#Small Town Paranormal Investigations

[branmuffins22]

Got an opinion/advice question for y'all.

So, a few weeks ago, I wrote a scene that was initially going to be a bit of extra B-plot (or really C-plot) content in one of my fics (working title: Small Town Paranormal Investigations). The scene in question was Luz and Amity's milkshake date, as featured in the photo album from Thanks to Them.

Now, since I wrote it, I've done a bit of reconsidering with regards to the fic's structure, and realized that that particular scene would really work better as an intermission oneshot than as one part of the current multi-chapter affair. The broader AU fic/series that Small Town Paranormal Investigations belongs to is already planned to have smaller intermissions between most (if not all) main chapters, so the date would have just become a missing/bonus scene oneshot that I would post afterwards.

Thinking again though, there really isn't anything in the scene (as i wrote it) which ties it strongly to the broader AU, so I could probably release it as a tiny canon-compliant oneshot now-ish anyways.

On the one hand, holding off until its time comes in the broader AU gives me time to rework it for being a standalone oneshot, probably resulting in a better piece. This would especially help the pacing, since I wrote the thing initially with the intention of copying the show's scene-by-scene pace (which is rather fast).

On the other hand, it's kinda technically in a "finished" state already, and posting it now would be topical. Valentine's Day and all that. And besides, even if I post the kinda iffy one now, there's no real reason I couldn't revisit the premise later on with a bit more polish.

On the OTHER other hand, its length and pacing and all that is already also kinda perfect for including as one of the vignettes which make up the broader AU's test document of sorts, Something Like a Bible, which would ideally be the first thing I post of it (and should probabhopefully be done some time in the next few months). Putting the scene in SLaB would allow an almost-middleground between posting it now, when it's least ready and most topical, and posting it later, when it's most ready and less likely to be topical.

So, here I ask to borrow y'alls' executive function:

[branmuffins22]

Thanks for the tag! Sorry about the absence these last few weeks (and all those unanswered asks 😬). Health has been a smidge sketchy, spoons and sleep in short supply. But I've been a bit better lately, I think!

Filenames (all are fanfics of The Owl House):

Masha and the Very Normal Nocedas; a post-finale, pre-epilogue, Veesha-centric longfic about Masha's increasingly crazed attempts to figure out the whole Deal™ with Luz, Vee, and Hunter. Meanwhile, the Nocedas are trying as hard as possible to be normal and inconspicuous, made difficult by their various traumas, talents, and a certain purple palisman's refusal to leave her witch's side. It's a light-hearted mess. I've still got some edits to do to the chapters I've already written (mostly for flavor), and I'm still trying to draft the second half-ish of chapter 3 (it's already been outlined), but once all that's done, I should be able to start posting with a comfortable buffer.

Something Like a Bible; a test document of sorts for my canon rewrite, tentatively either the "Artificer AU" or "Overthinker AU", going over the broad-strokes plot and its divergences from canon via a series of short scenes and vignettes. The characters and motivations remain almost entirely unchanged, but I'm lengthening and rearranging the timeline to explore new plots and leave more space for supplemental adventures in the season 2 equivalent, as well as doing perhaps a bit too much worldbuilding, headcanon dumping, and so on. I think I need to go back and flesh out the second half of the season 1 equivalent, but then I can pick up with the meat and potatoes of the magic system exploration.

Small Town Paranormal Investigations; an episode from the aforementioned AU, in which the Hexsquad and Cabin 7 team up to, as the name suggests, investigate some paranormal activity in the small town of Gravesfield. It's mostly about the ghost hunt, but it'll also include Vee coming out to her friends from camp. I'm writing this one in something as close as I can manage to the style and pacing of the show, and I only just finished the opener, with small blurbs written of later scenes, so there's still a lot to do. Thankfully, the brainrot has been very kind to this fic lately.

Snippet is the tail end of the opening scene from Small Town Paranormal Investigations:

The temperature suddenly did a nosedive, as something like a breath of icy wind blew past, the faraway echo of a sharp woosh trailing behind it a full second later. Goosebumps sprouted along their arms and legs, and the hairs on the back of their neck stood straight up. They felt as though they'd stepped into an industrial freezer, all warmth blasted away in an instant, still gone long after the culprit gust had passed. The others must've noticed it too, as all four of them went tense and still. "Brr," they shivered, "The heck was that?" "Beats me!" said Baker. "A cold front?" Lance offered. "Oh, looks like a whirlwind," said "Luz", nervously pointing just off to the side of the sidewalk. Sure enough, a tiny scattering of schoolday detritus, from gum wrappers to flashcards, twisted and danced away at astonishing speed. It slid straight under a tree, incidentally gathering a few leaves, and then bent around the corner of the school building, the warmth of the spring afternoon returning at the very instant it passed from sight. "…Weird," Masha remarked. "Yeah…" "Luz" sniffed once, twice, before making a rather intense face. "Very weird." Masha raised an eyebrow at her. They opened their mouth to ask something, but before they could find their words, she turned back to keep walking, prompting the others to do the same. "Wanna do that hangout today? Right now?" she urged, pulling out her phone. Lance responded first, "Hm? Sure." Baker followed, "I'm down." Masha, though, merely stared at her for a bit. She was clearly deflecting, trying to change the subject. But why? "…Yeah," they relented. "Cool. Just gotta let my mom know where I'm at," she muttered. Scanning over her shoulder, she was already at least three messages deep into a conversation, though they didn't spot Mrs. Noceda's usual contact photo. With some hesitation, they decided to drop it, for now. It was probably nothing, anyways; just some weird wind putting them all on edge. Though their own brain was trying to tamp down ideas about the strange and supernatural, hers was probably just stuck on the fear of the unexplained. Besides, she'd always been kinda jumpy. It'd make sense for it to bug her the most. Oh well. If she ever wanted to talk it out, they'd listen.

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[timesnewfishcat]

knife girl :3

[spectralseekerscarlett]

Paranormal Inquires: Seeking Insights and Answers

Can anyone know of and recommend any haunted tours or paranormal investigation groups in Michigan?

[ckret2]

So y'all know the Gravity Falls production bible that leaked three weeks ago. Someone in one of my discord servers pointed this out:

And, naturally, that spawned an entire AU.

AU Concept: Ford was kicked out instead of Stan and takes a job as a trucker to makes ends meet since he couldn't go to college, while still studying the weird and anomalous however he can.

Ford driving around from quirky small town to quirky small town, drifting through the liminal spaces of truck stops, meeting odd people in isolated diners, seeing strange things out on the road—a deer with too many eyes bounding across a two-lane highway, a flirty woman at a rest stop who doesn't blink or breathe, mysterious lights in the sky at night, inhuman growls on the CB or 50-year-old broadcasts on the radio—and taking notes when he stops for gas or food.

Aside from having gotten kicked out before graduating high school, Ford's the same person he is in canon.

He's still an ambitious guy, and here "ambitious" means working hard and saving as much money as he can—so, a long haul owner-operator who spends weeks at a time on the road. (He goes through a LOT of educational audiobooks.) Plus, this is the easiest way for him to get to travel the country; and since it looks like his "travel the world" dreams with Stan are dead, he'll take what he can get.

Since he's never in the same spot long and carries his life in a truck, almost all of Ford's research is in his journal. His bag of investigation supplies has an instant camera, a portable tape recorder, a thermometer, a flashlight, rubber gloves, and a few zip lock bags—and that's about it. It has to share space with all his clothes, toiletries, and nonperishable food when he's on the road. He doesn't have much opportunity to closely examine anything odd he finds, unless he's lucky enough to run into something when he can stop for the night. He has to cram his paranormal research around the side of his full-time job.

