#Space in this community because trauma can be hard and that's an understandable coping mechanism. I can't anymore

[randompolykin]

you know what? I'm gonna ignore my anxiety and post this

been procrastinating making this but "here goes nothing" as they say for some reason

worried this is obvious, or everyone has been subconsciously meaning what I fear they mean

But, it's true so...

Here's to the otherlinkers

Not just the copinglinkers

But the funlinkers

The aeslinkers

The supportlinkers

The otherlinkers who are in-between those labels

The otherlinkers who feel none of those labels can describe why they link/they link for another reason

To ALL the otherlinkers

It seems like (this could just be me, idk) in a lot positivity posts saying that otherlinkers are valid and no lesser then therians, otherkins and fictionkins, there is a switch between using the term copinglink and otherlink, as if they are synonyms. But they aren't. One is a subset of the other, which includes alot more in it's definition. If you only mean copinglink, and are excluding the rest of us linkers, then say so. And if you aren't, then be a bit more careful on your wording, please. I am losing it slightly with this, my anxious brain can't handle the fact I have no idea over where everyone stands on this, yet I want to know

Otherlinkers are extremely valid and awesome, and are no less then voluntary identities. No matter why they link, only the linker gets to decide if they are any less then, with there link types, just how polykins can have kintypes that are more important to them than others, etc.

[lazarusrisingx]

idk bout yall but im an age regressor due to extreme trauma etc yada yada so imma talk abt the LADS boys rq. i also dont interact with other age regressors or talk abt my age regression very often because im embarrassed of it but its a coping mechanism for me and im stressed as shit right now but cant let myself go to that headspace so anyways!!

my asks are open so if y’all wanna request something or just ask questions you can!

completely SFW post, some slight angst but it turns into fluff so dont worry, mentions of some self loathing with caleb and sylus but thats about it

talking about age regression and what the LADS men would be like as caregivers!

zayne

is def a soft but strict caregiver, the cool calm and collected doctor

he doesnt want his little to get hurt and his time with pediatric patients makes him quite a skilled caregiver. he has quite a few rules and some soft rules for his little, and doesnt want them to have a babysitter because he loves being attentive and caring for his little when they regress.

he has heard of age regression as a coping mechanism for trauma, and did some research on it when he did a psychiatric rotation at the hospital, and after hearing more about the community he had some interest in it but its not something he ever actively sought out.

it fulfills a part of him he didnt know he had, it gives him the space to be less serious, and brings out a more playful side in him. but he has strong protective instincts once he reaches caregiver space, and it shows.

he has a hard time not giving in when his little is upset when he says they cant have more sugar, or need to go to bed, or that they need to take their meds. he doesnt like seeing his little upset no matter what, and his heart melts even though he knows that to much candy would make your stomach hurt, or that without your meds and treatment you would be sicker, he knows how scary it can feel when your like this and you need treatment, and he knows how to help soothe you and get you to trust him.

he doesnt do timeouts, maybe less than five minutes but he has so much expeireince with kids that he is able to apply it when your in littlespace, and get you to follow the rules.

he makes sure to discuss everything with you before you are in little space, learns your favorite shows, what might trigger you, every small detail he needs in order to be a good caregiver is talked about in detail beforehand.

your little space soon becomes something he looks forward to every day. a different way for him to relax, a different way to have fun. its his favorite and he loves it dearly.

Caleb

caleb is an energetic, slightly strict, but matches your chaotic energy type of caregiver.

caleb has known you your whole life. while in your teenage years and a bit into your adulthood you didnt quite understand why you would act the way you did, caleb adapted.

he wanted to adapt.

its only when hes gone do you realize you age regress, and his absence makes it harder to do so, and makes it harder for you to escape the things going on. you didnt feel safe enough, even though your mind would teeter on the age of little space you couldnt bring yourself to fall into it. beforehand you simply labeled it as feeling ‘silly’, never stopping to actually think about what was happening, not thinking about the fact that it happened whenever caleb was around and you got triggered by something. not always an upsetting trigger, sometimes just a kids show or being sureounded by your stuffies was enough to tip you into littlespace, a blissful headspace that felt akin to a warm blanket laying over you. where you let yourself rely more on caleb, where you didnt see the awful shit that was going on. it wasnt ignorance, it was a way to cope and heal.

Caleb didnt need you to tell him what you needed. he can recognize the signs that your regressing before you can, and it makes his heart melt in a littlle puddle of love to see it. even when you were teenagers and he was unknowingly babysitting you, he loved every moment of it. you get so playful, a bit mischevious, playing small childish tricks on him, and yes you became a bit more vulnerable to bad people so he became even more fiercely protective of you.

caleb has soft rules. he isnt very strict unless it comes to your safety. want to eat a bag of candy? of course! stay up all night with him? whatever youd like pip-squeak! he can almost never say no to you, unless he feels like it might endanger you. if he tells you no and you pout and cross your arms his heart will do jumping jacks and he will cave within a few minutes. the only time he puts you in timeout is if your throwing a particularly rough tantrum, or you do something that could hurt you. even then, its usually only a little less candy that day, and possibly going to bed a little earlier because he knows how worn out you must get over such big feelings, despite your protest that your never sleepy.

caleb never evereverevereverever uses the Colonel personality with his little. his eyes are always soft and his voice is sweet and gentle. he compromises a lot, and just how littlespace is freeing for you, its freeing for him.

he doesnt have to rough and cruel. he doesnt have to lead with an iron fist. his violent actions during the day are forgotten during these times. hes able to relax, to be protective, and on the days when his actions weigh heavily on him, when his guilt and self-hatred reaches a boiling point, when the pain of his own memories is dragging down his soul, feeling you hug him in your soft pajamas, your favorite stuffy being pressed against his face as your babbling about your day in that cute voice, its like a switch flips in his brain.

even in little space you help him to. if you notice hes looking a little down you always know how to cheer him up.

within the hour he no longer feels that weight in his chest. hes taking care of you, helping you, holding your hand and showing you how to build a pillow fort, as his own worries are swept away from the cuteness overload and sweet feelings that swell in his heart for his Little. just like zayne, your age regression heals a part of him that he didnt know needed healing aswell

Sylus

sylus is the definition of a spoiling caregiver. so sweet itd give you a tootchache. although nervous at first, he is ecstatic to be so close that youd trust him with this.

my man sylus. the cruel, cold leader of Onychinus, master of the N109 zone…

Cannot tell you no.

stickers on his face? absolutely little one. terribly ‘doing his hair’ before meetings with some of the cruelest men on earth? anything for you sweetie, such a cutie. makeup time? his favorite color is red can you show him which color is red sweet-pea?

Sylus absolutely cannot maintain any rules for his beloved little. outside of what might get you hurt, Sylus is a bit like caleb in the sense he cannot say no. except he doesnt even try to tell you no. caleb will put up a little fight, but Sylus? oh hes just a damn teddy bear.

shopping sprees, meetings with your favorite cartoon character voice actors, signed merch from each of them, unlimited stickers, unlimited hide and seek games, unlimited everything.

and its perfect.

his days at work are spent being ruthless, cruel, his heart guarded like a fortress, all for him to be able to come home and let it all leave as soon as he sees you clutching your favorite stuffy and begging him to read to you.

he enjoys story time the most. youll bring one of the many books he has bought for you, disregard whatever he is doing at the time, make him sit so you can curl up in his arms, put your head on his chest and listen to him read you a story.

but how did the cunning man get into this situation?

You brought it up. after a particularly horrible day, you were neck deep in age regression. kieran and luke had gotten a call from you crying so terribly that they responded without notifying sylus first. the mess they came in on wasnt one that was gorey, but one of you throwing a tantrum because the pillow fort you had tried to make wasnt big enough for you and all your stuffies.

hell they didnt even know you had this many plushies. and it was quite confusing to see you sobbing as if the entire world had gone up in smoke. they were just as panicked as you were, frantically trying to figure out the solution to your problem, you were hardly coherent, and it took a few frantic calls for sylus to already be on his way home, only knowing that you were a mess right now, crying so loudly sylus didnt even bother listening to the twins, cut his meeting off immediatley and sped home.

he didnt know what age regression was.

but he is a very quick study and he would never do something he didnt enjoy doing.

sylus is nervous though. the two of you have a lot of conversations about your regression, and he has a lot of questions. but he is nervous. maybe scared might be the right word.

hes scared that cold person he pretends to be is really him sometimes and hes scared you might be able to see it. that youll look at him youll see a monstrous thing, a wolf in sheeps clothing, because sylus sees himself like that sometimes.

it takes him a while to fully relax. its not because he doesnt enjoy this side of you. Gods no Sylus loves it. its the highlight of his day. seeing you smile so much, seeing you so excited your very atoms shake, the way you come to him for help, you come to him for anything and his heart melts. every little thing he wants to do it for you. open every peice of candy, change your shows around for you, get you more juice, every little thing you want and need of him he craves to do for you. all he wants is to take care of you. on his hardest days his solace is coming home to you. taking you to a park without anyone there so you can play on the swing, snuggling up with you and reading a book, letting you jingle out broken melodies on his instruments, humming a lullaby to you so youll sleep, every second of it fills his heart with a great joy he never knew he would be able to get. but part of him cannot fathom that youd place so much trust in him. that youd let him care and nurture the most vulnerable side of yourself.

but eventually, he relaxes. he becomes less of a quiet caregiver who smiles softly and encourages you. he becomes more active, soon enough the two of you are playing hide and seek around the house. hes chasing after you in a game of tag, hes laughing louder, hes less passive in his caregiving.

its also healing for him. a reminder that he is not what everyone says he is. yes he is ruthless but thats not all he is. he is not a cruel dragon, not a ruthless arms dealer, not a gang lord, none of it, not when he is with you. He is Sylus, his hands and words were not meant to only cause pain, but to heal.

he is open to only two other people babysitting you. luke and kieran become big brothers to you. when sylus is away he puts the two of them in charge when you regress. and yes just like real siblings the three of you get up to quite a bit of bullshit together, but nothing dangerous.

at the end of the day Sylus loves caring for you. it takes him some time to catch his footing, but once he finds it, he flourishes. he loves you so deeply, and it shows in every action.

[a-bottle-of-tyelenol]

caregiver kayama nemuri headcanons !!

— requested by anon —

— cw: nonsexual discussions of kink & bdsm (approached with nuance) —

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

💋 - nemuri is the only one who actually knows and understands age regression (and has for a while) more than the basics of what’s listed in the trauma responses heroes have to learn for their work. she’s fairly experienced with it as a dominatrix— because while age regression isn’t sexual, a lot of people who engage with this community have similar traumas and use similar methods to cope, in general and/or during aftercare. she’s a very firm educator on these issues and it’s very important to her that people understand the dynamics of bdsm and how people can use that to cope alongside age regression. these concepts are very nuanced and adults deserve to be given a space where certain things can overlap. agere is as much of a trauma response as it is a coping mechanism and trauma work is not as simple as the black and white boxes that communities attempt to force people into. she is heavily against any kind of judgment for people doing something that is ultimately harmless to others, especially when it helps them.

(and if this sounds preachy, it’s because I personally am very passionate about this topic and I fully believe that midnight would be too.)

💋 - her favorite titles are momma/mommy and auntie— she thinks it’s all just so adorable and hearing a baby babble “auntie nemuri!” makes her smile. in general, she finds a lot of things about agere/petre to be really cute, and gets a bit overzealous when it comes to gear and clothing. it does sometimes come off as the only thing she sees about it, which can make it hard for regressors to open up if they don’t know her very well. but she has a lot of experience and is very educated/trained to handle the harder sides of agere (meltdowns, triggers, ect) and is the most understanding person you’ll ever meet about it. she’s very much a no nonsense gentle parent, though, that won’t let her babies get away with bad habits, but she makes sure they feel secure and safe the entire time because that’s always her priority— especially when it comes to communication and a little being given the space and comfort to communicate their needs.

💋 - I have very distinct memories as a kid of going through my mother’s closet and wearing her high heels, purses, and makeup and I feel like that’s a common experience nemuri has with some of her regressors. she can’t ever leave them alone because if she steps away form more than a second, she’ll come back to a kiddo with red lipstick smeared across their face and stumbling in one of her dozens of pairs of heels. she’s never that upset about it because her favorite shoes and products are always locked away and out of reach for any grabby fingers so she always giggles and plays along with a faux exasperation that usually ends with her tickling the little for “touching her things” (all in good fun!). she really enjoys painting a regressor’s nails or giving them a face mask while they watch a kid’s movie too. it’s both great for her because it gives her an excuse to do skin care (or anything similar) while also acting as a fun bonding experience or use of pretend play (so pretending that they’re at a spa or something). two birds, one stone!

💋 - in that same vein, nemuri has really long nails that feel amazing running along your scalp or lightly scratching your back, which means that she’s like a magical witch with the ability to quiet any upset regressor because of how comforting it feels to have her do that while rocking them back and forth. even if she isn’t actively releasing her quirk, because of the way it permeates her skin/body, it ends up being something that inherently relaxes and soothes someone cuddling up to her. if they stay for long enough, they’ll actually fall asleep, but for the first few hours (again unless she’s purposefully letting out her quirk), it’s more of a relaxant. a regressor being bottle fed by her while she holds them is truly The Experience™️ of all time /pos

💋 - she really values arts and crafts as an activity and kind of hates going outside. she’s an artist and she genuinely loves sharing that side of her with her kiddos (it’s why she teaches art history), so her first suggestion is always to do some of drawing, clay sculpture, or basic craft when a regressor is bored. if they want to go outside, she’s not necessarily against it but she’s not all that interested in running around in the dirt under the hot sun. she still will, don’t get me wrong, but she will bring a sun hat and complain if she gets mud under her nails. she likes fighting dirty, not being it. though, she does love the pool and sunbathing so if a kid has too much energy and it’s just warm enough outside, that’ll be her go-to (even if it’s one of those really cheap kiddie pools and she spends the entire time in a lawn chair, spraying them with a hose).

