#Sorry is just a word
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i used to be so good at writing strong, thoroughly-researched, thoroughly-edited essays.
as a kid in hs, my teacher literally came up to me, holding my 40 page essay on the intersection of the European witch hunts and capitalism/exploitation/gender roles (it was supposed to be 7 pages...whoops) and went like "this is literally a master's-degree level thesis. what are you doing?? you could literally use this as your final dissertation in a master's program, what the fuck."
NOW??? NOW?? you'd think I'd be oh so skilled. but alas. i can barely piece together two ideas. adhd skill-regression is so so real. im SOBBING
#this is just me ranting sorry#im very tired and hungry#and i want to sleep but brain go brrrrr#well i used to be nice and smart and now im neither of those or however the song goes#pretty sure he was exaggerating cause looking back. it was good. but some of the wording was a lil wonky#adhd#actually adhd#executive dysfunction#actually neurodiverse#adhd paralysis#adult adhd#attention deficit hyperactivity disorder#adhd hacks#academia#neurodivergent#adhd skill regression#confessions of a burnt out gifted kid#<< i guess#former gifted kid#burnt out gifted kid#gifted kid burnout#realizing i sound rly pretentious here sorry -- formal speech patterns i picked up as an autistic child and never put down again haha
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Wanted to make some supportive Ford
#gravity falls#stanley pines#stanford pines#stan twins#sea grunks#my art#sketches#stan pines#ford pines#chibi stan#chibi ford#I get really emotional thinking about how ford would take any opportunity to tell stan words of encouragement#or general words of support#mainly because stan did that so much when they were younger#and now it’s ford’s turn#ford just being like: this is my brother all look at him look how great he is#i’m sorry i’m emotional lol
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i hate you "influencers", i hate you tiktok, i hate you "content creators", i hate you "unalive" and "s€x" and "dr/ügs", i hate you instagram, i hate you consumerism, i hate you family friendly, i hate you puritans, i hate you facebook, i hate you family vloggers, i hate you violating other people's privacy, i hate you modern day social media
#sjonnie.text#i just saw someone make a 50 SECONDS reel about combining movie genres and movies and it was scream and romance and it was 50 SECONDS and#they said “i'm sorry i unalived all those people” go actually fuck yourself.#IF YOU CAN'T SAY THE WORD MURDER KILL DRUGS SEX ETC YOU ARE NOT READY TO HAVE A CONVERSATION ABOUT THOSE TOPICS#AND SHOULD NOT PRODUCE CONTENT OF IT#i hate this “family friendly” aesthetic jesus fucking christ#text post#anti instagram#anti tiktok#anti influencers#anti capitalism#20k
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In all honesty, I don't want to hear "I'm sorry". I don't want to hear "well now I believe you because you don't talk to your family". I don't want to hear "I believed your family and now I don't".
Look, the damage has already been done.
Fuck off and leave me alone.
#im done#sorry is just a word#cptsdhealing#living with cptsd#cptsd vent#cptsd problems#cptsd thoughts#actually cptsd#just cptsd things#tw cptsd#actually ptsd#cptsd tag#cptsd#c ptsd
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in the realm of like, rich kid problems, I want to someday read/write a fic where Nightwing is slowly establishing himself as a full-fledged JL member and everyone is relieved because finally, there's a nice Bat on the Watchtower who doesn't just shoot down their plans and deny their mission requests. but. while Nightwing is kind, and polite, and charming in all the ways the Bat isn't, he's still Dick Grayson. and Dick Grayson grew up as a very rich kid's suddenly very rich kid, which is to say while Bruce might not take it personally, Dick has been fending off people almost his entire life who were trying to use him for his Dad's money. which is to say, I think once Nightwing is on board and the relationship between him and Batman is at least somewhat well-known, there is suddenly a rush of younger, less-experienced members trying to take advantage of Nightwing, mistaking that kindness and openness for willingness to either voluntarily, or involuntarily, infringe upon and cross Batman's clear-cut boundaries. bribing Dick for a better monitor shift with Batman is one thing (it doesn't really work, Dick can't bribe Bruce with much as it is) but trying to convince Nightwing to lie to Batman? to go against him? his dad? the man who pulled him up when he had nothing and gave him meaning again? that man?? and then comes the inevitable, chilling realization, that while Nightwing might wear a different mask, might wear an open smile on the Watchtower and with friends off-shift, there are some lines he won't cross, same as Bruce. he won't, sure as the sun rises and the rot rolls off the Gotham Harbor in the morning.
