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elisysd · 1 year ago

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Boat - Ed Sheeran

Masterlist - Previously - Next Chapter

The more that I love the less that I feel The times that I jumped never were real

Lyanna had woken at dawn. Like Charles, she had had a bad night. She had spent the hours after the door closed letting the tears flow until she was exhausted. She knew she had been hard on him. But she hadn't been able to stop herself. The Ferrari project seemed incredible and in other circumstances she would have jumped at the chance. But all her fears and doubts had resurfaced at breakneck speed. For a moment, she remembered why she didn't want to get involved with famous people. Her self-confidence was fragile, and a single grain of sand could shake the whole foundation she had built up. She loved Charles but she didn't want to live in his shadow, she didn't want to wonder if she was being offered great things just because she was associated with him. Her career was her baby, her purpose, her escape. A place where she had always felt free and for the first time, it was as if someone had suddenly taken the wind out of her sails.

So she contacted the last person she thought she'd contact one day, who arranged to meet her in a café not far from the station.

“I never expected you would use my phone number.” Told her Charlotte, sipping her cappuccino.

“Yeah, well never did I.” confessed Lyanna. “It’s just… I didn’t know who could understand. Beside Arthur. But I don’t want to put him between his brother and me.”

“You did the right thing. I know what it feels like. I understand you. But… can I be honest?”

“Go on.”

“Charles can be blind, can be stupid, can be too caught up in his little world sometimes, can be stubborn and can be naive but he is also the most loyal person I know. He has your back. He will always have it as long for as you want him. Because that’s how he is.”

“I just don’t want to live in his shadow and spend my time questioning everything.”

“That’s seems to be something that has more to do with you than with him. Listen, I’m going to be frank here. Whenever you’ll go out in Monaco with him, people will look at him and won’t care about you. You will always be his girlfriend. You are going to be seen with him at a GP, you will be talked to as his girlfriend. You attend an event sponsor related; you will be looked upon as his girlfriend. These are facts and you can’t do anything about it. The sooner you accept it, the better it will be for you. But he has no control over it. It’s not his fault. He didn’t dream to be a famous racing driver, he just wanted to drive an F1. Just like you didn’t dream of being a mega famous actress, you just wanted to make art. There are things on which you have control and others you don’t and have to learn how to let go. Of course you are going to have different opportunities now that you are with him. But does it make you less worthy if you take them? I don’t think so. As long as you make your choices with the heart at the right place, I don’t see the problem. You are not using him. He knows that. So chill girl.”

Her conversation with Charlotte had been strangely good for her. She felt calmer. Not more reassured, but at least she felt understood, that what she was feeling was normal and valid. Now it was up to her to decide how she wanted to handle the situation. Was she going to let her head rule her relationship or was she finally going to learn to let her heart do the talking? With her head full of questions, she made a diversion to the port and then to the beach, where she took off her shoes to feel the sand beneath her feet and the gentle crash of the waves tickling her toes.

She eventually returned to the residence with the firm intention of apologising. When she opened the door to the flat and expected to see Charles rushing towards her, she was surprised not to hear so much as a sound that she wondered if he was there. She found him sitting at the kitchen table, a cup of coffee by his side, tapping away on his phone. He saw her out of the corner of his eye but didn't move in her direction. Lyanna approached gently, opening her arms, silently asking for the comforting warmth of Charles's arms, but he remained still.

“You ran away again.”

It was not a question. It was a bitter fact. When she did not react, he continued.

“You promised that you were done with the running away when things get tough.”

“I needed some air. I did not run away.”

“You slept in the guest room because you did not want to face me, Lyanna.”

“I did not sleep well if it can make you feel better.”

“No. It doesn’t. Because you should not have slept there in the first place.”

“We were both angry.”

“We did not have to be.”

She lowered her head in shame before taking her place opposite him. His sea-green gaze locked with hers.

“I love you Lya, but I don’t know how long we can keep going like that. We need to learn how to communicate. You need to let me get through to you. I’m trying to but you are not letting me. We promised to stick to each other during good and bad times but, at the smallest difficulty you panic and you run away. That is not how relationships work. That is not how I want our relationship to work.”

“Are you breaking up with me?”

“Oh my god, Lyanna, no! See, this is what I’m talking about. It’s not because we face hardships that it means that it will be over for us. Communication and trust are what matter the most to me and lately it seemed that we are both failing at that.”

“Most of the time it comes from me… I’m still insecure about so many things. Maybe I should try to contact my therapist and schedule a few session to work on that. It could do no wrong.”

“If you think that it’s something that you need, I won’t stop you.”

“It’s just…” she sighed, trying to find the right words to explain her thoughts. “You know how important my job is, how much it’s a part of me, how hard it has been for me to get back to it after… you know. The last thing I want to feel is what I felt yesterday… To feel like a pawn.”

“I’m not saying that I understand what it feels like. I don’t think I can but, I don’t want to ever feel like I’m an obstacle to your career. I don’t want to be one. And yesterday it felt like that. I didn’t choose to be a public figure, it just happened. We both have very demanding careers, we both made a lot of sacrifices to be where we are at today, but our jobs don’t define us. You are much more than just an actress or my girlfriend and I wish you would see that. I did not fall in love with you because you were Lyanna Michel, we both know that I had not the slightest idea of who you were. I fell in love because you are compassionate, you are kind, you are funny, you are smart, and brave, and driven, and I could continue the list because it’s a long one. I believe in you Lya, and I’m your number one supporter, but I need you to believe in you too.”

Tears streamed down the young woman's face and Charles did his best to resist taking her in his arms. She had to understand. He might have been hard on her, but if this was the wake-up call she needed to move on, then it was the right thing to do.

“I’m sorry I keep letting you down. I’m trying to be enough. I’m trying, really hard.”

“You are enough, Lya. You are putting too much pressure on you. I don’t need you to be perfect, I just need you to be you. A happy you. You are letting me down when you shut me out, not when you doubt yourself or you are getting scared. I wish you would have talked to me about the movie and your fears and concerns. We would have found a solution. Together.”

“Sophia still sent me the script… she won’t tell the production I said no until I’ve read it.”

“And are you going to do it? Read it, I mean.”

“I… think so. You are right, I overreacted and got scared.”

“Okay. I’m glad. I have to leave for a few days to Maranello. Ferrari wants to shoot some things for the social media. It will do us good, I think. We will have time to think things through on our own. And I was meant to ask, Silvia and the media team want to shoot some things with me here. They want you also in the video… I haven’t said yes to them, I want to know how you feel about it…”

“Maybe that if we do it, they will leave us alone…”

“Only if it makes you comfortable.”

“I’m an actress Charles. I can put on a show if I want to.”

In the end, what was supposed to last a few days turned into a week and a half for Charles. He was dragged back and forth between photoshoots, interviews and shooting stupid challenges with Carlos for Ferrari, clinical tests, and simulator work to make sure he hadn't lost any of his reflexes. In the end, he had very little time for Lyanna. He'd only spoken to her a few times on the phone, but the very few occasions he had, she'd told him that she'd actively taken up the sessions with her therapist, who'd decided to schedule consultations for her twice a week. Charles was pleased to hear her say that this was doing her a lot of good and that she was already seeing progress.

What Lyanna had not mentioned to Charles, however, was that her psychotherapy was not the only thing helping her to move forward. Surprisingly, she had become much closer to Charlotte, to whom she could confide her doubts and anxieties, because the young woman had gone through more or less the same things.

“The only big difference between you and me, is that you already have a successful career and no one can accuse you to use him for fame.”

“People find other things to criticize.”

“As always and there is nothing you can do about it.”

“How did you handle that? The expectations that come with being his girlfriend.”

“As cliché that it is going to sound, by trusting him and our relationship. There is no miracle solution. Our relationship went down because we did not love each other anymore, we were just comfortable with one another at some point but there was no spark. We were making each other content, not happy.”

“That’s another thing that scares me… to wake up one day and just feel that we are not in sync anymore.”

“It will happen eventually, I won’t lie. But if you really love each other and from what I’ve seen it’s the case, then there is nothing you won’t overcome. But you need to communicate Lyanna. I should not be the person you ask these questions. You should talk to Charles about it.”

“I will. My therapist said that it’s better to overshare than keeping things bottled up, even if it’s something that I think is no use.”

Charles returned a few days later. December was already well under way and Lyanna had started thinking about Christmas presents. She loved this time of year. Christmas romances, hot chocolate, silly jumpers, decorations, and festive entertainment. She just thought it was a shame that Monaco wasn't covered in snow. So when Charles pushed open the door to his flat and saw large boxes strewn about the floor with garlands of every colour, and the smell of biscuits coming from the kitchen, surprise and doubt could be read very clearly on his face.

He stepped forward cautiously, avoiding getting his feet caught in anything lying on the floor, and a smile spread across his face when he saw her humming a Christmas carol as she meticulously decorated a tray of biscuits.

“I feel like I'm entering Santa's world.”

“Charles! You are back!” she exclaimed as she was throwing her arms around him.

“I see you kept yourself busy.”

“I hope you don’t mind. I didn’t find any Christmas decorations at your place so I bought some… maybe I went a little overboard. Sorry.”

“Don’t be, it’s nice. I never decorate the flat because I’m never here during Christmas but if it made you happy, that is what matters the most. Speaking of Christmas… I gave that some thoughts and was wondering if you would like to spend it with me and my family in the mountains in Italy… that’s where I spend it generally so I can also prepare for the season. I would love to have you there but if you would prefer to spend it with your family I would understand.”

“I… well… I was not expecting you to ask me that. I did not make plans yet, but I guess I could come yeah. I would love to, actually. But in that case, maybe we can spend New Year’s Eve with my family? What do you think? We compromise. This year Christmas with yours and next year at mine?”

“It’s perfect for me.” He said while giving her a light kiss on the forehead. “I like when you talk about the future and I’m included in it.”

“Yeah, me too. It feels nice. I took the time to go through the script and to talk to Sophia about what I feared.”

“Yeah? It’s great, Lya. I’m proud of you.”

“I’m glad I did. Turns out we were both right… They don’t specifically want me because I’m your girlfriend, they wrote the character while having me in their minds which is very flattering. But they don’t hide the fact that since I’m your girlfriend it’s going to give a nice promo to the movie.”

“Okay. And what do you want to do? Are you still hell bent on saying no?”

“I said I was interested. I’m going to do some camera testing in the beginning of January in LA and they are hoping to start filming in late February. And the nice thing is that it will be shot in Italy, in Modena so I won’t be far from Maranello. You are definitely going to see me around.”

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author's note: Oh and a wild chapter appears! At least someone put some senses into Lya's head.

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#charles leclerc #fiction #writing #charles leclerc imagine #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc imagines #charles leclerc x female reader #cl16 #cl16 x reader #charles leclerc blurb #f1 x oc #f1 imagine #f1 x reader #f1 fanfic #charles leclerc fanfic #f1 fic

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cryptidsurveys · 4 months ago

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Tuesday, July 16th, 2024.

How have you been doing? I'm a little worn out from volunteering, but otherwise, I've been doing well. Cassie was telling me that I need to stay for a full day sometime, that way I can understand what they mean about the nonsense that goes on in the evenings. Basically, over the past few months, the time they actually get off work has been pushed farther and farther back. They're supposed to get off at 5pm, but Alex said the other day that she didn't get off until 6pm (and she already comes in ~30 minutes early). There also seems to be some growing animosity/resentment between the dog & cat people. Dog people are allegedly the hold-up. I'm not sure what changed, but it wasn't like this last summer. Cattery is usually finished early, often expected to help with the dog stuff; but when they ask for the final check to be done so they can go home, they're typically left for last.

I feel like that's eventually what will drive Cassie to quit. She had somewhere she had to be last night and they dragged things out until she was like, Yeah, I need to leave. She said it was "fine" in that situation; but in the future, when she has cheer practice, she's not going to be able to wait around for them because cheer won't take work as an excuse for being late. Also, I was told that Lucy might be looking for another job. Lucy told Cassie she wasn't going to quit until she found one, but after her absence last weekend, she might have just decided to go for it.

I know I'm essentially backseat managing here, lmao, but they really need to get ahead of this turnover issue. Since I started volunteering again last summer, they've lost something like 15 employees.

Anything you're looking forward to? Hopefully going for a picnic at the Mountain Park tomorrow. I haven't been there since last autumn, which is way too long. There's a certain rock in a certain stream that I just need to lie down on for a while.

Do you or anyone you know play the violin? No.

Do you have a nice view out of the closest window? It's just a view of some houses. And today, some construction. They're doing idk what on the corner diagonal from us.

What is one of your favorite breakup songs? I don't think I'm really a fan of any breakup songs.

Do you know anyone named Georgia or George? No.

What age did you learn how to ride a bike? Without training wheels? I think I was around 6 years old.

Are you currently listening to music or watching TV? I'm not. Sometimes I will listen to music while taking surveys, but it just feels like a bit much atm.

What is your morning routine? On volunteer days: depending on the day, get up somewhere between 5:15-5:45am. I'm usually awake a bit before that, though, so I just lie in bed and listen to something on YouTube. Shower, get dressed, brush my teeth, eat breakfast, gather the remainder of my things, talk with my dad for a bit. Then, depending on the day, leave somewhere between 6:20-6:45am.

On Wednesday: wake up, brush my teeth, make myself presentable, go grocery shopping, then come home and eat breakfast.

On Saturday: wake up whenever I feel like it, make breakfast, clean my bedroom, and make some art.

Are you someone who gets easily agitated by hearing someone chewing? No. It doesn't tend to bother me.

What was the last text you sent? It was a text to my mom. We might be going to see Despicable Me 4 on Saturday, and I was like, "I'll finally find out what all those little yellow minions are about."

What did you last have to eat? Some mixed veggies with sriracha sauce and a cheese and jalapeno sandwich.

What's your favorite kind of oatmeal/porridge? If we're talking about the flavored pouches, then probably brown sugar, birthday cake, strawberry, or peach. However, I typically use plain oatmeal as my base and use fruit, peanut butter, etc, to flavor it from there.

Have you ever ate a whole pizza in one sitting? I don't think so…maybe a half, though…? In elemntary school, we used to have pizza days on Friday (was it weekly? monthly? I can't recall); if you didn't "flip a card" (their disciplinary system), then you could pay some small $ amount that I no longer recall and get a half/full pizza, a cookie, and drinks.

What are some things you are grateful for? Volunteering. Even with all the drama, I can't imagine giving it up. I feel like it's a good exercise in detachment (not that I'm so detached, lmao; I'm obviously here dishing the constant tea). Like, if you ever just want to be an observer without any real expectations or responsibility for the system as a whole, go volunteer somewhere. It's an interesting experience… It's helping me learn to step back, stop trying to control everything, and just sort of let everything play out the way it will. It's not that I've given up all autonomy to the flow, but seriously, sometimes it helps to really see just how little of this teeming, chaotic world has anything to do with me. Thought I was going to make a difference; instead, found out what a cosmic speck I am. Maybe not what I wanted, but definitely what I needed. Still a speck, but now a free speck.

What's the last thing you done while outside? Drive, I guess.

How often do you do laundry? Every few days. It just depends on how quickly it piles up.

Have you already had your birthday this year? Yes, back in March. Which feels like forever ago. June 1st feels like it was last week, but March feels like it was last year.

Last thing you done before this survey? Vacuum the living room and dining room.

Do you like sleeping with multiple pillows? I have multiple pillows on my bed, but I only sleep with one.

How many candles do you have in your bedroom? A couple.

What emojis have you used the most here recently? D; and :')

What color is your favorite shirt? I don't have a favorite shirt, but my favorite hoodie is black.

Do you currently smell food cooking? No. Oh, but at the shelter earlier, I walked out of cattery to go to the bathroom and it smelled like someone was cooking hot dogs with ketchup or something. Come to find out it was ant killer. What a wild smell for such a thing…like luring them to a picnic or something…

If you were given $1,000 to spend at one store. What's your store of choice? Walmart (groceries).

How much sugar do you consume on a daily basis? Idk.

Do you have any ice cream in your freezer? Yeah. Well, it's custard, but same basic deal. It's from Culver's. Strawberry cheesecake and mint choco-chip.

What's the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word "chaos"? Chaos theory, chaos magicians…etc.

Do you own anything that has an animated character on it? Somewhere.

Have you used a microwave today? Yeah.

What's the last book you read? Still in the midst of the third Dune book. I haven't picked it up in a while, though. I just haven't felt much like reading lately.

What's something that always makes you cringe? Idk.

What's a word or phrase you say a lot? My toxic trait is that I'm blind to my own annoying catchphrases.

What's something that always makes you emotional? Music. Not always in a good/cathartic way. Sometimes in an overwhelming/spiraling way.

How many times have you changed clothes today? Twice. From pajamas to volunteer clothes and back to pajamas.

What's on your mind currently? Just how busy this next week-ish feels. I hope I don't get a migraine…

In what ways have you changed over the past year? So many ways.

Do you really care about others opinions of you? Ehhhhh. Much less than I used to, but still to some extent.

What's your favorite pasta? Spirals, bowties, macaroni elbows.

Do you currently see anything yellow? Some watercolor flowers I painted.

What did you last try to do and failed? Not sure.

Does your bathroom have a certain theme or color scheme? Not really.

If you have Netflix or any streaming service.. what's your favorite shows to stream? N/a.

Are you currently wearing anything red? No.

What was the last thing that caught your eye while shopping? I'm not sure.

What's a social media site you have no interest in? Twitter, Facebook, Tik Tok…I don't even know what's out there these days because I don't keep up.

Have you ever tripped and fallen in a public place? Yeah.

When did you last buy a dairy product? Last Wednesday.

What's the last song you sang out loud? I'm not sure.

#survey #personal survey #surveys #random survey #survey blog

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sourle · 1 year ago

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oh i thought it would be better to send a request once you have a free time but alright !

If my request suits you, may i request Red son, Sun Wukong, and Macaque with reader ( platonicly ) who wants to help everyone generally and them espcially and follows them around because they admire them alot ? :] but however, always keep missing things up making everything worst

And thank you

Hi! Hi!

I'm so sorry it took so long! I actually had it halfway done but Tumblr decided to be a mean person and just deleted my progress. But hopefully you will like this rewritten one!