💋 - in general, she has some boundary issues where she struggles a bit with what’s generally socially acceptable to talk about in certain contexts (because she doesn’t really believe in anything being taboo or bad to talk about— if anything, she believes a lot of things need to be normalized or talked about more) or the fact that, despite her not caring how close other people are to her physically, many people do have preferences and boundaries when it comes to personal space. it boils down to a mindset issue with her where it’s something she’s super conscientious of when domming and something that slips her mind when she’s not. and because a lot of her bdsm dynamic work overlaps with her caregiving dynamic work (again— it’s important to remember that there are nonsexual and sexual dynamics and that both are used for trauma work and coping for a lot of individuals which can have overlap to the dynamics within age regression, even if they aren’t the same thing), she tends to approach them the same way with the same methods of psychological understanding, especially when it comes to brain chemistry and endorphins. it helps keep things simplified for her and allows her to best attune herself to the regressor’s needs.

💋 - it is because of this approach, however, that she refuses to be a caregiver for minors. it’s not that she doesn’t believe minors can age regress or that they can’t necessarily receive help in this area from adults, it’s just that she isn’t personally comfortable being that person with the way she handles these things. she can babysit! and she can help with resources! but anything beyond that is strictly off-limits for the sake of her comfortability and the safety of everyone involved. she isn’t an actual mother or a child therapist and regressors do not function the same as regular children (because of how the brain interacts with trauma and how each headspace is unique to the individual, sometimes interacting more with their bodily age and sometimes interacting less), so she isn’t equipped to handle it which can be very damaging to a traumatized child that is still developing. the needs of bodily adult regressors are not the same as the needs of bodily child regressors, and while she believes that both require and deserve the respective spaces to be handled and unpacked with their specifics needs in mind (which does, to a degree, mean separated), her speciality is just with adults.

💋 - as a teacher, she has a a set of drawers filled with things a student might need (school supplies, period products, and snacks mostly) that she gives out for free. in that same way, her desk in the teachers lounge has a drawer full of regression gear for any of her friends/colleagues who might need it. pacifiers cleaned and bagged, snacks, fidget toys, pull ups, sippy cups, ect— she is prepared for just about anything. she doesn’t even remember how this came to be. she just kept a handful of things in there for someone (probably aizawa) and it slowly started expanding more and more until it took over an entire drawer. it is a little unfortunate because she can’t use that drawer for actual work things, but aizawa doesn’t use any of his desk drawers for anything at all so she ends up putting all of her work things in there. she doesn’t think he’s even realized that she does this yet because, in all the years since he became a teacher, she hasn’t seen him open any of them once.

(Truth is, he does know because he uses one (1) single drawer for his jelly pouches and whatever he couldn’t just carry to his classroom, and when nemuri started commandeering his drawers, he started moving his stuff over to yamada’s drawers (which are an absolute disaster of random things he’s thrown in and promptly forgot about— sometimes including student essays that he lost and just gave a grade based on how good of a writer that student usually is. it’s frankly the least organized and most absurd thing ever and it’s amazing that any of them get any work done at all).)

[ratinacoat]

Not like DID is a legitimate diagnosis nowadays, but you do realize that "don't worsen your dissociation, you're still one person" post will cause unfathomable amounts of coping? The only reason people roleplay DID is because they can have their little aesthetic character sheets and play them real time while tweaking each little information about them to, you know, give them the """vibe""". People make stimboards for this shit. They force themselve to dissociate because they are bored and low confidence, the DIDdlers have been running away from themselves for years now.

I mean you could've fooled everyone if you kept it subtle, but now it's just ridiculous, nobody sane wants to take this shit seriously. See anything related to this valid heckin' disorderino, the amount of useless terms, of coping, of "guyyys but do you really think I'm realll I mean I have the paaaper", of constant reminders like "hey we cannot compare trauma, washing dishes is just as valid as the PTSD soldiers get", I won't even mention the animals amd "innerspace" and TikToks, there's just no helping it anymore

YOU ALL ARE A BUNCH OF PUSSIES, START DOING SOMETHING TANGIBLE, GIVE UP THE LARP

DID is a legitimate diagnosis, it is very much a real thing. I do agree a lot of people fake DID but of course not everyone is, and not everyone who isn't is in a space that encourages healthy coping mechanisms. In system spaces when I was younger people faking threw me into a denial spiral until I started repressing everything, which just made things 10× worse. I still have a hard time talking about it knowing people I haven't told about my disorder while hiding everything are following me, but I'm getting out of that.

I post info on the disorder because I have a decent following built from it, and there's not a lot out there. That dissociation post was made after someone asked because they wanted to understand it better, like most of my information posts. Whether it be how actual introjection works, why RAMCOA is a bad term, or why certain things are unhealthy, I like providing information and people enjoy it. Many people do want to take DID seriously, including myself. Seeing people spread misinformation and others fall into that sucks. It feels lonely seeing no one take it seriously.

This does draw in a lot of hate or "coping", as you put it, but I don't care. It just makes me wanna post more information so ignorant people aren't the ones taking over that aspect of system communities. I'd rather talk about how DID works than feed into misinformation just to make the people who spread it happy. I post what I like and I like what I post. Believe me, the hate and "coping" I get doing this information is no where near as bad as explaining things to/debating with flat earthers and creationists lol. I think I'll live.

[ambrosiagourmet]

mx. glitz have you seen this. (@ atissi here) /post/744351681315291136/hadnt-seen-anyone-post-the-full-comic-about-laios

i feel like chewing on dry concrete. the toudens......

Post link: atissi.tumblr.com/post/744351681315291136/hadnt-seen-anyone-post-the-full-comic-about-laios

I haaave, and I honestly have like some very complicated feelings about this one, which is part of why I haven't talked about it here.....

In general I very much dislike the tendency for media (and culture at large, at least the culture I'm familiar with) to push reconciliation as the main, or sometimes ONLY happy ending for people estranged from their family. Which isn't exactly what this comic is doing, buuuut... it IS very in line with a sort of like "well you don't understand, your parents had complex reasons, you should forgive them, etc," especially when paired with the fact that it's noted in Falin's bio that she hopes Laios and her parents will reconcile.

With a little more space I've been more able to take this comic as something very anchored in Falin's perspective, rather than necessarily an objective declaration that the Touden Parents Were Right, Actually. Which also was a little hard, honestly, because A) I kind of like to imagine that in post-canon, Falin would be a little less likely to dismiss her own pain in favor of empathizing with others, and B) its kinda shitty to Laios to frame things this way, imo?

Or like... it's one thing for her to have a different perspective on her parents, but framing it as like a "Laios misunderstood" thing, especially in context of her explicitly wanting him to get back in contact with them... eugh. Girl, he is allowed to have his own feelings on the matter and make his own choices. Downplaying his trauma in order to empathize with your parents (who were ADULTS in this situation, while both you and your brother were kids) is not a neutral action.

ANYWAY that all being said... I do find it kind of believable that she might still be caught up in some messiness with all this. Navigating trauma and parents and estrangement is already hard enough on its own, and adding in a sibling - who has different needs and different coping mechanisms - doesn't make things any easier. I hope she can sit down with Laios at some point and actually talk things out.

Also I hope she can give herself a little more space to like. Acknowledge that some shit happened, even if she can empathize with her parents here?? Like... even if you can understand sympathetic reasons for them to have done what they did... they still did that. Her father still failed to communicate with her or Laios. Her mother still lowkey assaulted her. Reasons aren't the only things that matter, especially when it comes to a parent's treatment of their kid. The actions they took were still harmful, and I think that it's important for Falin to have space to acknowledge that. Honestly, if she's anything like me, its gonna hit her like a TRUCK someday, once she finally has the space and safety to sit down and work through things.

Above all else though, this comic definitely gets one thing EXTREMELY right in my book: Marcille is fucking ready to throw down with the Touden parents and give them the lecture of their lives, as is her friend-realizing-the-shit-her-friend's-parents-did given right. o7 Marcille, go with my blessing.

[sysvents]

Deeply terrified to consider this, but. Maybe having a system isn't inherently horrific agony.

This whole coping mechanism works by hiding things. It's built around the fear of being found out. Part of the way the system functions is by remaining hidden by any means necessary.

It didn't help that I had a really bad fucking time realizing everything. I was homeless, terrified, stuck in a place with endless fucking fleas and people who Wanted me Gone, and then i woke one day with my entire concept of self crumbled. I really wasn't in a good place to have put everything together.

I also had a couple horrible experiences of people finding out. One was I asked someone at a work experience for guidance, which led to her telling me to subordinate all of my family and make them my pet slaves. Her insistence that I was the "core" made me sure that no one would understand.

The next was my girlfriend accidentally outing me to a friend group. The friends were all nice and still are. That violation made me certain I could never trust anyone with this information.

I never wanted to have to go through admitting I was abused as a kid. My entire self concept was built around the idea that I was fine, just a bit anxious. Admitting I was worse off than that hurt, and honestly still hurts. If every alter is some kind of coping mechanism (not true, but like hypothetically) then mine is definitely thinking everything is fine.

I'm in a better spot now, though. Housed. It's given me some space to actually try to get better. I've been able to reconnect with my hobbies some more without that looming threat over me at all times.

More importantly, I've reconnected with my alters. I'm really glad I have, too. Everyone has some love and joy and interest to indulge. Twelve even managed to help me unpack a lot of the religious trauma that I didn't even notice was still eating away at me until I tried to be edgy and tie my shoelaces into inverted pentagrams for her.

Also found a server that has a lot of plural people in it. They're all friendly enough that a couple alters have even started hanging out in it as themselves.

Which still horrifies me. But. Perhaps. Has some benefits.

It's helped communication to be a bit more open about it. There's been loads of internalized shame that I've just left because it was too inconvenient to unpack because it would risk people knowing. Having them able to be themselves instead of fitting themselves into the general "me" mold has really helped communication. It's helped them have a chance to figure themselves out.

This is hard. All of it is. Nothing about being a system is easy (except dissociation, I rock at that), but I hate that I've been capitulating and feeding into the idea that it always has to be agony and pain.

It doesn't. You can make progress with your system. You have to. You will.

I still never want to be public about this. Not now, if ever. I want to keep main accounts at the very most ambiguous, but I still want everyone to have a space to express my and themselves (not saying "ourselves", still refuse to use first person plural pronouns forever).

Someone'll need to make a new pinned. Sorry, nine, it was a mess from the beginning. For now, this one'll take its place. Until then, well.

Hey, this is 💛

Name: Max

Species: Pikachu

Pronouns: she/her

System: Storyteller (yeah, like a Time Lord's name. Blame Thirteen.)

[turntechshitass]

first of all, sorry that you're getting all the harrassment that you're getting. it is not deserved and i hope you make the best out of it. i also hope like other users said here that you stay away from the adult circles and engage in the content as safely for you as possible.

i wanted to ask about the harrassment precisely. i remember back on twitter when you hadn't been outed that you participated in the dogpiling and contributed to the harrassment of other hstwt accounts who got outed as having private proship accounts. i'm not here for another cancellation or to make fun of you for it. pressures from anti circles to participate in the dogpiling exist, to fit in and to avoid being outed, or even repressing it. it doesn't justify it, but it's somewhat understandable. i know personally of other proship hstwt adults who faced or still face pretty bad harrassment for exactly the same reasons you are getting harrassed now. the feelings of betrayal and distrust can be really hard to handle. i feel like this would be a great opportunity to voice your opinion if it has changed since then, how you feel about what happened in the past or what you think about the general behavior of usual fandom spaces, leading to processes of "witch hunt", infiltration, constant moral questioning of all and everyone... which aren't helpful at all in actually ensuring safety and boundaries being respected. many thanks.

I used to be a hard-core anti, but I wouldn't go into people's dms and whatnot telling people to off themselves. I did though believe a lot of their ideas that they were terrible people and hurt sa victims, blah blah blah. The hivemind is pretty strong in the anti circles. you just believe whatever your friend tells you (thats why most antis dont even know what a proshipper actually is) think harassing people online over things like drawings and ships is toxic and doesn't help anyone. telling a proshipper to kill themselves will not help them get better. People just like hurting others and being vile so they look for people where they can justify it because they're "bad people" and "deserve it". When you ask them to stop harassing you they just tell you to stop doing the behavior they don't like. You have to walk on fucking eggshells in the anti community because everyone is actively searching for a mistake or take they dont like so they can harass and make threads on you for it. Everything is also extremely performative. I do not like how these people claim to be understanding and tolerant and then do this. Antis always say mental health is important and shit until the mental health issues makes you start doing things they don't like. People have so much fucking sympathy towards people who cut or people who have eds but not people who draw/consume certain content of fictional fucking characters to cope with their sexual trauma??? And they always say "well it's a bad coping mechanism stop it " but they've never told a cutter to die because of their bad coping mechanism??? Make it fucking make sense

[part-time-princess92]

Age Regression, Age Play, and OSDD: Understanding the Differences and My Experience

Littlespace means different things to different people. For some, it’s a form of age regression, for others, it’s a type of age play, and for people like me—who have OSDD (Otherwise Specified Dissociative Disorder)—it’s something more complex. I want to share my experience and help others understand how these three things differ, and why I personally feel at home in the CGL/DDLG community rather than in the age regression space.

