#Some didn't even make the effort
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
Lackadaisy Enrichment
#in our enclosures!!#video linked as source; which i'm glad to see already has a million views and is trending. That's Right#lackadaisy#WHICH i have been reading since at least '07 when i was thirteen my god b/c this animation is based on the ongoing webcomic#like does its influence show up Directly in some Discrete way i can point to in my art? not very easily probably. And Yet.#the inspiration....i wasn't able to be Regularly Only for at least another year / art done Nonprofessionally Online was novel to me#like wow ppl can make & post fanart of w/e they love huh....didn't know webcomics were a thing & i never really read that many since but.#good god the quality of Lackadaisy at its onset is like this is superb?? this person putting in all their talent and effort???#and Then you get years & years more art and i don't even know what superlatives to throw out abt its quality as it evolves. obsessed w/it..#if i see a new lackadaisy comic page i Will be acting out. obviously this animation is a delight & also stunning. and fascinating to also#juxtapose as a Translation / Interpretation of the comic in a different medium & standalone snippet of Story#and that we're not even quite there in the comic timeline; Taking Notes abt character info we get distilledly here....genuinely love like#take it back to '07 i'm like oh boy can't wait for the dream team to assemble. then a decade later when it did? Oh Boy. that is payoff lol#namely hooray for stitches and mudbug at the field office for every passing gangster. killing one marigold associate but not the other#which seems like a promising start to shootouts w/the other dream team triumvirate. i adore that in canon so far mordecai freckle & rocky#have met but only over a nice brunch. re: all intentions anyways. anyways i'm like Gifs Must Be Made while i'm also so riled afresh abt the#comic that i've been sooo hype for for over fifteen yrs now babeyyy Deservedly. i've done a couple of rereads & ought to do another....#For Interest it'd probably take a few sittings to catch up from the start but there is much to be engaged over....this ongoing story that's#historical fiction prohibition bootlegging cats with plenty of focus on characters & several Mysteries. which i'm better at parsing now lol#like one of the more recent rereads like Oh Of Course x (probably) accidentally killed his y & z took the fall & that's a binding secret...#Not [oh of course] abt the circumstances surrounding a's death & how b & c were involved. nor the ''what's marigold's damage'' mystery#which is great. love to not know things. love that we can readily follow all the emergent drama everyone's wading in nowadays. hell yeah#anyways admire my organized approach to gifs here. four shots each Expressions Atmosphere Action Groupshots#sure might've muddled through gifmaking for this anyways but fr being a huge lackadaisy comic enjoyer for now most of my life helps#and its very Overall Inspiration like. just really getting the [you can really just draw stuff out here] going. fr the art's detail & skill#and that enrichment like i'm gonna have a great time following this. And I Have#you don't expect a crowdfunded indie animation in the mix back then but hell yeah fellas#SIGH ok removing a 4th gif that's broken / not displayed despite reuploading then entirely remaking it. if it's a bug i'll try again later
4K notes
·
View notes
Text
i think you guys are onto smth..
i unironically got invested in this HELP
#WHERES THE FIC AT IF SOMEONE WRITES THIS I WILL PAY THEM A HUNDRED DOLLARS😭😭#kunikida serving the country while dazai's serving cunt😔#dazai was born to malewife but forced to manipulate and i think that's the greatest tragedy of bsd#anyway some facts i would like to share abt this au thay i came up w while drawing!!#takes place in 1939 (start of wwii) and there was a mandatory draft that required one male over eighteen from each house to serve#both of them are still twenty two and had been engaged for abt two years before getting married that year#newlyweds! unfortunately kuni had to go fight and they were seperated :(#before the war kunikida was a math teacher at the local high school and dazai obviously managed the household and didn't work#he's hopeless at cooking and meal prep even w recipie books so they either get those prepackaged meals or kuni makes dinner when he gets ba#so like when he's making lunch for kunikida he normally just packs a basic sandwich w raw fruit#kunikida always appreciates the effort even tho hes probably sick of having the same thing everyday but he won't complain abt it#when kunikida joined the army he was relieved that the mess hall had better food than dazai#he was the only one in his platoon that never complained abt the food so his fellow soldiers assumed it was bc he came from a tough bg#when in reality he was just used to being poisoned on a daily basis from his dumbass husbands cooking and was hardly fazed from army ration#they write to each other although its more dazai sending and kuni receiving bc hes off fighting and doesnt have time to write back#dazai talks abt life on the homefront and how he has to grow a victory garden (everything is DYING HE CANT EVEN RAISE TOMATOES)#and kuni writes abt his fellow soldiers and how the war is going and when he thinks he'll be home and how he misses sleeping in a bed#ANYWAY yea thought i'd share sry for infodumping in the tags again#this post is for like the four ppl that care abt this specific flavor of knkdz so hopefully this gets four notes at least#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#dazai osamu#osamu dazai#kunikida doppo#doppo kunikida#kunikidazai#knkdz#lotus draws#bro sry for posting at two in the morning i couldnt sleep until i got this out of my head they have infested my brain
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
early seasons spn homophobia is actually so crazy because they literally do not look gay. hamfisted gay jokes when the characters look straight as hell. "you look the type" they literally don't. is the thing
#spn#there just truly was something in the waters of 2005-2008 in general. everybody just ITCHING to make gay jokes#even if there was really no actual foundational set up for it.#i'm rewatching himym right now which is. well it's many things but it IS interesting. to see#and there are SO many gay jokes that like. don't even make sense???? they're so forced.#like why are y'all so desperate to mention gayness even when it doesn't even suit the situation to make that joke.....#like you didn't need to do all that. you didn't need to even mention it. but you went out of your way to make a little gay joke#wish i could write some sort of thesis on the flirtation society had with gayness in 2005-2008 like. omg i don't even KNOW how to sum it up#obsession with gayness but still have to put on the front of it being Not Desirable but still can't help but mention it at every opportunit#like kids pulling on each other's hair and calling each other names in an effort to get attention#but that was mainstream society + culture @ the concept of being gay
255 notes
·
View notes
Text
Guilt.