Red son

An admirer? Never thought he would get one. But he's okay with it.

He would get annoyed whenever you followed him around, it didn't give him some peace. Man just wants to be alone.

Don't worry tho, he doesn't hate you he just doesn't like to be constantly followed.

Would definitely treat you like a little siblings, he never had one so.. why not?

Maybe DBK and PIF will willingly adopt you if you and Red son begged hard enough.

Would teach you some combat and maybe also teach you how to fix a car.

He might get irritated whenever you mess up or just straight up failed but he gets over it and gives you tips and tricks while helping you out.

Would bring you with him to taunt both Mk and Mei while still trying to get the staff.

Sun wukong

An uncle figure. You can't deny he doesn't have a uncle kind of vibes.

The first time you both met was through a demon attacking the city, maybe it had to be something bazaar that Wukong had to be involved in. (Maybe I could write a story about this.. maybe)

While Mk was impressed by how you defeated the demon, Wukong was surprised.

He respects you for that, what he was more surprised about was that you're actually inspired by him?

Yes he knows he's great and all, but he's triple surprised about knowing a simple human could be a hero just by being inspired by another and it was actually him.

Somehow you reminded him of Mk, with your antics and such it really did match Mk's.

Then he offered to train you and help you out, you being excited instantly accept it.

And now here you are, training with Mk. Sometimes doing a small spar with him.

You sometimes wish you could spar like both Mk and Wukong one day.

Mk things of you like a sibling. Both of you definitely defeat demons together.

Always, pat on the head from Wukong.

Macaque

He never expected someone to actually admire him..

He'll definitely be weirded out at first before enjoying your company, by all means. He doesn't mind you following him but uhh just don't all the time.

He took you in as a student, teaching you combat and how to shoot something and sometimes spar with you.

Whenever you help him with his plan on trying to get rid of Mk or Wukong he just can't help but feel like you're someone he could genuinely trust, like someone back then.

Yeah after you help him, he definitely has respect for you and is proud to say it.

Not long, he took you in as a successor. Someone who he'll teach the art of shadow to.

On to how you guys met is in one of his shadow shows. You being there and being the loudest got his attention, him being in the act is gratitude about it.

But he's surprised when you ask him to teach you, he denies it at first but after seeing you in his shows all the time he finally approached you and hesitantly agreed to teach you.

#lego monkie kid #lmk #lmk + reader #red son #sun wukong #macaque #lmk redson #lmk wukong #lmk macaque #red son + reader #sun wukong + reader #macaque + reader #lemon writes #+ reader

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trashquisitor-shirozora · 2 years ago

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I hope you understand how relieving it is to run into someone else that is *not* a fan of the new season. Its really really hard to be here, falling out of love with something, when everyone else around me is all "Oh its so fun!" "Oooo! Its so colorful!" "Look! Jack Black is in it!!!" because while I don't want to yuck their yum, they're also not very open to any sort of even very generalized criticism. And I get I'm being a little over dramatic (I am a sleep deprived college student, it is my right) but every "Just enjoy the fun!" "Not everything has to be so deep all the time." hurts because this was my escapism, this was what sometimes got me through the week...and now its no longer what it was, so I want the ability to grieve, and instead I am met with annoyance and dismissal.

So...yeah, this is a very long winded way of saying thank you. Not only for your fantastic stories, but also your amazing art, and for letting me know I'm not alone.

(sorry but not sorry)

Firstly, I am sending good vibes your way because being a college student is fucking hard. Secondly, I'm really sorry. It is so frustrating when you're unable to enjoy something you used to really love and being told that it's because you're doing it wrong. There is nothing wrong with how you want to engage with and enjoy the things you love, and I think it's important to be able to vent your frustrations and talk these things out. It's better than letting things cook for too long and souring you to the entire experience.

To be honest, I tried to be optimistic and hopeful about this season. I told myself that I couldn't let my experiences with TBOBF, Kenobi, and Andor color my impressions of Season 3, even if I was left speechless and bewildered by the season premiere. I was anticipating the same responses you were getting so I tried to be fair. I'll wait until the season is over to decide whether to watch. I'll wait and see if the season improves, if I was overreacting, if I understimated Jon Dave Favloni.

Sometimes, a season of your favorite show just isn't living up to your expectations. Sometimes it just fucking sucks, and it's okay to talk about how disappointed you are by it. Whatever reasons you have for your disappointment, whatever you're feeling, they're all fucking valid.

Thirdly, thank you for enjoying my words and my arts! I love my tin can tin man too much and I am brimming with so much spite like good luck chasing me out, Jon Dave Favloni, I'm going to Dinluke my merry way while you do whatever it is you're doing with the Disney canon.

And please get some sleep whenever you can.

#shirozora awkwardly responds to asks #the mandalorian #the mandalorian critical #sorry it took all day but i hate being thoughtful while at the office with only my phone's teeny tiny keyboard #to type out a deserving response #i hope my response was okay

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sharksa-shivers · 1 year ago

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Hi lol

My name is Sharksa Shivers or Tiff, whatever, either works lol and i am migrating here now. I still have a twitter (i am not calling it X, fuck that lol, you know it's a twitter) The muskrat has been fucking up alot of shit over there so uhhhhhh might as well make another page online so people can find me cuz idk how long a burning building can stay standing so yknow...

Just in case tho- twatter: https://twitter.com/Sharksa_Shivers Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZ02ooJ9RYKAV9uIUQum1Gg Deviantart: https://www.deviantart.com/sharksa-shivers (ima be honest lads, i ain't reposting every art ever on here so check my DA for my full art gallary lol. All my art garbo is there lol)

I'm p friendly but snarky and sometimes i got no chill but cuz of anxiety, that will probably be reeled in alot but i'd love to talk and make some more internet friends cuz i'm a lonely motherfucker, that'd be nice lol... Guess i will be trying to learn how this site works cuz i have no clue lol...Never had a tumblr before so uhhhhh yeah lol... Also i like to swear and say fuck and be edgy so uhhhh hopefully you're alright with self end life jokes and uhhhhh other stuff like that cuz otherwiseeeeeee you probs wanna head on out lmaoooo If you decide to show up and be a lil shit, i will not hesitate to use that block button lololol...Also if you decide to take my sfw art as weird fetish shit cuz i've had that prob on DA, that will absolutely earn you a block. Also peeps that make me uncomfy in general/spambots also will get hit with the blocc. I'll talk to anybody usually but if you wanna be rude, i'll probs block you if you decide to do that lol. Just be a normalass person and we won't have any issues. Do not start shit with me about my interests plz, i just want happy brain chemicals for like 5 minutes fdhjkfdjhfdhdf plz, lordt

My serieses and whatnot lol A NOTE: MY STUFF IS NOT FOR KIDS...SO PLEASE JUST BE LIKE...RESPONSIBLE. I'M NOT POSTING NSFW SHIT BUT LIKE I'M NOT GONNA CUT OUT MATURE THEMES EITHER SO PLEASE LIKE...VIEWER DISCRESTION ADVISED...THIS GOES FOR LIKE ANYTHING I MAKE IN GENERAL.

--- Kidnapped revolves around The Trio, a team of 3 demon fighters in training. Consisting of Sharky Sharkson, Max Bone and Kristy Miller, these 3 teenagers work towards the goal of defeating a genocidal immortal cult leader shadowdemon known as Demon Drop whenever he comes back from an alternative dimension. Training The Trio, powerful fire mer Orange Hair does her best to provide The Trio with the skills and resources they need to take down Demon Drop when he returns...Why is it called Kidnapped then? Because Orange Hair kidnapped Kristy to make this team happen and that's when our story begins, with Kristy having to come to terms with all of this...

Roomies --- Skylar is a loud and asshole-y chameleon with dreams of becoming a musician. Axel is a very nerdy and nice dog dude whos trying his best to live a good life. Together, these 2 are polar opposites and roommates...Maybe even something more in the future if Axel can figure out his true feelings for Skylar over time. These 2 get into quite alot of shenaigans and have to deal with whatever life throws at them both.

(Note: Roomies is my side series and it's undergoing some major needed work over time. It's probably not gonna be updated a ton as a result but i am working on it on and off whenever i get more inspired lol.)

Plz tag art as #KidnappedSeriesFanart or #RoomiesSeriesFanart if you wanna give me fanart or something to...Or tag me, whatever, i'd love to see it!!! (am not expecting but people have wanted to a few times and i'm cool af with that as long as you aren't...Yknow, gross and whatever lol...)

ALSO!!!! Just cuz i post dialog stuff/rambling stuff from/about Kidnapped/Roomies doesn't mean they will be in the final projects...But it doesn't mean it won't make it in either lol so take it with a grain of salt. I needa share more stuff to get any sort of audience imo sooooooooo ima share these cuz these get the points across more then random artpieces in my mind so yeah lol... EVERYTHING IS SUBJECT TO CHANGE, PLEASE KEEP IN MIND...

Ik fandoms are a big thing here sooooooo here's some stuff i'm super into lol: -Regular Show (hyperfixation atm) (Also simp king Mordecai is my fave character, argue with the wall lmaooooooo) -Owl House -Steven Universe -Final Space -Tangled The Series -Amphibia (less so after the finale tho, ngl, oof) -Hazbin Hotel/Helluva Boss (both lol) -If it's animated, i'm probably gonna be super into it lmao, i don't watch alotta live action stuff, i'm sorry oof X-X

Will say tho, i probably won't interact much other then like...Maybe an opinion here or there or just...Sharing art i like lol, i ain't lookin for drama or fights, plz no, i do not need it over silly cartoon shows that make my brain make seratonin juices lol

Other shiz i like: -Hiveswap (Homestuck too but Hiveswap moreso ngl lol) -Castle Swimmer -BIG into Elemental rn, we'll see how long that sticks lol -Mystery Flesh Pit National Park (fave internet story, god, i love the cosmic abomination, horror pit lol) -If it is shark/ocean/mer related, yes i want to see it, give it to me NOW... -Roblox (fave games are Tornado Alley Ultimate and Royale High atm lol but i play other stuff at points)

Uhhhhhrm, will update more later lolololol

If you needa contact me, hmu lol (tho i am usually easier to reach later in the day/at night tbh...Ima lil night owl buttttttt sometimes i do have to get up earlier so yknow, i could surprise ya... XD

Dividers are NOT MINE; Go check out cafekitsune for these, they got some really pretty ones lol Link to the galaxy banners: https://www.tumblr.com/cafekitsune/727305515676418048/%F0%9D%90%8F%F0%9D%90%80%F0%9D%90%93%F0%9D%90%93%F0%9D%90%84%F0%9D%90%91%F0%9D%90%8D-%F0%9D%90%81%F0%9D%90%80%F0%9D%90%8D%F0%9D%90%8D%F0%9D%90%84%F0%9D%90%91%F0%9D%90%92-galaxy

Commissions? Nope, not atm. Idk if i will ever do those tbh lol... Art trades? Depends on the timing but hmu and we'll see!! Usually I'll say yes cuz it's p fun lol. (I would prefer to know the person/be mutuals tho so i am not doing free art for Johnny Mcrando yknow?) Gift art? I am always open to peeps making art for me so you can if you want. On my end, depends lol...Maybe if i'm up for it. Do you ever do fanart? I would do so much Regular Show fanart if my brain was not fried 24/7 with Kidnapped stuff so...dfhjfdhjfdhfd I wouldn't follow me for the hopes of that alas but perhaps someday, i have done it before!! :p When tf you gonna upload you twat?? Whenever i have stuff, do not stress me plz, i beg lol. I do gotta draw, it keeps my mental health stable but also uhhhhhhhhh it's done when it's done babycakes uwu

#Sharksa Shivers #UwU

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angeliicheartt · 4 months ago

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Can I pleease get a MHA matchup? I'd make me so, so, so happy! I recently found your page and I'm so excited!

So, idk if you'll take this request (is my first time, srry), but here I go:

So, I'm around 5'3, short, curly, dark brown hair, freckles, brown, almost black eyes. I'm a Leo, INFP (yeah, dunno how that's possible), and I consider myself an ambivert, I'm a turbulant human being (emotionally speaking), and shy in the world of love and romantic relationships, lol. I like painting in mini canvases, anything that might involve my creativity and my hands, like parper crafts, coloring, design (that kind of stuff), I love reading romance books, watching anime, listening to music (I'm such a fan of Melanie Martinez), singing, also, i'm a big sucker for musicals! I have a huge sweet tooth and sometimes I just can't help myself. I'm easily distracted, and will get super excited with the things that I like! (Expect shrieks, smiles, gasps and jumping all over the place). I'm anemic and have anxiety, but I usually keep it to myself, aswell as many of my emotional burdens, hehe. My love language is quality time, but I also love making handmade stuff for people! I'm usually not that talkative with ppl I don't know, but when I get to meet them, I'm a yapper... Until I run out of my social battery, lol. I'm usually really kind w ppl (I try to), try to keep a smile for them and offer help whenever I can... I'm a little naive, it has gotten me in trouble before, lol. I also like videogames, the chill, ""girly"" type. I'm not too much into movies, but I'm all in for tv shows, cartoons and k-dramas! Also, I tend to look out for my loved ones instead of myself, can't help it! I'm a loving, sympathetic soul! And... I think that's all, sorry of it's too much! And thank you for your precious time too 💕

ᴍᴀᴛᴄʜᴜᴘ ꜰᴏʀ ɴᴏɴɴɪᴇ!

a/n: im crunching these out in time for my 500 celly, hope u like 😚

i match you with.. izuku midoriya!

first of all! physically i think ya'll would be so cute together from your description!

freckle partners !!

oh em gee, he loves seeing your art, receiving it in any manner, etc. he just loves seeing your talent!

loves doing crafts with you fs, weekly date night in!

likes to prepare food for you (partially to make sure you're eating enough iron <3)

pushes you to open up with him and wants you to feel as comfortable as possible with him

LOVES receiving anything from you as i said, will return the favor.

loves starting/watching anything with you!

both of you are very protective of your friends and family which makes the two of you a wonderful match!

hope u enjoy your new bf!

#𐀔 // elle writes !#bnha #bnha matchup #bnha x you #mha #mha matchups #bnha matchups #mha matchup #mha x you #izuku midoriya

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redphienix · 4 months ago

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It's been like 12 years and I still think about that (of many) really good shipfic I read for Trixie and Twilight doing an ongoing magic contest to prove who was worthy of the element of magic status

and how the story was such a joy as far as I can recall with a true slow burn of not initially romance, but rather of, how to put it

My memory is bad and I read so many fics back then, but I recall Trixie had a crush on Twi and whenever we focused on her part of the story it'd often be her own competitive nature and nerves forcing her back into her antagonistic persona and never really being able to admit anything sincere to Twi, and Twi if I recall pretty much saw Trixie as an annoyance but those sincere glimpses turned her over the course of the writing.

And fucking christ that could all be inaccurate and just me frankensteining 660 different stories together, doesn't matter, what matters and why the story regularly pops up in my head is because:

I recall it being very quality-

I recall reading it over a long span of time as it was being updated and written as I was reading it-

and I recall it having a fucking gut punch of a bittersweet (mostly bitter but with enough "Well maybe" and "fuckkkk it does have to be like that" to sell it) ending where Trixie like forfeit the contest on the final day by leaving a letter explaining her feelings and why she's certain Twi deserves it inside her lodge or wherever she was staying in ponyville at the time.

And the ending was like, Twilight getting her nerves together and going "That's it, I'm SAYING it, I'm going to Trixie and I'm admitting my feelings!" marching her way in, finding Trixie's letter explaining how great Trixie thinks she is and why she has to leave because she's not good enough (or something like that), and Twilight is devastated and I /think/ the audience gets the reveal that Trixie was hiding nearby to see Twilight read it and then she pulls up her cloak or something and leaves Ponyville.

So the story ended with both of them finding out the other liked/cared/loved the other, but Trixie made the decision to leave because she didn't trust herself to make good on what both of them wanted, and that sucks!

But in a way I fucking ate up at the time (and still do) because it felt earned!

It left you going "NO! Fucking TALK, TRY!!!!" but also going "Shit! This is the logical conclusion for all the turmoil swirling inside Trixie in this story! And maybe it won't always be this way but FUCK this moment feels earned (to me)!"

And then like 3 days later or something like that the author deleted the final chapter and uploaded a new final chapter which I recall "liking" but it just, well let's just say I don't remember a second of it.

I remember it was just a happy ending. They talked and got together, which is like what you're rooting for in a shipfic usually- you're not coming here for a deep well written narrative that can challenge you (usually), you're coming for a well conceived and satisfying fulfillment narrative- it's different usually, it's a different form of writing and what not.

But I remember reading it and going ".... Yeah. Yeah that's happy. That's nice.... But man, the old ending HIT me, I LOVED that one" and now that old ending- as far as I'm aware- is some fandom lost media.

I recall having it saved as a google doc for a bit I think, but I don't recall the author ever re-uploading it, so it's just a morose ending lost to time I think.

And I just think about that sometimes.

Both the quality of the piece itself, but also how it bent itself to conform to expectation- but also how I think the author WANTED that so it's not like "backlash = lost art" I don't /think/, it's just, they wrote something that I really enjoyed, and they went "Actually, I take it back" and now I'm left with memories of appreciation for THAT version that far outweigh the version they ended up sticking with.

IDK, interesting I guess.

