#So after this one all the further posts will be using 3 or less reference photos!

[dailyverse-smash-or-pass]

First contestant of Dailyverse Smash or pass we have: Mr. Won't Wouldn't!! (@normal-album-daily)

For anyone unfamiliar with or have forgotten what he looks like, just like how I forgot myself in 2012-! here is what he looks like!:

Propaganda: Won't Wouldn't is sex incarnate

[littlest-bugz]

The Collective You

[one system's brief advice about accepting the idea of the collective you]

One of the best pieces of system advice started from a tumblr post and was elaborated by my DID specialist. I can't find the original tumblr post that started it, so I'm making a little post of my own <3 Share the knowledge. and also hope that someone can link the original post lol.

When I was REALLY going through it™ with my first diagnosis w/ DID, and a lack of integration, all of my alters felt like separate individuals, some of us feeling as distanced as a coworker or a stranger altogether. We were just getting a grasp on internal communication between all of our subsystems, and it was rough. We felt so entirely differentiated that we were our own people trapped in one body. While I don't really care about what language you use, all alters in CDDs are a part of one person [there's only one body and brain]- the collective you.

So obvs, I'm scrolling tumblr like the chronically online doomscroller that I am, and I see this post that goes along the line of not knowing who you are, but knowing you are 'you', regardless of who you are [referring to alters]. And it said something like "we're all me enough to pick up our meds"- something like that. iirc it was a half light hearted, half advice post, but that was really good advice for me. I kind of internalized it after I processed it in therapy. It's actually why I have started to love parts language lately tbh.

After further processing this idea in therapy, Identity Confusion stopped mattering in the grand scheme of things. I focused less on worrying about who I was, and just focused on the fact that I'm me. Just like the post I saw- We are all me. The example of all being me enough to pick up my medications just applied, like, everywhere. Even when it came down to the smallest things- with coping with other symptoms too.

Oh? I don't like coffee right now? I guess I should switch to something else. [differentiated alters]

Oh? I have barely any drawing skills right now? Okay, really sucks but I can work on something else and come back to it later. [skill variance between alters]

Oh? I have to go to a doctor's appointment? I know I'll forget that- Gotta write a list, and put it up on the board so I remember. [day to day amnesia]

You know what happened? My dissociation got better! Not immediately or entirely, obviously, and my memory [re amnesia] still sucks, but that's part of the disorder- plus other disorders that I have. This idea of the collective you is something that I think is really beneficial to all CDD systems, especially during the mid to later stages of recovery.

I, admittedly, credit most of my healing to conversations I have had with my DID specialist. Especially since, without her, I wouldn't have been able to process this idea of the collective me further, but the conversation wouldn't have been started if I hadn't seen that post on tumblr. This was a budding concept with us due to the separation we had. It helped with integration. GRANTED... Not every alter got the memo, obviously, but It's something that I'm still working on. Of course, being me comes with the prerequisite that I am a person with DID, and that I am made up of multiple parts.

Now for the piece of advice I got from my therapist- Though it requires a certain level of knowledge of your own system, such as a list of alters and some identifying info [fav drinks, fav colors, those type of things]. Look at the list of your alters wherever it may be. Just whatever you use for logging your system members. Look for the commonalities between alters. There will be at least some commonalities.

For example; A good 45% of us like bunnies, 45% like cats, and 10% have a liking for other kinds of animals. Using this information, I can pretty much deduce that 1. the collective me loves animals and 2. the collective me likes cats and bunnies especially.

Another example; I looked through our simplyplural, which has a favorite color thing [in ours at least]. By looking through the list, I figured out 1. wow I like literally all colors- my fav color is rainbows and 2. I especially like pink and light blue.

More examples; the list.. THE LIST... I looked through it and saw that a good 90% of us like MONSTER ENERGY DRINKS- of varying flavors, but the common denominator was Ultra Strawberry Dreams, but all of us like [or tolerate] water as a preferred drink. From there I can come to the conclusion that I prefer water over anything else and that I have a problem with monster [being light hearted but I genuinely do].

I hope you get the idea I'm going for. I used this process for nearly every aspect of our collective identity, though some had to genuinely be voted on, such as our LGBTQIA+ labels [offline, we just call ourself queer, but that's.. aside the point LMAO].

Obviously, there are going to be outliers- Having DID comes with the fun [/s] aspect of alters being differentiated from each other in some capacity. Example for the monster energy one- We have a handful of alters that HATE energy drinks- even just fizzy drinks in general. There's one guy who will only drink Black Coffee and water- nothing else. He's the guy who is always hiding away our monsters in the way back of the fridge, but guess what!! He's me!! The part of me that doesn't want me to ruin my health over energy drinks. The part of me that knows I deserve better than my unhealthy habits.

Getting to know the collective you is just like learning about your system! It is not inherently different than figuring out what an alters dislikes or likes are. The idea of The Collective You shouldn't feel scary or anxiety inducing- if it is, you may want to confront those feelings with a therapist if you have access to one. Every CDD system is the collective [or, well, system] of one fragmented individual- That is a studied and objective fact. I wanted to give advice from one recovering system to another.

No, this will not work for everyone, every system is different, but I'm hoping this post finds the right audience in knowing that it's worth a shot to try this!

[dcdreamblog]

Question.

I have heard people assert that the current bearer of the heroic identy of the Guardian is a clone of the original. I have also seen photos of The Guardian working with the Titans, and...he's very clearly a Black man.

So, um. I have questions, because you would think the newspapers back in the '30s would have... mentioned this, especially given how he was reported to have campaigned hard to ease ethnic tensions in the poorer parts of Depression-era Metropolis, denouncing those who exploited or exacerbated those tensions as being friends of crime and enemies of America's ideals even before the War started?

Ok so, we're crossing a lot of streams here and I want to you to know that that's normal. These sorts of things are opaque and confusing and that is why we HAVE people like my in the first place. You are thinking of 3 different men right now. In order:

Guardian I, AKA James Jacob "Jim" Harper

(Sketch of Harper and his wards the "Newsboy Legion" signed by the legendary pop artist and correspondent Jack Kirby)

Harper was indeed born and raised as an orphan in the Metropolis neighborhood known as Suicide Slum (the name has stuck but I can tell you, in the 21st century it's as clean and safe as the rest of Metropolis, mostly to Black Lightning's credit). During the depression it was infamous for a reason, flush with organized crime, poverty and corruption.

Harper originally attempted to serve his community as a police officer but found that the police department was half or more of what was wrong with the neighborhood in the first place. After being assaulted by some gangsters he cobbled a costume together from a nearby shop (which he still paid for, incidentally). Bursting into a nearby pool hall his attackers frequented, he actually ended up busting open a rather high profile kidnapping case.

Eventually he became the legal guardian of a group of young delinquents called the Newsboy Legion and helped to turn them toward the path of righteousness. He joined up with the All Star Squadron early, served with distinction during and after the war. (We have an exhibit here all about him, the costume and shield are reproductions of course because both are still in use more or less, even if they weren't they're rightfully in the hands of his next of kin)

He was cloned under vile circumstances by the equally vile Project Cadmus, who were up to all kinds of immoral and unethical genetic experiments. When Harper attempted to put a stop to it, he was killed by Cadmus' head of security.

The murder was uncovered and prosecuted through the combined work of Superboy, the clone of Harper and Cadmus' secretly enslaved workforce the Genomorphs. Who are a subject all of their own but, if any should be reading this, I hope you are thriving.

The cloned Harper is still active as a superhero in the modern day. One can assume under an assumed name but variants of "Jim Harper" wouldn't jump out at people even if he was going by it day to day. Out of respect for his privacy I'm not going to speculate any further into his personal life, one can assume he has been through MORE than enough.

Now the other man you spoke about is VERY mysterious indeed...

(The 3rd Guardian alongside Bumblebee in battle against The Ant, unknown photographer, posted online) You are right in that he is very clearly a black man and that is basically ALL I can say about him. He seems to come and go, always in the company of the Teen Titans, is in some manner of romantic relationship to mainstay member Bumblebee and he just up and vanishes for long stretches of time. (This was put together by clips captured of them in combat. Referring to Bumblebee as "baby", "dear" or "my girl". And being referred to as "babe", "lover" and "man of mine")

Theories, of course, abound with the most popular one being that he is the romantic partner/husband/whatever of Bumblebee in their civilian identities and while not a superhero by trade he will take up this identity when needed. A "friend of the family" I guess you could say who hops in when the Titans need an extra pair of hands.

He's competent in combat and seems to be trusted implicitly by the Titans themselves so who the hell am I to judge?

[umbrify]

hello i saw u tagged jimmy solidarity on that "free my man he did none of that. he did a bunch of other shit though" post and i am incredibly compelled by the implications here. please may i have an essay on the subject

YOU MAY.

Okay so we’re gonna be specifically talking about Empires SMP Season 2 Jimmy (henceforth, Jimmy,) and the way he conducts himself, how those actions reflect on him, versus how he sees himself (and how the fandom sees him in turn). Welcome to my Ted Talk.

The most important thing to understand about Jimmy is that he lies. He lies about everything, and convinces himself that his lie is true to the point where he really thinks it is. Take, for example, a moment in Sausage’s episode 41 [full exchange from 9:10 - 19:37] where Jimmy kills Sausage, and then when Sausage, followed by fWhip, return to Tumble Town to discuss the murder, Jimmy blatantly lies about the altercation to fWhip, claiming “[Sausage] came over, and he assaulted me, fWhip!” Jimmy insists that it was Sausage who physically started it, despite that being completely untrue. Jimmy then goes on to deny having killed Sausage Sausage at all, sounding affronted at the idea and demanding to see the player head that drops on death. fWhip asks how many levels Sausage has, which is none, and Jimmy claims that Sausage must have used all his experience. Jimmy denies and lies, and when fWhip goes looking for Sausage’s things, finding them in Jimmy’s storage, Jimmy acts shocked, saying “I think I’m being set up! […] I’m gonna leave this conversation, you do what you gotta do, but I don’t think I’m the bad guy here.” As if Jimmy didn’t explicitly kill Sausage moments ago!! As if it isn’t his fault!!!

And the problem here, the core problem, is that so many people just… believe him. They take Jimmy’s words at face value and assume that he’s always a reliable narrator in his own stories, despite the fact that it couldn’t be further from the case. The issue is less that people assign New and Different problems to Jimmy, more that they strip him of any wrongdoing at all, making him out to be some sad little pathetic wet cat who didn’t deserve it. And— don’t get me wrong, he is extremely sad, but he also did it to himself.

I think one of the more interesting ways to illustrate this, is to talk about the way Jimmy perceives himself. From the start of the season, he always insists on being called “The Sheriff.” He’s not Jimmy, he’s The Sheriff, and throughout the season, he can be seen constantly insisting upon and chasing after that title. He wants respect— or, his version of respect. What he really wants is a yes man. This difference can very clearly be seen in the way he treats the two deputies he had throughout the season.

When fWhip was the deputy, it’s because he wanted to be. He sought Jimmy out because he wanted to be Jimmy’s right hand man, and Jimmy let him. fWhip consistently referred to Jimmy as The Sheriff, upholding Jimmy’s version of the laws as best he could. And, there really is something to be said about the fact that fWhip, as a goblin, inherently didn’t understand the concept of arbitrary laws, or that sort of morality at all, and was only one, upholding it because he cared about Jimmy, but two, treating the laws as Jimmy treated them— i.e, making a shrine for that which Jimmy made a church for, but that’s a whole separate essay that I want to write at some point. Either way, he was good to Jimmy, though their time together was short. He made Jimmy a home away from home in Gobland [fWhip episode 8 timestamp 20:28] and helped Jimmy win the court trial by serving as his lawyer in the case against Joel [Trial best seen in Jimmy’s episode 10 starts at 3:03]. After fWhip was fired, he went around Tumble Town noting down a bunch of “laws” that Jimmy was breaking. I wrote a whole post about this set of interactions already [here] but the short version is this: In fWhip’s episode 12 [5:54], he goes around and marks down all the laws that he’s saying Jimmy is breaking around Tumble Town. […] Of the seven instances that fWhip writes down, SIX of them almost directly relate to Jimmy not taking good care of himself or his empire. To me, it almost reads more like he cares about Jimmy, and is worried about him.

All this to say, that fWhip didn’t Respect The Sheriff as much as he Cared About Jimmy. And that’s an important distinction— he cared about Jimmy, the person. He had this whole veneer of respecting the laws— laws that he didn’t really understand— because he cared about Jimmy. And Jimmy fired him for a prank— one that wasn’t specifically targeted or malicious— because he saw that as Disrespecting The Sheriff. He didn’t want someone who Cared About Jimmy, he wanted someone who Respected The Sheriff. And fWhip wasn’t that.