#what if teruki felt guilty to have been scared of mob on confession arc and even some time after it#it WAS a terrifying experience but mob didn't mean to do it at all and was clearly disturbed by having harmed him#it never stopped teruki from loving him. of course not. there wouldn't be a thing which could nullify this adoration of his#yet at the same time it wasn't his fault if he instinctually flinched with the sight of mob at the hospital#teruki promised to himself to be more honest about his relationship with mob. this is the single thing he cannot tell#teruki knows he would be crushed to know#some things require effort and love sure is one of them. he will try to find a way to cope with it#WHOA this concept makes me ill I could write about it one day#mp100#mob psycho 100#mp100 fanart#shigeo kageyama#teruki hanazawa#terumob#lalarts
117 notes
·
View notes
Text
Thinking of the Nie disciple that told Nie Mingjue it was Meng Yao who stayed behind to clean up corpses on the battlefield today.
Nie Mingjue didn't just randomly stumble upon poor lil meowyao eating bread in the novel, he was already looking for him to thank and reward him for his work.
That's what makes it so fun that nieyao's first conflict will end up being about someone else taking credit for Meng Yao's work.
And I'm sure that Nie Mingjue's actual opinions on plagiarism are a lot more nuanced, all we really get from him in this scene is "well you shouldn't kill someone over it!" which leaves a lot of room for what punishments he thinks are appropiate. But I bet that it isn't occuring to him in this moment that the only reason he knows Meng Yao at all, the only reason he got such a capable deputy, is that he noticed someone was taking care of the dead and cared enough to want to know their name. And then the Nie disciples didn't lie to him. The disciple he asked could have said "it was me, Zongzhu" to rise in the ranks himself, but he didn't. He went and asked others, who all also could have taken the credit, but they didn't. Someone saw Meng Yao working and decided to be honest about it and that simple decision is the catalyst for Meng Yao becoming Nie Mingjue's deputy.
Meng Yao can't just work hard to get results, others have to acknowledge that work. If they don't, it's as if he didn't do anything at all.
#i'm very proud of the phrase poor lil meowyao. i'm sure i'm not the first one to come up with it but i'm proud nonetheless.#mdzs#mdzs meta#nie mingjue#meng yao#anyway this isn't a nmj bashing post i think 'ok that's bad but don't do MURDER' is overall a pretty reasonable reaction#but the emotional disconnect is fun to ruminate on. I bet meng yao IS thinking about that moment while coming up with his fake-suicide plan#anyway i always laugh a litle whenever anyone wonder if meng yao looking a bit pitiful was all some master stategy to get nmj to like him#because like... no. no that would be a stupid plan and also involved way too many factors he couldn't control.#and also!! he was already doing something else to try and get nmj's attention. all of that fucking work!!#if you plan on getting nmj– guy famous for valuing merit and hard honest work– to like you what is more useful:#looking a bit like a sad little wet cat in case he comes across you? or. Working really hard and being more useful than everyone else?#ding ding ding it's the latter.#nmj is ALSO a bit weak for someone looking like a kitten left in the rain but that's not well-known at all and meng yao didn't know him yet#anyway the fact that that is his plan does mean he's very aware how much it hinges on other people not just lying and saying they did it.#i wonder what networking efforts lil heijan meng yao was doing. trying to make friends with all the other disciples.#walking the tightrope of being accomodating but not a doormat so people see you as someone to rely on rather than take advantage of.#as much as we know not everyone in the nie is as righteous as nmj it does seem like there is a culture of taking pride in your own work.#even the cultivators who bully him in the novel just seem think it's funny he's working so hard.#using someone else's actions to prop yourself up is kinda like admiting they're better than you. a wound to their pride if nothing else.
70 notes
·
View notes
Text
As I've gotten deeper in conversion, I have increasingly imagined jewish life throughout time. And what I mean by that is...
So when I looked at the Western Wall before this (maybe a few years ago), I just saw a wall. It held no deeper meaning than that. I imagined nothing when I saw that.
But now when I look at the wall or even when I'm praying idly, I'm imagining myself in the temple when it stood there. It's bright outside - a summer day so bright, I think the temple will blind me. A soft wind surrounds me. I'm stood in the middle of a huge crowd of people, simply observing. Women pass by me in small crowds, laughing and talking. Some of these women are wrangling their small children who keep running away, laughing like it's a game. And men walk by smelling of spices. The air is light, the city around bustling with people living fulfilling, meaningful jewish life. The wall now symbolizes that jewish life, and even though it's not just about the temple when I imagine it, it means something to me.
I think that's the result of seeing myself in judaism, turning the "you" into a "we," and I feel about this what I must imagine a married couple feels.
#jumblr#jew by choice#jewish conversion#personal thoughts tag#long post#obviously i know this isn't how the temple *must* have or even *would have* been#i know only a *little* about the temple#but when i see the western wall it isn't *just* about the temple to me. it's about the temple AND then some#i just think it's a really powerful thing to not just be a 'me' but an 'us'#and i have been feeling that more and more#i imagine a lot when i'm praying. i imagine a lot about jewish life through the thousands of years#so now i can't look at a picture of jews in shtetls without imagining *being* there#and that's of course how jewish history operates. the temple happened *to you* as well#to me the wall is an example of this thing where my heart *defaults* to judaism#i don't feel i have to make a special effort to think of myself as part of this#and of course i'm not *officially* jewish. however i also am closer to being jewish than i ever have been#and i feel that in myself. this was inevitable. i feel this is a certainty the way i feel the sun becoming a red giant is#i feel this with the same force that will happen when the milky way and andromeda galaxies collide#this is part of how my relationship with E'Y has developed and changed#i have a deeper *personal* connection with eretz yisrael and it's something special to me to have that relationship at all#and that's part of why i hesitate to talk about yisrael as a topic because it's personal and nuanced and vulnerable#even describing what i see when i think of this feels too vulnerable. but it's important enough that i can manage the discomfort#but i won't hesitate to protect this within me so please don't clown#i didn't even realize i felt this way until i talked it out with my rabbi. i love that guy. he's so cool...
