#Spent 2 hours today and 4 two or three days ago!!

[doink-boink]

For the requests, Maybe a cute date for Zach and Aviva, for some reason I’m thinking an ice cream date, do not ask why, lol! But anything you think is cute/sweet that matches them!

YOU GOT IT BOSS o7 - decided to attempt to do it in the show's style!! Not really satisfied with the background, but I'm really proud of how they themselves look!! :D

[charlotteking23]

The Lion's Lamb - chapter 1 - MV1/33

Max Verstappen x reader

The lion's lamb series: Aesthetics, Ch. 2, Ch.3, Ch.4, Ch.5, Ch.6, Ch.7, Ch.8

You spent most of your life alone. It wasn't your decision but artists tend to isolate themselves by accident. you were the type to find inspiration and peace when alone.

You would spend hours in your room, painting, until your vision became a reality.

Most people would never work as hard as you do to make a living, but you lived in Monaco. The country where money flowed. You knew you weren't like other residents that surrounded her in this country.

You weren't rich and you didn't have a trust fund to fall back onto. Don't get it wrong, your paintings sold high enough to be able to live in the country permanently, but you were barely scrapping by.

Some might ask why you choose to live in Monaco when you could have been living somewhere else more comfortably.

Monaco itself was known for their wealth and in your line of work, you need the rich to buy your work. You had about three regular clients in Monaco that provided 80% of your entire income.

Coffee was the only time you took a break and wandered into the outside world. And today was one of those days where you needed a break. you had been in your room for the past 4 hours trying to come up with something, but your mind was blank with ideas.

A client had commissioned a piece about 3 months ago and gave the 23 year old a wide range of creative ability on the painting as long as it was a darker piece.

You were the epitome of bright and bubbly and couldn't seem to get her mind into a darker frame of thought. With the piece needing to be done in a months time, you were starting to stress.

You had ordered your cup of coffee at your usual spot. You heard your name being yelled at the counter and quickly went up to grab your drink. Once in hand, you turned only to run into a wall, spilling coffee all over herself and the wall.

To add fuel to the fire of the already embarrassing situation, you slipped on the coffee that had spilled on the ground and fell to the floor hard causing more attention to be drawn onto you. While on the ground, you noticed two shoes in front of you.

You hadn't run into a wall like you originally thought, but instead a man. Your eyes followed the shoes all the way up at the man's face.

Piercing blue eyes stared down at you in annoyance. You could tell he wasn't truly taking you in but rather glaring at you for spilling both their coffees.

Jumping up quickly, You immediately grabbed some napkins off the counter of the coffee shop and tried your best to wipe the stains off the mans white shirt.

"I'm so sorry sir!" you said with tears building in your eyes. "I didn't see you! I'm so sorry!"

As you wipe the man's chest, he grabs your hands causing you to look up at him. It was then, he took in the details of you standing before him.

Your big eyes stared up at him, tears threatening to spill out of the sides. You had a light sprinkle of freckles that ran along her cheekbones and over your nose.

You had long hair that was pulled back out of Your face, but bangs to frame your face perfectly. Your lips were the perfect size and your cheeks were now the color of your lips from embarrassment.

There was a certain shine in your eyes that drew him. He couldn't tell if it was because of the tears or something else, but he needed to find out.

"It's alright," he said. You picked up an accent that wasn't from Monaco but you didn't know where.

"Please, sir, let me buy you your coffee! It's my fault, I can at least try make up it up to you by getting you another."

He nods his head at your response causing a smile to erupt across your face. The man loved how every part of your face lit up at his response. He didn't even say a word, yet you acted like he hung the stars just for you.

"How do you like your coffee?" you asked.

"Black," he state.

With a nod of your head, you told him to sit down while you waited in line. There were only two people ahead of you but you didn't want the man to have to stand with you after you ruined his clothes.

Being around him longer than necessary would cause more embarrassment on your part.

After getting both their coffees again, you found your way back to the blue eyed stranger sitting at a corner table by the window.

"Here," you said while putting it on the table. You noticed his shirt was definitely going to stain and winced slightly at the brown blob on his chest "Again sir, I am so sorry!"

You started digging in your bag for some money to give to the man for dry cleaning. Pulling out whatever you had, you tried to hand it to the man, "Here. It's not a lot but it should pay for dry cleaning to get that stain out."

"No," was the simple response you got.

"Please! It'll make me feel better if you take it! It's the only way I can make up for spilling you coffee!"

"Sit down," he said. You tilted your head in confusion at the blue eyed man. "Sit down and tell me your name. I don't want your money but I will take a name and a conversation as payment."

A blush quickly took over your cheeks as you shyly looked away from the man and sat down across from him. When you sat down you finally got a good look at his face.

He was attractive. He had these piercing blue eyes that would stare into your sole. He looked at you with softness but you were scared to be on the other end of that stare when he was angry.

He was tall, or at least taller than you, but that wasn't saying much compared to him. He was a dirty blond and had a bit of scruff that started to turn into a beard.

You could tell he didn't smile much due to him having very little smile lines. He was a serious man and it showed.

"Your name?" He stated.

"(name)," she said softly, "and yours?"

The man's eyes quickly flashed a look of surprise before they softened again, "Max."

[ladylooch]

Afterthoughts and Misunderstandings - [Liv X Luca]

A/N: Part 2 of Liv and Luca's angst! ICYMI or need a refresh, part 1 is here.

Word Count: 3.2k

Part 1 | Part 3| Part 4

Although we understand school is a priority, we hope you are taking time to focus seriously on this next project. What you submitted today was nowhere near the quality of the writer that you are. We will chat more next month.

Liv scans over the words again in her parked car. Deep in the innards of her apartment building, embarrassed tears sting her eyes. The words came in an email from her editor. Two weeks ago, she submitted the first quarter of her book and the outline for the remaining pages. It was not well received by anyone on her support team. Their recommendation? Start from scratch. As if Liv hadn’t spent over 200 hours curating the pages she sent in for review.

Deflated doesn’t even begin to describe how she feels. 

Liv received the feedback in the Whole Foods parking lot. She had been gathered groceries and was getting off the phone with Luca as the email came zipping into her inbox. Luca had to run to a flight for the start of his East Coast road trip. It is still six days before he comes to New York to round out his road trip with both teams. Those six days are going to crawl by. Liv is in desperate need of his comforting arms, to feel his heartbeat beneath her cheek so she can forget the failure clutching at her throat.

She feels numb and distraught all at the same time while she rides the elevator up to her floor. The doors open. Liv pauses in the steel doorway, seeing Ryder Hughes slumped against her front door. His back is against it, head resting back toward the ceiling. One leg is curled into a bend with his wrist hanging off his knee. The other leg stretches across the hallway, almost consuming the whole width of the space. 

Liv has not seen Ryder since their almost kiss in this very hallway three days ago. She has been avoiding him. He knows it, so does she. But now he is here and somehow, Liv is expected to have this interaction when she just got dealt the biggest blow of her short writer’s career. 

Ryder hears the ruffle of her bags and turns his face towards her. He pops up immediately, jogging down to grab her bags. 

“I can..” Liv stops because Ryder has already taken all of them from her. “Okay.” She adjusts her keys in her hand, shoving them into the lock and opening her apartment door. Ryder follows behind, then goes to the kitchen to put her bags down. He immediately begins unloading them for her. “Ry.” 

“If I’m being helpful, you can’t kick me out.” He jokes, grinning as he pulls out some Liquid IV. Liv stands in the living room, looking back at him with cautious eyes. “I’m sorry. I was really out of line on Saturday. I can’t even use the alcohol excuse either.” Ryder pauses with a big grapefruit in his hand. He studies her with intense blue eyes. “Are you okay?” 

As is standard anytime someone asks her that, Liv immediately begins to cry. Because no. Nothing about what she is feeling in her body is okay. Her slender fingers come to her eyes. She presses into her black eyelashes to gather her tears, shoulders quivering with her impending sobs. 

“Livy.” Ryder murmurs. His arms wrap around her whole body, hands resting on her back ribs. He pauses, feeling her shake harder. His hands rub up her back. Then he presses his nose into the strands of her brown hair. Liv sighs heavily, which pushes her deeper into his body. She moves her hands from her face, winding them around his back to fully accept his hug.

They stay like that for several minutes. Ryder sways them a few times, rocking to soothe her sobs. Eventually, Liv sniffs, pulling back to wipe at her face. 

“Sorry.” She mumbles with downcast eyes.

“Hey, no need to apologize.” He assures her. His hands slide down to her hips, waiting as she collects herself more. She wipes under her nose with her palm. 

“I’m not having a good day.”

“I’ve gathered.” He responds supportively. “Tell me what’s going on.” Liv sighs, sniffling again. Slowly, she moves her eyes up to his face. His concern is evident, eyebrows pulled low over blue eyes and creases are forming in the corners of his frown.

“I suck at writing.” Surprise fills his face.

“News to me?”

“I do.” Liv slumps her shoulders down, looking away. Ryder squeezes her hips to keep her in place. “I sent in what I have for my second book and they roasted it. They think I should scrap it and start over!” Her voice escalates the longer she talks. “I’ve worked so hard on this, Ry. For them to think it sucks kills me.”

“So tell them you’re not doing that.”

“What?”

“Tell them you’re not scraping it. That you believe in the direction of your work and you’re going to see that through.” 

“It isn’t that simple. They have a say in what I produce.”

“Fuck that, Livy. Your first book was all you. That is what your audience wants to read. Your voice. Not 10 people in a boardroom who have a different vision. Write it your way.” Liv tucks her bottom lip into her mouth, rolling her tongue against it.

“I don’t think I am brave enough to do that.”

“You are. You have already proven that. You are already a published author. That is the bravest thing I have ever seen. Creating and letting people consume it. You’ve got big balls.”

“Big balls?” She laughs, shaking her head. 

“Sorry, it was the quickest analogy that came to me.” He reaches up, smoothing her hair down the sides of her face while cupping her damp cheeks. “You are amazing. Your work matters. I’m really proud of you.”

Awareness of everything hits Liv at once. The smell of his cologne goes up her nose like the other night. His warm palms transfer heat into her cheeks. Their faces tilted inwards to each other. Conflict begins to writhe in Liv’s stomach. The push and pull of what she knows and has with Luca and the curiosity of Ryder. His gaze surveys her face, then with a heavy sigh, he steps back from her completely. Liv stays glued in place. Ryder returns to the counter, unpacking more of her groceries.

“Go change.” He says without looking at her. “I’ll keep doing this.” 

Liv nods, even though he doesn’t see, and walks to her bedroom. There, she pulls on loungewear- a plain t-shirt, her dad’s Swiss hockey sweatshirt along with a pair of Lio’s club team sweatpants he wanted to get rid of when they still lived in their home in Switzerland. The comfort of the familiar, worn cotton blankets her skin. She goes to scrub off her makeup, then presses a cool washcloth to her eyes and cheeks to relieve the redness from crying. 

She returns to the living room, finding Ryder watching TV on her couch. He has taken off his shoes and jacket, tossing them by her entryway bench. There are two cups of tea steeping on the coffee table. He greets her with a small smile. Liv goes to the other side of the couch, curling her feet up next to her butt. The movie on the screen is Barbie starring Margot Robbie. Liv smiles.

“Thought this would inspire you a bit.” He shrugs. He is right, it does. So much so that she decides she isn’t going to tell anyone else about the feedback. Because they’re wrong about what they said. Ryder is right- this is hers. She can create whatever she wants because she has already done this before. This is her creation, her baby, hers to flop or soar with. She will use her gift with words to tell her publishing team to shove it. 

The sunsets over the city. Barbie ends and they ordering big bowls of pasta to share for dinner along with tiramisu and garlic bread. They decide to watch another movie once they are finished eating. Ryder picks this time, some Netflix original that is supposed to be a thrilling and wicked twister.

Partially through the next movie, Ryder’s hand moves over to Liv’s foot. His thumb works deep presses into the arch of her foot then into the big pads below her toes. Finally, Liv surrenders both feet into his lap. He works them over until she is asleep next to him. Ryder finishes the movie, then clicks the TV off. Darkness absorbs Liv’s apartment. The moonlight splices across her cheek, nose, and slightly open mouth. She looks at peace for the first time since he saw her in the hallway. 

Gently, Ryder gathers her into his arms. She curls into him in her sleep, gripping his shirt and nuzzling her cheek into his shoulder. He puts Liv in the center of her unmade bed, another clue at how tumultuous she has been the last few days. She always makes her bed. Liv slides her feet under the covers. Ryder grabs the edge of the comforter, concealing Liv beneath it. Her hand reaches out for his wrist as he rubs her head goodnight.

“Stay.” She murmurs groggily. Ryder hesitates. The room gets so quiet that Liv wonders if he snuck out and she missed it in her sleepy haze. Her blue eyes open, seeing Ryder standing next to her bed, frozen with indecision. 

“Are you sure?”

“Mhm.” She sighs, flipping open the other side of the comforter. Ryder cautiously walks over to her dresser. He grabs a pair of sweatpants of hers that he knows he fits into because they used to be her brother’s. He changes fast, then maneuvers under the covers. Liv stays curled on her right side, but reaches her hand back. Ryder laces their fingers together. Quickly, Liv’s hand goes limp in his signaling she is asleep. 

Ryder is up for hours, watching and listening to her breathe next to him. He is just falling asleep when Liv rolls over in her slumber. She finds the warmth of his side, curling into him and sighing. Her hand comes to his stomach, anchoring there with a light grip, right above his belly button. 

He looks over at her. Dark brown hair splays across her pillow. Her breathing is light, lips perfectly plumped, and he becomes aware of exactly how fucked he is.

Because he is in love with Luca Fiala’s girlfriend.

And there is no way in hell she loves him back.

- - - 

The following morning, Ryder and Liv awaken around the same time because of trucks honking outside her bedroom window. Liv opens one eye first, taking in the sleepy hockey player as he wiggles himself awake. 

“Mmm, hi.” He mumbles, putting his nose on her bicep and sighing. “Don’t wanna get up.”

“Yeah.” Liv sighs, putting a lazy hand in his hair. For the next half hour, they doze in and out of sleep together, staying in the same position. Their legs are resting by each other. Their warm skin collects pink from each other’s body heat. Then, the reality of needing to join the world settles over them with Ryder’s daily practice alarm. 

“I gotta get moving.” He mutters, resentful of having to leave her bed. 

“Me too. I have class.” Liv yawns loudly, then rolls to her back, separating them completely.

She reaches for her phone, seeing a handful of texts from Luca. She glances at Ryder as he stretches at the side of the bed. His sweatshirt rides up considerably, showcasing his muscular body in the soft morning sun. A happy trail of dark hair disappears beneath the waistband of his clothes. Liv’s eyes drift down, seeing the maroon and gold M on his left thigh. 

Liv freezes, realizing he is wearing her boyfriend’s pants. Betrayal chokes her throat. What is she doing? This is so inappropriate. Everything about last night was inappropriate. God, she yelled at Luca for having another girl in his bed while he slept on the couch. She invited Ryder to sleep with her last night. Panicked, she slowly sits up, pulling out the rest of her disheveled ponytail. 

“Want to meet up for lunch on campus? I still dream about that Italian deli you took me to.”

“I can’t.” She says, keeping her back to him. She works her hair back into a fresh pony tail, raking her fingers through the ends for a quick brush.

“Oh okay.” He clears his throat. “Maybe later in the week.” 

“Luca is coming into town.” Liv stands, pulling her sweatshirt down so it covers her body completely. She folds her arms over her chest. 

“Yeah, I know. He is coming to play me.” He chuckles. “But that’s not for a few days.”

“Well, I have to get things done before he gets here so I can spend time with him.” A twitch flickers close to the hinge of his jaw. Ryder sighs, running a frustrated hand over his face.

“What is happening right now?” She shrugs back at him. Ryder’s hand falls, slapping the gold outlined M on his thigh.