He doesn't live in Gravity Falls, but he knows it exists. Every time he moves—to Chicago, to Nebraska, to California—he seems to inch closer. He currently lives in Portland and usually hauls loads between the Pacific Northwest and Chicago or New York. He stops at the truck stop outside Gravity Falls when he can and has gone fishing in town a few times. He doesn't have the benefit of extensive research to know that this is the weirdest town in the world; but it seems pretty weird to him, there are local rumors about the town, and he's had some weird experiences in the area.

Plus, he can't explain it, but it's like the town's calling to him. He wants to move there, but it'd put him over an hour outside of Portland where the nearest jobs are. Maybe if somebody chucked him like $100k to build a cabin in the woods; but what are the odds of that?

He does know Fiddleford. Truck broke down somewhere and Fiddleford kindly pulled over to fix it on the fly. They looked at each other, had mutual knee-jerk "dumb trucker/hillbilly" reactions, and within ten minutes both went "oh wait you're the most brilliant genius i've ever met." Fiddleford's living the same life he was in canon before Ford called him to Gravity Falls—with his family in California, trying to start a computer company out of his garage—but they make friends and keep in contact.

One time Ford stops at a kitschy roadside knickknack store that also sells new agey magic things—crystals, tarot cards, incense, etc. He bought a "lucky" rearview mirror ornament that looks like an Eye of Providence in a top hat and hung it from his cab fan, and ever since then he's had weird dreams whenever he sleeps in his truck.

Things I don't know yet: what Stan's up to; or why Ford's the one who got kicked out. I tend to believe that in canon Stan wasn't just kicked out because he ruined Ford's college prospects, but rather because the family thought he deliberately sabotaged Ford; so in this AU, Ford would've been kicked out over a proportionate crime.

[princesssisi]

Initial sketch of an AU for MAWS - “the Monster of Smallville case”

- southern / gothic horror, loads of churches, religious themes, cornfields, quiet atmosphere, small town vibe, abandoned gas station looking sth

- set in the American Satanic Panic

- Clark accidentally spawns a SCP style urban legend by setting off his powers at night -> monster of Smallville / Man with red eyes … any other spooky name

- the town is sent into a frenzy, people are very paranoid, the community becomes Uber religious and Clark is feeling pretty lonely and isolated <- they see him as the weirdo loner on a farm toward the edge of the city (presuming Ma and Pa have passed away early in age and he stayed on the farm and never pursued journalism, or maybe just at the Smallville gazette)

- Lois gets a whiff of this from the big city

- she’s a famous paranormal investigator / monster hunter / will clean up your cursed house - type of woman

- I actually inspired her outfit by Lorraine Warren from the Conjouring movies

- she comes to Smallville and stays at a motel there, interviewing the people. She eventually runs into Clark, who’s reserved and doesn’t tell her much - mostly says he doesn’t believe in paranormal stuff

- they slowly grow a odd friendship as she stays in the town investigating this whole Man with red eyes thing

- Clark slowly goes more and more into hiding … Will he be found out?

That’s the initial idea - worth expanding on? I wanna draw a full redesign eventually, I mainly wanted to simply document my first idea before I forget.

[sanctifie]

hello !! 25, gmt on the lookout for new discord rp partners ( 21+ ). i love long-term plots w heavy development, worldbuilding & mumus w a host of intertwining characters --- also v down to swap inspo boards, playlists, headcanons, drabbles & all that other fun stuff !! i write all pairings ( mxm, mxf, fxf, nbxany ) but i'm generally more comfortable portraying masc characters. i'm p flexible when it comes to literacy, short rapid-fire replies or longer prose are both fine w me & i normally try to match my partner's length. under the cut are a list of plots & general vibes i'm looking for. pls dm me or like this post if you're interested !

high fantasy in the same vein as asoiaf, dragon age & dnd

urban fantasy & magic realism

small town americana / suburban, southern & midwest gothic

dark academia ( i would do unspeakable things for a the secret history inspired mumu )

cyberpunk !!

supernatural themes. hunter x hunted ?? vampire x reincarnated soulmate who finds them in every lifetime ???? paranormal investigators ??

dystopian / post-apocalyptic settings

something in the horror genre. pls give me a slasher plot inspired by scream or friday the 13th

toxic, codependent relationships / devotion that corrupts

spoilt rich kids doing spoilt rich kid things à la gossip girl

outlaws/western. literally just give me anything w gay cowboys

something inspired by yellowjackets ??

[snows-2am-thoughts]

Uh so Gravity Falls x The Owl House is canon?! This is the best moment of my life guys

I'd like to think Luz decides to investigate anomalies on Earth when she can since Eda had told her weird stuff on Earth was just magic leaking from the Boiling Isles. She decides on Gravity Falls because it seems that's where the biggest traces of weirdness are. Mabel and Dipper decide to go back to Gravity Falls or attend college near there after high school because it's their home and they've already been away for long enough (and lets be real, everyone besides the stans are probably still there because it's a small town and families hardly ever leave those). Dipper studies paranormal sciences or an applied research major or both and helps continue studying Gravity Falls after he graduates since Ford is off on adventures with Stan. Mabel is studying Fashion Design or Graphic Design with a minor in Photography (the sweaters and scrapbooking stuck) and is now determined to make something (I'm thinking like a fashion line, plushies, or even a cartoon/comic series since she's very creative) inspired by the weirdness of Gravity Falls. 

Luz and the twins end up meeting by chance when they're researching some of the more elusive creatures and they just kind of pause when seeing each other.

Luz: *is sweating nervously because she thinks the twins are freaked out*

Dipper and Mabel: *are sweating nervously because the last time someone found out about the weirdness the FBI got involved*

I think after a very long and awkward conversation they'd actually be really excited to know there are other humans who are open to the weirdness! Luz spent her life not thinking she'd be able to fit in around other humans and the twins have probably felt a little outcasted since they'd been through something no one outside a select few in Gravity Falls can relate to. 

Hijinks ensue. Luz and Mabel feed off of each other's bubbliness and high energy personalities. Luz and Dipper are now combining their research with Luz's knowledge of the Boiling Isles and Dipper's knowledge of the mysteries of Gravity Falls. Luz ends up taking them to the Boiling Isles to introduce them to everyone and suddenly the twins feel like they're at home. Everything is going great until they recognize Eda as a woman from one of Grunkle Stan's old pictures and now they're on a mission to locate their grunkles from whatever adventure they're on to bring them to the Boiling Isles. Stan and Eda reunion (very awkward at first because they're cautious of lingering feelings from the other but they're both well established in life now and so the awkwardness fades, chaos buddies are back) as well as both sets of twins getting to explore the Boiling Isles.

Luz now has a human based support system that isn't her mother which helps her feel ok in her humanity. The twins are able to talk about their experiences with someone who understands and even thrives in the weirdness. 

Dipper and Luz experiment and find new combinations of King's titan glyphs while Mabel and Luz work on a campaign to introduce the two worlds to each other while preventing the creation of more witch hunters or the FBI from being scared because yeesh they don't wanna repeat their trauma. 

Dynamics between the gangs! I think Hunter and Soos would be an awesome pair of bros and I could totally see Amity and Wendy being the cool and composed duo of their respective groups. Luz, Willow, Amity, Mabel and Wendy having a girls night because lord knows they need it. The boys (Hunter, Gus, Dipper and Soos) simultaneously have a boys night but it’s Dipper introducing them to BABBA and Hunter having them carve wood while Soos and Gus try to spook them. Somehow the two groups end up combining and now it’s just a big sleepover with everyone getting into shenanigans. 