#sorry i got rambly again#idk where this was going#anyway idk what the big betrayal is but it's something dumb fucking stupid#something that puts people at risk#and they go up to dick and ask him to lie about it to batman like it's not big deal#and dick just stands there#smile frozen on his face#caught between charming amiable nightwing and the bitter suspicious ward of bruce wayne at a party#shaking a man's hand who promises he'll help dick if he 'puts a good word in with the old man'#realizing that he's just a pawn#bruce is immune to it#but#dick grayson#'nightwing#bruce wayne#batman#dc#batfamily#fic ideas#jl#justice league
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palestine is in a complete and utter blackout with israel launching hundreds of its heaviest airstrikes so far across gaza. this is a mass slaughter and we won't even know the extent of the casualties until it's over; israel have cut off telecommunications so they can commit their atrocities in the dark. there is a genocide happening right in front of our eyes and every person who has ever defended israel's "right to defend itself" has the blood of palestinians on their hands. we cannot ignore what is one of the most devastating massacres in human history.
#i don't even have the words ive never felt this sick to my stomach before#and people are just posting abt their fucking halloween costumes or a new album drop like im sorry but i cant even understand how#anyone can possibly not care about whats going on.#palestine#free palestine
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I don't know who needs to hear this, but as a creator -
I am fine with "the audience" -
downloading my fics
printing my fics
copy/pasting or screenshotting my fics
sharing your saved copy of my fics with anyone else who might want them in the unlikely but never impossible case that my fics are no longer available on ao3
making a book of my fic(s) and running your fingers across the pages while lovingly whispering my precioussss
doing these things with anything I create for fandom, such as meta, headcanons, au nonsense like 'texts from the brodinsons,' etc
I am not fine with "the audience"
doing any of the above with the purpose/intent of plagiarizing my work or passing it off as their own in any capacity
feeding my work into ai for any reason whatsoever
Save the fandom things. Preserve the fandom things. Respect the fandom things.
Enjoy the fandom things.
#fanfic#ao3#archive of our own#fandom things#tumblr things#i may have said this at some point#i'm sure i have#but whatever - just in case#i don't say this with the presumption that i'm so amazing and people are clamoring to save my fics#but just if anyone is so inclined that's all#ftr i don't intend on ever removing my fics from ao3 or deleting fandom things from this blog#i've always shared my fandom things with the intent of keeping them shared bc that's the whole point of posting#but the fandom atmosphere and ao3 constantly being under attack who knows what can happen#not that this applies to anyone but should all else fail you can also reach out to me and i will personally give you a copy#at least of fics bc i save everything#not so much the tumblr things but this is a good reminder to myself that i should do that for the things i care about#that i've made or done and only posted here#anyway sorry i have now used up my quota of the putting words into sentences doing for today#i have plans to stare into the void now
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I realized that I could easily do the same to DAI's script, and I did that, but then I immediately created my magnum opus:
A Text File of Everything Solas Says In Inquisition and Veilguard, The Ultimate Fanfic Resource For Writing Solas' Voice*
and I fell on the floor because it made me happy.
