#Staying cool with TBI

[cozy-in-my-head-my-bed]

going to go to the dead mall nearby and take pictures sometime

[maskedbutsilly]

warrninggg: suggestive writing 🤝

tntduo but make it yuri 💥

Alex shifts in her seat, fixing her robe as she crosses her legs. “Al, have you seen where my clothes are?” Wendell calls from where she is, lingering near the door.

The woman blinks at her name being called. “It’s in the laundry basket,” she says without looking up from her book. From the corner of her vision, she sees Wendell lean against the doorframe. “If you want it so bad, go get it yoursel-“ Her eyes flitted to her for a second, and she almost choked.

Wendell was in a thin black robe, one of Alex’s. Since they are in her suite, she had no choice but to hand over her favourite robe to the other woman when she wouldnt stop whining about having no clothes on. She isn’t complaining now though, as she stares at how the robe hugs Wendell’s figure.

It was loosely tied behind her back, but still managed to accentuate her curves as she leans against the doorframe. She has her arms crossed, and from Alex’s vision, she could see the outline of her breast as she shifts. Her tilted head exposes her neck, showing off the marks that are starting to bruise. Because of the obvious height difference, the robe is too short on her, barely reaching her thighs. The thin robe leaves nothing to her imagination. Alex is impressed at her self control skills and remained glued shut to her seat.

“Actually,” she closes the book and places it on her lap, now unimportant. “Stay in the robe. You look quite…” delicious. She blinks lazily and drinks up at the way Wendell’s face notably flushed. “Distracting.”

Wendell only huffs at that comment. “God, you’re a perv.”

ey @the-quackity-competition i wanted to hop in the competition with some good old fashioned tntduo writing 🙏 thought itd be cool (also tell me if inneed to tag tbis as nsfw?)

[gay-disabled-characters-showdown]

LGBTQ+ Disabled Characters Showdown Round 3, Wave 2, Poll 11

A character being totally canon LGBTQ+ and disabled was not required to be in this competition. Please check qualifications and propaganda before asking why a character is included. 

Check out the other polls in this wave and prior here.

Ashton Greymoor-Critical Role

Qualifications:

chronic pain due to literally shattering into pieces and being put back together with molten gold. canon nonbinary [he/they]. i don’t have the spoons for a ramble on their character arc but i am holding them gently in my little hands.

Has chronic pain and TBI and goes by he/they pronouns

They are canonically depicted with chronic pain. This a major part of their character development and how they interact with other characters in the campaign. The actor who portrays them is also bisexual and deals with chronic pain; Taliesin Jaffe.

Propaganda:

they’re a punk-rock punk rock!! he has cool quantum powers and a huge glass hammer!! they’re slowly learning to live with the mortifying ordeal of having people that care about them and that he cares about in turn!! what’s not to love

A literal jaded punk rock. They were soft once... and then they turnd into stone. His body was shattered and glued back together by his enby housemate with melted gold. They have a hole in their head covered with glass through which you can see the brain and the chaos magic that brought them back from the brink of death. They're Constantly in pain and sometimes they don't remember who they screwed over(they crime) and what their relationship is like with people. He's a barbarian and when he rages he warps time, space, gravity or probability around him. Strongest member of their group/family Bells Hells. There's strength, but there's pain. There's pain, but there's strength. I love him very much. I'm not enby, they still give me gender envy (just like every other of his creator's characters). His coping mechanisms are not healthy in any way and he means a lot to me.

See above. Also, Ashton uses he/they pronouns and is canonically aromantic.

The qualifications and propaganda paragraphs correspond, @hawkeyeloveshawkeye is the third submitter.

Frodo Baggins-The Lord Of The Rings

Qualifications:

Frodo & Sam are very homoerotic. As JRRT knew and loved several openly gay authors, one of his closest friends was suspected of being gay, and with other historical events of the time, you can’t convince me it wasn’t at least a little bit subconsciously on purpose. Frodo, of course, has ptsd and probably some form of chronic illness due to the lingering effects of his nazgul wound.

Propaganda:

Frodo carried the weight of the world on his shoulders and was forever changed by it. The literal devil’s soul was constantly around his neck, always tempting him, growing stronger by the minute, twisting him and torturing him mentally. He didn’t know how his journey would end when he offered to take on the burden of destroying the most evil object in the world, but he chose to do it anyway. And he was forever ruined by it - so much that he never truly came home, not really. And once he was home, life was so thoroughly ruined for him that he could not stay. There is one other known account of this happening - Arwen’s mother, who was captured and tortured for years by orcs, and while her body was healed, her mind could not be, and she, too, sailed away. Do you understand that? Frodo’s journey was on the same level as *being captured and tortured for years on end.* He is probably the gayest non-canon confirmed character I have ever come across, queer-coded through and through, and his ptsd was enough that he could not come home, and had to sail to paradise to find peace. He deserves everything.

[rocksanddeadflowers]

Just so you know if I had any idea how to animate I would absolutely make the silliest, most cheesey, cutesy, bubbly, colorful animation of Prison Mechs x Lyf to Doctor by Jack Stauber.

Lyf (who is post TBI and so so so pretty and has big sad eyes and is 'sick' bc the bifrost ('sick' as in traumatized and needs love and care an grounding!!)) (also "i need a doctor" Lyf totally does the classic faint on couch/into somebody's arms thingy with the back of their hand to their forehead) getting Marius's official totally a real doctor diagnosis for Love. Marius prescribes a minimum of one little smooch on the cheek from each of the three of them daily ("take three of these a day").

"Cool, are you alright on your own?" You don't have to stay with us if you don't want to.

"No I'm not sure." I'm not sure. I've no where to go and I think I like it here.

"Okay." You're always welcome with us.

[shion-yu]

Day 12: Broken bones (alt)

Shu and Alex drabble for @medwhumpmay. Takes place directly before day three and a much longer companion piece from Shu’s POV will be coming for day 28! TW: major domestic abuse. Alex is 17 here.

Shu didn't used to walk with a limp, but getting your leg broken at the age of forty isn't the same as if he were a teenager. It heals slowly, really slowly, as do the TBI and orbital fracture he suffered the same day. The day he broke up with Julian; the day Julian tried to kill him.

It's hard for Shu to remember much about that day, whether it's because of trauma or the extent of his injuries. But Alex remembers it very well - better than he wishes he could. It was the day he saw his father lying in the ground no more able to defend himself than a baby. It was the day he beat Julian half to death, then sobbed with Shu in his arms until the ambulance came. There was no time for explanations. Shu and then Julian were whisked off to the hospital, and Alex remained in the back of a police car unsure if he'd just blown his chance at an adult life outside of a jail cell. He’d told Ryo he wanted to do better than his parents had, but maybe it just wasn’t possible.

Thankfully, the police were inclined to believe Alex's story, namely because Shu was in a worse, far more intentional state of injury than Julian was. Julian had practically tortured him and his body told a story of a year of abuse: half healed injuries and bruises that were in all stages scattered about his body. Unhealed rib fractures and accounts from Shu’s work colleagues in his favor (Julian’s colleagues seemed to vouch only for his skill as a doctor, not as a person). The worst damage was from being thrown down the stairs at an incredible force. Shu's left femur had snapped, his skull fractured.

Alex felt a sense of responsibility when he realized Shu had been being beaten. His father always seemed so calm and kind, the polar opposite of someone Alex associated with violence. He wasn’t like the men who his mother had brought home, or his father’s clients, so rough around the edges or high out of their minds. Shu seemed like someone he could trust to know better. Alex felt now that he should have paid better attention, but he'd been so focused on his music with Elliot and his relationship with Ryo that he took Shu's for granted. Plus they’d had a big fight - over Julian and the music, but mostly Julian - and Alex had stayed at Ryo’s for the past month prior to cool off. When he finally came home, he walked in on Shu to see him studying the enormous, blossoming bruise on his abdomen in the mirror.

"Tell me who did it," Alex had said, seeing red. “It was Julian, wasn’t it?” It wasn't the kind of bruise one could get by accident, and they both knew it. Even so, Shu attempted to go through many excuses before Alex forced it out of him: it was Julian. Julian had been hitting him for months now.

Alex told Shu to get in the car, they were going to see Julian and Alex was going to make sure they never saw each other again. He couldn't hold back his disgust when Shu actually hesitated, tried to say it wasn't usually this bad.

"If Ryo was like him, you'd never let me spend another day with him," Alex pointed out angrily. Shu couldn't argue with that. "It's him or me - Julian, or me."

"At least let me do it," Shu said, eyes filled with tears and guilt. "You wait in the car. I promise I’ll end things for good."

Alex told Shu he had ten minutes. If he wasn't back in the car by then, he'd come in. He set a timer. And when he entered Julian's house after it went off, there was Shu, beaten and bloody at the bottom of the staircase with his leg splayed in the most unnatural position.

He doesn't remember much about beating Julian, not the details of it anyways. It was a blind rage he hadn't felt in years, and even then this was so much stronger. He cornered Julian in his bedroom and before he knew it, Alex had destroyed him. And quite possibly, himself if the courts didn’t agree.