#my posts #my little pony #friendship is magic

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syrupspinner · 5 months ago

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nextfest demos in the order i played them!

except for 500 calibre contractz since i already talked about that

im not gonna spend too long talking about em, since theyre just demos and all, but! i like talking :3

this was great! ive tried some pinball games in the past, and out of them ive enjoyed demon's tilt the most. the progress system reminds me of mario pinball land, where if you fall down youve gotta work back up. it was kinda frustrating in that game, but i trust that this will work to make improvements like the checkpoint system. also, i like the abilities! it reminds me of wizorb in the way that i dont enjoy arkanoid/break-out by itself, and the magic lets you avoid stalemates and give the levels more freedom. so yeah, looking forward to the full game!

windows firewall defender moment. sorry, but im not really feeling this one. i couldnt progress after building the chocolate crafting table. im not sure if i was missing something or if the game just wasnt showing me new recipes. the menu sais thered be more pages if i scrolled, but there wasnt. also, i killed a ginger bread guy, but like... nothing happened? it didnt give me anything but the body just stayed there. next.

a little rough around the edges, but i respect the niche! i won my first match through attrition, but i can see myself really latching on to the gameplay if i gave the full game a shot. definitely one of those games that you leave lying around your library and launch when youre in the mood, not the kinda thing you focus on and grind out.

first impression, this needs better controller support, sometimes the menu just... doesnt work without a mouse, including the title screen. ive got a bit of a soft spot for marble games, i was inspired when i saw patricia taxxons marble blast video. but a lot of them just seem a bit unpolished, Sphero included. the foundation is there, i think the controls are pretty alright, but the presentation loses me

typo in the tutorial. the game was really polite about being a work in progress, so ill let it slide. especially since this was made by three people, wow? anyway, im kinda surprised by how well i jived with this game. i was expecting this to be a kinda mid ecchi game, but its actually surprisingly fun. the weird thing is, i remember trying viscera cleanup detail when i was younger and really not liking it. maybe this is more engaging because of the setting and style? either way, wishlisted. wish i had people to try the multiplayer with!

oh my god its so small. ew, up to jump?oh never mind this game is funky /pos as hell. i dig the music, and the npcs have such killer personality. the core mechanics are a bit simplistic but im hoping the full game fleshes them out more. i feel kinda bad that i dont have much else to say about this, the gameplay's pretty straightforward but the art direction saves it. wishlisted

last one for the night. full disclosure, i held off on this one because i knew id be into it anyway, but MAN thats a understatement! im so so into the combat here, i love being able to plan things out before committing to them, and its SO fun to play with the AP system! the writing is super fun, i already love all these characters, and i cant wait for a second to see where the story's going with the memory loss and the weird teacher, ugh i wanna play more! bar none my favorite game so far

tune in whenever my adult responsibilities are slightly less worrisome for the second part! homefully itll be the conclusion, im planning for it to be but oooooo viddy games...

#steam next fest #oh these are gonna be a bitch to tag #pinball spire #chocolate factory #usurper #sphero #goblin cleanup #rubato #demonschool #lemme know if you have any recommendations!

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fadebolt · 4 months ago

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Well, as someone who interacts with polls an awful lot (though not with literally every single one of 'em, cus like.... there's just too damn many xd), I feel like I should probably respond here. Because while the anon is sort of correct, I feel like they're also misconstruing some things. Whenever you're looking at polls, the thing that you should immediately be discarding is an expectation for people to be fully objective. A lot of people will just simply go with what their gut tells them, and Rain World is a game that prides itself on different people having different experiences. Everyone has their own routes and playstyles and preferences and things they struggle with, and this is why you'll often see a theoretically 'bad' option get at least a few (and sometimes even a dozen) votes. Can that feel a tad annoying? Oh, absolutely, it can. But I think it's best if we look at the bigger picture here, since there is actually a pretty decent balance with these things. I've mainly noticed this from the room polls, since those have many options that people could fawn over out of bias, and while a lot of them have indeed been successful (so much so that the host literally made 'ROOF03 only' and 'iterator chamber only' polls to thin them out a lil bit), but something I happened to notice is that a ton of the picks where you'd expect high vote numbers due to people's biases....... have actually struggled, and sometimes, even failed. People aren't dumb. When they see that something is very high quality, they are more than willing to put their vote onto that, even when it's matched up against something that reminds them of Looks to the Moon or Five Pebbles. And if you want proof, then just check back on the region art poll for the vanilla game. The poll where Five Pebbles was beaten by Drainage System. Drainage. Freaking. System. Yeah, the most unimportant region of base Rain World that has frustrated countless new players has managed to beat Five Pebbles, just because its region art is simply that much better. Of course, that doesn't actually invalidate the Anon's points. FP still performed fine, and it that was very much guaranteed to happen, by virtue of the art belonging to Five Pebbles. What I was looking to highlight are the differences between the performances of FP and LttM, and how that can serve as an indication, that while some people have certainly voted for LttM cus they love the character, you can still clearly see that most voters picked it, because they actually appreciate the art. Trust me, it would be flat out impossible for it to get this much support otherwise. While I would very much like to add my own takes about Looks to the Moon's region art (spoiler - it's one of my favorites from the bunch, though I did vote for Silent Construct, for reasons I've already underlined within my reblog of the poll), this has already gone on long enough, and I'm sure plenty of folks have already rambled a bunch about it. I hope this didn't come off as hostile, because I totally get where Anon is coming from, and it can be frustrating to see genuinely good options underperform. I just wanted to shed some light onto the fact that things aren't quite as bleak as they might appear, as long as you don't view things with the confirmation bias lenses on. Also, due to the nature of polls, some options just have to underperform, and if most options are great, then.... yeah, you might end up seeing some great things in the trenches. And let's be honest - most of the region art is pretty damn great.

people who vote in those rain world polls honestly piss me off let me explain. theyre asked to vote for which dp regions art is their favorite right. instead of,, idk,, picking which artwork they like the most (what youre supposed to do)??? they run to vote for moon even though theres so many other regions with sick art. like im sorry but youre. not supposed to vote for a region because you like the character. its solely based off of whether or not you like the art visually. and i highly doubt people were only voting for moon because they liked the art. have you seen rubicon?? metropolis?? i like five pebbles but im not over here blinding voting every fp related region

#fade rambles #rain world opinions

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chocolatechimsugakookie2 · 2 years ago

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Random Headcanons for 4*Town

Yes Aaron T is amazing at skateboarding, but I have this feeling that Z and Jesse are pretty good as well and slightly Tae, but baby has no tricks.

They take late night trips to whatever gas station and buy all the snacks

The group likes to play fight!! You would definitely see two or three…. Or all members wrestling on the floor, but don’t worry it nothing serious or personal!! (sometimes Jesse, Tae, and T have to pull Z and Robaire apart because their “play fight” will start to look a bit too real👀 but it never is because the rival is just a joke🥹)

Whenever a 4Town song comes on they act like they don’t know who that is and makes fun of them😂

“Yo, y’all hear this mess? Is this what they call music? I’m disappointed… disgusted even”

“I think it’s that lil boy group 4City? 4Village? This shit trash”

“They don’t turn my tummy the way you do??? Sounds like kids bop to me”

“Yeah I heard about them, their shit ass for real”

“And why the hell they got 5 members? They can’t can’t count or something?”

They have movie nights every now and then and they always talk about their thoughts on the movie afterwards! (And if someone fell asleep during the movie they still get woken up even if they only saw 20 mins of it😭)

T makes them watch shows like family guy

As the two tallest Z and Jesse have a habit of holding things above their heads to make the other members mad!

They play games like “nose goes” and “1 2 3 not it” to see who is taking out the trash or getting the mail or answering the door and who is cooking (most of the times they have set dates for who cooks)

They also play those games if they’re at a restaurant and they are trying to figure out who is paying the bill, but that’s if they don’t do it together

I like to think in the beginning of their career they lived in an apartment/condo together and then after their 3rd almost 4th year of being together they moved to a mansion they got built for them!

I hate to put this here but once they disband, I feel the day everyone is packing, T will say he is going to keep the 4Town mansion instead of moving out and grow his family there! He doesn’t want the house full of memories to go to some stranger because they will never be able to visit it anymore so he is keeping and all the boys are happy he is!

They will literally talk in accents to be funny especially T and Jesse

They totally have like two trampolines let’s be honest here

Tae and T jumps on the other members backs when they least expect it (whenever they jump on Jesse’s back Z and Robaire always have something to say!! “y’all better chill he barely can carry himself with his old bones”. “The moment you jumped all I heard was a bunch of cracks”)

They all can be literal children and race each other to the car especially to see who gets shotgun

Z likes to buck at the members as if he is gonna fight them and it’s so funny

T lovesss doing parkour! Whenever they go to a park this man is jumping and flipping off many things! It sometimes scares random people and they leave👀

Ro bumps into people on purpose and says “oh! sorry didn’t see you there” but we know he totally did

If you walk into Jesse’s art studio without knocking he will throw pieces of clay or flick paint at you with no regrets

When they go to places like the mall they split up into two groups one of 3 and the other of 2!

They randomly choose who goes with who each time but T always have to be in whatever group Jesse is in because they will get caught if not

Ro, T, Tae, and Z talk about people (specifically the other members) in their other language.

Since Jesse learned Korean for Tae, they both talk about people

Z put everyone on to smoothie bowls!! he started making them a few years ago after his workouts, and he never went back. Now all the members love it.

They have certain days where they go out to their backyard and play different games like American football, soccer, kickball, baseball.

Whenever they play basketball together, they’re always fighting to see who will be on Z’s team since he’s the absolute best and knows his team will win 😌

I feel like this picture of Taehyung is definitely a pose T, Jesse, or Tae would do🤷🏽‍♀️ with a disposable camera 😁 (I canon Tae as 18 and T as 19, so the glass is sparkling cider)

#4town #4 town #4townie #4 townie #4*town #4town aaron t #4town aaron z #4town jesse #4town taeyoung #4town robaire #4town headcanons #4 town headcanons #4town imagines

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tyonfs · 4 years ago

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i like me better (when i’m with you)

PAIRING ▸ jeong jaehyun x fem!reader

GENRES ▸ friends to enemies to lovers, college au, sports, friends with benefits, smut, crack, fluff

WARNINGS ▸ sexual !! tension !! lots of it, smut (public sex, fingering, hate sex, raw sex, pool sex, oral sex), mark lee cockblocking, also yes, there’s actual fluff

SUMMARY ▸ there was no one else on the planet that made your blood boil like jeong jaehyun did. you never thought your feelings toward him were anything past pure hatred, but when you were lost in the feeling of his lips on yours and his hands on your body, you couldn’t help but think that maybe a part of you didn’t completely hate his guts.

PLAYLIST ▸ i like me better by lauv • unravel me by sabrina claudio

WORD COUNT ▸ 11896 words

TAG LIST ▸ @gotoartistprofile @chanluster @steamyjaehyun

AUTHOR’S NOTE ▸ big shoutout to fia for hyping me up to complete this and i hope you guys enjoy it !! thank you so much for reading ♡ part of the dunk shot! series but can be read separately!

SOMETIMES, THE AMOUNT OF HATRED YOU HAD FOR JEONG JAEHYUN AMAZED YOU.

To the average human being, Jeong Jaehyun was, in a sense, perfect. On the surface, he was everyone’s trademark Golden Boy—good grades, athletic, and a seemingly good personality. The last point, however, was a complete and utter lie. Simply put, Jaehyun was a wolf in sheep’s clothing, and you, unfortunately, wound up becoming his target.

If it weren’t for your love for cheerleading, you probably would never have to see Jaehyun, but your passion came with a price. Competitors were often asked a series of questions, and these questions typically included inquiring about your hardships as an athlete. If someone were to ask you what the hardest part of being a cheerleader was, your answer would not be what they expected.

It wasn’t getting back up after bad falls that left you with bruises and a concussion. It wasn’t dealing with the basketball team’s aftermath of a devastating loss and having to cheer them on through it. It wasn’t waking up extra early for morning practices, or having to push yourself to run miles in the sweltering heat. Hell, it wasn’t even dealing with the horny basketball team members at afterparties.

It was the annual training camp.

Every winter, the team attended a week-long training session along with several other teams in the city. With state-of-the-art facilities and a massive training center, the training camp was an event that the entire team looked forward to. Although the training was brutal, the luxury of the hotel rooms and the gourmet meals had made up for all of that. Yet, despite all of that, the camp itself was still hell for you.

It wasn’t all bad, though. In fact, you indulged in the concept of a training camp, delighted with the opportunity to meet cheerleaders from different universities. A handful of your friends from high school had joined teams at different universities, so it was exciting to get to see them all again. All in all, it was the whole package deal: friends, your favorite sport, and fun times. What could possibly ruin that?

Well, a certain someone by the name of Jeong Jaehyun could, and that wonderful individual incensed your fury quite like no other.

“You again,” you spat, clutching your duffel bag strap. You had just gotten off the bus to head into the hotel, but the devil himself was blocking your way.

“Y/N,” the devil cooed, “do you need help carrying that?”

“I’m fine.”

You shrugged Jaehyun off and tried to move past him, but the bane of your existence had other plans. He tossed you a small carton of milk; it was the kind you could buy at a vending machine. Your reflexes kicked in just in time for you to catch it, giving him a questioning look.

“You should be drinking more milk, Y/N. It’s good for you,” Jaehyun said. You were sure he was going to make a snide comment so you opened your mouth to protest, but he continued, “Jaemin likes big tits, you know?”

Ouch.

You and Jaehyun went farther back than you’d like to admit. While you did currently attend different universities, you had the joyous experience of going to the same high school as him. He wasn’t too different now; he had the same dimpled smile, the same godly features, and the same cocky smirk when things were going the way he planned. What was different was that you two were once friends.

And what took the cake? You had a big crush on his friend and fellow teammate. Introducing Na Jaemin, everyone.

It wasn’t like you never got over Jaemin, but you had to admit that your heart still fluttered pitifully whenever you saw him. It didn’t help that he was so breathtakingly beautiful, so undeniably genuine, and such a sweetheart. Unfortunately, Jaehyun knew of your little secret. Being the conniving little snake he was, he used it to his advantage.

Ever since your fallout with him in your senior year of high school, you’ve hated Jeong Jaehyun, and you were sure he hated you right back. It almost felt akin to the competition at this point, and you were a pretty sore loser. Honestly, you were sad initially when he broke off your friendship in senior year and threw crude insults at you. You normally didn’t let things get to you, but it hurt to hear that your best friend didn’t want anything to do with you after you had told him you were going to a different university. You were sure the both of you had grown past that, but now he had changed from a sincere highschooler to a complete low-life piece of shit.

“You’re a douche, Jaehyun,” you sneered.

A grin spread across his face. “Yeah, I know.”

You scoffed. “God, if I could, I would smash that pretty face into—”

“Hey!” a loud voice laced with trepidation interjected. It was your best friend on your school’s basketball team, Mark Lee, coming to your rescue; or, rather, he was trying to prevent you from doing something you’d most probably regret. He shot Jaehyun a warning look and slung an arm around your shoulders. “Y/N, what’re you doing here? We have to check into our hotel rooms.”

You looked back at Jaehyun to see a smug look on his face before he turned to catch up to Taeyong and Jaemin. You looked back up at Mark, who was also keeping an eye out for the demon in disguise.

“Thanks for getting me out of that mess,” you mumbled. “That guy is so infuriating. I can’t believe he still brings up Jaemin when I’m clearly over him!”

Your words were sharp enough that Mark and the people around you flinched, even if they weren’t completely paying attention to your rant. It was common knowledge that Jaehyun’s presence left you in low spirits, and Mark had come to terms that you would always be in a bitter mood during the training camp, and that there was only one person to blame for it.

Mark shot you a sympathetic look that you knew was intended to show his helpfulness, but instead just served to make you appear all the more bitter.

“Why don’t you just ignore him?” he suggested. “He’s just looking for a reaction out of you.”

“If I let him get the last word, then he wins.”

“At least he’d stop bothering you,” Mark reasoned as you both made your way to where your team had gathered by the reception desk.

“Is this about Jaehyun again?” Zhong Chenle chimed in, a devilish grin plastered across his face. “You’re a handful, Y/N.”

“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?” you snapped.

Chenle just stared at you, arching a brow as if the answer should have been obvious. “You and Jaehyun,” he said, “there’s some tension there.”

“Wow, Sherlock Holmes. Observant, aren’t you?” you spat, words dripping with sarcasm. “We’ve hated each other for years. Of course there’s tension.”

Johnny Suh snorted, averting his gaze as to not bring attention to himself. Chenle rolled his eyes, a delighted smile on his face as he watched you carefully, digging into his bag of chips in the meantime.

“Y/N, I think he means a different kind of tension,” Mark said.

“What kind of tension?” you asked, shocking the rest of them with your surprisingly innocent response. In retrospect, it was more because you couldn’t imagine the answer being anything past the realm of hatred.

While they all hesitated to respond, Johnny spoke up, “He meant the ‘I wanna beat you up and then have rough sex with you’ kind of tension.”

You immediately froze—long enough for Chenle to take a picture of your reaction—the expression on your face a cross between incredulity and visceral rage. You must have looked like a ticking time bomb because Mark had to take a cautious step back.

“Come again? Rough sex?” You were well aware of how strangled and pitched your voice sounded as soon as it escaped your lips, how guilty it sounded, but you couldn’t focus on that as the weight of Johnny’s words were sinking in. “Jaehyun and I?”

“Yeah, pretty much,” Johnny answered.

“That’s a lie.”

“Yeah? Then why do you two always look at each other so weird?”

You didn’t know how to defend yourself now so you just said, “He’s a bastard and I would never see him in any other way.”

“You say that now but we all know—”

“Alright, let’s drop it,” Mark said, trying to defuse the situation before you blew it up into an argument. “I would rather go rest in my hotel room rather than bear witness to a homicide.”

“Fine, fine,” Johnny relented.

You scoffed and jabbed at his foot with yours before letting the topic go. Your squabbles with them were all in good nature, but this one somehow put you off. It was like Johnny had planted the seeds and were waiting for them to grow. You were starting to mull over every interaction you’ve had with Jeong Jaehyun.

Johnny and Chenle had made a startlingly accurate observation. You and Jaehyun did look at each other for a little too long sometimes, nearly to the point where it seemed like you were basking in the attention of the other—

No fucking way.

You were not going down that path. There was nothing more to your relationship with Jeong Jaehyun than pure hatred and resentment. He was a douchebag who was intent on making you feel like shit. His only motive was to start shit again between you and Jaemin, who you would’ve completely forgotten by now if it weren’t for him.

No way. There was absolutely no undercurrent of desire that was creeping its way to be uncovered.

Or was there? a small, treacherous part of your mind offered.

You were lost in your thoughts as the coaches handed you your room key, as you waited for your roommate who was some girl named Eunha from the other school, as you made your way to your room on the fifth floor.

The only thing you could think about were those long stares, those mesmerizing eyes, and the implication behind them. You always attributed it to Jaehyun being a hormonal teenage boy, but you had to admit that you’ve seen him look at you with some semblance of lust. Perhaps that same feeling was buried far in the depths of your consciousness, too.

