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mysterious-moonstruck-musings · 1 year ago

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Destiny & Deliverance: Chapter 18

Destiny & Deliverance Masterlist ||| Dieter Bravo X OFC Smut & Sensitive Topic Warning - Minors DNI New as of 8/25/2023

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Series Rating: Explicit (18+)

Series Summary: Natalia Cohen is experiencing major life changes, beginning with leaving an emotionally abusive husband. She is learning how to navigate life on her own while dealing with high functioning anxiety, depression, and mild PTSD. Everything is looking up for her. She is a highly respected consultant for a major LA firm, has her best friend, Lauren, by her side, and is on her path to healing. Everything changes when she meets a handsome and broken stranger on a work trip. He turns out to be a well-known actor, with a heart-breaking past. They quickly develop a connection that will forever alter their lives.

Warnings: Themes dealing with mental health, emotional trauma, alcohol use, and discussions about suicide. There will be fluff, tears, spicy language, and smut. This will be a slow burn type of story. Read at your own risk.

Chapter Quote: "You are enough."

A/N: This chapter contains discussions about suicide. It also contains a little angst, light smut, and fluff. More after the jump.

Since we don't get a POV from Dieter in this series, I thought it might be nice to pick a few songs from the master playlist to share. I will probably start doing this for the remaining chapters so that we can get inside his head a little bit. At this point, I feel like the entire No Name Face album by Lifehouse is Dieter's life. So, you will get a lot of songs from that, but I'll throw in some others too. 😊

Before you start reading, I recommend having some tissue and chocolate on hand. It gets heavy toward the end. It does get a little graphic and the topic of death is discussed. Consider that a final warning. Lastly, a quick thank you to @for-a-longlongtime for being my beta on this chapter. It was nice to have early feedback given the sensitive nature of the topics covered in this one. Enough rambling from me. Happy reading.

Dieter and I got up early the next morning to start preparing for our trip. He left to go get some things from his house while I packed. I was a little flustered because I didn’t know where we were going or what we were doing. When I asked him what to bring, he gave me a mischievous grin before telling me to pack for any possible situation. That only annoyed me further. I ended up packing two bags worth of stuff and I didn’t care how excessive it was. That’s what he got for not telling me things.

When he returned later in the morning, he brought in a duffle bag that he had packed and added his phone charger and clothing items that he kept at my house. By the way he moved, I could tell that his mood had started to shift over the past couple of hours. He seemed increasingly anxious and more fidgety than usual. I wasn't sure what was prompting the change - whether it was the idea of leaving town or the change in routine.

We left around midday. Dieter had let me know that we had nearly a seven-hour drive to get to wherever it was we were going. I texted Lauren to let her know we would be out of town for a few days. Unsurprisingly, she started rapidly firing off questions about the trip that I didn’t have answers to. She got more annoyed with every “I don’t know” response I sent. She finally gave up and told me to have fun.

Dieter took a minute to call Gabby, because apparently cell service wasn’t the greatest at our destination. When she answered, he was quick to let her know she was on speaker phone and that I was with him in the car, which seemed odd to me. He told her we were on our way to Sonoma, and she fell quiet for a moment. I watched the frown that fell over his face as he waited for a response. She inhaled sharply before she finally spoke.

“Good. I’m happy to hear you guys are gonna spend some time away together. Especially there. I think it's a good thing.”

“Yeah, I agree. I think it’s a good idea. I’ll, ugh, I’ll talk to you when we get back.”

There was an odd tone to both of their voices, which almost made me feel like they were talking in code. They said their goodbyes shortly after that.

The long drive seemed to be making Dieter restless. He was getting more and more keyed up with every mile that passed. He seemed very fidgety and on edge. When it got close to dinner time, we pulled off at a small diner that was fairly empty. He seemed distracted throughout the meal, occasionally staring off into the distance at nothing. I didn’t mention anything about it, but it definitely had my attention. We ate quickly and left without him being noticed by anyone, thankfully. I had hoped the stop would help him relax some, but that didn’t seem to be the case. As soon as we got back on the road, I grabbed his right hand and held it in both of mine, gently rubbing it the entire time. I tried to keep a light conversation going to distract him, which seemed to help some.

