#So I didn't... Why does it scare me?
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Do you ever consider doing something nice, going out of your way to help out or just brighten the day of someone you know, but then you remember you never do that, and suddenly you feel awkward, what if they ask why you're suddenly doing such a thing, what's the occasion, are you trying to bribe them, and then you just don't do it, continuing to establish a patterns where you never do that thing so that every time you consider it, you feel they would see it as some grand gesture, something out of the ordinary that gets more attention than you feel you deserve? A cycle of inaction and fear of being seen leaving the apathetic role you built for yourself back when you were someone who wanted play it. You want to be someone else, you want to grow past the expectations you've given others for yourself, but you don't want anyone to notice the change. Why do you recoil at the mere thought of contradicting someone's expectation, even in a positive way? What are you afraid of?
#sfw#personal#ok to reblog#ok this started as me thinking I was gonna write a Relatable Post™ but as I went through it I started to realize maybe it's just me#and I realized I don't know why I'm like this and I don't actually know what my fear even is#anyway this post is about not asking mom if she wanted some of the ice I'd just made for myself simply because I never offer her things#on occasion I MIGHT offer her something right next to me or prompted by her expressing a problem I had a solution for#(and even that is very new and sometimes uncomfortable but I'm starting to build that expectation and that makes it easier)#But to go 'hey I have some ice in the freezer that should be ready about now would you like some?' completely unprompted??? Unheard of.#So I didn't... Why does it scare me?
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hi.
#i know most of you didn’t even realize i was gone#but man…#my mental health was like in a state of 📉📉📉 in the past 30 days like we love being mentally ill and fucking insane <3#it was mostly bc i panicked and started obsessing over possible water damage in my flat kind of out of nowhere#like it started when my landlord came to check my bathroom bc my downstairs neighbours had water stains on their ceiling back in july#which had been caused by their shower curtain apparently but i was already spiraling when my landlord told me so i was sure it was my fault#i was assuming it was bc of me bc i had sometimes been spilling some of my bathwater and i was like WHAT IF IT HAS GONE THROUGH THE FLOOR?#and it didn't help that it has been hot af and very humid in my apartment LIKE WELL OVER 25 DEGREES AND 60% HUMIDITY#anyways i couldn’t shake this not matter what i tried and my fucking insane brain made me think i was going to get arrested for like#flooding the whole building or for causing some sort of mold infestation#i had SO MANY panic attacks; i wasn't able to sleep; i wasn't able to eat; i was on edge and panicky basically 24/7 so fun fun fun :D#and i kept waking up in the middle of the night and HAD to go check my walls or the space below my kitchen#it was compulsory like i couldn't not get up and go check and tbh i would've thrown out all of my furniture if i could've to check for mold#(and shhhh i know how fucking insane this sounds but having a mentally ill brain that's anxious all the time does suck ass sometimes 🥲)#(the worst thing about it tho was that i was SO AWARE of how insane about this i was being and yet i couldn't stop losing my mind over it)#(also i was so ready to move tf outta here bc i couldn't handle being triggered 24/7 which is why my mom let me stay with her last week )#i was so out of it that i couldn't even let myself do the things i usually enjoy... like at all#like watching my shows or spending any ungodly amount of time on tumblr... or replying to messages i got from people who i love#ig this goes to show HOW bad this actually was for me mentally bc usually tumblr and my shows are like my safe place#anyways we finally had a leak detection dude come over today and we had him check the water levels in my walls#and he said everything is fine and he specifically told me i should stop worrying about any water damage BC THERE IS NO WATER DAMAGE#he also said that the weather has just been insanely humid this year so it's not surprising that the humidity levels are higher than usual#i’m still a bit scared about some possible mold but ig this is good enough for now#i am aware how ridiculous this must sound for anyone who's reading this now but couldn't let it go not even with meds so let me live pls :(#TLDR I WAS GOING THROUGH IT BUT I AM BACK I THINK AND I AM MOST LIKELY GOING TO START BOTHERING YOU WITH MY GIFS AGAIN <3#AND I JUST REALIZED I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN ANY OF THE HEART KILLERS STUFF YET ASIDE FROM ONE OR TWO PICS LIKE :(#OH AND I NEED TO START WATCHING SUMMER NIGHT ;_;#sabrina talks#@AIRENYAH GIRL I AM SO SORRY I WILL PROBABLY REPLY TO YOUR MESSAGES LATER TODAY OR TOMORROW MORNING ;_;<3
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Local man, his two boyfriends and his two girlfriends buy TRANS ICON BLÅHAJ
#flash travasso hoarding all the blahajs seems so right to me. like ofc he would.#enby flash real..#stop i just realised flash and pavitr and hari are dressed up in traffic colours???? oh my god#traffic light boys + comic accurate outfit girls#faceless hari shouldn't scare me but it does. why does he look like this. im sorry baby boy#pavitr is holding two. yes. he's trans didn't you know? he told me himself#they're all trans why lie actually.#i want a blahaj so bad...... maybe when i get enough money i shall finally bring him home..........#pavitr prabhakar#spider man india#spider man#meera jain#gayatri singh#flash travasso#hari oberoi#atsv#across the spiderverse#artoftheagni#mythic mumbattan au#how fuckin funny would it be if pavitr got a blahaj for his birthday lol hahahaa. for the birthday fic. that would be so funny. haha. 👁️#coffee bean gang
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Gifted Drabble - NewAgeAU - Understanding
Hey @spotaus !! As promised :3 I got a little something for you!
Your drabble got me thinking and made me consider something. (also i am so sorry if i got the ages wrong. I really tried)
As always. Feel free to use whatever you want from it or just ignore what doesn't fit <3 I am just having fun and it is meant as a gift for you <3 (also to motivate you to keep writing more about it!)
*------------------------*
Nightmare gets off his horse as he stares at the castle.
Well. His castle now.
He is still not quite used to that. Refering to it with his castle instead of his mother's.
Even after almost 12 months. He still doesn't expect to see himself in the mirror. or maybe the problem is that he expects his old self. The young teen.
