#Sirius [is a bit gay about every man he meets]: I’ve not had gay thoughts in years!

[etherealashworks]

Full Throttle

Wolfstar Top Gear AU

7. Music and Bollocks

‘You’re our connoisseur, Remus — thoughts on dear Sirius’s lap?’ ‘I’ve seen more elegant bends from a pool noodle,’ Remus quips, the dry wit of the comment belying the smile beneath.  ‘I bend plenty elegantly, I’ll have you know,’ Sirius winks, kicking out his own boots below the table for dramatic effect. The audience titters. ‘Spare me the details,’ Remus rolls his eyes. They glimmer in that secret way Sirius pretends not to notice. ‘And work on turning corners.’ Tossing his hair out of his face with a jerk of his neck in a way that’s going to make Sally curse him out, Sirius sends Remus a devilish grin. Like a lot of things, it’s for the cameras. Inside, Sirius is soup.  ‘But Moony— I’m so happy the way I am.’

Marauders Top Gear AU in which Remus is a disaster from the off, Sirius unravels at the seams, James grows a frontal lobe, and Lily has a secret. Throughout, there will be cars, catastrophes, and caravan conkers. And in the end, maybe- just maybe- they'll find something worth all of this bollocks.

[fruitcoops]

I don't know if you did this already (I'm sorry if you did) or somebody asked but could you do one where they supportive teammates reacts to homophobic teammates

Hello anon! This is a super interesting idea and I’ve been thinking about it for a couple days so I could get the vibe right--none of our boys would be homophobic, but new rookies on the other hand...

Sweater Weather credit goes to @lumosinlove, but this features a character who does not appear in SW (I’m not claiming him as an OC because he’s a dick)

TW for homophobic statements, no slurs

I

James caught sight of the new guy just as he was leaving the locker room, towel draped over his neck. “Rookie! Wait up, man!”

The other man paused, looking rather surprised as he jogged over. “Hey, you’re James, right?”

“Call me Pots.” He held his hand out and they shook. “Didn’t catch your name earlier, sorry.”

“Tanner Chase, nice to meet you.”

“Welcome to the team, Tanner.” James grinned. “You’re on my line, yeah?”

“Yeah, I’m a winger,” Tanner said with a good bit of pride. Oh, to be twenty again, James thought. “Giving you a run for your money.”

“Sure, kid,” James laughed. “You do that. You’d have better luck with me than Loops, though.”

Tanner’s smile turned a little sharp. “Nah, he’d be too easy, am I right?”

James paused. “What?”

“Y’know, since he’s…” Talker gave him a significant look and a stone sank in James’ gut.

“I think you lost me.” I hope this isn’t what I think it is. “Because he’s a rookie? ‘cause I hate to break it to you, but—”

“No, dude, because he’s a fairy,” he snorted, as if they were still joking around.

“Shut the fuck up.”

Tanner blinked and reeled back. “Excuse me?”

“You don’t get to talk about my friends like that. Don’t talk about anyone like that. It’s not tolerated on this team and I won’t hesitate to kick your ass if I hear it again.” James made sure his voice was as even as possible, but he could tell it shook at the edges. “You just used up your one free pass, Chase.”

 II

“Drive safe, Loops!” Talker called as Remus headed for the hall with his bag under his arm.

Sirius opened the door just as he reached it and his face broke into a smile. “Bonjour, mon amour, I was just looking for you. Ready to go?”

“Hiya, handsome.” He leaned up to peck him on the lips. “Yeah, I think I left my phone on the bench, though.”

Their conversation faded out as they wandered off together and Talker returned to his stretch, closing his eyes at the familiar burn in his hamstring. “Yikes,” the new rookie muttered under his breath. Tanner…something, Talker remembered.

“What’s up? You okay?”

Tanner glanced over at him. “Doesn’t it bother you?”

“Stretching? Not really, no. That’s why I do it.”

“No, not stretching. That.” He waved a hand at the slightly-open door.

“I can close it if you—”

“Dude.” Talker crossed his legs and faced him fully. “I mean Black and Lupin.”

Talker narrowed his eyes. “No. Does it bother you?”

“I mean, yeah, how am I supposed to respect a guy like that?” he scoffed.

Talker made direct eye contact with him; he wanted zero miscommunication about this. “You respect him because he’s your captain, which is a title he earned that has nothing to do with who he loves. And you respect Loops, too, or we’re going to have an issue. I don’t know what the fuck you’re thinking bringing that attitude to this team, but you better drop it right now.”

Tanner turned back to his stretch. With a shake of his head, Talker collected his stuff and left him alone on the mats.

III

“Hey, Harzy.” Tanner sat down next to Finn on the bench and passed him a waterbottle. There was a shout from the ice as Remus stole the puck from Sirius’ stick and raced toward the goal, laughing loudly.

“Tan-man, what’s up?”

“What’s the deal with them?” he asked, lowering his voice.

“Cap and Loops? They’re engaged, didn’t you know?”

“Yeah, I know.” There was a slight tone shift that made Finn’s skin crawl. “But what do you think about it? Isn’t it, like, a little weird being on the same team as them?”

“Uh, no.”

Tanner’s eyebrows rose. “You aren’t afraid they’re looking at you or something?”

“What part of ‘engaged’ don’t you understand?” Finn’s jaw tightened. What a little shit. “If this is some homophobic fuckery, I’d like to take this time to remind you I have two boyfriends before you say something that gets you punched.”

Tanner’s eyes went wide and he scooted away without a word.

IV

“Alright, everyone, Sid’s tonight?” Kasey shouted over the noise. The whole locker room cheered in agreement and he smiled as the buzz of victory filled his chest. “Knutty, since my team kicked your ass, I believe you owe me a pizza!”

“I still say Cap is a cheater!” Leo called back; within a few seconds, Sirius had him in a loose headlock as he ruffled his hair. “Alright, alright, I give!”

The volume level did not die down as they all flooded into the hallway—Kasey spotted a flash of mousy brown hair out of the corner or his eye and frustration lodged in his throat. In a smooth movement, he reached out and blocked Tanner from following the rest of the group out. “Not you.”

“But it’s a team dinner—”

“And you’re not part of the team until you get your head out of your ass,” he said coolly. The jumble of voices echoed around the corner. That was his team. “Don’t think I missed those looks you were shooting Cap and Loops. You’re not invited. Go home and think about what actually matters.”

V

They won the next game by a landslide. Arthur Weasley was furious. Every time an opponent came to check Tanner Chase, not a single Lion moved to help him. At one point, Pots had taken the puck right off his stick and skated down the ice for a goal, leaving him in the dust. Whenever Chase was on the bench, he was pointedly ignored by the rest and left to sit alone; Logan literally sat on Talker’s lap to avoid being within five feet of the rookie.

“Team meeting, everyone sit your asses down!” he barked as he entered the locker room. Immediately, the celebratory whoops quieted. “Anyone want to tell me what the hell is going on?”

Sirius looked up at him in confusion. “I thought we played pretty well, Coach.”

“You played fine, but Chase over here got the cold shoulder like I’ve never seen before. Even the fucking commentators noticed!”

“Good,” Finn muttered under his breath.

“Shut it, O’Hara, this is not good.” He took a deep breath to try and calm himself. “Once again, does anyone want to enlighten me on this sudden attitude toward rookies? Since when are we like this?”

“It’s not toward rookies, it’s toward him,” Kasey said, glaring at Tanner from his stall. “He’s a homophobic douchebag. You want to tell Coach what you said?”

Tanner stared at the floor.

Arthur’s fury vanished. “What? Chase, is that true?” The rookie stayed silent. “Hey, kid, I’m talking to you.”

“Yes, Coach.” Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Remus’ jaw tick and Sirius’ face grow stormy.

“How long has this been going on?”

“It started the first day of practice,” Pots said, crossing his arms. “Our first conversation, in fact.”

“Eyes on me, rookie.” Tanner winced as he looked up. “I know the organization has told you in the past that this kind of behavior is okay, but right here and right now, I’m telling you it’s not. If you’re going to continue with that, you can leave.”

“I just get uncomfortable when—”

“When what?” Remus asked, standing up and leaning on his stall. He looked overall unthreatening, but there was a stony look in his eyes. “Tanner, what did Sirius and I do to make you uncomfortable?”

Tanner floundered for a moment. “It’s just—the kissing, the cuddling, the nicknames, all that.”

“You didn’t seem to have a problem when Lily came to visit,” Remus continued. “Or Natalie, or Noelle, or Celeste. Is that correct?”

“Yeah.”

“But it bothers you when I call my fiancé ‘baby’, or he calls me ‘sweetheart’?”

“It does.”

“Tanner, I hope you know I’m not going to apologize,” he finally said. “If this had nothing to do with us being gay, we would tone down the PDA, but that’s clearly not the case.”