“Can you take those off please.” Ryder looks down, seeing the same logo. In the morning light, it is clear these were not the pants he thought he grabbed. He thrust the waistband down, then strides to where his jeans are still pooled on the ground. He wrestles them up his thighs and his belt closed. 

“Liv, nothing happened last night.”

“It doesn’t feel that way to me.” She holds her throat, looking terrified back at him. 

“You invited me into bed.” He says slowly, resenting the way she looks at him. Like he crossed a line. 

“That was a mistake.” 

“We’ve been making a lot of mistakes lately…” He rambles off, putting his phone in his pocket. 

“This has to stop.” Liv practically begs.

“I don’t want it to.”

“Ry, please.” Liv closes her eyes, inhaling heavily as her nostrils flare from distress. 

“Livy, I’m in lo-”

“Stop!” Liv yells. Her heavy, terrified panting fills the room. “Don’t say it. You will ruin this.”

“It already is ruined. Because I love you.” 

Liv goes rigid except her quivering bottom lip. Because I love you, because I love you, because I love you. It plays in a loop over and over again, drowning out the city noise below, running through her brain like the ticker in Times Square.

“I wish you didn’t.” She hisses through gnashed teeth. 

“Me too.” He confesses, then walks out of her room. 

In his wake, he leaves Liv and her entire world lopsided.

- - - 

The ticking of the light blue clock on Liv’s desk fills the living room. Liv has been trying to work on her paper for two hours now, but her thoughts keep drifting to Ryder and earlier this morning. Guilt scratches and mars at her consciousness until it becomes impossible to make progress on her school work. For the fifth time in an hour, she tosses her pen from where she was trying to handwrite her outline. She looks over at her phone, seeing it light up with another text from Ryder. She swipes across his name, muting his notifications for the day. 

She doesn’t want to talk to him.

She needs to talk to Luca, but he is at morning skate in Buffalo. 

Worst case, she will tell him before his game against the Islanders. Liv knows this is less than ideal timing, but she owes him an explanation. From her, not anyone else. 

She opens her phone, texting Luca again to call her as soon as he can. 

Liv waits for his call the entire day, altering her plans with her brother to make sure she is home and ready for the difficult conversation they are going to have. But Luca’s never arrives. Not after practice, or after his pre-game nap, and now she watches him on the screen in Buffalo, again without a care in the world. 

How does he keep doing this with her? How does she line up last to everything in his world when he rules hers?

In frustration, she flips the game off after the second period. The Wild are down by one, but her mood is not in it for the night. Instead, she takes a self-care shower, smearing on her skin care, snuggling into bed to read her book, before tossing her phone on sleep mode.

He won’t call anyway, she lies to herself. 

The next morning, she has a handful of text messages from him and about thirty from Ryder.

Hi baby, I’m so sorry I didn’t call yesterday. Things have been crazy. I’ll tell you about it when I see you. I love you! Goodnight 😘

I wish you were here, baby, I can’t sleep without you. I’m having withdrawals. 

Heads up, I am on Amazon passing the time. Can’t sleep. Pray for my credit card. But, I needed a new screen protector for my phone. I ordered one to be delivered to your place tomorrow morning. Can you bring it with you to the game? Thank you! I hope this doesn’t wake you up 🙈

This furrows her eyebrows. Why wouldn’t she bring it to him tonight? When she sees him for dinner?

Good morning 🥱 Yes, I’ll grab the screen protector for you. But I thought I was seeing you tonight? 

Luca calls her immediately. She stretches, then clicks the button, murmuring a sleepy hello.

“Baby, I have bad news. Please don’t kill me.” 

“What?”

“I am not going to make dinner tonight. Mandatory team building. We are going to dinner and a concert at MSG. But maybe we can get coffee tomorrow morning?”

“I have classes.”

“Well, could you skip them?”

“No, Luca. I can’t. I have a group presentation and a test in the next class. Also, I don’t appreciate you asking me that. I don’t tell you to skip morning skate when I’m in town because I understand hockey is your job.”

“Whoa, okay. I was just asking.”

“Well, don’t. What I am doing is just as important as what you’re doing.”

“Baby, I never said it wasn’t.” He says defensively. 

“You literally…” Liv trails off, running an annoyed hand through her hair. “Whatever. It doesn’t matter.”

“I’m sorry.” He tries. “I didn’t mean it like that. I just miss you.” Misses her but won’t make time for her when they’re in the same city. It’s hard to swallow that right now, even as she tries to understand that there are some obligations he cannot miss. 

“I know.” She fills in. 

“This is shit timing, but we are about to get to the rink for practice.”

“You’re skating in the morning of a back to back?”

“Yeah. Did you watch last night?”

“Um, I fell asleep.” She admits sheepishly. 

“That’s okay. We did too.” He jokes. “It was bad and this punishment is well deserved. I gotta go, babe.”

“Hey, wait, I need to.. uh… talk to you about something.” She says, picking at a snag in the comforter with her blue nail. 

“Okay, can we talk after the game?” Liv hesitates. 

Future her would smack her in the face if she could. But present Liv doesn’t see the issue. 

So she agrees.

“Yes, that’s fine.”

“Okay, I love you baby.” He murmurs sweetly.

“I love you too.” She responds, having no idea what the next 48 hours will bring.

Read more Liv and Luca here.

[rafyki]

Goth! Nico/ Surfer! Percy AU Part 7!

Finally some proper progress for our disaster boys!!

Oh I loved writing this chapter SO MUCH!! And in fact I managed to basically write all 2.7k words today lol I really was in the zone today - this is what percico does to me xD

(@neo-kid-funk, there's something I hope you'll notice here, hehe 👀)