What is Age Regression?

Age regression is a mental state where a person regresses into the emotions, thought patterns, and behaviors of a younger age. This can be voluntary or involuntary. When someone regresses, it’s not just "acting little"—their mind actually shifts into a younger state. It’s often used as a coping mechanism for stress, trauma, or anxiety, but it can also be a natural way for someone to feel safe and comforted.

What is Age Play?

Age play is more like role-playing—adapting behaviors to act younger, but without actually regressing mentally. A person engaging in age play still feels fully capable of making adult decisions and is aware that they are role-playing. While it may look similar to age regression from the outside, the internal experience is different. Age play can be healing and valid in its own right, often providing a space to de-stress and have fun.

What is OSDD?

OSDD (Otherwise Specified Dissociative Disorder) is a dissociative disorder where a person has two or more personality states. Unlike DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder), where parts can have distinct personalities and significant memory loss between them, my version of OSDD is more fluid. My parts are all versions of me—just at different stages of life.

I have:

A little/princess version of me

A teenage version of me

An older, wiser version of me

The “me” that everyone sees

Other parts that are quiet due to medication

Not everyone with OSDD has an active inner child that demands to be seen—but I do. That’s why I feel at home in the littlespace community rather than just in the mental health space.

Why I’m in the CGL/DDLG Community

Some might wonder why I choose the CGL/DDLG community instead of the age regression community. The answer is simple:

My little self feels at home here. Whether it's due to past experiences or just her natural curiosity, she feels more comfortable exploring herself in an environment where her body is accepted and she doesn’t have to pretend to be something she’s not.

She isn’t as innocent as this post may make her seem. While she is childlike in many ways, she is still part of an adult body with adult experiences. That complexity makes the CGL community feel like a better fit.

How My Experience is Different from Age Regression

Unlike voluntary age regression, I always have a little voice in my head. It’s not something I "turn on" or "turn off"—it’s a constant presence. Even when I’m not fully in littlespace, my little side is always influencing my thoughts.

When I fully slip into littlespace, it’s both freeing and scary.

Freeing because it feels like my truest, rawest self shining through.

Scary because I know I don't always make the best choices in that state.

Most of the time, I exist in co-fronting mode, where my adult self and little self are both present. This is safer and more manageable, but it feels less authentic than fully slipping into littlespace.

How My Littlespace Feels

When I’m fully little, I feel:

Bubbly, giggly, and energetic

Easily entertained and fascinated by the world

Safe, comforted, and free

But it can also be:

Scary—feeling alone, unsure how to take care of myself

Vulnerable—like I need someone to guide me

Hard to remember—when I return to my adult state, my memories feel muddy, like wading through thick water

How Daddy Supports Me

Daddy plays a huge role in keeping me safe. When he announces that I can be little, my brain takes it as permission to let go. It reassures me that he’s in charge, and I don’t have to manage everything myself.

He helps by:

Making decisions when I struggle

Setting boundaries and keeping me safe

Allowing me to take breaks from being "big"

Making sure all my parts feel loved and cared for

In many ways, I am my own caregiver, just as much as Daddy is. It’s my responsibility to:

Communicate my needs when I can

Surround myself with safe, understanding people

Respect and honor my little self, rather than pushing her away

Common Misconceptions & Judgments

Surprisingly, I’ve found that the BDSM community is more accepting of my experience than some age regression communities. The biggest judgment I’ve seen comes from people who don’t understand the sexual aspect of CGL/DDLG.

But the truth is:

Littles can be part of BDSM and still be valid.

Littles can have complex relationships with their littlespace.

Littles can be both mentally young and still aware of adult desires—it’s not black and white.

Advice for Others Who Relate

If you think your experience with littlespace is different, or that you might have a dissociative disorder, here’s my advice:

Talk to a trusted therapist or advisor. Understanding your mind is the most important first step.

Find the right community for you. Whether it’s age regression, CGL/DDLG, or the OSDD/DID community—finding a place where you feel accepted is life-changing.

Be patient with yourself. Understanding your own headspace takes time, and that’s okay.

No two people experience littlespace the same way. But by talking about it, we can create more understanding, more acceptance, and more safe spaces for everyone.

Final Thoughts This post was deeply personal, but I wanted to share my experience to normalize different ways of being little. If you relate, know that you’re not alone. There’s a place for you, and there’s a community that will accept you.

What are your thoughts? Have you ever felt different in your littlespace? Let’s talk in the comments!

[shankss-magnificent-ass]

My King/Alber head cannons

Author's note: a lot of this might be me displacing a lot of my trauma from my own abduction and abuse. So sorry?

Sfw

King comes off as cool and aloof, but he's not

He's just social awkward, sucks at social ques, and is quiet from having spent the majority of his formative years being tortured.

Also if he has something medical wrong, good luck getting him to a doctor.

He has an adversion to anything involving medicine, unless you're his doctor and he really trusts you and you communicate what you're doing the entire time.

King is the king of commitment issues

Your relationship will pretty much be plutonic for YEARS before he opens up to you about anything.

He also has the emotional intelligence of a tea spoon, be patient with him

The first thing King did when he got out of punk hazard was start looking for his parents. All he found was his father's necklace, which he keeps on him. But he still looks for them every chance he gets.

King falls in love easily, but for the right people and rarely

He's an gray-aromantic pansexual kuudere

King is attracted to soft hearted sweet people, but he also likes his s/o to be chubby or muscular, he likes the squish.

If you show him anything even resembling tenderness or understanding, you will pretty much have King's attention.

King is a jealous man, he doesn't like sharing and he's low-key afraid you'll leave him.

He'll push you away if he's afraid you'll leave, because you can't hurt him if he leaves first.

Be patient and give him space, but show him you're still there for him.

Once you have his trust and he has accepted you aren't going to leave him or hurt him he'll become very clingy. You become as important to him as Kaido.

He loves head pats, but is loathed to admit it.

Now I don't think King would want kids, I think he'd be too afraid of them having to suffer the same fate he did. He also doesn't think a pirate crew is a good place to raise a child.

Also he's the type to hold a child at arm's length because they're smelly, wriggly, loud, and he doesn't know what to do with them. They're so small and fragile and he's ... The opposite

Pets and plants are okay though

He was and is Yamoto's babysitter

King likes music, he just hates Queen's

King is actually very romantic, and he likes doing stuff for you.

Will eventually ask you to call him Alber in private, but don't call him Al or he will eat you and not in the fun way.

If you are smaller than him he will carry you around in his pockets.

He has an entire wing of Kaido's palace to himself, no one but a select few are allowed there. You live there with him, and king wears casual clothes there.

King in gray sweat pants, fluffy socks, a t-shirt, and a cardigan 🤤😩😤🥺😍

Or naked if he's too tired to put on clothes after his post-work shower/bath

King likes when you watch him practice his swordsmanship

It makes him try harder

King will stick his feathers in your hair, at least in private.

The only time he lets you wear them out in public is formal events or if he feels someone is getting a little too chummy with you and he doesn't have time to mark you up.

If you fall asleep on him he'll carry you to bed.

King doesn't like too doing pda in public

He's afraid you'll be in danger for being too close to him.

King's main love languages for giving is acts of service, quality time, and gift giving.

King's love languages for receiving love are acts of service, physical touch (eventually), and words of affirmation

Nsfw

King very much is a "torture loving pervert", he prefers to be the torturer though.

He won't admit it's a coping mechanism for him to process what was done to him, but it is.

So if you're not into BDSM that's fine, he can work with that.

He will respect your boundaries though, he understands what it's like to be forced through that and would never force his fetishes on you.

Very much a dom, but a very flexible dom

Soft Dom

Hard dom

Chaotic dom

Pleasure Dom

Helpful Dom, who reminds you to drink water

Not a Dom

He's all of them

After sex he can either pass the fuck out or he becomes a clingy cuddly man.

He likes resting his head on your chest and having you run your fingers through his hair.

Sex positions he likes is crouching tiger, necking, reverse 69, and the anvil

King has to be on top most of the time, he has to keep the fire on his back going.

King is very much into pleasuring his partner, he isn't going to let you tap out until you've had at least six orgasms and are physically shaking and show no signs of stopping.

If you're a brat he's going to put you through the ringer.

You will not be walking after sassing him.

He does love a brat because if makes punishing you that much more arousing.

Predator prey kink but no place for him to really indulge in it

King really likes marking his partners up, like you will not roll out of bed the next morning without bites and bruises from.

He is horny on main, but not in an*always want sex* kind of way

He's horny on main in a "really easy to ruffle his feathers and get him hot and bothered" kind of way.

For real, King can go from "I am a pious man, untempted by the sins of the flesh" to "I'm going to rip your clothes off and fuck you hard till we both forget our names"

And yes, sex with King is usually extraordinarily rough. Like there are a multitude of handprints on your person and your ass and sex are very sore.

But only if you're okay with it. If not, he can entertain his own fantasies without acting on them.

Sex with King, can also be very soft.

This tends to happen around anniversaries of bad things from his past.

Soft sex with King is amazing

Like no matter how much physical contact you two are having, it's never enough.

His hands are everywhere and he makes the sweetest sounds.

But most importantly King will trail kisses everywhere, he will worship you.

His pace will be slow, but deep, making you feel every inch of his cock as it stretches you out.

This is King's way of showing you he cherishes you.

King wants to memorize every inch of you so he has something to keep him company when he has not but his own company to enjoy.

He also wants you to remember his body, his warmth, his touch, and the pleasure he gives you.

Don't wear your hair in a pony tail or braid around him, he'll be too distracted by the thought of wrapping it around his fist as he takes you from behind.

[nahalism]

[trigger warning] re: anon ask advice for child s/a.

im not replying to the question directly cause i couldnt preface it with a warning & the topic matter is super heavy for the dashboard. hope u understand. advising you would be irresponsible as im not privy to the situation, its context, what the child needs, and how they're currently reacting. what i will do is put some things for u to watch out for below along with an advisory which im sure your on top of already, to seek out a professional service along side the counsel of a trusted elder

• presence (intentional time spent without being distracted) is so important. being consistently present = showing up. this doesnt mean being constantly with the child or coddling them, but that when you are with them, youre present. the more you or the childs caregivers show up for them in this way, the more trust will be built between the child and yourselves & that will help reinforce a feeling of protection and support from you to them. creating that space is important for 2 big reasons 1) it creates a line of communication which will be key. first to re-establish healthy communication and intimacy patterns (this will eventually make much of the self identification, self worth and boundary work easier) but also to reduce symptoms like self isolation & other harmful coping mechanisms. 2) people don't always open up on our timeline, so consistently holding room to be present makes it that much more likely that when something is said, or a behaviour/emotion slips through the cracks, there's someone will be to say it to or someone to see.

• whatever thought, emotion or reaction the child may be exhibiting/beginning to exhibit, needs to be sat with and listened to without trying to be changed or corrected. if not listened to effectively, they may repress the trauma of the experience, internalising it but not processing it, which means it will have to be processed later on. by giving them the space to be heard, seen, and felt early on, the issues specific to the child and their experience can be supported (which means when they are ready to transmute their experiences they'll have a clearer road map to the issues they need to solve, why they need to solve them, and they and their support system will have less guesswork to do on why they need the support and how to be supportive/supported later on).

• so so so many s/a survivors become withdrawn or silent & internalise their trauma, so its important that the goal of creating a space for conversation is not seen as a 'space to reverse the damage done' or 'manage how it gets expressed', but rather as a space that two people (not child and adult, but people) can be together. by genuinely bonding and not trying to fix someone you continue to appeal to the whole individual, rather than one aspect of the individuals journey. normalise inquiry into their life, who they are, what they enjoy doing, discovering the answer to those questions, & supporting them in asking new questions. only once they feel secure, can they begin to process what they have experienced at the level available to them & trying to guide someone through healing prematurely can be harmful, particularly if they arent ready to truly process what happened. so whilst its good to talk about the assault if they want to open up to you, it doesnt need to be the primary topic at hand.

• transparency is key!!! a lot if the time adults try to speak to children in a way that appeals to children, rather than just saying things as they are, and sometimes pussyfooting around the topic leads to confusion and miscommunication. now obviously use your discretion, but being given clear, hard facts, builds security, first for the person within themselves as it lets people plan their response, second between you and the person you tell the truth because they will believe over time you hold their interest at heart, and thirdly because knowing the full picture reduces fear of unknowns and potential blindspots. even tho that might be a concern cause your dealing with a child, an element of adulthood can come over children who have experienced certain things. that mix of processing adult thoughts and emotions with innocent reasoning can make it really hard to understand not only ones own thoughts and emotions but the appropriateness of them, what is right to say, and what should remain hidden. so by giving them adult vocabulary not only can you help them understand themselves, but also understand the manner of adult communication that is right and wrong for them to be around. hearing the truth and learning that its okay to be frank and say what you see, think, feel, hear is pivotal. it will it help them make sense of their own thoughts and emotions, it will help them feel supported in their own truth and be a further buffer of protection in the future. super importantly!! since children mirror everything, especially adults, it teaches them that they can speak freely and honestly, without fear of negative repercussions or being inappropriate.

