#So yeah. Either way. Prioritizing her friends over herself I think!

[lightandfellowship]

Vor and Kairi are both like "Okay, change is really scary and tbh I'd prefer things to just stay the same, but! I acknowledge that change is inevitable and so I will confront my fears head-on and adapt!" and then they each choose a course of action that falls on an opposite extreme.

Vor leaves her friends (potentially with the intention of it being a permanent separation based on Eraqus' comments), realizing that she won't ever grow as a person as long as she's over-reliant on her friends for comfort, and also realizing that trying to stay by their side forever is a futile effort anyway that'll just cause her pain. To her, "adapting to change" means being willing to change her circumstances, and then hopefully she, too, will change as a result. Vor is prioritizing her personal feelings, desires, and identity at the cost of her relationships, when perhaps a balance would be more ideal.

So Vor's approach is thus: (1. Leaves her friends (2. Changes her circumstances in order to change herself (3. Prioritizes herself over her friends.

Kairi, on the other hand, chases after her friends relentlessly, forever trying to catch up to them, convinced that if she just "gets strong like them", wields a Keyblade like them, fights like them, that she'll no longer be left behind and exploited by the villains all the time. To her, "adapting to change" means being willing to change herself, and then hopefully her circumstances, too, will change as a result. Kairi is prioritizing her relationships (her worth relative to her friends, and her worth to her friends) at the cost of her personal feelings, desires, and identity, when--again--perhaps a balance would be more ideal.

So Kairi's approach is thus: (1. Stays with her friends (2. Changes herself in order to change her circumstances (3. Prioritizes her friends over herself.

Maybe if Vor and Kairi had met (in a theoretical AU scenario, of course) they could have learned something from each other, and found that balance sooner.

[lesbianrobin]

ok so here is my pitch for my dream buddie catalyst:

eddie and maddie are trapped in some sort of likely-fatal time sensitive situation together (drowning related probably because it's Them) (have they overused it yes is it still thematically appropriate YES) where one person could potentially sacrifice themselves for the other to survive. i want eddie and maddie using their combined experience and ingenuity to survive together and discussing who should be prioritized which means they talk about parenthood and how they both feel they've failed their children by "running," how their lives have been so defined by trauma and they don't want to scar their children any further by leaving them again. of course they're doing everything they can to get out together, but as the situation deteriorates throughout the episode(s) (c'mon something like this could be at LEAST a two-parter) they can't help returning periodically to the world's most morbid debate.

i want buck and chim on the outside both going out of their goddamn minds. they know that eddie and maddie are stuck (wherever), know that they're probably alive, but aren't sure in what condition and if they'll stay that way. rescue operations begin as everybody walks on eggshells around buck and tries to comfort chim, who wants absolutely none of it. time is running out.

eddie says that he couldn't possibly let maddie sacrifice herself for him and look buck and chim in the eye afterwards. maddie says that she couldn't do that either. she says that at least jee-yun would still have her father, and eddie says that christopher would still have buck. maddie says that of course none of them would just abandon christopher if something were to happen to him but—

and eddie cuts her off and says it's in my will. if i die, christopher will have buck. buck will have christopher.

they just look at each other for a weighted moment. maddie makes a decision. she says ...i meant it, you know. that i couldn't let you die down here (wherever here is i don't KNOW okay i'm not here to think up convoluted emergencies i'm here for drama) and look my baby brother in the eye knowing that i could have changed it. eddie says i know, okay, but it's different, you're his sister, and maddie says, yeah, but you're his... and she pauses. and eddie says what? best friend? partner? that doesn't—

and maddie says you're his. eddie, you're his.

and eddie... i want to see something slot into place. i want to watch him understand as maddie spills everything she's been suspecting since the day that buck came out to her and maybe since before she and eddie even met. maddie says you know, when i first came to california, you were all he talked about? you're still all he talks about. you and christopher. you're his. i couldn't... eddie, you're out of your mind if you really don't think that losing you would break him just as much as losing me. he would forgive us both, because he's buck, but i couldn't... i'm no saint, eddie, i want to survive. i don't want my daughter to grow up without me. but i can't do that to him. i don't know if he'd survive it. even if he did, the guilt would eat me alive.

meanwhile. buck is barely holding on to his sanity as rescue efforts are underway and time is running out. chimney is keeping it together as best he can but there isn't much that he and buck can do. he can't let himself fall apart because buck is already a stiff breeze away from clawing his own skin off and somebody has to keep their cool. something goes wrong—suddenly, their short amount of time has gotten shorter, and they may only have enough of a window to get one out before it's too late for the other. buck, who has been ranting and arguing and screaming this whole time... is silent. he is silent, and he stares straight ahead at nothing in particular, and we know that no matter which way the scales tip, his soul will be destroyed all the same.

eddie regards maddie for a moment. grief, heartbreak, anger, all flicker over him, but what settles is determination. he says that neither of them are going to leave again. that they'll survive together, or not at all, or leave it to the universe to decide.

of course they make it out. by the skin of their teeth, they make it out, working together, clawing their way back to life and love and possibility. maddie makes it out first, and eddie sees buck as she falls into chim's waiting arms. he watches as buck sees his sister, and reaches out to take her hand with trembling fingers and white knuckles, but there is no relief, no happiness in his red-rimmed eyes. just a deep, unspeakable grief, until his eyes slide past maddie and meet eddie's.

finally: relief. and then he is in buck's arms, a perfect parallel to chim and maddie, and we see eddie's face over buck's shoulder, and we know. he is in love, and buck is in love, and eddie knows, and he sinks into his partner's embrace with joy and acceptance.

after that, who knows? maybe a grand confession. a moment of quiet understanding. a passionate post-rescue kiss. a chaste, tender kiss in some kitchen or other. maybe eddie panics later, or maybe he's found peace for once. maybe buck has realized something and he makes the first move. maybe it happens immediately. maybe it takes a while, takes discussions about how it'll affect work and christopher and whether it's worth risking all that they have for all that they want.

and maybe they'll ask whether it's even a risk at all.

[laikabu]

re: my thoughts on laios’s sexuality (long post ahead lol)

let me start this post with this. first, this contains a lot of references to the new adventurer’s bible world guide book released last february. i can read japanese, but i’m sure they’re translated somewhere. general spoiler warning in case. also… i am ESL, so sorry for any grammar errors

second, if you’re on the team that insists laios doesn’t care about humans enough to form relationships, either read the manga again or at the very least read this thread.

last, please don’t chime in with your acearo headcanons on this post. there’s already a majority of posts here that insist laios is acearo and that anything else is impossible. i don’t like it the same way i don’t like when someone declares they hc marcille as bisexual to a poster who reads her as lesbian. i already have enough people here who declare he’s ace on my own art. at least people on twitter of all places don’t do this sort of thing to me. nothing in this manga is canon, you can headcanon anything i won’t get mad if you hc him as bi or something. just. don’t be weird on my post.

okay. trust me, i love women, and i love the idea of making my favs women lovers but the idea of laios being gay really appeals to me because of his background. this isn’t fueled by yaoi since i don’t even ship the only m/m relationship i bring up here, i just think it adds a nice layer to his disconnect with his own humanity

i do think laios has a very abstract relationship with his sexuality for a multitude of reasons. he grew up in a very conservative backwater village. he has a hard time recognizing his own feelings towards others just as much as vice versa. i don’t really care for the “laios is a monsterfucker” agenda people are pushing but i do think he’d engage in sexual thoughts in his own weird way, i won’t deny his deviantart fetish shit

as an autistic person myself, i relate to how he’d prioritize his special interest over social interactions. after all, he was fixated on monster food so he’s distracted from dark thoughts. he’s not an actual glutton

he’s shy around women, but i don’t think it’s out of attraction. i just think it’s because he’s awkward and doesn’t want to be seen as a threat. there’s a couple of times when, out of armor, he deliberately tries to make himself look smaller and nonthreatening.

he didn’t show any interest towards ashivia (the hubby hunter girl marcille replaced) and just humored her because she wouldn’t leave him alone. his other party members thought he was giving her special treatment so he had to tell her he “doesnt want to give her special treatment anymore”(even though he never did), so she left

ashivia did her best to butter herself up to laios and he didn’t care, but laios thought shuro was his bestest friend in the whole world because he was too much of a pushover to reject him. ironically… what ashivia did to him parallels what he was doing to shuro

also… yeah sorry i keep bringing up that one comic of laios saying if he were falin he’d marry shuro and then begging him to take him back to his country, or that comic of laios wondering why he doesn’t like him(and then the first two questions he asks the magic mirror was what if he or shuro were women). i don’t even ship them! but it’s not a reach to assume that he likes men because of this, even if it’s kinda played like a joke(after all,a lot of people like chilshi even though their ‘shippy’ interaction was played as a joke)

of course, given the setting, i don’t think knows he’s gay, he wouldn’t have the vocabulary to label himself. i do want to dance around with the idea of him forcibly confronting his own sexuality after years of yaad pressuring him to produce heirs lol. laios might not be cishet but he’s a king so he rdgaf about that right now. i’m open to him having female consorts for political reasons, but i don’t think he’s into women, is all.

before anyone brings up his succubus… god forbid an author makes hetbait. a part of the plot twist was that not-marcille wasn’t the only succubus enticing laios, his other party members were copied too. she was the only one who approached him. also… succubi aren’t always inherently romantic. once it realized marcille didn’t work, it switched to appeal to his desire to be a monster.

[heartbreakgrill]

stiles stilinski: breakable heaven; pt. 7, “i’m drunk in the back of the car and i cried like a baby coming home from the bar. said, ‘I'm fine,’ but it wasn't true.”

a/n: sad, but gets hopeful! one more part after this, i think :)

“i’m glad i never ended up having a party at my house.”

danny fell into step beside y/n, their shoes scuffing against the sidewalk. they had to park all the way down the street from jack’s house because there were so many other people here. because it was so late at night, the air in beacon hills was cool. y/n hugged her arms around herself, wishing she hadn’t worn a tank top beneath her jacket. her breath came out like a fog as she spoke.

danny made a face at the thought, “too much work. imagine the clean up.”

“yeah, no thanks,” she shivered.

the music coming from the house ahead of them got louder as they neared it. some popular radio song reverberated in their ears. y/n felt her heart beat in her throat, thumping along to the bass. danny lit up once they reached the door, excited to drink, dance.

he always was the party type. he had so much fun moving to the music, losing himself in the crowd.

on the other hand, there was y/n, who didn’t normally drink at parties. she was a go-to for being the designated driver, choosing to watch out for her friends and play with whatever animal the owner of the house had sniffing around.

tonight, however, she wanted to let loose. needed to, more so.there was nothing better after a heartbreak than getting messy-drunk at a high school party.

it had been a week. a whole week since her and stiles’ fall out. a week since she’d seen his face. sure, she saw his figure in the hallways sometimes, but she would run the other way. he’d start to chase her down, but danny was usually close by and he’d shoot stiles a glaring look. it turned him away. he’d texted her nonstop, called her about a million times. but, after the fourth day, when he realized she just wouldn’t be responding, he stopped. all lines of communication fell out. any hope of fixing what was broken was squashed out.

when y/n thought about it too much, she felt sick. nausea tumbled through her stomach. her head became fuzzy. stupid, naive girl, she’d think to herself. it’s all your fault. so, every single time her mind started to wander, she’d shove her nose into her homework, pick up a shift at work, get so high out of her mind that reality felt like a television show.

tonight, her choice of thought erasure was getting wasted at a high school party.

y/n squeezed her hand around danny’s bicep once they walked in. in response, he kept her close to his side as they wormed through jack’s house, in search of their friend group. eventually, they found leo, megan, jack, and a few others. they were in the kitchen, standing around the island counter. glasses were scattered around the house already, though the party had just started barely an hour or so ago. the group cheered when y/n and danny came through the door, holding up some of the red solo cups.

megan came to y/n’s side, her tipsy stature morphing her usually quiet attitude into something more sentimental. she clutched onto y/n’s arm. she touched y/n’s cheek and gushed over the curls swinging over her shoulders. “i loooove the hair, girl. you look so pretty with it like that. you’re always pretty, though. oh, my god, you know we haven’t hung out in forever and it makes me so sad. please, please say we’ll hang out soon.”

y/n giggled at megan’s state, wrapping a securely protective arm around megan’s waist. “i promise, okay?”

y/n was the first to admit that she’d been so caught up with boys over the last few months. she hadn’t exactly pushed away her friends, but she hadn’t prioritized them, either. she was in her head with her own issues, and didn’t make the time others. it made her feel a little guilty. but, before that feeling could snowball into the depressive heartbreak she’d been plagued with, megan continued.

“what’s new with you? what have you been up to? i hope you’re not still sad about sam. you should know you’re so much fucking better than him. you deserve so much fucking better than him. he’s such a whore. fuck him.”

“no, i’m over that,” y/n said, confidently waving megan off through a giggle. and she was telling the truth. “i’ve just been…hanging out. ya know. working.” her gaze became distant, words slow as stiles’ face flashes through her memories. y/n didn’t say what she had been really doing. it was embarrassing to admit that she’d gotten herself into another shitty situation with a guy.

though, megan squinted her eyes, analyzing her friend’s words. she knew, “oh, no. oh, no, no, no. fucking stilinksi. i fucking knew once danny told us- okay. listen- you don’t even have to say anything, kay? tonight, we’re just gonna have fun. here, jack, pour us some shots!”

y/n couldn’t help but grin in response. there wasn’t time to imagine stiles- to envision his lips ghosting the curve of her skin, to try to remember what it felt like when he’d draw out movement from her body. because, next thing she knew, megan was shoving two to three red solo shot cups into y/n’s hand- all in a row. and y/n didn’t let herself hesitate. she swallowed them easily, ignoring the burn in her throat, her heart, her chest, and head.

jack cracked a smirnoff open for her. danny caught y/n’s eyes as she took a sip and gave her a thumbs up. when she waved him off, he winked, then wandered his way into the living room, where people were dancing. he’d mentioned something about ethan being there. y/n looped her arm through megan’s, pointed in that direction. megan nodded excitedly and pulled them to the makeshift dance floor.

they danced for what felt like hours but, really, was only maybe forty five minutes. jack and leo, avid partiers, continued shoving shots into their friend’s hands, traveling between the bar in the kitchen and the dance floor. y/n losing track of time turned into her losing track of how much she was drinking. one smirnoff turned into numerous empty glasses that she’d abandon on the coffee table beside her.

she had to take her jacket off after a while, sweating too much in the jean material. y/n tossed it, absentmindedly, on the couch. she probably wouldn’t remember it there later. she’d probably have jack in a frenzy, texting everyone tomorrow about random articles of clothing in his living room. she’d probably lose the 20 stuffed into the pocket to some wandering hands. but it didn’t matter.

nothing really mattered. not when her favorite song played, not when megan spun her around, when danny would yell lyrics into her face and ruffle her hair. y/n just kept throwing her head back, giggling like a mad woman.

it didn’t matter. it did not matter to her. the entire, fucked up situation with stiles. it didn’t matter that he had used her, that he had been seeing lydia the whole time. it did not matter that he had kept so many secrets from her. it did not matter that she broke her own rules, that she let him get beneath her skin, that she fell in love with hi

it did not really matter if she loved him.

y/n turned on her heel, dancing around in circles with megan, both girls holding each other’s hands like they were schoolgirls. her hair whipped over her shoulders, in waves behind her back. her eyes couldn’t focus on the blurred, bright lights passing her vision as they spun. the bodies surrounding them turned into smudges against her vision. she couldn’t tell who was who.

but she thought she saw stiles standing in the doorway to the kitchen, clear as day.

y/n stalled in her tracks. she nearly fell over from how quickly she stopped. megan bumped into her shoulder, grabbed y/n’s arm to steady herself.

y/n couldn’t breathe. she squinted her eyes, rubbed at them, smudging her mascara.

her sight cleared and there was nobody there.

megan laughed loudly in y/n’s ear, tugging on her arm, “why’d you stop?! keep going! spin, spin!”

y/n took a deep, shuddering breath, staring at the spot where she had pictured stiles. “i need air,” she mumbled.

megan yelled, “what are you saying?”

y/n pulled her arm out of megan’s, “i’m going outside,” she barely looked at her friend. this is why she didn’t like to drink.

y/n stumbled through the house, being shoved left and right by the sweaty, dancing teenagers suffocating her. she didn’t know when she’d started crying, but her face was slick was tears. she wiped her hands across her cheeks, smearing more mascara and eyeliner, blackening her palms. she couldn’t focus her thoughts, nor did she feel like herself. this is why she didn’t like to drink. because she wasn’t logical, she was out of control.

y/n found the side door, the one that led to jack’s garage, and slammed it shut behind her. once she reached the garage floor, she slowly lowered herself to the bottom step, hugged her knees to her chest. she didn’t know if she was having a panic attack or a full mental breakdown. but she couldn’t breathe. and she just wanted to be sober so she could figure out her shit.

y/n pressed a hand to her chest, hoping the pressure would do something: ground her, snap her back to reality. all she could do was sob, rock back and forth like a baby. as she did so, her phone fell out of her back pocket. somehow, her camera roll was open on the screen. staring up at her. a picture of stiles and winnie was there, taunting her.

y/n didn’t have any inhibitions, too far gone to know what crossed the line of boundaries she’d made when she was sober. so, she picked up her phone, her hands shaking.

and she hit the little telephone next to his contact. she stared at the picture as it rung.

she needed him. she needed him to hold her, bare-naked under his bedsheets, warm against his chest. needed him to rake his fingers through her hair and to kiss her forehead, call her baby again. even just say her name. she’d even pretend, like she did a dozen times, just for him, that she didn’t notice his lips linger there. she’d pretend it never happened.

anything for him. if he wanted her and lydia- that was fine. he could have her. she was his, completely, fully. all of his. every inch of her skin that he had laid eyes, that he had touched his with fingertips, every inch of skin that he had nipped at with his teeth- it was his.

he picked up immediately.