Enjoy~

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6

You can also read it on AO3!!

~~~~

It was late when Percy got to the beach, late enough that the sun was already down, the red and orange from the sunset already gone from the sky. Late enough that Percy knew it was stupid going there in the hope of meeting a certain pretty goth boy that had been haunting his dreams for the past months.

If he remembered correctly (and he did, he didn’t spend so much time thinking and looking at Nico to not know perfectly well this sort of thing), his shift should have been over almost two hours ago. There was no way he was still at the kiosk.

And yet.

And yet Percy couldn’t help himself - he had arrived home, he had thrown his luggage on the floor, and then he was out of the door again, following the all too familiar path that led him to the beach.

He could feel himself vibrating out of his own skin, knew he probably had the most foolish smile painted on his lips; he was perfectly aware he had probably been smiling like that nonstop for the past three days.

And he really didn’t care one bit. Because Nico had asked about him.

When Annabeth had called him, she had sounded so excited that Percy had known right away it was important - she wasn’t the type to get excited for nothing, but to be perfectly honest, Percy had expected something like her favorite architect was going to finally give a lecture in her university or something; he had not be prepared for what she was about to tell him to make his world shift around its axis (dramatic, yes, but, again, Percy didn’t care).

“Oh my god, Seaweed brain, you might actually have a chance!”, is what she told him, and Percy had been too confused to do more than make a questioning sound in response.

“He asked about you!”, she continued. Percy could almost see her smile through the phone.

His heart leapt in his chest, but he willed it to calm down. Jumping to conclusion just to be disappointed after wouldn’t feel good. It didn’t work, his heart was already too far ahead, running.

“What are you talking about, Annabeth?”

“Your dream boy, Percy! The goth boy from the kiosk! Your Nico!”

And it was really all Percy could do to not let himself fall on the ground and let out a scream like a schoolgirl at her first crush.

“What do mean he asked about me? Annabeth, please, you’re gonna give me a stroke here”.

She laughed at him, but then finally did explain. 

Percy hadn’t stopped smiling since that conversation. Part of him had wanted to get on a plane and go back right then and there just to see Nico. It was so stupid, but what did it matter when it felt so good? Percy felt like he deserved to be stupidly happy about this when he had spent the past few months pining and hoping and dreaming about a boy he sort of wanted to gift the moon to. 

And so, here he was now, feeling like he was walking on a cloud instead of sand. It didn’t matter that Nico most probably wasn’t there, it still felt ridiculously good, because Percy would see him tomorrow anyway, and he couldn’t wait.

Nico had been worried about him, had asked about him. He cared about Percy enough to ask someone he didn’t even know if he was alright.

There was really no possible way to keep the happy smile off Percy’s lips.

The seaside air filled his lungs, and it only made his smile grow bigger. He still threw a glance at the kiosk - it was still open, but as Percy had expected, Nico wasn’t there.

Still smiling, he stopped to take off his shoes and started walking aimlessly around the shore. It always felt good, just walking on the beach, feeling the sand all around him.

He kept walking for a while, his mind inevitably pulled towards the same direction.

And so, when he saw the very object of his daydreams right before his eyes, his first thought was that his imagination was getting a little out of hand. He stopped, looked, blinked, and looked again, thinking his pipe dream would have disappeared. 

But no, it was still there. Still a little further away from where Percy was, but Percy would recognize him everywhere.

Nico was sitting on the shore, just a few feet away from the ocean, knees up and arms around them as he looked toward the horizon.

Percy’s heart lost a beat, stopped completely, then started running and running like it wanted to reach Nico as soon as possible.

He looked so incredibly ethereal in the low light of the dusk, Percy felt his breath get stuck in his throat. 

His feet started moving before he could realize it, and he started walking closer.

Nico had his hair down, and oh, Percy had never seen him with his hair down, he always had it tied up in a ponytail when he was working; it hit him, all at once, that this was the first time he saw him not behind a counter, the first time he could talk to him as just two people (friends? perhaps?) instead of a customer and a retail worker.

It felt important. A huge turning point, somehow.

Nico looked up when Percy was just a few feet away from him, before he could find the voice to greet him.

Their eyes met, and woah, yes, that definitely felt like a turning point.

Nico was looking at him like he was the last person he expected to see, eyes wide and lips parted in surprise. Percy forced himself not to stare, but it was difficult when really the one thing he wanted the most was to just stare and stare and bask in how pretty Nico was. 

“Ehi”, he said, finding his voice again before it started to get awkward. “Hi, Nico”.

A beat, when it seemed it was Nico’s turn to try and get his voice back.

“Percy- hi”.

Percy got closer, sat beside him - a proper, socially acceptable distance, even without a counter in between them. His heart was dancing like crazy in his chest.

“You’re back”, Nico said, then seemed to realize what he said and turned to look away, back at the ocean. “I mean- I didn’t expect to see you”.

He was so cute. Percy wanted to reach out and take his hand, to caress his cheek and feel if it was warm from the blush. Oh he wanted to kiss him so bad he was about to go crazy.

“Me neither”, Percy said. “I got back just a few hours ago, and then came here”. He licked his lips, debating on what to say. ”I missed the beach”.

I missed you, he wanted to say, but the words died on his lips. Now that would definitely be too much.

Nico looked back at him. Percy decided he could allow himself to be just a little daring.

“I’m happy I found you here though”, he said, and each one of his words was accompanied by a somersault done by his heart. He wondered if Nico could see what the smile on his lips meant.

Nico didn’t reply right away, but Percy could see the small smile that came up on his lips, and that helped just a little to calm down his frantic heart.

“Me too”, he said in the end, so low that his words threatened to be taken away by the sea breeze. Percy caught them though, and held them close.

This felt way too heavy to call it a simple crush.

Silence fell between them, and it wasn’t weird exactly, but it wasn’t comfortable either - it was the kind of silence where it’s clear both you and the other person are desperately trying to find something to say; something, possibly, that won’t make you want to bury yourself under the sand out of embarrassment after wording it out loud.

“What are you doing here, by the way?”, Percy ended up saying. “Hasn’t your shift ended like two hours ago?”

Nico looked at him, head tilted to the side in question. “You remember my shift hours?”

Oh, damn.

“Huh, well- I spend a lot of time here?”, Percy said, and it sounded way more like a question than a statement.

Nico laughed, shy and soft, and Percy thought that dying of embarrassment was worth it after all, if it got him that.

“So you know Jason’s shift hours too?”

“Who’s Jason?”

A moment of silence passed when Nico kept looking at Percy. Percy would have given everything to know what he was thinking.

He was ready to go and hide in the ocean when another soft laugh left Nico’s lips.

“Fine, I only remember yours”, Percy said in the end. Oh how he had missed flirting with Nico, how he had missed that pretty smile. 

He looked so good with his hair down, flowing lightly in the soft breeze, Percy wanted to bury his hand in it, wanted to find out what it felt like.

There was just something about Nico, something that made it impossible for Percy to look away, like he was caught in his gravitational field and he couldn’t escape even if he wanted, and he just kept being dragged closer and closer. He was caught in Nico’s orbit, a satellite to his planet.

Nico looked almost regal in the low light, sitting with his back straight as he went back to look at the ocean, a small smile still on his lips. Percy wouldn’t be too surprised to find out he had been a prince in another life.

“I like to just sit here on the beach for a while after I finish at work”, Nico said, cutting Percy’s wandering mind off. “It’s peaceful”.

“I thought you didn’t like the ocean”.

“I never said I don’t like it”, Nico replied, rolling his eyes at him. “I said I don’t like getting into the water. But I like looking at it”.

Percy hummed, thinking about it. “It’s so big - the ocean, I mean”, he said. “Sometimes, I feel like I wanna get lost in it”.

It was probably a weird thing to say; Percy wasn’t sure where the confession was coming from. Somehow, it came natural with Nico.

“Doesn’t it scare you?”

“Sometimes”, Percy replied. “But it’s a good kind of scared, I don’t know how to explain it”.

Once again, silence fell between them. This time though, it was different, a little lighter, a little more comfortable.

Percy let himself get lost in the feeling of being on the beach, of the sea air and salty scent filling his nose and lungs, mixed with the feeling of being so close to Nico, of the warmth he could almost feel coming from him, of his own heart pounding in his chest.

Before he could think about it too much, he got up, stretched a hand out to Nico.

“Come on”, he said.

Nico was looking at him confused, clear questions in his eyes. Maybe he was thinking that Percy was crazy. And, truth be told, Percy did feel just a little crazy at that moment.

“What?”

“Let’s go in the water”, Percy said. “Not much, just our legs- come on”.

Nico blinked up at him. Percy’s hand was still outstretched towards him.

“Our clothes will get wet”.

“Doesn’t matter, they’ll dry off”.

“It’s a stupid idea”.

“Yeah, but it’ll be nice, I promise”.

A beat, then Nico took his hand. They fit well together, Nico’s hand in Percy’s bigger one. Percy felt the urge to interlace their fingers. He managed to hold himself back, but even once Nico was up, he still didn’t let go.

Nico didn’t either, though, and the realization made Percy’s heart go even crazier than it already had.

He started walking backward, using their joined hands to pull Nico with him, closer and closer towards the water.

“Don’t worry, I’ll protect you”, he said. He was probably back to smiling like a fool, but what did it matter when Nico was looking at him like that, smiling softly back with a clear blush tinting his cheeks pink? Percy wouldn’t have been able to stop smiling even if he had wanted to.

“Idiot”, Nico murmured, and it sounded so fond, Percy felt his heart melt, merging with the water beneath their feet.

Nico hissed when the water touched his feet and Percy couldn’t help but laugh at him. The way he looked back at him with a frown on his face made him laugh a little more and think that he really, really wanted to kiss it away.

Still, Nico kept going willingly as Percy kept pulling him along, step after step, until the water reached almost up to their knees.

They still hadn’t let go of each other’s hand. Percy didn’t want to be the first one to let go; he hoped Nico was thinking the same thing.

“See, it feels nice, doesn’t it?”

Nico seemed to think about it a little. “It’s cold”.

“That’s not an answer, Nico”.

Again, Nico rolled his eyes at him. “I guess… it’s not that bad”.

“I’ll take that as a win”, Percy said, and laughed.

It really did feel so good, but it probably had more to do with the hand still held inside his than with the ocean itself. Percy could barely bring himself to focus on the water, all of his senses couldn’t feel anything but Nico, his skin against his, the soft look in his eyes and the pretty smile still in place on his lips.

“I will get to teach you how to surf, at some point”.

When Nico laughed, Percy could swear he could feel the sound in his soul. “Don’t get too ahead of yourself now”.

They stayed in the water for another few minutes, then went back to the shore. It was like a silent agreement when they let go of each other's hands, went to get their shoes, and started walking along the shore side by side.

Percy missed the contact already.

They were walking close, close enough that Percy could have easily reached out and took Nico’s hand again. 

“So”, he said, breaking the silence. “Annabeth told me you asked about me”.

Percy loved it when Nico blushed, he liked that it happened so easily. 

“Huh, Annabeth is your friend?”, Nico asked, and Percy nodded. “Yeah, huh. You usually come here pretty often, so when you didn’t come for a whole week, I… got worried, I guess”.

Percy could feel his heart swelling into his chest. 

“That’s nice of you”.

Nico just shrugged, like it was no big deal, like the thought of it hadn’t left Percy laying awake at night for three days straight.

Maybe, just maybe, he could be a little braver tonight.

“Mh, maybe-”, he started, then cleared his throat. “Maybe we could exchange numbers? You know, so you wouldn’t get worried again, you could just ask me. And I could do the same, if you didn’t come to work for some reason”.

Percy could feel each one of his heart’s beats in his ears, so loud he couldn’t hear the sound of the waves anymore.

Until Nico nodded. “Yeah, uhm, that’s a good idea- I’d like that”, he murmured, and took his phone out to hand it to Percy. Percy accepted it and gave him his own, like in a dream.

It felt like a hallucination, putting his number into Nico’s phone.

Now, his mind was all white noises and silent screaming, as they went back to walk, side by side. Percy held onto his phone like a newfound treasure.

When they reached the end of the beach, Percy wanted nothing more than to turn around and just do it all over again. Maybe he could will the time to slow down if he tried hard enough.

“This was nice”, he just said instead.

Nico nodded. “Yeah”, he said, with the prettiest smile on his lips. “See you tomorrow?”

“See you tomorrow”, Percy said back, even though he was sure he would also see him tonight in his dreams.

He waved Nico goodbye, and stayed there looking at him as he walked away.

Oh, this definitely felt way bigger than a crush.

[leviathansshadycorner]

Rope Him In ( Cato x District 10! Reader x slight! Marvel) Pt. 7

Summary: Interview

A/n: Sorry for any inconsistencies and spelling errors, enjoyyyyyy!

Pt.6Pt.5 Pt.4 Pt.3 Pt.2 Pt.1

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Chapter 7: Interview

The games were Tomorrow. Today was your last day of peace and possibly life. Most of the time today was supposed to be spent preparing for the interview, however, Dolly and Rasmey gave you two or three hours of bliss before having to prepare. 

You were positive Buckley was out in the rose garden with Dolly. It was only natural for him to want to be outside instead of cooped in like you. Ramsey had come in to check on you twice but eventually stopped when he assumed you were sleeping. In reality, you were crying. Crying the whole two hours mourning the fact that you’d never get to see the faces of your family again. 

You remembered Amaranto and how the two of you would’ve been having breakfast together at this time. Or how you would have packed your Pa a lunch to take to work. You thought about those Sunday afternoons spent sitting on the dry grass with a blanket, just the three of you talking about life and reminiscing about your mother, occasionally eating something special when they’d work overtime. 

You thought about the times you spent with Clarabell in the angry rivers, scared out of your mind that a peacekeeper would come and hurt you both, but having so much fun in the water that you forgot that they even existed in the first place. 

Your mind went to Buckley. It was crazy how you went from greeting each other in the morning at school to being with each other every day. He looked out of place in the Capitol, and so did you. It was odd seeing someone from home on the screen, but you guessed that’s how he felt about you too. The two of you had grown closer than you would have ever at home. That’s when you started realizing that you should’ve appreciated everything you had at home instead of slowly isolating yourself as you grew up. 

Wiping the snot from your nose you decided to get up and wash your face. The clock read 12, and that meant it was time for your mentors to get you interview-ready. The actual interview itself was to start at 6 pm. However, you still had to practice your speech and what you were going to say to several different questions. The whole point was to make you appealing to not only the sponsors but the Capitol as a whole. After all, the sooner the tributes get used to the Capitol’s mannerisms, the better the victor will adapt. 

“Alright, let's try this again.” It had been thirteen minutes and Pradain was still struggling to get you to sit up straight. 

“Come on, we started an hour ago, I’m sure they can learn how to sit up straight later. What’s important is that we get them to speak clearly and with charm.” Dolly protested as Pradain pressed a hand to your back to get you upright. 

Pradain’s outfit consisted of satin gloves, and a matching dress that towered to his ankles, his feet adorned with five-inch  platforms. It was beyond you how he had learned to walk in those. 

“Don’t be ridiculous Dolly, this is a must when it comes to Capitol mannerisms. Now up!” Groaning you forcefully sat up, your shoulders still drooping.

“Ah! See- I thought you were shaped weird, but you’re just not lifting your shoulders.” He clasped his hands onto them, bringing them up and fixing your head’s posture. “See? That wasn’t too bad. Now let’s do it again.” He instructed, 

You looked over at Buckley- who had a scarf tied around him and the chair, propping him up straight. “I think I got it.” The poor boy pleaded to be untied. 

“You stay. And you,” He pointed at you, “Up!” 

Ramsey rolled his eyes. “Alright well, I’m just gonna go ahead and start reading these questions. Ramsey was already dressed in his suit claiming that he didn’t want to put it on later, so he decided to put it on now. 

He shuffled through some cards with common interview questions. “Alright, Buck-o this one’s for you. How would you describe home?” 

Buckley perked up, “Easy- Home is-” 

“AH! This isn’t a test, it's an interview. Tell them why you like home, what makes it special. Start with, ‘Well, home to me is-’” Pradain scolded Buckley. 

“Right, ok.” He nodded and looked at Ramsey to reread the card. 

“How would you describe home?” You looked over at Dolly, your face bored and uninterested. She noticed it and ushered you to pay attention to Buckley, sitting up straight which reminded you to sit up as well. Your back was on fire, you always thought you had an okay posture, but only now knew that it was too forward leaning. 

“Home to me is..” He stopped to think, his nose twitching as he was lost in thought, “Home to me is the yellow sunset, the dirt on my boots after a long day of work, the voices of my siblings arguing over a small toy, the pretty girls fluttering their eyelashes at me, the way their hair falls on their shoulders, and how round their-” 

“Okay, no stop- you’re getting distracted.” You laughed at Buckley’s response, starting nicely but going off-topic. 

“Alright then, at least you’ll make them laugh. You’ve got a good voice too Buckley, nice start.” Dolly tried making the best of things. 

“Same Question for you (Y/n). How would you describe home?” Ramsey put the cards down, his tired eyes looking at you as he waited for your response. 

“Any time now.” Spoke up Pradain. 

“Home to me is…Home to me is.” There was about a three-second pause, “My Brother. My Pa. Our little house by the wheat fields, and the river that runs through 10.” It wasn’t much, but it’s all that could come to mind. 

“That’s a start.” Dolly smiled. 

“We need you to say more, and don’t be afraid to get emotional, the Capitol loves that. They eat it up.” Ramsey crossed his legs. “We’re gonna have a long day.” He sighed. 

4 pm came quicker than anticipated. In the period you’d been practicing you were able to learn to project your voice, and Buckley learned how to be quieter. The two of you learned some fancy words, though you doubted you’d use them in a genuine sentence. 

Sashay and the rest of the stylists waited for you down at the stylist quarters where you were ready to get replucked like a chicken. It didn’t hurt as much as the first time, but the stinging feeling was still there. After you got bathed, they began working on your hair. Its (H/c) color being amplified and made brighter as they put some chemicals on it. It smelled foul, far worse than the cow poop at home. 