[nightinghoul]

[Narcolepsy, TBI, Autism]

I was at a concert last night, and where I live, they don't know how to manage crowds. It's always a big clusterduck. 🦆 And I was at the Atlanta airport recently, and it was more organized, but still a very aggressive crowd. Also, we were at Victoria train station in London, and it was not as bad, but still crowded and busy, and we had to be careful not to step on a pigeon.

If you are offensive crowd navigator, I need to ask you to pay more attention.

When I am in a busy and/or crowded place with my husband, or when we are walking a long distance, I fall asleep. As if I were in a video game, I put myself on "follow" and walk behind him. This is called automatic behavior, and it's a survival mechanism for people with narcolepsy when we need to do more than we have energy for.

When my husband and I are in crowded places, for some reason people always try to muscle in front of me, and not him. I keep the gap between us very small. I stay just far enough away that I don't step on his heals. I am able to "check in" occasionally to make sure I'm keeping pace. If anyone paid any attention to us, they would see a person following another person.

And yet, people always try to step in front of me. At the airport, for instance, we were standing in line to get our luggage, and this really tall guy thought he could push me around. He literally pushed in front of me with his shoulder to try to wedge his way in and stand in front of me. I closed in on my husband even more, and put my hand on his back. I put my hand on his back often, but that's uncomfortable for both of us while on the move.

If I get separated from my husband while traveling, I'm in trouble. I get lost easily, and can become very confused and anxious. In the case of being at an airport, I could wander off in a dream state and cause us to miss our flight. At a concert, I could get lost or injured. I might end up asleep in the dirt somewhere.

I wear dog tags with a narcolepsy alert and emergency contact info. I also have a medical alert wrist band. But honestly, why put me in the position where I need them just because you think your travel experience is more important than mine? I'm walking at the same pace as my husband, so getting in front of me and behind him isn't going to get you anywhere faster. It's just weird!

Be cool, people.

Be cool to your disabled neighbors.

Be cool to other living beings.

[cvt2dvm]

Bag Tour 2024: Daily Bag Edition Feat. Hannibal Lector

All images have alt text descriptions with items listed, bag tour, and the reasons for each item below the cut

The Bag Itself:

This bag is a Coach Turnlock Tote bag in the pebbled leather color Blossom. This bag, the belt bag I now use as a bag organizer, and the wallet were all gifted to me in 2019 by a family member. The belt is too large for me at this point in life, so the pouch has been repurposed as a Toolkit of sorts. While it is a hair small fully packed, I enjoy the color of it and the balance of it as well as the functionality of the pockets it has.

The Straps:

My straps on this bag usually aren't this cluttered. However, Hannibal has been coming with me to work on a daily basis to get him used to the idea of traveling, and I needed a place to put his harness.

On my straps there is a malachite pendant necklace attached to the charm loop at the bottom of the right side of the outer strap, and my keys are also usually attached here with a carabiner unless I'm going somewhere that I'd want my keys a little bit more secured. I just like malachite. It looks cool. It's the right shades of green, and it's fairly easy to get ahold of.

I also have my stethoscope looped here if it's not around my neck or on my desk at home. I have a neonate size littman stethoscope since I primarily work in companion animal medicine, and I find that it focuses a bit better on my patients who are less than 15 pounds. I do have a regular litmann as well, but that one stays at the office. Most of my after-hours calls are on cats and small geriatric dogs who have standing orders for as needed injections of certain medications whose owners are either unwilling or unable to administer those medications.

Then, the big thing on the straps today is Hannibal's harness. Little dude is 17 weeks, and a whopping 7 lbs already. I could gush about him literally all day, though. His harness was only on the bag while he was allowed to have free roam over the back of the reception area and wrestle with Chewbacca (my terrier).

Turnlock Pocket:

This is where I keep my human med kit for myself, plus treats for my pets, or snacks for myself. Image 8 is the corresponding image.

Human Med Kit:

Glucometer: I have struggled with Non-diabetic hypoglycemia, POTS, and hemiplegic migraines for about 7 years now due to a moderate traumatic brain injury in my teens. So I tend to take 2-5 glucose readings per day. The rubber gloves in my glucometer bag aren't for me to use on me so much as they are to be ready if I need to assist someone in a first aid setting or administer narcan to someone.

Excedrine Migraine: A tried and true beloved OTC medication, both my terrier, Chewbacca, and my malinois, Phobos, are trained for migraine alert and POTS electrolyte imbalance alert work, although Chewbacca is retired at this point. At the first migraine alert from my dogs, I take one tablet of Excedrine and then wait an hour. If the migraine continues to worsen, I then take the second half of the regular dose. This is what works for me, and you should talk to your doctor about treatment options if you have migraines. Currently, I'm down to only 2-4 migraines a month and only experiencing breakthrough hemiplegic migraine symptoms about once every 3 months with this routine.

Narcan: I carry it everywhere. I was never an opioid addict. However, after my TBI, I did struggle with perscription amphetamine addiction, and as a result of having been through that, and having gotten clean, I've become a really big proponent of harm reduction and narcan access programs. There's a few charities I'm involved with that give away narcan locally, and I'd be happy to put anyone interested in carrying narcan some national resources. I also live fairly close to Philadelphia and have unfortunately had to utilize narcan to assist strangers in bars in the past from tainted supplies.

Menstrual cup: I have PCOS, so my cycle isn't super regular and I'd rather have it and not need it then need it and not have it.

Not Pictured: My supply of both instant iced coffee, instant electrolytes, and protein bars that I keep in my glove box, office desk, and at home. Both the caffiene (increases blood pressure) and the electrolytes (increases sodium and potassium) are important in managing my POTS symptoms. The protein bars are for when my glucose drops a bit too far.

Chicken Churu: This was Hannibal's treat for today, we worked on saying hello to strangers and walking nicely on a leash.

Tech:

Corresponding Photos: 2, 3, 6, 7, 8, & 9

Samsung Galaxybook Go: This is my laptop for work and personal use, it has an LTE data chip so I can use it on the go without sucking up my Hotspot data, and it's got fantastic battery life. I bought this refurbished off of Amazon at the beginning of the year. It also charges with a USB-C cable which is super convenient since the rest of my tech with the exception of my smart watch also utilizes USB-C charging so I can just pack a fast charge block and 2 USB-C cables rather than lug around 5 different chargers.

Samsung Galaxytab S6 Lite: It was on special at costco and has an S-Pen which is great as someone who's memory for reading/typing isn't nearly as effective as my memory for things I've written down. I mostly use this for notes on patients and my studies.

Samsung Galaxy23 Ultra: It has a stylus and is of a similar design, feel, and functionality to my Note9 I just replaced last fall.

Samsung Galaxy Buds2 Pro: The active noise cancelling is fantastic for working in busy coffee shops on Mondays, and the Ambient sound is great for getting a Podcast in during charting or longer monitoring stints.

Samsung Galaxy Watch5: LTE enabled watch helps when I'm away from my phone during the day, it allows me to still get calls, texts, notifications, and keep track of active time and calories burned.

Charging Bundle: One 8" USB-C -> USB-C cord for charging my tablet, phone, or earbuds off of my laptop, one 4' USB-C -> USB-C cord to charge my laptop or other devices if my laptop is sufficently charged, a USB-A -> hard drive cord for my 1TB portable drive, and a USB-A Smart watch charging cord.

Data storage: 8GB flash drive that is mostly used for ultrasound capture transfers and X-Ray Diacom transfers, although occasionally it also gets used for in-house lab data transfers when the WiFi link is acting up. 1 TB portable hard drive, this contains textbook PDFs, a large music library, archived notes, and lesser used reference tables and software. It also has copies of my more important documents.

Vlogging/Content Creation Supplies: Light bar, microphone, mini tripod, comfort grip, and microphone stand. Basically just stuff to enhance recording quality for tiktoks, reels, and YouTube videos (coming soon).

Books & Stationery:

Pocket Edition Book of Common Prayer: No, I am not carrying a Bible around, I have an app for that. This is a Book of Common Prayer (1979 edition) for The Episcopal Church. While I'm laity, I do still try and take time for Morning Prayer/Matin, Noonday Prayer/Diurnum, Evening Prayer/Evensong, and End of Day Prayer/Compline. These are quiet moments for me to break away from the stressors of the day. I also utilize 2 additional devotionals for quiet time upon rising and before bed that supplement my regular journaling, however these stay on my bedside table with my primary journal.

Martha Stewart For Staples Discbound Junior Notebook, this is my planner, quick notebook, and lazy journal, I basically dump my brain out right here throughout the day.

Paper clips: From marking off the current month and week in my planner to organizing papers from drug reps, to getting a client printed copies of their records, there's lots of paperclip usage.

Correction tape: I don't often use pencils and sometimes my brain goes faster than my hand and mistakes happen.

Erasers and pencil leads: If I'm out and about I don't want to lose my ability to sketch and use pencils if they're needed

Pens: Pink, Red, and Black ink, my standard for personal notes is Pink ink, while business notes are done in black, the red is for corrections on both

Pencil: it's the same grip as my favorite pens that I can write for hours with, super beneficial for long study sessions.

