#So this is the best I can do at my current level

[qqueenofhades]

do you have any advice for those in the very early stages of thesis-writing? currently desperately clinging to the mantra of "shitty first drafts," et al

Unfortunately, there is no place where you will more whole-assedly have to embrace the "shitty first draft" mantra than in academic writing, especially in thesis writing, especially if this is your first-ish crack at an advanced and major piece of original research. I'm not sure if this is for an undergraduate senior thesis, a MA-level thesis, or (my true and heartfelt sympathies) a PhD dissertation, but the basic principles of it will remain the same. So there is that, at least. This means that yes, you will write something, you may even feel slightly proud of it, and then you will hand it into your supervisor and they will more or less kindly dismantle it. You have to train yourself to have a thick skin about this and not take it as a personal insult, and if your supervisor is remotely good at their job (not all of them are, alas) they will know how to be tactful about it and not make it feel like a direct and extensive commentary on your private worth as a person. But you will have to swallow it and do what you can, which can include -- if you're the one who has done the research and know that's how you want to present it and/or you are correct about it -- pushing back and having a conversation with them about how you think your original approach does work best. But that will come later. The first step is, yes, to mentally gird yourself to receive critical feedback on something that you have worked hard on, and to understand that no matter how much you grump and grumble and deservedly vent to your friends and so on, implementing the feedback will usually make your piece better and stronger. That is the benefit of working with a trained expert who knows what makes a good piece of research in your particular academic field, and while it doesn't get easier, per se, at least it gets familiar. Be not afraid, etc.

If you're in the writing stage, I assume that you've moved past the topic-selection and general-research stage, but allow me to plump once more the services of your friendly local university library. You can (or at least you can at mine and probably in any decently well-equipped research university) schedule a personal consultation with an expert librarian, who can give you tips on how to find relevant subject databases, create individual research guides (these might already be available on the university library website for classes/general topics), and otherwise level you up to Shockingly Competent Research Superhero. So if you're still looking for a few extra sources, or for someone else who might be reading this and is still in the "how the heck do I find appropriate and extensive scholarly literature for my thesis??" stage, please. Go become a Research Ninja. It's much easier when you have a minion doing half the work for you, but please do appreciate and make use of your university librarian. It's much more effective than haphazard Google Scholar or JSTOR searches hoping to turn up something vaguely relevant (though to be fair, we all do that too), and it's what your tuition dollars are paying for.

Next, please do remind yourself that you are not writing the whole thesis in one go, and to break it down into manageable chunks. It usually does make sense to write the whole thing semi-chronologically (i.e. introduction, lit review, chapter 1, chapter 2/3/4 etc, conclusion), because that allows you to develop your thoughts and make logical connections, and to build on one piece to develop the next. If you're constantly scrambling between chapters and zig-zagging back and forth as things occur to you, it will be harder to focus on any one thought or thread of research, and while you might get more raw output, it will not be as good and will require more correction and revision, so you're not actually hacking yourself into increased productivity. You should also internally structure your chapters in addition to organizing your overall thesis, so it makes sense to draw up a rough outline for section A, section B, section C within the body of a single chapter. This will make you think about why the segues are going in that order and what a reasonably intelligent reader, who nonetheless may not have the specialized knowledge that you are demonstrating for them, needs to move understandably from one section to the next.

Some academics I know like to do an extensive outline, dumping all their material into separate documents for each chapter/paper and kneading and massaging and poking it into a more refined shape, and if that works for you -- great! I'm more of the type that doesn't bother with a ton of secondary outlines or non-writing activity, since that can lead you away from actually writing, but if you need to see the fruit of your research all together in one place before you can start thinking about how it goes together, that is also absolutely the way that some people do it. Either way, to be a successful academic writer, you have to train yourself to approach academic writing in a very different way from fun writing. You do fun writing when you have free time and feel inspired and can glop a lot of words down at once, or at least some words. You do it electively and for distraction and when you want to, not to a set timeline or schedule, and alas, you can't do this for academic writing. You will have to sit your ass down and write even when you do not feel like writing, do not feel Magically Inspired, don't even want to look at the fucking thing, etc. I have had enough practice that I can turn on Academic Writing Brain, sit down, bang something out, sit down the next day and turn on Academic Editing Brain, go over it again, and send it off, but I have been in academia for uh, quite a while. The good news is that you can also automate yourself to be the same way, but the bad news is that it will take practice and genuine time invested in it.