Could you possibly be attracted to the devil incarnate, Jeong Jaehyun?

No, you argued with yourself, and shit, even your frontal lobe sounded pretty unconvinced. He’s a petty bastard and that’s all he’ll ever be.

You instilled the mantra of you and Jaehyun being sworn enemies in your head, but you couldn’t help the fact that it was peppered by the memories of an irritatingly familiar smirk. You scowled, willing your head to get rid of all-things-Jeong-Jaehyun, but he was right there.

Literally.

He was standing right in front of you.

“Hey, neighbor,” he teased, all too satisfied with the horrified look on your face. “Guess you can’t get rid of me.”

You were falling when you jolted awake.

A groan tore its way past your lips. You made sure you didn’t disrupt Eunha’s sleep before you recounted your dream. It had been a while since you’ve had one, and realization was morphing into shame when you realized what kind of dream it was. You’ve never had a wet dream before but what made you want to astral project yourself into oblivion was when you realized that Jaehyun caused it.

After tossing and turning for a couple of minutes in a desperate attempt for sleep to overcome you once more, you came to terms with the fact that you were staying awake for now. Staying awake was worse, though, because there was no way you could keep the intruding thoughts at bay. Not with the way Jeong Jaehyun kept flashing behind your eyelids, at least.

You considered how to spend the rest of your night, surveying your options as you stared up at the ceiling:

Watch season three of Riverdale on Netflix so you could make fun of it.

Attempt to sleep, but with little success because there was no way you were going back to bed after that dream.

Count the slacks of the window’s blinds even though it would be pointless because what the fuck were you going to do with that information?

It was truly astounding how interesting your life was.

You couldn’t think clearly with Eunha’s soft snoring, so you grabbed your keys and pushed the door open carefully to keep it from squealing. After your delicate movements to escape your room quietly, you leaned against the wall and let out a sigh of relief. You weren’t too keen on someone scolding you in the middle of the night for being outside, but you needed to clear your head somewhere. You packed for weather that was balmy, but the air conditioner carried a bite to it that made you wish you hadn’t just worn shorts and a tank top to bed.

You could practically hear Mark mocking you if he were here: Are you in the right headspace, Y/N?

You shook your head, getting your provoking best friend out of there, but instead, you found yourself wandering into dangerous territory again.

Johnny and Chenle were parroting the same words over and over again in your head. You wished you could use your metaphysical hands in your head and squeeze the life out of them, but they always flew out of your grasp. You clicked your tongue absentmindedly, your annoyance rehashing itself as your mind gravitated back to Jeong Jaehyun with his stupid smirk and annoyingly persistent cockiness. It was almost pitiful that you hated his guts and yet you couldn’t deny the magnetism he carried, the pull that made your breath hitch when he met your eyes.

His presence was announced by the change in the air more than anything else. You didn’t have to see him to know he was there. You clenched your jaw; you couldn’t catch a break from him even during the ungodly hours of the night.

He was unavoidable.

He hummed with amusement. “Look who’s here.”

“What are you doing up this late? Go to bed.”

You didn’t even bother to look at him because there was one thing you were sure of and it was that you could not look at his sickeningly attractive face right now. Jaehyun didn’t move, blatantly ignoring your order. The tension was so thick that you wanted to storm away, but you knew he would follow you just to piss you off.

“I couldn’t sleep,” he said. “You should be the one resting up. You cheerleaders always train until you’re near death.”

“Can’t sleep,” was your curt response.

He laughed once, a short sound that was pretty much gone the moment it hit your eardrums. “What? You get nightmares or something?”

“So what if I do?” you retaliated, getting oddly defensive. It was a given that you’d lie about getting a nightmare over a wet dream. “It’s none of your business.”

He laughed again but this time it was lower, more dangerous. “It’s my business when it concerns you.”

“I have and will never be your business, Jeong Jaehyun.”

He leaned against the wall. “I beg to differ.”

“Then keep begging.”

“If you say so.”

“Jaehyun,” you interrupted your own banter. “What’s the point of this conversation? Just go back to your room so we can go back to not talking to each other.”

“I’m good, thanks.”

“That’s unfortunate,” you said. “I don’t want to talk to you, so go find someone who does.”

“We don’t have to talk.” Suddenly, his voice sounded closer, and you forced your gaze down at the strangely-patterned hotel carpet.

You swallowed thickly. “I’m here to clear my head. I don’t want you to hover around me for the rest of the night.”

“Actually, I had something else in mind.”

He closed in on you, one of his hands skimming up the soft skin of your arm. A shudder ran down your spine as you felt his fingers travel up to your shoulder, your collarbone, and then the side of your neck. With a swift movement, he caged you in his arms, biceps flexing as he did.

What was going on? You couldn’t quite keep up with the situation but the way Jaehyun was looking down at you made you feel hot. It was exactly like your dream—

“Holy fuck, Jaehyun.”

You couldn’t stop the words from escaping your lips when you felt his hot breath on your neck. Your head went fuzzy and you were pretty sure your knees were ready to buckle under you. The corner of Jaehyun’s lip lifted into a smirk as if he had been planning this. You mustered a scowl at him but one thing was clear: you screwed yourself over by getting into this situation.

Damn it. You knew you should’ve watched season three of Riverdale instead

Also, Chenle and Johnny were right. Not that you’d ever tell them that; put simply, you were a sore loser.

Lust was swimming in Jaehyun’s eyes. The way he caged you felt predatory, a show of dominance rather than passion. That smirk of his carved in deeper, and it only pissed you off. Yet, as much as it pissed you off, all you wanted him to do was just ruin you.

Your pride was too strong, though, and you concluded that you would rather stick a fork in your eye than let Jaehyun do what he wanted. This sparked a dilemma in your head: to fuck or not to fuck Jaehyun, that was the question. One sounded like a pretty uneventful night, while the other sounded appealing save for the self-loathing you’d experience afterward.

“You want me, Y/N,” he cooed. “I know you do.”

“I hate you.”

“Trust me, I know.”

“I mean it, Jaehyun,” you hissed. Your head was screaming at you to just go with it, but denying Jaehyun’s advances and provokes was just natural instinct to you. “I don’t want you. Stop lying to yourself.”

“Is that so? I think you’re the liar here,” he replied easily as you dodged his attempt to kiss you.

You pushed at his muscular arm but he didn’t budge. For a moment, you strongly considered just dropping to the ground and crawling out from under his legs, but you were done for. Seconds later, Jaehyun’s hand flew up, long fingers digging into the soft flesh of your face as he forced your chin upward to look at him directly. The lust in his eyes was so clear, so alluring, and it made you stop struggling for a second.

“I’m not going to ask you again. Let go of me.”

“Good, it’s a waste of breath.”

“Has anyone ever told you how infuriating you are?”

“You did. Many times.”

“Just fuck off already.”

Your words were like poison, but for some odd reason, Jaehyun was immune to it. Any reasonable person would at least flinch, but Jaehyun was so fixated on his one goal. Again, he didn’t budge. He gazed into your eyes with a fierce intensity that threw you off.

“Just let me fucking kiss you, Y/N.”

His smirk was gone. He wasn’t teasing you anymore. Jaehyun’s eyes darkened with his command.

He leaned in and you could feel his hot breath fanning your lips, drinking in your appearance. You were pulled into his trap and you hated yourself for it. You swallowed hard as all of your worries about being with Jaehyun and getting caught had started to fade away. All you could do was yield to him.

“Fine,” you whispered.

“Good girl,” was all he got out before basically smashing your lips together.

It was rushed, messy, and way too rough. Jaehyun grabbed the back of your neck, his other arm still locking you in place. Your hands moved from gripping at the front of his shirt to slowly wrapping around his neck. You weren’t sure how you felt, but there was something that made you want to tangle your fingers in his hair and get lost in him.

The moment Jaehyun’s tongue slid along the crease of your lips, you were conflicted. You weren’t exactly sure what to do so he took the reins. You wondered if he was expressing his pent-up hatred as well. It was clear in the way he was taking prying your mouth open with his tongue, snaking his hot muscle to dance with yours as if he had something to prove. He wanted you to see that he was the dominant one, that he had leverage over the situation.

But when he broke away, he flipped the switch. The both of you were left catching your breath, Jaehyun resting his forehead against yours in a feeling that had a weird sort of intimacy stemming from it. His hand dropped from your neck to brush messy locks of hair behind your shoulders.

Well, that explained why humans were so tempted by the devil.

“That wasn’t so bad, was it?” Jaehyun grinned down at you.

You fought down the shyness that was creeping into your chest. Before you could respond, the both of you turned your heads at the sound of footsteps. A flashlight glimpsed by you when you saw two dark figures at the end of the hall. It didn’t sound like your coach, but you weren’t too keen on sticking around to figure out who it was.

“Son, how in the world did you get locked out of your room this late?” one of them asked.

“I’m telling you, I needed to use the bathroom so I went outside without my key, and then I remembered the bathroom was in the room.”

That voice was most definitely Mark.

“Hey!” the security guard scolded when he saw you two. “What are you kids doing? It’s late!”

“You’re on your own.” You pushed Jaehyun away from you and fumbled for your keys before Mark or the security guard could spot you. “Bye.”

You jammed your key in, not worried about waking up your roommate anymore. All you could hear was Jaehyun growling out a short string of curses before you shut the door behind him and leaned against it. Your head was still reeling in what had just happened, but that kiss had left you in the clouds. You could feel the ghost of his lips on yours. Dazed, you just fell onto your bed, into the entrancing clutches of sleep.

You were exhausted when you woke up, and you blamed Jaehyun for it.

You weren’t in the proper condition for training; you hadn’t gotten enough sleep and your head was a mess (well, you supposed you were the only one to blame for the latter). You forgot to set your alarm so you woke up to Eunha shaking you gently, coaxing you into stirring. She was already dressed, tying her hair up in a ponytail. You all but jumped out of bed when you saw her, thinking you were late.

“What time is it?” you asked groggily, rubbing the sleep from your eyes as you stood up and tried to adjust to the morning light.

“You’ve still got plenty of time,” she assured you. “I just like to get ready early so I can go for a quick run.”

“Ah, okay. Have fun,” you mumbled before she left the room, leaving you to drag yourself around the room to get ready. You heard a knock at the door and went to open it, assuming it was Eunha forgetting her keys. Your eyes narrowed when you saw who it was. “Jaehyun?”

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you.” His voice was somewhere between a pant and a rasp as if he had been working out, which he probably was judging by the sheen of sweat on his biceps.

“Were you waiting for Eunha to leave?” you asked. “You’re disgusting. Why would you think about me?”

“I was thinking about how much of a bitch you are for running away and letting me get in trouble like that.”

“Pity.” You mocked a pout for him. “Now move. I have to get ready.”

“Let me in.”

You made a face at the thought. You knew where he was going with this and you needed to stop it. “No. You’re disgusting.”

“You liked it last night.”

His eyes searched yours in the dim light, looking for something that unfortunately was there: longing. You were never the greatest at hiding your emotions, which was why you couldn’t lie to yourself and refuse Jaehyun. Screw your transparency. Jaehyun grinned at your silence and took a step in your room when you opened your door wider for him.

You closed the door. “I hated every second of it,” you said in a childish attempt to get on his nerves.

You were a terrible liar.

Your back was against the door in a second. You could only let out a soft gasp before he kissed you, hands on your waist, slowing his movements unlike the hurriedness from last night. It was foreign, the way he kissed you like you were the only girl he saw. You pulled away quickly but it just left the both of you staring at each other’s lips.

“You sure about that?” His lips curled into a smirk.

“Don’t get me wrong,” you warned in a low voice, “I still hate your guts.”

“As I’m reminded of every single time I see you,” he returned coolly.

“Fuck off.”

This time, you pulled him down to kiss him again. You fisted your hand into his hair, tugging at his dark locks as your lips moved smoothly against his. Caught off guard, Jaehyun groaned, low and deep against your lips.

The two of you separated again before Jaehyun said, “See? I know you want me. Only I can make you feel this good, Y/N.”

You scoffed. “We’ll see about that.”

Jaehyun’s eyes darkened at the challenge. To prove his point, he pushed his knee up and between your legs, pressing against your clothed cunt. A gasp escaped your lips, the fingers curled in his hair instinctively tightening. You bit your lip but to no avail; a whimper escaped your lips as soon as he started pulsing his knee against you. You grabbed onto his shoulders for leverage, burying your face into his chest while bunching up the thin fabric of his shirt.

You wanted to hold back your moans because you were adamant about not giving Jeong Jaehyun the satisfaction of hearing you moan. Instead, you shifted your hips so that the pressure of his knee became more intense. Sparks flew behind your eyelids as he bounced his knee under you.

He finally released the tight grip he had on your waist in favor of palming one of your breasts, squeezing it firmly through your shirt and bra. All the while, he continued ramming his knee against the apex of your legs. He kept his eyes on yours and you scowled at the thought of him getting off on seeing you crumble in front of him. But you couldn’t stop yourself. He wanted to completely and utterly ruin you, wanted to fuck you in and shut you up.

The worst part was that you wanted to let him.

“You’re so cute when you’re like this,” he mused, slowly rubbing his knee in circles against you. “God, you’re still wearing that fucking tank top.”

“You’re such a—ah!”

He groped your chest again, thumb pressing down on your nipple. Another whimper escaped you as Jaehyun grazed his lips down your neck, nipping at the supple skin. You only got louder as the kisses turned into bites.

He ignored you and removed his hand. Instead, he tugged the neckline of your tank top down, delighted at the loose straps sliding down your shoulders. He yanked it down to your waist so you were exposed to him, and you swore you heard his breath hitch. Jaehyun pinched your nipple with two fingers, drawing out a moan that drove him crazy. He buried his face into your neck, sucking and making you quiver under him.

“Didn’t you say I had small tits earlier?” you jeered, a teasing lilt to your tone.

“Yeah, I still stand by that,” he replied, resulting in you punching his shoulder.

“Asshole.”

“Hey, I never said it wasn’t cute.”

“You’re such a softie,” you grumbled, but your voice was gentler than before. It was almost like you were warming up to Jeong Jaehyun, and you hated the mere thought of that.

Jaehyun pulled away from your neck. “Y/N, I want you to suck me off,” he demanded.

“I refuse.”

“Be a good girl and do it for me.”

You swore you’d go crazy if he called you ‘good girl’ one more time. You were pretty revolted at the thought of sucking his dick, but the way he looked so fragile under your hold made you want to do it for the power rush. It was like some cheap porno in a way; ‘College Jock Gets Sucked Off By Cheerleader.’ You bet half the members on the team beat their meat to something similar to that.

Your shoulders sagged. “Fine. Get on the bed.”

Jaehyun groaned at your approval. “Thank you, thank you, thank you,” he said, letting go of you to pull down his sweats on his way to your bed. He sat at the edge of it, tugging the elastic of his boxers down. You swallowed hard, tugging your tank top back up as you stared at his painfully hard erection springing out.

You got on your knees in front of him, lips parted in anticipation of taking in his length. Your hair fell over your face, which Jaehyun took notice of and held it back in a fist. Taking a deep breath, you wrapped your hand around his cock. It was rock solid to the touch and twitched at your grip. Glancing up at an eager Jaehyun, you pumped the length of it once, inciting a groan from him.

You wrapped your lips around the head of his cock, rousing a strangled noise from his throat. He looked down at you through half-lidded eyes, messy strands of your hair tangling in his fingers while his other hand was gripping the stiff hotel sheets. Then, you took him in fully at his encouragement (which was more of him just grabbing the back of your head and pushing it down on his cock).

“Shit,” he breathed out before slowly moving his hips in and out of your mouth. It was like iron wrapped around velvet, and he was relishing how hot your mouth felt.

He pushed your head down further and right as you gagged on his length, there was a knock at the door.

“Y/N!” Mark’s voice sounded from the other side. “Are you coming for breakfast?”

You pulled off of him with a pop, a string of saliva dripping off your lips. Your eyes were wide as you lunged for your phone, checking the texts. Meanwhile, Jaehyun just frowned down at you, looking up at the ceiling with a frustrated sigh.

“Holy fuck,” you muttered when you looked at the time. You called out to Mark, “Give me a minute!”

“Perfect,” Jaehyun said in a low voice and held the back of your head, attempting to push you down on him. “We can finish up now.”

“Are you an idiot?” you hissed, swatting at his hand. “I have to get out of here before Mark finds out you’re in here.”

Ignoring your state of panic, Jaehyun said, “You look so hot with drool on your chin.”

That was the most disgusting thing you had ever heard, and if it weren’t for Mark being on the other side of the door where you and Jaehyun were screwing around, you would have beat the living daylights out of him. Only a creep like Jeong Jaehyun could find something like drool sexy. You scowled at him and wiped it off with the back of your hand.

“Put your dick away,” you scolded. “Hide in the closet and you can leave when I’m gone.”

He rolled his eyes at you and stood up, making his way to the bathroom. “I need to get rid of the problem you caused.”

You had no time to complain about him jerking off in your bathroom. Mark was not a very patient man, so as soon as Jaehyun closed the door behind him, you stripped off your pajamas and threw on whatever was at the top of your suitcase. You brushed your teeth at the speed of light, using your other hand to brush down your hair. After you laced up your shoes, you opened the door to Mark looking at you suspiciously.

“You’re never late,” he pointed out.

“I couldn’t sleep last night,” you said. In your defense, it wasn’t a complete lie.

“Oh, by the way,” Mark started, “can I use your bathroom real quick?”

“No!” you exclaimed, pushing him away from your room and in the direction of the elevator. “My roommate, um, is… on her period—yeah, you don’t want to see that mess.”

Another reason why you hated Jeong Jaehyun was for giving you reasons to lie when you were a terrible liar.

Training was long and grueling. Your bones were mush and your muscles ached, pins and needles shooting through you every time you moved. As your teammates dragged you to get dinner with them, you couldn’t even resist because you were so drained.

The one thing you loved about training was that you could wear whatever you wanted, whereas you were confined to tight skirts and crop tops at your university. Now, you could rest in whatever position you wanted without worrying about exposing anything, so you didn’t hesitate to manspread as soon as you got to the cafeteria table.