The weakling. The failure.
No focus.
He isn't that anymore. He now has the magic. He is the new powerful leader of his land. And he will make this work. Even if he still has no idea what he is doing.
No. He needs to get back and make sure no one tried to rebel against him. That no one tried to hurt Ccino while he was gone.
Nightmare gets off the horse and someone rushes over to take the horse. Nightmare stares at this person and figures out quickly it is the stablehand who has been taking care of the horses.
Nightmare looks over his shoulder and motions the new people to follow him. The set of brothers, the dog monster. and Killer.
Nightmare walks into the castle as he speaks "Some of the other servants will take you to your chambers to rest and clean up. Tomorrow the three of you will join some of my other staff to see what is needed and where you fit. Killer. You will-"
"My liege."
Nightmare blinks and looks over.
Ccino has appeared out of one of the servant secret passages and walks straight towards him. Nightmare can see, and feel, when Ccino takes in the new people and just who they are.
Ccino's face turns a bit harder and Nightmare can feel the annoyance and frustration in the air "My liege!" Ccino smiles brightly as he speaks "Have you eben succesfull in finding a possible knight?"
Killer chuckles behind him and mutters "someone is in trouble~"
Nightmare knows Killer is being sarcastic. But if only Killer knew how right he was.
Nightmare however could never be worried or afraid off Ccino. For him? Maybe. But never because of him. He gives a tiny nod. The only amount of respect their places and ranks allow them when others are near "Ccino." He waves into the direction of the new arrivals "These people will join my workers." He looks at the four new arrivals "This. Is Ccino. He is head of the house." a title that will never pass away from him. Not as long as Nightmare is in charge.
Ccino nods "Pleasure." he looks back at Nightmare "My liege. If you have the time. There is a matter we need to discuss."
Oh yeah. Nightmare is very much in trouble.
Nightmare's voice is still calm as he speaks "Very well. I will meet you in my study after i made sure they go to their chambers."
Ccino feels unamused but he nods with a bow before he leaves the hall with a quick turn.
Nightmare turns back to his new... servants? He never quite liked that word but it works. He turns to his servants and feel his tentacles slowly rise from their position on the ground. They slowly start to idle again as he makes sure the new people learn where their rooms are and where to get food.
He brings Killer to a room more seperate from the others. Beyond the guard positions. Just because Nightmare wants to give him a chance and the fact he doesn't fear him is refreshing doesn't make Nightmare forget how dangerous Killer is.
Fuck this was a mistake.
What if Killer hurts people here?
What if he hurts Ccino?
Killer looks around his room before lounging on the bed "So what is the deal with the other skeleton?" he grins and wiggles his eye brows "Little secret going on there?"
Ngihtmare needs a moment as he wonders what Killer could mean. Then it sinks in and Nightmare feels his tentacles all spasm as he shudders "No." the answer is final and harsh. Killer actually looks surprised.
Nightmare holds his sight and speaks slowly "I will only repeat this once and remember this well. I don't like having to repeat myself." he holds Killer's gaze "Ccino is head of the house. He will remain head of the house. Nothing anyone can say or do will change this." he holds his gaze before straightening himself again as he moves towards the door "Tomorrow we will start training."
Kilelr sputters "We?!"
Nightmare stops and shoots him a look "Obviously. How am I to keep track of your skills and promise if i don't oversee the training myself?" and he leaves the room.
He hurries back through th castle towards his study. Sinking in and out of shadows as his mind, body and soul all know where he wishes to go.
He stops by his study and enters it.
Ccino is already in there. Studying the old masks in the special glass casing.
Nightmare closes the door and Ccino turns to him with a glare "What were you thinking?"
Nightmare gets taken back to a year or two prior. When he was still small. When he had cut himself to practise for the ritual. He hadn't been able to sleep and had been nervous about the apple ritual already. He had wanted to practise his part. to perform a blood oath to promise loyalty until death to his twin.
Ccino had caught him with a knife out.
Nightmare blinks back into the here and now as Ccino looks at him expecting with his arms crossed.
Nightmare blinks as he looks to the side for a moment. How is it that even wiht him being taller than Ccino he still feels small compared to him? "They were innocent."
Ccino looks unimpressed as he crosses his arms "Now with less lies."
Nightmare blinks and shoot his traitorous tendrils a look. No doubt they did something to give his little slight lie away. Ccino jsut raises a brow as he taps his foot.
Nightmare speaks again "Most of them were innocent. I didnt want them to get hang for something they did not do."
Ccino hums as he waits "And the murderer?"
Nightmare looks at Ccino "how did you know?"
Ccino sighs but has a small smile on his face. an old fond feeling as ccino looks at him and the tiny part of nightmare that had been stressed relaxes. Ccino just keeps looking slightly amused "There is a reason i told you to get out more. you only hear so many things from people in the castle nightmare. You need to go out to hear everything from everyone. I know who he is because i go to the market sometimes."
nightmare gives aslow nod as he looks away. So Ccino knows that nightmare brought a serial killer home. great.
Ccino sighs and sits on the couch for visitors and Nightmare joins him instead of sitting in his own chair.
Ccino looks at him "Just... tell me what happened. Why did you decide this?"
Ngihtmare looks at his hands. again slightly shocked to see the goop. It never stains anything yet it feels like a reminder. It is dirty. it isn't the holy light the powers promised. it is weird and looks diseased which is fitting for him. someone who betrayed everyone. who betrayed his twin. He may have gone it to protect dream. But even dream doesn't see this.
Where does that leave him?
Ccino's hand rubs his cheek and Nightmare shakes himself out of it. Ccino looks so worried as he rubs his skull "Hey... it is okay... i am not mad at you. I am worried about you. I am sorry if it seemed like i was mad."
Nightmare knows ccino isn't mad at him. Not like that at least. Nightmare can feel that. But he likes that ccino still tells him as much too.