Sirius sighed. “None of us want to alienate you, but you’re making judgements before taking the time to know us. That’s a shitty thing to do.”

“You’ve never met an openly gay person before, have you?” Remus asked. Tanner shook his head. “Hi, I’m Remus Lupin. I play a wing position on the hockey team that you were just signed to and my favorite color is green. I have a dog named Hattie and I’m engaged to a man. Nice to meet you.”

Sirius walked across the room; Arthur tensed for a moment, but he stopped in front of Tanner and held his hand out. “Sirius Black, team captain. I play center and I hate pineapple pizza. Also, I’m gay. Congrats on being signed to the Lions.”

Tanner’s eyes flickered up, and after a moment’s hesitation, he shook Sirius’ hand. “Nice to meet you.” He swallowed thickly. “Cap.”

“Nice to meet you, too. Are we done with the bullshit?”

“It—it might take me a bit to get used to it.”

“Make it quick. We’ve got games to win and nobody here has time to hold your hand through it.” Sirius turned to look at everyone else, his Captain Face in full effect. “That goes for everyone, got it? No more cold shoulders, we talk this through like adults as soon as it happens.”

“You got it, Cap,” Pots said.

“Black, Lupin, can we talk?” Coach beckoned them toward the door; just before it closed, he saw Talker walk over to Tanner’s stall.

“That’s why you respect Cap and Loops,” Talker said quietly. “Not because of threats or some shit—because of that right there.”

[onlydreamofmysoul]

Let Them Eat Cake Part V

Hey guys! Sorry for the delay with this chapter, but this one is a long one so I hope that makes up for it!

Tonight on The Great British Bake Off…

“It’s all burned!”

“Oh my god, I forgot to put them in.”

“It’s all curdled. I don’t know what I’ll do.”

Remus woke up that morning with a bitter taste in his mouth. That was happening a lot lately. He got ready in a series of mechanic motions, showering, dressing, brushing his teeth. He met Lily outside the hotel, and she being the magical being that she was, had a coffee in a take-away cup ready for him.

“Hey,” She said softly. “You ready for today?”

Remus bit the inside of his cheek. “I suppose I’ll have to be.”

Six days earlier...

“Take a walk with me?” Sirius asked and Remus nodded his affirmations. As if he could say no. He followed Sirius out of the tent and they started strolling in the opposite direction of the hotel, avoiding the crowds of the bakers and crew packing up for the day.

“So you made it.” Sirius said after a moment or two of silence. Remus sneaked a peek at the other man out of the corner of his eye.

“Yeah,” He said scratching the back of his neck. “If I had gone home I’m not sure if I ever would have been able to eat chocolate again, and that would be a big problem since I think it’s my main food group.”

Sirius burst out laughing and Remus blushed a little, pleased. They were well out of ear shot of anyone else, almost out of sight too. There was a massive oak tree in the middle of an open field and Sirius stepped onto the grass grinning. 

“C’mere, I found a cool spot.”

Remus bit down a smile as he followed him, taking a breath in when they rounded the wide trunk and found a wide swing hanging from a branch, the trunk of the tree completely shielding them from view.

“This is amazing.” Remus said, reaching out to touch the rope, running his fingers over the wooden planks forming a seat. “When did you find this place?”

Sirius shrugged and sat on one side of it, the swing tilting ever so slightly with the imbalance. “Some time in the first few days.” He patted the space still left open, “You gonna sit?”

“Who else knows about it?” Remus asked, rounding the swing. 

“As far as I know… just me. And now you.”

Remus sat and the ropes evened out again. Remus rocked back and forth on his toes a little, the swing swaying soothingly with him.

“It’s brilliant, I love it.” 

Sirius smiled. “Yeah, I thought you would.”

Today...

“Guys! Hang on!” Remus heard but before he had even turned around, someone crashed into him.

“Woah!” He exclaimed, stumbling a little because suddenly he had a bubbly pink haired woman on his back.

“Hi Tonks.” He said laughing, when he had recovered his footing. Tonks wrapped her legs tightly around his waist.

“Don’t let the cardigans fool you,” She said to Lily seriously, “He’s deceptively strong.”

Lily smiled, Peter falling in line with them. “I can see that.”

“Ooh! Bake Off love!” Marlene exclaimed, snapping a couple of pictures of them all together, Tonks still on Remus’ back. “These will be great on Instagram.”

“Oh great, now there’s gonna be theories of us dating.” Remus said dryly,  even though he smiled a little. “What do you think our ship name will be?” 

“Ronks.” Lily snorted and no one could stop themselves from laughing at it.

“Is it bad that I kinda like it?” Tonks said, still giggling. “Like it’s ridiculous but that's why you’ve gotta love it.”

Remus nodded and bumped their hips together playfully. “It’s a perfect fit for a perfect couple.” He teased, then ignored the slight pang in his chest, even at his own words.

“Wait, you guys are dating?” Peter asked, completely bewildered and Remus shot him an incredulous look. 

“Of course we’re not, we’re just joking Pete.”

Tonks gasped, her hand covering her chest. “Are you saying you wouldn’t want to be with me?”

“Of course not my love, we would be spectacular.”

“You can see why I’d get confused,” Peter mumbled to Lily.

“But,” Remus continued, drawing out the word before quickly spitting out the next sentence as he laughed a little. “I’m much to gay for that.”

“Here, here!” Tonks cried and they joked all the way down to the set. “Semi finals next week, I can’t believe we’re here already.”

“Oh my god I’m so not ready to think about that yet.” Lily chimed in, Remus and Peter nodding their agreements.

Remus felt his shoulders tense as they entered the tent, but after a quick glance around, he realised Sirius wasn’t there. He probably shouldn’t be so relieved, he would have to see him eventually so really Remus was just prolonging the inevitable but you can’t blame a guy for wanting to avoid an awkward situation. He stood at his station, but turned around so he was leaning on Lily’s counter as they chatted. He stayed that way until the producers started yelling for everyone to get ready and he turned around. At some point Sirius had come into the room. Remus didn’t meet his gaze.

“Welcome back! This week on The Great British Bake Off… It’s pudding week!”

“For our signature challenge,” Sirius continued, “Our judges have asked that you make a bread and butter pudding.”

“Sounds simple right?.” James grinned. “The catch is, you have to make it with bread you bake yourself.”

“Your time starts now, ready?”

“Set.” 

“Bake!”

Remus looked away from the head of the tent as quickly as he could, ready to have an excuse to not look at Sirius. Especially Sirius in a leather jacket. He gathered his ingredients and set to work. Bread and butter pudding. That he could do.

Six days earlier...

“So,” Remus said as he swayed them back and forth. “Here we are.”

Sirius smiled. “Here we are.”

Remus bit his lip for a moment trying to figure out what the hell he was supposed to say. So, you like my mouth? You wanted to talk? Do you think about me the same way I think about you?

Instead he blurted out; “What’s your favourite cake?”

Sirius blink then looked at him with this startled but pleased smile. Like he was surprised by the question, but also like he had known Remus’ words before Remus even spoke them.

“Lemon meringue pie.”

“That’s not a cake.”

“But it’s still my favourite.”

Remus pursed his lips to hide his smile. “That's… sweeter than you usually like.” 

Sirius’ small smile grew. “Correct as always. It’s less to do with taste and more to do with memories I guess.”

Remus tilted his head. “Yeah? What memories?”

Sirius laughed a little. “Inquisitive today aren’t we?”

Remus raised an eyebrow. His signature move. “Is there anything else you’d like to talk about?” He asked pointedly.

Sirius looked at him knowingly for a moment, but then shook his head minutely. “James’ mum used to make it every Sunday. She even taught me how, after I’d badger her to make more.”

Remus grinned. “She sounds great.”

“Sirius relaxed a bit, leaning back against the rope and tucking on foot under his knee. If Remus did it, he would have looked ridiculous and would most likely have fallen right off the swing and flat on his face on the ground. But when Sirius did it, the movement retained all the airs Sirius brought to the world, carefree, casual. elegant.

“So, how do you feel after this week?”

Remus groaned. “Can we not talk about Bake Off? I mean I love it and all but I need a break.”

Sirius chuckled. “That’s fair. I suppose I could use one too.”

“Yeah? What’re you gonna do?” Remus asked and it wasn’t until he said it that he realised it sounded almost flirty.

Surprise flickered in Sirius’ grey eyes and his gaze flickered from Remus’ own amber eyes to his lips. Remus tilted his head ever so slightly, tongue wetting his lips a little as his breath hitched and they were both leaning in, closer and closer until-

“-Remus.” Sirius said voice low, jaw clenching even as his eyes stayed trained on Remus’ lips. “We shouldn’t.”

Remus frowned, the spell breaking a little. “What? I don’t understand.”

