#So I’m not functioning properly
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4 things you need to survive are food, water, shelter and photos of kris guštin
#‘s ass#kris guštin#joker out#I am incredibly tired right now oh my god#I’m like about to fall asleep#So I’m not functioning properly#sleep deprivation woo!#So I am going to bed now#Good night all#is me adding all the extra unnecessary and mostly unrelated shit in the tags annoying anyone?#I’m not planning on stopping anytime so sorry if it is#Does the first tag even make sense?#Like can you tell what I was going for
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Okay I’m going to say it, some of y’all treat the KOTLC tag like it’s a tumblr community instead of an organization system that gathers together everything people post and tag as KOTLC
#unless something has absolutely nothing to do with kotlc#no one is in their right to tell you to not tag something at kotlc. just so you know.#you can’t clog up a tag. that’s not a THING#no one talks about this in bigger fandoms. we only have this problem bc it’s a small fandom and people are used to going to the tag#to find the content they want#and if they aren’t finding the content they want too bad so sad.#like I’m not saying you can just tag whatever as kotlc#but if it’s about kotlc in any way. you are well within your right to tag it as such.#Im ALL FOR properly tagging. like don’t improperly tag. that’s just mean#and that DOES interrupt tags :/#but there’s no way for you to post too much about any one topic#the kotlc tag is NOT a curated space. it’s not a place of all these assorted kotlc posts in similar formats#it’s a space for everything tagged as kotlc#so unless you look at the post and are like ‘this doesn’t even mention kotlc or any of its characters???’#you can scroll along your merry way!#kotlc#it’s something that’s come up in both the right and wrong contexts#during tam cam people told ppl talking about just the identity stuff to keep it out of the kotlc tag and that was CORRECT bc that wasn’t#about kotlc. but also during tam cam people put in my ask box that there were too many tam cam meme posts and that they were clogging up#the tag. to which I say A) I was only making like a quarter of those and B) those have to do with kotlc so you can suck it up! in the end I#didn’t respond. but yeah. i get that there’s a time and place for us to be like hey that doesn’t belong here#but whether or not something belongs in the tag has NOTHING to do with how much you want to see it or how many posts are being made about it#thank you and have a nice day. and if you want a curated space of similarly formatted kotlc posts you should make a community#Ik our tag often functions like one bc we are a small fandom. but we are NOT entitled to that.
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Welcome back to today’s episode of: Is it undiagnosed ADHD or am I just that insane!!
*I know it’s supposed to be read, I’m not changing it
#I always end up falling asleep conscious whenever I try to fall asleep and I’m either#a) not tired at all#b) not letting myself just pass out when I’m too tired to function#adhd#??? maybe#I kinda want to see it it’s something any of the diagnosed people identify with#cause if so#that’s yet another reason to maybe drag myself to get diagnosed properly#zoomie rants
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i don't talk about him a lot on here but a couple years ago i got a beta fish which i so sweetly named sebass-tian hamil-fin. i'd never had a fish before but at the time, since i wasn't in my apartment a lot, a fish was really the only thing i could care for. unfortunately, he passed away today.
i didn't think i'd be this upset by it because i could kind of tell over the past week or two that he wasn't doing too well. i tried my best to make him feel better but unfortunately, it wasn't enough.
i plan to go and get another fish tomorrow but i just...don't really know how to feel about it right now. he was my first fish and certainly won't be my last.
