#So yeah it doesn't stop on thinking about myself but the systems in which we live

[anaesthesia-why]

why is my mind set on always comparing myself with others. and on every single mistake. on everything not perfect. on everything painful. on everything negative. who put so much poison there. who let it fester.

[tracle0]

New love language, signs of trust

[copperbadge]

hi, i had a medium to big question. in your post about the adhd self-help book you mentioned people with adhd being conditioned to be nonconfrontational, but i've never once in my entire life connected the two? can you break down the connection for me so that i can once again (this week, even) have my understanding of my own condition blown wide open?

So, you are not the only person to ask about this, but that's on me for being unclear -- I wasn't trying to assert that kids with ADHD are automatically conditioned to be nonconfrontational, I was more trying to be like "Hey not everyone needs lessons in medical self-advocacy but a lot of nonconfrontational people do." And I think there is a higher population of people with neurodivergence who are deeply confrontation-averse, but I don't have like, numbers for that, it's just an assumption based on other knowledge.

It gets complicated; ADHD is a disease based heavily in acting impulsively against your best interests. But yeah I do think people with ADHD are often conditioned to avoid confrontation because of two main factors: rejection-sensitive dysphoria and executive dysfunction.

RSD, which I hate perhaps more than any other symptom or behavior associated with ADHD, automatically kicks our nervous system into high gear in social situations and encodes embarrassing moments in our memory with high-def clarity. Because RSD naturally causes a level of anxiety around socialization, it tends to make us nonconfrontational simply because a) we don't want to be yelled at, b) we don't want to embarrass ourselves by getting emotional about something that may not warrant it, and c) by the time we realize what's happening our body is already on high alert which means we are likely to go into fight-flight-freeze mode.

Me, I freeze, usually, but none of those three options are great for fast thinking during an argument. I used to lose arguments a lot simply because I couldn't think or react as fast as the neurotypical person I was fighting with, so I simply stopped having fights. Notably, I did not have this problem when fighting with my brother, who is also neurodivergent and has many of the same freeze reactions I do.

If people disagree with me, even when I know I'm right I also know I probably won't be able to vocalize it properly, so I back down. Usually it's trivial so it doesn't matter, and I've gotten strategic about how and when I argue about things that do matter; it's also a lot easier to do with strangers or professionals (like doctors) where I don't have to worry about long-term social repercussions. But yeah, our own nervous system tells us "hey maybe don't pick this fight" about every single fight and if we do pick that fight, it treats our opponent as a dangerous predator.

Executive dysfunction's interaction with nonconfrontation is something I have less problem with because while I do have poor executive function, I've spent a lot of time and energy training myself to cover the Important Stuff. I have mild ADHD so I'm capable of this; I'm not trying to say everyone with ADHD is, because lord knows it's exhausting for me and I've been doing it for roughly thirty years. But essentially, I cover where it counts: if someone needs me to do something I do it, I meet deadlines, I pay bills.

So with that disclaimer in place, a very common issue especially for children with undiagnosed ADHD is that they'll be told or asked to do something and simply be unable to begin or complete it, then when they're asked why they didn't do it they can't explain. Even if they try to explain that they simply couldn't, like they were incapable of doing it for reasons they don't understand, that usually doesn't hold water with a lot of parents and teachers.

"I couldn't bring myself to write this essay," is actually something I told myself a few times in college, but it's not something I'd bother trying to tell someone else, because if you think you're neurotypical that sounds very insane. So I'd lie and say I forgot, or I'd take the fail, or I'd simply drop out of the class. Crucially I would not fight with the authority figure who was questioning me about it, because I knew I wouldn't be able to explain myself, and I'd just end up getting in more trouble for longer.

Our culture is structured for neurotypicals, and it's not even structured for all neurotypicals. Behavior that deviates from Approved Neurotypical even when you think you are Approved Neurotypical is highly punishable. So if your options are passivity, even when passivity leads to pain, or confrontation, most people who aren't Approved Neurotypical will opt for passivity once they've had a taste of where confrontation leads. I know I do.

And the thing is, there's nothing actually wrong with that. It's a strategy calculated to minimize pain. Even when I'm firing on all cylinders on a fresh dose of Adderall, I still generally let fights go unless there will be actual real consequences, because it's just not worth it. But knowing we have ADHD and knowing we fall into this pattern, I think it is good to be aware that sometimes letting a fight go is really going to fuck you, and at that point even being bad at it is better than not engaging.

I'm pretty good at calculating those, but it's a lifelong process, knowing which hills to die on when you assume you will automatically die if you ever get above sea level.

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

hi! i saw on your shipping chart you had meenah and cronus as moirails and noted 'would have prevented all problems' and ive never really seen that take before. id love to hear your thoughts on that if you wanted to talk about them, your analysis in general is always amazing

Sure! I know this one's going to be controversial, but TBH I'm kind of fascinated by their dynamic. So please bear with me here and come into it with an open mind; I was also really surprised when I noticed what was going on.

Also, standard disclaimer that nobody has to agree with me or ship my ships, I literally don't care, HCs are valid, death of the author, etc. etc. This is just a canon discussion blog, and there's kind of a weird amount to read into in the canon between these two.

Okay, so, first of all, quick refresher on moirallegiance: it's not necessarily about being BFFs, it's very specifically about pacifying each other, keeping each other calm and stable, and preventing each other from causing harm to oneself or to others.

Ergo, the marker of moirallegiance rests not on "do these two get along as BFFs?" and instead on "do these two keep each other calm and/or mitigate each others' harm".

So with that out of the way, Cronus and Meenah. We know that Cronus has a redcrush on her, echoing Eridan's redcrush on Feferi, and that Meenah is not interested at all. Cronus shoots his shot with her, she's like ick, no & leaves, and that's that on that. Cronus then rounds on Mituna and says some unbelievably cruel and shitty stuff, but here's Point #1 - Meenah shows up again, and Cronus stops immediately, and then is noticeably calmer and friendlier to Mituna. Compare:

CRONUS: you are a brain damaged reject on a team full of rejects. a rejects reject. i vwould havwe culled you myself if that vword meant vwhat it should havwe on our planet.

-

CRONUS: vwell, this is clearly absurd, but nyeh, vwhat the heck. CRONUS: mituna, i just cant take it anymore. i think my ghost is going to kill itself. MITUNA: WH0W4H L375 FUCK!!!!! CRONUS: vwait... CRONUS: really? MITUNA: N0 0Y0 P135H3 0FF 1ND107 FUGG1NG G4R484G3  #FUCKY0UFUCKY0UFUCKY0UFUCKY0UFUCKY0U CRONUS: oh.

So at the very least, SOMETHING conciliatory seems to be happening here, whether that's pale or ashen. But I'm going with pale, because it continues.

Their second conversation together is really interesting - not only has Cronus stopped redflirting with her, but he no longer even seems interested. Compare this to the section with Mituna above:

CRONUS: oh sure. no grub sauce on your hands! MEENAH: wow you did it MEENAH: ampora you totally changed my mind about you lets start makin out immediately  #not CRONUS: just admit it. you havwe it vwithin you to be just as harsh to our behelmeted buddy as i am, if not more

Like, he doesn't even ACKNOWLEDGE the "let's make out #not". Not even in an indignant "see, you keep playing with my collapsing and expanding bladder based vwascular system" kind of way. Literally just breezes right by it, which says to me that he isn't even really that into her concupiscently.

But more interesting are the actual contents of the conversation. Cronus is the only person on the entire team who's able to make Meenah have misgivings about how awesome the Condy is.

MEENAH: man MEENAH: a girls gotta have fuel for her pimp ride know what im sayin MEENAH: like MEENAH: i probably took care of him good MEENAH: you know how it is someones gotta take care of the guy anyways MEENAH: and... yeah #38(

This is the first and only time that Meenah even acknowledges that the Condy - herself at her worst - is kind of shitty. This is the first and only time she's ever expressed any emotion for the Condy other than fangirlish admiration or rage against Caluborn for enslaving her. For whatever reason, she actually listens to Cronus when Cronus takes her to task, and he's actually able to make her genuinely reflect on her worst tendencies.

But maybe more damning is the fact that in their first real conversation together for nearly an eon, she almost fixes him:

MEENAH: i heard a rumor you think youre a human now MEENAH: that true CRONUS: its a privwate matter. i dont see vwhy i should havwe to talk about it vwith you, and open myself up to more of your judgmental scorn. MEENAH: sounds like another desperate cry for attention imo

[...]

CRONUS: to be honest, she might be right. sometimes i think i might only be saying im a human to get attention. maybe i should givwe it up.

Cronus's fundamental emotional problem is a sense of purposelesness and ennui. Born into a caste of high privilege, with his identity overshadowed by said position, he's been handed an unpleasant cocktail of entitlement, lack of true emotional support or connection, and lack of a real, authentic personal identity - especially because the thing he DID seem to derive a sense of identity and purpose from - his little Harry Potter wizard backstory - was driven out of him. In other words, he's kind of a shitty rich kid that doesn't really know who he is outside of that, and his humankin stuff is an attempt to fill the wizard hole without addressing his real underlying issues. It's a Bad Thing for him to be doing, and something he should drop in order to start addressing his genuine insecurities, feelings of emptiness, and lack of identity or purpose. In other words, it's harm he's performing on himself, and a single conversation with Meenah being enough to make him reconsider it? Hmmmmmm.

In fact, I'm not the only one picking up on the pale vibes. The specific way that Kankri interrupts the two reads as incredibly pick-me in pale:

KANKRI: Listen, I was d9ing y9u a fav9r. Y9u d9n't need t9 6e dating any9ne wh9 can't appreciate y9u f9r wh9 y9u really are, 9r m9re imp9rtantly, which fantasy versi9n 9f y9urself y9u m9st str9ngly identify with.

[...]

I just wanted y9u t9 kn9w that I'm here f9r y9u, and am prepared t9 lecture t9 y9u extensively, I mean, listen t9 y9u extensively, a69ut y9ur ultra-imp9rtant pr96lem.

"Don't take Meenah's advice about your problems! Take mine instead, I care about you sooo much more than she does!" lol. I have a whole essay on how Kankri and Cronus are actually super toxic for each other, in an interesting foil to Karkat and Eridan, which I'll link here in a bit (I'm on mobile RN and it's hard enough C/Ping my sources).

In any case, Kankri slides in at exactly the moment where Meenah's about to fix Cronus, and proceeds to make Cronus worse. The details are in the Cronus and Kankri essay, but TL;DR it's kind of implied that Kankri is the one who talked Cronus out of the wizard stuff in the first place, which pretty much disqualifies the two's relationship from pale, given how harmful that was. This whole thing is pretty reminiscent of Gamzee coming between Karkat and Eridan when Eridan is trying to comfort Karkat about Sollux dying, because it's implied Gamzee has a palecrush on the guy. That might be subjective, though.

What isn't subjective is the fact that Meenah unironically defends Cronus's wizard beliefs when Aranea starts shitting on them.

ARANEA: Whatever the case, it was pro8a8ly for the 8est, since pretty much everyone who had half a think pan thought [Cronus's wizard beliefs were] all a 8unch of ridiculous nonsense. MEENAH: serket why do you got to hate on other peoples religions MEENAH: dont you kno they just as much a load of crackpotty bunk as all your spiritual bullfuck ARANEA: 8ut I........ ARANEA: Yes, I guess I was out of line.

She doesn't do this for anybody else. Not long after, it turns out she's absolutely joking about defending Kurloz:

MEENAH: wow serket MEENAH: just wow so rude MEENAH: poor clown ARANEA: Don't give me that! I seem to remem8er you having more than a few unkind words for him 8ehind his 8ack. MEENAH: yeah im messin witchu he sux

And even proceeds to shit on HIS spiritual bullfuck:

MEENAH: )(ONK ARANEA: Honk honk! ::::) MEENAH: lol im glad we can both agree that clowny fuckin soda cult is the dumbest shit ever

So... weird, huh? Seems like she gives Cronus special treatment for some reason.

That's it for the diegetic stuff to go over, which, yes, means that there's a bit of non-diegetic stuff to discuss. It's not much, but here's Hussie's commentary from the Act 5 Act 2 book, on Mindfang's journal entries about Dualscar leading up to the 3x showdown (emphasis mine):

In the end, even though violets are the ruling class, she doesn't care much about them either. All she cares about is keeping her stranglehold on power with this complex, staggered, oppression-based sort of pyramid scheme. Note how it says the Condesce doesn't even know who Dualscar is. That's how insignificant he is, ultimately. Similarly, all Eridan was to Feferi after a while was a tiresome pest. The way that situation played out could also be seen as long-delayed karmic backlash for Dualscar's irrelevance to her, at least from a very Amporan point of view.

Now, while the specific context here is about how, from the point of view of a shitty entitled guy, Eridan killing Feferi is kind of a retribution for the Condy not giving a shit about Dualscar, all of Hussie's commentary is meant to be interrogated just as much as the base text, and it just makes me wonder. The dancestors very much treat their Alternian counterparts as alternate versions of themselves, consistent throughout their interactions, meaning we ought to consider Duascar and the Condesce to be versions of Cronus and Meenah.

If it is, in fact, the case that Cronus and Meenah would've made for excellent, harm-reducing moirails for each other, then murderstuck being a karmic backlash for their ultimate irrelevance to each other takes on a much greater implication - one that traces back to Cronus's classpect.

Bards start off massive karmic chain reactions, resulting in improbable victory or abject defeat, sometimes both; Hope is an aspect whose main application is making fake things real.

So I'm not saying that Cronus believing that an evil wizard attacked him when he was younger but was inadvertently sealed away and that Cronus was therefore karmically destined to defeat this wizard, but then having his beliefs shattered halfway through, led to him karmically contributing to the eventual creation of LE via his Hope abilities "inviting destruction" by making only the first half of his fake prophecy true, but - oh, no, wait, I am saying that. Man, that really sucks for everybody. If only Cronus had a friend who was, for whatever reason, willing to stick up for his dumbass wizard faith.

If only.

[astarion-dekarios]

I did a live transcription of the Dragon Age: the Veilguard dev Q&A session today.

UPDATE/EDIT: I made a second pass of this and cleaned it up into a full/complete transcript.

Q: If you could belong to any of the main factions, which would you choose? 

Corinne: Listen Katie, you say softball but this is hard. I'm gonna cheat and I’m gonna give you two. So for fashion, the Antivan Crows all day long. their threads, you're gonna love it. For vibes though, the ones that capture my vibe, Mournwatch. Gimme those necromancers.

John: Those are good answers. I have one for fashion and for just general faction that I’d like to be a part of. Veil jumpers - who doesn't like a nice walk in the forest, you know, even if that forest is filled with horrifying monsters and terrifying anomalies, but uh, yeah.

Matt: For me it’s definitely the Lords of Fortune. I’ve had a chance to try out a bunch of them, and I think I’ve finally settled on them, and I think it’s just because pirate barbarian is just such a great combination of elements. Treasure hunting, plus beaches and palm trees and all that stuff, it’s a really good mix, so that’s kind of my default.

Q: I’ve seen a lot of talk about only having two companions in your party instead of three for this game. What is the reasoning this and will we get the same companion conversations and banter as seen in the previous Dragon Age Games?? 