“y/n? oh, my god, i’m so fucking- i’m so sorry. i don’t know what i did-“

“stiles,” she cut him off, voice barely above a whisper.

his tone instantly softened. a soothing one replaced his usually hectic vocal demeanor, “oh, baby.” he knew, from just the smallest whimper barely uttered between her lips, he knew that she didn’t want to fight. she didn’t call to argue. she didn’t call to make up, either. she just called to hear him, to talk to him. she needed him.

she’d never know how much he needed her, too.

his voice, breathy in her ear, sent a shiver down her spine. y/n sniffled, knuckles white on the hand which held her phone. her head lolled down, chin hiding into her chest.

“what’s wrong?” he asked.

y/n chewed on her lip for a moment, willing it to stop wobbling, “i mis-“ she stopped herself, jamming a different word onto what she was saying to cover it up, “i mistake. i-um, didn’t mean to call you.

it took him a second to reply, “oh. ok.” he knew it wasn’t true, but he didn’t know what else to say. he didn’t want to press her into a conversation she didn’t want to have. but he didn’t want to end the call. he wanted to be whatever she needed in this moment.

they sat there in silence for a good two minutes, not even the sound of their own ragged, anticipatory breaths making any noise in the other’s ear. y/n’s hand was shaking. she loosened her tight grip on her knees and stretched her legs out in front of her. the shift in position helped her breath a little bit better.

she sniffled again, tilted her head back. as she stared at the ceiling, she suddenly laughed. “i didn’t make a fucking mistake, stiles. god, i meant to call you.”

“oh, good,” his tone remained still and flat. he was focused on reading her words. there was meaning between the lines that he couldn’t read. and she was acting strange. he was decoding everything.

“i mean to call you because every single second that i’m not with you, i feel like i’m going to die!” she exclaimed, tossing her other hand in the air.

stiles rubbed his lips together, brows furrowed, “i’m glad that you called.” he, also, felt like he was going to die without her. but, he didn’t know if he should tell.

if only stiles knew that if he would have just told her, honestly, how he felt, as soon as he felt it, months ago, this entire situation could have been avoided. alas, it was a lesson he was still learning.

“good,” y/n huffed. hearing him calmed her down. knowing he was there coaxed her off the edge of anxiety. now, her drunken self took back over her body. and drunk y/n wanted to dance, “okay. i’m going back to the party-“

“party?” stiles interrupted her, his concerned tone back. she was annoyed that he cared where she was at. he didn’t have any right to that feeling- though, also, it made her feel good, that jealousy, that toxicity.

drunk y/n was feeling a lot.

she nodded, though he couldn’t see her, stating matter of factly, “party. i’m at a party, stiles. i’m drunk, and i’m having a blast. well, i was having a blast until you popped into my mind. god, do you know how badly i want to punch you in the face? i just wanna give you, like, a knuckle sandwich, ya know? maybe being hit will make you figure your shit out. okay, whatever. like i was saying before you so rudely interrupted me, i’m going back to the party. i’m going to go dance with my friends-“

stiles had just left the animal clinic, where he, lydia, allison, and scott had met to discuss plans to combat the killer still in beacon hills. chills were lingering on his skin, thinking about all of the photographs stolen from the station, picturing dead students cut at the throat. every time they’d pull another out of the beige manila folder, y/n’s face would appear in his head, attached to a battered, beaten corpse. he’d been worried sick about her the last week, especially since the murderous rampages had slowly spread, closer to home. and, they were more vicious as every day passed. he’d be lying if he said that he didn’t stay outside her house every night, parked in his jeep down the road, barely able to sleep.

her, drunk at a party, was the last situation stiles needed her to be in. it was dangerous. he didn’t want to show up to a crime scene with her corpse lying within a body bag. he couldn’t lose her.

of course, she didn’t know that that was a possible ending to her night. everyone knew about the serial killer, but average citizens of beacon hills didn’t really seem concern themselves with something that seemed so out of reach. teenagers, especially, were naive and vulnerable to things like that.

“who’s with you?” he interceded her words, again. y/n groaned in response and went to complain about how he always did shit like that. but, he spoke again, more firmly this time, “y/n, who’s with you?”

“my friends, just danny, megan, jack, leo. a bunch of other people i don’t know,” she listed off, staring into space. “why do you care?”

“where is it?” stiles demanded. sure, he didn’t have claws, fangs, or anything that would stop a literal supernatural serial killer besides a beat-up baseball ball and his annoying attitude which would eventually drive the creature even more insane. but, he needed to be there. heather had died at a party. the ending scene of a slasher film always happened at a party. parties were breeding grounds for death, as if they were the tenth circle of dante’s inferno or something.

y/n, danny, leo, megan- they were all sitting ducks. targets for something really bad yet to happen.

so, he needed to be there. convince her to leave, if he could. if she wouldn’t leave, he’d stay. he’d stay for her.

anything for her.

y/n hung up on the phone once he said he was on the way. she’d scoffed and said, “yeah, fucking right. danny will beat the shit out of you.”

the beeping tone of a hung up line hit stiles like a truck. he still didn’t quite understand what he had done. if he did, he’d had fixed it by now. he was always good at fixing things. maybe he didn’t have glowing red eyes, or the ability to predict death, but he always was able to fix the jeep. he pulled his dad out of his alcoholic pit after his mom’s death. he was a problem solver. he was good at it.

but, he didn’t what was broken.

tonight, he intended to find out. he didn’t care if danny beat the shit out of him, or if y/n wouldn’t listen. he’d wait for her to open her ears to his incessant bickering, holding an ice pack to whatever bruises danny had left. he knew she’d break eventually.

if she really was done with him, if she really didn’t want to hear him out, why else had she called him?

–

stiles broke about a billion traffic laws. but he managed to get there, quickly, in one piece.

he couldn’t locate y/n anywhere inside the house, but did find all of her friends dancing in the living room. had they been there the whole time? did they even know y/n was on her own? probably not. you’d think, with a serial killer on the loose, they’d care more about each other’s safety.

his jaw dropped at the sight of them, carelessly floating through the crowd while one of their friends was drunk and alone, in some dark corner of this house. it pissed him off, as did all of the people pushing against him, alcohol sloshing over the rims of their cups and onto his shoes, the smell of sweat, and the sight of teenagers making out against walls, doors, other couples.

he had always hated people, but parties reminded him just how much of that hatred existed within his chest.

stiles checked the upstairs bedrooms, bathrooms, called her name out, down the basement steps, peeked into the empty garage, and even looked inside a pantry in case she’d stuffed herself somewhere like that.

stiles was grateful to, eventually, find her, outside, on the edge of the pool. her sneakers and socks were flung into the yard behind her. she swung her bare feet in the chlorinated water, completely soaking the bottoms of her jeans. y/n’s palms were planted on the concrete beside her thighs, her head thrown back, eyes closed as she swayed to the music. she didn’t seem to have a care in the world.

stiles huffed when he saw her, the deep, worried breath rattling in his chest. “y/n,” he said, hoping to garner her attention. his hands flung about him, as they normally did when he spoke.

she didn’t seem to care that he was there, but she definitely heard him. he knew she had because he watched y/n’s shoulders flinch, ever so slightly, at the sound of her own name.

stiles squatted down beside her, curling a soft hand around her bicep, “y/n, hey-“

she pulled her arm away, as if his hand was made of lava. “go away, stiles.” his hand stilled in the air where she’d pushed it, fingers flexing at the rejection.

stiles then pressed the hand to his forehead, squeezing his eyes shut with frustration, impatience. “y/n, please-“

she looked up at him, jaw slack from her drunken state. her eyes looked darkened, the deadly stare enhanced by her ruined makeup. “what the fuck do you want?”

stiles met her eyes. his face softened, concern overwhelmingly her features. just seeing her face, though it was a wreck- it sent goosebumps across his skin. she was so fucking pretty, even though she’d been crying. why had she been crying?

“i want to talk to you-“

“go away,” she waved him off. y/n then pulled her legs from the pool, dripping water all over the concrete. stiles’ eyes moved down her body, ensuring she was in one piece. he noticed the goosebumps all over her bare arms. she was freezing cold.

he stood with her, following her quick feet. “where’s your jacket?” stiles began to pull off his zip up jacket while she grabbed her shoes. he reached out for her arm again. his fingertips on her shoulder felt like a zap of electricity.

y/n flinched away again. she whipped her head back towards him, a deep frown enlisted on her features, “fuck off, stiles! don’t even try pretend like you care about that shit right now! seriously, go the fuck home! i told you not to come!”

stiles took a step away from her. he wished he knew what he had done so fucking badly. he wanted to kiss her eyelids. he wanted to clean off her makeup, wrap her up in his bedsheets, rub circles into her back until she fell asleep, soundly in his hood.

but, all of that couldn’t really be at the forefront of his mind right now. it couldn’t matter. he was here to protect, whether she wanted him there or not. and, she very obviously did not want him at this party. well, too damn bad. he pushed the thoughts aside.

“i’m not going anywhere,” stiles threw his hands up, as if to challenge her. if she wanted him gone, she’d have to drag him out of there. he continued to follow her. she found a chair and sat down in order to put her shoes on. he continued, “look, i don’t know what i did, but you don’t even understand what’s happening in this town. i have to protect-“

“bro, get the fuck away from her!”

stiles felt a pressure against his chest as someone’s abnormally strong had pushed him away from y/n’s presence. she looked up from her shoe laces that she was struggling to tie, brows furrowing at the sound of stiles’ grunt. she watched as stiles stumbled over his feet. he straightened up, quick, and met the eye of his assailant.

“oh, fuck off, dude,” stiles tilted his head to the side, slowly shaking it in annoyance. his jaw clenched, fists flexed at his sides. he took an intimidating step forward.

y/n glanced between stiles and sam owens, taking a deep, shuddering breath. sam puffed out his chest, towering over stiles by a couple of inches. although he was buffer, taller, a couple years older, he didn’t seem nearly as threatening as stiles did. the devilish qualities to his features seemed to heighten themselves in defiance to sam’s presence.

the black haired boy glared his eyes at sam, pupils blown out out with a stormy darkness. she knew it was wrong, but seeing him so angry at sam- y/n couldn’t help but admit that it made her stomach twirl.

they’d never really had the sam talk, at least she hadn’t told him every single thing. she’d mentioned sam, once, when she and stiles were talking about something else. it was offhanded, when she brought him up. danny, however, had spilled his guts to stiles about the short situationship y/n and that “douchebag” had been in all summer.

and stiles was pissed the fuck off. he knew about sam’s girlfriend at college. he knew sam had used y/n for sex over the summer. he knew that sam had told her he loved her right before breaking up with her.

oh, was stiles angry.

that was, after all, his girl now. and nobody was gonna fuck with stiles’ girl. nobody was gonna fuck with stiles.

he stepped forward, now nearly chest to chest with sam, who replied, “who the fuck are you? y/n told you to leave! want me to show you the door, kid?”

“who the fuck am i? watch your mouth, dickhead. you have no fucking business here-“

y/n quickly stood, wary hands before herself, “stiles, it’s not worth it, i promise.” she stalled his words, but stiles wouldn’t even look over at her. his dark eyes bore a hole through sam, and she knew he was probably going to hit him.

y/n, who was now feeling quite sobered up, glanced to the house. she knew that if they started fighting, stiles would get his ass handed to him. sam was a wrestler in college, the best in his weight class. he was a fucking state champion.

so, she needed to get to danny, who was definitely stronger than stiles, at least. he’d probably be able to keep them apart long enough for her to calm stiles down.

but, she didn’t have any time, because sam was mouthing stiles off again. and stiles really was the best at banter. so, he was getting himself into a lot of trouble.

“you put your fucking hands on her, and she told you to stop. makes it my goddamn business-“

“oh, my god, shut the fuck up!” stiles rolled his eyes at sam. he opened his mouth to shoot off some other sarcastic remark when sam reared back a fist and clipped the side of stiles’ face. stiles nearly fall back on the concrete alongside the pool, but he caught himself. having a werewolf as a best friend had taught him a thing or two. so, he was ready to fight.

stiles hit sam in return, most likely breaking his hand- definitely breaking his hand, he knew it. but the punch tossed sam onto the lounge chair behind him. it surprised both stiles and y/n, who had to jump out of the way. she nearly getting taken out by sam’s thrown body.

stiles met her eye and the sight of her, standing there, scared, softened him. he reached for her, closing the distance between then within two long strides. he set his hands on her biceps, ignoring the throbbing pain in his left one. blood dripped from his cracked knuckles, bleeding onto her skin. she clutched onto his elbows in response, any anger for him washed away by fear and worry.

“shit, are you okay? i’m so-“

before he could continue, y/n was shoved to the ground. she scraped her palms, cut her elbow open, and busted her tailbone, hard, on the concrete. she thought she hit her chin, too, but she couldn’t really tell, because y/n’s vision blurred from the fall.

sam tackled stiles to the ground with another punch. they landed in the grass, and went at each other. it took y/n a second to clear her pained head, but she managed to push herself up on her feet. some of their classmates continued partying around them, most just ignoring the fight. but a small crowd gathered to watch it, like it was something exciting, something fun to do. the bystanders made y/n feel sick. nobody was doing anything.

she didn’t even take a second to look at stiles, knowing that seeing him like that would stall her in her tracks. instead, she turned towards jack’s house, danny’s name screeching out of her throat.

she ran inside, feeling like she was pushing through thick, slow jello. she continued to yell out his name. luckily, she found him, on the dance floor still. ethan was there, too. good- he could help.

ethan was already meeting her, setting a kind hand on her arm. “what’s wrong?” his eyes glazed over, and he looked to the side, as though he could hear the fight. he ran outside.

danny shoved through the crowd, towards her. he caught her chin in his hand examining her wounds, “what the fuck happened? what’s going on?”

y/n, breathing heavily, sobbing again, stumbled out, “sam and stiles!”

danny pushed aside as he fell into a run. y/n followed, though the burning of her cuts and scrapes became more intense on her nerves. she seethed a breath between her teeth, stumbling over her feet, but pushed on.

ethan had shoved sam to the grass, though he was getting back up, again. danny immediately lunged in between them before sam could get to stiles. danny sent a harsh punch to sam’s gut, forcing him backwards again. danny then grabbed stiles by the shirt, helped him become balanced on his feet, before danny pushed him away, too. ethan came back in, grabbing stiles around the chest to hold him back, though stiles fought against the tight hold. sam somehow got up, again, clutching his stomach, and jumped towards stiles. danny punched him again and shook out his fist after. the look on his face was annoyed, but also, somehow, vengeful. he had been waiting all summer, all of fall, to punch this motherfucker.