S Note App: My longer rough notes and revised notes are done in SNote with a SPen/stylus and handwritten out. I also tend to keep spare nibs on hand, however I am currently out of spare nibs.

Sticky notes/flags: great for passing off notes to coworkers, flagging charts, or marking messages.

Snack Attack:

Travel Cutlery set with a fork, spoon, and knife so that I don't have to get utensils when I grab breakfast or lunch at Wawa or the local BBQ joint

Travel straw: Save the turtles while still enjoying my Starbucks

Bandana/neckerchief: No single use napkins here

Coozie: Perfect for NA Seltzers, Sodas, or a beer at the bar after work. Plus it holds all my other eating supplies.

Beauty/Hygiene:

Hand lotion: washing hands between every patient can leave my hands feeling pretty gnarly, so I always pack lotion

Perfume: Anal Glands happen, and sometimes you just... need to freshen up a bit.

Dry Shampoo: my hair always looks super greasy after taking my scrub cap off after surgeries, this buys me enough time to get through my shift

Hand sanitizer: ideal for housecall visits or visits to elder care facilities where you may not be able to properly wash your hands between patients.

Lip gloss: I'm not a huge fan of lip balms and the waxy feeling they leave on my lips vs the glide of a lipgloss or oil.

Sewing kit: Because if your shirt rips in vet med, it's probably going to be in a place you really don't want it to rip

Manicure kit: wrestling with animals can cause nail breakage and hang nails, and I'd rather not have to chew one off. It also has tweezers that come in handy for splinters or thorns picked up from animal coats.

Blotting sponge: again, I tend to start looking greasy after surgery because I sweat. And I'd rather be able to take care of it quickly and discreetly

Condoms: These don't need to be in my work bag, but they're in the tool kit along with my most basic essentials because the Toolkit is in every bag I use, including bags I use when I go out for girls night or linedancing. Also another have and not need vs need and not have item.

Hair tie, bobby pins, barette: just little extra bits and bobs as needed for hair issues, sometimes the dry shampoo isn't enough and the only solution is to throw my hair up into a slicked back ponytail instead of having it down.

Cooling wet wipe: again, surgical sweating

Other Essentials:

Wallet: Obvious Reasons

Nicotine Pouches: I've quit vaping but I haven't quite kicked the habit entirely yet

Unpictured: Glock 43. I uber and doordash after work, I also deliver controlled substances for patients in some not-so-great areas being ravaged by the opioid epidemic. I'm also a 5'5" disabled female who lives alone and has had a stalker. Sorry not sorry, it's insured, I'm licensed, and I take courses for it routinely.

If you have any questions, comments, or thoughts, feel free to DM me, comment here, comment in the tags, or reblog. Also, I'm aware this is Tumblr and that the Jesus stuff can be frightening to see, just want to make note that I do fall somewhere between a pluralist and a universalist. As long as you aren't using your religious views to oppress, marginalize, or harm people, we're good as far as I'm concerned.

[solrika]

Vent post.

Id put it behind a cut but I’m on mobile :/ also this is very ramble and not at all coherent but oh well.

I always have a bit of an issue with posts like this that are like “your trauma and how you react to it doesn’t make you a bad person” because. Uh. Cycles of abuse are a thing, you can absolutely do bad things out of trauma responses. You can absolutely be a shitty, hurtful person from a place of pain. (Staring at the entire state of Israel and its treatment of Palestine). Especially in the context of that post, which specifically mentions anger issues and addiction.

I’m not replying or reblogging said post because I truly don’t think that’s what op was going for, the greater point was “autism isn’t just sunshine and roses but can create real issues for people,” it’s just… an accidental unfortunate implication. But it’s late and I’m dealing with my own neuroatyoical issues flaring up atm so. Yelling about implications and the need for nuance and space for caretaker burnout on my own blog. Probably dealing with some buried trauma of my own.

(Also the USA healthcare system sucks for people who can’t easily take care of themselves, I dunno what it’s like outside the country but in here you need SO Much Money just to get barely adequate care for TBIs or Alzheimer’s or shit. )

There’s a little byplay in the notes that I think is important—someone says “I don’t have autism but I got secondhand trauma because my sibling does,” someone else responds “fuck you, of course allistic is making it all about them self” and a third person goes “hey it’s very common for the siblings of disabled people to be neglected in favor of the ‘squeaky wheel,’ I know it hurts to hear but disability hurts more than just the disabled person.” That plus some of the notes describing damage that autistic people have done (and largely regretted) to others… Disabled people can cause harm. That’s a thing!!! Being disabled does not make you blameless! Cool motive still murder!

And your disability can absolutely cause secondhand harm even if you don’t mean it to! My little sister no longer feels like the smaller sibling because my parents spend more emotional energy on me—and that’s a mild case, my disability only really began being an issue when we were both in college. It’s nothing compared to her friend, whose adult brother suffered a TBI and can’t live at home because it’s not safe to have a huge man around who can’t regulate his strength when he’s upset. It’s not at all his fault that he’s like this, but it’s a horrible situation and ALL involved should be able to say that it’s horrible.

I have done shitty things because of trauma responses, and I have worked really hard to create strategies to keep those shitty behaviors from happening again. I give myself—and others—a bit of a pass when a situation is truly uncontrollable. Or when someone is actively trying to ignore boundaries I’ve set to protect myself, but… that’s not the same as going “I have anger issues. Huh. Oh well! I will continue having destructive trauma responses and do nothing to mitigate it!”

I dunno. I’m sure some of this strong reaction of mine comes from being lashed out at by people in the midst of their own meltdowns, even though those have been more TBI related than autism related. Still. The meltdown was unavoidable but the ways they acted during were… hm. Not great.

At least stay away from vulnerable entities when you’re like this. My partner removes himself from the dog when he’s having a meltdown because the dog can provoke him into physically lashing out. (The dog has no idea, of course. The dog is very stupid and only barely understands what me crying means. ) He can’t control the meltdown happening but he can step away from things he could hurt. I really wish the people who hurt me had stepped away from the child I was.

I wish I’d gotten an apology, too. Like at least apologize for your shitty behavior, please!

(This whole “writing my own separate post and not tagging op” is one of those “hm. Am having Emotion. How to express it without causing pain to others” things I’ve tried to cultivate.)

If you don’t fucking MANAGE damage to others, others won’t want to be around you. If you hurt someone they are absolutely within their rights to set boundaries to protect themselves.

I dunno. I started at point A and I’m not sure where I went from there. Don’t be a dick I guess.

[confessionsofa-roleplayer]

re: https://www.tumblr.com/confessionsofa-roleplayer/720031620046979072/i-fucking-hate-interest-trackers-and-the-muns-who?source=share

OP, this is such an ableist view to have, which no one has really addressed in the comments, surprisingly.

Some of us in the RPC deal with issues regarding attentiveness and memory (ADHD, ASD, TBI can also cause this, to name a few) & for some of us, the interest tracker helps us stay organized. It’s not a “performance review”, it’s to help us remember what exactly you came to our blog for. This is especially crucial for multimuses, who may not know what muse(s) you want to interact with, and don’t feel comfortable assuming you’d be fine with one particular muse.

I’m not always going to remember that you said yes or no to a certain muse of mine just because we discussed it over IM; if it’s in my interest tracker, I have something I can tangibly reference so I don’t have to ask every time. It helps me know if you’re cool sending shippy memes if we maybe haven’t discussed a ship, or if there’s certain triggers or content you need tagged, or heaven forbid someone in the RPC have the same or similar mun names or URLs but different pronouns… you get the idea.

And before you go “oh but I have x thing”—everyone’s experiences with these things differs. Just because it’s not something that works for you doesn’t mean it’s not incredibly helpful for someone else. If it’s required, it’s probably safe to assume it’s either for accessibility or their own comfort. Raging about it shows you don’t care about their need for accessiblity or comfort over the thirty seconds it takes you to fill out that interest tracker.

Referencing this post.

~ Mod MJ ~

[onmymasa22]

Some people made me hate things. You made me hate teaching. You made me hate sculpture. You made me hate etching.

Some people grew up hating holidays

But i love the cooking

And the baking

I just want to escape into a different life. I want to escape to a world where theres no fear. No war. Planes works. Flights happen. People stay when they think u will. Last year was the happiest year ive ever had. I just want for everything to be ok.

If you are dancing in the streets, you are not alone.

If you can't dance because you are quietly worrying about what this meaning in terms of retaliation, you are not alone.

If you feel worry, relief, emotionally exhausted, glued to the news, avoiding the news, happy, amazed, or completely numb to it all, you are not alone.

If you feel debilitated for the coming of the tenth, for Simchas Torah, for Rosh Hashana and Yom kipper, you are not alone.

If this rosh hashana will be your best one ever after the miracles that happened this past year, you are not alone.

If this rosh hashana you are numb or speechless or overwhelmed and just go through the motions because that's where you are right now, you are not alone.