#tw animal death#cw animal death#i do recognize that i gave him a better quality of life than being on some pet store shelf in a small container#but this still isn't easy to take. i know he wasn't doing well and i tried my best dammit. i really did.#the shittiest part is that it really is my fault. you're supposed to change the tank water every two weeks or so and i just...i couldn't#whether it be work or depression or executive function i just usually got to it around four weeks#and the water just wasn't healthy at that point. so i'm really kind of beating myself up for it because by the time i realized it#it was too late. but wow did that little guy fight. he survived a move with me! i didn't move him properly in any way shape or form#and yet he did it. anyway. i've expected this every day for the last week or two but it was just confirmed and it really hit me#i've just been sitting here crying because i loved him but also! idk i just needed some company at first ya know?#not to sound like. detached from the situation but like...it really was an experiment? bc i never owned a fish before and wanted to see#if i could actually do it and i'm so so glad i did#he was a beautiful fish and i appreciated his company because beta's are actually pretty smart and usually grow to recognize you.#i lovingly joked with one of my friends that seabass was in hospice the past few weeks so truthfully i know i did what i could#but it was also realistically a learning experiment. now i know how to properly take care of a fish and the next seabass will have a great#experience and tank already ready for him. anyway if you've read this far gold star! i'm gonna log off now#i’m rambling again aren’t i
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my brain is a giant pile of mush its insane that the only way I can truly be understood is through writing, there is a really stark contrast in how I talk in real life because I don’t have the time to gather my thoughts and really think about what I’m saying. I cannot hold coherent conversations for long because my brain is constantly speed running my thoughts verbally I pause for long periods of time because I can’t remember a basic word I definitely know and it’s frustrating I feel stupid and incompetent and my biggest fear is people thinking that of me because I have a hard time expressing myself
#and I mean literally i cannot think straight and it’s affecting my speech my sentences get mixed up and I literally don’t make sense when#I talk so what do I do#I don’t talk! I’m constantly anxious when people address me or ask me questions I wasn’t expecting because I just know it’s not gonna come#out right#I think my tendency to over plan exactly what I want to say is making things worse but I can’t function without doing that#like this is disabling !! I can’t live my life properly and I feel misunderstood all the time
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POV: I once again forgot about the “got a bad feeling I’m gonna lose the lead, running from the thing I kicked at 17” and I have to relive hearing it again without being prepared
#it’s a song about being so traumatized from when you were at your worst that any time you feel down you are so terrified of going back#and looking back at how horrific it was knowing you never really grieved it properly#and I might be projecting a bit#I believe the theme of clancy is getting over the most serious severe mental health issues being so relieved and then realizing you still#have so much longer to go if you want to live a content life#making it to the point where you can function as an adult#but you still struggle to the point where you’re like oh fuck I still have to deal with this shit then what did i do all that work for#that or I’m projecting again#rae’s rambles#twenty one pilots
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Sunny In The Pit
Rating: T Characters: The Fourteenth Doctor, River Song, The TARDIS Pairing: Fourteen/River
Tags: The Doctor’s Name(s), The Division, Depression, Mood Swings, Mental Illness, Hallucinations, Heartbreak, Previous 13/Yaz, 11/Rory, 10/Rose etc, Teeth, Trans Themes, Teeth, Emetophobia, Being Perfectly Normal, Mad [Person] In A [Shape].
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The Doctor and River Song in a hole that cannot be climbed out of. Or something to that effect.
#doctor who#fourteen#fourteenth doctor#fourteen/river#river song#dw fanfic#mine#huzzah i’m not dead#(one 2am paramedic callout nonwithstanding)#and i’ve actually finished something#i know#i can’t believe it either#(hopefully it’s functioning on ao3 cus i haven’t posted in so long)#(that i legit forgot most of the process)#(can’t remember how to export my work properly either)#(losing either italic or paragraph tags)#(had to add them back in manually)#(can’t tell if it’s me or ulysses damn it)
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Rewind Update:
I’m late.
Really sorry about that one, guys. Looked around, noticed the time, and suddenly realized two weeks had passed!!
The chapter is not finished at this time.
If there are any changes, I will update y’all much more quickly. But if I manage to finish it before the next planned update day, I will simply slap it up there instead of making y’all wait.
Again, apologies. :(
#Sorry this week ran away from me#I didn’t have a chair for a second there#And I can only write When Properly Seated#But also I deadass just forgot to finish the chapter#ahdbfbfjesl#I was so hopeful too#But here I am#typing this update out on my phone#Instead of writing#many apologies my lovelies#I will be back I promise#I got swept up in rl stuff and I’m reading atla fanfics rn so my attention got HIJACKED#apologies apologies I love you all#<3#rewind series#just yelling into the void#kiki writes#that feels disingenuous#I should have a twin tag#“Kiki doesn’t write. Again.”#\ (ツ) /#anyway love y’all my brain isn’t functioning rn at this hour see you at the next update <3 <3
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ohhh man I need to do my monthly TOH rewatch right NOW BUT I HAVE THINGS TO DO TOMORROW AND I CANNOT BEAR TO BE IN A DAZED SENSELESS BEWILDERED TIRED STATE I FALL INTO EVERY TIME I WATCH IT FOR THE NEXT FEW WEEKS. fhdkfh what is a girl ever to do ………..
#oahshskasjshdhshdjdj. it’s consuming me. I miss eda and king and lumity like it is the air I breathe but I literally just can’t watch it#or else I will not be able to function properly and I’m going to become so behind on all the shit I have to do#kenwowosnsnsnskwwosjsndbdh. I’m like on the verge of tears just thinking about them BUT I’M SORRY MAN. I CAN’T DO IT
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I’m so stressed out from this damn band…
Okay first off, tickets on sale Friday. Danny said announcing tomorrow…
Starcatcher world tour, maybe starting in August of this year based on what Jake and Danny said in the most recent interview ?