• the other points are quite serious so this one is important. playyyy!! children need to be children. one of the worst effects that trauma can have is robbing children of lightheartedness and their childhood. whilst they may have been forced to grow ahead of their years in many ways, they are still a child, so do your best to help them cultivate not only a space to play in (both alone and with people you trust), but to be in the spirit of playfulness. & ofc, dont force feelings from them that arent there, so if you find their spirits are low, model the behaviour for them. inserting moments of fun, random adventures (even during errands like going to the shop) that evoke laughter and lightheartedness into the everyday stuff is v helpful to keeping that part of their spirit alive.

[wakeupfreanz]

The Inner Child Speaks 🔑PAC Reading🔑

I swear I'm not really a pac kind of reader, but I will never ignore the call of the universe. Be advised that this reading might be emotional for some of you, choose a pile that resonates. Many blessings. None of the images are gender specific, truly pick whichever calls to you.

Pile 1: KnoW, 5oP, Justice, 7oC

Pile 2: PoC, 7oS, Death, KoW

Overall: AoP

Messages: Heart Chakra, "It's going to be okay", Overthinking.

"I feel like you shut me out sometimes." "I don't know if you like to hear me sometimes." This pile has a lot of strained feelings when it comes to connecting with themselves. Like you're trying to break off parts of yourself, ashamed of who you once were. There are probably some capricorn and pisces moons here. A lot of you are very quick to police and shut yourself up when it comes to expressing yourself. Like you didn't feel seen or heard so your first assumption is that nobody cares or wants to know, so you tend to just do the job yourself instead of be set up to feel hurt.

Your inner child is saying that it's okay for you to relax and chase things you like. This pile made me get really tear for you, because you tend to stomach so much and quietly carry your burdens without saying you need help. You'd collapse first without asking for help. Your inner child is telling you that we don't have to keep pushing and struggling through. We aren't climbing the mountain anymore. You're so worried that if we stop pushing forward that it's all going to fall apart, it doesn't make sense anymore. You're so scared of being betrayed that you have your defense and guard up constantly.

You might be a person of a more timid/quiet nature in truth, but you walk in the room and try to appear intimidating so nobody will mess with you. Your inner child is asking to be hear, stop trying to cut them away and detach yourself. Listen to them, understand them, hear them. They are you, they aren't a gum wrapped that's thrown away and never seen again. Your inner child is proud of who you are now and how far you've come, but it hurts them that you're trying so hard to forget that they ever existed.

Some of you in this pile might struggle with showing and receiving love and compassion. It feels like a lot of you might be the oldest in your family, you were made to be a caretaker before you knew how to take care of yourself.

_

Pile 1: 10oC, PoW, Moon, 5oS

Pile 2: Lovers, 7oC, 5oW, QoW

Overall: World rev

Messages: "It's going to be okay", "You hurt me", Overthinking.

There are some libra and aries placements in this pile. Your inner child is hurting when it comes to love and relationships. Almost as if you weren't given enough love or attention and it wounds you still today. Many of you may find yourselves overcompensating in all sorts of relationships because you believe that if you don't do enough they'll stop caring or loving you.

A good bunch of you in this pile when it comes to romantic relationships may find yourself trying to compensate for love you didn't receive in other relationships, especially in romantic. Partners to fill in parental roles, friends who will take care of you more than healthier platonic boundaries sometimes. Your inner child is telling you that the end of relationships isn't forever. Romantically, you can only bring yourself so much fulfillment in life. A good marriage isn't going to be the end of your life, you don't have to dedicate your entire being to someone because you feel like it could fix you. Your inner child and your past childhood tells me that you were very often confused. Some of you may have been very attached to some of your teachers in the past because they reflected or were similar to one of the caretakers in your life, or somewhat felt like they filled in the role of the one who could have been absent. Whether physically or emotionally.

Your inner child is asking you to stop fighting with them, stop fighting with others. It's hard to let go but what is yours will return to you and what must go should flow with the rest of time. Many of you in this pile may have more proclivity to emotional openness or being extroverted. You might be like the class clown or the funny friend. Your inner child is asking you to understand that there is so much more to life.

_

Pile 1: 10oC, WOF, KoP, 3oP

Pile 2: AoW, QoC, 8oP, 2oP

Overall: Star

Messages: Heart over Mind, Throat Chakra, Strength/Bravery

Those of you in this pile might struggle with headaches or migraines. Some of you might have a divorced family. Maybe some of you had parents of whom it felt as if you were the parent or had to handle much of the family business despite your youth.

Your inner child is asking you to speak to them. Many of you in this pile were often called "mature" for your age when you were younger. There is a lot of middle child energy. The independent one, the one that nobody had to worry about because they function very well independently. You often hold it together and walk along the fence easily through conflict. The problem is when it comes to you communicating how you feel to others, very strongly. You often feel like there truly might be no one that understands your problems or will listen long enough to get them.

You might feel as if you come off as monotone or boring, you often choose apathy as your coping mechanism because it's much easier for you not to feel much or look like you're feeling much from the outside. There are a couple of scorpio and gemini placements around here.

Your inner child is sending you much love and strength. They're saying that you won't end up like those around you and to stop worrying about it. You often might think or say to yourself "when i get married/have a family/get older, i wont be like them." Be reassured that you will not be. You are not doomed to the same fate that those around you are or might have done to themselves. Continue to work hard because you will make it. However your inner child is also telling you that you don't have to be so rigid and stick in the mud all the time. Please do not forget how to smile and enjoy yourself. Many of you might still have some bitterness and resentment for those who raised/were around you. Forgive them not just for them, but so you are open to receive that you are deserved. Blessings.

Some of you are much more like the father/dad friend rather than the mom friend. You often find strength in loyalty and taking care of those you deem worthy of it.

_

Pile 1: AoS, 9oP, 8oS, KnoS

Pile 2: KnoP rev, 9oP, KoS, AoW

Overall: 3oP

Messages: Identify, "It's going to be okay", Growth, Throat Chakra

"Please get to know me." Aquarius, Leo, and a few cancer placements here. Many of you in this pile might remember much of your childhood if at all, as if you've blocked it out of your memory consciously/unconsciously.

Some of you in this pile still feel like you're a kid at times, like you're not mature enough or equipped to handle anything in your life that happens. Like you're trapped on a merry go round and are forced just to go and watch what happens.

Your inner child is asking you to look back and understand who they are, who you are. You might have been so preoccupied with others that you might not have ever gotten the chance to really understand and develop your own identity. You might often find yourself spacing out and not noticing it, and generally avoid going through your emotions. So when they happen, they hit you like a freight train. Those closest to you might truly not know how to reach you because you're afraid of expressing yourself at all, even in private.

Many of you in this pile might struggle with self love and often bring yourself down. You might experience little bursts of enjoying yourself but they are generally very short lived. Your inner child is asking you to release your quietly pessimistic view on life and the world and be not afraid to explore it and try new things. Some of you in this pile are insanely intelligent but truly refuse to believe it. Some of you also may often argue with those who raised you. It's okay to not always know where to go or have a plan set out like everyone else. Stop being so hard on yourself.

Some of you also struggle with depression and may often take very long depression naps.

_

*TW for mentions of substance use and abuse in this pile.*

Pile 1: 3oS, Devil, PoP, 7oP

Pile 2: Fool, 10oW, AoC, 9oW

Overall: Star

Messages: Plan of Action, Shadow Side, Get Serious

I'm feeling strong leo placements for this pile. Some virgo placements too. For some of you, substance use/addiction might be in your family line. Some of you right now might use substances as a coping mechanism.

Some of you might have been or took witness to physical or emotional abuse in your youth in addition to this. Some of you here might have also been sickly as a child, constant colds, flu, fever, etc.

For many of you here, humor is also a big way for you to cope with some of the things that you experienced. You might not know how to stop joking, even when you're upset. Some of you struggle with bitterness toward the world and those around you.

Your inner child was not very talkative when I tapped into your energy. By nature you may be very introverted and quiet, some of you struggle with social anxiety and getting to know others.

Your inner child just wants to hug you and tell you that there is always a new day tomorrow. There is always a better place to go, a better place to be, better people to be around. There will be people who will teach you how to give and receive love, despite how painful it will be for you to unlearn old ideals imparted upon you. Many of you with traumas only speak of them to others who understand or have experienced similar things.

It will be hard to accept, but your inner child is asking you to reverse your self hatred and understand you are a gift to this world. There is beauty in life that will find you all around. Please be nicer to yourself. I'm sending a lot of love to this pile, you do not have to be the spokesperson or representative of everything you go through and have been through. Facing your shadow and understanding it is one step at a time, you are not broken person.

_

[ddejavvu]

I saw this discourse on your account a while ago about an anon asking what pro-ship is and I'd like to inform you that the person that replied and told you that it's just shipping pedophilic ships and such, is wrong. (Sorry, I just remembered about it.)

Pro-ship is anti-harassment against people and their fictional ships. All it is is Anti-Harrassment for people shipping what they ship. As well as not invalidating people's ships because they ship something that's problematic- in any and all ways, more than just pedophilia.

Examples can be Billy Hargrove x Steve Harrington, Steve Harrington x Robin Buckley, and of course it can be things such as Henry x Jane Hopper or Nancy Wheeler x Mike Wheeler. However, pro-ship is more than just validating and supporting problematic ships, it can also be just normal ships as well. Some examples can be Tommy Hagan x Steve Harrington, Robin Buckly x Chrissy Cunningham, etc.

Pro-ship is not but can include dark themes, taboo topics, etc.

Pro-ship is just generally not invalidating someone nor harassing someone for their ship that is fictional. Fictional is not reality.

Pro-ship are aware of the things that aren't okay with their ship if it was reality.

Pro-ship does not mean you support or condone such actions in real life.

A percentage of pro-ship people use their ships and content as a coping mechanism and suggested by therapist to vent out their traumas.

••••••••••••

However, anti-shippers are just people who don't agree with pro-ship beliefs.

Such as validating ships that someone ships. Examples are (like above but put into more general dynamics) bother x sister or teacher x student or racist character x poc characters or gay x lesbian, they believe its wrong and shouldn't be supported.

They dont believe its okay to make and distribute this content, even if fictional because of their morals and own humane principle. Which is completely understandable Although most anti's will use pedophilia to describe why they're not pro-ship (of which pro-ship is not pedophilia)

Another point anti's tend to use against pro-ship supporters is that they're pedophiles themselves. However, that isnt completely true. I've heard about known Anti's to be pedophiles but not a peep from pro-ship supporters besides one person who was using pro-ship as a way to cover why minors are allowed in adult spaces, which isn't good and shouldn't be supported.

Although both sides shouldn't harrass anyone on either side, it's a common method from Antis to harrass, dox, suicide bait, send gore, death threats, etc to Pro's. Some of the Anti community does not agree nor support with such actions people in their community are doing and most, if not all, pro's refrain from such actions on matter the side you take because it goes against their own beliefs as Pro-ship. (However I'm not saying some dont do it, just pointing out that most of the community does not claim them and will heavily apologize for their behavior as they're disgusted as well)

I wanted to send this to you so you knew for your own acknowledgement.

To people on both sides, I hope I explained your beliefs well as a neutral person who collects information of both sides but prominently pro's because of their more less threatening tones and violence towards people who dont agree or have opinions on such matters.

I hope you have a lovely day mei ♡

okay so by your explanation pro-shipping is just very inclusive and judgement-free and that's why problematic ships get lumped in there, because it's the only place they tend to not get penalized, yeah? i get it. it's really hard to be a blanket statement kinda person, you know? i have specific values and morals that conflict with taboo ships (incest, pedophilia, racist/poc, gay/homophobe, straight man/lesbian, etc) so i could never label myself pro-ship, even if the ships are fictional. there's just some lines that i myself won't cross even if it's in fiction, so i wouldn't ever be 100% pro or anti ship. obviously i ship characters but there are exceptions and i have limits so i suppose i am neither.

i hear what you're saying: of course, not every pro-shipper is into taboo stuff in fiction, nor in real life, and some antis are. but in general if more taboo behavior is centered around or publicly engaged in by members of one particular side (pedophilic shipping or incestual shipping or the like), and it's not spoken out against? that's gonna be their reputation. I know that not every proshipper is into morally wrong or illegal relationships, but there's still going to be people assuming that everyone is chill with it if no one stamps it out. pro/anti-shipper just seem like very polarized terms and i myself don't relate to either, and i'm sure many others don't either.

[number5theboy]

Please elaborate on how Five could've turned into the most insufferable character to watch

Thanks for asking me to elaborate on this text post:

@tessapercygranger​, @waywardd1​ and @margarita-umbrella​ also wanted to see a more detailed version of it, and I ended up writing an essay that’s longer than some of my actual academic essays. So buckle up.