As such, this means developing a writing schedule and sticking to it, and figuring out whether you work best going for several hours without an interruption, or if you set a timer, write for a certain time, then allow yourself to look at the internet/answer texts/fuck around on Tumblr, and then make yourself put down the distraction and go back to work for another set period of time. (I am admittedly horrible at putting my phone away when I should be doing something else, but learn ye from your wizened elders, etc.) You will have to figure out in which physical space you work best, which may not be a public coffee shop where you can likewise get distracted with doing other things/chatting to friends/screwing around on the internet/doomscrolling/peeking at AO3, and to try to be there as often as possible. It might be your carrel in the library, it might be your desk at home, it might be somewhere else on campus, but if you can place yourself in a setting that tells your brain it's time to work and not look at WhatsApp for the 1000th time in a row, that is also beneficial.

Finally, remember that you do not have to produce an absolutely world-beating, stunningly original, totally flawless and perfect piece, even in its final form. Lots of us write very shitty things when we're starting out (and some of us, uh, still write very shitty things as established academics), and you do not have to totally redefine your entire field of study or propose a groundbreaking theory that nobody has heard of or anything like that. A lot of academic work is small-scale and nuanced, filling in spaces on the margins of other things or responding or offering a new perspective on existing work, and it's best to think of it as a conversation between yourself and other scholars. They have said something and now you're saying something back. You don't need to be so brilliant that everyone goes ZOMGZ I HAVE NEVER HEARD OF THAT BEFORE; by its nature that happens very rarely and is usually way out on a limb (extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence, etc); you just need to continue the dialogue with a reasonably well-constructed and internally plausible piece. So if you think of it that way, and understand that a shitty first draft will usually develop into something that is good and valuable but not SHOCKING NEW REVELATION clickbait hype, you will take some of the pressure off yourself and be more able to shut up that perfectionist voice in your head. However, all of us have some degree of imposter syndrome and it never entirely goes away, so you'll have to manage that too. Etc etc as before, it doesn't vanish altogether, but it gets easier.

And last but not least, though I'm sure I don't have to say this: for the love of fuckin' god, do not use ChatGPT. Even the genuinely shittiest paper in the world that you still worked on researching, organizing, and writing with your own brain is better than that. Trust me.

[genderqueerdykes]

The anon mentioning not wanting to cut hair is so so so real for that and I’ve been inspired to say something of my own by that ask.

I hate how almost every transmasculine resource always has some kind of heavy emphasis on the joy of cutting your hair short for the first time, especially if it’s talked about like this universal trans man experience that every trans man has, because it immediately has me questioning if I’m even a guy at all or if the community would ever see or accept me as one. Like if I don’t do this rite of passage then I’ll only ever be perceived as a woman or as some level of nonbinary (which both would technically be correct, but only like 10% of the time, the other 80% I am a dude).

Like yes, a lot of transmascs do want to cut their hair short and this is totally fine, but personally I love my long hair. I love putting it in high twin tails with bows and clips and everything else and in fact one day I’d like to have bangs with this as well. I like having it down and unstyled because I have natural curls and length that make me look like a metal band frontman when I do it. It’s been one of the only traits I’ve liked about my physical appearance for ages and it’s so disappointing to see everywhere go “want to be a man? Great! Cut off all of your hair—“ as like their main or only resource for passing or whatever. I get that it’s the easiest and most accessible option for most people. I get that it’s common for men to have short hair in certain cultures. But I don’t like the imperativeness of it. And I don’t like the assumption that everyone can do that or wants to do that and would pass after doing that. Having my hair short is like genuinely a nightmare scenario for me and I don’t like even thinking about it. It literally pushed back my discovering that I was trans seeing “cut your hair” being plastered as the first piece of advice on every website because kid me saw that and went “oh, trans men want that? I don’t want that, well I guess I must just be a woman then, idk why I’m so sad about that though”.

And then this along with this recent tumblr “Time To Pick a Group and Hate on Them” wave (familiar either tumblr’s tendency for this, I was young and seeing reposts on Pinterest about the whole Ace and Aro exclusionist shit, signed a very tired aroace) with the whole “it’s so much easier for transmascs to pass” thing— like it doesn’t help me much that I like wearing dresses and skirts and I’m fairly chubby, really short, and have big boobs. I have literal fucking I cups. 32 I. I don’t know how to exercise properly since I’ve always had trouble doing it whether I just tire super fast or can’t catch my breath, I can’t bind because my boobs are far too large and I have breathing problems, I can’t go get top surgery now or for the foreseeable future cause I’m stuck living with my unsupportive parents, I already dress fairly masc usually with oversized shirts and everything, and I already have a deep voice— none of this helps me pass whatsoever. If I were to chop my hair off it would do absolutely nothing to my 32 fucking I cups that everyone sees regardless of what I do about them. All it would do is make me sad about not having my hair. No it is not easier for me to pass and I’m not suddenly conforming to gender roles and appearance stereotypes now just to do it. Tbh it just makes me want to not pass even more out of spite. (although being out in this current political climate might not be the best idea at the moment so I’m waiting hopefully only about 4 ish years— that is if I leave this house by then, ok anyway—).

