#So I learned to share watered down versions of my thoughts

[i-was-going-to]

"are you ever like damn why is literally everyone else scared of openly communicating and being direct and truthful and honest"

It's not always that easy.

are you ever like damn why is literally everyone else scared of openly communicating and being direct and truthful and honest

[kquil]

🍪 : cookie with Siri and giving their baby a bath. Like sitting in the tub together and bathing the baby 😭💕

A/N : this is a mini series and Remus's version is on the way i promise! (thank you for requesting a whole mini series of this adorable scenario, my lovely (ɔˆ ³(ˆ⌣ˆc)) this one is a little angsty but still fluffy ٩( ^ᴗ^ )۶

Sirius isn’t used to a loving family, nor is he used to engaging in fun family activities together; it wasn’t a concept that he was used to. So when you suggested taking a bath together with your baby, he was stunned but definitely up for for giving it a try. 

“I-Isn’t this a little bizarre, doll?” Sirius asks, embarrassed as he watches you undress before him despite his preceding playboy reputation at Hogwarts. 

“Not at all, Siri,” you giggle and bring your daughter into your arms as you step into the bath, sinking down to sit in between his outstretched legs as his arms sit atop the bath’s surrounding edges, “and besides, it’ll help Aurelie with her bath phobia,”

“She has a phobia?” Sirius’s brows immediately furrow as his worried gaze affixes onto his pouting, teary-eyed daughter, who's being more fussy than usual. How has he not noticed before?

“Yeah,” you muse sadly, cooing at your daughter and kissing her temple comfortingly, “she’s always fussy when it comes to baths so I thought that maybe if we sit with her, she’ll learn to like it,”

Sirius sighs in disappointment, “I’m a bad father…” his face turns sour as he thinks about his own upbringing and how his parents’ mistreatment of him is now affecting him as a father and, therefore, his beloved daughter too. 

“I know what you’re thinking and you need to stop it right now Sirius,” your voice is firm and strict as you turn his chin to look him in the eye. There’s anger, sadness, guilt and disappointment in his grey eyes, a whirlpool of tormented emotions still haunting him, “you’re working so hard providing for us so it’s okay for you to miss out on Aurelie’s bath times so you can rest,” 

“But-”

“None of that-”

“Wahhhhh!” your daughter’s shrill cry breaks your moment and you both turn to tend to her discomfort. 

“What’s wrong, princess?” Sirius coos, his soothing voice and the familiar touch of his hand against her tiny back immediately having an effect on her.

Observant as ever, you spot the problem instantly and lean your head against your husband’s shoulder so you could whisper to him, “she probably saw your distress and got worried for you too. Maybe she thinks you both share a fear of baths,” you giggle and shuffle yourself and your daughter closer to your husband, “lets show her that there’s nothing to fear,”

Smiling warmly, the earlier negative thoughts long forgotten, Sirius coos at his daughter, “don’t be frightened baby,” he creates small waves in the water with his hand. He then presses his fingers together and lifts a small cup of water up to cascade over his daughter’s small shoulders and back, “see? It’s safe, you’re safe,”

“Daddy will keep us safe and happy, darling,” you coo and kiss her cheek as Sirius kisses her other cheek, “we can relax when Daddy’s around,” it takes a little more convincing but Aurelie finally seems to be comfortable enough with the water to splash it with her tiny hands and squeal in delight. 

“Good girl, see? All safe~” Sirius coos, expression warm and so full of love as he looks adoringly at the manifestation of his and your love ⏤ his perfect little princess. 

“Good job, Daddy,” you coo and kiss his jawline, feeling his cheeks round into a smile before he turns and kisses your temple.

"Je t'aime tellement,"

TRANSLATION ⏤Je t'aime tellement : I love you so much

1K MILESTONE EVENT | NAVI.

[seiwas]

SEL MY SEL …….. crawling over here for the ask game …………… you already know . who i’m going to ask for phdkdjdkdb IN MY DEFENSE I WILL NEVER GET OVER YOUR VERSION OF HIM !!!!!!!

….. sugu ….. with ’sun’ ……. maybe 👉👈

(🍵 <- a little matcha for your troubles … good luck with the writing exercises my loveee <33 i’m cheering you on!!!)

ARI 🥹🥹🥹🥹 hehe ofc i shall write sugu for u! writing him is always so fun 🥹 thank you for the prompt, and for the matcha!! i will be sipping it as i write this 🥹 it is not a trouble at alllll!! esp if it's for youuuuu 🫶

contains: beautiful, gorgeous, sexy neighbor suguru, mood can be a bit unsettling... honestly a little stockholm syndrome-y (does this count as dark? idk 😭), skewed concept of reality and time

suguru + sun

you move into a new neighborhood on your 24th birthday.

it's a quaint house, fully furnished with wooden panels lining its contemporary build. you consider yourself lucky for finding a place this well-kept at the price point you offered. you're honestly surprised that suguru, your now landlord, accepted your application.

the area sits a few kilometers on the outskirts of the city, but it feels neither too quiet nor too busy; a perfect balance with an impressive view of the rising sun this early in the morning. that, and the people seem friendly, greeting you as they pass by. they even offer to help you haul things out of your car and into the house.

to the right of your house is one that holds the same design elements at yours, although a bit darker in its tones. it's sleek and modern, befitting of a bachelor.

"you must be the new tenant," a voice speaks from behind you, syrupy and smooth. you didn't even hear his footsteps.

when you turn around, you're met with a tall man who greets you with his arms held behind his back as he tilts his head low. there's a calmness that radiates off him, a sort of gentleness that signals he’s someone you can trust.

you nod, introducing yourself with your hand outstretched towards him.

"suguru," he replies as his fingers grab yours delicately. your eyes widen in surprise, recognizing the name, and he merely chuckles in return, a soft laugh that brings out kindness in his eyes.

"i should greet you properly," he lets go of your hand, placing it back behind him. "hello, new neighbor."

.

over shared breakfasts by your porch and impromptu dinners over at his, you grow a liking to suguru. he's polite and thoughtful, often knocking at your door in the mornings to offer you a cup of tea to watch the sunrise.

"you'll only find sunrises like this here," he leans back on the wooden chair you set out as outdoor furniture. his head tilts towards you slightly, impossibly close as you notice the corner of his lips curl up into a small grin.

hues of pinks, purples, and orange blend to illuminate his face perfectly. the sun is beautiful in front you, peeking between clouds as it inches away from the horizon, but something about him is infinitely more magnetic. your stare is immediately drawn to his lips, smooth and supple, before it meets his gaze.

you don't know what's worse―wanting to lean in or be pulled by the look in his eyes.

he fixes things that break in your home, always somehow knowing just when to show up. at first, it was your windows, the one by the attic, too high and dangerous for you to climb; then, it was your kitchen sink, its pipes regurgitating the water going down the drain. he's begun to bring you your groceries too, often asking for a list of what you need when he makes trips out of town.

your days blur easily when you're with suguru, and time passes almost fleetingly as you find your hours filled with soft laughs and touches so delicate you sometimes wonder whether they're real.

it should be noted, you think, how much time has passed since you first met him―an anniversary of some sort.

.

you learn that he owns both houses―his and the one you're currently renting. it once belonged to a friend who had to move for bigger, greater responsibilities elsewhere, he'd said.

"why did you decide on renting?" you ask him one night, over wine and candlelight.

your fingers fiddle with his as he sits you on his lap, this thing between you growing more intimate lately. he rubs his thumb along your thigh, resting his chin by your shoulder.

"you could have sold it or something."

he presses his lips gently on your collarbone.

"i could've," his fingers trail up to your waist, crossing your chest before landing on your chin, cupping it lightly to face him. your heart is hammering in your chest, senses on fire as his nose kisses yours. you think you can count every mole that dots his face beautiful. then, he inches closer, lips grazing yours as he whispers, "but i was waiting for you."

.

you mark each day at sunrise.

your digital clocks and calendars stopped working after some time, but you don't mind. suguru always tells you what date it is when you ask.

this morning, you wake up in his bed, and the sun is still as breathtaking as you remember it, the same pink, purple, and orange hues streaming through his window. when you look closely, the clouds―

"good morning," he brings you tea in bed, his hair topped off with a bun, a half-up-half-down.

your stomach fills itself with something warm and fuzzy as you smile at him, "morning."

"slept well?" his hand reaches for your waist under the duvet, and you giggle, ticklish.

"very," you crane your neck to land a soft kiss on his lips. "what date is it today?"

"october 28," he supplies.

your eyebrows shoot up as you realize, "i have to bring my car to the mechanic."

it's been 6 months now since your last check, right before you moved, and though you barely use your car anyway, it's best to be safe.

you quickly move to get up but suguru's hand keeps you in place, firmly pressed on your waist.

"i'll do it," he says with a smile on his face, "you rest here."

.

you barely see your other neighbors except for the girl who smokes a pack of cigarettes a day and the twins down the street.

when you ask suguru about it, he dismisses the question quickly, saying, "must have moved," as he urges you to take another sip of your tea.

you dream of them that night, on bare streets; it wakes you in a cold sweat, the image of your neighborhood reduced to just your house and suguru's.

.

this is the 200th sunrise since you started counting, which means this is the 200th day since you and suguru officially got together. kind of.

your gift for him is a painting of the sunrise, because it reminds you of him; and because it's become your favorite thing to look forward to, too.

the pinks and purples blend together beautifully as it contrasts with the orange hues, and the sun continues to peak above the horizon as it settles between clouds.

suguru kisses you when you give it to him, the taste of tea right on his tongue.

he frames it on his bedside, and when you wake in his room the next morning, it greets you along with the back of his head, fast asleep.

your eyes flit to the view outside his window, the same pinks, purples, and orange hues. you tilt your head curiously, brows furrowing. the sun stays at the same spot above the horizon, and when you look at the painting again, the clouds hold the same position and shape.

a chill washes over you, your hearbeat pounding.

.

"what date is it today?" you ask suguru as you wash the potatoes in the sink.

another bag of groceries from suguru. now that you think about it, you don't think you've ever gone to the grocery store since moving.

"is it important?" he responds, slightly snappy. you've begun to notice that he hates it when you ask lately.

you eye him from the side.

"i was thinking of preparing a menu of what we'll eat during the holidays, if it's near."

the furrow on his brows smooths out as you give your answer, and so he says, "december 5."

and you know something is wrong, because that can't be it. it doesn't make sense with the sunrises you've counted.

.

you dream again, more and more as the days go by―dirt roads and your house and suguru's, run-down and empty. more things start breaking in your apartment, and suguru always knows when they need to be fixed.

there's a deep, twisting feeling in your stomach that intensifies, festering under your skin; it worsens in the mornings, when you sit with suguru at your porch and you think you see a crack in the sunrise.

.

sunrise valley the place where the sun never sets! ─── beautiful, bright, and destined for people who live just like you! find your new home here.

[DISCONTINUED] — FOR DEMOLITION ON DECEMBER 7. under investigation for suspicious spiritual activity and missing persons.

[five-thousand-loaves-of-bread]

hi bread, I received an ask from someone who thinks that because they’ve been called the r slur for being autistic, that they can say it even though they’re not ID.

i am LSN autistic and don’t have ID so I answered the ask to the best of my ability but I don’t want to speak over anyone or accidentally spread untrue info. I know you don’t have ID, but I respect your posts and advocating for people with ID, so would you be okay with me sharing the post with you, and if you want you can provide your insight. you don’t have to at all, i just wanted to ask because I don’t want to misrepresent the issue.

thank you.

would prefer not be sent that post (upset me & often lead to harassment) but here some things can say or send:

this only post that can find right now that explain why not but there a lot just tumblr search system suck. if anyone have posts written by ppl w ID about why not that want share please feel free

some off top of head thoughts from listening to people w ID & in general disability/ID history:

(you = general you / people like person you talking about)

r slur come from old medical term for intellectual disability. “mental [version of r slur that end in -tion].” n version that end in -d shortened from it.

come from medical term for ID. not autism. not ADHD. not general any neurodivergence.

r slur & mental r word been used historically AND NOW to deny rights of people w ID. it been used for eugenics. think that word been watered down nowadays but by eugenics am meaning literal eugenic policies n direct actions. it been used for dehumanize people w ID, for deny rights n dignity, for deny education, for deny services n help, for forced sterilization, for involuntary institutionalized in abusive institutions with horrific abuse & neglect to point of barely alive or straight up death, for basically murder even.

in fact, word still in laws. many them old laws but still in affect n can be (& is) used any time to deny rights of people with ID.

while it really unfortunate n bad that be bullied n be called that word. as someone who been bullied with that slur, am sorry but that simply not on same level as this systemic level of abuse behind this word.

when be called r slur when not have ID, is comparing you to people with ID. is say you near/just as bad as them.

can’t reclaim something that never about you in first place.

especially when people most affected by slur (aka people with ID) want it disappear forever.

plus. many people without ID’s idea of “reclaim” that slur is just. use as insult. use as deprecation, use as self deprecation, use as poke fun of self. wow look am nearly as bad as people with ID.

while all not even bother learn what ID is n history behind people with ID n advocate for people with ID. (does person you talk about even know what it is. that it is intellectual functioning + adaptive functioning + symptom before technically 18 but usually before child. that it not same as dyslexia dyscalculia dysgraphia. do they say “intellectual disabilities” “an intellectual disability.” do they know what ID look like. do they know what severe profound ID look like. can they name one person with ID. just one. by name.)

disability’s not like gender sexuality. disability’s not like queerness. some experience may overlap but most things, can’t just copy paste because simply not same.

why you wanna say slur so bad. why you wanna collect slurs like it cool rocks so bad.

wow. you so cool n edgy n original (sarcasm)

if want able say & “reclaim” “fun” slur so bad. then also have hundreds (n thousands bc people with ID existed before it documented by modern western doctors) years of oppression & abuse & life lost that come with it. have the mistreatment n abuse that people with ID experience now—n. if that’s case. would be extremely lucky if even able make this far n be able to sit here use your communication privilege to talk about how want “reclaim” a fucking slur. because. did i mention people with ID are treated horribly.

denied education denied communication denied autonomy denied life changing therapies & help & aides. denied personhood.

still. today.

think that’s all

(tone = not mad at asker. just wish people dare think about anything other than themselves. just tired of this same old thing. am tired. my friends with ID double that. triple that. unspeakable amounts. but yeah am mad.)