“We work together.” Sirius said, sitting back once again and turning his head away. “It would be frowned upon.”

Remus looked at him in disbelief. “Who says anyone has to know?”

Sirius tugged on the tie in his hair and the dark waves tumbled down to his shoulders before he ran his fingers through it. “You’re looking strong for winning this thing. I don’t want anyone doubting your integrity.”

Remus shook his head in pure and utter confusion. “But Sirius, you’re not a judge. I don’t think it would even be possible for you to ruin my integrity.”

Sirius just shook his head silently. Throat tight, Remus stood up and took a few steps away. He looked back at Sirius and paused. 

“What about everything you said? Sirius, I know you were flirting with me. And just forty minutes ago you asked me to come here with you. What happened?”

“I remembered.” Sirius said hollowly.

“Remember what?”

But Sirius didn’t answer. Remus waited, but the other man just stood up and walked away. Remus sat back down for a moment and put his head in his hands. How did he get here? This morning he felt sure. Now he felt… well he didn’t know what he felt.

He hung back to give Sirius a head start so there would be no chance of them running into each other. Then Remus stood up and walked back to the hotel. Alone.

TODAY…

“Fucking fuck fuckeroo I’ve fucking burned my freaking bread. Fuck!” Remus said as he pulled the slightly overdone loaf from the oven.

“Hey Remus, want to try again, but like… viewer friendly this time?” Marlene called.

Remus flipped her off but then gave her a thumbs up and went again.

“Oh no! I’ve burned the bread!” He cried and Marlene rolled her eyes. 

“Remus Lupin I’m going to have you fired.”

“Love you too!” He said with a wink before turning back to figure out what the hell he was going to try to do.

“You’re awful.” Lily said to him as she took her own loaves out of the oven.

Remus shot her a wink too. “I know.”

In the end, Remus cut off all the crusts of his bread, knowing that it might slightly impede the structural integrity but at the same time… It was a pudding. They barely have any structure in the first place.

He whipped up his cream and added in some saffron, nutmeg and sugar then began making layers upon layers of bread and cream. He left out any raisins both because he hated them and he knew Dumbledore had a particular aversion to them and well he was willing to do anything to win a little bit of favour. He covered it all with another thick layer of cream, sprinkling the top with extra nutmeg and cinnamon.

He popped it into the oven and set his timer before asking Lily to keep an eye on his station for a moment just in case while he nipped off to the loo.

As soon as he stepped out of the tent they filmed in, he was hit with a wave of cool air and he breathed in gratefully - having several ovens in one space always led to quite a hot temperature in the tent. He splashed some water on his face in the bathroom and rolled back his shoulders. He didn’t know why he felt so… off. Okay he did, and that reason was the notorious Sirius Black, but Remus had decided from the very first day that he wouldn’t let anything get in the way of his baking. And here he was doing exactly that. He squared his shoulders and met his own eyes in the mirror. 

“Get a grip.” He told himself and went back to the tent.

Apparently his little pep talk had absolutely no effect, because after burning his bread, he topped off the baking experience by burning the pudding too. It was beginning to look like another stellar baking week for Remus.

“It’s a bit dark.” McGonagall commented as she dolled out a serving for both herself and Dumbledore.

‘Yeah no shit’ Remus wanted to say. Instead he just nodded his head.

“Even with the cream, the bread is a little dry.” Dumbledore said after taking a bite. Remus clenched his jaw, frustrated with himself. “And it’s a little bitter from being in the oven a nit too long. Overall, not your best work Mr Lupin.”

Remus sat down once more and found himself taking a shaky breath. That was definitely not how he wanted to start this week. He comforted himself by saying that he’d do much better in the other challenges. Nearly everybody else did quite well. The only person worse than Remus was Peter who had somehow, by laws unknown to Remus and possibly to science had managed to have quite a liquid consistency. 

Remus went to lunch a little put-out but chatting with everyone never failed to cheer him up almost instantly.

“They could have drank it with a straw!” Peter moaned, dropping his forehead onto the table. “I don’t even know how! The cream was whipped so well before it all went in the oven!”

“Hard luck mate.” James said, patting Peter on the shoulder as he slid into a seat next to Lily. Remus didn’t miss the way they leaned slightly towards each other. He wondered if their story would end better than his and Sirius’. Even Kingsley had joined them, making Sirius’ absence more stark.

“What’s Twitter up to this week?” Tonks asked, peering over Remus’ shoulder as he pulled the page up. 

“Um, let’s see,” Remus typed in the bake off tag and watched as all the posts rolled up. “They’re still weak for your hair Tonks,” He said and Tonks flicked her hair dramatically in response. “Oh my god there’s a twitter war.”

“Wait what?” Tonks asked, leaning in closer as everyone else gathered around. 

“From the picture of you and me this morning. There’s people shipping you and me versus people shipping me and Sirius.”

“Oh my god, that is comedy gold.” Peter said, oblivious. Remus didn’t know what Sirius had told James, but he suspected SOMETHING from the careful way James controlled his face. 

“I’m just gonna see where Sirius is.” James said as he stood up. “I don’t know what���s taking him so long.”

The pair didn’t return for lunch, the next everyone saw of them was when shooting recommenced. Remus had given himself a mental pep talk as he walked back to his station, consisting purely of ‘Come on Lupin, don’t fuck this up, you can do it’. 

“You ready?” Lily queried as the microphones were put into position.

“Ready as I’ll ever be, you?”

“About the same I’d say.”

“Okay and we’re recording in three, two and one.” Marlene said, pointing her finger towards James and Sirius to indicate that they were rolling.

“Our bakers just faced their signature challenge and while they might not have liked it, I must say, it was my bread and butter!” James opened and Remus covered his mouth with his hand because he refused to have the entire nation know he was even mildly amused by that terrible pun, but Remus really was a sucker for them.

Sirius rolled his eyes playfully. “Oh my god Jamie, that’s bad even for you.”

“I thought that was excellent, thank you very much.”

“I’m choosing to ignore you now.” Sirius bantered. “For our technical challenge, our judges would like you to make six individual sticky toffee puddings, judges, have you got anything to say?”

“Be mindful of your vanilla.” Dumbledore warned and Remus bit the inside of his cheek to stop himself from laughing at the ‘advice’. It was always so vague, they might not bother saying anything at all.

“Alright judges, out you go,” James said ushering the pair out the door.. Sirius faced the bakers and grinned.

“On your marks,”

“Get set,”

“Bake!”

Remus turned around to Lily. “Be mindful of your vanilla.” He said in a very serious turn. Lily threw the cloth covering her ingredients at him. All was well.

James swung by Remus’ station a little while later. “How’s it going?”

Remus was just finishing cutting out little circles of parchment paper to line the bottom of the little pots he would bake the puddings in. He had already liberally greased the edges with butter and he just needed to pop the parchment circles in.

“Alright, I haven’t actually done any baking yet.” Remus said laughing. James grabbed the leftover scrap of paper and attempted to make some kind of crown out of it. 

“Here ye, here ye!” Remus joked, noticing half the cameras in the room training on them. 

“I think I should be king of the bake off Remus, what do you think?”

Remus nodded along solemnly/ “Oh yes of course James, your baking skills are incredible.”

“I can bake!” James protested.

“Sure, sure,” Remus teased, beginning to measure ingredients. “But if you’re the king of bake off, who will make all the terrible puns.”

James covered his heart with his hand. “You wound me Remus, truly.”

Remus chucked a date at his head, but James just opened his mouth and caught it.”

Remus burst out laughing. “Okay that was good, you can be the king of bake off now.”

“Why thank you.” James said before heading off to chat to Lily next, still wearing his paper crown. 

Remus turned back to his baking and began mixing ingredients together. He was careful to split the vanilla pod and scrape the seeds into the mix. In the end he was pretty happy with his batter, and poured it carefully into his pots, being careful not to pass the three quarter mark as they would rise in the oven and he didn’t want to have them spill over the edge.

He popped them in the oven and began to start work on the toffee, measuring ingredients as he let the pot heat up. He tossed in the butter and sugar and stirred a little before making a cup of tea. He came back to his toffee-to-be a few minutes later to see he had left it unattended too long and it had all crystallised.

“Fuck!” He said, emptying the contents onto a plate and quickly starting again.

“Oof, they crystallised?” Lily asked, on her tiptoes peering over at Remus’ work.

“Yup. I have just enough time to go again though.”

This time, the devil himself wouldn’t be able to lure Remus away from his bot.

‘A watched pot never boils,’ He thought. “Yeah well a watched pot never burns either.” He muttered, aware that he would probably come across as mildly insane but fuck it.

“Are you talking to yourself?” A lovely lilting voice asked and Remus froze for a moment before continuing to stir.

“Yes.”

“Why?” Sirius asked

“Because I’m an excellent conversationalist.”

