#Sorry for whining

[allymcfee]

Can we all just quit work and play BG3, write, draw, paint, or whatever else brings us joy. Could we just get paid to do that instead? Brought to you by - working 60 hour weeks is slowly driving me insane.

[studentinpursuitofclouds]

I H A T E S U M M E R H E A T

[taski-guru]

Line art of an adopt (adopt was sold)

NOT a free line art!

[overwatch]

As I am still dealing with the bank who has to lower my monthly credit (which has doubled in the past 3 years), I kind of wonder if other cancer patients just give up on their rights. This is so tiring, demeaning, and confusing (lots of burecratic stuff).

I have been forcing myself to go there and study my rights and prepare formal complaints on rights violations and etc, plus all the other bills because for some reason I am still paying the normal quotas of eletricity and water?? Even tho I'm not at my apartment since December and then all medical bills pilling up (physiotherapy, trauma therapy, acumpuncture and all the expensive medication). So exhausted.

[arnold-layne]

i hate that finding a good job this day always requires networking. what about us antisocial bitches that say more words to an npc than to a human in a day. i really should be able to get a decent job with skills alone, not through someone i happen to know, because i don’t know that many people.

[heartsyhawk]

What kind of Rockefeller ass clowns are deciding how much fast food should cost??

Was having a rough day and so I went to the combination Taco Bell and KFC (had a coupon for Taco Bell and some extremely rare non dedicated money) and I almost threw up at the prices. A three piece chicken meal used to be 5.99. I know it's been a few years since I have been able to get chicken I didn't have to cook myself but 14.99?!?!?! (Friends I did not buy myself any fried chicken. I don't imagine I will ever be eating fried chicken I had to buy myself again in the near future)

[blood-and-pizza]

I am in a bit of anguish over the fact Scott seems to have changed Spring Bonnie's eye color. I loved the original green ones Adventure Spring Bonnie had. But in the movie, Spring Bonnie's original eye color was a bright blue, like Golden Freddy's one eye. It better shows the connection these two entities have.

In other words, even though I loved the green eyes so much, the blue ones are a better creative choice. Plus, this isn't the first time Scott Cawthon retconned something. He kinda throws things together, makes a retcon and prays nobody cares. I'm sorry I failed him.

I just thought the green eyes were cool...!

[arinavah]

hi arina! how are u doing? i've read your life update before about how you may not be able to do art stuffs due to life circumstances, seeing you open your shop now really brightens my heart! i'm also an artist in a kind of tough situation where i dont have much choice and might have to give up drawing or have difficulty continuing. im wondering how you got thru it? your art updates give me strength and hope! but if u dont feel like sharing, i totally understand. hoping you best and thank you!!

I'm sorry I'm answering this so late, talking about my current life always ruins my mood. (this will be a long whining post, I'm very upset right now so I need to speak out)

Probably we are in different situations, unlike you, drawing is the only thing I can do now. I've  mentioned here before that my grandma had a stroke this summer, my parents live in another city, they come here from time to time. Me and grandma live in Moscow, sooooo, generally, disabled grandma is MY responsibility most of the time. Even though she's making some slow progress in recovering, she's still mostly bed ridden, she can't take care of herself, she can't get up from the bed without help, she barely walks, etc., etc. So we can't leave her alone, and taking care about such helpless person, 24/7 IS HARD. She can wake us up several times at night to go to toilet or whatever, during the day she always wants something and we have to serve her, it really exhaustes me. (I half jokingly say that I unexpectedly became mother of 76 y.o. child, but I've always been child-free, so guess what I'm feeling right now)

Good news: I have some time to draw. To be honest drawing is the only sphere of my life I still can control, it's the only thing bringing me joy. And thankfully some people buy my merch so I can earn some money even in these circumstanses.

Bad news: I lost all freedom I'd had, I can't go anywhere without hiring nurse, I have much less time for work and drawing, I can't properly relax after long day, in fact I can NEVER relax, I can't meet with friends, I can't travel, I have to cancel work trips. Even simple mandane things became very difficult and even impossible because of all these restrictions. I can't find proper words to describe how those restrictions of my freedom make me depressed and devastated, right now my mental health is the worst it's ever been. I cry almost every day, I became hysterical and agressive, I hate my life so much, that the mere thought of spending the rest of my youth living my family's life, not MY OWN LIFE makes me want to kms. At the moment I control nothing in my life, I can't decide where to live, what to do, where to go, absolutely nothing. Probably I will never find a partner, because dating in these life contitions is impossible. Probably I will die alone without any love and friends. Maybe my only destiny is to take care of disabled person.

I'm trying to accept the fact that my life's ended, that I won't have any freedom and any new people around me till she passes away or till one of my parents will take full charge of taking care of her (it will happen in 5 years or so, they have work to finish in another city).

I spend my days solving my family's problems, my grandma's health problems, selling some merch to earn money and drawing some silly things just to ✨feel something✨.  So me being able to draw something in difficult circumstanses is not some heroic thing, I'm not overcoming myself to make art desprite everything, what I'm doing is just...escapism... I want to get lost in my little drawings or in little stories for some time to forget about everything bothering me. Honestly, I'm very happy that I haven't lost ability to draw after everything happened to me this year.

Guys.... sorry for whining, but 2022 ruined my mental state completely... Political situation (fucking Russia 💀💀💀), family situation, I just feel so much hatered for this world, for this universe where none of my dreams will ever come true, where I control nothing, where I have to live someone else's life, where I have no freedom, where I have to be silent, where I have to look at my government's crimes and be silent, where I can't  plan anything, where I can't love who I want (yesterday they accepted "lgbt propaganda" ban law), where I have to live the rest of my life in the country I hate, with a government I hate, isolated, lonely, constricted, attached to disabled person.