“Did you guys hear about Jaehyun from the other school?” one of the girls gossiped. “Looks like he was fooling around with someone last night.”

You were grounded back into reality from whatever dimension you were floating about in. Your teammates were perplexed as you choked on air, hitting your chest to stop yourself from coughing. You were handed a glass of water, which you gingerly accepted and drank until your body had calmed down.

“Ah, sorry, Y/N,” your teammate apologized. “I forgot you and Jaehyun have bad blood between you.”

“You’re good,” you told her, waving it off. “I was surprised for a second, but I guess it makes sense for a guy like him to go around hooking up.” Then, silence fell. You were confused as they all looked at you with a puzzled look. “What? Am I stereotyping too harshly? My bad.”

“No, it’s not that,” another chimed in. “A lot of girls go around hitting on him, but Jaehyun never lays a hand on them. I thought it was common knowledge that he doesn’t do that sort of stuff, but I guess it makes sense that you don’t care about the details.”

That was news to you.

“Yeah,” you replied distantly. “I don’t care.”

So Jaehyun doesn’t hook up, was what you happened to hear around the grapevine, and he most definitely doesn’t hook up with his enemies.

You stood up in the middle of your dinner. “I gotta go,” you said. “I’ll see you girls tomorrow.”

You actually weren’t very sure where Jaehyun was, but you figured if you walked around enough, you’d run into him or someone from his team. You headed out of the canteen and walked to the basketball courts, expecting to see him dribbling a bar or doing reps. But the first person you saw was Na Jaemin, and he noticed you immediately, eyes sparkling with recognition.

“Y/N!” he greeted cheerfully. “It’s been so long.”

That infectious smile of his was plastered across his face, making a small one creep to your lips. If Jaehyun smiled like that more, then you could understand his charm, but he was always so moody around you. He either did something to get on your nerves or he would just flat-out ignore you. Furthermore, he always riled you up instead of offering you that warm security that Jaemin emanated—

Wait, why were you comparing him to Jaehyun?

“Sorry,” you apologized meekly. “Am I interrupting your practice time?”

“No, it’s cool. We were just messing around in here,” Jaemin replied. “Are you looking for someone?”

You looked into Jaemin’s eyes and your thoughts slowed. He made you feel safe, warm, but that was all; there was no fire, no rage, no heat. It was just a shallow attraction that fizzled out, leaving you neither satisfied nor dissatisfied. And you clawed at your brain as you wondered what you were getting at, but you knew. You knew it was all going back to Jaehyun.

And it pissed you off.

“I was looking for Jaehyun,” you said, “if he happened to be in here.”

“He told me he was going for a swim,” Jaemin said, and that was all you needed.

Before Jaemin could respond, you thanked him and turned on your heel. The pool was in a separate building, and there was no training that even required swimming, so it made no sense for Jaehyun to be there. You let out a frustrated sigh. Even when he wasn’t doing anything in particular to annoy you, it still managed to anger you.

You weren’t going to let Jaehyun do what he wanted this time. This was merely for interrogation—your own personal gain. Then, you thought it over some more, and you reasonably concluded that there was a 97.5% chance that you would not lay a finger on him, but there was a 2.5% chance you’d cave.

When you got to the facility where the pool was, you were entranced by the renovation at first. The pool was massive and the equipment was lined up so neatly along the walls. You peered through the glass to see the pool completely empty save for Jaehyun in the hot tub.

He met your eyes while you opened the door to the pool. His eyebrow arched at your entrance but a smirk settled on his lips as you neared him. You tried to push down your lust; you were not letting him get to you again. You crouched down by the side of the pool and Jaehyun moved so he was facing you, holding onto the edge of the hot tub.

“What brings you here?’ he asked, playfully flicking some water in your direction.

You flinched and scrunched up your nose at his action. “I heard you don’t do hookups.”

“You heard correctly.”

“So what am I?”

“You’re Y/N.”

You were a coward. Admittedly, you had probably always been running away from your own problems, deflecting your feelings with unbridled hate that had no direction, no meaning. Underneath your blunt and fiery front was pure cowardice. Even now, you refused to admit anything to yourself.

You didn’t want to accept that maybe you actually liked Jeong Jaehyun.

Maybe you’ve always liked him.

“Don’t be stupid, Jaehyun,” you grumbled. “You’ve always hated me.”

“I think you just want to believe I hate you. Is that how you suppress your feelings?”

“How long have you liked me for, then? Days?”

“Years.”

You paused for a moment as you recounted your interactions with Jaehyun. It was true that he never explicitly said he hated you and that you always started the arguments, but he was the one who broke off your friendship. Why would he do that if he didn’t hate you?

“You said you wanted nothing to do with me, Jaehyun,” you said in a smaller voice, fist balling at your side.

“You were going to a different university.” He ran a hand through his damp hair, and although you were angry, it was difficult not to enjoy the view. “Plus, you just kept going on and on about Jaemin, and I couldn’t even shut that mouth of yours up back then.”

“So you cut me off?”

“I felt like I was being petty, so I tried to apologize but you blocked my number and wouldn’t let me come near you,” Jaehyun deadpanned. He reached forward and grabbed your wrists, pulling you closer to him. You teetered on the balls of your feet, swallowing hard. “Forgive me?”

“No.”

Jaehyun rose up a little so he was eye-to-eye with you. He smiled at your flustered expression and cupped your cheek with his wet hand. Every muscle in your body was telling you to pull away but you couldn’t. Not when his lips were so close, when his eyes were boring into yours.

“Forgive me,” he repeated in a gentler tone, but it became more of an order than a question.

“Make me,” you whispered and Jaehyun groaned, somewhat helplessly.

“You’re going to be the death of me, I swear.”

You opened your mouth to say something more, but you couldn’t even form your words as Jaehyun yanked you forward and sealed your lips with a kiss. Before, you had the sense to try and push him away, but now you were held captive. He slid his tongue past your lips and you let out an appreciative whimper, hand sliding into his wet hair. You tugged at his hair and this time, Jaehyun was the one to react.

He pulled away for a moment to catch his breath, eyes clouding over with lust. “Get in with me,” he said, voice rumbling. You shivered as he dragged his lips down to your jaw; you could feel his voice reverberate down your spine and to your feet.

“What if someone walks in?” you asked in a daze.

“There’s no use for the swim facility, so no one’s going to walk in on us,” he persuaded. “Come in.”

Water dripped from his neck, landing on your thigh. You took in a sharp breath as his hand tugged at your waist. While the pleading look on his face was priceless, you couldn’t even ridicule him because you were at your limit, too. You let out an irritated sigh when you realized you gave into that 2.5% of you caving.

You responded by pulling off your shirt, tossing it to the side where Jaehyun had left his shoes and towel. Jaehyun watched you as you fiddled with the clamp of your bra. Meanwhile, his hands went to the waistband of your sweats, making you shudder as he tugged them down at the sides. You raised your hips to help him get them off and, after removing your bra, you were only left in your underwear to protect you from his hungry gaze.

You weren’t the type to hook up with guys. Hell, you weren’t the type to even show a guy your ankle if he asked. You thought you’d feel insecure with Jaehyun eyeing you in your full glory, but there was none of that. You wanted to know why it was so different with him but maybe it was the way he looked at you like he just wanted to kiss you. Or maybe a tiny part of your heart always belonged to Jaehyun, and you couldn’t bury it anymore.

“You’re so gorgeous.”

He mumbled the words, barely audible, but they set you on fire. He pulled you down onto his lap like you were his anchor, and you were afraid you’d get swept with the current, but you let him. You’ve only ever kissed a few guys before, so you really had no idea what the fuck you were getting into. All you were sure about was that Jaehyun could make you feel good and you were having your first time in a hot tub. You only prayed that you wouldn’t pass out from the pleasure combined with the heat of the water.

“Is this your first time?” he asked, gliding his hands down your sides. You nodded. “Then I’ll be gentle.” Truly, you did find his gesture rather sweet, but it didn’t stop you from rolling your eyes. Jaheyun saw and narrowed his brows. “I don’t hate you, but you really piss me off sometimes.”

He kissed you again. It was more passionate this time, but also harsher and messier. You let out a sound that was something between a yelp and a moan, making Jaehyun move his hands to run down your bare back. Then, he planted his thumb on your clit and pressed down in a way that made a muscle in your thigh twitch. Your grip on his shoulders tightened; you weren’t expecting that. It felt different in the water, but somehow, you couldn’t get enough of it.

“You’re wet,” he mumbled against your lips as his fingers found purchase on your slit.

“We’re in the water, you idiot.”

Jaehyun scoffed. “You know what, Y/N, you’re right, I did hate you,” he spat, rubbing small circles around your clit now. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders to steady yourself, whimpering as his movements grew more intense. “I fucking hated how you looked at Jaemin with those love-struck eyes.”

There was a shift in his usual cocky expression. He turned focused and, to a degree, angry. It was the kind of look on his face you saw when he was on the basketball court or during a game.

“You’re the one who told me to go after him.”

Wrong choice of words. Jaehyun lifted you up and placed you on the edge of the pool, pushing a finger inside you with no warning. You gasped, your mouth open to ask him why he took you out of the water, but you already knew the answer; he wanted to feel you completely.

“R-right there,” you whimpered out as he pushed his finger deeper inside of you.

He started to curl his finger whenever he passed over your g-spot, and you had to close your eyes. Jaehyun pulled his finger out to marvel at the slick wetness that coated it. Your body tingled as he slid his finger inside you again. This time, he was teasing your slit with a second digit. Jaehyun had no delicacy, though, and he all but shoved in a second finger, causing you to cry out.

He didn’t even care. You opened your mouth to call him a bastard, but all that came out was a pitched moan that seemed to float up to the stars.

“I fucking hated,” he rasped as he pumped two fingers inside of you, “how you treated Jaemin like he was the only one in the world.”

“I don’t… like Jaemin,” you got out, each labored breath of yours fighting off another moan. “I’ve stopped liking Jaemin after high school.”

Jaehyun’s free hand went to your chest, cupping one of your breasts as he rubbed circles around your nipple. You bit down on the inside of your cheek, unable to contain yourself as the fingers on your clit got almost frantic in their place, and the fingers inside of you were pushing against your walls. You felt an unfamiliar cold fire that felt so fucking good, lighting you up and threatening to spill over. Your muscles clenched and spasmed around Jaehyun, and you weren’t even in the hot tub but you felt like you were sinking.

A high-pitched moan left your lips, leaving you hot with embarrassment because you didn’t know you could make a sound like that. You fell from your peak, relaxing in Jaehyun’s hold; it felt like you were floating amongst the clouds in an almost euphoric way.

“I don’t like Jaemin,” you breathed out, still winded from your orgasm, “you fucking idiot.”

“I know.” Jaehyun pulled his fingers out of you, eyes trained on you as he licked them slowly. The look on his face was more gentle now. With his free hand, he brushed loose strands of your hair out of your face. “You like me now.”

“No, I’ve loved you for a while now.” You didn’t know what possessed you to say what was on your mind, but it surprised you more than it surprised Jaehyun. “I didn’t realize it then but… I think I did.”

Love? Love?

You thought you knew what love was. Something that you felt in your bones, that burst within you instantly. Simple glances, thoughts, and daydreams—something gentle and fluffy, but also emotionally shattering. You thought it was tender smiles, kind words, and little gestures.

But maybe that was the kind of love that led to puffy eyes, tear-stained cheeks, and hoarse voices. The kind of love that was left fruitless with an empty gap in your chest.

Maybe this was different.

It was instinctive, the way you fell for him. Like an effortless intake of breath, you were in love before you even knew it. You always thought love was a monster. Ravaging, scraping, foul monsters with jaws so immeasurably large that they would have swallowed you whole. But maybe it wasn’t the tragedy you made it out to be.

With Jaehyun it was fierce and maddening and made you want to rip your hair out. It was a violent hurricane that you tried to brave your way through. But you were blind. You were already at the eye; you had always been at the center without realizing it. And, despite all the pointless arguments and name-calling, it was the most beautiful thing you had experienced.

Yeah, you liked him. You liked how you were around him, despite how much you complained about it to Mark. Part of you refused to admit it, but sometimes the bickering was fun. You realized that you never let go of Jaehyun before because you couldn’t. You simply didn’t want to be without him because Jeong Jaehyun drove a deeper passion within you.

Your rose-tinted loving moment was ruined as soon as a shit-eating grin spread across Jaehyun’s face.

“You love me.”

“I’ll kill you.”

“You love me,” Jaehyun echoed as if he was internalizing the information. “You love me.”

“I take it back,” you said flatly. “I hate you, I hate you, and I’ve always hated you.”

Jaehyun ignored your words, his cockiness morphing into adoration. “You actually love me back.” He cupped your face in his hands, eyes turning into little crescents as he smiled. “Even though I called you a cougar for liking a guy a year younger than you?”

“Yes.”

“Even though I made fun of you wearing a push-up bra in front of him?”

You clenched your jaw. “Yes.”

“Even though I asked Johnny about you and he told me that I still live in your mind, rent-free?”

“What? Johnny said that?” you exclaimed, eyes wide. You grimaced. Johnny would be dealt with later. You placed your hands on Jaehyun’s shoulders and made direct eye contact. “Look, Jaehyun—as much as it hurts me to say this and I’d rather tear out my vocal cords—I like you. I like you so much that I don’t care about the petty shit you pulled when I liked Jaemin because frankly, I don’t care about Jaemin anymore.”

“That was the hottest thing I’ve ever heard.”

You wanted to slap him.

“Are you just constantly horny?” you snapped. “I’m pouring out my feelings to you here!”

“I’m better at expressing my love through actions, not words,” Jaehyun explained. “Can I show you?”

“Is this another ploy to get in my pants?”

“No, I’m asking you out on a date,” he said. “Sneak out with me tonight. I want to explore the city with you.”

The offer was tempting. In fact, you found no reason to be opposed to the idea. After all, you were always down for an adventure in the city. Jaehyun being with you didn’t sound too bad either, especially when Seoul was so lively at night. Part of you wanted it purely to catch up on all the time you missed when you stopped being friends.

“Fine,” you agreed. “An hour after curfew.”

“Great.” Jaehyun flashed a grin that slowly curled into a smirk. “Now let me get in your pants.”

“Are you kidding?”

“Y/N, you see,” Jaehyun started, “I don’t hate you, but you’ve really pissed me off these past two years. We have all of this pent-up rage, so it’s only fair that we let it out on each other.” His grip on your hips tightened.

You loathed yourself for wanting him, and for putting aside the fear of being walked in on for him. You internally cringed at the thought of Mark accidentally bearing witness, and you weren’t sure you were willing to explain the situation to him just yet.

It was the price you paid for carnality, you supposed.

You sighed in a forced way so that you sounded reluctant and bored. Unfortunately, your plan backfired and you ended up feeling bad when a concerned look crossed Jaehyun’s face.

“If you’re worried about getting caught, I’ll just cover you,” Jaehyun mumbled, the softness of his voice almost putting you at ease.

You rolled your eyes. “How kind of you.” You paused and looked up at him. “Are we really going to have sex for the first time here?”

Jaehyun looked around him. “Well, I guess we could go to the hotel room if—”

“Nope!” you interrupted, wrapping your arms around his neck and drawing him closer to you. “Let’s do it here. I love the pool, love having sex at the pool.”

He rose a brow at you, hands making their way down your body. Suddenly, your realization of being completely exposed had heightened, and you pressed your thighs together. Maybe it was because your vulnerability showed on your face, clear as day, but Jaehyun smirked, further flustering you by tugging down his swim shorts to reveal his hardened cock.

It was heavy and warm against your thigh, but what you were fixed on was the v-line on his pelvis. You traced along the bone, making him shiver under your touch. You were shocked when he grabbed your wrist tightly, holding it away from him.

“You’re playing a dangerous game here,” he growled. Jaehyun leaned closer and nipped at the shell of your earlobe, chuckling as you tensed up under his hold. His hot breath made you squirm under his grip.

Have you ever noticed how insanely attractive he was? Yes, of course. You weren’t an idiot.

Have you ever appreciated his beauty until now? Probably not.

“Just fuck me already, Jae,” you grumbled out as he pushed you down onto the deck of the pool.

In seconds, Jaehyun grabbed your hips and pulled them to his waist. Without any preamble, he rammed himself inside of you. The motion caught you by surprise and you cried out, half out of pleasure and half out of pain. You were definitely wet from being fingered earlier, but two fingers were nothing compared to Jaehyun’s cock.

Seeing his cock disappear in you was enough to make you whimper. Your walls clenched around him, pulsating at the foreign feeling. You were tempted to slap him upside the head for going so fast, but all you could do was tug at his hair and wrap your legs around him.

“You bastard, I’ll fucking—oh.”

Jaehyun laughed cruelly at your reaction, partly to cover up the groan caught in his throat and partly because your attempts at being mad at him were downright pathetic. When you had adjusted to his size, Jaehyun grunted and pounded in you, hitting spots that made your limbs feel like jelly. As if that wasn’t enough, Jaehyun found your clit with the hand that didn’t have a bruising grip on your waist and pressed harshly against it.

“You’re so fucking tight,” Jaehyun gritted out.

“T-then be gentle,” you bargained, drowning in a molten sea.

Jaehyun narrowed his eyes at you. “Have you ever fucking heard of gentle hate sex?” he asked, validating his point with a particularly hard thrust.

Your fingernails dug into his back, leaving hot-white trails down his skin. You were certain you had drawn blood, but knowing Jaehyun, he’d probably feel proud if he saw it. He brought his lips to your neck as you writhed under him, biting around until he found your sweet spot. This wasn’t fair; he was pleasuring you in every way possible and all you could do was cry out as he pummeled in you.

You closed your eyes, sparks flying behind your eyelids as you felt your release rushing to you.

Then, he slowed his strokes down considerably.

“Look at me,” he ordered in a rasp. Your eyes fluttered open, remaining half-lidded as you felt like you were going to spill over. “Look at me when I’m fucking you.”

He slapped his hips against yours again, the sound of skin against skin making you shudder. Jaehyun filled you up to the brim and you were oh-so-close to letting go and falling off the edge. The hardscape was cool but you were on fire, bliss overtaking all of your senses. Your toes curled as you held onto his damp skin for dear life, not sure if it was because he was in the pool or he was sweating due to the heat you both emanated.