If it's been almost a year, and some mornings you still cry over everything, you are not alone.

If you are livin life cuz that's what your friends would've wanted, you are not alone.

You are not alone.

You are not alone.

You are not alone.

I have a crush on jack.

If rhe world was ending

I didnt like the backstreet boys or nsync at all. I liked one direction a little, but not a lot and i wasnt obsessed. I didnt love justin beiber or ed sheeran. But paul mccartney? I wasnt outwordly obsessed but i definitely listened to beautiful soul and thought he looked like some kind of teen prince charming.

Weird compliments I love or am disturbed by:

Wow, you just did the most neuro divergent thing I've seen in a while

Of course I remember you, you were the nicest person there!

You look like you would be a b****, but you're not.

Wow, you have really nice veins.

How are you so cool about acting so weird?

You're so pretty when you cry

When you cry you look like Anne Hathaway

You look like a renassance painting

You look like that girl from greys anatomy... izzie

You look like that girl from the chess show

You look like one of the manequins

Drugs and alchohol should be illegal before 25. Once you're 25, make any decisions u want. Ur frontal lobe has finished developing. U can sufficiently make decisions. Wanna do something stupid, do it, ur a thinking adult. At 25 u r fully grown up.

I want to be hugged by u. I wanf to be in tbis little puddle.

I cabr sleep over. Because i have trauma, and i disassociate as much as i can. Once i sense ur just interested in me like a doll, ill just be a doll. And ill just count down. Everyone wants my body. Theres a disconnect.

Me: so I go into this art supply store, and there's this really tall guy with blond hair and big blue eyes. He's like my age or something. And I don't know what half the things on the teachers' lists are. So I smile, hand him the list, and say "I have no idea what they want from me, can you help me?" While spinning around the store trying to get the things I know, like I'm this new girl in a small town, going to a store and asking for help, becoming friends with the worker.

My mom: Dalya, your life is such a movie

I want to be loved so deeply. I want for someone to remember me.

I miss being happy. Home is stressful. I needed to come. But its more stressful. I want the privacy. I want my own life. I want to live on a budget mostly. Spending money on the things that i want. I want to wear what i want to wear. I want to do what i want to do.

Get my money transfered here

[andwolvesarewildthings]

BG3 Tav six song soundtrack tag game-

gloomstalker-fighter, resist - durge edition

I saw @chronurgy 's and @daemon-in-my-head 's ones of these and i wanted to see if I could do it.

the internal glimpse of everyone's characters is so cool.

If any one else wants to play! baldur's gate oc or no, I would be delighted to see!

tagging @sevilemar because i'm curious what this format would look like for your dnd character you've talked about.

and

@missbrunettebarbie I don't know if you have any characters you'd like to do this for? yours or ones you like, fun either way

no pressure, obviously, boiling things down is not an easy exercise for me.

1. an event that defines the past

durgetash netherbrain plot as a fatalistic bid for autonomy not just on his own behalf...

and resulting consequences and betrayals and the inevitabilities thus.

There's no saving anything Now we're swallowing the shine of the sun There's no saving anything How we swallow the sun But I won't be no runaway 'Cause I won't run No, I won't be no runaway What makes you think I'm enjoying being led to the flood? We got another thing coming undone And it's taking us over We don't bleed, when we don't fight Go ahead, go ahead Throw your arms in the air tonight... ...What makes you think I'm enjoying being led to the flood? We got another thing coming undone We got another thing coming undone And it's taking us over And it's taking forever

Echo He took so much from you Echo You know not what to do Echo I watched you start to fade Between the drips in the dark tunnel now I hear you call your name Echo, echo, echo, echo, echo Echo, echo, echo, echo, echo (I'm still here) Echo, echo, echo, echo, echo (I'm still here)

2. how they see themselves - post-TBI, i think? got that autonomy, and absolutely terrified.

Going Going Going I'm going- trying to stay alive Don't - down- want to be alone like Going- trying to stay alive Don't -down- want to be alone like Going Down Love it Going Down Love it I'm just tryin' to stay alive Keep the fire down Don't want to be alone Like yesterday But the durge feeling of this one is very much in the soundscape

It's pourin' in, you're laid on the floor again One knock at the door and then We both know how the story ends You can't win if your white flag's out when the war begins Aimin' so high, but swingin' so low Tryna catch fire, but feelin' so cold Hold it inside, and hope it won't show I'm sayin' it's not, but inside I know Today's gonna be the day you notice 'Cause I'm tired of explainin' what the joke is This is what you asked for, heavy is the crown Fire in the sunrise, ashes rainin' down Try to hold it in, but it keeps bleedin' out This is what you asked for, heavy is the - Heavy is the crown

3. how others see them

I'll be an animal A carnivore I'll be a monster Clenching my jagged jaws Over the capture... ... I'll be a forest fire about to flood Over an empire I'll be an avalanche chewing its rupture I'll be a killer whale when I grow up I'll be a monster

There's a war inside my head And I'm drowning in regret When the lights come down Got an empty crown My body's missing pieces Can't pull it all together

4. their closest dynamic (romantic or platonic)

past closest dynamics and it's resonating present consequences. Gortash and Orin. we have gotten to the act three who's killing who here dance and it's tearing him apart.

Come get your name Reanimate, I lose Come set your frame Assassinate, I lose... ...Come stake your claim Recalculate, I lose Congratulations... ...Something about you Is making me lock up, guess I lose

But if you're gonna make me do it How'd you want it done Is it best to sip it slowly Or drink it down in one Every time I try to bring it down You always turn my head around, oh Make up your mind Let me leave or let me love you While you've been saving your neck I've been breaking mine for you The power is on, the guillotine hums My back's to the wall, go on, let it fall Make up your mind Before I make it up for you The executioner's within me And he comes blindfold ready Sword in hand And arms so steady

5. fight scene

Oh, you fool, there are rules, I am coming for you (You can run but you can't escape) Darkness brings evil things, oh, the reckoning begins (You will open the yawning grave) Oh, you fool, there are rules, I am coming for you (You can run but you can't escape)

6. end credits -

the light that is people to love and fight beside... but also grief.

When everything was broken The devil hit his second stride But you remember what I told you Someday, I'll need your spine to hide behind For fear of moments stolen I don't wanna say goodnight But I'll still see you in the morning Still know your heart and still know both your eyes I could have told you 'bout the long nights How no one loves the birds that don't rise So you can tell the heroes go hide My sense of wonder's just a little tired But if only you could see yourself in my eyes You'd see you shine, you shine I know you'd never leave me behind But I am lost this time Are we destined to burn or will we last the night? I will hold you 'til I hold you right But if only you could see yourself in my eyes

[topekaks]

Traumatic Brain Injuries

A traumatic brain injury (TBI) transpires when the head suffers a sudden blow, jolt, or penetrating injury, leading to damage in the brain tissue. This can happen due to accidents such as falls, car crashes, or sports-related impacts. When the brain is impaired, it can affect a person's thinking, memory, and behavior. The severity of a TBI can vary from mild concussions to severe brain damage. If someone in Topeka experiences a traumatic brain injury because of someone else's actions, seeking legal assistance is crucial. Contacting Fincher Law's Topeka traumatic brain injury lawyer or Topeka truck accident attorney can provide support in understanding legal options and seeking settlement for medical expenses and other damages. Don't hesitate to seek help if you or a loved one faces such a situation.

The Transportation System in Topeka, Kansas

Topeka, Kansas, has a helpful transportation system. People get around the city using cars, buses, and bikes. Many families have cars to drive to work, school, and stores. The city also has buses that travel to different neighborhoods, making it easy for people without cars to get around. For those who like to bike, bike lanes and trails throughout the city make it safe and fun to ride. Topeka also has an airport where people can fly to different cities for vacations or business trips. With these options, people in Topeka can travel easily and conveniently to where they need to go.

Kansas Museum of History

The Kansas Museum of History is a fascinating place in Topeka. Inside, you can explore the history of Kansas from a long time ago to now. There are cool exhibits about Native Americans, pioneers, and even dinosaurs that used to roam the land. You can see old artifacts like tools, clothes, and even a real covered wagon. There are fun things to do, like dressing up in old-fashioned clothes and pretending you're living in the past. You can learn about famous Kansans like Amelia Earhart and Dwight D. Eisenhower, too. The Kansas Museum of History is a fun and educational adventure for anyone who loves learning about the past.

Topeka Contemplates City Manager in Special Meeting

In Topeka, KS, the city manager plays an important role in making sure the city runs smoothly. They oversee daily operations, like managing city departments and making sure services like trash pickup and road maintenance are working well. The city manager also works closely with the city council to develop budgets and plans for the city's future. They listen to the needs of residents and businesses, helping to address concerns and make improvements to the community. Additionally, the city manager acts as a leader, guiding city employees and working to build strong relationships within the community. They work hard to keep the city running efficiently and make it a great place to live, work, and play.