“fuck you guys!” sam spat at danny and stiles from his knees, more blood trailing down his already slick chin.

stiles grunted, fighting against ethan’s hold. “you’re a piece of fucking shit! pussy ass bitch-“

“shut the fuck up-“ sam cut him off, then added, “i don’t even give a fuck about that bitch!“

danny shook his head at the words spitting from sam’s mouth. stiles looked angrier, if at all possible. ethan’s hold loosened on him, shocked by the insults sam threw at y/n. ethan did care for her, too, even if he barely knew her. she was everything to danny.

all three boys were seething with anger. sam had called her a bitch, and they did not like that.

sam simply smirked up at them, his words and expression challenging them. he went to wipe his mouth with his sleeve, but he didn’t get a chance to even take another breath because danny had lunged after him again.

ethan let go of stiles, purposefully, and the boy followed suit. ethan, a little more controlled- even though the situation pissed him off, too- grabbed danny, but not before allowing him to get a few punches in.

y/n ran forward and tried to grab stiles’ arm. she failed, and instead tripped over his shoe. she tumbled into the grass. she quickly pulled herself up, again. when she looked for stiles, she saw him being restricted again, this time by scott’s arm. she didn’t know when he had arrived, but she was glad for the extra help.

it made her heart swell that all of these men cared about her so much to fight sam like they were, but it really needed to end already. it shouldn’t have even gotten out of hand in the first place. she was nauseous, hurting in all of the places she’d been wounded, and extremely tired from the alcohol still coursing through her system.

y/n stood up. scott was rushing out words to his friend, “hey! stiles! stiles, cmon, dude! calm down! stiles!”

“stiles!” y/n called. she crouched down in front of him, reaching for his face.

stiles finally met her eyes and a steady rhythm graciously caught his breath. she cupped his jaw in her delicate fingers. his blood smeared across his face, all over her hands.

a few tears ran down his face, falling into her palms. she didn’t know why he was crying, if it was because of his injuries or his anger. but she wiped them away with her thumbs.

“it’s okay, baby,” she whispered, for only him to hear. “i’m okay, it’s okay. please, just calm down.”

scott, who had let go of stiles, turned to sam, who was standing up from the ground. scott was charismatic, and could usually easily demand people. he put out a cautious hand towards sam, “leave it, buddy. just leave it, trust me,” scott warned him.

stiles slumped forward, on his knees. y/n squatted, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. she used all of her strength to stand them up, brushing the sweaty, bloody hair from his face. sam watched her tenderness as she cared for stiles, feeling a surge of jealousy. sam knew he didn’t want her. he knew he had willingly given her up. but, that didn’t mean he wanted anybody else to get to have her.

so, just when it seemed like it was over, sam scoffed, “yeah, you’re right. i’ll leave it. she’s not worth it. she’s just an easy fuck and a cheap ass date-“

now, scott was angry. he roared, and y/n thought she saw his eyes flash a bright red. he went after sam, just to shut his stupid fucking mouth. he swept past y/n and stiles, who clutched onto her waistline protectively. he tried to duck them out of the way, but his foot skidded over the concrete, and they tripped towards the water.

she yelped, clutching onto his neck, as they fell into the pool. the water enveloped them, but tore them from one another. y/n kicked her feet sporadically, shocked by the cold, by the alarming fall they’d taken. she grabbed for stiles’ shirt and gratefully felt his hands fluttering for her hips.

she blew out a lot of bubbles, struggling to hold her breath from all of the shock. stiles tugged her tightly against him, again, and swam them to the surface. y/n wrapped her legs around his waist and clutched onto his shoulders. she was shaking, with fear, with pain, from the cold water nipping at her skin. it was all so much all at once that she just laughed.

stiles stared at her as she tossed her head back, giggling like a maniac. he furrowed hit brows, jutted his chin out, “what are you laughing about?”

y/n barely met his eye, continuing to laugh at the fucked up situation. “this is just so stupid!”

he remembered she was drunk and tapped her hip, “okay, let’s get you out of here-“

“it’s stupid, stiles!” she slapped a hand down onto his shoulder. “you’re stupid! that fight was fucking stupid! sam’s stupid! this night is stupid! i’m stupid!”

“why am i- why are you stupid?” he didn’t want to make it all about him. she was clearly grappling with something, something she needed to talk out.

she couldn’t continue to push everything away, including him. “i’m stupid! i let you and that stupid boy fuck up everything! i let it happen not once, but twice! what is it- fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me? i’m a fool! you and sam are, like- oh, my god, im just stupid. and that was so fucking stupid- you and sam fighting over me! you guys fought over me, but both of you are the reason im so fucked up in the first place! it’s your guys’ fault and you just had some stupid pissing contest-!”

“me and sam?” stiles sounded out his words carefully, working through her rambles in his fuzzy head.

the night she’d ran out of his house, in a craze, a mess because of his phone blowing up- what had triggered that?

who had called stiles that night? who had been blowing up his phone? was it-

it was lydia.

lydia, the girl everyone at beacon hills high knew he’d had a major crush on for, like basically, ever.

y/n must have looked at his phone. she must have put together, based off of the texts he’d been sent, based off all of the context clues laying right in front of him, that he and lydia were together.

meanwhile, am had had a girlfriend the entire time he and y/n had gone out. every day, he’d see his girlfriend. then, usually on the weekends, when it was dark, he’d bring y/n out like a toy.

y/n thought stiles was just like sam. y/n thought stiles was using her.

she had no clue that she was everything and the sun to him. she had no clue that he needed her like water, that he craved her like wine. she didn’t know that he spent every night rereading their texts, analyzing their conversations, going over their interactions, decoding everything to find a way for her to love him despite her hurt, despite what they agreed on.

she was used to being broken by people who claimed to love her, and stiles was just another part of that system.

so, he needed to tell. right now.

stiles gripped onto her hips, shaking her body just once so she’d meet his eyes. “listen-“

“no, just- get me out-“

“y/n, you beautiful, gorgeous, sweet woman- just listen to me! okay? just listen!” stiles demanded, “i’m not with lydia, alright? i’ve never been with her. i don’t want her- i’m in-“

“stiles!” scott called his name from above, standing at the edge of the pool. his eyes still glowed red, his face was still morphed into that of a wolf. scott’s chest puffed out, in, heavily, with deep, ragged breaths.

stiles knew something was wrong based off of his friend’s demeanor.

“we have to get to the school. lydia’s in trouble.”

stiles looked to y/n, who’s face had lit up from the possibility of stiles’ words. her expression morphed into confusion. he wanted to say something, to say sorry. but, he couldn’t. he couldn’t focus.

so, y/n took her turn to speak, graciously replying with, “stiles, i know there’s so much that you’re still hiding from me-“ she glanced up at scott, who tilted his head with shame, “so, i’m coming with you. if you want me to trust you, i have to come with you. i have to know.”

stiles knew she was right.

so he drug her, head first, into the world of the supernatural.

[misc-obeyme]

Here's a kinda angsty thought I have with dateables!

Okay, the brothers and side characters (not Luke ofc) love MC, yeah? And MC makes it very clear the brothers are their first choice whenever they have to choose between them and the side characters.

Imagine Diavolo, Barbatos and Solomon hell maybe even Thirteen when they realize no matter what they do, the brothers will always be on top for MC. Sure, MC is great with them but they only truly relax and show their real self with the brothers and it shows.

What do you think? [BTW have a great night/day!]

MY FRIEND I AM SO SORRY.

Apparently this ask was sent way back in October?!?! It only just showed up today!!! Tumblr, whyyy??

I got your other ask today, too and I will answer that one as well! But I think this must have been the mystery message my ask box kept telling me was there, but I could never see it?! It was like you have 1 message, but then it'd also be like your ask box is empty and I was like which is it?!

I'm so sorry if you thought I just ignored your ask 😭

That is absolutely not my style at all, so a note to everyone who has ever sent me an ask: if I don't respond in maybe a week, please send it again!! I usually answer asks within a couple days, but I'm saying a week just in case I have some extenuating circumstances lol.

ANYWAY lemme actually answer your ask from two months ago! 😭

I think about the potential of this scenario when I wanna get angsty lol.

So here is what I think it would be like for the side characters realizing that MC will always choose the brothers over them:

Diavolo: Ahh, our prince would be so gentlemanly about it. Especially if MC ended up with Lucifer specifically. But either way, I think he would prioritize MC's happiness over his own. He would see MC's choice as a good one. He would see the way the brothers love MC. He would get sad about it sometimes and I think he'd have some sleepless nights where he wishes MC was beside him. But in the end, he would focus on his job and let MC go. Seeing them be comfortable and happy with the brothers would bring him a sort of bittersweet happiness, too.

Barbatos: I think Barbatos would withdraw. I think he would become quieter and even more formal around MC than he already was. He respects MC's choice. I also feel like he would deliberately restrain himself in order to keep the peace. He cares too much about Diavolo, the brothers, & the state of the Devildom to really fight for MC's affections.

Simeon: Quiet suffering, but willing to cry about it when he needs to. Like I see him being honest with himself about how much it hurts, but never letting anyone else know. He would watch MC with a soft fondness, but from afar. Willing to let them be with the brothers if that's what makes them happiest.

Solomon: To be expected. Solomon already believes this. He already thinks MC is going to choose the brothers over him every time. He's prepared for that inevitability. It still breaks his heart to watch them slip away from him. Deep down, it probably devastates him. But he's determined to be there for them in any way he can, no matter what that looks like. And he would never let them know how he really feels... unless he got drunk maybe.

Thirteen: I see her being kinda like, Fine! Who needs you anyway!? But she says it with tears in her eyes. She gets abrasive as a response. And at first she might be a little stand offish with MC after she realizes. But I think in the end, her love for MC would soften her again, but it would hurt, too. She would need some time to transition herself to "friends only" status.

Raphael: I see his response as being kind of a mix between Simeon and Barb. Like, he's going to accept MC's choice and wants them to be happy, but he's also going to have to restrain himself from fighting for MC. Mr Spears does not strike me as the kinda guy who would just let someone go if he really loved them. But he does seem to be the kind of guy who cares a lot about doing the right thing. And I think he would consider letting MC go to be the right thing.

Mephisto: I could see him trying to push MC away himself, in an effort to protect himself from getting hurt. Like oh who would want a human anyway? Only fallen angels, obviously. But that's not what he really thinks, it's just a coping mechanism. And he can't keep it up anyway. He's secretly soft for MC. So I see him just transitioning to hating the brothers. Not going out of his way to make their lives difficult, but not helping them out either. Only being nice to MC. Keeping that pain inside because he can't admit it even to himself.

Nooo I made myself sad lol. I guess that's the point of angst though, huh??

Anyway, I am very fascinated by this topic! Once again, I'm sorry you had to wait so long for the response, I'm still so annoyed at Tumblr lol.

[wulflynn]

Comparing Rhysand to Tamlin?

Okay, so. I have seen SO many people hopping on the "Rhysand is evil" and "Rhysand is the same as Tamlin" bandwagons, and I feel like I must seriously disagree. Of course they were both protective, but there are key differences that make them different. Tamlin, I don't doubt for a moment that he loved/loves Feyre. He and Rhys are just two very different people in the fact that Tamlin seems much more 'traditional', where Rhys is more progressive and supportive of Feyre's needs. Formal attire at meals, expects respect, thinks Feyre should have stayed at home and away from danger (I get that he felt she'd done enough and EARNED her time to rest). But he literally locked her in the manor and wouldn't let her accompany him for meaningful tasks. (ETA Tamlin also had some major rage issues and def needs some anger management. While he didn't outright hit her or anything--which I know sounds like that is setting the bar preeeetty low--but he did have his magical outbursts and regularly destroyed furniture and rooms, making it dangerous for anyone nearby). I'm sure he valued her more than some trophy wife but treated her as such anyway, maybe even possibly because of Rhysand's mother and sister who were killed while traveling. Who knows? He felt undermined rather than proud when Feyre helped the water wraith. Whatever his reasons, he went about it all wrong and pretty much lost everything because of it. While I was all "Yeah Feyre, F*** up Tam's life for taking you from Rhys", part of me felt bad for Tam too because the THOUGHT he was doing what was right vs just acting like an arse to be an arse. They just weren't compatible as a couple and I feel would be better as friends. Rhysand? Always gives Feyre the choice. He will give advice but ultimately does his damndest to build her up when she is feeling down. Not with gifts like painting kits and jewelry, but with space when she needs it and friendship when she needs it in whatever form that may be at the time. Instead of reading her poetry he TAUGHT HER HOW TO READ herself. And was fully on-board with her learning how to embrace and use her gifted powers. Even knowing she was his mate he was willing to let her live a life with Tam after all she'd done to prove her love for Tam, because he prioritized her happiness over his own. Feyre and Rhys can call each other on their shit and not get super offended. He wants her to stay safe but understands that she is strong and capable, far too much so to stay locked up in the house and while he was partially upset that she didn't stay inside the town house during the attack on Velaris, he was SO proud and grateful that she fought for his people in a city she'd only known for such a short time. He is prideful when she shows some backbone instead of staying meek. He sees her as his equal and made her his High Lady, while Tamlin basically scoffed at the idea of a High Lady and said they don't exist. Yeah, Rhys kept from Feyre the extent of the risk of her pregnancy with Nyx. It wasn't that he wanted her to be ignorant of the issue and go through with it, but he wanted to remain hopeful that he could find a way to solve the issue. Not get her hopes up, but not make her dread and stress, either, when there could have possibly been a way to save her. Was it a bad call? Sure. Does it throw out some red flag craziness that makes him evil? No. He is a person who didn't know what to do with such a dire situation.

Honestly I could probably go on and on about this, and feel free to discuss! I keep listening to the Dramatized version of the audiobooks and can't get enough. Just finished the first Crescent City book and can't wait to listen to the rest of those as well.

[sebastiansvertebrae]

Once more to see you

Chapter 1: Life flashing

Second chapter

2,200 words long

Notes

Hello it's been awhile since I published FanFiction on Tumblr so if I'm not using the correct layout I'm sorry if you like it you can send me asks about it also all of these are posted on A03 before they're posted on Tumblr the link will be included with every chapter have fun

I think my family is Fuckkig cursed.

Dad died when I was like three. At least I think so. The last picture that I found of him was when I was three so yeah. I don't remember anything about him. And nobody seems to want to talk about him either. Maybe he was an ass.

Early tragedy but the rest of my family was pretty okay. For a while.

Mom worked hard to raise us right, always prioritizing us. She would spend her day at work and come home to work even harder. Homework, housework I don't think she ever got to have a social life. But we were enough for her. She used to say. I wish I noticed how much she was running herself ragged before.

Maybe that's why she was so strict on us. curfew, homework, chores, Church. and Maria was the one who resisted the most. Funny they say the middle is the most rebellious. Maria was an exception. She was impulsive, got into fights and even got arrested once. She was also the first one to say that she had stopped believing. And started skipping Church. I remember her and Mom arguing pretty regularly when she still lived in the house. İt was kind of scary.

So I retreated into my older brother's room where the computer was but also where the guitar was where the posters was and I still remember that wretched smell of cologne and my mom's old eyeliners the Hot topic shirts and him in the middle of it always ready to welcome me always ready to let me join in on his fun.

Sebastian, my older brother.

He was always there even more than my mother. When Mom was at work and Maria was hanging out with her friends he was there with me. He helped me make my club penguin account. He showed me how to Pirate games. He played on the computer with me. He even sometimes took me out on town when I started Middle School. His friends liked me. I felt like I was a part of the big kids.

When we were having fun I tried to record everything with his phone and the family camera. Especially when he was playing his guitar. I even sometimes join in with my horrible singing. I wanted to send them somewhere, maybe we would become Stars I imagined. He just laughed and said that he will get on to it he never did.