Around 9:30 pm, Dieter informed me that we were almost at our destination. As we turned down a small road, I started to notice large open fields full of rows of something I couldn’t make out in the darkness. We eventually came to a large Spanish Colonial style house. It was an older home, but still beautiful. Some parts of the aged and discolored stone walls were covered in vines that crept all the way to the top. Everywhere you looked you were met with brightly colored plants and foliage. I still had no clue where we were.

Dieter parked the car out front. When we exited the vehicle, we were met by two men and a woman. Dieter passed his keys off to the younger of the two men, who went to get our bags out of the car. The other two met us in front of the large wooden entry doors.

“Hola Lucia, Mateo.” Dieter gave the man a nod as Lucia came in for a tight hug. She seemed very excited to see him and somewhat emotional. They had a quick conversation in Spanish that I couldn’t follow. I heard Dieter mention my name as he gestured toward me. Lucia came over to hug me, which took me by surprise.

As she pulled away, her eyes sparkled, and she gave me a genuine smile.

“I’m so happy to meet you. It’s been too long since he’s been here. It’s wonderful to see you both.”

Lucia was a petite older woman with graying hair and kind eyes. She spoke with a slight Spanish accent. She seemed very sweet. She quickly introduced me to her husband, Mateo, who had the same distinguished accent. He seemed a little gruff, but nice. He was on the taller side and fit for someone his age. He had a wonderful head full of thick dark hair. I imagined he was probably quite the looker in his younger years.

We all walked in through the big wooden doors. On the other side was a courtyard full of plants and greenery. There was a large two-tiered fountain in the center. Lucia turned to let us know the master suite had been prepared for us and the kitchen was stocked if we needed anything to snack on. Then, they said their goodbyes and headed in for the night. They disappeared off to the left and entered what looked like a small apartment area attached to the main home. I turned to Dieter with a questioning look on my face. I still had no idea what was going on.

“Lucia and Mateo are the caretakers for this place. They live in the staff apartment over there with their grandson, Jose.”

I nodded. That didn’t really clear anything up for me.

“So, what is this place exactly?”

“It’s a vineyard.” I nodded my head, still not fully understanding how Dieter fit into this equation. He seemed hesitant to offer any further details, so I didn’t prod.

We walked toward the main entrance of the house, seeing the younger gentleman, who I assumed was Jose, exit and wish us a good evening.

The inside of the house was beautiful. It had an old-world charm to it. Antique furnishings could be seen everywhere you looked. The walls and ceiling were a soft cream color. Dark wooden beams accented the ceiling. All the doors were made of the same dark wood as were the door trim and baseboards. The floor was made with what appeared to be dark brick stones. There was a large bronze chandelier that hung over the dark wooden entryway table. In the center of the table sat a large vase full of white roses.

I slowly followed behind Dieter as he made his way toward the stairwell, stopping ever so often to look at different things. I was drawn to a small accent table at the foot of the stairs that had a lot of old framed photos sitting on it. They were all black and white and appeared to have been taken in this house based on the familiar furnishings in the background. A picture of a woman holding a small boy caught my eye. I don’t know why, but I picked it up for a closer look.

“Do you know who these people are?”

“Previous owners of this place,” he said from behind me.

I examined the picture further. The woman was smiling, but something in her eyes looked sad. It was stirring some sort of emotion in me that I couldn’t place.

“She’s beautiful,” I mumbled quietly.

Dieter grabbed my free hand as he cleared his throat.

“How about we head up and get ready for bed. We’re gonna have a long day tomorrow.”

I set the picture back down and nodded. We made our way upstairs. Our room was huge. It had a sitting area around a fireplace. There were large glass doors that opened out onto a terrace. The doors were framed with sheer flowy curtains, layered with thicker darker colored ones to block the sunlight. A large four poster king bed sat opposite of the sitting area. The dark wood of the frame had intricate carvings that matched the style of the house. A matching wardrobe set off to one side. One of the doors was open, revealing two fluffy robes and a basket full of travel sized items that we might need for our stay. Our bags had been placed on the floor next to the wardrobe.