[fuumiku]

Selkie AU

Ok so on discord we went off. A lot of this is just paraphrasing or copy pasted from buddies hii guys. It’s honestly a fun concept to play with no matter how you turn it around~ I’ll start off with the version I drew these doodles for but it’s all under the cut because it got so long... There’s also always place for different flavors like if they realize the other’s a selkie immediately or over time, etc etc so this is all just food for thought. Marcille is always the instigator though lol, obsessed with him no matter the universe. As a selkie wants to learn more about this human and as a researcher is chasing after this secretive mysterious sea-guy while he very much tries to escape everyone’s attention.

Fisherman Chil & selkie Marcille

Old sad fisherman Chilchuck… He drinks out at sea even. Divorcee dad who’s got nothing waiting for him on land anymore. He’s on the sea every day to get fish to sell at the wet market or to the butcher, the sky and sea’s grey and everything’s dull and tedious. Seals are nothing special either. The only stuff he knows about selkies really could have some selkie storybooks he reads to his daughters. Meanwhile selkie Marcille… You could go a lot of different routes I feel. You know I feel like being a selkie fits with Marcille and her mom, with that interaction of "you’ll have to let others go and deal with that", like in this AU she’ll always be different and will have to leave people behind for the sea eventually here and there and whatnot…

Chilchuck and worksongs... Fisherman Chilchuck singing sea shanties while selkie Marcille sings her songs of the sea and then she hears him and gets curious and follows him back on land or something…… Tries to blend in with humans just so she’s like. What’s his deal. But them only meeting out at sea is very cute as well. Eventually she gets on his boat and they hang out. Melancholic psychological horror sea tragedy-romance would be fun idk. Maybe he starts hearing a woman sing out at sea randomly and thinks it’s the alcohol. But he’d be a goner already lmao. Like don’t get me wrong it’d take a while of actual interactions for him to actually fall in love, but also ~~he’s lonely~~ pretty blonde woman waaaa. Siren imagery hehe. "Hmmm I didn't know selkies had hypnotic voices as well" (they don't. he's down outrageous and he knows it.) Mr "in denial so bad maybe magic is the answer yep for sure". I want her to hear him singing something he used to for his daughters/wife etc and shes like 👁️👁️ who hurt this man........... (Could also work for selkie Chil) What’s his tragic backstory…..

I think marcille also deserves to go silly and catch a carp between her teeth, giving it to chilchuck batting her eyelashes like teehee... I'm such a good assistant right... He needs them undamaged if he wants to sell them but he still makes use of her gift anyway... Puts it in a stew and shares it with her... Something we made together..… Marcille being able to taste human food with actual spices and actual heat and actual cooked meat... His home is the warmest place on the surface. His hugs are more comforting than even the water’s. AGH and how long hasn’t he eaten a real homecooked meal you’d bet 😭 Marcille notices he’s underweight and is like "he’s always fishing though??? Does he just need like, a lot??" and takes it upon herself to bring him more fish to feed him. "He NEEDS to blubber up. I know it." Do you think when his wife was still there he'd come home to the smell of cooking.... but now there's nothing......... He’s on his own, he sleeps in the boat… It just smell like fish all day. The stench gets to him and even the burn of alcohol in his nostrils is a kinder hell. NOW he comes back to the stench of roting flesh and he's like :))) ahh.... my gi rl firned 💖 /j

Selkie Marcille getting onto his boat out of nowhere and slapping the beer bottle out of his hand. It’d go hard if he’s so drunk once that he’s leaning over the railing with his bottle hanging down from his grip and the beer goes into the sea and she tastes it and is like. Now what the fuck is this. Ew. He doesn’t look so good maybe I should splash him with water. She could save him from drowning... Girl who puts him on a rock somewhere until he wakes up and hides in the water as soon as he comes to… Peekinh at him from the surface of the water because, oh dear we're shy now because it's face to face… Drawing parallels between swaying (drunk) and swaying (motion of boat on the sea). She sways his world…… Makes him feel dizzy in a nice, light airy way…… He crashes into his bed in his home and still feels the rocking of the waves under him, and he falls asleep thinking of her…

Go out to the sea in a storm because you can’t stand feeling useless. The sea is your livelihood, it's where you're good and useful. On land you never know what to do with your hands. Maybe he should just let the sea pull him under. let it sweep him away.  Marcille does exactly that, but it's not something that erases him. It's not something that swallows him whole. It's something that shows him a whole other world- The coral reefs, the schools of fish that exist below, the lush seaweed forests that Marcille treasures so much. It's all been there for him to see, theres so much beneath his feet. And all he had to do was let her take his hand. This world full of fish and creatures he's caught and gutted... that he gets to see in a different light…… The idea of him trusting her enough to let her lead him underwater... I think the time that Marcille leads him into the water should be on one beautiful evening, with the water shimmering, and the sun casting rays onto the waters surface- enough that it's still scary at first, enough that Chilchuck still struggles against the salty grasp of the waves, but when marcille takes him under he can see just how the light of the sun casts its spotlight on the seafloor- and how even in the shallows therein lies a thousand wonders, ones he's stepped right over before. I'm just obsessed with chilchuck experiencing a whole nother world in there. Give me childlike wonder. Give me a Marcille who wants to show her grump fucking fisherman boyfriend the cute fishies and the minnows, the pretty hermit crabs. Something about the sea looking different from beneath the waves... The parallels of him on the beach stepping over shells and urchins in the shallows with his boots and just crush them right over, not even noticing he did from force of habit and routine having dulled everything… Him working on the sea all the time but never really seeing it because he’s so absorbed in his own shit and he always just uses the harbor so there’s never real contact with it anyways. When the sea water laps at his forearms when he reels the net in but they feel like lashes of frost against his skin. She'd look really pretty with her hair flowy in the waves............ Marcille’s hair should get used for creepy compositions more… In the water she takes him under and her hair tangles and latch onto him against his skin. Her hair is long, underwater it could engulf him probably, he likes blonde hair he'd be happy with that… Not the lowkey suicidal ideation of letting the sea take him and how he’d be happy suffocating in her hair when doing a dive wow ok

I keep thinking about the Dredge AU… The video game yes yes. It’d be a mess but ohhh ohh the sea and its wonderful world but also its dark secrets, Marcille researching the depths and finding dark powers and idk the tragedy of a man at sea who can’t forget what he’s lost and the mythical gf he made that was never meant to be and it’ll destroy them both idk idk. Bc of Marcille helping him fish from below as a selkie, Senshi like YOU ARE OVERFISHING YOU ARE DESTROYING THE ECOSYSTEMMM @ them lmao You are feeding the whole town and making big bucks but you’re fishing so much that some fish are starting to get stale without being bought, the sea is bleeding and the leviathan is hungry

Maybe one time, one of them gets upset at the other and holds the seal fur hostage, its sooo mean but it also feels very them. When I think selkie I think of the movie Song of the Sea and in that movie the father of the protags loved a selkie, the mother, but she had to leave at one point for the sea because that’s her nature etc etc, but he didn’t want her to leave so he hid her skin which like. Ruined everything and hurt her. And ohhh the parallels… Leaving him… Just food for thought.

Selkie Chil & marine researcher Marcille

The reverse of that where Chil’s the selkie, Marcille’s fascination for him has the reverse angle, almost like admiration too. Crying she’d be like "who’s this mysterious guy, why’s he look kinda ethereal(selkie fairy blablabla)?" and investigates meanwhile he doesn’t want anyone to see him transforming and such so he’s like "leave me aloneeeeeee!!" Selkie chil? secretive man who just wants to chill gets grabbed by the most enthusiastic fairytale-obsessed girl out there. She WILL almost drown trying to say hi. C’mon mister mythical let’s have a storybook romance <3 Jumping in da water and he has to rescue her and immediately gains 100 grey hairs. She gets her storybook ��saved by the merman’ moment but at what cost. "WHAT ARE YOU DOINGGG" screaming, she gets scolded very much but it all goes in one ear out the other tbh. Selkie Chilchuck is even better with his secretiveness... How do you get around the fact you’re a seal? Iunno I’ve never been a seal Obsessed with the implications of his family in this. Except if his wife and daughters were humans and so his work travels are instead selkie shenanigans going out at sea for months on ends, I imagine they’d be selkies too… Did they get separated? Die? Is Chilchuck’s cowl in this one Flertom’s fur? :(   Once more mentioning sea shanties Chilchuck btw, Roll the Old Chariot comes to mind… Ooough Song of the Sea from the movie that he sung to his daughters <33 I’m fine

With the researcher angle actually being pushed there are interesting plots and scenes you could think of obvi, but uh we kind of went off on the fisherman Chil Marcille selkie AU instead haha. It’d be cute if she ends up teaching him how to live on land in the end. Dresses him up like a funky lil guy. I went with tallman Chil when drawing it and selkie Marcille’s more elf-like, and for selkie Chil I’d imagine it’s the reverse where she’s tallman-like and he still looks like a halfling… Sea-related AUs are my weak spot <33

No matter how you turn it, Marcille is the instigator lol. Selkie Marcille: this little man… I want to know more about this human! Selkie Chilchuck = tries to avoid everything but this Marcille keeps chasing him! It’s her job to, Chilchuck minds his business!! He sees a sliver of something weird out at night? Not his job nope keep your nose out of that it’ll only bring you trouble. It’d have to really itch him at him for him to crack I think… Honestly he’d make a great lovecraftian horror protagonist lol. We love a girl with no chill and her nose in everyone’s business

Shout to to @dayundying, @cabinette, @soappox and @lucky-fydraws!! These people were there for the brainstorming and the writing of the scripture…

[flowersbane]

a scenario with a baker!reader gifting Joshua a little cake… which he happily eats (it’s carrot cake and he has no clue lol)

Idk but I wanted to share my silly little thought because I enjoyed your writing :’3

pls, this idea is so freaking cute!!! i'm so glad i finally got to write it, thank you so much for your request and patience, i hope you enjoy

(=´∀｀)人(´∀｀=)

The Trojan Cake

Joshua Rosfield x Reader

I might write another, shorter version of this where the reader bakes him a carrot cake without knowing about his carrot aversion, but, idk, let me know if anyone wants to see that. It would have to be a bit further in the future because I have some other things I'm working on that you can learn about here.

Rating: General Audiences

Word Count: 1.5k

Tags: Baker!Reader, Finally Getting Joshua To Eat Some Gosh Darn Vegetables, Fluff, Teasing, Unedited, Lots Of Appearances From Other Characters, Fun, Cutesy, Joshua Is Just A Big Golden Retriever

A new shipment of baking supplies was due to arrive today. You sway on your feet as you wait. Water laps at the wood beneath you, but you pay it no mind. Cursebreakers and laborers work on moving boxes off the ship and onto the Hideaway’s Pier.

“Carrots? Again?” Gav’s voice sounds from nearby. “And what are we supposed to do with all of these? We still haven’t gotten through the last shipment of them. There’s only so much carrot bisque a man can stomach. Soon enough, half the Hideaway’ll have orange hair and orange skin.”

Otto sighs. “Food’s food, Gav. We’ll find some use for them.”

Gav’s disgruntled expression doesn’t fade. “Unbelievable.”

Your attention is caught by someone calling your name. Mid waves you over from the ship’s deck. “You’ve got to come and see this! You’ll be grinning from ear to ear when you see how much stuff they’ve sent for you!”

You’re already grinning from ear to ear by the time you reach her side. Crates of flour, sugar, and yeast are tied down to the deck with sturdy rope. “And this is all for me?” you ask.

“You’re the one best suited for it,” Mid points out. “Now, I don’t mean to rush you but I’m pretty sure everyone at the Hideaway can already smell all the fresh baked sweets!”

“Oh, certainly,” Cole agrees as he and a handful of other Cursebreakers approach. “We’ll get these supplies to the Ale Hall,” he assures you.

“What are you going to make?” asks Mid.

You miss a beat before answering, “it’s a surprise.” In truth, you have no idea. You know the people of the Hideaway would be happy with anything you baked, but you didn’t want to fall into a boring routine. You wanted to try something new, even if you didn’t need to.

Mid only makes an excited sound from behind sealed lips. “The suspense is killing me!”

You laugh, but you know how she feels. The frustration of not knowing what you’ll bake weighs on you as well. “Well, best get to it.”

You descend from the boat and make your way back up to the main floor of the Hideaway. There are plenty of boxes that still need to be moved, so the lift is somewhat crowded. You wait for a path to be cleared before darting out.

“Have you tried chopping them up and hiding them in a stew?” Tarja’s voice catches your ear. She and Jote are crossing the Boarding Deck, clearly on their way to the Infirmary.

“If he sees them, he’ll claim he’s not hungry and refuse to eat,” Jote replies. “Not to mention, I can’t say I feel very comfortable trying to deceive His Grace.”

“They’re just carrots, Jote. I’m sure your decree says nothing against ensuring the Phoenix eats well.”

“If it were up to His Grace, I’m sure there would be.”

You continue your way into the main hall. It’s not uncommon to hear Tarja complaining about Joshua’s bad habits. You suppose this time it’s his aversion to vegetables. Especially carrots. Unfortunate, given that seems to be what the Hideaway has most of these days.

You’re halfway across the Main Deck when someone else calls your name, their voice sounding from your left. Speak of the devil. Joshua approaches with an easy skip to his step. The smile on his face tells you that he’s heard about your new arrival of supplies, but not that of the carrots’ reinforcements. Well, he might’ve and is simply choosing to ignore it. In fact, that is more likely to be the reality of things.

“I heard about the shipment of goods. Will you get to baking soon?”

If he were a dog, his tail would be wagging uncontrollably despite his cool disposition. You nod, your own smile creeping onto your face as an idea begins to form. “And you’ll be the first to get a taste.”