King and Mabel would be besties and I can totally see her making little sweaters for him so they can match. Luz catches on and now we have three matching besties. Eda and Stan fuel each other’s gambling habits while Ford and Raine stand on the sidelines getting ready to bail them out. Dipper and Willow would totally get along and I can see them researching the more unique plants of the Boiling Isles together. Gus and Dipper discuss the differences in the worlds of witches and humans. Hunter would introduce the palismans to Mabel and she’d start sprucing up their homes and making them little sweaters. Waddles meant everything to her and if she could help them find homes then she would. 

The Collector visits and all of a sudden the GF group gets PTSD from Bill because ‘oh looks its another all powerful interdimensional being.’ When questioned about it the Collector gets concerned and decides to look into it.

The Collector: *concerned because he knows how he was when he didn’t understand human mortality and thinks this ‘Bill’ just needs to be informed* “YEESH nevermind this guys a mess, you don’t have to worry, he’s being forced into interdimensional therapy. I wouldn’t put it past him to try his old tricks though so don’t make any deals or trust anything triangular’

The GF crew: “HE’S ALIVE????”

The GF group is lowkey paranoid after that because they risked so much to make sure Bill couldn’t hurt them again and the TOH group has to comfort them because they understand. The Collector is assuring them that he’s watching out for them so they don’t have to be too paranoid. The groups go back to doing what they're doing. 

I lowkey wanna see Mabel learning magic while Dipper is lowkey just fine studying and researching since actually doing the magic stuff lost its appeal when Bill possessed him. I haven’t even thought of what Mabel’s palisman would end up being

…. WHO AM I KIDDING, IT'S PROBABLY A MINI WADDLES

OR A LLAMA

Or maybe like a squirrel or beaver, Stan’s would definitely be a crow but he and Ford probably are a little put off of doing magic themselves because of similar reasons to Dipper. Actually, maybe Stan would be a little more open since Eda is there and he knows that while she’s mischievous and a troublemaker, she’s nothing like Bill. If Ford and Dipper did wanna learn magic I think Ford gives off hawk palisman vibes while Dipper’s is definitely an owl. I just realized that all the Pines besides Mabel have bird palismans in this. That’s actually pretty good angst potential. 

I COULD WRITE SO MUCH MORE AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I WANT TO WRITE A FIC

I AM GONNA WRITE A FIC

[thefallenangel2008]

I have come up with my Relativity!Falls AU!

Ok, so, I came up with this today at the last period at school so it might be a bit messy, but pls bear with me.

So let me tell ya!😈

Ok, so Mabel and Dipper's lives were fairly normal back in the 60's. Like, sure, their parents got a divorce when they were 13 and lived in a broken home but they still loved eachother and their love only grew stronger when their parents broke up, their will to stay together strengthening. Their parents still cared about them dearly despite the breakup, so everything was not as bad.

Dipper wanted to go to university to study science and Mabel wanted to go to a fashion school and be a fashion designer! People already loved her sweaters so it only seemed fitting.

Dipper got a scholarship after his project got approved by scientists. It was going to be the first time of the twins being apart, and although sad, they knew they could do it. A year later Mabel left home as well to go to her desired fashion school.

After university Dipper gained an interest in the supernatural and he decided to investigate, he even started recording himself searching and finding these paranormal creatures. He kept the videos in a cassette, hoping one day he could show the world and maybe, just maybe, he would get his own show. He started to keep a journal, the cover being blue/silver with a silver pine tree in the middle. After a while Dipper realized that the most sights of paranormal activities happened at a place he had never heard of before, a small town called Gravity Falls. He built a house there and a basement underneath to find more paranormal creatures.

There, he learned about this demon called Bill Cipher from a cave writing near the town, and said demon visited him in his dreams after saying the incantation written. He flattered him for his smarts and said that his unusual birthmark on his forehead made him look like a freak, but in a good way! And although Dipper felt flattered, he didn't trust him all that much, because why would a demon want to talk to him of all people??? Also , come on, that was a DEMON. He had seen enough movies to know whether to trust a demon or not. (Mister Anxiety and Overthinking everyone lol)

Bill kept pestering him about building a portal that leads to other dimensions, and after a LOT of thinking Dipper decided to build it, believing it would be a big step in the world of science.

He decided to ask for help from the richest woman in town whose family found it, a brilliant (and admittedly attractive) mechanic, Pacifica Northwest.

They spent a long while building the portal together, and once it was ready they decided to test it on a dummy, only Pacifica was accidentally pulled in with it. Dipper managed to get her out, but when he did, she seemed... Paranoid. She started screaming at him and demanding to dismantle the portal, only Dipper didn't listen to her, too stubborn to admit it wasn't a good idea now that he had done so much. Pacifica quit right after.

After that he didn't know what to do and as a last resort he sent a postcard to his sister, asking her to come over.

Now the twins had kept in contact, but Dipper tried not to mention the portal to Mabel, just saying he was working on a project that could possibly change the world.

When Mabel got the postcard (she was back at California) she decided, sure, why not? It would only take a couple of months, maybe at most a year, and then she would be back to her small business.

When she arrived at Gravity Falls Dipper explained to her about the portal and the otherworldly creatures. He told her that his last assistant quit, leaving out some very important details.

Mabel was ecstatic to be a part of dangerous scientific experiments, spending some time with her brother after 10 years of phonecalls and postcards, and possibly meeting a unicorn!

They started writing a journal together, that had a purple cover and a purple pine tree with a shooting star at the top (Dipper said it looked like a Christmas tree. Mabel just found it funny) and they wrote about every other creature they discovered and their progress on the portal.

But as time passed by, Mabel started to notice that... Maybe Dipper was hiding something. But no, he would never hide anything from her! They're siblings, they share everything! But she had a weird feeling that the portal might be for something more instead of just "scientific advancements" and he regularly seemed to meditate. Dipper??? Trying to clear his mind??? Yeah, right! She began writing her own journal (which was more like a scrapbook tbh) where she wrote down her thoughts, her suspicions about her brother, and also had a bunch of photos of the creatures they found, clothes she made and their time together. It was pink/gold with a dark pink shooting star on it (and thus the three journals were created).

One day Mabel accidentally came across Dipper's journal and she had a look at it. That was when she found out the real reason why Pacifica left the project and she also found out about Bill Cipher.

She confronted Dipper about this and they had a huge fight over it. Mabel accidentally pushed Dipper and he burned the back of his shoulder with a symbol. Because of that the portal was accidentally opened and Mabel was sucked into it. Dipper tried multiple times to get it to work again and bring her back but it was severely damaged and nothing worked. After a while he gave up and he decided to dismantle it.

Bill was not happy about this and he kept hunting Dipper in his dream and also possessing his body and at some point he finally got a metal plate inserted into his mind so Bill wouldn't possess him anymore.

Oh also by the way Pacifica created the memory gun and kept erasing her own memory and created the Society of the Blind Eye and yeah, she lost her mind, yk.

Dipper kept trying to reach out to Pacifica but since she lost her mind nothing could happen so he would just visit her from time to time but she would always be in her own mind, being the crazy old hug of the town or "old hag Northwest", and also because she was crazy now the Northwests kicked her out of the Northwest Mansion and she's been living in the junkyard ever since.

Dipper is forced to fake Mabel's death to "excuse" her disappearance. A lot of people came to the funeral.

He hides the two journals (he doesn't know Mabel wrote one of her own) so that no one would find them and rebuild the portal again.

Anyway, Dipper turns his home into a museum for the supernatural to get money where he has fake miniatures of the creatures he found but of course always people would think they're fake but they mostly go there just for fun. It's called "The Home of Mysteries".

Many years pass by until he gets a call that hey, you're gonna babysit your twin nephews this summer! Yey...

Well, anyway, his nephews. Stanford (Ford) and Stanley (Stan) Pines.