When I got my own phone when I started Middle School. I took it up to 11. Taking pictures and recording everything. Every outing, every song, every joke, every funny face, every moment. And then at the end of the day I uploaded them to the computer. So that I could do it all over again. And I'm so grateful that I did.

Sebastian effortlessly excelled in almost every class. Even tutoring other kids including me. He had a fun way of explaining all the topics. His favorite class was physics. He told me about how he imagined building machines. His teachers said that he had the brightest future out of all of us.

He did not have many friends but the friends he had were incredible. All of them were driven like him. I remember they were pretty nice to me when I tagged along on outings. Calling me the coolest kid they know. And praising my photography skills tells me that I might have a future in this.

And as I grew up our relationship grew up too. I started to learn more and more of his secrets. How he and his friends cheated off of each other. How his best friend was actually his boyfriend. And how much he smoked. That was always a faint smell of cigarettes as he was driving me back home. Of course I never told Mom.

When I asked him he always said It reminds me of Dad. also told me to never smoke. I'm sorry I broke that promise. I told him my own secrets too. How I had a crush on a boy. And I knew that mom wouldn't really like that. He just patted my head and said same.

I remember how he celebrated when he managed to get into that engineering program. I got a little scared that he was going to leave but it was local. And even as he was studying in a competitive program he still found time for me.

He was the perfect brother at least to me. My life was perfect, everything was perfect. But it didn't stay that way. İt couldn't stay that way. Everyday I pray to a god that I no longer believe to take me back.

I barely remember the last night before everything. We probably played some games before he went to that party. I remember him and Mom were discussing something but I don't really remember. I was spending time with my club penguin boyfriend. I wish I could hug him for the last time.

And then the hell started at that 3:00 a.m. police call. I remember my mom's shaky voice. And how there was no light in her eyes. When she turned to look at me after the call only whispering nine people.

And then I remember the smell of that room. Looking at him in that orange uniform his hands cuffed. He begged us to believe that he was innocent. I remember he cried, I cried, we all cried as a family. Mom promised that we were going to find a way out of this.

İn the next thing the hammer was hit the sentence was given. The fuckkig death sentence. I barely remember jumping out of that podium. Running to him as they're taking him away. Begging them, pleading with them. I tried to hug him and they pushed me away. I couldn't save him and I never saw him again.

I think I blocked out the rest of the ordeal. I just remembered the emotions but not. The events. I remember feeling stuck. Not being able to pick up a camera or take a picture. Waking up in a cold sweat remembering everything. And Mom wasn't any better. I watched her deteriorate. Get more and more obsessed with the case. Even if he was gone she wanted to prove his innocence. And of course Maria was nowhere to be seen.

The school kind of forced me to get counseling. And I could fear that everybody feared me. The other kids started avoiding me. My friends basically abandoned me. The counselor kind of helped me. I told everything to him. I even came out to him.

And that son of a b**** outed me so everybody hated me even more. I picked up smoking. I promised him but smell. The smell took me back. Took me back to a simple time where we just drove around town. Chatting about random stuff. İt felt like he was there with me again.

I lived like that for 2 years. The world moved on and it kept spinning. I continued getting okay grades. I kept out of trouble. I tried to be like Sebastian. This is what he would have wanted right? But one day when I was smoking after school another boy smoked with me. We got to chatting. He was from the neighboring private schooll. And then we were making out in his car.

Chris, my first real lboyfriend. He introduced me to his friends. And we all started hanging out. That was a mistake. I can see that now. They were rich kids with no consequences. But for the first time in a long time I felt happy. Even as we committed Petty crimes and drove over the speed limit.

Shortly after my 15th birthday my mom did it and she proved his innocence. I was on court that day but she didn't look happy. İt was too little too late. İnstead of this made her snap more. After that day she started planning something else. And I was too busy having fun with my new friends to notice.

Just before my 16th birthday. My mom killed Sebastian's lawyer. Brutally, violently, slowly. And she was on court on my 16th birthday. She pleaded guilty. Talking about how this was God's punishment. And God told her to do it. She didn't even get a lawyer; they gave her life.

I wasn't there. I was getting drunk and smoking weed with Chris and his friends. But Maria told me and shortly after she took custody of me moving back home. We didn't have much of a relationship before now we had none. She wasn't even home that much spending most of her time at her job. But she left me a credit card and an empty house.

So I spent all of my time with Chris as we grew up we got more and more hardcore. I had my first line of coke when I was 18. And before I turned 19 I had basically tried every drug under the sun. But they never had me but they never let me have too much. He told me that I became a buzzkill. Constantly talking about My Dead brother.

So I was always trip watching. I was looking out for the cops as they partied and committed crimes. And then they returned home to their loving Rich families. And I returned home to an empty house. I sometimes smuggled hallucinogens into the house. Bought Sebastian's favorite cologne. Bathing in the cologne and taking the hallucinogens. And then I could see him again. I could talk to him again. And for a moment everything felt right again.

But of course the trip ended when I woke up and I felt even more miserable. So I returned to Chris's house just to get more. I did everything he wanted just to get more. But I still blame myself for what I did. For agreeing to do it. They all got bailed out. I spent my 21st birthday in jail.

And I was in a courtroom again. As my charges were laid out. I plead guilty. I know what I did and I know the high security prison is what I deserve. So my family's curse continues. I'm sorry Sebastian. I'm sorry Mom. I'm sorry I ended up like this.

2 weeks before my 25th birthday the guys in the black suits came. They called for me. And I answered. They said that they were from Urbanshade and offered a complete pardon and ridiculous amounts of money. But it had a catch. Expendable not expected to return.

I should have refused this was a horrible idea. That will end with my death. But I stayed there and I considered it. I didn't have anything to return to. Mom in prison. Maria turned her back on the family. All of my friends have forgotten me. I have nothing to lose except my life. My worthless life that I ruined.

But I also feel something else, a weird feeling. That told me to go and told me to see. I remember my mom telling me that God spoke to us in our worst times. I thought about Sebastian again. I am older than him now. İf afterlife is real, maybe he will appreciate me dying for a good cause.

I accepted and then I was rushed away to a bus and airport another airport another bus and then a facility. I was given a briefing. Forced to put on the uncomfortable suit. With a bomb attached to my neck. And then I was in a submarine with four strangers. That I was probably going to die with.

And I'm just now realizing that my life just flashed before my eyes. Am I that scared? Even if I am then why did I come here? Why am I doing this? What would he think of me now? Throwing my life away on a feeling? Well I already ruined my life? And then I heard them say we are landing. As I felt the submarine stop. Well it was too late to return.

I slowly walked out. This was exactly what I expected. Cold and smooth. And then I heard an announcement basically the same thing as the briefing. Retrieve the crystal. Don't stray from the Path. Survive for as long as you can. I took a breath the air in here stank but at least it was better than being stuck on the submarine.

I quickly went for the Lockers in front of me. There were a lot of files I wanted to take a peek at but I knew that that would be unwise. I didn't want to die immediately after getting off so I put them away and then I heard somebody call for all of us. He had found a key card. He was an older looking man. We all huddled around the door. but before he swiped he turned. “I would like to know all of your names for communication purposes. My name Su-Jin’ No Su-Jin ”I nodded and gave out my name.

“Alejandro, Alejandro solace”

Ending notes

thank you for reading I hope to continue this soon hope you guys send me asks or leave a comment or reblog please that will be very appreciated

[certifieduruihater]

wish we got to learn more about april's character outside of when she hangs out with the turtles. maybe part of the reason for this is because the writers wanted to make her a "part of the team," hence the reason why we only ever see her with the turtles, but that logic doesnt hold up when the guys themselves have established personalities on their own. like we know what every single one of the turtles does for a hobby. but i still don't know what april likes to do for fun. she can draw, sure, but is that her hobby? idk. she journaled after their defeat during the invasion, but did she always do that or was that just a one time thing? she never really struck me as incredibly reflective or introspective, either. she's more of a "go out and get 'em" kind of person to me.

i wish we could have gotten to see more of what she's like at school, too. how come she doesn't have more friends? she's a nice girl, and she doesn't strike me as particularly shy. is there some other reason? she signed up for extra credit classes, but why? does she need more credit? is she studious? enjoys school? why was she failing trig? bad at math? bad at trig itself? doesn't want to study? no time to study ever since mutant insanity invaded her life/grief over her father? it's these little questions that i think would have painted a better picture of april's character.

and this is what i mean when i say i wish she had better writing. april is not a bad character. she's not "ungrateful." she's not a "brat." she's not a "b****." from what we do see of her, she's kind and friendly, but can also be incredibly stubborn and a little prideful.

when she blows up at the turtles for getting her dad mutated? completely understandable. the guys got cocky and reckless (which was another point of the episode). they did not prioritize her or her dad's safety. the only reason they were out there was because the turtles insisted, and didnt think of the potential consequences. and yeah. it WAS the turtles' fault that the city got mutated. yes, it was an accident. yes, they were kids. but like i said, they were incredibly cocky, reckless, and arrogant. accept your faves' flaws guys!! and the way mikey delivered the news that it was their fault was...oof. so blasé. not apologetic at all. bro was treating this as a comic book adventure the whole time. no wonder she got mad. i would too, and im an adult. she's 16. of course she's going to say hurtful things in anger (imo what she said in the episode wasnt even that bad. it was understandable, given the situation). of course, it's fine when raph or mikey throw a tantrum (and usually for much more minor reasons), it's fine when donnie explodes in anger, but when april does it, the world ends? april actually blamed herself first, before she found out that it was their fault. her first reaction is NOT to blame others. and part of the reason for her anger was BECAUSE she trusted the guys so much. she spent the episode filled with hope that because of her and her dad's help, they'd be one step closer to taking down the kraang. she didn't even WANT to ask her dad in the first place, considering her dad's been suffering paranoia as a result of being kidnapped from the kraang for an entire season. but she had hope and faith in the turtles as heroes.

she had faith in them, and her entire life fell apart. AGAIN.

that's why when they revealed it was their fault that her dad got mutated, it was a big loss of trust for her. for a whole season april has been going along with the guys shenanigans, agreeing to be bait, wanting to tag along, wanting to be useful. i like this for her character because it shows that she does have a limit. she's not a yes-man for the turtles. she's her own person (which many fans seem to dislike). have fans ever considered that maybe april didnt WANT a crazy life? that she never asked for any of this? that she wanted to be normal? what's wrong with that? and after she and the guys resolve their issues, april even admits that her father's mutation "was an accident, and more importantly, you're my friends. I don't ever want to hold a grudge ever again." she needed that reflection time away from the guys to reach this conclusion.

she endures a whole episode of feeling looked down on by the guys due to a mix of their insensitive comments (raph in particular), as well as her own pride/wanting to be included/not wanting to feel useless mixed in there, sort of snaps at raph ONE TIME (to which raph doesnt even care), and suddenly, she's the devil incarnate. unbelievable.

and another thing: she's not a mary sue. she has flaws. in fact, the fandom actively blows up at her whenever she does display her flaws (pride, stubbornness, willingness to throw herself headfirst into danger). so then what does the fandom want? oh, i know. someone who will bow to the turtles' every whim. someone who has just enough of a character, or can at least pretend to be one, just so long as they don't get in the guys' way. so long as this person doesnt hurt their little pookie-bear. okay tmnt fandom. i see u

so even if we did see what she was like outside of the turtles, i wonder if anyone would even care. after all, this is a show about the turtles. most viewers probably aren't here for april. maybe this is what the writers were thinking? and worse, some people might have even complained about the screentime april would have gotten, saying that it was too much :/

[dbphantom]

😭 Someone posted on one of the subreddits (won't say which one) about how Bella was pushing herself onto will even tho she knew he cared way more about Riki (sic). it's really annoying me because imho will never cared about either of them and blaming Bella for his poor behavior is messed up, so you guys get my essay about it. sorry.

In my eyes, Bella did not push herself onto will, she wanted to spend time with him because she had a crush. will knew that and led her on to get information out of her because he thought she was unique and mysterious and connected to Mako. will valued the mystery and then the mermaid stuff far more than he valued Bella as a person.

This is stated in Just A Girl At Heart when Bella says she's pretty sure will likes her only because she's a mermaid, not because she's Bella. It's the focus of an entire episode. Giant fucking red flag: this guy prioritizes the supernatural stuff over the people behind it. He'd rather have a mermaid gf than a normal, 'boring' gf.

So it's really no surprise that the instant merm Rikki kisses him, he immediately becomes obsessed with her. Bonus points for it happening later in the season AFTER Bella talks about how she wishes he'd see her for her and not just as a mermaid. Of COURSE he'd immediately switch to a mermaid who wasn't talking about boring shit like 'please get to know me as a person'.

Also side tangent girl couldn't even spell Rikki's name right when it's the name of the establishment a good 50% of the season takes place in. There's QUITE LITERALLY a giant glowing neon sign with the correct spelling on it!!!!!!

HOW?????? WHY?????????????

And, while we're on the subject of giant glowing neon signs, will selfishly betrays Bella's misplaced trust by forcing her to give up her secret to him, then forces the other two to also while Rikki's life is on the line. Is that how somebody who cares about another person behaves? NO!

And if he suddenly only starts 'caring' about Rikki after she saves his life (their reasoning being he called her an angel and asked where she was a lot), then I don't think he actually cares about her at all!! He cares about the mermaid who saved his life, not Rikki Chadwick.

It's very similar to when Rikki saves Elliot and Elliot is infatuated w/ her while ignoring her wishes and not actually getting who she is as a person at all. Same exact shit, only this time it's apparently fine and dandy because it's will!

will decides he's gonna obsess over her now like she's a new toy (because Bella isn't The Only Mermaid anymore), completely disregarding the fact Rikki 1) already has a boyfriend and 2) is not interested in him and only kissed him to save his fucking life. But, yeah, sure, he totally most definitely cares about Rikki. Lol. Lmao.

So will has a total lack of respect for Bella and clearly doesn't care about Rikki either (if he really cared about her as a person, he would have put his wants aside until she was no longer being held hostage, but no) until she saved his life, and then, again, it's more of a fixation on this 'concept' rather than who they actually are. will is obsessed with the mermaid who saved his life, not Rikki as a person.

I honestly believe he would have went gaga over any of them if they were in Rikki's place. To him, it was never about the girls as people because he never really cared about that! He cared about the mystery, and the mermaids, and how 'unique' everyone was.

And the fact that OP explicitly states in the post that 'Bella was just kind of there' while will obsessed over Rikki until he eventually gives up and settles for Bella, and STILL blames Bella for will's actions is so fucking sexist! How the fuck was Bella ever at fault for having a crush, being led on and used and thinking those feelings were being reciprocated, and then not knowing how to proceed from there while he went ballistic over one of her best friends?!

So, no, Bella did not throw herself at him, will led her on at the start to get information, then tossed her like trash as soon as he found a new toy to play with, all the while ignoring both of their feelings and wants because obviously his desires come first before anyone else. That is like THE defining trait of his character throughout season 3.

In his mind, his desire to know more about Mako and the secret trumps how Bella would feel being betrayed. His desire to swim with a mermaid in a pool trumps Bella's safety. His desire to know if the other two were mermaids trumps Rikki's safety. His desire to get with Rikki trumps Rikki not being interested in him (and the fact she already had a bf, regardless of how will felt about Zane)... will is SO selfish, it's the fucking Worst. Everyone hates Sophie, but as soon as the Resident Hot Guy showcases very similar behavior, suddenly everything is All Good.

I'm sick of s3 being boiled down to 'oooooh, cat fight, Bella's just being needy and forcing herself on him when he clearly cares about Rikki' when in reality he cares about neither of them as people and is playing both of them. He cared about 1) The Mermaid (when he initially thought Bella was unique) and 2) the mermaid who Saved His Life. He never actually cared about the girls, just the whole mystery and mermaid business!!!!

[devilbrakers]

hearts section for venus please!! >:^)

TYSM BONES !!!!! <3

❤️ RED HEART — what are three of your oc's positive traits?

Venus is loving (just has a funny way of showing it 💀 especially to mars), passionate, and confident!

