I love this quote. It is exactly what I needed to read at this moment. It segues beautifully with these lines from The Dawn of Everything. Our false certainty about the past feeds our false certainty about the inevitability of an apocalyptic future.
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zany to me how these um actually nihilists like to pretend that "um actually love/friendship/cooperation/kindness isn't real bc we evolved that way to benefit ourselves as a species..." um YES? that's also where tool use comes from? that's where cooking comes from? am i supposed to think social bonds & tool use & cooking aren't "real" because they evolved over time instead of appearing fully formed from the ether?
sorry u can't enjoy things. im a superior being twirling a fork in my bowl of delicious noodles whilst staring in adoration at the world
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Look, this is what moral OCD is like for me:
I walk past a piece of paper. I don’t pick it up because I had a long day at work and it’s very cold outside. This then becomes my internal monologue:
I didn’t pick up that piece of paper, I should have. Don’t I care about the environment? It’s not my trash, I shouldn’t have to pick it up. But also that’s how these things happen right? We place the blame on others as our environment degrades. It was just a piece of paper, it’s not like it can do that much damage. But also how do I know: I’m not an environmental expert. Maybe stray paper scraps are killing the frogs. You’re literally killing the frogs. You should look up how many frogs die a year so you know how shitty you are-No stop it.
I care about the environment, and I recycle and I joined green activism movements but is that enough? I could be doing more. I should be doing more. I should donate my entire check to charity. But isn’t it self serving to think that my one check could help that much? Do I really think I’m that important, how self entitled and-no stop it, reset! You are obsessing and if you fall for it, you will not eat dinner. Let it go.
Okay it’s just a piece of paper. It’s okay you skipped it this once: it could have had something dangerous on it. Yeah that makes sense. But also, that means I’m putting my own safety over trying to help the environment, which is very selfish of me. I’m just one shitty person: god how could I be so self absorbed. I should have picked up the piece of paper. I’m so selfish, and shitty and-no, no, stop it! This is not helpful. It’s fine.
It’s been a long day and I’m cold, that’s not a crime- no that’s being selfish again, you’re making excuses. You’re just a lazy piece of shit who doesn’t care about others, and selfish and God the fact you’re thinking this much about one piece of paper shows how selfish you are, you care more about if you’re a good person than anything else, you’re a piece of shit, you’re a piece of shit, YOU’RE A PIECE OF SHIT.
I get home and open up Tumblr. The first post I see says “if you don’t reblog this post about the environment you’re as complicit as an oil billionaire.” I close my computer and resign myself to looking up the state frog populations until I go to bed.
I don’t eat dinner.
The amount of frogs that die a year is somewhere from 200 million to over 1 billion.
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it really does bother me how no one can seem to answer the question “what even is romantic attraction, really.” like some people are like “it’s who you wanna kiss and cuddle <3” and I’m like ok well kisses and cuddles can be either sexual or platonic depending on context. “It’s who you feel passion/desire/arousal for” well that just sounds like sexual attraction which you can have without even knowing somebody so I fail to see how that’s romantic. “It’s who you want to go on dates with” I go on dates with friends all the time plus “date” is a social construct anyway there’s really no innate difference between a date and hanging out. “it’s who you have deep feelings for” great news for you that can be literally any type of relationship. my friend told me she defined it as “who you wanna give roses to” and I’m like do u hear urself??? like the more I talk to people the more I’m convinced romance and romantic attraction is an elaborate socially fabricated illusion that has no real defining characteristics. and like there’s nothing Wrong with it being a constuct but why people are so attached to defending the supremacy of it is something I cannot for the life of me figure out
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one thing i love beyond measure is the fact i know that jason todd adores comfortable silences.
to have you sat together in a room, or tucked up in bed, both of you doing your own things, knowing the other is close by. theres no pressure for conversation. just a grounding reassurance that if either of you were to glance over, you’d both be there. to feel you in the room and know that that’s enough. to maybe have your foot pressed against his thigh, or for jason to have his head in your lap and neither of you share a single word.
to know above everything else that your presence brings comfort. and to be comforted by the knowledge that you don’t have to do a single thing to make him stay other than exist in his space. to know that you are someone who can exist in his space when so many others cannot. to have that concrete, solid awareness of trust and rest and endless love without words. to look at him when he’s in the middle of his own world and know that you are an incredibly important part of it.
to love him quietly and have that come back in equal measure.
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Everyone jokes about Zhongli being #old and not understanding internet meme culture but I really need to stress I think if you explained internet meme things to the Archons, Zhongli and Nahida would make “technically correct but hilariously out of touch with internet meme culture by virtue of being very well adjusted + offline” applications of internet terms in the Exact same way
Like if you explained the definition of “skrunkly” to Nahida what’s going to happen is while walking with her in the rainforest you’re going to hear her go “awww :) the skrunkly!” and turn around thinking she saw like, a cute animal or one of her Aranara or something only to realize she is referring to a specific species of plant she spotted that she thinks is nice
Meanwhile Hu Tao sends Zhongli a funny message and he responds with nothing but a very carefully taken photograph of a rock. And she is incredibly confused and after 5 minutes of decoding this goes “Zhongli are you…using this picture of a rock as a reaction image?” and Zhongli is like yes :) I am. And she’s like “why” so Zhongli sends her a very thoughtfully detailed message explaining he found this rock on a morning stroll outside the harbor and thought it has a very “humorous and engaging shape” and had little flecks of color that reminded him of a kind of jewelry accessory that was popular in Liyue 300 years ago that was often a gesture of good humor and friendship, so he found it “a good choice of image to use in a humorous interaction with a companion”
And Hu Tao is just like okay thanks Zhongli you are so interesting. Makes sense. (She thought it was just bc the rock was kind of shaped like a laughing face if you squinted)
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Official Death Guard appreciation post (enjoy some sketches! One is digital, other sketchpage is traditional)
I can't remember why I decided to draw Typhus back when I drew this, guess was just in the mood to draw the funny beehive man
(Death Guard has a fun aesthetic tho!)
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