#Someone got quite excited with these
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Scotland was a regular haunt for the unsuccessful Class 17 'Clayton' diesels.
Near Stirling, on a long closed railway line, is a grubby freight train awaiting the road ahead.
May 1967
#''They did it for the Ffestiniog so we can do it with diesels!#Someone got quite excited with these#''Let's make them double ended!#And look what happened#some lasted five years#terrible#Class 17#Clayton#ttte#ttte derek
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Bad news: I don't think I'm going to be able to write for ever day of TD horror week as I'd originally imagined.
Good news: The days I am going to be part of will be Cooking. I shan't spoil too much about it but one day already has 2.5K words and is only like a fourth of the way done.
#I will admit I'm not getting to that word count on my own#I have a little help ;)#It's equal and hard work to make the teenagers endure the horrors but someone's gotta do it#No elaborating for spoilers but I'm really excited about it#some of the days might end up just being exposition dumps as it was for Alenoah week#It's just what I've got the energy but for right now#But the ideas! They're happening!#I know I've been a lot less active in comparison to earlier this year with posting original fan content#Navigating between interacting a la Discord and still doing writing is hard#The ADHD prefers the quicker dopamine release that shorter conversations allow for#Plus RPing#RPing has also taken hold of me once more#And for those I am RPing with I love you dearly <3 /p#But I promise even with writing coming out a lot slower I'm giving it up never#The AUs demand completion and will get them one day#Oops this turned into quite a lengthy ramble in the tags#Point is I hope you're all as excited for horror week as I am#What I post will surprise you and me both#And also can't wait to see everyone else's submissions!#The Horrors. They shall overtake us all.#perp rambles#i am my own hype woman#i shall not apologize for this#We should all be our own hype people
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every day that goes by i relate more and more to that post that's like "is the video essay analysis or is it summary → it's a good essay sir → open the video → it's summary"
#(face in hands) i got really excited thinking someone had actually made a video essay about one of my favorite art games#and it was quite literally just 30 minutes of play-by-play summary#punctuated by periodic question positing that did nothing to introduce new ideas or build on existing ones#like questions on the level of 'who is this? what does it mean?'#like my good sir you tell me. make an argument. please.#same for the video essays i tried to watch last week on one of my favorite horror films and one on the world building in dungeon meshi#both were just. summary.#i wouldn't even be mad if they just. clearly advertised themselves as summary videos (or documentaries in the case of summing up irl events#but they come off as indistinguishable from real video essays until you get like.#five to ten minutes in and go 'hey this is a LOT of introduction and summary are you going to introduce your thesis at some point'#like pleas.e please what part of essay do you. not understand. i am on my hands and knees begging and pleading
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/ I've noticed that at this point I'm not even writing on any blog anymore, I just come and yell about some blorbo and leave. Rinse and repeat my lieges
#;ooc#ooc#me: -sleeps-#also me: -SUDDENLY JOLTS BACK AWAKE- I haven't expressed my love for x in some time#/usually i would feel pretty guilty about this! but lately i've been zoning out in the sense of just vibing#/im not dropping writting; im just doing something else ! when i feel the inspiration i'll drop by#would like that to come soon; i do miss writting hehe#the power a blorbo can have on a person can be a very profound and moving energy truly-#recently one of my 8376733 m.octezuma fanarts got reblobbed from some artists from aaaall across to japan and#it made me feel so giddy like!!!! no way you also like this one character that isnt even on the game!?#i haven't seen other artists being obsessed over him! he's kind of forgotten in the lb cast; it was so fun reblobbing each other's posts!#we may have a language barrier but we all love m.octe and i find that to be a lil heartwarming moment#it made me thonk;; there are so many ways to bond with people; of connecting in general#even without speaking to someone directly; there is a bond there#like i knew this existed; but experiencing it again makes u go like waow! im not alone ! not in at least one (1) way!#that there are other people out there in this big big world that would enthusiastically talk to you about the same fictional character you-#like; with a lot of love and interest#i've seen people making their own t.ezca and d.aybit plushies and putting them in cute lil clothes#or people posting about museums they got interested on visiting bc they've done a collab with f.go#its all very cute to me#its like the same energy i saw from this tktk where two girls randomly met on the street#and saw that they both had the same ita bag and they got all happy and started laughing together#or that time i was selling my stickers and someone came in and said how glad they were to find h.ypmic stuff!#if hy.pmic is quite niche nowadays; its even more from where i live!#or how excited i get if i meet someone who also plays id.v#its all a cycle of fangirling; pure joy; connections are so important!#important to know that whatever you are facing; that no matter how 'weird' you think you might be; there are a lot of people out there that#are like you and me; and its also why i like roleplaying#its like we all pull our blorbos and talk about them and get excited about it all like dolls#the sweet thing about rping is precisely the part where u connect with others
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loveee when a character is crushed under the weight of someone elses expectations for them love when a character dedicates their entire life to something they never even wanted for themself love when the only reason a character keeps going is because theyre Supposed to and bc theyre supposed to make another person happy/proud. YES !!! CLAPPING !!! YES !!!!!!!!