🤍 WHITE HEART — what are three of your oc's neutral/questionable traits?

They're pretty sarcastic, adventurous, and perceptive! I had a hard time with this one fjdskl

💔 BROKEN HEART — what are three of your oc's negative traits?

Venus tends to be a bit self-absorbed, reckless, and quite stubborn. Talking to them about any issue you with her can be. an experience fjdksl but she gets better with time.

💘 HEART WITH ARROW — what and/or who do(es) your oc consider the most important to them?

Mars will always be the most important thing in their life even when he wants nothing to do with her and won't talk to her 😭. Venus has done shitty things to him in the past, thinking it was the only way to protect him. She knows better now and starts to change over the course of the game and some time before that, so they're getting better as expressing their love for him in a healthier way.

🧡 ORANGE HEART — does your oc tend to prioritize family or friends?

Family! Like I said above, Mars is the most important thing to her. Though it often seemed for much of her life that Venus only prioritized herself.

💛 YELLOW HEART — how many languages does your oc speak? what language(s) are they learning, if any?

English mainly, but she speaks some Japanese as well but they're not fluent by any means. It's mainly stuff she learned or heard from Shogo (her father) growing up and has just kinda stuck with her.

💚 GREEN HEART — does your oc prefer being inside or outside?

Hmm. They're fine either way generally but I would say they enjoy being inside a little bit more. Less open to attacks and stuff like that but also there's air conditioning fdjskfl.

💙 BLUE HEART — does your oc have any cool/special powers and/or abilities? how are they with magic, if it exists in their world?

No magic in Cyberpunk unfortunately 😔 at least not in my canon fjdsklf. Buuut I would say cyberware might count as a cool/special ability? They have high stats in reflexes and are incredible with their monowire and stealth.

💜 PURPLE HEART — what is your oc's ancestry/genetic background?

Venus is of mixed ancestry, mostly Japanese on her dad's side and her mom's ancestry is a little more varied but mainly includes Jamaican and Haitian ancestry!

🖤 BLACK HEART — has your oc killed or seriously wounded anyone before? have they broken someone's heart and/or broken someone's trust?

Yeahhhhh, killing/injuring people's a big part of their job as a merc 😭. It doesn't really bother them to do it anymore but it did when they were starting out. As for breaking people's trust/hearts... yeah, many times. She used to be kinda notorious for screwing people over and really only doing things that would benefit her. Something her and Johnny kinda bond over, or at least have a mutual understanding of and how they've hurt a lot of people they claimed to care about over the years.

[britcision]

This, this, so much this!

I think it also pairs really nicely with how Laios is set up in the story; we spend almost all of our time early on with Laios and the party, establishing who this awkward guy really is

And then we begin seeing through the perspectives of others, first outsiders who knew him (Namari, Shuro, arguably Kabru) and then outsiders who don’t (the Canaries) and the way these people have all decided he’s potentially the most dangerous enemy of humankind who needs to be destroyed

And we really got the inverse of that with Falin, seeing her only through the memories of those who loved her most

Even Kabru’s crew only really mention her and Laios as a unit, despite having individual takes on the others

So we’re presented with the Perfect Falin, sweet and kind and just the most wonderful person you could imagine, the kind of person it’s worth going to the dungeon and eating monsters to save

And, just like when strangers assume Laios is dangerous because he doesn’t give a fuck about humans… it’s not the whole picture

Falin is messy, physically and emotionally

All of her magic is innate, so she couldn’t teach Laios as well as Marcille could, and we see in Marcille’s flashbacks that it gave her trouble at school

She got results by doing things “wrong” (especially the mini-dungeon terrariums) and… yeah, she didn’t get along with people well there either

Marcille’s firmly implied to be her only friend, and Marcille wasn’t even a student; she was a researcher who happened to be in a some classes Falin took

The other refrain we hear about Falin is so telling; she’s “just like Laios”

Laios, who we learn very early on is often interpreted as sinister and weird even by people who know him well

People who know Falin pretty much all adore her (sorry Laios) but people who don’t… don’t seem to think about her

Kabru barely mentions her by name, while displaying a kinda invasive knowledge about everyone else except Laios, because he’s lumped the siblings into a single unit - “the little sister went to the mage academy” is about all he has to offer on Falin herself

(He also managed to interpret the Toudens giving money to friends who got too hurt to go dungeoning and being taken advantage of as a sign that they don’t care about people, but this ain’t about him)

I do think, on the whole, Falin is a good, kind person. Prioritizing people she knows over people she doesn’t isn’t a character flaw, it’s just human, just as Laios said

But giving us all these bits and pieces, these other details about how she is a bit off-putting, she does freak people out, and even her making the healing painless despite there being serious risks… it makes her a more complete, well rounded character, despite being almost entirely absent from the series

(Chimera Falin is decidedly different from the Red Dragon too, Thistle comments on it specifically, and she takes on a caregiving role almost as a default; she cradles him in her arms rather than scruffing him like a cat or lifting him onto her back, offers him food, and in general is just… not just obedient

All the monsters obey Thistle by default, they follow his will, but Chimera Falin displays worry and distress in a way that’s most stark when he fills that kitchen with dragons… and none of them really pay attention except when he yells at them)

I think that scene about the healing with Falin and Marcille is actually super important, because it does highlight another side of Falin and what we think of as kindness

Of course everyone wants to be healed painlessly and feel better

And Falin definitely doesn’t tolerate seeing other people in pain well

But I think the major takeaway from that comic is actually that while she would never say it the same way, Marcille does agree with Namari about Falin to an extent

Falin has a soft heart, and it makes her take more dangerous risks than someone colder, someone closer to “perfect” who was just aiming for the best possible outcome

It’s the typical “kindness is a weakness”, but with a much more mature and nuanced spin that Dungeon Meshi excels at

Falin is kind, which is not the same as good, or perfect, or even right

She’s often misunderstood, and makes decisions with her heart more than her head

She cares so much about not hurting others herself, not even monsters if she can avoid it, and still doesn’t even seem to notice that she makes people uncomfortable

And when push comes to shove, she will choose to make her friends happy and safe at any cost

With an absent, aspirational character it’s very easy to wind up presenting them as the Perfect Innocent, someone with no flaws who Clearly doesn’t deserve their fate, who Must Be Saved From Their Noble Self Sacrifice, and it is so powerful that Dungeon Meshi absolutely refuses to do that

Falin is human, she’s complicated, messy, flawed, and it’s still worth risking everything to save her

She is so loved, and worthy of that love, not despite all of her quirks and mistakes but because of them

Because if we don’t love each other, if we were calm and selfless and only ever did things for the greatest possible good and not our personal feelings, we lose our humanity

If Laios, Marcille, and Chilchuck had given up on Falin, they couldn’t have saved the world

While Falin is the driving motivation for the plot, the story isn’t actually about her, and Laios pings on that pretty early on; “if she wasn’t eaten by the dragon we wouldn’t be having this great adventure”

She could have been a flat, simple Maiden to Rescue From The Dragon

But she’s not, and that makes her a far more interesting character

I want to talk about why I think this is the one of the most important Falin panels:

So, Falin is really nice, right? It's one of the first things we really learn about her. She's kind even to the monsters of the dungeon - choosing to ward the party rather than fight spirits and cause them needless harm.

In the above early flashback in chapter 11, we see Marcille fawning over Falin's kindness, calling her an angel. Namari calls her soft-hearted. We see Falin choose not to fight even when a zombie attacks - instead she resolves the confrontation with a hug. After the flashback, the first thing Senshi says is that Falin "sounds like quite the person," which Marcille strongly affirms.

At this point in the story, all we have seen of Falin are these impressions; she is a healer, an angel, a caretaker with an infinite well of kindness towards everyone she meets - both friend and foe.

And honestly, that remains most of what we have to go by to understand her. The only times we get to see Falin on the page, alive and just herself, are in the opening and closing pages of the story and in the brief period of time after she is resurrected.

Nonetheless, we do have some more details to work with. For one, there is the scene that The Panel is from - a short memory in chapter 75, when Marcille flashes back to while she's dying. In that scene, Falin prepares to teleport them all out, and says that she's sorry "if there is a person at [their] destination." And that's when we get The Panel.

If you teleport someone or something into another person, the person teleported into is likely to be, at minimum, severely injured. They could die.

We can see a lovely little horrifying example of exactly why in one of the Daydream Hour doodles:

So, hmm. That's not... that's not SUPER nice. Certainly not displaying the same "kindness to all, friend and foe included" we saw represented earlier. On a basic level, this adds some nuance to Falin's kindness. We see it break a little, when pushed to the limit. We see her chose to protect the people she loves above all else.

Which makes sense! As Laios says when the Winged Lion accuses him of similarly being motivated more by his friends' safety than everyone else in the dungeon, "...most people, aside from virtuous do-gooders, would feel the same way."

So, we can take The Panel as simply showing a moment of weakness for Falin. A time when she was pushed to her limits, and that "most people" selfish side of her shone through.

However... I think there's a little more going on with Falin than just her being an angel 99% of the time, except just that once. I love The Panel because I think it helps us understand that Falin isn't just motivated by kindness - she also has a desire to avoid seeing people in pain.

Isn't that the same thing?

No, no it very much is not.

Let's look at a short comic from the Falin section of the Adventurer's Bible, because I think it illustrates this point perfectly. The group is complaining about how much Marcille's healing hurts, and comparing it to Falin's, which "doesn't hurt a bit." Marcille retorts with the following:

Now, the punchline of this comic is that, despite Marcille's sentimental assertion that she's "thinking of [them]" by letting her healing magic hurt, they all still prefer to be healed by Falin.

But hey, this wouldn't be the first time that Dungeon Meshi hides a very real character beat or insight in a gag, so let's think about this somewhat seriously.

If Marcille is right (and she knows a fair bit about magic, so we can assume that she has at least somewhat of a point), then what Falin is doing isn't kind. I suppose if someone specifically requested to not feel the pain, it could be kind, but that's not really what happened here. She is the one who felt badly about the others being in pain, and she is the one who decided, without telling them or giving them a choice in the matter, to take away that pain.

Both Marcille and Falin are healing the party, but Marcille is doing it in a way that accomplishes the task in the most straight forward way, without any additional interference. Falin is going out of her way to perform the healing in a way she is more comfortable with. A way that avoids pain.

Going back the The Panel, I don't think its a coincidence that the only time we see Falin (well, non-chimera Falin) willing to do something that could hurt someone is when any potential pain will be far away from her. If she got someone hurt or killed by teleporting the party to the surface? Not only would it be far out of her sight, but she'd be dead before she had to deal with any consequences of that action.

Falin is not a confrontational person. She doesn't push when Marcille won't tell her the truth about the resurrection, and she comforts Laios about her own death - both of those things happening in the only full chapter she is alive and conscious in the whole story.

We also know that she considered accepting Shuro's proposal, despite not having any special feelings towards him, and that Falin never explained to Marcille that she wanted them to share a meal together. When she brought Marcille various foods at the academy, she just accepted Marcille's confused rejection and gave up.

And lastly, we know that she is still in contact with her parents, despite the neglect and abuse she suffered at their hands. Although the way someone chooses to handle contact with abusive or bad family is a complicated topic, which I don't want to overly simplify, I do I think this fact gets at the heart of how she handles conflict.

So many people that Falin loves have hurt her. There are understandable hurts, like Laios leaving the village, or Marcille not understanding the food. And there are bigger, far less justifiable hurts - like her parents neglecting her throughout her childhood, and sending her away to be alone at the magic academy.

It doesn't seem like Falin has ever confronted any of it directly.

And the unhealthy aspects of this kind of avoidance of pain and confrontation is one of the things that the story of Dungeon Meshi is all about. We see Laios grapple with it before he goes to kill Falin, and we see Marcille acknowledge it at the end of the story, when she tells Laios that she has come to terms with Falin's death:

Eating is a part of life. Consuming other living things is a part of life. It isn't really possible to avoid that pain - you can only hide from the truth of it. You have to be selfish everyday. You have to eat - to choose to live. To choose to take up space.

And this is something Falin embraces, too. She comes back to life, after all.

We see her choose to come back to life.

And how does she make that choice? She eats. She consumes, and then she is asked a question by the manifestation of hunger itself:

Do you want to eat more?

There is a double meaning in the Winged Lion's final words on the next page.

When I first read this, I took it as him saying: life is cruel. You will suffer. You will feel more pain.

But perhaps, especially for Falin, this also means: you are choosing a path where you must cause pain. Where you must consume. Where you must take, and must be selfish. Because eating is the special privilege of the living, and it is their burden, too. In order to stay alive, she will need to keep eating.

And she chooses that. Chooses to be selfish. It's why her resurrection scene is so important, and it's why The Panel is so important. Because Falin coming back isn't the ultimate reward for all of the party's hard work.

It's her choice. Just like it was her choice that started everything in the first place. But this time, she doesn't choose to accept causing pain for the sake of Marcille and Laios. She does it for her own sake.

[dienamights]

Ex’s and O’s | K.Bakugou

» Pairing: Katsuki Bakugou x Fem!Reader.

» Word count: 6.7K

» Genre: hurt/comfort, Smut MDNI, Prohero!au

» Summary: Its bad enough that you’re spending your ex-boyfriend’s birthday curled up in bed, wearing his merch, drinking away your sorrows, but what’s even worse is having your eardrums pierced by the blaring music upstairs at the party thrown just for him.

» Warning(s):  Smut 18+ MDNI please, hurt/comfort, mentions of alcohol, dubcon since reader is under the influence while getting dicked down, drunk sex, oral sex and fingering (female receiving, we getting fed tonight), one pussy slap lol, manipulation, unprotected sex (don’t be silly, wrap your willy)

» Author’s notes: Hello! aaaah I’m actually pretty excited about posting this fic! First of all, its Bakuhoe’s birthday! and what better way to honor it than to feed you all some good ol angst sprinkled in with some good dickin’ down. Its been years since I’ve written smut and I’m actually really fuckin proud of it, yet real nervous but I hope you enjoy! Secondly, this fic is a part of Bakugous Birthday Bash! I’m so excited to read everyone’s work, thank you everyone for holding this event and allowing my ass participate to create this with you all ♡ be sure to read everyone’s contributions, I know it’ll be more than amazing since everyone worked so hard!

Happy Birthday to our favorite King Explosion Murder♡♡

Lastly, I wanna thank everyone for their support and helping me reach 200 followers already! You guys are the cutest thing ever and I promise I’ll update more frequent the minute I’m out of uni late june fml, thank you @tteokdoroki for giggling with me when i wrote cock for the first time lol

» Masterlist | Requests

Rolling out of bed and flailing onto the floor as a start of your day ensures you that the following 24 hours will ultimately suck ass. Getting up and readying yourself for the day by looking through one of your cardboard boxes for your favorite Dynamight hoodie, the back of your mind keeps nagging you, trying to remind you of something buried deep in your subconsciousness, and you have half a heart to try and remember, because for some odd reason, you feel so fucking weary, as if the few steps from your bed to your bathroom are somehow now endless miles, almost making you breathe out in relief after finally reaching it.

And as you are making your coffee, that odd feeling keeps annoying you again, prodding at your brain to remember something, something. And ultimately, that's when your eyes fall to the counter. You knew this day was coming and you were dreading it for months, so as you look at the calendar on your kitchen counter, you frown, the quote of the day you always love reading so much long forgotten when your eyes fall on the date. 

“You’ve gotta be kiddin' me.” You mumble at the calendar on your counter hatefully with furrowed eyebrows, as if it would either reply or change its date, it doesn’t do either, and your lips curl downwards even further. As in immediate response, you pick up your phone, your coffee pot tossed aside as you dial the number of the only person you could think might help you right now.

“G’morning y/n -” you hear Kendo’s voice through your phone, and you honestly want to sob right then and there, but you hold yourself, barely and speak over her overly cheery voice first thing in the goddamn morning. “It's Kats- Bakugou’s birthday” you whimper at the slip up, being so used to the first name basis you were in with your now ex-boyfriend.

“Yeah, was kinda hoping you would’ve forgotten.” She sighs, tugging at her bangs and pulling back her phone to check the time. “Tell you what, I get off work in an hour, then I’m spending the day with you. I’ll get tequila, I know you love your shots.” 

