#Something here is definetly wrong and I acknowledge it

[sapphire-rb]

Some interesting text found on the code: Part 1 - Leftovers from DQB1

Context: The stuff that appears in <> are control codes. I will translate what text they turn to in-game for ease of reading, so don't worry. Some of them have pretty obvious names though.

Note: I'm just one person, and I have no idea of anything ever, so if I get something wrong please tell me. please please please.

1:

<Cap> = Capitalize the next word. <def_sgl_string(lstrl)> = Basically 'give me the name of this thing' <IfPlrNoun(fall,falls)> = present verb conjugation depending on if its singular or plural ['it' falls/'they' fall] "[Object] fall/falls apart!"

This is for when the equipment breaks, but they removed item durability in the second game so it goes unused. Scary thinking it was planned originally though.

Here's the line in the first game:

(I also marked the training line- because I have no idea where that's even from honestly...)

2:

<pname> = player name "[Player] is prevented from using items!"

This is a status effect from the first game. As far as I'm aware this is a 'final boss' thingie only. And I guess when they imported the status mechanic from the first game they didn't remove it, even though it's not used in the second game I think. Correct me if I'm wrong though.

Here's the equivalent line from the first game. Mild spoilers for the final boss of the first game, although it's a decades old boss at this point...

(I think the line differs slightly because of translation stuff.)

3:

<pname> = player name <key> = waits for player input before continuing "[Player] will put the MAGIC CARPET away and leave everything where it is. Is this okay?"

Call me crazy, but I think there are no Magic Carpets on the second game...

4:

<pname> = player name <string(lstrl)> = 'give me the name of the base' <morf(he,she)> = Gender <morf(his,her)> = More gender <key> = waits for player input before continuing "[Player] will warp back to the base, but they will lose some of their items on the way. Are you sure you want to do this?"

This is the 'oh shit, I trapped myself in a hole and broke my hammer and have no items to build myself out of it' option in the first game. Speaking from experience. (Instead of waiting forever to starve you have a 'kill me faster please' option) It's completely removed from the second game, because you can always warp away, hammers don't pull a BotW, and you get to keep the expanded inventory throughout the whole game (you should always have access to some blocks...). The button screams 'bad game design too'. Why would you build a system where the player can just get stuck somewhere? That's not fun.

Here it is in-game.

5...?

I had something else here, but it spiralled out of my control so I'm splitting up this post into 2 for clarity's sake. oops

[brsb4hls]

Armand thoughts:

Show-Armand is not nearly half as evil and gremlin-like as people make him out to be.

I feel with all his 'scheming' he merely goes with the flow of what is happening. He's smart and manipulative, but it isn't 3d chess he's playing.

I wanted him portrayed as truely unhinged in the last ep for one reason:

He would have had actual agency.

Yes, Louis is the manipulated one, but Armand still appears freakishly passive despite being the manipulator.

Armand needs to be connected to someone/something or he loses it. So he needed 'the old rituals' and he needed his coven.

Louis was this shiny new thing he felt drawn to but Louis didn't treat him with much love.

He didn't want to define their relationship or acknowledge it in front of others, didn't take him seriously and I'm not even sure he really did love him un the end.

That 'yeah I love him, but don't tell him, it will get to his head' comment, yeah. It was meant as teasing but didn't sit right with me. Especially given Armand's backstory and various traumata.

So Armand chose his coven for opportunistic reasons. Louis wasn't a sure thing. The coven was.

Which made him direct the play. But that wasn't a big plan, to me it was just what the coven expected, so he went all in (unless I missed smth there).

And when Louis took out Armand's security net- the coven, Armand went back to Louis, since he was out of options.

Also opportunistic. And yes, he lied. What else was he supposed to do?

During the confrontation with Lestat Armand stood around like a prop. Let himself be used in a humiliating way (that kiss in that context was gross).

And yes, at that point he had tried to get Louis killed, which doesn't make the whole scene more evil in my eyes, but actually pathetic.

He was just desperatly jumping from one to the other and back in hopes of belonging/connection.

In the very end Armand was just shocked, desperate and lost.

I don't feel anger regarding what he did.

I pity him and I want somebody to truely appreciate him.

Which wont happen.

Maybe I'm books-biased knowing his messed up backstory, he does have his wires crossed the wrong way (and acknowledges it).

Anyways in the show context (taking into account that most characters are messed up monsters) he is not more evil to me than others. And in no way a villain or antagonist.

I know Louis had horrible things happen to him because of Armand and yet it still feels to me like Armand is simply collateral damage in the Louis/Lestat drama.

At least he took action in turning Daniel, which might also be out of desperation.

He tied himself to the person, who took his last security net, like he always does. But since there isn't a deeper connection between them yet, Armand bailed (for now).

I'm not entirely happy with what the show did here, but Assad's phenomenal acting definetly makes up for it.

[rasby]

I think you’re in the wrong here. I’m Jewish, I don’t think you’re Jewish but correct me if I’m wrong. I think you’re missing a lot of cultural context here and it’s not your place to go after a Jewish author for how they portray a Jewish character. I don’t think the author cares if you apologize or not, their post was just clarifying that they’re Jewish and Julian’s sweater in that fanart is something they own. But to me your comments felt pretty fucking insensitive so bragging about refusing to apologize only hurts other Jewish fans.

Okay, before i get into anything i wanna say that nowhere did i brag about not wanting to say sorry? I don't want to say sorry to the creators cause i genuinely don't feel sorry. I know i was in the wrong for assuming stuff, i acknowledge that.

I am not Jewish, but i don't think that means that i can't comment on stuff like this. And just because they are Jewish doesn't mean they can't represent a Jewish character in a weird way (I'm not saying they did, it's just a general thing)

When it comes to the sweater, in the image i saw the sweater was cut out weirdly so, again, i assumed it was Christmas related because, again, it wouldn't be the first time i saw someone in the fandom put Julian in a Christmas sweater. I assumed, i was wrong for assuming

I didn't think me saying that Dorian and just in general the Arcana fandom tends to forget the Devoraks religious backround and that I'd like seeing more of their traditions represented in the popular stories, especially around the holidays, was antisemetic or insensitive, it was critical if anything (which i said in later posts not in the original one). I am sorry to you or anyone else if you felt that way, i know i could be a lot nicer when i talk about dorian and maybe just think a bit before i post. I never expected the creators to actually see the post and if i did, i probably wouldn't have said anything or at least i would've worded it differently.

Also, side note, if they didn't want me to respond or apologize or whatever, they didn't have to screenshot only my reply and post it while having me blocked, just saying (i am kinda bitter about that)

I don't think I'm gonna respond to any more stuff like this if i can help it, mostly cause I'll just be repeating myself. In short, I'm sorry to people who found my comment insensitive as i meant it in more of a "i wish people explored this part of Julian more" way then anything. I'm not sorry to the creators, i think they kinda suck from both this and past expiriences. I definetly was wrong and I'll think more about what i post next time.

[twilitty]

It's so fucked up that Edward thinks of Carlisle as his dad rather than as his brother or something. Imagine being 23 and adopting a 17-year-old

Hey!

First, this made me laugh, thank you.

Second, yeah, that age difference always made me feel a little funny. I suspect that the casting crew for the movie felt the same way and that's why they chose some older actors to play 20-something year olds.

Now, as I acknowledge how silly it is for a 17 year old to view a 23 year old as his father figure, I also think this is very in-character for Edward Cullen.

He is just a sad little emo boy on the inside, which is totally fine and there is nothing outwardly wrong with being a little sad and emo.

Imagine this sad little 17 year old boy, his parents just died. He is now a demon walking among mortals, destined to kill for sustenance until the day he eventually meets his end (which also is a little improbable). Then, he gets this man telling him that he doesn't have to constantly view himself as a demon, that he has more worth than he perceives. This feels quite similar to a parent telling a sad middle-schooler than their pimples aren't that big of a deal.

It's this consoling behaviour, the constant reassurance that Carlisle doesn't believe Edward is the devil on earth, that he believes Edward is good and moral, that explains why Edward views him as a father figure.

While there is definetly a funny little physical age difference, mentally they are in completely difference ball parks. And, socially/connection-wise, Carlisle seems all to willing to step into the fatherly role of providing emotional support to this sad emo child.

Now, if we want to talk about how Alice or Jasper view Carlisle as a father figure, I will happily sit here confused and a little disturbed. I think that Edward viewing Carlisle as a father figure is more understandable than Jasper viewing Carlisle as a father figure.

Anyways, that's a conversation for another day!

Thank you, Anon, for sending in the ask! I look forward to hearing from you!

[aromantisk-fagforening]

Teens of Style for that album ask game!

[I just found this in my drafts, sorry for the delay and I haven't added anything so this may be incomplete]

thankss

The best song on the album

Suburned shirts, maybe. or Something soon.

My favorite song on the album

These two are kind of very similar, but ok. Something soon probably. It's definetly the one I've listened to the most. It has got me through some tough times. It's encouraging, acknowledges one's own pain and taught me a new coping mechanism (biting clothes).

My least favorite song on the album

maybe no passion. or psst, teenager take off your clo.

The most overrated song on the album

I suppose the would have to be Maud Gone, the most popular song on the album. It has 14.5 million plays.

and you might wonder, what criteria do I, "the love songs are wrong"*, have to think a song is overrated? yeah. So it's a slightly plain love song. It's short.

*that used to be my url, for those new here

Most underrated

Times to die maybe. Itt's so gooood. And is among the lesser known on the album (though the least known is "stranger" on spotify). It's on like 4 of car seat headrest's albums for a reason. I guess it's not that underrated but it's great so yeah.

Rate from 0-10

8.7 I suppose.

[angelizs]

I think something twst does really well is show the characters improving in a realistic way. No one can change overnight which makes the aftermaths of the overblots so interesting. I think it’s shown the most through Riddle during Book 2 you get to see him changing, trying to adapt now that he’s acknowledged what his mom did. You see him slowly improving and of course he isn’t perfect none of them are, but you get to see them make active efforts to better themselves- 🦭

YESSS YOU'RE SO RIGHT ONCE AGAIN 🦭 ANON!!!

I had a conversation with Gabi about Riddle in the reblogs of one of my oneshots (see here, just scroll down to the end) in which we mention a chapter of the anthology that makes this change very clear (this one!) and as you mentioned yourself in the Floyd ask, there's one chapter in which we get to see it more! in my Azul brainrot I also mention how I like the change in his acts and how he puts some efforts into being better. in my writing I love to explore this aftermath and their inner thoughts on it, especially in this Azul oneshot in which his overblot ends up a little differently!