Enter Scar.

During the Hermitcraft crossover, Scar started gunning for the position as deputy because he wanted the shiny deputy badge. That was it, that was the reason, and Scar acted accordingly. Everything was about acting like he Respected The Sheriff, even when he was blatantly breaking one of the core laws, wearing another player’s hat— both the sheriff hat [Jimmy episode 19 4:07] as well as trading away a sheriff hat, and being seen wearing one of Scott’s Chromia hats [Jimmy episode 22 14:27]. In this episode, Scar backhandedly compliments Jimmy, “oh, you’re just a… cute big guy, aren’t you?” to which Jimmy seems uncertain, asking “I’m real big, right?” to which Scar says he is. Jimmy then asks him about the Chromia hat Scar wears, and Scar tells him that he traded one of the sheriff hats to Scott. Jimmy gets upset at Scar, but before he can get properly mad, Scar distracts him by showing off a new section of Tumble Town that he made. Scar wears the mask of respect for just long enough to get the badge. When Jimmy gives him the badge, he says he has something else that he wants to give Scar as well. “I have found something real special for you, real special.” Scar says “I already got something special, this badge.” Jimmy says “you mean our friendship?” Which Scar dubiously agrees to. This is the last time Jimmy sees Scar before the hermits leave— Scar got what he wanted, and that was all. And yet, Jimmy hired him, because Scar put on the show. Scar was his yes man, Scar Respected The Sheriff, even if he didn’t Care About Jimmy.

He does it to himself, Jimmy does. He pushes away anyone that tries to care about him as a person, and surrounds himself with people that will be his yes men, his little sidekicks, anyone that holds the sheriff title in high regard. It’s why he takes so well to the Old Sheriff, who treats the sheriff title with the same reverence that he does, respecting the title of sheriff without actually respecting Jimmy much at all.

The thing about Jimmy is that he causes his own problems, and they’re all his fault. Yes he is crushingly lonely, and filled with self hatred, but he actively surrounds himself with it. It’s not that people are just inherently mean to him, he is almost asking them to be, by pushing away anyone that seems to care about him as a person.

I think, as my final note here, I wanna bring up a moment from Jimmy’s finale, episode 38. He and the Old sheriff, as they’re making their way to the Nether portal, discuss how fWhip only ever referred to himself as goblin fWhip, never as king. Jimmy says “I don’t think he ever held himself to the regard of being a king, and that— d’you know what? That sucks. He was my deputy for a while, he didn’t really think much of himself, I’m not gonna lie” [9:19]. I just find it interesting, that Jimmy says that it sucks how fWhip never called himself king— a title ostensibly higher than sheriff— and that fWhip was only a deputy. As if he thinks that fWhip could’ve been king, perhaps was worthy of the title, and just never took it— that he sees the taking of a title such as that to be so important, when for fWhip, it never was. I dunno, I just think there’s something to that. I think it says something about Jimmy and about the importance he places on titles that don’t really matter.

Jimmy ran away, in the end. He and the Old Sheriff ran far away from everything they ever knew. fWhip stayed, choosing to live out his days happily in the empire he helped to found. fWhip never took the title of king. Jimmy thinks he should’ve.

Isn’t that something?

[moonstandardtime]

OFFICIAL ART COMMISSIONS POST!!!

BASE COSTS

SKETCHES / SMALL DOODLES -- $10

BUSTS / PROFILE PICTURES -- $15

HALF BODY -- $20

FULL BODY -- $30

FULL PIECE -- $38

Communication will be over Discord, or Tumblr DMs if necessary. DM me here or use Ko-fi to start!

previews + more info under cut (blood/gore warning for one of the previews (its part of a screenshot, so not detailed))

WILL DO:

Humanoids

System alters

OCs

Fanart

NSFW (with limits)

Gore (probably not anatomically accurate)

WONT DO (with exceptions):

Super high detail designs (unless you have a detailed ref/are okay with less detail)

Animals

Complex scenes with over 3 characters

GENERAL GUIDELINES:

ALL OF WHAT FOLLOWS, AS WELL AS PRICES, IS SUBJECT TO CHANGE.

Payment via Ko-fi or Cashapp.

Costs are loosely based on an hourly wage. I'm open to minor negotiations, but don't expect discounts.

Payment is up front. If either of us needs to cancel at any point, I will provide (NOT FULL) refunds depending on where I am in the process.

Timeframe is around a week, give or take a few days, depending on the complexity of the ask. My ADHD is awful, so PLEASE pester me!

I need a ref! I'm not great at visualizing from text descriptions, so if you could provide references and a general sketch of what you want, that would be great! It doesn't need to be good at all--what I have in mind is really nothing more than a stick figure scribble. It just needs to get the idea across somehow.

I will work with you and talk back and forth as I work on the sketch! I will also check in throughout the process to make sure everything is going as you wish.

You can ask for a specific style! Simply provide an example of a piece I've done in the past. You can see my art on my tumblr -> https://moonstandardtime.tumblr.com/tagged/my%20art

PLEASEEE COMMUNICATE!! Thank you!

SPECIFICS:

REFUNDS:

- If you commission a piece and you cancel it, you will be refunded for what I haven't made significant progress on. For example, if you cancel a full-body with color, simple shading, and a simple background, and I've finished the lineart and started flat colors, you will be refunded $20 out of $55. You will recieve the unfinished piece.

- If you cancel a commission before I start it, you will recieve a full refund.

- If you cancel a commission before the intial sketch is finalized, you will recieve a 90% refund and the sketch.

REVISIONS:

- You can change as much as you want during the initial sketch. Anything after may come with a fee.

- If you want something changed late into the process, the fee will be increased.

- If it's too late, I may not be able to change it.

COPYRIGHT & USAGE:

ON MY SIDE:

- I reserve the right to cancel and refund the order at any time for any reason.

- I retain all copyrights over the commissioned artwork.

- I will NOT claim the intellectual property (IP) of the commissioned artwork (your characters are still yours, etc.)

- I will NOT profit further from the commissioned artwork unless you (the customer) break any of the terms.

- I reserve the right to post the commissioned artwork online and in my portfolio..

ON YOUR SIDE:

- You may upload the commissioned artwork on any website and social channels.

- You may NOT make profits from the commissioned piece (reselling, redistributing, uploading to POD-services, making prints for selling, etc.)

- You may NOT alter the commissioned artwork without my consent.

- You retain the rights to the intellectual property (IP).

- You may NOT use the commissioned artwork for commercial purposes.

- The following is considered copyright infringement:​

- Reproducing/using the copyrighted artwork commercially - means making money off it in any way not excluded from these terms.

- Claiming the artwork as your own.

- Altering the artwork without my consent.

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

the cockles masterlist, part 6

now split in SIX parts for link limit reasons

WARNING: this post glitches and crashes on mobile. it’s recommended you view this on your desktop, or at least on your mobile browser rather than the app. if my desktop theme is hard on your eyes, try an extension such as Just Read or Reader View to customize the layout and colors.

if you’re still having trouble viewing, or if you don’t want to have to switch between the five posts, here’s all of the links compiled into a google doc.

welcome to the cockles masterpost, a labor of love/insomniac hyperfixation.

i recently wrote this cockles manifesto, but after it got a lot of notes and i kept adding more links to it, i decided i should just go through my 8 years of archives and compile all the cockles posts in a much more accessible and navigable way. after everything with the series finale and destielgate, i figured we could use some happiness, and it turns out there are a lot of people who’ve never heard the cockles gospel.

important disclaimer: yes, i do think that jensen and misha have a private romantic/sexual relationship, but no i do not, in any way, think that they have ever cheated on their wives. we think they are polyamorous, which is a real and valid thing, and misha is openly poly. some people love more than one person, and that’s okay. their families are close and we love and support all of them.

second important disclaimer: despite the amount of innuendo below, this is not about fantasizing about two hot guys fucking. cockles is about the joy of witnessing two people who love each other and make each other happy and are disgustingly cute together. we’re not fetishizing, we’re just appreciating what they publicly share with us.

third important disclaimer: because some of y’all don’t know, the cardinal rule of cockles is that we don’t talk to cockles about cockles. DO NOT leave any comments on their social media accounts implying anything. not even green and blue hearts. they know that we know, but it’s on us not to make it weird. if we’re too obvious and say too much, they might start sharing less. don’t say anything.

for the sake of my sanity, these are in no particular order.

last updated: 3/8/23

🐚 denotes new content

part 1 (That’s Suspicious, mishananigans)

part 2 (#pray4jensen, gag reel hijinks, some posts i’ve written about cockles and rps)

part 3 (know your cockles history, the intimacy)

part 4 (the glory of jibcon)

part 5 (just for cute)

the glory of jibcon continued:

jib11 opening ceremony whispers and giggles

jensen turning his back as misha walks up to hug him | more gifs | video

"just swallow it" "he's always giving that advice" | video

"[danneel] does refer to misha as her boyfriend. which is funny, because so do i." | more gifs | video | fan discussion of this moment

misha sitting on the floor to watch jensen sing, jensen getting shy

jensen serenading misha with "angeles" | video angle 1 | video angle 2 | video of jensen looking at misha, getting flustered, and stopping suddenly | more gifs | photo | misha sitting on the floor watching | another misha photo | the significance of ‘angeles’

"i think you look nice and dapper" ... "then [jensen] went in for a kiss and i was like, whoa!" "hey, when in rome!"

the destiel song they improvised together | video | gifs minus lyrics

big dad angry machine

"i've been haunted by those bear underwear for some time"

jensen "woo!"ing when misha mentions gotham knights

jensen's face going soft when he looks from jared to misha | video

after misha says a unicorn toy is vibrating "for her pleasure", jensen pretends to sit on it | gif

misha moves his chair further away, jensen scoots his closer | video | “what are we doing? am i coming over?”

jensen spinning the wheel then staring at misha for ten seconds straight | video | photos

jensen tells everyone to stop cheering for misha to sing after misha makes it clear he doesn't want to | gifs + bonus “there goes jared with his job security” 👀

jensen winking at misha

jensen saying he's going to plan a big birthday party for misha's 50th, which is more than a year away | video

"you're my canary" | video

whispers and laughing (feat. misha's missing tooth) | photos

"i love those dishes" "you love those bitches??"

misha hyping jensen's new album | video

"my caretaker tells me i had a very nice birthday."

jensen staring at misha’s ass when he bends over

"this is our song"

roasting jared for bragging sam is tougher than dean | gifs

jensen staring at misha before making a birthday wish

riffing on “the european version of spn”: one, two, three, four

chatting about taking their families to amusement parks, jensen refers to misha as ‘daddy’

jensen’s nickname kink in full swing at jib11

12 years of jibcon secrets

head-leaning selfie with briana buckmaster | edit

2023 jibcon11 tag



just for cute (continued):

adorable photo ops: 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92   93 94

2012 spn wrap party photo

300th episode red carpet flirting

"misha decided jensen was the gift" photo op

hand measuring photo op

[ineffable-baker-street]

Metatron's Evil Plan

Starting with Gabriel's trial. Metatron said, "No speeches Gabriel you're not going to Hell.

He then adds "which there isn't."

It would obviously be an issue if Heaven were to be viewed as problematic and out of control, with fallen angels left, right and centre. So they tried to manage Gabriel, make it so he just faded from his place of power, but he outsmarted them. And suddenly there were two former high-up's down on earth, and we all saw just how desperate they were to get Gabriel back. It's clearly A Concern.

So unfortunately Gabriel has escaped from their clutches, with a Prince of Hell no less.

Very much not a good look. So Heaven needs to act and it needs to be now. Mere minutes after Gabriel and Beelzebub leave together, Metatron is on earth.

Then he goes to the coffee shop. He asks Nina, "Do people ever ask for Death?" and the subtitles were capitalised which I do think further supports my point. We already know that seeing Death is a bad omen, since at the end of Season One right after they saw him they were both dragged away to their would-be permanent discorporations.

There is also something to be said for the mirroring of the first season and second season. I've seen theories, as well as noticed myself that many things line up. I can't find the post that laid a lot of things out but here's a few that I've noticed.

The mention of Death in the final episode, right before something bad happens (they both get taken to be punished/Aziraphale leaves Earth.)

Aziraphale and Crowley both holding someone's hands with the person in between them (Adam in S1E6 and Jimbriel in season 2, episode one or two i can't remember which)

The Nightingale reference. Pretty obvious, but ending the season on that song holds significance. I think most people have seen the theory that that's a message from Aziraphale, but I won't go into that here or this will never end.