“R-right there!” you wailed. “Fuck, right there!”

Jaehyun angled his hips slightly to pound into you, causing you to see metaphysical stars. It was so hard to keep eye contact with him when your eyes just wanted to roll back. Jaehyun let out a groan by your ear, low and guttural. You didn’t even notice how tight the grip he has on you until he releases your hip for you to see the print he left.

You could tell he was close, but he wanted to hold on for you. Both of your breaths were labored as you stared into each other’s eyes, your body moving up and down against the hardscape as Jaehyun railed you. You tightened your grip on him, a pathetic moan falling from your lips as you were falling over the edge.

Jaehyun understood and fucked you through your orgasm, making sure you made the most of it. Warmth blossomed under your skin as you cried out in pure bliss, your vision blurring and refocusing as it flickered from normal to pure white as you rode out your high. You ground yourself back to reality after nearly sobbing out his name, the pleasure overwhelming you. Jaehyun’s eyes went hazy as he fell apart right after you did, and soon, you felt something warm spill inside of you.

Jaehyun finished inside of you and stuttered out a curse as he pulled out of you. He rolled over and laid on the deck of the pool next to you, the both of you catching your breath like you had just run a marathon.

“I have a cute date idea for tonight,” Jaehyun said after a long pause.

You looked over, watching his chest rise and fall. “Yeah?”

“We go to the store and buy Plan B.”

You couldn’t even disagree.

“Sounds good.”

Jaehyun dragged himself off the floor, muttering something along the lines of “shit, that felt good” to himself as he reached for his swim trunks to pull back on. You grabbed a towel to dry yourself off, but pins and needles shot up your legs when you tried to walk. Jaehyun noticed immediately and a smug look settled on his face again, not the least bit remorseful.

You scowled as you slipped your clothes back on. “Shut up,” you jeered. “You’re so shameless for someone who can’t pull out.”

“Oops,” he replied flatly.

“I hate you, Jaehyun.”

Jaehyun ran a hand through his damp hair, letting out a laugh as he shook his head. He picked up another towel from the chairs by the poolside and wrapped it around so it covered your head. You bit your lip as you watched him attempt to dry your hair. It was times like these when he seemed so gentle and delicate, unlike his usual irritating attitude.

“You liked it, though,” Jaehyun said. “Right?”

You faltered, looking down at your feet as he continued to dry your hair. “Yeah.”

Jaehyun smiled softly and leaned in swiftly to peck your lips, but your moment was interrupted by the sound of a door opening.

Mark was gaping at you two, eyelids fluttering rapidly as if he was trying to blink away what he had just seen.

“Y/N? Jeong Jaehyun?” Mark questioned, his voice an octave higher than usual. Realization crossed his face through a series of facial expressions that morphed far too quickly for you to process. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“Mark!” You and Jaehyun pulled away from each other quickly.

Mark paused to think his words through. “Did I almost walk in on a murder?”

You let out a frustrated groan. “Jesus, Mark, if you’re not going to read the room, at least SparkNote it.”

“Wait, so you were kissing?”

“No, we didn’t kiss,” Jaehyun assured, and you felt tricked for feeling relieved for a split second. “We actually had sex.”

Jaehyun’s words ended with a splutter as you elbowed him in the gut. Mark looked between the two of you, boggled. You nudged Jaehyun again with your foot, signaling for him to leave so you could handle Mark. Thankfully, he took your cue this time and grabbed his towel, mockingly saluting the both of you. You were stupid to think you were safe, though, because Jaehyun had to get another last word in before he walked off.

“See you tonight, Y/N.”

There was a long, awkward pause while Jaehyun opened the door and left the building. You and Mark were staring at each other but neither of you knew what to say or how to approach the subject.

“I just… I just came here to find you, and Jaemin told me you went to the pool. You…” Mark started. He looked absolutely horrified, like a corpse had fallen to his feet—no, rather, he looked like a corpse himself, like someone attempted to do taxidermy on him but did a shit job. “Bitch.”

“Let me explain.”

“Bitch,” Mark enunciated, “you just fucked the hottest guy here, oh my god.”

Definitely not the reaction you were expecting, but you supposed it wasn’t a bad one. You were glad he wasn’t getting into the whole ‘why didn’t you tell me? I’m your best friend’ rant, but this was equally as overwhelming.

Mark continued, “Wait—is that why you were late this morning? Oh my god, this has been a thing. You’ve been hooking up with him in secret, haven’t you?”

“No? Well, yes, but it hasn’t been much until, um”—you gestured awkwardly around you—“you know.”

“So you were the one who was with Jaehyun last night?”

“Yes.”

“And this morning before I picked you up?”

“Yes.”

“Are you two dating now?”

“Honestly, I really don't know,” you admitted. “Mark, please don’t tell anyone about this. Especially not those little shits, Chenle and Johnny.”

Mark gulped. “About that…”

Before you could question him, there was a chorus of loud clapping echoing from the locker rooms which was then followed by a few cheers. You grimaced as the two boys you didn’t want to see walked out: Chenle and Johnny, Tweedledee and Tweedledum themselves. They both wore cocky smirks as they shook their head at you, which made Mark a touch more nervous than he was before.

“Have anything to say for yourself, Y/N?” Chenle teased.

“Go to hell.” You scoffed and turned to Mark, narrowing in on him. “Why’d you bring them along? What are you? The three stooges?”

“We were looking for you so we could invite you to the movie night we were having in Jungwoo’s room!” Mark defended. “I swear, if I knew about you and Jaehyun, I never would’ve brought them along.”

You sighed deeply as Chenle snickered to himself. “Well, I guess Y/N can’t come to movie night since she has a date with—hold on, what did you call him again? The devil?”

“Okay, I get it!” You threw your hands up in defeat, eyes closed to show you were reflecting upon your actions. “I’m a dirty hypocrite and I’ve committed a crime worse than death.” You opened your eyes again. “I’m sorry.” To your surprise, Chenle and Johnny had their right hand up. You stared at it, puzzled. “Do you want me to make an oath or something?”

“In modern society,” Johnny explained, “we call it a high-five.”

It took you a few seconds to process their words before you tentatively gave them each a firm high-five. You blinked up at them before ease washed over you. This was how it always was, anyways. At the end of the day, no matter how much you guys bickered or teased each other, you always made up. That's what friends were for, after all.

“There we go,” you said, oddly satisfied. “For now, I’ll let go of the fact that Johnny snitched on me to Jaehyun behind my back.”

“How dare you!” Johnny gasped. “Chenle was with me.”

Chenle raised his hand to confirm the statement. “Indeed. Please give credit where it's due.”

“Alright, fuck you both.”

What the fuck even was a date?

This was foreign territory to you, but even so, you decided you wouldn’t rely on your annoying friends. First of all, you were sure they wouldn’t really be of any help and just endlessly tease you about it. Secondly, they were simply going to gradually grow more stressed (Mark), lecherous (Johnny), and aggravating (Chenle). Thus, you decided to slay the monster of first dates yourself.

Your first hurdle was looking cute. You packed absolutely nothing that wasn’t for the training camp, so you had already failed. Jaehyun was going to have to deal with you in your gym shorts and a school t-shirt.

Your second hurdle was sneaking away from Eunha, your roommate. That was a piece of cake considering how she didn’t exactly care. When you headed out of the room, wallet and phone in hand, she wished you a kind farewell, which you returned.

Your third hurdle was sneaking out of the hotel. You weren’t quite sure how you and Jaehyun made it outside without being spotted, but you were certain he must have tipped off some of the staff because there was no way the both of you could have walked straight out of the lobby without being reported. When you asked him, though, he said it was probably because you looked like the cleaning lady.

Needless to say, Jaehyun was on thin ice.

You loved Seoul, loved the dirty of it. Even at night, the city was alive and full of vigor, full of young people like you who were chasing cheap thrills. Jaehyun was a dream under the glowing lights, and you almost couldn’t believe that the prince-like boy was head-over-heels for you.

He took you to a wide alley with a night market, full of life and energy. Jaehyun was walking through the crowd and you were following right behind him, like some awkward fish swimming after a cuter, more popular fish upstream. There were several times where you almost lost yourself in the crowd, and Jaehyun noticed this. He reached behind him, still shouldering his way through the crowd, and grabbed your hand. The smell of spicy rice cakes, the numerous pop-up bars lining the alley, and Jeong Jaehyun gripping your hand—it all made a pretty eventful first date.

Jaehyun didn’t kiss you. Not once. He didn’t try to touch you anywhere that would have tempted you both into doing something you definitely shouldn’t do in public. There were times where Jaehyun turned pink or looked away from you shyly, and you indulged in it because this was a side of him you didn’t see often.

Jaehyun stopped at a convenience store before you both decided to head back. You waited outside for him, kicking stones as you thought of him. He was undeniably perfect, which you somewhat despised because you had spent the last two years hating his guts and this was an abrupt change. You were worried if he was buying you something; he had already bought you lamb skewers and rice cakes at the night market. You didn’t want to be the girlfriend to empty his wallet.

Wait—

Were you his girlfriend?

“Y/N,” he called when he walked out of the store, holding something behind his back with a sneaky grin. “Close your eyes.”

You bit back a smile and closed your eyes, holding your hands out. He placed the object in your hands and it felt light, so you were sure it shouldn’t have cost much. Although, your stomach was pitted with guilt at the thought of him spending money on you. You opened your eyes when he directed you to.

Plan B One-Step.

You no longer felt bad for him.

“Very romantic,” you observed, putting the packet in your wallet, “but thank you.”

You were seething. Your face grew unconditionally hot and you had to look down at your feet. It seriously pissed you off that your feelings were so clear right now because Jaehyun had bought you fucking Plan B.

Jaehyun seemed to notice right away and tilted your chin up with two fingers, chuckling. “Is something wrong?”

Your face screwed up when you decided on what you were going to ask him. “Are we dating?” you blurted out.

Jaehyun held your face gently like it would shatter if he applied any more pressure. His fingertips grazed the hinge of your jaw while his thumbs rested on your cheekbones. You were panicking when he leaned in, but it wasn’t what you expected. Jaehyun pressed a chaste kiss to your nose, grinning at your reaction. You reached up to trace his dimple with your finger.

“Do you want to be my girlfriend, Y/N?”

“Yeah,” you admitted, flustered beyond imagination, but you had already gotten this far so you continued, “do you?”

“Do I want to be your girlfriend?”

You wanted to hit yourself. “Fuck. I mean, do you wanna date me?”

“Of course,” he said with a laugh. “I’ve been waiting for this for so long.”

He drew you into his warm embrace and you buried your face into his chest, wondering how you hated this man for so long. Of course, when those cocky smirks and impish looks came back, you were sure you’d remember again. But right now, in his arms, you just knew that you wanted to be with him. You looked up at him, arms slung around him, and got on your toes to press a gentle kiss to his lips.

You were positive you hadn’t ever seen Jeong Jaehyun blush before tonight, but it was a sight you were sure you could never get sick of.

And you never would.

8K notes · View notes

cinnamonest · 3 years ago

Text

Albedo idol girl darling thoughts M A N I F E S T E D

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Well, to be entirely honest, he thinks the whole idol thing is a little dumb.

For someone like him, at least. He's a PhD student in his final semester, lots of work to be done and all that. So, you know, he's a responsible, accomplished adult. Not the kind of person who gets into "that stuff," as he calls it in his head.

Nor does he even know how he encountered it... He just takes the occasional break from work to mindlessly open whatever app first pops into his vision and scroll through the feed. He's never watched anything like it in his life, so he's not exactly sure why he gets recommended some idol girl thing, and even less sure why he taps it without really thinking. Probably one of those videos that gets recommended to everyone. Well, can't be that, it doesn't have that many views... Probably loosely connected to some video game he's searched before or something. He's familiar with idols and what they are, and the subculture surrounding them, but he's never really cared about it.

Honestly, it's kinda pathetic that a bunch of grown adult men get so obsessed over these girls, he thinks as he watches. He's seen the type. Lonely, asocial dudes, most definitely virgins whose only female attention in their entire life is their mother, well into adulthood with no real social group to speak of.

...Not that he's much better off, but he hasn't quite sunk down to their level. The only reason he doesn't talk to people much is because they're busy, and he's even busier. He managed to make a few friends in undergrad years. Well, study partners who mooched off his notes since he was one of the top students, but same idea. They were people he spoke to more than once, which is what constitutes a friend, right? And for the record, one time in high school a girl in his class said she liked his hair. He hasn't changed the way he wears it since. Whenever he's sad, he thinks about that compliment from 10+ years ago, and it makes him feel a little better. But now, he's constantly slammed with work and research.

And his acquaintances are also all busy. He sees notifications every now and then from social media he never checks. Everyone is getting married at this stage in life, both friends and even other PhD students in his department. Not that he's ever been invited to a wedding, he just overhears a lot of conversations, sees notifications of posts. And he will too, eventually. He just has to finish up his degree, and then... Meet a girl. Well, that's actually the second step, step one would be finding out how to go about meeting a girl. He's... Never done it before. Probably does not happen sitting in the research lab at 11:30 pm on YouTube. He's talked to one of the other PhD students who's a girl before. And only stutters sometimes. He was even able to look her in the face while he talked to her once. That's a good start.

Ok, so maybe he is a little bit pathetic, but not as bad as... These guys. Reading the comments of the video actually make him feel a little better about himself, because frankly, they're kinda wild. The worship and fawning over girls is one thing, but they even have timestamps referring to various members like "she's super cute here!" Or "you can kinda see her thigh at 3:12!" Etc etc. Yeesh, creepy. And they get into comment fights over who is the best member, as if it even matters. It's fascinating in a human-social-experiment sort of way, the manifestation of a subculture and how humans interact with each other. On and on it goes, hundreds of commenters. He pays more attention to the comments than the actual video, but the song is kinda catchy in that annoying sort of way, and the girls are cute, just kinda... The typical thing he'd expect from idol groups. But the building will close soon, so he taps back to home screen and swipes the app closed.

Unfortunately, the algorithm remembers.

And he's not certain why he clicks the next one either, the following day. The lunch breaks he takes are usually pretty rushed. Not that he has specific class times at his level of academia, but he likes to get his work done. He intentionally eats either a bit later or earlier than the lunch crowd to avoid crowds and interactions. Finds a nice secluded little table tucked away. So when he opens it back up, what do you know, several more videos get recommended. It's absent minded when he taps on one, the kind of numb-brained entertainment every modern person indulges in, videos you wouldn't really be interested in but just watch because they're there.

Ok, this is really creepy. These dudes have made compilation videos of close ups of each specific girl. It's the same group as the video he saw before, same little lewd costumes. Admittedly the girls are kinda cute. He can kinda understand the appeal. But he's not like those guys, he would never become like, obsessed with them.

The song is actually really catchy. The kind of mindlessly addictive, repetitive pop music that's the same four chords over and over, each song is so similar you can't really tell them apart, but it gets stuck in your head anyway. This group has... nine members. Who needs that many singers in one group? It's not like a band or anything, they all just sing and do their little choreography. Guess that's a form of talent, even though he doesn't really get it.

Some of the groups he sees in recommended videos are cute and wholesome, and while this group is cute too, there's a very... Blatantly intentional lewdness to their poses and costumes. A hypersexualized sort of cuteness. Clearly marketed at lonely losers who have nothing better to do with their time than obsess over a girl who will never even know they exist.

He taps another video.

So many compilations, yikes. He has to give the guys credit, they're insanely loyal to the individual member that they decide to fixate on. Oh, and they even make official figurines and posters for these girls, that's... Something.

And a few days later he can kinda recognize the girls. They have color themes, you know, identical costumes except each girl's is a different color. This lead one is red, this main backup is blue, etc etc. Lots of bright colors. Kinda hurts his eyes to be honest.

And he's seen compilations of every girl except... The pink one. The pink one is always kinda off to the side. Well, these groups do have their favoritism, there's apparently one or two lead singers in all of the major idol groups, and the rest are basically backups and dancers. Still, a lot of dudes get super devoted to the non-main girls. So yeah, he's never seen a compilation for the pink one... He can't always exactly remember which one is which but now he's seen enough to know the other girls' names. He's not sure what hers is though. So he googles it and gets the name.

Wonder why she doesn't have as many videos...? Oh, it's because she's the newest member. Only been around a few months. There's... A whole board dedicated to the group, which he's getting this information from. Wow, pathetic. What kind of person spends their free time browsing a forum for an idol group? Well, he's just doing it to find information, not for fun or anything. He was just curious. Now he knows and he can forget about it and never look at anything related to them again... after he types her name and group name into the YouTube search bar and checks the results out, that is.

Oh, so they do have some compilations for her, just not many. "(Name) thigh compilation." Fuck, these people have no limits to how creepy and pathetic they can get, he thinks... as he watches the video. Ok, admittedly there are some good thigh shots there. There's a comment. "At 4:26 you can see her panties." Pathetic. They're not wrong though. Just to be sure, you see, he tapped the timestamp, and you can, in fact, see them. Stripes. Cute.

But he still has to do his work. Can't get too invested in watching mindless videos all day. He's got a thesis to work on.

That makes him curious, though, he thinks as he goes about his research. Do these girls go to school? Do they like, skip college, or do they join some kind of performing arts school or...? So he googles it. He can remember the pink one's name now, so he just finds her Wikipedia page. Oh, so she joined right out of high school and has been in various groups ever since.

Wait, various groups? So she has more groups she's been in? What are those? Before he typed her name into the search along with the group name, but if he just searches her name he gets... A lot more content from earlier years. Huh. Didn't know some of them did group-hopping like that.

Still, no education. Must be all smiles and body and no brains. Guess that's all you really need. Yeah, looking at that whole act they do... All giggly and childish and lewd... She's probably not too bright. At least she's pretty and sings nice. And the thighs are rather good. Smooth looking. They have a sort of jiggle when she jumps up and down on stage. The thigh highs they make those girls wear have that nice little dip where the skin is compressed by the fabric. Like... right there at that closeup. He takes a screenshot.