I have individual thoughts on how each character reacts and improves after their overblots, so I'll go over them really quickly!!

first I just wanted to go over the concept of an overblot on itself. it's mentioned at the beggining that's a rare and dangerous occuring, but at NRC it happens every other month after MC's arrival, so that must be shocking. an overblot also leaves them sore and exhausted, both physically and mentally, as it's the result of the dangerous combination of too much magical usage and too many negative emotions due to years of distress. it's truly interesting how MC and/or Grim seems like a trigger of sorts to these overblots, as I believe there wasn't any before they suddenly appeared, getting involved in the middle of each of them. it's definetly not a coincidence how some of the most powerful and influential students suddenly overblot on the same time period, almost as if there was some higher force making it happen on purpose, for some reason. I hope it gets more explained in the future, perhaps after chapter 7!

as stated, I feel that Riddle, for being the first overblot, has gotten more time to show how much he's changed. from the tyrant from the start of the game to an actual dorm leader worthy of his title! he hasn't dropped his appreciation for rules entirely, but he won't go around cutting other people's heads for minor things. he's still strict with proper conduct and Heartslabyul's students' grades, but in a less overwhelming way, as he's seen how the way he's been taught to do things was wrong. during the second chapter, Riddle is much calmer and more rational, he helps MC solve the mystery even when he didn't have to do so. he was a great help at Leona's fight, and it's due to his quick thinking that no one was hurt at the stampade stunt. even when it's hard and causes him some mental turmoil, Riddle has reflected upon his actions and does his best to change for the better! having Trey, Cater and Che'nya by his side, lending him support, is probably a big motivator, as well as Ace's judgment and sharp words, as he's not afraid to speak his mind and call out people who are in the wrong. Deuce's admiration for him also contributes to it all, as he'd like to set a good example for his underclassmen to follow. all in all, Riddle has improved a lot in his behaviour and I'm very proud of him!

Leona is a complicated case, in all aspects. before his overblot, he had such an intense inferiority complex he didn't put effort in anything, thinking he wouldn't be recognized either way. not only that, he stays stagnant at NRC, most likely because he didn't want to have to go back to his kingdom where he's always second place. it's due to this that he tries to win against Malleus, spelldrive is one of the things he's best at and he used to be recognized for it before Malleus appeared and took his spot. for someone as smart as Leona, I feel that the plan from chapter 2 is kind of... half assed? him and Ruggie appear scheming all smug, but it's a pretty shitty and obvious plan, honestly, and he had potential to do something better. maybe, some part of him couldn't bring himself to care, since he was so used to being second place, it's not like that would change anytime soon. and that's why Lilia's words are so important, to make him realize: he wasn't second place because the world is against him and won't recognize anything he does, but because he can't bring himself to put an actual effort into things and get over his pride and ego to do what's best. I could go on about that but I didn't even get to the point yet, so I digress.

going back to the main topic: after Leona's overblot, I don't think I see him changing that much? while in Riddle's case it's plain to see how he's been trying to be better, Leona seems the same as before. he doesn't go to classes nor starts taking an initiative in things, much less apologize for hurting Ruggie and putting so many people in danger. (not that I expected him to actually say "I'm sorry", but maybe show in his own way that he regrets what he did?) even in chapter 3, he doesn't help because he wanted to, he begrudgingly does as MC suggests only because it benefits him too. I don't believe for a minute that Grim and MC posed any threat to his sleep, as he could easily beat them up and get it over with. no, Leona went along with MC's plan an destroyed the contracts because it was what he wanted all along. in the previous chapter he had made a deal with Azul in order to get Ruggie's potion, so he must have wanted to stop beind indebted with him and/or get back whatever it was that he bargained.

don't get me wrong, I do like Leona a lot! when I first started playing, he was on my top3 characters, and even though he isn't anymore I'm still rather fond of him. it's just... disappointing to see how much potential he has and how he doesn't do anything to reach it. one way for him to change would be to drop the unbothered attitude and actually start making an effort. there's still a long way for him to go, and only he can take the first step. I do like how his problems aren't all solved after a little motivational talk (and being beat up), since his overblot doesn't change his depression, nor his country's political state, nor his family issues, nor his complexes.

Jamil's and Kalim's relationship is a major theme of chapter 4 and very connected to Jamil's overblot in the first place. I like how Jamil becomes more open after it, even if he's blunt and rude, possibly making him seem worse than before. the thing is, before he only hid what he was thinking and kept it all to himself, bottling up his emotions to the point that they end up exploding. afterwards, even if he voices his annoyance and is pretty harsh with his words, not trying to spare Kalim's feelings, it feels better that he's being honest for once. the work his family serves under Kalim's family creates a very complex relationship between those two, as there is a power balance, no matter how much Kalim tries to treat him like an equal. Jamil should always present himself as less than the heir of the Al Asim family, should always follow along his heat of the moment decisions and make sure to keep him safe between the sea of shady students that could take advantage of his naivety and positive thinking. the way Kalim's childhood molded him into such a different person, almost the complete opposite, from Jamil also aggravates their dynamic's problems.

anyways! as I discussed in Azul's post, I like how we can also see a change in how he does things post overblot. while he still might do some shady deals, his focus goes into his business and ways of improving it, showing his change of perspective. he no longer tries to hoard other people's powers, as he finally recognizes his own merits and learns to be proud of them. he's still cunning and witty, not losing the interesting parts of his personality, but he's changed on how he uses those traits. he isn't suddenly one of the "good guys" and he doesn't do things out of the kindness of his heart, as he wants people to believe, but he's improved a lot from how he used to deal with things, even helping MC on chapter 4. (he also had other interests, but he didn't necessarily have to help MC, even if he felt indebted to them for the help during his overblot fight)

I throughly enjoy how the consequences of a change in their careful and fragile balance are explored in chapter 5, with Jamil finally putting himself out there and letting his potential show, not holding back, and Kalim feeling frustrated for the first time for not getting what he wants, and how it makes him understand better where Jamil is coming from and be more considerate to his feelings. all in all, even if Jamil doesn't become a good person in the traditional sense, as he's still sassy and deceitful at times, it serves to help him improve himself in a more internal sense, to try to be more open with Kalim and to break some of the old patterns he's been taught to follow.

Vil is quite interesting, as he's the only character that overblots that I liked a lot straight away. I didn't pass through the phases of "I hate his guts he's so annoying" to "alright he's not that bad" to "wait I think I might like him" like I did with the others. and I'm not saying he didn't do a lot of wrong things, since besides almost poisoning an innocent person, there were also times when he acted out of line and showed his arrogance, such as when he fought with and made Epel cry only to prove a point, without much respect or care for his feelings. still, he also felt more reasonable than the other overblot characters, as he's more down to Earth, shows his hard work and efforts, and is up with social causes like gender equality and not conforming to toxic masculinity.

by the end of chapter 5, he expresses regret (as he "wishes they hadn't seen him in such an ugly state") and keeps his head high as he performs with Neige after losing. he doesn't seem to particularly feel sorry about almost hurting Neige though, and maintains his feelings of animosity. I have yet to see how he behaves in chapter 6 and how he might have changed, perhaps by trying to find compromises when things don't go the way he wants them to and by praising people's efforts rather than only criticizing their errors.

so! I agree anon, TWST does very well show that things don't change overnight and that there must have some effort put into these changes. the characters' problems aren't magically solved by the power of friendship (and violence), but they can get started on working on them. acknowledging your mistakes and trying to improve is rather hard, but a very necessary part of personal growth. with each passing chapter, I hope we get to see more about how the overblots have changed them and how they have improved themselves!

[omegawolverine]

I love it when people talk about things they're passionate about, tell me something cool!! Anything you want, just something you find interesting or want to talk about :D

hello anon my beloved, I am in a bad mood so you will be receiving a passionate, yet lowkey of pissy rant about why villainizing bakugou makes me wanna vomit and its NOT just because I'm a dumbass kinnie :)

tws: child abuse (emotional and physical), near death expierences, bullying, kidnapping, suffocation, lots of trauma in general tbh. if you've seen bnha then basically just keep all the general triggering plot stuff in mind incase i missed any warnings

also, note: I havent caught up on bnha in a minute, I'm at like the start of the war arc but I barely remember shit there tbh so like. probs missing new stuff. also bnha spoiler warnings lol

so, for starters, the homie bakugou has like,, a good handful of issues that come from his childhood that explain why he's an ass. he was always praised and never actually reprimanded for being a twat which led to him having a huge ego that ended up fucking him over majorly. this ego was something that his mother acknowledged him having, but literally didnt try to fix it with anything other than violence. see here:

like, instead of trying to help him, she hits and insults him, which is probably what led to his weird inferiority/superiority complex. being constantly told by others that you're outstanding and one day you'll be a top hero because you're rude and aggressive and then going home and being hit by your mother for those exact same behaviors is bound to fucking confuse a child.

so like, now that we've established that its definetly canon that his mother (parents? I think he said parents at some point but masaru doesn't seem like the type so 🤷) hits him though we don't know how much or how often (though if bakugou was as much of a little shit back then ((which as far as we've seen- he was)) then it was probably often), lets talk about how regardless of all that 1) hitting your kids as "discipline" not only doesn't work but is abusive lol like idc if it's spanking/popping them on the mouth for talking shit, slapping them across the face "on occasion", etc. shits not okay 2) hitting your kids!!!! does not work!!!!!!!! it is literally PROVEN not to work!!!!!!!! hitting a child who has done something wrong doesnt teach them to stop doing something it teaches them to be scared of you, which will cause the child to withdraw, removing part of their support system (assuming said abusive parents would even offer that up) and will most likely lead to them thinking they're a bad person, not that their actions were bad, which are two different things. so, ya know, that would clearly have an effect on a kid. like, as someone with a mother who reminds me all too much of mitsuki: I have acted like a complete shitbag and taken my anger out on people to feel better in the past because of the way my mother treated me. though it was nowhere near what bakugou did, I still know first fucking hand what a mother hitting and insulting her child will do, especially if they have no proper outlet for that (friends, a safe place to vent) which bakugou never fucking had.

theres also the fact that just talking to your kid the way mitsuki does (saying it's his fault he was kidnapped because he's weak, all while hitting him) is not??? okay?????? ive seen people arguing that this was just a joke in poor taste but like her son was KIDNAPPED and even if it was a "joke" there's literally NO WAY that would EVER?? BE FUNNY??????? she just sounds like the kind of parent who at the very least says shit without thinking that would traumatize bakugou (because being told right after being kidnapped it's your fucking fault by your mother is absolutely traumatizing) but it comes across as her being emotionally abusive.