Corinne: Such a good question. Thank you to whoever submitted this one. I'll start and then turn it over to John Epler. As you saw in the gameplay reveal, this is a much more intimate experience. We pulled the camera in. For those that aren't aware, the reason why is we want you to feel like you actually are in this world, like you’re walking these the city streets of Minrathous, you’re looking up at the buildings all around you. You're a part of this place. It's much more intimate, and we believe as the narrative unfolds that this creates a lot more immersion. Now how this relates to the companions is in doing this, we went back and forth on it a lot, but we actually found that having two companions allows them more visibility and presence. We've talked about the incredible depth and focus we’ve put on fleshing out these companions, they're very fully realized, so here you really get to see them more clearly, you get to see them shine. When you see Lace Harding jump into the air and release a volley of arrows, you can only get that because of this more intimate view. So I love the spotlight that’s been put on them. But I think in addition to the banter, one of the things people are wondering about is, ok but what about gameplay. Again, this has come about from our testing, working with the internal team and also our lovely our council of players. We just found that in the combat system, when you're planning your strategies, two felt like the right number to manage. Keep in mind, Rook has a lot of different types of actions: abilities, individual attacks that are more fleshed out than ever before. Timing and positioning matter a lot, so this really felt like the right balance. The number of inputs and actions we’re asking you as a player to take, including directing your companions, is higher than ever before. And I will also say that I engage with the companions, I actively control what they're doing more than I ever have before in any of the other three games. But John, I’ll toss it over to you for the banter.

John: So banter, honestly I don't think you could stop the writers from writing banters. I will say for myself, it's one of the more light but fun things to do. You get to write little stories, little arcs between the characters, and Veilguard is no different. Banter is still absolutely a core part of it. We've got global banter, you know the general stuff that you get in all spaces, as well as mission specific stuff. But yeah. It's definitely still a big thing, if anything it's the most we've ever done for pairings of companions. Beyond that, we’ve also made sure—and I mean, I’ve been on Dragon Age for a while, and I know there’s been an issue, you know, things like, “well, I don’t wanna miss this banter.” So we've even added stuff like interruptable and resumable banter as well, just to make sure that—because again, it’s a core part of the experience. Everyone loves hearing these companions talk to each other. Everyone loves hearing these little stories and relationships develop over the course of the game, and as mentioned before, companions are the heart of this experience. So we still have it, if anything like I said, you could not stop the writers from doing it, even if you tried.

Corinne: Well John, listening to you speak, one thing that comes to mind, maybe people are wondering, with two companions in the field, do I get less interaction? Like do I get a scene with my companions interacting with a broader group more often? And the way you'll gather them around the kitchen table, there's just so many of those moments where they're all interacting with each other. Those are some of my favorite parts.

John: Yeah, and that’s a good callout, because I think the other side of it is, we aren’t talking too much about your home, but we also wanna make sure that they feel like they have relationships and a life outside of just the times you take a certain pair of companions out on the field, so we made sure that they have interactions there as well.

Q: How customizable is the backstory of Rook? Will we get to determine their past in the character creator?

John: Absolutely. So Rook has six different backgrounds that you can choose from. Each  one is tied to one of the major factions in the Veilguard, and each one sets out who Rook was before they were recruited by Varric. While that sets up the broad events, as you go through the game and have conversations either with members of your faction, other characters, you can define not just what those events were but what they meant to you – what was your motivation, what was the kind of person you are as you build up Rook, because again, we wanna make sure that roleplaying is at the heart of this experience, and taking Rook, giving them a background in the world but letting you decide what that means and what that says about you is also a big part of it. And again, there are six different factions in this game. Two which anyone who’s played Dragon Age for a while would remember, you’ve got the Gray Wardens and Antivan Crows. We also have, in addition to them, four new ones because we’re in Northern Thedas. We’ve got the Veil Jumpers, Mournwatch, Shadow Dragons, and Lords of Fortune. A lot of different options, a lot of different backgrounds, and a lot of opportunities to define who your Rook was and who they are now.

Q: Will crafting return and has it been improved since Inquisition?

Corinne: Will crafting return? You can absolutely improve and customize your gear, yes. That is a big part of RPG progression, so yes you can improve and customize it. I will say though, it's different this time around, and it does get into spoiler territory so I'm gonna be a little cagey about it, but there might be a mysterious entity that assists you with that that will be an important part of the narrative.

Q: Can we kiss or romance Manfred the skeleton? 

John: I would say, not that skeleton, but we're not saying no skeletons.

Q: What were some of the development considerations that you had to take into account to ensure this game flows & functions with prior games & dragon age keep, if keep is being utilized? 

Corinne: We did an interview with IGN that goes into some of the details there. To summarize, we have taken a different approach on how you import your decisions this time around. It's now fully integrated into the character creator and serves a dual purpose, to be honest. It’s not called this in game, but I playfully think of it as "last time on dragon age". When I talk about its dual purpose, it's been 10 years since the last dragon age game release, so it serves as a refresher on critical events as well as allowing you to remake those decisions that are critical to you. The thing I love about it is it's very highly visual, it uses the familiar tarot card aesthetic, so it's actually a very visual and playful experience as you go through it. It is very much important to us that it's built into the client, though. You can play this game entirely offline, no connection, you don’t have to link to your EA accounts. That's been a really big request, so the refresher plus make those decisions in client, I think we're all pretty happy about that. I don't wanna spoil anything by revealing what decisions you can import. Y'all don't want the spoilers. But it's been a really interesting creative intersection for us. Because on the one hand, this is a whole new adventure. You're in northern thedas, these locations you've literally never been to before, so that affects what will matter and what we’re not using this time around as far as decisions. But obviously there’s some very very clear connections to existing characters. It’s no secret that the Inquisitor, our dear Inky, is gonna show up, so that's a factor.

Q: Will this next game be an open world game or is it just confined to Tevinter? 

John: Yeah, so you are in northern Thedas, but the game only begins in Minrathous. It doesn't stay there. I think one of the most exciting things for me, and again, I don’t wanna get into too much spoiler detail, but getting to go to and work with the art team, the narrative, the design team to build out these locations we've talked about, places that character have referred to as where they’ve come from, places that characters obviously in previous games have hailed from, has been absolutely exciting. So you do start in Tevinter, you do start in Minrathous, but again that’s not the entire game by any stretch.

Corinne: And the first half of it is, is it an open world game? We've gone back to what we believe delivers the best, most curated, intense narratives. So this is a hand crafted experience, it's mission based. Now these locations can open up, you can go back, solve mysteries, do some really great side content - not fetch quests, not grind quests, some really great side content. But I wanna be clear, it's a really curated, hand crafted experience.

John: Just to bounce off of that very quickly, the most important thing for us and what Corinne was saying about hand crafted, obviously we’ve talked about how characters, story, narrative are critical to us, and this has allowed us to build those experiences in a way that emphasized that really well while still tying it into the story threads and story beats.

Q: Will the companions have unique specializations like DA2 or the same as player?

Corinne: I think the best way for me to describe this is that yes, our companions will have abilities that are truly unique to them, but also the companions do fall into the archetypes of mage, rogue, and warrior. For instance, you might be surprised to hear, because she has a bow, but Bellara is in fact a mage, and I love that. Some of the abilities, the bulk of the abilities of the companions, are based on their own unique personalities. Neve is the only mage that is an ice mage, so you get distinct abilities for her. But because she's a mage, she does have access to abilities that all mages share, like Time Slow. We really like the balance there. It’s a good mix of representing their archetype, their class, and also their distinct specialization or personality or whatever you wanna call it.

John: Yeah actually, I would say the word personality is a great one, because all of these characters exist, have a story, have a history of how they became who they were, and part of that was finding that intersection between narrative and gameplay and making sure that again, we serve the needs of gameplay, but also allow these characters to exist as their own people, not just in conversation but out of conversations as well.

Corinne: I would also say that as part of that core mage kit, healing spells are there. So if your mages, you wanna make ‘em a healer, yeah.

Q: Will the Veilguard have tactical combat still? 

Corinne: Yes. Combat gets quite tactical. Obviously this is an evolution of the combat system. I talked about immersion, wanting to put you in the world like you’re actually living and existing in it, but it is very tactical and I will say we have a robust difficulty system. The tactics are increasingly important the higher difficulty that you go. So if you’re showing up for a highly tactical experience, I would crank that difficulty in particular. But I wanna make sure I’m super clear in my answer. You saw the gameplay reveal. Our pause time tactical mode is not overhead. It stays close to Rook. It does allow you to cycle between targets in and out of combat, there’s a reason for that. As the game progresses, you didn’t see this in that opening hour of the game, but it will display strategic information on the enemies, so what are their vulnerabilities, what are their elemental weaknesses, their enhancements, what are they resistant to, so your type of abilities, leaning into elemental gameplay matters a lot.

I would also say, this is a long answer because it’s such a great question, tactical decision making also takes the form, I would say this is front and center, of coordinating your ability usage between Rook and your companions to create synergies and or really devastating, we call them detonation combos. So let me give you a couple of examples, because it can be really hard to visualize, so hopefully this helps. One of the tactics that I personally enjoy in my own builds, I just recently played as a veil ranger, I love it, it’s one of my favorites. if I'm fighting fade touched enemies in Artlathan, I like to use Bellara's galvanized tear to pull enemies together, it’s like a gravity well. You then Slow Time with Neve – Slow Time affects the world around you, but it does not affect you, so you clump them up, you slow time -- and then with Rook I come in and do a devastating AOE or damage over time spell or ability. And it’s even better if it's a lightning based ability, because the fade touched in Arlathan are vulnerable to that. So there’s so many layers of coordination and strategies and tactics. We did talk about the devastating detonation combos, that's one of my favorite features, because that’s when you’re really leaning into explicit teamwork between your companions and Rook or the companions together. When I build out my team and I'm going into a mission, I try to ensure that I have at least a couple possible synergies, detonation combo synergies, between my team. It might be between Harding and Neve, Neve and me, or both. So here, I'd go into battle, pause time, open the ability wheel, get information on the enemy – and the wheel will actually tell you that there is a synergy combo, you  might have seen a screenshot that says “combo available” – it will remind you of synergies between companions, you can queue both of those abilities up at the same time, close out of the pause time menu, they’ll both execute, both abilities will happen. Then the detonation AOE happens, applies debuffs to all the enemies in a radius of it. It's so satisfying. I can’t wait for yall to see it, but the interesting thing is that too is a tactical choice. I’m choosing to use my companions to do that, and that means I’m not using them to heal me, or to give me that defense bonus, or to knock an enemy off a ledge, so it’s about the opportunity costs. I could spend the rest of the session talking about this, apologies for being long winded, but this is one of my favorite parts of the game.

Q: Can you choose rook's pronouns? If yes, is being non-binary an option? How detailed is the character creator?

Corinne: Well yeah you can select your pronouns. Absolutely. You can actually select your pronouns and your gender, because those are related concepts, but they’re not actually the exact same thing. Yeah, you can be non-binary, we have he/him, she/her, they/them. Yes. Emphatic yes. How detailed is the character creator? Oh my goodness, yall. Very. I don't wanna give away too much just yet but it's very very deep. It has been revealed, it’s out there in a couple articles about the focus on hair, the focus on skin tones that are done respectfully, full body customization, hell yeah, we love to see it. But we’re gonna come back, we’re gonna show you a lot more on character creator, but we wanna make sure we have the time and space to do that.

Q: Will there be a photo mode in game? 

Corinne: That is something we’re actively looking into, we know there’s a ton of interest, so stay tuned on that one, but we are very much looking into it.

John: I can add too, that is a feature that we like, we like the idea of, and it’s not just player facing, but internally it’s a really helpful thing to have that as we’re building things out, so we’ll let you know.

Corinne: Yes, yeah, absolutely. We are as geeked on that possibility as you all are.

Q: A lot of people were asking about abilities. Are we going to be limited in how many abilities we can pick from the wheel?

Corinne: Ability wheel does have a capacity. You have to choose which three abilities you wanna bring for Rook, which three for  a companion, and which three for another companion. What I like about this is there is kind of an emergent gameplay depending on who you and your companions are coming into a mission with. Now the reason for that is it actually creates a really interesting balance between strategizing, having to do that strategy about your combat kit before the mission, and then the tactical decisions once you're in the field deciding what to do. I want to clear one thing up, while there are three ability slots for Rook, there's so much more than that - other actions that you can perform directly from the wheel like you’ll have an ultimate ability associated with your class or your specialization, so there’s variants there. There’s a type of items you can get that function like abilities, they’re typically like buffs and enhancements, in the form of runes, so you’ll control that for Rook and/or the team from the wheel. You may have also seen that you can direct which targets your companions can focus on, but what you might not know is that a lot of the companion gear really synergizes with that directing with your companions. When you issue those commands, that too will proc depending on the gear they have equipped, really interesting and strategic effects. They can be more ability like, more like proc’d effects, there’s just so much from the wheel that once you get in and see everything working together, becomes more and more apparent.

Q: Will fireball and cone of cold be back as spells in Dragon Age: the Veilguard? 

Corinne: All these combat questions, really good. Fireball and Cone of Cold aren't specifically back, however their successors are, frost nova and meteor. These serve the exact same combat role and function as those other abilities. I would also say it gives them quite the glow up. Meteor in particular, so satisfying nuking a group of darkspawn with a well placed meteor. It’s wonderful

Q: What accessibility features are available? Arachnophobia mode? Mod support? 

Corinne: Oh my goodness, arachnophobia. I am wicked afraid of spiders too. My partner always laughs at me, I’m just terrified of them. That said, that's one we're going to save for a little bit closer to launch before we’ll go into full details about accessibility features. But I do wanna assure you we have spent a lot of time thinking about this topic, so that you can play the game in a way that really works for you. I'm excited to share that with you when the time is right.

Q: How long is the time skip from Inquisition to the Veilguard? 

John: Anyone who's paid attention to Dragon Age, and I can say as somebody who’s been on Dragon Age since Origins, timelines are always a little iffy. They change and they morph over development as we see how longs things are taking, but for Veilguard we were actually pretty consistent from the start that it's been about 10 years since trespasser, as you may or may not have noticed, Varric's become a bit of a silver fox. I’ve seen a lot of comments about that on social media. Yeah, 10 years. Solas's ritual has taken time to set up and you’re kinda coming in at the end of that hunt.

Q: Is Solas still bald? 

Matt: Yeah. I mean if you’ve watched the gameplay thing, we can all confirm that Solas is still bald, Solas is still Solas. I really like how Solas has turned out this time around. I will say, here’s a comment on this specific question that’s gonna sound like a non-sequitor, but once you get a chance to play a little bit more, maybe you’ll – In Thedas, ancient elves go bald when they are millenia old, so Solas wasn't always bald. So if you end up seeing what Solas looked like in the past, things might be a little different. Now that said, I’m sure some of you are wondering what happened to Solas’s wig from Tevinter Nights. I’m sure he still has it somewhere, so… It’s his most important possession.

Corinne: Some pride there, huh.

Q: Will we be able to change companions appearances and outfits or are they fixed, similar to Dragon Age 2? 

Matt: Dragon Age 2 was, we loved how the followers turned out in that, but it was sad given our constraints that we had to keep them with just one basic outfit. We really tried to make some space for them this time around. They have iconic color palettes and things like that, but they do have a wider range of appearances that you can find for them, some are just cool but then there are some  that are tied to directly to their narrative and just kind of what’s happening in their life.

Q: Will we be seeing or visiting Kal’Sharok? 

Matt: What’s been really cool, so in previous games, we’ve kind of alluded to this before, it was a lot of fun to hint at the locations that were off the map, the mysterious places you were not going, and so you could just bring in some props, some characters, a piece of art, things like that. Even Tevinter was only vaguely hinted at and we’d just add drips and bits and pieces, so that stuff was really fun. In the Veilguard we’re actually getting to visit a whole lot of those locations that had only been hinted at for real, so you do actually run around Tevinter and a bunch of the other locations that we’ve revealed. But this also means that we're not completely filling out the map, and that there are new things we can start hinting at and we can start drip feeding. It’s kinda fun, I’d say for what we can show of Kal’Sharok and other locations, there’s more to do.