Nightmare sighs as he leans into the gentle hold and touch. Ccino had always been one of the few to hold him. As his and Dream's babysitter it had been his job. But Ccino had always truly cared about them both. The moment that Nightmare could feel emotions he had been shocked by that.
That Ccino held no hatred for him. Not even a little bit. He enver blamed either Nightmare or Dream for his situation.
Nightmare speaks softly "The... kngihts you picked out. they were amazing. They showed much promise and would have made fine warriors."
Ccino hums as he keeps rubbing his skull "But?"
Nightmare sighs "They hated me. Even if with time they would eventually grow loyal and accept their place. They would forever hold resentment towards me for making them come."
Ccino hums and nods "I get it. It were only options Ngihtmare. there will be more people who fit the job."
Nightmare feels another part of him relax. knowing that Ccino still understands him "Killer wasn't afraid."
Ccino hums questioning.
Nightmare speaks slowly "He wasn't afraid. Not of me. Not of his situation. He stood up when near me. He didn't cower and he didn't hide." he sighs as he leans into the hug. He shouldn't need these anymore. He is an adult now and not that awkward young teen anymore. Nightmare shouldn't still count this much on the other "He saw me and didn't hate me. He knew who i was and didn't hate me. It was... new."
Ccino still feels unsure but he holds him still "And that gave you hope? That maybe if soemone didn't start with that hatred they could maybe become truly loyal?"
Ngihtmare shrugs. He isn't quite sure. he didn't think that far ahead. He just didn't want to lose another person who didn't hate him.
Ccino sighs as he keeps rubbing his skull and the back of his neck "I won't say i trust him. Because i don't. And I worry about you. I am scared he will end up hurting you."
Nightmare rolls his eyes as he answers "I have yet to even lose a fight and i had almost no training." all because of his tentacles and his newfoudn power.
Ccino just holds him tighter "There are more ways someone can hurt you Nightmare."
Nightmare feels the fear of before return. THe idea that somoene would kill Ccino. "If... if him being here makes you feel unsafe i will return him to the guards."
Ccino laughs and shakes his skull "Ngihtmare I am fine. I am not scared for me."
Nightmare keeps holding him as he feels himself start to shake. fears he had been trying to ignore and push away return to the front of his mind "Waht if they realise just how important you are? What if they try to hurt you to hurt me? What if they kill you to hurt me? Ccino maybe it is better if you hide." hide... hide away... out of sight out of mind.
Ccino just rubs his neck "It is okay Nightmare. It is okay. They don't know. and even if they have an idea your reputation adn the past of this country will just make them think I am someone who will be used as sacrifice last. That i will be punished last or least."
Nightmare shakes as he keeps holding the one person who remained "What if they hurt you because of me?"
Ccino is so calm and sure "then it would be on them. Not you. You don't want others to hurt me. It wouldn't be your fualt Nightmare and I will never see it as your fault. It is okay."
Ngihtmare still feels unsure. He made it obviously clear to Killer that Ccino is improtant. Killer is smart and Nightmare has no idea what he could be planning.
Another thought enters his mind. Somethign he had found early on in his ruling.
A very very damning piece of paper. a slave contract.
Nightmare speaks softly "I am sorry you are stuck here..."
Ccino shrugs as he keeps rubbing his back "Not your fault."
Nightmare shakes as he holds him "I.... I can undo it... I can give you back your freedom..."
Ccino had been taken from his home. Sold to the castle with a very clear purpose. First to be a babysitter. and later... well... Drema had been planning to be all powerful and go from young teen to adult in just one ritual. There is a reason Ccino's age had been only 6 years older than them.
Ccino had been suposed to be Dream's from the very start.
Ccino hums "A nice thought. Not that i thought about that contract in a long time. It hardly matters nowadays. Not like I can just leave."
Nightmare feels his grip tighten and his tendrils curl around them. He doesn't want to let go of the one person who cared. The one person he could count on to help him. To give a single shit about Nightmare. But... but how long will it take before Ccino starts hating him? If Nightmare keeps him here?
Nightmare holds him close "I... I can get you a horse... I can give you gold..." He will just use some of the treasury. Ccino deserves it. "I can send some guards with you on your way. You could go wherever you want. Back to your family."
Ccino locks both his arms around his skull and hums softly. an old lullaby and Nightmare stops. The amount of memories almost hurt. It was always Ccino who held him on bad nights. Or when he was sad. Or when everyone pushed him aside again.
Ccino speaks sfotly "Nightmare. When I say i can't leave i don't mean i physically can't leave. It means i don't want to. I decided a while ago i want to stay here Nightmare."
Nightmare shakes but refuses to let go "What... what about your family?" Ccino's fmaily have to love him. Ccino is so amazing. There is no way he isn't missed dearly after he was stolen from them.
Ccino sighs sadly "Nightmare... They have been killed a long time ago. The day i was taken the guards made sure i knew there was nothing to return to. even if i ran." Ngihtmare feels himself freeze. why... why had he thought?
Ccino rubs his skull "It hurt a lot but i accepted a long time ago Nightmare. I accepted that you two were my family now... and well... now it is just you. and it is okay. I am okay with that. I will always support you Nightmare." he grins "You may be older now but i like to think i am still the older brother."
Nightmare feels aprt of himself break as he just sinks fully into Ccino's hold "please don't also leave me." it is weak. it is pathetic. He should be stronger than this. He should have been prepared for this.
Ccino just covers his skull wiht his body and holds him "I am not going anywhere Nightmare. I will be by your side. I swear on my soul."
Nightmare relaxes and lets himself enjoy the comfort he should not need this badly. He enjoys it and can't help but let his eyes slide around the room. His sight finds the masks and remembers.
The masks are the highest honour. only shared with those most special.
He thinks something catlike will fit his older brother.