mitsukis character as a whole comes across as a shitty mom who doesn't realize she's a shitty mom and thinks bakugou being an ass isn't at least partially her fault even though she's admitted to realizing he has always had an ego problem and doing nothing to fix it except for hitting and yelling which obviously did nothing but make him just as loud and violent as she is.

this is obviously not the entire reason why he's a dick but he was never properly taught that the shit he was doing wasn't okay and people not stopping it and/or praising him endlessly even tho he was a bully is basically the same as encouraging it, thank you very much.

moving on from that, let's talk about bakugous other traumas and how he naturally responds to them. hint: it's with either full blown panic or a fight response (verbal or physical, though usually physical. also sometimes it's the panic followed by the fight response.)

so far in bnha (keep in mind that I am not caught up, I've only read up to the beginning of the war arc and i barely remember those bits so) bakugou has...

nearly died via sludge villain (he was unable to move and was being suffocated to death- keep this in mind)

lost for the first time ever and against deku of all people (this nearly sent him into a full blown panic attack, likely because of that sexy little inferiority/superiority complex combo. think of this as like. gifted kid burnout lite. he has always been the best of the best and now suddenly he is being beaten by somebody who has always been weaker than him, which immediately makes him start thinking he was never actually that good, he's actually a fucking failure, a goddamn fraud)

won the sports festival by default (bakugou counts this as yet another failure because todoroki didnt try his best. had bakugou lost to todoroki full strength, he would've taken 2nd place with a bit of bitching, but he still wouldve taken it rather than refuse the medal as it would be a reminder that he failed. instead of accepting that like UA shouldve, the staff chained and muzzled him on live television and then had all might, his fucking idol, force the medal into his mouth. remember the sludge villain incident and how he couldnt move and was suffocating to death? yeah.)

been kidnapped because of the way he reacted to winning during the sports festival (he was aggressive and tried to refuse the medal because he felt he didnt deserve it and was then retraumatized by being chained up and muzzled. his "villainous attitude" was a fucking trauma response, do not tell me otherwise)

was then chained up once again by the LOV after being kidnapped,,, do we see the "retraumatize bkg" theme yet?

"ended all might" (he literally blames himself for all mights retirement because had he just not have been weak, all might wouldve had more time, right?)

my point with all of these is that bakugou has been severely traumatized and has then had his trauma responses (aggression, fight) used to further demonize him. not all people with trauma react the fucking same and the way the fandom just refuses to acknowledge anger as a valid form of trauma response is gross as hell.

moving away from that topic, bakugou has literally never had any actual friends, they all just used him and didn't care about him which absolutely will fuck up a kid, especially one who already has all that other shit going on. bakugou deadass never had a support system or people to help him grow as a person, let alone properly work through his fucking emotions so it's not surprising that he would take out his bullshit on the one person who tried to help him especially considering he saw dekus actions as him thinking he was weak. bakugou was raised to not seek help, he thought somebody strong shouldnt ever need it, so for somebody like deku (who bakugou percieved as weak and helpless already) to offer up help? deku must obviously think bakugou is even weaker than him, what other explanation could their possibly be!

speaking of which, there's his heaps of insecurities that he basically hid by being a twat and bullying others for most of his life. kid was so insecure he bullied deku for fucking years cause he thought deku looked down on him, thought he was better than him, etc. and that only got worse bc his idol then decided to take deku in, train him and even give him his quirk. there's probably some shit im missing but still he's got issues and always has had issues. that being said, he's actually improving and working them out now which is what makes him a really good, interesting character. it's also nice to see a character who is a dick without some tragic backstory (like his backstory is sad but its not the classic "my family was fucking slaughtered and i turned into a raging bitch who murders people" type shit) bc that rarely happens and it's like most assholes don't actually have a story like that they're just assholes lol

now lets talk improvement! lil bitch has been getting better since he got into UA and im so happy abt it!! he had a rough start what with deku suddenly having a quirk and all but like he is really improving now and it highkey shows that bakugou just mostly needed people who 1) didn't constantly praise him and actually criticized him instead 2) actually fucking punished him doing stupid shit and 3) some motherfucking friends

Since going to UA he's gotten actually feedback from teachers about his weaknesses and how to get stronger, he's lost against others, hes been told he has a shit attitude and is a dick, told he should be nicer and leave deku alone, etc etc. He hasn't gotten in trouble too much with teachers but others give him shit for what he does and aizawa has punished him too, while still acknowledging that bakugou is an amazing and dedicated student, something which no one else had done up til that point. and uh???? homie actually has friends who like,,, don't use him and also call him out when he's a dick. like specifically kirishima has done this shit and him and bakugous relationship is clearly very healthy and beneficial for the both of them. makes me feel all happy n shit, ya know

bottom line is: while it is absolutely valid to dislike or even hate bakugou because he is a massively flawed person who has been very cruel to others, villainizing him for the way he acts which in large part seems to be from a lack of guidance, a shitty mother and heavy amounts of trauma, is fucking awful. his actions cannot be fucking excused, he needs to apologize and continue to grow, but he is also a fucking teenager, who is just now being told that the way he acts is unacceptable by people who dont fucking abuse him (and I swear to god if any people who think mitsuki isnt abusive interact with this fucking post I will fullstop hardblock you, I do not fucking care) and actually treat him like a normal person instead of some prodigy child or someone who needs to be fixed.

people are free to debate my points or whatever bc I know some of this stuff is up to interpretation but like. dni if you're just here to say you hate bakugou for xyz reason or that he's irredeemable. also especially dni if you compare him to fucking endeavor yall bitches make me gag.

anyways thxs for the ask anon <33 sorry this is a kinda messy info dump lol

[opalmaplehibiscus]

Handing Over the Mantle

HC of when the dorm leaders’ hand over their position to the first years au series

Heartslabyul ver

·       On the day of graduation, everyone was in the Garden of Roses, holding the grandest tea party that has ever been seen in  Heartslabyul Dorm

·       Ace and Deuce were seen arguing, this time over the fact they stole each other’s tart. First starting with pointing at each other, Deuce was now chasing after Ace after Ace snatched the tart he had just picked up

·       Riddle sighs and exasperatedly grumbles how those two never cease to fight causing Trey to chuckle. The now-retired vice dorm leader points out how it was their way of showing each other that they care for each other, while Cater backed Trey on the side, fondly saying that the fact they argue like this means that’s how close they were

·       Riddle’s eyes shut close while the skin between his eyebrows creases as he takes a sip of tea from his cup when Trey and Cater bursts out laughing when Ace tripped and caused the tart to land on the ground, leading to them arguing again

·       When their laughs finally came to an end, the trio shared a comfortable silence as they continued to watch the rest of the dorm members enjoy the tea party

·       It was Cater who breaks it, asking if Trey or Riddle had over told Ace and Deuce

·       Riddle replies no before he gets up and calls Ace and Deuce over

·       Cater, seeing where this was going, panics while Trey tries to calm Magicam king to call down and trust Riddle

·       By the time Ace and Deuce comes over, Trey and Cater were already standing a foot behind Riddle

·       Riddle tells the ADeuce duo to stand behind them before he starts tapping his spoon onto his cup to gain everyone’s attention

·       Out of habit, everyone immediately stops what they were doing and gives Riddle their attention though trading glances when they see Ace and Deuce at the front with the rest of the trio

·       Opening his mouth, Riddle starts a speech. He talks about how much Heartslabyul had changed to become a much more powerful dorm because not only the follow rules, but also put in the dedication to make the dorm as such

·       While Riddle talked, Ace and Deuce were giving each other looks, whispering quietly here and there as they asked why Riddle would want them to stand with him. Though, every time they did, Trey or Cater would nudge them and remind them to shush

·       And when did that ever stop them? Ace and Deuce hasn’t once listened to Trey and Cater unless it was about something serious which often led them to get yelled at by Riddle. So, when  Riddle shot the two a glare for a quick second, Ace and Deuce straightened up and stopped

·       Despite making neutral faces, Ace and Deuce were both sweating from head to toe. They were becoming anxious as only bad thoughts were crossing their mind. Heck they were thinking about all the recent rules they broke 5 minutes ago that might’ve became known to Riddle leading them to stand. And I mean, you can’t blame them when Riddle can detect a rule breaker 100 meters away

·       They didn’t expect to get their arms pulled by Riddle, being dragged to stand next to him

·       They DEFINETLY didn’t expect Riddle to proclaim Ace as new dorm leader and Deuce as vice

·       Ace and Deuce chorused with the rest in their proclaim of surprise while Trey lifts his hat in acknowledgment and Cater saying “Congratulations” to them

·       Deuce continued to stand there blankly while Ace quickly snapped out of it and asked Riddle what he meant

·       Turning his head towards Ace, Riddle gives him a look of “are you okay” before he answers the obvious

·       Ace face palms from the answer before he further clarified why Riddle was suddenly proclaiming that he and Deuce were going to be dorm leader and vice when they weren’t even told about it

·       Riddle continues to give Ace a judging look before he sighs and answered how if he had told Deuce and him, they would’ve freaked out and chose not to appear when their names get called

·       Ace tries to defend himself at least but the stares he was getting from everyone told him that no matter what he said, it would go unheard since they knew him too well

·       He sighs before he looks at Riddle again, further questioning Riddle. He and Deuce were rule breakers – they broke rules multiple times, caused chaos wherever they went, and argued nearly 90% of the time. Just from those 3 reasoning alone, there’s no way Riddle would approve of them for either positions

·       It took a minute for Riddle to process what Ace had said before he finally understood where Ace was coming from

·       Looking straight into Ace’s eyes, Riddle talks about despite those reasons (and how it often lead him and Trey to get an headache since they end up cleaning up their mess), the short red-head senpai started to talk about how Ace was someone that was easy-going, quick-witted, and someone who’s able to get along with everyone perfectly fine

·       Riddle mentions the OB event that now had taken place a year ago of how it was thanks to Ace, he was able to improve himself to become a better dorm leader to Heartslabyul. And it was because Riddle remembered that moment, it led him to believe that Ace was fit for the role. It showed Riddle that Ace was capable of being able to analyze like a great wizard and point out people’s flaws not to shame them but to get them fixed

·       Seeing Deuce finally getting himself back together, Riddle continued how the duo were always seen together, making the right decisions that would best benefit everyone, while having each other’s back. They’re both each other’s voice of reasoning and unhesitant to correct the other if they do or say something wrong. Something that was much needed and the biggest weakness he and Trey had when they were leading Heartslabyul