Your nails were painted black and white, You mentally groaned knowing where this was going. When your hair was finally dried they worked to braid it, putting some turquoise accessories on you before handing you to Sashay. 

She smiled brightly at you and kissed your cheek, “My my don’t you look beautiful.” She complimented taking your hand and leading you to the hanger where a long sleek cow print dress hung. It looked to have fur on it, and you assumed it’d come from home. 

“You’re going to look amazing.” She said excitedly as she instructed you to take your robe off. Sashay herself was dressed in all black, contrasting with what Dolly was wearing- white. You assumed the whole theme surrounding 10 would be cow print, and you were right. She helped you put the dress on, making some adjustments while it was on you so it would hug your figure better. It draped down longer on one end, the other end having a slit and exposing much of your leg. Below you wore some high-heeled boots that you thought looked ridiculous, but Sashay seemed enamored by them. She adjusted a belt on your hips- also containing hints of turquoise, and finally a necklace on you, tying the look together. 

“Oh!” She sighed clasping her hands together, “(Y/n), when you go home I guarantee you every man will want your hand in marriage.” She cooed as she circled you. “Perfect, now all we need is makeup.” The lady sat you down for another hour and a half of makeup application. You liked Sashay, she was more level-headed than Pradain and had such eloquence to her, however, the mix of having to speak in front of millions, and the games being tomorrow was not settling in right. Ramsey had to ask Pradain for a pill that would calm down your stomach. 

Sashay was escorting you out to the backstage area where Dolly and Ramsey were waiting. Ramsey was wearing black, Pradain opting to wear white, both of them sticking to the theme Pradain and Sashay had planned. You looked around for Buckley but he was nowhere in sight. 

“Wow.” Ramsey let out a long whistle, “You do not look like yourself at all.” He said admiring Sashay’s work. 

“(Y/n), you look stunning.” Dolly’s mouth was agape as she went to hold your arm and observe you. Your hair had been taken out of the braids, leaving behind curls in its place. 

“I can’t walk in these.” You whispered to her frantically. You didn’t want to fall on stage, but that seemed like something that would happen in your near future. 

She laughed, her smokey eyes closing making it look like she had hollowed eyes, “It’ll be fine, just try not to think about it.” She assured you. 

The stage was light as people began to flood the venue. There were stagehands all over the place, getting things set and ready. More tributes flowed in, you shrank back when you realized how extra Sashay had been with your interview gown since the others looked to be more playful and simple. People kept staring at you as they walked in, and that was a bad thing in your book. Eventually, Buckley came in. His stylist next to him as they chatted about god knows what. When he spotted you he froze slightly, keeping his gaze on you as they made their way to the group.

His hair was slicked back, his face looking more square but in a good way. He had some makeup on, but it was only to even out his tone, his freckles had been redrawn over his real ones since the base of his makeup had covered them. He wore a black suit, with hints of cow print on the inner side and flaps that poked out towards the neck of the suit. His boots matched yours, and he had a belt as big as one of the screens on. The two of you looked like you ran some sort of Texan Casino. 

“(Y/n), You look beautiful.” He complimented, his hands taking yours as he made you spin. “I almost didn’t recognize you.”  He said light-heartedly. 

Buckley’s attention made you flustered and you felt the room get warmer, “I could say the same,” You smiled, “Have you seen your hair?” You asked carefully, poking his gel-held hair. 

“Alright well, we’ll be out in the front row. Look for us alright?” Sashay excused herself and Pradain, leaving the two of you with Dolly and Rasmey. 

“They’re gonna line you up again, two lines- boys and girls.” Ramsey explained, “There’s a screen back here so y’all can watch but don’t miss your cue alright?” He ordered. The two of you nodded. 

“(Y/n), remember what we went over alright?” Dolly caught your gaze. 

Previously you’d spent time with Dolly going over some things you could do to emphasize your image as the Capitol’s cowgirl. Dolly had instructed you to speak with more southern twang than usual, keep a smile and hospitable personality, and speak on the livestock and ‘ranch life’ back at home. All things that would make a District 10 resident roll their eyes, but a Capitol citizen clap and shout. Unfortunately for you, you knew that this whole act would blow up in your face. You wouldn’t get taken seriously by the tributes, and if the small chance of you winning existed, you’d have to keep up the stereotype. 

Your mentors left you to take their seats. There was about an hour until show time, and some makeup artists stuck back to touch up some of the tributes. You and Buckley paced around the backstage, practicing lines with each other, and working on pronunciation. You hadn’t even noticed that the careers had flowed in. Glimmer was wearing a pink poofy dress, far too short for her. The only thing that distracted from her body was her giant blonde hair that cascaded perfectly, but even then she wore body glitter that made her shine. Clove on the other hand wore an orange dress and a hairdo that puffed the top part of her hair up. The two looked at you and laughed, making it obvious that they were laughing at your gown. You couldn’t blame them though. You would’ve laughed at yourself too. Buckley defensively went to stand in front of you to block their view, but it didn’t do much since they’d have to walk past you anyway. 

Behind them came Marvel and Cato. Both their faces were serious as always as they discussed something about weapon quality. You paid no mind to them, knowing that if you did they’d find a way to cause a scene. You weren’t sure why you were their favorite tribute to a bug, but you blamed it all on your stunt on your first day here. As they walked closer Marvel patted Cato on his chest, and the taller male turned to look at where you were standing. 

“Damn, never knew the girls from District 10 could look like that,” Cato said as they walked past the two of you, pretending to be nonchalant although you knew he had purposely said it. 

“Nice dress 10,” Marvel said, eyeing you as he trailed behind Cato. The two of them shook their heads and laughed as they approached the front of the line. 

“If I were a career I think I’d go after those two first.” You told Buckley who gave you an amused smile. 

“If you were a career you’d be with them.” He corrected. It wasn’t far from the truth. In almost every game, the careers were quick to form alliances with each other, alienating the weak from the strong. 

“You ready for the spotlight?” Talking was something you’ve come to realize that you did when you were nervous. Your hand practically shook, and you wore a nervous smile on your face. It was involuntarily there, however as much as you tried you couldn’t get rid of it. 

“No.” His simple reply. “Not too thrilled about it.” He exhaled. He had been holding a straight posture, his shoulders up, turtling his neck. 

“They’ll love you.” You reassured, but it only made him smile, his nerves still present.

 “Just don’t want to be laughed at.” He mentioned. 

The lights were beginning to flicker, meaning that it would soon be time for the show to start. 

You thought about what he had said. “Trust me. No one’s going to laugh at you.” Dolly and you had trained for your interview. Everything you were instructed to say made you look like a country bumpkin. If anything Buckley would be District 10’s saving grace- and you its fool. 

“Wow. You look beautiful.” Came the voice of District 12’s Katniss. It sounded rehearsed, void of any emotion. The same went for the smile she threw at you. 

You returned it and bowed your head. “Please, you’re the one who deserves such praise.” You guessed she was only saying that because her mentors wanted her to make allies in the arena since her high score presented a problem. 

That was the entirety of the exchange. The stage managers lined everyone up in order of appearance, hushing them as the presentation started. Once again you found the insides of your palms to be sweaty. You tried everything to ease your beating heart, deep breaths, pinching yourself, thinking of other things. However, none of them got rid of the sensation in your stomach. You felt like throwing up. 

Up on the screen Caesar Flickerman’s silhouette appeared, his signature ponytail obnoxiously hanging from his head as he leaned back on the chair. His theme song played, the bass so loud you could feel the floor rumbling. Cheers from the crowd erupted. Buckley stood attentive, watching the screen with his hands on his belt, his stance wide to keep himself in balance. From where you stood you could see Marvel and Cato hyping each other up, Glimmer joining in to fix Cato’s neat suit. 

“Let’s bring her out!” It had been a good couple of minutes, though it seemed like seconds as Caesar called out for Glimmer. She was the first one to go. Leaving about 19 people ahead of you. You watched as her clear, shimmery dress bounced as she stepped onto the stage with a huge smile, waving to the crowd. Her hair effortlessly dropped into place, making her look all the more attractive. The crowds were loud. Your eardrums could only handle so much before you reached out to cover them. 

Eventually, it was Marvel’s turn. He seemed so confident in everything he said, you learned just how charismatic he could be. Clove went next, her interview only made you more cautious of her. Soon after it was Cato’s turn. Unlike Marvel, he gave off boisterous energy. Almost as if he was too good to be there. However, the crowd was eating it up. He ended his interview with a hollar and returned backstage. It was almost the two-hour mark, some interviews taking longer since he wanted to give the tributes who didn’t stand out some limelight. Eventually, it was your turn. 

The stage manager came back to look for you, their hand on your shoulder as they walked you up the stairs. You glanced back to catch the reassuring gaze of Buckley, but instead found Marvel’s. He gave you a wink as a token of good luck, and off you were. 

“Now I’m sure we all remember our next tribute from the tribute parade. I mean how could we forget after the thrilling act she performed!” Flickerman emphasized his words, stretching them at the appropriate time. 

A couple of ‘woos’ and whistles came from the crowd as the anticipation built up. “From district 10- (Y/n) Cuernos!” He announced your cue to cross the stage. The lights were extremely bright, you had to look down as you stepped onto the stage. The crowd cheered at your out-of-place attire, it being one of the most unique (and ridiculous) outfits of the night. Shyly you put on your best smile before catching a glimpse of Dolly in the crowd, making gestures for you to smile bigger. 

You cringed when you thought of your family back at home watching this. Saying a silent apology, it was as if a switch turned on in your brain. Suddenly, your teeth shone as you stretched your lips into a smile, fluttering the huge eyelashes your makeup team glued onto you. With a hand on your hip, the other one waving, you swayed like you saw glimmer doing, your dress’ fabric swishing in the gap your legs left as you strode. 

“(Y/n)! My, my, how you clean up!” Flickerman commented, standing to greet you. 

“Thank you, Caesar.” Your eye nearly twitched at the forced southern twang in your voice. It was a whole lot more than Buckley, who had a natural southern accent, you had close to nothing of an accent. Even when it did slip, it sounded nothing like this. “My stylist purtied me up didn’t they?” 

He looked to the crowd, “Indeed they did.” He motioned for you to sit. 

It helped that the stage lights practically blinded you. You could see that people were sitting in the stands, but you weren’t able to make out distinct features- save for the front row where the mentors sat. 

Remembering what Dolly had told you, you sat up straight, teeth-baring into a cheesy smile. 

“Did that print you’re wearing come from a cow you raised?” The presenter’s teeth glinted in the light as the crowd erupted in laughter, “Oh! ‘course not- just inspired by them.” You giggled back, hating yourself even more. Your heart was beating hoping the president would accept your performance. 

Flickerman adjusted himself in his seat, “Now, I was going to leave this question for last- but I just know the audience has been anticipating the answer, am I right?” He turned to the audience who were cheering blindly. 

Like a doll in a box you smiled stationary, waiting for him to ask the question, but of course, he needed to prolong it for suspense. “What was going through your mind when you rode that steed?” There were some woo’s from the crowd, and you watched yourself on the screen as they replayed the moment. That clip gave you an ego boost each time you saw it. Giggling a bit too nervously you shook your head. “Nothing.” That earned a laugh from the audience. “I just remember wanting to ride it- couldn’t help myself I guess.” You gave a small shrug. 

“What a wildflower this one is.” Caesar made some amused faces. 

The interview lasted for another couple of questions, he seemed to have a lot for you. He asked you about home life, your loved ones, Buckley, and about skills. You didn’t have as many questions as the careers, but it was more than District 8’s tributes who had the least. 

“And do you have a strategy to win the games?” His tone was more serious now. 

Here it was. Your closing line. The one that took you and Dolly two seconds to come up with, but would echo in the minds of the audience. 

“I’m from District 10. I’m a born and bred cowgirl. I have to win. ” 

Cato couldn't help but smirk at your response, crossing his arms and leaning on the wall, he watched with attentive eyes as your interview continued.

His open mouth smile followed by “woah woah woah!” made the stadium rumble. You smiled and waved out to the crowd, Dolly giving you a thumbs up. 

“That’s an ambitious statement! I love it!” He did a little kick, “Well, you go out there and rope them in (Y/n) Cuernos! District 10’s very own cowgirl!” 

If only you could see Cato’s pissed-off face next to Marvel’s smug one. 

As you walked backstage again you were greeted with a bone-crushing hug from your fellow tribute. “Hey, that was good! Though you were a little strong on the accent.” Buckley patted your back. 

“Yeah, I had no idea you had one.” Glimmer teased as she and the other careers leaned against the wall. “Stop trying to win them over, I’m already the Capitol’s sweetheart.” The tall girl crossed her arms, the jewels in her dress reflecting. 

Marvel came around you, making space between you and Buckley who knew better than to cause a scene. “Did they make you skin that cow yourself?” His fingers scraped the waist of your dress, he let out an “O” when he realized it was just fabric. 

Cato gave him a look, causing him to back off. “You have to win huh? How do you think you’re going to do that?” 

“Don’t worry about it.” You refused to look at him. 

“Oh, I’m not worried. You see if anyone should be worried about you.” He sneered, his gaze getting darker. “Save yourself the disappointment, enjoy your time in the Capitol, and accept your fate. I’m winning this one.” 

“As if.” Clove rolled her eyes. 

Buckley and you both stared down Cato. 

He snickered, “And don’t go around thinking your friend here is going to help you. If you’ve been doing your research you know that there’s no such thing as friends in the arena.” 

That irked Buckley, “So who’s to say your little posse won’t turn on you and gang up on you in the arena?” 

“Pft, then let’s hope they can outrun me.” His response made the careers shift uncomfortably.

“We knew what we were doing when we signed up.” Marvel spoke up,” It’s our job to ween off the weak ones, so the strongest can prevail.” He said looking at you. 

“So is that what Cato’s going to do to you?” You didn’t mean for it to be a comeback. It just came out that way. The careers looked pissed now, but a stage manager came just in time to lead them back to their mentors. 

“Watch it 10.” Cato’s wild grin didn’t deter you, you continued to stare him down.  

Just like that, your time at the Capitol was coming to an end.

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Tags: @randomgurl2326

[fandom-lover2]

Deep In The Woods, Something Lingers In The Trees

Chapter Three - Like Tarzan and Jane Do

Word Count - 3509

Chapter Two - Stranger Not Like Me

Chapter Four - A Troop Of Two

I yawned for the umpteenth time, barely awake as I slip out the front door, the mass rush of three people leaving at once doing nothing to wake me.

My mom asked something, probably about if she needs to fetch me from school or not, but I don’t hear and just waved her off. My step-father’s car rumbled to life, and my mother locked the door behind her, rushing past me to get to the car.

I yawned again, my eyes leaking water and I somehow make it down the stairs, despite not even looking.

I need a full night’s sleep, and soon. Ever since meeting that chimp in the forest three days ago, my dreams have been plagued by nightmares.

Sometimes, I hear a noise from downstairs and follow it, finding the thing sitting on our couch as if he was human, flipping through TV channels. He turns, and charges to attack me before I have a chance to scream. Other’s, it’s already in my room, watching me sleep.

I can’t do it anymore, the constant feeling that it’s still there, still watching me.

My parents drive off in their car, heading to the city to begin another Tuesday.

Closing the gate behind me, I begin my trek down the road to the school bus point. I shiver, despite it being a mid-spring day, and bundle my jacket closer around me. I can feel it’s eyes now, it’s too human eyes. I walk down the street, head down and ignoring all the people I pass.

We moved here three weeks ago. I’d lived in San Francisco since I was 4, in a small apartment in the city. My mom met her boyfriend a couple years ago, him having just moved into our building. They decided to move in together 4 months ago, and this was where they chose. The suburbs.

 From what I could tell, the people here were nice enough, not that I’d spoken to any of them or even left my room much since we moved, other than to go to the forest.

Wasn’t ever doing that again.

Things at home weren’t bad, but they were hard. I never grew up with a father, having moved away from him when I was 2. Now, at 16, I was supposed to just accept there was now a man in the house. A man who didn’t care about my opinion, didn’t listen when I asked him to do something that would be considered considerate, a man who yelled and had temper tantrums like a 3 year old because the TV wasn’t working right.

My room was comfortable, had a nice view of the street, and had a stock pile of food. I only needed to see any of them when I went to the bathroom or in the mornings when we got ready for school and work. And then of course our Muir Woods drives, but those were done in silence anyway, a compromise we made to keep my mom happy.

Reaching the bus stop, I pulled out my phone and scrolled through social media, not in the mood to interact with other kids. Maybe today I might manage to get a nap in during free period.

-----

I didn’t manage to get a nap during free period, because I didn’t get a free period.

Some idiot decided it’d be a fun idea to put a smoke bomb in the bathrooms. So after three hours of standing outside the school after we were all evacuated and the building cleared by the cops and bomb squad, we had to endure a two hour assembly, majority of which was spent with us sitting in silence when no one willingly gave themselves up and the staff had to check the security cameras.

But hey, less classes meant less homework, even if we did leave school later than normal.

The setting sun filtered through the trees that lined our streets, the golden light mixing with the still relative quiet of the afternoon and giving off a sense of calm.

I breathed deeply. Reaching my house, I have no idea why but I had the urge to turn, to look to the neighbours across from us.

Normal house, just like our own. I had never seen anyone come or leave the house, but did occasionally see an old man sitting on one of the chairs on the porch when I got home from school. I looked up, to the beautiful window for the attic that was shaped as a four point star. I sometimes caught sight of it as I prepared for bed, seeing a light on as if someone lived up there, yet never seeing a soul.