WHY NUMBER FIVE SHOULD BE THE MOST OBNOXIOUS CHARACTER IN TV HISTORY, AND HOW HE MANAGES NOT TO BE

Number Five: The Concept That Could Go Horribly Wrong

Alright, let’s first look at Five in theory in an overarching way, without taking into account the execution of the show. The basic set-up of the character, of course, is being a 58-year-old consciousness in a teenager’s body, due to a miscalculation in time travel. Right off the bat, Five is bar none the most overpowered of the siblings; by the end of Season 2, no one has yet been able to defeat him in a fight. He is a master assassin – and not just any master assassin, but the best one there is – and a survival expert, able to do complex maths and physics without the aid of a calculator, shown to have knowledge of half a dozen languages, has very developed observational skills and, to top that all off, he can manipulate time and space to the point where he can literally erase events that happened and change the course of history. And Five knows how skilled he is; he is arrogant, self-assured and sarcastic, and his streak of goodness is buried deep inside. David Castañeda once described Five in an interview as 90% chocolate with a cherry in the middle, meaning that you have to get through a lot of darkness and bitterness before knowing there is a good core, and I think it’s an excellent metaphor. However, Five is also incredibly, fundamentally terrible at communicating with anyone, and, because he is the only one with time travel abilities, the character a lot of the actual plot - and the moving forward of it - centres around. Also he’s earnestly in love with a mannequin, who is pretty much a projection of his own consciousness that functions as a coping mechanism for all the trauma he has endured. All in all, this gives you a character who looks like a teenager, but with the smug superiority of a fifty-something, who a) is extremely skilled in many different things, b) has a superiority complex, is arrogant and vocal about it, and most of the superiority is expressed through cutting sarcasm, c) has one very hidden ounce of goodness that he is literally the worst at communicating to other human beings, d) is what moves the plot along but is also bad at talking to anyone else, meaning that the plot largely remains with him, and e) his love interest is essentially a projection of himself. Tell me that’s not a character who is destined to be just…obnoxious, annoying, egocentric, a necessary evil that one has to put up with to get through this show. There are so many elements of this characterisation that can and should easily make Five beyond insufferable, but the show manages to avoid it, and I’m putting this down to three aspects.

That Trick of Age and Appearance

Bluntly put, Five as a character would not work if he was anything else than an old man in a 13-year-old body. Imagine this character and all his skills and knowledge, but actually just…a teenager. Immediately insufferable. Same goes for him being around 30, like his siblings, all of which are stunted and traumatised by their father’s abuse. If Five, being comparatively unscathed by Reginald to the point where he explicitly does not want to be defined by his association with his father, were 30 like his siblings, it would just take the bite out of that plot point and also give him a lot less time in the apocalypse, reducing the impact it had on him as a person. And making Five his actual 58-year-old self would make him very similar to Reginald, at least on surface level, with the appearance and attitude. Five and Reginald are two fundamentally different people, but having one of the siblings being a senior citizen that’s dressed to the nines and bosses his siblings around in a relatively self-centred way does open up that parallel, and would take away from Five’s charm as a character. Because pairing the life experience of a 58-year-old with the appearance of a teenager gives you the best of both worlds. You get the other siblings (and a lot of the audience, from a glance in the tags of my gifsets) feeling protective and paternal about Five, but his age and experience also give the justifications for his many skills, his arrogance, in a way, and his ability to decimate a room full of people. It’s the very interesting and not new concept of someone dangerous with the appearance of something harmless, a child. This is also where Five’s singular outfit comes in. I know we like to clown on Five to get a new outfit, but I think what gets forgotten often is how effective this outfit is at making the viewer take him seriously. The preppy school uniform is the perfect encapsulation of the tension between old man in spirit and young teenager in appearance. The blazer, vest and especially the shirt and tie are quite formal, relatively grown up. They’re not something we, the audience, usually associate with a teenage boy wearing; it makes Five just a little bit more grown up. But there is also a reason characters in this show keep bringing up Five’s shorts and his socks, because those are not things that we associate with grown men wearing; they’re the unmistakably childish part of his school uniform. Take a moment and imagine Five wearing a hoodie or a t-shirt, jeans, and sneakers; would that outfit work for him as well as the uniform does? Would he be able to command the same kind of respect or seriousness as a character? I don’t think so; the outfit is a lot more pivotal in making Five believable than a lot of people give it credit for.

Writing Nuance

The other big building block in not making Five incredibly insufferable is the writing. Objectively speaking, I think Five is the most well-written, and, more importantly, most coherently written character on the show (which does have to do with the fact that the show’s events are all sequential for him), and his arc and personality remain relatively intact over the course of the two seasons. More to the point, a giant part of what makes Five bearable as a character is that he is allowed to fail. He is written to have high highs and low lows, big victories through his skills and his intelligence, but also catastrophic failures and the freedom to be wrong. His superior intellect and skillset are not the be-all end-all of the plot or his character, just something that influences both. His inability for communication has not (yet) been used to fabricate a contrived misunderstanding that derails the plot and left all of us seething; instead, it’s a characteristic that makes him fail to reconnect with the people he loves. This is a bit simplified, as he does find common ground with Luther, for example, but in general, a lot of the rift between Five and his siblings is that they can’t relate to his traumas and he does not understand the depth of Reginald’s abuse, which is an interesting conflict worth exploring. Another thing that really works in Five’s favour is that he is definitely written to be mean and sarcastic, but it is never driven to the point of complete unlikability, and a lot of the time, the context makes it understandable why he reacts the way he does. Most of the sarcastic lines he gets are actually funny, that certainly helps, but in general, Five is a good example of a bearable character whose default personality is sharp and relatively cold, because it is balanced out with many moments of vulnerability. Delores is incredibly important for this in the first season, she is the main focus of Five’s humanising moments, and well-written as she totes the line between clearly being a coping mechanism for an extremely traumatised man and still coming across to the viewer as the human contact Five needs her to be. In the second season, the vulnerability is about his guilt for his siblings, it’s about Five connecting a little bit better to them. There’s also his relationship with the Commission and the Handler specifically – which honestly could be an essay on its own – that deserves a mention, because the Handler is why Five became the man he is, and this dynamic between creator and creation is explored in a very interesting way – their scenes are some of the most well-written in the entire show. And TUA never falls into the trap of making Five a hero, he is always morally ambiguous at best, and it just makes for an interesting, multi-faceted character, well-written character, and none of the characteristics that should make him unlikeable are allowed to take centre-stage for long enough to be defining on their own. I know a lot of people especially champion the scenes where Five goes apeshit, but without his more nuanced characterisation, if he was like that all the time, those scenes would not hit as hard.

Aidan Gallagher’s Performance is Underrated

But honestly, none of the above would matter that much if the Umbrella Academy didn’t luck out hard with the casting of Aidan Gallagher. I think what he achieves as an actor in this show is genuinely underappreciated. Like, the first season set out to cast six adults having to deal with various ramifications of childhood trauma, and a literal child that had to be able to act smart and wise beyond his years, seamlessly integrate into a family of adults while seeming like an adult, traumatised by the literal end of the world, AND had to be able to create the romantic chemistry of a thirty-year-long marriage with a lifeless department store doll. The only role I could think of to compare is Kirsten Dunst in Interview with a Vampire, where she plays a vampire child who, because she is undead, doesn’t age physically, but does mentally, so she’s 400 in a child’s body. And Kirsten Dunst had to do that for a two-hour movie. Five is a main character in a show that spans 20 episodes now. That’s insane, and it’s a risk. Five is a character that can’t be allowed to go wrong; if you don’t buy Five as a character, the entire first season loses believability. And they found someone who could do that not only convincingly, but also likeably. As I said, he is incredibly helped by the costuming department and the script, but Aidan Gallager’s Five has so much personality, he’s threatening and funny and charming and arrogant and heartbreaking. He has the range to be convincing in the quiet moments where Five’s humanity comes to show and in the moments where Five goes completely off the rails. Most child actors act with other children, but he is the only child in the main cast, and holds his own in scenes with adults not as a child, but as an adult on equal footing with the other adult characters. That’s not something to be taken for granted. But even apart from the fact that it’s a child actor who carries a lot of the plot and the drama of a series for adults, Aidan Gallagher’s portrayal of Five is also just so much fun. The comedic timing is on point, he has the dramatic chops for the serious scenes, the mannerisms and visual ticks add to the character rather than distract from him, and his line deliveries, paired with his physical acting, make Five arrogant and smug but never outright malicious and unlikeable. It’s just some terrific acting that really does justice to the character as he is written, but the writing would not be as strong if it wasn’t delivered and acted out the way Aidan Gallagher does. He is an incredible asset for this show.

Alright, onto concluding this rambling. If you made it this far, I commend you, and thank you for it. The point of all of this is that Five, as a character, could have been an unmitigated disaster of a TV character. He is overpowered, arrogant, uncommunicative and could so easily have been either unconvincing or completely unlikeable, but he turned out to be neither. It’s a combination of choices in the costume department, decisions in the writing room, and Aidan Gallagher’s acting skills that make the things that should make him obnoxious and annoying incredibly entertaining, and I hope you liked my long-winded exploration of these. Some nuance was lost along the way, but if I had not stopped myself, this would’ve become a full-blown thesis.

[whump-town]

Take Me to Church

Here it is: my religious!Hotch fic turned Bisexual!Hotch fic. I hope you enjoy my hard work, tears, and disaster bi-thoughts  

Warning: language, sex, homosexuality **there’s no real need for a warning for that but I’d just like to market this to my fellow gays**, religious trauma, Catholic guilt, child abuse, smoking, mention of AIDS in passing but no one has it, character death(s) **not anyone major**, Aaron Hotchner’s mega big boy grande sized guilt complex, ooc bc Aaron Hotchner has the proper emotions, and just general all around intense feelings 

The only Heaven I'll be sent to, Is when I'm alone with you, I was born sick, but I love it, Command me to be well

Word count:  5,794

Praying never made much sense to Aaron Hotchner. 

As a child, he’d prayed with crimson teeth and a bleeding tongue for his mother to be spared in his father’s rampant beatings. The priest always said that prayer shouldn’t be selfish. As he sat on his bruised knees and whispered between sobs, he hadn’t been thinking about himself. He’d been thinking about the little brother in his mother’s womb. About the pregnancy that wouldn’t survive if his father didn’t stop hitting on her. About his poor mother who looked sicker each day.

He must have done something wrong because when God had answered his prayers...

“Come on now son. Don’t be difficult,” the priest’s heavy hands pull him away from his mother’s grave. His suit hadn’t fit well that morning but logged with the rain pouring overhead, it now hangs from his bones. They make their way back home. Back to his miserable son of a bitch father. 

That night, the priest had tucked him into bed and Aaron rolls over in his bed to put his back to the man. As the old man turned to cut the lights, Aaron finally speaks for the first time all day. He’d found his voice deep within his chest and laced it with his father’s unhinged anger. “I killed her,” he whispers, hot tears running down his cheeks. 

The priest shakes his head. “No.” And, the old man could never know this, but what he said next would stay with Aaron for the rest of his life. “It was her time, son.”

God had killed her.

That day was the first time Aaron had ever seen his father cry. He’d stood in the hallway and watched his father sob on his knees, cursing God and swearing up a storm. At seven-years-old, he wondered if God had a sense of humor. He must, after all, to leave Aaron all alone. 

Ten-years later he stood in the same spot his father had kneeled in. He’d looked up at the ceiling and prayed again. He’d begged for his father’s life to be spared. “Just this once, okay, just this once---” but his father had never been a good man. A shitty excuse for a dad but Sean thinks he’s a good man. That’s what mattered: Sean. That’s the only thing that had ever mattered. “For Sean, please? He’s never done anything wrong.”

His father died two days later. A heart attack. The doctor’s called it mercy. For who? The man who beat him senseless for fifteen years before he just sold Aaron off to a boarding school. Calling Aaron’s inability to make friends and emotional outbursts the product of the devil and not his senseless beating. The same man who called Aaron writing with his left hand the simplest proof that his mother had been a whore. She had to have cheated to have created a bastard like Aaron.

Mercy? Is that really what he’d deserved?

He has bible scriptures carved into his back. Thin white lines left by his father’s heavy hand and the black belt he wore to court each Tuesday. The only mercy he’s ever known is the black surrounder right before he falls asleep. That twisted hope that maybe his dad hit him too hard. That he won’t wake up this time. 

It felt like communion-- Eucharist, standing to receive his bread and wine. 

The body of Christ.

“Daddy please-” he makes no sound as the belt comes down over his shoulder. Any noise is a symbol of greater guilt, a better reason to keep hitting. He doesn’t cry, he doesn’t move. 

Amen.

Remember, God is always watching. No bullshitting, he knows.

Aaron cums with a cry. A sob really. 

Sam lifts his head from where he’s buried it in Aaron’s neck, leaving the hickey he’d been sucking to die on its own. He sits up, his arousal forgotten as his heart pounds in his chest with fear. “Are you alright,” he asks, pulling them apart with a quick jerk. His hands are traveling down but he stops when Aaron’s hand grabs his wrist. “Baby, if I hurt you---”

Aaron shakes his head but the tears streaming down his face says otherwise. “I’m sorry,” he gasps. He buries his head in his hands, shoulders shaking as he can’t stop the tears. Sam moves out of the way of his legs, giving Aaron the space necessary to curl into himself.

Sam still has no idea what’s wrong. It had been fine. Things were fine. 

It occurs to him a moment too late.

“Fuck,” he curses, seething. Not at Aaron or the mood now officially lost--- but for the boy that Aaron never got to be. To the God that Aaron believes so feverishly and unwavering in. “It’s alright,” he soothes, moving along the bed to where Aaron is. He pulls his boyfriend into his lap, holding Aaron to his chest. “Nothing is going to happen, Aaron. It’s going to be okay.”

Sam has never been religious. It wasn’t something his parents had considered important. Standing at over 6’5 and two hundred pounds of just muscle, no one even suspects he’s anything but straight. People who do know… no one’s going to say anything to a guy like him. The same thing goes for Aaron. He may be a little on the scrawny side but he’s 6’2 and no one blinks an eye at the two of them spending so much time together. 