44 notes
·
View notes
Text
having one of those mid-20s moments where you're like well damn. im really not a teenager anymore i dont hate myself anymore actually. like its insane
sorry i gotta ramble but this feels too silly to post anywhere else
#kk.txt#not snz#like for a while even the thought of like admitting i didn't hate myself felt like.. like i was being full of myself#idk what clicked in my brain a few years ago but it felt like i started to see myself more and like understand myself as a person#like i would a friend. and i just didn't think like that before i guess lmao#but like idk i dont talk about my personal life much but ive been recovering from post-pandemic agoraphobia#and i just went on my first big trip alone and im like. god its barely there anymore its just a little shadow in the corner of my mind#that only spreads occasionally now instead of overwhelming me#like im still terrible at a lot a lot a lot of social interaction type stuff but im like.. doing better than i thought id be able to#a few years ago. like idk im not good at.. change and especially conceptualizing myself as someone who can change and be fluid#like i really do think a majority of my person like my core morals and demeanor havent changed that much. and i like that#it makes me feel more secure to be that way#but at the same time its like my mental image isn't nearly as self hating as it used to be#like i used to picture myself as coming off basically the same way as that girl from watamote lmao like#ugly greasy awkward offputting weird#but now im like.. im just some guy... like yeah i have less experience putting effort into my appearance and i slouch and i have acne#but i am also capable of looking good occasionally. i dont need to do it all the time#ok i got off the bus and my train of thought died goodbye
30 notes
·
View notes
Text
Dying Star
In the back of your mind, you recall something you once heard, something about light, and time, and distance. Space. Something about... how you can still see a star that's already burnt out, because its light hasn't reached earth yet. The ghost of a star that's already died. Only still perceptible thanks to time, and distance.
You remember Sam's words, once whispered to you on this very roof.
"Whatever your choice is... I'm not gonna live forever. I made that decision a long time ago."
You think about dead stars.
You think about time.
- - - - - - -
Sam’s words have been weighing heavy on your mind ever since you discussed your shared future and the various forms it could take. You didn’t realize just how heavy they were until it all came spilling out of your tired mind on a late night spent together beneath the stars.
Pairing: Sam x Darlin' / Reader
Word Count: 4,053
Contains: [angst] [a dash of humor] [a hint of chubby!Sam bc i like 'em strong and soft] [crying] [cuddling (dub-con cuddles with Quinn in the past & consensual ones with Sam in the present)] [emotional hurt/comfort] [implied/referenced dub-con sex (nothing graphic) (in the past between Darlin' and Quinn to be specific) (refer to my Ao3 notes for further explanation)] [mentioned Quinn] [not quite Dissociation i guess but Darlin' does zone-out/get lost in thought more than once] [pet names (Darlin' (obvs.) and honey)] [Reader is Darlin'] [Sam wears a cowboy hat bc i said so] [some passive suicidality from Sam if you squint (hell, maybe you don't even have to squint)]
A/Ns: Well, well, well, here I am, the person who said they wouldn't write any Redactedverse fanfic. I recently felt a mighty need to expand upon the blurb I wrote in this post, and I'm braving my fandom anxiety by sharing it here. pls be nice 2 me abt it
Timeline-wise, this fic takes place sometime after the ‘Talking About the Future With Your Vampire Mate’ audio but sometime before their presumed eventual departure from the house that William gave Sam, given that they've already had the 'turning' discussion but are still on the same roof in this fic.
This is a songfic, inspired by and quoting verses from 3 songs. Those being:
‘Dying Star’ by Ashnikko feat. Ethel Cain
‘Fix What You Didn’t Break’ by Nate Smith
‘No Plan’ by Hozier
The roof of Sam’s house is far from a ‘cushy’ place to relax. But as you lie here next to him under the stars, a knowledge settles within you that you wouldn’t trade the rough shingles beneath you for the softest mattress in the world. Not if it meant there’d be anyone other than him lying next to you.
Some people might counter that it’s an easy thing for you to say, given the number of nights you’ve thrown a balled-up shirt onto one end of a worn-out couch and called it a bed. But some people don’t know you as well as they think they do.
You’ve known luxury. Quinn might’ve been just as content taking his fill on a seedy motel bed as he was wrapped in silks at a Hilton, but he knew how to play up the luxe when it served him to do so. And in the early days as he worked to lure you in, it did. Plush sheets and expensive drinks helped to soften the preordained blows and dull the imminent pain that your nights with him held.
Once you’d latched onto the bait though, he let the act drop one piece at a time, like props collapsing on a stage. After all, what was the point in all of those frivolities when you both knew what you really came to him for? It wasn’t to be wined and dined, it wasn’t to be dressed up and shown off, and it wasn’t even to be slowly stripped of it all, laid out across the rolling clouds of a pillowy mattress.
It was to be used. Tranced. Restrained. Bitten. Drank from. Choked. Hit. Edged. Denied. Made to writhe and whine and bleed and plead. Plead for more, for less, for nothing, for anything. Anything to quiet your mind and fill the ever-expanding void inside you where you suspect love was supposed to live.
That’s what you both really wanted.
At least, that’s what you told him you wanted.
That’s what you told yourself.
You only got what you asked for.
To your right, Sam stirs, stretching gently with a yawn. The soft noise he releases as he does so reminds you of where you are, and you trace back through your thoughts to find how you got so lost.
…Right. Luxury.
While your relationship with Quinn certainly changed over time, you never forgot what it felt like in the beginning.
You remember nights laid next to him, body sore, mind quiet. Quinn’s idea of aftercare was lacking to say the least, but you had nothing better to compare it to at the time, and you’d take what you could get. At least your head felt empty, and the bed was soft. Exhaustion would pull you under soon enough.
The mattress, sheets, and pillows enveloping you were likely worth more than you even made that past month. ...Or several. You found that display of luxury hard to be impressed by though, when it wasn’t the type of comfort you’d been seeking.
As Quinn shifted in his presumed sleep, pulling you in tighter, you didn’t fight it. You found yourself unwilling to fight anything he did, like his mere presence was enough to drain the fight right out of you. You told yourself that you were okay with that. Because you wanted it.
Lying there with your head on his bare chest, you took a deep breath and told yourself that you liked the stench of cheap cologne, poorly masking the cigarettes and alcohol on his breath. You silently told yourself that you liked everything. You liked the pain that he chased with hints of pleasure. You liked the loss of power, the way you couldn’t fight back if you wanted to once he looked you in the eyes. You liked all the things he said, no matter how much the truth might hurt.
He was right, you supposed. Your desires, the things you craved, the depravity that you so enjoyed, wasn’t normal. It was uncommon, unusual, and in the eyes of some, unfathomable. To possess such dark desires, there must be something truly broken inside you.