“Really? I will?”

You nod again. He’s always terribly eager to sample your new recipes.

He’ll have no idea. “Ah, my love, you’re brilliant.” He places a hand on either side of your head and plants a kiss on your forehead. “I’ll look forward to it.”

“You should.” You certainly are.

As he disappears on to the Boarding Deck, you dart over to the bar. 

“Psst. Cole.” You wave the cursebreaker over.

“What is it?”

“Could you acquire me a crate of those carrots that just arrived? I have plans for them. Oh, but don’t let Joshua know. Keep this between us.”

He gives you a curious look, but does as you ask without question. You ask another of the cursebreakers to keep Joshua distracted for the time being. Your plans would be ruined if he were to walk in midway through.

“What, exactly, are you planning?” someone asks from behind you.

Jill runs her finger over the wooden boxes on the counter. You can’t help the little, proud gleam in your eye. “I’m going to get Joshua to eat carrots and like them,” you declare.

“Oh?”

“A carrot cake! He won’t even know they’re there.”

“I’m not sure if eating carrots in a cake counts as Joshua getting a proper intake of vegetables,” she points out.

You shrug. “Gotta start somewhere.”

“Anything I can do to help?”

“Lots.” 

You, Jill, and a handful of other helpers get to work immediately. With no time to waste, the work is made lighter with more hands to share in its labor. The only thing you can’t speed up is the time of actual baking.

“Do you truly believe this will work?” Jill asks.

“I do. Although, it would be a little funny if he could tell anyway. Like some sort of carrot-sniffing bloodhound. A carrot-hound.”

“Who’s a carrot-hound?” Clive stops at Jill’s side.

“Depending on the results of this experiment, Joshua.”

Clive gives you an almost pained look. “Please do not tell me you’re planning on experimenting on my brother.”

“I promise it won’t become a regular occurrence. Probably. Most likely.”

Clive only sighs and shakes his head.

The cakes finish baking and the air is filled with the scent of freshly baked sweets. You and your assistants–now including Clive–are just finishing spreading the frosting when Joshua arrives, eyes alight with excitement. He says your name with a boyish eagerness that makes your heart squeeze. He truly has no idea. “I hope no one has prevented you from keeping your promise to me.”

You do your best not to roll your eyes. He can still be so childish at times, despite himself. “No, of course not. In fact, you’re just on time. I was about to cut the first slice.”

He smiles. “Excellent.”

He doesn’t even seem to notice how everyone pauses to watch as he takes the first bite. He closes his eyes to savor it. You press your lips together to keep your mischief from showing. “This is delicious, my love, as always.” Your heart soars. You’ve done it. And he’s none the wiser.

You exchange a knowing glance with Jill and Clive. Jill looks mildly impressed while Clive simply seems to be marveling at his brother’s obliviousness. “Alright, everyone,” you announce, “you’re all free to dig in!”

- 

Gav arrives about a half an hour after everyone has already begun eating. He and Otto approach, standing on the other side of Clive, who has taken a seat at the bar beside Joshua.

Gav takes note of the remaining cakes. “Ooo, carrot cake, one of Otto’s favorites.”

You, Clive, and Jill freeze, eyes darting to Joshua. You practically see the life drain from his face. He turns a betrayed expression on you, like a pup who’s found his medicine at the center of his treat. By now, he’s already finished two large slices and is halfway through his third. You can’t help, you begin your apologies but the laughter in your voice steals any sincerity from them.

He practically whines your name, saying, “how could you?”

“But you liked it, didn’t you? Before you knew what it was?”

You can practically see his invisible tail and ears drooping. You’ve never seen him look so unlike the Phoenix before. It only makes you giggle more.

“I’m sorry, alright? I’m sorry.”

“I don’t know how I’ll recover from this.”

“Alright, my love, no need to be so overdramatic.”

He pouts. He actually pouts. “You’ll have to find a way to make this up to me.”

“Up to you? I did all of this for you.”

“You did all of this for yourself. I hope you’ve had your fun.”

You lean over the counter, smug as one could be. “Oh, I have.”

“Mhm.” He leans forward and places a soft kiss on your lips. You can still taste the frosting. “You better have. Otherwise, I will have eaten this for nothing.”

“You would have, at the very least, learned that you can stomach carrots. Isn’t that something?”

He laughs. “No, absolutely not. Just promise you won’t do something like this again.”

“I promise,” you draw out the word, “that it won’t become a regular occurrence.”

He rolls his eyes, but a smile toys at the corners of his mouth. “What did I ever do to deserve this?”

“Something really good, I imagine.”

His smile grows. “Must have been.”

[mysteria157]

hello hello mystie 🩷 bon has decided to visit you once again.

i am recently going through quite some turbulence with my writing. i have been working on a aot reiner piece for quite some time but it's been feeling rather... unfulfilling? i guess i just want to open up a bit.

as a black woman, i've seen a number of posts on here of other woc having takes about how we should 'embrace our blackness' and write our fics in a way that reflects that. i always understood that this is a valid opinion, as we are often pushed by society to 'calm' ourselves down and water down our personalities and our way of speaking (often not to fall subject to a number of disheartening stereotypes.)

but i've come to a more different, personal conclusion over the past few months. i am a black south african girl who grew up watching british cartoons in order to learn english. my mother took me to a catholic school where english was the language of instruction and we had a similar education system as most british schools (colonisation has a role in this system but that's a discussion for another day.)

i've always been called 'whitewashed' as i am fluent in the language. there's still heavy racial tension where i'm from, so ever since i was little i was compared to speaking as a white person. a 'coconut' if we want to go that far, lol.

besides this, we've become more westernised and my peers around me began to see the struggle of african americans as our own (since we're all experiencing the same biases and discrimination as poc.) now for some reason, seeing the takes of other woc made me feel as if the way i write and speak was incorrect. i felt like a phony, like someone who was dodging away from racism by writing like a 'white person' to stay unattacked.

to cut this short (as this has already been quite long), your writing put things into perspective for me. it might not be 'that deep' but seeing another black woman write and speak similar to myself has healed a small part of me. not only is your writing excellent, but it makes me feel as if that i don't have to pretend to be the stereotypical black writer all the time.

that my way of writing does not make me any less 'black'. i now know exactly how i want to create stories and write them down, as i always could've done.

thank you for being the talented individual that you are. love you lots.

-Bonnie 🩷

Hello my beautiful, Bonnie 💕

I apologize for the delay, I’ve been traveling for work so my activity on Tumblr has been low recently.

It’s a weird sensation of fate to read your post, because I resonate with your thoughts deeply. Growing up as a military child, I moved frequently, so I never really had a “home” like others. The friends that I had were all military children too and made up a melting pot of race, diversity, and background. I did not have a primarily black friend group and because of this, others often made fun of me for not being “black” enough. The way I spoke, wrote, dressed, and my mannerisms were all representative of a “whitewashed” version of a black woman. The concept of whitewashed is a topic for another day 😒

I’ve dealt with being called an “inside out Oreo”and constantly heard the annoying micro-aggression of “talking really well for someone like myself.” And for years it bothered me more that I wanted to feel and act like others, instead of embracing myself. Thankfully, I got over that.

Joining Tumblr and finding a community of black writers has been a great experience, and I definitely agree that we should ‘embrace our blackness’, but embrace it in a way that represents YOU. Not everyone else.

For myself, I embrace with what I write about, not necessarily how I write. Because I write how I think and talk, but I try to share plot and experiences that normally resonate with who I am as a black woman. Cookouts, extended family mannerisms and traditions, how I do my hair and take care of my skin, etc.

You are not a phony and you are not ‘whitewashed’. You’re Bonnie, and Bonnie writes how Bonnie speaks, acts, and feels. Period.

In my opinion, trying to write a certain way to appeal to someone else only takes away from your own authenticity. This isn’t to invalidate someone else’s experience, but you shouldn’t have to pretend to embrace your ‘blackness’. Being able to overcome this feeling is such a strength that you should continue to hold close 💕

Girl, look at me rambling LMFAO. THE POINT IS, I’m so happy that I was able to help you embrace more of who you are. I’m happy that you enjoy my words. I’m happy that you have the strength to create how you want. And I’m just…really happy for meeting you 🥹

Create your stories however you want. As long as Bonnie is happy and Bonnie is enjoying it and Bonnie is not intentionally hurting others, that’s all that should matter.

Love you lots as well. Thank you for being the beautiful mootie that you are 💕😘

[burningcheese-merchant]

ok, so as someone who also tends to use strength over smarts like Matar Paneer Cookie, I tend to think that maybe it’d be better if I preferred books to fights. When I try to read books for assignments though, I develop a headache that will ruin the rest of my day and sometimes blurs my vision. I don’t expect Matar Paneer to have something like this (cause I cannot torture her like that) but maybe a more watered down version. Yknow, for the mandatory ’my older sibling’s better than me’ thing that every little sibling has at least once.

just a though tho, love your work!

Thank you ❤️ I'm always glad to hear that my nonsense brings some measure of joy to someone haha. Thank you also for sharing your thoughts, I enjoy having discussions like this with people! Understanding and learning from others is a gift we all take for granted (and I always welcome an excuse to vomit word salad lmaooooo)

I think I understand what you mean. Matar Paneer isn't stupid, far from it (same with her father. I always imagined Burning Spice to be quite intelligent, if not outright wise, at least to some degree. He can't NOT be, not when he was the Herald of Change/History, you know? Buff does not automatically mean dumb). It's not even really that she dislikes reading or anything more cerebral like that (she actually really likes being told stories haha. As a child, she often asks Pepper Jack to read her something before bed (and him above either of their parents or anyone else, because she likes the way he reads things the most). Not because she doesn't like to read, but because she likes how others might approach reading/telling her things). She just has her own way of doing things, you know? She's energetic and rather reckless at times. Those often tend to naturally nudge someone away from "calmer" activities, but that doesn't mean they can't do them at all. Strength over smarts is not some great moral failing, nor vice versa. Different people do things differently. The key is learning to find balance when possible. (It's not that Jack shuns strength, either. He is a very tough and capable warrior, even while so young. He carries a dangerous weapon everywhere he goes lol. He'd just rather solve something with his wits if he can. Just how he does things, nothing more nothing less)

As for the "my older sibling is better than me" thing, Paneer actually does wrestle with that to some degree, and it's arguably worse because she adores Jack so much. Jack is her hero. It's not Golden Cheese that she looks up to the most, it's not Burning Spice, it's not Mozzarella or Nutmeg Tiger or Hollyberry or anyone else. It's him. It's her brother. Everyone thinks so highly of the kid, Paneer included (perhaps most of all). Jack is smart, Jack is strong, Jack is disciplined, Jack is this, Jack is that. And Paneer does not begrudge him any of these things; no one cheers for Jack harder than her. It's just... compared to him, who is she? Who is Matar Paneer? What can SHE do? She loves him, but she doesn't love feeling like she's in his shadow all the time. She doesn't resent him at all for this, she doesn't hold anything against him (that's not really how she is tbh), she only holds it against herself. She's mad at herself for feeling inferior. She wants to be cool and strong, too; she wants to be up on that pedestal right next to her brother, not knock him off and take it for herself. She just doesn't know how to do it. Both children hold themselves to very high standards and hurt themselves in similar ways by doing so. They will eventually come into their own and develop the self-confidence they both need, but it will take time and several important life events for them to get there. Paneer will also eventually understand that it's not healthy to put someone on a pedestal like that (it isn't fair to her OR to Jack), and she is just as great as he is and always has been. But again. It will take time and character growth.

She'll get kickstarted on that journey for real after what happens to Jack when they're older. Poor kids, both of them. He loses something important, she watches her hero fall for the first time ever (and when she never imagined it would even be possible. Pepper Jack is great, but he is not a god. She fully realizes and understands this the hard way)...

[devils-tarot]

The Fool's Journey (1 of 3)

~~~~~~~~~~

Just a Disclaimer: english is not my first language, so there will be mistakes. Sorry about that.

Part 2: is available here.

~~~~~~~~~~

Once upon a time... This is how we can start the story of the arcana with no number, The fool. I'll show you one aspect I love the most on the Tarot: its mith.

But first lets get a few things clear before we get to the main subject here. Everything I'm about to tell here is A MITH not a historical event. It holds mysteries on my tradition, and we do not expect it to make sense to everybody.

All I'm about to share is about the Tarot Deck with 78 cards, in wich 22 of them are major arcana and the rest are minors. The story of The Fool goes withing all the major arcana, therefore, the 22 cards all together is the The Fool's Journey.

The first one to tell a story like this was Roberto Caldeira in his book Caminho do Louco, published in Brazil. And one of the aspects of our system towards Tarot is: it tells all the stories, the old ones and the yet to come, so, the one I'm sharing here is my version of it. To see my master's version, get his book.

That being said, here we go. Hope you have fun!

There once was a man who used to live his life like everyone else was. Day by day he did just what everyone was doing: work during the day, ate anything that could look like food, complain about life, complain about others, complain about work, and sleep late in the night just to wake up early next morning to repeat everything, again and again...

One day he woke up, got dressed and walked out the house to go to work when he tripped over his own foot and fell down the stairs. In that moment, while he wasn't neither safe nor on the floor, but somewhere in between, his hole life has passed trough his eyes, and for a fraction of a second it was almost like he was in another reality.

Suddenly, he found himself on a cliff, with a dog chasing him. He quickly noticed his strange clothes and luggage (if we can call it that). Nothing there was understandable to him. He didn't understand what was happening, but overcome by the need to survive, to stay alive, he threw himself off the cliff into the unknown.

This urge to stay alive transformed the man into The Magician.

"OK, Now this?" he thought to himself. He had changed his clothes, had a cape now, everything was so weird. He decided then to open up the bag he was carying, he had to know what was in there...

A sword, a chalice, what seemed to be a disc of gold, and a staff... He knew everything he had carried with him, but what would he do with those was still a mystery.