·       Deuce wasn’t good with befriending others like Ace, however his skills of making sure no one went over the line, doing his best to follow the rules,  and being there when it counted the most showed that Deuce was a strong support – a vice dorm leader that could hold Ace and the dorm

·       Trey and Cater gave their few cents here and there while Riddle was saying all of this, pointing out how the two were able to deal with most of the OBs when they couldn’t and continued to protect their dorm’s honor during the time they went against RSA

·       Seeing how no words were able to form from the ADeuce duo, Riddles gets Ace to come closer to him before he places the crown on Ace’s head, the cape around his shoulders, and finally the scepter into his hands

·       On the side, Trey gives Deuce a sheepish look and apologizes that he couldn’t give him something as cool as what Ace was given before affectionately places his hat on Deuce’s head

·       Cater continued to take pictures on the side, while Riddle gets Ace to face the rest of the dorm with him along with Trey who does the same with Deuce

·       When Riddle re-announces that Ace and Deuce are officially Heartslabyul’s new dorm leader and vice dorm leader, it finally sinks in the two that their senpais were now going to leave

·       They held their head down, trying to hide their tears as Riddle started the graduation farewell address

·       In their heads, they wanted to tell Riddle to repeat a year and retake 4th year since Riddle had chosen to skip 3rd year

·       Half way through the address, Riddle starts to tear up as he apologizes to everyone the pain they had suffered through during the first half of his leadership, telling them that he continues to regret hurting them as well as having a hard time to show he cared for them

·       At this point, everyone was crying including Trey, who was covering his eyes with one of his hands, and Cater, who kept on wiping his eyes every so often while filming the whole thing live on Magicam

·       By the time Riddle reached the end of the address, Riddle gives them the happiest and softest smile he has ever made as he finishes by stating that Heartslabyul had become his pride and he couldn’t ask for any better dorm other than this one

·       It takes a while to get everyone to stop sobbing including the five that were up the front

·       Ace and Deuce tears continued to hit the ground as they were getting patted on the head or shoulders by Riddle, Trey, and Cater – the 3 of them trying to convince the two to stop crying despite having tears rolling down their face

·       When things calmed down, the all stood up while Ace, Deuce, Trey  and Cater walked towards the front of the table before yelling out all together “Dorm leader Riddle – Thank you very much!” and bow

·       Ace and Deuce both swore to Riddle that they would make him proud by leading Heartslabyul into its most powerful state as Riddle covered his face to hide his tears that were falling again

·       The graduation tea party ends with everyone lifting their cups and sharing a toast as they celebrated the last day of Heartslabyul’s graduating seniors as Ace and Deuce clicked their cups with Trey, Cater, and Riddle all together as symbolism of ending the era of the Crimson Ruler and the starting of Heartslabyul’s Golden Age

[obeymefluff]

Study Cuddles

  First post! I don’t know what to say so just read this fluffy interaction with Belphie.

   You had exams coming up. Not only did you have your daily tasks from being an exchange student, now you had exams on subjects vastly different from the university courses in the human world. Spellcasting was difficult, Soul-taking was unsettling, and even PE was way more extreme than you had hoped it to be. At least your culinary classes had helped you cook things not especially harmful to humans, or feed Beel when it turned out they were more harmful than you’d like. Math was at easier than all your other classes, as you had a few years to learn algebra before you even got to this hellish college. But this algebra question on your study guide had you stumped. You had been sitting at a table in the cafeteria for hours doing your assignments, studying for the exams only a few days away. Lucifer had been pestering you about it until you gave in. Your room would have felt too cramped with all the textbooks everywhere, so you moved to the cafeteria. You began to regret it, however, as your back began aching a few hours into the study spree. You had been so focused on your work and your pained back that you hadn’t noticed the footsteps behind you.

“What are you doing here?” You jumped ever so slightly at the sleepy voice and turned around to face violet eyes brimming with curiosity under a fringe of black and white. “You should be sleeping.”

 “Why? What time is it?” You replied as you turned back around to check your D.D.D. It was 11:00 at night. So you had been studying for 9 hours straight. “Oh. I-i hadn’t realized-” You cut yourself off, flustered that Belphegor, of all people, had caught you this late studying. “Wait, why aren’t you asleep? You’re always sleepy, so why are you awake?

Your question had visibly caught him off guard, and he stumbled over his words while responding with “I...I couldn’t sleep.” Couldn’t sleep?! You’re the Avatar of Sloth, how can you not sleep? Your head was full of questions and claims contradicting his answer. Just as you were about to ask them, however, you noticed his puffy eyes and hesistated. He had been crying. That’s why he wasn’t asleep.

“What’s wrong?” You weren’t sure how else to ask him; you weren’t sure what else to ask him. All you knew in that moment was that he needed comfort. He stayed silent at your question and sat down to your left on the uncomfortable bench. He looked incredibly sad in that moment, and your heart ached for you to do something about it. It pained you to see him that way and not know what to do to help him. He leaned forward onto the table, crossing his arms and laying his head down. You could definetly see him shaking slightly, and your heart shattered.

“Well, I’m going to keep studying. You can stay with me if you want.” Belphie didn’t make any move to acknowledge you. He just sat there, unmoving and silent. You tried to direct your attention back to your textbook, but hadn’t even gotten through a few sentences before you glanced back at Belphie. He hadn’t moved a muscle. You reached up with your left hand and stroked his back, feeling him shake beneath your touch. His breathing evened out slightly, and he slowly calmed himself down as you tried to focus on your textbook.

“MC?” His voice was somewhat calm now, and you hummed in responce. “Can I stay here? Just for a while?” He turned his head to face you now, and you could see the pink on his cheeks. Giving him a warm smile, you nodded. He sat up suddenly and wrapped his arms around you, holding you close as if he never wanted to let go. You hesitated before returning it, and there you stayed for what must have been a solid 3 minutes. He finally released you and you could feel tingling where he had hugged you. He sat silent for a bit, his face a bright red for a few seconds. You couldn’t help but giggle at how flustered he was in that very moment. He stood up from his place at your side. “Scoot forward, I have an idea.” He said, facing away from you to hide his still pink cheeks. You raised an eyebrow, then shrugged and did as he asked. He sat behind you  with his legs outside yours and wrapped his arms around your torso, leaning on your back and placing his head on your shoulder.

“There, now I can sleep comfortably and you can study.” He said, smiling widely. You could feel your cheeks flush at his touch and leaned forward. You mind was racing, and you desperately tried to distract yourself with the textbook in front of you. He turned his head to the side and lay still as your mind raced. Your heart was thumping so loud you thought it might burst. How could he sleep so peacefully with your heart this loud? Surely he could hear it. Yet he still lay perfectly still, softly breathing. You could feel his chest rising and falling against your back, and before long your eyelids felt very heavy. It wasn’t long before you found yourself laying down on top of the textbook you needed to study, on the cusps of sleep.

Studying for that exam will have to wait until tomorrow.

[strawberryybird]

So whats your favorite thing about each of your fe3h favs? Anything you could just go on a long rant about for any of them? or interactions between them that you wish had happened or wanted to happen.

Waking up in the morning and going through all of the drunk blogging and “-thank-u-for-weathering-my-deep-need-to-be-liked-and-given-attention-off-main-I-guess” if this isn’t a whole mood on its own I don’t know what is. Anyways it sounds like you had fun and it was definetly fun reading everything. I hope you are feeling okay the day after everything. And to tack on a random question which fe3h character would you want to get drunk with if it was just the two of you?

Hi Hello!! thank u for enjoying my drunk blogging !!! and for the asks!!! (and the lovely comments on my fics actually hi there ur wonderful!!!) i’m currently cursing the damage i’ve done to my sleep schedule and suffering under my (truly deserved) hangover lmao ;p apologies u don’t get drunk me, only uncaffeinated hangover me, but we talk to the same degree and make the same spelling errors lol

ah yes.. im a fountain of moods (all of u still with me here are saints hhhh)

ok content time:

the second one first: i absolutely want to get drunk with ferdinand von aegir. the man’s a hop, skip and a vodka shot away from a mess. i love him. he’d be full of conversation and would buy the rounds every time as a true nobleman should !! he’d probably be really good at instigating drinking games but horrible at playing them.. i love party gay ferdie von aegir.

i’m going to LIMIT the faves i list because truly i love them all very much but i have to at least pretend i have some restraint and i don’t want to make this even More of a wall of text it’s going to become . SO 

edit: ok i started writing this at like. half ten pm. when the fuck did it become monday. 

edit edit: Disclaimer time: these are my conclusions and my conclusions alone. I’m not saying I’m objectively right or correct. I’m very much approaching this from an English Lit-ish point of view because that’s just how I look at a lot of media. I’m not asserting my opinions or conclusions as the only viable to interpret this media, and if anything I say offends you then I am sorry, it was not my intention but I acknowledge that I have hurt you. This is not the exhaustive list of my thoughts on the whole thing, there’s a lot more depth and detail I didn’t go in to.