How lucky you were, to have found someone willing to indulge you. Someone that could give you everything you wanted, and be so kind as to keep it a secret too. He promised that word of the things he did to you, the things you let him do, would never get out. You remember the way he held your hand as he told you, falling for the guise of sincerity in his eyes. You remember his warm smile, and his razor sharp teeth.
You remember seeing that exact same smile on his face through one-way glass as he sat across from Sam and told him everything.
You stood in that room and thought back to those nights of luxury. To the feeling of his nails ghosting over the freshly healed punctures in your neck. To the way he held you against him. You remember laying there, lifeless, feeling like prey playing dead. Afraid to move, afraid to disturb him. But why? He hadn’t threatened you. He never told you that you had to stay. He never said that you couldn’t move, or pull away. So why did you feel that way?
As you stood, helplessly witnessing hours of his slander in that interrogation room, you understood. Your rose-tinted glasses had long since shattered, and you saw that smile for what it was. It was the smile of a man playing a dangerous game, brimming with satisfaction, thinking he’d won.
The radio near you begins to crackle, static obscuring the hosts voice as they announce the upcoming song. Sam doesn’t even open his eyes, just raises a hand and reaches out, blindly adjusting the antenna of the old device.
You’ve teased him for holding onto it for so long, as he is wont to do with damn near all of his possessions. But as you watch him deftly extend and angle the antenna with practiced care, the response he once gave you proves itself true once again.
“I don’t wanna replace it, Darlin’. It’s not broken. It just needs someone who knows how to make it sing again.”
The static clears, and music flows through the radio’s old speakers once more.
You watch Sam return his hand to its prior position beneath his head, acting as a makeshift pillow of his own. The way he’s lying has his hat pushed forward, and it’d be doing a damn good job of shielding his face from the sun if it weren’t somewhere around midnight at the moment. Still, it suits him somehow, despite its lack of any practicality. All he’s missing is a stalk of wheat between his teeth and a tree to lean against and he’d be the spitting image of the cowboy he swears he isn’t.
His other hand rests on the soft curve of his stomach, rising and falling again as he breathes. He’s the image of peace in moments like these, and you’re drawn to it like a moth to flame. Maybe one of these days you’ll find some of your own, but for now you’re more than content to bask in his.
As you admire him, he takes a slow, deep breath and you mirror it on instinct. The grounding practice helps you leave your mind and return to your body, if just for a moment. In doing so, you realize just how tense your ruminations have made you.
You relax your hands, releasing the blanket beneath you from your iron grip. You brush your palms over it, worried that you’ve torn the fabric once you realize that your nails had halfway shifted to claws. You don’t fret much over damage to your own possessions, but this blanket is Sam’s and you’d hate to ruin it. Though, you suppose he doesn’t prize it too much or he wouldn’t have laid it out here across the roof in the first place.
“If I buy somethin’ it’s because I wanna use it. Now quit frettin’ and get over here.” You recall what he told you earlier as he patted the blanket next to him in invitation, and you smile.
Doing a small stretch of your own, you release the tension in your shoulders, turning your attention back to the stars above you. For a while, you let the soft music wash over your tired mind.
“I asked him not to kill me politely. He drained my magic core, bottled up at the source. I washed up on the sea glass shores. I’m nobody's captive.”
In spite of your best efforts to relax, you’re still subconsciously futzing with the loose threads of the old blanket beneath you.
You’re made aware of it when Sam reaches a hand down, gently laying it over yours and effectively stilling your anxious motion.
“Burning like a dying star, invasive weeds rooted in my heart, set in a crooked trajectory. The journey here was hard, I was almost pulled apart. Trying to leave his orbit took what’s left of me.”
You flip your hand over beneath his so you can hold it properly, lacing your fingers together.
For reasons beyond your understanding, emotion tightens your throat, the threat of tears pooling in your eyes.
…You must be more tired than you thought.
As minutes pass and one song fades into another, your gaze dances across the blurry, scattered points of light in the dark sky.
“You were the star in the pitch black, shine the way on the way back. Out of nowhere, answered all my prayers.”
Sam’s always been so much better at identifying stars and finding constellations. But as the music plays, you begin to see one of your own.
“Picked up the towel that I threw in, took in a heart that was ruined. Showed me the past ain’t a tattoo, loved me even when you didn’t have to.”
“Sam.” You squeeze his hand to get his attention.
He squeezes back in acknowledgment. “Hm?”
“I want you to look at something.” You swallow back the emotion that tries to seep into your voice, but it catches his attention all the same.
He leans up and lifts his hat from his head, setting it aside near the radio. He then reaches to turn a dial back, lowering the music’s volume to give you his full attention.
You release his hand, raising yours up as he turns back to face you. You don’t say anything at first, nearly too lost in your own mind to realize you need to actually voice your developing thoughts.
"What—what're you pointin' at Darlin'?"
Your hazy focus is trained on the brightest star visible in your line of sight, arm stretched out to the sky above you. "That really bright one, to the... to the left."
Sam does his best to follow your less-than-specific directions of 'to the left', your pointed finger doing little to help given the difference in perspective. Luckily, after all these years, he knows this stretch of night sky like the back of his hand, so it isn't hard to locate the brightest one. Ghosting his fingers up along your exposed wrist where your sleeve had slipped back, he takes your hand in his again and brings it back down to earth. "Okay, yeah, I see it now. What about it though?"
"That's you." You say, matter-of-factly.
"That's me?" He questions, humor in his tone.
"Mhm." You nod with finality, blinking slow.
Sam considers the odd statement for a moment before gently correcting you. "I'm uh, I'm pretty sure that's Sirius, actually."
You scoff. "I am being serious."
Sam stifles a laugh. "No—no I mean—like... what's another name for it... Oh, it's also called the Dog Star."
"C'mon Sam, at least call it the Wolf Star if you're trying to turn this around on me..."
He shakes his head and readies himself to explain further, but you cut him off before he can start. "But no. No, this isn't about me. That's you."
He decides to play along, finding something endearing in your overtired nonsense. "Okay... then would'ja be so kind as to explain to this confused old man just how, or why that star is me?"