*edited to correct a minor mishap
#did you know Solas says 36000 words#Dragon Age#Solas#Inquisiton spelunking#Veilguard spelunking#I cannot wait to look through it more#I wonder if there's a difference between him speaking in Dread Wolf I'm The Bad Guy mode#that's noticeable just in text#he's sooooo cute#and some of these are very rare lines#Solas says 2345 lines in Inquisition#and 814 lines in Veilguard#I didn't bother to keep in the “Dread Wolf whining noises” sound effect lines sorry about that#and I'll upload the DAI version later I made a mistake on it and I'm tired for now
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something about marine biology and benefits
bonus:
#the character voice on this is loose because 1 its extremely quick and a joke and 2 i really like the word jackass sorry#worth a lot to remember that after the pressure is off they probably have the exact fucking same sense of humour lol#in stars and time spoilers#isat#isat fanart#isat spoilers#isat siffrin#isat loop#doodlebyte#not tagging this up the whole way bc its just a quick doodle lol thats why my panels r all wonky lmao#the heights r so inconsistent here babe it was all i could to wrack my brain and not destroy the 180 rule#anyway. loop: [wakes up from nonextance] oh okay . fuck this [walks into the ocean] oh come ONNNNNN
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"But if college was free, then people would abuse that and get useless degrees" hell yeah I would! If I could go to college without debt I would make it my job to get a degree in every little thing that interested me. I'd get a doctorate in film studies. I'd have a bachelor's degree for every science I like. I'd try to learn at least 5 languages with varying results. I would learn something "useful" like coding and then follow it up with a ""useless"" degree like art history. I'd be the world record speed run holder for getting every degree possible.
But I can't afford college without going into massive debt, so instead I spent the last 5 years trying to figure out what I am passionate enough about to consider going into debt over, because unfortunately being passionate about everything is extremely expensive to pursue.
#simon says#i love learning so much and I hate the USA's college debt system#once they make that shit free I will be unstoppable#this topic sprung up because I had the idea that im very academic and annoyingly analytical that I might as well get a degree in it#because without a degree you just seem like an autistic asshole#but with a degree? then you look like a CREDIBLE autistic asshole#don't worry I will still learn but I still want that funky piece of paper to tell everyone I learnt it#also there's some things that are VERY difficult to learn#like I would love to persue this topic further but unfortunately I would need help with that#also before you say 'try taking [blank] classes instead! it's less expensive than a degree!' im broke#my only learning resource is the library sorry about that#also this is not the post to give me unwarranted financial advice#finances are one of the topics I DO NOT care about and I WILL NOT listen to a word you say
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insane to hear those stories like "a homeless man asked me for money and i bought him some bread instead and he threw it in the trash" like wow.... all this could have been avoided if you treated him like a human being and asked "i can't give you money, is it okay if i buy you food instead?" and he would have said "no" and you could have walked away without wasting money or food, instead of assuming you knew what's best for him. it's not that fucking hard.
#so many of those stories and they always kill me#like OK so you just assumed he wanted to eat 5 db üres zsömle magában?????? cmon man.#LITERALLY. USE YOUR WORDS. NOT THAT HARD.#sorry saw a reddit thread#🌌
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you are coming down with me / hand in unlovable hand.
#deltarune#kris dreemurr#deltarune fanart#deltarune kris#utdr#I’m going through a crisis but hey haha funny character say funny words#its not my best but its fine. I just started on this 2h ago to stop the spiral#points laughs it’s me! I’m the unlovable one! to care for me is to drag you down with me!#anyways sorry for the inconsistent styles recently.. I’m. yea.#ysart#cw eyestrain#cw knife
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two primates
finally drew the tf2 baboon!! + some doodles i wanted to feature mostly heavy in since i haven’t seen nearly enough art of them together. i think he is a proud and loving dad. more under the cut
#my art#team fortress 2#tf2 heavy#tf2 baboon#tf2 medic#tf2 zhanna#heavymedic#i realized that i Love drawing baboons. so expect more. non human primates are so cool#also i made myself slightly emotional while writing out the words in the first pic#idk man i’ve just seen too many jokes where heavy thinks the baboon is weird or ignores it. i wanted to do something tender#lol also i didn't mean to make the first image tumblr dark mode gray. sorry it looks odd
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i love when words fit right. seize was always supposed to be that word, and so was jester. tuesday isn't quite right but thursday should be thursday, that's a good word for it. daisy has the perfect shape to it, almost like you're laughing when you say it; and tulip is correct most of the time. while keynote is fun to say, it's super wrong - i think they have to change the label for that one. but fox is spot-on.