My favourite thing about Edelgard is the Everything, but notably I really love her proud nature and how in VW it quite directly gets her *spoilered*, and in CF it’s integral to her success (bc it’s her own rigidity within herself that keeps her standing i think) and I Like Tragic Characters (and it’s very elinor dashwood). because it’s one of the qualities that can throw her character into a villainous light & it’s really interesting !! but at the same time.. it’s not quite ‘pride’ purely, and it’s kinda the wrong word. it’s some mixture of determined/stubbon, anger, self-reliance, and that really hard veneer of personality u develop when you’re around people who aren’t healthy for you to be around, and the very very critical need to be right about the choices you made because the weight of the  consequences would kinda ruin you if you weren’t. (the dean winchester effect huh) and wrap that up together with a big scoop of ‘i believe my way is right’ (’and my way Has to be right’) and then u get a lot of what i LOVE about Edelgard’s character

My favourite thing about Dorothea is really how she was the character that Hated the war. genuinely the contrast between white clouds dorothea & timeskip dorothea Breaks My Heart EVery Time I See Her !!!!! that and Spoilers!!! (her last words in AM unrecruited is edelgards name and i literally had to stop and cry about it for five minutes.) she’s one of the characters that post-war doesn’t have a Massive political stake in the war - like there’s her anger towards the current class system (another reason i bloody love her PLEASE give me angry feminine characters) but i think it’s her bonds with edie (or byleth&whoever if recruited) that keep her actually fighting in the war & it’s kinda different and i like that (actually i think she parallels/sends up/contrasts really really nicely with mercedes in that way)

my favourite thing about Marianne is just everything. how she finds worth within herself if you play VW (and the very very harrowing hc that she didn’t if you don’t), how she’s full of a quiet rage for the crest system but you eek it out of her as you play the game. how she’s still loved by the deers despite her appalling mental health (fight me on that canon) and the game essentially has her ‘save’ herself by finding worth and life within herself. i love her so much ok. (i also love her because she committed identity theft.. she and i share a name with the second dashwood sister oho (but i don’t use that name on the internet hhh) (also because my favourite shakespeare play is king lear (no really it is), my birthday is in red wolf moon too, i used to have very long hair i wore in a plait most days for school, little 11 and 17 year old me acted Exactly like white clouds marianne did & genuinely i love marianne von edmund to pieces but God it hurts to see her in game sometimes bc her journey mirrors a lot of mine & i love this character. so much.) WOW that was a lot. am i sure im not still drunk

so claude is not only one of my favourite characters in the whole damn game, but also shares the name of one of my favourite painters so i simply have to love him ;p however i can’t give a proper opinion on him yet because i haven’t finished playing deers yet :( but !! i love how (as is with all the lords) he has a veneer of personality to him, but in contrast to Edie where it’s quite seemless with her actual personality, Claude’s veneer of personality seems very opaque and plastered on. i may or may not just be wildly imagining things but he’s a very different personality in his lower supports with Lysithea than he is in his B support with Marianne, for instance. like, i love characters that are obviously a lot more socially intelligent than i could ever be, and claude is *chef kiss* BEAUTIFUL ON EVERY LEVEL.

i’d wax lyrical about Ingrid too but honestly there’s many better people out there with the good ingrid content than i could do. shortly, i love the New Take on the pegasus knight archetype she brings, and i really like her perspective on femininity !!! she’s such a good character & she brings so much to the game and to the pegasus knight character too!!!!! she’s such a bright personality and altho i wish so many of her supports weren’t centred around make-up (hhh dorogrid fans i pray for you), i think she’s really going to pave the way for whoever’s next in that character slot. (like, you can’t tell me she’s not an offshoot of Phila from awakening lmao)

no ok i’m adding in Hubert because i love this vampire man. i really really love the devoted servant archetype and we all know i love edelgard’s tragedy. and i love hubert. so much. the way he enables edelgard in pretty much everything is just so so interesting to think about, and i love his intensity about it. he’s like the ever present reminder that edelgard’s will kinda has to work otherwise the potential consequences of her being wrong are personified in hubert imo. it’s only touched on in VW in his letter but like. god i wish we got more but it’s a wonderful starting block. i love his comic relief as well, he’s such a fun character to have !!!! and also i have so many hubert fics in my bookmarks that just Get him. i love hubert. oh i love hubert.

i’m going to cut myself off there because . that’s just a LOT. 

as for characters i would sell a limb to have them talk to each other, honestly it’s Edelgard/Marianne. (and only 51% because of all the projection i have going on with those two ok don’t at me i  k n o w). that support chain would be too powerful and honestly i wish they had one becuauese it would have gone so Hard about what Edelgard was doing and what Marianne thought about it, and how they connected over it & they probably would have had their supports set over cups of tea or smth .. it would have been amazing. 

(but i’d rather have nothing than an awakening-level-content support where they talk about eating fucking bear meat instead of talking about how they grew to trust each other with and their ability to save the fate of the world HUH AWAKENING. (i’m salty about fredrobin forever)

also hilda/dorothea supports . we were robbed. they’re best friends and you can’t actually tell me otherwise. they run the disaster bi chat of garreg mach. honestly i just would Love a support chain for them that starts with them talking about self care routines and something really small like accessories or perfume and it goes into how self-esteem and how dorothea has to find the same worth in herself as hilda so easily can. (hilda’s the queen of self esteem she’s a babe) and in CF they could have dialogue and then we cry about it. and in SS they talk about how they both chose their place with Byleth and not at edie/claude’s side like i’m just free balling here it could be Anything and i’d love it. 

also big shocker .. dorothea/marianne supports . they both hate themselves in their profile CAN THEY PLEASE CHAT. 

also i accidentally fell in love with the claude/edelgard ship and i desperately need them to interact on the same level that edie and dimitri get to because.. aren’t there supposed to be three main characters huh intsys .. and like i get what the game goes for with two of the lords embroiled in a personal war against each other at the heart and the third actually finding something close to the truth because he’s not involved in age old grudge matches but at the same time That’s one of the things that really really falls flat for me in the game. dimitri’s villain is edie, edie’s villain is big dragon wife, claude’s villain is the lack of communication that everyone in fodlan suffers from apparently. lack of communication and lies. ymmv with what im saying rn but i would have preferred if all three lords had strong personal ties to each other and in Each Route it was brought up. or just snip dimitri’s dialogue out of CF because i have beef with how that WHOLE moment went down on so many accounts hhhh honestly it makes me angerey to think about lol

.. back on topic- can the lords pls talk to each other because it would be SO interesting in white clouds and i like seeing how their personality presentations clash

also . can i marry manuela yet. my crops are dying here.

.. im so sorry about this but it’s midnight and i’m too tired to edit so. have this. thank you so much for the questions!!!! very kind (and brave) of you to ask me!!!!! i had a lot of fun writing all of this & as always if anything you didn’t quite /get/ i’m happy to re-explain myself!! :)

[hippityhoppityyourenowmyproperty]

Reset!Rant (part 5)

Gemini Ascendant

Chapter: 1

Max: "Are they always like this?" Helen nodded and turned the page of her bodice-buster romance novel. "This is the status quo for them. Bart gets bored. Bart annoys Thad. Thad overreacts. Chaos, followed by a scuffle in the back yard. Boys come in dirty and exhausted. Repeat."

She forgot to mention the part about Thad abusing Bart and being the one who insults him. And getting murderous thoughts and viciously beating Bart up is something a little more inexcusable than just overreacting, as Helen puts it.

Thad stared at his costume that he still held in his hands. "I don't think this is going to fit, either." At least Bart was good for making the embarrassing mistakes first, so he didn't have to.

Sums up pretty well all that Thad sees in him. Because despite proving his worth and helping out numerous times in this story, Thad still refuses to acknowledge how essential Bart was to the mission and how helpful he can be.

Thad was not letting go of the subject. "You used to just cook out of box or can, too," He accused Bart. "Well yeah, but I leveled up." He stuck his tongue out at his brother. Thad's arm shot out and he grabbed Bart's tongue, eliciting a yelp of surprise.

This is another one of those scenes that is creepy and makes me feel very uncomfortable. This is a physical threat and it's aking towards physical abuse. Bart is playfully teasing him, and Thad sees that as such a big threat to his position of power that he feels the need to physically intimidate him and maybe even elicit pain. His actions aren't justified. They're not okay.

Thad complied and Max sighed. "Can't you two keep your hands to yourself for one day?"

Can't any of you see that Thad is always the one who starts fights and gets physical first? If you want to stop their fights, then maybe start by punishing the one who starts them.

Chapter: 2

"It's your own fault that they don't like you." Thad ducked a flying shirt and smirked at Bart's angry glower. "You let your nature get the better of you." Without lowering his chin, he sneered down at his twin. "You always do."

Weird, I could've sworn that you were the one who wasn't able to control his angry outbursts one chapter ago and tried to hurt Bart because he was teasing you. You're the one who resorts to abusing Bart because you can't control your anger, so get off his back for being impulsive. He's better at not letting his impulses control himself than you are, you're just too deluded to understand that. Impulsive anger is still impulsive.

Helen leaned against the counter and looked Thad in the eye. "He's a little excited right now, and we all know what happens when he's wound up like that. None of his friends can keep up with him if he gets too enthusiastic." Thad knelt down to rub Dox between his ears. "Fine, I'll babysit him."

Yeah, great idea Helen, give the person who's ripping on Bart and abusing him even more power over him, what could possibly go wrong? Isn't Bart the one who constantly had to stop Thad from doing stupid, reckless stuff because he was mad?

Max: "Do you see what I'm aiming for? Helen has done wonders in turning a potential Cain and Abel into Castor and Pollux. Now, we have to make sure that it sticks.

Sure, except for that Pollux actually loved his brother and gave up his immortality so that he could be with Castor, and that he wasn't an abusive jerk. Thad is the opposite of Pollux. He would never sacrifice something for Bart, he would let him die if it wasn't for Max. He's callous and toxic to Bart. Helen didn't make Thad less hostile towards Bart, if anything she encouraged his vile behavior. She doesn't deserve credit for this. Making sure that it sticks means that you are keeping up an abusive relationship. Max should work with Thad on his behavior if he really cared about Bart and their whole team dynamic.

Chapter: 3

Anita: "I remember us joking around that you couldn't be normal if you tried."

"Hey! I can too!" Bart glared at Thad, who was snickering at his expense. "Like you're any better." "I am", Thad replied with a grin. " I can fake being normal just as easily as I can fake being you. How else do you think I get through the day?" Bart ticked off the items on his fingers. "Picking on me, chatting with your internet girlfriend, playing with Dox..."

Thad really has a problem with self reflection in this. Then there's the immediately trying to embarrass Bart for his short comings, and saying that he's so much better than Bart. He's condescending as ever.

And not being able to fake being normal a.k.a. neurotypical is funny because..?

Thad braced against the wall and raised a golden eyebrow. "It doesn't look so much like he's joining it, as it seems more like he's owning it."

Kon's sudden frown and the telekinetic ejection of Bart was just the payoff he was looking for.

Because when Thad is in company of Bart's friends and therefore can't hurt Bart, he will try everything in his power to get them to hurt or humiliate Bart for him.

Bart: I don't get these guys. They don't act like zombies are supposed to. They're tearin' stuff up, yeah, but the're not biting people or eating brains." Thad leaned over Greta's sketchbook with his hands folded behind his back. "Then maybe they're not zombies, moron."

While casually calling him a moron (for the fifth time, by the way) Bart's friends are standing right next to him. They say nothing in response to Thad being an absolute dick to him.

Thad decided that he had enough of Greta play fashion designer and je hovered over Bart's shoulder to supervise the monitor. "Use the traffic cameras, idiot. You can follow the pseudo-zombies and extrapolate their path. Then you can tell your team where to head them up."

"I am using the traffic cameras!" Bart snapped back.

"You're not doing a very good job of it."

"Yeah? I don't see you doing this job!" Bart challenged.

Thad sneered down at him and countered, "I'm not part of your little team, and I wasn't asked to sit here."