Your frown is audible in your voice as you latch onto the wrong part of his sentence. "You're not old, Sam. ...Do I need to tell Asher to kick the jokes down a notch?"
He smiles at your over-protectivity. "There'll be no need for that, now. Was just a joke, honey, I promise."
You huff, but begrudgingly shift focus back to the prior topic. "It's... I dunno. It's just you, Sam. It's... bright. Light. Something warm, out there in the cold dark. Standing out amongst all the rest. Calling to me, stealing my attention.”
Sam’s brow furrows as you continue to explain, realization setting in that you really are being serious.
“I... I didn't come out here looking for it, but there it is. ...And there you were. In the dark. The only bright thing I'd seen in... fuck, in years. Years of chasing fleeting warmth, tripping over myself in the pitch black, falling into... places and people that I shouldn't have. You were the light in that darkness. Even there, at Wonderworld, surrounded by the ghost of him. Your warmth, your presence, your aura—even with all of your walls up, you outshone it. Your warmth didn't hurt. I didn't have to squint when I looked at you. You weren't the blinding sun. You were the brightest star I'd ever seen. You guided me home."
In the back of your mind, you recall something you once heard, something about light, and time, and distance. Space. Something about... how you can still see a star that's already burnt out, because its light hasn't reached earth yet. The ghost of a star that's already died. Only still perceptible thanks to time, and distance.
You remember Sam's words, once whispered to you on this very roof.
"Whatever your choice is... I'm not gonna live forever. I made that decision a long time ago."
You think about dead stars.
You think about time.
"...-lin'? Darlin'?" Sam's calloused hand squeezes yours tight, his urgent tone pulling you out of your thoughts. "There you are. Think I lost ya' for a minute there... you good?"
You look up at Sam, concern creasing his features, faint shadows cast across his face from the light of the dying stars above him.
You reach out, pulling him down into you. He falters for a moment at the sudden proximity, but quickly embraces you in turn. Burying your face into his collar, Sam's concern grows when he feels it saturate with tears. A human might struggle to hear your words, muffled against the thick flannel, but his hearing catches them just fine.
"Don't burn out too quickly. Please. I still need you here. I don't—I don't wanna be left in the dark again. Please, please Sam. Don't leave me here. I'm not selfish enough to ask you for forever, but please. Not yet. Not yet. Not yet."
The words feel like a weight being lifted from your shoulders, but with it comes a flood of emotion they’d been holding back. You cry harder into him, and as much as it pains Sam to witness, he lets you feel it, for as long as you need.
Your fear of losing him manifests itself physically, nails curling and sharpening again. When he feels them prick his skin through the fabric of his shirt, he calls your name but doesn’t pull away. Instead, he leans further down into you, letting his weight ground you. “Darlin’, I am right here. I’m not goin’ anywhere.”
As you eventually cry yourself out, enough wherewithal returns to you to realize that you should probably release the poor man from your grasp, and the awkward position you pulled him into. When he pulls away enough to see your face, you notice a string of snot running from your nose to his shirt collar. Quickly batting it away out of embarrassment, you cringe, voice thick as you apologize. “Eugh, gross. Uh… sorry. About that.”
He shakes his head, laughing good-naturedly as you wipe at your nose with your jacket sleeve. “It’s completely fine, honey. After all, I’ve been covered in plenty of your, uh… various fluids before. When you come from my line of work, this is child’s play.”
He leans to his right, reaching back and pulling—of all things—a handkerchief from his jeans’ left back pocket. You laugh at his words, and at the sight, but with how congested you are it turns into more of a hacking cough than anything. Accepting his offering, you blow your nose into the black patterned fabric.
As soon as you can speak somewhat clearly, you can’t stop the teasing remark that slips out of you, gesturing with the wad of fabric in your hand. “You know, you really aren’t beating the cowboy allegations with stuff like this.”
He rolls his eyes but his soft smile remains. “It’s a practical thing to have on me, ‘allegations’ be damned.”
You shake your head with a smile of your own, but don’t disagree. As you’re visibly unsure what to do with the dirtied fabric, he takes it from you, setting it aside. “I’ll toss it in the wash when we go back inside. Along with my shirt, and…” He eyes you for a moment. “…that jacket of yours too, given how long you’ve probably been wearin’ it.”
Normally you’d argue that it hasn’t been that long, but come to think of it, you actually can’t recall when you last washed the thing.
Reaching up and rubbing your temples, you already regret your crying fit as a headache begins to set in. “Fuck, Sam... I’m sorry for… whatever that just was. I don’t know what came over me.”
His expression falls into something serious again. “You never need to apologize for feeling. And it certainly seems like… you needed to feel that.”
You nod quietly, but don’t elaborate, prompting him to question you gently. “Darlin’. What was that about? The—the askin’ me not to leave. Are you… afraid that I’m gonna leave you?”
You close your eyes, weighing out your response. “…Not in the sense that you’ll break up with me or something, no.”
His gaze narrows and his head tilts as he rolls your answer over in his mind. “If it ain’t that, then—” He remembers how you mentioned ‘forever’ and cuts himself off as the puzzle pieces start coming together. “Oh. …Oh, Darlin’, no.”
You open your eyes to watch as he shifts from leaning next to you, moving to sit up beside you. “Is this about what I told you, when we sat up here and had our uh… turning discussion?”
You hate to admit it, but you nod in confirmation. “…It’s your choice, Sam, and I never want to take that away from you. I shouldn’t have said what I just did, I—I don’t want to make you feel guilty, or like you have to stick around for my sake. But I’d be lying to you if I said it hasn’t been playing on my mind. The thought of you… leaving. Like that.”
He reaches up, running a hand through his hair. “I… think I maybe should’ve been a bit more clear, when I said that. Because I wasn’t talking about any time soon. I didn’t want to give you the false impression that I plan on sticking around for centuries, but… I also wasn’t trying to imply that I’ve got plans to do it next week either.”
You bolt upright, voice cracking. “Next week?! I sure as shit hope not!” You grab your head, pain flaring and suddenly dizzy from the quick shift in position.
He places a hand on your shoulder to steady you. “I’m not, honey, I’m not. Did you catch the rest of my sentence? I’ve got no plans to leave this world any time soon. I promise.”
You groan, head pounding. “I heard you, I did, I just—fuck, I don’t even wanna think about you leaving so soon. Here I am, stressing, thinking I’ve only got—I don’t know—some odd years left with you, and…” You sigh, trailing off.