He than decided he had to keep going, wherever he was going to. This urge kept chasing after him, the urge to live. And so he did. He used the disc as mirror sometimes, had the sword to help on fishing or chasing animals, the staff helped him walk, and the days where going, but not flowing.

He then decided to put his instruments in front of him and did something he had not yet tryed. Observation. And so he stood there, thinking, and in the processes, his mind got free. He was infinite, and he knew it. That moment everything made sense.. He had seen everything, as above so below, and as suddenly as that he changed to The High Priestess.

The Fool is now fully conected and awere of himself in the world. The high priestess has overpassed the mistery, and so our character now understands more of whats happening aroung him. His in some "spiritual existence", or so he thought.

During that time, the Fool got to learn more about his instruments. He then discovered that the sword was all about his soul, his discipline in order to be trustfull. That sword was a reminder that life will train you as a Warior, to fight for your life, for your existence. It's how it works for every being on the planet. We gotta fight for our existence. With discipline.

The chalice was a way of checking his emotions and dealing with them. Remembering to keep his water clean in order not to get thursty! It also showed him that, he was thursty of love, of happiness, of life. Know he could seed that. Oh, and that mirror? Yes, that golden disk reflected him to himself. "Are you worthy? do you feel worthy? what are you wothy for?" As a reminder to forge himself into a better and more beauty version of himself. That just growed bigger and bigger.

That staff became something more to him. Now he had a purpose: to improve. Improve himself for himself. He deserved it! And so he start day by day studying his own life, lookig inside him, fighting his demons.

He was so immersed in the experience he was living, that he barelly saw how much he accomplished. And when he stopet for a bit to look aroung him, everything was diffent. He had became The Empress.

Each achieviment of him was like a child: he was giving birth not to humans, but to his own desire. And there was a bunch of them already, growing all around him. He was no longer thursty for life, or happiness... He started seeing that everything he did had bring something new to his life.

He couldn't be happier. Thouse days were so great he just kept going, chasing his dreams, making them come true. He realized that the urge he felt some time ago was still there, but had chenged, as he did over the time. Something felt different.

He than decided to do what he learned already: ask the universe, life will talk to us. His conection was still on point, and he started to realize he had been manifesting all this glory and life, but where was it? What he had in the end? Was him high? Just as a mother takes responsibility for her children, he needed to take responsibility for his dreams too. It would not be enough to reach them, we must maintain them.

So, our man started to put order in his life. He had a sword, he need to discipline himself. And that made him The Emperror.

Disciplined, our Emperor conquered his life, dominated his daily life facing his main enemy: laziness.

It didn't take long until this whole result catch the attention of the people around. It's not every day that you see a kingdom emerge out of nowhere like this, in your neighbor's backyard. After attracting so much attention, the emperor ended up noticing the society around him.

Thus he observed the people, their customs, and noticed a lot of himself in others. He noticed his old tricks, his struggles, his improvements. They weren't that different, and he could see that.

And suddenly he asked himself: "everything I've been doing, everything I've been fighting for: my wealth, my success, my work, my life, is all of this my will or is it theirs? Who made me?"

Thinking about that, with all the discipline he had learned with the emperor, it was not difficult for him to change again, this time into the Hierofant.

Society is such a complex theme, don't you think? We organize our lifes in so many different ways, with different traditions, with different gods (or its absense). The Fool as deeply mesmerized by the fact that he had been following rules over rules, and all of it was our. We made them. So they made him. That's what he was thinking. He had to do something differente. And so he tried.

He decided to test and question every rule he came across, and in this process a lot happened. He discovered new places, with new people, who had new customs. And when he put into practice what he had learned in the last few months, he came to the same conclusion: Whenever I discover something, I become aware of something, I have the opportunity to dive into it, and when I see results I know: discipline leads to success. The magician, the high priestess, the empress and the emperor had already taught this to the Fool.

Thus he realized that yet another mystery had been revealed: society. Yes, all of us. Our complexity, our characteristics, our possibilities of existence. What do we devote our lives to? He questioned himself rhetorically.

In that moment he wondered, what do I want to do now? And the Lovers he became.

He look up and saw an angel. Was it god? Could it be god? Well, there was no need to worry about the answer. He just asked, and got answered.

After a while, The fool learned so manythings with the angel that got him into thinking that everytime he decided to do something, his wish as blessed by God. Even the bad choices he made was blessed. If life was a road, it sould be a big crossing streets, and the present time is right in the middle of it.

Every decision he made took him somewhere. Some places were goog, other not so much. When he choosed to give himself the attention and care hi needed the things went well. But whenever he let go of his own live, he got lost in his own life.

The should be a mystery, and he was right. He learned that what mooves him is his wishes to became better. He got to understand (finally!!!) the urge he felt. It was DESIRE.

He then realized he was free. Free to choose his own path, to go wherever he wanted. There are so many possibilities for us out there, he tought, and so he decided he was going foward, and that's how he turned into The Chariot.

Now, the angel of life on the previous card had given the Fool a perspective of life, and with an open mind he persued his desire. The star on the forehead show us that he could see the world from a new perspective.

But something was off. The chariot no longer moved. After trying and trying, he only walked in circle. After sometime re realized the problem. One of the animal was going left, the other one right. How could he go anywhere?

Remembering the old days, he decided to put on practice again what he learned, and voilà, something seemed to be working. He could see now, the horses are actually one: he himself. His emotional body and his racional body, materialized outside him. He had to master them, as he did back in the Emperor with his daily routine. Heart and Mind united into one.

Then, without reining in the horses, he climbed into the Chariot. Armed only with his true will, he commanded his instinct and his reason, his rational body and his emotional body. And on he went. And he achieved his goals. And because of this he was transformed and sat on the throne of Justice.

to be continued...

[drdemonprince]

Do you worry about being so open about your sex life under the same name you use professionally? How did you settle on your current approach to talking about kink/fetishism publicly?

That's my question. Below is some background but feel free to ignore it.

I'm asking because, like many people, my kinks are integral to my sense of self and engaging in BDSM has been significant for my psychological wellbeing. I don't like keeping these important aspects of myself separate from the rest of my life and I'm jealous of the people I meet at munches who share openly kinky stuff on their regular Instagrams. But I also have relatives on all of my socials, including a few adult family members who take any opportunity to create drama or get on their high horses, and teenage cousins who obviously shouldn't be given information about my sex life.

I like using social media to connect with people, and it feels harder to do that when big parts of me are walled off. I'm so worried about sharing anything 'inappropriate' that I'm only presenting this bland, watered down version of myself and it makes me feel alienated. Making side accounts is one option, but it feels like compartmentalising and involves more 'personal brand' management than I care to juggle.

That's without even touching on in-person disclosures. How do I embrace these aspects of myself without acting like they're shameful, but also without being obnoxious or unfair on other people who might not want to know?

I know "authenticity" can be an unattainable ideal, especially on social media platforms that necessitate curation, but I do want to stop tying myself in so many knots over this (in the figurative, unsexy way).

Sorry for venting in your askbox.

Yeah, I have a lot of thoughts on this.

I don't worry about the potential of my speaking openly about my sex life ruining my professional life because I hate my professional life and professionalism in nearly all forms. I have nothing but contempt for the academy, social psychology, my employer, the publishing industry, 99% of the organizations that hire me to provide workshops, and a decent-sized subset of my readers who are of the more liberal end of things. Alienating myself from these institutions and people and making myself incompatible with their viewpoints feels as necessary to me as breathing air.

when I was very young I was concerned with making myself palatable to academia and shucking off everything that was unprofessional and hillbillyish and childish and weird about me, but then I learned what success within the academy really entailed. I heard faculty members shrug and say they "didn't really care" about the topics they were studying (topics like racism, sexism, transphobia, etc) and were just publishing work on these subjects to further their own careers. I was trained to use questionable research protocols that generated false positives and specious results. Nearly all the research that I worked on for three years of undergrad and five years of graduate school would eventually be discredited due to failure to replicate. And I realized that I was being taken advantage of all the while, mined for cheap labor on meaningless projects that meant nothing scientifically, making $14k a year in a field where there were no future job prospects.

by the time i finished my PhD I knew that I wanted to be nothing like the people that had trained me and taken advantage of me, and that I had useless skills in a dying field. I was plenty happy to cut the shit by then and be real about who I was, what I believed, and what was and wasn't a virtuous use of my time. This only became more pronounced after I was screwed over by even more employers as a part-time instructor, and then finally hired full-time in a department that was doing good work, but which was constantly getting undercut by those in higher up administrative positions.

My entire career I have essentially been daring people to fire me and they never seem to do it. No matter how much shit I talk about the university and my profession and no matter how much I bear about myself, I just keep getting rewarded for it and allowed to float along relatively unbothered. There's a power in having a lot of audacity. I am not ashamed of who I am and I don't worry about how my employer and colleagues see me because as a whole I have zero respect for any of them or their opinions. (I have some individual coworkers who are great! but they dont represent Psychology or Academia as a whole or its values. my coworker friends are supportive of my freaky trans kinky self).

It's much the same dynamic in my family. I have no respect for the majority of people in my family and I don't concern myself with how they might react to the things I have to say. When I first started writing openly about Autism some relatives found it deeply offensive and talked a lot of shit about me behind my back, saying that I was embarassing all of them by associating us with a disability they found shameful, but my mom communicated to those relatives in no uncertain terms that I was gonna just keep doing whatever the fuck I wanted and they'd have to find some way to deal with it.

My mom had already learned that about me firsthand. I complain about her sometimes but I do have immense gratitude to her for just accepting who I am, even if there are elements of it she can't understand and probably does not feel good about. She learned a long long time ago that I was on my own separate planet and that there was nothing she could do to stop me from running my mouth and living my life, and I'm thankful to her for that. My actions have set the tone with my family pretty clearly: i came out as trans publicly before I told them, I started hormones and changed my name/gender marker without consulting them and then told them it was a fact already and they'd need to get in line. I approach most things about myself that others might take issue with in the same way: it's a fact, it's fucking happening, and you can't tell me shit about it that is going to keep me from doing it. and if you're too much of a dick about it I might end up writing about you in a book or essay so watch out, I guess.

That sounds more vindicitive than how I actually feel most of the time, of course. I just don't think about the opinions of people I don't respect. I care about what my friends think of me, and the people I look up to, and I try to rise to a level that is worthy of them. And of course I do experience fear of ostacism and failure in those respects and have not always coped with it in a confident, principled way. But with my aunts and uncles or my boss? Fuck them. I have no desire to win their approval because I've seen what they approve of and it sucks.

All of this is possible because I am not financially reliant upon my family, of course, and because if I lose my job I would have a back-up plan. I've always done freelancing and side writing gigs, even back when I was a part-timer with really insecure teaching jobs, and so the loss of any one position has never felt that catastrophic to me. I was already released by my PhD program into economically shaky ground and I never had a prayer of having a successful tenure track academic "career", so I'm not afraid of losing that. that's already gone. I feel generally pretty confident in my ability to scratch by making a living doing this or that even if somebody fires me, and I won't have to ask relatives for money so it really does not matter if I alienate any of them. that is an IMMENSE PRIVILEGE and someone not in that position shouldn't compare themselves to me or expect themselves to have that same degree of confidence. sometimes you have to just keep your head down to survive and there's no shame in that either.

as for the question about "authenticity" as an idealized end state and how to reconcile it with social media, here are some of my thoughts: it's not authenticity if it is focused on how other people interpret you. authenticity is letting go of trying to manage what other people think about you. that means you dont ever have to broadcast everything about yourself to the public or on social media, you dont ever have to share something that you dont want to, the pursuit of being perfectly understood is one that will never be fulfilled and there is no need to make oneself unnecessarily vulnerable just for the sake of appealing to people who might not ever understand and accept you anyway. authenticity is more about an energy than about revealment. it's an energy of self acceptance, not necessarily self love, and it's not something that one broadcasts, it's something one cultivates by developing secure, supportive relationships, improving one's self knowledge, and by working through one's baggage.

[hyperfixatedonthisnow]

Siren's call

*not my GIF I know, I know, I suck at titles, but I’ve come to accept this about myself and therefore so must you! Summary: A Siren and a privateer fall in love, but how will he react when he finally learns what she is? Requested by: Anonymous - Sturmhond/Nikolai finds out his girlfriend is a siren. How will that go? - Dearest anon, I am *so* sorry that this took me so long to put out. I fell down a bit of a rabbit hole researching Sirens and found your request so interesting that I honestly could have written much more. I started out with Sturmhond, then switched to Nikolai after reader learns his real name, and I went with Sirens as shape-shifting mermaids, rather than the Greek version of bird like creatures, mostly because it was easier to write in but also because birds freak me out a bit tbh, I’m hoping you don’t mind. Also there’s smut at the end, but if you don’t like that then feel free to stop reading when the kissing starts 😉 I realized way too late that I probably should have asked you for more details 🤦‍♀️ So I can only hope that this is something close to what you wanted! Word count: 7.5K ish - because much like our favorite prince/privateer, I prefer to use several words when one will do 😅

Warnings: NSFW - 18+ only. Mild peril, mild angst, a touch of fluff, minor OC’s who exist only to further the (minimal) plot, a very brief mention of non-con (but not with Nikolai), smut, fem!reader, P in V sex, semi-rough sex, marking, unprotected sex (not recommended in real life!)

You had been following the ship closely for weeks, watching the crew, learning their habits, and charting their course to figure out the best time to take them. Amalia preferred to wait until they were close to land, though it was easier and safer to simply lure them into open water out at sea. She liked the challenge, but more than that, she liked to be the last thing the men saw before they died. It made her feel powerful- to know how much they wanted her and could never have her.

If it was up to you, you would wait until nightfall and sing from a distance, letting your enchanting lullaby guide the men from their beds straight into a watery grave. You didn’t take pleasure in their deaths, even if you knew it was necessary. Unnatural your sisters teased, for a Siren to have such a soft heart. Amalia never joined in with the teasing, though you knew she didn’t really understand you either. Still, she indulged you by allowing you to act as scout, and that meant you could mostly narrow down the targets to pirates and slavers, offering the fishermen and other sailors some small semblance of protection.