This time however, it wasn’t empty, and my heart dropped to my feet as I saw a face staring back at me.

A familiar, not human face.

Seeing I had noticed him, the chimp began to jump up and down, beating on the glass as he opened his mouth.

I couldn’t hear him, but I could imagine the noise he was making. He could break the glass, I thought.

And that was my only thought. Somehow I managed to get my key into the door, my hands trembling like leaves as I did. I slammed the door shut, making sure to lock it. Then, I backed away from the door, as if it had followed me, was right on the other side trying to get the door down.

No way! No fucking way! This couldn’t be happening. That thing couldn’t be living right here, our neighour!

No wonder I could still feel its eyes, it was always just right there.

What if my dreams hadn’t been dreams, but disjointed memories from when I was awake? What if it was getting in my room at night, in my house?

I ran upstairs, tripping many times in my haste. In my room, I rushed to my window, checking it was locked and tugging the frame to see if it would budge. It didn’t, securely locked shut.

 I made the mistake of glancing up. The ape was still at his window, once again getting all excited that I was looking at him.

I yanked my curtains closed, stepping back from my window as if it was seconds away from being demolished. I stumbled into the hallway, sliding down the wall out of sight out my closed curtains.

I tried to take deep breaths, tried to calm my racing heart. I cursed the tears that fell down my cheeks. God, why was I crying like a pathetic toddler all because I’d seen a monster in the window. I needed to get my shit together.

Eventually, my body stopped shaking, my heart beat steadily, my cheeks dried. I was ok. There was no way for it to get in. I was safe. As long as I didn’t look at that stupid window, and never left the house when that front door opened, I would be safe.

------

I didn’t get more than an hours sleep each night for the rest of the week. Every creak of the house, every rattle of a tree branch in the wind, it was the chimp coming to get me.

Most mornings, I waited for the very last second before my parents left, then darted out with them and ran like hell was chasing me till I was at the bus stop. I opted to stay at school, waiting for them to fetch me so I wasn’t walking home alone.

I never once looked up at the window, despite now being able to hear when it pounded against the glass.

I was on edge constantly, jumping at every sound, always watching the windows and door. By Thursday, my mother noticed something was wrong, and on Friday morning her boyfriend surprised me by suggesting I stay home, saying I really didn’t look well enough for school.

Obliging, I had crawled back into bed, eyes locked on my curtains. They had stayed closed since Tuesday, and I’d rarely taken my eyes off them since.

I heard my parents leave, shutting the door behind them and heard the car drive off. Now I was alone. Completely and utterly alone.

Maybe this was what it was waiting for, no witnesses, no aid. Just me to die alone.

Crap, I should have gone to school.

I slipped from my bed, grabbing my laptop and opening my google tabs. My last three days of terror had led to me becoming an expert in chimpanzees. I researched every aspect of them, their behaviour. If I needed to find a way to win in a fight against them, I needed to know all I could.

With my research, I had found even more disturbing stories of pet chimps turning on their owners, gruesome tales of noses and ears being ripped off.

I was so right to fear it. And yet, no matter how much I searched, there was never once a record of a chimp being able to learn guitar. Or any musical instrument.

Yes, they had intelligence. They used tools in the wild, could be taught basic tricks at zoos and in circuses. But that level of intelligence, it hadn’t been recorded.

Something was different about that ape I met in the woods, something in way he’d seemed so much more human than the rest.

Not in looks, in the way he acted. He’d looked at me as if he understood things, as if watching an equal.

His eyes, that had been the most unsettling, because they had been so much like ours.

I clicked through my open tabs, rereading articles and wiki pages I’d read over before.

I couldn’t keep doing this, living in fear of what was going to happen next. 6 days since I met him, 3 since I found out he was living 10 feet from me, and nothing had changed. I couldn’t live like this. I needed to do something.

Rising from my desk, I marched out my room and rushed down the stairs. Grabbing my keys from the door, I left my house and bounded down the porch stairs.

Something needed to change.

I kept my eyes down, focused on the space ahead of me. I opened the gate, hounded up the stairs, and knocked on the door before my mind could catch up with what the hell I was doing.

‘Why the fuck am I knocking on their door!?’ I screamed to myself, my legs going weak as I heard movement inside the house.

‘Exposure therapy.’ somewhere inside me answered.

I didn’t have time to back out, because the front door opened, revealing a woman.

She was wearing scrubs, and seemed to be getting ready to head out the door herself. I froze, staring up at the woman.

“Hello.” she greeted, her Indian accent detectable.

“Can I help you?”

My legs almost buckled as I heard the familiar (part of my research included the sounds they made) screeching of the chimp as he hurried down from the attic.

“Caesar!” a man’s voice called after him, the same one from the woods.

The woman turned, partially closing the door as she stepped inside again. The chimp some panting sounds, mixed with some hooting, and then there was the sound of footsteps coming towards me and the door opened again, revealing the man. He seemed surprised to see me.

“You?” he started.

 “Hi. I live over there, and I saw him in the window the other day and I’m really scared of chimpanzees, actually all apes and monkeys, and anyway I’ve been really freaking out the last few days but I’ve finally reached my limit and decided that if I meet him then maybe I’ll stop being scared.” I sucked in a deep breath of air, having said all that in one go.

The two humans looked at me in shock, then glanced to one another.

“Come on in.” the man decided, stepping aside and opening the door further.

And there he was.

He was crouch down on all fours, looking at me as if I was the most amazing thing. He opened his mouth, again with the strange smile that was marred by his deathly teeth, as he grunted and panted.

I swallowed, forcing my mouth to stop being so dry, and unclenched my fists. My legs had locked up, so it took some convincing to get them to step forward into the house. With each step I took, the chimp got more and more excited.

A third human emerged behind the chimp, an elderly man with grey hair and glasses.

“Oh. Hello.” he greeted with a kind smile.

I didn’t take my eyes off the chimp to acknowledge him. I knew not to keep eye contact, but when our eyes met, I didn’t feel the need to look away, the all-encompassing fear that would come from locking eyes with this creature.

The chimp, sensing my hesitance, stopped moving around as much, stopped hopping up and down.

I stepped into their house, the chimp on one end of the hallway that led to the kitchen, and me a few paces from the exit. Behind me, I heard the woman say something, and then call out goodbyes to the people in the house, but I couldn’t move.

I stared at him, his black fur that looked coarse and soft at the same time, his face almost human coloured, yet nowhere near human shaped.

And his eyes. That’s why he’d been so different, so human. His eyes were green, rimmed by a bright ring of gold.

And they watched me, analyzed me, learned me.

Still crouched, the ape offered his hand as he had before, palm up. This time, he did not bow his head, keeping his eyes locked on mine.

I took a step forward, and then another, and then another. Finally, I was before him. We looked at one another, neither moving except for our chest rising and falling. My heart beat pounded in my ears, blood rushing throughout my body, making it feel hot despite me shivering.

My arm felt like lead as I slowly raised it, keeping my gaze on him, making sure he wouldn’t suddenly move to bite me. He stayed crouched, beneath me, looking up at me as I moved my shaking hand.

Taking a shaky breath, I dropped my palm to his own.

For starters, his hand was warm, a stark difference against my cold one. And so rough. I mean, his hand looked rough already, but it actually felt rough. Yet still so smooth and soft, like a human’s. In fact, it was so much like a human’s it was unnerving.

His fingers were more bulky than a human’s though, pads more rounded and finger’s themselves longer. It was like his finger’s had muscle, which they probably did since, you know, he climbs trees.

His hand was so much larger than a human’s though, palm wider and finger’s more spread out. Still, rough.

I watched our hands connect, marveling in the contrast of textures as I rubbed my hand against his own.

It was incredible.

My eyes flicked back to his face, finding an almost matching look of intrigue as we studied one another.

Slowly, so I understood what he was doing, the ape began to rise. Instincts made me want to step back, but he closed his hand around my own. Not harshly or firmly, gently holding my hand in his grasp, a reminder that I was safe, that I didn’t need to be afraid.

Before, when he was closer to the ground, I felt as though I had some control over our situation. Now, the ape stood as if human and he dwarfed me.

Not in size per say, but in aura. Granted, his eyes were a few inches taller than my own and his shoulders wider than my own, but all that meant nothing in the way he managed to command the attention of all in the room.

His eyes were still so inquisitive, but it was like he knew what effect he had, looking down at me as if waiting for me to do something. Still, his hulking form showed no sign of ill-intent.

Our hands, still connected, my tiny one wrapped up securely in his own. He wasn’t something to be scared of, something to fear. He was just like me, young and curious of the world around him, innocent and happy.

There was something in him, something that made him more than he appeared. Something that made him… not ape. He was amazing. I smiled up at him, and he smiled back. A human smile. “Hello Caesar.”

-----

At the mention of his name, Caesar opened his mouth further and did the ape-ish grinning again, dropping my hand and crouching on the ground. Then, he began into the house, making it a few steps of his apely walk before turning and rushing back to me, signing.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know sign.”

Caesar turned to the younger of the men then, repeating the signs while he grunted.

“No Caesar, she can’t.” he replied, coming to stand beside me.

I looked over to him.

“He wants to show you his room.” he explained.

Briefly my heart jumped in my throat. This was just supposed to be me getting over my fears, not a playdate.

“Oh, let the kids go.” the older man groused, stepping further into the hall to join us. “Caesar needs a friend anyway.”

 Hold up, I didn’t agree to this friend thing.

I looked down to Caesar again, and he was practically vibrating in an effort to stay still, once again holding out his hand for me to take. Who the hell was I kidding, the second I saw him as more than an ape I knew I would want to spent more time with him.

I slipped my hand into his own, and barely had a chance to say anything before he dragged me off further into his house.

“We’ll bring you some snacks!” the elder man called out as Caesar rushed me to a flight of twisted stairs, leading to the second floor of the house.

Once there, I found the staircase to the attic open and waiting. Caesar released my hand and went first, barely using the stairs as he swung up into his room. Then, he stuck his hand down, waiting for me.

I took the first three steps, then took his hand expecting him to just guide me. No, he used one hand to take my entire weight and pulled me up the rest of the way. One arm!

Did he know he was supposed to be showing me I shouldn’t be afraid of him?

His room was… as you’d expect for a toddler going into childhood.

It was clustered, toys and piles of books everywhere. The walls were painted blue, with cartoon baby animal wallpaper stuck to the wood in some places.

Everything was so vibrant and colourful, the carpets looking like a clown had thrown up on them. A piano sat tucked in one corner of the room, my guitar leant up against it. On a desk, three puzzles being built at once, each over 200 pieces, and a chess board. Secured to the beams above, at least four different types of climbing ropes or swings for him to use.

And he did just that, grabbing ahold of one to hoist himself over his bed and land at his window. He pointed out of it, then back to me, then the window again.

I followed him, mindful to step around piles of what was treasure to him but junk to me. When I got close, he pointed again and I looked out.

There, perfectly visible, my closed curtains.

“Yeah, that’s my house. My room.”

Caesar then turned to face me, and made a gesture with his hands. He repeated the gesture, then pointed across the street again.

I raised my hands, copying what he’d done. It was as if making a box with your hands.

Caesar nodded, then did the action again, and gestured around us. I knew it wasn’t the sign for home. “Room?” I guessed.

Caesar went crazy, hooting hysterically as he leapt off the bench beneath the window and rushed around the room, cheering as he went.

I laughed nervously as he crashed around. “I’m not entirely sure what is happening but ok.”

Caesar landed by me again, still very enthusiastic, and made the sign again. I copied once more, saying “room” as I did.

Caesar nodded, then looped off and came back holding a book. I sat at the bench, and he jumped up beside me. Placing the book down, he pointed to it, then made a gesture with his hands that mimicked opening a book.

“Book.” I spoke, doing the action with him.

He got elated again, jumping up and down before rushing off to find something else to show me.

 And holy shit, a chimpanzee was teaching me sign language.

[loquaciousquark]

I see @eponymous-rose doing these sometimes and I've always thought it was so much fun, so here's a Day in the Life of a clinical Associate Professor™. For reference, I've been seeing patients & teaching at my current university since finishing my residency almost a decade (!!!!!) ago.

9:30 - 10:00 - Precious precious office hours, spent answering emails from students, colleagues, and a guest speaker from a national organization I'm trying to coordinate an event for in two weeks. Everything's lined up except the venue (all our regular lecture halls are booked), and of course we discover this just outside his window to refund his airline tickets. Rats.

10:00 - 12:00 - Clinical lab! I'm coursemaster for two complex lecture/lab courses in the spring (protip: never let admin do this to you), so right now I spend most of my week in the classroom. Friday AMs are my advanced procedures lab, & today the students are doing intradermal and subcutaneous injections of the forearm and eyelid. This course can be really scary for them, so I go to a lot of effort to get them mentally and emotionally prepped, practicing approach and needle manipulation, etc. All of them do wonderfully, and even after cleanup and taking the biohazard bag down to disposal, I'm out on time.

12:00-1:00 - Guest faculty candidate lecture! Our full-time faculty has been down by about five people for a few years, and we also have three more of our remaining full-timers out on medical leave until late February, so we are hurting for help. This applicant gives a phenomenal talk on diversity and optometric scope across the several continents she's taught in over the last twenty years. It's an extraordinary talk and I honestly learn more geography than I expected.

1:00 - 2:30 - Lecture! Advanced procedures lecture to the third-year class, usually the only barrier between them and their weekend. I really like today's lecture and it goes well, and even the chronic dozers in the side seats stay awake.

2:30 - 2:45 - Intended to be an interview/tour with the faculty applicant, except here comes the first wrench. Just as she gets to my office, the colleague delivering the speaker lets me know she's having tech trouble with her Zoom-in guest lecturer and also there's a very upset student in the hall outside the classroom. I go down with her right away; student is okay, just got some very bad news, and when I'm sure they're settled with their friends & support system I help the colleague with the tech.

2:45-3:10 - Tour finally happens! The students we encounter are chipper and cheerful (not always the case in practical season!).

3:10-4:00 - Meeting with my clinic coordinator to prep for next week's practicals. My other big course this semester caps with a high-stakes clinical entrance exam; in essence, the students must perform a complete, independent eye examination from start to finish, and they can't enter clinic with "real" patients until they pass. The setup & scheduling for this practical (which runs over three weeks) is probably the most complicated logistical nightmare of my year. However, my coordinator is amazing, and within the hour she has a detailed list of both her tasks and mine and will report back as each prep step is done.

4:00-5:00 - Desperately trying to finish this schedule, answer my most urgent calls from patients, and finish some time-sensitive grading. Another colleague comes by and asks what I thought of the guest speaker, and when I say I didn't get much time in my interview with her, she suggests I tag along to the faculty dinner with her tonight at 5:45. A fantastic idea! I'll just wear what I have on, yeah?

The faculty dinner is at a five-star steakhouse. I'm wearing scrubs and a pullover.

It's okay, I have time to make it home and change! I can make it!

5:15 - I accidentally overwrite 90% of my completed schedule with an old, mostly blank copy, and don't realize it until after saving multiple times (I was on a different tab in the spreadsheet).

5:15 - 5:45 - Meticulously recreate the schedule as quickly as I can. I've already emailed out some assignments to the students, so I can't start over from scratch (which would have honestly been faster). Finally finish & send out the details to needed parties.

5:45 - 6:35 - race home, feed the dog, change into slacks and my favorite blazer, race out to the steakhouse.

6:35 - 8:30 - I arrive just before the salads come out, hallelujah! I have the best steak I've ever eaten in my life, as well as have a fantastic conversation with the candidate and the other faculty. The time honestly flies by, and when I realize what time it is I'm feeling very guilty about leaving the dog. Still, I'm sure she'll be a fantastic fit for the program, and it's honestly a relief to have my questions about some of her experience answered.

8:50 - home at last, at last!

8:51 - I discover my fly has been unzipped all night.

8:52 - 9:00 - I indulge in paroxysms of shame until I rationalize that the restaurant was incredibly dim, I was sitting the whole time, and my undies are also black. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine.

9:00 - now - hot bath, a book of poetry, and a double bourbon. After today, I feel like I've earned it.

[stein-is-sleepy]

stay strong for me, okay? (wc. 1k)

you and nanami have been in a healthy relationship for three years now. some fights here and there but nothing too bad. it was april 7th, 12:34 am. you have been waiting for nanami in his office, being his secretary after all. you needed him to sign some documents for a couple clients. the phone by his desk rang, the sound was annoying so you picked it up. to your surprise, it was for you. "hello? is this Y/N?" the caller spoke, in a slightly worried tone. "yes, this is Y/N speaking." you wondered why the tone of the caller was like that. gloomy and down. "you're dating nanami kento, correct?" "yes, I am his girlfriend." you were starting to get worried, the caller taking a deep breath before speaking again. "he's in a car accident. at the hospital right now. he's breathing but he hasn't woken up in around 3 hours since the crash. I'm his nurse, he's in room 17-A, third floor at the 'Tokyo Saiseikai Central Hospital'." "okay, thank you." you hung up the phone, quickly gathering your things as you headed down into the parking lot. once you got inside, a few thoughts wondered into your head. 'is he okay?' 'will he be okay?' 'stupid fucking nurse, telling me almost three hours later.' ' how did she know what number to call and who his girlfriend was?' it was like a waterfall of stress and emotions.

april 7th, 12:52 am.

