#So yeah learned my lesson from that
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I love how Mat Raney described Styx the podcast as being “something people can just put on while they’re like doing the laundry or doing work :)))) xoxo” when it actually just rips your soul out and renders you stunned and speechless and looking for the nearest thing to throw across the room

#Styx#Styx Podcast#If you can’t tell I’m tooootallyyyyy fiiiiinnnnneeeee hahahahahhaahhahahahahahhahahahah#I’ve been like slowly consuming this podcast bc what I learned from blasting through Woodbine is that you find something good you should#savor it as much as possible to make it last as long as possible bc my pickiness w pods means idk when imma find the next banger#And like the minute Woodbine got good it was already like the end of the season#So yeah learned my lesson from that#Found Styx on the 8th and its the 27th now so we’re doing pretty good there#But god has this podcast taken me for a ride like nothing else has before#Like idk if I’ve ever met a podcast that made me react this viscerally. Maybe Rex Rivetter or Malevolent#But with like the quality of the writing story characters acting soundscaping its like just so good of course its gonna destroy me#I may be suffering but having a good time I think hahaha………..#I just finished The Seventh Saint and my worst fear was realized at the end of the episode just augggghhhhh pain#Like I straight predicted the ending at the start being like “no that can’t be what happens” then it diiiiiiiiiiiiiidddd#I’ve never been more sad I don’t think#I mean not really but like aaauuuuggghhhhh#HAVING A CRISIS—#Y’all should listen to Styx it’s a fuuuuunnnnn tiiiimmmmmeeee hhahahahaHAHAHAHAHHAH—
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It's not a big deal, and I know jttw wukong and lmk wukong are pretty different, but I wish the fandom embraced pre jttw lmk wukong being super casual about murder. A demon slightly insults him, and pow head caved in. An inconvenience that could be solved with violence, pow dead inconvenience. Someone is flirting with his bestie, pow, swooning and blushing macaque bc he's also casual about murder.
WE! NEED! MORE! WUKONG OK WITH MURDER!
LET HIM FUCK UP A BITCH ITS OK THEY DESERVED IT
#anyway#my answer is yes i agree with you#this is something i have always wanted from the fandom#like let him show off (through murder it's ok)#let him fuck up a bitch#like yeah he learned lessons in the journey#that sometimes the convenient answer isn't always the best yadah yadah#but like.......#he did slam a mountain top on dbk#that's lmk canon y'all#let him choose violence#AND WE HAVE PROOF IN LMK#like they don't do it so much beCAUSE swk is so fucking op#he would shorten the plot too much if they let him fuck shit up (that's mk's job bc he hasn't yet controlled it lol. lmao even)#asks#lmk#lmk sun wukong#nobody argue with me and anon we are correct
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I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI.
#not dislike. its hate#it made me cry several times today#thinking of how my classmates manipulate our teachers#and chatgpt AIs can EVERYTHING#its so painful to think of it#today I broke down in the bus and cried#idc what people think. hiding my feelings any longer would destroy me from the inside#maybe youve also seen how people use freakin AIs in their exams#the thing is that:#we wrote an exam for which Ive studies for like 2 whole days#this week we finally got the exams back (w the grades ofc)#and ok Ive got a 3 (C in America syste#*m)#my friends who used chatgpt throughout the exam got way better grades (I didnt expect it otherwise)#PLUS#the most provocating messages from the teacher:#“10/10 POINTS :)” “YOURE ROCKING THIS” “YEAH”#💔#seriously#this breaks my heart#dont the teacher see something suspect in the exam?!#why cant they open their eyes and get modernized to reality.#& they KNOW- the students Im talking of. they usally have bad results.#once our teacher came to a chatgpt student and said the most miserable thing:#“youve been using duolingo a lot lately hm? thats where your nice grades come from 😉🥰”#you get it?#no- this peoson didnt learn.#no- this person isnt even interested in the stuff we learn in lessons#AWFUL feeling to hear the praisings of da teachers when *I* gotta sit among the gpt-students and look like Im a worse student than *them*#[writing this at almost 1 at night] still have some tears. this topic really has the power to destroy someones day. 💔💔