Whenever possible, you would scout several ships at a time, so that you could choose the one you wanted and hopefully sway Amalia towards it when you returned to discuss your findings. Unfortunately, only one ship had passed through your waters in almost a month, and although you felt it was worth saving, there was no second option.

When you met with Amalia, you thought carefully about what you had found before you spoke, deciding on the major details you should share with her and filtering out your own more personal observations.

At first glance, it had seemed like a Pirate ship, but further investigation proved that it was not. The crew was an eclectic mix of men, women, and Grisha, of various ages and races. The captain - who went by the name Sturmhond and insisted he was not a pirate, but a privateer - was young, barely out of boyhood, and yet it was clear that he commanded their respect.

He ran a tight ship, but he always treated his crew warmly and he worked alongside them often, doing his fair share of the hard work. He was rarely angry and never cruel, as far as you could tell. At night the crew would gather on the deck to drink and play cards, and he usually joined them. He didn’t seem to think himself above their company as some captains would. You watched him dance and laugh along with the others, and when he lost at cards, he always took it in good humour.

In the conversations you had overheard, the captain’s responses were measured and kind, free from judgment or scorn. Although they carried an impressive arsenal of weapons, you had witnessed no violence from him, nor any of his crew. No prisoners taken, no poor souls forced to walk the plank, no slaves bound in the hull of his ship.

He spent most of his hours working on some flying contraption and after several failed tests, you saw his joy when it actually worked. He was a good man, you had concluded. Intelligent and funny, and handsome, too. You tried to imagine Amalia’s face if you admitted that last bit out loud - she would probably think you had taken leave of your senses completely.

You bit your lip, wondering how you could persuade her to spare them, to spare him.

“Actually, I was thinking… maybe we should… let this one go,” you suggested tentatively. Might as well just be direct.

Amalia stared at you as though you had grown an extra head. “Let them go?” She said after a moment, her nose scrunching in disgust. “You think these men should live?”

“They aren’t just men,” you rushed, trying to justify yourself. “There are women on the crew, and Grisha too.”

“And?” Amalia prompted.

“And, they don’t deserve to be punished for the sins of men,” you argued, “they’re innocent.”

Amalia rolled her eyes, “They’ve chosen to take up with a pirate, have they not?”

“Privateer,” you corrected, but the moment the word was out you wished you could call it back.

Amalia narrowed her eyes suspiciously at you. “Privateer?” She echoed.

“Yes?” You squeaked, and it sounded more like a question than an answer. You cleared your throat. “Yes. He’s not a pirate, he’s a privateer, and he’s a good man, Amalia. I’ve seen it.”

Amalia laughed, “There is no such thing as a good man,” she muttered, “They are all the same. Weak-minded, arrogant, selfish creatures. They live only for violence and destruction.”

“Not him,” you said firmly. “He’s not like the others.”

“He’s exactly like the others,” she snapped, “If you gave him the chance, he would kill you without a second thought.”

“No,” you argued, “You’re wrong about him. He’s smart and kind, and good. I swear it.”

She studied you for a long moment and you tried not to fidget under her disapproving gaze. Your cheeks felt hot, and you knew you were probably blushing.

“Oh, don’t tell me you’ve gone and fallen in love with him!” She exclaimed finally.

You said nothing, but your silence was answer enough. You looked away, pressing your lips together. It was out there now, no point in trying to deny it.

“Foolish girl,” Amalia said, shaking her head. “There is no future for you with him, surely you must see that?”

“Of course I do,” you whispered, blinking away the tears that threatened to spill over. “But I won’t watch him die Amalia. Not this one. I can’t.”

Amalia sighed, and then she surprised you by pulling you in to a tight hug.

“Please,” you begged, voice breaking.

“There’s a storm coming,” she murmured into your hair, “I suppose we could wait it out.”

“We could?” You questioned hopefully.

“If they can survive it, on their own, then we will leave them be. That’s the best I can do.”

Relief flooded through you, and you hugged Amalia tighter. “Thank you!” You cried.

She pulled back to look at you, her expression troubled. “I know you don’t want to believe it, but men are dangerous. All men. Even your privateer,” she said seriously, hands gripping your shoulders, “So if I do this, if I let him live, it is on the condition that you agree to stay away from him. Do you understand?”

“Yes,” you answered without hesitation. You would do anything to protect him.

“You must never see him again. Not ever. Promise me,” she insisted.

“I promise,” you said, the words bitter on your tongue.

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The sea was rough, waves cresting 30ft high only to crash back down, as loud as thunder. You watched as the ship rose and fell along with them. You weren’t supposed to be here, had promised to stay away, but you couldn’t help yourself. You had to know that he would be ok. Amalia had agreed to wait until the storm had passed, but if the ship ran aground her small act of mercy wouldn’t matter.

You moved closer, letting the current sweep you towards the ship. It had to be taking on water, but so far, the crew seemed to be holding on. Once you were close enough, you watched them carefully. The Grisha who usually guided their sails spread his arms wide, fighting a losing battle against the ferocious winds. He was just a boy, and not nearly powerful enough to tame such a storm alone. A woman jumped from the lookout, rolling across the deck, and landing gracefully on her feet beside a tall man with similar features. They moved to secure the main sail, working in perfect tandem. A man in a teal coat ran from post to post, tightening the rigging and testing the knots before making his way to the helm to take the wheel. Sturmhond. His hair was plastered to his face, his clothes soaking wet. He took the wheel with both hands, pulling hard to the left, and though his expression was determined, you could sense his growing desperation.

The ship slowly began to turn, forcing the bow away from the storm. Trying to outrun it. For a moment it looked as though his plan might actually work, but then suddenly the ship listed dangerously starboard. Sturmhond struggled to right it, but it was too late. A wave crashed over the now tilted masts, snapping them clean away with a force that rolled the entire ship on to its side. It bobbed precariously for half a second, sailors clinging to the railings, before another wave hit, cracking the hull. If they weren’t taking on water before, they certainly were now. Finally, a voice called out, “ABANDON SHIP!” and the crew began leaping into the sea, frantically trying to escape the wreckage before it capsized completely.

Your eyes scanned the chaos, looking for Sturmhond. You found him clambering up one side of the railing, the ship already beginning to sink beneath his feet. He was looking around, searching for something. Checking all his crew had managed to get out. And then you saw it, at the same time he did - the Grisha crewman, hanging upside down, tangled in the remains of the rigging. The boy struggled, desperately trying to free himself, but he was stuck. Jump, you urged the privateer silently, leave him, but you already knew he wouldn’t. He turned away from the water and began climbing towards his crew mate instead. Stupid. He would never make it in time. The ship was sinking rapidly. In just a few precious seconds it would go under, and when it did, anyone still on it would be pulled under along with it.

You wanted to help him, but you knew you shouldn’t. You thought of your promise to Amalia. She would be furious if she found out you were here, even more so if you interfered. You hesitated, still watching from a safe distance as Sturmhond reached the Grisha with barely a moment to spare. He tugged a knife from his boot and cut the boy free, allowing him to drop safely into the water beneath them. The boy didn’t wait for his captain, he immediately began swimming away from the wreckage. But before Sturmhond could follow, another huge wave swept over the ship, dragging it - and him - underwater, just as you had predicted. He was going to drown.

You made a split-second decision, diving under the water to search for him. The weight of the sinking ship acted like a vacuum, sucking everything downward to the sea floor. You followed it down, but you couldn’t see him anywhere. Panic clawed at your chest. Had he made it to the surface by himself? You turned, ready to go back up, when a flash of teal and gold below you caught your eye. There. You dove back down, looping your arms under his and hauling him against you. He was limp, a heavy weight in your arms. You held him tight, swimming away from the wreckage and towards the surface as fast as you could.

When you reached the surface, you pulled him above the water line, working hard to keep you both afloat. His head lolled back on your shoulder and his eyes were closed. You weren’t sure if he was breathing, and you felt panic building again. You tried to ignore it as you headed for the shore, where you shifted quickly into human form. Once you had dragged him onto the wet sand, you laid him on his back and pressed your ear to his chest. There was no sound, no movement that suggested breathing. Maybe he swallowed too much water?

You turned his head to the side and then placed your hands over his stomach and pushed upwards, hard. Was that the right thing to do? You weren’t sure, but you thought you had seen it done before, once… maybe. Nothing happened. You tried again, and again… and again. Were you doing it wrong … or were you just too late? But then, suddenly, he was coughing up a lungful of water and gasping for breath as he came round. After a few moments he blinked his eyes open, finding you still leaning over him.

“Am I dead?” He mumbled.

“No,” you assured him. Thank the sea goddess! Overcome with emotion, you flung yourself at him, sobbing in relief. His arms closed around you hesitantly, though he surely thought you were insane - a perfect stranger, crying over him and hugging him without invitation.

The storm was over and the sea eerily still by the time the rest of his crew managed to make it to shore. You had calmed yourself, and Sturmhond was sitting up, chatting amiably with you, as if he hadn’t almost died mere minutes earlier. You learned that he had another ship, the Volkvolny, and he cheerfully informed you that really, the storm had done him a favour, because he hadn’t liked the other one all that much anyway. It was nothing short of a miracle that everyone had survived the wreckage with only minimal injuries, and that put them all in a remarkably good mood considering the circumstances. Sturmhond introduced you to the crew, and casually insisted you join them at the local tavern, to dry off and have a strong drink, or two.

As you got to your feet, you caught sight of Amalia at the far side of the shore. Too far away to really make out her features, but you could imagine the look of disappointment on her face. You had broken the promise you made her, and worse than that, here you were walking and talking with humans as though you were old friends. To top it all off, you had committed a cardinal sin amongst Sirens - you had saved a man’s life. You had chosen a man over your sisters, and no matter how much Amalia loved you, this was the one thing she could not forgive.

At the tavern, you quickly discovered that Sturmhond and his crew were a lively, friendly bunch. You were treated as the guest of honour since you had saved the captain’s life, and they welcomed you with open arms. So, when they planned to move to the Volkvolny, and asked if you wanted to come along, you agreed to go with them.

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It was far easier than you would have expected for you to adjust to your new life aboard the Volkvolny. You found that you had watched enough Sailors over the years to pick up some of the basics and luckily you hit it off with Tamar, who quickly took you under her wing, teaching you the more advanced skills. You listened to endless hours of poetry readings from Tolya, and in exchange he offered to teach you how to fight. In fact, most of the crew accepted you readily. In truth, a lot of the men had just been so enthralled by your ethereal beauty that they were half in love with you at first sight, and the fact that you had saved their captain’s life had been enough to endear you to the rest.

All except for one woman, a young Grisha heartrender named Laila who seemed set on hating you no matter how hard you tried to befriend her. Tamar said it was jealousy - Laila wanted to be the captains favourite but he had never shown any interest in her, and now with you around, he likely never would. You tried not to let it bother you, but you were worried that she might sense something was different about you and early one morning she confirmed your fears when she cornered you in the galley, pushing you up against the wall.

“I’m on to you,” she hissed, “you’re hiding something and I’m going to figure out what it is.”

You played it cool, pretending you had no idea what she meant, and though you briefly considered throwing her overboard, you ultimately decided it was too risky. Instead, you did your best to avoid her at all times, at least as much as you could avoid someone living in such close proximity, and you became an expert at hiding in plain sight.

The bond you had formed with Sturmhond as a result of saving his life grew into a fully-fledged friendship, and then, into something sweeter. Over time, you found yourself sharing his bed as well as his company, and once he trusted you enough to reveal his true identity - Nikolai Lantsov, royal spare to the Ravkan throne - you were moved into the captain’s quarters permanently.

You missed Amalia and being on the sea everyday but never in it, was its own special kind of torture, but you had made your choice and you would do it all over again in a heartbeat. You would choose him, always, whatever the cost. So, you vowed never to use your power again, if it only meant you could keep this new life, if it meant you could keep him. But of course, nothing was ever that simple.

You had been on the Volkvolny for almost a year when it finally happened…

The crew were gathered in a loose circle on the lower deck, chatting and sharing several bottles of liquor, relaxing after a long day. You followed Nikolai down the steps to join them and when he took the only empty seat, you didn’t hesitate to drop yourself into his lap. A chorus of wolf whistles and hooting erupted from the crew around you.

“Perverts,” you muttered, giving them the middle finger and they all laughed.

Nikolai looped his arm around your waist, pulling you closer. You leaned against him, fingers playing with the hair at the nape of his neck, content to just be close to him while the crew drank and talked around you. You joined the conversation only when spoken to directly and luckily no one noticed your contemplative mood, as they all got steadily drunker and rowdier as the night went on. At some point, someone started singing a sea shanty and one by one the rest of the crew joined in, happy and loud, and painfully off-key. You smiled and clapped along, but otherwise stayed quiet. Laila was watching you carefully from across the circle.

“You’re not singing,” she said suddenly, and you were sure you weren’t imagining the accusation in her tone.

“Oh, no one wants to hear my singing,” you laughed nervously, waving her off, “honestly I’m terrible.”

She narrowed her eyes at you. “You can’t be that bad. Come on, just sing a few lines,” she pushed.

You shifted uncomfortably on Nikolai’s lap. His hand tightened on your waist, and you knew he was listening. You struggled to think of another excuse. “I- umm…”

“Leave her alone,” Tamar interjected, and you flashed her a grateful smile for coming to your rescue. “She doesn’t have to sing if she doesn’t want to.”

“But she never wants to sing,” Laila muttered petulantly, “don’t you think that’s odd?”

“What’s odd is you insisting she does,” Nikolai said, an unmistakable edge to his voice. “Let it go Laila.”

Laila flushed at the reprimand. She reluctantly fell silent again, but she was glaring at the drink in her hands, her expression murderous. Silence stretched awkwardly for a few seconds, until Tolya thankfully broke it by producing a deck of cards and starting a game.