#how am I supposed to go back to work right now…#and function properly#I have so many things already happening this year#ALSO MSG ?!#this is gonna be a big tour guys#the days of gvf being small are fading so fast#I’m so proud of them#josh kiszka#greta van fleet#jake kiszka#sam kiszka#danny wagner
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lil rant in the tags
#I want to say something about language surrounding neurodiversity#recently I’ve had multiple people say that I am neuro-insert euphemism here#one was neurospicy which I’ve heard before#the other was neurosparkly#and like I get it we’re trying to be positive and accepting of our diversity and challenges and all that#but the world does not need to sterilize and sanitize neurodiversity even more than it already does#I have adhd that went untreated for most of my life and led to severe struggles with depression and anxiety before I got properly medicated#that’s not neurosparkly#that’s not a cute quirky lil thing that makes me special#it was a significant challenge that I worked hard to overcome and work with in my life#I don’t need to call it something cute because it wasn’t cute#im neurodivergent and I’m not afraid to acknowledge that#and I’m not saying that people can’t use those other terms to refer to themselves if it helps them be positive of their circumstances#do what works for you use the right language for yourself#but when you call me neurosparkly it diminishes what I’ve struggled with and how I work to function with and around my condition#we need to take the fear out of language that says that there is something different about us#we can celebrate it sure#but we shouldn’t be sanitizing it#I hate to quote Harry Potter but fear of a name only increases fear of the thing itself#we can life with hard things#we can function with and around messy and ugly and inconvenient conditions and in fact must do so and accept the challenge#there is positivity in the world without sanitizing the scary parts#anyway I could go on but I’ll cut off here#shit wren says#wren rambles#neurodiversity#neurodivergent
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I’m so upset
#I’ve been upset nonstop for 5 days and I should be having something to be happy about but I’ve just remembered how bad things are and how#there is no end in sight really and in fact I’m scared as hell to try for one and I feel like I’ve screwed up so so monumentally and I can’t#pull it back like it’s too late and I don’t see a world where there’s any hope for me to be able to function properly again#and I’m just a burden on my parents and my family and the guilt I feel is SO immense all the time
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What if i turn into a marvel blog again?
#i miss giffing and i’m so out of ideas and i also don’t want to watch new movies cause my brain can properly function#🤔
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why am i so awkward and anxious when talking to people i’ve literally known my entire life ?? 😁
#birdie rambles#i’m so over it lol#just having one of those moments where i wish i could snap my fingers and function properly#it gets so exhausting <333333
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i went to the ER because of sudden lower back and hamstring nerve pain so bad i was shaking all over and could barely walk and they diagnosed me with dumb bitch
oh and the nurse laughed when i said depression and GAD as chronic illnesses and said ‘today’s problems’ like. thank you for your research in the medical field i’ll be sure to tell my psychiatrist BITCH
i’m so angry i cried for half an hour and i still can’t move properly so what a fruitful trip that was
#i did my masters thesis on young people with depression and anxiety and how they perceive stigma#and like… it’s everywhere. it’s in these little comments#it’s so ha ha that i take three pills every day to still not function properly? that i have ******** ideations every other day?#and not to mention i got zero help with pain that makes me almost unable to walk?#god i’m so angry and sad#kat shitposts#personal
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It’s amazing how I am a nervous, timid wreck having to make phone calls until I hit peak efficacy of my adhd meds and then I can fucking do anything. Like this medication has actually turned me into a functioning adult and I still can’t fucking believe it
#she speaks#like I took it late today cuz I got up late so I’m functional a little later today#but like I just had to call five different pharmacies trying to chase down the generic vyvanse#and I wasn’t nervous once#like that’s not a thing that happens to me I’m always fucking nervous#EXCEPT NOT NOW CUZ IM PROPERLY MEDICATED#I could NEVER have made five phone calls in a row before I’m not even kidding#I would’ve gotten my dad to call because I’m scared and he humors me lol#but no I did it and I’m still just like eh had to be done wasn’t a big deal#and I’m absolutely marveling at that#like I don’t even feel tired after all that#and two of the pharmacies had rude ass techs answering the phone#one was SO SWEET tho#she goes I can look and see if any pharmacies around here have availability so you don’t have to keep making calls#and I was like OMG IF YOU CAN DO THAT I WOULD BE SO GRATEFUL#and she was just like of course and I’m sitting there thinking why the FUCK didn’t any of the others offer that???#like not even my own primary pharmacy offered that#anyway she gave me the number and I went#as earnestly as I possibly could#thank you SO much#and she was so taken aback she jus kinda paused and then went of course! it was my pleasure to help!#like no girl you just saved me a whole bunch of leg work I am indebted to you fr
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