My parents keep telling me it's temporary, they don't want me to be a nurse for the rest of my life, everything is gonna be okay, they will solve everything. I don't believe them. Maybe I'm overdramatising, maybe if I get a therapy I'll feel better and less pessimistic about my future, but for now... I feel terrible. So, if drawing makes me feel a little bit better, then I'll continue to draw.

[yannysif]

Unfortunate timing yet again

Ahh, I wanted to make a little something involving Lucien for the O2A2 jam, but unfortunately, my mother got really sick and had to be hospitalized, and I was staying with her for the past few days, so I couldn't finish in time.

Thankfully she's alright now and we're back home, just seems tired and I'm keeping an eye her.

Really frustrated with myself that nothing I plan seems to be working out lately, being met with problems on every turn. I thought it'd be a fun thing to share with all of you but I'll have to scrap it now.

I'll still share the CG I made for it, tried really hard to finish in time but just couldn't make it, sorry I keep messing up with this 😭

It was going to be "Teatime with Lucien" with a little twist at the end. Also tried to do a lineless artstyle just to try out, I think it looks quite nice but it was a pain to actually do it 🥲

I even had a plan to jump from this to an update for the main game in time for my birthday and everything but now it's in shambles, I feel like I need to take a short break from everything so I'll step away from all social media for a bit, I hope that's ok.

[seasonfivebitchsaveme]

[rhettabbotts]

how the hell do y'all write so many words and its always beautiful. i'm struggling to write and i cant even get to 500 words im going to scream.

[studentinpursuitofclouds]

Damn, wish I could burn all my problems in the fire, as if they never existed.

[evolutionsvoid]

I have to say, having taken a trip to Iceland over the summer, I would have thought that the amazing sights and food would be the main thing that stuck with me, and not so much the haunted feeling that there is something so wrong with me that people are repulsed by my presence before I even do anything. Loved the glaciers, the whales and all that stuff, but really wish the major thing that immediately came to mind when thinking about that trip wasn't an entire tour group rejecting me within hours.

[colorlessrose]

I know I should be grateful I have anyone at all.

She loves me. And she does such an amazing job of it. She takes care of me, she cooks for me after a long day, she puts up with my mess and my forgetting to empty the dishwasher every other day. She understands my needs for physical affection and treats and info dumping. She gets excited about the same things. We make and laugh at the same jokes. She is so beautiful and so full of love.

And yet, there's so much I wish I had.

I wish I had someone who loved taking photos of me, and us together. I wish I had someone who loved going on adventures. I wish I had someone who would surprise me with gifts of things I'd talked about wanting. And god dammit I wish I had someone who wanted me sexually.

I know it's something personal to her, and it's something she's a little self conscious about. I know it's not a requirement for a happy relationship. I know she does so much for me in so many other ways. I know she's even comfortable with me sleeping with other people. And I know I'll never find anyone as good, much less better, that will put up with everything I am.

But Jesus fuck I want to be wanted

[lengthofropes]

it’s been three days with my new tattoo and healing wrap is killing meeee. it’s itching, I’m ITCHY!!!

two more days to endure 😟

[heartsyhawk]

As bad weeks go this is definitely one I'm having (CW: Animal death... again, grief)

When my dog Suki passed away on Sunday it was unfathomably devastating and heartbreaking. I knew it was happening and had time to prepare for it and process it but she was literally a cornerstone for just about my entire life and the loss hurt deep.

It still hurts deep. It's gonna be an ugly snarl of pain for a long time. New things keep cutting into it to make a fresh and zesty new hurt. So far today it has been things like 'I spilled raisins on the floor and had a whole panic attack scrabbling to get them up before the 4 legged vacuum who absolutely cannot have grapes realized there was something on the floor...except she did not and will never again race to "help" clean up spilled human food', 'found a can of her favorite food in a place I didn't expect it to be', 'woke up from a brief nap automatically at what used to be afternoon walk time', 'her insulin is still in my fridge' and 'was able to agree to plans without worrying about being home to do meds'.

I imagine at some point things will stop adding new knife wounds but I am not there yet. Extra definitely not there yet.

My cat Dobby was even more broken than I was at losing her. They were buddies for her whole 15 years with us and we knew it was going to be hard for him, how could it not be. But he was 20 and a half years old and even though he was in pretty nice shape for a kitty his age, his heart couldn't take the strain of grief.

Three days after Suki lost her battle with cancer, Dobby died (the vet called it broken heart syndrome) just before midnight.

I feel like I'm drowning in sticky tar. I can't believe they are both gone, so close together. They were the last two babies I had. My heart and home are empty of all but the reminders they should be here.

I can't help but worry through the unbearable agonizing loneliness that I won't be able to have another pet. My health is... complicated. I can't do a lot of the physical things I should be able to. I can't change the litter box for a cat without help due to my breathing and physical strength (and I DO NOT have reliable help anymore). I can't go on long walks with a dog anymore and I don't know if I have the stamina to train an animal. And the cost. Woo boy the cost. Pet food alone is up about 45 percent since Covid started like a lot of necessary groceries. Pet vet meds got so much more expensive too. Vet bills are always pretty steep. But I casually looked into adopting a kitten and it's gonna be 500 dollars for the pair (nobody will let you adopt a single kitten here anymore) before that animal is even chipped or spayed/neutered. I can't afford that right now and I'm not sure I will be able to any time soon. The shelters near me will do like 50 bucks for a senior cat and that's great but I would prefer to have less old age related pet issues for like a decade.

Everything is just really rotten this week. I'm sure things will get better eventually but we aren't quite there.