#utmv#NewAgeAU#I am not gonna lie.#I could not for even a second remember if we like... spoke about which mask Ccino would have#but also like.#All the guys get cats.#Ccino OWNS a cat cafe in his own story.#This dude? 100% got the first cat mask.#the OG#it would ahve bene a house cat.#but anyone who has ever had or known cat knows not to underestimate a cat#*remembers the video of cats scaring of BEARS because that is THEIR house*#Also i couldn't fit it in but Ccino probably alreayd has liek 20ish cats roaming the area.#Nightmare is going to change nim's old wing into a cat wing.#so ccino has more room for even more cats.#Their capital city is NEVER going to see another mouse or rat ever again#I decided to add this silly energy becuase i may or may not have writen another slight gut punch#I don't know why angst/fluff combi is so easy for me to just go towards. it just happens!#also i am so sorry. i feel like i am changing the more neutral relationship you have between ccino and nightmare towards. older adopted bro#this does imply that ccino is upper big bro which is real funny to me.#also i started thinking about why ccino would even BE there. and well... skeleton. aged to first take care of them#but then perfect age to assist and support them as adult?#yeah. They were totally planning on just gifting ccino to dream after the pwoer boost like “here you go! Yours!”#be it mate or husband or like harem member. they didn't care. ccino was just a servant meant ot serve the ruler no matter what.#okay i will stop now.#Hope you enjoy your little gift ;)
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just wanted to say that I absolutely LOVE your comic I am so inspired by it and it’s so lovely and I wanna buy the physical books (I’ve never done that before) I just AUGGHHH EVERYTHING ABOUT IT IS SO 💙💙💙
do you allow fanart? And is there anything not allowed? I wanna draw adam and steve so bad 😭
Of course it's allowed! Fanart fanfic fan music fan dubs whatever!
I like to think I'm sort of "building a playground" when I make a story, have fun on it! I made it for you!
In my general opinion, it's not my business what my "fandom" does... It's on you and also me to curate our own spaces! If you're inspired by my work in any way, that's the greatest honor I could imagine and I want you to feel fully free to explore that. If someone is being weird, I know where the block button is and they can keep being weird where I don't have to see it haha
Just don't like... sell it... it's messy legally with webtoon and I'm one person making the story and it's my whole income so the few sales I get are kind of huge for me ;_;
#the way I see it is if I put up a boundary of like 'dont make something that I wouldnt want to see'#all it does is scare the people who respect me into not making anything!#and the people who were never going to respect me anyways were going to make those things regardless#because they didn't respect me. so they wouldnt care if I put that boundary up.#so my opinion is like honestly it's not my business what you do... if you're doing something weird with my story it's not reflecting on me#like youre the one doing the weird thing not me...? so why would I care LOL#I'm pretty good about blocking tags or ignoring the things that make me uncomfortable. which has happened#also like. I'll be honest#if you sold like 3 I also wouldnt care AHGASJGLKGJASLGKJSA#cause idk. I dont generally feel like it's taking away from my business...#idk!!! it's a weird zone#like I need money to live but morally I'm not opposed to other people making art and selling it so idk where to land on that#but uhhh webtoon wouldnt like it if you sold it. so#I'm not going to like go after someone idk...#if I did not need the money to live. I wouldnt care at all and would probably encourage other people selling my stuff#or like their art of my stuff. not my art of my stuff. never do that#thats just regular theft#but webtoon does NOT!!! like that and idk how much they go after stuff like that. I know they went after scanlation sites sob#novaeverse#asks#sorry this is so unclear. my opinions on it are unclear lmao#basically. do whatever.#I can't stop what you are doing and I will not waste the energy trying#all I ask for is some basic respect!#and I dont think I can or should ask for more. so#enjoy! make whatever! it's literally making free art for me AUGASJGLKSAJGALKGJ how could I say no...
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What if the way Mango learns is that Dark tells him? And thinks it a normal thing to admit to? Like "oh yeah, I turned my creator into a stick figure so I could kill him, and I also stabbed the kids he adopted in front of him because I wanted to suffer as much as possible. Apparently they all ended up getting brought back though." Or something along those lines where it is clear who he's talking about.
MAN. i feel like King would just break from being told that casually.
#'yeah so i killed everyone! and uh. the other creation he made me laser-beamed me to the edge of death which is why i look like this.'#'...what's that look about. why are you looking at me like that' “...what is WRONG with you?”#tommy's stickmen tag#if king asks why they did it they just kind of shrug and say 'it just happened'#they have a lot of different excuses. 'they just happened to be in the way.' 'they wouldn't have been happy around alan anyway'.#'it doesn't matter when they came back anyway.' 'alan deserved it. it doesn't matter.'#and i feel like it does get to them slowly as they realize how much Chosen and SC hate them for it#as well as the fact that they scared not only king but also CHOSEN#but they're pretty deep into their status as a murderous criminal and would be deeper if Chosen didn't keep stopping them every time#it's easier to pretend they're right#in truth they're really not sure what they want anymore#especially not when they realize they're still scared of alan
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Iruma is an invasive species within the Netherworld, and like many invasive species he will conquer if left unchecked.
We know at some point, humans and demons interacted though, at some point, they each became each other’s myths. I propose that the separation was intentional on the demon side, relegating humans to bedtime stories. They did this because they knew a single human could elevate or devastate the Netherworld. Humans are weaker in demons in most ways physically but their real strength lies in their cooperativeness and desire for community, adaptability and perseverance despite adversity.
Right from the start, Iruma has unnaturally succeeded in a world that incredibly hostile to him. And yet from the start be began building relationships. We’ve seen demons don’t have much of a concept of ‘friends’ the closest being ‘allies’. The Misfits individually were lazy and self-centered which is what got them sent to troublemakers class. Only when Iruma reached out and formed positive relationships, created a foreign system of giving and receiving help did they really flourish. With each arc, we see the class cooperating and relying with each other more and more, even in individual events. Its helped them grow exponentially in power and personality and only occurred because Iruma planted the notion that they are stronger together.
