he laughed, “the bedroom is white with black wood furniture, dark floors. It needs some rugs, though.”  

“I bet white sheepskin ones would look fucking cracking, innit?” 

He shook his head, still laughing. “Oh, god. I married a cockney.” He waited for it; his wife not disappointing. 

“I am not a fucking cockney, you cheeky wanker!” Her mild ire was delivered right on cue. “Cockneys are from east London. I’m north London massive, mate.”  

“And so damned easy to get a rise out of,” he rumbled with laughter, Jade smacking his thigh. “Hey, easy on the violence, Mrs. B! I’m trying not to crash here!” He paused for a second, overtaking a slow-moving truck. “What are you going to go by now, by the way? You taking my surname, or sticking with your own?” 

“I think professionally, I’ll hyphenate them, but privately just use Brody.”  

He liked that, Adrien grasping her hand and bringing to his mouth, pressing a kiss to her knuckles. 

They arrived after a long five hours on the road, Jade’s excitement peaking before she was even out of the car, looking all around. “Is all that land ours, too?” she cried, Adrien nodding as he pulled her bags from the back. 

“It is.” Once again, he waited for it, the word he knew she’d speak. The expensive word.  

“I’m so getting horses!”  

Ahh, there it was. Jade had ridden since her early teens, her mother taking her for lessons at NYC Riding Academy once she and Steven had been able to afford such luxuries, her sister Rachel following her love of all things equestrian, too. She had a few of her own over at her house in England, and Rachel now owned her own stables in New Haven, looking after the horses belonging mostly to wealthy Connecticut housewives who wanted the status of horse ownership without any of the hard work.  

“I’m sure we can plan out a small stable block for that,” he told her, kissing her cheek as she squeaked with excitement.  

“And a chicken coop! I really want chickens!” 

“Oh, god,” he groaned as she took her duffle from him and swung it over her shoulder. “You’re gonna turn this place back into a farm, aren’t you?” 

“Yes!” 

Well, if it made her happy. 

The more immediate happiness was found at being shown around her new home, Adrien taking great pleasure in introducing her to his contractors as his wife, and then showing her upstairs where he took even greater pleasure in pulling her from her clothes, and doing exactly what was expected of newlyweds for most of the early afternoon. After acquainting her with the bed so thoroughly, they headed out again to go and buy food from the market in the village, the light beginning to fade just as they were returning.  

They ate dinner out on the rear patio, Jade taking to the long grass with her wine glass in hand afterwards, looking up at the sky. In Manhattan, the many tall buildings and bright lights meant that a clear view of the night sky wasn’t always offered, the splendorous beauty of the countryside, surrounded only by forest changing that for her entirely.  

Leaning back against his chest as she felt him behind her, she smiled contentedly as he kissed her cheek, pointing up to the blazing canopy above. “Sky full of stars.” 

“I thought you might like that.” he murmured, kissing her again.  

She loved it.  

Finally, she was home.  

[doriandrifting]

Even the Vodka’s Gay

I was wondering what Stolichnaya was exactly so I googled it and found out that it is a famous brand of vodka from Russia...

(*don’t make a joke about birthdaygate* *be serious*)

Yeah it’s historically gay vodka and post legalization of gay marriage in the UK they even created a drink called “The Happily Ever After Cocktail.”

(Damn nobody remembers the gays’ birthdays 😔)

Anyway, I'm sure everything is just a coincidence and none of this was meant to be queer coded.

[circeius-invidioso]

Today we answer another question you never asked.

Which alcohol type and brand is best to clean your brushes with?

Remember this joke?

No, I do. And it's been haunting me ever since I made it.

So like the untrained, unprofessional idiot that I am I decided to test this and find out.

What can possibly go wrong?

So I took some old brushes dipped them in paint and left them to dry like that.

Now with the victims ready we hit the liqueur store in the name of science and

Heineken (5% Alcohol) : I mean... it didn't clean anything but the bristles do smell like beer afterwards.

Corona (4.5%) : The same but if I say it out loud I get demonitized and fact checked on twitter.

Guiness (4.2%) : It tasted nice. But the results leave much to be desired.

Jack Daniel's (40%) : Alright we have mild results. It does remove dried paint, but not to an amazing extent. Also I have a bbq sauce in the house with jack daniel's so my nose is confused.

Johnnie Walker (40%) : So far it shows the most promise but it also stains your brush afterwards. So pick your poison.

Chivas Regal (40%) : Doesn't clean to save your life but it smells great.

Stolichnaya 100 (50%) : It's not bad in taste and results as well. But boy does it create some weird smells.