Sam stays quiet for a minute, letting the crickets sing.
Eventually, he interrupts their chorus. “…Can I get closer to you?”
You nod. “…Please.”
He closes the gap between you, carefully wrapping a strong arm around your curled shoulders. “You’ve got way more than a couple years. I promise you that.” Your tension begins to ease a bit as he clarifies. “You… you’ve helped me find a life that I actually feel like livin’ again, for the first time in a long time. And I want to experience it with you for as long as I can.”
“…Really?” Your voice sounds so small, so unsure, so… unlike you when you question him that he wants to kick himself in his own ass for the role he unintentionally played in making you feel this way.
“Yes. Really. I mean—” His voice takes on an edge of humor. “If you decide to set your sights on the year 3,000…” He shakes his head. “I don’t know about that. But as far as the 21st century is concerned? …I think I’d like to see it through. For as long as you’re there to see it with me.”
His words cause fresh tears to well up in your eyes, and you sniff in an attempt to hold them back. The sound catches his attention, and he leans forward, thumbing across your warm cheek. “…I’m makin’ you cry again…”
You shake your head, clearing your throat. “No—No, it’s okay. It’s good. They’re… they’re good. It’s… relief.”
He breathes out a relieved sigh of his own. “Yeah?”
You nod, leaning into him. “Yeah.”
As you rest against each other, breathing in the cool night air, you nudge him with your shoulder. “Can we… lay back? For a bit?”
He squeezes your arm in gentle confirmation. “Of course.”
He twists and reaches back to straighten the wrinkled blanket beneath you, before laying out across it himself. The radio crackles as he turns the volume back up a bit. Watching him with tired eyes, you smile at the sight of him patting his chest in habitual invitation.
“Sit in and watch the sunlight fade. Honey, enjoy, it’s gettin’ late. There’s no plan. There’s no hand on the reign. As Mack explained, there will be darkness again.”
Curling up against his side and laying your head on his chest, you release a heavy sigh when his hand comes up to rest on your shoulder. As his fingers press rhythmically into the tense muscle beneath them, you breathe in his scent. Black coffee and wildflower honey… he smells like home.
“Your secret is safe with me, and if secrets were like seeds, when I’m lyin’ under marble, marvel at flowers you’ll have made.”
You reach your hand out across his broad chest, slipping beneath his open flannel and sliding down to rest on his waist. He sighs, relaxing further beneath your touch.
“My heart is thrilled by the still of your hand. That’s how I know now that you understand.”
Yeah, you’ll take this over ‘luxury’ any damn day.
“There’s no plan. There’s no race to be run.”
Laying there with him, listening to the low hum of the radio, the moment grows so comfortable that you almost hesitate to break it.
“The harder the pain, honey, the sweeter the song.”
“…Sam?” You whisper into the night.
His hand sweeps across your back before returning to your shoulder. “I’m here, Darlin’.”
“There’s no plan. There’s no kingdom to come.”
You smile. “I… I’d like to be there, to be here, to see it through with you, too.”
It takes him a moment to recall exactly what you’re referring to, but when it hits him he hums a low understanding tone, clearly pleased. “Then let’s see where it takes us, yeah?”
“But I’ll be your man if you got love to get done.”
He presses a soft kiss to your temple. “We’ve got plenty a’ time.”
A/N: Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed. You can find my extensive notes and commentary on this fic right here on Ao3. My Sam & Darlin' Playlist My Sam Playlist My Darlin' Playlist My Sam & Darlin' Moodboard My Sam Moodboard My Darlin' Moodboard Header Image Credit: Gage Smith on Unsplash
#redacted audio#redacted asmr#redactedverse#redacted sam#redacted darlin#redacted fanfic#redacted fandom#sam collins#samuel collins#redacted tank#fanfiction#fanfic#my writing#one of my last Redacted posts didn't make it into the tags. which wasn't a big deal since it wasn't something important#but i spent some real time and effort on this fic so if tumblr yeets This post into the void i Will cry. and then painstakingly repost it#i've got big feelings about Sam and y'all r gonna see it whether u like it or not /lh#anyways hey this fic was unexpected. and much like Midnight Hour the production time was relatively fast thanks to the power of Fixation#i was gonna post the next chapter of Heaven in Hiding and then work on a Boothill oneshot and then maybe the [N]MbD New Year's fic#but i've been feeling Some Kinda Way lately and i guess i needed to project it onto Sam. so this fic took precedence#i humbly offer my first contribution to the Redacted fandom. pls don't attack me if they're OOC /hj#i'm out here doing my best to walk the line between canon compliance and self-indulgence#also i know that bright thing in the header image i used can't be Sirius. it's gotta be like. a planet i think? not sure which one tho#i've never even seen a planet that bright but my sky isn't all that dark so maybe they Can look that bright in some places#idk. the image description on Unsplash doesn't say. but 'planet' is in the tags so that's my guess#the only thing i've seen be that bright in the night sky 'round here is military flares. but maybe it's to do with how the photo was taken#a n y w a y s point is. the star Darlin' sees isn't That bright but the photo was too fitting not to use
28 notes
·
View notes
Text
P:WotR Portraits: Wenduag & Daeran
I did the one for Wenduag back when I was testing her legs, but today I got the idea to recreate Daeran's portrait image. I think it turned out really well, even if the colors aren't quite right and the pose is a bit awkward.