Iruma is also extremely adaptable not only from his hectic upbringing but his innate humanity. Despite not knowing the context of what is happening during most of his day, he adapts extremely well. He uses what skills he gained in the human world by tweaking them to suit his needs and picked up new demonic skills (such as using Ali-san’s stored magic) very quickly. Part of the ‘special training’ leading up to the Harvest Festival was forcing the kids to break out of just using their bloodline abilities. Iruma has no power himself and thus isn’t limited in what he uses to complete a task. We’ve seen on a few occasions he wins simply because his opponent is too stuck in a particular way of fighting and thinking. Being able to think on his feet and not just stick to the familiar is what makes him such a fierce opponent.
Finally, we’ve observed that demons on the whole are self-centered and lazy. This is not always the case but overall many lack the ability to pursue or accept change. Even the Six Fingers is all about returning to origins and reviving Delkira, in other words, moving backwards. But since he arrived in the Netherworld Iruma has boldly moved forward. He integrated well into a completely alien environment and not only became popular but powerful very quickly. He worked hard to unlearn an ingrained skill (dodging) to win a contest going head to head with the most powerful student. Even when his fellows wanted to give up, his dedication and well known compassion helped win them the Royal One. He became an expert archer even when his master said most demons gave up, refusing to put in the effort. Challenges that most demons backed down from, Iruma charged on ahead.
Iruma used his ability to bring people together, to adapt to any situation no matter how strange and to see his ambitions through to go from someone who should’ve been eaten on day one to a stand out demon. Iruma himself is a kind, extraordinary young man but he also has a natural advantage in an environment he is unknowingly adapted to. It’s one of the reasons why he will eventually be demon king because who else deserves to stand at the very top than the creature who can outnumber, out-think and outlast any demonic opponent?
#mairimashita! iruma kun#welcome to demon school iruma kun#i have so many iruma thoughts dont mind me#but this has been on my mind since the harvest festival#Bachiko noting that most demons just gave up learning the bow bc it was too hard#humans are stubborn bastards we dont give up demons... not so much apparently#thus the idea that demons and humans are kept seperate bc humans will just overrun demons#despite their demonic physical advantages they just dont have the strength of character to outmatch a human#it really does explain (other than anime logic) why Iruma has consistantly landed on top every time#in a world supposedly out to kill him#I imagine to some older folks learning that Iruma is a human would scare the shit out of them#along the lines of 'human are space orcs' thinking#also sad thought I've had related but didn't quite have the space to talk about#human scent/blood is known to be alluring to demons#despite his perfume one cant completely cover their smell#perhaps some of Irumas popularity is bc demons are unconsciously drawn to him and his yummy smell#just not knowing why#they still love him for being Iruma but it adds a sad lil tang to their relationship#would they even exist had Iruma been the same but in a demon body?#anyway Ive been writing this on and off all day bye
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#duskull#lest we forget that duskull only has one eye that just goes in the middle of their face and they move it around to get a view#so of course when ffp'd they're gonna look like a gyroid#gyroids scared me so much as a kid. not like the concept of them but remember in the original animal crossing when you didn't save#and resetti came out to yell at you or whatever. he would turn you into a gyroid#yeah. THAT scared me to DEATH. the way that it looked. every time it happened. but i was always kinda like… okay. if you can note down the#fact that i did not save. then that means you knew i played the game. and you knew i did it without saving. so why. did you not just#autosave for me. obvi animal crossing has autosave now and it's nice but it kinda puts resetti out of a job. except for like. rescues i gues#wow… resetti joined a rescue team… he's gonna save the world….#this is irrelevant. duskull! the guy who runs the bank in treasure town. trust *this* guy with your hard-earned money from that dungeon#in fairness to him he usually does take pretty good care of it. although him being an unevolved form of dusknoir made me not really trust#him very much when i first played pmdeos. aaaaanywaaaaayyy
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Most-Listened of May 2024
[last month]
May 2024 was finals + road trip home from uni + getting settled in at home for the summer, so the songs on this month's list were the soundtrack to a really busy time for me. (Because of that, I'm extra grateful to them for helping me power through it all!) I didn't have the brainspace to be properly excited about any new releases (except Repion's at the end of the month), so a lot of the songs here kind of snuck up on me. Surprisingly, I'd still say I enjoyed May's releases more than April's, though!
1. Not Like Us -- Kendrick Lamar
The Drake-Kendrick beef finally graced my YouTube recommended at the beginning of May, just in time for "Not Like Us" to save me from the Inevitable Finals Gloom. The beat was what hooked me at first (so string instrument!! so texture!!), but there are SO MANY good lines here--more than enough to keep me excited about this song, even after I massively overplayed it in just a few days of finals. (I'm a 'leave songs on repeat for hours as I float in and out of The Work Vortex' kind of guy, you know?)
2. Candy Store -- from the 2014 Heathers soundtrack
No complicated reason here: the vocal performances are just breathtaking, so I haven't been able to get this song off my mind for the past two weeks. Shoutout to @embraceofday for introducing me to this one! (That was a couple of years ago, I think, but somehow it came back to me recently, and I've been more obsessed than ever!)
3. Anthems For A Seventeen Year-Old Girl -- yeule
I've been getting ads for I Saw the TV Glow all month, and they worked on me--sort of? I still have no plans to see the movie, but this song from the trailer has taken my listening by storm. Lyzette G on YouTube mentioned yeule last year (I am SO jealous of their taste in music), so I'm proud to say I like a yeule song now! This is peak 'driving home on the highway at night and your heart is all sparkles because she said she'll text you later', which is one of my favorite kinds of music, actually. (Yes, this is oddly specific. But it's also like A General Feeling, you know?) It's eerily inhuman but also full of longing; it keeps a consistent, hazy atmosphere while still including a few moments of emotional punch--it's great!!
4. Down Swinging -- Holly Humberstone
Saxophone solo!!!!!!! That actually isn't my favorite part of this song, though--the way Holly Humberstone sings "watch me keep my cool tonight" at the end of every chorus is full of just SO many emotions--shame, determination, acceptance, longing--I find it captivating (really, every lyric in this chorus is a gem). I love songs like this (see also: Betty Who's "You Can Cry Tomorrow" and Lee Hi's "HOLO"), songs that aren't about being over something bad but are just about being within something bad and getting by anyway. Being stuck, and knowing you're stuck, and being okay regardless? Sometimes, I just need to know that's possible, and "Down Swinging" makes it feel more real than ever.