Like oh but “all transmascs have to do is put a flannel on and cut their hair” like 1. If I did that I’d look like my grandma and 2. I have been told my whole life I would basically never pass no matter what I do, what are y’all going on about. Like why is everyone’s idea of passing as a man “tall, slim, rectangle shaped, short hair”. Like, I’m not POC, but at a certain point I can’t help but think that this description is often times really white leaning. Like what about cultures that don’t cut their hair, would they never pass as a man for it? Are they being trans wrong? What about people who are kinda predisposed to being short or fat? And why the hell is the idea of what a GNC trans man looks like always a tiny, white, slender twink with maybe at most big thighs? Are you suddenly not a man if you look any other way and wear a skirt? Idk, fuck it, I’m doing whatever I want.

One day, I want to have top surgery and I want to stand outside in the summer with my twin tails shirtless and I just want to enjoy being outside like that. Idk, I just wish it was more accepted to be anything GNC while still being trans and not being the “ideal” and I wish actual resources for trans issues acknowledged that you can still be GNC more often.

Tangentially related, but it’s really helped me out just getting into a game where a lot of the male characters are pretty GNC in dress and stuff. Like my favorite game series rn, Castlevania, has this character, Simon Belmont, and he’s got long hair, he’s built really hourglass shaped and has big hips, and he wears this tiny mini skirt tunic dress all the time and there’s no official canon design of him ever wearing pants and like, man, it just makes me so happy. Especially cause he used to be the main face of the series for a really long time— and also the character that overtook his mascot spot is also a GNC man with super long hair, Alucard. It’s really nice, he’s goals tbh. Good thing I’m anonymous rn because I feel like I’d get torn apart by the fandom for that take lol, but man does it really really help.

Anyway, this is just kinda a stream of consciousness about general experience being a very closeted GNC trans dude idk, sorry if it’s hard to read in any spots. I really hope you’re doing well, I highly appreciate everything you do here. Even the stuff outside of queer issues, I can relate a lot to the gastro and doctor issues too. You elucidate your topics very well and it’s nice to see someone talking about and standing up for people in the community like this. Take care!

i really wanted to thank you for sending this, i really appreciate it. i think this is such an important ask

Like, I’m not POC, but at a certain point I can’t help but think that this description is often times really white leaning. Like what about cultures that don’t cut their hair, would they never pass as a man for it? Are they being trans wrong? What about people who are kinda predisposed to being short or fat? And why the hell is the idea of what a GNC trans man looks like always a tiny, white, slender twink with maybe at most big thighs?

correct, the hair thing is deeply upsetting for a lot of men where their hair is quite literally important to them & their culture. making an indigenous trans man feel obligated to cut their hair in order to pass in white societies is so fucked up. making men feel obligated to cut their hair in general is fucked, but for some men, having long hair is part of their culture and gender. as you pointed out, some trans men are just naturally shorter or taller. none of these things should matter.

in general a trans man should be able to decide how long they want their hair. when i buzzed my hair short for the first time it was so euphoric. but i enjoy having short hair on most of my head because i have psoriasis. it's not because i want short hair. i actually love long hair, which is why i keep sort of a long mullet or tail of sorts because men are allowed to have long hair

thank you so much for sending this, and for the kind words, i really appreciate it! i hope things get safer so you can be out. there's nothing wrong with being a gnc trans guy, i'm one too, and people have gotta stop policing how men look so hard. it's not helping any man when we do this. we are making men neurotic and feel ashamed of themselves if they don't look like a caricature of a lumberjack. it's not right.

[putschki1969]

hi, how likely do you think that SC does by contract limit Keiko and Hikaru's activity with YK in the future ? because if this reunion live is only a one off event it doesnt seem reasonable to make such long term restriction. And if it does have such restriction in the contract, it is surprising that Keiko and Hikaru would fall for that. Unless Keiko and Hikaru is sommehow being tricked or SC pull some string in a way that Keiko and Hikaru signed the contract without seeing it will come like this

Hi there!

Fair warning, I will be getting into speculative territory with my answer so please keep that in mind and take everything you read with a grain of salt. I honestly don't enjoy speculating about this sort of stuff but it really can't be helped right now since we don't have any details. I'll try my best to keep everything as fact-based as possible.

Also, I can currently not guarantee a great deal of objectivity on the matter since I am feeling very protective of the girls. There's a part of me that is really angry at Yuki Kajiura and while I realise that my anger is mostly irrational and probably misdirected, I cannot help but feel this way. Please forgive me if anything I write in this post comes across as overly harsh towards Yuki Kajiura. If you are one of her hardcore stans, this is not the place to be right now.