Link to maps

Kansas Museum of History 6425 SW 6th Ave, Topeka, KS 66615, United States Head east 233 ft Turn left onto SW 6th Ave 0.8 mi At the traffic circle, take the 2nd exit and stay on SW 6th Ave 4.6 mi Turn right onto SW Topeka Blvd Pass by Domino's Pizza (on the right in 0.2 mi) Destination will be on the right 0.7 mi Fincher Law Injury & Accident Lawyers 1263 SW Topeka Blvd, Topeka, KS 66612, United States

[zepskies]

This chapter pulled a lot of heartstrings, didn't it? 🥲🥲 Yeah, I reworked that scene with Dean and the reader a few times, but it's a combo of his TBI, not taking his pain meds when he was supposed to, and his overall frustrations with himself and the situation he feels partially responsible for putting the reader in (even if it's not his fault).

But still, not cool, and they work through that too, as they've done with everything else. You're right, they've gone through so much! Nick's ultimate fate will be decided soon...

Stay tuned! lol ❤️❤️

Smoke Eater - Part 17

Pairing: Firefighter!Dean Winchester x F. Reader 

Summary: Dean Winchester is the cocky, but well-respected Lieutenant at Firehouse 25. He leads by example, but he’s also known to break a few hearts. He’s starting to crave something he’s never had, though. Something stable. Something real. 

That’s when he meets you, on a truly terrible day, trapped in a rickety old elevator.

AN: Ready for some feels? ❤️‍🩹

🔥 Series Masterlist

Word Count: 5,500 Tags/Warnings: Angst, injuries, hurt/comfort and feels, tinge of spice.~

Part 17: “The Real Deal”

The first time Dean was awake for longer than a few minutes, he asked about you.

Sam wasn’t surprised. He was frankly relieved that he had an answer for his brother.

“She has carbon monoxide poisoning,” he said. Dean’s brows furrowed, but before he could start worrying too badly, Sam cut in again. “She’s okay. They’ve got her on 100% oxygen. Eileen and Andréa are with her right now.”

Dean nodded on a breath of relief, despite coughing himself. He still wore an oxygen mask, but he knew his exposure hadn’t been as bad as yours.

“CO poisoning’s no joke. Don’t let her take off that damn mask for anything until they clear her,” he said.

Sam raised a placating hand. “Don’t worry. She knows she’s got to stay put this time.”

Dean shook his head. You were so damn stubborn. He still couldn’t believe you’d dragged yourself out of bed within minutes of waking up, just to see him.

…Well, he could believe it, but he didn’t have to like it.

“Okay, do you need anything before Eileen and I run home to get you guys some stuff?” Sam asked.

He’d already drawn up a list for both you and Dean of things you two would need for the next couple of days in the hospital. Dean’s stay would likely be longer than yours.

“Nah, I’m good, man,” Dean replied.

He was still trying to find a comfortable position in bed. His back couldn’t fully touch the mattress, so he had to lie on one side or the other. Truth be told, it sucked. His head swam with the effects of the painkillers and antibiotics they were pumping him with, along with his head injury.

While his body wanted to keep sleeping, Dean wanted to see you. He wanted to make sure you were all right. He wanted to know what happened before the fire, and how you’d found out about Nick being Azazel’s son.

And he wanted to get you both home.

He wasn’t sure if he was going to get to do any of those things, any time soon.  

Sam saw his discomfort and frowned in sympathy. He went over to help Dean shift onto his other side. Dean shot him a look of annoyance, but Sam was firm.

“Let me help, or I’m calling Nurse Jeff,” he warned.

Dean lips pursed. Jeff was nice and all, but Dean could concede this time. At least when it was his brother helping him, he didn’t feel like a complete invalid.  

“Andréa’s gonna stay with her?” Dean asked, while Sam helped him ease over and nodded at his question.

“Yeah. Ellen and Jo are on the way too. They’ll keep you company.”

Dean wanted to quip that he didn’t need a babysitter, but he held it in. It would be nice to see Ellen. He remembered seeing his father, briefly, before he fell back asleep. Sam told him John had gone back to the precinct to work out their protective detail, once you and Dean were eventually discharged from the hospital.

Over the last few hours, the rest of his team from Firehouse 25 had come in to see him in small groups, including Benny, Gordon, and Jack, Meg and Chuck, and Bobby himself, with his gruff worrying. Dean knew the Chief felt responsible anytime his firefighters got hurt, but Dean also knew the only one to blame was himself.

Still, he didn’t regret breaking ranks to go and find you. He’d never regret that choice.

Sam’s hand on his shoulder grounded Dean back into reality.

“Okay, I’ll be back,” said Sam.

Dean nodded, with a hint of a smile. “All right, Sasquatch. Get goin’ then.”   

Sam’s face betrayed his dry amusement…and a hint of fondness. He squeezed the shoulder he held, and hesitated, almost like he was steadying himself before he left his brother alone.

“Hey,” Dean said. He gave his little brother a true smile, if one edged with tiredness. “I’m okay. I don’t break easy.”

After a moment, Sam nodded. His lips flickered at a smile.

“Yeah, I know,” he replied, clearing his throat. Before they both might’ve succumbed to a dreaded “chick flick moment,” as Dean called them, there was a knock at the door. Ellen’s head soon peeked through into the hospital room. She smiled as soon as her gaze landed on Sam and Dean.

“There’s my boys,” she said. Sam welcomed her in, along with Jo, before he slipped out. The Harvelles brought food, of course, for you and Dean. And Ellen had bought some flowers.

Dean took off his oxygen mask and teased her a little. “Ooh, for me? You shouldn’t have.”

Ellen shook her head at his familiar antics. Jo came up on his other side of his bed and gave him a softer smile than usual. He tried to return it.

“These are for your girl,” said Ellen. “How’s she doin’? Have you been able to see her?”

Dean’s good humor dimmed. “She’s got carbon monoxide poisoning from the fire, but Sam tells me she’s resting. I haven’t been able to get over there yet.”

Ellen frowned, but she nodded and rubbed his arm. “Okay, well you just stay here and rest. I’ll go over and bring these to her, make sure she’s doing all right. Then I’ll come back and give you a full report. How’s that?”

Dean met her gaze with relief and gratefulness in his. “Thanks, Ellen.”

She nodded, giving him a motherly pat on the cheek. Maybe her brown eyes welled up with tears she would refuse to shed. And maybe Dean pretended he didn’t see them, knowing how she’d hate for him to call her out.  

“You two are gonna be just fine,” she said. Dean agreed with a nod and a smile. She left soon after with the flowers, discreetly wiping at her face.

When the door shut behind her, Jo took a seat beside his bed. She was looking around at the wires, the monitors, the minor burns and scrapes on his face, while trying not to look at the gauze spanning his upper back.

“How’re you really feeling?” she asked eventually, when she was able to meet his gaze.

Dean chuckled a little. “Like shit.”

She laughed too, though it soon ended in tears. She bit her lip against it, with her eyes squeezing shut.

Dean faltered. “Hey, none a’ that.”

It was an effort, but he reached for her shoulder. She clasped his hand there, then she held it between both of hers. Dean squeezed her hands.

“I’m okay. Scouts honor,” he said. He wished he didn’t have to keep telling people that, but here they were.

When she drew his hand against her cheek though, Dean internally sighed. He had to pull away.

Jo felt the loss of his hand, and of him. She looked up at him with sad blue eyes. Dean couldn’t answer her. Or at least, he couldn’t give her the one she wanted.

She ducked her head and tried not to cry harder.

“Jo,” Dean sighed. “Listen to me.”

She wiped at her face and managed to look up at him again. He was direct, but still gentle as he could be.

“You know I love you like family,” he said, “but you also know…I can’t be that guy for you.”

Her brows furrowed as she shook her head. “We had something, Dean.”

“We did,” he acknowledged. He could admit that much, even as he blew out a breath. “I fucked it up.”

At that, Jo’s face shifted towards resignation. “I did my fair share.”

“You were worried about me on the job, that’s all.”

“But you also didn’t fight for me. The second it got hard, you left and called it quits.”

“I know,” Dean admitted. He thought hard, and he nodded. He was a different man when he and Jo began. He hadn’t totally figured out what it was he wanted. He’d just known, instinctively, that it was different with her. He’d wanted to try to be more for her.

But, he’d let Ellen’s warnings and his own fears take over. He knew he’d been a coward, and at the time, he’d convinced himself that Jo was better off without that in her life. He knew now how that had just been a nice justification for breaking her heart.

“I know,” he repeated. “I guess I wasn’t ready for the real deal…but you’re the first one who made me want to try.”

Jo heaved a tremulous sigh, laced with tears that she brushed away from her face. She had already known it, deep down, but now she supposed she had closure. She knew now that he loved you, for real.

“And she’s the one who made it stick,” Jo supplied.

“Yeah,” Dean said. The truth was in his eyes. She’s the one.

After a moment, in which Jo locked away the rest of her heartbreak and denied herself a flash of jealousy, she wiped her face dry and looked up at Dean.  

“Then you rest up,” she said, with a small smile and red-rimmed eyes. “And whatever happens next, you better fight for her.”