On their first day the twins discover a pink scrapbook underneath a wooden floorboard. They see photos of their Grunkle Dipper but much younger, and a woman that looks almost just like him. Ford was quick to inform Dipper about this, but Stan stopped him and told him it would be a good way to learn more about their weird relative.

Well, that's what I have so far. I might draw something based on this, can't promise anything though. Oh well, I'll see! Sorry it's so big!

[theunholyvirginemilyprentiss]

BAU | BUSINESS AS USUAL .

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[branmuffins22]

Hmm. In reading over my own writing, I've come to an unfortunate realization.

I have Luz make fun of Vee pretty often. Like, it's all light-hearted jabs, poking fun about crushes and writing gullible on the ceiling, stuff like what my own siblings put me through growing up, but it's still a lot more than she's ever done in canon. I worry it might come across as out-of-character, and perhaps even mean-spirited?

...Maybe I should make that one of the sideplots in the episode where it's most egregious? Luz learning that she needs to tone down her teasing?

Ugh, but it's already so full of stuff going on; the ghost hunt, Vee coming out to Cabin 7, the Hexsquad and Cabin 7 teaming up and mingling, at least one date... hhhhh.

Writing is hard.

[honorarysimp]

1: Another Case, Another Small Town

series masterlist

Typical.

The winding, twisting roads of the California Coast Range mountainside were treacherous in the midnight hours as the vehicle’s headlights sliced through the pitch black night. The dense forest along the roads cast shadows that seemed to dance and shift with each turn, a constant reminder of the eerie unknown that lay on the path ahead.

Tendrils of cigarette smoke emitted from the ember burning at the end, filter loosely fitted between lips that no longer craves the nicotine high.

A hand reaches into the backpack sitting in the passenger seat, digging out a tape recorder. One finger smoothly hits the red button on the top, and the internal wheels of the device begin to spin.

Your voice crackles through the tape recorder, speaking into the microphone built into the device.

"I believe I’ve finally hit the outskirts of this damned town, so far it's not what I expected," you say, voice a mixture of exhaustion and skepticism. "It took me longer to get here than I thought, due to getting lost in those mountains on the way. The trees and darkness were suffocating, twisting in on themselves like something out of a Lovecraft novel."

You pause, running a hand through tousled hair from the windows being cracked just the slightest, else the smoke lingers within the vehicle.

"And those disappearances I've been hired to investigate... they're the strangest part of it all." You continue to mumble around the cigarette, plucking it from your lips and tossing it through the small space between the window and frame of the car door.

You sit back in your seat, adjusting the tape recorder on the dashboard.

"I've dealt with a lot of weird cases over the years, but this one takes the cake," you mutter to yourself. "From what I've gathered, several townsfolk have gone missing over the last few months. No bodies, no clues, just vanished into thin air. The locals claim it's the work of some paranormal entity, but I'm not easily swayed by local myths."

You pause, the faint glow of the GPS on the dashboard screen illuminating your tired face.

"But there's something about this town... it's like the air is thick with tension, like something is lurking just out of sight," you continue. "The people are tight-lipped, refusing to discuss the disappearances in any detail over the phone. It feels as if they're hiding something, or perhaps they're just as terrified as the rumors suggest."

You chuckle wryly, rubbing at the back of your neck, which feels a bit stiff and crick from the long drive.

"As for the claims of some kind of paranormal entity being responsible... I doubt it," you say, skepticism evident in your voice. "I've dealt with my fair share of strange cases, but superstition and fear often cloud people's judgment. I'll need more than just rumors and local folklore to prove that there's anything otherworldly at play here..."

The car rolled to a stop at the first red light within town, you take the moment to look around. The air was eerily quiet, but admittedly so at such a late hour, the only sound the soft hum of the engine and the occasional rustle of leaves. The town itself seems small, the buildings cramped together as if huddled against the darkness of the surrounding forest.

As you observed your surroundings, you can’t shake the feeling that something was off about this town. There was an oppressive atmosphere that weighed heavily on the air, an ever impending wait for any who dare pass through.

You continue to consult your GPS, following the directions to the hotel booked for your stay until further notice. The road twisted and turned, taking you past dilapidated houses and overgrown lawns until you finally reach the hotel.

The building was old and worn, with peeling paint and a flickering neon sign that read "Vacancy". The parking lot was mostly empty, with only a few other cars scattered about.

As you step out of your vehicle and head towards the hotel's entrance, you can’t shake the feeling of being watched.

Grabbing your backpack and duffle, you don’t dally and stand about in favor of a bed to fall onto.

As you walk into the lobby, the sound of your footsteps echoing off the worn wood. At the front desk stood an older woman, her expression stoic and unreadable.

As you approach the desk, she offered a curt nod of acknowledgment. "Can I help you?" she asked in a dry, raspy voice.

"I have a room booked under the name of (Y/N) (Y/L/N)," you replied, adjusting you grip on your duffle.

The woman eyes you for a moment before checking her records. "Room 34," she said, handing you a key.

You thank the woman and make your way down the hallway towards your room. Despite the late hour, the hotel wasn’t so bad, the only sounds being the faint creak of floorboards beneath your feet and the muted hum of the few lights still on.

As you reach your room, you unlock the door and step inside, flicking on the switch to illuminate the small, modest room. The room was dimly lit, the only light coming from a lamp on the bedside table.

You dropped your bags by the door with a weary sigh, shoulders slumped from the long drive and stress of the case you are undertaking. You kick off your shoes and flopped down onto the bed, not even bothering to change out of your clothes.

The bed was uncomfortable and lumpy, but it was better than nothing after a long day on the road. You close your eyes and let out a deep breath, the tiredness seeping into your bones.

"This town better be worth it," you mumble to yourself before drifting off into a fitful sleep.

next

[herbs-spice-and-everything-nice]

the real witch aesthetic struggle

become the witch who lives in a cottage growing herbs and help people in small towns classic route ™

or

taking all your arcane and occult knowledge and becoming a paranormal investigator while helping people in cities in a trench coat

or secret third option

Babydoll top and sickass crossbow

[scullysflannel]

hiiii apologies if i'm sending you too many asks lol, don't feel pressured to reply right away or at all tbh, but there's this thing ive been turning over in my head about the x files that's like... so in many ways it has these conservative ideas kind of baked into the premise and format of the show. these fears of monsters and monstrous others that have to be investigated and neutralized by our heroes who are these beautiful professional looking white people. and then there's the looming fear of alien invasion that comes up in the myth episodes. so theres a lot that could and should and does feel reactionary and conservative about it. but theres also such a palpable love for the strange and unknown? the "i want to believe" poster represents this so beautifully. i think this love tends to be expressed visually rather than in words so it's kind of hard to concretely describe but i'm sure you know what i'm talking about. and then the show also relies on us the audience having an interest in the paranormal and unexplainable, not because we want to see it defeated, but for its own sake. so i guess i want to ask how you square those two ideas, that the x files has all these anxieties about weirdness but also loves and yearns for weirdness? as i said ive been kind of ruminating on this for a while and having trouble reconciling the two ideas so i'd love to hear your thoughts!

Ooh I kind of just want to give you a reading list. Have you read “In the Dark” by Brian Phillips?? It’s a Grantland essay written for the 20th anniversary in 2013. It’s my favorite piece of X-Files journalism (actually my favorite piece of entertainment journalism in general) — kind of an essential text to me. It gets into all of this. But for me I don’t feel like reconciling the tension is the goal, or that it’s even possible. The tension is the show.