Without further ado, let's get to your question...

I personally don’t think Space Craft has the amount of power over Keiko and Hikaru to completely cut them off from Yuki. Keiko is still managed by Tristone and Hikaru is a freelance artist so whatever they signed, or agreed upon, it most likely won't/can't conflict with Keiko's existing management contract and Hikaru's freedoms as freelancer. While I am sure there is some sort of agreement/contract, I very much doubt that it would enforce any sort of long-term commitment that could effectively hinder them from participating in any other activities. As you say, it would be incredibly unwise for Keiko and Hikaru to willingly sign such a restrictive agreement since the costs would far outweigh the gains, especially if they really end up only doing this one concert. They have been in this business for far too long and have surely learned from a fair amount of past mistakes to not let themselves be entrapped like that. They may not have been able to grasp the full extent of their decision (or were unable to predict Yuki's reaction) but to a certain degree, they must have known what awaited them if they agreed to this reunion concert. Just like Wakana knew what she was sacrificing when she decided to stay with Space Craft. In Wakana's case, one could argue that her seamless transition into a stable solo career was worth the price of being shunned. In Keiko's and Hikaru's case, the chance to do a single concert together is hardly worth losing that valuable connection to Yuki. Surely, those decisions weren't made lightly, lots of thought was put into them. So yeah, I don't think such strong restrictions would have been part of the agreement.

As for Space Craft deliberately tricking them, I'd like to believe that they aren't this cruel. Like I have always said, Wakana has decided to stay with them (and continues to stay with them) for a reason so for me, that automatically means that they can't be as evil as so many people make them out to be. I do not doubt that the higher-ups at Space Craft are grumpy old men who regularly take their pettiness to new creative levels just to spite Team Yuki but I'd hope they draw the line at betraying the girls. Basically, I wouldn't put it past them to do nasty stuff like enforcing NDAs, prohibiting the explicit mentioning of Yuki's name or staging news article leaks to publicly embarrass Yuki but I doubt they would intentionally trap the girls in a contract that they absolutely didn't want. I really hope I am right about this because I would hate to see any of them in such a predicament.

In all honesty, I think we mostly owe Keiko's exclusion from the upcoming YKL to Yuki's wheelings and dealings. Keiko's message on Yodel made it sound like she was genuinely hoping to continue working with Yuki and was just as saddened by the announcement as everyone else. As far as we can tell, she took the decision in stride and responded with dignity but she must have been quite disappointed, especially considering she was likely not informed of this decision in advance (she probably had to find out through the official announcement).

Now why would Yuki do such a thing? Once again, I refuse to believe that Yuki would intentionally try to punish or hurt Keiko. Seeing as I can't even imagine Space Craft being this cruel, I certainly struggle to imagine that Yuki would ever be capable of such malice. And I do somewhat believe her when she says she respects the girls. However, and this is a big however, I think Yuki is a very proud (dare I say conceited?) woman. A person of her status is of course allowed a certain measure of pride but I fear it has reached a point where her wounded pride and offended sensibilities are negatively influencing her ability to make rational decisions. As far as I am concerned, this puts her on the same level as all these Space Craft execs everyone keeps complaining about. And don't get me wrong here, I am not trying to diminish Space Craft's role in all of this, they have done their fair share of fucked up things but while everyone was always quick to put all the blame on them, no one really thought to question Yuki's actions during all of this. For me, they are equally at fault. Both parties surely make it difficult for each other and have some sort of leverage they like to use to get the better of the opposing party. But looking at everything from an objective point of view, Yuki has long ago gained significant advantages over Space Craft with all her recent accomplishments so I don't know what she is gaining from continuously manipulating the narrative in a manner that makes her look like she is the only wronged party in all of this while everyone else is either made to look evil or simply thrown under the bus.

I wish she would just swallow her pride, be the better person and make an effort to differentiate herself from the people at Space Craft whose petty behaviour she so clearly disapproves of. Unfortunately, she doesn't seem to recognise the hypocrisy in her own actions and she certainly doesn't come across as the type of person who is willing to make any concessions which is probably one of the main reasons the feud between her and SC still hasn't been resolved.