Remus knew Sirius would be smiling even if he couldn’t see him. He slowly added the cream into his pot, folding it all in nicely.

“Well I can’t refute that statement.” Sirius agreed and Remus almost wanted to tell him to fuck off because even now Sirius was so lovely and Remus wanted to turn and see his smile, except he knew it wouldn’t be the same. It would be purely for the camera and there would be no little sly glances or secret winks and that gorgeous sparkle in his eye would be gone.

Or was it ever even there in the first place?

Remus took the pot off the heat and let it sit for a moment as he took the puddings out of the oven. He set them all on a cooling rack and turned to start taking them out of the pots when he spotted six identical little parchment paper circles sitting on the counter.

“Oh fuck.” He whispered. He never actually put them in the pots. “Oh Christ. Oh for fucks sake.” He said running his fingers through his hair. 

“What’s wrong?” Lily asked, coming over to him and resting her hand on his shoulder.

“I never put the parchment paper in, they’re going to stick to the pot and be ruined.”

“You greased it though didn’t you? That’ll help a lot, there’s still hope yet.” She leaned in close again and whispered, “And if they go to hell you can bump into Peter when we’re putting them on the table and pretend he knocked them over again.”

Remus chuckled and gave her a quick hug. “Thank you, now go away because we don’t need yours ruined too.”

“They’re not ruined!” Lily yelled back at him and Remus smiled as he dug through his cutlery drawer to find the thinnest knife that he could. Biting his lip in concentration he carefully ran the knife along the inside of the pot to loosen the sides, then he flipped it over quickly and gently eased the pudding out. There was a little bit of the tip missing but - it could easily be covered with the toffee so all in all, Remus was actually quite happy. 

“One down, five to go!” He called to Lilly but also for the benighted of Marlene who was hovering nearby, cameras trained on what Remus was doing. 

The second one came out quite well two and Remus was beginning to feel a spark of hope when the third one completely split in half - the top still in the pot.

“Oh shittttttt.” Remus sang to himself, trying not to worry too much. He just kept going, he could assemble that one later. The following three had the exact same result. Marlene was hovering around him, capturing the tension. Remus looked up and stared right into the lens as if he were on The Office and said “I jinxed myself.”

He managed to coax the top halves out of their containers and gently put them back together again. He drizzled a liberal amount of toffee over the tops before having a moment of inspiration. He grabbed the abandoned crystallised toffee and used it to decorate the tops of the puddings before transferring them all to the rectangular plate he’d be presenting them on, adding a little bit of toffee to the plate to help regain any visual aestheticism. 

“Alright bakers!” Sirius called, “Your time is up. Please walk your cakes up to the table at the front of the tent.”

Lily walked up next to Remus and mimed ‘accidentally’ bumping into Peter and Remus snorted as he set his plate down behind his picture.

“You’re insane,” He whispered to her as they sat down on their stools.

“You love me though.” She quipped back and Remus grinned at her before the judges came out.

“Hello again bakers!” Dumbledore greeted. They chorused back a hello and then the judges set to work. The judges actually cringed when they bit into Peter’s dish and on the other side of Remus, Peter was quivering a little.

“Our tip to be mindful with the vanilla went unnoticed with this one it would seem.” McGonagall commented and Remus had to stop himself from looking at Peter to figure out what the hell he did.

“It would appear this person included their vanilla pod.” Dumbledore said, trying to hide his cringe. “For future reference, it’s the seeds inside the pod you eat, not the outside layer.”

Remus knew Peter’s face was bright red without even looking at him, but he didn’t glance to the side for fear of giving away who had actually made the cakes.

Remus’ were up next, McGonagall looking at them cynically. “The presentation is quite lacking I must admit.”

“Yes, they’re a bit messy,” Dumbledore agreed as he cut into one. They each took a bite, nodding solemnly for a moment. “They certainly taste good though.”

McGonagall nodded in agreement and just like that they had moved on to the next person’s work. Remus let out a deep sigh. It wasn’t how he had wanted it to go but… at least they had tasted good. He was still annoyed at himself for forgetting the parchment paper but he had to let it go now.

The  judges were quick to decide this week. With only five contestants left and a tangible need to make it to the semi finals next week, there was a buzz in the air, at least it felt that way to Remus.

Or, it did feel that way until he came second last in the technical and suddenly he was seriously beginning to fear that this time next week, he’d be at home.

Peter came last. Tonks won; Kingsley and Lily filling in the middle spots.

Remus headed back to the hotel, talking quietly to Lily but really just planning his strategy for tomorrow. Considering his recipe. Mentally changing the flavours, then switching them back. The order he would make everything. If he should just head straight to the practice tent and make it one more time. 

Lily wrapped her arm around his waist and leaned her head against him. Remus used to always look at people walking like this and think it must be so incredibly awkward, but this felt natural.

“It’s better to rest now then practice some more. You’re ready.” She said as if she could read his mind. Maybe after five weeks of being together every day, she could.

He smiled and placed a kiss to the top of her head, loving their friendship. “Thanks Lils.”

She peered up at him, those eyes vibrantly green, hidden slightly under her eyelashes. “Wanna make hot chocolate?”

Remus grinned as he put his arm over her shoulders and gave her a grateful squeeze. “That sounds like heaven.”

The next day began with the sunlight filtering slowly through the open windows as Remus got dressed. It was late enough in the year now that he woke up in darkness, but he always liked getting to watch the sun rise so it didn’t bother him. The air was crisp outside when he walked down with Lily and it felt like a new beginning.

“Let’s do this.” Lily said, holding out her fist as they entered the tent and Remus looked at her in mild amusement, but bumped his knuckles against hers lightly.

They set up their stations quietly, not having much to do, Remus just liked it organised slightly differently to the way the cleaning crew left it. Everyone seeped in quietly, the tension from yesterday lingering. 

Marlene announced their start and suddenly they were off, James and Sirius bantering away with a familiar chemistry rarely found between two presenters.

“Welcome back for the showstopper challenge!” James greeted, Sirius grinning at his side. “Today our judges have asked you to reimagine a dish as a trifle.”

Remus remembered the first time he had heard that and thought it was a little weird, but he liked it. Back then he had planned to have a ‘death by chocolate’ theme but he changed his recipe last week. Lily was making a carrot cake creation that looked amazing. Tonks was wowing with a baked Alaska inspired dish. Peter had embraced chocolate chip cookies and they were featuring heavily in his. Kingsley was doing something with a lot of apples but Remus didn’t know many of the specifics. Kingsley wasn’t secretive, but he wasn’t majorly talkative either.

“You know Sirius, I once fought with a man over his multi layered cake,” James was saying vibrantly.

“Is that so?”

“Indeed. However I soon learned he was not to be trifled with.”

The light went out of Sirius’ eyes. “You’re fired.” He said to James in a deadpan voice and the entire tent burst into giggles.

Sirius sighed and turned to everyone. “On your marks, get set, bake!”

“Hey! We’re supposed to say that together!”

“Yeah well I fired you so it’s mine now.”

Remus couldn’t stop himself from chuckling as he set to work. Was he unsure of what was happening between himself and Sirius? Yes. Did he still have feelings for the man? Undoubtedly. 

He immediately set to work making the meringues, those were gonna be hard to get done in time - they took two hours in the oven and then they had to cool down completely before Remus could do anything with them. He whipped the egg whites and sugar on high speed, until there were ‘stiff peaks’, the mixture was lovely and shiny and Remus felt like he was spooning marshmallow into his piping bag.

He made three circles of meringue, all the same size as his trifle dish along with a few little meringue kisses to decorate the top. He popped the trays into the preheated oven and set to work preparing everything else. He turned around to grab a tea towel and his elbow hit a glass bowl on the counter and it fell to the ground, shattering and leaving sparkling shards all over Remus’ station.

“Crap okay, can I get a brush over here please?”

A crew member helped him sweep it up as quickly as possible so he could get back to work. James sidled up to his counter as he started making a lemon curd, a suspicious grin on his face.

“I see you’re having a smashing time.”

Remus looked up from adding the grated lemon rind. “I thought you were fired.”

James just laughed and ruffled Remus’ hair in a way that if anyone else had done it, it would have annoyed Remus, but it was okay from James.

“I’ll let you get back to work.” And then he was off and Remus could once again focus. He looked down into his pot and nearly started to cry. It had curdled. 

He stepped away for a moment, covering his face with his hands as he took a deep breath. It would be okay, he had time to make more. It just seemed like ever since Sirius had walked away a week ago, nothing had gone quite right.

On Monday, the restaurant made a mistake and gave Remus normal pasta, resulting in him being very sick for a while. On Tuesday, a pair of shoes he had long since worn in gave him blisters. Wednesday had him spilling tea all over his special edition book. Thursday he ripped a hole in his favourite cardigan and Friday Sirius walked into a room, saw Remus and immediately left. Saturday had been the signature and technical challenge and now he was here.