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i don’t know too much about motogp in depth enough to send specific asks but please know that i am ALWAYS seated for your class! i really enjoy reading your takes + essays
man this is so so kind, I am always a little lost for stuff to say when I just get like. people being lovely in my inbox - trust I do read and appreciate it, just get very hung up on the responding bit
anyway, this ask I think was sent the day after this long post about the similarities between casey and valentino was dropped, which has kinda been where this blog has been living for the past month,, so. in my head. I'm choosing to believe this was specifically about that essay. and I just wanted to quickly toss in one more thing - y'know the bit about sachsenring 2010, right, where valentino shows up way way ahead of schedule from the whole broken leg situation and also jorge and casey have kinda been engaging in a teensy bit of trash talk in his absence and the vibes are. off



so then casey and valentino had a very tight very cool battle for the last podium position, 10/10 would recommend, low key one of the top 3-4 races that season. valentino's fighting his demons (leg recently broken), casey's fighting his demons (bike sucks), you can tell how badly they want to beat each other... and casey manages to take the shine off valentino's return by snatching the final podium place in what you just like. know. was extremely satisfying to him. you just know it!! he won't say it because he's so hung up on the 'ooh I don't get obsessed with my rivals' shtick (lol) but it's very obvious how badly he wants to beat valentino! and then after the race when they're talking to the press, casey's like,, valentino's comeback is really not that serious, the leg's fine he's just lost a bit of muscle mass,, idk why everyone's making such a big deal,, and then valentino starts throwing jibes in his direction about how CASEY would have complained if VALENTINO had ridden like CASEY had, but of course VALENTINO would never do such a thing,,, and in the timeline of the rivalry this is very much when we start descending to kindergarten level
anyway given the tone of the on-track battle and how much shit they talk about each other in the immediate aftermath, you simply have to be deeply endeared by how they behave post-race when they're actually on the bike. classic hand grab and thumbs up situation, valentino recognising casey's performance in all its viciousness:



but then what really prompted this whole thing was. this photo..? where valentino has managed to straight up reach into casey's helmet:

like is he trying to poke casey's eyes out what's happening here. looks like he's doing finger guns in his face. why's he getting so close. isn't this a lovely quirky little photo... casey's doing an insincere thumbs up at him and valentino's attempting to stroke his cheek. fascinating. they're about to say some out of pocket shit about each other to the press btw
#common motogp etiquette dictates you don't do post race handholding with those you are engaged in an active feud with#but let the record reflect that as late as 2011 these two have been recorded engaging in post-race handholding...#gonna try this new thing where i actually reply to people being nice in my inbox rather than just. putting those off. i do treasure themmm#//#brr brr#batsplat responds#//ht#the Problem with sachsenring 2010 is that it very much feels like the start of something#like valentino is right in that it does reflect a bit of an escalation from casey's side#and you'd think that would lead somewhere but obviously because valentino nukes his own competitiveness it really doesn't#so casey's line of 'oho he shouldn't have made an enemy out of me!!' obviously doesn't stand up to scrutiny. but maybe it would have!!#The People Would Have Liked To See It Play Out#it also means casey's on-track narrative arc feels a teensy bit unfulfilled#because he does low key get to win the 2011 title exactly as he did 2007. like he doesn't really have to integrate the lessons he learned#off-track? yeah absolutely 10/10. jerez 2011 is like a graduation ceremony in that regard. but we needed another valentino fight.....