Belvedere (50%) : Excellent cleaning potential. Perfect for brushes and the bottle is also nice. I like the bottle its a very nice bottle.

Spirytus Rektyfikowany (96%) :

Excellent cleaning. The paint.

Wrecked.

The bristles.

Nuked.

My throat.

Hurt.

What am I doing with my life? Like actually. What the fuck. It's a saturday night and what am I doing?

I'm just dipping brushes in shot glasses and writing down the results.

Bacardi (37.5%) : Very reliable, but not for cleaning brushes. If you need to clean your brushes like right now and have nothing else. It will do... a job. Some job. Somewhere it might be a vampire trucker.

The bat it cute though.

Havana Club (40%) : I mean, I boiled this one to see what's up. I don't know man, I don't know what I am doing.

Captain Morgan (35%) : Eh. It tastes eh. Cleaning. Eh. It cleans eh. The bottle is eh. The smell is EH.

Did I spend... no I won't say how much -I have some dignity left- on a joke.

Yes.

Yes I did.

Did you learn something?

Maybe.

[meikamatadori]

Käärijä - Morgan

(translation, analysation & explanation)

fyi, I’m just a fan wanting trying to translate a difficult language so everyone can understand and enjoy Käärijä’s music. I’m not a professional translator so there is bound to be mistakes and room for improvement.

translations are quite literal on purpose.

If you want to listen to this song - it’s on the Cha Cha Cha mixtape (at least found on Apple Music). Please buy it instead of downloading it for free. This song is ~ 1,30€ on iTunes. Support the artist.

Verse 1

En muista eilisillasta yhtikäs mitää/

I don’t remember anything from last night

Muuta ku lähin himasta lystiä pitää/

Except that I left home to have fun

Muisti lähti ennenku astuin baariin sisää/

Memory left before I even stepped into the bar

Enkä muista kysyttiiks multa ovella ees ikää/

I don’t remember if I was asked my age by the entrance

En tiedä olinko herrasmies vai täysi sika/

I don’t remember if I was a gentleman or a total pig

Jos tein jotain tyhmää - se oli kyllä ihan oma vika/

If I did something stupid - then it’s my own fault

En tiedä paljonko palo gillaa tai paloko sillat/

I don’t remember how much I burnt money or [did I] burn bridges

Mutta sen verran tiedän et ainakaa eilisilta/

But that much I know that last night

Pre-chorus

Ei ollu success, se ei menny putkeen/

It wasn’t a success, it didn’t go well

Ja kaiken lisäks himmee darra puskee/

And on top of that, [a] dim hangover* pushes

Oli eilen poika pitkin iltaa yhtä hymyy/

Last night [the] boy was all smiles

Nyt pitkin päivää puhelin soi ja frendit kysyy/

Now all day [my] phone rings and friends ask

Chorus

Oonko mä kondikses?/

Am I okay?*

En!/

No!

Oonko mä kondikses?/

Am I okay?

En!/

No!

Mul on himmee hedari ja hengaan himas iha himmees morkkikses/

I have dim ass headache and I hangout at home in a dim ass moral hangover*

Oonko mä kondikses?/

Am I okay?

En!/

No!

Oonko mä kondikses?/

Am I okay?

En!/

No!

Mul on hiukset sekasin ja hengaan himas ihan himmees morkkikses/

My hair is a mess and I hangout at home in a dim ass moral hangover

Verse 2

Huonovointisuus on läsnä ja koko pääkoppa kolisee/

Unwellness is present and [my] whole skull rattles

Ja mä vannon etten koskaa enää tuu koskee Stoliksee/

And I swear I’ll never touch Stolichnaya*

Kaadan viimeset pohjat pönttöön ja heitän tupakat roskikseen/

I’ll pour the last bottoms* into the toilet and throw cigarettes into trash

Sillä tää olotila saa vahvemmankin yksilön polvilleen/

Because this feeling* puts a stronger individual to their knees

En tiedä otinko iisisti vai paloko multa pinna/

I don’t remember if I took it easy or did I burn* my cool

Menikö tää poika suoraa puuta päi ja melkee linnaan/

Did this boy go straight into a tree and almost to jail

En tiedä paljonko meni gillaa ja monta flindaa/

I don’t remember how much money went and [how] many bottles

Mutta sen verran tiedän että ainakaan eilisilta/

But that much I know that last night

Pre-chorus (no translation added)

Ei ollu success, se ei menny putkee/

Ja kaiken lisäks himmee darra puskee/

Oli eilen poika pitkin iltaa yhtä hymyy/

Nyt pitkin päivää puhelin soi ja frendit kysyy/

Chorus (no translation added)

Oonko mä kondikses?/

En!/

Oonko mä kondikses?/

En!/

Mul on himmee hedari ja hengaan himas iha himmees morkkikses/

Oonko mä kondikses?/

En!/

Oonko mä kondikses?/

En!/

Mul on hiukset sekasin ja hengaan himas iha himmees morkkikses/

Chorus 2

Sängyl morkkikses!/

On bed in a moral hangover!