It’s not people they have to worry about. 

They can be cruel and unaccepting but AIDS is still rampant through-out not only the college’s campus but through-out the gay community. 

But Aaron’s a little too preoccupied with God. 

Sam’s not even sure if there’s such a thing.

“Aaron!” Picking him up by his shoulders, he pulls Aaron upright. They’ve passed sobbing and moved to a panic attack. “Alright,” Sam fails to soothe. He pulls Aaron off the bed, holding him close when his legs shake beneath him. “Easy,” he mumbles, his heartbreaking--- Aaron can’t walk. It takes a great bit of work on Sam’s part but with a grunt, he lifts Aaron off his feet.

Stumbling in the direction of the bathroom, he carries Aaron. “It’s gonna be alright,” Sam promises. This isn’t the first time this has happened. Sam would like to think he’s a good boyfriend (he is). He did as much research as he could. So that he would know how to help Aaron the next time one of these events started happening.

Into the freezing shower they go. 

Clutched, naked body to naked body, they rock until Aaron’s broken sobs die down. Until Sam can feel Aaron’s breathing steady out, hot exhales washing over his goosebump riddled flesh.

Against the bare skin of Sam’s shoulder, Aaron whispers Hail Mary to himself. His long fingers tapping against his thumb like counting rosary beads, “---of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now---” It’s the only coping mechanism he’s ever learned. 

Sam presses a kiss to his temple. Aaron hates that he turns his head for more. Turns his head until Sam’s hands are tangled in his hair and holding him tightly. Sam kisses him softly, full of love. He doesn’t deserve that.

“Sodomy is a sin,” he whispers, against Sam’s lips. 

Sam smiles, shaking his head. He doesn’t care. “Did you like it,” Sam asks, voice husky. He wraps himself back around Aaron, shaking from the cold of the water still pouring down over them. Fingers moving up Aaron’s back, he tangles them in his hair. 

Aaron… knows the answer. He also knows that sin is often appealing. Sam is the sin that Aaron can never walk away from. What he always comes back for. “Yes,” he answers, honestly. He had liked it. He’d liked it a lot. Sex with Sam is gentle and overwhelming and--- sin. It’s still sin. 

“That’s all that matters,” Sam presses kisses back to Aaron’s neck. Smiling against his skin when Aaron arches into the touch. 

Aaron can never make Sam understand that this principle isn’t that simple. It’s a black and white morality. Heaven or hell. 

But, maybe… 

Sam reaches around behind him and cuts the water off, Aaron shivers against his chest leaning closer to the touches that are trailing down his body. Sam pulls him closer so that Aaron’s in his lap. With a grunt, Aaron allows Sam to push into him and mouth open in a silent cry of pleasure he falls into Sam’s shoulder. 

“Jesus,” Sam curses, pulling Aaron closer. “You---” he moans, tilting his head back. This time, Aaron’s sets the pace. Slow and steady. It hurts but it’s an ache he’s familiar with. The lube from earlier mostly washed away but he’s prepped and anything is better than thinking about Hell. 

His doomed eternity. 

“You’re so good, baby boy.” Sam holds him close, his fingers digging into Aaron’s hips. “Fu-Fuck---”

Why is it that the only thing that has ever made sense to him a sin?

Sam dies in the middle of first semester their Junior year. Though it’s never stated, it’s Aaron’s fault. Sam wouldn’t have been on the road that if Aaron just prayed harder or been a better man. Panic attacks are a product of a shaky relationship with God and Aaron wouldn’t have had one, he wouldn’t have called Sam freaking out, if he’d just… believed harder. 

Aaron knows it’s his fault. He never gets over that guilt. 

He marries Haley at the end of Senior year and they invite Sam’s parents to the wedding. No one knows the true extent of Aaron and Sam’s relationship but Haley knows something was going on between the two. They’d been high school sweethearts, separated by his years spent away at college. Separated by Aaron’s love for a man.

He comes home different but she loves him. She also knows that her mother approves of Aaron’s God-fearing ways. Religion is good in a man like him, her mother had warned, you can see the darkness in him. She bites her tongue and moves on. 

Until she sees the darkness too.

The divorce breaks him. 

He starts having panic attacks again, worse than the ones in college. No one notices. He knows they just write him off as a dick. He’s just a robot to them. Emotionless and he can work with that. So, he is a robot. Just marching through life and flying by the seat of his pants, hoping that it all goes well. 

But he knows… each night as the panic bubbles in his chest and has him falling to his knees that hell is the only place he’s going. It’s going to take more than prayers to save a sinner like him.

“Hotch?” He jumps at the sudden intrusion. Looking to his left, none other than Emily Prentiss is standing on the balcony. She’s grinning from ear to ear and shaking her head. “What are you doing up so late?”

The cigarette trapped between his lips should answer that well enough.

The thing is, he’s not as slick as he thinks he is. She’s noticed him pulling away. Dave has noticed--- hell, everyone has noticed something is wrong. So, when Emily Prentiss had been tossing and turning in her own bed and smelled the wafting, faint scent of cigarette smoke she’d gotten curious. She certainly hadn’t expected to find him.

“Mind some company?”

And with those three simple words she’d pulled him from the edge. 

That night they burned through four cigarettes. Sin, that night, had been just as he remembered it once being. For a moment, as he stood--- her leaning against him and him leaning against her--- he had managed a smile. With a cigarette between his teeth, he’d taken his first real breath in years. 

Foyet attacks him in his apartment and as he lies bleeding he hopes this is it. That the world will flicker out, he’s just a candle drowning it’s wax. Will there be a light or…

He wakes up in the hospital and he’s never been this cold in his life.

It’s Emily’s voice that pulls him from the white walls and the pain. She’s saying something about cigarettes and the seasons changing. He smiles, drugged and submissive, when she proposes the team go to Dave’s and get drunk. He doesn't’ even think about God, about the sin and the eternity in hell waiting for him. He just thinks about his team and the only family he’s ever really been a part of. 

He wakes up thrashing--- a broken sob on his lips. There’s so much pain and he can’t think about anything other than death. Death and Hell and sin and the pain, oh fuck the pain. 

Thin fingers wrap around his, squeezing and he looks up and finds JJ softly soothing him. Her fingers are ghosting along his forearms, rubbing circles into his pale skin. “Just breathe,” she instructs and he’s reminded of Sam and that freezing shower and the---

“Aaron!” she calls and the fortitude, the conviction in her eyes sobers him. “You have to stop,” she tells him, her touch turning hard and that he can focus on. That pulls him back down. “Breathe,” and slowly he relaxes again. She’s softened and he watches the tears pool in her eyes. “Don’t look at me like that,” she chides, softly.

He manages to squeeze her hand.

“We almost lost you,” she whispers and that hadn’t occurred to him. His death happens to other people. It’ll just be… nothing. He must be very high or maybe broken because he thinks of nothing. The nothingness that happens after death and not raging, flaming pits of hell. 

JJ presses a kiss to his temple and he closes his eyes. It’s a tender love he… he’s forgotten. “Don’t ever scare me like that again,” she says, her thumb rubbing against his hand. “I don’t like job hunting.”

He doesn’t know how to tell her that the team wouldn’t fall apart if Foyet had chosen to kill him.

She doesn’t know how to tell him that isn’t true.

Foyet does kill Haley and for a long time, it’s like he’s killed Hotch too.

“Hotch!”

The last he’d seen of Emily, she was displeased with his decision to decline his invitation to girl’s night. First, of all, he’s not that dumb. He knew damn well that they wanted him to tag along because Emily had told them about his date with the cute blonde at the coffee shop had gone tits up. Of course, she’d chosen to leave out that his date had failed because she’d entered the shop and wolf-whistled at the sight of him.

But, she has chosen to blame the entire thing on him because he should have told her.

Ah, silly him.

Now, he’s waiting on his front porch for Will to drop her off at his place. Does she have an apartment of her own? Yes. But she’s a clingy drunk and it’s custom for her to come to sleep in his bed. Besides, who else is going to hold her hair up while she pukes?

He smiles when he sees her. God… leave it to him to pick Emily Prentiss, of all people, to be his best friend. Well, he’s not really sure he chose or picked her so much as ended up within her mercy. “Emily,” he greets softly, smiling when she walks right up to him and headbutts his chest. She just falls straight into him. 

He shuffles to accommodate her weight but they do this little dance frequently. With one hand on the back of her head, he raises the other to wave to Will that he’s free to go. The detective nods and pulls the car into reverse, JJ and Garcia in the back shouting their own goodbyes.

“Alright,” Hotch rubs her shoulders, shivering from the night’s chill. “Pigging back ride?” 

She nods and it’s only with practiced ease that they manage this so easily. 

As he stands, he gives her a second to adjust herself before he starts walking back towards his porch. This is the exact reason he does squats at the gym, so his thighs don’t shake as he carries her up the stairs. 

“Oh,” Emily whines into his back, where her face is buried. “I hope I didn’t wake Jack.”

He’s overly careful to make sure he doesn’t hit her legs as he steps into the door. Stopping to shut the door behind them he tells her, “he’s not here.” He scowls with concentration as he moves down the hall. “He’s spending the weekend with his cousins.” He’d told her this earlier, too many times. It is one of the smaller reasons she’d invited him to girls night: so he wouldn’t have to be alone in his house. 

They share many secrets. He’d been the first person on the team to know she’s gay. He still remains one of the few who know. JJ and Garcia know-- tequila always makes her lose her grip. He also knows that she wants to have a family and about her giant crush on JJ. 

Just like she knows that sitting in his empty house stresses him out. He turns into the empty walls and all he can think about is being completely alone while Foyet was trying to hunt down his son and Haley. She knows this and… she’d left him here all by himself.

“Emily,” he whispers, feeling her hot tears soak into the back of his shirt. He’s not mad or even frustrated, he’s just sad. He can’t do anything about it just yet. So, he takes her back to his room. He helps her out of her blouse, replacing it with his George-town hoodie so she can curl her legs into. 

Only once she’s situated, his back turned so she can hiccup and dry her tears while she slips into a pair of her own shorts he kneels down in front of her. “Emily.” He shakes his head, she’s still inconsolable, so he pulls her to his chest. “Emily, I’m a grown man.” He rubs her back, “I can handle being in my own home.”

She only cries harder and it hurts him because whatever it is that’s really bothering her he can’t fix. 

“Would you love me more if I wasn’t a lesbian,” she asks, sobbing into his shoulder.

Well… he blanks. What is he even supposed to say to that? Now she’s really crying and he’s-- he can’t think of a single thing to say. “Emily…” he shakes his head. “I--I don’t care that you’re a lesbian.” And why would he? How many times have they had the ‘it would be like kissing my brother/sister’ conversation? Or the ‘even if I were straight…’? He doesn’t feel sexually attracted to her. 

He just… he loves her because she’s his family. 

“You don’t,” she asks, sniffling. She pushes his shoulders away from her so that she can see his eyes. So she can see if he’s lying. “You don’t hate me?” Because she’s certain that he does sometimes. Like he can stand the thought of her. 

He shakes his head. “It would be very hypocritical of me to hate you for being gay,” he says, without really thinking about what that means. At what he’s admitting.

Though she doesn’t say anything, the admission sobers her. With tender care he tucks her into bed. Smiling softly when she pulls him down beside her.

They fall asleep on their sides, facing one another. He falls asleep first. Too exhausted to wait her out. Between them, she gently reaches over and brushes her thumb over his cheek bone. Trialing it along the facial hair he’s let grow over the course of their long weekend off. 

He breaks her heart.

“So, are we just not going to talk about it?”

They’re watching a basketball game from earlier in the week because it’s Tuesday and she gets to pick what they watch on Tuesdays. Granted, it’s sports and he hates sports which means that he gets to pick whether or not they sit close. She knows something is wrong because he puts the entire couch between them. They’re not even sharing a blanket and he always lets her have some of his blankets.

She gets cold easily. 

“Talk about what, Emily?” The way he says her name… it’s not right. He always says Emily kindly, loving. He says her name and it makes her proud to be Emily but this time it’s a reprimand and she sees it for exactly what it is—- an attempt to push her away. To make her feel afraid to push on.

But she’s been gay for so long, openly gay. It takes more than a little bit of attitude to scare her off. “You,” she says, softly. “You’re gay, Aaron, and—-“

He flinches at the word gay. Recoiling. “Emily,” his tone shifts to pleading. 

“You—-“ she shifts too. She turns her body to face her, no longer relaxed. “Aaron, there’s nothing wrong with being gay.”

Sodomy, Aaron thinks. First and for most, there’s sodomy and it’s a sin to love a man. A sin to love men in a way he could never love Haley. Which Emily would understand if he told her about his sex life with Haley. Rather, his nonexistent sex life with Haley. He loved Haley so much but he could never love her the right way. The way God had intended.

By the time he manages to raise his eyes to hers, there are tears streaming down his face. He’s so helplessly broken and he can’t even hide it.

“Oh, Aaron.” Emily pulls him against her chest, rubbing up and down his back as he sobs. “I…” she doesn’t know what to say. She knows it’s the Catholisim here at play but her youth was so very different from his. Matthew had saved her from the fate Aaron had succumbed to. Matthew had shown her the churches many faults and…

Aaron had no one. 

No one but the Bible and a God who never answered back.