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I don’t get why ppl keep saying bkdk is dead or Horikoshi broke off bkdk. If that were true, this extra would look very different as you pointed out multiple times. The extra was still heavily focused on them and I hate how ppl are letting one no dictate the entire relationship. Izuku asks him to be a special lecturer too. I think the no just needs more clarification but other than that it is mostly fine. If a ship were to be shut down by the creator, it would look very different. Same logic for if a ship were to be canon, it would look different than what we got in the end for izu///ocha. This extra was bad in different ways from ships. It was just a whole lot of nothing that doesn’t meaningfully add anything to the story but I guess we shouldn’t be surprised since it is an extra. It is still an ambiguous ending that can be pretty fixable by one shots by Horikoshi in the future or even better by fanfiction lol. Except for the Toga part. That is just inexcusable
himiko-chan :(
and yeah! like even tho 431 is terrible not only for pairs but also for the whole story, it only confirmed Katsuki feels something really strong for deku and he doesnt notice bc he doesnt consider himself to be that great; they keep talking, and they keep being in each other's lives with no problem -they also imply they will work on communicating their feelings, as the special lecture is about this topic and deku also thinks katsuki doesnt see himself in a high regard. This is actually something that could be used in the future, as their relationship and arc isnt completely finished -in the way that they arent at a point of no miscommunication, no yearning, etc. They still need something to work with in regards to themselves and each other in the process. When it comes to midoriya and uraraka, idk what exactly could develop from what 431 tell us -seems to be mostly about paying attention to the ppl in your life instead of just letting life happen I guess? But idk what conversation or arc they could have together that wasn't resolved already, it was a really weird choice to focus on them as if there needs to be more explored -which is why choosing to not make them talk to each other nor think of the other in these years is potentially interesting, like the only way they could actually need to talk things up or have a separated special moment is if they just stop being friends and want to talk more from now on. Like, if they kept their friendship these years and were part of the other's life, there wouldnt be a moment like this at all.
I think it hurt mostly ochako -and deku if we interpret it as "deku just wants to be teacher, he is super happy about it, and loveeees so much his ex bestie after 8 years of no contact and never thinking about her"-, more than the bkdk relationship.
It would be interesting to see those one shots, if he does them -I know he said he wanted to do more things and little drawings and content for it, but idk if he will do something elaborate or just one page of something silly. I think he still has to opportunity of working with the material and make something at least not this bad -or completely ignore 431 and just continue with their adventures like 430 implies lol If he wants to double down with the "romance" I have no idea how he could do it with what he has tbh, unless he just ignores the plot and their personalities.
#grrr talking#thanks bc I was getting a little crazy like wowowowow am I just making things up in my head???#I think bkdk keep having romantic connotation even if deku is so clueless#and while is sad to see them be insecure about themselves I think they do have reasons to do this more than ochako#she did learn her lesson with 429 and talked things with deku already -which is why you had to make them go no contact for them to even#have a “moment” -there was no need for them to develop anything with their friendship. and it still ended in a friendly note#while katsuki and deku never got to actually talk about their feelings alone#nor discussed all the trauma related to each other -the quirklessness the war shigaraki killing him the guilt over so many things#deku on another hand doesnt really have much to tell uraraka that would fit them as there wasn't a moment the war actually involved them tr#truly besides the himiko moment -which would lead to himiko's love for ochako and while this could be used to make her confess#its really... bad honestly considering thats the only thing that relates them -another girl who loves both#there wasn't a moment of him paying special attention to her in a romantic coded way and everything was just... pretty friendly honestly#while the war directly involved katsuki being targeted for being the closest to deku of them all#I makes sense for them to need to talk about this in comparison#what deku as a character needs is to consider why he doesnt see himself as important and why isnt he allowed to accept more for him than#what he got#and I just dont see how this could work with her considering they dont have a real friendship anymore#I cant see neither trying to push the other into being honest about hidden feelings for the other bc... why would they have that?#and why wouldnt they just talk about it before? as I said their arc was really done before the extra#which is why you had to make them lose their friendship and want to talk more from now on -bc if they keep being friends there wouldnt be#any moment that could be ambiguous enough#but with katsuki there are things left unsaid even when keeping in contact that involve each other and their self esteem#meaning they need to work in their communication#with 431 deku “going for” uraraka doesnt come off as “him choosing himself” and “living his life”#bc it was a decision that didnt involve any internal discussion about why he is the way he is#its not framed as him finally choosing for himself or being selfish -he just found her in his way home and wanted to talk more after no con#contact#he is still insecure about his needs and doesnt understand what katsuki means when he talks in such abstract ways#its not like he understood “oh I have to choose someone” or “I have to find my special person” bc he wasn't embarrassed about wanting to t#talk to her -he loves everyone yeah but he wants to talk to her more (they haven't talked to each other in so many years!)