#this isnt rly related to any character in particular i just thought abt this and it made me scream.#flirting at a bar Damn girl you look like youre trapped in a life you built to please someone else. and then i kneel down and pull out a 💍#sry i ran out of space for the full word ring. also why when i type 💍 Ohh theyre hiding it. bc now the emoji is 💍 Oh they changed it again#pox on their home..originally it was 🔐 sughested emoji#but then the second time it was 😭.... very anti marriage. well ig maybe the sob could be like OMG... YES!!!!! I WILL MARRY YOU!!!!!!#ngl getting proposed to is such a big fear of mine like. i dont think id ever be able to propose to someone so id have to be proposed to i#suppose but it makes me quite nervous not bc im like ohh nooo dont propose i just rly worry ill react the wrong way and theyll change their#mind. like its a very high emotion moment so ik i would be supposed to be emotional And i would be but idk if id do it in the right way . y#idk. what if my autism looms and i end up just being like 😐 on accident. fuckkk. what if i say somethinf dumb. like i try to be like YES !#but instead im like YEP! god. can you imagine. id have to just bury myself at that point. so embarassing. or like what if i get excited and#flap my hands but it was supposed to be more of a like. joyful crying type of thing... or what if im supposed to just be shocked and like .#Oh my god ....#and am I supposed to run at them and sweep them into a hug or do they do thst to me. UGH. ITS SO STRESSFUL. i suppose ill just remain alone#forever so I never have to confront any difficult situations ever again . Joke .#idk it just makes me nervous. but i suppose hopefully the person proposing to me will love me . that would be nice so hopefully they wont#mind if i dont respond the right way . and they wont be upset with me bc they love me eversomuch. a girl can dream i suppose... my head lik#is pounding sry. i need to sleep probably.. stayed up too late again -_- 8am -_- and im sposed to do laundry today But i dont want to . and#since im gonna fall asleep i fear it shant happen. UGHHH#wtvr. idk what my ideal proposal would be likeee. i don't want to be blindsided ig#i like surprises but Obviously im too worried abt like. my immediate reaction#+ i think its important to talk abt marriage Before proposing just so everybodys like#on the same page and such. Obvs... but ya. i dont think id want a super public proposal like. id like it to be somewhere nice with maybs#significance to our relationship and such. and its fine if theres like Some passersby but id hate for it 2 be like. somewhere crowded. or i#a restaurant or something#Altho if it was in a restaurant maybe we could get free food..#but maybe that can be just fake proposals later on. and our real proposal can be somewhere else. YIPPEEE. me and my imaginary future spouse#who is To be honest rather bare minimum#normal girl will be like Wistful sigh maybe my future spouse will even love me and wont scream at me and will like to listen to me speak 😍#but anywyas. my beddybye time. SURPRISE GN POST#woahhthis got off topic i forgot what the original post was this always happens. i do love characters like that
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i am experiencing emotions rn and idk what they are :)
#so i got laid off in march and i have not shut up about it since bc it was a horrible experience and i’m still upset about it#and quite literally the only place i wanted to work after that wasn’t hiring at the time but they said to check back in the summer#so i just started picking up extra shifts at my second job bc i’d rather wait on this place than apply to places i have no interest in#then end of april i get a call from this girl i met at my old job saying she got fired#we were super close last year and then our friendship got super weird and tense when she suddenly became my boss#and tbh i’m not at all surprised she got fired bc as much as i like her as a person she was not at all qualified to be running that business#but anyway we’ve been talking more lately than we have in the past couple months#and i was thinking our friendship could maybe go back to normal now that neither of us works there anymore#BUT now i’m feeling super weird like idk if i’m uncomfortable or annoyed or what i’m just feeling put off#bc the place i wanted to work finally started hiring a couple weeks ago and i applied and interviewed last week#and yesterday i got the job which i’m super excited about#and this friend just sent me a screenshot of her rejection letter for the exact same job at the same location#like am i crazy or is it justified to be weirded out by that??#why would you apply for the same exact job as me and not even tell me until after you get rejected#and i know she knows i applied bc i’ve been talking about it nonstop with all my friends#like i’m so confused#it’s not even about the fact that she could’ve potentially gotten chosen over me it’s just weird that she didn’t tell me she was applying#i’ve literally been talking about this job since before they were even hiring like as soon as i got laid off i said i wanted to work here#she didn’t get fired until almost 2 months after that so she wasn’t looking for a job until a couple weeks ago#so i can’t think of any scenario where it would make sense for her to just not mention this to me#idk someone please tell me if this is weird or not bc idk how to respond to her rn#lj.txt