He jolted when a hand gingerly reached out and touched his shoulder. Light as a feather at first, barely the brush of fingertips but then the palm of the hand pressed reassuringly into Remus’ skin.

“Re?” Sirius asked. Remus heart soared and shattered at the same time. How was that even possible? 

“I’m fine it’s just a lot today I think.”

“Do you want to step outside for a few?”

Remus shook his head as he turned to face Sirius. “No it’s okay, thanks. I don’t have enough time.”

Sirius’ eyes were conflicted for a moment but the next thing Remus knew, he was being pulled down into a tight hug.

“Sorry,” Sirius mumbled, “I should have asked first, it’s just you looked so upset and-”

“It’s okay.” Remus whispered, his mouth by Sirius’ ear.

He pulled away reluctantly, wanting to stay in the comfort of Sirius’ arms longer but very aware of all the cameras trained on them.

“Thanks,” He mumbled to Sirius, his face flushed. “I should get back to it.”

Sirius nodded and Remus went back to work, the presenter heading off to chat to someone else. Taking another breath, Remus began grating another lemon. It was time to start again.

Assembling the trifle was possibly Remus’ favourite showstopper to put together so far, just because of how simple it was. He placed a meringue disk at the bottom, followed by lemon curd, then repeated it twice, until his top layer was a bright yellow substance. He grinned looking inside the glass dish - he was really glad he chose to pipe the curd in, it made the lines much cleaner.

He placed the meringue kisses on top, then grated chocolate over everything and he finished just as James called time.

Remus watched the judges fall in love with Tonks’ amazing baked Alaska and beamed at the praise for his friend. Lily did very well too. Kingsley had a few problems but overall he seemed quite happy with his baking. Peter’s was only marginally better. And then it was Remus.

He walked up to the table at the front of the room, suddenly very aware of Sirius standing with James to the side of the judges.

“Remind us of what this is inspired by Mr Lupin?” Dumbledore asked as he and McGonagall took in the trifle.

“Lemon meringue.” Remus said, his chest tight.

Sirius’ looked up sharply, meeting his eyes. Remus nodded minutely.

They each took a helpful and took a moment considering the flavours.

“I’m impressed, Mr Lupin.” Dumbledore said. “I was worried the curd would be too wet and dissolve the meringue.”

McGonagall nodded. “Were you not worried that this might be a little simple for a showstopper?”

Remus shook his head. “A classic is a classic for a reason.”

McGonagall graced him with a very rare smile and for the first time this week, Remus felt like he had done something right.

They all sat on the stools a little while later, waiting and waiting and waiting while the judges took the longest time to decide yet this series. Remus knew it was down to Peter and himself. One of them was going home today. Remus just didn’t know who.

Peter had done a little worse than Remus yesterday, but had recovered a lot today. Remus knew he himself had also gained some ground, he just didn’t know if it was enough. He hoped it was. He feared it wasn’t.

James and Sirius emerged first, the judges next, none of their faces giving anything away.

“Today I have the pleasure of announcing star baker.” James said smiling, “For the second week in a row… Tonks!”

Remus grinned and kissed Tonks on the cheek as she was sitting right next to him. Both because he was proud of her but also to mess with Twitter a little bit.

“Sadly, I have the awful job of announcing who’s going home today.” Sirius said, nothing about him giving anything away. Remus’ heart pounded, he could feel his heartbeat in his fingertips. “This person has been a pleasure to work with and we’ll all be very sad to see them leave.”

Remus found breathing a little difficult. Would Sirius just hurry up and say it?

“Leaving us today will be… Peter.”

Down the line a little, Peter’s shoulders slumped and while Remus was disappointed for him, all he could feel was the adrenaline surge now that all the tension had melted away from his body. They all lingered in the tent for a while, congratulating Tonks and giving Peter their commiserations. 

McGonagall came up to Remus at one point and spoke to him quietly. “Not your best week Mr Lupin.”

Remus shook his head. “No.”

McGonagall met his eyes. “You have amazing potential. I’ve seen you do great things, I hope I get to see them again.” She said before slinking back into the crowd. Remus blinked. It was possibly the most reassuring thing he had ever heard about his baking. He wanted to write her words down so he could keep them forever.

He was staying a little while longer.

Remus went straight to his room when he got back to the hotel, skipping the usual gathering they had after finishing filming that week as he was just exhausted after his day. He threw his clothes over the back of a chair in his room to be put away tomorrow and threw on a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie, a thick pair of socks on his feet. He turned off the over head light, flicking on his lamp instead and just about to crawl into bed with his book when he heard the faintest knock on his door.

He frowned, a little wondering who it could be. Lily? No, she would be downstairs talking to James. Not Tonks, her knock was loud and vibrant. Peter was packing-

Remus opened the door and there stood Sirius, who’d also changed into cosier clothes, looking almost lost in the depths of his massive jumper. For the first time since Remus had known him, Sirius looked unsure.

“Can I come in?” He asked softly. Remus bit his lip for a moment before nodding and stepping inside. 

Sirius gazed around his room for a moment, snorting at the clothes thrown haphazardly over the chair.

“You didn’t strike me as messy.” He mused.

Remus blushed. “I’m not, I'm just tired.”

Sirius turned around. “I can go?”

“No it’s alright.” Remus had a feeling that if Sirius didn’t say why he came here now, it would be forever forgotten.

Sirius looked at the ground, scuffing his socked toes on the carpet. “Have you ever read about people I date in the tabloids?”

Remus frowned and quickly ran what information about Sirius he knew through his mind. “No? At least, I don’t think so.”

Sirius smiled ruefully. “That’s because I haven’t dated anyone in a long time. Ever really.”

Remus felt his lips part slightly. “Ever?”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “I mean a little in school but I don’t know if it really counted.” He kept looking at the floor. “I mean, I have flings or whatever but I don’t date. At first I was too preoccupied with building a life away from my family. Then I was so busy, focusing on my career. Then,” His voice grew soft like he was a little embarrassed, “It had been so long I was afraid. I forget sometimes, when I’m with you. But then that day, I remembered.”

Remus didn’t have to ask what day. I remembered. Sirius had said it then too.

And it was so dumb of me but I was afraid of having you.” Sirius finally looked up at Remus. Grey met amber and all was right. “But then today I worried for a moment that I was going to lose you.”

Remus laughed a little wetly. “You make that sound like I nearly died or something.”

“Shut up I’m trying to be romantic!” Sirius protested, but his cheeks were flushed.

“Sorry.” Remus said, but he was smiling faintly. He reached out and brushed Sirius’ fingers with his and Sirius caught his hand and held it.

“But I realised I’m afraid of being with you, but I guess I’m going to have to get used to it, because I’m terrified of being without you.”

Remus swallowed, wetting his lips. “What… Are you.. Wait?”

Sirius nodded. “Yeah.”

A little smile danced on Remus’ lips as he took a step closer and lowered his face down so he could nudge Sirius’ nose with his own. “I guess we can be a little scared together then.”

Sirius’ eyes lit up and Remus was about to kiss him but before he could move, Sirius had surged up and pressed his lips to Remus’.

Remus melted into it, wrapping one arm around Sirius’ waist, the other removing the hair tie from Sirius’ bun to be tossed somewhere that would probably never be found so he could finally tangle his fingers in the inky black strands like he had dreamed about doing so many times.

Sirius kisses were just like his personality. Confident, purposeful, Remus thought as Sirius nipped his bottom lip and Remus opened his mouth for him. Strong. At some point, Remus backed into the bed, his knees giving out so he sat on the edge while Sirius just straddled him, never even breaking away.  The pace was new and thrilling to Remus. A sweet caress of the tongue could lead quickly to a desperate clash of teeth and back again in just a moment. 

“You made lemon meringue.” Sirius murmured against hips lips. Remus grinned and nodded.

“It’s your favourite.”

Sirius pulled away first, his chest heaving and his lips red and swollen, shining from Remus; own saliva. That thought alone had Remus chasing his lips for another taste. Sirius smirked but kissed him sweetly for a minute before pulling away and resting his forehead on Remus’ shoulder. Remus could just see those eyes he loved so much peeking up at him from under his ridiculously long eyelashes.

“So you and me?” Sirius asked. “We’re dating? I didn’t make that up, right?”

Remus beamed and shook his head. “You didn’t make it up.”

“Is it too early to ask to be exclusive? I really have no idea how this works.” Sirius laughed, pressing his face into Remus’ chest. Remus bent so he could nip the curve of his ear gently.

“No,” He murmured, “Well I don’t know how it goes that well either. But it doesn’t feel too early, does it?”