Likely thing for me to say, but I think the structure of The X-Files as a procedural is a big part of how and why it moves between fear and love. Phillips describes Mulder and Scully as representatives of a doomed but still operational status quo, “figures of a weird reactionary beauty, struggling to understand and then prevent the profound transformation breaking out across their world.” I’d say that last part (prevention) is especially true of the mythology, with the monster-of-the-week episodes giving space to sometimes complicate that. 

The X-Files is traditional in its basic formula; it makes assumptions about who gets to be the hero and what kind of job they should have. There are some assumptions it doesn’t interrogate, like its default whiteness. But its critique of the government can be shockingly pointed, even if it holds itself back in later seasons by keeping Mulder and Scully in the Bureau well past the point where they should go rogue. (Not that I think the show actually could have done that.)

Does The X-Files love its boundaries or want to blow them up? Both. The appeal of a procedural is typically that it gives neat answers, so being a procedural that denies easy answers is the point, which is to say that both sides of the show are dependent on each other. The whole show is sort of an experiment in fitting some of the strangeness of Twin Peaks into a procedural. I think it’s meant to be a go-between, the same way Mulder and Scully are. 

Phillips also writes, “In this show about not knowing, the agents confronted two distinct sets of frightening unknowns. On one side was the shadow government represented by the Cigarette-Smoking Man. On the other was the evil that lurked beneath the surface of every American hamlet. Often, Mulder and Scully’s role was simply to act as interpreters between their own antagonists, rendering chaotic eruptions of small-town horror comprehensible to men in marble corridors in D.C.” I think The X-Files works like that too — interpreting between what’s regimented and what’s odd — and in that sense it has to yearn for the same things it’s afraid of. And really, I prefer the honesty of that to something more ideologically consistent. 

I always think about “Home” as an episode that sums up a lot of The X-Files’ attitude toward progress (more on this here): It isn’t immune to the romance of the myth of Mayberry, even as it’s aware that it’s a grotesque lie built on violence, and that people are committing perverse acts to hold on to it. The show allows for progress to be scary but insists that it’s not as scary as what people will do when they fear it. Weirdness on The X-Files isn’t perfectly analogous for righteous deviance only. I believe the show sees what is weird coming from all sides, past (like the Peacocks) and future, so what’s weird isn’t inherently good or meant to signify inherent goodness; it only can be good. 

One of my favorite things about The X-Files is the way it respects the integrity of doubt. (I’ve written about this! But hold off on reading if you don’t want any spoilers.) I don’t think the show could be about the bravery of questioning your beliefs without letting those old beliefs be a little bit comforting to Mulder and Scully, even the ones that turn out to be lies. There’s a great New Yorker essay by James Wolcott written in 1994, near the end of the first season. He writes that in The X-Files, the Cold War-era obsession with UFOs and alien invasion gives way to the more inward-looking fear of alien abduction: “The X-Files is the product of yuppie morbidity, a creeping sense of personal mortality.” Later on, the mythology incorporates shapeshifters and alien colonization plans, but it never commits. That’s never the emotional core of the show in the way abduction is. The core of the show is personal annihilation: the fear of death and losing loved ones, and the fear of tearing yourself apart to get to the truth.

But some of the most affecting episodes are the ones that love and yearn for the weirdness in spite of it all. Like you said, it’s always in the atmosphere and the visuals (the poster, or Mulder looking up at the stars), but I think the show puts words to it pretty often, too, like “I guess I see hope in such a possibility” in “Quagmire” and especially all of “Humbug”: “Imagine going through your whole life looking like that.” There’s so much affection for peculiarity in that episode. Still, I love that ultimately it’s just a fact: “Nature abhors normality.” It doesn’t actually matter whether you like what’s “freakish” or not; it’s just nature. I think all of The X-Files kind of evens out into a neutral judgment like that, which is nice and even kind of radical in its own way. What is weird doesn’t have to be beautiful and desirable; it just has to be seen and accepted.

[ckret2]

Chapter 63 of human Bill Cipher trying to debate his way out of still being the Mystery Shack's prisoner. Soos has found the stolen Journal 4 in Bill's possession and has to decide what to do about it in light of everything else he's learned about Bill lately.

[*you may notice chapter 61 is missing! This plot was done sooner, so I'll be posting chapter 61 sometime after 64. It's not chronological so you're not missing anything!]

Soos stared dumbfounded at the journal with a 4 on the cover that he'd pulled from Bill's hiding place. Ford had lost Journal 4 last fall—he'd said gnomes had stolen it. How in the world had Bill gotten it?

Soos sat in the attic window seat and flipped through it. The first few pages were Ford's journal entries—his observations of the dimensional rips they were glueing shut in Gravity Falls post-Weirdmageddon, a hand-drawn map highlighting various places around the globe he wanted to investigate, a few drawings and observations of paranormal beings he hadn't seen his first time in town, half a sketch of a gnome that ended with a jagged scribble across the page followed by a page that said "Shmebulock" over and over.

And then a page that said, in an unfamiliar handwriting of jagged, narrow gray letters: "CURSED BOOK! If your name is Mabon Mason Pines, STOP READING NOW or ENJOY YOUR HEX!"

Bill had written page after page of some weird code of gray and yellow-green dots and dashes. A few sentences in English—every one of them was a threatening message to Ford. "Everything would have been fantastic if you'd just helped me finish, Fordsy." "You'll regret not siding with me when you had the chance." "You should have known better than to let your idiot brother turn you against me." "Sixer, you're lying to yourself every time you say you never worshiped me, and you know it. You spent the first third of your life running away from the god you were raised with and the second third chasing after me. Don't waste your last third denying it. YOU'RE MINE." A small, worrying diagram of what looked like the interdimensional portal. And a sticker.

Wait, hold on.

A sticker. One of Mabel's. The rest of the page was the same as the others, the two-tone dots and dashes, except for the sticker, and an arrow drawn from one paragraph to the sticker.

A yellow smiley, its round edges filled in with black marker to make a triangle, over the words "Good job!"

Soos stared at the sticker.

####

A couple of weeks ago, Melody had texted to let Soos know that there was a mess in the upstairs bathroom, and the kids said they'd been fighting a werewolf ghost.

When Soos had gotten home the next morning, Melody had pulled him aside and quietly told him she hadn't wanted to worry him and the Stans, but she did not think it was a werewolf ghost.

When Soos saw the bathroom, he didn't think it was a werewolf ghost either.

It was a scene from a horror movie. Menacing magical sigils painted all over the walls in blood and toothpaste, Bill's zodiac painted on one mirror, the other mirror broken, glass and water all over the floor. It looked like the site of a really wet demon summoning. This contained none of the hallmarks of ghostly or werewolfish activity. Why would Bill do this?

Soos was kind of reluctant to ask Bill. Bill still sorta scared him sometimes. Sure, he looked like a lost 18-year-old, but Soos knew what teens were like in a fight. So he asked Mabel instead.

Mabel pursed her lips uncomfortably. "Ask Dipper."

So Soos asked Dipper.

Dipper winced and. "Promise you won't get mad."

Soos considered that. "Yeah, I guess that's a fair deal."

Dipper confessed that Bill got accidentally locked in the upstairs bathroom for like a whole day, because he and Mabel didn't hear him yelling. Not because they were out of the house when they shouldn't have been. They were just... somewhere else in the house. Doing something loud. For the whole day.

While Bill was trapped alone.

####

Soos had vented to Abuelita about cleaning the bathroom. Like sure, he got Bill was annoyed about being stuck, but that seemed excessive.

Abuelita had made the observation that sometimes people in profoundly bleak and oppressive situations would just... destroy whatever was around them. Like punching a hole in the wall or snapping a pencil when you were angry, but much more so. Not because they wanted their surroundings to be destroyed, but because that was the last and only thing they had power over, and they needed to feel like they were in control of something. Even if that thing was merely changing their environment from ordered to chaotic.