“This place is amazing,” I said as I turned to Dieter. I realized he had been watching me take everything in with a smirk on his face.

He walked over to me and wrapped one arm around my waist, while putting the other hand on my cheek. He pulled me tightly against him, briefly rubbing his nose against mine before kissing me gently. I deepened the kiss, but he pulled away soon after, staring into my eyes. His anxiety was still clear, even though he began to relax into our embrace. I struggled to read the emotion on his face. I could tell he was thinking about something as he started to chew at his lip, but he didn’t say anything. He gave me another quick kiss before saying we should get ready for bed.

I dug through my bag for my nightshirt. It was the same racerback tank sleep shirt I had worn in New York the night we had watched the movie. My mind briefly wandered back to that night. That was the night both of our lives got upturned by each other. Now here we were. After grabbing my toothbrush and toothpaste from my luggage, I went to the bathroom.

The bathroom was in the same style as the rest of the house. All stone and dark wood. An old clawfoot bathtub sat in one corner. There was a glass walk-in shower in the other. The bathroom had clearly been updated at some point, but it still captured the old world charm the rest of the house had. I absolutely loved it.

Once I was down to brushing my teeth, I opened the door for Dieter. He had already changed into his shorts by the time he came in with his toothbrush. I noticed his eyes roaming over my bare skin, but he behaved himself, for the most part. He definitely had some wandering hands once we snuggled into bed, but eventually he settled down and dozed off after we tangled ourselves up together. I wasn’t far behind him.

The following morning, I was awakened by Dieter gently brushing my hair off my face. When my eyes fluttered open, he was propped up on his elbow staring at me with a hint of a smile on his face. I gave him a playful look before I turned over on my back, raising my arms above my head and pointing my toes for a full body stretch. His eyes very obviously roamed over my body as I did so. He reached over and put his hand around my midsection, pulling me in closer to bury his face in the crook of my neck.

“Good morning, mi estrella,” he huskily mumbled into my neck. The vibration from his voice and heat from his breath caused goosebumps to ripple right under my skin. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he moved up to kiss me deeply. His hand slowly moved up my thigh, dipping under my night shirt to rest on the bare skin of my waist. But before it could go any further, we were interrupted by a landline phone ringing next to the bed. He pulled away, resting his forehead against mine for a moment as he sighed heavily. Then he moved to answer the phone, speaking in Spanish as he did so. I heard him say Lucia’s name, possibly telling her good morning. He hung up and turned to me with an amused look on his face.

“You ready to get the day started?”

“That depends, what’s on the agenda?” I replied, slightly bemused. He flashed a toothy smile at me.

“First, breakfast. It’s waiting for us outside.”

He got out of bed and threw a robe at me to put on. He pulled back the curtains and opened the glass doors that led out to the terrace. Sure enough, breakfast was set up on a table for us.

I smirked, “Damn, I could get used to this.”

I threw on the robe and joined him outside to eat.

“Seriously, what’s on the agenda for today?”

“Have you ever ridden a horse?” He asked me with a dimpled grin. I raised an eyebrow at him.

“Yes, but it’s been a while. Why?”

“I thought we could take a ride around the grounds. It’s the best way to travel around here.” He winked at me.

I narrowed my eyes at him, “Well, I’m glad I did pack for every possible scenario. Horses were not on my bingo card though. If I would’ve known, I could’ve brought my riding crop, but I’m not sure it's made to be used on horses.” Dieter’s eyes widened and he nearly choked on the food he was chewing. I laughed.

“Are you making dirty jokes right now?” He looked a little shocked as I continued to chuckle.

“Yes. I do that sometimes.” He gave me a big smile as he shook his head at me.

We finished eating, then got dressed. Luckily, I had brought some jeans and outdoor shoes to wear. We made our way out back to a small horse stable. I watched as he saddled up two horses for us. I was surprised at how well he knew his way around the place and how good he was with the horses. I didn’t know this was a skill he had. It was kind of hot. The thought of him in a cowboy hat was suddenly doing things to me. He caught me staring at him, with what I’m sure was an inappropriate look on my face. He raised a brow at me with a flirty look on his face. That wasn’t helping my situation.