Sirius shook his head before lifting it and coming back to Remus’ level again. “You’re mine.” He breathed, eyes sparkling. He pulled Remus’ bottom lip between his teeth and sucked on it gently. “I must be the luckiest person on the planet.”

Remus kissed him softly, pulling him against his chest. “I think that title is reserved for me.”

Sirius hit his shoulder playfully. “Sap.”

“Hey! You started it!”

Sirius giggled and kissed him again, tugging on Remus’ hair a little before pulling away. 

“I want you.” He whispered, “But I’m tired as hell. Wanna, I don’t know, cuddle and shit?”

Remus smirked, patting Sirius’ thigh lightly so they could climb under the covers. 

“Yeah,” He agreed as he pulled Sirius against his chest once more, tangling their legs together. “Let’s cuddle and shit.”

They fell asleep like that, a jumble of limbs tucked under the warm covers, fitting together like they had been made for each other. Remus had one of the best night’s sleep of his life, even missing the sun rising in the morning.

(But somehow, he didn’t mind).

[halothenthehorns]

All in the Family

Chapter 139: Draco's Detour

James immediately forgot his next course of action, but in his defense, he landed in paradise.

He never would have dreamed to even ask the book for something as fantastic as being dumped in the twins' joke shop, but he knew that's exactly where they were. He didn't even need to read the brilliant sign that glowed mirror like in the window, nor the empty cobble bricks of Diagon Alley beyond, no, the evidence was in every product label in sight!

Anti Gravity Hats– "Ruin a gentleman's day by making his hat fly away!"- to the Weasleys' Wildfire Whiz-bangs, his heart thrilled in delight to take in this place, imagining the floor packed with people of all ages here for a good laugh in such troubled times.

The eight of them were making enough sounds of delight for a whole crowd as is, there just was not something for somebody to love in here. In his hasty need to rush over and check out those Extendable Ears in person though, he actually passed Regulus scrutinizing a bottle of Magical Moustache Miracle Stubble Grow and forced himself to pause by the little spinning rack of potions before Peter or Sirius came over here.

Counting Quidditch statistics slowly in his head to make sure he didn't look like he was changing directions to punch the welp, he was minorly confident he'd achieved at least this when Regulus looked up and only scowled rather than drawing his wand upon him coming closer.

"If you're here to apologize-"

"I'm not," Potter said steadily.

Regulus glared up, cursing puberty more than anything Potter was so much taller than him and opened his mouth to give in detail how rude it was to continue interrupting people, still, before that look Sirius had given him flashed across his mind and he started chewing on his cheek as he thought through and replayed the scene in his head again.

It helped, to give his brother Potter's hazel eyes, remind himself it wasn't Sirius who may be actively hating him, but if he started shouting now Sirius may come over and just do the same. It wasn't a secret he'd back Potter first, he'd taken the diatribe for the man before after all.

Regulus looked beyond annoyed at him still, but surprisingly closed his mouth and just glared at him rather than continued shouting, already a good sign as far as James was concerned, but he leaned in close to make sure Regulus' little superiority complex wouldn't miss a word. "Listen, whatever problem you have with me, I hope you got it out of your system, but if not then you should know I'm not just going to stand there and let you shout at me like your bloody parents do to Sirius, nor will I tolerate you giving him hell he doesn't deserve. He's been through enough, we all bloody have while dealing with this."

"I, I didn't, I'm not-" Regulus spluttered in indignation, but James just kept glowering and watched with interest as he stopped after a moment and looked genuinely guilty now as he looked back towards Padfoot. "I don't want to be like them," he finally muttered, a note of defiance still clear in his voice as he continued to meet his eyes. "You're still an arrogant arse."

"I've been recently informed of that by my own kid thank you," James agreed, starting to lose that resolve not to hang Regulus up by his pants for at least this chapter, but Harry's face flashed across his mind and he held his hand still. "Anything else you'd like to say? Best get it out now."

At first James thought he wasn't going to answer, he was chewing on his tongue for some reason it seemed, but then he said in a very even voice, "you interrupt your mates. A lot. I don't know about the other two as much, but Peter especially. It annoys the shit out of me."

'What's it to you?' The insulted brush off was on the tip of James's tongue in outrage, but he quickly bit that off as he kept looking at Sirius' brother. If Padfoot was really going to try and start involving this kid in his life then he should probably get used to it now, and it was long obvious Regulus and Peter were good friends already. It seemed ridiculous to think at this rate that would just vanish when they got back out of this.

Instead he replayed the last conversation he'd had with Wormtail in his head looking to deny this, and felt just a tad guilty he hadn't actually heard a word, but that wasn't interrupting. He thought back farther, but he'd barely spoken to Peter, really talked to him since back during the third book now, if not longer. He and Sirius did have a tendency to talk to each other and only passively involve Remus and Peter when they butted in when the two got going. It wasn't something he'd ever consciously thought of, he and Sirius had far too much fun shouting over each other and getting the other to laugh harder next.

Alice was right though, trying to get the others to laugh this off was helping no one. He tried to make an effort right then to tell himself to watch that in the future.

He wanted to ask Regulus point blank his real question, but decided if he admitted to knowing of the levels of real abuse the Black parents had done to their eldest he would in fact not be able to stop himself hitting the nearest one in retaliation, so he was glad when Regulus seemed satisfied he'd not only said his peace but James had nothing to lob back and walked off.

Longbottom finally found the book and was reading about the youngest Malfoy. James glared out the window and listened with livid frustration this young Death Eater strolling around Borgin and Burkes with a 'mission' Snape had to help his mother with she had so little faith in, and his son was now actively trying to get involved. He refused himself a look at Evans to see if she was glaring at him for that being his fault too, because he couldn't deny he would be doing the same thing if given the chance, to thwart any kind of coming attack on his school.

Sirius appeared at his elbow just like always, smiling with such ease it made the entire thing worth it even if James still felt more agitated than ever for every Black but Sirius. He was already vowing in his head to give him paperwork to change that on his next birthday.

"So I heard you and Moony had some fun," Sirius lightly quipped, eyes resting on the rest of the bottles. It was still pretty funny to him to think about, mostly because neither party had any idea of the joke beforehand. He wished he'd caught the whole thing on camera just to laugh at their faces when it happened.

"Eh?" James looked at him in confusion, and Sirius was quick to elaborate on a convenient lie his eyes had landed on.

"Sorry about it Prongs, I doused him before we swapped, got distracted, didn't think whatever he did would fall on you," he smirked.

"You passed Moony a love potion?" James didn't seem suspicious so much as just unamused for once.

"Yep," Sirius remorselessly lied. "Was going to give Pete some Babbling Brew too, but I got caught too soon." James would laugh it off later when Remus finally got over his secret and they told him the rest.

"Well it didn't work quite right," James shrugged as he turned away and went over to look at some of the Invisibility Cloaks they had for sale, though none even came close to his, he was curious enough to see these knock offs. "He just made a pass at me, wasn't exactly all over you though."

"More of those wonky effects on werewolves I suppose," Sirius shrugged as he followed, and James didn't ask any further questions. Sirius still wasn't sure what the point of all this was and ditched Prongs as he got enamored by the Demon Box and nipped behind the counter for a bit of parchment and quill, hoping if he gave Remus this it would help him relax more.

James was more annoyed than he'd let on as Sirius came back shoving a bit of parchment into his pocket like he wouldn't notice something was obviously still going on, but he worked enough out for himself that it was clearly Remus who didn't want to tell. Sirius was just backing him on that, and if it was a gay thing he'd respect it and let Moony come to him when he wanted to, though he wished he knew how Sirius had figured it out so he could assure the same. Maybe he was entirely off the mark though and it was still something else, Padfoot was right about one thing, Remus was ever reluctant to share anything. He still wasn't sure what they'd done to so endear them he'd shared his werewolf secret all those years ago but was grateful for whatever that was and let the whole thing go.

Regardless, the two lost their heads when they found the Skiving Snackboxes and shamelessly shoved a box each into their bags.

[sirrriusblack]

Merry Fucking Christmas

Prompt: Sirius spends Christmas with the Lupins.

Thanks @wholesome-gay for the prompt.