This is the very definition of senseless criticizing and abuse that's disguised as advice. He's chewing Bart out for supposedly not doing a good job, but offers no help whatsoever. He's criticizing just because he can. He reigns Bart in for mistakes that don't even exist. Despite saying "You suck at this" He gives him no advice how to do it better. Imagine having to live with someone like that. Imagine having to listen to someone ripping on you for everything you did, even when there was nothing that you did wrong. There will always be something the abuser will be upset about, whether that thing exists or is just made up in order to be a reason to judge and criticizise the victim. Everything the victim does is somehow false.

As always, there's the put down directed at Bart's intelligence.

"He did," Thad grumbled. "I wish I could say that I had no obligation to save him, but I made a promise to Max that I would look after my idiot brother."

This confirms that Thad really would let Bart die and/or suffer right in front of him if Max wouldn't have told him to do otherwise. Also another put down.

Greta: "You're not moving very fast for a speedster saving his brother." Thad shrugged and kept his eyes on the monitot. "I'll let him dangle a bit just so he appreaciates my timely intervention more. Bart's a little dense." The last word came out with a derisive grimace.

He's risking Bart getting hurt or killed in a fight just so that Bart will learn to appreactiate his time more. Thad is the one who needs to learn to not take Bart's support for granted. He's the extremely demanding one who wants more than he deserves. In his eyes, Bart is a worthless idiot who needs to show more respect to him. And don't forget the insult. Thad wants everyone to understand how shitty Bart is because he has ADHD.

Conclusion

From the very start of their relationship Thad is a manipulative abuser who uses every opportunity he gets to ridicule and belittle Bart and continually wears his self esteem down. The lack of punishment Thad receives from his parental figuers for his damaging behavior not only turn Helen, Wally, Max and Jay into neglectful and borderline abusive guardians, but also lead to his toxic demeanor intensifying. The lack of indignance the characters show when faced with Thad very obviously and aggressively abusing Bart right in front of them makes it seem like abuse is something normal and acceptable, and not something that is contemptible and needs to have consequences. Moreover, the fanfiction is ableist in that it paints insults that are directly meant to degrade ND people for being mentally disabled (such as r*tard and shortbus) as harmless and appropriate swear words for that group of people. It is infuriating that so many people praise it as 'the best fanfic about Bart and Thad out there with the most accurate characterisations of them' when the mental torture he inflicts on Bart is objectively so plain obvious. I think I know why the readers of this work failed to recognize the maltreatment. Sibling abuse isn't as known as parental abuse is, and even more people deny that it exists. Many people excuse abusive behaviors in sibling relationships because they're under the false assumption that siblings can't be abusive. They're even harder to convince that it is abuse when the siblings are twins and don't have a significant difference in age and physical appearance. Abuse always includes a power imbalance, and you can definetly see that in Bart's and Thad's relationship. It starts in that Thad is chronologically and mentally way older than Bart. He is also more knowledgable and well versed in combat situations and fighting. Through the use of intimidation, put downs and threats Thad enhances that already existing imbalance and makes it easier for himself to abuse Bart.

This version of Thad is one of the most evil, reprehensible and crude monsters I had the misfortune of meeting in fiction. Living with someone like him is a nightmare and through the entire work I felt bad for Bart. Despite what this work is trying to make you belive, abuse is never justified, no matter who is the victim and who is the perpetrator.

[scipunk63]

Wholesome Sammy: Parent Practice Ch. 1

(Inspired by the ever lovely @ask-joeydrewstudios AU and sheer boredom.)

Sammy sat at his desk, reveling in the usual quiet of his office. The ink pump was almost silent, Wally wasn't being his pesky self, and for ONCE his music writing was flowing beautifully. It was a rare treat; a good day!

"... Somethings wrong." The director huffed, slamming his music sheet down on the table and standing. "I never have good days here..."

Frowning, Sammy searched his pockets for his pack of cigarettes, just KNOWING that he'd be needing one shortly. Sooner of later, something stupid and zany was going to march itself into his room and spoil his concentration... Or spoil it more than he already spoiled it just by questioning his environment. It wouldn't take long.

Any second. "Sammy!" Well, maybe he was wrong, for at that moment his favorite actress, Susie Campbell, stepped into his office.

"Afternoon, angel. What can I do you for?" He asked, leaning casually against his desk and sticking his cigarette end between his lips. "Did Wally stick his head in another tuba?"

"Yes, but Norman has the situation covered." Susie informed him, casually tugging a light out of her purse and lighting his smoke for him. As was the norm. "Mr. Drew sent me to tell you that you've got a call on line 1. It's your mother."

... Well, he had been right about something zany and stupid. He had only been wrong to doubt it for a minute there.

With an exasperated sigh, Sammy reached for his phone and answered it. While one of the perks of his job was long nights away from his nagging family, a downside was definetly the constant phone calls that Joey never ignored. Even when Sammy begged him to just disconnect his phone!

"Hello?" He muttered, hoping to get this conversation over with.

"Well, it's nice that you could pick up for once, Mr. Hot-shot-song-writer! Were you too busy writing about singing chairs again!?" Always a joy to hear from his mother. "You know, I sometimes call when I need something from you!"

"... Hello, mother-"

"But that's besides the point, dear. Your stepfather and I are going out for the evening and I need you to watch your sister as that- 'office' of yours for a few hours." Sammy's blood ran cold.

The director had barely been registering his mother's words (mainly because he was too busy ignoring his mother and glaring at the softly laughing Susie) up until this point, but her request was just out of the question!

"Ma- Mr. Drew doesn't allow children in the studio!" He exclaimed, casting a longing gaze at the song he had almost been finished with. "And I have too much on my plate as is-"

"I'm sure you could watch a child while writing those 'songs' of yours."

"Wally is one thing, but a 5 year old is another!" By now he could feel the phone creek under his tight grip on it. "And I've already said that Mr. Drew wouldn't allow it!"

There was a pause. "That Joey Drew is such a sweetheart, I'm sure he'd understand." Welp. "I'll pay you $5, hun."

"The answer is still NO. I'm a busy man."

"Well, too bad! I've already dropped her off a half hour ago. Your co-workers were VERY nice to her." That certainly explained the quiet. "I'll be there to pick her up at 8. Good bye, Samuel!"

The phone went dead before Sammy event had a chance to reply. Sometimes he just couldn't believe that woman... Or Joey for that matter! Norman wasn't allowed to bring his grandkids in, so what made Sammy so special!?

"Its because Joey hates me and wants to see me suffer." The out loud thought brought a look of confusion to Susie's face, but Sammy brushed it off and exiting his office in order to find the little brat his parents called his 'sister'.

Susie was following close at his heels.

"I didn't know you had a sister, Sammy." She began, a pout playing on her lovely lips. "Usually that's something you tell your girlfriend."

"Half-sister, and now isn't the time." He huffed. "I have too much work to do and- Did you know where she might be?"

"Last I saw, she was in the projector booth with Norman." Susie sighed, before adding thoughtfully, "Better shake a leg and get your band back in order before you miss another deadline."

Sammy's stomach flipped, and he took off running down the hall, the visions of his ALMOST completed song seeming so far away now...

.

.

When Sammy entered the music room, he found the entire orchestra in a riot as Norman worked furiously to free Wally from another tuba. As funny as it was, it would be yet ANOTHER hinderence to the music department. Their deadline has been pushed back one too many times for them to request any more time to finish their songs! The thought of a second incomplete song made Sammy want to be sick... And it made him hate Wally just a little bit more.

"And that, Annie, is how to properly get ya head stuck in a tuba." Wally was saying, followed by a few grunts of pain.

Sammy stopped just before the struggling men and cleared his throat to get their attention. Obviously, Norman was the only one to look up.

"Our apologizes, Mr. Lawrence." Norman began. "But Franks here just likes showing off for the ladies... We'll continue work as soon as we have our tuba back."

"You do that, Norman- Just try to get the finished songs done tonight at least." A shame that's all he could ask of them.

"Just the finished ones? Dare may I ask what happened to the one you've been working one? You were supposed to have it done this afternoon!" If only Sammy had just ignored his phone and instincts, that would have happened.

"I understand, Norman... It'll be ready this week soon." There was no time to acknowledge the concerned look the beady eyed man was giving Sammy. Wally needed to be freed, his sister needed to be distracted, and his work needed to be done yesturday!

"Okay! Starting to get claustrophobic in here!" Wally whined.

"God damn it, Wallace! Did you coat your head in glue before you stuck it in here!?" Well, that first part wasn't going to get done anytime soon.

With a sigh, Sammy began to scan the crowd for his sister. She wasn't too far into the crowd, hiding her face tearfully. More than likely frightened by all the noise and buisness talk. It would have been a sad sight if Sammy wasn't so busy, so instead of comforting her like a good boy brother, he simply plucked her up and left the department with her.

"Evening, Ann-Maria." He greeted casually as he walked.

"Neven, Sam!" She squeaked, poking her head out from behind her hands. "Yer fwiends is funny!"

Her grammar and confusion of his co-workers role in his life was nauseating, but somewhat endearing. Not that he'd ever care to admit it to anyone.

"We're just gonna avoid them today. They're very busy... Could you sit and colour in my office without bothering anyone?" With that, he slipped back into his office and awaited her response. "We have to do our jobs."

"Course not, Sam." She replied smartly. "My job is ta 'nnoy you to deaf!"

"... I've taught you well, dear." There was a mix of both concern and pride welling in his chest, but mostly concern.

He had to think of a way to keep her out of his hair- something underhanded and yet simple enough that if she told their mom about it, she wouldn't kill him for it. So locking her in a room was out of the question, but perhaps sticking her with a responsible employee who wasn't busy with anything could work.

Speak of yet another devil- er, angel, because at that moment who else but Susie Campbell should come strutting BACK into Sammy's office.

"Sammy dear," The woman began, stopping when she spotted the little tot. "Oh! Exactly who I came to see. Would you just look at this little cutie!"

Before either Lawrence could react, the child was swept up in Susie's arms and snuggled to the point that even Sammy felt a little sorry for her. Not that it mattered much. Susie was possibly his ticket out of anymore distractions and that was all he could ask for.

"How about you lovely ladies go play in the lobby while I work?" He suggest kindly.

"But then we wouldn't be able to bother you, dear." A heart shouldn't be able to sink as deep as Sammy's did in that moment. "It IS our job as your ladies, after all."

[occupyvenus]

All you Jonsa-freaks are fucking delusional. Its a crackship. Its not going to happen. Sansa is Jons sister, nothing more. Jonerys is canon. Get over it!