you had arrived at the hospital around 10 minutes ago, in the exact room nanami was in. you sat next to him on a table, holding his hand as you watch his chest rize and fall. the nurse you had talked to came in the door. "hello, ms. Y/N. i'm nurse yumi. nanami's alright, his blood signals are fine but--" once she said but too many thoughts went into your head. a mix of emotions and anxiety drowned you. 'but?' 'why but?' 'i thought he was fine?' 'why?', 'why?, 'why?'. "--he has a brain tumor. possibly fatal. it's only minor for now, we're going to have a surgery later, around 4:30. only close family can watch or stay." you didn't even realize it but tears were running down your cheek. your grip on nanami's hand only tightened. no words came out of your mouth. no thoughts came into your head. nothing. just the pure thought of the man you loved, dying.

june 29th, 2:05 pm.

it had been two months since you first came into this hospital. the first few weeks of being there, you slept beside him, wrapping his arms around you to stimulate the times he held you close. most of the time he was unconscious but when he was, the two of you always talked about what you wanted to do once he was okay again. how he wanted you to carry his child, how he wanted to marry you in, how he'd propose, how he'd break the news to his family, your family. today, you were in a chair, sitting beside him. that was how you spent most of your days. you never left him. no, never. his birthday was less than a week from now so you wanted to ask him what he wanted to do for his birthday. "nanami, what do you want to do for your birthday? any wishes?" you asked, your eyes as soft as clouds, your voice like honey. "i want all the curses in the world yo be gone." god, his voice and the way he looked at you was like heaven. heaven in a man. heaven in a person. "another wish. one that's possible." "well, i don't know. i'm already with the best thing a man could ever ask for so i'll think about it." "think about it long and hard for me, okay?" "anything for you." the way he spoke to you made you get butterflies in your stomach even though you've been with him for such a long time.

july 2nd, 11:37 pm.

you were with nanami again. his brain tumor just getting worse. tomorrow would be his birthday. the day he would hopefully be granted out of the stupid hospital. you decided to ask him what his wish was again. "nanami, what's your wish for your birthday? your doctor said you could probably get out tomorrow." "i want to marry you. i want you to have our kids. to be the greatest mother in the world. the best wife anyone could ask for." "i promise we'll get married as soon as you get out." "you better keep that promise." "i will." nanami had a letter on his night stand. you wondered if it was even a letter. i might've just been some random letter the doctors left. "you need some sleep. i'll stay with you." nanami pressed the back of your head against his chest. pressing a small kiss on your forehead. he nodded then closed his eyes. his hand was intertwined with yours, slowly falling asleep. you were still awake though. just staying with him for the most. then, he squeezed your hand three times before his grip suddenly went away on your hand. that was when you fell asleep.

july 3rd, 3:04 pm.

nanami kento died on july 3rd, 4:56 am. a day before his 28th birthday. it was his around an hour after his funeral, you were just sitting by his grave, the tears slowly falling down on your cheek. then, his nurse gave you the letter on his nightstand. it was for you. you opened it, finding out was his last wish was.

'my dearest, Y/N,'

'i'm sorry left you alone. i'm sorry we never got married. the truth is, i want you to be happy. to love even when i'm gone. i want to see your pretty smile looking up at me. don't cry at my funeral, okay? i know it's hard not to but stay strong for me, okay? i won't be here anymore but i want you to know i'll always love you. i love you.'

(an: this is heavily inspired by oikawa's last wish on ao3. this is also my first angst work so im sorry if it seemed rushed or bad. i hope you had a good cry!)

[ryqoshay]

How to Handle a Nico: All My Sanity's Gone

Primary Pairing: NicoMaki Words: ~4.1k Rating: T? Time Frame: Late in Maki’s college career and early in Nico’s idol producer career Story Arc: Stand Alone Set: Love Me When I Don't HtHaN: All My Sanity's Gone HL: Put You Through Hell

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Author's Note: Finally got around to finishing this one, after having started it over two years ago...

Summary: Nico is ready to celebrate Egao Jōshō getting a central office, but things don't go as planned.

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Nico stood up and stretched before rubbing her back. She’d spent most of the last hour assembling the office chair she would be sitting in for the foreseeable future. She spun the seat and smiled, satisfied with the result. Finally, she pulled out her phone and snapped a selfie in front of her new desk setup.

“Hey, Tsubasa, Hanayo!” Nico called as she exited her office. “You guys need any help finishing up?”

“I think your timing is perfect.” Tsubasa replied, stepping out of her own office.

“Almost done.” Hanayo’s voice came from one of several cubicles. Before the other two women could make it over, her head popped up over the partition. “Done.” She announced with a smile.

Tsubasa yawned. “Shall we head out then?”

“One more pic.” Nico said. “Let’s get one with all three of us.”

“Maybe outside?” Hanayo suggested. “By our temporary sign?”

“Great idea.” Nico agreed before leading the way toward the front door.

“Give the phone to Hanayo.” Tsubasa suggested as the three gathered by their sign. “She has longer arms.”

Nico grumbled a cruse while ignoring the smug glance it earned before holding out her phone. “There.” She said, snapping the shot. “I think that’s perfect.”

“Alright,” Tsubasa said, leading the way to her car “let’s get you two home. We have an early morning tomorrow.”

The other two women agreed and got in the vehicle. As Tsubasa started driving, Nico pulled up the company’s social account and started typing.

We finally did it!

She typed.

Egao Jōshō officially has a central office!

1/?

No more renting rehearsal space in one place and needing to take a train to get to the rented recording area. Our idols can stay in one place now.

2/?

No more working from the kitchen table or living room couch for me. Maki-chan has been very patient in putting up with my mess.

3/?

And I hear Rin and Honoka have put up well enough with Hanayo and Tsubasa. But no more! We have offices! And room to hire more staff!

4/?

Thank you everyone for your support over these last few months! We look forward to seeing everyone at the ribbon cutting ceremony tomorrow!

5/5

Nico uploaded several pictures she had taken over the course of the day, attached them to the messages and posted everything. She smiled as Likes began to register and the first few comments appeared.

“You took some good pictures today, Nico-chan.” Hanayo said from the back seat, apparently having received notification of the posts. “Looks like everyone is excited for tomor… oh…”

Nico checked her phone and grimaced. Apparently, even after all these months, she still had adamant detractors. “Trolls gonna troll, I guess.” She said with a sigh.

“Don’t feed the trolls.” Tsubasa said, not taking her eyes off the road.

“Yeah…” Nico agreed as a few memories popped up in her mind of her own time trolling the comments sections of the fledging group known as µ’s.

The rest of the drive passed quietly. Hanayo was dropped off first as she lived closer. Nico thanked Tsubasa for the ride when they reached her house. Finally, she headed inside to see what Maki had ordered for them since she hadn’t been able to get home in time to cook.

----------

Maki smiled as she listened to her girlfriend prattle on about the plans she had for her company’s new location. After watching Nico overwork herself these last few weeks, it was nice seeing her excited and smiling again. As she stopped at a red light, she allowed herself a moment to turn her gaze to the passenger seat and soak in a bit of the energy Nico was giving off.

On green, she returned her attention to the road, but her thoughts continued to focus on Nico. Her stubborn girlfriend needed to learn to delegate if she was going to survive managing a business. Maki knew all too well how much Nico insisted on doing herself, one of many examples being her constant rebuffs of Maki’s offer to hire cleaners for the apartment.

Of course, this wasn’t to say that Maki herself was any better. She knew she would have to hone her own delegation skills if she was to take over the Nishikino hospital at some point.

“Oh…”

The sound of Nico’s choked gasp snapped Maki back to reality and she glanced in the general direction of the building they were now approaching. Oh…

Maki pulled to the curb and barely had the vehicle in Park before Nico was out the door.

“Nico-chan!” Maki called, striding after her girlfriend before reaching out to grab her shoulder. “Wait!”

Nico stopped.

“Nico-chan?”

Maki noticed the raven-haired woman’s legs were shaking.

“Woah… hey…” Maki reached out to awkwardly catch Nico before she collapsed. “Nico-chan… uhm…”

Her mind scrambled for something. Anything. Eventually, she settled on shifting her hold and guiding Nico back to the car and had her lean against it. She kept her arm around Nico’s waist to help keep her steady. For a moment she wondered if it would be better to have Nico sit back down in the passenger seat, but at this point, that would mean moving her aside to open the door. This was good enough for now, Maki thought to herself, pulling Nico closer. Maybe… Hopefully…

With that issue addressed, Maki finally turned her attention to the scene before them.

The storefront of the new Egao Jōshō central office was destroyed.

Broken glass was everywhere, scattered across the sidewalk outside as well as the floors inside. Graffiti had been sprayed across the non-glass surfaces, spelling out various vulgar insults and derogatory terms. The chairs in the reception area were strewn about and the desk showed signs of damage. Maki couldn’t see a computer monitor and assumed if it wasn’t lying smashed on the floor somewhere, it had been stolen. The rest of the office couldn’t be seen from the street, but the damage was likely similar within.

Maki started reaching for her phone to call the authorities when…

“It’s my fault…” The words fell from Nico’s lips like icicles from a winter rooftop.

“What?” Maki paused with her phone halfway up.

“This is all my fault…”

“Nico-chan, what are you talking about?”

“Don’t you see?” Nico looked up with tears threatening to spill from her eyes.

“No. I don’t. How is any of this…”

“I fed the trolls.”

“You… what?” Maki tried to remember the last time someone had mentioned the term.

“I knew better. Tsubasa even reminded us not to and yet…” Nico’s voice seemed to die in her throat as the first tear finally slid down her cheek.

Maki turned and pulled Nico into a tight embrace. “It’s not your fault.” She said quietly.

“But…”

“It’s not your fault.” Maki repeated, a bit firmer than she intended. “Nothing you could say online could possibly warrant this.”

Nico’s response was buried in Maki’s shoulder before her whole body convulsed in a sizable sob.

The sound of a vehicle pulling to a stop behind Maki’s car caught her attention. She turned her head to see Tsubasa stepping out of the driver’s side, her jaw clenched and her eyes as hard as emeralds. Hanayo was slower in exiting the passenger side with a hand over her mouth and tears already falling.

“I’m calling the police now.” Maki said, hitting Send on her phone before finally putting it to her ear.

Tsubasa nodded solemnly before standing and staring silently at the scene, obviously still processing the situation.

“Officers are on their way.” Maki announced after a couple minutes before scrolling through her contacts.

“Who are you calling now?” Tsubasa asked.

“Hikoya-san.” Maki responded.

The other woman nodded again as she recognized the name of the lawyer whose firm had helped in writing the contracts for Egao’s investors, as well as getting the company properly incorporated and in good legal standing.

“I’ll have him send an associate over to speak to the authorities on our behalf.” Maki explained. “They can then start dealing with insurance; I’ll email them the receipts of everything purchased for proof of inventory.”

“Sounds like a good plan.” Tsubasa nodded again. “Thank you, Maki-chan.” She turned to Hanayo. “Shall we start cleaning up?”

“Wait!” Maki spoke up. “Hello, yes, it’s me, Maki. I’m terribly sorry, but one moment.” She slid a thumb over the mic. “We can’t do anything until the authorities have written up their report and we have sent all the necessary information to insurance.” She returned her attention to the call.

Tsubasa and Hanayo stood in an uncomfortable quiet as Maki explained the situation to the firm’s employee on the other end of the line.

“Sorry about that.” Maki said, hanging up again.

“No, it’s fine.” Tsubasa shook her head. “You’re right. We shouldn’t do anything to jeopardize our insurance claim.”

“So, what do we do?” Nico suddenly asked, pushing away a little, but not completely out of Maki’s embrace before looking up at her.

“Right now? Not much.” Maki admitted. “You three could probably just go home…”

“What?” Nico’s brow furrowed.

“Although I suppose someone should probably get online soon to inform everyone that we will have to cancel the…”

“Like hell.”

“Uweh?”

“We’re not cancelling the opening.” Nico’s voice hardened.

“Yes, sorry, not cancelling, just postponing…”

“We’ll get this mess cleaned up and we’ll do the ceremony after.”

“Nico-chan…”

“You don’t think we can?” Heat began to rise in Nico’s voice as she detached herself fully from Maki.

“We don’t even know the extent of the damage yet.”

“Of course not. That’s why we go in and start cleaning.”

“But we can’t do that yet.” Maki was starting to get frustrated as well. “That’s why I said you should go home for now.”

“And what about you?”

“I’ll stay so someone is here when the police arrive.”

“Alone? What if the jackasses who did this come back?”

“They won’t.”

“How do you know?”

“This is a coward’s attack. They couldn’t bring themselves to confront you in person, so they went after your stuff under the cover of darkness. But now it’s morning. It’s light out and there’s more traffic.” Maki motioned to the general area around them. “Other shops are starting to open up. There are more people around. I’ll be fine.”

“I’m staying here.” Nico stomped her foot a little to emphasize her point.

“That’s fine, I guess.” Maki conceded. “I just thought that since you three were so emotionally invested that you might want…”

“Damn right I’m emotionally invested!” Nico exploded. Unable to step back from Maki due to her position leaning against the car, she pushed her girlfriend away instead. “I’ve poured blood, sweat and tears into this place for months. Literally and figuratively.”

“Yes, exactly.”

“Exactly what?” Nico demanded.

“You’re too emotionally invested.”

“That’s what I just said!” Nico waved an arm to accent her statement.

“Fine.” Maki crossed her arms. “Do whatever you want. Stay or go. I don’t care.”

Although she regretted her words as soon as they left her lips, Maki could tell by Nico’s expression that it was too late.

“Fine.” Nico spat. “You don’t want me here. I’m leaving.”

Nico stomped around the still running car and dropped into the driver seat. She slammed the door, backed away from the curb, and sped off.

“We’ll go after her.” Hanayo said solemnly.

“I’m sorry.” Maki said, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“Don’t apologize to us.” Tsubasa replied, placing a hand on the younger woman’s shoulder. “Call us when the police and insurance company have everything they need. We’ll come back and start cleaning up this mess.”

“Alright.” Maki nodded. “Say, uhm… I don’t know if Nico-chan is actually going home. But I know of a couple places she might go instead if you don’t find here there.”

“I know some places as well.” Hanayo agreed.

“As do I.” Tsubasa added as she opened the driver’s side door of her car. “We’ll see you in a little bit.”

Maki waved at her two friends before unlocking her phone. There were still several calls she needed to make and messages to send.

----------

“Uhm… Nishikino-san?”

A voice caught Maki’s attention as she watched the officers move through the building taking pictures, followed closely by the associate sent by Hikoya’s firm. She turned to find a small group of young men gathering near her. It was hard to miss the buttons and other memorabilia they were wearing, designating them as fans of Nico and A-RISE.

“I’m sorry.” Maki resisted sighing. She figured some people wouldn’t get the notifications in time. “But today’s event has been cancelled. We’ll send out an announcement when we’re able to reschedule.”

“We know.” One of the men nodded. “We came to see if there was anything we could do to help.”

Oh. Maki had to admit she hadn’t considered that possibility. Still, “I’m not sure…”

“I know how to remove graffiti.” One of the other men offered. “I did a lot of paint removal at my old job.”

“Say, isn’t there a hardware store a few blocks down that rents out equipment?” Another offered.

“There is.” Still another confirmed, already typing away at his phone.

“I’m sure you’re probably having professionals coming later” the first one spoke again “but perhaps we can get a head start?”

“I actually haven’t been able to find anyone yet.” Maki admitted with a rueful smile. “Everyone I’ve called so far is booked.”

“Alright then.” The young man nodded. “We’ll be back in little bit.”

“Wait.” Maki said as the group started to move off. She hadn’t actually agreed yet. But as they turned back toward her, something about their determined expressions convinced her. “Be sure to keep your receipts.”

“Of course.”

----------

One of the phones on the table started vibrating.

“Oh, that’s Anju.” Tsubasa said, reaching for the device. “Hello? … … No. Absolutely not. … Look, I appreciate the offer, Anju, but no. We’ll be fine, you don’t need to come back. … No, don’t cancel. The show must go on. Our loyal fans paid for tickets and they deserve to see the performance.

“Plus,” Her expression hardened. “I don’t want the bastards who did this to know they can disrupt our business. Sure, they managed to delay the opening of our office. But we’ve worked from home and used rented space just fine up until now, and we’ll be fine continuing to do so for a little while longer. We’ll keep scheduling events like we always have. We’ll show them that this will not deter us.”

Tsubasa’s face softened again. “Right. … … Yes. Definitely. Have fun tonight. We’ll see you two when you get back. Goodbye.” She hung up and turned her attention to the other two women at the table. “You feeling up to heading back, Nico-chan?”

“I suppose.” Nico leaned back in the booth and sighed. “May as well see what my idiot girlfriend has been up to.”

“I’m actually surprised Mak-chan hasn’t contacted us yet.” Hanayo said before waving down the server for the bill. “Surely the police are done by now, right?”

“Maybe they were delayed in arriving or something.” Nico shrugged. “Who knows. We’ll find out when we get there.”

----------

Nico braced herself to face the scene again as she turned the corner. She looked down the street and…

What the heck?

She pulled up to the curb like Maki had done a few hours ago and got out of the car.

“Yazawa-san.” A young woman acknowledged with a smile and a nod as she moved past toward a dumpster to unload an armful of stuff.

For the second time that day, Nico stood in awe of the scene before her. However, this time, for very different reasons.

There were people everywhere. A couple were scrubbing away at the graffiti on the exterior wall and she could see others inside painting the walls to cover the vandalism there. Others, like the girl who had just passed her, were hauling damaged items from farther within the office. Then, she spotted red hair.

Nico moved across the sidewalk and stepped through the front door. Or rather, the entryway, as the door itself was gone. From there, she approached her girlfriend.

Maki was sitting on a folding chair at a small plastic table. She was talking to someone on her wireless headset while tapping away at a pair of tablets in front of her.

“Make sure your contact info is on the back.” Maki said to a young man on the other side of the table.

The man nodded and stabbed a slip of paper on a receipt spike and picked up several boxes at his feet. His face lit up with recognition as he turned toward Nico. He then bowed as much as he could while holding the stack before moving past her.

“Yes… … Yes…” Maki had returned to her call. “No, that’s fine.” She tapped at one of the screens. “We’ll be sure to have someone here then. … Thank you. Goodbye.” She hung up and turned to Nico. “Yes, what is… N-Nico-chan?!” She stood up quickly enough knock her chair over backward.

Nico couldn’t help chuckling at the scene as she stepped around the table.

“I-I’m sorry! I, uhm… I forgot to call.” Maki stammered out.