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Sometimes I think about how even when I'm trying not to be, I am entirely made of the people I love. I recently reconnected with a close friend I hadn't seen in about three years. Apparently they're into watching video essays now. I'm more of a gaming YouTube person, but to each their own, I've always known this friend to be a touch more academic than me anyway. Fair enough. We find other things to talk about.
It is two months later. My watch later list is entirely filled with video essays. Three years is not enough time to forget how to love somebody. I'm glad of that.
#voidrambles#how to explain. it's like#i don't know when to hug or how hard and direct complements make me uneasy and i just#affection in the way most people know it does not come naturally to me#i do it because it's detectable to other people and it's what they do for me and it makes them happy which makes me happy#which makes me sound quite disingenuous? i think that's the word. with my love#but#the games i play most are ones i saw one friend get very very excited about and i loved them before i even started playing them#i haven't thought twice about deep sea creatures since maybe middle school but i do now,all the time,and bugs too#i get excited when i see one because another of my friends would#in 2021 i made this one specific vanilla milk drink in the microwave dozens of times even though I don't like sweet vanilla that much#it tasted so good to me for the time i was close with the person i got the recipe from#i get excited when i see yellow flowers. yellow is not one of my favourite colours#I write because of all the things I've read and loved I keep a list of books friends speak highly of#I cook my pasta with oil even though it makes the pot harder to wash and i don't know if there's a difference to the taste#because i can't tell it apart from the warmth of someone else's proudly given tip joining my own routine#i don't know how else to say this#I'm running out of examples not because there are no more but because i can't tell them apart from things i am on my own#that used to upset me but i don't think it does anymore#this post stops here. it's late and i have a video essay to watch#i love you
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Siiiiiiigh fine
I’m taking this as my cue to finally start Kidnapped
#‘this’ being this guy I’m talking to#he’s a Stuart apparently! and we were talking about uhhh. something nerdy#when I said I had this book on my shelf for nearly a year about the Appin Murder and this guy#bless him. ‘what’s it called??? oh it’s personal’#and now we’re talking about Jacobean history (a subject I’m quite lacking in)#anyways he’s gonna go read it now and I mean. nows a good a time as any!#he recommended outlander to me. as well as the new poldark (unfortunately everyone knows abt me and Cornish history at this point)#I saw the original series but I’ve never seen outlander.#he’s got it on disc so he’s gonna lend me his copy#I heard someone describe it as Scottish Black Sails?? we’ll see lol#anyways guess I’m reading this now#I don’t sound excited I am#I just nervous. what if this is another hyperfixation. why do you think I’ve put it off this long.#I just want everyone to know this is the same man who sang Jacobite songs in an English pub and who sends me pictures of mushrooms#and who has a similar love for Antarctic exploration.#lovely lad#we exchange folk songs like they’re cards lol#I did recommend Flight of the Heron and so we’ll also be swapping CDs lol
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today my brain has been having trouble connecting socially. i did, however, get a few things done ( i tagged all my ic posts, did a web weaving & collected all my drafts among other things ) but i mostly needed a recharge day today [ yesterday?? the 5th ] & I'm glad i took it. tomorrow i should be back in the swing of things but if I'm not i wont be pushing myself beyond what i feel capable of
#ooc.#tbd.#there is stuff in the queue as usual but i am ready to write some ic stuff tomorrow i have so many threads I'm excited for#& for once i have them all in one place ( i am chronically disorganized & usually do not have all my drafts at once )#reading today got the gears in my brain turning i just wasn't Quite There yet#again to reiterate: it's been a wonderful couple of days just tiring#& i would wayyyy rather engage w my friends with full energy than present the power savings mode version of myself#when i maintain conversation w someone my attention is usually fully on them#( sometimes its divvied up between talking & writing but i sort of struggle interacting ooc with more than one person at a time )#but if my attention/energy isnt Fully With me then i dont feel like im being genuine as i want to be
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hopping around different blogs is fun.