The higher-ups at Space Craft and Yuki are doing all of the string pulling and as long as they are motivated by pettiness, we sadly won't be seeing any improvement of the situation. The biggest tragedy in all of this is that Wakana, Keiko and Hikaru have always been the collateral damage of this childish feud. From day one, they have been caught in the trenches and forced to bear the brunt of the immature actions of their seniors. Hardcore YK stans may disagree but Kalafina isn't just Yuki's creation, throughout the years, it has become so much more and the girls have contributed just as much (if not more!) to shape the Kalafina we all know and love. How were they repaid for their efforts? First, they had pretty much their life's content, more than ten years worth of hard work and dedication, abruptly ripped from them only to be left to fend for themselves with little to no external support. Then they received nothing but horrible backlash for attempting to recreate something that was so incredibly special to them and now they seem to have been entirely abandoned for simply going through with a project that at its core was only meant to bring joy.

My only hope right now is that this unfortunate situation can be turned into many opportunities to enable some more Kalafina concerts as well as increase their solo activities. It would break my heart to just see them do nothing. I will not say that their sacrifice was completely in vain because that Kalafina Anniversary Live was obviously so important and so special to so many people (including the girls), we all had such an amazing time. But that just can't have been it, it's too high a price to pay for a single night of happiness. The girls need to get more out of this, they deserve it!

All right, I think I've said everything I've wanted to say...Over and out.

[drdemonprince]

re: other ask - i also have an x gender marker and also have been feeling real stressed about it. it doesn’t feel like a good/safe prospect to have the x gender marker, but i don’t know what a better alternative would be - in my case, all my other documents have an f marker, but i’ve been on t for a few years and physically i read as male. so no matter what my documents will out me as trans. is it better for all my documents/id at least to match each other, even if they all out me? or is it like, no matter what i’m outed so it doesn’t matter? for other folks with incongruent physical presentation vs gender marker, is there like a current best practice ? also like i know it’s hard to know the best course of action at this stage so idk if you even have an answer lol but i appreciate you sharing perspectives on these concerns even so

It really all depends on whether you have a birth certificate that can be changed, in my opinion. if you are able to change the sex marker on your birth certificate, and IDs, it may even be possible for you to apply for a passport without detection- and generally it will be a lot harder for anyone in the federal government to have any idea that you are trans. in which case it would make sense to change all of your markers to match how you are read, gender-wise, in this case male. I still think it's valuable to have the ID that you carry around with you everyday match what your gender looks like, for safety and for domestic travel, regardless. but there will be some risks inherent to that on the federal level, or with regard to international travel, if those IDs do not match your birth certificate.

[rist-ix]

Heyyy rist!

I hope you are doing alright and I can't wait to read what you write next, even if it isn't tbhtbh. But speaking of tbhtbh do you think Valtor would ever resort to using a love potion or at least something of that nature? I can't remember if you've answered this question or not but i thought it was a fun ask, this could also be for sparked too. I feel like Valtor thinks he's above that cause of his natural charm🔥tm but maybe he might grow some self awareness and get desperate 🤔

These next few years are gonna be hell in America but at least I know I can always turn towards sparked for some joy 😊 and of course tbhtbh. Have a wonderful day ✨

Hi!!!! As always these days, big apologies for not giving more updates, I swear I’m gonna finish this chapter one day haha

My internship is going to continue until end of march, and after that I’m pretty much entering straight into my bachelor semester without break. So I can’t even offer an optimistic prediction rn. If you’re rereading Sparked, pls know that so am I. (Looking back I have NO IDEA how I could write like 9000 words every 1-2 weeks, WHERE has that energy gone oh my god.)

Talking about current political events: don’t worry, it’s gonna get MUCH worse here in Germany too! 🙃

But! What really helped me is going to my local town hall meetings, and joining up with the tiny offshoot of the Green Party that runs my town. The medium age there is like, sixty, but it’s honestly so healing for the soul to be surrounded by ppl who care so much, and have the know-how to make changes in our immediate environment. Even if the world goes to shit on a national level, the people who run things closest to us are always gonna do the best with what they have. It’s also so funny to watch two dozen 60-year-olds discuss how to best bully the one local AfD politician. Or plan Instagram reels with them. The seniors are alright is what I’m saying

Anyway, to get to your question!!! As always my answer is going to be kind of “it depends”, but leaning towards a pretty strong No.

Main reason for that is that we only have 2 canonical examples for a love potion, and both are, um. Not what Valtor would be into. The more recent example would be Diaspro's potion for Sky, which seems to take effect almost immediately and comes with a near mindless suggestibility, total obedience, and some pretty egregious mood swings and personality changes. She could tell Sky what to believe, what to do, and how to feel, with Sky falling into really atypical, bloodthirsty rages when faced with the Winx. Keep in mind, he's faced way worse threats to both himself and his friends before, and has always been pretty blasé about it.