The nightingales plus the plans to go to the Ritz being gone I think is definitely symbolic of the fact that they've lost something. Again, an obvious option, but it's an important place for them, so the fact they had similar plans, that were then interrupted, reflects Season One while also telling us that things are clearly not going to be good.

But then you also consider that it's perhaps exactly what the Metatron wanted all along, for Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship of love and trust to completely fall away, symbolised by the hopes of dining at the Ritz disappearing.

Therefore I think a pretty reasonable conclusion from the mention of Death - and the parallels with last season - from someone as sinister as the Metatron is that something is going to happen to most likely both of them. Metatron is also almost surprised that people never ask for death, as it is "so predictable." There was definite intention in that scene, and makes me wonder if he thinks whatever he's trying to make happen will make them wish for death?

This next point is a big one. At first you might think its coincidental but if you go back and watch the scene I think you'll be convinced. When the Metatron enters the bookshop, the lamps with the candle looking bulbs and the glass decorations jingle and move. I can't find a good GIF to show it but if you rewatch I promise you'll notice it. And yes, since the door has just closed and there's potential wind they might move for a few seconds, but they continue moving the entire time Metatron is in the bookshop. This scene goes on for approximately 2.5 - 3 minutes, definitely too long for them to be moving. But, I suppose you never know, could be coincidental. Until he leaves the shop with Aziraphale. They move more vigorously on his way out, but by the time (about three seconds) Crowley walks towards the window to watch them go, they've completely stopped moving. Not a coincidence. Metatron has some sort of energy that's powerful, or influential enough, that it cause material objects to move vigorously when he's near them. They didn't even move nearly as much when literal demons entered the shop, at the beginning of episode six.

Considering the fact that those lamps were completely conjured by Aziraphale for his ball, I have a strong suspicion he's particularly influential over magical objects... or magical things (entities) in general. (This is important later)

Metatron also says, "just you and me, Aziraphale, eh?" which is honestly something that sounds more like enemies facing off in a battle, than friends going out for a chat. It's like when a murderer is alone with their victim, and while Az and Metatron are talking there are no witnesses. I definitely think this is foreshadowing for next season when Aziraphale has to face off with the Metatron.

When they're leaving the shop the Metatron is all lovely smiles while Aziraphale is looking, and he seems a bit like a harmless old man, but as soon as Azi's back is turned he gives Crowley the most hateful, sinister, conniving glare, with [tense music playing] according to the subtitles and also my ears. He is up to something. This is a very strong piece of evidence that the Metatron Does Not Like Crowley.

He tells Aziraphale, "you are just the angel for the job." It could be an ordinary thing to say, but no I don't think so. I think the Metatron has been carefully considering this for quite some time, and I think this is all about Crowley. He says there are "huge plans afoot, enormous projects," and he's so careful to be extremely vague, while talking Aziraphale up. Then he uses a tactic knows will work, which is playing with Aziraphale's heart and using Crowley.

"I've been looking back over a number of your previous exploits, and I see that in quite a few of them you formed a de facto partnership with the demon Crowley."

He has done meticulous research, and it's made clear earlier that he hates Crowley. But, he knows that Aziraphale loves Crowley, and that he wouldnt be able to resist the chance to try and do what he thinks is the right thing. Metatron mentioned that he was a 'Prince of Heaven' and that it could be seen as an 'institutional problem'. Well Heaven can't really been seen to have problems can it? And Crowley has been doing whatever he pleases for six thousand years, not on the side of Heaven or Hell, and I think that they're sick of it. He's already 'corrupted' one angel, who knows what's next? They don't want someone to hold that kind of knowledge and power over them, and Crowley holds a far greater knowledge of earth than any of the rest of them do.

And so the Metatron offers Aziraphale something he knows he won't refuse:

And I have to ask, why, why would he ever have Crowley reinstated to "full angelic status?" Two seconds ago he just described him as a demon?? The answer is that he wouldn't. Somehow I don't think heaven makes a habit of restoring fallen angels. He has a master plan, and that involves getting to Crowley, which means getting Aziraphale out of the way. Eventually I think they'll attempt to use them against each other, but the first thing for them to do was gain some control over Crowley. The Metatron had offered for Crowley to come to Heaven, which does of course provide easy access to him and if Crowley had chosen to do that it probably would've worked for them. But I think the Metatron was counting on Crowley not wanting to go back, and that Aziraphale suggesting it would even drive a wedge through their relationship (which it did).

And now Aziraphale is off somewhere busy working, they aren't speaking to each other and Crowley is alone on earth, no one is going to notice if something happens to him or he goes missing.

Aziraphale also really isn't that special to Heaven, he's just another angel, and one who doesn't always do as he's told, which begs the question of why Metatron would make a whole trip to earth, just to give him Gabriel's job. It could go to pretty much anyone honestly. So when Metatron says 'The Job,' I'm certain he does not mean taking over Gabriel's position. He means the job of getting demon Crowley back in order and control, so he stops causing problems for Heaven. Because wherever there's a problem, Crowley is at the centre of it.

Finally. Aziraphale's insane smile in the elevator.

DO YOU SEE HOW CREEPY THAT IS?? It's so off putting, and given he's just effectively broken up with Crowley you wouldn't expect him to be too cheerful. That is the least genuine smile I have ever seen, like it does not even look like Aziraphale anymore. At first I thought it was just him trying to make himself feel okay about everything, and it technically could be, but I'm not convinced of that. There's obviously the theory that Metatron put something in Aziraphale's coffee, but I just don't buy that (no hate to the theory ofc, definitely still a possibility). It's so simple, so human, and this brings me to my point about Metatron having influence over objects, particularly magical ones, and potentially entities as well. I think it is far more likely that Metatron is either brainwashing Aziraphale or simply has an element of control over him, but isn't entirely controlling him. Could be persuasive power, which he uses to influence Aziraphale, but technically if Az fought really hard he could fight him off. My mind influence theory is supported on multiple occassions, where Aziraphale seems to want to change his mind, or act a certain way, and then suddenly snaps back to acting like everything is okay. Examples of that are:

- Aziraphale straight up says he doesnt want to go to Heaven. He tries to play it off as a bit of a joke but he looked pretty damn serious when he says it. He looks so doubtful, but between then and speaking to Crowley, his attitude does a complete 180 flip

- "Well obviously you said no to Hell, you're the bad guys." Aziraphale would NEVER say that if his mind was completely his own. He has spent almost their entire existence saying that Crowley is nice and good and kind. He doesn't think for a moment that Crowley is grouped in with Hell anymore, but that's certainly what the Metatron would think

- Metatron walks in right after Crowley leaves and isn't at all surprised by the fact that Crowley refused, more evidence that it was what he'd hoped and planned for. "Ah well always did want to go his own way. Always asking damn fool questions too." Which is a tiny bit of further background into fallen angel Crowley.

- When Aziraphale is heavily considering changing his mind, Metatron keeps talking as though Aziraphale is saying different words. "It should be in safe hands." "Anything you need to take with you?" He's suddenly really pushing Aziraphale, even though he said there was no need to answer right away.

And that is all I have for you!! If anyone has anything to add I would LOVE to hear, this is my theory, definitely not the only possibility but I do think it's a candidate. Please let me know if there's any major points I've missed, I'm sure there probably is 🤍

@a-hearts-a-heavy-burden let me know what you think!!

[seventh-district]

Dying Star

In the back of your mind, you recall something you once heard, something about light, and time, and distance. Space. Something about... how you can still see a star that's already burnt out, because its light hasn't reached earth yet. The ghost of a star that's already died. Only still perceptible thanks to time, and distance.

You remember Sam's words, once whispered to you on this very roof.

"Whatever your choice is... I'm not gonna live forever. I made that decision a long time ago."

You think about dead stars.

You think about time.

- - - - - - -

Sam’s words have been weighing heavy on your mind ever since you discussed your shared future and the various forms it could take. You didn’t realize just how heavy they were until it all came spilling out of your tired mind on a late night spent together beneath the stars.

Pairing: Sam x Darlin' / Reader

Word Count: 4,053

Contains: [angst] [a dash of humor] [a hint of chubby!Sam bc i like 'em strong and soft] [crying] [cuddling (dub-con cuddles with Quinn in the past & consensual ones with Sam in the present)] [emotional hurt/comfort] [implied/referenced dub-con sex (nothing graphic) (in the past between Darlin' and Quinn to be specific) (refer to my Ao3 notes for further explanation)] [mentioned Quinn] [not quite Dissociation i guess but Darlin' does zone-out/get lost in thought more than once] [pet names (Darlin' (obvs.) and honey)] [Reader is Darlin'] [Sam wears a cowboy hat bc i said so] [some passive suicidality from Sam if you squint (hell, maybe you don't even have to squint)]

A/Ns: Well, well, well, here I am, the person who said they wouldn't write any Redactedverse fanfic. I recently felt a mighty need to expand upon the blurb I wrote in this post, and I'm braving my fandom anxiety by sharing it here. pls be nice 2 me abt it

Timeline-wise, this fic takes place sometime after the ‘Talking About the Future With Your Vampire Mate’ audio but sometime before their presumed eventual departure from the house that William gave Sam, given that they've already had the 'turning' discussion but are still on the same roof in this fic.

This is a songfic, inspired by and quoting verses from 3 songs. Those being:

‘Dying Star’ by Ashnikko feat. Ethel Cain

‘Fix What You Didn’t Break’ by Nate Smith

‘No Plan’ by Hozier

The roof of Sam’s house is far from a ‘cushy’ place to relax. But as you lie here next to him under the stars, a knowledge settles within you that you wouldn’t trade the rough shingles beneath you for the softest mattress in the world. Not if it meant there’d be anyone other than him lying next to you.

Some people might counter that it’s an easy thing for you to say, given the number of nights you’ve thrown a balled-up shirt onto one end of a worn-out couch and called it a bed. But some people don’t know you as well as they think they do.

You’ve known luxury. Quinn might’ve been just as content taking his fill on a seedy motel bed as he was wrapped in silks at a Hilton, but he knew how to play up the luxe when it served him to do so. And in the early days as he worked to lure you in, it did. Plush sheets and expensive drinks helped to soften the preordained blows and dull the imminent pain that your nights with him held.

Once you’d latched onto the bait though, he let the act drop one piece at a time, like props collapsing on a stage. After all, what was the point in all of those frivolities when you both knew what you really came to him for? It wasn’t to be wined and dined, it wasn’t to be dressed up and shown off, and it wasn’t even to be slowly stripped of it all, laid out across the rolling clouds of a pillowy mattress.

It was to be used. Tranced. Restrained. Bitten. Drank from. Choked. Hit. Edged. Denied. Made to writhe and whine and bleed and plead. Plead for more, for less, for nothing, for anything. Anything to quiet your mind and fill the ever-expanding void inside you where you suspect love was supposed to live.

That’s what you both really wanted.

At least, that’s what you told him you wanted.

That’s what you told yourself.

You only got what you asked for.

To your right, Sam stirs, stretching gently with a yawn. The soft noise he releases as he does so reminds you of where you are, and you trace back through your thoughts to find how you got so lost.

…Right. Luxury.

While your relationship with Quinn certainly changed over time, you never forgot what it felt like in the beginning. 

You remember nights laid next to him, body sore, mind quiet. Quinn’s idea of aftercare was lacking to say the least, but you had nothing better to compare it to at the time, and you’d take what you could get. At least your head felt empty, and the bed was soft. Exhaustion would pull you under soon enough.

The mattress, sheets, and pillows enveloping you were likely worth more than you even made that past month. ...Or several. You found that display of luxury hard to be impressed by though, when it wasn’t the type of comfort you’d been seeking.

As Quinn shifted in his presumed sleep, pulling you in tighter, you didn’t fight it. You found yourself unwilling to fight anything he did, like his mere presence was enough to drain the fight right out of you. You told yourself that you were okay with that. Because you wanted it.

Lying there with your head on his bare chest, you took a deep breath and told yourself that you liked the stench of cheap cologne, poorly masking the cigarettes and alcohol on his breath. You silently told yourself that you liked everything. You liked the pain that he chased with hints of pleasure. You liked the loss of power, the way you couldn’t fight back if you wanted to once he looked you in the eyes. You liked all the things he said, no matter how much the truth might hurt.

He was right, you supposed. Your desires, the things you craved, the depravity that you so enjoyed, wasn’t normal. It was uncommon, unusual, and in the eyes of some, unfathomable. To possess such dark desires, there must be something truly broken inside you.