Dean smiled back. He gestured at his prone form with a hand.

“And what do you think I’m doing here?”

“Looks to me like you’re sitting on your ass,” she quipped.

Dean laughed so hard he started coughing. Jo shook her head and helped him put his oxygen mask back on.

“God, you’re a mess,” she said.

Dean gave her a mock incredulous look. “Hey, no sympathy for the injured here?”

“If it was sympathy you wanted, you should’ve kept the mask on.”

Hours later, Sam and Eileen came back freshly showered and with plenty of clothes and necessities for you and Dean. And when his hospital room door opened, Dean fought through the haze of the drugs and his swimming head to wake up. He smiled at Eileen, who stepped through the door first. But then his eyes widened.

Sam carefully guided you in a wheelchair, with your oxygen tank rolling in next to you. You held the mask to your face, but Dean still spotted the edge of your smile.

Your eyes shone bright with unshed tears the closer you came. He had to clear his throat himself before he reached for your hand at the same time you held out for his.

“Hey,” you said.

“Hey, yourself,” Dean replied. He brought your hand to his lips and held it there. “How you doin’, sweetheart?”

“I’m okay, thanks to you,” you said, smiling, even though your voice shook. Tears slipped down your cheeks. Your lips trembled, and your face ducked down. “I’m so…so sorry.”

Dean frowned and squeezed your hand. “Don’t you do that. This isn’t on you.”

You shook your head, like you didn’t believe him. Or you didn’t want to believe.

He wasn’t having that.

“Hey, look at me,” he demanded. He tugged on your hand, until finally you did as he said. Your eyes were red and spilling over with tears. It made his heart clench, and out of the corner of his eye, he spotted Sam holding Eileen close. Both of them were getting emotional, though Sam was trying not to. 

Jo stood with her mother in the corner. While Ellen dabbed at her eyes, Jo had to avert her gaze. That part, Dean didn't notice, because his lips pressed together as he returned his attention back to you.

“You don’t gotta worry about me,” he said. “I’ll shake this in a few weeks. Tops.”

You nodded, but your denial was still obvious as your shoulders trembled. He could see there was no reasoning with you on this one, so he just tugged you closer—as close as you could get without leaving your wheelchair or taking off your oxygen mask.

He managed to reach for your face, soothing his thumb across your tear-stained cheek. You covered his hand and kept him there, for as long as he was able.

You were discharged from the hospital a couple of days later. It was a few more before Dean was able to join you. He wasn’t happy to learn that his head injury would put him out of commission for at least one to three months.

You wished he would be more fair to himself. He’d suffered a subdural hematoma after he was struck by the beam. The doctor officially labelled it a TBI, or a concussion, and he was already dealing with headaches and bouts of vertigo.

Not to mention the large second-degree burn that was only just starting to heal across his upper back. The doctor also warned that he might suffer some mood swings, due to the head injury.

Meanwhile, you were starting to recover from your cuts and yellowing bruises. Though the carbon monoxide had been driven out of your system, you still had your own headaches, nausea, and a lingering cough.

You both were a bit of a mess. Sam and Eileen had incredible patience, and you were so grateful for their help in those first days back home in Sam and Dean’s apartment. However, you couldn’t shake off your nature to help as much as you could in taking care of Dean while Sam and Eileen were back at work.

You knew your boyfriend wasn’t used to being catered to. He didn’t like being, what he deemed in his mind, “useless.” In your mind, that was just too damn bad. He was going to be cared for whether he liked it or not.

So you helped Dean adjust where he lied in bed for the third time this morning, arranging the pillows just so. All while you ignored his crabby mood.

“How’s that?” you asked, fluffing one more pillow between the small of his back and the headboard. You’d managed to find a way for him to sit up without his upper back touching the bedframe.

“Fine,” he said grumpily. He was channel surfing on the TV above his dresser. “And it was fine half an hour ago.” 

His mood was always dour after a shower; it meant you had to help him stand, and make sure he didn’t kill himself by slipping and falling. You sighed and brushed your fingers through his wet hair, mindful of the shaved and bandaged portion on the back of his head. He sure was an awful patient. 

“You used to like it when I joined you in the shower,” you tried to tease gently. He shot you a glance.

“Yeah, that was before I could barely piss standing up,” he replied. You rubbed his arm.

“Come on, babe. Don’t be like this. You’ll be healed up in a couple of months, and we can put this behind us,” you said. If he really wanted you not to feel guilty about his current state, then he was doing a bang-up job.

Dean turned to you then, and you understood the look on his face. Will it really be over?

You couldn’t fault him for it because you didn’t know the answer either. You both knew that Savage & Co. burning down was likely just another battle with Azazel, not the end of the war. 

And that was when John and Cas arrived for a visit, with the doorbell interrupting the silence. It was the first time they’d come together, and that told you one thing: this was more than a familial check in.

You welcomed them into the apartment and made some coffee for everyone. Cas helped you get the mugs ready in the kitchen. Meanwhile, it gave John a moment with his son.

John dragged a desk chair over and sat by Dean’s side of the bed.

“How’s your head?” John asked.

Dean nodded, though his face said he wished people would stop asking him that.

“On the mend,” he replied instead.

John nodded in return. The space between them was awkward and quiet, except for the drone of the TV. Both men had their protective walls and their thoughts, but neither one was able to lower their guard.

When you and Cas came into the room with fresh coffee, it was a silent relief all around. You sat beside Dean in bed and handed him a mug of decaf. You might’ve claimed it was the real stuff, but Dean’s nose knew the difference; he didn’t play when it came to his coffee. Yet another reason why he hated being on these antibiotics. 

“So, let’s start from the beginning,” John said. He lowered his mug into his lap and looked straight at you. “What happened before the fire? Start from the very top of the day.”

You took in a deep breath and glanced at both Cas and Dean. Cas seemed encouraging, while Dean looked just as grave and interested as his father. 

You explained everything from the moment Marv came to give you his report, intended for Nick. You were going to just leave it with his assistant, but his office door had been open a crack, and you’d heard the voices within. You’d been curious enough to approach the door and listen in.

You recounted what you’d heard between Nick and the other man.

“We’re working together on this,” said Nick. “Keep an eye on the cop. Wait for an opportunity.”

“Together, huh? Azazel has his orders. You trying to take his place?” the other man replied. His voice was thin and nasal. You saw his profile, however. His eyes were dangerous.

Your eyes widened at the implications of his words though. Azazel?!

“Dad agrees with me. The guy’s not getting the hint, so we’ll need to remind him who really makes the rules,” Nick said.

Your eyes widened. Holy shit…Nick’s father is Azazel.

You clasped a hand over your mouth before the gasp could escape. A sharp breath still echoed through the hall. The men’s heads began to turn, but you did as well—away from the door and booking it down the hall as quietly and quickly as you could.

You remembered going back to your office, just to find Nick Savage waiting for you.

Dean’s grip on the bedsheets tightened when you told that part of the story. You tried to spare the details, but there were some things you couldn’t avoid…

A strong hand grabbed you and hefted you up. You felt a trickle of wetness rolling down the side of your face as you stared up into his. It must’ve been blood, but all you could focus on was the satisfaction in Nick’s eyes. Finally, they seemed to say.

But then he paused. Confusion was written across his face.

“Do you smell smoke?” he asked. You both saw it climbing under the door of your office.

It was a distraction that broke you out of your frozen fear.

On pure instinct, you jabbed at Nick’s ribs with your taser.

“After I…managed to get out of my office, that’s when I saw the smoke,” you said. Your voice became a tad more unsteady as the memories flit through your mind.

“It was chaos. People were getting trampled trying to get down the stairs…and when we saw the fire coming from below too, I barely made it out of the stairwell.”

You raised a slightly trembling hand to your mouth, but a warm hand slipped into yours, taking it from you. You met Dean’s furrowed brows and softened eyes.

“Come ‘ere,” he said quietly. You let him pull you towards him, against his side, and you blinked past the sting of tears.

“The rest you guys know,” you continued. “I couldn’t get out. Dean and his guys came and found me. He got hurt trying to get us out of there.”

Dean’s hand rubbed up and down your arm in comfort. He pressed a kiss to your forehead while you wiped at the few tears that managed to escape.

“Did you see Nick at all after what happened in the office?” John asked.

You shook your head. “No. I hope he burned to a damn crisp.”

“He’s officially missing, but his body hasn’t yet been identified from the remains at the building site,” said Cas.

That sobered you. You knew there were many people who hadn’t made it out of the building in time. You just couldn’t fathom the kind of person who would intentionally set that fire, damn the costs.

“What about the other man he was talking to?” John asked. You shook your head, but you provided a detailed description of him, from what you could remember: tall and lean, graying short hair, a nasal sounding voice.

“Any other details you can remember? Anything at all. Could be something you saw or heard, or even smelled,” John pressed.

Your lips pursed. The stress alone of reliving all of this was giving you a headache, not to mention making your chest feel tight. Your reply was a bit more clipped than you intended.

“What, other than the part where I was fighting for my life?” you said. “I think I gave a pretty good statement of the events, Detective.”