[reference pics and alternate crop of Daeran's portrait under the cut]
#ts4#the sims 4#ts4 fantasy#sims 4 fantasy#fandom sims#p:wotr#pwotr#pathfinder wrath of the righteous#wenduag#wenduag pwotr#pwotr wenduag#daeran arendae#daeran pwotr#pwotr daeran#wenduag's pose is much better bc I didn't make it lmao.#I need to give wenduag different (short) hair though.#and unfortunately I wasn't able to make hers be underground without either building some kind of cave room or going to the hidden lot.#which takes a lot of effort or several cheats so I just didn't bother. Especially since even then it doesn't match what I had in mind.#I am really happy with how Daeran's turned out though. The ''set'' turned out better than I expected and relight made the lighting better.#I made his pose too. It's not very good but it's decent enough for a quick screenshot.#these aren't edited at all aside from cropping and running my usual smoothing and sharpening actions.#but I still like how they turned out.#I'm typing this at 2am but the post is gonna go up at 2am.#hopefully I actually get to play pathfinder tomorrow/later today...#I did have a TON of fun just hanging out with my dnd group tonight though so I'm not mad at all. We all needed a break lmao.#a bunch of shitty days/weeks all around.#(izzy scout if you see this... 💖💖💖💖💖💖)
19 notes
·
View notes
Text
Just cannot forget that the show had a whole romantic subplot about Kevin being interested in Gwen but not up to making a move and just, never bothered with why. The issue at play was never actually addressed. Instead we just get a steady stream of Kevin not making a move despite his interest, while Gwen pushes him to make a move, and then Gwen finagles a move out of him and the show just, carries on like there was never something keeping him from making a proper move in the first place.
The closest we get is in the third season of AF, where we get a nice look at his mental health issues including some nasty self-worth issues, but even then the focus is less on 'wow Kevin is having A Time and this shows us some things about his character' and more as 'and here's how his response to his situation is affecting Gwen'.
Even in the fandom I've seen it treated more like a case of Kevin being whiny and selfish over nothing, like it didn't lead to him teaming up with Darkstar- something the heroes only ever do otherwise when in desperate need of help dealing with an actual and immediate threat to life.
Just, if you're going to base your drama around something, at least actually fucking resolve or acknowledge the cause of the issue, rather than just brushing it under the rug once you're bored with it.
#ben 10#kevin levin#yes this is getting tagged bite me#like if you go with mcduffie's claim that kevin and darkstar's initial interests in gwen were the same that gives us a reason#but gods know they didn't even lean a way on screen#it's just 'kevin's not making a move because Unspoken Reasons -> gwen won't leave him be -> okay they're dating now don't worry about it'#they show some things that could be reasons later- mostly in brief and rare moments- but even then it doesn't change the main crux#namely that you're supposed to do something with those issues *before* you fix the problem they're causing#it's basic plotting#instead the show acts like the problem is that kevin isn't making a move- not whatever is *keeping* kevin from making a move#which is just poor writing#that makes it feel like they didn't *have* a reason and just wanted the will-they-won't-they drama without any real effort#but then i've said before that they shouldn't have gotten together until the end of af#with season 2 having a subplot of gwen learning to be more respectful and that mutual interest does not mean she's owed his affections#and season 3 actually working with kevin's various issues and giving him some chance to actually *heal* and *grow*#finally ending with them getting together into a healthy and equal relationship#should not have been too much for achi aged 17-34 to ask
27 notes
·
View notes
Text
you know existing in the modern media landscape is funny cuz like
i genuinely love adaptations. like as a concept. they're transformative works, right? ideally, it's the same soul that drives all fandom write large
you go 'how do translate this story?' how do you take words and make them into images? how do you take images and turn them into film? how can a film use a score the way a book used narration? do you cut this character, prune that plotline, like a bonsai? or conversely, do you need to lay a new bed for under explored story-beats to grow?
a well told adaptation is amazing. it deepens the story, it expands your understanding of both texts.
but as more and more of the stories i love get adapted the more i realise the vast majority of the studios and/or the people they hire for these jobs don't give a shit of any of that, and are just looking for a new IP to toss into the Content Regurgitation Machine
#media#adaptation#and like i'll be honest individual cases don't even make me feel that bad anymore#it used to hit me really badly#but some time after the Giver i think#i ironically stopped giving a shit#because the source material is still there and the people who will love it can still find it#the atla movie didn't kill love for the show etc etc#but in the scope of things#it makes me sad#in the sense we're putting all this time and money and effort#into story sludge#where we could be doing genuinely really interesting with the craft
69 notes
·
View notes
Text
had one large glass of red wine and decided to finally go through all my likes on hinge bc there were 26 of them i'd been ignoring and i matched with......... three of them lmao
#and i didn't even know what to say to one of them so like. he's gonna have to make an effort lol#there were some really really awful ones in there 😭#the thing that really pisses me off abt it is that in real life nobody ever ever approaches me and hits on me#so like. where are all these men who like me. why can they only interact via hinge?#i mean it's flattering but also. it's not like i'm a shut-in?? i go out at least once a week to bars#and i never ever get hit on!!! so what the fuck???#🧃
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
I get a little indignant when i look up the lyrics for a song that has very straightforward and understandable meaning to anyone who has experienced a modicum of emotional pain in their life and there are websites like "Song Lyrics Explained" like ohhh some people have never had their heart broken I see.
#my stuff#if you look me in the eyes and say you don't 'get' Sleep Token's Apparition or Take Me Back To Eden in general...#like what even is there to say. they're about waking up from bittersweet dreams abt ppl you can't see anymore for reasons you didn't choose#and longing to return to experiences that cannot be recreated if the people you love don't make the effort to hold onto it like you do.#i am quite literally sick with longing and grief these past couple days and these are the only songs keeping me halfway sane#this all could have gone so very different. i know where you are. i know how to reach you. but i can't. you asked me not to.#so i have to cope with the knowledge that you're a short walk away almost every day and yet I'll probably never see you again#and it's not because i did anything wrong you're just the sort of person who can't be friends with someone after a romance#and your goodbye was absolute shit and i hate it and i want some fucking shred of acknowledgement that i deserve better!!!!#i want to know you aren't just trying to forget me entirely!! I want to be remembered!! I am remembering you!!