Bill didn't have control over very much. He probably hadn't since he died. Soos didn't know what kind of space triangle afterlife Bill had been in before he showed up as Toga Lady, but it couldn't have been great if he'd come straight back here.

Soos could remember the one time weeks ago he'd let Bill into the bathroom to shower and forgotten to come back and let him out. How Bill had screamed so all the Mystery Shack's tourists could hear; how he'd seethed in Soos's face, how he'd said he'd rather blow their collective cover and throw them all on the mercy of the town's law enforcement than remain locked in the bathroom a second longer than they'd agreed upon. Soos had thought Bill was just impatient and hotheaded.

Standing in the bathroom, looking at the material evidence of Bill's claustrophobic terror—the broken glass, the spilled blood—he wondered.

####

The same day, he had felt a breeze in the gift shop and found the trap doors to the roof left open. He'd climbed up, shut them, and in between tours he'd visited his office to check yesterday's security tapes. 

He saw Wendy coming into the shack to hang out the morning before. That was fine. Soos had discovered she did that from time to time on days the shack was closed, but she wasn't doing anything bad and she hadn't brought it up yet, so Soos didn't bring it up either. Maybe she just needed a private place to hang. Teen stuff. He was just glad Wendy felt that safe at the Mystery Shack. Maybe she'd just gone up to hang out on the roof and forgot to shut the trap doors...

And then, right there on screen, Soos saw Bill letting himself into the gift shop, through the door, which he shouldn't be able to open. A chill shot up Soos's back. The door curse was their only real means of containing Bill. If he could use doors now, he was out, there was no way they could trap him without doing something crazy like locking him in the bunker and hoping he didn't kill himself.

Or could he use doors? Soos thought back to the frantic messages on the bathroom wall, written in Bill's own blood—his desperation over being unable to escape. Maybe he could use doors but not doorknobs. That was okay, maybe?

On tape, he saw Wendy run into Bill. He saw Wendy take Bill onto the roof. Out in the open air, where he could just... do whatever. But he didn't do whatever. Soos fast-forwarded the tape until Wendy and Bill came back down, and Bill simply returned to the living room.

He'd had the perfect opportunity to shove Wendy off the roof or escape. He didn't take it.

If all Bill was using his new door skills for was ducking into the gift shop and hanging out on the roof with Wendy, Soos thought maybe it would be kinda mean to take that away from him. There weren't a lot of other places Bill could go in the shack. (Soos kept seeing the blood on the bathroom wall. He kept trying to imagine what kind of helplessness would drive someone that far.) Maybe Bill needed the open air.

So Soos had put the security tape on his desk, not sure what to do about it.

####

A couple of day after that, while Soos was restocking the gift shop in between waves of tourists, he'd seen Wendy reading an oddly dull-looking booklet instead of one of her usual magazines. He tilted his head to glance at the cover. The Oregon state driving manual. "Aw dude, gonna get your learner's permit?"

"Think so," Wendy said. "Don't tell my dad."

Soos remembered Wendy groaning about her dad wrangling her into doing errands if she ever got her license. "Your secret is safe with me."

"Thanks."

"What made you change your mind? You were totally against getting a license a week ago."

"It's probably those stupid Gleeful Auto commercials that have been worming into my dreams." Wendy laughed. "I'm just waking up in the morning like, neeeed caaar."

"Oh yeah! Heh, funny coincidence, Melody says she had a dream like that too. Sometimes she gets these like, dreams about monsters watching her in bed? But one time, the monster was Bud Gleeful, whispering in her ear about a big car sale. She totally woke up laughing!"

"Ha! Annoying car commercials should be banned, man. Why do we need to be told multiple times a day to spend thousands of dollars?"

"You make a salient point."

They fell silent for a moment as Wendy read a couple more paragraphs. Then she said, "That, plus... I was talking to Goldie the other day."

Soos looked up from the t-shirt he'd been putting on a clothes hanger. "Oh. Yeah?"

"About where we wanna go when we get out of town."

"Huh." Very casually, Soos asked, "What did Goldie say?"

"He wants to go on some big vacation. Like a world cruise or something, I dunno."

"Huh." Soos wondered if that was true. He tried to imagine Bill Cipher as a tourist. Floating triangle in a Hawaiian shirt with a camera hanging from a strap and a fanny pack. What kind of places would he even visit? Soos bet he wanted to visit the pyramids. Heh. (Was that stereotyping? Maybe that was stereotyping.)

"And I told him I'm moving to Portland for college."

"Oh, hey, I didn't know you were thinking about college."

"I... actually, never told anybody else before," Wendy said. "I've been thinking about it for years, but part of me felt like it's just a fantasy? But Goldie said when he got out of high school, he did the same thing—moved to another town, made a new group of friends, all that. And... I don't know, actually talking to him out loud about it just... made it feel real, you know? So I thought, if I'm gonna move to Portland, I should probably start planning for it. Starting with how I'm getting there." She held up the driving manual.

Soos nodded slowly. "Huh. Yeah. That's a pretty mature way to look at it."

And that was what Bill was talking to Wendy about on the roof? Just... listening to a teen vent and helping her figure out her future?

And so, Soos took the security tape off his desk and put it in a drawer.

####

A few days later, Soos had heard the downstairs bathroom sink running for several minutes, assumed someone had forgotten to turn it off, and went to turn it off himself—and had caught Bill, in the dark, half undressed, washing himself in the sink.

After Soos had backed out and profusely apologized, he'd asked, "But—how come you're washing in the sink? I can let you in the upstairs bathroom if you need—"

"Worry about your own grooming habits and leave mine alone," Bill snapped. "As long as I don't smell, what do you humans care how I do it. Soap is soap and water is water."

It took Soos several days to realize he didn't think Bill had had a shower since he got locked in the bathroom. And nobody had noticed, because Bill made sure nobody noticed, because he'd been keeping himself clean in the bathroom he couldn't get locked in.

####

Dipper would go all summer without showering if he could get away with it; Stan showered like once a week and had constant old man smell; Abuelita also showered weekly and had a more refined old lady smell; Soos didn't know when Ford showered, but he'd never caught him doing it and Ford always smelled weirdly like burned hair. Soos showered almost daily during tourist season—that Mr. Mystery suit was hot—but outside that might go three days at a time. Mabel showered near daily.

From what Soos had observed, Bill was showering like, at least twice a week. He didn't know how often Bill cleaned himself in the sink in between.

That meant he was showering more often than two-thirds of the house.

Yet he was the only one in the house living under the threat of being thrown in the tub at 3 a.m. if someone decided he hadn't bathed enough for their tastes.

The reason Bill had refused to shower during his first week of imprisonment was so he could use the condition of his body as a bargaining chip—with no physical possessions in the world, his own body was the only bargaining chip he had—to try to buy a little more dignity. In return, his captors had taken more dignity away. They permitted Bill less autonomy over how to take care of his body than the household's children had.

Dipper had never gotten forced into a bathroom he couldn't let himself out of.

####

The day after the eclipse, Ford had pulled Soos aside and said quietly, "Soos, as soon as you have some time—could you repair the door to the kids' room? Before the end of the day? The latch has been broken since the tooth fairy's attack."

"Uh, sure, I can probably do that," Soos said. "How come?" The latch had been broken for a couple weeks, and the Pines hadn't been worried about it before.

"Right now, the door can swing freely with just a push," Ford said. "I think Bill's figured out how to use that to get in. Which is worrisome, since he shouldn't be able to use any doors..."

"O-oh." Soos thought about the swinging door into the gift shop. "Yeah, uh... sounds bad. Byyy the way—how'd you figure out he knows how to use the door?"