“You see something you like ma’am?” I huffed at him as I rolled my eyes. Turning away to look around at my surroundings. “Yes, the view here is amazing”. I could hear him chuckling behind me. He knew what he was doing.

Once he got the horses ready, we spent the entire morning riding across the grounds. The property was expansive and beautiful. There were rows of vines that seemed to go on for miles. On the north side of the property was a wooded area with trails that we rode on for a while. The trail opened to a small creek. It was very peaceful there.

As we made our way around, Dieter would point things out and explain how it related to viticulture, or the cultivation of grapevines. Anything from topographical features to the different blocks of soil types and how those things affected vine growth. I was honestly a little shocked he knew so much on the topic.

Overall, his mood seemed good throughout the morning. However, I could sense small shifts during moments of silence. I could tell he had something on his mind the whole time, even when he was engaged in conversation. He seemed to move between moments of melancholy and anxiety.

Once we realized it was getting close to lunch time, we headed back toward the house. He said we would be having a picnic on the hillside, but we needed to pick up the food from Lucia. I wondered how much of this trip he had planned himself and how much was Lucia. I couldn’t tell, but I loved how much thought had gone into it. If he hadn't already owned my body and soul, this trip definitely would have solidified things between us. I could feel the connection between us getting stronger just by being here together. Even though we hadn’t discussed it yet, it felt like his feelings were in the same place as mine at this point.

We made a quick stop at the house to grab our lunch and a large picnic blanket. Dieter quickly packed everything away in a saddle bag before we headed off to whatever spot he had picked out. He led me to a hilltop on the west side of the property that had an amazing view of all the surroundings. You could see the house, the fields, and the periphery of the wooded area. It was a perfect spot. As we ate, he continued to tell me about things on the property and the challenges of the wine making process. It was kind of adorable, as talking about it caused a small spark of excitement in his eyes.

While he spoke, I noticed a stone arch with steps near the edge of the wooded area. I could vaguely make out what looked like a lattice style fence under the growth out to the sides of it. I hadn't noticed it before since we didn’t ride down that far.

“What’s that over there?” I asked him. He was quiet for a minute. I noticed his brows knitted together.

“It’s the family cemetery.”

“Oh.” I replied solemnly. The question seemed to momentarily shift his mood again, but it didn’t last long. He changed the subject by pulling out a bottle of wine. He was about to pour it into a glass, but I took it from him and drank from the bottle. He gave me a surprised look.

“Glasses aren’t necessary,” I said with a chuckle, then passed him the bottle. We drank a good deal of it as we sat chatting. Both of us were clearly becoming more relaxed. The chatting somehow turned into a heated make out session, until he abruptly peeled himself away from me.

“I need to calm down before we both end up naked. They can probably see us up here.”

I laughed before giving him one last chaste kiss on the lips. He sat propped up on one arm, staring down at me for some time. Using his other hand to brush my hair back or to drape around my midsection. Occasionally bending to give me a brief kiss in varying places on my face. We sat in silence like that for a while. Just taking each other in and being together. It was strangely peaceful and intimate. The quiet moment ended when one of the horses wandered over and started nibbling at the leftover fruit, which sent us into a fit of laughter as Dieter tried to take it away from the horse, who was not having it. We took that as our cue to get going.

We spent several more hours riding and walking around in the fields. We were both filthy before all was said and done. We had a good time though and I had learned a lot from him. I was strangely very much into the topic of viticulture all of a sudden.

We made our way back to the stables. I went ahead to the house to shower and get ready for dinner while Dieter took care of the horses. Once he was finished, he too came to shower while I was getting dressed. We decided to be a little extra and dress up for the occasion. I wore a burgundy sundress and put my hair up in a messy curly updo. Dieter wore some dark slacks with a white button up dress shirt. He rolled up the sleeves and left the top few buttons open. The way the shirt fit across his shoulders and around his arms was distracting. All I could think about was ripping it off him. He caught me staring more than once and gave me a flirty smile every single time.