a post on blog 1: i find it a little weird that -- don't get me wrong, the barbie movie looks great with all the doll-like details, i bet the actors had great fun and i'd like to see it myself, but -- people are getting excited about marketing of this movie. they're acting as though mattel's 3985* deals with 837* different companies are something new, exciting and creative instead of... 3985 deals with 837 companies spanning many different areas! this movie is a commercial for a doll! isn't this kinda weird?
*numbers made up
a post on blog 2: i don't think any sane adult doesn't realize that this is a toy commercial! it's rather obvious.
a post on blog 3: boo hoo 'the barbie movie is capitalist propaganda' i don't give a SHIT marx won't fuck you. did you do this for transformers too? do you think only stupid girls who like pink need the reminder?
like, oooooh! things are happening!
#shrimp thoughts#earlier today i got into a bit of an essay reading spree (as much as my brain allowed me lol)#and it got me thinking about like... associating oneself with products/aesthetics/companies as a way of self-creation#this is me. i love [fashion brand] you won't catch me without my k*nken and here is my room in which you can see posters of [movies]#it's very... human to get excited about things and feel it more the more others get excited because. community building#at the same time i've noticed it myself that it's so much easier to label yourself a [thing] girl than to like... Look Into Yourself#who am i? what defines me? these questions are difficult because how do i know that? with what means do i obtain this knowledge?#should i create myself as i want or should i observe myself with the eyes of others instead? ...let me just say i like plants and overalls#and i feel like when someone says something you perceive as a critique of the identity slash community you associate yourself with#it's... hurtful? but at the same time. hm. i don't know actually#like chances are these posts are talking about completely different things and not vaguing each other or even similar posts#maybe posts that blog 3 vagues really were obnoxiously condescending! who knows! that being said DESPITE being a small-brained#shrimp who would honestly love to win soooo many moneys and just do whatever i want all day instead of being an Independant and Competent#Expert In My Field (this sounds scary and stressing). i still would like to avoid falling into the 'just let me ENJOY things and don't try#to make me hate femininity because it's not working! pink and shopping can be empowering' hole.#idk!! i listen to k/pop and am part magpie. i can't quite pose myself as like anti-capitalist intellectual#but i do want to achieve at least a small brain! someday!! and boy do i hope my brain energy days don't end before the books arrive;;#2am thoughts. wonder if my mother goes to sleep earlier than at 4am today because its getting annoying
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I don't think dating apps are my style, I feel like I'm being a whore for talking to more than one person at a time
#like i met this one person who i was literally so excited talking to#because we literally just got on sooo well over text and id never had that happen before#then we met up and i didnt feel anything#but also i was pmsing hard and i didnt even realize at the time and that literally never makes me feel romantic interest in anyone#and we have been talking a couple weeks and even moved off hinge to discord#and we went on a date and follow eachother on instagram#but i was feeling worried because i cant go on dates at the moment because i have exams in 2 weeks#so i was feeling pressure and asked if we could be friends and explained stuff#and they were very sweet about it and felt good about being friends#but i also started talking to another person and we've been hitting it off too#not quite as well as the other person#but i dont know if the other person is someone i necissarily view romantically#this is so confusing because what if it gets too far#i've never had options before but it feels weirdly dishonest to be talking closely with more than one person#watch it fall through with both lol#although i've never been on another dating app i really like the way hinge is done#it definitely feels much more personal that some of the other ones i've heard about
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I knew this whole fairy vs walrus thing was reminding me of something, and I finally tracked it down.