"Dipper says Bill somehow got in and out of the room last night," Ford said. "Mabel fell asleep in the living room and Bill carried her upstairs. I really don't like the thought of Bill being able to get his hands on the kids while they're asleep and defenseless."

Ford was mad at Bill for tucking a kid into bed? That was the big red flag? "No problem! I'll fix the door right after work."

The next time Soos visited his office, he took the security tape out of his drawer, rewound it, stuck it back into the tape recorder, and let that day's security camera footage overwrite and erase the evidence of Bill's visit to the gift shop.

####

And now, today, carrying Journal 4 in both hands, Soos trudged downstairs, trying to figure out what to do with it. He had to return it to Ford, obviously—but Bill and the Stans were already in the middle of a discussion that sounded a lot more like an argument. Flinging a stolen journal into the middle of the proceedings would just make it worse. Maybe he should wait until they were finished and everyone had cooled down a little—?

While Soos was upstairs, the discussion had apparently moved into the kitchen. He hovered awkwardly at the bottom of the stairs, watching.

"What do you mean, you need kitchen access," Stan was asking, "you already have kitchen access. It's never been off-limits! Even after you peed in the sink!"

"It's not kitchen access if I need to ask someone else for permission to eat anything but snacks." 

"No one's making you ask for permission! You can take what you want!"

"Okay, fine. So what can I eat?" Bill gestures at the shelves. "Go on. List anything you can think of. Anything."

Stan grimaced, and glanced at Ford to see if he was willing to walk into the obvious trap first.

Ford looked at the nearby shelves. "Cereal."

"One point for Stanford Pines! Cereal! So am I supposed to eat dry cereal for every single meal, or—?"

"No, of course not."

"All right, then what else?"

"Brown meat," Stan said. "We've got plenty of brown meat. It's good for you!"

"You didn't give me can opener rights," Bill said.

"Huh."

"So no brown meat," Bill said. "No canned soup, no canned chili, no canned fruit, no canned vegetables—"

Ford cut in, "Some of the cans have pull tabs, you don't need a can opener for those."

"Terrific observation! As soon as you realized I could open those cans myself, you moved them all under the counter because you thought I'd use the sharp edges as weapons!"

"It's... possible to open cans without a can opener, I did it sometimes while roughing it in other dimensions—"

"Yeah, wearing off the metal rim with a rock, right? Lemme just go outside and grab a rock—oh wait." Bill crossed his arms.

Ford sighed, and turned to Stan to suggest something else.

Stan surveyed the available supplies, spotted the bread, and said, "You could make sandwiches!"

"With what filling?"

"Uh..." Stan kept looking.

Meats and cheeses, of course, were kept in the fridge. Along with jelly, condiments, most vegetables... tuna or spam weren't options, they were canned... "Hey, we leave out some meats that don't need refrigeration. Sausages and stuff."

"Right, right. The ones that don't need refrigeration because they're wrapped in plastic you need a knife to cut," Bill said. "Sometimes I bite the plastic open with my teeth and rip off chunks of sausage with my fingernails, that's always fun! Then you put the leftovers in the fridge, and I'm out of luck until we buy another sausage."

"You could put... peanut butter on your sandwiches?" Ford tried. "Peanut butter's nutritious."

Bill fixed him with a hard look. "For the past five weeks, every time I've gotten a meal without asking someone else to help feed me like a baby, I've had nothing but peanut butter and banana sandwiches, peanut butter and jerky sandwiches, peanut butter and raisin sandwiches, and peanut butter and potato chip sandwiches. And we're out of bananas, jerky, and raisins." He pointed at the tortillas. "Once I decided to get creative and made myself a cold peanut butter quesadilla! I can't even add spices, because guess where the breakable glass spice jars are kept?"

"Pasta," Ford tried. "We could keep the pasta out."

"Oh, wow, that'd be great! I just love pasta! But I can't open the microwave and I can't turn on the stove! How do I heat the water, Stanford?"

Ford frowned. "Hm."

"I can cook, you know—not that any of you bothered to ask! It might not suit your tastes, but it suits mine! I wouldn't need your help to eat if you didn't make me need help! I am sick to death—" his voice went thick and took on an uncharacteristic waver, "—of having to beg to... eat." He cleared his throat, squeezed his eyes shut, and rubbed his eyelids with one hand. "Sh-shouldn't even—need to eat." He clenched his jaw to keep it from trembling.

Stan and Ford exchanged a guilty look. Stan said, "You don't have to beg— I mean, we know the, uh... position you're in..."

Bill was silent for a moment as he tried to get a tough face back on. His voice came out as a rough whisper—too thick to get any louder without breaking. "I had to negotiate to get burnt eggs."

Ford winced.

Soos was dumbfounded.

When had Bill had to negotiate for food? He could all too easily understand how it might have happened—Bill was an annoying guy, sometimes they had to pull out dumb bargains to get him to do stuff. But bargaining for food should never be on that list. Meeting Bill's basic nutritional needs couldn't be dependent on whether he was annoying that day. If it was, he'd starve.

It sounded like he was starving. Right under Soos's roof. He hadn't even noticed.

He thought about the piles of junk food trash upstairs and the bag of chips Bill had hurled across the room.

Ford said, "We'll... discuss it."

"We'll figure something out," Stan said. "I mean it."

Bill nodded silently. Head down, without uncovering his eyes, he hurried out of the kitchen and toward the stairs.

He nearly bumped into Soos's chest without noticing him. Soos backed up a step, tucking Journal 4 under his arm. "Whoa, hey!"

Bill froze, head jerking up. "You." His voice was thick and his glare was watery and poisonous. "Don't you have anything better to do than eavesdrop?" He tried to elbow past Soos, smacking his leg with his umbrella. "Move."

Soos realized uneasily that Bill's face looked a little slimmer than it had when he'd arrived.

He stepped in Bill's way. "Can't go upstairs right now. Attic's being cleaned."

"I didn't ask you to clean!"

"I'm not cleaning for you, dawg. It's just gotta be cleaned."

"Fine! Whatever!" Bill veered around the staircase and stomped down the hall, muttering, "Can't decide when I eat, can't decide when I shower, why should I get to choose when my hovel's swept..."

Soos's leg hurt where Bill had smacked it. (Bill couldn't even control whether or not he cried; all he had control over was making someone else hurt.)

In the kitchen, Stan murmured, "Didn't even realize we don't keep anything decent out on the counters. They're so crowded..."

"Chip bags take up a lot of space." Ford sighed. "I assumed he'd get a serving with everyone else whenever Mrs. Ramirez cooks."

"He does, but she only does dinners. And he'll only eat it if he watched her cook it. I've seen him get lunch with Mabel, but I don't know what he does when she's not..." Stan spotted Soos on the stairs. He tiredly called, "Soos? You need something?"

"Uhhh..." Soos hid the journal behind his back. "Nope! I just thought I'd come downstairs! For no reason." He awkwardly walked up the stairs backwards, journal still tucked behind him. "And—and now I'm going up again." He stopped at the landing and scooted sideways up the next flight of stairs. "See ya."

He pressed the journal to his chest and returned to the attic.

####

When Soos and Abuelita moved into the shack, the first thing Soos had done was turn Ford's ground-floor study into a bedroom for Abuelita. Because she was a little old lady, and not quite as steady as she used to be, so Soos didn't want her constantly going up and down the stairs—because falling once, just ONCE, could send her to the hospital or worse. That was how serious it was! You don't mess around with that!

Bill tripped and fell on the stairs so often that they could use it to tell when he was awake. And nobody had thought to offer him a cane? Did anybody even ask if he was alright?