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finding a character that grates against your nerves and eventually thinking, well, that's not fair, you haven't done anything; why do i dislike you? and then you dwell on this for a while and discover 'oh! you are like me when i was younger' and decide well, i'll simply learn how to love the both of you. power in this.
#N posts stuff#'what are you talking about?' fuck if i know.#but also i'm talking about penny from 'the 7' -- nosy little control freak determined to find Some foothold into Every conversation#it's interesting bc sometimes when i watch i'm like 'this character is played on the Border of metagaming' but the more i think abuot it#the less it Feels like metagaming bc penny Genuinely seems Exactly like the kind of person who just Is That Determined to be#some level of involved in Every situation; 'yeah i know that show you were in' 'Yeah i was listening into this scene from a different hall'#equal parts her being a Rogue character to her core AND her borderline pathological need for control in Every situation#w/ None of the social grace needed to temper this impulse into something more broadly 'palatable' -> very autistic to me in a way#'i don't Get It but if i'm Always Right then that's good bc it's Bad to be Wrong so i just have to Know Everything so that i'm Never Wrong'#or like 'no i don't understand the Rules right but if i can just Be In Charge of the Situation at all times then i'm the one domineering#where this is going and how it unfolds; like if i'm in charge i understand That at least so i will just Always be in charge'#and sometimes this starts fights with your friends and they call you a freak for it and you're like 'hm. i don't know what's going on#but if You said it and You Get People then you must be right so. i will alter this immediately' but penny doesn't have that interaction#because her friends are just like 'yeah i love you And that batshit way of interacting with the world that you embody' and there is a#temptation of sorts to be like 'penny you HAVE to stop that; you NEED to learn that lesson please' but then like. hm. does she?#much to think about. i don't interact w/ people enough anymore for this to impact my interactions with real people lol#but it Is interesting to peel apart a fictional character and find a Younger You in there. i can change how i think about Them at least
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that feeling when you get to the end of a season and you love it and apparently everyone else hates it ✌
#i mean#i was sobbing at the end#s4 has issues but i mean#no more than other seasons imo???#also i was instantly able to rationalise the five lila thing with#oh their each other's dolores#and that immediately made it make sense to me#i think the main issue with the season was not being 10 episodes which would have given things breathing room#but overall i really really enjoyed it?#and mainly the only thing that diminished my enjoyment was everyone around me vague-blogging#or commenting on one of my fics like 'yeah i needed this after s4' like jeez thanks?#not trying to be mean or anything in the slightest it was just like oh okay i have to deal with these vibes now#either way#i liked it#i liked the ending#it made sense to me#and i think i'm gonna stay the hell away from the main tags for a good while because i learned my lesson as a jiang cheng fan#not tagging fandom so i don't get yelled at#written in stone
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I hate when I’ll be complaining about some stupid bullshit a coworker does to other coworkers and half the time their response is to lower their voice and go “well…. You know…. I’m pretty sure they’re… on the spectrum, you know?” And every time I have a split second when I have to consider saying “you know I’m autistic, right?” just to make them vaguely uncomfortable for a few minutes and actually think about what they’re implying but of course I do not do that because the gratification is not worth a large sect of shitty coworkers knowing that about me and then talking about me like that every time I do something vaguely annoying or dumb but man…. It does get tempting sometimes