I usually don’t react to asks like this, but this permanent missuse of the term “crack-ship” is really bothering me, so I want to make some things clear concering fandom-shipping-lingo:

The terms “crack-ship” and “non-canon ship” are not and never have been synonymous, nor 100% interchangeable. 

A “crack-ship” is something that has absolutely no possibility of ever happening in canon. It’s something crazy, out-of-place or unlikely moving towards impossible. It’s shipping two characters who’ve never interacted in canon and never will, are completely incompatible with each other, or have never showed any sign of any kind of romantic potential. It’s a ship with absolutely zero back-up in the narrative. 

A “non-canon ship” on the other hand, simply is something that isn’t canon. That’s literally the only requirement. Fiction thrives on love-triangles, “will they wont they?”, “whom will she/he choose?” or presenting a main-character with a variety of (potential) love interests over the story. Being “non-canon” doesn’t necessary make something “crack”. If you can find some sort of textual evidence for romantic potential, that isn’t a crackship. Even if it isn’t canon. 

Here’s a list GoT-crackships:

Davos x Jon (never showed interest in each other, incompatible when it comes to sexual orientation and age. But I’ve read things, anon. I’ve read things I will never forget)Brienne x Sandor (like … to each their own. Why the hell not?)Missandei x Jorah (she has a boyfriend, he’s obsessed with Khaleesi. Never showed any interest. Like … naahhh )Jorah x Sam (Peel of my skin and I’ll love you)Lyanna x Stannis (I read a fun little ficlet about them recently.)Robb x Margarey (Not all “crack-ships” are super duper weird. This is a pretty cute one, that I really like. But never interacted with each other, never will.)Robb x Daenerys (This is what canon-divergence was made for, if you ask me.)Arya x Joffrey (I have actually read fanfiction in which Joffrey wasn’t bat-shit crazy cruel, but only a pretty arrogant, entitled jerk. Arya was the one engaged to him and it was a really interesting read.)Tyrion x Cersei (the internet is a weird, dark place with weird, dark ideas.)

My two personal Jon-crackships:Jon x Tormund (because wouldn’t it be cute ???)Jon x Missandei (because wouldn’t it be amazingly cute ???)

The one I have for Daenerys:Tormund x Daenerys (First: Tormund is so amazing, everyone would be happy to have him. I ship him with everyone. Second: Mother of Dragons x Warrior-women-loving-wildling? Sign me the fuck up.)

And the one I have for Sansa:Sansa x Podrick (he’s such an obvious bottom, sorry not sorry. Love this in fanfiction. It’s adorable.)

Here’s a list of GOT-non-canon-ships, that don’t deserve the title “crack-ship” IMO:

Jon x Daenerys (no anon, they aren’t canon yet. Can you look into the future? Leaks don’t count. Canon counts.)Jon x Sansa (if you don’t believe there’s enough textual evidence to back them, you are the delusional one. You don’t have to ship it, you don’t have to like it, you don’t have to believe it’s going to happen. But acting like other people are delusional for thinking they have serious canon potential simply shows that you feel threatened by them. There, I said it.)Jon x Arya (grrm intended them to end up together. I don’t think it’s very likely to become canon, but it isn’t a crack-ship either. The creator himself entertained the possibility once.)

Sansa x Petyr (No, not even being “problematic” as hell makes a ship “crack”. This will never become canon, but I can accept that people like to take the underlying dynamics and change the narrative in fanon. That’s what fanfiction is for. You can take two characters, eliminate the canon-things you don’t like and add things to make your imagination come to life. This might be a bit on the verge to crack, but they definetly have enough canon-interaction to earn a place in this list.)Sansa x Tyrion (I don’t consider them canon. Probably not going to happen. A little problematic as well, but see the commentary above)Sansa x Sandor (similar to sansa x tyrion in my book. More likley than it, probably, since Sansa acknowledges some sort of romantic feelings as well. Liked the fanon-version - sorry not really in canon - for a long time. Still do.) Sansa x Theon (canon-interaction, I can totally see where people are coming from. Nothing is going to happen with like 99,9999% certainty, but I don’t think the term “crackship” is a 100% fair.)

Jaime x Brienne (do I really have anything to add to this ? It’s an absolute fan-favourite. You don’t have to be a fan, but canon acknowledges this having some kind of potential)Brienne x Tormund (The show is so obviously playing with this => not gonna actually happen - probably, but canon wants us to think about it. So, not really a “crack-ship”.)

Arya x Gendry (has a pretty good chance at being canon ~somehow~, at least on the show. But still isn’t canon yet.)

Bran x Meera (same as Arya x Gendry)

Daenerys x Tyrion (he’s obviously in love with her. Look at all the hearteyes.)Daenerys x Jorah (bookverse a little to creepy for my taste, but as I said: To each their own. not so creepy on the show. Still not a fan. Still not really “crack”)

I could go on, but I really hope you get my point by now. Not everyone will agree with this lists. There will probably be a lot of shippers who themselves say “naah. That’s my crackship”. Fine, you can define your own opinion however you like. But don’t insult other people who think it isn’t. 

I don’t really care too much about canon, a lot of my all-time otps and ships never became canon (Zutara, Kakasaku, Narusaku, Ichiruki, …). Never stopped me from shipping them. Of course I want to see my ships become canon, but it isn’t a necessity. I’m rooting for Jonsa to happen as long as it’s possible, because I see a lot of foreshadowing for them in both the books and the show. If I’m wrong? I will be disappointed, but okay. Happened before. I’ve learned to be okay with that. 

But what I’m not okay with is being called stupid or delusional for interpreting canon-material differently. For seeing potential that IS THERE. I know what a “crack-ship” is anon, and Jonsa simply isn’t one. Wether they become canon or not. 

[deythbanger]

Comedy: Bible 4

By DeYtH Banger Definetly fat and wrong! This here is walking semen, nothing insulting… nothing bad… that's biology. Go get clasess of knowledge! THIS HERE IS MY CIRCLE OF FUCKING… "“What is the point of my life?” This question cannot have haunted many people in earlier centuries; they were too busy scratching out a living, providing food and shelter for their families, fending off threats to their health and security. But now that we have pretty well solved the most pressing problems of staying alive, and have the free time to reflect on what it all means, we are assaulted at every turn by a flood of information about the apparently meaningful lives of a lucky few—doctors, judges, guitar heroes, sports stars, billionaires, celebrities, politicians, explorers of ocean depths, and conquerors of the highest mountains. If we can’t all have glamorous lives—if we can’t all be famous for even fifteen minutes—what is the point, really? Why should we care about anything? The best answer today has been the best answer for millennia: find something more important than you are, and devote your life to it, protecting it, improving it, making it work, celebrating it. But doesn’t this usually require joining forces with others, finding a supporting organization with a clear vision? Yes, it does, and for centuries the premier options have been religions, made all the more irresistible by one of the great master strokes of advertising: you can’t be good without God. There may well have been a time when this was practically true, when the only feasible path to a life of importance (and we all want our lives to be important) was to be a member in good standing of one church or another, one temple or another. Step One in the project of having a meaningful life was to be God-fearing. Those who weren’t God-fearing were seen as disreputable, untrustworthy, sinful, defective, empty." - Dan Baker "The term “God-fearing” is a fascinating fossil trace of ear lier times, when the standard or default conception of God was as an anthropomorphic Protector of Us (but not Them), Merciful Judge, Witness to our sins, Appreciator of our praise and our incessant declarations of undying loyalty. And that largely obsolete conception of God was itself a direct descendant of earlier conceptions of gods that were genuinely frightening, because they had to be appeased, and were far from loving or just or even good. How strange that the term should survive today with so little recognition of not only its obsolescence but its embarrassing history of oppression! Wake up, folks! Listen to what your holy texts actually say! Among the delights of Dan Barker’s book are the succession of startling juxtapositions, looking at our religious practices through the eyes of a quizzical Martian. Did you realize that all Christian ministers are essentially slave traders, prized for their ability to soothe and cajole their flock of slaves into ever more submissive obedience, and even getting them to pay their keepers." - Dan Baker "Asking, “If there is no God, what is the purpose of life?” is like asking, “If there is no Master, whose slave will I be?” If the purpose of life is to become a submissive slave, then your meaning comes from flattering the ego of a person whom you should despise." - Dan Baker I don't want to fuck around with ugly truth… but the truth is that bible is teaching how to obey without asking and becoming slave! "The historical Jesus is nicely compared to the historical Paul Bunyan. (Was there a huge lumberjack in the North Woods who inspired the tales? Maybe. Does it matter?) Then there is Barker’s darker demonstration of how religion compromises our moral judgment, by telling a story of utter depravity and eliciting a judgment from an audience that this was the deed of a moral monster, and then changing the names and circumstances oh so slightly and turning it into the horrific tale in the book of Job. As Richard Dawkins has so vividly and memorably put it, in The God Delusion." - Dan Baker "The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all fiction: jealous and proud of it; a petty, unjust, unforgiving control-freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, megalomaniacal, sadomasochistic, capriciously malevolent bully. Some people have found this assertion unforgivably rude, but if they pause to reflect on what the tales from the Old Testament, read literally, actually tell us, how can they not acknowledge that it is a fair assessment? Barker’s ingenious exercises of imagination draw the point to our attention in a…" - Dan Baker "But then he shows how surprisingly easy it is to be a good person! Yes, you can learn to ride a bike, and yes, you can become a good and meaningful person without bothering yourself with all the dark confusions and contradictions imposed on you by your heritage of irrationality and obfuscation. We don’t need religion to be good. Religion actually gets in the way. Getting rid of purely religious mandates makes life simpler and safer. Rejecting religion filters out the noise to bring a clarity of judgment, making it easier to be a good atheist than a good Christian…" - Dan Baker

