#host bullshit

[sysvents]

Deeply terrified to consider this, but. Maybe having a system isn't inherently horrific agony.

This whole coping mechanism works by hiding things. It's built around the fear of being found out. Part of the way the system functions is by remaining hidden by any means necessary.

It didn't help that I had a really bad fucking time realizing everything. I was homeless, terrified, stuck in a place with endless fucking fleas and people who Wanted me Gone, and then i woke one day with my entire concept of self crumbled. I really wasn't in a good place to have put everything together.

I also had a couple horrible experiences of people finding out. One was I asked someone at a work experience for guidance, which led to her telling me to subordinate all of my family and make them my pet slaves. Her insistence that I was the "core" made me sure that no one would understand.

The next was my girlfriend accidentally outing me to a friend group. The friends were all nice and still are. That violation made me certain I could never trust anyone with this information.

I never wanted to have to go through admitting I was abused as a kid. My entire self concept was built around the idea that I was fine, just a bit anxious. Admitting I was worse off than that hurt, and honestly still hurts. If every alter is some kind of coping mechanism (not true, but like hypothetically) then mine is definitely thinking everything is fine.

I'm in a better spot now, though. Housed. It's given me some space to actually try to get better. I've been able to reconnect with my hobbies some more without that looming threat over me at all times.

More importantly, I've reconnected with my alters. I'm really glad I have, too. Everyone has some love and joy and interest to indulge. Twelve even managed to help me unpack a lot of the religious trauma that I didn't even notice was still eating away at me until I tried to be edgy and tie my shoelaces into inverted pentagrams for her.

Also found a server that has a lot of plural people in it. They're all friendly enough that a couple alters have even started hanging out in it as themselves.

Which still horrifies me. But. Perhaps. Has some benefits.

It's helped communication to be a bit more open about it. There's been loads of internalized shame that I've just left because it was too inconvenient to unpack because it would risk people knowing. Having them able to be themselves instead of fitting themselves into the general "me" mold has really helped communication. It's helped them have a chance to figure themselves out.

This is hard. All of it is. Nothing about being a system is easy (except dissociation, I rock at that), but I hate that I've been capitulating and feeding into the idea that it always has to be agony and pain.

It doesn't. You can make progress with your system. You have to. You will.

I still never want to be public about this. Not now, if ever. I want to keep main accounts at the very most ambiguous, but I still want everyone to have a space to express my and themselves (not saying "ourselves", still refuse to use first person plural pronouns forever).

Someone'll need to make a new pinned. Sorry, nine, it was a mess from the beginning. For now, this one'll take its place. Until then, well.

Hey, this is 💛

Name: Max

Species: Pikachu

Pronouns: she/her

System: Storyteller (yeah, like a Time Lord's name. Blame Thirteen.)

[sysvents]

The funniest one for me was when I helped a friend find out they were a system. They were venting to me about some stuff that reminded me of a time I was questioning. Not expecting anything to come of it, I asked if they'd ever looked into dissociative identity disorder. At the time I thought, "Well I didn't have it, and I've had basically the same experience, so I'm sure they don't have it, either."

I then had to sit and stew in terrified anger I wasn't able to recognize was there when I turned out to be right, and they did have DID.

pre syscovery is "i would notice"

post syscovery is "HOW DID I NOT NOTICE"

[solarpunkani]

Psst, hey.

Hey you.

Come closer.

Listen to what I'm about to say good and well, alright?

[extravagantliar]

thinking about how Varric in modern or Kirkwall throws the best Hanukkah party

[ozlices]

ty for the people following me bc of the watcher posts. this is a watcher hater club now u can all vibe here knowing we are mentally standing outside that pretentious hollywood hq building w pitchforks and torches

[lockandkeyhyena]

So so sorry if you've answered this before [or if you just didn't wanna talk about this] but I noticed your part is absent from the Primadonna Spottedleaf map? Again sorry if this is overstepping bounds but I'm just curious if you knew about that

all good. got kicked for supporting bi lesbians i think. they just said ‘because of the drama’

[idlenight]

i've been thinking about that Sidestep sexyman post by @hypnostanatos for two whole days now btw. I think we should do one fr, let's test the theory of Damian or Levi sweeps.

So.