Q: Will the dialogue wheel/options be similar to Inquisition and Andromeda in the sense that it's more tone based?

John: We have a number of different types of wheels in our game. All the dialogue wheels are based off the same principle, anyone who’s played a dragon age game and remembers what they look like. In Dragon Age: the Veilguard, we have tone wheels which are roleplaying your character picking consistent tone. We also have emotion wheels where you can pick specific emotional reactions, and choice wheels which are, I don’t have a strong emotional or tone tie here, but I do want to make a choice based on what I do. Investigate’s obviously return as well. We want players to understand as much as possible what it is they are going to be picking, we want the choice to be clear even if one of the best things about consequence is making sure that’s not entirely clear.

Q: How extensive are Rook’s dialogue decision trees? 

John: Huge. Again, it’s a Dragon Age game. We wanna make sure you have choices, we wanna make sure you can choose your roleplaying, but also choose outcomes of conversations, choose how events unfold. Again it’s a Dragon Age game, we wanna make sure we also react to decisions you’ve made. So for example, you may be talking to a follower who is an elf, and if you yourself are an elf, obviously you'll have a different perspective on events than someone who’s not an elf. Sometimes that means different conversation options, sometimes that’s going to be entirely new dialogue trees, as well as based off decisions you’ve made throughout the game, so again, making sure the game feels like it notices what you’re doing is a huge part of how we’ve written out the dialogue wheel and dialogue trees in this game.

Q: All companions romanceable by all player characters regardless of race and gender? 

Corinne: Yeah, yeah. We have talked about this in some of the interviews, I’ve seen a few articles about it, so I'd recommend everyone check out those articles, but let me just give you a quick interview. Each of the seven companions has full romance arcs and they are romanceable by all genders. Absolutely. But something that’s really important to us on the team, and so I just wanna make sure and double down on, that doesn't mean playersexual. If anyone’s unaware of what we mean by that, it doesn’t mean they conform or twist their identities to who you the player are. They won’t suddenly have a preference for men or women based on what you’re playing. Instead they have their own fully fleshed out identities. They are true and authentic to that. So in this game they are all pansexuals, they all have histories and romances, sometimes you’ll hear about preferences and things of that nature. And what I really love is if you don’t pursue a romance with them, they’ll actually build their own romances with each other. So in one of the interviews I talked about Lace Harding and Taash getting together. I give that example because it’s one of my favorites. I’m gonna put a question back to the community though. I’ve heard we’re going with Laash for that ship name? You tell me what is that ship name?

Q: What are the markings on the faces of the elven warden and veil hopper?

John: So there’s quite a few, I think more than we’ve done before, tattoos from various cultures. We're bringing the vallaslin back of course but there's a ton of different options, especially when we’re going into these new regions. Each area has its own kind of visual language for that. We are bringing the vallaslin back and a couple characters have them, but we've customized them a bit. They’re a bit more specific to their personality.

Q: What are you as a developer most proud of and excited for players to experience? 

Corinne: I suspect for most of us, myself included, it's the depths and authenticity of the companions journey along with on their arcs, learning about their hardships, what they care about, being by their side. That authenticity is just so good, they all feel like my dear friends. But I have to say, the closest runner up for me has to be the character creator. Has to be. That character creator, the makeup options, the range of sliders... I'm a Qunari fan, so even just the way you customize the horns and combine that with the really great looking hair. Character creator has to be my very close runner up.

Matt: As far as what I can say I’m most proud of on this one, I can speak for the art team, we worked incredible hard to make the story more visible than ever. Games are a visual medium, but sometimes it's easier to do things in text format or written in a codex somewhere or alluded to off screen, but we really leaned into trying to make sure that every design, prop, character, environment, that the effects we’re choosing, all these choices were putting the story on screen so you can see it unfold, and I think having worked on all the dragon age games, I'd say Veilguard represents one of the best attempts at that we’ve made yet.

John: I’m gonna cheat and kind of combine both Corinne’s and Matt’s answers. Honestly the companions for me are the absolute highlight. Just being able to work across all the disciplines, building characters who look and sound and behave in very specific and characterful ways. These are the deepest companion arcs we've ever done, not just on Dragon Age but in BioWare in general. Each companion has their own story arc you can go through, decisions you can make. They really do take center stage. As you play through them, you see the care and love that the team has put into each and every one. I mean, there’s moments in each arc that make you cry, make you angry, make you excited, and the way they integrate into the story as a whole for me is something that’s been really fun. Finding ways to bring these characters together, ways to bring this story, this narrative, of you know, you need to put together a team and stop the end of the world, has been absolutely exciting and thrilling. And again, you see the team's love in every single piece of it. As for what I’m most excited, Dragon Age has been part of my career and part of my life for literally the last decade and a half, I’ve worked on it since Origins, and there's something about the Veilguard that feels an amazing mix of novelty and familiarity, it’s like coming home in a way that I feel is going to be very exciting for people who are existing Dragon Age players, but there’s also so much here that’s just new and exciting for people, new players and old players alike. Going to parts of the world, seeing things we’ve never seen before, and just getting to take this amazing world and series and expand on it and build on it in ways that I’ve just been, honestly an absolute thrill, the best part of my career, and I’ve been in games for 17 years now and this has been the absolute highlight for me, so that’s what I’m excited about.

Corinne: I just wanna yes and that. I so completely agree with you. There’ve been times in companion arcs where even knowing what's going to happen, we work on the game, with some of these decisions, I've had to set down the controller, let out a heavy sigh, and go “oh my god, what am I gonna do here?” The depth of them is wonderful. I do wanna put this out there, when we talk about as a developer what we are most proud of, can we just give a big shout out to the dev team? I am so proud of them. This team has poured their hearts into this. Anyone from BioWare who’s listening in, thank you so much. Y’all are just the best.

Q: Why does Varric have dark hair now? 

Matt: He's been adventuring for a while now. His hair is more gray, but he's been in very dark scenes so far, so we’ll see him in some more contexts.

Q: Will the Inquisitor be appearing in the flesh or are we just choosing their major DAI decisions?

Corinne: Yes they will. The Inky does appear. We've know how attached y’all are to the Inquisitor, we’ve seen the love for your OC. Yes, the Inquisitor shows up. We'd already confirmed that a few places, so let me just say you can also customize them and it includes some of our new customization options. Yeah they’re gonna show up and they’re gonna be your Inquisitor.

John: And I think beyond that, the story of Solas and the story of the Inquisitor obviously are tied together as much as any story, so it would have been strange for us not to bring them in for this one. They’re gonna be a part of this story.

Q: Will there be any planned DLCs and transmog armor? 

Corinne: Right now our focus is entirely on the quality of the game, it's so important at this stage for us to be all in, all attention on finishing this game and delivering on the quality and the promise of it. So that's all I can really say on it, we're 100% focused on this being the most complete game we can make it. I wanna emphasize, there's not gonna be any microtransactions or battle passes, you don't have to connect online. Our focus is making this the most complete single player we possibly can. Now this was kind of a twofer question. Will there be transmog? Hell yeah. I’m the kind of player that believes fashion is the real endgames. Yeah there’s a transmog system, absolutely. It’s sick.

Q: Will any of the characters be asexual? 

Corinne: Such a good question. So, look I'm gonna be really forthcoming with yall and a little bit vulnerable, I'm ace. I'm a gray ace, I don't mind sharing that, I’m kind of public with it. I will say though that none of our companions this time around are explicitly ace. We look at the characters, their motivations, who they are, we always assess is this the right time. This time it wasn't. What I will say for everyone on the ace spectrum on there, I would love to represent an ace relationship sometime in the future when it feels like the most authentic fit for a companion, when we can do it best. And I do see some questions, what do we mean by ace? Asexuality. We often refer to it as the ace spectrum.

Q: Can mage Rook do blood magic? Will blood magic be a skill tree separate from regular magic?

Corinne: OK, this gets a bit spoilery, so let me just say, Rook has some pretty good reasons to avoid blood magic. Rook is not gonna wanna be interested in that. But I will say, the mage skill tree is packed with all kinds of spells, traits, and perks to give you a ton of flexibility in your magic. Gonna go off script just a little bit because I’ve seen “just tell us about the specializations”. I’m not gonna tell you the deets, but there is a necromancer one. There is an elemental one, and there is one that’s actually more of like a combat mage. It’s my favorite.

Q: Can we name the griffon? We also have a griffon emoji in this Discord server.

John: Excellent. So, someone in your party, again, spoilers, may have already named the baby griffon, but don’t worry, Assan is a very good boy.

Corinne: All these griffon emojis, y’all are killing me.

Q: Will we have a camp/home/headquarters that we’ll be able to customize?

Matt: Well this time around, in Inquisition you had Skyhold. In this case you have a headquarters called the Lighthouse. More to be seen on that, but narratively it serves kind of a different purpose, but also the same purpose. As far as customization goes, there are elements of it that change over time and some things you can adjust. I don’t know how much we’re really going into that at the moment. One thing I like about it is that it definitely does start to feel very much like home over time.

Q: We need to know, does pasta and noodles exist in Thedas? 

Matt: I’ll take it as a chance just to geek out about worldbuilding. Again, the Veilguard for us is a really kind of dream opportunity to go to places we've only ever heard reference to or we’ve seen in set. In going through the world building process, and trying to build these things out not just as neat things from the IP, but also as, if you’ve read about this stuff, you've got your own version in your head, you’ve imagined what it might be like and you're probably hoping for something spectacular, and our brains are always far better at creating this stuff than any game developer or any artist can really do justice to, so you really have to swing for the fences to make something very satisfying and exciting. That can be everything as big as architecture and landscape and biomes and ecosystems, but it does get into things like art and culture and costume design, and also food. This time around that was one of the many things we did look into to try to catch the character and feel of a place to make it feel believable and lived in. So that’s my really long answer for yeah, I'm sure at least one place does have pasta.

Q: Are we getting a mabari?

Matt: Ooh, that’s a good question. I will say you’re spending most of the game in the north of Thedas. Mabari are not nearly as big of a thing up there, so in this particular instance, no, you will not get a mabari, sadly.

Q: Can we pet the griffon? 

John: You, I’m really sorry to have to be the one to tell you—Nah, I’m kidding, yes you can. It's not even just petting the griffon, I've actually hugged the griffon, so that feels like even there a step up.

Matt: There’s lots of opportunities to interact with the griffon.

Corinne: Can we see Assan in chat if we wanna see him in the Lighthouse hanging out? And hey, y’all, this was so important to the team, too. Like this is the team’s like, just huge support for this feature, so props to them.

Q: Will we get to see any of the character creator before the game releases?

Corinne: Yes. Yes you will. You've probably seen we are laying out a roadmap for what we're gonna show and when we’re gonna talk about it. You will see it  as we get a little closer to launch.

Q: Will we be able to play as a qunari dwarf elf or human? 

Corinne: hell yeah you will. All 4. And all 4 have that full body customization. I already talked a little bit about, I’ve always loved the qunari, I will say in Dragon Age: Inquisition it was hard to get a good looking qunari hairstyle. So yes you can play as them, you can customize them, the horn options are rad, the hair options are rad. And also related to this, your lineage gives you a lot of really unique dialogue options. So that’s really one aspect of choosing your lineage as well.

John: So actually just to bounce off that, earlier questions about backgrouds. Each lineage, depending on the lineage you choose and the background you choose, there are some specific callouts to, for example, if it’s a Mournwatch, Mournwatch being from Nevarra and mages, if you play as a dwarf, obviously your experiences in that faction is going to be different from, say, a human or an elf, so there are also specific callouts tailored to those combinations and, with the intention of giving each lineage a little flavor as to how they fit into that faction as a whole.

Q: Where is barkspawn and is he ok?

John: Barkspawn is safely gnawing on a bone next to a fireplace somewhere in Ferelden. Don’t worry, he’s fine. You may ask yourself, “but John, it’s been so long.” To which I say, Mabari live exactly as long as they need to.

Q: Will Rook have a set of default name?

John: Yeah, so Rook’s last name is defined based on their faction, again we wanted to tie that into your backstory, but also there's a name generator that can give you a selection of first names, obviously if you wanted to make your own first name, that’s definitely something we support as well. If you’re somebody who maybe has a little more difficulty coming up with a name, so for example you name every single character Bob because that’s the only name you can think of, we also give that opportunity for that generation.

Q: When will the voice acting cast be announced? 

John: We worked with a lot of very talented actors on this one. I am super excited to talk about the voice acting cast, we’ll be talking about it more over the summer, we’re not quite ready to announce names yet.

Same answer for collectors editions and preorders, and required PC specs.

Q: Any special musical guests? Tavern songs? 

Corinne: Yeah there are tavern songs and a huge credit to the audio team and performance teams, because they’re pretty great. There’s one at a little tavern in Minrathous called the Swan, and the song you hear there might just be my favorite of the tavern songs.

Q: DA2's main theme brought back motifs from DAO main theme. Can we expect DAV to recall more or less of that original thematic material than inquisition? 

John: We are not quite ready to talk about music yet in specifics. But in broad strokes I can say that the process for us is always the same. Working with the composer, figuring out themes, figuring out what kinds of elements we want to keep, tying specific elements to maybe specific characters, it's very in depth process and a very collaborative process. We have some fantastic audio people on our team that have done some fantastic work, that have done an amazing job working with composers and with the team as a whole to make sure that again, we said earlier about cohesiveness, making sure that the music feels like a cohesive part of the experience.

Q: When writing the overall story of this game, what themes did you want to have as the prominent focus? 

John: Again, it’s interesting. When writing these games, and this has been true on every Dragon Age I’ve been a part of, what you start with and where you end up aren't always necessarily the same. Sometimes you start writing a theme, you realize actually it’s more interesting if you attack it from this angle, or maybe it ends up twisted a little bit. I will say for Dragon Age: the Veilguard, from the beginning one of the biggest themes has been regret. How regret shapes people’s lives, how they deal with their regrets, how maybe people move past regrets. Each of the characters and the story as a whole have elements of these. We wanted to have that thematic, that cohesiveness to the game’s story and the game’s writing.

Q: Can you play a dwarf and does the world react to your race and backstory?

John: Yes, you can play as a dwarf. Yes, the world does react to your race and backstory. And again you’ll have unique dialogues or unique conversations based on that backstory as well as that race.

Corinne: And to give you a little nugget here because I saw it scrolling through real quickly, you have beards. So when I think of dwarves, I think about glorious, fantastic beards. Hell yeah we do.

John: Yeah I can say, as somebody who plays a lot of games, the character creator—I don’t know what magic they did, but the beards, they feel like a beard should feel like, it’s great, they look awesome.

Q: Will our heroes and companions leave us if we go against their wishes? 

Corinne: Do y’all just love pain? Do you want us to make you cry? Um... if you go against their wishes and make decisions they don't like, I will tell you, you can piss them off, they might not agree with you, and they will take some time away. That said this is the biggest threat to Thedas we've ever seen, so they will always be willing to defend Thedas, but yeah you can piss them off and they’ll leave for a minute. As it relates to them showing up to defend Thedas, well yeah they will, UNLESS…

John: No spoilers, Corinne. No spoilers.

Corinne: Alright, alright. But they want it!

Q: Did any songs, books, movies, or anything inspire character writing? 

John: Art is always a synthesis of your own experiences both in the real world but also the art you consume, the art you pay attention. I don't think that any characters have a direct reference or inspiration, but yeah, they're all inspired by the things we do both in the real world and in the media we consume. And you’re gonna see elements of characters that yeah. The things that we’ve enjoyed show up in these characters. For me it comes down to, writing can be a deeply personal experience, so even if you don't intend for it to be the case, parts of you will show up in the characters. I think that’s true for all the characters in the Veilguard. Sometimes it's exploring things about yourself that you may like or may not like, and sometimes exploring things about characters you like or don't like. So that’s my longwinded way of saying yes, it’s impossible to not have that happen when you’re creating art, but I don’t think there’s one where you can say, “oh this is this character, this is this character.”