“Ken, it's like 10 right now..” you can’t help but pout, having alcohol in your system as an escape to help you forget about the entire day still sounding better than the urge to cry and crawl into a hole, even if it's at the start of your day. “Y'know what? Get those gummy worms I like too.” “Bet.” you hang up with a sigh, moving back to the kitchen to sift through your bubble wrapped kitchen utensils, barely forcing yourself to prepare breakfast as to not have your liquor on an empty stomach.

You loathe the fact that you remembered his birthday, always reminded of him no matter how long ago since you’ve last seen him, being the center of the media’s attention for years as the number 6 hero in japan has its perks, well, in his case, but to you? Nothing but trouble and heartache as every channel you flip through plasters his face, whether it be about some big rescue mission he partook in or a new rumor about a potential lover to the explosive hero, followed by him almost attacking a reporter, yelling to them about ‘needing to mind yer goddamn business and keep my fuckin’ name outta your mouths’. Therefore, you opted long ago to stay away from the TV to avoid seeing him, his captivating rubies for eyes, covered by that goddamn mask you like to push up to his forehead, sweeping his bangs away and exposing his sweaty forehead that he bumps against yours as he makes love to you, still in his hero costume, all battered and dusty and so incredibly hot you have to- 

You grip your coffee mug tighter, almost to the point of breaking the handle off of it, placing it rather roughly onto the table before pushing your food away, appetite gone with the thought of whatever paradise you were thinking you were in before now long gone and never coming back, all because of you, of your action, of your mistake.

Kendo walks in with a bright smile on her face, as if her overly cheerful attitude will balance out the void you’re slowly but surely falling in. She shakes the bag of snacks in your face as you blink your eyes back into focus. Dragging your heavy feet across the floor to get to your kitchen to retrieve the shot glasses. Only kissing her cheek in thanks when you snatch away whatever it is she brought with her to lift your mood.

She eyes the boxes by your kitchen, the four placed haphazardly in your living room and the one you're using as a stool while filling your shot glasses, tongue sticking out to try and fill each one to the brim without spilling any on the new coffee table that she failed to notice before is still wrapped in bubble wrap that prevent any damage during the moving process.

“y/n…” you hum in response, a frown falling on your lips as the third glass spills a bit and the liquid pools on the plastic.

“Don't you think that you should’ve probably unpacked a while ago? Hasn't it been, what, five months?” 

“I didn't know you were gonna come here to harass me about my life choices, Kendo”

She flinches away, your tone venomous, almost feeling it as a slap to her face, before leaning in when she sees your eyes start to water.

“If I did, that just means it's true… that just means it happened, and I did the stupidest thing- you know what,” you wipe the few tears that managed to escape away with the sleeve of your sweater, looking down at the shots in front of you. “It, it doesn't matter anymore just- can I just drink and try to forget about how my life has gotten nothing but fucking worse since the day I left him?”

You questioned your worth that one time, that one time all those months ago. Thinking that by doing what you did and leaving, he’d drop everything and run behind you, chase after you and win you back, but he didn't, and as you sit surrounded by the evidence of how much of a failure you find out you are without him, you regret ever questioning it, ever questioning him. Because to you, living in denial was so much better than whatever hell this is.

So all you could think of is to just drown yourself in alcohol until your mind is too numb to think of the possibilities of how you could have avoided this, how you could’ve been a less of shitty person, and stop imagining how your life would be now if you just swallowed all your insecurities and just stayed. Despite the neglect, despite not being prioritized, because in some weird twisted way, those lies held you with warmth that you were never able to find after uncovering the ugly truth you’re living in right now. 

You lay on your living room floor, the alcohol swirling in your system and clouding your vision as you trace imaginary shapes in your ceiling, the voice of Kendo muffled as she rambles on and on about her day, the amount of outlaws she bitch slapped - a term she uses to get a laugh from you - and how she considers herself the unluckiest being in the whole world for having Monoma as a partner of all people, seriously contemplating who she should beat up first between him and the villains.

“Must be nice,” you voice, low and slow, scared of how Kendo would react to what you’re about to say, yet your intoxicated self unable to stop your mouth from uttering the words. “To have a purpose in life, to not be quirkless and lost like us.” your face twists in an ugly scowl at your ceiling, but mostly to yourself for putting a downer on whatever mood your friend is trying so hard to build, proven by the hitch of her breath before she enters your peripheral vision when she leans over you, all upside down and pouty.

“What’re you talki-” the shrill ringtone of her phone breaks you away from each other as she leaps to fetch it and silence the god forsaken thing by answering the call. “Battle Fist here, yes sir, I was partnered up with Phantom Thief for the patrol at area B, n-no sir I wasn’t informed.” Kendo breaths out in irritation, pinching the bridge of her nose as she starts tapping her feet aggressively on the floor, eyes falling onto yours when you look up at her all weary and sad, knowing what she would tell you once she hangs up. “That dumbass is gonna be the end of me I swear.” She crouches down to your level and kisses your forehead, promising to be back in the morning with hangover food, before she leaves and locks the door behind her. 

Now you’re left all alone, back aching from laying on the hardwood floor and eyes watering as you feel your loneliness eating you up inside, the god awful music thumbing loudly in your ears followed by the cheer of people as you-

Music?

You sit up abruptly, groaning at the dizziness of the swift movement as your hands fly to cover your ears, a failed attempt of ensuring your brain doesn’t begin to spill out from them, because of the loud voices, the bass shaking your entire fucking apartment by how strong it is, and you curse yourself for falling for the scheme the landlord pulled you in, paying half of the rent everyone did, just because you lived right below the penthouse that hosted the loudest parties in the area, 4 days out of the fucking week. 

The money hungry shameless bastard praised the apartment the minute it spiked your interest all those months ago, selling it so well you actually moved in the next week, anything to stop feeling like a burden to Kendo as you couch-surfed her apartment. Only to realize within that first week from your downstairs neighbors that he rents the penthouse to host parties of all sorts, and due to its location in the city, it was pretty popular, yet you didn’t have the money to move out again, nor the heart to concern your friend with your problems, as she was a hero with other responsibilities aside from taking care of your hopeless self.

So you get up, barely gathering yourself onto that elevator to tell off whoever the fuck will answer the door first to turn the music down. You pound the door with your fist repeatedly the minute you reach it, the door opening so suddenly you almost punch the man standing in front of you in the chest, the cool air created from the door cooling your warm cheeks as you squint at your victim for the day.

“Welcome!”

“Listen here, you buttfaced moron” you start to chew the person’s ear out, your sight blurring yet still able to notice how bright his hair is, how fiery and familiar it looks, and you’re certain you’ve seen it somewhere before. “I’m trying to drink away my regrettable life choices and cry over my ex-boyfriend, so if you would just turn down the-”

“y/n?” oh, that’s where. Your stomach drops as Kirishima looks down on you, the bright smile he flashed to whoever he was welcoming now dropped with his eyes almost bulging out at your presence, you both stand in silence, the boy unbuttoning the collar that suddenly feels like it has a chokehold on him while you cross your arms and hope the floor would swallow you a floor down back into the comfort of your home.

Kirishima basically is shutting down the second his eyes lay on you, breaking a sweat as your eyes never waver, despite how you fail to stay standing straight, what was he supposed to say? ‘Hey we’re throwing a birthday party for your ex-boyfriend because he's been feeling depressed from the day you dumped his ass’ ? No!  He wouldn’t do that to his friend, but what was he gonna say now?

Well, he didn’t have to really think about what to say to you, because his other friend didn’t hesitate to push him forward, slurring something along the lines of ‘lettin the hot ladies in so they can take a look at the prettier blond, aka moi’. In his moment of panic, the redhead stumbles forward, his cup slipping from the tips of his fingers and meeting its doom by the floor, whatever was filling it now staining your pants as you both look at the mess between you.

“Woah bro, we said you gotta get’er wet but not- '' Denki's cackle stops him from continuing whatever filth he was gonna spew out - thankfully - before his eyes drop down to your chest, or more like what was covering it. “Hey! You a Dynamight fan? Hey Bakuhoe, comere for a sec.” 

Dear God, move, for the love of all that's pure in this god forsaken world, move! Run!

All you could do is shake and breathe in short segments as your widened eyes meet his unamused ones, the garnets in his eyes glistening at your sight, he stands straight and so tall, suited up in his usual attire. Dressed for the occasion, words aren't able to describe his beauty. You try not to let your brain be dazzled by how incredibly handsome he looks. He is wearing a dress shirt, in the deep color of wine that complements his eyes, dress pants hugging his long legs, not to mention the open collar, and no tie. He looks like a long, lean Lothario. 

At that your eyes drop down to the floor, specifically the now stained carpet, your hands wrenching the end of your hoodie to distract yourself from the piercing rubies that haunts your dreams.

You build up some courage, enough of it to lift your head to continue what you came here to do, so you open your mouth, and drop a few IQs while you’re at it. “The m-music is loud and m’tryin’ to sleep,'' you mumble, noting how Kirishima leans down to make up the words you are saying over the sound of the blaring music while Bakugou narrows his eyes at you as if disregarding his sight will make him hear you better. “So, if you could turn down the heat, that’d be,” 

“You squiffed?” The blond grunts, leaning his face close to yours to inspect it, and he catches a whiff of alcohol in your breath, his eyebrows furrowing at your response. “No I'm not squinting-” 

“Yeah you’re drunk alright,” he huffs at your less than intelligent reply, pushing his glass of whiskey - you figure since it's always been his drink of choice - against Kirishima’s chest, telling him to lower the fucking volume and grabs you by your bicep. “C’mon, I’ll take you home.” you stumble at the force used against you, no matter how weak it actually is, before you barely straighten yourself to push his hand away. “I can walk down all by myself, thank you.” Of course you’d expose where you live, you dumbass.

He doesn’t question your integrity, just continues to basically drag you to the elevator before pushing your apartment door open when you choose your floor, irked to find your misplaced trust in the people of the complex by not locking your door after leaving. He barges into your bedroom and tells you to change out of your fucked up pants and proceeds to saunter to your kitchen to get you water, eyeing the boxes that he comes across during that small trip.

He stands awkwardly by the door when he sees you standing in the middle of the bedroom, sifting through countless moving boxes with your pants on the floor, thrown next to a pile of clothes that he can only assume that its supposed to be your laundry ‘basket’, until you opt against wearing any since you can't seem to find anything to replace them. And when he asks you if you just moved in, his expression sours when you shake your head no and explain to him that you’ve been living for months in this space, after chugging that cup of water like you’ve been parched for days.

“Birthday party?” You ask out of the blue as you play with the strings of your hoodie, your ears perking up at the confirmation hum you receive. “Hmm, thas’cool… I-I guess.” 

Bakugou’s impassive as he gently pushes you onto your bed, eyes meeting yours as he covers you up with your blanket. “Get some rest, I’m leaving.” He said, slowly stalking away from you and barely reaching your door as your big mouth talks on its own. Your body sitting up and facing his retreating back.

“That's what you always do, you always leave”, you utter and you see him stiffen his shoulders before he spins to face you, so fast you almost want to check up on him about getting a whiplash.

“Hah?” it's one syllable, but it shakes your very core, that one sound making you almost shake, overwhelmed by the amount of emotions, the amount of pain that one sound has. He steps closer to your bed, the stomps of his feet sounding like gun shots in your ear, and you pathetically lift up the blanket to cover yourself up, cowering behind it like it's some pseudo shield that might protect you from him.

“I’m the one that leaves?” he growls at you, his eyes sizing you up when you react to his forceful approach, leaning back to look down on you, but his lips are still curled in a frown, he tries to hold himself from blowing up at you, his feelings oddly enough still raw in his chest the moment he lay eyes on you the first time since you left, threw him away and walked away, probably finding someone better, probably finding someone who you tolerated, unlike himself, but when he sees you straighten up your back to rebuttal him, an automatic response to whenever he raised his voice at you from all those years ago, he knows he is in for a fight. 

He snarls when you nod at him, your eyes hard and glaring up at him, not knowing that your silence is by your better judgement since you don't trust your voice, knowing it’ll fail you, probably crack and show him how much he actually is affecting you by his closed off posture and demeaning look down at your frame.

“Real fuckin’ rich of ya, y/n.” He snaps back, his hands brought up to his hair, tugging at it. “As if you didn’t pack your shit,” he kicks at yet another cardboard box fucking spewed in your room, noting its heavy weight when it didn't move but an inch by his action. “Dropped your keys by the fuckin’ door,” as an emphasis, he throws your apartment key at you, making sure it doesn’t actually hit you, but falls onto your lap. “And left. Without a single fuckin’ word, like I'm some lowlife who didn't deserve an explanation, like I didn't deserve anything! And-” that hurt, goddamn it. 

Exhaling deeply, he focuses on how your eyes look a little less glossed over, a little more sober, but holding fear, and he almost steps back and out when he looks at how you’re fighting tears, almost wanting to bust his own kneecaps than to see you like this, always wanting nothing for you but to be happy, to never upset about anything no matter how small it might be.

Then why did you leave him? Left him to drown by his lonesome self, waves of his insecurities and sorrow crashing into him, pulling him even further down to his inevitable doom.

Despite the fact that you both yearn for each other, long to feel one another, engulf yourselves in the others presence. You both stand your ground, eyes glaring despite the emotions hidden behind them, mouths shut and curled into ugly scowls regardless of the words you wish to speak to each other, whispers of promises into each other's ears about being together forever, in spite of not knowing what the future holds.

Bakugou breathes out again, recalling all those months worth of coping mechanisms to exercise when placed in anger inducing situations like this one, the time in therapy spent to better himself, to control himself, to be the best version of himself, for you, hoping that one day you’ll pity him enough to want to come back, knowing full well he would never hold a grudge against you and welcome you back with open arms, intending to never repeat whatever it is he did that made you think of him as so unbearable you couldn't spent another day with him.

You on the other hand, are barely holding in the tears, wanting him to just leave your sight, so you can go back to the world of denial where he didn't look like straight out of a magazine, looking as captivating as always, as if your absence did not have an effect on the hero, of course it wouldn't, why would a quirkless extra have an effect on the great Katsuki Bakugou, that's what he used to call them, right?

“Just leave, Bakugou-” his ears pick up the way your voice breaks at his name, the way you utter it sounds so horrendous, because you aren’t meant to call him Bakugou, you’re meant to call him Katsuki, Katsu, Suki, your Suki. Not- “I hate you.”

The room suddenly spirals. The floor panels misalign themselves into zigzags. Bakugo’s eyes shatter like a glass window. He tries to hold himself against the tears that threaten to fall, stomach wrenching as if reaching from inside of his body, but it’s useless. He brings his hand up close to his chest and sinks his head, letting the words overtake him.

Oblivious to his internal struggle, you pile whatever courage you have left in another attempt to ask him to leave, aware that your body wouldn’t aid you in pushing him away physically, you open your mouth, only to gasp after a moment of silence when he pounces on you and grabs you by the neck, sliding a hand behind your head and leaning your face impossibly closer to his “you fuckin’ hate me? show me you hate me then,”

Then he's pressing his lips against yours, your half foggy mind all too surprised by the flow of motion you can only try to keep up with his feverish kisses, you try to pull away, to push him away, to no avail, Bakugou only stopping his assault on your lips to growl at them again “Show me then, hah?” 

But he wouldn't even let you, his grasp on your neck loosening to circle around your back to push you to him even more. His kisses get more and more aggressive, trying his best to show you how much he was hurt by what you said, by what you did, after all this time, almost begging you to not let him have to voice out whatever he’s feeling because he would do so much of a worse job than he is doing now.

The hands you placed on his chest in a failed attempt to push him away are now just placed over his pecs, welcoming their warmth and the way they flex under your touch, your right hand clenching over where his thumping heart is, and he almost sighs in relief, the movement feeling like it holds together all the broken pieces of his heart to make it whole again.