Okay, so um I took a very angsty turn on this and I’d like to apologise because I think I just ruined Christmas but I hope you like it? Also, this went a bit longer than I meant for (by a couple thousand words oop), but uh… oh well? And I’m sorry it took so long, I think we can understand why.

tw for child abuse and homophobia

* * *

I had to keep myself in check. That’s what Remus had told me the week before when we’d gotten the invitation. Remus’ parents had invited us over for Christmas dinner. Well, they’d invited Remus, and Remus had insisted I come with him. It wasn’t like I had anything to do; we’d all gone to James and Lily’s place last night, had woken up and spent Christmas morning together, our first one since we’d graduated. We’d had lunch too, and I swore, I’d never been more grateful to see my friends alive, happy, healthy, starting the next chapter of our lives despite the looming war. But I was free for dinner. Regulus had sent a letter by owl, wishing me a Merry Christmas, but saying nothing about the formal dinner and party my family held each year, only the most noble and salient of their friends invited. So I’d agreed to go with Remus. Even though I didn’t understand why he was going. He always gave them more chances, always sat around and waited for them to attack him, to reopen the wounds that had just started to heal. I also didn’t know why he was bringing me. His parents knew about us, knew we were together, knew how we planned to keep it that way whether they agreed or not. But bringing me was only adding fuel to the fire. Maybe that was the point. Maybe Remus hadn’t forgiven them, but was finally going back there to give them a large ‘fuck you’ and leave. Maybe. But either way, I had to keep myself in check.

“Sirius, we have to go,” Remus called out from James and Lily’s front door. I grimaced in the mirror at the thought of smiling and shaking the hand of the man that had put Remus through that hell. Shaking my head, I stepped out of the bathroom and walked up to Remus. He looked me up and down.

“What were you doing in there?” he asked. “I thought you were getting changed!” Remus’ eyes were wide, probably as he realised the mistake he’d made in inviting me. 

“No, I was practicing my smile, you know, preparing to keep myself in check.” I smiled a small smile at Remus and chuckled while he kept looking me up and down. “What?” I looked down at what I was wearing, what I’d been wearing all day. I had a black denim jacket on over a burgundy turtle neck, a pair of black Levi’s and cherry red Doc’s. “It’s not like I’m wearing a studded mankini. I mean, I could if you want. Prongs might even have one in his room. Hey Lily—“ Remus flashed his teeth, not able to contain his smile, but still looked at me sternly.

“I’d love to see that one day, Sirius, but maybe not at a Christmas dinner with my parents, okay?” Remus said. Peter yelled out from the kitchen as I frowned.

“You two are disgusting! Leave already!” He had food in his mouth, I could hear it. I smiled, and even though I couldn’t see him, I knew him and James were in there, making their ‘secret recipe’ red velvet cake, stuffing more of the mix in their mouths than in the actual tray. Lily walked toward us, down the hallway, shaking her head and smiling to herself. 

“Ignore those two idiots. You’ll be fine, Remus, Sirius is presentable enough.” I smirked at Remus, poking him in the rib. He dodged it and glared at me.

“Don’t get a big head. ‘Presentable enough’ doesn’t sound like much of a compliment, you twat,” he grinned. Lily hummed before she handed Remus his coat and kissed us both on the cheek before walking back down to those two idiots.

“She’s right, Remus, it’ll be fine,” I told him, grabbing the bottle of wine I’d brought for his parents off of the table by the door. Remus smiled at me, a tight smile, obviously forced. I grabbed his hand and linked it with mine.

“Why are you even going?” I whispered the question. Remus’ eyes clouded for a moment. With his free hand on the door handle, he looked up at me, and there was so much— so, so much in those amber eyes that I couldn’t take it all in at once. 

“I... I don’t know,” he admitted. I reached my own free arm forward and pushed his hair away from his face. “I don’t want to, but I feel like... like I have to. At least one more time.” To see if they were really worth forgiving. I understood. It was the same reason I’d gone back every time. To see if I could deal with the pain, the screaming, the alcohol; if for nothing else, then for Regulus. But for me... it was too much. I guessed we’d see how much Remus could handle.

“Love, I’m here for you, no matter what. And if you want to go home right now, I’m happy to.” I reached for his other hand. “We can lie in bed, watch a movie, maybe... do some other things.” I whispered the last part, not doubting how dramatic Pete’s reaction would be. Remus grinned, a light in the darkness around us. “But if you want to go to your parents’, for whatever reason, I’m fully here for you on that, too.” I squeezed his hands and reached past him to open the door. He turned and walked out in front of me and we both called out goodbye before I shut it behind us. Remus, still holding onto one of my hands, grimaced when he turned to face me, shivering from the cold.

“So what will it be, Mr Lupin?” I asked, pulling him closer by the waist. Remus grinned, the smile so bright and I just... I had to kiss him. Remus kissed me back, some hint of warmth beneath the snow falling around us. I felt him smile against my lips.

“While I’d love to go home and do that for a long,” he raised his eyebrows, “long time, I think I need to go to my parents’” he explained, his eyes solemn. I nodded. I’d just have to keep myself in check.

* * *

We apparated to the gate of the Lupin’s house. It was very... perfect. White picket fence, a neat lawn, trimmed roses. 

“Mum likes to garden. She picked it up as an excuse to go do something while Dad... um.” Remus’ voice got thick and I squeezed his hand, even though all I wanted to do was storm in there and— I had to keep myself in check. “Yeah, she likes it,” he finished, clearing his throat. I nodded. We stood in silence for a moment before Remus spoke again. “It’s like a trap,” he whispered. I looked at him. There was pain in his eyes, and all I wanted was to see it gone, to be able to take that pain for him. 

“What?” I asked instead.

“It’s so perfect. Which is absolute bullshit because there’s a cage in there. There’s a cage in there for a monster.” Remus ran his hands through his hair. “Fuck.” I put my arm around his lower back. 

“We can go, whenever you want. Just say the word.” I told him, just so he knew. Just so he didn’t feel trapped, so he didn’t get stuck back in that cage. I knew how it felt to go back there. I knew how much it hurt. Remus nodded, but opened the gate anyway. 

His mother opened the door on the second knock, something between a smile and a wince on her face. Lyall stood behind her. He seemed... normal. So fucking normal that it hurt. Here it was, the day I would finally meet the asshole that was Remus’ dad and he was just... so average. His eyes met mine and travelled down, right to where my left hand was linked with Remus’. I made to let go, to calm the storm before it happened, but Remus held on tight. Lyall’s mouth twitched.

“Remus, honey, hello!” Hope finally seemed to register it all, and hugged Remus. When she came over to me, I wrapped my right arm around her and kissed her cheek, hating every second of how close I was to her. “And you must be Sirius. Remus has um, talked... a lot about you.” I almost scoffed at that. Remus had told me all that had happened the Summer he came out to his family. I would have called it far from talking.

“It’s nice to meet you, Mrs Lupin.” I paused for a moment to reach my free hand out to Remus’ father’s to shake it. He locked eyes with me and slowly reached his hand out, like he was taming a wild animal. I quickly grabbed his hand and shook it, wanting nothing more than to get away from him and his—aura. “And you, Mr Lupin. I’ve heard... a lot about you two as well.” I didn’t explain further. Let them figure out what I knew and what I didn’t. His father glared down at our linked hands like they were a threat to his life. Remus smiled tightly at his father, that and a curt nod the only greeting he deigned to give him. Lyall didn’t seem to care. He only nodded in return and walked back down the hallway. Hope winced.

“Please, uh, come in.” Remus and I followed his mother down a narrow hallway. The inside of their house was much like the outside, perfect and welcoming and homey. I thought about what Remus had said, about the cage somewhere in here and I almost shuddered. Remus had been trapped in that cage. Not just during the full moon. I remembered that conversation like it was yesterday. It was the day I’d found out about it all. That the scars on his body weren’t just from his lycanthropy. And I promised him that he’d never come back here, that I’d never let him. 

* * *

Hope led us to the dining room and took a seat across from the two places she motioned for us to sit at. The food was already at the table, still steaming. Remus cleared his throat. “So, how have you—” he was cut off by a gruff voice.

“Who wants whiskey?” Lyall walked into the dining room from a different door then the one we’d entered through. He was holding a bottle of amber liquid and three glasses. Remus rolled his eyes.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea Dad.” Remus said. He was clutching my hand under the table, so hard his knuckles were white. Lyall raised his eyebrows. 

“No?” he asked. His voice was thick with disdain. “Alright then, no whiskey for you.” He put the bottle on the table and took the seat at the head of the table, between Hope and Remus. Remus flinched—flinched, when his father lifted his arm onto the table to pour his drink. I ran my thumb up and down his hand. “What about you, then?” he asked, looking directly past Remus to me. 

I shook my head. “No, thank you. I don’t drink.” I told him, trying to hide the disgust threatening to leak out. Lyall snorted.

“You don’t drink? Guess alcoholism doesn’t run in the family then. Walburga was real bitch for a drink, wasn’t she?” It was my turn to flinch. 

“Dad,” Remus warned, an edge to his voice. Lyall raised his hands in surrender, a small smile on his face. Remus let go of my hand when Hope opened her mouth to speak, and he held it up to her.