It's readily available, he's already seen the video and knows the best parts, whereas searching for porn would take time. The sooner he can get the daily stress relief out of the way the sooner he can work on his thesis. So this way is faster. That's why he's jerking off to the thigh video and not taking the time to look for porn. Plus, it makes him cum faster. Which it probably shouldn't since it's just thighs, but... Probably has something to do with the tease of it all maybe. That makes sense.

Or maybe it's that cute little giggle he can hear at some parts. She smiles and jumps and spins and laughs.

...It makes him wonder what she'd look like crying. Scared. Whimpering. Covered in bruises and bite marks. The contrast between that state and the one on the screen. The process and the things he could do to get her from one to the other. Yeah, he realizes, it's that thought, rather than the happy giggling on video or tease aspect, that makes him cum.

He's aware that his... tastes... are a little on the fucked up side, but hey, there's plenty of bastards out there far worse than him.

One day he discovers she has social media platforms. He... Doesn't really have any. He doesn't have Twitter or Instagram or any of that but... He downloads the app and makes an account for each. Just to follow her. Ooh, they even have the option to get a notification every time she posts... That's good. Otherwise he might check too frequently. He sets a special sound effect for notifications for her socials. The first few times, you see, he would get super excited when his phone went off, only to be disappointed when it was just a work email. Thus, he made the separate sounds.

He wouldn't say he has a favorite, that sounds really cringey you know? He just... Likes her more than the others. ...Dammit, that's what a favorite is. Ok, maybe he has a favorite, that's not that bad. He's not obsessed. He hasn't bought any merchandise at all or anything, especially not member-specific merchandise. Which they do have, because he visited the store page for a while and spent all his willpower physically restraining himself from buying something. It's not that he's biased, he just thinks she's objectively better than the rest of the group. Which can be backed up with evidence, anyone with eyes could tell by watching the performances.

As to what specifically draws him to her... he's not certain, to be honest. Maybe it's because she's the least appreciated out of the group, new and all. The less popular one. Or maybe her personality... She seems so sweet, even though he knows it's probably just an act for the fans. Or maybe just those thighs. That's also a valid possibility.

He cracks and buys some of the merchandise. Only about $300 worth. But honestly, he gets more invested into just printing out pictures of you. Pasting them onto the wall above his desktop. It keeps him going when the nights are hard.

But he refrains from ever commenting on anything. Some of these losers are just... so embarrassing, he can't stomach the thought of being associated, even if it's just an anonymous comment online. It's still pretty... Distasteful. He still browses the boards every day. You're his lock screen now. And home screen. And also your solo is his ringtone. He only sets his phone on sound when he's alone at home, though, when he's at work he puts it on vibrate. He... doesn't want anyone hearing that. No offense. He has some appropriate amount of shame, unlike the other bastards.

And the girls probably know that most of their fans are these kind of loser men, right? She'd probably be surprised someone nearly graduating with a chemistry doctorate is sitting around watching these dumb videos. Is that more or less pathetic? He thinks less, hopefully.

In fact, the other fans kind of irritate him. They're really cringy and annoying and it gives him secondhand embarrassment. And something... Deeper. Something about seeing the comments upsets him on a visceral level. It's gross. Sure, he's grateful for the dudes who sit around and make a list of timestamps for upskirt shots and the like, but... It kinda bothers him, feeling like there's some other dude out there sitting around, watching these long videos with his gross eyes and recording the times of shots that get him off. It feels gross. But more like... A violation against you. Sure, your group is very blatantly sexualized and intentionally risque in clothing but... Still, it feels wrong for someone to go through and get to see all of that.

Well, someone else. It's ok for him, since he's not a gross degenerate like the rest of them. He does genuinely see himself as... Above them. You know how like, back in the day, how the nobles used to sit around and watch plays from the far back while the peasants gathered around the stage? It's like that. He's not a gross loser or a NEET or anything like that. He's got a life. Well... Not a social life, but he's doing better than them, at least he has a degree, and soon a higher degree, and a job. He has a lot of things they don't. Basic hygiene. Student loan debt. And uh... Well, he's probably more pleasant to interact with, at least he's not gonna be frothing at the mouth like an animal if he saw you in real life. He would certainly freeze up, but that's preferable, isn't it?

And one day there's a video circulating in the idol community - not that he's a part of it or anything, he just keeps getting the dumb videos and watching them for mindless entertainment - where some girl group had an attempted kidnapping. Not her group, but some other group. The video has gone viral. Some dude tried to rush the stage and pull one of the girls away. Apparently the cops found he had an obsession with her.

What an idiot. If you're gonna kidnap someone, put some effort in, jeez. It's not hard to figure out how to do it right.

If that were him, he wouldn't be that stupid, he'd just look for an interval where she's alone. They have those solo or breakout group songs where some of the girls are backstage, just get her then. Memorize the concert schedule, wear something over your face, chloroform her, and stuff her into something and walk right out. Easy.

....

He catches himself in the thought and realizes that might have been a bit creepy, but he was just thinking in terms of hypotheticals. If he was the kind of crazy to do that, that's what he'd do, that's all.

He's always enjoyed entertaining strategic thoughts, really. He's had a couple fantasies about how he would commit murders of this or that person before, and he's never murdered anyone, so thoughts don't lead to actions. He just... Really doesn't like those people, and the fantasies help him... Deal with it. He just likes to strategize about methods, and how he'd get away with it... Stuff like that. Actually, he's convinced it's a very normal thing, but no one wants to admit it. Everyone has detailed murder fantasies every now and then.

Which is why this is no different. He's just strategizing because it's fun. He has no intentions of doing anything for real. He just plans out the details like a game. And tells himself to just never think about it again.

Until one specific night that he's staring down at his screen. Lying in bed. He should be asleep, he needs to be up early tomorrow but... He's just checking to be sure he's reading this correctly. You're coming to his town? He wouldn't think so, since it's not too big, just your average college town. But still, you'll be right here, right in his general vicinity, not far away at all.

Not that he'd ever actually go to such an event. No way. He hates crowds with a passion. He hates loud environments even more. A concert is like his worst nightmare. Besides, knowing the general audience of your group, it'll be a bunch of sweaty NEET dudes who haven't showered in a month and haven't crawled out of their house in even longer. No thank you.

But.

That's when the thought pops back up. It's been a few months since that night he had that strategizing fantasy, and, well, he tried to forget it but... It kinda lingered in the back of his mind. And now it's back in full force.

He shrugs the idea off. It's crazy. He'd never actually do something like that. It was just a fantasy.

...But he could get away with it if he wanted to.

He's not scared or anything, no, he's confident in his strategizing. He knows he could. Totally. It's foolproof. There's no need to carry it out to know that, besides, what would he even do with you?

Well, he's pretty certain he does know what he would do with you. He's watched that thigh video maybe a hundred times now. And even if he won't admit it, he's jerked off to the exact same fantasy for like, several months.

He doesn't really... Think about it. Just kind of slips into subconscious actions. Autopilot. One click and well, there goes $400 on an amp case. His eyes gaze over the dimensions... And then there's your height on the Wikipedia page... Yeah... That should work. He gets it sent to the address a few doors down just in case, and snatches it from in front of their door, but he finds himself backpedaling. What the hell is he doing? He would never actually go through with this, what a waste of money... But he still opens it. Sets it beside his front door. Tests the wheels to make sure they work.

He knows how to make chloroform. He doesn't need YouTube tutorials (unlike a certain someone else), he knows exactly how to do it, even alternate methods besides the usual acetone and bleach combination - so long as you end up with the same chemical makeup, it's all the same. He just goes with the traditional way though... Doesn't really know why he does it. Just mutters as he stares down at the concoction wondering why he wasted his time... But he pauses before pouring it down the sink, and instead puts it in a container and keeps it on the counter. Your weight is on Wikipedia too. Taking into account your height and weight you would need about... Yeah, a very specific amount to knock you out for about three hours.

The concert day draws closer and closer and he can't sleep very well. His mind keeps running what-ifs. Just, hypothetically, what if he did go through with it? What then? What would he do long term? How would that all work out?

Well, you'd probably hate him for a while, right? But that changes. Stockholm syndrome sets in. He would know, he had to take Psych 101 back in undergrad, and the professor talked about it for a full 10 minutes, so he's basically an expert. It's been like, 7 years since then, but he still kinda remembers it. He remembers that it's supposed to set in at about 2 weeks, and solidify with time. If the captor is nice, that is, which he totally would be. ...Maybe not in bed, but most of the time. He would be nice to you, and you would start to like him. Besides, they said Stockholm syndrome set in faster if the abductor has good qualities, so, he could also reason with you, remind you that you're lucky you got abducted by someone with money - or, well, he will have money once he graduates! - and isn't some ugly gross slob. He's clean and neat. Sorta... He'll clean up all those dishes that have been sitting there a few days now, pick up all those clothes off the floor... Ok, now he's clean and neat. And, uh, what else would girls care about... He's smart. He's pretty sure he can say that with confidence, if nothing else.

Ok, so, it would work. He could... Keep you kinda... Tied up here... If you started complying within that two week period, he could get you up and walking before atrophy set in. You'd probably have to get used to the lifestyle... Right now he's kinda on a budget, but, he can get you things to keep you occupied... And so, yeah, it could work. It's simple, just keep you with him and isolated for a few weeks and uh, you'll transform into some kind of hypersexual obedient cumslut and never want to leave. That's... How Stockholm syndrome works right? Maybe he should have paid more attention in that class... Oh well. He never liked psychology.

So the day draws nearer and nearer and he starts really getting into the right... Headspace. It's a sort of manic state that he's in. Operating without really thinking, all inhibitions removed by simply refusing to think about it. He lets the subconscious take over and do all these little things to prepare, until finally that day is tomorrow. And then he kinda snaps back to full awareness and questions, again, what the hell is he doing? He can't just... Kidnap a person! Normal people don't do that... It's illegal, he'll get caught, it'll ruin his life and....

What life does he really have to ruin?

That's the thought that sort of solidifies the decision. He realizes why he's even on this path in the first place. Sure he's got a lot of academic accomplishments, but his life is... Rather empty. He doesn't really have anyone. Maybe that's why he's slowly become... Consumed by this obsession that yes, he's now willing to admit to himself is indeed an obsession. It's kinda slowly taken over his everyday life without him even noticing it was happening. He's... Kinda miserable. And very lonely. And... If nothing else... This one girl makes him feel kinda happy.

... Which is why he's going to go through with it.

And he slips back into autopilot, ends up standing outside the building. It's every bit as loud and headache-inducing as he knew it would be. Ugh. He can't wait to get out of here. If this doesn't work, well, he'll be forced to turn around. The plan is a very simple one, actually... Act like he's supposed to be there. And he does. Dresses in all black like stage technicians do, dragging his big amp case behind him, holding a bunch of cords from random things he grabbed in his house, and tries not to look nervous, keeps a neutral face and walks straight forward and... He slides right in. The security guards off to the side don't even bat an eye.

And then he has a moment of "well, I didn't expect to get this far." Pauses. So uh... what now? Well, probably should find you first. He memorized the setlist, so he knows when you'll be off... And alone. Right now there should be three of the girls backstage. It's pretty easy to find where you are, but he's paranoid that the amp case is too loud as he's dragging it around. It's necessary, though. And then, finally, he stumbles upon the room... Opens the door, half expecting to be immediately stopped, but... He can just kinda waltz right in here, some open backroom, a person here or there coming through, a lady that looks like a makeup artist doing something over there, and an actual, real tech guy over there... And over to the far back corner... Oh. That's you. He takes a moment to revel in the sight, unable to move or even breathe, and has to mentally prepare himself before moving forward. He's... Not sure exactly what to do at this point... It's kind of perfect, to be honest, there's no one around you, and you're right out of sight, where he could turn the corner and not be seen. But he's not sure how to... Approach? He thinks about it as he walks, but again, autopilot is on in his brain and he's just numbly walking forward. Does he just... Keep walking until he's right at you and just... Or...?

And a miracle happens. You hear someone coming and you turn and smile and ask are you the tech guy here to fix my mic? You point to the little microphone attached to your face. They told you someone would be coming to fix it before your next song. You presume that's him, since he's dressed in all black like all the other stage techs. He hesitates a moment, wide eyed, but then nods. Yeah, that's him, he says. His voice cracks when he says it. It's kinda cute.

You smile at him. It's wide and sweet and genuine and it almost makes him pass out on the spot. He has to swallow for a second before continuing.

But, uh, he can't do it right here he says, because fiddling with it could disrupt the uh, frequencies, cause that really shrill sound you hear sometimes. So, um, come over this way a sec, over in this dark corner of the studio conveniently out of the view of all people and security cameras. You don't know how any of that stuff works, so you trust him, it's his job after all. So you get up and straighten your little skirt out - wow those are even more revealing in person - and walk over it the dark corner where he's waiting and... it's the last thing you remember.

He does a quick look left and right to ensure no one saw you collapse in his arms, but sure enough, this area is empty. You fit into the amp case with ease. Just curl your body up and pop the lid on. Wait, can you... breathe in there? Well, it won't take long to get outside. He just rolls the case right out the door, right past the guards again, and no one stops him, no one suspects a thing. Puts the case in the backseat, opens the lid, does a quick check go make sure you're breathing alright. So he props it open by keeping a book in between the case and lid as he drives home.

Once he does get home, he just does the same thing he did before - close the lid, roll you into the elevator and up the stairs and into his place, looking back over his shoulder over and over. And once he gets you inside he just kinda... falls to his knees. Shivering. Disbelief. Because holy shit he actually did it. He actually went through with it and it worked. He sits there and stares at the case and - oh, fuck, gotta open it again for you to breathe. Actually, he might as well... take you out... when he first shoved you in, he was so high on adrenaline he didn't really process any of it, but now... he almost can't bring himself to take you out. That means he has to, like, touch you. He's gotta take a moment to mentally prepare for that. So he does. Deep breaths. And finally, with trembling hands, pulls you out, carries you on shakey legs over to the bed and sets you down.

You know, you're a lot... Smaller... Than you looked on screen. Sure, he knew your height and weight but... somehow you still seem so much smaller than he expected. That's good. Will make everything a lot easier, since you're easier to restrain. And your thighs. They're... so soft. This is so much better than the video. They're so... fleshy and warm in person. Perfect. And wow, that skirt thing is... scratchy. Actually, up close, that whole outfit thing you wear looks super uncomfortable. It probably is. ...Well, guess he now has a reason to take it off.

The rest of your skin is... also fleshy and soft. Warm. Your face... chest... stomach... everything. Your tits are really cute, too. It occurs to him that all those rabid commenters on all those boards and videos would probably kill to be him right now, pinching and squeezing at your nipples. He's seeing something they will never see. It gives him an ego boost, to be honest, makes him feel proud to get a sort of one-up on them. He gets you naked, but refrains from pulling your legs apart. He probably... wouldn't be able to control himself, and he's aiming for some self-control right now.

So he waits. Breathes deep. Restrains himself with every ounce of willpower he has. It occurs to him he has no fucking clue what he's gonna say to you. Unfortunately, that thought occurs to him as you're starting to twitch and mumble, so, he doesn't have too much time to think. Oh, fuck, you're not restrained... well, he bought some duct tape and handcuffs and blindfolds off of amazon too, so he quickly puts those in place as you're starting to wake up, and then finally, you come to full consciousness -- that telltale jerking at the restraints, the muffled little cry of confusion and fear. It's kinda hot to be honest. Well, fuck, very hot actually. You're so scared. It gives him a rush of power. Said rush goes straight to his dick.

He's got a mixed twist of guilt and arousal at the whole thing, but... he's still trying to have some self control... and if you start begging and pleading and crying, it would be too much. Oh, no, not that it would be too much in terms of guilt, no no, just that he wouldn't be able to stop himself from fucking you if he sees you cry. So he leaves the restraints on for now, so he can't see your face emote.

Then, he does something really, really mean. He knows it's cruel, honestly, it's just... so cute. What that is, is that he does nothing. Says nothing. He goes about his work, typing away, knowing you can hear, but doesn't say a word. He knows you're awake, he just wants to see how long you can sit there scared out of your mind before you finally make another noise to draw his attention. Right now, he thinks, you're probably debating, you're probably questioning whether you should keep quiet and make him think you're still out or make a noise... but eventually you will. He can see you trembling. You're probably thinking so many horrible things right now, wondering what will happen, what he'll do to you... it fills him with a sort of sadistic glee that overrides the guilt it comes along with. Sure, the guilt is there, but fuck, he could almost cum just watching you shiver, and that's more important.

And you finally make a noise. A little whimper. He stops typing, and swears he sees you tense when he does. And when he stands up, walks over to you (making sure to stomp hard and walk slow for extra effect, watching the way you curl in on yourself with each step he takes), and stops right in front of you. Finally, tells you not to scream. He's gonna give you water, ok? You nod. And, surprisingly, you don't make any move to scream or anything, you let him give it to you. You don't move a muscle besides your shaking and sucking the straw and swallowing the water. You must be really scared of him. He knows that's technically not what he should want, but... it feels nice.

He spent that time of silence coming up with what to say to you. He says that for now, you're going to stay right here. Don't ask questions. Don't make any attempt to escape. If you really need something, tap the headboard until he hears. Understand?

You're... Surprisingly receptive. You give a twitchy smile and stammer out an o-okay. He's almost pleased, but quickly realizes what you're doing.

You've been trained for this, you see. This kind of thing is attempted rather frequently in the industry. You received training for this situation - comply, don't fight, prioritize your safety, because in 99% of these cases, the missing idol is found and recovered within 48 hours. So you do what you were told to do -- smile, pretend you're ok with it, don't do anything to anger your captor.

He knows that too. He doesn't do much in that 48 hours, in fact, he even tells you he's waiting to "see what happens." He knows he can't control himself very well, so he stays in his living room for the most part and works on research, it might be pointless if he's in jail a few hours from now, but oh well. Sleeps on his couch. He offers to feed you, but you say you don't feel good. He understands.

See, in his mind, if he gets to fuck you once or twice and then be hauled off to prison and never touch you again, well, that would be actual, literal torture, so much so that never fucking you at all would be more bearable. So that's why he forces himself to wait now. He feels like he can't breathe, he's so nervous, like any moment police are going to come knocking on his door. Every little sound makes him jump. He can't sleep.