5. I'm the Ocean -- Neil Young
My dad and I ran across this on our (twelve-hour) drive home from my university, while we were listening through this playlist. My dad is a huge Neil Young fan, while I'm just meh about him--"I'm the Ocean" caught my attention from first listen, though, and I've been revisiting it daily since then. (Funny enough, my dad doesn't care for this one.) I love its haziness, how it walks the line between hopelessness and rage and how you're never exactly sure how to feel about the speaker, or about the song itself. I love singing "I'm the ocean / I'm a giant undertow". (Like, that is a captivating lyric. So powerful, so simple yet so layered with meaning?) I love the crunchy TV-static guitar!!!
6. From Small Things (Big Things One Day Come) [Live at Malieveld...] -- Bruce Springsteen
Spotify keeps notifying me whenever Springsteen releases a new compilation album (they know me too well...)--and he just keeps releasing them. I'm not sure I needed all these albums, but I'm glad to get this gem, at least! This one has a super-singable chorus, and the fiddle solo is SUCH a high.
7. Turn it up -- PinkPantheress
Not particularly exciting, but super fun! It's a solid serotonin jam to go on a playlist with all the early Twice title tracks.
8. No Biggie -- Itzy
SO CUTE SO CUTE I LOVE IT. With "None of My Business" + this one, I've been so glad to see how well the post-NewJeans world suits Itzy. My main problem with a lot of their music, especially title tracks, is that the songs strain their vocals in ways that end up sounding unpleasant to me--a chilled-out song like this one reminds me just how listenable Itzy's music can be!
9. Rollercoaster - MTV Unplugged -- Bleachers
I think Spotify suggested this one to me. I am THE Bleachers girlie, but I'd never heard this specific version of "Rollercoaster" and oh my GOD does it make me emotional. If you've ever cried to "Someone to You" by Banners, I think you already understand what this one makes me feel.
10. The Ghost of Tom Joad (feat. Tom Morello) - Live in Anaheim, CA -- Bruce Springsteen
My #1 song from my #1 artist!! (Sorry, "Badlands". Your top spot was beautiful while it lasted, and we've had so many good times, but I just... I don't think you're the one for me anymore...) I did an essay about Springsteen for one of my finals, believe it or not, and I talked about this song in particular, so that explains the sudden spike in listens--though it's constantly in my rotation regardless.
11. Wave - Ollounder's Bold Dynamics Mix -- Ateez
It's a time-honored tradition, now: trashy club remixes are my THING during finals. This one stuck with me all month, though, because it's actually kind of compelling--I find it fun, even when I'm not speedrunning a final paper. "Wave" is just a really sweet song already, and I think this remix adds a variety of sounds that make it not just pleasant, but also super captivating.
12. Lookalike -- Conan Gray
No comment...
13. Set Me Free (Lindgren Remix) -- Twice
Re: trashy club remixes for finals. This is so trash, I can't even argue that it's worth listening to at any time other than finals season. (The synth riffs in the prechorus are kind of awesome, actually, but the vocals sound like you're listening to them through a tin can telephone.) It was a great hype song while I studied, though.
14. Maybe -- (G)I-DLE
My second-favorite G-IDLE song ever (though I have no idea how I'll make room for "Eyes Roll" and "Revenge" in an updated top ten) is never not welcome on my most-listened list, but I have no idea why this is here. Maybe I left it on repeat while working on a paper? It has the right kind of beat drop to give me the same kick of adrenaline as my trashy club remixes do--though in terms of how much I admire it, "Maybe" is on a whole different level!
15. BOA -- Megan Thee Stallion
This is a wildly addictive song. The Gwen Stefani sample is such a good hook, but it's used so sparingly that I'm left hanging on Megan's every word, waiting for it to appear again. The deep bass makes the song feel full, though--by the end, I'm left wanting more without feeling like the listening experience was actually incomplete. My favorite line is definitely the Birkenstocks one; I still smile every time I hear it! I'm so excited for the album :)
Five-Star Songs (& Albums!) This Month
BOA -- Megan Thee Stallion
Lime -- Soojin
With just a few twists on a sweet, summery formula, "Lime" manages to stand out from the pack of cheery dance songs coming out at this time of year. The orchestral intro is so exciting, and the weirdly gritty vocal production (I still have no idea why anyone would consider that on a song like this--this album has some truly baffling production choices amid all the fantastic ones) unexpectedly grew on me. This song does sweet-and-sour so well!!
[Speaking of baffling production choices: "Drop Top" from this same album is a very nice listen, but what the hell is happening in the bridge... It would totally be a five-star song for me if not for that screechy violin (?) note in the dance break. Like. Why. Why would you just repeat the same ear-piercing note. The whole time. Have you considered a riff? Or making it just a TAD BIT quieter? Or just... a lower note? Anyway. Also, the ENTIRE title track, "Mona Lisa", is a baffling production choice. Just. The whole thing.]
Not Like Us -- Kendrick Lamar
Summer Daze -- Soojin
I like "Lime" a lot more than this one, but I can't help but admire "Summer Daze" too! I'm so in love with how it's a pop b-side just feels so authentically indie-rock? Like, "M��s Lejos" by Atalhos was one of my favorite songs of the summer last year, and that's an actual indie-rock song--and it feels like everyone who had a hand in "Summer Daze" understood exactly why people enjoy that type of song & decided to write a love letter to the genre. This track would fit right in with anyone's wistful k-indie playlist!