Once we were ready, he grabbed my hand and led me downstairs. Lucia had set up dinner for us on the patio outside of the sitting room. There was a large tree in the middle that had lit antique chandeliers in varying sizes hanging from it. The table was set beautifully with a tablecloth, a small vase of white roses, and a few small candles sitting in the middle of the tablescape. The sun was just starting to disappear behind the hills which made for a very romantic setting. I was surprised by it all and it made me a little emotional. I wasn’t used to such grand gestures. I took a deep breath to try and steady myself as I felt my eyes begin to water. Thankfully it passed before Dieter noticed…or maybe he did see it and just chose not to say anything.

We spent dinner talking about our day. There was a lot of laughing and intense gazes that eventually led into soft touches across the table and legs grazing underneath it. As the final bits of daylight disappeared and we indulged in the wine, I could feel the atmosphere shifting. You could cut the sexual tension with a knife. I knew exactly how this evening was going to end one way or another and it couldn't come soon enough. I had already caught myself clenching my thighs together all throughout dinner. It was maddening.

Once we finished eating, we wandered inside to the dimly lit sitting room. I was drawn to a small table near the window that had a bunch of old framed pictures on it. They were pictures of the same people from before. There was one in particular that caught my attention. It was the same woman from earlier, dancing with a handsome dark-haired man in what looked like this same room. I picked it up to look at it as Dieter walked up behind me. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me tightly against him as he looked at the picture over my shoulder. I could feel his jaw tightening. I set the picture down and started examining the antique gramophone that sat next to the pictures.

“I’ve never seen one of these in person. Does it work?” I turned to look at him. He gave me a sad smile.

“I’m not sure. It used to.”

He moved to turn it on. To our surprise a classical melody started playing almost immediately through the horn. I smiled up at Dieter. He smiled back at me as he grabbed my hands and pulled me toward the open space in front of the patio doors. He put one arm around my waist, pulling me in closely as he held the other and started to sway to the music. I couldn’t help the smile that broke across my face.

We danced in silence for several minutes, gazing deeply into each other's eyes. Eventually the pace of the music picked up speed. He responded by moving us around the room in practiced motions that I wasn’t expecting. Both of us giggling like children as we went. As the music came to a close, he twirled me around and ended it by dipping me backwards. Enthusiastic smiles were plastered across both of our faces as he leaned down and met me for a kiss. As he raised me back to a standing position, the kiss deepened. I reached up to run my hands through his hair while his hands gripped my hips.

I could feel his posture change as he slowed things down, eventually stopping to rest his head against mine with his eyes closed. When I pulled back to look at him, his brows were drawn tightly together, creating a deep crease between them. When he finally opened his eyes, they were watery and full of some emotion that I could not discern. He searched my face as he pushed some loose curls back from my forehead. He leaned in to kiss me, more urgently this time, but broke away after a moment to ask if I wanted to go upstairs. I gave him a quick nod while I continued to study his face. He seemed to be cycling through several different emotions all at once.

We quickly made our way back to our room and started undressing each other as soon as the door closed behind us. He scooted back onto the center of the bed, motioning for me to come to him. I crawled over and straddled his lap. I could already feel his hardness pressing against me as he kissed down my neck and breasts. I could feel his fingers running up the inside of my thigh before they met the bundle of nerves between my legs. I was already wet and ready for him when he inserted his fingers. I was in such a frenzy for him that it didn’t take long for me to be overcome by pleasure from his movements. Before I had a chance to recover, he was already placing himself at my entrance. I wasted no time in sinking down on him.

It was slow and sensual; the focus was on our connection to one another. The emotions were running deep this time. It was the most intense that it had ever been. We went on for some time, both of us sweaty and panting into each other's mouths. As I increased the speed of my rhythm, I could feel the build of a second release nearing. He too was close. When my muscles tightened around him, he spilled into me with a soft groan. We hugged each other tightly, burying our faces into one another as we both tensed through our releases.