Almost like that gesture calmed him down, Bakugou’s rough touches start to soften, very caring as they glide to your hips before sliding underneath your - oh my God it's your special edition Dynamight hoodie! His amused chuckle tickles your lips as he pulls away when he feels you stiffen at the realization, barely letting you breathe in ease until he places his lips against your ear. “Love how m’still the only one sprawled over yer tits.”

“But I still want the real thing, lemme see ‘em, hm?” And just before throwing a dumb retort and embarrasing yourself even further, the article is tugged eagerly off of your body and thrown haphazardly on the floor. Earning yourself a low whistle when he realises you’re wearing nothing underneath. Bakugou all but shoves you onto the bed, spreading your legs when you try to rub them against each other for any friction, wedging his body neatly between them as his teeth gently bite your soft buds, pulling them slightly before captivating the nipple entirely.

His tongue flicks against your hardening nipple while keeping a watchful eye at the sinful expressions your face makes, his one hand toying with and twisting the other nipple while the other slides down to tease your needy cunt, pressing his fingers against your -fucking soaked- panties, swearing under his breath at the feeling of your walls trying to clench around his fingers just from that one movement. Sitting on his haunches, he lifts your hips with ease to pull your panties right off, eyes travelling between your heaving chest and your exposed pussy. Before lowering himself and finding comfort in biting and sucking your nipples again.

Bakugou’s smirk grows with your moans as his tongue dances over your sensitive nipples, he presses his finger against your walls, and you immediately keen at the prodding feeling that almost feels foreign after all this time apart. His thumb pushing your pussy lip to the side to see you suck his finger in like the good girl he knew you always were.

“Ba-ba-ba,” you struggle to talk, your drool collecting at your lips, stopping you from forming any words as you feel a breeze hit your spit covered tits, whining at the feeling and wanting him to pull your nipples in the warm cavern of his mouth again. Bakugou’s eyes focus on the spit line connecting his bottom lip to your nipple before disconnecting it to smash his lips against yours in an effort to shut your blabbering up.

“Ba-ba, what? y’better not be callin’ me Bakugou with my fingers deep in yer pussy baby, its Katsuki for you, yeah?” he taunts with a fake pout that immediately turns into a grin at the way you hold your pathetic sobs, pressing another finger in your tight cunt, reveling in the wet sounds your pussy makes as he thrusts his fingers in and out of it, soaking his fingers in your slick as he curls them, eager to hear the squelching sounds it would make when his cock is shoved deep inside you. “Or better yet, lemme hear you say Suki, hmm?”

“Suki- p-please, eat me out” you throw your head back and bring your hands down to play with your clit, showing him where you want his lips to be, as if the blond doesn't already know where it is, and he scoffs at the thought, slapping your hand away and giving another slap to your clit, earning a moan from you from the sharp pleasurable pain.

“Yea, yea I fuckin’ know already, needy slut,” he growls, keeping eye contact as he circles your clit with his tongue before sloppily eating out your cunt, making a mess of both drool and your arousal, mumbling “my needy slut.” to himself, and you do hear it, yet you brush it off with the thought that your lust must be messing with your brain.

Your chest still flutters at his words and your walls clench in on his fingers as he curls them again in a way you didn’t know would make you yelp like it did. He thrives off of how your body responses so easily to him, your back arching and the squelching getting louder as his fingers pick up speed, his tongue so skillful in drawing circles around your clit before sucking it again. A whine escapes you when he draws his head away from you, only for you to see the way his eyes darkens, his chin glistening from your arousal when it catches the light.

“Let go for me princess,” he whispers uncharacteristically, making you question if the glint in his eyes is from his desire for you or something else. “Lemme see you fall apart for me, alright?” the way he’s almost begging you to come undone for him takes you by surprise, and your body curls in on itself so fast, not realizing your orgasm was creeping up on you until it hits you. The knot in your stomach breaks as you gush around his fingers, white crossing your vision as he slows his pace to help you come down from your high. 

Your shuddering body lays on your bed, eyes unwavering as they meet Katsuki’s, his fingers stuffed in his mouth as he moans around them at your taste. It's all a blur after seeing that unravel, and you’re so woozy that you don’t register him discarding his clothes until he lays above you. Placing himself between your legs as he pumps his cock, hardened from seeing you fall apart on his tongue and fingers, his tip leaking precum and burning a bright red.

His movement is almost too quick for you as he dips his head into your leaking hole before pulling right back, a breathless chuckle escaping him when you whine and roll your hips and try to suck him in again, wanting to feel the stretch of him inside of you.

“Didja wanna say somethin’ princess?” he taunts you, one of his hands holding you down by your stomach while the other is wrapped around his length, teasing you in the ways that he knows drive you crazy, he leans in, using the tip of his cock to spread your pussy lips open and running it along your slit to coat it with your arousal.

“Katshu, p-please I-” you hiccup, your fists tightening on your bed sheet as you try to rock your hips up get more than just his leaking tip, but your begging is always interrupted when he isn't hearing what he wants you to say.

“Say you love me.”

You freeze at his demand, your widening eyes looking up at him before you pout your lips, not thinking about surrendering to him, no matter how much you want your cunt stuffed full of him right now.

“I don’love yooou-” you gasp as katsuki’s grip onto your waist tightens and you feel as he gives a thrust into your sopping cunt, arching your back at the burning stretch of being filled up by his thick cock. Katsuki’s hand traces down your left thigh before cupping behind your knee, hiking your leg up and out, close to your chest to expose more of yourself to him, wanting nothing more than to see his dick seething in and out of your tight pretty pussy, and by almost muscle memory, you did the same thing with your right leg, replacing his hands with your own, presenting yourself to him.

“Y’see that? Fuckin’ know you like the back of m’hand, y’think someones gonna- ah, take the fucking time to work you like I did?” he's right, absolutely right, he ruined you for any other potential lovers and he loved it with every fiber in his being, knowing this means you’re always going to be wrapped around his finger. You moan as he pushes more of himself into you, bottoming out and holding one of your tits and squeezing when he feels your walls do the same to his cock.

You hate it, after all this time, you’re still a blubbering mess the second he was one fucking inch deep in your pussy, sucking him in and clawing at his back begging for more. No self respect, no dignity, you hate it, how come after all this time he gets to come here and fuck you like you belong to him, like you’ve belonged to him despite everything that has happened.

You only realize that your eyes are closed when Katsuki’s breath hits your face, and you open them wide, noting how wet your lashes have gotten from your tears, only for him to kiss at the tears gliding along your right temple and licking the ones on your left. He breathes out a chuckle and when he leans to look at your eyes, the humor and menace you expect to see in his eyes are nowhere to be found, clouded by a solemn look instead.

“What? Yer cryin on me now, huh? Y’think a few tears are stoppin’ me?” His voice is masked so well, because he sounds like he was simply enjoying a game, like an imp that had branched from a demon. “C’mon, not gonna tell the birthday boy you love’em?”

“I don't love you, I hate you, h-hate you-” you keen as drool pools at your lips, your body betraying you as it shakes from pleasure, letting go of your legs to wrap them around his slim waist, to bring him in closer, if that was even possible, stopping his deep thrusts that were brushing up against your cervix, it feels pathetic, denying him the pleasure of telling him you love him while clinging onto him like he's your last breath of fresh air, because in a way, you feel like he is, like him leaving would just collapse your lungs and stop your heart from beating, you know that he’s gonna leave you. While your spent body would lay on your bed and you'd cry because you didn't tell him you love him, yet you wouldn’t ask him to stay, knowing deep down that you don't deserve it, you don't deserve him.

You feel his weight on top of you as he rests his elbows by your head, his lips brushing against your ear as he repeats again with every shallow thrust into your warm insides, his cock twitching from time to time in your walls. “You love me.” he says it once, twice, thrice. Every time his voice lowers more and more to a broken whisper, almost a plea instead of the cocky taunt he started off with.

Your legs are starting to ache from the grip they have around him, so you loosen up, your mind easy since his thrusts haven’t been rough nor painful. And when you do, you notice two things immediately, first, your thighs are so soaked from how he's making you feel, probably ruining your bedsheet at this point, second, he pushed his chest away from yours to look you directly in the eyes, one hand molding around your thigh to keep it from wrapping around him again while the other is placed on your stomach, his thumb inching closer and closer to your clit, wanting to toy with it, toy with you, but not ready to give you any satisfaction until you admit to him, please just tell him, that you do still love him. All insecurities, all battle scars, all emotional constipation as layers he covers himself with, that no one gives a fuck to peel off, to see who he really was, except you.

His red eyes lock onto yours as your chest heaves with breathless sobs at the lost of his warmth, and when you think he's lowering himself back down, he pulls out suddenly, sending a  shiver down your spine as you gasp, now feeling like you're frozen over, your tears coming from lack of both pleasure and warmth.

Suddenly your face is met with the pillow and you feel his hands on your hips as he lifts them up and off the bed, your half intoxicated, half aroused mind barely registering that you’ve been flipped over on your stomach until you feel his cock prodding at your cunt, easily sliding in like they’ve been made to be warmed up in there, when you know Katsuki would argue that your pussy was made just for him and to warm his dick.

He presses his chest against your back, pushing you onto the bed as he thrusts his hips roughly, pulling out fully before seething himself right back in, your moans and whimpers muffled by your pillow from being pushed down by his hand as his other holds your hips firmly. 

Then what happened next probably shocked him more than you, despite how delirious you’ve become due to his relentless thrusting, his dripping tears feel cool on your bare warm shoulder, one by one as his groans and moans turn into strangled sobs, before Katsuki digs his teeth into that shoulder, to both hear you scream and to muffle his cries from you. 

“because I love you” he sobs, detaching his teeth from their grip and kissing the bite marks before resting his forehead against it, but his thrusts never cease, getting sloppier, as if the confession is pushing him off the edge. Dragging the tip of his nose from your bitten and bleeding shoulder to the back of your ear, his own face flush and warm against you as he breathes harshly against your ear and kisses along it.

“So-” he moans again, the hand behind your neck now turning your face so he could see your fucked out expression, the tears streaming down your face and the drool that pools under your cheeks, with your tongue lolled out and your eyes barely focusing on his form.

“You better say you do too, becau-”

“I love you.” you gush, like saying it is a breath of fresh air, your eyes never leaving his teary ones, your gaze so intense and fixated on him with no regards to the way the snapping of his hips against yours is shaking your entire body against the bed. 

With new found vigor from your confession, Katsuki grabs onto the meat of your ass, hammering into you from behind with force that pushes you against the bed even further, your pulled hair jerking your head back so he can listen to the lewd noises you are making, long forgotten the will to cover your pleasure and hiding your moans.

Your ass heavily slaps against his thighs as he grabs your hips with both hands and pounds into your sopping wet cunt, relishing in the way you’re begging for him. “Y’like it when I fuck you baby, hmm? Like it when I stuff you so fuckin’ full of me?” He growls, feeling you push your ass back every time you repeat ‘yes’ to his questions. “Yes, yes love it, love you, please please don’t stop, please ‘Suki. Yes, gonna cum ‘Suki please” you weep, your head pounding from the grip he had on your hair and your eyes crossing as you feel his thrusts stutter, getting sloppier when you bounce your ass against him, his hand coming down and slapping it.

“That's fuckin’ right, cum on this cock, c’mon baby” he brings four of his fingers to rub your clit with urgency, and you can’t help but arch your back as your orgasm hits you again, screeching as you feel your walls tightening on him, squeezing him for what he’s worth. “F-fuck ah, y-you’re so- Fuck” his heavy weight falls on you as he fills you to the brim with his milky seed, forehead pressed against your shoulder as he rocks his hips against you, pushing more of his load inside before slowly pulling out, gaze flutters down to where your bodies were once joined, seeing your mixed arousal seeping out of your hole and he has half a mind to push it back in with his fingers.

But he flips you over effortlessly, the sight of your crossed out eyes and wet cheeks squeezing his chest at the realization he might’ve been too rough on you, so he wipes your cheek with the palm of his hands and revels in the way you lean towards him, turning your face to kiss his palm. “Say it again.” barely a whisper, as you flip his hand and kiss the back of it as well, and he almost repeats himself, thinking you didn’t hear him, but your hands reach up and cup his face, bringing him towards you. “I love you Katsuki” and goddamn if that wasn’t the most beautiful thing you’ve ever spoken. “Again,” “I love you, Katsuki” “Again,” you giggle, and he knows that's probably what angels sound like.

Your thumb brushes over his warm cheeks, red from showing vulnerability, and you pull him even closer, “Happy birthday, ‘Suki.”

“Yea,” He breaths out, his lips barely brushing against your bitten and bruised ones. “It really fuckin’ is.”

aaaaaaaaah! Hope you enjoyed it! Lemme know what you think of the smut, I also changed my writing style from past tenses to present tenses or tried to at least

Borrowers (taglist):

if you want to be tagged with for any of my fics let me know ♡

[weirdthoughtsandideas]

Listen. I may again just sound like I am completely off the rails. Basically every time I make a post like this it gets little to no notes and it makes me feel even more foolish, cause it feels like I am just out on stage screaming shit and everyone in the audience is dead quiet, or even walk away like ”… ok?”

Once Simbar is established, it’s hard to see Ámbar ending up with anyone else. I get that. But I also in season 2 really do see the potential of Lumon being endgame (and I want to again, point out, in season 2. I am not talking about what happened in season 3 right now). I know that, if Lumon was endgame, it’s possible people would have rioted and rather wished for Simbar. I really do understand that. I love Simbar too. But that doesn’t mean I give up seeing the potential of Lumon in season 2.

I have reflected about this ever since yesterday, cause I feel like every time I even mention Lumon people just think I sound insane. While I feel like a clown trying to show how I think without feeling like anyone believed me, I also have that as a little of my driving point. I’d take the underrated, the ones no one talks about or believes in. And I stand for it. Simbar gets so much love and I love it too, but I don’t have much to add as everyone else already has said everything. As you’ve noticed with me, I love the non-canon, the non-endgames. I stand for them. Especially when no one else does.

But I think, what really drives me with this is that, I don’t see the potential of Lutteo. I don’t feel like they’re in love. I feel like Luna is just convincing herself to like him when she doesn’t.

People say that Lutteo was a clear endgame from the start, but no. I think many of us think so just because we watched the show after it ended and thus we already knew the endgames. But I am trying to watch the show right now as if I didn’t know. The only times I think Lutteo is clear as an endgame is in the like, first 20 episodes of season 1 and after 3x10. In all the episodes in between that, I would not automatically assume it if I didn’t know. Maybe it’s because I don’t want them to be endgame, so I ignore the clear signs. I don’t know. But in season 2, the love triangle is still very much on - I see how season 1 and season 2 parallel each other. Season 1 has Lumon dating and a Lutteo ending. Season 2 has Lutteo dating and a Lumon ending.

Since I don’t like Lutteo and I don’t think it’s always very clear they will be endgame, the most logical answer would be for Luna to end up with Simón. Who else? It’s either Matteo or Simón, it always has been between those two. If Luna didn’t end up with Matteo and didn’t even up with Simón either, I honestly think she would just end up single. Which, in a way, probably would work for her too because no matter what she’ll always prioritize friendship and roller skating over romance anyway 😂

”But what about Ámbar?” I hear you ask. Yes. Exactly. I think Simbar had a really good short relationship in season 2, and I understand how after that you’d want them to be endgame. But at the same time, I still see the Lumon potential at the end of s2. Them on the beach?? Yeah!!

And that is because, despite how good Simbar was in s2, they broke up because Ámbar had lied about doing something serious and Simón couldn’t forgive her for it. He got really heartbroken. If Lumon was endgame, then it would mean that perhaps, Simón never got over it. If in season 3, he worked all the time on forgiving and then he and Ámbar simply agreed on being friends rather than passionate lovers. Who would Ámbar end up with then? Well, the logical answer would be Emilia but that would never be done. I think as the third most logical option, it would actually be Ramiro. I think, due to them being in the same skating team and being outcasts from the rest of the roller kids would cause them to have a bond. It may sound more unlogical if you’d watch the previous seasons, but Ramiro and Ámbar I think could have this Diecesca-like storyline of them suddenly just… finding each other.