#like idk!!! sometimes the coworkers in question DO display some common autistic traits#but that is NEVER what is being complained about (at least not by me) so WHY are we bringing it up like that el oh el#like when I say ‘yeah I don’t like this coworker because of the shitty fucking things she did to my friend’#the response should not be ‘well I think she’s autistic isn’t that so funny she’s so obsessive about stuffed animals it’s annoying’#shut up shut up SHUT UP AND DIE#I don’t CARE that they talk too loud I don’t CARE that they’re bad a social cues I don’t CARE that they do ‘weird things’#and it’s so. HFDJSJKSKSKS AAAGGHHHHH#whether they’re autistic or not MAYBE that’s not what should be getting brought up during a conversation like that when it has NOTHING to do#with it#also maybe we shouldn’t be doing shit like whispering ‘on the spectrum’ like its some awful terrible thing#just thoughts idk#and the thing is too is that even if I told these ppl I was autistic#they would 100% be the types that are like ‘oh? but you don’t ACT autistic I don’t think you are’#like actually I got very good at masking for these reasons thnx#also you think autism = Sheldon from the Big Bang theory and nothing else#but I already learned my lesson cuz I told a coworker that I wasn’t sure about exactly twice#one of them went ‘oh THATS why you’re so dumb and don’t realize when other ppl don’t like you and take advantage of you’#and then the other one went on a mansplaining spiel about how me being autistic was why adhd meds didnt work on me??????#so yeah. never doing that again. haha. hahahaha. hahahaha……#this actually happened a few days ago but it’s been Bothering me so much#I hate my fucking job….#kaz rambles
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A study in expressions Tom Hulce edition, as Mickey Schwerne, from Murder in Mississippi (1990)
#That is so NOT how you eat a sandwich ohmygod what the f#Chomping on it vertically?I am so baffled is it just me Are you seeing this#I was falling into deep sadness while rewatching the movie then I saw this while making the gif#Now it's all I can think about damnit#Update After staring at it for a while well actually it suits Tom#Can't explain why but yeah that does feel like a very Tom thing to do#Tom Hulce#i dont like him angry It makes me upset fr ;_;#gif5 quintessential Tom found! Trademark eye roll#my queer king#Murder in Mississippi#Mickey Schwerne#Murder in Mississippi 1990#thgop#moviegifs#filmgifs#queer actors#finally got the dvd so I can make quality gifs of this film#I had never heard of this story before watching this#Broke my heart..so relevant now more than ever#unfortunately some people never learn from the lessons of the past#as much progress there was it does feel like we are being dragged backwards#i worship my king mr hulce commands me#my mind is gone#I will follow you MY KING TO BATTLE#a study in expressions
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Boys, hold me to this one, I'm gonna make a Papyrus oc.
Not exactly a new idea, but I've been sleeping on Papyri since I joined this Fandom and I refuse to keep going. We (I) need more Papyruses with the dramatic Sans backstories without directly swapping a sans, and I shall provide at least One.
#my loose idea is that his name is Fishbone#but literally that's all I've got 🙏#maybe he had that ground-shattering “human drove my timeline to ruin” kinda thing happen but because he's a papyrus he reacted differently#he still hasn't lost hope? and wanders from omegatimelines through the multiverse in search of others to help since he couldn't save his own#like??? he just kinda pops in super-hero style and insists that he's there to help#and proceeds to speedrun Trust-Building Exercises and Puzzle Games that have this weird multiversal power to them?#he's like if the Get-Along shirt was personified into a silly guy#and like??#he's Papyrus. he's not vulnerable until he makes himself vulnerable and he rarely does that. he rarely gets even a scratch on him#he's- he's like if Saw was friendly istg#he sees someone(s) who needs a good lesson about being kind to others and puts them in The Puzzle Box until they learn their lesson#yeah Fishbone is gonna be fun#gotta do work stuff so I can design him lmao
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new redeemed verse and a lil waffle of why i changed things below
i've been kinda. stuck? for a minute on rinns redeemed verse and what to do with it. bc it enables certain interactions she doesn't have in her main verse. but in it's current state of just following the redeemed durge path it...doesn't make sense for who she is as a person. rinn, unfortunately, will do anything it takes to survive. the only time she'll embrace death is if everyone else has been slaughtered.
one of the foundations of who she is, is how effectively she was broken before going to the temple. those years trying to reject the urge and failing, completely alone, broke her ability to resist. having the party and their support allows her to reject her father - but never to his face. until the temple, her father is just a ominous figure sceleritas tells her of, she has deniability of who he is, and therefore it's easy to reject his wishes. being in his temple / facing his avatar is...a fair bit different, and frankly she isn't strong enough to reject him to his face. she isn't strong enough to die.
tldr; rinn will never be strong enough to reject bhaal to his face, and so she will always accept becoming his chosen again. this time it's just out of fear rather than devotion. she's gonna suffer for it.