You declined to play, and as the cards were dealt you turned your attention away. Through the gaps in the railings, you could see the miles of deep blue sea that stretched all the way to the horizon, and you felt a familiar pull, calling you home. You closed your eyes as you inhaled deeply, letting the salty air fill your lungs. Home. You would never be truly at home here, on this ship, and that thought filled you with sadness. You thought of Amalia, and you wondered if she missed you, the way that you missed her.

You were pulled from your reverie by Nikolai shifting beneath you. He leaned over you to throw his cards down on the table, declaring he was bowing out of the game and then he sat back, pulling you further into his lap.

“Everything alright, my love?” He asked quietly, his lips brushing your ear. You pushed away your melancholy, turning your head so you could look at him.

“Yes,” you murmured, and you meant it. You wanted to be here, with him, no matter how much you might miss home.

“Thinking about how absurdly handsome I am?” He waggled his eyebrows at you, and you laughed.

“No, but I was thinking about you,” you admitted, “about how I ended up here.”

“Ah, so you’re thinking about the time you saved my life then. No wonder you looked so serious.”

“Which time?” You mused, teasing him, “There are so many, I think I’ve lost count.”

Nikolai gasped, all faux outrage. “Once.” He insisted, “It was one time.”

“If you say so,” you smiled indulgently as he leaned in to kiss you, slow and deep, his hand cupping your jaw. The whistling and jeering immediately started up again. You pulled away, rolling your eyes at the crew’s antics.

Nikolai sighed. “For Saints sake,” he grumbled, but he sounded more fond than angry.

When you looked up, Laila was glaring at you. She fixed a smile on her face as you met her gaze, but it didn’t reach her eyes.

“I’ve been thinking,” She said loudly, gaining everyone’s attention, “what exactly happened, the night you joined us? We’ve never heard your side of the story.”

Had she figured it out? You tried to keep your expression as neutral as possible, but you had stared at her for a beat too long, and now everyone was looking at you, waiting for your answer.

“There’s really not much to tell,” you said carefully.

“Don’t be so modest,” Laila said, her smile sharp, “you saved the Captain’s life after all, and I want to hear every detail.”

Your heart pounded. You should have pushed her overboard when you had the chance. As you tried to come up with a plausible story, the ship was suddenly engulfed in a thick fog.

After that, everything happened so quickly that you barely understood it. One moment you were sailing in open water, the night clear and still, and the next, you were dodging gunfire in near blindness, as men appeared from nowhere and swarmed the ship. The crew fought valiantly, but you were outnumbered and outmatched by a pair of the most powerful Grisha you had ever encountered. You had heard rumours about the drug jurda parem, and now it seemed you were seeing it’s effects first hand. All around you was chaos and you couldn’t keep track of anything. Before long, most of your crew were injured and eventually, all of them captured.

The fog dissipated as quickly as it had appeared, and then there was Nikolai - bleeding, gagged and bound - forced to his knees on the deck of his own ship.

A man grabbed you from behind, holding you against his body with an arm around your waist and a hand twisting painfully in your hair. Nikolai tried to call out as he caught sight of you and your captors laughed.

“Looks like we’ve found the captain’s whore,” one of the men chuckled.

The one holding you ran his hand up from your waist to roughly grab at your breast. You held perfectly still, you weren’t going to give these animals the satisfaction of a reaction, but Nikolai struggled against his bonds, and the man standing over him backhanded him hard across the face. He swayed on his knees, the force of the blow almost knocking him over, and blood trickled from the fresh wound at his temple. The men began talking amongst themselves, loudly detailing all the disgusting things they would enjoy doing to you later.

“Don’t worry,” Nikolai’s captor taunted him, “we’ll let you watch.”

Nikolai struggled again, cold rage clear in his eyes as the men laughed. For a brief moment, he managed to get to his feet, but that only gave his captor an excuse to hit him again, and again, until he slumped to the floor, and when you screamed in protest, the men laughed harder, enjoying your misery.

These men were going to die today, you decided, and you would not show them the mercy of a quick death.

You closed your eyes, took a deep breath, and started to sing. At first the men only looked at each other in confusion, but as your melody continued, they gradually fell under your spell, their eyes glazing over. You tried your best to focus only on them, but it wasn’t an exact science, so your crew also felt the effects. Conveniently, they were all bound and so had little chance of hurting themselves.

You concentrated on the Grisha first since they were the biggest threat, followed by the rest of the men. At your instruction, they turned as one, and forming an orderly line, walked to the side of the ship before binding their own hands and feet together. Then they clambered up onto the railing, and one by one, threw themselves into the water, like lemmings leaping off a cliff. You saved the man who had smacked Nikolai for last, and before he jumped, had him stab himself with his own blade several times, just for good measure.

Once the last man entered the water, you stood at the railing, feeling a perverse sense of satisfaction as you watched them trying, and failing, to fight against their bonds in an effort to return to you. You watched each one slowly begin to sink beneath the water, and only once you were sure there would be no chance that any of them might survive, did you stop singing and move away. When it was done, you set about releasing your crew from their bindings and tending to their wounds as best you could. They were groggy from the after-effects of your song, and it took some hours for everyone to fully come around. No one could really remember what had happened, and you pretended not to know either. You could only cross your fingers and hope that no one realized the truth of what you had done.

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Nikolai was quiet in the aftermath, and though he put up a good front for the rest of the crew, you could tell he was shaken by what had happened. Once everyone was attended to, he announced he was going to his office and he took your hand, pulling you along with him. You followed him to the captain’s quarters in silence.

He let you enter first and you heard the soft click of the lock as he closed the door behind him. You perched yourself on the edge of his desk as you waited for him, but when he turned, he leaned back against the door instead of coming closer. His face was set, his eyes hard, and you knew that he had finally figured out your secret. Honestly, you were surprised it had taken him this long, you had always known it was only a matter of time. You watched him carefully, but you said nothing, waiting for him to speak first.

“You’re a Siren,” he said finally.

You nodded your head in answer, even though he hadn’t phrased it as a question. He stared at you for a long moment, and you could almost hear the cogs turning in his mind, mulling over the many questions he must have. Eventually he seemed to settle on one.

“How many innocent men have you killed?” He asked.

“Innocent?” You huffed, “None.”

He narrowed his eyes at you, “But you have lured men to their deaths, haven’t you?”

“I have.” You conceded. He knew what you were now, there was no reason to lie.

“So? How many?” He pressed. “You must have some idea.” He crossed his arms over his chest, closing himself off to you.

“I didn’t exactly keep a tally,” you muttered.

“Tell me,” He demanded, “Dozens? Hundreds? Thousands?”

“I don’t know,” you admitted, suddenly unable to meet his gaze, “I can’t remember them all.”

“Those men had lives and families,” he said, outraged, “they were someone’s father, brother, son, and you don’t even remember them?!”

You felt your own temper beginning to rise and you struggled to keep your voice even. “They were Slavers. Murderers and Pirates. They were the worst kind of men.”

“You don’t know that!” He argued, “What right did you have to judge them?”

“I’m a Siren,” you reminded him, “It’s what I was born to do. I followed them first, watched them, saw what kind of men they were with my own eyes. I only ever took the bad ones.”

He shook his head in disbelief. “So now you expect me to believe Sirens follow some kind of moral code?”

“Not all Sirens, but I expect you to believe that I do.”

“How am I to believe anything you say” he scoffed, “You’ve been lying to me since the day we met.”

“I didn’t lie to you, not really. Everything I told you about myself was true. I just omitted one small detail.”

He laughed, but there was no humour in it. “I think we have a vastly different understanding of the word small,” he muttered, “and a lie by omission is still a lie.”

He wasn’t wrong, but … “You lied to me too, Sturmhond.”

He straightened, no longer leaning against the door, but still kept the distance between you. “That’s hardly the same!” He protested.

“Isn’t it?”

“Not at all,” he huffed, “besides, I told you the truth once I thought I could trust you. Although clearly, I was mistaken.”

“You can trust me,” you insisted. “In case you’ve forgotten, I saved your life - twice. You’re welcome, by the way!”

He didn’t look convinced. “That first night, when you rescued me, were you watching the ship? Just waiting for an opportunity to kill us all?”

“No! I mean, yes - I watched you for a while, but I was never going to lure you. I convinced my sister to let you go,” you rushed, desperately trying to explain, “I promised to stay away from you and in return Amalia agreed that they wouldn’t go after you, if you survived the storm on your own.”

“But we didn’t,” he said, brow furrowed in confusion. “The ship sank and I almost drowned.”

“I remember. I was there when the storm hit. I saw you save the boy who was trapped in the rigging, and when you went under, I came after you.”

“I don’t understand. If you promised to stay away from me then why were you there?” He asked, frown deepening.

“I just needed to be know you would be alright,” you admitted softly, “I wasn’t supposed to help you.”

“I don’t suppose many Sirens would go out of their way to save a man from drowning,” he said, mouth curving into a wry smile.

“No. It goes against their nature. But you decided to act the hero and almost got yourself killed in the process,” you muttered angrily, “so I had to choose, and I chose you, even though I knew my sisters would never forgive me.”

“So, you really did save my life? That was real?”

“Yes. Everything between us has been real for me, I swear it,” you said earnestly, “I gave up everything for you.”

He moved towards you then, coming to stand over you where you were still sitting on the edge of his desk, and you widened your thighs to allow him in between them. He was so close that you had to tilt your head back to look at him. You closed your hands in to fists, fighting the urge to reach for him.

“And tonight?” He asked, “Did you kill those men?”

You could have lied, or pretended not to remember what happened, but you didn’t want there to be anymore secrets between you. “I did,” you confessed, meeting his eyes. You weren’t ashamed of what you had done. “and I would do it again if I had to. They would have killed you.”

“You’re not sorry,” he said, and you wondered if he wanted you to be.You thought about it for a moment, but when you closed your eyes, you could still see him on his knees. No. You weren’t sorry at all.

“They got what they deserved,” you hissed, “and the world is a better place without them in it.”

He gave a short, sharp nod of his head in agreement, and you smiled. Whatever he thought of you, he understood this at least.

“Tell me why,” he said, lifting a hand to brush your hair back from your face. “Why did you save me?”

“Because I love you,” you answered honestly, leaning into his touch when his hand lingered. “I loved you then and I love you now, even if you don’t feel the same.”

He dropped his hand, taking a single step back and you had to stop yourself from swaying forward, chasing the physical connection.

“How do I know that my feelings for you are truly my own? That you’re not influencing me somehow?”

“In what way?”

“I don’t know,” he said, “by using your Siren powers to manipulate me? To seduce me? How do I know you’re not just making me think I’m in love with you.”

“Are you?” You asked hopefully, “In love with me?”

He looked away. “Maybe,” he hedged.

“Well, Siren power doesn’t work that way. My song inspires lust-addled obsession, blind desire, unwavering obedience - not love.”

He stared at you for what felt like an eternity, considering your answer. He worried his bottom lip between his teeth as he studied you, and suddenly all you could think about was how much you wanted to kiss him.

“Okay.” He said finally. He stepped closer, into your personal space again, but frustratingly kept his hands to himself.

“Okay?”

“Yes. I believe you,” he said, “but you still should have told me. I had the right to know that the woman I’m sleeping with, the woman I fell in love with is a-“

“A monster?” You finished for him. You knew what men thought of creatures like you.

He glared at you. “Don’t put words in my mouth.”

“That’s not what you were going to say?” You asked, feigning innocence.

“No.” He said firmly.

“Mmm,” you hummed skeptically. “So you’re not afraid of me?”

He blinked at you, as though the thought hadn’t even crossed his mind. “Should I be?”

“Well, a little bit couldn’t hurt,” you teased.

He shook his head exasperatedly, but he was smiling now, that perfect crooked smile that never failed to make your heart skip a beat. He put his hands around your waist, finally, pulling you into him and you fisted your hands in his shirt to keep him there. He lowered his head at the same time that you tilted yours up, and your lips ghosted over each other, close enough to share a breath but not quite touching.

“I have one last question,” he said, and you bit back a sigh. For saints sake, what else could he possibly want to know?

“Have you ever used your power to seduce me?”

You squinted at him, trying to decide if he was saying you might need to use your power to seduce him. You felt a flush of annoyance at the suggestion. “No,” you said carefully, “should I?”

He shook his head, no. “I already want you,” he admitted.

“Good,” you smiled, “because I want you too. All the time.”

The corner of his mouth tipped up into a pleased little smirk. “Yeah?”

“Mmhmm,” you hummed, leaning into him, and this time he kissed you for real, his lips soft but insistent against your own, not pulling away until you were both breathless.

“I’m still angry with you,” he said, when he finally succumbed to the need for air, “for lying to me.”

“I’m sorry,” you murmured, and you meant it.

“I know,” he said and then he dipped his head to kiss you again.

He brought his hand up to cup your face, the other still gripping your waist as you opened your mouth to him. He took the opportunity to deepen the kiss, tangling his tongue with your own and every time you pulled back, he only allowed you to draw a single, ragged breath before he claimed your lips again.

One of his hands ran up your side from your waist, until his thumb grazed the swell of your breast over the thin cotton of your shirt, and you shivered, leaning into his touch. You could feel his growing arousal against your thigh, and you were suddenly overwhelmed by the need to feel his bare skin against your own. You tugged his shirt free from his breeches, pulling it up and off over his head before he could protest.

He immediately slanted his mouth over yours again, as if he couldn’t bear to be parted from you for more than a few seconds, and you let your hands roam over his broad shoulders and chest, before you worked on removing your own shirt. Your fingers slipped over the small buttons, and you growled in frustration, breaking away from his kiss so that you could see what you were doing. He made a sound of irritation, ducking his head to nip lightly at the curve of your neck and you gasped, your shirt momentarily forgotten as you grabbed a fistful of his hair instead. He groaned low in his throat when you pulled him closer rather than pushing him away, and he nipped at you again, teeth grazing your pulse point, this time hard enough to leave a mark. You moaned as his tongue flicked out to sooth the sting and you felt his lips turn up into a self-satisfied smirk against your skin.