We sat with him still inside me, unmoving for some time. We shared gazes, soft touches, and more kisses. Eventually my legs started to protest, worn out from the day's activities. I groaned as we moved to lay down under the covers where we continued our intimate embrace. We both drifted off to sleep soon after.

I later awoke to the feel of a soft breeze and morning dew creeping into the room from the open terrace doors. The sunlight was just beginning to peek over the horizon, giving the room a soft glow. The bed beside me was empty and cold with Dieter nowhere in sight. I grabbed one of the fluffy robes from the wardrobe and walked out onto the terrace to find him. He was sitting in a chair, staring off in the distance with red rimmed eyes and a half empty bottle of bourbon in his hand. His eyes met mine. He looked lost and broken in a way that I had never seen. Whatever it was that had been bothering him the last couple of days was finally breaking through the surface. I approached him and reached for the hand he had resting on his chest. He pulled me over to him and hugged me around the waist, resting his forehead against my stomach.

“I want to talk to you about something,” he said with a gravelly voice.

“It’s something that I’ve never fully told anyone, but I think it’s time I did. If I’m ever gonna get my shit together, I have to. I think you’re the only person I feel comfortable opening up to about it. It’s one of the reasons I wanted to bring you here.”

Dieter leaned back into the seat as I climbed up onto his lap, straddling his hips to sit face to face with him. He too was wearing one of the robes from our room. I could tell he hadn’t bothered to put anything else on underneath. Normally, that would have been distracting, but right now it was just an afterthought. I took the bourbon bottle from his left hand and set it on the ground. Then started rubbing the back of his neck. The fingers of my right hand were still entwined with his against his chest.

“I know I’ve never mentioned my parents. You might have caught on that they died when we were younger, but I’ve never told you the details. My mom’s death specifically is something that I’ve really struggled with. I haven’t even told my sister or brother everything that happened the day that she died.”

He took a deep breath and looked off into the distance where he had been staring earlier.

“This place belonged to my parents. It belongs to me now, but this is only like the fourth time I’ve been back here since my father died when I was twenty.”

He drew his brows down together before he continued. I could tell he was trying hard to control his emotions.

“Before that, I hadn’t been here since we buried my mom on the property when I was thirteen. I just couldn’t handle the memories.”

He briefly stopped speaking, seeming to think through his next words.

“The week that she died…my father was out of town on business. She had always struggled with depression and at the time I didn’t even really understand what that meant. That week she seemed worse than normal, and I thought she just really missed dad. She always had a harder time when he was gone.”

He paused, inhaling deeply again. He placed his right hand on my hip and knotted the fabric of my robe in his fist before he continued. He was still staring off in the distance, unblinking.

“She really loved flowers. White roses specifically. She said they symbolized love, loyalty, and a fresh start. She was always talking about the meaning and symbolism of things.” He gave a small laugh before briefly biting at his lip.

“That morning I woke up really early. I’d planned to go get some fresh flowers from her garden to help cheer her up when she got out of bed. It was an unusual thing for me to do. I mean, I would bring her flowers all the time, but never early in the morning like that. So, I’m sure it never crossed her mind that I would be the one to find her.”

My breath caught in my throat. This is the reason he is so broken. This is why he is so afraid of love and loss. This one incident had shaped his life of loveless solitude. Since the moment I had met him, he had a sadness behind his eyes that was unreadable. Even when he seemed to be at his happiest, I could sense it just underneath the surface. This is what he has been holding on to since the day he lost one of the most important people in his life and he was choosing to share it with me rather than anyone else.

I knew I had been feeling a shift in our relationship, but I wasn’t expecting this. He was trusting me with his biggest and most heartbreaking secret. I sat in silence, tears slowly starting to slide down my face as I understood what he was about to tell me. I didn’t know what to say, so I just continued to comfort him with physical touch as always. It had become our secret language to one another after all.

He looked down at our entwined hands with a stuttered breath as he continued. He talked slowly, stopping ever so often to manage his emotions.