Q: What was the thinking process behind making Harding a companion this time around? 

John: When we released Inquisition, it was impossible not to see the love that people had for our murderous girl next door dwarf. She has always been a fan favorite obviously. But I think beyond that, it's something that Harding's writer wanted to explore, there was more of a story to tell there and more perspective. And beyond that Harding also has a strong connection to Solas, to Varric, and the events of the last 10 years. So I wouldn’t say it’s always been but I’d say Harding’s probably one of the first ones we settled on as like yes, this is a character we want, and the writer had a story that they wanted to tell with her, so it just made sense.

Matt: You know, actually, to piggy back on that, that’s something I hadn’t even thought about that much and it’s not a huge part of her character, but she tends to be one of the people that have the most insight into who he was.

John: Yeah that’s exactly—that’s a great way of looking at it, too, it also provides you with a little bit of perspective, for players who’ve been around for previous Dragon Age games, but also for new ones, who was Solas? What kind of character was he? Yeah it’s a great, using characters to provide windows into the world is honestly one of my favorite things.

Matt: And when I say was, I just mean in Inquisition.

John: Yes, that’s exactly, yes. Thank you for correcting that.

Q: What approach are you taking to quest and world design in the Veilguard?

John: I think for us it just comes down to relevance and narrative heft. We wanna make sure that each quest provides either a perspective on the world, a perspective on the characters, or it feels immediately and obviously relevant to what you’re doing here. You’re here to save the world. At the end of the day, one of the things that we heard loud and clear was the feedback about how relevant, or in our case not relevant, previous quests have felt, so for Veilguard, we really wanted all quests to feel like something somebody faced with the end of the world would believe was necessary and important. So again, there’s quests of all sorts and sizes, but all of them share that same feeling of, this is the kind of thing that the Veilguard would do. This is the kind of thing that my hero would do. Especially faced with the end of the world.

Corinne: That’s really good, John. That’s so right. I would just again double down on how hand crafted all the quests are. Whether you’re doing the main story or you’re journeying with your companions or you’re out exploring and you encounter a mystery, everything's hand crafted, intentional, we spend a lot of time listening to what yall said, and of course everyone has slightly different tastes, but you're not gonna be gathering shards in the Hinterlands. Everything is built with intention and they’re lovingly handcrafting the experience.

Q: Are there any locations in the game that can only be accessed by making specific story choices? 

John: So I don’t wanna get too much into spoilers here, but I will say that locations can fundamentally change based on decisions you make. Some of the parts of the world that you go to, you can have, the choices you make have an impact on how these spaces exist and develop.

Q: Will we be able to control companions in combat?

Corinne: If Rook gets KO'd, the player character gets knocked out, this time around it is time to reload your save, or better yet, the companions have really interesting progression. You can spec them out to be able to revive you, but that’s if you’ve invested in their progression and what they can do. And that said, I mentioned this earlier but I personally spend more time in the nature of this combat system when everything comes together, interacting and directing the companions than I have in any of the other games. So like that’s interactivity between them. Once you play it you’ll see just how engaged the scene is.

Q: Will Solas still occasionally or dramatically speak in iambic pentameter? 

John: I actually spent a little bit of time trying to figure out if I wanted to answer this question in iambic pentameter, and then I very quickly gave up. Massive kudos to Patrick who always writes Solas so well. Again, Solas is a returning character. It's the same Solas you know and love or hate depending on who you are. The same writer. So I think this is, the answer is yeah, it's Solas.

Q: Will our decision of who was left in the fade be important? 

John: While that decision does not show up—not for the Veilguard, now that said, that doesn’t mean that’s not a decision that won’t ever be important in the future. Not for this one.

Matt: I’m glad to hear you say that, John, because one of my favorite stories was Bob getting stuck in the web in Reboot.

John: That’s a deep cut! The sound of my childhood.

Q: Will we have mounts again? 

Matt: No, mounts were, they addressed a need in Inquisition that we don't have in Veilguard, and you’ll see why when you get to play.

Q: How is the side quest design? Will they be mostly story based or will there be a lot of radiant and quests for power like in Inquisition? 

John: We talked about this a bit earlier, but they are all hand crafted and story focused. The narrative, the companions, not just the companions but the characters and the world as a whole, are so much at the core of the Veilguard that anything other than handcrafting quests just felt like it would be a disservice to the game we were building.

Corinne: And maybe we can clarify as well, because with power was such a devisive mechanic in Inquisition, there’s no mechanic like that that blocks your progression until you fill a bar. That’s just not a thing in this. You have the autonomy to engage in these quests as you like, there’s no grind out gates before you can progress.

John: That’s right. Again we want to make sure that doing this content feels as natural and part of the logical flow of the story as possible.

Q: Will there be a similar system to war table? 

Corinne: We haven't talked much about the player's base, the Lighthouse, and we're gonna save that, but what I will say is that the Lighthouse, your headquarters so to speak, it has its own unique purposes and functions this time. So that's an area that we'll leave for you when we talk more about the Lighthouse and when you have a chance to hop in, you’ll be able to see what those unique purposes are.

Q: If there is dual wield for warriors, is it dex or str? 

Corinne: So we did wanna bring dual wielding back. It is part of the rogue kit this time, warriors are really focused on mighty two handed weapons, I can’t wait until you see, when you swing those weapons there's a real heft to it, and then of course sword and shield. So we’re leaving the dual wielding to the rogues, but you can see, the amount of hits you can get in in rapid succession dual wielding as a rogue is really satisfying.  

Q: What have been some of the challenges and advantages of working on a single game for so many years? 

John: That is a fantastic question. I have often joked, and I don’t know how much of a joke it is, that when this game is out and I suddenly don't have to keep all these pieces of game and lore and story and everything straight in my head, I'm suddenly gonna be able to speak Latin or something because there’s gonna be a ton of brain power freed up. But for me it’s just, the thing that keeps me sustained is just knowing the game we're building is the right one. Knowing that the pieces are coming together, and knowing just how much people care about this franchise, care about these games, and how excited people are going to be when they get to see the fantastic work the team has been doing. I’ve been on this project since the start, and even today I see things on a daily basis that I’m like holy smokes I can't believe what the team is doing, I can’t believe how good this looks. It's a huge game and I don't see every piece every day, so I get pleasantly surprised on a daily basis. Sometimes if I’m having a particularly long day, I'll spend about an hour late at night just watching cutscenes come in, watching the work coming together, and just sitting back and being like, holy smokes, I can’t wait for someone who hasn’t seen this every day as I have, to see this and just be blown away by the work.

Corinne: It's been very real, hasn’t it? I will just say speaking on behalf of the dev team, everyone's working so hard and putting so much passion, so much of themselves into it. This is a franchise they truly love and seeing your support cheering us on has meant a lot to them. So let me just say thank you to all of you.

[wizzdot]

The Patron Saint of One Way Trips

Ch4

Description: chapter 4 - I’m not entirely sure if this is any good. I need to go through and edit it but I’ll do that when I’m closer to knowing what’s actually gonna happen 🤣 we will wait and see! I’ve posted this on ao3 as well - same username and title. I love Wes Anderson, hence the Isle of Dogs theme. Feel that it fits the theme of this fic too. Anyhoo..

I allow Gaz to lead me to a well lit room. It looks like some sort of living area. Comfortable sofas and carpeted floors. This was totally foreign to me after my time spent in the facility. I felt so out of place. I flit my gaze to Gaz who must notice my discomfort or awkwardness, and he beckons at me to sit down on the sofa. I am still zipped up inside his warm jacket, which smells of a warm vanilla scent mixed with some variation of citrus fruit.. I can't quite put my finger on it, but it is comforting and calming. I try not to make it obvious that I am taking in his scent.

The others are already situated in their seats. I feel all of their eyes itching into my skin. I shrink back into myself again. The pack Alpha, their Captain, clears his gruff throat before speaking. "We have received information from Laswell. She has found your file and is going to send it over as soon as it is secured in the system.. she has told us you are not a direct threat to us. Is this correct, Laika? Can we trust you?"

I feel like scoffing at him. Me? Can they trust me? It's almost laughable that a pack of four huge Alpha's think that I, a drugged, undesignated girl, could threaten them. Not to mention that I am not in the best of shape due to lack of nutrition and poor sleeping habits. "Well..?" he prompts. I met his gaze for the first time since they'd found me. "I pose no threat to you or your pack members, Captain" - I decide to address him officially as pack Alpha. He stands a little straighter than he was before, obviously happy with my answer. I feel a sense of relief wash over me before dropping my gaze back to the floor.

A growl echoes through the silence, the others all looking between each other to find the source of the sound. Their eyes land on me. I can feel my face redden under their scrutiny - my stomach is the source of the growl. "S-sorry" I stutter anxiously. Gaz steps forward slowly and smiles down at me. "C'mon, let's go and get some food. I could eat too." He nods towards the left and I follow the motion with my eyes and see an open door to what looks like a kitchen. I stand up nervously and follow Gaz, taking the widest possible route around the masked man and Soap, still not trusting them.

I step into the kitchen area and Gaz opens the fridge and inspects the contents. "What d'ya like?" he asks. I shrug. "Not really eaten much since- since I've been their asset.. I-I used to like soup though.." - "Soup? Let me check the cupboards. Think we've got tomato.." He moves around the kitchen smoothly, opening and closing cupboards when he doesn't find what he is looking for. I stand in the corner quietly, trying to avoid getting in the way. "C'mere" he beckons me over - "tomato or chicken?" he nods to a stack of four tins -two of each flavour- stacked neatly in the overhead cupboard. "J-just whatever is spare will be nice. Th-thanks" I whisper. "C'mon, love, try to stop being so shy with me.. you can trust me, even if you aren't sure about my packmates yet, yeah? I promise you they're good men underneath their tough exteriors.." he tries to convince me. "S-sorry.. I'll try harder" I murmur. I decide to try and be bold - I step closer to him and look over his shoulder into the cupboard to inspect the tins of soup. "Tomato would be nice.." I utter quietly. Gaz's smile is instant. It lights up the entire room, my eyes drawn to it. Wow - he had beautiful teeth. Sharp canines, gleaming white.. It reminded me that my teeth had been neglected - only able to brush them a couple of times a week when they allowed me to shower. I suddenly find myself feeling self-conscious. I haven't even properly looked in a mirror for at least a year..

I step back again, feeling a little anxious after my inner thoughts had caught up with me. Damn him and his big, perfect smile. And his deep, kind eyes. "How buttery do you want your bread?" The question snaps me out of it. "Butter?.. uhm.. same as you?" I question my own answer. "I've not had butter for ages. Just stale or mouldy bread.." I admit. He sighs sadly, but immediately tries to cheer me up. "You should see how Soap takes his bread. I swear he would use an entire block of butter per slice if he could. It's gross" he says jokingly. I release the smallest giggle at that. He is smiling so brightly now that he knows that he successfully made me laugh. My defences drop for a split second thanks to the growing comfort I am feeling in Gaz's presence, and my mouth blurts out before I can catch it "they scare me..”

Gaz snaps his gaze back down to mine - "What? Who? Soap..? He is harmless" - "and the masked one" I add blushing, anxiously. "That's Ghost - the masked one. He can take a while to warm up to strangers.. he won't hurt you though. Promise" he reassures me. My eyes follow his hand closely as he gently places it on my shoulder, attempting to comfort me, I assume. I try not to tense up or flinch at the soft touch. I just stare at his hand until he slowly withdraws it. I jump slightly when the microwave dings. Gaz pours the soup into a bowl and hands it to me with a plate full of buttered bread. I stand there confused, just staring at the food that I am holding.

"C'mon, hope you don't mind eating on the sofa. We usually just eat off our laps.." he shrugs. "It smells nice.." I compliment, following him as he holds the kitchen door open for me seeing as I had my hands full. I, once again, take the widest route around Soap and Ghost.. I sit down at the very end of the sofa and wait for Gaz to sit in the place next to me, subconsciously using him as a barrier to the outside room.

"What did Gaz make you for tea, lass?" the rich Scottish voice chirped. I jump in my seat slightly. I quietly respond "Tomato soup" without looking at him, remaining hidden behind Gaz's body. Soap leans forward and looks right at me "Smells delicious. Any leftovers, Gaz?" he asks. "Make your own... tins are in the cupboard" - "Awkt, but you made her some.." - "I'm not microwaving soup for you, Soap, piss of mate" - "Fuck sake, ya prick, though we were supposed to be packmates.." The duo go back and forward like this in a light hearted tone for a couple of minutes. "I - I don't mind letting you have this.." I offer anxiously, shakily holding my plate out towards Gaz, feeling guilty that I'd taken their food.

Gaz gently guides the plate back into my lap. "Don't be silly, bug, you haven't even started it and you haven't eaten properly for ages. Get eating!" He instructs, I listen - ever obedient. I gently lift the spoon to my mouth and slurp the soup into my mouth. I swear it's the best thing I've ever tasted. I hum quietly to myself. Unbeknownst to me, Gaz and Soap are watching me with a fond smile on their faces. I eat about half of the bowl, and a slice of bread before feeling utterly stuffed. I slowly lift my gaze from the food and glance at Gaz. "I can't eat any more.." I whisper. "You sure? You've not eaten much.." - "I'm full.." I reassure him. Soap suddenly sits forward in his seat again, making me shrink back slightly again. "Ya done, Lass?" - "mmhmm" I murmer shyly - "Here, hand it over then!" he says keenly. Before I can even process his words, he has leant over Gaz and stolen the bowl and plate from me and was groaning in pleasure at the taste. I blush slightly, embarrassed, that he hasn't even replaced the spoon I had been using. "For fuck sake, Soap, you know she's jumpy. Tone it down a bit - yeah?" Gaz suggests to Soap. "Aye, sorry just starvin' - Sorry wee'yin" he gobbles around a mouthful of bread. I just stare at the scene in front of me, lost for words.

With warm food in my belly for the first time in forever, I start feeling sleepy. I slowly unzip Gaz's jacket, now that I'm warm again, and hand it back to him. "Thanks.." I whisper, placing it on his lap. Gaz tries not to show his disappointment that you are no longer wearing his jacket - his scent. "Are you wanting me to show you to the spare room? Think it's set up ready to use.." he offers. "If that's ok.. I - I don't want to be a hassle.." - "None of that, now.. C'mon, follow me."

I stand and follow obediently again. I enter the hallway after Gaz. The walls are wallpapered with a white floral pattern. It's light and airy. Gaz walks up a set of stairs to an upper level, I follow him closely. He stops on the upper landing and points to the left hallway. "It's the second door on the right. You'll have your own bathroom too." I nod and hesitate before walking independently down the hallway, feeling a little insecure, but deciding to be brave anyway. I get to the door and slowly twist the door handle. I glance back at Gaz who just nods and turns to go back down stairs to join the rest of his pack.

I step into the room and take stock of everything in it. The walls are covered in blue and white striped wallpaper. There is a window on the back wall of the room. I check out the bathroom which is to the right hand side of the room - it has a shower, sink and a toilet, with another smaller window behind it. I step back into the main room and look at the bed. I hesitate before slowly lowering myself down on it. It's soft. I should feel comfortable, but instead I feel exposed. Unsafe. I decide to look around the bathroom again, digging through the cupboards to see what I could use. I find a few toothbrushes, still in the packs, so I remove one and hurry to brush my teeth. It's funny how such a small bit of self care can make me feel cleaner. I decide to strip from my filthy clothes and step into the shower. I turn the water on, accidentally blasting myself with freezing water before it started to heat up. I don't even squeal, being all too accustomed to cold showers. I do, however, moan when the water starts to heat up. I check out all of the soaps and products on the rack in the shower. It all looks like male stuff but I don't care. I absolutely lather myself in it. I repeat it several times over. Lather. Rinse. Lather. Rinse. And so on...