EDIT:

hey im not going to wait out the rest of the time on this poll. as fun as the idea on its own seems initially there are some nastier implications of doing a poll like this that i wasn't considering originally.

The conclusion is that i will not be hosting a whole tournament. at the most - if there is interest - we do a funny haha damien vs levi poll.

[harlequinoccult]

"OH MY GOD THAT'S HOW THEY KNOW EACHOTHER!!" <- me having an epiphany when you suggested Carter was the one to give Ariel his fake documents

anyway i had to get off anon for this one, just wanted to give u this super messy sketch i made of my specialest boy, w his mask on bc drawing faces is hard-

how does he see anything w that thing on? great question!

drawing has been hard for me to do recently, but i want to come up w a OD design so i can draw them being freaks together. maybe one day ill actually manage to do it-

anyway, just wanted to do this as a lil thanks for taking an interest in him and even helping to make his backstory make more sense one way or another XD

i hope you're having a lovely day! your IF has made a bit insane, so thanks for making it, i have two more freaks i can ramble abt later on if you're ok w that! don't forget to hydrate!!

-🦊

I love hearing about and seeing people's mcs and ocs and im glad i could help 😌

[theoryandahalf]

The new host of GTLive will not be more than one host The new host of GTLive will not be more than one host The new host of GTLive will not be more than one host The new host of GTLive will not be more than one host

🙏🙏I am terrified and manifesting dude/gn because that would ruin GTLive for me ngl

Do you think it’ll be the four channels hosts rotating? Or ash taking the couch and someone new in tech? Or someone new altogether or smthn? I can’t wait for it to be announced I’m shaking and quaking in my boots

While I'd personally enjoy a rotating cast of hosts, I totally understand where you're coming from, Anon, so I'm sending out positive vibes for you.

I think it depends on how comfortable Ash feels being the host, honestly. I will say, according to the page hit statistics for the Theorists Wiki, they are the most popular Team Theorist member by a significant margin. IDK if Ash is aware of their fame, but the stats don't lie. Picking Ash as the main host aligns with the structure they've already established with the other channels, and they are featuring Ash way, way more often on social media than they ever have before. The community likes them, they are familiar and don't need a long introduction period to the audience. The stars appear to be aligning in Ash's favor.

[mrsmarlasinger]

Wish I liked that system I met at the gay club but unfortunately I only like the host cuz all her alters are annoying and rude 😔😔

[sysvents]

I'm honestly glad that the friends tab in simply plural is barren of features. Don't want people to know shit about my system lol. I can let my girlfriend know who switches in when if I want to and that's all I want it to be able to do

[monachopism]

justice for the 2017 tonys

[thisgardenofromance]

Reading a tamakyo fanfic and it was all like the classic "Tamaki was the boy who pried Kyoya out of his shell" and in my head I just saw

[charliextea]

when the anp is so good at the normal your system starts to convince itself it isn’t real. again.

[horsemage]

I think we should bring back basic etiquette lessons such as shutting the fuck up when you’re watching a movie in a group that is not exclusively your friend group 🙂

[qwilman]

A quick list of places where I post that I feel like are in any way trustworthy at this point

COHOST is probably my favorite place right now. It's small, but in a good way. The site actively discourages number obsession with the idea that it will make the community more actively engaged. It allows for some code in posts, which makes for some really cool stuff. Posting video is a huge fucking headache, which is ironic for one of the last sites on the internet that's cool about pornography. NEWGROUNDS is a site I'm fucking gobsmacked is not only still around, but one of the last places where animation is front-and center in every respect. Adult work is pushed but never in a way that imposes on people who don't want to see it, but it also the the kind of community and interface you would expect from a website that started nearly 30 years ago. PILLOWFORT has not only livejournal-style blogging and commenting, but even livejournal-style communities. On paper it's the thing everyone has been screaming they want for the last decade, and no one is using it (including me, if I'm being honest. I should get back on that.) I'm so out of practice with it I can't remember how it handles video, but not very well I think.

BLUESKY seems to be okay so far, but the idea of "We're going to re-make twitter, and it's going to be exactly like it was in the old days!" is so crushingly naive that I have no doubt in my mind it's going to fuck up somehow along the way. You also can't really post video there.