“It really is more natural to believe a preternatural story, that deals with things we don’t understand, than a natural story that contradicts things we do understand. Tell me that the great Mr Gladstone, in his last hours, was haunted by the ghost of Parnell, and I will be agnostic about it. But tell me that Mr Gladstone, when first presented to Queen Victoria, wore his hat in her drawing-room and slapped her on the back and offered her a cigar, and I am not agnostic at all. That is not impossible; it’s only incredible. But I’m much more certain it didn’t happen than that Parnell’s ghost didn’t appear; because it violates the laws of the world I do understand.”
(from GK Chesterton, apparently -- I'd encountered it in a KJ Charles blog post)
I think if a fairy showed up at my house like yeah they are not real but there is narrative precedent for that. a fairy, if it existed, would show up at a house. i just need to suspend one disbelief everything else tracks. it's a big surprise, but a singular one. i would know how to get with the programm pretty quick.
if a walrus knocked at my door there would be many more fucking questions than one. a walrus showing up at my house? knowing that knocking is the required social etiquette? having reasons to knock on my door and somehow the ability to do that despite having no arms? said walrus coming to me of all people?? a walrus being real is the least of my concerns at that point why the fuck does it need my help what kind of problem can I solve that a socially aware and apparently findextrous walrus fucking can't
#walrus vs fairy#my other take is that like#I see someone in a gorgeous dress with wings and pointy ears outside my door#my thought is not 'the fey are real'#it is 'we got a lost LARPer over here'#or 'oh there's a convention in town'#I see a little tinkerbell looking critter floating around#I'm going to think butterfly or cute toy on a flying drone#figuring out that this is in fact a supernatural occurrence is going to be kind of a gradual process#we're going to go through mild curiosity - what has brought this larper/toy here - to confusion to suspicion to excitement#and some boggling definitely but like. we're easing into the revelation here#surprise qua surprise kind of gets slid past#a walrus? my friends I live in an apartment. the landing outside the door is smaller than a walrus#an artificial or constructed walrus raises quite as many questions as your standard walrus#especially when the walrus as a matter of physics is spilling into my apartment somewhat#THAT'S a surprise.
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WIBTA for taking advantage of my boss’ possible manic episode?
I know this already sounds bad but hear me out.
So I (30M) am the sole employee of this guy (62M) who’s honestly just a miserable boss and an even more miserable person. It sucks so bad working for him—the pay is horrendous, he’s verbally abusive, and the working conditions are awful (in the winter I literally have to stay bundled up the whole work day because he refuses to put the heat on in the office). He wouldn’t even give me holidays off if it wasn’t for the fact that there’s basically nothing to do those days because everywhere else is closed. I’m almost positive he unironically thinks poor people should die if they can’t work. His nephew (aka his only living relative and just the nicest guy) came by yesterday to invite him to Christmas dinner and he told him he’d see him in hell.
I cannot stress this enough—it’s BAD. I’d quit, but it’s been hard finding a better job and I’ve got four kids at home, including one with special needs.
Anyway, so here’s where I’m wondering if I’d be the asshole. Today was Christmas Day and he showed up at my house out of nowhere (huge red flag, I know). At first I thought he’d forgotten I had the day off and he was here to chew me out, which was worrying enough, but then his whole demeanor changed and he was super happy and excited and talking about how he was going to raise my salary. He even mentioned possibly making me a partner in the firm.
Now if that was it, I’d feel a little weird about the suddenness of it but it’d be fine. I’m not going to complain about having more money to feed my family. But then he started talking about how he wanted to pay our mortgage off. He talked about wanting to pay for our son to get the very expensive medical care that’s probably going to save his life. He mentioned at one point that he was going to be donating a huge amount of money to charity too—I knew he was rich but it staggered me. All this from a guy who doesn’t (didn’t?) even want to turn on the heat or the lights because it costs too much money.