While we do know that Valtor has no qualms about using mind control, and has always pursued control over others as his end goal, in any fic I've written so far his obsession with Bloom depends highly on the challenge/threat she poses to him, and the unexpectedness of her actions. In Sparked especially, Bloom's unpredictability plays a huge part in Valtor's escalating fascination with her, and I cannot see him willing to throw that away for a subjugated love-potion version of her. Plus, as you mentioned, Valtor prides himself on his charm and persuasiveness. Using a love potion would be akin to admitting defeat, and he would NEVER do that!

Similarly, in tbhtbh, Valtor doesn’t dare to try and use his mark on her, for fear of turning Bloom into a mindless puppet as a consequence. Here is where it gets tricky, though, because I CAN see this version of Valtor being way more ready to use drastic measures to get his way. Tbhtbh!Valtor is motivated largely by his desire for control, and the love potion would give him that with way less obvious side effects than his mark. Additionally, the love potion wouldn’t require any active input from him. It's a one-time-usage kinda deal, not a constant supervision of her mind. And the idea of Bloom being in love with — or even merely affectionate towards— him, might seriously pull his resolve into question. After those infamous three years, tbhtbh!Valtor is pretty unhinged already, and could convince himself of almost anything if the situation is dire enough. Though even then, I can’t see it being his first choice — if only because it would hurt his ego.

Now, outside of any specific story, I'm gonna be honest: there is nothing a love potion would do that would go against Valtor's canon principles. In a really dark fic, love-potioning Bloom would just be mind control, with the added insult-to-injury benefit of her applying all that blind faith, loyalty and affection to him instead of her friends. In a scenario where he does not yet have that begrudging respect for her as an opponent, he would absolutely pull that stunt. Or hell, even with that respect, if he was just a little more vindictive and pragmatic.

In any case, whether he would use one or not, I think Valtor would clearly see a love potion as mind control. There would be no convincing himself that Bloom's feelings for him were real; wether he'd do it out of revenge, need for control, or plain wish for her affection, he'd be very clear-eyed about the reality of it.

Notable mentions to the only other example we get or love potions being used in Winx Club: season 2! That would be Amore's spell on Améntia, the princess of the Downlands. It’s been a while since I've watched that episode, but I vaguely remember that Améntia IMMEDIATELY switched her obsession with Brandon over to Sponsus, who she had pretty much ignored up to that point. Leaving aside how the show glossed over the pretty mind-controlly implications of that, Améntia seemed to be pretty much unchanged personality wise, afterwards. While that might be a version of love-potioning that would appeal to Valtor's very unique honor code, the logistics of that would probably be a no-go for him. I just can’t see him stooping to using pixie magic, or even allying himself with one. Just wanted to mention it, for completions' sake. (There is a love-potion-esque spell Amore displays in s3 too, during the pixie’s “battle” against the Trix. She claims that it would be able to make Valtor fall in love with any of the Trix, but we never see that spell put into effect, so I’m not counting it here.)

[dragqueenstarscream]

I'm currently at the hospital for a attempt

Uhhhh

Starscream massaging? Optimus after a bad flair up djjsjdhf

-🫀

(oh gods, i hope you're ok!!)

tfp starscream x optimus prime

contains: established relationship, the burden of leadership and the pain that comes with it, mentions of self harm, autobot starscream, starscream trying his best

optimus never lost his cool.

at least, that's what the rest of team prime thought. in all their time knowing him, he'd always been level headed, calm, and collected, even in the worst case scenario. some thought that primes were simply built that way. others assumed that he'd been this way even as orion pax.

starscream knew better.

ever since the two of them had become official, starscream had learned more and more about the autobot leader than he'd ever expected. he had a soft spot for human movies, especially the old black and white ones. he tended to carry most of his stress in his shoulders. corny puns made him smile. the more time starscream spent with optimus, the more the autobot leader opened up.

but there was one side to him that optimus didn't like anyone seeing.

starscream knew that side too.

it was why, when optimus had disappeared to "investigate an energon deposit," according to him, starscream had followed behind him. once he'd heard that optimus had disappeared again, he'd opened up the groundbridge and gone straight to optimus' coordinates.

the groundbridge led starscream to a thick forest, the trees changing from green to yellow and orange. starscream knew this place well; optimus would often come here whenever he needed to clear his processor. sure enough, as starscream followed the driven path through the trees, he could see optimus in the distance, sitting by the edge of a rocky cliff overlooking more forest down below.

"optimus?" starscream called out. optimus turned his head slightly to one side. one of his audial fins twitched at the sound of starscream's voice. as starscream moved past the trees and made his way towards the cliff, optimus curled in on himself.

"optimus?" starscream repeated himself, softer this time, as he came to sit alongside the bigger bot.

optimus avoided starscream's gaze. "i thought you were back at the outpost."