“It was during sunrise. Kind of like it is now. I walked down to her garden. There used to be a huge apple tree that grew near that old fountain down there at the bottom of the hill. I saw her as soon as I got to the edge of the garden. I knew what I was seeing, but I couldn’t really process it. She was hanging from the tree. My automatic reaction was to run over and try to hold her up. To take the pressure off the rope. I just knew she would be fine if I could only hold her up. I don’t know how long I stood there trying to hold her and screaming for help before somebody heard me. It seemed like an eternity. Finally, one of the workers heard me and rushed over.”

His voice became very flat and void of emotion. He continued to stare at our hands blankly.

“Everything that happened after that is kind of a blur. I remember sitting on the ground and crying…while they cut the rope to bring her down. It was clear she’d been there for a while. She was blue and cold. At the time, I felt like I’d failed her. I should’ve gone out sooner or tried harder to hold her up. I know that’s ridiculous because they said she’d likely been there most of the night.”

He briefly shook his head from side to side before continuing, keeping his eyes focused on our hands.

“The next day… out of pure rage, I set the tree and the garden on fire. I stood there and watched it burn while everybody rushed to put it out. My father was so angry about it.”

His voice shook. He was starting to break. I could see it was taking everything in him to hold it back. He finally looked up at me and my heart shattered.

“Why wasn’t I enough for her to want to stay? Why couldn’t she stay for her kids? I literally worshiped the ground she walked on. She was my life and none of us were enough for her.”

Dieter started sobbing. I hugged him and cried with him. He continued with his head buried in my neck.

“I have so much anger toward her for leaving us like that and I hate myself for it. I feel like, if I wasn’t enough for my mother, how can I ever be enough for anyone else? Why do I deserve to find happiness when she couldn’t? I’m so afraid of finding someone I want in my life in every way and they’re going to leave me because I can’t get my shit together or something’s gonna happen to them and I’m not going to be able to handle it. I’m already on the edge as it is. What if I'm like her and I do what she did to someone else? I don’t want to put someone through that. I haven’t been able to bring myself to take that chance and I’ve lived a fucking miserable existence because of it. I don’t want that anymore.”

I raised his face with both of my hands to make him look at me. The look in his eye seemed different. Almost relieved.

“Dieter, you are enough.” He tried to look away from me, but I wouldn’t let him.

“You hear me. You really are enough. Don’t ever tell yourself otherwise. You’re such a selfless person, I know you would never do anything like she did. She was sick. Depression is a very consuming thing if it’s not treated properly. I mean, you’ll never really know what she was dealing with. It could have been more than that, you know? Honestly, you have every right to be angry with her. She hurt you and put you in a really painful situation. Don’t feel bad about that. But you also need to be able to forgive her and understand that what she was going through had nothing to do with you. Otherwise, I don’t think you’ll ever be able to move on. The fact that you’ve finally opened up to someone is amazing though. It’s a good first step and I’m proud of you for doing it. I know how hard it was for you. Thank you for trusting me with this part of yourself.”

Dieter shook his head in agreement, then took a deep stuttering breath. I could smell the thick scent of bourbon as he exhaled. He suddenly looked exhausted. I could tell this had taken a lot out of him. I kissed his forehead and hugged him again. I could feel all the tension leave his body as he melted into me.

I was falling hard for this beautiful, broken man. He was either going to be the best thing that ever happened to me or absolutely crush my soul. I wasn’t sure how much longer I could continue saying we were just friends if there was going to be this much emotion involved. I think he was starting to sense it too. This weekend was changing things between us in so many ways. This goes far beyond “just friends” and even the newly added “benefits”.

Dieter pulled away and wiped the tears off my face with each of his thumbs, letting his hands cup my face. He studied me, his brows drew down together. He looked as if he was trying to make some sort of decision. He pushed the hair back from my face and kissed me gently. Then he leaned his forehead against mine. “We should probably try to get a couple hours of sleep. I’ve kept you up most of the night.” I gave him a small smile as I agreed.