It was such a sudden and drastic change that happened very literally overnight and now I’m kind of concerned he’s having a manic episode or something. I really, really want to accept his sudden generosity (I probably will; my wife is all for it and thinks he owes it to us), and I would love to believe that he’s truly had a sudden change of heart (an actual Christmas miracle lol) but I’m just worried about the possible consequences of accepting huge financial gifts like this from someone who I believe might be experiencing some kind of break from reality. Even if there’s nothing legally wrong with it, I’m worried about the ethics of it.
TLDR, my asshole boss might be in the middle of a mental breakdown. WIBTA if I accepted his offer to pay off my mortgage and my son’s medical expenses?
#a christmas carol#charles dickens#the muppet christmas carol#watched this last night and we were discussing how it must be like to be Bob Cratchit on Christmas morning lol#personal#erika's blog and bar
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It's not seriously important to me if a man I like is Irish, naturally; it's of much less importance than that he be attractive to me; but it is like a bit of extra credit in a way, because I get to think to myself "Ah, Grammy would be happy about that."
#that's all#both wc and Man are irish#wc really looks it quite strongly. Man doesn't not look it but Man... Man looks like#Man looks like no good representation of any ethnicity really. his ethnicity when u look at him looks like Model#he looks like he was made in a factory for handsome men#i don't think if i only saw him like. in a fashion magazine spread#that he would've caught my eye as anything memorable. he's just so Conventionally Perfect#his face is quite edgeless that it's almost indistinct#but that's if you see him as One of the Beautiful People#it's like seeing a lion in a cage at the zoo. it's like yeah that's pretty much it#but seeing the most Standard of Beauty-looking person IN THE FLESH is really quite disarming#like. oh shit the lion is unleashed on the sidewalk!! THAT you will remember#that will leave an impression on you more than a photograph#tales from diana#why do i always feel the need to emphasize Man's beauty...#wc is seriously quite gorgeous himself and it does seem to be generally recognized#im sure he's got a good idea of it himself 🙄 but at least this one never made a living off of it#he's a lot more 'my type' than Man. like i said Man is so handsome it's almost unexciting#i mean it's not. it is exciting. the novelty. the rarity of it. plus he's quite just. interpersonally charming.#wc looks like someone id find beautiful in any stage of my life. someone who would stand out to *me*#although he is quite conventionally attractive himself too. it's not totally unpredictable that women would notice him.#it's like. u know how logan is actually the most popular member of big time rush?#when james is actually the most Standard of Beauty of them? perceived versus practical attractiveness?#wc is practically beautiful and Man is perceived as beautiful#i think too much about both of them
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When I was working at the sex shop I was pulling poverty wages. I loved my job but I was on food stamps and still barely getting by. When they hired the stores first male employee and he started at my pay rate after I’d been there for three years I quit.
I was initially really nervous when I saw the post for the mattress job. It listed a pay scale that I couldn’t even conceptualize and I appeared qualified. When I got an interview I was over the moon but also petrified. Reactions to my line of work often varied but most people were very embarrassed or skeptical. I worried about how I’d address it in the actual interview.
I lived far to the north of their headquarters and drove almost two hours to get there. When I finally arrived it was in the nicest thrift store clothes I could find, but I shrank inside to see a room full of older white men in nice suits waiting to be interviewed for the same job.
Why did I bother? I was decades younger than anyone else in the room, shabbily dressed, and I suspected I was the only afab person in the entire building. I stewed in my insecurities until I was called in.
The second I met my interviewer I was instantly put at ease. The man had the energy of a therapy dog, he was abound with positive, good natured energy. He was also incredibly beautiful. I grinned back at his welcoming smile as we said our pleasantries. But still. This very beautiful polished man seemed very innocent. How would the sex shop question go?
“I see here you worked at STORE?”
“Yes,” I said hesitantly.
“And that was sales? Or you just rang people up.”
“No, it was sales. I’d help people find products, we were encouraged to upsell, there was sales spiffs, and most importantly we educated customers on products to help them find what they liked best.”
He grinned approvingly and asked, “Can you give me an example of a time you successfully upsold a customer?”