When Bill first arrived and tried to murder everyone, naturally, he came out of it pretty banged up and bruised. That was to be expected. It was self-defense. They'd gotten used to seeing Bill with scrapes on his arms and legs, rope burns around his ankles, and the angry purple-black bruises of chain links over his arms. But in all the weeks since then, Soos hadn't seen Bill bruise-free once. Bruises on his shins and arms, scrapes on his elbows and knees. Soos had seen him with a four-inch burn on his forearm. Bill had brushed it off.

In Bill's first few days in the shack, he'd resorted to peeing in the kitchen sink because nobody had bothered to give a guy who couldn't open doors a way to use the bathroom. And they were the reason he couldn't open doors in the first place!

He threw up in the living room in the middle of the night and went upstairs to sleep on couch cushions on the floor and nobody had talked about it.

He burned off all his hair and was so upset about it that he stole Soos's zodiac blanket and hid under it for half a week, and everyone but Mabel just ignored him.

In less than a month in the Mystery Shack, Bill had lost a tooth.

He had been dragged out of the house during a weird weather phenomenon while terrified out of his mind. Soos had seen Bill cowering on the ground in fear, Ford looming over him, grabbing him by the collar and snarling in rage. Bill had been pleading with everyone in hearing range not to make him go, and had come back in such a state of shock he could hardly walk. 

And yet, he'd protected the whole town from getting hurt in zero gravity—and he'd brought a pet for Soos.

They'd tried to execute Bill two days later.

####

Soos sat in the window seat, flipping through the remaining filled-in pages in Journal 4. The last few pages were packed with stickers. A cat that said PURRFECT! A smiling fish that said A REEL PAL! Bill had started a little collection of pizza slice stickers for some reason. A couple of holographic rainbows, a smiling scratch-and-sniff sun. (Apparently, the sun smelled like lemons and oranges. Astronomy facts!)

Soos reached the current page. Bill was using several pieces of paper—regular printer paper and notebook paper, folded in half—like a bookmark. Soos unfolded them. A list of animals ranked by fuzziness. (Soos was satisfied that he'd been placed under the "smooth and squishy" category, but wondered whether he should be bothered by the fact that he shared the category with pigs and slugs.) A drawing of Bill riding a looping rocket ship and waving a fishbowl helmet above him. A drawing of a blue house with a couple of kids and a pig in the window. Several drawings of shape people kinda like Bill: a pink heart person labeled "Me in Flatworld," a stern-looking red stop sign wearing sunglasses labeled "Bill's parole officer," Bill dancing, the pink heart protecting Bill from some villainous-looking shapes—all clearly Mabel's art.

Several notebook pages in someone else's handwriting detailing names, addresses, and contact information, with statements Soos couldn't make sense of—as if maybe someone had been asking somebody else questions and writing down their answers. He thought the questions might be about how some people had reacted to the end of Weirdmageddon. He got the impression the people being discussed had known that Weirdmageddon was coming. He got the impression they were disappointed it hadn't happened. There were several questions at the end: How will we rendes-vouz? (Whoever was writing didn't know how to spell rendezvous, but to be fair Soos wasn't 100% sure either.) What supplies do you need? What are your interim orders?

Soos stared at the notebook papers.

He flipped back through the journal again, looking at each page more closely.

Sometimes the two-tone dot-and-dash segments had a stray human word: a few characters he recognized from his Teach Yourself Japanese workbooks, sometimes words Soos thought might be Arabic but honestly he didn't have a clue. At one point he listed half a dozen human names that Soos didn't recognize. The most common character was a stretched-out letter M (Mabel?), followed by a 6 knocked on its side (Sixer?).

The dot-and-dash segments had occasional amateurish illustrations. Sometimes they were human stick figures; sometimes the stick figures' heads had symbols off of Bill's zodiac wheel. He saw Stan's fish symbol, Gideon's star symbol, and Mabel's shooting star symbol. Ford's stick figures were the only ones with hands; Bill consistently gave them six fingers. The doodles were like particularly esoteric cave drawings; they were so bad that Soos couldn't tell what most of them were supposed to illustrate.

Except for one featuring Bill (as a triangle) and Mabel and some other inscrutable figures in a really awesome car with flames on the side, its coolness limited only by the fact that it was all in gray and yellow-green crayon. When Soos had been in high school, there had always been a couple of kids who didn't know how to draw anything except expensive cars or name-brand sports shoes, but they drew them in extreme realistic detail. Apparently, Bill was that kind of artist. Nothing but stick figures and the sickest crayon car Soos had ever seen.

It didn't do anything to dispel Soos's impression of Bill as a lost alien 18-year-old.

On one page, in sloppy lines of handwriting that meandered drunkenly up and down the paper, Bill had written, "I don't get why you won't give me a second shot. I asked you to join my gang. I serenaded you in a pyramid. I got a fantastic makeover. I offered you godhood. I showed you my dimension. I didn't torture you until I had to. I even made you a skin couch! I know how much you've always wanted a leather furniture set! I've given you everything from chicken zombification magic to jelly beans, what does it take? What am I missing?"

Soos reread Bill's other messages to Ford. All that "you'll regret not siding with me" junk wasn't threats. It was the impotent rage of a socially inept teenager who didn't understand his own creepiness had driven his friends away. It was the whiny moan of some guy going "Why doesn't she like me anymore" about an ex-girlfriend who had told him five times she didn't like him anymore because he didn't listen to her. Like that guy Wendy dated last summer. So like, a jerk, but not a terrifying world-ending monster jerk, just an annoying creep jerk. A regular jerk. A human jerk.

Soos stood, gave one last look at this journal—clearly stolen, definitely a violation of Bill's "no writing materials" restriction, completely stuffed full of mysterious messages to outsiders and some kind of weird alien code that could say anything at all and might have been super dangerous—and he slid it back into the ripped seam in the attic seat cushion where he'd found it.

He finished vacuuming up the potato chips Bill had flung across the room, thinking about how offended Bill had been that Soos had given him any food except what he'd asked for, remembering what Abuelita had said about people who destroy the things around them when they feel like that's the last and only thing they still have power over.

Enough was enough.

####

(Hope y'all enjoyed! Next week we may interrupt our regularly-scheduled programming to post a TBOB-based chapter I'm inserting early into the fic—it depends on if I get it done by next Friday. In the meantime, I'm looking forward to hearing y'all's thoughts on this chapter!)

[im-his-druidess]

Heyyyy Pers 🧡🖤🧡🖤

For your paranormal slashers, what about ghost hunter reader investigating the old Sinclair House ruins after the events of House of Wax and Ghost Bo & Vincent are there and naughty things happen?

This is another good take on them being paranormal creatures!

I always viewed Bo as some sort of Vampire or even a Incubus...especially considering his murderfuck dungeon 👀 and I always viewed Vincent as a Vampire or even a Gargoyle (something I discussed with @mandowifey eons ago)

So it's cool to think of them as ghosts or phantoms!

I can see this AU happening even if Reader was just a normal person. Like if she got a small house near somewhere in the town of Ambrose. Maybe a small little cottage or something that was dirt cheap and the only thing available so she jumped at the chance. Ignoring the "rumors" of the abandoned town being haunted as just superstition left over from the real life crimes that happened.

Once she moved in she's almost instantly aware of someone, or something, watching her. Doesn't matter if she's outside, in her home, or the time of day. Something is always watching. Then her things will start disappearing, mainly her undergarments, and her items will be misplaced like her hairbrush or perfume.

That couple with other odd things happening like fingerprints on her bathroom mirror, candles being lit even though she swears she extinguished them, the sensation of something touching her hair or back or even her ass, and the feeling of something sitting on her bed while she sleeps makes her second-guess everything she's ever known. Also it doesn't help that a white and black dog adamantly refuses to leave her home.

Of course that's only the beginning...