How lucky you were, to have found someone willing to indulge you. Someone that could give you everything you wanted, and be so kind as to keep it a secret too. He promised that word of the things he did to you, the things you let him do, would never get out. You remember the way he held your hand as he told you, falling for the guise of sincerity in his eyes. You remember his warm smile, and his razor sharp teeth.

You remember seeing that exact same smile on his face through one-way glass as he sat across from Sam and told him everything.

You stood in that room and thought back to those nights of luxury. To the feeling of his nails ghosting over the freshly healed punctures in your neck. To the way he held you against him. You remember laying there, lifeless, feeling like prey playing dead. Afraid to move, afraid to disturb him. But why? He hadn’t threatened you. He never told you that you had to stay. He never said that you couldn’t move, or pull away. So why did you feel that way?

As you stood, helplessly witnessing hours of his slander in that interrogation room, you understood. Your rose-tinted glasses had long since shattered, and you saw that smile for what it was. It was the smile of a man playing a dangerous game, brimming with satisfaction, thinking he’d won.

The radio near you begins to crackle, static obscuring the hosts voice as they announce the upcoming song. Sam doesn’t even open his eyes, just raises a hand and reaches out, blindly adjusting the antenna of the old device.

You’ve teased him for holding onto it for so long, as he is wont to do with damn near all of his possessions. But as you watch him deftly extend and angle the antenna with practiced care, the response he once gave you proves itself true once again.

“I don’t wanna replace it, Darlin’. It’s not broken. It just needs someone who knows how to make it sing again.”

The static clears, and music flows through the radio’s old speakers once more.

You watch Sam return his hand to its prior position beneath his head, acting as a makeshift pillow of his own. The way he’s lying has his hat pushed forward, and it’d be doing a damn good job of shielding his face from the sun if it weren’t somewhere around midnight at the moment. Still, it suits him somehow, despite its lack of any practicality. All he’s missing is a stalk of wheat between his teeth and a tree to lean against and he’d be the spitting image of the cowboy he swears he isn’t.

His other hand rests on the soft curve of his stomach, rising and falling again as he breathes. He’s the image of peace in moments like these, and you’re drawn to it like a moth to flame. Maybe one of these days you’ll find some of your own, but for now you’re more than content to bask in his.

As you admire him, he takes a slow, deep breath and you mirror it on instinct. The grounding practice helps you leave your mind and return to your body, if just for a moment. In doing so, you realize just how tense your ruminations have made you.

You relax your hands, releasing the blanket beneath you from your iron grip. You brush your palms over it, worried that you’ve torn the fabric once you realize that your nails had halfway shifted to claws. You don’t fret much over damage to your own possessions, but this blanket is Sam’s and you’d hate to ruin it. Though, you suppose he doesn’t prize it too much or he wouldn’t have laid it out here across the roof in the first place.

“If I buy somethin’ it’s because I wanna use it. Now quit frettin’ and get over here.” You recall what he told you earlier as he patted the blanket next to him in invitation, and you smile.

Doing a small stretch of your own, you release the tension in your shoulders, turning your attention back to the stars above you. For a while, you let the soft music wash over your tired mind.

“I asked him not to kill me politely. He drained my magic core, bottled up at the source. I washed up on the sea glass shores. I’m nobody's captive.”

In spite of your best efforts to relax, you’re still subconsciously futzing with the loose threads of the old blanket beneath you.

You’re made aware of it when Sam reaches a hand down, gently laying it over yours and effectively stilling your anxious motion.

“Burning like a dying star, invasive weeds rooted in my heart, set in a crooked trajectory. The journey here was hard, I was almost pulled apart. Trying to leave his orbit took what’s left of me.”

You flip your hand over beneath his so you can hold it properly, lacing your fingers together.

For reasons beyond your understanding, emotion tightens your throat, the threat of tears pooling in your eyes.

…You must be more tired than you thought.

As minutes pass and one song fades into another, your gaze dances across the blurry, scattered points of light in the dark sky.

“You were the star in the pitch black, shine the way on the way back. Out of nowhere, answered all my prayers.”

Sam’s always been so much better at identifying stars and finding constellations. But as the music plays, you begin to see one of your own.

“Picked up the towel that I threw in, took in a heart that was ruined. Showed me the past ain’t a tattoo, loved me even when you didn’t have to.”

“Sam.” You squeeze his hand to get his attention.

He squeezes back in acknowledgment. “Hm?”

“I want you to look at something.” You swallow back the emotion that tries to seep into your voice, but it catches his attention all the same.

He leans up and lifts his hat from his head, setting it aside near the radio. He then reaches to turn a dial back, lowering the music’s volume to give you his full attention.

You release his hand, raising yours up as he turns back to face you. You don’t say anything at first, nearly too lost in your own mind to realize you need to actually voice your developing thoughts.

"What—what're you pointin' at Darlin'?"

Your hazy focus is trained on the brightest star visible in your line of sight, arm stretched out to the sky above you. "That really bright one, to the... to the left."

Sam does his best to follow your less-than-specific directions of 'to the left', your pointed finger doing little to help given the difference in perspective. Luckily, after all these years, he knows this stretch of night sky like the back of his hand, so it isn't hard to locate the brightest one. Ghosting his fingers up along your exposed wrist where your sleeve had slipped back, he takes your hand in his again and brings it back down to earth. "Okay, yeah, I see it now. What about it though?"

"That's you." You say, matter-of-factly.

"That's me?" He questions, humor in his tone.

"Mhm." You nod with finality, blinking slow.

Sam considers the odd statement for a moment before gently correcting you. "I'm uh, I'm pretty sure that's Sirius, actually."

You scoff. "I am being serious."

Sam stifles a laugh. "No—no I mean—like... what's another name for it... Oh, it's also called the Dog Star."

"C'mon Sam, at least call it the Wolf Star if you're trying to turn this around on me..."

He shakes his head and readies himself to explain further, but you cut him off before he can start. "But no. No, this isn't about me. That's you."

He decides to play along, finding something endearing in your overtired nonsense. "Okay... then would'ja be so kind as to explain to this confused old man just how, or why that star is me?"

Your frown is audible in your voice as you latch onto the wrong part of his sentence. "You're not old, Sam. ...Do I need to tell Asher to kick the jokes down a notch?"

He smiles at your over-protectivity. "There'll be no need for that, now. Was just a joke, honey, I promise."

You huff, but begrudgingly shift focus back to the prior topic. "It's... I dunno. It's just you, Sam. It's... bright. Light. Something warm, out there in the cold dark. Standing out amongst all the rest. Calling to me, stealing my attention.”

Sam’s brow furrows as you continue to explain, realization setting in that you really are being serious.

“I... I didn't come out here looking for it, but there it is. ...And there you were. In the dark. The only bright thing I'd seen in... fuck, in years. Years of chasing fleeting warmth, tripping over myself in the pitch black, falling into... places and people that I shouldn't have. You were the light in that darkness. Even there, at Wonderworld, surrounded by the ghost of him. Your warmth, your presence, your aura—even with all of your walls up, you outshone it. Your warmth didn't hurt. I didn't have to squint when I looked at you. You weren't the blinding sun. You were the brightest star I'd ever seen. You guided me home."

In the back of your mind, you recall something you once heard, something about light, and time, and distance. Space. Something about... how you can still see a star that's already burnt out, because its light hasn't reached earth yet. The ghost of a star that's already died. Only still perceptible thanks to time, and distance.

You remember Sam's words, once whispered to you on this very roof.

"Whatever your choice is... I'm not gonna live forever. I made that decision a long time ago."

You think about dead stars.

You think about time.

"...-lin'? Darlin'?" Sam's calloused hand squeezes yours tight, his urgent tone pulling you out of your thoughts. "There you are. Think I lost ya' for a minute there... you good?"

You look up at Sam, concern creasing his features, faint shadows cast across his face from the light of the dying stars above him.

You reach out, pulling him down into you. He falters for a moment at the sudden proximity, but quickly embraces you in turn. Burying your face into his collar, Sam's concern grows when he feels it saturate with tears. A human might struggle to hear your words, muffled against the thick flannel, but his hearing catches them just fine.

"Don't burn out too quickly. Please. I still need you here. I don't—I don't wanna be left in the dark again. Please, please Sam. Don't leave me here. I'm not selfish enough to ask you for forever, but please. Not yet. Not yet. Not yet."

The words feel like a weight being lifted from your shoulders, but with it comes a flood of emotion they’d been holding back. You cry harder into him, and as much as it pains Sam to witness, he lets you feel it, for as long as you need.

Your fear of losing him manifests itself physically, nails curling and sharpening again. When he feels them prick his skin through the fabric of his shirt, he calls your name but doesn’t pull away. Instead, he leans further down into you, letting his weight ground you. “Darlin’, I am right here. I’m not goin’ anywhere.”

As you eventually cry yourself out, enough wherewithal returns to you to realize that you should probably release the poor man from your grasp, and the awkward position you pulled him into. When he pulls away enough to see your face, you notice a string of snot running from your nose to his shirt collar. Quickly batting it away out of embarrassment, you cringe, voice thick as you apologize. “Eugh, gross. Uh… sorry. About that.”

He shakes his head, laughing good-naturedly as you wipe at your nose with your jacket sleeve. “It’s completely fine, honey. After all, I’ve been covered in plenty of your, uh… various fluids before. When you come from my line of work, this is child’s play.”

He leans to his right, reaching back and pulling—of all things—a handkerchief from his jeans’ left back pocket. You laugh at his words, and at the sight, but with how congested you are it turns into more of a hacking cough than anything. Accepting his offering, you blow your nose into the black patterned fabric.

As soon as you can speak somewhat clearly, you can’t stop the teasing remark that slips out of you, gesturing with the wad of fabric in your hand. “You know, you really aren’t beating the cowboy allegations with stuff like this.”

He rolls his eyes but his soft smile remains. “It’s a practical thing to have on me, ‘allegations’ be damned.”

You shake your head with a smile of your own, but don’t disagree. As you’re visibly unsure what to do with the dirtied fabric, he takes it from you, setting it aside. “I’ll toss it in the wash when we go back inside. Along with my shirt, and…” He eyes you for a moment. “…that jacket of yours too, given how long you’ve probably been wearin’ it.”

Normally you’d argue that it hasn’t been that long, but come to think of it, you actually can’t recall when you last washed the thing.

Reaching up and rubbing your temples, you already regret your crying fit as a headache begins to set in. “Fuck, Sam... I’m sorry for… whatever that just was. I don’t know what came over me.”

His expression falls into something serious again. “You never need to apologize for feeling. And it certainly seems like… you needed to feel that.”

You nod quietly, but don’t elaborate, prompting him to question you gently. “Darlin’. What was that about? The—the askin’ me not to leave. Are you… afraid that I’m gonna leave you?”

You close your eyes, weighing out your response. “…Not in the sense that you’ll break up with me or something, no.”

His gaze narrows and his head tilts as he rolls your answer over in his mind. “If it ain’t that, then—” He remembers how you mentioned ‘forever’ and cuts himself off as the puzzle pieces start coming together. “Oh. …Oh, Darlin’, no.”

You open your eyes to watch as he shifts from leaning next to you, moving to sit up beside you. “Is this about what I told you, when we sat up here and had our uh… turning discussion?”

You hate to admit it, but you nod in confirmation. “…It’s your choice, Sam, and I never want to take that away from you. I shouldn’t have said what I just did, I—I don’t want to make you feel guilty, or like you have to stick around for my sake. But I’d be lying to you if I said it hasn’t been playing on my mind. The thought of you… leaving. Like that.”

He reaches up, running a hand through his hair. “I… think I maybe should’ve been a bit more clear, when I said that. Because I wasn’t talking about any time soon. I didn’t want to give you the false impression that I plan on sticking around for centuries, but… I also wasn’t trying to imply that I’ve got plans to do it next week either.”

You bolt upright, voice cracking. “Next week?! I sure as shit hope not!” You grab your head, pain flaring and suddenly dizzy from the quick shift in position.

He places a hand on your shoulder to steady you. “I’m not, honey, I’m not. Did you catch the rest of my sentence? I’ve got no plans to leave this world any time soon. I promise.”

You groan, head pounding. “I heard you, I did, I just—fuck, I don’t even wanna think about you leaving so soon. Here I am, stressing, thinking I’ve only got—I don’t know—some odd years left with you, and…” You sigh, trailing off.

Sam stays quiet for a minute, letting the crickets sing.

Eventually, he interrupts their chorus. “…Can I get closer to you?”

You nod. “…Please.”