29 notes
·
View notes
Text
what if we held on to whatever we get the idea of as Normal as unquestionable & think all you can do to this normal is apply some veneers overtop it to be more polite & also resent that. maybe we could project that everyone who seems to be Annoyingly Disruptively doing more than this must be putting on a performance to look good &/or humor others b/c that's all we ever believe we're doing, & again, we resent even that much....maybe we could use our show of More Polite language to make the same points blaming everyone who our Normal mistreats for their own mistreatment
#perhaps we could lecture autistic people on their; ah; Lacking Social Skills or Intelligence. it's just matter of fact#completely neutral what Annoys those who do well enough when thrown into any group settings; completely neutral how they React#like yeah can't possibly take issue w/anything Acceptable to Encouraged in the realm of even ''successful'' ''normal'' social interactions#infinite ''smh this is why nobody takes ableism seriously'' like oh you mean b/c of the ableism? is why you don't take it seriously?#infinite ways of phrasing that everyone alleged so Annoying With It is just like you but someone actively Putting On An Act too much#all it can possibly be. just as someone's Anti Ableism would be knowingly ''humoring'' / ''tolerating'' an autistic person e.g.#ah you see to this Person Who Identifies As Nonbinary's face i will try to mostly use Their Preferred Pronouns. that's that done#but it's sooo annoying. what's next; multiple &/or changing pronouns? god even worse. so Inflicted Upon my correct norm#if i'm not feeling actively malicious & devious in how i treat someone i am surely as righteous as it gets#having to improve on perfection by occasionally feeling Put Upon to perform politeness around some individuals? ughhh#that's why it's actually illegitimate. shouldn't have to be Put Upon like that. (finding the norm Questionable? out of the question Lol)#shocked ppl report that casual usage of the r word is having a revival. by shocked i mean [already clear ppl didn't care abt that]#& again just the current ''polite'' rephrasing of ableism like oh um :) disabled ppl are just a Specific kind of unintelligent & unskilled#& unprofessional & incompetent & a harmful scourge :) & maybe if they learned to be otherwise they wouldn't be punished :)#just formalized ABA vs the less formalized ABA huh. & the [the Real ableism] it ostensibly is to be saying all this i'm sure#something something not a real ally if they encourage behavior that will Make other ppl treat you badly. helpless neurotypicality :(#just as the ppl saying ableism is baked into terms & phrases used casually well beyond the [bad but lol guess not That Bad r word]#were definitely the ones Advancing Ableism by annoyingly overdoing the Polite Veneer you imagine they were Demanding#(rather than a more thorough questioning of language & accepted ''norms'' in pointing out the logics in their usage / basis)#simultaneously as being too much to ask it was also always so Frivolous as to not be worth the apparently infinitesimal effort#hmm guess we'll never solve the contradictions there....#not even with the ''openly saying 'see? i don't take ableism seriously & now it's Your Fault b/c i saw this & scoffed at it''' clues#& a final shoutout to the classic ''it's called being Realistic'' language in this & wherever else relevantly applied lol. we could go on
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Omg I hate to say this but I really love Meihua
#meihua save me meihua#i usually make fandom ocs to fill the world with characters whom i think would be interesting or at least makes sense#but i like the small amount of personality i gave meihua so i wound up liking her lots#like... she looks so soft and delicate and her mannerisms do have that quality but she's a tease. she loves gossip.#she had threatened to bodily harm jc (sit down and let me patch you up or I will break your remaining good arm too)#even if she can't follow through the treat because she's annoyed with his stubbornness#she has told some high officials that she wants to castrate them for trespassing#she gets her workaholic husband to stop doing overtime by various seduction methods or very obvious 'oh woe is me' lies.#she sends their kids to him to puppy dog eye their dad to play with them or teach them. 'fuqin i don't know how please teach me'#she gets him out of his office by using the powerful combo of their twins achievement something plus dogs#'Yingying and Lulu just taught his puppy tricks. Darling. you should come see.' she says it works everytime#when she gets called out for this manipulative behavior and weaponizing the children she doubles down and goes:#'oh but you haven't been bitimgwhen i. your lovely wonderful wife. am using myself as bait. woe is me my husband doesn't love me anymore.'#they both know she's being a little shit but dammit it still works#meihua i love you so much#i should spend time thinking about my other oc but i think of meihua instead#i love Xie too and she's become quite solid in my head but Xie really is a group effort#some people will say something interesting or funny in the tags and I agree so I made up scenarios with her#Meihua is just mine. i didn't even consider the wife requirements. i just wanted the gentlest looking girl I can draw#and made her my soft spoken gremlin
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
whatever this setting is that im creating has a tag now (chaos energy au, im not feeling creative and it just needs Any Tag). some more thoughts about chaos energy and the fellas using it:
chaos energy is inherently destructive, and there's a reason its primary uses lie in powering machinery; organic bodies are easily damaged by it when trying to handle large quantities of it at once
chaos emeralds are almost uncomfortably warm to touch, not enough to burn but you won't enjoy handling them bare-handed
echidnas are the only species that naturally resist the effects of chaos energy, and are able to harness it without drawbacks. most of it likely has to do with them evolving in proximity of the emeralds, but there are no clear answers as to why
sol energy is still the baja blast of chaos energy and has similar if not the exact same properties
blaze can withstand both sol and chaos energy with no ill effects due to the presence of iblis in her heart. she's not aware of it, but he cycles the energy out of her system safely and without allowing it to harm her
shadow was hand-crafted to withstand chaos energy as well as possible, giving him the innate ability to chaos control with ease and utilize the energy's full potential with no real side effects
he's not exactly made of chaos energy, but rather has a resistance similar to echidnas that allows him use it freely
a super state inherently burns away at its host. this cannot be prevented through regular means, and the only one who resists this is blaze due to iblis' presence
sonic is not immune to the effects of a super state
he has built up some resistance over the several times he has entered a super state, but this is more akin to a numbness to the destructive effects rather than any true resistance
silver's super state during the fight against solaris nearly destroyed him, partially resulting to his generally unstable existence post-06
a super state's destructive effects can be hastened and amplified through repeated transformations in quick success, prolonged transformations, and the host already being in a weakened state from other causes and effects (i.e. cyber corruption, dark gaia's influence...)
#chaos energy au#yes sonic uses the emeralds irresponsibly and i would make it catch up to him if i could#knuckles could go super with no real problems. blaze and shadow are anomalous#silver would be incinerated if he ever tried it again#the shields in heroes that tails and knux get in the final story were definitely created by sonic#in an effort to protect them from the fucked up nature of a super form#him sharing the super form in 06 was a desperation move when it came to silver in particular#sonic doesn't care if it fucks him up and knows shadow can take it#and likely assumed silver was built different too. he wasn't. is even less so now#and as for frontiers sonic probably could've withstood the corruption mostly fine#if he didn't enter a super state every five minutes#it would've been uncomfortable and unfun but he could have taken it at least for a longer time#but you know. you keep burning yourself away and you do it over and over again and corrupt yourself some more in between#it's not good for you
10 notes
·
View notes