When you finally succeeded in unbuttoning your shirt, you reached around your back to unhook your bra and removed that along with it, and then you dropped your hands to the laces of his breeches before he could distract you again. He finally realized your goal then, and began to help, rather than hinder you, pushing his breeches and underwear down to his ankles so that he could kick them away. You stood so that you could do the same and once you were both naked, he lifted you back up, so you were sitting on the edge of his desk again.

You leaned back on your hands, and he dipped his head, capturing one pebbled nipple with his tongue. You arched your back, pushing your breast further into his mouth as his fingers skated along your inner thigh towards your centre. He gave a small grunt of satisfaction when he found you slick and ready for him and you threaded your fingers through his hair, tugging him upwards until he released your nipple with a soft pop.

He slipped two fingers inside you easily, and when you clenched around him, he let out a distinctly strangled sound. You met his gaze as you sat up, so you could hook your legs around his thighs, locking your ankles behind his ass to keep him there, and you enjoyed the way his eyes fluttered closed and his breath hitched as his cock settled between your thighs, so close to where you wanted him. You tilted your hips up, and he took the hint, guiding himself into place and filling you completely with one quick, hard thrust that had you crying out.

You clutched at him desperately, barely able to do anything but hold on as he set a punishing pace, driving his hips forward fast and hard, only to retreat, again, and again, until you were both panting. His hands gripped your hips so hard that you knew there would be finger shaped bruises there tomorrow. The desk creaked loudly, almost drowning out your mutual sounds of pleasure, the sturdy wooden frame rocking beneath you with the force of his thrusts.

His face was buried in your neck, and you tugged impatiently on his hair as you felt the first tendrils of your impending orgasm began to creep up your spine, until he lifted his head so that you could capture his mouth with yours. He slipped his hand between your bodies as he felt you tightening around him, his clever fingers finding your clit and tipping you over the edge into climax with just a few precise movements. You cried out his name, convulsing around him as you came, your hand tightening in his hair so hard that it must have been painful, and you felt his rhythm falter. He thrust harder, pushing as deep as he could possibly go, once, twice, three times, then he stilled and shuddered, spilling himself inside you.

You all but collapsed against each other, both boneless and breathing heavily in the aftermath of your orgasms. He was the first to recover, and he pressed a sloppy kiss to your temple as he straightened, retreating from your body. He moved over to the basin near the bed, dipping a clean cloth into the water and wringing it out before returning. His hands were gentle, in stark contrast to how rough he had been minutes before and you tried not to wince as he carefully cleaned away the sticky remnants of your shared release, but his observant eyes caught it anyway. He pressed a finger under your chin to gently tilt your head up.

“Did I hurt you?” He asked, face creased in concern.

“No,” you answered, much too quickly.

He raised his eyebrows at you, his expression disbelieving.

“I’m a little bit sore,” you reluctantly admitted.

His face dropped into a scowl, and you knew he was angry at himself for being so rough with you.

“I’m ok,” you assured him, brushing your fingers across his forehead to smooth away his frown.

He searched your face, looking for any sign that you might not be telling the truth and you met his gaze, your expression loving and completely open. He rested his forehead against yours, peering down at you through his lashes.

“Don’t lie to me,” he said after a moment, and you knew he wasn’t just talking about right now.

“Never again,” you promised.

“Okay.” He said softly.

He leaned in to kiss you, sweet and chaste, just a slow glide of his lips over yours before pulling back to slide one arm underneath you and the other around your back. You squealed as he scooped you up, bridal style, so that he could carry you over to the bed. He pulled back the covers with one hand and then lowered you down and crawled in beside you, immediately curling his body around you.

You tried to relax into his embrace, but you couldn’t, not when there was still so much you needed to talk about. You were afraid to bring it up, too scared to hear him say that this was the last time you could be together, so you waited until his breathing began to even out and he was almost asleep before you forced yourself to speak.

“What happens now?” You asked quietly.

“Huh?” He mumbled sleepily.

“With us,” you elaborated, “do you want me to leave?”

“What? No.” He said, suddenly sounding much more alert, “Of course not.”

He rolled on to his back and you turned to face him, propping yourself up on your elbow so that you could look at him.

“What will you tell the crew?”

“Nothing,” he said simply, and though you should have been relieved, you only felt more anxious.

“But Laila is already suspicious,” you pointed out, “and Tolya and Tamar are too sharp not to figure it out eventually.”

“Then we’ll tell them the truth.”

“They won’t want me on this ship when they find out what I am, Nikolai.”

“Last time I checked, I was the captain,” he smirked, “I decide who I do, and don’t allow on my own ship.”

“Don’t be stupid, it doesn’t suit you,” you grumbled, “You’ll end up with a mutiny on your hands.”

“Then we’ll leave,” he said easily, as if it was the most obvious solution.

“Leave?” You repeated, not sure you had understood.

He shrugged, seemingly completely unbothered by the idea. “I was always going to have to go home eventually.”

“You can’t just leave. You love this ship!” You protested.

“I do,” he said, turning on his side so that you were face to face, “but I love you more. It’s my turn to give something up. If it comes down to it, I’ll choose you, always.”

Your heart stuttered in your chest. Hadn’t you just been thinking that very same thought earlier? He leaned in to kiss you, slow and achingly sweet, and all of your protests died on your tongue. He nudged you gently to turn over, pulling you back against him and wrapping his arm around you, so that you could be the little spoon as you finally went to sleep.

[bunnivez]

Hiya! Since your requests are open, could I please request either a SFW fic or SFW headcanons (whichever one you want to write) about horse girl /equestrian Cinnabar with an equestrian / horse girl Reader who has & rides an affectionate black Friesian horse. If you want to include this, Cinnabar also have a black Friesian horse that she adores and rides.

Both of them go on horseback riding dates, where Female Reader would sometimes share the horse with Cinnabar. Cinnabar would love braiding a Friesian's majestic mane as well. Also, Cinnabar definitely cuddles with the Friesian horse(s) whenever she gets the chance too. That will be so cute to read! Both Fem! Reader & Cinnabar practice & perform Dressage, either by themselves or together.

My apologies for the long ask. Take as much time as you need to write it. Thank you very much! : D

જ⁀➴ Hey nonnie! Pretty excited to write this one, I am not an expert when it comes to horses so I may or may not have done a bit of research and stuff. I decided to do a fic, I hope it turned out cute! Once requests are open you are more than free to request for the hcs version since admittedly it will contain more information than this + more lengthy.

જ⁀➴ Warning ! .. None, just fluff :)

“Sunrises are beautiful don’t you think?” Cinnabar asked. Indeed she was right, the sky was in shades of orange, pink, purple and blue, it was beautiful— just like Cinnabar said.

“It really is.. Is that why you woke me up early?” You asked her, glancing at her as you both continued to ride your horses. She told you the day before to bring your horse with you and meet her at 5:00, she never told you the reason; saying it was a surprise.

She smiled, “Yeah, I thought you’d like it. Also because Apollo enjoys early walks, I figured Blaze probably would too.” Both you and her are horse owners, she actually encouraged you to get one! So just like her, you got a black Friesian and named it Blaze!

You smile as you remembered the time Cinnabar taught you how to ride a horse. Despite wanting one you had no idea how to ride one. Just remembering the way she carefully instructed you and wrapped an arm around your waist at all times makes your heart flutter. She even taught you how you can teach Blaze tricks and manage a stable diet for him! Thats when you also learned your girlfriend’s passion for horses.

“— I hope you aren’t unhappy with waking up early.” You snapped out of your thoughts and shook your head, “Oh no! It’s alright! I’m actually happy you wanted to spend the day together early..”

You both stopped at a lake deciding to let the horses take a break and drink some water. With her help you got off of Blaze and stood there looking at the beautiful sight. A few hours passed by, and you just talked and laughed as she hugged you from behind. You loved the way her arms felt around you, you feel protected, like she was your knight in shining armor— and truthfully; she is.

Cinnabar has previously mentioned about feeling like a knight protecting you, her princess. She is protective of the ones she loves that’s for sure. Honestly, sometimes you wonder what you’ve done to have someone like your girlfriend in your life. She is a sweetheart and never fails to make you feel loved.

Looking down at the green grass you notices the varieties of flowers already bloomed and beautiful. Quickly you got an idea and started picking some flowers up as Cinnabar looked at you curiously.

“What are you doing?” “Picking up some flowers, you can help me if you want! You’ll see what I have in mind later.”

Without asking any questions Cinnabar decided to help you, picking up flowers she thinks you’ll like. When you are sure you picked enough you walked towards Blaze and Apollo who were just eating grass and started braiding Apollo’s hair and adding the flowers you were picking on it. Apollo has gotten pretty comfortable around you once Cinnabar started hanging out with you more. She would constantly bring him with her and let you ride him with her. Later on you learned how affectionate he can be, a sweetheart like his owner.

Your girlfriend smiled and did the same thing with Blaze, braiding their hair and placing flowers on it as well.

“That’s a cute idea. They will both look like horses belonging to a Disney princess or something.” You heard Cinnabar say, “Apollo has long hair, it’s like braiding Rapunzel’s hair .” You joked.

You heard her chuckle until you both finally finished, you looked at each other’s work of art and smiled. Cinnabar looked at Apollo and noticed the flowers you chose, “I wanted to choose flowers that reminded me of you, blue, yellow, some green ones too that I found! I think they are called Viburnum?” You quickly said.

She blushed and smiled, slowly walking towards you and hugging you, placing a sweet kiss on your forehead, cheek, and eventually your lips. “It’s very cute, thank you, love. I hope you like the ones I chose— I used your favorite colors.” She said scratching the back of her neck.

Eyeing at Blaze you smiled at the cute braid Cinnabar gave them, it’s dark hair complimenting the delicate flowers on it.

“Aw! I like it!” You exclaimed and quickly kissed her on the lips before walking up to Blaze to pet them.

More hours passed and you two continued talking. Being around Cinnabar is easy, she was understanding and a careful listener, it was like breathing into fresh air and forgetting about your worries. The sun got brighter, but it wasn’t too harsh, it simply made the scene more clearer.

You looked at her and giggled, “What are you doing?” She was hugging and nuzzling against Blaze’s neck before switching to Apollo who rested his jaw on top of her head.

“Giving them some love, they are so cute and deserve many hugs.” You heard her say.

With a small laugh you teased her, “Oh really? What about me? I deserve some love too from you my lover!”

Quickly she let go of Apollo and wrapped her arms around your waist, kissing your cheek, forehead, nose, lips. “Hmm, you want more?” She smiled and kissed your jaw, slowly going down your neck releasing a few giggles from you, “Alright that’s enough, it tickles!” you smiled and grabbed her face; pulling her into a sweet short kiss before resting your forehead against hers. She looked into your eyes lovingly before you spoke again— “I love you.”

“I love you more.” “No, I do.” “Nope! I definitely do.” “Nah uh! I do!” “No I am pretty sure I love you wayyyyyyyyyyt more—” “Cinnabar!” “Alright fine, we are at the same level.”

You laughed and looked behind her, “You do know Apollo is trying eat your hair right?” “Ah— Apollo!”

[sea-owl]

Did you all know I come up with au ideas in every fandom I've jumped into? I don't always post them but I create ideas. Well now you do! The hyper fixation for one of them is coming back and I thought I share some of these ideas.

First fandom is the How to Train Your Dragon! I will admit pretty much all of these are Astrid centered. I saw so many focus on Hiccup back in my fanfiction.net days, a certain au being very popular that, tbh I didn't care for, for reasons. And that isn't a had thing, I love Hiccup, I just kinda wanted to explore another character.

Hybrid Astrid AU:

I think I posted about this one a little bit, but I don't remember. This used to be my favorite au, and I only ever found two fics of it, both still incomplete to my knowledge.

In my version of this au, Astrid is the by-product of her mother being cursed by a god to fall in love with her enemy for one night. That enemy being a night fury. Astrid's mom left the village after that, refusing to tell anyone what happened. She secretly gave birth to Astrid and then left her for her father to raise.

Astrid has really only known other dragons her whole life. Her older brother refuses to let her get close during raids and has her stay by his side. Being by his side is how she gets tangled in the bola with him the night they are shot out of the sky.

This incident also led Astrid to meet her first human, Hiccup. As the two teens get closer, Astrid is learning about her mother's people. Before Astrid was very distrusting of humans, and even a part of her hated her human half. Her mind slowly changes the longer Hiccup refuses to leave her and her brother alone. Hiccup, trying to get Toothless back in the air and teaching Astrid to read and write, also scored him some huge bonus points. This eventually leads into Astrid confronting her mommy issues when Hilda Hofferson returns to Berk and finds the girl she gave birth to now fifteen years older.

Blind Astrid AU:

This one I've made a few different versions of, but essentially, it goes down the path that Astrid's blindness is permanent. Sometimes, I play with it happening earlier, and sometimes I add other stuff to it like magic.

A current version I've been playing with is that it happens earlier than rtte, and I've been adding magical elements. So basically, how did this version goes down is that Astrid still loses her sight from lightning getting to close, but instead, being on land, she was with Stormfly trying to race back to Berk and get out of a storm. The near hit throws both Astrid and Stormfly into the water where a nearby dragon who lives with Valka finds them. Astrid wakes up in Valka's sanctuary with her sight missing and her magic ramped up to a level she had trouble controlling.

In this version I added magic because fuck it why not. Humans can unlock magic via bonding with dragons. It's usually at a gradual pace, so the human's body can adjust, and they can learn to control it. Severe injuries such as Hiccup's missing leg and Astrid's now blindness can send this magic into overdrive as a way to heal the body and / or compensate for the injury. I also like playing into that everyone's magic has a different feel to it.

Astrid's feels like a hearth. Warm, secure, like home. But if she loses her temper that warm feeling can definitely burn.

Hiccup's feels like electricity. Leaving like tingles if you brush up against his magic, though at full force can feel like a direct hit of lightning during a storm. Ask Snotlout he knows.

Anyway, Astrid becomes a student to Valka as she relearns how to ride and wield her magic. During a mission Astrid finds herself on the Edge and back amongst her fellow riders.