I finally step from the shower when my skin starts to wrinkle. I haven't felt this clean since - well - probably ever! The wall of steam floods the bedroom when I leave the bathroom. I get myself dry and search the chest of drawers for something clean to sleep in. From the looks of the contents inside, it looks like standard military style clothing. I find some dark joggers and a khaki t-shirt. I quickly dress, finding myself having to seriously tighten the drawstring around my waist of the trousers and roll the sleeves up of the long sleeved t-shirt. I climb into bed and pull the covers tightly around me. I toss and turn before finally dozing off.

*Gaz's POV*

I show her the directions to the room she is to stay in, deciding to stay back and let her check it out for herself. Soap had stayed in that room a few nights ago when he pissed everyone off so badly, Ghost decided to punish him by throwing him out of the pack bed for the night. I just hope he had left it clean enough for her. I walk downstairs to the rest of my pack. I sit back down in my space next to Soap, who immediately chucks his legs over me, to rest them on my lap. I massage his legs for him, making him purr. I smile softly at my pack mate.

Price speaks up then. "Kyle - what's going on with the girl then..?" - "She's scared.. terrified. Fuck knows what they've done to her but none of it has been good. I think she is warming up to me though" I reply. He nods in agreement. "Kate sent over her file. It looks like she's been tortured and drugged to comply. Her designation is unknown - but she has been the asset behind all four of the most recent Makarov hits. And several before these too, before we were called up, so she certainly isn't as harmless as she makes out." I find myself nodding too, trying to piece together what all of this means. "Who is she, then?" Soap asks. "Her government name is Y/N Y/L/N - they called her Laika - apparently she was always co-operative, or obedient, I think is the word they used. I guess she was thrashed into submission. They say she is of a gentle, anxious, nature but the drugs helped 'level' her - whatever that means" Price explains.

"Turned her into a puppet, that means. A puppet to do all of their dirty work" I spit back, disgusted and angry. "So the drugs, are they still in her system? Is that why she isn't giving off any scent or signs of her designation?" I ask. "That's something we are going to have to ask her, Kyle. The file mentions that she gets 'topped up' every couple of months when she starts showing resistance" - "Poor girl was trying to fight it" I interrupt Price.

"Don't start getting attached, Garrick." Simon grumbles at me. "Piss off" I snap back.

"I'm tired, let's go to bed, yeah, talk about it in the morning?" I suggest. "Yep, Kyle's right, bed - all of you" Price orders. We all stand and make our way to our room. I glance toward the door of Laika - Y/N's - room and all seems quiet. Hopefully she is sleeping, I think inside my head.

*Back to Laika (Y/N's) POV*

I wake, startled - seeing visions of pools of blood I had been the cause of. Seeing lifeless eyes of those I had killed. I leap out of bed and start feeling my arm for my handkerchief. Shit shit shit. I'd left it somewhere. I slide down the wall panicking, trying to remember where the hell I had put it. All this time at the facility and I'd managed not to lose it. It comes to me all of a sudden. Gaz's jacket. My handkerchief is in the pocket of his jacket. I sneak out of the room and try to quietly tip toe downstairs. The stairs are a bit creaky but being quiet is my speciality. I finally find my way to the room we had been sitting in when I had returned the jacket to Gaz. It wasn't there. My stomach sinks. A single tear falls from my eye. I slump on to the couch and try not to weep. I can't go rooting about looking for it. I will just have to calm myself down and go back to my room. I try to gather myself.

Five, or so, minutes later, I stand and start to make my way back up the stairs. I avoid all of the creaky parts of each stair and successfully make it to the upper landing. I turn toward my room and gently close the door. I fail to notice the dark, masked Alpha, watching my every move. He slinks back into his pack's room, not waking them.

I try to settle back in the bed, failing miserably. I find myself crawling under the bed with a pillow and blanket, feeling safer in an enclosed space. I finally settle into a restless sleep.

[lucy90712]

I’ll be there for you- Pablo Gavi

A/n: this is a long one- 4.1k

Warnings: pregnancy; mentions of birth 

I don't quite know how it happened as it all happened so quickly but my life just fell apart right in front of my eyes. Today has been such a rollercoaster of emotions I've gone from anxious to crying to angry then back to crying and now I just feel absolutely nothing. I've heard of people saying that you can just feel numb but I've never experienced it until today and what they say couldn't be more true I just feel nothing it's like I don't have the energy to feel anymore. 

For the last week or so I haven't been feeling great and I could just tell something wasn't right but my fears were confirmed when my period was a few days late. I really didn't want to take a test as then it would become real but I knew I had to so this morning I went and got one without telling anyone. Of course when I had the courage to take the test it showed two clear lines meaning I really am pregnant. There was nothing I could do to stop the tears flowing down my face as there was so many thoughts flooding through my mind like what will my boyfriend think, how will this affect my studying and how am I going to cope with a baby. Growing up an only child means I've not had much experience with babies and I don't know much past the basics about pregnancy which makes all of this a whole lot scarier. 

For the next few hours I was so in my own world that I didn't even realise the time until my boyfriend came home and I knew I had to tell him straight away just to get that out of my head. We have been together for a few years and have talked about having kids in the future but not yet so I know he won't be overly happy but hopefully he will see that something out there believes this is the right time for us. I wanted a minute to think of the right thing to say to him but he noticed that there was something up straight away. I tried to brush it off for a second but he was persistent in trying to get the truth out of me. 

"I'm pregnant" I eventually said 

"What?" He questioned 

"I'm pregnant" I repeated

"Oh" he said bluntly 

"I don't think I can do this I'm not ready for a family and I feel like I haven't been as into this relationship recently anyway" he said 

"Wait so you're leaving me?" I asked 

"Yeah I'm sorry I just can't do it I don't care what you do but I don't want to be part of all this like at all" he said before just walking out 

With that everything got a whole lot worse. As if things weren't challenging enough I now have to do it all alone. In that moment I began cursing my decision to move to Barcelona away from my family and friends to follow my boyfriend and start school as now I have no support system and I definitely don't have the money to move back home. Most of my friends out here are from my boyfriends friend group as he introduced me to them when I moved here so even those people probably won't be here for me. Even thinking about having to do this all alone had me balling as not only is this a tough situation I also have a lot of hormones raging through my body making me even more emotional than usual. 

As I was nearly drowning in my own tears my phone began to ring so I grabbed it hoping it would be my now ex boyfriend telling me he regrets his decision and actually wants to stay together. That wasn't the case though it was actually my one friend who isn't associated with my ex, Gavi. He doesn't usually phone me at all let alone at this time so I felt like I had to answer just in case he needed something or something was wrong as despite my disastrous situation other people's lives still go on. I tried to sound like I hadn't been crying and asked him if everything was alright but he noticed something was wrong straight away and told me he was coming over before hanging up. 

It wasn't long before Pablo arrived and came straight into my apartment calling for me but I couldn't bring myself to get up from my position on the floor by the sofa. Once Pablo saw me he practically ran over and sat down next to me putting his arm around me to try and provide some comfort. For some reason having him by my side made me even more emotional and the tears began to flow again. Pablo then held me closer allowing me to cry into his chest which was just what I needed, he was there for me, he wasn't saying much he just provided some comfort which is all I want. He rubbed my back gently until I managed to gain control of my emotions enough to finally look at Pablo whose eyes were full of worry. 

"Whenever you're ready please tell me what's going on" Pablo said 

"It's a lot" I said 

"That doesn't matter clearly you need to get whatever this is off your chest and I'm here to listen" he said 

"I'm pregnant and y/bf/n left me saying he wants nothing to do with the baby" I finally admitted 

"Wow what an asshole" Pablo whispered under his breath 

"Are you ok how are you feeling?" He asked 

"Right now I just feel numb I don't know what to do it's all just a lot to think about" I ranted 

"Its ok I'm here for you why don't we just talk everything through" he said 

After that I took a deep breath and Pablo who is usually always messing around and having fun was actually serious for once and ready to help me. He allowed me to say everything that was on my mind and bit by bit we began to figure things out. Pablo promised me that he would do everything he could to help me and even insisted that I move in with him as this apartment isn't mine. I didn't want to have to move in with Pablo but he keep insisting that I need support and to have someone around and eventually I gave in and agreed with him. 

~~~~~~~~~~

A few months later 

It's been a long hard few months. For pretty much my entire first trimester I spent the majority of my time laying on the sofa feeling exhausted and incredibly sick. However now that I'm approaching the halfway mark I have finally started to feel better and have been able to do a bit more. Pablo has been a godsend during all of this he's taken me to all of my appointments and done everything he possibly can to make me feel even a little bit better. On my really bad days he will spend as long as necessary sat holding my hair and rubbing my back as I throw up and when I'm tired during the day he will let me rest my head on his shoulder so I can nap. As much as those things have been nice the thing I appreciate the most is how he's been there for me mentally. When I moved in with Pablo I completely cut off my ex and anyone to do with him which was hard as it left me feeling pretty lonely but Pablo has been my rock as he's been able to help me see the positives of the situation and the right way to move forward.

Today is my 20 week scan where I should be able to find out the gender of the baby. Pablo begged me to make the scan for after his training as really wanted to be there. He's been to as many scans and appointments as he possible can but he missed the last few due to being away but he really wanted to find out the gender with me. Of course I had to oblige and make the appointment at a later time so Pablo is coming back straight after training to pick me up. Having Pablo at appointments has been nice as it makes everything slightly less daunting plus while I'm stressing he's able to actually listen to what the doctors and nurses are saying. The only downside is that all of the staff think Pablo is my boyfriend and the father of the baby and neither of us are brave enough to correct them as we don't want to have to explain the situation plus I would rather not have the judgment. 

There are worse things than having people believe that Pablo's my boyfriend but it has certainly messed with my head. Since everything happened I've started to see Pablo in a new light and my feelings have drifted to beyond just friends. It's all very complicated as I can't tell whether my hormones have anything to do with my feelings plus I can't risk telling Pablo how I feel in case he doesn't feel the same and kicks me out as then I'd be truly alone. Day by day it's getting harder to keep my feelings to myself especially on days like today where Pablo is so excited to go with me to the appointment even though the baby isn't his. Pablo has treated me and the baby as though we are his the entire time which makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I so badly wish that that was true but he's not mine no matter how much I think about it nothing will happen as Pablo doesn't need anything else on his plate right now. 

Just as I was starting to spiral into my little dreamworld Pablo came home and helped me up as I'm starting to struggle a bit so we could head to the doctors together. Recently my bump has really started to grow making it a lot more obvious that I'm pregnant which has made me a bit insecure as I always think people are judging me when I'm in the streets. As we got in the car like always the baby started kicking like crazy so before we left I grabbed Pablo's hand and placed it on my stomach so he could feel the kicks as he mentioned how weird it must feel the other day so I wanted him to experience it. 

"Wow that's so cool can you feel that all the time?" He asked 

"Not all the time but it's been getting stronger recently and baby's always really active in the car and when I want to sleep" I said 

"Aww so you like to keep your mama up at night already do you little one" he said to my stomach and I think I nearly exploded from the cuteness 

"Oh yeah getting me ready for the months of no sleep soon" I laughed 

Pablo laughed too as he started to drive towards the hospital but he kept his hand on my bump rubbing it gently which made the baby go crazy and had me feeling all sorts of things. I could tell that my cheeks were bright red and my heart was beating at a million miles an hour just because he had his hand on me. Having his hand on me made the car ride feel a million times longer but eventually we arrived at the hospital and I could begin to calm myself down so that the nurses didn't think I was dying or something. 

The wait for my appointment wasn't too long so before I knew it I had the freezing cold gel on my stomach and the nurse was checking the babies development to make sure they are growing as they should be. Once the nurse had done all of the important checks she asked if I wanted to know the gender to which I obviously said yes. As I responded Pablo grabbed my hand which made me look over to see that he had the biggest smile on his face as he was so excited to find out what I was having. Looking at him only made me smile as his smile was that infectious and it made all the nerves I was feeling about being able to be a good mother disappear in an instant. Right after that the nurse happily told us that I was having a girl and we were both super happy but confused as we were sure it was a boy but clearly we were both wrong. 

"Thats so exciting a little mini you" Pablo said once the nurse left 

"I know I'm surprised I was sure it was a boy" I said 

"Me too but you know now we have to go and buy loads of cute clothes and decorations for the nursery" Pablo said 

"I'd love to but I don't have the money to buy loads of things" I admitted 

"Don't you worry about that I'm happy to pay for everything and before you say anything I want to do this" he said as we were now getting back in the car 

"I can't let you do that Pablo as much as I appreciate it you shouldn't spend your money on a baby that's not yours" I said 

"But I want to plus I can't help but feel an attachment to the baby even if she's not genetically mine I already can't wait to meet her when she's born" Pablo admitted 

"Thats so cute your going to make me cry" I choked out

"Please don't cry I love you and your little baby" Pablo was quick to say

"Wait I don't mean I love you oh who am I kidding I definitely love you and I get that nows probably not the best time to admit that but it's time I told you how I really feel" he said 

"I love you too Pablo but if we are going to try this we need to take it slow" I said 

"We can do whatever you want I just want to give this a go" he said 

~~~~~~~~~~

Another few months later 

The second half of my pregnancy has been so much better than my first Pablo and I started dating taking things slowly of course but I've never been happier in my entire life than I have been the last few months. Pablo has been so good to me I thought he was super sweet before but now he is an angel he literally waits on me hand and foot and does anything he can for me to make my life easier. Everyday when he comes home he takes over and does the chores even though I tell him I'm fine to do it and then every night he gives me a massage as I'm at the stage of pregnancy where everything hurts. He has also single-handedly put together the nursery, we picked out the colour and furniture together and then Pablo put it all together and even decorated the room which turned out perfectly. I honestly couldn't have asked for a better boyfriend than Pablo I thought things would be difficult at some points as I still have a very obvious tie to my ex even if we don't speak but that hasn't bothered him at all and at this point he might as well be my daughters father. 

Yesterday was my due date so I have officially reached the point of pregnancy where I could go into labour any minute. Luckily Pablo has a few days off so I'm kind of hoping that I go into labour soon so that he can be with me because I really don't want to give birth alone. This morning my back has been hurting more than usual which I have been told is signs of early labour but that could last a hours or even days before turning into active labour. I want to be done with being pregnant so badly that since we woke up I've been getting Pablo to help me do things that induce labour. I have gone up and down the stairs about a million times and we went on a walk so that I could walk with one foot in the road and one on the pavement as that supposedly helps too. 

Someone recommended eating spicy foods so I sent Pablo out to get anything spicy for me to eat but once he'd left the back pain I had started turning into more like cramps all over which was a bit more painful. When I have pain I have been bouncing on a yoga ball so I got up from the sofa and all of a sudden felt liquid rush down my legs which I knew straight away was my waters breaking. Until that moment I'd been feeling quite calm about giving birth but now that it's actually happening I'm starting to freak out as so far it hurts more than I thought it would and my waters have only just broken. Once I calmed down a bit I grabbed my phone and called Pablo straight away as right now I just want him home so we are ready to go when things get more intense plus I need some support. 