“It’s alright.” Nico replied, pulling her girlfriend into a hug. “It looks like you’ve been busy.”

“Mm…”

“So, want to fill us in?” Tsubasa requested, approaching the couple with Hanayo in tow.

“Well, what can I say, but your fans are amazing.” Maki said, jutting her chin in the general direction of everyone working around them.

“Our fans?” Hanayo asked, marveling as the idea processed in her mind.

“I tried to send the first group away because I thought they hadn’t gotten the message about the ribbon cutting ceremony being canceled.” Maki explained. “But they insisted that they were here to help. And then more kept showing up. And I started getting messages from those unable to make it in person offering donations and connections.

Maki chuckled. “The connections.” She repeated. “Every place I tried to call initially was booked, but people started sending me links and numbers that they knew. Someone’s cousin works at a glass shop, so they’ll be here soon to install windows and a door. Someone else got me in touch with a carpet company that will be coming tomorrow after we get a second coat of paint on the walls and let it dry, although someone said it was quick dry paint, or something, so apparently it doesn’t even need overnight.” She shrugged. “Oh, and Honoka should be here any minute with treats for everyone who came in person.”

“Honoka-chan?” Tsubasa asked, checking her phone. “Strange, she hasn’t called or messaged me.”

“She probably just jumped right into getting things ready.” Maki proposed. “She didn’t respond to my message in group chat when I told everyone there, and she sounded out of breath when she called me a few minutes ago as she was heading out the door.”

“Yeah, that does sound like her.” Tsubasa laughed. “I’ll be sure to thank her personally when she gets here.”

“And speaking of food,” Maki continued “Eli and Nozomi closed for the day and are apparently rushing a catering order for everyone later. Umi and Kotori are out with a group picking up new furniture and Rin is with another group is getting electronics. Both groups should be back soon.”

“That’s what Rin-chan meant…” Hanayo checked something on her phone.

“The gentleman who was just here picked up some security equipment that was recommended to me by the company that my parents contract with at the hospital. They’ll be here later this week to formally install everything, hide the cables and whatnot, but until then we’ll at least have functional cameras and door alarms and such to deter a repeat incident.”

Nico felt a smile tug at her lips. “Well, if Maki-chan had any doubts about being able to run the hospital when her parents officially hand things over, I think she’s proven herself capable of managing a crisis here.”

“Oh, well I, uhm…” Maki began to blush at the compliment.

Encouraged by the reaction, Nico continued. “Nico may have to take some lessons from Maki-chan if she wants to become half the manager she is. Of course, Nico will definitely surpass Maki-chan and become the No. 1 Manager in the Universe.”

“… Idiot…” Maki muttered, still working through her embarrassment, but still willing to play one of their favorite games.

“You love it.”

“Yeah… I do…”

Nico’s smile grew. By the gods she loved how the game had changed over the years. Maki did still use her old maybe response often, but she seemed to have a knack for knowing when Nico needed to hear this version.

“Alright,” Tsubasa said, stepping toward the couple, “that’s enough sappy stuff for now. You can continue that when you get home. Anyway, thank you, Maki-chan.” She placed a hand on the redhead’s shoulder. “What you’ve done here today is incredible.”

“I, uhm…” Maki fumbled for a moment. “I was just doing what I had to to protect my investment…”

Tsubasa laughed. “Somehow I knew you’d say something like that. But you’ve done more than that, and you know it.”

Nico was about to chime in again with more praise when she was interrupted by someone calling for Maki somewhere inside the office. Maki’s demeanor changed back to professionalism and she responded that she would be there in a moment.

“So,” Nico said before her girlfriend could move away, “once you’ve checked on that situation, come back and tell us what we can do to help. It’s our company. We should really be doing something. But this is clearly your show.”

“Alright.” Maki nodded.

As she watched her girlfriend continue to direct the disaster recovery efforts, Nico realized she hadn’t yet apologized for blowing up on Maki earlier. But as much as she wanted to do so as soon as possible, she figured she had probably just embarrassed Maki enough with public thanks and affection. Perhaps it would be better to wait until they were home and behind closed doors.

In the meantime, Nico took a moment to fully appreciate the scene before her and used it to psyche herself up for pitching in.

---------

“Eh?” Nico uttered as Maki buried her face in her chest.

The couple had finally turned in for the night, after having stayed far longer than intended at the party. The official grand opening, ribbon cutting ceremony for Egao Jōshō had been rescheduled, but Nico and Tsubasa still wanted to do something to thank all those that had gathered to help clean up. And their closest friends already had the framework prepared, at Maki’s behest.

But after a long and emotional day, both were exhausted. And Nico’s head had barely touched her pillow when her girlfriend had wrapped her arms around her and pulled her close.

“I’m sorry.” Maki said softly, her voice muffled by Nico’s sleep shirt.

“Maki-chan, I…”

“I pushed you away when you needed my support.”

“I actually thought I was the one who ran away.” Nico admitted. “And that was only after yelling at you, so I’m sorry for that.”

Maki puffed out a sigh.

“This morning I really felt like all my sanity was gone.” Nico continued. “Seeing all my hard work ruined was bad enough, but thinking it had been my fault was the last straw. And I took my frustrations out on you. And you didn’t deserve that, so I’m sorry for that too.”

Maki tightened her embrace.

“But you still had my back. You stopped me from making things worse, even though it turned my anger toward you instead. And you stepped up and took care of things when I couldn’t. You’ve always been there for me, Maki-chan, in one way or another, finding new ways to love me even when I’m struggling to do so myself.”

“I do love you, Nico-chan.”

“I know.” Nico pressed her lips against the top of Maki’s head. “I love you too, Maki-chan. Thank you for everything you did for me today.”

“Nico-chan is always helping me so…” Maki cut off as Nico gently swatted where she had kissed a moment ago.

“And you can thank me when I do. But today Maki-chan was the star of the show.”

“Mmph…” Maki huffed.

Nico was about to laugh when Maki suddenly turned her head and pushed herself up to press her lips against Nico’s. Nico responded by sliding a hand through Maki’s hair and pulling her in to deepen their kiss. Maki’s hand moved up to Nico’s shoulder and gently pushed her onto her back.

“Speaking of new ways to love you…” Maki breathed as she positioned herself over Nico.

Now, Nico laughed. “I think this is a pretty old way to love me, Maki-chan.”

Maki pouted.

Nico laughed again. “But it’s fine. Love me like you do, Maki-chan.”

And Maki did exactly that.

---------

Author's Note Continued: This is the first of what was originally planned as a set of three chapters, one for each of my main, canon-compliant’ish fics, but now that I’ve added a fourth flagship to my fleet with ShikiMei, I may need to figure out a fourth chapter for the set. Not complaining, mind.

Anyway, the theme of the set is one of my favorite songs by Pentatonix, Love Me When I Don’t. The first time I heard it, I immediately knew I needed to write something based on it. Unfortunately, although ideas spun fast and I collected a ton of notes, things just never materialized; real life circumstances certainly did not help.

But Pentatonix released a new original song recently, which got me on a kick for them and I’ve been listing to a ton of their songs ever since; excluding their boat load of Christmas songs as it is bit to early in the season for that and my years in retail make me adverse to such things being too out of season… I say having written fic chapters with a different take on the issue… But I found myself focusing more on the group’s original songs than their covers, and every time I replayed Love Me When I Don’t, I remembered the WIPs that were gathering digital dust. So, I finally busted out the first one and finished it.

That said, having finally finished this one, I can say with certainty that I strongly dislike writing fights. Well, fights between characters who are supposed to love each other. Anyone who has read some of my AUs will know I’m fine writing battle scenes, even if I can feel like I’m repeating myself too much with describing various actions. And I can’t say I had much trouble writing the confrontation between Nico and Etsuko, the latter of whom I really need to write more of at some point. But an argument between Nico and Maki? Not so much. I hated writing The Incident, and writing the fight here felt little better. And I really can’t say I’m all that happy with the result of either. And I still need to finish a different fight for PoH…

Obviously, this isn’t to say I dislike bickering. On the contrary, I love writing that. Teasing and harmless banter is fun, even if one or both sides steps a bit out of line from time to time. That’s just NicoMaki to me. But more serious fights, like the one in this chapter, I’m just not a fan. Props to my fellow authors who can write such things with more confidence.

Next up, another topic I’m not particularly fond of writing, fan backlash to news that their precious pure idols may have lives off stage. Egao Jōshō exists primarily to rebuke that idea and makes no effort to hide the fact that it will not prevent the idols in its employ from dating. And while in-universe, many dedicated fans go along with Egao’s ideals – no, I don’t care how unrealistic it may be – many others do not. And having read some real-world scandals, I figured something like this may be plausible. That said, one may notice I didn’t actually write any of the backlash, just the results of it. And I probably will keep it that way if I continue to address the topic in future chapters.

And finally, I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted anything for HtHaN, so here are a few quick reminders in case anyone is left wondering. Honoka is running her family bakery, although I’m not sure if she has officially inherited it yet. Eli and Nozomi run a restaurant together, an idea I shamelessly stole from some old NicoMaki doujin years ago. Anju and Erena have formed a subgroup, that I’ve yet to name, so they can continue to perform while Tsubasa takes some time off from being an idol to both get Egao up and running and spend more time with Honoka. Hanayo is Egao’s first, and probably by this point the only, employee of Egao. I’m not sure if Hanayo has graduated college yet, if not she is in a paid internship position. And I made up Hikoya for this chapter, and I’ve no idea if he’ll ever be mentioned again; maybe in TA with what I have planned for Setsuna…

[mbrainspaz]

ok I worked out another thing that's been stressing me out about this work situation. My main coworker has been gone and the boss refused to let me work overtime and then just... didn't really do anything to fill the gap, right? Today when I brought up my concerns about the stuff being neglected she was all "why didn't you just say so?" Ma'am?! Why didn't I simply explain to you, a person who skipped the meeting we were supposed to have to figure this out & who has no idea how to do my job, exactly how to do my entire job... via text message? On my time off??? aaaaah?! But I couldn't express that so in the moment I was just like, "well someone should probably feed these two horses at this time and start the sprinklers in these specific paddocks." She was like, "oh... that's all?" And I felt like an idiot for even bringing it up when she put it like that—but no actually that's not all. This is why I can't just do meetings and talk this stuff out! I can't process all the subtext and all the angles in the moment. I could tell I was deeply upset about how she'd handled the situation but I couldn't fully explain why. It was because not only did she tell me not to do the work that needed doing and repeatedly downplay my concerns, she still expected me to run the business by proxy—or she just didn't care if the work didn't get done. The closest I got to actually expressing my frustration was when I said, "you know I've been working half-days for the last three days—what did you think was going to happen? I'm never out there just doing nothing. Things haven't been getting done. I asked to be allowed to do it and you said no. You said you would do it, but you didn't know what needs to be done." And she said, "That's why I need you to tell me. It's all about communication." No! NO! That's why you should have let me do my damn job. Now she wants me to take tomorrow off and it's just gonna be the two kids and the temp guy working with the old guy who doesn't even technically work here?!? She keeps texting me trite things like 'I value you' but it's so transparent I can barely see it. If she understood a thing about me she wouldn't bother. I know she's annoyed with me. I'm annoyed with me.

She didn't give me a coherent schedule all week so I had to make up my own where I was working 4 half days in a row and she just.... nobody cared that nobody was here to run the business all afternoon for FOUR DAYS. If I hadn't gone in on my 'free' time to feed one of the old horses he'd probably be deceased by now. I mean the old guy stepped up and helped a lot but nobody else knows how to run the whole barn all day. Nobody else CARES.

So yeah it's my bad for not busting down her office door 7 days ago and giving her step by step instructions on how to run this business and manage a bunch of green employees I don't have the power to schedule. AAAAAAH! I hate that every time I meet with her I have to be so focused on being calm and professional and normal that she just steamrollers me with her reasonable demeanor and talk about all the things she's trying to do to make this place run right—if only she had more time and wasn't sooooo busy managing way too many other more important things. That's absolutely not my problem. I can't tell her how to do her job. And she couldn't tell me how to do mine if she tried. And I'm like, fine—pay me to just take care of it all! I'm good at caring. I could run this place if they'd just LET me. They keep leaving me to cope with endless problems they won't let me solve. I don't even want the responsibility. I don't really need more money from them. Apart from the existential dread slowly driving me towards a manic breakdown I've had a great time this week actually having free time to work on my art. I started editing a new video for the first time in 2 years! I'm just glad I didn't overwork myself for them just to get in trouble for it again. Well, except for the 3-4 extra hours I spent doing a little this or that here and there just to make sure nobody died. How could I ever explain that to someone who happily works in an office for a soulless, faceless, money-gobbling, lifeforce-devouring, bystander-crushing unstoppable gestalt entity that is a management corporation.

Ugh. I can't even stand listening to me rant about this. Actually they should just fire me. It'd be a relief. I'd go live in the desert and scream at the stars like gods intended.

[accountingacademic]

New Year, Fresh Start

Daily Reflection Monday, 1 January, 2024

Things I'm Grateful For:

Having my ever-growing to-do list written down in my planner, so I don't have to forget those things I need to do.

Highlights:

Since I was up past midnight with friends, I made a final "fuck it, I'm staying up all night." After everyone logged off, I had a spurt of productivity and got a bunch of little odds and ends taken care of.

Even if it only really amounts to $1 per day, I enjoy the feeling like I'm setting myself up for success when I transfer some money into my investment account each month. Because January has 31 days, I transferred $31 this time. It's in a TFSA so I won't be taxed on what the money earns, and it's a zero-commission account, so everything that is put into that account will be mine when I withdraw it.

I didn't get everything on my to-do list done for the day, but I still managed to do quite a bit! I don't mind carrying over two tasks, especially when one of them is 90% done.

Challenges:

I couldn't get my money stuff taken care of when I first wanted to because my bank's online portal was down for maintenance. Bit of a nuisance, even though it's not really a huge deal--I don't have to deal with my money at 4:00am, it can wait until a more reasonable hour.

I accidentally ended up napping in the middle of the day. I laid down around 11:00am, and then dozed off and slept until about 2:30pm. So that took a chunk of time away from me that I could have used, but after an all-nighter, three and a half hours won't ruin everything.

Emotions:

I feel like an asshole, and a terrible friend. A friend of mine is going through a rough patch because a woman ran a red light the other day and fucked up his car. He's going through the process of trying to get proof for his insurance that he wasn't at fault, and trying to figure out what's going to happen to his car (he spent all his savings on it less than two months ago, and the odds are pretty much 50/50 that it could be written off). I fully understand that he needs to vent, but I just really don't like listening to that kind of thing. I want to just go and tune him out so it feels like a win-win (he gets to vent, I don't have to actually listen), but that also feels like a terrible thing to do.

The shoes I ordered with my Christmas money are supposed to be here tomorrow, according to FedEx. It's hard to say how accurate that is though, as it's been "we have your package" since the 28th, with the order itself placed on the 25th. If it's not in tomorrow, Wednesday would also work. I just want them in before I go back to school on Thursday.

Lessons Learned:

For all that my friends are usually there for me when I need it (even though I will rarely ask for help), I'm not great at doing the same for them. I think that's part of why I don't ask for help; I don't want to be one of those people who ask for help all the time but never offer anything in return. I want it to be fairly balanced, and unfortunately, holding back on my end is how I can help keep it that way.

Today's To-Do List:

Completed

Readjust the cat feeder to dispense at night.

Reorganize phone apps.

Find new wallpapers for my phone and laptop.

Divide my second student loan disbursement into GICs.

Pay board.

Clean out my D&D binder and prepare for the new campaign.

Renew my FitBit Premium membership.

Add $31 to my investment account.

Give the cats baths.

Put together the grocery list.

Uncompleted

Clean out my school binder and prepare for the new semester.

Finish catching up on laundry.

Tomorrow's To-Do List:

Buy a mirror that hangs off the door for my bedroom.

Buy a notebook to start a commonplace book.

Get groceries.

Nana's housework.

[runfast-runfar]

Daily things

9/13/23

✨ a coworker of mine went to Paignton a town in England and brought me back some things bc my name is never on anything lol! It was so sweet and thoughtful!

✨ I ended up testing positive for covid yesterday, and I don’t feel great but I also don’t feel very bad. So it’s actually nice bc I have the rest of the week off but I don’t feel awful so I can still get stuff done in my day. (Knocks on wood I don’t begin to feel really awful!)

✨ I’m dog sitting for two weeks and I went grocery shopping and saw these little small Halloween Squishmallows and had to get them! For being in the spirit!! I actually got the cat and beaver yesterday and loved the bat but chose to only get two. And then I couldn’t stop thinking of the bay and so I went back today and got him ☺️

✨ I went on a run this morning and I shifted my mindset with running a few days ago and it’s brought so much joy back into running! I hadn’t ran in almost a year due to treatment/ed related things. And so I was getting so angry at myself bc I couldn’t run like before. My endurance is essentially gone. I’m tired allllll the fucking time. And I’m so bloated and uncomfortable 100% of the time. When I would go run I’d feel awful that I could only go a mile and then be struggling. I would keep saying and thinking about how I used to go out for 12-15 mile runs multiple times a week and not even have broken a sweat. I felt horrendous compared to that. But then I thought back to when I started running back in middle school. I would run a song and walk a song for an hour. And then I’d run two songs, walk one song… and then over time it’d be three or four songs and walk one song.. until eventually I was just running. And I realized maybe that’s what I go back to now. There’s no shame in that. I’ve taken a year off of running. I’m not going to pick up where I left off exactly, and a lot of the beauty of this process will come from starting over. And ever since I looked at it that way, it’s been better. I’ll set to go out for 45 minutes to an hour, alternately between running and walking if needed and not judge myself for it and it’s transformed how I feel after run! And I’m excited to see the growth and progress over time!