He closes the gap between you, carefully wrapping a strong arm around your curled shoulders. “You’ve got way more than a couple years. I promise you that.” Your tension begins to ease a bit as he clarifies. “You… you’ve helped me find a life that I actually feel like livin’ again, for the first time in a long time. And I want to experience it with you for as long as I can.”

“…Really?” Your voice sounds so small, so unsure, so… unlike you when you question him that he wants to kick himself in his own ass for the role he unintentionally played in making you feel this way.

“Yes. Really. I mean—” His voice takes on an edge of humor. “If you decide to set your sights on the year 3,000…” He shakes his head. “I don’t know about that. But as far as the 21st century is concerned? …I think I’d like to see it through. For as long as you’re there to see it with me.”

His words cause fresh tears to well up in your eyes, and you sniff in an attempt to hold them back. The sound catches his attention, and he leans forward, thumbing across your warm cheek. “…I’m makin’ you cry again…”

You shake your head, clearing your throat. “No—No, it’s okay. It’s good. They’re… they’re good. It’s… relief.”

He breathes out a relieved sigh of his own. “Yeah?”

You nod, leaning into him. “Yeah.”

As you rest against each other, breathing in the cool night air, you nudge him with your shoulder. “Can we… lay back? For a bit?”

He squeezes your arm in gentle confirmation. “Of course.”

He twists and reaches back to straighten the wrinkled blanket beneath you, before laying out across it himself. The radio crackles as he turns the volume back up a bit. Watching him with tired eyes, you smile at the sight of him patting his chest in habitual invitation.

“Sit in and watch the sunlight fade. Honey, enjoy, it’s gettin’ late. There’s no plan. There’s no hand on the reign. As Mack explained, there will be darkness again.”

Curling up against his side and laying your head on his chest, you release a heavy sigh when his hand comes up to rest on your shoulder. As his fingers press rhythmically into the tense muscle beneath them, you breathe in his scent. Black coffee and wildflower honey… he smells like home.

“Your secret is safe with me, and if secrets were like seeds, when I’m lyin’ under marble, marvel at flowers you’ll have made.”

You reach your hand out across his broad chest, slipping beneath his open flannel and sliding down to rest on his waist. He sighs, relaxing further beneath your touch.

“My heart is thrilled by the still of your hand. That’s how I know now that you understand.”

Yeah, you’ll take this over ‘luxury’ any damn day.

“There’s no plan. There’s no race to be run.”

Laying there with him, listening to the low hum of the radio, the moment grows so comfortable that you almost hesitate to break it.

“The harder the pain, honey, the sweeter the song.”

“…Sam?” You whisper into the night.

His hand sweeps across your back before returning to your shoulder. “I’m here, Darlin’.”

“There’s no plan. There’s no kingdom to come.”

You smile. “I… I’d like to be there, to be here, to see it through with you, too.”

It takes him a moment to recall exactly what you’re referring to, but when it hits him he hums a low understanding tone, clearly pleased. “Then let’s see where it takes us, yeah?”

“But I’ll be your man if you got love to get done.”

He presses a soft kiss to your temple. “We’ve got plenty a’ time.”

A/N: Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed. You can find my extensive notes and commentary on this fic right here on Ao3. My Sam & Darlin' Playlist My Sam Playlist My Darlin' Playlist My Sam & Darlin' Moodboard My Sam Moodboard My Darlin' Moodboard Header Image Credit: Gage Smith on Unsplash

[sunray-sunray]

I'm not in the loop with the whole IWTV thing, but with the posts I've been seeing since yesterday I'm intrigued. Could you explain?

First of all, I'm glad you liked the posts @bookwormsontherun (although right now I don't know what posts you're referring to exactly), I normally try to not post too much of one topic but rather a good mixture of my interests :>

So, what is IwtV in general: Originally the movie IwtV from 1994 and the series that started in 2022 are the TV-adaptations from the book series "The Vampire Chronicles" by Anne Rice. IwtV is the title of book 1 and the plot of season 1, but they decided to stick to the title on further seasons too. Although they changed a few things in the series (the biggest fear of every reader), like the time frame, skin colour of a few characters and some locations, it turned out really good.

What is it about: Generally there isn't only one plot, because nearly every book has one of its own. The element or in this case the person who is connecting everything is the vampire Lestat (the blonde guy you probably saw in a post). In book 1 and season 1 + 2 Lestat's love Louis tells us how he experienced meeting him, getting turned into a vampire and then living with Lestat. A huge turning point is when there comes the tragically young vampire girl "Claudia" into the picture - she is in different ways very important to both of them and also a eternal memory of the author's daughter who died very young. Louis tells all of that to the reporter Daniel, who is recording it. Later on everything gets turned into a published book called (guess what) "Interview with the Vampire". 😄

Naturally the vampire community isn't very fond of people who are running around, telling the whole world about their existence. So this will be a upcoming problem to solve in the future season(s).

A person I have to mention too, is the vampire Armand, the former leader of the Parisian coven and a former lover of Lestat. I think in the series his part seems a bit changed, because now his relationship with Louis is much more visible. We see scheming, lying, gas lighting, anger and fear of loss issues, but also a sad backstory and a deep need to be loved.

In the upcoming season 3 the focus will be on book 2 "The Vampire Lestat" and maybe book 3 ("The Queen of the Damned"), where the point of view changes into Lestat's perspective. He gets his chance as a widely known rock star, publishes a book of his own (can you guess the title? 😂), meets very old and important people, and puts a few things right, which Louis said in his book.

Why would I recommend the books and the series: First of all because the writing itself is beautiful - the chosen language and the detailed descriptions of places and thoughts paint you a picture of the world the characters live in. Also don't expect a plot full of fast action, detailed sex scenes or joke after joke. It's not that. You come across questions about life, love, death, loss or your place in this world, and sometimes you need to look closely and think about things twice, before you can fully grasp the intention of a scene or chapter. But I like that - nowadays we are living in a time, where everything has to be fast and beautiful cinematic shots or descriptive things are not as important as before. Also with all the streaming platforms we are faced with a huge amount of series and movies, where everything needs to be evermore bigger, sexier or more brutal to survive. But in the case of the Vampire chronicles the fandom base is already there and pretty big, so they don't have to fight for every breath and are able to show us scenes, which are beautifully made, but with less action.

Secondly- the longer you read, the more you understand the characters and their decisions, which can be very complex or chaotic. Also it gets more and more apparent, that you can't trust just one perspective - you never know what the absolute truth is (if there is any, because everything is told from a wholly subjective view).

Thirdly: Anne Rice is an early example of writing about other sexual orientations than heterosexuality in a way that reached many people in quite a short time span (the 1st book was published 1976). This gets clearer and clearer in the later books and it's very interesting to see how the author is able to show you things without going into detail.

Fourthly: The cast and the producers are huge fans themselves, so they want to put as much of the books into the series as we do, which is great. For example they sometimes used the lines from the books word for word and if you know them it's beautiful to recognize them while watching :3

I hope this helps, thanks for your question! 🤗

[thyandrawrites]

Some language and translation trivia from episode nagi

So, I recently reread episode nagi 1-3 in japanese, and since I enjoy translation trivia a lot, I thought I would compile all my observations in a post. Please don’t take this too seriously! While I do have a language degree, I’m not a professional translator. In no way this is meant as a dig towards the professionals working on the official release! These are just some fun facts I thought I’d share. 

without further ado, let’s delve into it!

On top of his already limited (kinda childish) vocabulary, Nagi’s speech bubbles often forgo complex kanji and favor writing the words out in hiragana. He sometimes does the same with (foreign) words that should be written out in katakana (example: Barou’s beloved “king”). We know this is a quirk of Nagi’s because he sometimes uses kanji for the same words. The most notable example is his favorite one, mendoukusai, “hassle”—mostly written in hiragana, sometimes shortened, sometimes elongated for dramatic, whiny emphasis, and rarely written out in kanji.

Since kanji are taught by grade in japanese schools, the foregoing them in a certain character’s lines can hint that the guy doesn’t have a higher education. However, in Nagi’s case, I think it’s meant to make him come across as unsophisticated or a bit childish. Or maybe just lazy. I think the former, though, considering how all his compliments always circle back to the same, like, 4 juvenile variations of "amazing". 

(more under a cut for length):

Still on the topic of speech patterns, Nagi talks in plain form. For those who don't know what that means, it's an informal register, very common between teens. Nagi seems to use it with his elders, too, though, and that's a bit less common. You're supposed to talk in polite form to strangers and to your elders. Then again, pretty much everyone in blue lock talks that way. There's not a lot of respect for your elders in this series. Or for your peers, lol 

As for Reo, he talks in male speech! Still very much informal and common, particularly between rowdy teens, but if plain form can still be acceptable in a lot of social situations, male speech is distinctly cocky, self-confident and impolite, so not what you'd expect from the distinguished heir of a billionaire who prides himself as a businessman in the making, ahah. He talks that way to Ego as well, btw. 

Both of them tend not to use honorifics. Reo more so. In all three volumes, Reo used them once, to calm Nagi down while he was angry at Barou. Nagi mostly goes without too, but he sometimes uses them, when the situation calls for it, or a bit ironically. If you're curious, here's what I noticed: he uses "san" for Baa-ya when talking to her (when he leaves Choki in her care), but not when he's talking to Reo about her. He calls Zantetsu "dentist-san" when the latter drops his backstory, and "Zantetsu-kun" when the guy scores after listening to Reo's advice. And when all three finally link up, Nagi tacks on a "sama" to Reo's name while calling him a king (in the chess sense. Fun fact, it might or might not have been a pun, since Reo's name contains the kanji for king btw). That's pretty much it for epinagi so far. He just uses surnames without honorifics (or nicknames) for everyone else normally. Same for Reo. 

When talking to Nagi, Reo refers to his mother as 母親 (hahaoya, "mom") and to his father as 親父 (oyaji, "old man, pops") and クソ親父 (kuso oyaji, "shitty old man") respectively. Idk if that changes when he's talking to them tho, as he hasn't yet in epinagi. But so far his contempt seems to be only directed at his father. 

Upon seeing Kira, Reo describes him as "Japan's gem", but the word he uses for "gem" is 宝 (takara), treasure, pretty much the same he uses for Nagi (= 宝物 takaramono, or treasured thing, prized possession). Hence Nagi looking up, unimpressed: 

To check out what the fuss was about. His face dhsvbdhdhdhsbs When Nagi thinks Reo's talking about Isagi, then, Reo corrects him by pointing his face toward Kira and saying not the dark-haired one, but that "really good looking guy". He calls him an ikemen btw, lmao.

I'm not sure if this was in the eng version too, but Reo calls Nagi and Zantetsu's team up the "neet combo". It's pretty self-explanatory how this relates to Nagi, but I wonder what about Zantetsu screamed "neet" to him.

When Zantetsu adamantly refuses to take Reo's advice, Reo gets super mad and calls him "obaka-sama", which. I can't with his pettiness ahah. Okay, let me explain. He's tacking on an honorific prefix ("o") and the highest honorific suffix ("sama") to an insult. 😂😂 Normally, you use honorifics to pay respect to and elevate the status of whatever or whoever you're tacking them on to. In this case, Reo's using them sarcastically, but he goes extra out of the way to be scathing. Zantetsu hates being called an idiot, but Reo feels he's acting unreasonable with his holier-than-thou attitude, so he upgrades his regular insult to mock that, basically. He's more or less saying, "oh great, revered moron".

Not a linguistic trivia, but. Nagi has a weekly planner for his bread eating habits. The day Reo joins his class to spy on him was a tuesday, cause tuesdays are melon bread days. 

When he's making a confident remark, Reo occasionally speaks with a sing-song in his voice. 

During the match against team X, Barou mocks Reo and Nagi's coordination and mutual dependence with a jab. He calls them a couple who wear matching outfits. Still laughing about this one tbh 

now onto my favorite one

Ever wondered why Nagi’s response here doesn’t come across as reassuring to Reo? Well, I think I have finally figured it out! 

While the translation above is 100% correct, I feel like the miscommunication lies in a matter of contextual ambiguity. When Reo says, quote, “You were supposed to team up with me,” in japanese it’s more like, “But teaming up with me is a must!” To which Nagi replies, “You and I are going to be the best in the world. That’s a must.” 

The theme (=what is being talked about) of Reo’s sentence is the “must” (zettai) part. Meaning, something that is absolute, unconditional. Reo is making a conjecture, the assumption that they’ll work with each other as they promised, but he’s also implicitly expecting Nagi to agree. He’s saying our combo is the unchangeable condition here. You know this. 