"Hey love is everything ok I'm just getting to the store" Pablo answered completely clueless 

"Forget that I need you home like right now my waters have just broken" I said 

"What?" He questioned 

"I'm going into labour you idiot please just come home" I yelled 

"Oh god I'm on my way I'll be as quick as I can" he said 

"Thank you and I'm sorry for yelling I'm just a overwhelmed" I apologised feeling bad 

"It's ok love I'll be there soon to help" Pablo said before hanging up 

It felt like forever before Pablo was home but in reality it was only about 15 minutes until he burst through the door and ran over to be by my side. Just as he got to me I had another contraction so I instinctively grabbed Pablo's hand and squeezed it to help with the pain. As the pain began to fade away I loosened my grip until I was letting go of Pablo's hand who was looking at me with fear in his eyes clearly worrying about me. He helped me sit down as I'd been standing up walking around and got me some water because he didn't know what else to do. I was trying to keep myself calm as I know that's the best thing to do but seeing how worried Pablo was was making me feel bad. 

"What do you need me to do amor?" he asked 

"Everything is already in the car right" I said 

"Yes everything is in the car and the car seat is installed too" he said 

"Ok then I just need you to be here and time my contractions as when they reach five minutes apart we need to go to the hospital" I explained 

"I can do that but please tell me if there's anything else you want" he said 

My contractions stayed quite far apart for a long time but eventually things started to progress and my contractions became more painful and were getting closer together. By the time they were consistently 5 minutes apart it had been nearly 9 hours and it was pitch black outside. Usually at this time Pablo and I would be sleeping but instead we are both wide awake and he's helping me to the car so we can go to the hospital. It really started to feel real once we got in the car as the next time we're home there will be a baby with us in the backseat. There was no time for me to panic though as a contraction hit just as I was beginning to spiral which took my mind off everything but the pain I was feeling. I needed to hold Pablo's hand as for some reason being able to squeeze it makes me feel better and of course he obliged but he looked a bit nervous about having to drive one handed. He drove with a mixture of extreme care and speed as he wanted to be careful and I wanted him to get to the hospital before I have the baby in the car. 

Once we arrived at the hospital everything happened so quickly we were given a room and then what felt like millions of people came in and out to check on me. I was hooked up to all sorts of monitors one to measure baby's heartbeat and another to show when I was having contractions which felt like a cruel joke as now not only could I feel them I got to see a visual representation too. Pablo was trying to be as helpful as possible but there wasn't much he could do other than let me squeeze his hand and rant at him about how much pain I was in. He was such a sweetheart no matter how much I was yelling as he was putting a cold flannel on my forehead and giving me ice chips which were weirdly nice to eat all while giving me encouraging words. 

We were there for another few hours before I was fully dilated and ready to begin pushing. By this point I'd been in labour for over 12 hours and was completely exhausted so when I was told to push I wasn't sure I could manage it with the very little amount of energy I had left. Luckily I had a minute while the nurses were getting themselves ready so I looked up at Pablo hoping to gain some motivation and I was met with his beautiful smile which really did give me a boost. 

"Come on amor I know you can do it, you're so strong, it will all be worth it when she's here in just a few minutes" Pablo encouraged as I was pushing 

"It hurts so much and I'm so tired I don't think I can do it anymore" I panted trying to catch my breath 

"I know carino it will all be over soon but you have to keep going for a bit longer I know you can do it" he said 

"Thats it you're doing so well" Pablo continued 

A few seconds later cries began to fill the room which was the best thing I've ever heard as it meant my baby was here and ok. The nurses then placed her on my chest and I got to see her beautiful face for the first time which was a truly magical moment and something I'll never forget. Tears begin falling down my face as I was so overwhelmed with happiness but they were quickly wiped away by Pablo who when I looked at him also had tears in his eyes which only made me more emotional. It truly felt like this was our little family however unorthodox this was our family and blood relation is never going to make a difference in that. Pablo was allowed to cut the umbilical cord and then the baby was taken from me so she could be weighed and have all the other tests they need to do done. 

"I'm so proud of you you did amazing" Pablo said softly 

"Thank you but I couldn't have done it without you" I said 

"Don't say that I did nothing I just stood here, literally" he laughed 

"Well that's exactly what I needed" I said 

"Pablo I know this might seem a lot and you can definitely take some time to think about it but how would you feel about me putting you on the birth certificate and giving her your last name because she's more yous than that dickhead who provided his dna" I said 

"I don't even need to think about that I would love her to be mine" he smiled 

Suddenly I felt so at ease knowing that I had Pablo to support me and that he was happy to raise my little girl as if she were his own as that had been on my mind for the last 9 months. Pablo truly meant it when that night he told me he'd be here for me and despite everything I couldn't be happier with how it all turned out. 

[sandorsubs]

How to "actually" reprogram your mind

INDEX

Introduction

Code System

Master Codes

Replacement Codes

How your brain is gonna use new codes

Coding Style

Notes

Do you have limiting beliefs? You don't think you can have your desire or accomplish things? Even can't manifest stuff how hard you try? Then you might heard about reprogramming your mind. They say change your beliefs, affirm, don't use old story...Yeah but it's not that easy, we all know that.

If you don't know what reprogramming your mind is, it's basically changing your old belief with new one that has more benefits for you. I saw couple exercises for it: making a list for what you believe and adding your desires in it. Robotically affirming everyday. Choose your method. But if you are struggling and searching for more efficient way to reprogram your mind, take a look at my method.

Code System

I take affirmations as codes. Every code has an emotion that will be released before or after your brain runs the code. Some codes have prominent memories attached to them. I know it sounds complicated but let me give you an example of a negative code.

You are going to make a presentation but you had a similar experience before when your classmates made fun of you. Your brain instantly runs the code "i can't speak in public". You feel emotions such as anxiety, fear, worry, shame etc. You keep replaying that experience you had in your mind and feel even worse. This what a code is made of, you can call them affirmations if you want.

(Stop reading now and think for a code you use frequently. It could be simplest thing, look around i promise you'll find one.)

Master Codes

There will be two section in our method: master code and replacement code. Master code is a dominant code on top of code hierarchy. Remember when we feel in danger and make crazy scenarios in our minds but most of the time, they don't happen. Because our brain chooses master code over any other negative assumption. Everyone has master codes, they are just not aware of it.

"I am always protected" is a master code. Even you are in a dangerous situation and feeling extreme fear, your brain is going to choose this master code over a negative code such as "something bad is going to happen". As you can see, master codes are general and strong because you used them a lot in your life. Now write down master codes of your reality. "I have control over my 3d", "i manifest whatever i want", "i am extremely lucky", "everything always works out for me" whatever you want.

Now attach a memory to this code. If you don't have one, first of all think again. Sometimes it can even be a memory you thought it's bad.

For example if you almost had a accident and you feel bad when you remember it. But that's an example for how you were protected. If your master code is "i am protected" when you think about that moment you'll also feel gratitude.

Btw don't force yourself to feel good about a memory, i am just saying change your perception but if you still feel uncomfortable leave it. And take your lessons from a bad experience even if you are still going to revise it, loves

Replacement Codes

So what is replacement code? Brand new code for your brain to use instead of old usuless one. I see a cup of coffee, my brain runs a code "coffee is not healthy". I remember how scientists says coffee damages your brain and ruins your sleep cycles. Then i feel sad because i like coffee and i want to drink more. This is how i unwillingly affirm coffee is unhealthy. Let's replace this code because it doesn't serve me. I want to drink coffee <3

If you have a bad memory attached to it, try to revise or assess a positive memory just like what we did in master codes. I used to drink a lot more coffee back then but i kept saying myself that caffeine doesn't affect me (which was clearly an affirmation lmao). My assumption worked like a charm but i started to read about how coffee is unhealthy then it really became unhealthy. I replaced my assumption with a negative code unconsciously. To replace this negative code everytime i drink coffee i run "i am okay with consuming caffeine as much as i want" code and remember the times i wouldn't get affected even if drank 5-6 cups.

(Btw that's why overconsumption is dangerous because we keep hearing new things, unlock new fears everyday. Be careful about the contents you consume.)

Also I want to remind you don't have to say this code in your mind. Think them like a button that your brain presses. This process will happen in seconds, all you gotta do is realize if you are still using a negative code over master code or replacement. And reverse it.

How your brain is gonna use new codes

Disclaimer: This is my theory, if it doesn't align with your experiences just ignore and jump to next part.

I don't know if you guys realize this but when you affirm something at first you keep seeing the opposite of it in your 3D. If I affirm i am lucky, i find myself in unlucky situations. I used to think i need to persist, i see the opposite because i put my desires on pedestal. Then i realized this is how my brain tests me to see if i really believe i am lucky.

I went to hospital to make an x-ray appointment but system was down, assistant told me to come back a day later. But hospital was a bit far from my house so i decided to wait. I was affirming "i am lucky" in back then so i felt a little bit disappointed things didn't worked out quickly. While i was sitting i realized that's why it's not working, because even if i keep telling myself that i am lucky i didn't have that mindset.

I thought i'll make this appointment today because i really believe i am lucky. System got fixed after almost an hour, i made appointment and went home. But that memory stuck in my mind, i felt like my brain tests me to see if i am really believing it. Like little homeworks. I believe mindset/affirmation is 30% how you think, 70% how you act and perceive the situation in that certain moment. And of course affirming it loud or in your mind keeps you on track.

When you are going to use these new codes, let yourself to become used to it. Did you use the negative code again? Don't worry, at least you are aware of it now.

You started to think you are not enough? Oh i am lazy, i am not good at painting, my friends doesn't like me, my grades suck, i'll never have a good career. Stop. Take a deep breath. Thinking like this doesn't help at all. Use your own code, master or replacement, doesn't matter. Remember that certain memory you assesed the code, feel emotions of the memory and relax.

Using your new code is same as how you normally use negative codes in your life. "My mom said i cook horrible so it must be real. So whenever i try to cook, i ruin it completely and i remember what she said." You can find thousands of examples of codes, you have been using since you were a child. They are keeping you from living this beautiful life and experiencing.

Coding Style

You know what they say about affirmations, use present tense, don't say i want or i need bla bla frickin bla. Have you realized, maybe that person assumes they manifest better with "i want xyz". Maybe they assume they are little brat of this universe and they'll be awarded just by ✨ asking for it ✨

This is not to complain but to realize your coding style. What do you value most? Having it, knowing it, loving it? For me i tried a certain code/affirmation style: bitchy one.

"it's mine" or "this will happen eventually" See? I am not even demanding, i am forcing and 100% sure this will work. If this suits your personality, give it a try. It was 50/50 for me. I liked using it but i also felt uncomfortable for being little aggressive. And "i want xyz" is even harder for me because i still have hard times to demand.

Then i tried present tense style "i am, i have" but it was too bland for me. So i asked myself what do i value? What is highest ranking? Knowing it.

I question a lot, suspect a lot, i don't even trust my own knowledge sometimes. But if i can tell "i know xyz" this is in the highest rank for me. Then i started to use my codes in this style.

For example if you value how you would feel when your desire is accomplished, try using "i love feeling xyz".

I see people using "i decide xyz", use this style if you value control.

Or questions like "why i am xyz" if you always want to know "whys" or "whats".

Try and find out for yourself, even you feel like universe is your sugar mommy/daddy and only thing you need to do is *ask* don't give a f about what community says.

Notes

So that's all for now, i know it's long for a first post. Don't mind my writing style, english is not my mother tongue and only thing that matters for me to describe things in my mind. If you have questions go on and ask. I'll also share a reprogramming mind subliminal if you are coming from my youtube channel. Btw i created a table in notion and divided codes in two sections and three categories. Master and replacement code sections both have three categories. Mind, body/environment, spirit. I added emotion and memory to new codes and ponder about my negative codes.

Hey, also this is fun and actually helps me but plsss don't stress like it's actually coding a program and you have to run it perfectly. Give yourself the ✨damn✨ time. I made an observation about how limiting beliefs affect our life and i think "oh negative thoughts have more power☝️🤓" statement is not true. We wouldn't be alive then because i have crazy scenarios and i do actually believe in them for a moment. I just realized negative assumptions have a pattern and we can use it in our advantage!! Yaay (i like how i started serious like putting index or stuff but why the hell tumblr on browser is so shitty??)

[textsfromthetva]

Hopefully the last Mobius update for the foreseeable future 🐈

It would seem that everyone got it wrong?

I tried the Chinese meds exactly once, but he was so affected that I didn't dare continue treatment with it. Like he got so stoned, I was genuinely afraid that he would stop breathing during the night. It took him 14 hours to get back to normal.

But he kept improving on antibiotics alone, which raised some serious questions about the initial diagnosis. So instead of adding new medication, we took him back to the vet for new blood samples and a check over, and guess fucking what? The vet doesn't think there's anything wrong with him.

He's eating (a lot, cause it's wet food still, and he looooves wet food), his digestive system is carrying on as normal, he is lively and sociable, he no longer has a fever (!!), he's not dehydrated, there's literally nothing wrong with him in behavioural terms. His blood sample also contained good news, things that had been off where no longer off. Except one number, the ratio one, but even that had improved! That means antibiotics helped, and they wouldn't have helped if it was FIP.

So yeah, combined with all the visible indicators, the vet is quite confident that he's going to be fine. Obviously I should keep an eye on him, but you should always do that.

Funny (?) thing is, while everybody else is thrilled, I've gone numb. I don't feel relief or joy, I feel weird and empty. My sponsor says that's an adrenaline crash at the end of a long buildup of physical and mental exhaustion. Basically I've been so freaked out and focused on Mobius and his illness for two weeks, once the threat has been removed, I don't know what to do with myself. My entire life revolved around Mobius being sick, so now what?

I'm trying to give myself time to process, being patient with myself, not judging myself for feeling the "wrong" emotions, but I want to be ecstatic, goddammit!

Anyway, I thought you should know he's happy and healthy once more, and I also want to thank all of the people who sent kind messages during this period, I'm really grateful for that 💚

[fandomwe1rd0]

WAKE UP BITCHES I HAVE ANOTHER OVERANAYLASIS ON RICK AND MORTY'S DYNAMIC

So, let's start with something everyone knows. Rick's relationship with Morty is toxic. Thats something we all know by now, right? I know it, you know it, we all know it. With their codependency, dangerous adventures, and Rick's continual emotional abuse.

I really think Morty knows that his relationship with Rick is toxic and abusive. Especially since Rick tells Morty as much in Forgetting Sharick Mortshall, and when he tells Morty this, Morty didn't appear particularly shocked. So it's possible that he knew about this even before then.

Rick: What we had was abusive don't you see? (...)

Morty: Ok...? So? What's the undercut?

He definitely knows what he has with Rick isn't healthy, but he's unable to leave. Mostly due to codependency, cause while Rick is more so codependent than Morty is, Morty definitely is codependent as well, partly because Rick is his first and only friend. But another reason why is because he knows that he's responsible for Rick's well being. Even though nobody should be responsible for anyone's well being, especially not a 14 year old boy. Rick very much relies on Morty for many things. Even basic things that Rick should do himself like getting food. This, while annoying, is admittedly small, but then it progresses to very heavy things nobody should put on anyone, like keeping him emotionally stable.

I do believe Morty on some level at least, knows this. Due to Morty having to put his life on the line in "Fear No Mort" to save hole Rick (Although Morty thought Rick was real) from his "hole wife". Morty point blank says "I just had to crucify myself to save you from your hole wife!" We also see this earlier in Unmortricken. In the episode Evil Morty says "What happens if Rick actually kills this guy? You ever think about that? Maybe he'll kill himself next." And Morty doesn't even deny he just responds "You're an asshole!" While Morty acts like this didn't have an effect on him, we see that it did have an effect on him, look at the first thing he asks Rick when he kills Rick Prime.