John paused. His mouth firmed, but he watched you with more sympathetic eyes. Dean saw that his father was trying to ease up. He rubbed your back in comfort again.

“All right, it’s okay,” said Dean. “You did good.”

You glanced at him and took a small, steadying breath. You relaxed a bit and met John’s gaze.

“I’m sorry,” you said, with sincerity. “If I remember something else, I’ll let you know.”

John nodded.

“That’s all right. We’ve got enough to arrest Nick Savage on assault charges, once we find him.” He shared a brief look with Cas. “In the meantime, we’ve got a couple of guys stationed outside the apartment building here. They’ll keep an eye on things.”

You and Dean nodded; it was a relief, but also disconcerting to know the police were watching you. A chime on your phone soon distracted you though. You reached over for where it lay on your nightstand and read the reminder notification. You turned to Dean.

“Ready for your pain meds?” you asked him. You saw the answer in the tightness around his tired eyes. You rubbed a soothing hand on his thigh. “You should eat something first though. Want some of the soup Eileen made?”

Dean shrugged, making an unenthusiastic sound. Your head tilted as you considered him. Then, an idea struck you.

“Ooh, I could make you a grilled cheese on the side,” you offered in a tempting tone. Your leading smile was just enough to get Dean to smile back, if more reserved.

“Hmm?” you prompted. “Come on, three different cheeses on some buttery bread…”

His smile became more genuine. “Okay, sounds good.”

You nodded and pat his thigh once more. You looked up at the detectives.

“You guys want lunch?” you asked. John started to shake his head, but Dean cut in.

“Trust me, you want to get in on this,” he said. The promise of your cooking managed to cut through some of the haze of his pain and discomfort.

Cas conceded first, with a nod. Though he got up from where he’d been sitting at the end of the bed.

“I’ll help,” he said, rolling up his sleeves. He soon followed you downstairs into the kitchen.

Again, it left father and son glancing at one another in silence. John was leaning elbows on his knees, hands folded. His lips drew upwards as he looked up at his oldest.

“Want some advice from an old man?” he asked.

“What’s that?” Dean replied.

John nodded, quirking a smile. “Hold onto that girl.”

A couple of weeks later, however, tensions were still running high. Dean was frustrated with his own inability, worsening with each bout of vertigo, and every time the pain in his skull necessitated a pill to cope with it. Part if it was also that he needed so much of your help when Sam was at work.

Every time Dean saw you cooking, cleaning, changing his bandages, reminding him to take his meds, helping him get around when he was feeling off…

He was grateful, more than you knew. He just couldn’t feel right about letting you do it all when he saw how tired you were. You were still healing up too. And he could only imagine how stressed you were after everything you’d been through in the past few weeks. Hell, in the past few months.

He felt guilty, and useless, and angry at how you’d gotten caught up in all this, and at Nick Savage and Azazel and everything in between.

So Dean now stewed in all of this while he sat watching mindless reruns of some dumbass show about fake ghost hunters, even though he was trying not to think of anything at all. Somehow he had nothing to do but think, even though the meds he was taking often made him want to crawl into bed and sleep.

You appeared from down the hall, looking and smelling like your nice floral soap after a shower, wearing nothing more than one of his old shirts. Your thighs were bare. Your hair was twisted up on top of your head, just asking to be taken down with a practiced hand. 

Dean liked the look of you.

Not that I can do anything about it, came a dull reminder.

You came around the couch with a roll of gauze and a medicated cream for his burns.

“Okay, Dean. Let’s go ahead and change the bandages,” you said, nodding at his back.

He was reluctant to move. He was finally somewhat comfortable sitting in the corner of the couch with a shit ton of pillows propped against his lower back. And he hadn’t told you this, but a headache had been building for the last hour. He’d been trying to wean himself off the pain meds.

“It can wait until Sam gets home,” he said. “Why don’t you relax? Take a nap or something.”

You frowned at him, tilting your head. “Sam works late every night. Doesn’t it make more sense to get it over with now?”

“You see it would, if you hadn’t already done it yesterday,” Dean replied, with a dry edge to his tone.

You arched a brow at him. You'd re-bandaged the burn across his back yesterday morning. It was now late afternoon.

“The doctor said once a day,” you said. “You want to get an infection?”

The back of Dean’s head pulsed with pain. He gritted his teeth in trying to ignore it.

“You want to get off my back? Literally?” he snarked.

You frowned at him and set down the medical supplies. Your hands went to your hips as you looked down at him.

“I don’t appreciate the attitude,” you said. “I’m just trying to help you.”

“I get that, but you don’t have to take care of me right now,” he said. “You can just let me watch this shitty-ass show in peace.”

Your brows knitted together. Both of you were stubborn, if in different flavors. You tried to come at it with a gentler approach, drawing near him to set a hand on his shoulder.

“I know it’s unpleasant, but you can’t change your bandages by yourself,” you said. Your thumb swept along his neck. You really hated seeing him in so much discomfort. “Don’t you want to get it over with so you can relax for the rest of the day?”

A sharper pain pulsed behind his eyes for a moment, making Dean take in a deeper breath through his nose. He could later admit, he lost patience with you (and his temper).

He turned off the TV and tossed down the remote.

“What is this compulsive need you have to control everything? Do everything?” he snapped. “Contrary to what you might think, I don’t need you to wipe my ass! Just give it a goddamn rest!”

Irritation was hot under his skin…until he actually looked up at your face. The open-mouthed look of shock, and hurt, your eyes welling up with tears as your hand fell away from his shoulder…

That’s when Dean knew this concussion was fucking with him.

There was no way he could be this much of an asshole, could he?

“Shit. Baby,” he tried, but you shook your head at him, making a negative sound when he reached for you. You walked away from him.

“Son of a bitch,” he muttered. “Hold on!”

His first attempt to get off the couch was unsuccessful, and it made his head swim. He grimaced in annoyance, but he used the couch and the coffee table as leverage and pushed through onto his feet.

Once he knew he was steady, he thought he heard you in the kitchen. He found you there, trying to hide your face behind the open door of the pantry while you cried. It broke his heart, really.

“Sweetheart,” he called to you. His hand rested on your back, prompting you to look up at him with red, watery eyes.

“What now?” you asked. “Want to yell at me some more?”

Dean’s sad frown deepened as he tugged you closer, guiding you into his arms.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I really am. I don’t know where the hell that came from.” 

Maybe the knife stabbing through the back of your head, 'cause you're too stubborn to take all your damn meds, came the dry edge of his conscience.

You held onto him as tightly as you dared while you pressed your tear-stained face into his chest.

“That wasn’t you, Dean,” you said. “I get that you’re in pain, and that you're frustrated, but you don’t have to white-knuckle it. Or take it out on me, for that matter.”

“…I know,” he agreed, laying a kiss on your forehead. “If it happens again, I give you full permission to slap me. Concussion be damned.”

You snorted at that, despite a couple more tears slipping down your cheeks. You wiped them away.

“I know I was being a bit pushy,” you said, with a sigh. “But Sam does work late. I’d feel like shit just lying around here waiting for him to help you. And I’m the reason this all happened anyway, so I might as well—”

“Wait. Stop,” Dean said. He pulled away so he could grasp your arms and look down at you. His brows furrowed, and his jaw worked. “What did you just say?”

You looked up at him, and he saw the vulnerability in your eyes. Your lips pressed together, and you averted your gaze.

“No,” he said, curling his fingers under your chin and lifting your face back up to his. He didn’t like what he saw.

“Okay. Sit with me,” he said. He guided you to the dining table, where he pulled out both chairs. After you sat, he raised a waiting finger to you, just so he could grab his prescription from the kitchen counter and down what should've been his morning dose of pain medication with some water. Then he returned to the table and sat across from you.

By the time he got you to look at him again, your eyes were already filled with tears. He took your hands in both of his.

“What happened to me wasn’t your fault,” Dean said at last. He’d said it before, but apparently it hadn’t gotten through your head.

“You disobeyed a direct order to find me,” you argued. 

“I would’ve gotten called to that fire no matter what,” Dean countered. Still, that didn’t seem to sway you.

“You don’t know what it was like,” you said. You squeezed his hands, and your voice shook. “When I saw you in the ICU…”

All those wires, the newly wrapped burns, the oxygen mask, his skin pale and clammy, and his eyes closed…

“Before you got to me, of course I was scared. For a minute there, I thought I was going to die,” you managed to say. His hold tightened on yours. “But in that room, it was…it was different. It was you, but it was also my grandfather all over again. And I was so damn afraid.”

After that confession, you crumbled once again.

Dean slid his chair forward and held you close. His fingers swept through your hair after taking down your haphazard bun. He managed to pull you into his lap and he shushed you gently.

He glanced up heavenward and actually asked George for the right thing to say to you right now, because he had no damn clue.

After a moment, he released a humorless chuckle.

“You wanna know fear?” he said. “When my dad told me what you’d found out about Nick. And when I got the call that the building was on fire, somehow, I knew you were still in there.”