Nagi responds with something he means as reassuring, as a confirmation that he has their promise in mind. But since he echoes Reo’s word choice (zettai), and applies it to something else, it comes across wrong, more like he’s correcting Reo on what the “must” actually is. Not teaming up with each other until the end like Reo posits, but the simple agreement that they’ll be world class one day. With or without each other. 

This miscommunication is made worse by the fact that Reo’s declared ego is making Nagi the best striker in the world. So when Nagi follows this with a remark about how their team up wasn’t the strongest, Reo of course takes the “correction” to mean “someone else can better help me become the best instead of you. bye. nice hanging out with you till now. see you at the world cup, xoxo”

Simply put, Nagi thought he was explaining himself, but what he got across was that he was rejecting Reo’s ego altogether and moving on. That’s why the art then shows Reo’s ego chains falling apart. 

When Bachira asks Nagi if he’s secretly the “super cold type” right after leaving for the 3v3, in japanese it’s a neat, direct callback to the scene in chapter 2 where Nagi tells Reo he's okay with him teaming up with someone stronger than himself, and Reo calls that “heartless.” Both times the word used is the same, 薄情  (hakujou), cold-hearted, heartless, though iirc it was translated differently in english

They both say they feel lonely after their split up. Nagi in response to Bachira’s line as per the previous point (here’s a post I made about it a while back). And Reo when he thinks about Nagi’s change in chapter 13 and says he feels lonely, scared and weak. I will go down with the idea that they’re each other’s first friend. 

Ending this on a less sad note, when Rin calls Bachira “bowlcut”, the original phrasing reads okappa, from the mythical creature’s hairstyle. Now please google what an okappa looks like, lmao 

__

More epinagi language and translation trivia you might enjoy: 

notes on Nagi’s line “I’m gonna say something selfish”

notes (and misconceptions) about Nagi and Reo calling each other “partner” 

[saraanzu]

bsd speculation: what’s up with this girl in bram’s flashback from 107.5, and what can we learn about her from dracula?

(prefacing this with some rambling… actual analysis starts after the readmore)

107.5 came out the same day as the s5 trailer and it was right after an exciting mersault chapter which is the vastly more popular pov and it was a whopping 9 pages - it was bound to be disliked. I won’t pretend a 9-page chapter isn’t disappointing (no idea why recent chapters have been so short - I hope they get a bit longer again when s5 is done airing?) and I think it’s fine to prefer the mersault storyline but I’ve also seen some god-awful takes about this chapter.

aya and bram aren’t side characters! they have been core to bsd’s plot ever since their introductions (in aya’s case, her re-introduction) and you can dislike them all you want but it’s objectively incorrect to claim they aren’t important to the story.

I also don’t agree with the take that 107.5 didn’t further the plot at all - obviously not a lot can happen in, again, 9 pages (that’s 1/3 the length of 107!) but aya deciding to remove bram’s sword and him actually encouraging her to do it even when he doesn’t believe it’s possible and previously told her not to is a huge turning point in the story! 107.5 certainly isn’t a favorite of mine but I will say we’ve had (slightly) longer chapters in recent months that had more exposition and setup with less plot.

I’ve seen some people worry that, because bram pictures someone who looks like aya in what’s presumably a wedding dress, bram and aya’s relationship is going in a creepy direction. I want to make it clear that no matter who this flashback girl is, even if she’s bram’s dead lover and/or aya in a previous life, I highly highly doubt that anything weird is going to happen between bram and aya. their relationship hasn’t been set up like that at all, in fact bram has parallels with aya’s father and he explicitly sees her as a child (more on that later) (look. bsd is not above using some Weird Tropes. in particular, the tanizakis and mori come to mind (and in mori’s case, it doesn’t even really function as a reference to the irl author - vitas sexualis has nothing to do with pedophillia!) but it’s important to mention that, while I wish those tropes weren’t in bsd at all because they’re unnecessary and add nothing of value to the characters, they are ultimately gags and nothing more. they don’t really set a precedent for how weird asagiri is willing to get when it comes to legitimately serious plot points.)

okay! got it all out of my system here’s the actual post

part 1: the dress

personally, when I first read 107.5, I didn’t think this girl was in a wedding dress. my initial assumption was “this must be bram’s daughter, she’s wearing some sort of tiara and bram was a nobleman”. but looking at it again, it does resemble one, and we should consider how bram’s backstory might reference dracula.

“the brides of dracula” are three seductive vampire ladies who live in count dracula’s castle and attempt to feed on jonathan harker early on in the book before being stopped by dracula, who chastises them for trying to eat harker and feeds them a human baby instead.

while they are known as dracula’s brides in pop culture and are often portrayed as such in movie adaptations, they go unnamed in the original novel and their relation to dracula is unclear. from what we see of them they refer to each other as “sisters”, although perhaps not in the literal sense. two of them have dark hair and are described as having similar facial features to dracula while the third is blonde, which may imply the third is dracula’s wife and the other two are his daughters. I imagine they’re pretty vague and mysterious on purpose, they could be dracula’s wives/sisters/daughters, or even just some vampire ladies crashing at his house.

however, I don’t think we should disregard details exclusive to adaptations of dracula and only focus on the original book when thinking about bsd. film adaptations of the book are actually more influential on dracula’s perception in pop-culture than the book itself, so it’s not unlikely that asagiri would reference elements that appeared in adaptations but not the novel.

so, because of “the brides of dracula”, I think it’s quite possible this girl is indeed a bride. she does look a bit young for it, but I’ve seen others say they think she looks older than aya, so I guess that’s subjective (and people would get married younger in bram’s time I suppose).

that doesn’t mean she has to be bram’s bride - again, the “brides” in the original novel have no explicit relation to dracula and could easily be his daughters or sisters, and I really do think her being his daughter instead makes more sense thematically.

part 2: her relation to bram

I believe bram subtly parallels aya’s father in a few ways. aya’s dad is verbally and physically abusive, and he berates aya for not being good at traditionally feminine activities. he doesn’t see her for what she is, a child, and instead expects her to be a perfect traditional woman.

right before we see this flashback, bram is surprised by aya’s age, and comments that she is “too young to even use a spinning wheel” (also a traditionally feminine activity). both of them question aya’s desire/ability to be an ally of justice but for different reasons: aya’s father finds it unladylike while bram finds it too big a task for a little girl (he is also sleepy)

I didn’t understand the point of this scene’s inclusion before, but in retrospect I think it serves as foreshadowing for bram’s flashback and demonstrates how he and aya’s father both associate aya with dead people, but this causes them to treat her differently.

aya will never live up to her father’s expectations because she can’t compete with his idealized memories of the dead. her own accomplishments are irrelevant in his eyes because she isn’t enough like the wife and daughter he lost. I suspect his grief is part of the reason he’s so horrible to her in the first place.

it’s the opposite case with bram. in his eyes aya does compare to someone who he remembers fondly, and the end of 107.5 implies that’s the very reason he’s okay with aya pulling the sword out.

I don’t necessarily see bram as a father figure to aya (to me he’s more of a weird creature who’s sort of grown fond of her after being unwillingly dragged around… but hey, who says that can’t be a dad?) but I do think it’s possible that this mystery girl was bram’s daughter in the past because of how he parallels aya’s father.

(note: she has normal human ears rather than pointy ones, but bram was turned into a vampire by his ability and wasn’t bitten or born as one, so I don’t know if he’d necessarily pass down his vampirism to his children. he also may have developed his ability after becoming a father, or his daughter could even be adopted).

part 3: her relation to aya

the most common idea I’ve seen to explain the resemblance between these two is that aya is a reincarnation of this flashback girl. introducing reincarnation out of nowhere seems a bit random even for bsd, but surprisingly this theory does have some basis.

in the movie bram stoker’s dracula (1992), the character mina harker, jonathan’s fiancé, is a reincarnation of dracula’s long-dead lover, elisabeta. dracula recognizes her as a reincarnation due to their resemblance and mina agrees to assist him, still harboring feelings and memories from her past life. it’s fairly common for dracula adaptations to portray dracula and/or mina as having romantic feelings for each other, but this isn’t really the case in the novel, and elisabeta is entirely an invention of this particular movie.

so, aya being a reincarnation of a girl bram once knew could work as a reference to this. I did say previously that I think it’s possible asagiri will reference adaptations of dracula and not just the novel, but I’m not so sure he would make something specific to one particular adaptation a major part of bram’s backstory.

personally, I’m partial to the idea that aya’s ability will be introduced soon, and her resemblance to this flashback girl may have something to do with it. (the ability idea and reincarnation idea aren’t inherently contradictory, aya’s ability could very well be reincarnation)

this theory by @jo-dieeee suggests that aya’s ability is called mirror, due to the discussion of mirrors in 107.5 and the book above.

mirror: the fiction and essays of koda aya isn’t actually a book written by irl koda, nor is it just a collection of her stories. it was written by ann sherif and discusses koda’s life and works, including some translations of her short stories in the second part. however, the existence of this book and aya emphasizing mirrors in 107.5 is quite an interesting coincidence! whether or not it’s called mirror, I’m fairly confident an ability reveal is coming up.

it’s also worth bringing up that aya’s resemblance to this mystery firl might not have a supernatural explanation at all. it could easily be an artistic choice simply made to indicate that bram is reminiscing about someone who aya reminds him of. I’m not too into the reincarnation idea myself.

[nmoroder]

some more snippets of the ‘little Raiden’ AU thing which started here. i promise i will make a more referencey-like post as well when their designs are fleshed out 😔 in the meantime it’s all situations

some explaining pic by pic:  - Jack’s last name is Ripley which is consonant with Ripper and maybe a reference to Alien series if you squint hard enough. but in fact it’s just similar to his canon nickname so yeah. also Sundowner uses a cane while walking but he is actually very agile combat-wise and one shouldn’t be mistaken about him! by the way he’d also let Jack choose a nickname for the future when he’d join Desperado as a full-time member, and Jack being the cool kid chose Raiden as something close to nature and cool-sounding at the same time  - pics 2 and 3 refer to the adoption procedure; since Jack was orphaned and they’re looking after him, it was decided to make this an official thing as well - to keep his school and life consistent, all that. by that time they didn’t have Sam as a father candidate so Mistral and Monsoon would have to do, and it was one of those moments they’d have to dress up as a normal married couple. Wolf making a tie for Monsoon comes from a hc that Wolf was raised as a good boy basically, attending a good school and tons of activities and then he got tired of constant control and went rouge - and before that, he’d have to dress officially while attending all that stuff; whereas Monsoon due to his problematic past had almost never worn official clothes, much less making a tie himself. also Wolf never takes off his face mask be that a helmet or a cloth - he just likes it this way  - pic 4 and onwards are about an incident where Monsoon further damaged his body (his back to be precise) after falling from a great height; everyone got super nervous about his condition but Jack was the one to freak out the most and literally begged his friends to pay the doctors more if needed. Monsoon survived but would have to use some form of an exoskeleton to support his back for a while, i’m not sure how serious his injuries were but ultimately things like this would be the cause for getting a full cyborg body - which is probably impossible in this AU but something less major would take place  - also Sam wears hawaiian shirts. yea. and the whole “thunderstorm” thing is a reference to Raiden meaning ‘god of thunder’ and a monsoon being the wind that brings lots of rain with it

[jahayla-parker]

Reparations : Freddy Carter x Reader

Description: Part 3/ Fluffy make-up conclusion to Catastrophic Blues. Angst, breakup, heartbreak, post-breakup, longing, sadness, etc.

Warnings: I advise you re-read (or read) parts 1 and 2/Catastrophic Blues and Hits Different first! Other warnings: reference to warnings of other parts including drinking, Angst, breakup, heartbreak, post-breakup, longing, sadness, vomiting, crying, etc.

Catastrophic Blues Hit(s) Different : Freddy Carter x Reader Mini-Series Masterlist

Freddy’s breath caught in his chest as his tired eyes landed on her. He’d been walking around to clear his mind and was just returning to the apartment complex when the sight of y/h/c y/h/t caught his attention. He willed his now shaky legs to take him to her. His steps were nearly robotic, but he was still getting closer. Perhaps if he showed y/n he was willing to talk, they could work it out. Or at least he’d be able to know if she had moved on by now. That way he’d know if his longing was as one sided and futile as it seemed.

Freddy hesitated in his approach. Maybe it was best not to be the one to initiate the conversation. After all, y/n had asked for space. Approaching her now would not be a way of giving her space.