most words are just, like, good enough, even if what they are describing is lovely. the night sky is a fine term for it but it isn't perfect the way november is the correct term for that month.
it's not just in english because in spanish the phrase eso si que es is correct, it should be that. sometimes other languages are also better than the english words, like how blue is sloped too far downwards but azul is perfect and hangs in the air like glitter. while butterfly is sweet, i think probably papillion is more correct, although for some butterflies féileacán is much better. year is fine but bliain is better. sometimes multiple languages got it right though, like how jueves and Πέμπτη are also the right names for thursday. maybe we as a species are just really good at naming thursdays.
and if we were really bored and had a moment and a picnic to split we could all sit down for a moment and sort out all the words that exist and find all the perfect words in every language. i would show you that while i like the word tree (it makes you smile to say it), i think arbor is correct. you could teach me from your language what words fit the right way, and that would be very exciting (exciting is not correct, it's just fine).
i think probably this is what was happening at the tower of babel, before the languages all got shifted across the world and smudged by the hand of god. by the way, hand isn't quite right, but i do like that the word god is only 3 letters, and that it is shaped like it is reflecting into itself, and that it kind of makes your mouth move into an echoing chapel when you cluck it. but the word god could also fit really well with a coathanger, and i can't explain that. i think donut has (weirdly) the same shape as a toothbrush, but we really got bagel right and i am really grateful for that.
grateful is close, but not like thunder. hopefully one day i am going to figure out how to shape the way i love my friends into a little ceramic (ceramic is very good, almost perfect) pot and when they hold it they can feel the weight of my care for them. they can put a plant in there. maybe a daisy.
#warm up#writeblr.#i am not going to personally comment on the pineapple debate#some things are too big for me.#maybe we could have everything on earth choose their own names.#wouldn't that be fun#it is a creative writing exercise. okay. ily#''why only these languages?'' ..... bc i dont know every language#sorry :(#PLEASE leave me comments about what words u think are correct. i love learning them#btw! this isn't saying these are the most BEAUTIFUL words for it... just the words that are the most CORRECT#like i quite like the word ''keynote'' as mentioned. it's got a lot of fun sounds in it.#but it is not CORRECT.#''gloaming''' is interesting and fun and poetic but it is NOT correct . evening is MORE correct#but less beautiful.#does that make sense?
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pegoryu valentine :3
#p5#persona 5#persona 5 royal#ryuji sakamoto#sakamoto ryuji#pegoryu#persona 5 protagonist#akira kurusu#ren amamiya#i made this last year LOL#sorry for not posting </3 i forget#idk when i'll post again</3#but beleive in me ... please.... its all i have...#i just finished a big assignment in uni im so tired#i typed 5000 words in two hours#anyways i like pegoryu ryuji would bounce his leg when hes nervous#i need to replay p5 games at some point tbh the motivation isn't there for p5 anymore sad emoji
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Tbh IF everything does come to light about my family and I mean IF... I don't want an apology and I don't want "can we talk".
"Sorry" is just a word.
Tbh, I don't know what I want.
My family caused me so much trauma over my life. It wasn't just one day, here and there. It wasn't just once a week, it was EVERY DAY. I am still grieving over my lost childhood, that I will never experience again. My family took away my childhood.
Why did you believe my family? Why?
That's what I want to know.
Why didn't you believe me, that I don't talk to my family? Why? Just fucking why?
I don't get how you believed my family, when you hate them... But NEVER believed me. Why?
I don't understand you. I don't get you.
I don't want a "talk". I don't want a "sorry". I want a "why" with full, in detail, explanation.
You don't tell me, the full details. I'm leaving for good and I'm not opening that door.
You don't tell me, I know where the door is.
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