the redeemed durge path is the same up until the temple in act 3, so she doesn't kill isobel and discourages killing aylin / she supports shadowheart rejecting shar / resists the urge where possible / discourages astarion from ascending...still encourages wyll to break his contract though. idk she cares about her companions gaining freedom rather than gaining power in this verse.
still murdery though
when bhaal offers her to become his chosen again, she's unable to say no. afterwards she will express remorse and honestly tell the party that he would have killed her if she rejected him, and promises she's still in it to destroy the brain.
and she keeps that promise!! she doesn't hesitate to end the brain regardless of bhaals punishment.
this is where the major divergence happens. when they're in the clear, she gets a vision of her punishment. it won't be going mad.
she's more than bhaals child, she's a literal extension of him, and he's always been slightly more lenient with her. and this time it's no different, he lays down a path for her to earn his forgiveness while making her suffer.
he strips her of her place as his chosen, for one, and many of the gifts that came with it. exiling her from the temple until she proves herself again.
her true punishment comes in the form of taking her memories. that part doesn't happen immediately, the curse takes hold overnight, giving her long enough to tell the party some of whats to come.
she won't remember anything. not of the tadpoles, the absolute, or the things they've done together. unable to even recall snippets. and she won't remember what she is.
the nasty part of the curse is that even if she's told she's bhaalspawn, she'll forget immediately. she cannot retain that information. everything else, she can remember even if she feels nothing for the bonds they formed.
bhaals gone back to foundations. when he made her, he left her on the streets of city to make a home and then ruin it. he simply repeats; the urge is silent again, a ticking timebomb, and in months or years he'll set it off again. so whatever home she's able to make will die just like the first time.
rinn will get some years of freedom, but she's lost everything. literally. and that freedom will come to a violent end when he decides it, and without memories she'll never be able to prepare for it. then he'll wait for her to break under the weight of the urge and only when she's proven herself she'll get those memories back.
#this got so long#getting the best of both worlds: rinn learning to be a slightly nicer person. and rinn suffering so bad it woulda been kinder to kill her#listen guys it was just on my mind a lot last night that she'll never be able to directly reject bhaal bc shes just not built like that#the curse of literally being a part of him rather than his child ig. and thats a double edged sword bc yeah shes a part of him#he spent so long creating her for one purpose. why go back to the drawing board bc she misbehaved#when he can unmake her and remind her of her lessons from the first time#anyway she aint ever getting free i fear shes a tragedy of her own cowardice#𝖞𝖔𝖚 𝖇𝖊 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖍𝖔𝖗𝖗𝖎𝖋𝖎𝖊𝖉 𝖔𝖓𝖊 / my guilt does not purify.
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I do find it so funny that I will graduate college days away from my birthday. Like my birthday is literally in between the end of the semester ("graduation") and commencement
It really will be like a joint graduation & birthday party for me lmao
#speculation nation#i dont really do birthday parties anymore. havent in a long time. mostly just go out and do smth fun around my bday. ya kno#also have cake but like not in a party way. just like. here's cake lol#but im probably only gonna graduate from college once. which means i might as well live it up and all.#invite all sorts of extended family and people who have known me. etc etc.#actually it just kinda sunk in that i am. Computer and Information Technology (Systems Analysis and Design focus) w a minor in Communication#like those are words. it's a lot of words but actually it really is pretty accurate?? like that's indeed what ive been studying.#now how much i *remember* is another question. considering how long ive taken to get thru school lol#but that's what people will see on my degree. that's my Thing. graduated in Computer Systems and Talking.#idk it's just weird to have spent so much of my life on this and like That's the culmination. it took so much work.#even beyond a normal 4 years. i switched my major *twice*. switched my minor too.#first year engineering to undecided liberal arts (as a temp major trying to switch to computer science bc i couldnt stay in FYE)#but then computer science sucked so i switched to trying to get into computer & info tech. which is different. and better.#and ive been in it long enough now that ive kinda forgotten but it did take some fuckin work to switch into it.#like i had to take certain classes first & i couldnt take them during the semesters that in-major students would take them#and i had to have my gpa up to a certain level etc etc. so many hoops to jump thru. i think it took me at least a year. or more. idr#but i made it in and thats my major. thats my thing. computers and information systems and communication.#doesnt FEEL like im an almost-graduate. but then i think about all the things ive taken and learned.#and maybe i dont remember a lot of the more specific things from these classes. but i took core lessons away from each one.#wont be able to recite the theories but i can live them. and thats the point of an education i guess.#anyways im gonna have to start job searching before too long and eughhbb. need to get my license first tho probably.#which i will... i will.... i have so many things to deal with... my life will be So Different in a year...#it will require me to put in the work now. but i can do it. and then a year from now. i'll hopefully be in a better spot.#living somewhere else. graduated from college. with a license and a car. maybe even an IT job of some kind.#kind of scared of trying to find a Big Boy Job. aka a job that requires a degree and networking and all that shit.#rather than just showing up and being like Hi i can do this job. i am not a total drain of a person. hire me please 👍#hfkahfks so many things to think about. and through it all i am still dealing with DEADLINES...!!!!#but yeah this is why my writing has largely been put on hold. idk i have a lot of things im dealing with rn.