But 48 hours pass and... nothing happens.

He breathes a bit easier. Finally dares to go online, which he's been avoiding, and check on your situation... Oh, wow, social media has exploded over your disappearance. But... They have no leads. Nothing. Says she basically vanished out of thin air. Situation is, quote, "looking hopeless." Huh. He did an even better job than he thought he did. There's videos from loved ones begging the captor to let the girl go, offering to give him money even. A lot of money. But, you're more valuable than any monetary measurements could ever conceive. And he's happy. It really worked out. Everything went right, and for once, he has something that really, really makes him happy.

Likewise, the 48 hours are even more torturous for you. You start out telling yourself it'll be fine. Hopeful. But that hope in your chest slowly, gradually dies out as you realize you've hit the 48-hour mark. Even for a normal missing person, you've always heard that if they don't find them within 48 hours... the chances of ever finding them goes down significantly. But, that's because they're usually dead, right? And this guy won't kill you, so, your chances are better, right...?

He comes back after that 48 hours and finally, for the first time since you woke up, crawls onto the bed, touches you, grabs your hips with his hands. Tells you that, well, they haven't found anything yet and it looks like they aren't going to, so you're officially his now, and he's no longer worried. You should accept it. It'll make things easier for both of you if you do. You'll get adjusted in no time, you'll see.

Unsurprisingly, you're a bit less compliant than you were when you had hope. You whimper and and struggle, but it's really weak. So much so it's cute. You ask who he is. No one important, he says. Just... A fan of yours. You can hear clothes shuffling. He doesn't waste time, he's already waited two whole days suffering, so he gets his dick in you pretty quickly. Manages to make you cum. It horrifies you and kinda surprises him too to be honest. You must kinda like pain, huh. Well, that works out well.

As time goes on, what hope you had left dies completely. Weeks pass. You realize they're not coming for you. In an attempt to get you to accept it, he even shows you that you've been replaced. They're rather quick to fix the absence. They have a new girl in your spot by the end of the month. He quickly realizes maybe he shouldn't have told you, from the way your face falls and you get all hysterical. Sorry. It's the way the industry is. Don't worry. She's not even half as cute as you.

He shows you the announcement when they close the investigation, too. This also earns a rather hysterical response, but he thinks it's important you see it, so you can finally come to terms with your fate, the way things were always meant to turn out. He gets a bit frustrated. Just accept it. It's not that hard. The sooner you do, the happier you'll be. It's for your own good that you accept it.

And you do. Try as you might. You begin to make conversation. He's the only source of interaction you have. You learn about him and his life. You become invested in it. You start to cum more easily. When he's sitting on the opposite side of the bed typing away, you find yourself slowly wiggling your way over and pressing yourself against the warmth, and he certainly doesn't mind. You ask him about his research just to hear a voice talk.

And sometimes you sing. It's absent minded, soft and quiet, when you have nothing else to do. He likes that a lot. You get sweeter. Nicer. Fight less. It does take a bit longer than two weeks to set in fully. But it does in the end.

He can't be with you 24/7, as much as he would like to be, so sometimes he has to tell you to just hang on a little while. Be good and sit still for just a bit. He'll be back soon. Just give him an hour. You're just really distracting and, well, his progress report is due tomorrow morning.

And you keep getting upset over the new member, bring it up a lot... It must have really bothered you, huh. Well, don't feel bad about being replaced. To him, nothing could ever replace you... you're still his favorite.

#.al #.idol

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sunkissedpages · 3 years ago

Text

instead of you [part sixteen]

pairing: [best friend’s brother] tom holland x college!reader

summary: you didn’t expect to spend your summer pretending to be your best friend’s girlfriend- then again, you didn’t expect to fall for your best friend’s brother, either.

warnings: swearing, mentions of alcohol, smut (18+) additional warnings under the cut

word count: 3.1k

series masterlist

smut warnings: female masturbation, porn, mentions of choking

“‘We’? Like, you and me?” you clarified, hoping you had misunderstood.

“Yeah, it’ll only take a second,” Tom assured you.

You looked to Sam for help, but he looked just as lost as you were. “I’ll go try and find a microwave to heat up your leftovers,” he offered and took the container back from you. “I’ll be right back, babe.”

“Okay...”

You watched him shrug past both you and Tom and then disappear into the hallway with a sinking feeling in your chest, knowing he trusted you completely. He had no reason not to, and that’s what consumed you.

“What do you want?” you muttered, reluctantly stepping to the side to let Tom in.

He didn’t answer right away, giving you a moment to collect yourself. His eyes followed you around the room as you found your pants and tugged them on. He averted his gaze when he realized you were getting dressed mumbling a “sorry” as he trained his eyes on the carpet.

You sat on the edge of the bed and looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to explain why he was there.

“You weren’t there today,” was all he said.

You blinked. “Yeah?”

“Was it because of me?”

“I wasn’t feeling well.”

Tom’s tongue poked at the inside of his cheek. “Is that all?”

“I had a lot to drink last night,” you reminded him.

“So you don’t remember anything?”

“I never said that.”

“So it was because of me?”

“I never said that either.” You sighed. “If you’re here to ask me if I told him you kissed me, I didn’t. And you could’ve just texted me to ask.”

“No that’s not why- I don’t have your number anyway.”

“I’m in the trip group chat with your family.”

“Oh, right. I’ll save it to my contacts.”

The tension in the room was palpable. It felt like all of the air had been sucked out and replaced with thick, suffocating silence. Arbitrarily, you wondered who the most famous person in his phone was. He was a Marvel actor, he probably had Simu Liu’s number, right? Who would your contact information be sitting in between? Maybe if you ever forgave him for what he did you could ask him.

“Is something funny?” The firmness of Tom’s voice cut through your train of thought and brought you back to the present. “Why are you smiling?”

“It doesn’t matter,” you said despondently. “Sam’s gonna be back soon. What did you want?”

“I just wanted to check up on you. Sam said you were sick.”

“Oh, so you wanted to see if I was lying?”

“No! God, why is it so hard to believe that I’m genuinely concerned about you?”

“Because last night you only seemed concerned about yourself.”

Tom pursed his lips and shoved his hands in his pockets, expelling a breath harshly. “Okay, I deserved that.”

You hummed in agreement, and let your eyes trail down the veins of his arms to where they disappeared into his pockets. It looked like he was fiddling with a coin or something small, but you couldn’t tell.

“Are you feeling better?” he said the last part through gritted teeth.

“Yes, thank you. This chat has helped considerably.”

Tom rolled his eyes. “You’re impossible, you know that?”

“Well, lucky for you I’m not your problem to deal with. I'm Sam’s.”

He flexed his hand in his pocket and sighed. “Okay, well, I also wanted to apologize again for...” the word kiss seemed to die on his lips, poetic irony at its finest. “Being a dick.” Less poetic.

He finally fished his hand out of his pocket, holding a delicate piece of paper between his pointer and index fingers. He shifted uncomfortably where he was leaning against the dresser. “We went to the Academic Gallery today. I saw this in the gift shop and thought of you.” He presented you with what turned out to be a postcard, creased down the middle unevenly and smudged with pen ink.

You turned it over to look at the front first, admiring the artwork printed on it. It was a picture of Michelangelo’s David drawn in swoopy black lines and filled in with watercolor paint. Instead of a museum, the statue was in the middle of a garden, the centerpiece among dozens upon dozens of flowers.

“Sorry it’s folded,” he mumbled. “It wouldn’t fit in my pocket.”

You flipped it over to read the back only to see iou scribbled in his handwriting and nothing else. You turned it over again to see if you had missed something on the front, but there was nothing.

You looked up at him in confusion. “Iou?”

“Yeah, you know... I feel really bad about last night, and I don’t really know how to make it up to you so I’m letting you decide.”

“That’s not really how it works.”

“I think that this counts as an exception, since we’re kind of in uncharted territory.”

“Maybe for you. My boyfriend’s brothers make out with me all the time.”

“Fuck you, I didn’t make out with you- it was barely a peck.”

You narrowed your eyes at him. “It was more than a peck.”

His cheeks were beginning to grow pink with what you couldn’t tell was either embarrassment or frustration. He cleared his throat awkwardly and changed the subject. “Anyway, if you ever need a favor or anything, just let me know. Think of it as me owing you one.”

“And do I have to give back the postcard when I cash in this ‘favor’?” you asked.

“No, you can keep it.”

“Good, because I was going to keep it anyway.”

He chuckled in spite of himself and shook his head. “Knew you’d like it.”

You flattened the card on your lap, smiling as you tried to iron out the little crease with your fingers.

“It’s pretty, thank you.”

Tom nodded in acknowledgement and straightened his posture. “I should get going. I just wanted to give you that, and see how you were doing since tomorrow’s a travel day and I know you get a little motion sick sometimes. I didn’t want... whatever you’d come down with to make it worse.”

How did he know that? Had Sam told him? You didn’t have time to ask because he was already walking towards the door. He paused when he reached it and turned his head towards you, hand already on the knob.

“Good night, y/n.”

“Good night, Tom.”

He opened the door and let himself out into the hallway, catching it suddenly on his foot as he saw Sam coming off the elevator. Tom held the door for Sam, since his hands were full, and then said goodnight to his brother as he finally left.

“Sorry, I couldn’t find the microwave,” he explained. “I had to ask the night manager and they heated it up in the break room for me.”

“Oh, Sam, you didn’t have to do that! I would’ve eaten it cold.”

“I know you would have, and that’s why I’m not letting you.” You gave him a look, which he ignored and handed you the container of food. “It’s carbonara, it’s one of the things Rome is known for. I couldn’t have you eating it lukewarm.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

He ran a hand through his hair and took a seat next to you on the edge of the bed, pulling the ottoman closer to use it as a makeshift table. He watched as you tried the first bite, gauging your reaction. It was something he did whenever he cooked for you, especially if he was trying out a new recipe. He always needed your approval, and valued it above anybody else’s. But he hadn’t even made this, and as his eyes searched your face you found yourself wondering if they were looking for something else.

“Do you like it?”

You breathed a quiet sigh of relief. Your paranoia was starting to get the better of you. “It’s delicious,” you assured him. “I’m sad I missed dinner.”

“I’m sad you missed the whole day. Spending time with my family without you was hell.”

“Oh come on, it’s probably good that you got some real family time.”

“It’s real family time when you’re there. It felt like something was missing.”

You let a small smile slip past your lips despite the guilt that bubbled under the surface. You pushed it down and took another bite of the carbonara.

“You’re not just saying that to make me feel better, are you? It can’t have all been bad. Tell me about the good stuff. I wanna hear that.”

Sam nodded and pushed his curls back again, grinning like he’d been caught. “Fine, maybe there were some okay moments.”

“And what were they?”

“We went to the Accademia Gallery today. I think you would have really liked it. They had a whole wing of instruments from some of the most famous inventors and musicians from history. They even had pianos from Bartolomeo Cristorfori, the inventor of the piano.”

“Wow,” you said, impressed. “I bet it was beautiful.”

“Of course if it was played, it wouldn’t sound anything like the piano we’re used to hearing today, but I’m sure it would still sound incredible.”

“Even if it hasn’t been tuned in a few hundred years?”

It was his turn to give you a look. “Yes, of course.”

“Sorry.”

“And they had a Strativerius, I don’t even want to know how valuable that thing is. It must cost millions. I took some pictures for you, but I know they won’t compare to the real thing. The lighting in museums never does the art justice.”

He handed his phone to you to scroll through. You swiped the photos, smiling whenever you came across a selfie he’d taken with a statue or painting. You reached the pictures of David and couldn’t help but zoom in on-

“Hey!” Sam yelped and grabbed his phone back from your hands.

“What!”

“Michelangelo would be so ashamed of you! I bet he’s rolling in his grave right now.”

“No way! If anyone appreciated good dick, it was Michelangelo.”

“Unbelievable.”

“If you don’t want me to judge these statue’s penises, don’t take pictures of them.”

“I didn’t take pictures of their penises! I took pictures of the whole statue- you’re zooming in on- you know what, nevermind. Arguing with you about this is pointless.”

“Smart boy.”

Sam rolled his eyes at you and put his phone in his back pocket. “Oh yeah, did Tom give you that postcard?”

“He told you about that?” you asked, suddenly panicking. Sam hadn’t said anything about last night so far, but maybe Tom had-

“Yeah, said he wanted to give you an iou for the limoncello last night.”

“What?”

“He said you paid the tab for it since he left his wallet in the room and that he wanted to pay you back for it.”

“Oh. Right.”

Another lie. You had very much not paid for the drinks last night. Tom had. And you knew he had to make an excuse for why he was buying his brother’s girlfriend something from the gift shop, but to add another lie to the ever-growing list made your throat burn with regret. You wouldn’t be able to keep the secret forever, and it was only a matter of time before everything came crashing down around you.

In the morning you took the train from Rome to Naples, and then took a taxi to Sorrento to spend the last bit of your week in Italy by the sea. The atmosphere was much more relaxed than it had been in the busy cities of Rome and Florence. Even though there were still hordes of tourists, they were far more dispersed and less overbearing than you expected. The whole town seemed slowed down, like it had escaped the chokehold of time.

Sam’s parents took everyone out to lunch by the water and went over the schedule for the next day and a half.

“So, you’re on your own after dinner tonight, and then tomorrow morning we’re going to take the ferry to Capri for the day before our flight that night,” Nikki explained as she read through the spreadsheet on her phone.

“There’s an Irish pub down the street from our hotel,” Harry said. “Do you guys want to go after we eat tonight?”

“I’m down,” Sam agreed.

“Sounds good,” Tom chimed in.

The boys all looked at you for your answer, but you hesitated. Thinking about what happened the last time you drank didn’t make you eager to do it again, and you were already exhausted from travelling.

“I’ll pass.”

“What? Why?” Sam asked, sticking out his bottom lip in a pout.

You leaned into him, resting your head on his shoulder with a sigh. “I’m tired, and I’d rather go somewhere Italian... since we’re in Italy.”

Harry shrugged. “Your loss.”

“We’ll have a shot in your honor, babe,” Sam said and pressed a kiss to your temple.

“Please don’t. Something tells me you’ll have plenty to drink without an extra shot for me.”

“You know us so well.”

After dinner, you walked back to the hotel with the Hollands and said good night to Sam’s parents before parting ways to your separate rooms. Sam went with you to change into clothes for going out while you changed into pajamas.

“Are you sure you don’t want to go?”

You nodded from where you were on the bed and yawned. Sam didn’t push any further, instead resolving to finish getting ready in silence. He paired his black jeans with a pair of converse and a dark green button up over a black t-shirt.

He turned to you for approval.

“Fake girlfriend approved?”

“Fake girlfriend approved,” you repeated and gave him a thumbs up.

“Okay, well I’m headed out,” he announced.

“Have fun! Don’t kiss any cute girls without me!”

It was something you always said to each other, but it sounded strange since it was supposed to be coming from his girlfriend. Sam just chuckled and blew you a kiss as he let himself out.

You heard him greet his brothers outside and then listened to their footsteps fade into the distance before pulling up an incognito window on your phone. It had been weeks since you’d been able to get off and it was killing you. The amount of stress this trip had given you only made it worse. You were wound so tight that you were sure you’d snap soon if you didn’t get some relief.

And you thought that maybe if you rubbed one out it might help you forget about... the confusing feelings you had for your best friend’s brother.

Seeing as you had the night to yourself, you figured you might as well take advantage of it. You copied a link from your notes app and pasted the url into the address bar. You didn’t feel like digging through your luggage to find your earbuds so you set the volume low enough for only you to hear.

The video started playing and you let your hand wander from your side up to your neck, brushing your hand lightly across your collarbone. You traced the curve of your breasts with a finger before squeezing one of them gently, feeling your nipple harden under your palm. You only had one hand to use since the other was holding your phone, but you made do.

The video was one of your favorites, one you found yourself watching at least once a week. It was one of the few videos of hetero couples you had favorited, and it started with the guy going down on the girl before fucking her...

You admired the muscles on the man’s back, watching intently as they flexed whenever he moved his head. The woman moaned, struggling to keep her legs open while he brought her closer and closer to orgasm.

You let your hand travel down further until it was sitting at the waistband of your pajama shorts. You knew you had a while before Sam would be back, but you were too impatient to wait. You propped your phone up on a pillow next to you to free your other hand as you started to play with your clit.

You pictured someone’s head in between your thighs, imagining them moaning against your pussy as they tasted you for the first time.

The man was taking his pants off now and lining himself up with his partner’s pussy. You tried to follow along, putting yourself in the moment with the couple. You gathered your own wetness on two of your fingers to lubricate them and slid them inside yourself, sighing in relief. Your entire body tensed as it accommodated to the stretch and you gave yourself a few beats before moving your fingers.

When you finally did, you felt yourself relax and sped up your pace so that it matched the actors on screen.

The angle the video was shot at hid the man’s face and you found yourself wondering what he looked like. If you squinted you could almost picture Tom- no. You tried to shake the thought from your mind, but it was already there.

Closing your eyes didn’t help either. You just imagined Tom’s fingers sliding in and out of you instead of your own, imagined the veins on his arms becoming more pronounced as he tightened his grip on your thigh.

“Fuck,” you cursed, knowing you should stop.

You were too close to stop now, and the pleasure was clouding your judgement. Suddenly the man brought his hand up to the girl’s throat and began to choke her, sending her hurtling into her own orgasm. You moaned accidentally, thinking about Tom’s hand around your throat. You curled your fingers up so that you were hitting your g-spot and whimpered pathetically.

This was wrong. This was bad. Not only were you fantasizing about your best friend’s brother, but you were confusing yourself even further.

You tried to fight it, at least that’s what you told yourself, but all you could hear were Tom’s moans echoing through the speaker. You pictured the way he’d look on top of you. His eyes would be so dark and he’d be smirking like the cocky asshole he was, chain hanging down in your face- just inviting you to take it into your mouth. It didn’t take long before you felt your orgasm begin to build. The video was still playing in the background, the man still chasing his own high and bringing his partner to her second orgasm, but you’d tuned it out by now. You came around your fingers thinking about Tom’s hips snapping into yours.

You were fucked.

lmk what you think!! i always appreciate feedback

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