His fingers brushed along the shallow cut above your brow that was still healing.

“You had to deal with that bastard by yourself. That alone pretty much kills me,” Dean admitted. “And if I hadn’t gotten to you when I did…I’ll never regret that. Ever. I’ll take the whole damn building on top of me if that’s what it takes.”

You leaned back and shook your head at him, but he took your chin between his fingers and stilled you.   

“But I told you,” Dean said firmly. “I’m not leaving you.”

Your eyes met his before you let out a shaky breath. Maybe this time you would believe him.

He leaned down and kissed you soundly, so you’d get the idea. Your hand reached up to caress his cheek, and you moaned when his tongue caressed yours. His hand tightened on your hip.

“Dean.” Your warning was gentle. The doctor hadn’t cleared this yet for him, and he knew it.

“Just a little bit,” he said, smiling against your lips. His hand slipped under your (his) shirt and teased the edge of your panties.

You sighed with conflicting need when you felt the pads of his fingers stroked you through the fabric. It also stroked your arousal back to life.

“Okay, bedroom,” you caved. “But go easy. I’m serious, Dean.”

He smirked and pressed a kiss to the side of your head.

“Oh, I’ll definitely be easy.”

AN: Lol trust Dean to push his limits there. 😅 We also got some closure on the Jo & Dean arc, some supportive Sam and Eileen, and some major feels.

In Part 18, Sam and John work together to try and pin down Nick and Daniel/Azazel, Law & Order style...

Next Time:

The charges included four counts of murder in the first degree: the murders-for-hire, enacted by Alastair Rolston.

Followed by attempted murder in the first degree, ten counts of murder in the second degree (those who had lost their lives in the most recent building fire), conspiracy to commit murder, arson, and if that weren’t enough, a charge each of attempted sexual assault and sexual harassment.

When the last two charges were read out loud in the courtroom, Nick looked visibly angry.

Sam glanced over at the defendant with thinly veiled satisfaction. Some days, it was difficult for him to come to work.

Today was not that day.

“All right, that is a laundry list of potential misdeeds,” Judge Deveraux remarked. He looked up at Nick Savage. “How does the defendant plead?”

At the prodding of his lawyer, Amelia Richardson, Nick spoke up.

“Not guilty,” he said. Though he rolled his eyes, as if this was a waste of his time.

“What’s the deal here, Mr. Winchester?” Judge Devereaux asked.

“The primary charges are murder-for-hire, your Honor,” Sam replied.

Dean Winchester Masterlist

Main Masterlist

Series Tag List (Part 1):

@hobby27 @kazsrm67 @letheatheodore @agothwithheavysetmakeup @jacklesbrainworms @foxyjwls007 @wincastifer @iamsapphine @simpforbuckyb

@vanillawhiskeyflavoredkisses @roseblue373 @this-is-me19 @emily-winchester @spnexploration @deans-spinster-witch @deans-baby-momma @iprobablyshipit91

@melancholictearz @nic-kolas @katherineann814 @sleepyqueerenergy @wayward-lost-and-never-found @thewritersaddictions @just-levyy @samanddeaninatrenchcoat @deanwanddamons @antisocialcorrupt @lacilou @adoringanakin @theonlymaninthesky @teehxk @midnightmadwoman @brianochka @branj19

@agalliasi @venicesem @chriszgirl92 @lyarr24 @ladysparkles78 @solariklees @xsophianicolex @deansbbyx @candy-coated-misery0731 @curlycarley @sarahgracej @bagpussjocken @deanfreakingwinchester @chernayawidow @beskarfilms @mimaria420

[milfygerard]

crying for help but in a sensuous, oddly alluring way, much like the sirens of old

[wakandama2]

Puts on my over-thinking cap for another deep dive about my Euphoria boys because media discussion, theory and family dynamics are my jam and I've taken way too many trama observations and Developmental psychology class

So! As confirmed from the first episode, due to Fezco's TBI, he has blackout/losses chunks of time, sometimes. Also he either goes into a blackout rage or can turn off his empathy (like with the doctor or the sexy scary ass moment we watch him turn off being the soft chill Fezco to machine that gives out violence)

Angus himself even confirmed in a interview "Fezco became him Granny in the Nate fight. Fez wasn't in his body in that scene"

Now, all of season one proves that Fez may treat Ashtray like a buissnes partner but never has Ashtray in a line of fire or interacting with the violence drug dealing.

That's why Fez had Ash stay in the security of the freezer and customers have to go through Fez first. He has Ash stay hidden but watching when shit with Mouse went down. He even has Ashtray on duty to check the camera and then radio Fez to interact with whose ever there.

I really believe that Ashtray may have watched their Granny be violent to protect them but has never seen Fezco do that because Fezco has only been a nurturing figure to Ashtray. Although he stays strapped up and knows the protocols and things to do, Ashtray has never been directly threaten enough to be violent himself because Fezco is his guard and has made sure Ashtray is out of the way of fire.

Now cut to all these sudden heavily protective, volitale and violent outbursts and tendencies from Ashtray. These actions obviously surprise and shock Fezco. I'm interpreting that hes never seen Ashtray act like this because Fezco had always made it a point to protect and guard Ashtray.

Cases in point

-When Ashtray kills Mouse Fez is genuinely shocked, a lil frightened and concerned

- With Rue in the car. Fez, who we know literally just let's Rue ramble and is unfazed by it because he knows it cycles her down, is quick to shut Rue up in the car because Ash is getting wound up

- Fezco keeps trying to connect and talk with Ashtray as Ashtray stonewalls him through a constant silent treatment

- He has to constantly stop Ashtray from beating Cal because literally ever time Cal opened his mouth it triggered Ashtray to violence even though Fezco is genuinely trying to get answers from the man. It got to the point he had to pull Ashtray aside to cool him down.

- From the teaser for further episode. We see we're going to get a scene of Fez physically getting on his little brother level to talk to him.

I thing Fezco had some kinda spiral between the time of the Raid and the Robbery that he doesnt remember but has Ashtray so pressed he is now constantly in a state of High alert and protectiveness about Fezco.

It really seems this High Alert is only turned off when Fezco is in charge of the violence.

-When Fezco handled Rue in the car is relaxed Ashtray.

- The anxiety and concern state he went into when Fezco called him to get the car ready at the party. Honestly Ashtray looking around sacred trying to start the car and look for Fez was the most I've ever seen him act like a little boy (shout out to Javon on that)

- Look at how soft Ashtray's tone and voice got at the party too.

- Even though Ashtray is pissed to the point of a silent treatment. He never questions or argues Fezco about his decisions. (Once again shout out to Javon and that pouting a breakfast scene another time he really behaves like a little kid)

There HAS to be an event deeper than their current situation that has Ashtray this defensive and violent over Fezco.

....Or maybe I'm look way too deep, idk idk.

@spaceshipsandpurpledrank @uhlxis @kdoxkeic @blowmymbackout @ruesbike

[talestobetold]

Mechs Songs Voting Bracket: Round Four Results / Round Five Preview

Hub post: see live full bracket, previous posts, and other stuff here

Round Four results

Winners:

1. Loki (50%) (tie broken by Spotify rank)

2. Sigyn (57.8%)

3. Ragnarok IV (60.9%)

4. Drunk Space Pirate (73.4%)

5. Ragnarok I (57.8%)

6. Ragnarok V (53.1%)

7. Ragnarok II (84.4%)

8. Losing Track (71.9%)

Insights

Uhh?! Red Signal and Loki tied!!! 32-32!!! I haven’t looked into the data history yet but I think they stayed within two votes of each other literally the whole way. But a tie’s a tie and a tiebreaker’s a tiebreaker. Crazy to see Red Signal out in the Round of 64, but now we have Loki vs Sigyn to look forward to in Round Six

Also all the Ragnaroks but III made it through. That’s pretty cool. Who doesn’t like some Ragnaroks.

Also that wraps up the Round of 64! I’m gonna make a post with some stuff on that later but yeah! Nearly halfway through! Reminder that the Round of 32 will be done in two voting rounds, one for UDAD/HNOC and one for OUATIS/TBI

Round Five Preview

Round five of voting will be the round of 32, UDAD and HNOC divisions. I’ll post the voting form at 9:00PM PDT and leave it open until 9:00PM PDT on June 19th. The match-ups are as follows. Here is a playlist of each of the songs in this round.

Taglist

Tagging: @itsthatscooter @treesandkeys @kulttuurinkurittama @transgemder-mkblackwood @charcoalowl @starstrucksomehow @mostly-void-partially-frogs @abnormalvampire64 @harryanthe @miralines @lost-in-the-cosmos-lovely​ @klatukattdreams @vang0bus​ @realcanadianmoose​ ​@tentiredcats​ @genderfluidelijahvolkov​ @phoenix-ish @dullahermes​ @vantaxlia​ @transboy-headcanons​ @imperial-evolution​ @bismuth-209 @sugar-and-spite​ @the-lonely-desolation​ @cattherobot​

Anyone else: Reply saying so if you want to be tagged in future posts so you don’t miss anything