Entre todas lo arreglamos (album) -- Repion
Yeah, fuck it--I added Repion to the stanlist this month! After this EP, how could I not? The pre-release "El día no me da" had my heart already--it was so similar to their last album, though, that I found it a tad bit boring. But as an opener for a song like "Viernes", "El día no me da" reaches its full potential; it functions so perfectly that my qualms completely disappear. "El día no me da" builds up the energy to this delightful high, and then "Viernes" is the rollercoaster ride back down, full of twists and turns--I love the experimentation with rhythm, which continues in "Qué hay de ti?". It adds such a nice edge to the album; even though this release retains the things that drew me to Repion in the first place--strong vocals and incessant energy--it feels anything but boilerplate. This EP has only one flaw, and it's the kazoo-sounding thing that shows up in "Vienen de pasárselo bien". Maybe it's a perfectly lovely instrument in other contexts, but I think it just sounds silly here, and I really would rather just appreciate their (always delightful) harmonies in peace. Those harmonies do save the song for me, though! To be fair, this album only has four songs--putting it in the albums category is kind of a stretch--but these four songs are packed with enough interesting ideas to make this the fullest EP I've heard in forever. (Plus, Repion gets extra-credit points for releasing my album of the year--a full-length one, too--last year.) I'm not sure if this EP will turn out to be a smaller part of an upcoming album, but I really hope so--I love this sound for them!
#yes this order is slightly diff from receiptify again idk why it does that </3#also soojin kind of swept this month!!#which is wild bc i didn't even know about her comeback until *after* it came out#i was scared for rizz me up bc i'm still not over the horror of taemin's the rizzness but it's actually a really cute song#so even that was a highlight!#me when 2024
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that entire scene of billy being taken can literally be interpreted as a metaphorical rape scene. he's dragged downstairs by his ankles to an abandoned basement in the middle of nowhere while he's thrashing and screaming for help. the mindflayer holds him down and enters his mouth while he continues to struggle. when he's free, he runs away to his car and drives off to the nearest phone booth because he's terrified that it's following him.
he doesn't know what to tell the 911 operator, would they believe him? it all seemed very unrealistic. he has flashbacks and starts dissociating, replaying the scene in his mind, specifically the scene when it enters his mouth. and then he's faced with himself. the other billy represents the side of him that feeds his degrading emotions.
this is literally a metaphorical rape scene i don't know what to tell y'all. the way will's kidnapping can also be interpreted as a child predator holding a child hostage and violating him. joyce's initial thoughts must've been that her son was kidnapped by a sick person. and the fact that they found will unconscious with something forced in his mouth?? metaphorical assault scene.
and billy's shower scene? the black veins represent the phantom touches and pain left behind by his rapist. he's showering because he wants it off him but it's not going away. he's starting to dissociate and the memories are hitting him full force again.
do the duffers realize this connection? the show would be outstanding if they acknowledged the general theme of vecna/the MF representing an abuser/rapist who specifically targets troubled children because they're easier to manipulate.
#this scene actually makes me sick#why does the MF or vecna have to specifically target these children's mouths#its so gross#and then the whole snapping of their bodies and ruthlessly killing them?#that's a whole other thing#if the duffers noticed half the stuff the fans did maybe they could tackle more serious issues#also? the way brenner touches and stares and talks to el is so fucking creepy#i don't know if they intentionally made it creepy but it makes me gag#all of vecnas victims represent abuse or rape victims#but suffers are too scared to acknowledge that surely#billy made me so sad in that scene like oh my god give that boy a hug and a blanket and some space#he must've felt so violated#he probably didn't even initially know what was attacking him and genuinely thought a person was gonna rape him#billy hargrove#dacre montgomery#will byers
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Workforce Tuvok is my cringefail babygirl
#why are you a Vulcan suffering from dysphoria syndrome?? So you can get held down by other men???#I really want to know what 'humorous anecdotes' he had to share.....I love him so much#I love that without his Vulcan discipline he becomes even more clearly annoying <3<3 explaining a joke TO the guy who TOLD IT to him#+ laughing SUPER hard at someone else being 'humiliated'#Also Janeway looooves being romantically quirky in an old romance movie way and idk how else to describe it#Neelix: If I had a tarynian nickle for everytime I had to rehabilitate a friend who'd lost all their memories I'd have two nickles#which isn't a lot but-#st voyager memes#bea art tag#OH! Janeway seems like she's two seconds away from swinging herself around a lamp post in the rain with a dazzling smile on her face#Workforce Tuvok (and thus normal Tuvok) contains so many multitudes...he is SO friendly he is VERY annoying he is SCARED of needles#he is OFF putting and PUSHY and he is KIND <3#He seems like if I made a mistake he'd VERY loudly laugh and point it out but also help me correct it while telling a story about himself#Literally a CRIME that Tuvok and Neelix didn't interact in this ep they would've become buds#another crime is that Tuvok does nothing in the second half of the episode v_v not even a little 'ribbon scene' at the end#Janeway: Thank you so much Chakotay and only Chakotay for helping get us all out of there <3#Tuvok in the background: ..........................................................................................#the 'ribbon scene' would have been between him and Seven - she completed the research he started v_v
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In the universe in which Bruce Wayne and Joker are in a public relationship and are a power couple, I gots some thoughts.
So, Bruce visits Joker in Arkham or whatever. Like brings him flowers or something, I dunno. And someone says something about how they cannot BELIEVE billionaire Bruce Wayne would spend his time with someone who is mentally unstable enough to be in Arkham. Well, said someone's buisness suddenly fails when for some unbeknownst reason, Wayne Enterprises stop financially supporting said buisness.
Some time later, Joker and Bruce are at a gala. Bruce Wayne expierences autism 100 moment and someone goes ableism about it. Just a passing comment. And then after the rich socialite party, maybe two nights after, Joker doesn't kill them, but he sure does psychological torture.