Role Reversal Plus a Baby AU:

This one I know I posted about before, but here it is again. This is basically a role reversal of Hiccup and Astrid where he's the celebrated son of the chief, and she's the social outcast who comes from a disgraced family due to the Flightmare incident. But the plot twist there is an arranged marriage between Hiccstrid. Another plot twist Astrid got banished after the incident in the arena. Third plot twist the story starts during race to the edge, and it turns out Astrid had Zephyr during her banishment.

Selkie AU:

This one is more for amusement than anything else because can you imagine someone trying to take selkie Astrid's coat? She would whoop their ass into next Tuesday. I think a running theme in here would be Hiccup keeps giving Astrid her coat back. He sees someone try to take it while she's out in human form and though Astrid doesn't need it he helps her get it back.

Astrid is touched by this, and over time, she falls in love with Hiccup. She feels like she can trust him with her coat, which is a huge thing in selkie culture. So she proposes marriage and offers him her coat. Only Hiccup doesn't know selkie culture beyond what he has observed from Astrid and what she's explicitly told him. The major thing he does know is you never take a selkie's pelt, it's basically trapping them. So he gives it back.

Astrid is flabbergasted, her selkie friends Ruffnut and Tuffnut, are laughing their asses off, and poor Hiccup has no idea what he just did. Astrid is a determined selkie though and refuses to give up. Ruff and Tuff are ready to cause chaos in the background.

[classyblen]

Helloww!

💋 𝙷𝚎𝚢 𝙱𝚎𝚊𝚞𝚝𝚒𝚏𝚞𝚕 𝚂𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚜! 💋

✨ Welcome to my brand-new blog! My name is Classy, and I’m on an exciting self-growth journey, ready to become the best version of myself! ❤️

I believe that sharing my experiences and holding myself accountable is the key to flourishing, so I’m here to inspire, uplift, and empower you along the way! If you’re down for some realness and growth, let’s be besties on this beautiful adventure! 🌟✨

✨ Goals for Self-Improvement ✨

❤️ MENTAL HEALTH:

Goal: Reduce reliance on pornography (including smut books, comics, videos, even porno music) ⛔

Action Step: Identify triggers and create a plan to avoid them.

Use apps like StayFocusd or Cold Turkey to block access.

Daily Affirmations ✨: Start each day with positive affirmations to boost self-esteem and redirect your focus.

💪 PHYSICAL HEALTH:

Workout Routine:

Goal: Exercise 5 times a week.

Action Step: Choose specific workouts 🏋️‍♀️.

Tip: Mix it up with fun classes like Zumba or yoga to keep it exciting!

Skincare Routine:

Goal: Follow a morning and night routine.

Morning: Cleanser + moisturizer + sunscreen ☀️.

Night: Cleanser + moisturizer + acne treatments + 5-minute self-massage for relaxation. 🧖‍♀️

🙏 Daily Prayer & Bible Reading:

Goal: 10-15 minutes of prayer in the morning and reading the Bible before bed.

Action Step: Use Bible apps and set an alarm/reminder.

Reflection Journal: After reading, jot down thoughts or verses that stood out to you.

📚 PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT:

Reading Books:

Goal: Read at least 2 books per month—1 for me and another for our future book club. 📖

Action Step: Keep a list of books I want to read and start a book club!

Monthly Theme: Each month, focus on a theme such as “self-care”, “growth mindset”, or “creativity”.

🌼 Daily Routine 🌼

Morning Routine 🎀

4:30 AM - Wake up

4:35 AM - Make bed

4:40 AM - Pray

5:00 AM - Workout

5:50 AM - Shower/skincare

6:30 AM - Read a few chapters of the current book

7:00 AM - Simple + healthy breakfast 🍳

DAYTIME (Post-graduation vibes 🌟):

Focus on school, work, or personal projects.

Explore a hobby or learn a new skill! 🎨

6:00 PM - Dinner + family time 🍽️

7:00 PM - YouTube + tea (me time) ☕

8:00 PM - Read or journal (here on Tumblr!)

9:00 PM - Bedtime 🌙

🌹 Tracking Addiction 🌹

Identify Triggers: List specific situations or feelings that lead to urges.

Accountability Partner: Share this goal with a trusted friend who can check in weekly 📞.

Alternative Activities: When urges arise, have a list of alternatives ready (like walking or reading the Bible).

Reflect Weekly: Journal about successes and setbacks related to these goals each week.

💪 Physical & Mental Wellness ❤️

Weekly Workout Plan:

Mon-Fri: Shoulder stretch (10 min) + arm fat workout (10 min) + Daisy Keech ab workout (10 min).

Sat-Sun: Light stretches 🧘‍♀️.

Weekly Skincare Plan:

Sun & Wed: Weekly mask + exfoliation.

Balanced Eating:

Aim for 3 meals a day plus healthy snacks. 🍎

Meal prep on weekends to save time!

Hydration Challenge: Aim to drink at least 8 glasses of water per day!

🌟 Community & Accountability ❤️

Find a Group: Join a local church group, Tumblr communities, or a study group for shared growth.

Weekly Check-ins: Schedule meet-ups with a friend for mutual encouragement on goals.

Social Media Detox: Plan regular breaks from social media to refocus your mind. 📵

Weekly Review Questions:

What went well?

What were the challenges?

How can I adjust my goals for the next week?

Gratitude List: Each week, write down three things you are grateful for! 🎀

✨ Final Thoughts ✨

✨ Remember, change is a gradual process. Celebrate the small victories, and be patient with yourself as you embark on this journey. Consistency and discipline are key, so keep the faith in yourself and your path. You’ve got this, Classy! ❤️✨

[katiekatdragon27]

Does anyone still care about this idea? No? Well I don't care you get more stuff anyway.

I am working on the playing cards dw, but this has been sitting in my gallery for months and I wanted to get it done.

(It is HIGHLY RECOMENDED that you read the first part of this au story thing. It provides a lot of context for the world and some other characters that are mentioned here.)

Also some updates on that: This story is now called "Rayman: The Sacred Dream" and it is the concepts for a possible fangame. If people show genuine interest in these characters or this Rayman prequal's story, PLEASE let me know. I would love to construct a team to make this idea a reality.

Anyways: To the character cards!!! (Please read below I worked hard on the ref sheets)

Xavior the Athletic Monk:

Xavior is a teensy who utilizes a special kind of elemental magic over anything else. Choosing to hit hard and dodge over magic blasts, he has learned to manipulate the magic inside his own body to shapeshift into a gelatinous water version of himself. Ze is incredibly resilient and moldable too, able to fit through almost any space and dodge most attacks with ease. He is one of Umber's closest friends. They and he often spar to release energy and get better at combat in general. Ze is also very kind, but lacks a filter, so often comes off as rude unintentionally.

Fier the Furious Paladen:

Fier is a teensy with fire in his heart. Literally. Being a resident of Gourmand Land, they have never turned down a hearty meal, especially if it's spicy. His love for spice was so high that it turned his teal skin yellow, making him look the way he does now. They're personality is no less spicy. He is a hot head with a stubborn thought process. They swing first and questions people after, often challenging Aurthr for leadership of the group. He is not blessed by Polokus, but he does have some sort of deity watching him. It's rumored one of the four wild kings has given him their blessing. He does make a banger meal though, so he is allowed to stick around.

Ellixer the Mysterious Cleric:

No one knows Ellixer's story, nor do they ever share it themselves. They are the only naturally yellow teensy of the Glade, with has made them a puzzlement for most who come across them. They are a very talented magic user, but it can only be used for good (such as healing and boosts). Their inability for proper fighting has made them an easy target for capture, but to their captor's surprise, they always escape undetected. Some even assume that they are Polokus themselves, but they deny it. However, Ellixer did manage to help Aurthr with his bubble magic, so they're not beating the allegations.

Zoron the Cursed Druid:

Zoron was not always the old grump he is now. There was a time where he was a thriving showman, bringing the magic of snow and combat to the hot climates of the Glade. His best clients were the minotaurs, a kind group of hell-dwellers just wanting to cool down and have a good spar. However, while traveling to one of his events, he got into a fight with a mother frostbite, who lost her life in the battle. From that day on, Zoron had been cursed with not only her primal hunger, but the ability to turn into any creature he has fought before (which has been a lot). He was also burdened with her kits, although this is no bother to him now. After learning how to control his hunger through Soria, he's been staying isolated in caves, not wanting to hurt anyone else.

Pyren the Rouge Artificer:

Pyren is one of the strangest teensies around. Whereas most are born with large amounts of magic, Pyren was born with none. This lack of magic has made his life incredibly hard, making it almost impossible to properly bond with his peers and defend himself alone. As a result, he started utilizing his real talent, his brain. Learning that plums are quite flammable and explosive, he learned to harness their power into artillery like bombs and makeshift guns. He also sells these weapons to others, good and bad, who also struggle with no magic or are willing to pay the pretty gem. However, insecurity leads people down dark paths, so when a large, dark-hearted nightmare strikes a deal with Pyren for him get magic in exchange for his loyalty, he becomes his biggest weaponsmith.

And with that, the cast has been fully shared! Yes, there is going to be like 10 main characters in this, but some are more main than others lol. If anyone has any questions at all, I will be more than happy to answer.

Thank you for all the support and have a wonderful afternoon!

[badbatchposts]

Quiet Corners of the Galaxy, Chapter 4

While on a routine mission for Cid, the Bad Batch encounter a woman fleeing from the Empire. Crosshair suspects her seemingly free-spirited, nomadic existence is actually a cover for something else, but struggles to keep his attraction toward her in check as their personalities and ideals clash.

Relevant tags: Slow Burn, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Smut (not for a few chapters still), Canon-Typical Violence

Chapters posted 1-2x weekly!

Read the full fic so far on AO3

Read previous chapters on Tumblr: Ch. 1 l Ch. 2 l Ch. 3

Chapter 4 summary: The Batch are so bad at being under the radar. They learn more about the mysterious woman; Crosshair doesn't trust her.

“Don’t go to sleep, burk’yc.” Crosshair could see the woman nodding off any time he left her with a few moments of silence. She blinked her eyes open again and refilled her mug with more hot water.

“You’re not exactly the most fascinating conversationalist,” she remarked. She eyed his rifle, which he was methodically cleaning and breaking down, his post-mission ritual. “You’re not a bad shot. I saw the trooper helmets when you were done with them. Guess that’s where you get the name. Bullseye, was it?”

“It’s Crosshair. And I’m better than not bad,” he scoffed testily.

“I suppose that’s why you waited until after I was shot to step in. Or maybe you’re just scared of the Empire.” Her voice was neutral, but she had played her hand too obviously; she was goading him, probing for information just like he was.

He reined himself in and went on the offensive. “I wonder,” he purred, “if your hair’s that color everywhere.”

Crosshair expected steel, fury, maybe a flush coming over her cheeks. Instead, she ran her fingers through her locks disinterestedly, picking out the leaves he had noticed before. Both ears, he observed as her hair was smoothed out of the way, were pierced from top to bottom with a series of small silver rings. “It didn’t used to be. Last few years haven’t been the gentlest for the galaxy, have they?” She nodded at the closely cropped gray hairs that coated his own head, growing back patchily around the burn scar at his temple. “What’s your excuse, grandpa?”

“Genetic enhancement,” he replied cryptically.

“Guess that explains the big guy.” She gestured to Wrecker, who was dead-lifting Gonky at the other end of the ship, before offering her beverage to Crosshair. “It’s supposed to be a communal practice,” she explained in response to his raised eyebrow. He made no motion to take it, eliciting a shrug from her. “That’s alright. I always drink it alone anyway.”

“What? No one likes sharing with you?”

“My life seems like it’s a lot less…communal…than yours.” She glanced vaguely around the ship, which was littered with evidence of their co-habitation. “I suppose mercenaries run in packs.”

“We’re not mercenaries,” Hunter interrupted, rejoining them. He had always taken issue with that term. “We’re clone troopers.”

Crosshair prickled a little. He would never understand why the others had been so difficult to track down during his time with the Empire. Hunter didn’t seem to get the finer points of staying off the radar, since he took the opportunity to expose who they were to the first pretty face they came across.

“Haven’t seen a lot of clone troopers that look like you all.” The woman offered Hunter the mug; sniffing curiously, he took a sip.

“It’s good. Thank you,” he said. Crosshair could tell what Hunter was doing. Where the sniper was rigid, aloof, difficult, the sergeant could be considerate, relatable, diplomatic. He thinks he can break you down this way. But he’ll only get a more amenable version of you, the marksman thought. The woman’s face did appear to soften as his brother continued. “We’re a bit different from the rest of them. But with the Republic gone, none of us are soldiers anymore. Gotta find ways to make ends meet.”

The woman seemed to be opening up. Crosshair didn’t trust a minute of it. “Yeah, I know all about that. It’s hard to get by these days.” She turned to Hunter with a small smile. “I’m Dara.”

“Dara.” He smiled back at her. “Any reason we should be worried that the Empire might come looking for you, Dara?”

She shook her head. “The shuttle really was… well, not exactly a misunderstanding. I just panicked. I’ve been traveling. I was staying in a village on Takodana when the Empire began rounding up all the villagers—I have no idea why. I hid and tried to make a break for my ship, but some troopers spotted me. The shuttle was closest. I managed to take off but it took a hit before I entered hyperspace, and that was just where I ended up when my systems started failing.”

Hunter looked thoughtful. “Well, they probably won’t come after you. But I wouldn’t risk going back to Takodana. You likely won’t be getting your ship back.”

He was already heading back to his bunk when Dara spoke up again. “Thank you. I mean it. All of you.” She shot grateful looks at Tech and Crosshair in particular. “I’m lucky you found me when you did.” She was treated with another smile from Hunter as he left. Tech looked rather pleased with himself.

Crosshair leaned toward her, drinking in her beatific expression as he looked into her eyes. “Liar,” he hissed. Even as her expression remained largely impassive, her eyes glinted and nostrils flared ever-so-slightly, hinting at the snarl she was just barely containing. There, he though, leaning back satisfactorily. The knife’s edge of her self-control. That was a start.

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