Pöntöl morkkikses!/

On the toilet in a moral hangover!

Mul on himmee hedari ja hengaan himas iha himmees morkkikses/

I have dim ass headache and I hangout at home in a dim ass moral hangover*

Suihkus morkkikses!/

In the shower in a moral hangover!

Sohval morkkikses!/

On the couch in a moral hangover!

Mul on hiukset sekasin ja hengaan himas iha himmees morkkikses

My hair is a mess and I hangout at home in a dim ass moral hangover

Interlude

Ah, iha kauhee morkkis/

Ah, what a [bad] moral hangover

Hyi saakeli/

Ew, damn*

Siis ihan sairas morkkis/

Such a bad moral hangover

Vaikken muista yhtää mitää/

Even if I don’t remember anything

Mul on pisto rinnas ja hyvin vahva tunne et eilisilta/

I have a sting in my chest and a strong feeling that last night

Pre-chorus (no translation added)

Ei ollu success, se ei menny putkee/

Ja kaiken lisäks himmee darra puskee/

Oli eilen poika pitkin iltaa yhtä hymyy/

Nyt pitkin päivää puhelin soi ja frendit kysyy/

Chorus (no translation added)

Oonko mä kondikses?/

En!/

Oonko mä kondikses?/

En!/

Mul on himmee hedari ja hengaan himas iha himmees morkkikses/

Oonko mä kondikses?/

En!/

Oonko mä kondikses?/

En!/

Mul on hiukset sekasin ja hengaan himas iha himmees morkkikses/

Chorus 2 (no translation added)

Sängyl morkkikses!/

Pöntöl morkkikses!/

Mul on himmee hedari ja hengaan himas iha himmees morkkikses

Suihkus morkkikses!/

Sohval morkkikses!/

Mul on hiukset sekasin ja hengaan himas iha himmees morkkikses/

—————

Let’s start with the song name Morgan.

It’s clearly another word for morkkis (moral hangover). I honestly think it could be used as the english term for morkkis.

Ja kaiken lisäks himmee darra puskee

And on top of that, [a] dim hangover* pushes

Himmeä means dim and it can be used to describe pretty much anything. ”Toi äijä on iha himmee” that guy is so dim (weird/out of it) or ”Himmee auto” dim car (cool car)

Here it means that he’s having a bad hangover.

Best way I’d describe it - it’s a word to use when you want to specifically stress something, positive or negative -> it will make your statement stronger.

Oonko mä kondikses?/

Am I okay?*

Kondis comes from the word kunto (condition/fitness). His friends are asking his condition.

Mul on himmee hedari ja hengaan himas iha himmees morkkikses/

I have dim ass headache and I hangout at home in a dim ass moral hangover*

Morkkis basically means moral hangover, it means you regret something you did on a nightout.

I used the term ”dim ass” because I feel like it sends the vibe and message across a lot better.

Ja mä vannon etten koskaa enää tuu koskee Stoliksee/

And I swear I’ll never touch Stolichnaya*

Stolichnaya is a vodka and Stolis is a slang word for it.

Kaadan viimeset pohjat pönttöön ja heitän tupakat roskikseen/

I’ll pour the last bottoms* into the toilet and throw cigarettes into trash

Pohja means bottom/base/ground. Pohjat means the last drops of the drink because it’s at the bottom of the bottle.

Sillä tää olotila saa vahvemmankin yksilön polvilleen/

Because this feeling* puts a stronger individual to their knees

Olotila was a bit difficult for me to translate. Basically means how you’re feeling or what’s your mood.

En tiedä otinko iisisti vai paloko multa pinna/

I don’t remember if I took it easy or did I burn* my cool

In finnish we say we burn our cool instead of losing it - the meaning is still the same, just different wording.

Hyi saakeli/

Ew, damn*

Hyi is used to express disgust and you can add a swear word to it (just like hyi saakeli)

Bonus thoughts: I absolutely love the beat and Käärijä’s flow on this one.

—————

If you have questions about anything, ask! I’ll answer them the best I can. Also if you’ve a better way to express something or you think of another meaning - comment it!

Thank you for the support the last translation post got :)

- Max