[glumnet-blog]

via Vace

correct me if im wrong but i dont think u ever had to experience the mandatory joys of hebrew school. maybe u did i forget i dont want to make you too jealous here but  i went to hebrew school on thursdays and sundays from 7-14 years old.  hebrew school lasted for just a couple of hours but it felt excruciatingly longer than that.  hebrew school was just like going to school, on top of goin to regular, grade school during the week. that is a ratio of 2 schools to every 1 week!  only a generous masochist would send their child to 2 different schools right?   i think it was worse than regular school though, bc i simply didn't have friends there.  the only vivid encounter i remember with a peer before 5th grade was with Lucas in the second grade, whom my mom delicately tried to pair us together in order to have our conversational sparks ignite, over a luigi video game, like she was trying to start a fire in the wilderness out of uninterested rock and twig.  lucas had a 7 year old mullet and had a lot of confidence.  i didn't like either of those things.  especially the mullet shit bc i was a rat tail or die kind of 7 year old.  after my mom literally accompanied me to hebrew school for awhile and the other kids thought i had special needs, she tried the opposite approach.  she hired the UC berkeley student hebrew school teacher to come tutor me once a week for an hour. this was pretty fucking weird.  my hebrew school was pretty lax and progressive.  in retrospect i realize the institution of the temple sinai hebrew school is much more about socializing with other jewish kids and pretending to memorize the va'haf'tah (or actually memorizing it if you're hannah sternberg and like to impress the rabbi) then to actually embed the jewish youth into intense and arduous jewish centered academia.  so having hairy 21 year old Noam awkwardly sit next to me at my kitchen table and timidly correct my mispronunciations of hebrew words was all a wash if you will.  but my mom was a stubborn mom who wanted her son to carry on the 'teachings of our ancestors' a forcefully sentimental phrase that makes you feel like a melodramatic bible scholar whenever u say it out loud.  thankfully these at home sessions didn't last long because of Noam's scheduling problems.  so for the rest of the fourth grade i was free of hebrew school.  but sooner or later fifth grade rolled around and my parents threatened me with no screen time for a month if i didn't go in. no screen time was a punishment way worse than death so i relented.    

i think it was at this first day of fifth grade hebrew school that shit changed.  2 things changed specifically. 1) i made nate laugh and 2) i made julia laugh.  when i wrote earlier i didn't have any friends in hebrew school i mean like i didn't even have acquaintances.  like i lethargically walked into class, pretended to be invisible for 2 hours, hid the bathroom during break times and waited impatiently after class on the sidewalk scouring the downtown oakland avenues for the plain yet angelic white of my moms 1995 honda oddesey.  i had made people laugh before at regular school i guess .  but there was something different about making hebrew school people laugh... i had somehow broken the social engima of this institution i had distain for, for so long.  not only that... it was a different kind of laugh ... at least coming from nate. i didnt just make nate laugh i made that motherfucker crack up.  watching him laugh was like watching a firecracker go off. like i got him in trouble from the teacher he was laughing so hard and uncontrollably.  making julia laugh was different.  she didnt crack up like nate.  but her laughter was genuine nonetheless and just as euphoric. it felt like whatever i imagine heroin to be everytime i saw her begin to open her mouth and smile and vibrate her whole head because of something i had said.  within the space of 2 hours i had acquired my first hebrew school friend and first hebrew school crush.  i was a fucking social millionaire....i would call this period of time, 5th grade, the golden age.   i could make nate laugh consistently and julia was a similarly consistent vessel to validate my 5th grade ego.  i was closer with nate bc we were both boys , and julia already had a very insular and exclusive trio which was not accepting new members.  herself, hannah, and arielle (who demanded to be called ari which i always was irritated by  she was a fake ari.  her real name was arielle! she was a fraud, imposter! my full name is ari.  i am the real ari.  stupid aside)....time pushed forward and 6th grade began.  several important dynamics changed in 6th grade.  the friends of nate who went to his real, 5 day a week school (st pauls) had been assigned to our 6th grade class.  additionally, puberty was pretty vivaciously in affect and thus social hierarchies were further matured as well as a recognition of elementary sexual thoughts and feelings.  i continued to make nate laugh but i felt like my secret companion was bein taken away by his St paul friends.  in order to combat this i tried to befriend all his friends.  something i learned then and throughout my life almost never works.... attempting to pass as an insider in a group where u are and always be an outsider.   i could make nates friend laugh a little bit but they were much more fond of making each other laugh.  also because they went to school with each other nathaniel (different than my friend nate) and jackson had an air of superiority and seniorirty over me.  even in the 6th grade i think i could detect this kind of unspoken social heirachy at play.  and with julia other guys were starting to make her laugh at hebrew school.  if you want to talk about social heirarchy she was definetly the queen of our class.   as puberty progressed the less cool i became.   bc my only claim to fame socially was humor , but i didnt understand all the other shit.  like dressing cool, talking cool, walking cool., etc.   that otther shit became important in middle school if not the rest of my life... because of this, and the fact im just a fucking shmuck at the end of the day , made julia talk to me less.  and with less talking came less laughing.  nate and julia's laugh was to special to me during this time just less frequent... and therefore more rare.  so when i did get it  from them it felt all that much better.

thhere was a point there end of 5th grade start of 6th grade i looked forward to hebrew school. i looked  forward to sitting down in the creaky, plastic black chairs in room 04 and whispering to nate about how ugly our teacher was.  i looked forward to playing tic tac toe with julia in the art room instead of drawing menorahs, and arguing with her about who had the ineferior tic tac toe skills (she did i got XXX like almost everytime ok) .  i even started to like  the fucking moldy, bookish smell of the temple because i associated it with having good times with julia and nate.

in the 7th grade my connections with nate and julia fell apart uninterestingly and sharply .  my friendships were fading with nate and julia before the year even started ....but of course with 7th grade we entered mid'rasha.  mid'rasha is just hebrew school for teenagers, explained my mom on teh car  ride over to my first mid rasha class.  that may be true for my mom but for me mid rasha was a new world.  a world i did not want to reside in.  midrasha was different in many ways, it was at night, it lumped in loud, sparkly 17 year olds with unsure, gangly 13 year olds in the same room, it was a different bigger campus, it was off.  clqiues were formed immiedatly and it was obvious i was not in the st pauls group.  the group nate was in.  i didnt even see julia at all i think she was   being ultra extroverted befriending the royalty that was 17 year olds who wore sean john and listened to MGMT before it was cool ( this was 2007) .  i went to naybe 5 or 6 mid rashas but i understood the jig was up.  i was no longer a funny person in the room nevermind the funniest in the room.  the teachers were young  attractive college students who you couldnt fun of at all for being ugly.  i wasnt even in the same elective as nate anymore so i couldnt whisper ' ruby is ugly' even if i wanted to.   1 time i did have an art class with Julia.  but now as an ambitious and earnest 13 year old she tackled the assignment sincerely.  i saw her drawing these detailed portraits i thought were gross because they reeked of being  a try-hard.  i just wanted to play tic tac toe.

i stopped going to mid rasha and i didnt see nate or julia again for a while. i didnt see nate until i was a junior in HS and i took the SATs at the high school nate attended.  when we were all getting checked in i saw him at a circular lunch table with his st paul friends.  i walked by him to say hello.  we gave each other a stoic and cold ' whats up dude '  .

the next time i saw julia was at my high school school sponsored dance.  at the time i was nervous as shit bc i did not know how much i would have to dance with my then girlfirend, what kind of dance i would have to do, if i should get mad at other guys dancing with her etc.  a bunch of high school dance inspired neuroses were blossoming in my head.   i was suprised as a motherfucker when i walked into the high school lobby and saw julia sitting a dinky plastic table checking students in.   i remember my brain being blank with confusion.  i walked up to her to get checked in.  she said hi ari with a smile.  the kind of trained smile a social butterfly has deployed many a time.  it was an impersonal smile.  it was warm and cold at the same time.  i said hello took my ticket and left without any small talk or acknowledgement of our hebrew school connection.   i went on to dance with my girlfriend a little but to mostly stand around and pep talk boris into making a move on yael.

i have not  seen either of them since.  i had a dream last night i was in hebrew school in the 6th grade.  julia was sitting across the class room.  she was mad i was looking at her and mouthed for me to stop.  nate was sitting next to me like he normally did in the 5th and 6th grade.  but he wasnt trying to exchange goofy remarks with me about all the flaws of the teacher.  instead he was listening attentively.  i leaned into to whisper somthing but he waved his hand faintly.  he was not to be disturbed

in sophmore year of high school my 'mentor' relayed to me that she was getting reports from teachers that i was exhibiting disturbing and unproductive behavior. disturbing and unproduvtive behavior? i thought.   i was just tryna get motherfuckers to laugh.  i was trying to chase the high of the first time i made nate cry.  i was trying to recreate the time julia was so approving of whatever joke i had made she rubbed my leg as an appreciating gesture and said youre soooo funny.  i never was able to recreate those highs in high school.  that kind of blind temporary euphoria stayed untapped, stored in my memories of hebrew school. my mentor said it was problematic that i was so loud and disruptive in class.  she understood i liked to horse around but she argued ' thats not the real you ari.  we both know you are better than that.  the real you is working hard , studying hard, respectful of teachers and avoiding distrations in class.  this class clown act you put on isnt the real you'  

that kind of pep talk , even at the time , felt weird to me.  who are you , some distant authoratative figure i meet with twice a month , to tell me who i am and who i am not.  and much more importantly beyond that, you tell me my true identity is attached to some golden scholar who wouldnt dare partake in the low life humor of classroom banter.  everything about academia makes me ripe with disgust and disinterest.  the only reason why school has been bareable at all is the social aspect.  making people laugh

during junior year of high school i went through my first break up , i cut friends off , friends cut me off, i went to my first funeral, i had an anxiety attack in jerasulem (symbolic of my relationship with judaism....in my opinoin) i felt increasingly alienated from my wealthy and narrow minded private school brethren, started smoking weed every night before bed and so on .  my mood was bad all the time, i was tired, and the last last last thign i wanted to do was to go to school.  this i now realize is my first bouts of Depression (dun dun duuunnnn).  

it is senior year of highh school now.  the students check in for the first time with their mentors.  my mentor relays to me personal behavioral report -  teachers now view me as quiet and respectful.    teachers are somewhat cognizant of my general apathy towards what is in front of me, but complimentary of my willingness  to put my head down and do the school work given to me.  my mentor is smiling and exclaiming ' see ari you did it!  this is the real you.  this is the hard working and respectful guy i know you have always been.  you dont have time for distractions you have higher priorities now' .  i just wanted the meeting to be over so i nodded my head rapidly in agreement.  however in my mind i thought the current version of myself teachers are describing could not  be further from the real  me.  the real me is still at temple sinai room 04 sitting in those cheap, creaky black chairs.  the real me is shaking nate's arm bc i just thought of a joke about the how ugly the spoken version of hebrew sounds to a non native speaker.   the real me is singing stronger by kanye in an obnxious robotic way , parodying the chorus in order to get julia to chuckle.  the real me has not been seen for or heard from for a while.  the new me is content with surviving the day without any interaction with peers.  the new me doesnt want to be seen.  the real me is still poking julia's shoulder, waiting for her to turn her head