I paused, wringing my hands before I asked, “How vague would you like me to be…?”
“Not at all!” He assured me. “Go for it!”
“Well. A man came in looking for something to make his fingers vibrate so when he was touching his wife it would enhance that sensation. We had cheap $10 cockrings that I showed him first. But we had a rechargeable waterproof one made of nicer material, and after I showed him a demo he bought that one.”
“How much was that one?”
“$110”
“Wow! You had an upsell of 100% from what he came in looking for! That’s incredible!”
He was so truly genuinely stoked and not at all embarrassed that for the first time I saw a tiny glimmer of a future where I didn’t have ramen and peanut butter tiding me over between paychecks.
He asked me to wait then came back to tell me he liked me so much that he wanted to send me right into another interview, if that was okay. He didn’t want me to have to drive back later, it was terribly considerate and exciting. I beamed and told him it would be lovely.
I then had the second worst interview I’ve ever had. The worst goes to the time I applied to be a store manager for a pet food place years later. The district and store manager interviewing me passed notes and texted while I was speaking. When the district manager called to inform me I didn’t get the job I told him I’d never have accepted anyway because I’d never had such a disrespectful interview.
The new man sitting behind the desk radiated an aura of a brick wall. As someone with anxiety I’m highly keyed into the emotional states of people I’m talking to. To receive no feedback at all was my personal hell. After a perfunctory greeting he asked me with no inflection to sell him a pen.
I gathered the shreds of my courage and attempted the Herculean task he’d set me. Through my whole improvised spiel he resisted all attempts at engaging him, regarding me with a cold apathy as I touted the benefits of my fictitious pen.
Halfway through I broke into a cold sweat. My smile didn’t waver but it grew strained as I projected friendliness and warmth into the black hole of his heart. My thoughts scattered and my sales pitch grew redundant in the face of his nothingness. I finally concluded with a hard close and he simply nodded.
He glanced at my resume and commented, “You didn’t ask me to touch or hold it. Though I suppose I can understand from your previous line of work why you wouldn’t.” I shriveled and died inside knowing that I encouraged people to touch dildos all day long and had been too frazzled to offer him the pen.
He bid me a cool farewell. I made it to my car before I started sobbing. I had never been so rattled. I couldn’t understand what I’d done to make him so unfriendly or if my threadbare clothes were what had made him treat me like dirt. I drove an hour and a half to get home, weeping intermittently.
I was therefore taken by complete surprise to receive a call the next day inviting me on board for their five week training program. The first man who’d interviewed me gushed on the phone about how the second guy had loved me and that I was going to be fantastic.
I was in shock. When I showed up to training the second interviewer was charming my new classmates, beaming and laughing. He was an utterly different person. To my dismay I learned he was the trainer for my district and would be my point of contact if I made it through training.
He joked with me later that his interview facade was just a tactic to see how people held up under pressure and I filed him into a category of my deepest enmity. I never forgave him for how small he made me feel that day, but I never showed him the depths of my fury.
I aced every test and went on to be valedictorian of the eight people who had survived the rigorous training process to earn a sales position. When I got my first paycheck I bought myself new clothes, the first non-thrifted things I’d owned in years.
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Uh oh
#i think a lot of people are about to mass quit at work#or something idk#theres stuff going on behind the scenes that i keep my nose out of because i wasnt born yesterday#and keeping my head down means keeping my job#but i walked into work today and the energy was immediately foul on top of me being here sick as shit#several call outs#one person said they were gonna text me about whats going on or something and now I'm freaked out#idk man idk i know daycares have high turnover because companies of all kinds are not immune to the corruption of greed#this just feels like my last daycare where they changed so much and threw so much work on me i quit#on top of fucking me over on purpose because of my wife having medical issues that turned out to be cancer#im just super not excited for this#can i please hold a job for longer then a year please...?#i worked at the liquor store for 3 years and they ran me off#worked at the pizza place for 3 years then we all got laid off#bro whatever happened to maintaining longevity of employees rhetorical question#idk i wanna go home i feel like crap#can we go back to a few months ago when the director we all adored was here and this place was decently run just with some bumps???#i went from having a director who i respected and loved to someone who is just another boss who pretends they care
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