Freddy was about to turn around and walk away when he caught sight of something peculiar. He squinted and unconsciously took a few more steps towards y/n. She had emptied her garbage into the dumpster, but only tissues seemed to come out of it. Had she been crying? Thanks to his unconscious approach, he was able to see the trail of dried tear streaks on her cheeks from here. She had been crying. In fact, now that Freddy’s focus shifted off of if he should approach her and onto whether or not she was okay, he noticed several other details he hadn’t before. Her hair was pinned up in a messy bun but was clearly tangled. Her lips were present in a frown. Her eyes were bloodshot. And the shirt she had on… He recognized that shirt. It was his shirt.

Freddy wasn’t even aware he’d made his way over to y/n until he heard himself speaking. “Is that my shirt?” He asked quietly, his eyes scanning her. What was she doing in his shirt? And why did it seem like she’d been crying? Were the two related?

Y/n gasped and spun quickly, her hip smacking the side of the dumpster as she unexpectedly came face-to-face with Freddy. “Oh,” She mumbled. She frantically fumbled around as she tried to clean her face and fix herself somewhat. She hadn’t expected to run into anyone while emptying her trash, much less him. Realizing her attempts were unsuccessful, she bit her bottom lip and stared at her slipper-cladded feet. “Let me go ch-… umm, sorry. Yes, sorry, it is. I’ll go change and set it by the door,” she offered, voice shaking in embarrassment. “Or, uhh, I can wash it for you first if you-“.

Freddy shook his head, brows burrowed. “That’s not why I was asking,” he admitted. He sucked in a painful breath when her eyes looked up and met his. Normally her eyes brought him such comfort and warmth. But the shimmer of unshed tears that were currently present in them broke his heart even further; which he didn’t think was possible.

“W-what?” Y/n squeaked in confusion.

“I don’t want it back,” Freddy explained, shaking his head lightly.

Y/n pursed her lips to keep them from trembling. “Oh, you don’t?” She nodded slowly. “Then… why-?”

“I…,” Freddy mumbled. He nervously licked his bottom lip. “I… I’ve dreamt of this,” he admitted breathily.

Y/n’s eyes widened and she took a tiny step back in surprise. “Y-you’ve dreamt of this?” She asked.

Freddy nodded. “Of seeing you again, yes,” he explained slowly. “Of talking to you, seeing some semblance of us,” he added, waving at his shirt she had on, “yes, I’ve dreamt of this”.

Y/n tried to steady her breathing. She couldn’t believe Freddy was here, talking to her. Much less that he had wanted this. Dreamt of it. Her mind was racing so much she couldn’t respond.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that,” Freddy sighed. “Can I ask you just one question?”

When y/n nodded in acceptance, Freddy took a deep breath. “Why are.. Why did you choose to wear it?” He asked.

Y/n glanced down at Freddy’s shirt. “I.. actually, because I miss you,” she admitted quietly. His silence made her heart beat rapidly in her chest and made her queasy. She quickly spun on her heels to leave.

“Don’t you dare walk away,” Freddy rushed out. He shook his head, eyes pleading. “Not after saying what I have wanted to hear ever since that night,” he murmured.

“You… what?” Y/n paused as she faced him.

Freddy frowned. “Did you think I’d forget about us and just move on?”

Y/n broke eye contact and stared at the dingy dumpster. “I mean… you never came back,” she pointed out.

“I thought you wanted space,” Freddy defended.

“I didn’t mean to say that,” y/n pouted.

Freddy sighed. She had meant it, he knew that much. She didn’t need to lie to him about how she was feeling. “Y/n,” he frowned.

“Okay,” y/n mumbled shyly. “Okay, well I did… but I was wrong,” she argued.

“Y/n, I’m not going to force something upon -,” Freddy began.

“You’re not,” y/n rushed out, shaking her head rapidly.

Freddy looked away, unable to calm himself down while looking into y/n’s far too familiar eyes. “I can’t do this. No more beating around the bush…” He prompted, closing his eyes. “Do you not love me anymore?”

Y/n choked on a deep breath. “Of course I do,” she replied.

“Then we can talk this out, we-“ Freddy began to beg.

“F-Freddy, do you?” Y/n asked, cutting him off frantically.

“What?” Freddy questioned.

Y/n timidly met Freddy’s gaze. “Do… do you think you can love me again?” She wondered.

A small smile formed on Freddy’s lips. “Again would imply that I stopped.” Seeing y/n’s silent uncertainty, he hummed. “I never did. I just wanted us to work through this,” he stated.

“Not going to say anything?” Freddy inquired as y/n stood there silently.

“No,” y/n creaked.

Freddy’s brows furrowed. “Why not?”

“Last time I was this scared, I pushed you away and it ended,” y/n rushed out, looking away from Freddy.

“W-what?” Freddy mumbled, tilting his head to try and see y/n’s eyes.

“But, I also can’t risk agreeing only to have you leave again,” y/n rambled anxiously.

“Y/n,” Freddy cooed, “stop, go back”. He sighed softly. “What do you mean you pushed me away because you were scared …?”

“I …,” y/n cried. “Freddy,” she whispered, voice breaking.

“Can I…?” Freddy asked vaguely as he held his arms out in the shape of a hug.

“Yes,” y/n nodded. “P-please,” she whimpered, stepping closer to Freddy.

Freddy immediately closed the distance between then and took y/n into his embrace. Bloody hell, how long had he been waiting for this moment? He smiled lightly to himself when he heard her drop her garbage can to the ground as she gently rested her head on his chest.

“You were scared?” Freddy whispered in y/n’s ear. He frowned in concern when she nodded against his sternum. “About what? About living with me?” He inquired. When she simply nodded again in response, he carefully leaned back so he could look into her eyes. “I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did, we don’t have to-,” Freddy began to offer.

“No, I-,” y/n gushed. She shook her head and bit into her bottom lip. “Freddy,” she sighed, “it wasn’t that I didn’t want to… it’s just.. I was… s-s…”

“Scared?” Freddy finished for y/n. As she nodded and continued to stare at her feet, he used his thumb to tenderly tilt her chin up so he could see her eyes. “Of me?” He investigated worriedly.

“No…,” y/n trailed off, her head lightly shaking side to side.

“Then…?” Freddy pressed.

“Of me..,” y/n confessed quietly. She fiddled anxiously with her fingers.

Freddy stood silently for a moment, collecting his thoughts. “W-what?”

“I was sc-scared that if we lived together, I’d become too much,” y/n admitted with a sigh. “That you’d see something that would scare you away. That things would become too real and you’d leave, or-,” she began to ramble.

“Y/n,” Freddy hummed, tenderly taking hold of her hands to stop her fidgeting. “Nothing you could do, say, or show me, could’ve ever made me leave,” he attested.

Y/n nodded hesitantly. “That…That night..,” she mumbled.

Freddy sighed in regret. “I only left because I thought you wanted me to go. That’s the only circumstance in which I’d leave, is if that’s what you wanted,” he defended softly.

Y/n nodded. “I didn’t handle it well,” she acknowledged. “I did need… I needed a moment, but not… not this long,” she told Freddy.

Freddy nodded sympathetically. He hummed and delicately pulled y/n back to his chest. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“No, I’m s-,” y/n protested.

“Mmm, we could go back and forth for hours,” Freddy hummed. “How about instead, I grab us some y/f/d from the cafe down the street, and we can talk this over more on where we want to go from here?” He suggested nervously.

“I’d love that,” y/n admitted as she smiled softly.

“So would I,” Freddy grinned. He pressed a featherlight kiss to the top of her head. “It’s a date,” he beamed.

Freddy Carter Taglist: @ell0ra-br3kk3r @missdreamofendless @nikfigueiredo @b3kk3r-by-br3kk3r @alex-kazbrekkersimp @opheliaofficial07 @historynerd77 @el-de-phi @booklover2389 @whistle1whistle

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[simplyskipper]

What Fallout Games Should I Play?

Hello! My name is Skipper, and the Fallout games has been a special interest of mine for a few years now. With the resurgance of the fandom, and new people coming from the shows, I figured I'd make a post helping people figure out what games to play!

This is going to be the main 6 games (1-4, 76, NV), though I may add more if I play some of the other games. Feel free to add on, ask questions, or generally interact with this! I'm always happy to help people get into the games and love talking Fallout with people. :)

This is going to be as spoiler-free as possible, though I may mention some game locations vaguely, so be warned if you think that may ruin the experience.

For further reading, I highly reccomend the Independent Fallout Wiki! A lot less ads in your way, and the people over there are lovely. However, be careful, as there are spoilers there!

TLDR; New Vegas for story, Fallout 4 for gameplay and introducing concepts, Fallout 1 for authenticity, and Fallout 76 for multiplayer but absolutely nothing else of value.

Table of Contents

Fallout 1

Fallout 2

Fallout 3

Fallout: New Vegas

Fallout 4

Fallout 76

Last Updated: April 22, 2024

Fallout 1

Released; 1997

Setting; Southern California, 2161

Wiki Page

Almost a hundred years after the bombs fell, Vault 13's water chip has broken, and the Vault Dweller was selected (through random chance) to venture out into the wasteland and save their vault.

Pros:

The Original Fallout Game!

One of my favourites, story-wise.

Harold!

The game is relatively short compared to the others, and the story isn't overly hard to digest, in my opinion.

The 'talking heads' animations are super cool (Aradesh, Harold, Etc Etc)

Later character who I won't name but once you meet them YOU'LL KNOW

There's no limit to how many companions you can have at a time

I generally love the setting.

Cons:

The graphics do not age well. Even for the time, they were a bit lacking. (For reference, Doom came out in 1993, 4 years earlier).

Bit of a learning curve! But once you get it, it's pretty easy to use. The turn-based combat was the hardest to get a handle on.

The game DOES NOT hold your hand. Later games have objective lists and markers, but this game just has a list and memory. Pretty fun, if you're into a more difficult game!

Combat and general survival is difficult. The experience is authentic - which means you can and will die during the first combat scenario. Again, once you get it it's not that bad, but combat will remain difficult. But for some this could be a pro!

Fallout 2

Released; 1998

Setting; Southern California, 2241

Wiki Page

80 years after the Vault Dweller's heroic rescue of their Vault, the village of Arroyo is suffering a severe drought. The Chosen One, a descendant of the Vault Dweller, has been sent to retrieve a G.E.C.K. to save their village.

Pros

The story again is very good!

A lot of the strengths of the previous game.

There's something melancholy about exploring the world of Fallout 1 with so many changes and losses. It's perfect for the setting.

Sergeant Dornan. You'll see when you meet him.

More Harold!

Cons

This was released only a year after Fallout 1, so a lot of the graphics & gameplay remain the same, if that's not something you're a fan of.

This is where the idea of "wacky vault experiments" is introduced, something I've never super loved, but that's subjective.

Fallout 3

Released; 2008

Setting; Capital Wasteland (Formerly Washington, D.C.), 2277

Wiki Page

200 years after the war, the 19-year-old Lone Wanderer's father has mysteriously left their home at Vault 101. It is up to the Lone Wanderer to track him down and figure out what's going on, all while navigating the dangerous Capital Wasteland.

Pros

Brought the Fallout series into the modern era!

Some pretty cool locations, like Megaton and Rivet City

Sort of a pro and con, a lot of the game is spent in the underground Metro system. This is cool, but I'm not a huge fan of interior spaces. Still - it feels like a real DC Wasteland!

Galaxy News Radio is introduced, which is great background noise - and I love Three Dog. He's so silly.

No sprint button. It's not felt super bad in this game compared to Vegas, but it still can be annoying.

It feels like a post-apocalypse. The whole world is this muddy, almost sickly green, grey, and brown colour. All of the sets are carefully designed, full of dirt and debris and trash. Buildings are crumbling or outright hollowed out, the ghouls look like walking corpses (as they should be), the mole rats are nasty and all of the creatures feel gross. As they should be! This is a post-apocolypse, everything should be gross and dirty!

Lots of good world-building. Because this is based in the Capital, we get to interact with a lot of old-world history, and see how similar and different it is from our own.

Cons

Story is... not great, in my opinion.

Some of those DLCs physically hurt me. They definitely lean into the 'silly' aspects of the games, but I feel it hurts the worldbuilding and realism.

NOT Bethany Esda's best work.

Leans more into the 'game' and less on the 'role-playing', which was a big part of Fallout 1 and 2. The protagonist is 19, their father is James, and we see a bit of what their childhood looked like. You can work around it, but it's not as fun as the other games.

Sometimes the npcs are annoying. There's collision in this game, but sometimes if you step on something it'll move and a npc will shout 'Watch where you're going' or something, which gets on my nerves. Also, if you so much as look at a locked container, you get a 'That's locked for a reason'. Probably minor, but annoying.