You can also see his lip quivering before Rick says "Yeah." And when Rick does say that he's ok (Lying old man) Morty immediately feels relief and hugs him. While apart of it is definitely codependency, he does feel genuine love for Rick and doesn't want anything bad to happen to him, and because of that Morty knows that he has to stay. We see how much Rick was affected by Morty leaving in Rest and Ricklaxation when him and Jessica talk (We need more of them as a duo btw, they were iconic)

Rick: She kept coming to our house, Morty and asking "Did y- Did you get a new Morty yet?!"

Jessica: Because you kept drunk dialing me and crying about it!

So Morty knows that his presence has a huge impact on Rick's stability which is way unfair but yeah.

So even if Morty got over his codependency, he's still stuck between a rock and a hard place, his choices are to either stay in this relationship that he knows is toxic at the cost of his mental health, or he could leave.

But he can't leave, because he knows what Rick will do if he does. But he shouldn't stay in this toxic relationship since it takes a toll on his mental health.

This poor boy really has no way out unless he stops caring about Rick, but the codependency and trauma bond combined with Morty's low self esteem (Courtesy of Rick) and every traumatizing thing Rick puts him through, it makes it damn near impossible for Morty to stop caring about Rick, even if Rick does something especially horrible, it's hard for me to believe that even that would be enough for Morty to stop caring about Rick.

And even then, if Morty somehow manages to stop caring about Rick and decides to leave, where will he go?

He has no support system. He doesn't have any family members that don't live with Rick besides Jerry's parents, and even then they would probably just bring him back, and as mentioned before, Rick is his only friend.

So, with Morty already being in a tough situation, with no real way out, with it being damn-near impossible for him to leave, there's a very high possibility that Morty will stay trapped in his toxic dynamic forever if it never becomes healthy. His choices are basically to leave with no support system and risk Rick killing himself, or to stay and let this toxic relationship continually deteriote at him and his mental health. My poor sweet innocent baby.

[ming-sik]

My dear good comrade in the trenches against AoB's nonsense: I'm having Ferdinand thoughts (derogatory, mostly) and stewing. You said you thought Ferdinand's boring, if you would be up for it we could complain to hell and back about him T_T (aka, I remembered someone saying “Lestilaut's bad and he doesn't even have [Ferdinand's] trauma excuse!” as if... trauma... is an excuse for... anything... also did we forget the system was inherently abusive and traumatizing orrrrrrr)

i'm always up to complain about ferdinand. i swear i tried to like aob's golden boy but he just... is bad.

like ok my main problem with him is honestly just that by being the most perfectest bestest coolest guy ever he makes the story so fuuuuuuucking boring. there are so many potential conflicts especially from part 4 onward that just get completely ironed over with "ferdinand took care of it offscreen" or "literally as soon as the problem was introduced ferdinand already had the solution", half of the remaining conflicts are just getting ferdinand to stop being an asshole long enough to easily solve the conflict, and half of the conflicts left over after that are how to stop ferdinand from being so incredibly selfless that he burns himself out solving all the story's problems before they can go anywhere interesting. it'd be one thing if he existed in a story that wasn't trying to be serious or if he was used very sparingly as a hermit whose help was difficult to acquire or came at a high price, but as it is i can't even bring myself to get that invested in new conflicts because aob's world has been mostly converted into a playground for rozemyne and ferdinand to flex their enormous brainpower over because obviously the only thing more interesting than one ridiculously overpowered protagonist whose only flaw is being too self-sacrificing is two of the damn things.

to which the counterargument is obviously "noooooo ferdinand isn't a perfect angel, he's deeply flawed!" and yeah he is, but not in a way the narrative is at all interested in doing anything but glorifying. i love it when characters are deeply flawed unpleasant assholes, but only if 1) that's taken in an interesting direction and 2) the story doesn't lie to my face and pretend everyone loves them. YS's society is systematically and inherently abusive, which means that every noble we meet is dealing with an intense web of motivations and pressures that mean being a "good" person in yurgenschmidt's nobility is basically impossible, but ideally that's a way to set up interesting tragic characters, not a reason i'm supposed to excuse ferdinand(and only ferdinand) from judgment for perpetuating that abuse and call for the execution of anyone who thinks he's an asshole.

and the counterargument to that is "oh it's not the narrative that thinks ferdinand is perfect, it's rozemyne!" but that's objectively wrong. the entire plot point of ferdinand's marriage to detlinde is when the story just spends basically an entire volume repeatedly telling the audience that ferdinand is actually the only reason anything gets done in ehrenfest ever and he's the most wonderfulest person ever and everyone is overcome with grief that their savior is gone. even sylvester's habit of pushing off work seems to exist basically entirely so we can have the literal archduke be hugely reliant on ferdinand for day-to-day work just so he can get a little extra credit.

that's not to say that he and rozemyne aren't massively codependent. they are. and again i understand that ferdinand doesn't intentionally put rozemyne in a position where he's literally the only person she can fully trust and she's both completely reliant on him for guidance and terrified of losing him, he does do that. he claims he wants her to rely on wilfried but outside of trying to train him to be more competent(unsuccessfully) he doesn't actually do anything to achieve that, and he never thinks of the perhaps more sustainable option of trying to get her an actual support network. a lot of the tragedy of her losing her life in the lower city is that originally she had a wide group of people to trust: she had her family for comfort, benno for guidance, and lutz as a peer who also knew the full story of her reincarnation. afterwards, she only has ferdinand, and the paranoia he teaches her prevents her from trying to find anyone else, to the point that she only realizes that elvira knows about her commoner origins when he's leaving! and. again. i get so hard that this is an understandable result of ferdinand's trauma making him extremely insular, it's in character, but it's also really, really something that i want the story to, at some point, actually interrogate, but it doesn't! even when ferdinand is totally for real ripped away during the marriage plotline, he actually isn't because they stay in contact the entire time and then she has an excuse to come rescue him and post-battle he's literally just back on the team and it's like he never left so that ended up having the same emotional impact as if he just moved to the next town over. so he never really "leaves", and rozemyne never has to actually get used to life without ferdinand, which would've been really interesting and a way to actually deliver on the ticking time bomb that is grooming subplots.

which he is! and to be clear, he's a groomer in the general sense, not even specifically the pedophilic sense(although yknow. he is explicitly pro-child marriage), i mean that he grooms her to accept that the way yurgenschmidt's society works is normal and fine. he's not solely responsible for the inherent abuse of feudalism, but he's a product of the system he lives in and a product that's not particularly interested in changing that system, so he views myne primarily as an aberration who needs to be incorporated into yurgenschmidt's nobility and made to understand that things work the way they do because this is the best system. i think people rail against ferdinand being called a groomer for two main reasons-- firstly people think that if you say a character is immoral you're saying that they're a bad person for liking them or finding them interesting, and secondly people not understanding that grooming isn't as simple as mustache-twirling villain evilly and intentionally completely controlling a helpless child. bc yeah rozemyne struggles against ferdinand's attempts to fit her into noble society and at multiple points does the opposite of what he tells her to, but that doesn't disprove my argument! it's actually repeatedly acknowledged(well, joked about) where characters including rozemyne and ferdinand themselves say that ferdinand has made her more and more similar to him. like basically the first thing that happens when he gets her into noble society is him convincing her to start participating in the buying and selling of orphans and speaking of orphans do not get me started on the temple it drives me so insane how her turning it into a company town where they serve as her unpaid labor is presented as her being a saint. that can't totally be blamed on ferdinand but he sure does talk her into accepting that the only way she can interact with lower status people is through the lens of a benevolent master. one of the main facets of their relationship is him making her worse.

which is interesting! conceptually! ferdinand is entirely a product of the cycle of abuse and his reaction to his trauma is to preserve that cycle even as it continues to harm him and everyone around him because it's just the way things are. on that topic, he's completely bought into yurgenschmidt's view of children where 5-year-olds are expected to be capable of fending off psychological warfare and 15-year-olds are expected to be fully mature adults, so he has a vitriolic, burning hatred for wilfried age 6 and later detlinde age 15 despite both of their biggest crimes being not magically overcoming the fact that they're being neglected and abused, because he did, which means it is possible and therefore required. even his favorite oops all negative reinforcement education is irl infamous for being literally the worst possible way to educate children because it doesn't work very well and also traumatizes them, something which rozemyne herself seems to understand when she tries to keep ferdinand from being so harsh on letizia but never ends up interrogating because she can keep up with it. just kind of because? the implication is that she has a big headstart from her being an adult university student in japan but we actually don't see him do much instructing outside of giving his pupils a bunch of stuff to memorize and then getting really mad if they don't do it fast enough, which is... not the most effective strategy, wouldn't help with her memorizing new information, and also requires her to show a level of attentiveness and reading comprehension she never actually shows when she's onscreen doing stuff because when she's onscreen she lacks basic reading comprehension and stops paying attention to literally anything she's not interested in, but all of that's just ignored because the whole reason ferdinand cares about rozemyne is that she's the only one who understands that he's just trying to do the right thing and she's the only one who can keep up with him in this world of idiot sheeple. and i don't like that either i think it's pretty boring.

the specific combination of his plot purpose mainly being to instantly solve problems and his actual character just kind of being an insufferable asshole who won't shut up about how awesome child abuse is means that unfortunately every time the male lead of the series is onscreen i'm booing and throwing tomatoes at the page because he isn't interesting enough to pull off being morally grey or fun enough to pull off being a terrible little freak. and i really do not feel sorry for him because everyone in the story is experience similar levels of abuse but mysteriously the story can recognize that it's bad when literally anyone else treats any character the way ferdinand treats everyone all the time.

the lestilaut comparison is so specifically dumb oh my god. like yeah he has the trauma excuse.... everyone does... if we take dunkelfelger seriously lestilaut was raised in an environment where his worth was entirely placed on how physically strong he is and the only solution to any problem is physical force, so that's the only way he can think of to solve problems. his main character flaws are being kind of a jerk in a way that's very normal for a teenager! like his character introduction is revealed to be him misinterpreting hannelore's desire to hang out with the cute shumils as a need to have them at any cost which combines with the existing prejudices he's been taught(yknow the excuse that works for ferdinand and nobody else) to mean that he executes a stupid plan, and then even the bride-stealing ditter plot which is... not his finest moment, definitely, but is him trying to save rozemyne from what he thinks is severe abuse. which isn't an excuse for his actions, like i said with sylvester you kind of lose the right to appeal to good intentions if your mistakes have a body count, but you could make the exact same criticism of ferdinand. i mean his "i'll get ahrensbach for you" bit is basically just the shumils thing but it's treated as romantic instead of "what the hell are you doing"

tbh in the AU i'm working on i just toss him out the window entirely but if he IS going to stick around he neeeeeeeeds to have his untouchability be dialed way the fuck down. he can't just solve literally every story problem with "and then ferdinand pulled the solution out of his ass" and there need to be things that he is actively bad at which other characters are good at. also other characters NEED to be able to criticize him for things other than being too self-sacrificing or limply saying that even though he's the most skilled wonderful guy ever it's a shame he's such a jerk. instead of having people being worried about how dependent rozemyne is on ferdinand be played for cheap jokes about her being in love with him you could idk have it GO SOMEWHERE because if ferdinand isn't totally perfect then you could have that relationship actually negatively affect her in some sort of way that could perhaps cause a narrative conflict, and there should be sympathetic characters who actively dislike him for reasons other than not being able to keep up with his amazingness. like florencia just thinks he's a massive piece of shit because he tried to get her 6 year old son condemned to the ivory tower, or lutz thinks ferdinand is wrecking the myne he knows and loves in order to fit her into noble society, or charlotte and wilfried just end up hating him after he tries teaching them because he's an abusive jerk. i don't even wanna give him a redemption arc because i don't want rozemyne to need to "fix" him and idk who else it would be outside of maybe sylvester? if i was gonna try and not fundamentally change the structure of aob i genuinely think i would just move detlinde's assassination attempt to basically as soon as he gets settled in ahrensbach and also have it succeed. just fucking kill him! make rozemyne navigate the world without him! it also killing off justus and eckhart could even make it so they're also invading ahrensbach without knowing anything about lanzenave so the silver cloth and instant-death poison can actually matter.

[delulu-with-wandanat]

Am I the only one to think Natasha is very rich woman if not a billionaire even though she never shows that to anyone not even Clint knows the extent of her riches and uses conveniently Stark's resources. After she starts dating wanda, she would secretly change stark issued credit card for wanda by hers bc she doesn't want her partner to use another person's money, she would drown wanda with expensive jewelry and gifts even though wanda is a simple girl, she would buy anything wanda so much so mentions in a fleeting moment with over the top amounts. Her actions bother wanda in a loving way so she complains about it to Sam or Steve one day, they would be surprised bc nat never used Stark's money to that extent except maybe for ammunition never for personal stuff, that makes her doubtful so she goes reluctantly to tony asking him to trace nat's spendings but he couldn't find anything suspicious. The expensive gifts continue so one day she decides to confront nat about her suspicions, bc nat immediately noticed tony tracing her ( an excellent hacker herself) she have been meaning to come clear to wanda even though she cherished her secrets, she tells her the secret, Wanda then teases her "so now you're my sugar momma?" and "I can't believe I beat a spy at her game and find out her secret all by myself" Natasha is properly grumpy about the second one. To properly say sorry for keeping things from wanda even though wanda is ok with it, she takes her to one of her secret warehouses that not even Clint knows on a beautiful island, she probably owns in the middle of the night just to mess with the boys.They get up the next morning with no trace of the 2 woman, after a while they start worrying (wanda almost never leaves the compound and if she does she tells Steve bc he's a mother hen). They go on a searching spree thinking of worst scenarios, after a while nat hacks into Tony's system just to mess with him (he really hates when she does that bc he likes to think his system is invincible) telling him "relax shell head we have gone on a vacation", tony retaliates " do you realize you have just given up one of your super secret spy safehouse to me now" knowing her secrets are sacred to her and "how did this island escape me, I am gonna have to talk to pepper, I can't believe she missed this gorgeous island" she replies"I trust you " which she even surprises herself to admit that but bc neither of the two were never good with emotions she deflects "now shut it you incessant radio and stop bothering me, I have got a goddess waiting for me to please, don't you dare do anything stupid, you know I don't threaten vainly" still in the haze of that admittance he replies" yeah yeah go ahead and enjoy your little honeymoon, you will not be missed dracula" He then lets the other boys sit with their worries for a bit and stops vision from telling them bc vision found out too, it's only after tony sees them all gearing up, that he eventually tells them. Sam vowed to retaliate for this prank while Steve was planning on dumping his work on nat.

|Sorry, I am annoying and pathetic, sorry to that other person I sent this too, I couldn't resist messing with you|

Omg i LOVE THIS!!!

I mean considering she's an Avenger, was a former assassin that has connections here and there I can definitely see it. Hell for all we know she could own a business at one point-

There's a lot of ways to make money, and as we know Natasha knows... well everything i guess.

She would in fact, without a doubt shower Wanda with gifts. That reminds me of one of those capcut tiktok template where it goes;

Wanda: Ok, detka! Are you ready to exchange gifts?

Natasha: Yesss. I'll go first.

Wanda: Okiee :>

Natasha: It's not much, but its the thought that counts <3

Wanda: Awee-

Natasha: I got you 10 pairs of Dior sneakers, a moose knuckles cuz it's getting cold, and an Iphone 13 Pro Max.

Wanda: I... what-

Natasha: I know, it's not much I'm sorry but... Oh- OH, I also got you a Benz and a mansion.

Wanda:

Natasha: Ok your turn :>

Wanda:

Wanda: *pulling out a flower and teddy bear dressed as black widow*

Natasha, gasp: OMG babeee I love it!