✨ when I was on a run this morning I knew to take it easy bc I am sick even if I don’t feel like death. So I went out for 45 minutes and ran 2-3 songs and then would walk a song, run 2-3 then walk one, etc. and it just felt like fun and I loved it.

Then I came back, drank my coffee and watched the Barbie movie (I love it! Also obsessed with Margot Robbie so I’m biased lol!) after that I did a 45 minute peloton class and then have spent the rest of today relaxing, taking a nap, and now I’m watching I, Tonya.

✨ it’s now 2:30 in the afternoon, I’m going to spend the rest of today journaling, playing the switch, taking Finn (the doggo) on a walk, reading a bit and then probably watching another movie later on! I appreciate the relaxing moments so much.

✨ I ended up reaching out to the treatment program I’ve been in for 6 months now (2 months in residential and 4 months in PHP) and letting one of the dietitians know I am leaving against medical advice. I can’t take the time off work anymore and I do feel ready. So we’ll see.

✨ I hope you’re all well, and happy hump day!

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

tw: school shooting

hi!! so i’m kind of looking for some advice/also just a place to get all of my thoughts out about the topic and talk about what happened since i can’t really get myself to physically talk about it in person???

so basically, quite a few years ago, i went to a middle school that was attached to the high school where a very very very bad school shooting took place. it was one of the worst shootings of the 21st century and affected my entire town forever. the shooting itself and the two suicides that followed were (and still are) the only thing that my town had ever gone through so no one really knew how to react yk??

it was a holiday that day and when the shooting first began i was in my science class with my best friend of 10 years drawing up cards relating to the day. they announced the code red over our loudspeaker but they did not explain anything that was happening to us and we were not allowed to use our phones.

we spent the next 3-4 hours with no communication to the outside world, huddled behind my teacher’s desk. we could hear the faint gunshots, screaming, and police sirens from the high school but no one would tell us what was happening.

after those 3-4 hours we were allowed to get up from behind the desk and use our phones. that was when my best friend had looked at her phone to see texts from her sister in the high school telling her that there was a shooter in the school and she wasn’t sure if she was going to make it.

trying to get in contact with all of our loved ones was so difficult and i still think about the hopelessness to this day.

our school had released us loosely as if it was a regular dismissal, but there was no where to go. i was only 13 at the time and all the roads around the schools were closed off by police. the only way to get anywhere was to walk miles and miles by ourselves.

i didn’t really know how to get around all that well, we didn’t live in a very walkable town and there were hundreds of kids surrounding me, trying to figure out where to go and how to get home.

my friend and i finally found the parent of another friend of ours and walked 2 miles with them to get back to their car before they could drive us home.

i went out to dinner with my family for the holidays that night as if nothing had happened.

i didn’t realize the signs of ptsd until much much later. i finished out my year of school without a problem and i was convinced i was fine up until the beginning of the next year.

going back was, difficult to say the least. the shooting took place on a wednesday afternoon and the next year, every week, i would call my mom on wednesday telling her my stomach hurt and i needed her to come pick me up. it got to the point where i wouldn’t go out anymore, especially not to any place without windows for me to see any potential threats or ways out of the situation.

i still thought it was just regular anxiety. i wasn’t technically at the scene of the crime, how could i be traumatized?? i officially went to a therapist and she did end up diagnosing me with ptsd, anxiety, and depression. i ended up going to a six week outpatient program and switching to online school for the remainder of middle school.

flash forward years later to today and i am graduating from a real high school this year. i was feeling much better (i even was able to start celebrating the holiday again with my friends) so i stopped treatment quite a long time ago now but for the past two or three years i feel like my ptsd has been pushing out of me more?? like it feels almost worse?? i don’t understand because i thought it was supposed to get better with time and it did at first but now it feels like it’s coming back.

i know the obvious solution to this is to just start going to therapy again (and i will) but i’m scared that nothing will help. i am unable to repeat this story to anyone who asks without feeling absolutely ridiculous for feeling the way i do about the situation (i mean, i technically wasn’t even at the school) and that anxiety just keeps me from telling them anything at all.

talking about it in general is very painful as well and i don’t know how to explain it to people, especially not in person. but i don’t know how else to cope.

for the past few years, i’ve been having panic attacks multiple times a week at school and it’s hard to get anything done because of it and because of my complete lack of motivation.

when it started up again, i thought it was just me being stressed out from my (equally stressful) home life and issues with my adhd but then i started to notice the patterns again from before i started treatment, they just look a little different now.

i have to physically leave campus for our code red drills, i have been leaving school early due to anxiety nearly every week, even the thought of someone telling me i can’t leave the place i’m in at any given time will make me absolutely spiral into a horrible panic attack, it’s been getting harder and harder to motivate myself to get up and go everyday, and i have fallen back into being unable to celebrate the holiday anymore.

i’m scared that even if i do go to therapy again, nothing will help. i go off tocollege soon and i don’t know what i’m going to do if i have to deal with this alone, especially in a new place with new people who have never experienced anything like that. at least in my hometown, everyone pretty much gets it because most of them went through the same thing.

so that brings me to my big question: how do i get myself to actually tell this whole story to a therapist in a way that will help me get better? i feel like i’m drowning and i need a way out.

sorry that was a novel but very cathartic, thank you for listening❤️

Hi anon,

I am genuinely so sorry to hear about what you went through. That is terrifying and I'm so glad that you survived. It takes a lot of strength and bravery not only to live with this but to make the decision to share your story and seek support, so thank you for reaching out and know that you are not alone. Also please know that there is no need to apologize for the length of this ask and you are welcome to take up as much space as you need.

It's absolutely understandable to be traumatized by this experience, even to develop PTSD. It was an incredibly unpredictable and dangerous situation, and while looking back you can say you survived, that still doesn't erase the emotional weight and the uncertainty of whether or not you were going to make it.

It makes sense that school triggers you, given what you've been through. I feel like there's inherently some level of anxiety and tension around being in school with the influx in school shootings, but to experience it yourself can certainly make the idea of going back to school all the more unbearable.

While experiencing something like this can absolutely be traumatizing on it's own, trauma is really defined by how the survivor perceived and internally responded to the event. This is because everyone is so different and factors such as genetics and environment can impact resilience, which is the ability to cope with stressful events. So something may not be traumatic to one person that may be severely traumatic to another, and both are equally valid. It is completely okay to be traumatized by what happened to you.

It's also important to remember that healing isn't linear. I have PTSD too and for a while after my trauma it got worse, then it got better, then it got worse, then it got better. Healing is a process that takes time and sometimes going backwards is simply part of the next step.

As for seeking therapy, the main thing is to take your time. A therapeutic relationship starts by building rapport and getting to know each other, which may gradually make you feel more comfortable explaining to your therapist what you went through. That being said, you don't have to share anything you don't want to. Perhaps something you could work on with a therapist is getting yourself to open up to them, if that is something you feel is necessary to your treatment and healing journey.

In the meantime, please consider practicing some self care, including being kind, gentle, and patient to yourself as you process your trauma and heal at your own pace.

If anyone has any comments or suggestions, feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help, and we're here for you if you need anything.

-Bun

[aonoexpat]

20-08-2023 (2/2)

----- Continuation of part 1 -----

The sunrise the next morning was a beautiful sight, but Elrond had never been as frozen as he was that night! I was glad the doors weren't frozen shut and I could still get out to take some nice pictures:

I'd been keeping a close eye on the status of the roads around these parts, and was overjoyed that the road to Aoraki, which had previously been closed due to heavy snow, had been reopened. At 3724 meters, Aoraki is the tallest mountain in Aotearoa, and a wildly impressive sight to see:

We drove up as close as we could get along the Hooker Valley Road, and then geared up for a hike up to Hooker Lake. Sunscreen and sunglasses were essentials, for the entire trail was covered in a thick layer of snow. The bushes all around the track looked like soft little snowy hills, and I'm proud to announce I only slipped and fell down a set of steps once. My travel buddy joked that she wished she had recorded all the noises I made every time my feet slipped and I almost fell, which happened countless times during the ~4 hours it took us to get there and back. Especially the three ice-covered swing bridges across the Hooker river were dizzyingly treacherous terrain. Though we both felt sore from walking in the snow, the end goal was 1000% worth it! I bet this track is a lot of fun during summer as well, but this felt like the epitome of "walking in a winter wonderland" ❄️🎶

We had a lot of fun throwing snow balls and pushing our faces into the soft snow when we needed to cool down from the walking. By the time we got back to the parking lot we were both exhausted, but very pleased with the day we'd had ❤️

During the drive back we called ahead to a holiday park in Twizel to make sure they'd have space for two cars, because we were both craving a hot shower and a proper meal. The camp kitchen wasn't worth much, but we managed to cook up a feast for ourselves and cozied up to the fireplace with a movie for what would be our last night together, at least for now. In the morning we both went our separate ways, because our plans and wishes had started to diverge. I really enjoyed caravan-ing up with somebody else, it's nice to know you have somebody to talk to before you go to bed, somebody to have a cup of tea with in the morning, and somebody to share the beautiful sights with. Who knows, we might catch up again at a later date! We did briefly run into each other shortly after parting ways at the Omarama clay cliffs, which are a really cool sight (again, a short drive brings you to a dramatically different landscape):

For now I'm back on my own, and while I was planning to head to Oamaru and view the blue penguins, that's going to have to wait for a bit. I decided to take a leap and try my luck at finding a temporary job in the Tāhuna area. It's a bustling region right now due to the ski season, there are loads of tourists here (who drive so slowly omg who have I become that this bothers me) so I'm hopeful I might find a place to work. I'd like to earn back some of the money I've been spending on fuel, and the thought of being in a more populated area for a while, having fun with colleagues, playing music... sounds quite nice to me right now. Who knows though, I might not find anything and decide to just move on after a couple of days after all. Time will tell. In the meantime I'm trying to get some rest, it's been a rather intense week with a lot of driving and I'm content to just sit still for a moment and collect my thoughts. I've been feeling a bit better, getting my sense of adventure back, but I'm not quite as chipper as I'd like to be yet. I do believe I'll get there again though :) I spent some time today looking at photos from my trip to Australia eight years ago, and they reminded me that everything is temporary, and I'll likely look back on all of this with a huge smile in eight years' time too. Negative thoughts can seem overwhelming, and they may make me feel like I'm not making the most of my time here, but even just writing these posts today has made me realise I've been having a lot of fun lately, and I will likely continue to do so 😁

[kennieswrld]

Break-Up’s (an analysis from a current three time breakup champ)

this was an old draft i felt was good enough to see the light of day, he was an asshole. but so am i.

It always start’s with me thinking, “Thank fucking god that was over” and “Who needs them? I was fine before them, I’ll be fine without them”. But, am I fine without them? No. Was I fine before them? Probably not. 

It’s so weird to wake up without sending a “gm <3″ text to that someone because they’re just... someone again. I know that sounds ‘fake deep’ and ‘woke’ of me to say but the quickness of love is absolutely insane. I can’t believe that only 2 months ago I was head over heels for a person I don’t even feel like I know today. I would’ve taken a bullet for them if needed and now I would certainly be the one to put a bullet in them (not actually! please! this is metaphoric!). 

Sometimes I wish I could’ve just withheld myself the night we met and just wallowed in the self pity I was wading in before you rang my dingy apartment doorbell. I wish I had left more space between our first meeting and second so maybe you would’ve thought I was more mysterious and withdrawn. I wish I wouldn’t have put out on our first night together so you would’ve at least stayed with me for a week longer while waiting for our first consumation. I wish I would’ve seen the warmness leave your eyes when you stopped loving me like I did you. I wish I never went to the mental hospital on our second week of knowing each other and could’ve just stayed with you for those two nights.I wish this would’ve worked. I wish you didn’t tell me, “we are two different people”. It’s all I think about now. I was born “different”. I have never fit in anywhere and I’ve been around the fucking world, it just feels like this is my fault. 

The first two relationships were laughably bad. I made mistakes and so did they obviously as saying I keep in touch with neither of them. But I weirdly expected more from you, which is odd as saying we met and dated and shared “i love you’s” in a timespan of 4 hours. I had never felt that sort of electricity before, and I damn well hadn’t felt those emotions a day in my life. I really believed you when you said you loved me just as I was honest when I said I did you, it’s just hard to wrap my head around the fact that you never did and that’s okay. 

I wish I could make you the bad guy like I did the two boys in my first two relationships, but I can’t. I wish I could be the person you are looking for, but I can’t. I wish I could change my lifestyle to fit yours, but I can’t. I wish I could make you love me back, but I can’t. And I think this is the hardest part of it all. I don’t want to become a stranger to you, but I also don’t want to become anything with you. For a while at least. Why? Because you fucking moron, I still love you. But I need to focus more on me. I was ready to drop my entire life to be with you for the instant dopamine I felt when meeting your alluring dark eyes, and that’s not what a person who is ready to love someone correctly should be doing. I need to stop acting out of emotion so much, but I’m glad for what you gave me for the short time we spent together (even when we were in those weird tensions). You showed me that I was just fucking broken and that’s completely okay and nothing wrong with it. And I thank you for that, but God how I wish you could just be a stranger again. Just so when we meet again one day maybe those feelings will come back tenfold. Even if I bitterly tell people you weren’t shit, you were the shit to me. 

I love you, even if you didn’t love me back.  

[teaboot]

Day one. Arrive home to a UPS notice on the ground, face-down in the flower bed. "Sorry we missed you!". My first name is scrawled across the top. Half of today's date is in the "delivered to" section. Location name? "Pay cod en line".

Day two. Arrive home to a new UPS notice. My first name is, again, scribbled across the top outside of any box. It is spelled wrong and smeared in a way that, from a distance, looks like it says "Vagina". This time, it is in what appears to be bright purple gel pen. In a box below, "this was our final attempt"

Google UPS offices near me. The closest one us 2 hours by bus, 1 hour by car. One way.

Attempt to phone the number circles in pencil on my invoice. It is closed. Also in a different time zone.

Attempt to pay bill online. It prompts me to create an account. I do so.

To pay my bill, I must fill in my information from my invoice. This goes well, until it asks me for my "optional 4-digit control number".

The control number is said to be optional. I proceed without it and click "next".

Error: please enter 4-digit control number.

Maybe I read the invoice wrong. I read it again. Three times.

No.

There are no 4-digit numbers.

There are no mixed number-and-letter sequences in multiples of 4.

I check the other papers.

Bar code has the same 4-digit sequences on both.

Enter that.

Error: the information you have entered is incorrect.

Check website for how to read their invoices, because obviously I'm missing something obvious. No. There are no answers.

Google "UPS invoice". Only result for a UPS invoice that looks anything remotely like mine is from a registered complaint listed 4 years ago, photo taken on a cell phone and posted to reddit.

Read that invoice.

There is no 4-digit control number.

Punch desk.

Return to UPS online. Find an option for paying my bill that does not ask me for a 4-difit anything.

Error: the information you have entered is incorrect.

Check for typos.

No typos.

Information is exactly as I entered it the first time, when everything was accurate.

Punch desk.

Second Google dive. No new information. Dead ends everywhere.

Read invoice again.

Nothing.

Attempt to enter information online again.

Window has timed-out. Have to start over.

Error: information is incorrect.

Sent back to page 1.

Start again.

Error.

Automatic page refresh.

Back to page 1.

Start again.

Error.

Automatic page refresh.

Punch desk again.

Punch desk again.

Punch desk again.

Hand hurts.

Enter information.

Pop-up.

"Would you like to rate your experience with us today? How did you find your billing experience?"

0/5. 'Extremely difficult'.

"Tell us how we can improve our service!"

Stare blankly at screen.

"I have been punching my desk for thirty minutes. I dont know what to say. My fear of being a shitty customer has been outstripped by my despair. This has broken me as a man."

Check clock.

It has been two hours.

I have spent two hours trying desperately to give someone my money.

I don't even know where my package is.

I can't even talk to a person about it for another nine hours.

Sit on the floor.

Remember groceries.

Frozen pierogi fucking thawed in my fucking backpack

My fucking pierogi

Soothe bruised knuckles with wet bag of pierog

Tumblr

Who wants to help me burn the entire UPS to the fucking ground in a blaze of unrestrained violent glory