He stood up, lifting me up from his lap, then sat me on the ground. We went back inside. He closed the terrace doors behind us and pulled the blackout curtains shut. We crawled into bed together. He turned on his side, snuggled his head into the crook of my neck, and tangled his legs in with mine. He threw his arm across me, grabbed my hand that was resting just below my neck, and entwined our fingers there. I hadn’t even realized I was doing the thing with my hand, but he did. He always did and he always knew how to ease my anxiety. Never questioning the cause of it.

He quickly fell into a deep sleep. I laid there for a while just listening to him. He seemed less restless than he had been in recent weeks. I hoped that some of the weight had been lifted as he had shared his pain with me. I would take on all of his pain if I could. I wanted nothing more than to see this man truly happy and unburdened by his past. Eventually I also drifted off to sleep.

We were awakened a few hours later by the phone. Dieter rolled over to answer. Mateo called to let us know that breakfast was ready. He thanked him and hung up the phone. We both groaned and snuggled further into bed, facing each other with arms and legs wrapped around one another.

I could feel his eyes on me, and I slowly opened mine to look at him. There was a slight glow sneaking into the room from the sunlight. Just enough for me to make out the expression on his face. He looked almost giddy or hopeful? He smiled at me and kissed my forehead. He mumbled, “Good morning, mi luz en la oscuridad” into my hair then leaned down for a slow, sensual kiss. Which is not what I was expecting after the early morning events.

“Are you ever gonna tell me what that means?” I asked him with a smirk.

“One day I will. I promise,” he said through a smile as he leaned in for another quick kiss.

He broke away and suddenly got very serious. He raised up above me on his elbow. “Look, I…” he started, then froze for a minute. Trying to find his words. “I’ve been thinking about this for a while. I know that we agreed this whole thing between us is…that we…fuck. I don’t know how to say this.”

I had to admit, a flustered Dieter was pretty damn cute. I hadn’t had the pleasure of really seeing this version of him before. I raised my hand to rub the short hair at the nape of his neck and gave him an encouraging smile.

“I know we both said that we’re not doing the relationship thing, but I can’t deny how I feel anymore. I’ve been breaking all the fucking friend rules for weeks and you haven’t stopped me.”

He paused briefly, clearly working up the courage to continue. He took a deep breath to steady himself.

“So, I’m just gonna say it. I’m in love with you and I can’t help it. I don’t know what you wanna do with that, but if your feelings have changed about things, I’m willing to try to be with you as something more. I want to be with you. There’s something about you that draws me in and puts me at peace and I…” his voice broke a little.

He was actually getting emotional about this. There was none of the cocky jokes or usual confidence behind his words. He took a second to pull himself together.

“Ugh, I can’t believe I’m doing this, but I feel like I have to at least try because living with the what ifs may kill me before anything else does. And I know you have your own shit to work through… I wanna continue to support you through that, like you have me. I want you to know that I’ll never treat you like your ex-husband did. Actually, if I ever see him out in public again, I’ll make him eat his own fucking teeth for what he did to you.” His last statement gave me a good chuckle.

I think my silence began to make him a little uneasy. His newly returned confidence was fading slightly. I sat there for a moment, staring at him intently before I spoke. Trying to decide if this was a good idea. Especially after his emotional display from earlier. Was he really in a place to decide this is what he wanted? Or was this some sort of reaction to help himself feel better in the moment? He did say he had been thinking about it for a while. I also had to consider the things his sister had said to me previously. Could this really work between us? I knew from this point on, it had to be all or nothing because there was no going back, especially after everything that has happened over the last couple of weeks.

Dieter took a deep breath. “You’re kind of breaking my heart here with the silence,” he said as he let out a nervous laugh.

I gave him a big toothy smile as I pulled him down for a very enthusiastic kiss, then spoke against his lips.

“I honestly don’t know how I could say no. You’ve had me hooked since New York if I’m being honest.”

A big smile slowly spread across his face in return.

“I fucking knew it.”

A/N: There you have it folks. We now know what happened to our dear sweet Dieter. From this point on, we are going to start diving deep into some mental health stuff as our couple tries to navigate their relationship. It’s going to get a little dark at times, but there will be a happy ending. Hopefully you will stick with me till the end.

In case you missed the mood board from this week’s teaser, I’ve included it below.

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