The thing with multishipping, especially when its Simbar and Lumon, is that I am on both sides. The way Simbar canonly was in season 3 was wonderful! But I also know how it would work if Lumon was endgame instead. The ultimate perfect ending would be if Simón dated both or if Lumbar dated

Many people think you’d have to rewrite the whole show to make Lumon make sense. I say, you’d only really have to rewrite season 3 for that. Cause the way season 2 is, the way it ended and the way I see it, it’s open for anything. Maybe you don’t see it, but I do. Maybe I just see it because I am blind from my shipping goggles and because I dislike Lutteo so much I just refuse to see it. I don’t know.

Maybe this post will get no notes and I’ll once again will just scream out in the void with people looking at me like ”🤨”. But I have reflected about this so so much and gosh darn I need to get my feelings out.

I honestly think, despite how ridiculous I sound, that if I didn’t know the endgames, I probably would not have thought ”Lutteo or Lumon?”

I would have thought ”Lumon or Simbar?”

Anyway conclusion of this is probably ”I didn’t like Luna’s endgame specifically but the one I wanted her to end with is busy so now here’s my dilemma”

[ropebunnykant]

Okay, I’ve literally been meaning to make this post since episode one, but I am so fucking happy and obsessed with the way they’re portraying Lola’s GROWTH this season.

In s6, Lola really felt like she didn’t deserve love. She told Maya in EPISODE TEN that she wasn’t sure she was capable being loved or properly loving someone else. She let so many people tear her down over and over again because she genuinely believed she was worthless, that she was toxic, and she pushed everyone away because she didn’t feel like she deserved anything good. And really I thought that was beautiful thing about Lola’s season, that she wasn’t magically fixed by the end of it. That the season ended with her deciding to get help and deciding that even if she didn’t think she deserved the love she got, she wasn’t gonna push it away anymore.

And as a result, we get to see how much she has grown in the last two years, how much getting help and letting people that love her into her life and heart have changed her. It’s obvious from the first episode alone, that instead of just letting what she and Maya has turn worse and worse, she stands her ground. She KNOWS that she doesn’t deserve what Maya’s been putting through, and I also think she sees a little bit of herself in Maya. That Maya clearly needs help and she needs to change before she’s able to be in a healthy relationship. Lola is ready, Maya’s not, and Lola recognizes this.

Though, I do think it’s entirely possible that pre-s9 trailer, the realization that Maya doesn’t love her (so she thinks) definitely caused Lola to backslide. At least a little bit, because it must have hit her so hard. I don’t know when exactly she realized, but it had to have been after they were together for a while. It must have hit her so hard and she had to have thought “I was right. I’m unlovable, not even she can love me.”

And while that breaks my heart to think, it also further shows how far she’s come that she didn’t let that thought consume her. She didn’t push her friends away, didn’t try and hurt Maya. She ended things because she needed to, because she knows those thoughts aren’t ones she should be having in a happy relationship.

Even her not going bowling, it’s once again her prioritizing herself and what she needs over trying to keep the group happy. And she also expresses to Maya that she needs time when Maya does insert herself at the school, instead of being angry she’s kind about it.

I also think Lola blowing up on Maya after the Thierry thing makes perfect fucking sense when you think about how far she has come. Lola has always been prone to anger and while she’s grown, that doesn’t mean she’s suddenly perfect either. So when she finds out that Thierry suddenly doesn’t trust her anymore and thinks she relapsed, it’s easy to blow up on Maya and get mad at her. Especially given everything Maya had done that week, it had to have been a build up of anger for her. Yeah, she could have done it differently, but it made sense and especially after everything she’d gone through to gain Thierry’s trust, of course she was pissed off. And she ends up apologizing!

And then there’s the conversation with her and Maya at the beginning of the ep where she recognizes that her going missing affects others and agrees to text la mif. And she answered Maya! She needed time, but she’s not shutting out the world completely, she knows she can’t do that anymore because she has people that love and care about her.

And then with today’s clips… I mean Lola says herself she feels like she backslid by sleeping with Maya, but I really don’t even think that’s what happened. It was a moment of weakness, sure, but the fact that she recognizes that, that she knows things haven’t changed and that her and Maya can’t suddenly be back together, it shows how far she’s come! That she’s not just gonna accept the bare minimum, that she knows she deserves more than that.

I just really love Lola man and I love how well they’re portraying her growth this season.

[crossdressingdeath]

Ok, I'm going to sound like a real bitch but I never sympathized with JYL death because it came to out of the blue in the dongua like she died so fast it ended up giving me whiplash. I'm sure the novel set the tone clearly with the MC and his general distraught over Yanli death. But as a dongua watcher I felt her death was stupid it made me chuckle. I think I felt it was incredibly dumb of her to run in the middle of a battle about to take place and instead of giving me sadness for her I just felt angry that she has to be another priority for WWX to worried about. Like no offense even with JZX and how he kept urging himself to be killed when it happened I felt angry. Is that normal? I think because they're both characters we see in such a short time whenever I see people in the comments talking about how JYL and JC supposed sacrifice and how JZX last words to WWX were heartbreaking. I never really took it that way and saw the three of them as actual burdens who although at the time what they did had good intentions it just always backfires on WWX lol.

To be fair to JZX (because I love him) he at least has the excuse of not knowing what the fuck was going on. He is not friends with WWX, he knows nothing about what was happening with the Wens, he wasn't involved with the fall of Lotus Pier in any way. The guy who was always kind of a dick to him has his all-powerful fierce corpse and is yelling at JZX's cousin; I do not blame JZX for trying to talk WWX down, especially since JZX is a bit naive. I imagine he figured that he could handle JZXun if WWX calmed down; he didn't know that WWX would lose control! How could he? WWX didn't realize either! Honestly I kind of count it as a failure on JYL's part, because she clearly failed to explain to her husband that WWX just wanted people to stop trying to murder the civilians under his care and wouldn't hurt anyone who wasn't a threat (so JZX should've defended him, not told him to back down). JZX's death was a massive miscommunication caused by someone who was never given the full story miscalculating in his efforts to do the right thing.

Now, as for JYL... yeah, what the hell was she playing at? Running out onto an active battlefield unarmed and defenceless? What did she think was going to happen? Best case scenario WWX and JC have to take their attention off the battle to protect her, putting them in danger; worst case... well, exactly what happens: she dies because she can't defend herself. Yes, yes, she died defending WWX, but he wouldn't have needed defending if she hadn't shown up and divided his attention! It was an entirely stupid decision. To be entirely fair to her she wouldn't have been thinking straight under the circumstances, but... really? You choose now to prioritize WWX's feelings over your own comfort? The one time in the story where you absolutely should not be doing that? And of course JC then immediately uses her death as justification for leading an army to slaughter WWX and the civilians under his protection, so in trying to go and talk to him in the middle of a battle JYL played a good part in getting him killed. The emotional response the whole sequence gives the reader is real, but like... this should not have happened. JYL, a total non-combatant with a newborn son, shouldn't have been anywhere near that battlefield. There's a reason a lot of people conclude that JGY must have been involved! I don't buy that (JYL's death doesn't actually benefit JGY in any way and there are way too many parts of it that are largely or entirely up to chance for a master manipulator to want to risk), but I can see why people conclude there must have been some bigger plan behind the scenes, because it's just so stupid that JYL is even there.

[miraculouscontent]

where do i even begin

The focus in this episode is all over the place and also on none of the right things.

Let’s just start with the obvious: they didn’t even bother showing Alya's reaction to Marinette being Ladybug. We got nothing. Marinette revealing her identity to Alya is supposed to be a big deal, but the episode brushes it under the rug and even seems to lowkey blame Marinette for not telling Alya sooner, to the point where it outright lies and has Alya claim that Marinette’s secret was responsible for all of Alya’s Lady Wifi appearances.

It’s not like I’m surprised anymore when the show blames Marinette for like--anything, but the fact that this season seems to brag about its continuity by being on a firm timeline and then keeps going against continuity is really irritating.

And speaking of continuity, the Adrien pictures are back on the wall with absolutely no reason given. Narratively speaking, the show put them there so Alya would see them and think of bringing up Adrien to get Marinette to take a break, but the show can’t just do that if it wants to imply that it has continuity. Worse still is that this is the episode featuring “Charm Bug” (does her form have a name? I just call it Charm Bug and continue to do so), meaning that “Gang of Secrets” (where there were no Adrien pictures) has to take place before this and “Furious Fu” (where there are also no Adrien pictures) has to take place after.

At this point, they might as well just confirm that “destiny” is a real force and the ladybug miraculous is messing with Marinette’s room and twisting her emotions to make the love square endgame because--yeah, that’s all it is at this point.

The other thing is that Alya shoos Marinette away from her guardian duties so Marinette can go comfort Kagami (let’s be honest, the best part of the episode was Alya being like, “but what about Adrien?” and Marinette was basically like, “what about Adrien?”), which sounds great, but then it all goes back to Adrien, because of course it does.

Not only that, but the episode mocks Marinette for worrying about Kagami. Not only does Alya doubt Marinette’s concern, but Kagami isn’t at all affected by the break-up and isn’t even touched by Marinette’s worry.

The thing is, I get where Marinette’s coming from, because this is the Kagami who told Ladybug in “Heart Hunter” that she (Kagami) and Adrien were perfect for each other to the point where Kagami prioritized her potentially getting together with Adrien over her friendship with Marinette. Also keep in mind that Marinette is Kagami’s only friend, and it makes total sense that Marinette would expect Kagami to be devastated by the break-up.

But because it’s Miraculous, the show makes Marinette look like an idiot for being concerned for Kagami, as if saying, “Silly Marinette! Kagami’s not like you! Kagami is a strong independent woman!! You’re just so over-emotional and you were ridiculous for being sad about your own break-up! You should be more like her!”

I also don’t like it because it presents Kagami as this character who really does feel nothing due to the show not letting her. She was angry at Adrien, obviously, but she was also immensely upset and it made sense when she put so much effort in trying to get him to return her affections.

Buuuut no. Kagami is just annoyed by Marinette’s efforts to try and get her back together with Adrien (it’s not that her anger isn’t warranted, but that’s all they let her feel instead of any genuine sadness over the break-up).

And of course, there’s no mention about Marinette literally trying to help get Kagami back together with Adrien and how selfless that is on Marinette’s part. Obviously I don’t agree with Marinette disregarding Kagami’s feelings (I do hate though how the episode refused to have Kagami explain why Adrien upset her, which would help Marinette understand because she seems to think there’s a misunderstanding/Kagami doubting herself), but the episode refuses to acknowledge Marinette’s good intentions because it’s Marinette and because she’s supporting Adrimi and not the love square, so they’ll make her look as bad as possible. This led to the fandom talking about Marinette and her oBsEsSiOn with Adrien instead of saying UM HI YEAH MARINETTE IS DOING A “HEART HUNTER” 2.0??

(The show also does this consistently, by the way.)

Another thing the show won’t acknowledge is that what Marinette does with Kagami is extremely similar to what Alya does with Marinette. Alya has ignored Marinette’s agency, physically pushed her towards Adrien, and locked her in a room with Adrien no matter how many times Marinette has told her no and that she doesn’t want that.

But because it’s Marinette and because what she’s shipping is Adrimi (i.e: a ship that interferes with the love square), the episode absolutely tears her apart for it. If Alya’s meddling was treated the same way - where she’d be constantly put in the wrong and punished for it - I wouldn’t say a word about this, but we know that’s not the case from “Reflekdoll” (where Reflekta targeted Marinette and Rose of all people) and “The Puppeteer 2″ (hey, remember when Alya did all of that and then it was the museum staff who did nothing wrong who got the worst of Puppeteer’s wrath?).

And this isn’t even taking into consideration that, once again, Marinette has learned something from someone else because they were never called out or punished or learned (originally being Adrien/Bustier where she “learned” to trust Chloe and see where that got her???), and then she’s the one who gets the heat for it.

Might I also add how insulting it is that the episode before this had Marinette saying that she “didn’t want to focus on love,” and then immediately afterwards, Alya is pushing for Adrienette and the episode itself won’t let anyone shut up about Adrien?

Like, this is the episode where Marinette does guardian stuff, gets an upgrade in Charm Bug, and yet the episode hyperfocuses on Aaaaaadrien. He doesn’t even do anything; he’s just a black hole that inhales all available attention and magically pulls all the characters towards his general location.

Then the episode keeps breaking its own continuity as an excuse to make things more about Adrien and also more about the love square, like saying that Marinette carries her disguises everywhere when it’s really just an excuse for Marinette to conveniently have the umbrella so that they can recreate the umbrella scene (by the way, the line from Marinette about “recreating Kagami’s moment where she fell in love with Adrien” is both incredibly forced and incredibly obvious because we’ve never even seen how Kagami fell for Adrien).

And when you already know how the show goes, it all becomes so predictable, which is a huge problem. By the time you hear Marinette say that she “didn’t want to focus on love” last episode, you already know what’s going happen. This episode reaffirms Marinette’s crush on Adrien, which is weird because it’s not as if there was ever any doubt in the first place? The show didn’t even try to convince its audience that Marinette was actually trying to move on, which gives the scene no impact when it happens. We already know that Marinette isn’t really in denial (she’s not stupid) and is very likely saying that she’s not in love with Adrien because admitting it hasn’t gotten her anywhere and she’s repeating something to herself is an attempt to make it true (which is a common coping mechanism for people with self-esteem issues/anxiety), so the scene is just for shipping fuel.

We’ve seen future episodes that show that Marinette hasn’t made any actual progress, hence being another piece of evidence towards my theory that the show does it on purpose to get the Adrienette fans to freak out when anything happens even if it’s reversed in the end. It’s particularly frustrating because it denies Marinette of agency yet again, with her saying something and the show then going lol okay but what if--

It’s gross, and made more so by Kagami watching Marinette and Adrien from a distance and saying that they’re “made for each other.” I’ve talked many times before about how the show is too lazy to have actual chemistry between the love square so they’ll just have characters say that they’re meant to beeeeee, so I won’t go into that, but really, actually think about what Kagami’s saying here.

This is the guy that, in her eyes, abandoned her repeatedly on dates and lied in order to get away from her. She stated outright that Adrien had disappointed her to the point where all of her feelings for Adrien seemed to have completely disappeared and she didn’t even want to be friends with him anymore (at least for now).

Yet, the show had Kagami not only say that line, but told Marinette directly that Adrien was perfect for her. This means either one of two things, neither being good:

- the show intentionally had Marinette do all this so that Kagami would feel embarrassed for Adrien and thus fix all of Adrimi’s relationship problems without Adrien having to do any work to earn her trust back (notice how Adrien in this episode is an “extra good boy” this time around, probably even more than they usually try - keyword: try - to portray him)

- Kagami’s opinion on Adrien hasn’t changed at all and she’s essentially saying that Marinette belongs with this guy who has hurt Kagami, betrayed her trust, and will probably do the same to Marinette

And obviously the show doesn’t think about any of that. It just wants to push for the love square. The only reason there was any focus on Kagami at all was to have a reason to get Marinette to go to Kagami, for Kagami to get angry at Marinette because - as we all know - Marinette “has to mess up and learn in every episode,” so there’d be a reason to go to where Adrien was, and so Kagami could become the next local shipper for the love square.

Marinette didn’t even get to figure out the magical charms by herself; Rena Rouge gave her the answer. It was like the show saw her doing guardian work and shoved her out the door because the only thing she’s good for is being part of the love square. Alya gets seconds of time shown with her looking over the grimoire to figure out the trick, which makes the whole thing underwhelming and rushed when Rena comes up and tells Ladybug that it’s essentially “just been about her” the whole time, meaning it’s just the show yet again being like “see, Marinette? If you’d just figured this out bEfORe...” (note that the episode never tells Marinette that she’s unnecessarily guilting/blaming herself)

But yeah, despite the episode not giving Adrien anything to do, characters talk about him constantly, Marinette somehow doesn’t get the spotlight she needs despite getting a power-up form, and the episode feels the need to constantly railroad Marinette exactly where it wanted to go, not for her, but for the love square, which has always been about not her. It’s already bad when the episode itself is bad, but when it has so much to throw in and delivers on absolutely none of it, it just makes it all the more painful.