#If you cannot tell by how I wrote this‚ my brain is fried.#It took all my strength not to call Joker 'the Jonker' and I'm proud I didn't.#I do not know WHY I've been thinking about Batjokes so much but I have.#And WHY CAN'T I FIND FICS LIKE THIS? I don't want Batman and Joker smooching!!!! No no no!#What I want is infamous criminal Joker and billionaire with social status Bruce Wayne gay married!#And the press won't leave them alone about it! The news is always telling stories. It's great for Bruce Wayne's cover!#All the headlines think Bruce Wayne is secretly some villain because how else is he gay married to Joker??????#Cuz he. Heem. Him. He's Batman.#And everytime Alfred forces Bruce to go to a gala and network‚ Joker is his date. And all the billionaires are scared out of their brains.#How is everyone so hyped up on the freak nature of Batman and Joker going at it freak style and not THIS?#I get the appeal‚ but this has layers of intriguing in another aspect that I feel isn't explored enough.#AND THERE ARE TOO MANY FANFICTIONS FOR ME TO SORT THROUGH TO FIND SOMETHING LIKE THIS!#And think about it! If Joker lives with Bruce Wayne‚ and everyone knows where Bruce Wayne lives‚ and Joker does some joking...#And Batman goes to handle the situation‚ it would make a REALLY good excuse if anyone notices Batman going into the Wayne residence.#Batman can be like 'Oh no. I'm not here after a long day of crime fighting cuz I live here!!! I'm here to interrogate Joker!'#And then everyone smiles and nods.#autistic Bruce Wayne#Sentiments of a vampire.#batjokes
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this whole epilogue is just a little treat for me oh my god. "familiar faces arrive in simulanka" does not even begin to cover it
#personal stuff#thorn plays genshin#literally gasped aloud seeing kaeya and jean#the besties........ hi.... i missed you guys so much. i'll cry#why'd the eng add that line in for kaeya. sounds like he just says ''thank you [?] miss''. why do they make him flirty he's just being nice#alice inviting the knights to simulanka once everything has calmed down... kaeya making jean take a break... what if i cry#kaeya i'm sorry . if it were up to me i never would have let you drink literal magic ink#COLLEI'S HERE TOO YIPPEE#we need to stop sneaking up on her. i feel bad whenever she gets scared :(#AWWW. she sounds happy to hear from him and wants to go say hello................... growth from her voicelines omg#AND MONA'S HERE TOO. WOOO#so glad we get to see her with the barbeloth stuff#i love when they use her idle animation in the middle of conversations it's neat :] also it using klee's constellation...#FISCHL TOO???? HII.#wanderer seeing fischl who absolutely does not remember him: oh god#ALBEDO AND KLEEEE. OH MY GOD.#klee saying mini durin is her big brother wAUUUGH.#alice just inviting her whole extended family [mondstadt + collei] is so so so so sweet. oh my god#HARD LEFT TURN?? HELLO??#albedo popping up to be like yeah that prophecy that durin will come back to life is true i've been studying it.#HELLO?????#REALLY interesting stuff. cannot believe they stuck this in a limited time event. Again#not sure if durin really will be the one coming back to life?they'd have to remodel all of dragonspine if so. or get him a new body#but yeah it just says ''rhinedottir's child'' will come back to life that could be any one of her creations right?#anyway we didn't get a fontaine event with albedo visiting elynas but this is a suitable substitute. i liked it a lot
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Today I was talking to my friends about my chorus teacher, and I was telling them about how I was in the middle for the line up.
And the teacher told me to get out because I wasn't singing. But I knew I was about to cough, so I decided not to. The whole day, she had been really rude to me, if I'm being honest.
She told me I looked bored.
And my friends said " why would she put you in the middle? You don't smile much."
I tried not to take any offense to it, because it's true
But I didn't realize it was that bad
I think I look upset most of the time
My parents kept trying to tell me that, but didn't want to believe them, because people used to say the opposite
#i said friends#are you proud of me#my teacher also said that i was sleeping and.thats why i didn't know what to do. but i was actually in the other room calling my mom that-#day. so i missed the instruction. i was about to cry because she wasn't beiliving me. but a girl who sits next to me told her.#i was suprised i didn't cry. but i do want to move on from this class#im tired of trying to get this teachers approval when it does nothing for me.#im going to try to just sing to the best of my ability now. and worry less about other things in the class.#i don't need to make it more miserable than it has to be because im scared
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Okay, so I wanted to send my mutual an episode of KikoRiki to familiarise him with Pin — a character I really like (one episode isn't enough to say EVERYTHING about him, but dear god, he's the best, I love the kid robot's German mechanic dad :> )
Which meant I had to watch one episode to see what his name is, since some were changed in the English dub
And holy hell........
youtube
(English dub)
youtube
(Original)
The difference is driving me insane. Literally
I know that dubs aren't always good at conveying the original's intent, look no further than Gumball's Russian dub with its censorship of "harsh" words like "butt", but THEY STRAIGHT UP CHANGE LINES TO SOMETHING THAT BARELY MAKES THE DIALOGUE FLOW AND THE VOICES ARE KILLING ME
so yeah i found another thing to be mad at
#random.dusty#kikoriki#смешарики#pls where's the techno scatting in the end what the fuck is 'wally in the house' PLEASE 😭😭😭😭#you don't understand i love pin sm he's just like me fr#i love him speaking german i love him getting mad at things not working i LOVE that he went through essentially#an artist's crisis in one episode i love him laughing at his own stories despite nobody else getting it HE'S SO FUCKINGSTCSRSCSUCWJS#they didn't do justice to him and many others why does sovunya (olga) sound like that she's too young >:(#and losyash (doco)......... despite knowing what happens in the episode i thought that was kar-karych at first#WHERE'S THE BI WITH MALE LEAN VOICE?????? >:[[[[[[#also if you didn't know uh i'm a sovunya x kar-karych x losyash truther they're all married and they love each other sorry 💅💅💅#but anyways barash's (wally's) monologue in the middle about aliens capturing him to teach him their 'horrible' dances#IT'S SO NOT IT IN ENGLISH DUB LIKE MY MAN WHY ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT THIS IT BARELY MAKES SENSE 💀💀💀💀#in rus it's 'did you get scared' 'no i'm not allowed to take anything close to heart. neither good nor bad'#'you're lucky. i get nightmares about aliens taking me on their ship and teaching me their horrible dances'#IT'S SO SIMPLE AND SO FLOWY AND AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#russian media#Youtube
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