“There’s nothing wrong with being gay,” she whispers, rocking their bodies gently. “There’s nothing wrong with you Aaron.”

He sobs even harder. He wishes he could believe that. He does. He wishes he could but…

They agree to never talk about it. Meaning, Emily begrudgingly lets it go.

The universe isn’t ready for Hotch to shove it under the rug though.

There’s this barista at the coffee shop downtown--- more than a barista, he’s the owner, actually. He’s a giant. He almost makes Hotch feel small in comparison. In college, he’d been a football player but he’d messed his knee up pretty bad Junior year. He became dependent on the painkillers he’d received after surgery. He’d dropped out of college a few months later.

Hotch learns all of this only after two coffees.

One that he has Monday with the man’s phone-number and name scribbled onto the side of his cup. His cheeks had turned a furious shade of pink when Morgan had asked who Charlie is and if she was pretty. For some reason, despite coaching himself over and over in the mirror that he’d never go back--- Hotch goes back to the coffee shop Thursday. 

This time as Hotch is handing the other man a five dollar bill he adds his own phone-number and name attached with a simple sticky-note.

He’s not even out the door yet when his phone vibrates. 

“I thought I’d scared you off, mysterious FBI man.”

It makes him stop in his tracks. A smile tugs at his lips and there isn’t a single thought in his head about church or God or his father just this impossibly good feeling in his chest. It’s been so long since he’s done the flirting thing but he replies: “As good as mysterious FBI man sounds, I typically go by Aaron. Besides, it takes a little bit more than a phone-number to scare me off”

The texts keep coming and Hotch doesn’t mind.

Charlie tells him about college and Hotch tells him about the team. It’s out of character for him to be so open but it’s just coffee and flirting and a really hot barista. 

The feeling is very mutual.

“Kiss me, g-man.”

Hotch shakes his head, chuckling when Charlie throws his hips over Hotch’s waist. “You’d better---” whatever threat he’s making half-heartedly turns into a groan when Charlie starts planting open mouth kisses along his collar. Sucking a hickey under his ear where it will be painfully obvious to the team. 

When Hotch lets out a grunt, his hand grabbing at Charlie’s shirt and the other going to his hair Charlie laughs. He buries his face in Hotch’s neck, his hand traveling down to the front of his pants. “Is that your gun?” he pulls back with a smirk. 

Lightly, he pushes Aaron back on the bed. Charlie’s nimble fingers wrap around his jeans, pulling the tight fabric off of his ass. 

“I don’t remember asking for this,” Hotch grunts, fist clenched tightly in the bedsheets. It’s the only way he can assure that he won’t go bucking into Charlie’s palm the minute he starts touching again. He’s not going to cave like that.

To his credit, Charlie stops. He plants his hands on both sides of Hotch’s hips, his mouth sending a dangerous gust of warm air over Hotch’s straining cock. He lifts an eyebrow, “say the word, Aaron.” Say the word and it stops. They don’t dance along fancy lines like that. Charlie wouldn’t do that. 

Sitting up, Aaron wraps his legs around Charlie’s hips. He runs his fingers up through Charlie’s hair, kissing him. With a smile he pulls away and whispers, “fuck me, Charlie.”

And he’ll be damned if he doesn’t do just that. 

Sodomy is way better than Aaron remembers.

They’re about three months into this when Charlie learns that Hotch hasn’t told a soul about him. At least, not really. Not past the point of passing in conversation. Hell, he hasn’t even told them that Charlie isn’t some bombshell blonde woman but a 6’4 black man who owns the coffee shop. 

“Fine,” Hotch caves despite the anxiety leaving him so unnerved he’s shaking. “Do you want to come with me to Dave’s this weekend?” He’s got an edge to his tone. He’s hoping Charlie takes the bait and rolls his eyes. He almost hopes for a fight.

Charlie nods his head, “I would like to, actually.”

Fuck. 

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. 

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

It’s not okay. It’s far from it. 

He sits on edge for the rest of the week. Begging for a case. None come.

If Charlie has anything to say about Hotch letting go of his hand when they step out of the car, he doesn’t say anything. He does offer him a supportive smile, reaching between them to squeeze Aaron’s bicep.

“Dave,” Hotch breathes the other man’s voice and Charlie can hear the panic seeping into his deep tone. But then he just blanks. 

Charlie stretches his hand out, “I’m Charlie.”

Dave gets over his momentary shock very quickly. “Charlie,” Dave shakes his head with a smile. He avoids the hand being offered and pulls the younger man in for a hug. “I have heard so much about you! I was just a little shocked. I was expecting--”

Charlie laughs, “a woman.”

Dave claps him on the back. “Well, yes, I was.” He smiles at Hotch next, pulling him in for a hug too. Dave can feel just how unnerved Hotch is but he doesn’t comment. He just squeezes him a little tighter. “More so,” Dave says, “I was expecting a blonde. He really likes blondes.”

Charlie glances back at Aaron, keeping his smile in place even when Aaron can’t look up from his intense battle with the floor. 

“Well, come on in! I’ve got enough bourbon and food in here to feed a small army!”

Charlie steps inside first, Aaron hot on his heels.

Charlie turns around, to look back at Aaron. Calling the other man’s name for attention. “Aaron,” he calls softly, grabbing his hand. “Show me to the bathroom.” 

Hotch nods his head, eyes vacant as he moves on through the room. Ghosting. “It’s, ugh,” Hotch points lamely to the door. 

Charlie pulls him into the small room. Aaron making a small grunt of protest. “Look at me,” says, stern but not overbearing. “Aaron, please.”

It takes a moment but Aaron pulls his eyes off the floor. He grimaces when a tear falls down his cheek, ashamed of this display of emotion. This vulnerability.

With a sad smile, Charlie wipes it away with the pad of his thumb. “They didn’t know did they?”

Leaning forward, Hotch buried his face in Charlie’s blue t-shirt. It’s old and soft and it does nothing to slow his tears. He shakes his head. “They didn’t.”

Fuck. Charlie wraps his arms around Hotch, pulling him close. “Why didn’t you just say so?”

What other options are there? If Charlie hadn’t forced his hand Hotch would have happily died in the blissful lie he’d created. He could have died alone. No need to come out. Hell, if he’d just found another blonde woman he could have married her and died “straight”. 

Anything is better than this in-between. 

“Aaron,” Charlie breathes his name sadly. He doesn’t know what to say. His family had disowned him. So, he can’t just reassure Aaron it’ll be okay but Dave took it so well. “Have you even given them a chance?”

Well… Dave did take it very well and Emily already knows. 

“No,” he answers honestly. 

Charlie presses a kiss to his temple, asking, “maybe you should give them the benefit of the doubt?”

A knock at the door makes them both jump. 

“Hotch,” Reid whines from the other side. “I really have to go.”

Hotch smiles and that makes Charlie smile. “Good?” he asks.

Hotch nods, “good.”

The pair step out of the bathroom. 

Reid blushes and slides past. 

“You don’t think he thinks we were…”

Hotch nods, “more than likely.”

Heading back down the hall, Charlie leans into Hotch’s side. “Which one was that?”

“Reid.”

Charlie hums his understanding. Cuter than he’d imagined. Aaron had said tall and thin but it really did the genius no justice. He’s an attractive young man. “You didn’t tell me he was cute.”

Wrapping his arm around Charlie’s waist he pulls the other man closer. His heart is beating hard in his chest but he kisses the other man, closing his eyes and enjoying this moment. Separating just enough to say, “I think he said he plays for your team. If you’re interested.”

“My team,” Charlie repeats. He runs a finger along Aaron’s brow, sweeping his hair back. “My team is you,” Charlie rolls his eyes. “Doofus.”

Hotch’s jaw drops. “Doofus?” 

Charlie smiles, “my doofus.”

Emily stops at the mouth of the hall, having heard the dee rumbling sound of voices “That’s fucking adorable.”

Hotch groans, pushing his face into Charlie’s chest. 

“Don’t groan at me,” she says. “You’re the bastard that came out to me. Ghosted me. Then went and got a boyfriend.”

Hotch grimaces, “Emily…”

She waves him, turning her attention to Charlie. “You,” she sticks her hand out and they share a handshake. “You got yourself a good one. He can be an ass though.”

Charlie chuckles at that, “he really can be. Also, insufferable.”

Emily opens her mouth in happy shock. “Right? What about him being a know-it-all?”

Charlie nods, “don’t forget being a tight ass.”

Hotch feels a comment about their sex lives attempting to roll of his tongue. Something along the lines of Charlie saying he’d liked his ass last night— instead he just grunts. “Enough about me,” he grumbles. 

Emily smiles at both of them. She really is happy. Hotch deserves to be happy. With a smirk she motions for them to follow her. “Come on, drinks?”

Somehow, despite everything Hotch had convinced himself, everything is fine.

Charlie ends up wondering off with Morgan. The two deep into a conversation about a beam Morgan’s building around. Hotch had watched Charlie gag down Garcia’s awful shots and listen to Reid talk about thermodynamics.

And when Hotch’s anxiety started getting bad again, Charlie was right there. Hotch hadn’t said anything, he didn’t even close himself off. Emily had just excused herself to go yell about something with JJ, leaving him leaning against the bar in the kitchen. But Charlie had come up and squeezed his hand. Winking for good measure. Hotch’s anxiety, like his heart, melted into a puddle around his feet.

“Goodbye,” Emily wishes them a farewell. She kisses both their cheeks and holds on to Hotch a moment longer than she normally would. “So, does this mean we’re back on for movie nights?”

Hotch nods. He’s missed their movie nights. He’s missed hanging out with her. 

In the end, it’s the two of them and Dave.

Hotch’s anxiety rears it’s ugly head. Another painful reminder of the childhood he’ll never escape. Of God and sin and hell. The Catholic Church is solid force in Dave’s life and he’s askin Dave to choose. And Aaron knows he’s not going to be chosen.

“You boys good to drive home?” Dave hands Charlie a Tupperware container of leftovers.

Charlie nods, “we’re okay.”

Well, Charlie is. Hotch is little tipsy and one wrong word away from throwing up on the porch. 

“Be safe,” Dave says, pulling Charlie in for a hug first. He pats his back, lowering his head to whisper. “Take care of my boy, you here?”

It makes Charlie smile. They’d briefly discussed Aaron’s real father but Charlie can see exactly what Aaron had meant when he said Dave had been the man that raised him. He’s gentle and firm and Charlie is glad Aaron was able to find a father. “Of course,” Charlie responds. “Someone has to.”

That makes Dave chuckle. Damn right. 

“Come here, son.” Aaron’s always been bigger than Dave, not that he minds. He pulls him down into his arms, pressing a kiss to his cheek. Lowering his voice he whispers, “I’m glad you brought Charlie. He’s a good man. I’m proud of you.”

Hotch feels the dam break. He wraps his arms tighter around Dave, all of his youth and sexuality and feelings finally making sense. He doesn’t have to chose. He can be himself and be happy, it’s allowed. 

Aaron Hotchner didn’t kill his mother or his mother. He’s always done his best and that’s all he can do.

“You’re a good man,” Dave whispers, rubbing his back.

And… Aaron might just be starting to believe him. 

[hearthandhomemagick]

Food For Thought - Steven Universe

Hello there, I would like to tell you my story and journey with the amazingly beautiful, and wonderfully written TV Show...

Steven Universe.

I started watching this show when it first came out in High School. I mean, I was so excited to watch it that I anticipated the very first episode and sat down with snacks to observe it’s premier. I had become immediately enthralled not only with the art style, but also with the genuine wholesomeness and elucidations of processing emotions and life experiences. I was astounded that a kids show could express to me how to manage my emotions as well as connect with my moral standings. It’s a show I recommended to everyone, but often didn’t talk about because of it being a kids show, and me being almost being grown. It was my secret love until someone else brought it up.

This show stuck with me through the years, and helped me through some of my hardest moments in life. 

I remember watching the episode, “Mindful Education” and melting into Garnet’s lesson of mindfulness and self-awareness. I had been going through a lot at the end of 2016, graduating and going through a rough election along with having to move states for college. My opinions were forming in the extreme area and I had a fire to protect my thoughts and opinions with no restrain or any form of control of my emotional reality. I was rambunctious as much as I was head-strong and, at times, hard-headed all together. 

When this episode aired, I didn’t know why I loved Garnet and Stevonnie’s song, “Here Comes a Thought.” But I did, and it still carries with me into my life today. 

I want to discuss a specific time, though, that this episode saved my sanity and opened my eyes to a concept I didn’t understand when I first watched it. I was on social media, and was defending my opinions against quite a few people by myself. Eventually, I was getting nasty comments from a bunch of millennials telling me, 

“You’re too fucking stupid to understand, maybe you should go back to school, child.”

“You’re so emotional, and your emotions don’t matter here. Imagine being this dumb.”

“Imagine being a dumb bitch like Carly and saying you wanted to cut your penis off to look like a woman.” *NOTE I am not transgender, there is nothing wrong with being transgender and her insinuating such did not bother me. Her rhetoric insinuating trans was wrong is what irked me, this bitch was transphobic and had issues that she needs to repair in her own time. She wrote an entire post based around this context on her personal page using my real name, and she didn’t even know who I was.*

and my personal favorite, “Here’s the suicide hotline, I know your generation is prone to killing themselves and are overly emotional.”

Now, there were over 50, under 100, messages going back and forth where these people were just bullying me and I refused to back down. I wound up in a panic attack in my bedroom, literally wanting to kill myself because they were bullying me. The hotline would have come in handy if it were the actual hotline. I ended up going to my dad and older sister (my older sisters friend was the main one I was arguing with and her posy showed up on my post), because no one on the post was on my side.