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The pan pride stellated icosahedron is done!
#origami#pan pride#stellated icosahedron#I learned how to make these when I was ten or eleven#huh I’ve known how to do this for more than half my life#I wonder if my 7th grade teacher would be glad to know that of everything he taught me#what I remember is every US state’s location a vague idea of the location of all the countries in the world and this origami#also how to make a kite from two sheets of paper two straws some tape a paper clip and some thread#the kite is a BIG hit with little kids btw they always think it’s so cool#but yeah he was my math and science teacher and I do not remember his math or science lessons#so idk how he’d feel knowing that. I should look him up and send him a plushie
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i get why we do it but i hatehatehate when we have polls that are like. non usamericans vs usamericans. because my brain just goes [tv static of having moved intercontinentally not having english as a first language but forgetting my first language out of disuse having a 1st gen parent getting bullied when i went to US schools for talking funny and spelling things "wrong" but getting bullied when i went to school abroad for talking funny and so on and so forth] like i KNOW most people arent me but being third culture is such a fucking concept dude
#really changed my life when i learned abt third culture kids in high school i was like OH SHIT? YALL TOO? not that there were any around me#bc we picked the literal worst place in the US for me to go to high school but ANYWAY#when americans ask if im american (and THEY DO) i go “eh not really i moved around a lot” and depending on where i am sometimes there's fun#questions after like “oh where are ur parents from” or boring ass assumptions like MiLitArY#when non americans ask if im american im like “kinda yeah” and about half the time they go “yeah i get that” WKJSSKSKS#third culture kids are just so much more common elsewhere#i could rly talk at length abt this good lord#third culture kid#lessons of the hand and the mouth#ok to rb
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gonna do the stupid thing for my stupid mental health
#is is the right thing? who knows#but camping made me realize that being away from some of this stuff made me feel a whole lot better#camping is great at bringing back some perspective#does this make me kinda a dick? maybe#but also this responsibility shouldn’t fall solely on me#i’m gonna focus on my friends who make me feel good#and school that makes me feel productive and excited#and everything else can make the effort if it needs my time and energy and emotional investment that badly#god camping was so wet but so good#MANY cool plants and mushrooms#i got to be in the forest info dumping to a captive audience#surrounded by my friends and without the outside world being able to contact me#legit definition of my happy place#lots of cool people to spend my time with#good games and campfire vibes and goofing off with glow sticks#didn’t get as many photos or snuggles as past camping trips but that was bc it was wet#let opportune moments for photo-ops and cuddling while damp is just unpleasant#so no hammock naps but that just gets bumped over to the bucket-list for next year again#and i only had ONE mild bad brain moment#and ONE (separate) bad body moment (and that one was my fault i had two hits of some really strong weed)#(and had a very very bad time for the rest of that night but NOT as bad as last year)#(I swear to god I learned my lesson this year)#so yeah. gonna make a camping bucket list for next year and look at it when i need reminders that there are good things ahead.#personal#(Em and Kat if u see this i love u both so much thank you for including me in your tradition these past several years)#(it means the world to me and i love getting to spend the time with you all!)
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