"i was," starscream said, "until i came looking for you."

hearing a faint grinding noise of metal on metal, he looked down to see that optimus had been gripping his upper arms so tightly that he'd gouged deep lines into his plating. starscream could tell by a glance that ratchet would have a nasty time pounding those out. knock out had encountered the same trouble when starscream would do the same thing to himself.

"you can go back to base now," optimus tried to reassure him. "let the others know i'm alright."

"i'm not leaving until i'm certain that you're not going to hurt yourself more than you already have," starscream insisted. optimus turned to stare out past the trees, and starscream winced when he saw optimus' almost angry expression.

"my burdens are not yours to carry," he said.

"optimus," starscream said, "when you took me in, you told me that i didn't have to fight alone anymore, that you'd be there for me. now, i want to do the same for you."

optimus' expression softened, if only slightly. he glanced over to starscream, then back out to the trees.

"i fear for this planet, starscream," he admitted. "every day, megatron gets closer and closer to its conquest. it's not just the autobots and decepticons whose lives are at stake. if he succeeds, billions of humans will be subjected to the same carnage he brought upon cybertron." optimus sighed deeply and said, "i cannot fail this world the way i failed our home."

"optimus, you weren't the one who failed cybertron," starscream insisted as he reached up to rub optimus' shoulder, running his claws over the gouges in his plating. optimus froze, but relaxed after a few moments. "if anything, that was all megatron's doing. he could've actually done something with cybertron, but instead, he turned the whole planet into kaon. he's the reason it went to the pit."

seeing the forlorn look on optimus' faceplate, starscream switched tactics. "and anyways, cybertron isn't gone for good. we have three of the omega keys. we just need to find the fourth, and we'll be able to start again. we're so close, i can feel it!" risking a smile, starscream said, "we wouldn't be here without your leadership, sweetspark."

optimus shrugged, putting on a look of indifference, but starscream could see a glimmer in his optics. "you have more faith in me than i realized."

"well, shame on me for not showing you," starscream said.

as he looked at optimus' scuffed and aching frame, an idea came to his mind, and he got up and moved behind optimus, sitting cross legged on the hard ground.

"starscream, what are you-" optimus' words trailed off into a low groan as starscream began to knead at his shoulder plating, trying to work out any stiffness.

"i hate seeing you in pain, sweetspark," starscream murmured. "maybe this can help a little."

optimus leaned forward a bit, exposing more of his back.

"thank you, starscream," he said, his engine starting to purr. starscream smiled as optimus started to relax beneath him. he knew that things weren't completely fine just yet, but at least it was a start.

"optimus," starscream said as he moved his servos further down his partner's back, "once you're ready, we can go back to base, and i'll put on that movie you like. i can't remember what it's called. it's the black and white one you watched during that silly human holiday."

"it's a wonderful life?" optimus guessed.

"that's the one," starscream nodded.

"that's a christmas movie, starscream," optimus said. "christmas isn't for another few months."

"does it matter?" starscream asked. "silly human customs be damned. i know it's your favorite. i'll get you some energon, and we can watch it while everyone else is recharging."

optimus sighed, but starscream could hear the faint smile in his voice as he said quietly, "thank you."

"i know you would do the same for me," starscream shrugged as he continued to massage his partner's aching back, watching the sunlight fade beyond the treeline, giving way to the stars overhead.

author's note: for those who haven't seen it, "it's a wonderful life" is an old christmas movie about how one person can make a whole world of difference. it sounded like optimus to me, so i kinda hc that to be his favorite movie.

if some of the wording or grammar seems funky, it's because i'm writing this while at work. i'll proofread it and fix things once i'm back home and at my computer.

[tamavonpineapple]

«Chung Myung’s mind drifted, far from the cold of the present, back to the warmth of a summer day in Huayin. Where Tang Bo fell asleep, lazily sprawled on a chair, his head tilted back over the edge of the backrest with a half-empty wine bottle resting on his lap barely held in place by the loose grip of his hands. The sun painted his face in gold, casting a glow over the messy strands of his hair.

The gentle rise and fall of Bo’s chest mirrored the sway of the wind through the trees. Chung Myung had sat there, watching him in silence. His neck would surely be sore when he woke up, but there was something calming in the way Bo lay so still, so utterly at peace.

Chung Myung could still hear the echoes of the countless times he had scolded Bo for letting the wine grow tepid for dozing off while clutching on the bottle for too long. Now, he could almost relish on same wine again, as if he had been drinking it whole from his hands, with his lips grazing on his fingertips, as his own hands cupped Bo's, trying to catch the drops slipping through.

But all that was left to do was hold on to Bo's body, thigh against his chest, his silent sobs had long since ceased. Chung Myung clung to his body as if he could share some of his warmth.»