Both told me, “If you can’t handle the heat, stay out of the kitchen.” My sister told her friend to stop, and threatened the other girl for her nasty posts and comments. My dad tried to mediate on the post itself, but the people wouldn’t stop. I eventually had to take it down.

My family didn’t calm me down in this moment. Not even a little bit. It felt like a back-handed helping hand. Like they wanted to protect me, but also somewhat agreed with the people on the post.

The only thing that calmed my nerves in this moment, ultimately, was the song, “Here Comes a Thought.” 

I sat in my room, sobbing, hoping to myself that it would make sense as to why it was okay for these things to happen. The song soothed over my nerves, eventually releasing my muscles and giving me a sense ease. I was able to process and realized a few personal things as well. I didn’t realize it, but before long, I was meditating to the song on repeat. I kept telling myself, “I’m okay, this is a thought. A moment. I am not my thoughts. I am not this moment.”

This was simply one of the ways Steven Universe has helped me process and understand myself more. I bring this up because I came across and article today that disappointed me to the core.

The Steven Universe Fandom has toxic tendencies.

I was shook.

How could a child’s show be turned into something so negative? Something that was meant to promote self-awareness, self-love, acceptance of character, and understanding of others had been morphed into a gatekeepers safe haven.

Now I know this isn’t the majority, and before you get offended, hurt or start defending yourself, I want you to ask yourself if what you are defending is an action you would defend from anyone else. If it is, by all means defend your ground.

But the one concept that eludes me, and offers zero substance in terms of valid arguments, is that men can not watch this show. Let me explain why men NEED to watch this fucking show.

My boyfriend watched this entire show, episode for episode, and benefitted from it. This show offered him coping techniques, an understanding of why love should come before war, and mediating every situation so you see and understand every perspective. These are things children shows didn’t offer him growing up, he has often and openly verbalized his need for this show in his childhood because of certain traumas, and we often continue watching it even after seeing every single episode and movie.

This show was never meant for one or two groups of people, and if you feel that way then refer back to the writers themselves who were literally trying to teach the lesson in the show over and over again to NEVER EXCLUDE PEOPLE FROM YOUR GROUP. You exclude people, and you create a division, a war of sorts. You immediately have become the thing Steven Universe advocated against in the first place.

This also leads into the whole “art” situation in the fandom. 

This show is anti-bully. There are commercials for it and everything. It is expressed in multiple episodes why bullying is never a good thing in any situation. 

You simply cannot justify the hypocrisy in bullying someone out of self-expression that literally harms no one. You can’t justify it.

Think about it. You draw or sketch a piece of art that took you hours, or even a few minutes. It’s your favorite character, and maybe you yourself are going through some mental thoughts regarding your weight that lead you to draw the character thinner or bigger. Size shouldn’t matter in any capacity when relating a character to ones self. 

If you’re skinny, you’re beautiful. If you are thick or curvy, you are beautiful. If you are obese or overweight, you are beautiful. Weight doesn’t matter, but representation of body types in different characters does matter.

Imagine a child falls in love with a bigger character, but is experiencing body challenges where she is being picked on for being too thin or scrawny (it happens, I’ve seen it with my nieces). Who are you to say that making her favorite character look like her own body is wrong? Especially if art is a coping mechanism they use for mental health reasons.

Like Malachite, a fusion that was devastating and abusive in every way, you are taking the choice and voice of an entire being to make your actions and opinions “right” or “okay”.

There is so much more I could say on this show, and so much more I could say about the fandom. And I know it is not the majority of the fandom, but I did want to make everyone in the fandom aware that we are human.

None of us are stoic and balanced like Garnet, and even Garnet had problems in her relationship. None of us are strong and laid back like Amethyst, and even she had self-love issues. None of us are as analytical and organized as Pearl, and yet she had problems throughout the series. 

None of you are perfect, and to act as if you are is defeating the purpose of a show trying to teach you how to be responsible for yourself and your actions. I’m not perfect either, and preaching about a fandom I’m not a huge part of sounds counter-intuitive, I’m aware.

But my nieces want to watch this show. My nephew watches this show with me. My boyfriend’s niece is going to start watching the show. 

Please do not make a toxic environment for kids who need this show to grow up. Kids who experience trauma, and learn from this show deserve a safe space without people trying to justify bullying or force them to think that because they are a boy or girl, they can or can’t watch the show. Without people making people feel bad for being themselves.

Why don’t we create a new space? A space where everyone is accepted as they are, and negative behavior is addressed the same way the gems or Steven would address them. With education, perception awareness, and PATIENCE. 

I know some will say, “It’s not my job to raise your child.” and “It’s not my responsibility to make people aware of their tendencies.”

You’re right. It’s also not your responsibility to bully people into changing themselves to fit your dialogue. Simply put, you’re responsible for yourself alone. But you have no right to complain on someone's behavior, art or experiences if you are not willing to be patient with correcting said behavior in yourself first.  

Who knows, maybe I’m in the wrong here for not knowing the full story. All I’m saying is, if you see someone being a bully, being mean or even being a hypocrite, call them out in the sweetest way possible. Let them know we are facilitating a safe space for people who need a community rather than a closed off club.

Be the change you want to see in this world.

Learn, grow and prosper. 

I wish you all well and genuinely hope we can all expand our perspectives to fully understand each other in healthier and more communicative based ways. We deserve that sort of kindness from each other.

[hanadolphieron]

twice and the ceres asteriod~

ceres is all about food, nurturing, family relationships, animals, time-sharing, grief, and transitions/growth experiences in a woman’s life. 

taurus-

dahyun;

growth for dahyun appears when she has built a steady foundation. comfort and security are essential for her, but because of the synastry between her aries sun and taurus ceres, it can be hard for her to feel comfortable achieving it. she may unconsciously sabotage herself because she feels like she has to be strong and impulsive. her personality is fast-paced and energetic, but it tends to wear her out. reassurance is needed to be feel safe letting others take care of her.

physical affection is an important way of relaxation for dahyun. hugs are much appreciated. comfort food is a great way to calm her down. sustenance in general is needed, dahyun can not function if she doesn’t have a high enough blood sugar level. nerves begin to take over if she feels hungry. needs to feel completely secure to fully relax. can’t have anything hanging over her or she won’t be able to slow down. might keep working and working until she drops if she feels she doesn’t have financial stability.

nurturing others comes naturally however. dahyun is a solid presence and can calm people down with just a small touch. her hugs are the softest. seems reliable no matter what she’s going through. because of taurus’s ruling planet, venus, dahyun seems extra loving when she comforts others. people might take her physical touch in a romantic way sometimes.

gemini-

chaeyoung;

calming down for chaeyoung means having fun. letting go of all her nerves and fears is like a spa treatment for her. friends are important. she somehow feels extremely relaxed while taking in masses of information. is constantly on the move. her preferred aesthetic is tied to her comfort. she likes the idea of being free to do whatever she wants and have whatever moods she wants.

however, like dahyun, her taurus sun can restrict this vibe. she feels as if the free-spirited persona that she feels most relaxed in clashes with her true self. it can seem time-consuming and exhausting to let go of nerves and fears, yet that’s what her taurus self is constantly trying to do. can sometimes let her fears control her because that seems like the easier option, the one with less drama. 

please hug her! chaeyoung loves people that come barreling towards her and absolutely attack her with love. nurtures others by hanging out with them and creating a fun, healthy atmosphere. can seem boundary-less at times, but she’s probably panicking inwardly i don’t make the rules. might randomly talk about trauma/issues that she has and then either forget about it or pretend it never happened. speaking up is a good way for her to release negative/draining emotions and it helps her become more confident.

cancer-

tzuyu;

mom material at its finest. tzuyu is a natural at making people feel safe and happy. is always there as a shoulder to cry on and people feel safe relying on her. she does protect herself from relying on others however, and prefers to be the nurturer rather than the on being nurtured. loves the idea of taking care of others and being of service comes naturally. loves kids and wants to help them grow and become the best versions of themselves.

growth happens when tzuyu utilizes her divine feminine energy. being aggressive and impulsive does not help her. growth comes from learning from quick decisions that didn’t end well and learning to slow down and think before acting. however, she doesn’t seem to struggle much with this; she seems to be pretty evolved.

in tzuyu’s opinion, being nurtured by someone means letting out her emotions to the person and them validating her feelings and empathizing with her. she wants to be around people that understand her without her having to explicitly tell them her feelings. observing tzuyu and learning her coping mechanisms is the best way to make her feel loved. prefers to deal with issues on her own or talk to very close loved ones.

libra- 

nayeon;

nayeon feels comforted by connecting with others and creating partnerships. having people by her side makes her feel safe. ice cream and other confections are therapy for nayeon. friends are important for her mental and emotional health. having a significant other is beneficial as well. not becoming lost in her inner self and staying on the surface is one of her coping mechanisms. doesn’t like to take deep, messy dives into her emotions.

she is incredibly nurturing (such a great unnie) by nature and her way of comforting others is lovely; lots of people are attracted by her motherly qualities. uses her words as a way to help others. possible issues could be that her help and nurturing is romanticized and can be made shallow. people could take advantage of her caring nature easily, as she finds it hard to say no to people in need.

nayeon improves the most when she is “aesthetic.” anything that is pleasing to feel/do is the right path for nayeon. helping out others and being of service in a strong way is going to keep her on the right track. righting injustices is part of her destiny. perfection is always an ideal that’s in mind for nayeon.

sagittarius- 

jeongyeon and momo;

these two release stress by sweating it out. activity clears their mind and stops negative thoughts. they tend to run from their problems at times or procrastinate doing hard work because it can seem overwhelming. not having an escape is what bothers them. however, since they’re both scorpios, this aspect of a sagittarius ceres is restricted and not as apparent. 

having ceres in the same sign as pluto can cause some karma. momo and jeongyeon might have serious issues slowing down and growing boundlessly at the same time. can keep pushing to achieve something they don’t truly find appealing, especially with the aspect between scorpio sun and sagittarius ceres. 

jeongyeon tends to protect her healing from the world, but a lot of it seeps to the surface and is noticeable to others. her cancer moon makes her want to feel protected and have a safe space to conceal herself, but her sagittarrius ceres is like run! now! get away from boundaries of all kinds! this can create a deep-running sense of confusion surrounding her knowledge of herself. shadow work could help her a lot.

momo’s growth is centered around broad dreams and aspirations. she is a neptune decan scorpio, which can help the tension between her ceres sign and sun sign. it’s easier for her to look at growing and improving herself from a detached but extremely emotional level. listening to music is huge for her, and can help her figure herself out. also freestyle dancing! is very natural for her and she feels powerful and very “momo” when she does it. 

capricorn- 

sana;

good for sana, her ceres sign conjuncts her sun sign, a favorable combination due to the similarities and connection between herself and her relationship with the material world and emotional growth. she needs relaxation and comfort for her well-being and for her personality to shine through accurately. however, this isn’t too hard for her, as the life that she wants to lead is in line with the life that energizes her the most.

sana feels comforted by constructive criticism or a healthy pushing and motivation that keeps her on track but is also sensitive to her moods. her leo moon and virgo mars can make her irritated by others being overly critical or disinterested in her struggles, but loved ones that know her well and can give her support is appreciated. it’s hard to explain, but sana just wants someone who will leave her alone to fix problems herself, but who can give her advice (only if she wants it!) and can empathize without pitying her.

sana comforts others the same way. she may have a tendency to end up being more self-focused when sympathizing with others and likes to share her experiences. might be aware of it, might not, it depends. she doesn’t mean it in a bad way, it’s just natural for her to include herself in these sorts of conversations and give advice. capricorn in ceres individuals might seem almost aloof at first, if you don’t know them, but once you’ve become close to them you can see through them and their motives easily. i find capricorns tend to be misunderstood a lot, as they have a lot going on, but you just have to guess? i don’t know. they’re hard to explain but you just know.

aquarius- 

jihyo and mina;

jihyo and mina are destined to experience epiphanies related to self-discovery and individuality consistently throughout their life. they’re perpetually living in a state of learning. working in groups is the best way for them to improve upon themselves. helping others and being of service to the community inspires them. looking into topics that aren’t mainstream are a good way to attract growth too. they might mature backwards or have an up-and-down process of experiencing emotions. 

jihyo may feel misunderstood at times. her way of relaxing is different than others and she may feel as if her moods vary too much from the moods of others. as i said in the first paragraph for this section, jihyo matures at a weird consistency. comfort comes from feeling like she belongs, but is still her own person. needs to be “noticed” but still feel like the underdog? confusing i know. wants to feel needed. being the leader of twice is incredibly beneficial to her health:)

mina can feel lost in terms of comfort. she may not need as much alone time as others, and feels more energized around groups of people, but finds it also wears her out because of the way her energy levels and moods fluctuate. so i take back what i said, she does need alone time. like a balance. but she struggles to maintain that balance. like jihyo, mina needs to feel needed. humanitarian activities and helping the community is good for her emotional stability.

both comfort others by making them feel important. tends to do well in teaching positions and as a mentor. extremely good leaders! they are comforting and know the people around them incredibly well without even realizing it. sympathizing is not exactly their strong point most of the time, they might seem too cold because they don’t want to pity the person, but they do know how to collectively energize a bunch of people and make them feel safe and relaxed.