Fire ants.

Fallout: New Vegas

Released; 2010

Setting; Mojave Wasteland (Formerly Mojave Desert), 2281

Wiki Page

Courier Six, or just the Courier, is in the middle of a delivery when they are interrupted by Benny and shot in the head - though they make a miraculous recovery and now need to figure out exactly what kind of mess they've landed themselves in this time.

Pros

I mean, it's Fallout New Vegas. This is a lot of people's favourite, for good reason. Story is phenomenal, the entire world feels real and interactive. If you shoot someone, there's consequences, and the other npcs will acknowledge it.

THE BEST radio. All of the music slaps and helps you feel the setting. Plus, I love Mr. New Vegas, the radio host.

The characters are amazing.

The world is not too silly but still silly. Like yeah, this makes sense for a post-apocalypse. But it's also so objectively funny. Some of the best memes come from this game.

Yes Man.

As usual, I love the map design.

Instead of greens for Fallout 3, this game is bathed in oranges and brown - making it feel warm, perfectly capturing the desert setting, and dusty.

the DLCs are amazing!!

We love the companions in this house.

I love how morally grey it is. No one is perfect, no faction is outright good or outright bad (except the Legion, fuck those guys). It's up to you to pick which you think is the lesser evil, which is the best future for the Mojave. Or you can kill them all, up to you.

Cons

The development for this game was pretty famously rocky. It was outsourced to Obsidian, and they were given only 18 months to make it. Therefore, this game is very similar to Fallout 3, with some general improvements here and there.

There is still no sprint button, which is definitely felt here. A lot of the stuff is spread out, so thewre's a lot of wandering through desert, slowly making your way to your destination. It also feels more empty. The great city of New Vegas is sparsely populated, quiet, and desolate - despite it being such a big deal and supposedly so popular.

Honest Hearts DLC :////

Fallout 4

Released; 2015

Setting; The Commonwealth (Formerly Boston, MA), 2287

Wiki Page

In 2077, the Sole Survivor (default names Nate or Nora) is ready to start a family. In their little neighbourhood, with their white picket fence and infant son, it is a time of new beginnings - despite the war raging around them. Unfortunately, the war quickly catches up to them, and their family is forced to take shelter in Vault 111, where they are frozen in time for 210 years. They emerge following the kidnapping of their infant son, into a time so different to their own, battling this new world alongside the ghosts of the old.

Pros

The graphics have been updated, and it looks great! Mostly. Instead of washed-out greens and browns, this game is bright and vibrant.

Some more awesome companions. Honestly, I love them so much.

I really like the level-up system in this. I prefer 3/NV, but the tier system is fun and visually neat.

Better crafting system. And more crafting systems in general.

Settlements!!! This game introduces settlements, which basically means there's a bunch of set locations around the map that you can take over and build in! You get a lot of freedom and are responsible for meeting the needs for people in the settlement. You can get some mods for more freedom/flexibility, and you can mostly ignore it if you want.

Cons

The story is... also lacking. It feels almost... unfinished? Some beats are strange and it's just like. What.

Playing this before Fallout 3 pissed me off so much, because there's so much that is ripped off of Fallout 3. The Commonwealth is brought up, the radio music is the same, the vault numbers so similar, there's even an early version of Vault 111. It feels lazy. Fallout New Vegas was more creative, and they had a fraction of the time 4 has.

40-50% of the game is spent in loading screens.

Preston Garvey deserves so much better. "AnOtHeR sEtTlEmEnT nEeDs YoUr HeLp!"

Nick Valentine is non-romancable.

It's so easy to forget about the main objective, and hard to really care about it. This is a common problem I've heard, so it's not just me.

Radio host gets on my nerves :/

Nuka-World DLC is frustrating. But at least it's not. Sideyes Honest Hearts (Fo:NV).

Game is... easy. Too Easy. Deathclaws are supposed to be dangerous and difficult to kill.

Fallout 76

Released; 2018

Setting; Appalachia (Midwestern US mountain range), 2102-2104

Wiki Page

25 years after the bombs fell, all members of Vault 76 have been kicked out in order to rebuild society.

Pros

It's. Multiplayer? Kinda.

I made some friends on there, which was neat.

Return of item condition. So.

CAMPs are fun. Like the settlement but without NPCs to look after and allows location flexibility.

Has. Some new songs on the radio?

ALMOST HEAVEN. WEST VE-

Amazing map design! The outside is gorgeous and feels like Appalachia, for the most part.

Honestly, I prefer this version of VATS (the game's targeting system). In other games, VATS will pause and slow down combat to help with aim, and can be kind of annoying. Here, the combat speed is the same, you just spend some AP (stamina) for aim assist.

Cons

I prefer settlements tbh

What's not to mention? Story sucks, game sucks, etc etc. It's pretty famously bad.

I usually love the story, but checked out very fast and spent most of my time running around. But I honestly didn't last long even then.

The game is broken. Like, fundamentally broken. You are constantly subjected to crashes, bugs, etc etc. Fallout 4 is buggy, but this takes it to an extreme.

50-70% of the game is loading screens.

The interiors are huge, and there is no local map, so you very easily get lost.

Generally the story is so stupid.

Fallout 1st is a cash grab.

Unbalanced.

Bad.

Some videos I like about Fallout 76

Internet Historian's video on the history and release. I'm iffy on Internet Historian as a creator, but I do like the video. Let's just hope it's not plagiarised.

Joseph Anderson's video on the game at it's released state. Primarily focuses on how poorly the game plays and how broken it is. Super funny.

PrivateSession's video released in 2023, reviewing a more current version of the game. More focused on story.

PatricianTV's 4-part series released in 2023, reviewing a more current version of the game. More focused on the game and gameplay.

In conclusion; thank you for reading! As I mentioned, any criticism, questions, and suggestions are welcome! I hate/love fallout and am always happy to drag people down with me.

Also, would people be interested in a post discussing the story/setting/timeline? Like where I infodump further about the universe. To make it easier to digest and answer questions. Or give me a chance to infodump further about fallout.

[skitty-kirby]

It's been… ah. December was the last month I've had the motivation to actually finish something. In fact I think I sketched this out EXACTLY 3 MONTHS AGO. But hey! I tried some new stuff out and I'm happy to finally have an updated reference of Acrid's kiddos after so many years. Feels good. Also, I'm going to start posting to Pillowfort in tandem with my other socials! Username is the same. :D Feel free to read an excerpt from their Toyhouse biography beneath the cut:

Poki (she/her) | Don (he/him) Bane's Mire, with Acrid Poki and Don are the adopted children of Acrid, the acidic swamp monster who lives in Bane's Mire. The two are about 8 years old. One day, Acrid was exploring out of his swamp a bit further than he normally would and ended up in the outskirts of a rural village- when suddenly he heard distant crying and decided to investigate. As Acrid is mostly driven by instinct, he instantly knew the sounds originated from an infant; two of them in fact. He listened closely and followed the sound to its source; a pair of twins, both swaddled in soft cloths, curiously peering out of their shared cradle at the now looming behemoth above them. Carefully keeping his jaw closed as to not burn them, he gently scooped their cradle off of the doorstep he found them on, and started the long walk home with his new family. It is uncertain if the babies were genuinely abandoned, or simply left unattended too long; regardless, Acrid has been an amazing father to the two of them. As mentioned in Acrid's bio, he encouraged them to socialize with other children of the village and to go to school so they can function in society with ease... all while watching like a hawk from a distance of course. He is extremely protective of them and would do anything to keep them safe. Also mentioned elsewhere, Acrid himself cannot speak very well- but Poki and Don are able to translate the sounds he makes. In fact, 'poki' and 'don' were simply sounds Acrid associated the children with and thus became their names.

Other facts: - Poki and Don have long, eye-covering hair because they've yet to have it cut in their lives. - The plants found in their hair is by choice! Poki found a single blossom tree she loves to take care of in the outskirts of the swamp where it's less acidic. Don looks for strong branches from bushes that can be crafted into tools/items, usually using his hair as extra storage space. Collectively, they both also like to pretend that the branches in their hair are their 'horns', attempting to resemble their father. - The twins have paw-like nubs that make it easier to grip, and actual paw-pads on their feet. It's uncertain if they'll ever develop claws. - Acrid takes great care as to not burn the children with his acid. He is more than aware of the damage it can do, as it is his main way of attacking; he's seen what it's done to his victims as well as himself given his own eyes have mostly eroded away over the years from careless fighting behaviors of his youth. Thankfully, living in such an acidic environment for so long (regarding the swamp itself), the kids have developed a strong resistance to corrosive materials as a whole and are generally fine around their father regardless.

[indig0trolls]

HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYONE!! I Hope you're all having a great time and if you're celebrating are doing so safely! Love you all< 3 boy i wish my body wasn't such a fuck, anyway i hope your Halloween was grand and that you like these guys they were my favs!

70$ USD each, via Ko-fi!

Something Wicked // Devil's Advocate

Includes x1-PNG file with the fullbody reference, and 2 sprite files (PSD and CLIP Formats) with interchangeable expression layers (5 Eyebrows, 6 Eyes, 7 Mouths, and 3 blush layers.)

THIS DESIGN COMES WITH A .PSD/CLIP FILE WITH ALTERNATE EXPRESSION PIECES TO BE USED FOR TALKSPRITES. It does NOT include FULL mix-n-match sprite pieces akin to my sprite commissions (hair, outfit, etc), you will only be able to swap out the expression pieces!

I don't think I'll need to worry abt this due to the price points but just for posterity, the same rules apply to these as my previous two talksprite(link) sets(link) this month!

TOS under cut!

TOS

By purchasing you will be agreeing to follow these terms as follows. PLEASE make sure you read them in full to understand them.

You MAY change the design/species of any design i’ve made after youve bought it, but you must leave credit with INDIG0TEA for the design, and the design itself must be recognizable.

Gender/sex/etc is ultimately up to the buyer.

You may NOT resell the design for more than you paid for it, unless it comes with extra art either made by you (listed for your current or historical  commission rates), or commissioned by you. Gift art/free art does not count towards the value of any design I make, ever. Additionally: You may not ever ask for, recieve, or offer full resale plus non-currency add ons (such as, but not limited to: art, characters, merchandise, games, game currency, etc.). Yes, even if the offer as couched as “free art/commission/character”. Partial resale may be negotiated only for designs whose original buying price was 30 or more dollars USD, and split dollar amount may be for no less than 2/3 of the list price to prevent people trying to workaround this TOS to encourage other people to accept their offers. (For example: Partial resale on a 30$ design may be a maximum of 20$ partial + non-currency add on.) This is to prevent overoffering/artificially inflating resale value. I am willing to make exceptions to this clause, but you will have to speak to me directly to ensure my TOS is being respected.

If the design is gifted/traded at any point, all financial value up to that point is lost and it may not be resold until further art is made/commissioned for it.

You may not include my designs in resale bundles. Period.

You may not EVER feed ANY of my art into an AI interface of ANY kind.​​​​​​​​

If you resell, trade, or gift this design, please inform me that it has been traded/resold/gifted so that I may update the TOS to reflect that and so future buyers cannot be scammed.

You may not resell, gift, or trade this design (or any of my designs) to anyone on my blacklist, which is linked below for your convenience. Doing so will result in immediate  blacklisting/blocking of your accounts.

You may not ever edit the original artwork(s).

You may not repost the original artwork to deviantart, instagram, or other social media/portfolio sites.

You may not use this design for the creation of license-able media such as (but is not limited to): books, animated shorts/shows, Vtuber/twitch streamer  sonas,  comics/webcomics, and video games (free or otherwise). If you  would like to use this design in anything like this, we can negotiate a one time licensing fee which covers use in all of the above. This can be anywhere form an additional 150-500$ depending on your intended use.

You MAY use your design for any other purpose, so long as you are not profiting financially off of my work nor passing it off as your own.

You are allowed to store it in your deviantart sta.sh, post it to tumblr profiles, or upload it to websites like toyhou.se with proper credit.

However, you may not reupload to toyhou.se, to keep the ownership log intact, and to keep the original tos consistent.

For my personal comfort, you may not delete original listings from toyhou.se and resell it separately. This is again to keep the ownership log intact, and to keep the original tos consistent. If the person you wish to resell it to does not have a toyhou.se, I have plenty of invite codes I can give out as necessary.

Please credit to INDIG0TEA the first time you post art of them to websites other than toyhou.se 

Violation  of many of these terms will result in permanent blacklisting/banning  from buying or owning designs by me in the future.

BLACKLIST