And yeah, It's done... I'm so done. Although I wish I could say the same thing about my fanfic.

And special thanks to my friends @felixblankspace @victorian-platence for being great friends. ♥️✨♥️

(gracias por soportarme :') )

[noctlas332]

day two the lengthening is an act of love

[4lph4kidz]

i think i'll probably elaborate on this eventually because i'm not sure how well i can word this right now, but essentially one reason i keep coming back to homestuck is that to some degree it's also an excercise in self examination? i enjoy it as a work, but i also feel compelled to dissect my response to it, for a variety of reasons. if you think that sounds like a nightmarish ouroborous of OCD-fueled pointlessly mastubatory overthinking then you'd be right

[thedreadvampy]

unfortunately the world is too fucking messed up so I am currently unable to give a shit about how messed up everything is because it's all too big and if I get upset about any of it my entire ability to be a person will come crashing in

normal service will resume as soon as possible

[onyourstageleft]

I'm going to be a certified library professional in a few short weeks, I have a solid understanding of the need to read broadly and should have a strong personal commitment to doing so, but more often than not, I end up reading fanfic for the one relatively obscure YA universe that has engrained itself into my very being rather than reading literally anything else and I don't know how to feel about it

[adozentothedawn]

Took me multiple days, but I have committed an art. It's an illustration for this fic of mine and making it has driven me insane. Anyway, hope you like it because I spent so much time on this just trying to learn the program and getting it to cooperate, aside from just generally not really knowing how to draw things. But honestly I think it came out well! At the very least I learned some things about art which is nice.

[pochapal]

I wish you the best of healing and that you are assisted by competent doctors who care about you and will ensure you have a good quality of life and lots of life to live. you deserve it (everyone deserves it of course, but specifying 'you' so you know that I believe you are a person whose thoughts and continued literature sparks joy and enriches the world)

also I hope that you are as of this moment doing well or that you will be doing well in the future.

aahhh this is very kind thank you!!!! <3

[adore-gregor]

🤞

[cavefairy]

dude oh my god. sonic forces..................

[batsplat]

the reaction to pecco/casey comparison post made by motogp acc on insta is kinda funny bc so many ppl are like “how dare you compare pecco to casey when pecco has the best bike on the grid and casey rode that garbage ducati” . but what about casey’s 2007 title run guys and how in some ppl’s eyes it wasn’t that legit or something bc of the bike advantage. like obviously comparisons between eras are often pretty pointless and devolve into pointless arguments and circle jerking for your fave guy but…..

lol oh man. here is the post for context

world's most boring discourse generator. the most predictable replies imaginable. did you know that. casey stoner. was very good... and had a bike that was tough to ride? did you know that. did you know the aliens were all very talented? did you know that casey's stats are very impressive? wow. you're telling me now for the first time

when I first saw the tweet, I did immediately go. *sigh* why are you setting pecco up like this. it's obviously interaction bait and, well, it does work every time. the phrasing "has equalled or outscored most of" casey's achievements at ducati is a bit unnecessary but like... god. who cares!! the only place stats like this belong is in spreadsheets proper hardworking fans made themselves to compare random shit for their personal amusement. bring back real fandom

and yeah, listen, I don't even really have the energy to engage with the merits of comparing the two sets of stats... it was a different time. you can say that casey had on average a less dominant bike than pecco did, which would be true - and he only had the clear outright fastest bike in one of his ducati seasons. you can say the level of competition was higher or lower back then, depending on whatever agenda you're pursuing. you can make arguments about when it was easier to rack up wins, given only around six bikes back then were even capable of winning races - something which is only kinda becoming true again now with the superiority of the gp24. you can point to the ducati back then being a considerably harder bike to ride. you can point to pecco's more impressive internal competition, you can point to casey's era having some undeniably pretty decent riders in the mix. you can do all of that. and it's a complete and utter waste of time. the main point of it is to have another bout of wanking about how much worse today's riders are, which, I cannot stress this enough, who cares!! literally. why does it matter. quality of viewing experience isn't directly linked to some imaginary talent-o'-metre, that's just not how sport works. everyone knows casey is one of the biggest talents this sport has ever seen! it is perhaps the single least controversial take in the whole sport. nobody's erasing casey's achievements. thank you to the random instagram user for securing casey stoner's legacy by bashing pecco. we've solved the crisis, guys, wrap it up

anyway, look. pecco's a two time premier class champion. nobody will die if he's mentioned in the same name as casey. people used to try and discredit casey's achievements... eventually the consensus morphed to acknowledge that he was obviously extremely good. once pecco's retired, the same thing will presumably happen to him. nostalgia comes for us all