[anti-endo-safe-space]

Fakeclaimers are wild. Not only did we get fakeclaimed for our ramcoa trauma, but it was literally by someone that is big in the narc abuse community. 💀 I got fakeclaimed and mocked for my programming and ramcoa and tbmc by a fucking narc abuse believer. Omfg. It's like wow. I knew fakeclaimers were shit but like. Wow. Way to prove you have no idea what you're talking about.

(Slight trauma vent below. Tw for tbmc/ramcoa and programming. Not anything explicit. But very heavily implied.)

But also to assume you know what exactly a person has been through to know their trauma isn't real. To believe programming isn't real and ramcoa isn't real.

I have to live with these flashbacks. I have to live with parts of myself that are awful and depraved and can genuinely put me in danger. I have to live with urges of returning to abuse because it's the only safe place or finding someone to act in place of them. That not being able to socialize cause of trauma and autism and not being able to feel like an adult despite being one leads me to want to try to find someone to replace my programmers. That I have to actively stop myself from this shit because it can put me into actual fucking danger.

I am the one that feels like I am a curse and the cause of humanity being filled with evil. I have to live with having been neglected my entire life and the pain of knowing that nobody protected me. I have to live with unimaginable shit. I have experienced these symptoms for years and have always wondered why and never understood. And when I finally can speak about it and accept it, that's when I get told it's not real. You, a stranger, that has never even spoken to me, that was scrolling tags and saw me posting vents, that clearly doesn't understand anything, has a say over what is real or not. When the sources you even use are flawed. (You being to them.)

It's pathetic. And funny thing is. Those kinds of assumptions? I've gotten them from narc and cluster b abuse believers. Getting things assumed of me by someone that doesn't even know my name, my face, my life. That saw comments or posts and decided they know what's best.

Fakeclaimers are truly awful. They will act high and mighty and self righteous. Act like they know what's best. Act like they understand psychology and shit. And then they dont. They make assumptions based on what they think. They're absolutely biased and refuse to even see it.

And I'm someone that did believe in faking disorders being a huge problem and watched those fake disorder cringe complications before when it was like super popular back at like 2016-2020. That felt so mad at "real disorder havers being hurt." It's a bs mentality. Which comes from misinformation, personal issues, insecurities, and a hatred of weird people and neurodivergent people, the very basis of cringe culture.

That kind of thinking only fucked up my own acceptance of my disorders. That kind of thinking is not based in any facts. It's reactionary in the end. It helps no one. And they will never listen. They want to feel morally justified in bullying, fighting for a cause of supporting disorders. The assumptions that they must make about a stranger they've never even spoken to and just seen a post or tiktok from to decide they're faking is a huge amount. And when people CAN prove them wrong, they won't care.

The idea of fakeclaiming is foolish. It's why I won't even fucking fakeclaim endos. Especially when many endos are probably real systems or have other issues. You can hate the community and criticize it and point out the harm and misinfo without being a fucking dick. And the endo community is rife with that. And yeah, some endos may be actively faking. But there is no way in hell even I could tell that. Especially since I'm not even that smart and am very biased myself with shit.

And whats especially funny? I got fakeclaimed. Told I had something clearly wrong with me and was probably autistic or adhd. And also I was told I did it for attention. Yes. My posts with 0-4 likes and less than 30 followers for venting about my heavy trauma that requires a lot of trigger warnings is about attention. Oh yeah. Definitely. I'm actually an attention seeker. If I want attention, I go to my girlfriend or distract myself until she's available. Or reblog tons of posts I like and agree with cause that is what gets me notes from my mutuals. :)

Fakeclaimers may be chronically online but a lot of us aren't. Even if they post regularly. Fakeclaiming will continue to be the most ridiculous thing. Cause not only can you not tell, but you really have to assume a lot. It's weirdly parasocial in a bad way. Assuming you know so much about a stranger online. I can't even say that shit about mutuals I've had for months and years, let alone someone I ain't ever seen.

Just really pisses me off. Cause not only did it send us into literal psychosis and worsened our delusions esp having a history of being harassed online. And literally did lead us to want to hurt ourselves (we're safe, no worries.) but it's also just completely illogical. It is purely emotion based and driven. And they present it as so factual and knowing best.

Nobody fucking deserves to be fakeclaimed. That shit is awful.

Hey, so. We aren't entirely sure how to respond to this besides this. Fake claiming is fucking horrible. You can derail how someone is and send them into a spiral of if they're real or not.

Fake claimers are assholes

[inconsistentcharacterizationcomp]

The developers keep calling Wheatley stupid and insisting that he's the dumbest moron in existence, but like ????

"Oh, just open the door! [to self] That's too aggressive. [loud again] Hello, friend! Why not open the door? [to self] Hm. Could be Spanish, could be Spanish. [loud again] Hola, amigo! Abre la puerta! Donde esta--no. Um..." Not fluent but knows a little bit of Spanish.

"Simple word. 'Apple'. Just say 'Apple'. Classic. Very simple. Ay. Double Pee-Ell-Ee." He can spell.

"I found some bird eggs up here. Just dropped 'em into the door mechanism. Shut it right down." Created a diversion to distract GLaDOS so he could talk to Chell.

"Hey, buddy! Ahm speaken' in an accent that is beyOnd 'er range of hearing." People think this is stupid but 1. He was planning on breaking Chell out in Test Chamber 23 but GLaDOS was planning to kill Chell after Test Chamber 21 so he had to enact the escape plan early. And 2, he had to improvise using a technique that he's likely heard of but never got the chance to learn how to do himself, which is AI voice modulation. And it's an actual thing, it's not just some weird thing he came up with out of nowhere. In an unused line, GLaDOS says this: "I can hear him. I've modulated my voice, however, so he can't hear me. What are you up to?" Like it's an actual THING cores can do, he just doesn't know how to do it because he's inexperienced.

"Quick word about the future plans that I've got in store: We are going to shut down her turret production line, alright? Turn off her neurotoxin, and then confront her." He literally came up with the plan to disarm GLaDOS.

GLaDOS: "The irony is that you were almost at the last test. Here it is. Why don't you just do it? Trust me, it's an easier way out than whatever asinine plan your friend came up with."

Wheatley: "Oh, what? How stupid does she think we are?" A real moron would have easily fallen for this trap.

"Brilliant you made it through! Well done! Follow me, we've still got work to do. At least she can't touch us back here." Knew to guide Chell someplace specifically where GLaDOS wouldn't be able to reach them.

"Here's an interesting story. You might like this. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. But, uh, guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism." 'Nepotism' is quite a big word for a "moron" to have in his vocabulary.

"There's no turret in it... Maybe the system stores a backup image? Oh, hang on. What if we gave it something ELSE to scan? We could get one of the crap turrets. We could put it in the scanner and see what happens. Yes! Go and catch one of the crap turrets, and bring it back!" If Wheatley is supposedly the 'dumbest moron who ever lived' then what does that say about the player who can't figure out this puzzle and needs Wheatley to solve it for them?

"Wait. Just thought of something? How am I going to get in? You know, being bloody massive and everything. Wait! I know! You get into the lift, okay? Then I'll eject myself out of my new body into the lift just as you pass by me! Brilliant. It's perfect. Except for all the glass hitting us when I smash through the lift, that's a bit of a problem. Also, once I eject myself out of the core the lift might stop. Then we'd be trapped in a lift full of broken glass suspended fifty feet off the ground." What kind of moron thinks about the logistics like this?

"Look at the word 'test', on the wall there. That's brand new." Once again, Wheatley can spell. He isn't illiterate.

"To clarify, I was being a little bit facetious about wanting to get rid of monitors. They're actually really quite useful. So I do want them around. So if you could just avoid smashing them." "Facetious" is also a pretty big word for a supposed "Moron" to be honest.

"Yeah... Made this test myself. Out of some smaller tests. That I found. Lying around. Jammed 'em all together. Buttons. Got funnels. Bottomless pits are involved. It's got it all, it's got it all, it's absolute dynamite." The fact that he did this while having the test somehow still be solvable is actually incredible.

Wheatley: "SURPRISE! We're doing it NOW!"

GLaDOS: "Okay, credit where it's due: for a little idiot built specifically to come up with stupid, unworkable plans, that was a pretty well laid trap..." Even GLaDOS had to give him credit for that one.

"Also, I took the liberty of watching the tapes of you killing her, and I'm not going to make the same mistakes. Four part plan is this: One: No portal surfaces. Two: Start the neurotoxin immediately. Three: Bomb-proof shields for me. Leading directly into number Four: Bombs. For throwing at you. [...] PART FIVE! BOOBYTRAP THE STALEMATE BUTTON!" No seriously, what kind of a moron does this?

Like my guy isn't a genius, sure, but he isn't "The dumbest moron who ever lived" he's just some awkward guy with a short attention span who probably has ADHD. Like he's literally just as smart as your average person but the game apparently wants to gaslight you into thinking that he's way dumber than he actually is.

.

[huntunderironskies]

So I have been working on that were-animal game I threatened to do a while back, and I'm...fairly pleased with where I'm at in at least the general concept phase. Lore feels good, I have some solid antagonist ideas, I have a gameplay loop working, all that fun stuff. Now I'm starting to get to the scary parts (having to nail down a system and figure out just how I'm going to put this thing out into the world.)

This got weirdly self-reflective about my history with gaming instead of mostly talking about the actual mechanics so I'm gonna put it under a cut. :U

The tl;dr if you just want to know what I'm (probably) doing:

High-ish power system

Medium crunch (I'm aiming about for the level of Exalted Essence)

(This means a pretty good amount of powers and shapeshifted forms provide bonuses to keep track of)

Trying to avoid specific point-related bookkeeping so there won't be a fuel stat in the way that Chronicles of Darkness or Exalted has it where there are pips that rise and fall

Milestone "leveling" most likely (no actual level traditional leveling system, just skill/attribute pools, powers, and a character rank system similarish to a power stat)

Dice pool

(Yes, I did really like ExEss, don't judge me)

I am...attempting to come up with something more than a binary pass-fail system but I would rather not steal PBTA's iteration on it

Social combat (sorry, I know a lot of people are bearish on it but I like it :c It's the one thing I don't want to toss)

x/y-splats real

I have never tried to work within a system that's 100% of my own making. I think I'm a little gun-shy of it because one of the GMs I used to play with (who I stopped playing with because she's a horrible person in addition to being a horrible GM, incredibly long story, send me booze money to get drunk if you want to hear it because I don't want to be sober when thinking too hard about her) was really insistent on trying to make her own system and her game design sense was...well, not great. Didn't have a good head for dice odds and went for the most simple solutions possible (d6 with small dice pool, 1s are fails, boxcars are crits) without thinking about actual gamefeel, expected players to handle most of creation of character abilities and powers (as in, doing most of the design lifting for her outside of the basic dice systems) but also was incredibly thin-skinned about feedback. She had the desire to be famous and make this big idea but was not willing to do the hard work to make it happen.

And like, I'm somewhat sensitive (I would not call myself the most confident person) so I'm used to feeling a bit hurt by negative feedback, but, you know, you have to listen to players to see how they're reacting to the game especially since you need to get out of your own head when designing mechanics. Critique is how you get better, as much as it hurts. Unfortunately she also hated learning other peoples' systems even if you wrote her cheat sheets so...I never really got to play anything for more than five sessions or so for quite some time.

(Upside: the drive that gave me to search for actual active RP groups led to me meeting some of my favorite people in the world.)

Anyways. I think that's led to me kind of psyching myself out. I've kind of gone from the mentality of "yeah I have a great head for mechanics" to "oh no I'm just a savant with one singular system." I...might have to start with brand-X-ing a system I'm familiar with (ft. minor changes) (guess which one) and then start tweaking from there until it doesn't feel like The Werewolf the Forsaken We Have at Home.

I think it both helps and hurts that a lot of my design philosophy is somewhat similar. I'm trying to do a higher power level, at least in the same way that Chronicles of Darkness has the "if your PCs throw enough resources at something, they will get what they want, it's just a matter of what it will cost them and if it was something they should have wanted in the first place." I also have an extremely strong preference for dice pool systems, I just think the dice odds feel so much better than single-roll systems.

I've also always liked being able to downgrade a failed roll to a dramatic failure since it's led to some really fun situations, but I think the inverse could be fun as well, i.e. if you REALLY feel like you need a roll to succeed you can upgrade it to a single success at a cost that could potentially bite you in the ass later. It's another way to potentially cause drama and give players more meta-options to control how the game can proceed.

On the subject of meta-options I'd really like to give social systems some mechanical weight since I honestly enjoy social combat. I know that's kind of a controversial opinion but I just feel like it gives more tension to negotiations and the like and it gives me a lot more design space to work with when designing what would traditionally fall under "utility powers" as an umbrella.

So that's sorta what I'm working with right now. The scary part is I will need to playtest this at some point and that means recruiting people and that also means starting up what will likely be a community server to keep in touch with people instead of just vomiting out whatever thoughts pop into my head on tumblr. One Fear.

[sureuncertainty]

okay so like how do you set boundaries with an internet friend that you don't wanna be friends with anymore? this is no one here, this is someone i know via instagram and I kinda just realized is actually a dick to me? all the time? and i don't wanna talk to them anymore much less have them edit my book (which they offered to do and I stupidly already said yes)

I don't wanna block them without saying anything, i literally have trauma around being blocked for no reason BUT like is that worse than like? just ghosting them forever? cause that's what I've been kinda doing already

this person CLAIMS to like my book but they've also given me stupid super nit-picky and mean spirited criticisms on it that make no sense that are literally like suspension of disbelief things (also they tried to say that it was "unrealistic" for Cain to not be arrested for tax fraud, which like. buddy you're european and you have no fucking idea what CEO billionaires in the US are fucking capable of getting away with apparently lol)

These criticisms were basically unprompted btw. they were like oh can i make some comments and I said yeah sure thinking it'd be something small and then they proceeded to tell me that my entire story makes no sense and kinda mock it and make fun of it and make me feel dumb

so they made me really insecure about my writing and also literally none of my headmates like them and we get that we can't stop them from reading our book when it's published BUT we just don't want to talk to them about it or have them read it for free

i asked a friend about it and they think they're jealous of me and that's why they say they like my book but are also picking it apart and idk if that's true but I don't think they're like... PURPOSEFULLY being an asshole they just are. i literally dread every message I get from them. OH also they called one of my headmates an ableist slur which like okay fine, it's a common slur that people throw around but it was still hmmmm not great (we are not out as a system on instagram btw)

they send me videos that are completely irrelevant to my interests, they've been BUGGING me about when i'll send them the chapters of silence agenda I told them they could edit (which now will not be happening lol). also our very first conversation was them trying to tell me that studying titanic history doesn't matter WHEN I WAS LITERALLY GRIEVING AFTER THE SUBMERSIBLE DISASTER LAST SUMMER AND VENTING MY FRUSTRATIONS ABOUT IT. and i did snap at them that time and we worked it out and both apologized for making assumptions which was fine but still. like i almost blocked them the moment they sent me that message and now i really really really wish I had bc I feel like i'm in too deep

we also have several mutuals in common and i would worry that if I blocked them on everything, they'd ask one of our common mutuals about it (or a mutual would share my art or something) and they'd realize that I have them blocked, and then i'd have to like. explain myself. and i don't feel comfortable telling those mutuals about it bc i DO NOT want to be that person that's like 'hey jsyk you're following this person who is Problematique' bc i DESPISE when people do that

anyway yeah i just don't know how to handle it and any advice would be appreciated. idk how i've been putting up with this person's bullshit for so long like dear lord i kinda felt like i yanked the wool off my eyes today and realized how fucking awful they are to me