“No, wait.” She closed it again. “Why did you invite me here?” Neither of them answered. He turned on his father. “You have treated me like the furthest thing from a son since I was five. You have abused me, locked me up, and treated me like a monster all because of your fucking pride. What happened to the house? Where are the chains and bloodstains?” Lyall wasn’t even looking at Remus, but staring at me instead, horrified at what Remus was saying in front of me. I looked away from him. “When did you decide that you were going to be the perfect, white picket fence family? And how do you keep up that act? This house is a fucking mask. It’s a fucking mask and its hiding the worst monster I’ve ever encountered. And I’m not talking about me.” Remus’ face was red and tears were falling from his eyes. I grabbed his hand again, not deigning to look to his father for a reaction.

“Remus, honey, you have to understand—“ I would give anything to make sure I was never on the opposite end of Remus’ current gaze. Hope had every right to look scared at the anger in her son’s eyes. But Remus also had every right to be that angry.

“No, you don’t get to tell me how to feel, okay? You did nothing but trim your fucking rosebushes while he,” Remus’ arm flung out in his father’s direction, “locked me in a cage for days on end and starved me. You’ve whispered just as many insults and slurs as he’s yelled, so you don’t get to sit around and act like you played no part in the abuse of your son.” The room was silent for a moment, everyone locking eyes with everyone. Remus had told me to keep myself in check, so I sat beside him and I kept stroking his hand, offering the only comfort I could muster. Lyall finally broke the silence. His chair creaked when he pushed it back and stood up, standing at the same height as Remus but still intimidating enough.

“Don’t you ever,” his lip pulled back from his teeth as he stepped closer to Remus, “talk to your mother and I that way again.” I had to keep myself in check. I understood it now. Why Remus came tonight. He wanted the last word. He wanted to tell them exactly what he thought and be done with it—with them—forever. When he’d told me to keep myself in check it wasn’t because he thought I’d be a dick, but because he knew exactly what I wanted to scream at them right now, knew exactly how I’d act if a certain ass-wipe of a father tried to intimidate his adult son, yet again. “And while you’re at it,” Lyall continued, the same sneer still on his face, directed at me this time, “get your faggot hands off of him.” 

“So now, what? You’re forbidding me from holding my boyfriend’s hand?”

“He’s not your boyfriend.” Lyall said through clenched teeth.

“Why not? Because he’s a guy and you don’t condone it? Or because I’m not human enough to have a boyfriend? I’m half a monster, right, dad? That’s what you used to tell me when I went to sleep at night. Instead of a lullaby or a bedtime story, I’d get a fucking lecture on how disgusting my kind is.” I’d never seen Remus like this, laughing and angry and hurt all at the same time. I wanted to help him, I wanted to do something other than sit here, stroking his hand. Lyall ignored Remus. He completely brushed off all that he’d said as he looked at me again.

“I said, get your hands off of my son you fa—“ Remus exploded. He yelled louder than I’d ever heard him yell and stood up out of his chair.

“I stopped being your son the second you let that belt hit my skin, you sick bastard!” Calm, ‘avoid conflicts at all cost’ Remus, was screaming. I wanted to grab him, to leave, to hold him while he sobbed and let everything out. “I don’t even know why I came back to this shithole,” he exclaimed, walking out of the dining room. “Merry fucking Christmas!” he yelled, and slammed the door. The room was silent for a moment while I stood up. I reached over and downed Lyall’s glass of whiskey, before I turned to walk away. When I reached the threshold I turned back to face the both of them. These were the people who had abused and tortured Remus, who had taught him what pain was beyond the measure of his monthly transformations. I smiled at them.

“Merry Christmas, I hope you both rot in hell.” They said nothing as I walked back down the hallway and out the front door.

[nifflersfancy]

Runaway Groom

[THE FRIENDS AU THAT NO ONE ASKED FOR BUT I’VE BEEN WANTING TO DO FOR AGES. Well, kind of… Not really… But a little.]

“So what if it didn’t work out between the two of you? There’s plenty of other people out there for you. You’re a great guy, Remus. You’ve just gotta get yourself out there.” James attempted to encourage his friend. James, Remus, their friend Peter and James’ girlfriend, Lily, were all sat at their local bar on a Friday evening. Due to it only being 7pm, it was still in what they called, “pub mode” so it was still early enough that there was just quiet music playing in the background and a reasonable amount of people. When it come to 11am, they would turn the main lights down and turn on the strobe lights, clear all of the tables and chairs out and start blaring the music so that the clubbing could start. They usually left just before then.

“I know but… Oh, you know I hate being single.” Remus sighed, knowing it sounded silly. But he hated being alone. He was a teacher so his hours left him with quite a bit of downtime, perfect for spending with a partner, cuddled up on the sofa or out for drinks with his friends.

“Well, you’ve been single for almost two months now, mate, and you’ve been doing just fine.” Peter pointed out as he took a sip of his cider from the bottle, which made Remus cringe slightly. It was seen as the ‘cool’ way to do it but Remus couldn’t stand drinking from bottles or watching others do it. How many grubby hands had touched that bottle before it had even made it to the pub? No, Remus would stick to his clan glass, thank you.

“I know but… Well, you guys can’t judge me, okay? James, you pined for the same girl for like seven years before she finally agreed to go out with you and Pete hasn’t had a girlfriend since he was like 14! That was over ten years ago.” Remus huffed defensively before sighing, realising that he was being unfair. “Look, I’m sorry. I just want to be in a relationship again… Find someone that I can marry and spend the rest of my life with.” Remus had just finished talking when the doors to the bar flung open, catching everyone’s attention as a breathtakingly attractive man walked in the door. 

His jawline and cheekbones could cut glass, his long and slightly curly hair was thrown up in a very wet and messy bun. His skin was pale, although his face was flushed and twisted with worry, his chest heaving as if he had been running. His slim body was covered by a sharp and expensive-looking black suit with an emerald green tie that was wet and stuck to his body and he had a large ring on his finger that Remus could see, even from several tables away, appeared to have some sort of crest on it. Remus wasn’t sure whether he should compare him to a Greek God or a runaway groom from a fairytale.

The man’s frantic eyes searched the bar before the met Remus’ and the man did a double take. He licked his lips before blinking, his brows furrowing as if attempting to pull himself together before they moved away and Remus saw relief fill them. He noticed that the other man was now looking at James. No. He was practically running towards James, who had stood up and was staring at the gorgeous man in shock. Remus was only half surprised when James jumped over the small table that they had been gathered around to meet the man halfway, where they collided in a tight hug. As he had gotten closer, Remus also noticed that he appeared to have a black eye blooming.

Words were exchanged as the whole bar freely gaped at the two of them, James rubbing the man’s back and arms as they stood in a half-hug whilst the newcomers spoke quickly, his eyes darting around quickly as if expecting someone to jump out and attack him. A few minutes passed before the man seemingly calmed down and James led him over to their group. The man looked like a deer in headlights as he slowly walked towards them, slightly hunched over.

“Everyone, this is my old friend from school, Sirius. Sirius, you remember Lily.” James began, causing both of them to nod. Lily grinned at Sirius and waved but Sirius could only muster a weak smile and a slight lift of his hand. It was obvious that whatever had happened had been bad. “That’s Peter over there and that’s Remus.” He introduced and a similar thing happened between the three of them. James gently nudged Sirius into a seat and signalled for Peter to move over so they all moved around so that James could sit beside Sirius. James signalled for two more beers from the bartender before turning his attention back to Sirius.

“What happened to you, Black?” Lily questioned, taking a sip of her gin and tonic and leaning forward slightly in her seat. “You just disappeared in our last year… You and your brother, no one knew what happened to you.”

James, Lily and Sirius had all gone to Hogwarts, an expensive private boarding school in Scotland, that was incredibly difficult to get into until your family had a lot of money. Lily was one of the only students to get a full scholarship there, which she had been bullied mercilessly for, but it hadn’t mattered. She was the smartest in her year. Halfway through their last year, Sirius had been pulled out fo a lesson and then when James had looked for him, he hadn’t been able to find him anywhere and then had noticed that all of Sirius’ stuff had been taken from their room. The professors had refused to say why and Sirius’ phone had been cut off and any letters sent to his home had been sent back. 

“My, uh.. Well, my parents took us out of school, cut our phones off and then moved us away. We’ve actually been in France for the last few years.” Sirius confessed, not wanting to go into the full details.

“Why are you so wet? It’s not even raining.” Peter pointed out with a slight frown, glancing to the door as someone else came in and spotting that it was a clear night.

“It’s not raining here but it is in, uh, in France. I got off of the Eurostar and got a taxi straight to James’ parents house… After a bit of fussing, they said that he would be here so I ran here.” Sirius admitted. “I didn’t really know where to go.”

“You look like you’ve just come from a wedding.” Lily observed, eyes shining with curiosity and pity. Sirius didn’t know which one he hated more. 

“Yes, I did. My wedding.” He sighed, rolling his eyes as he heard Lily gasp. “Yes. Apparently coming out to your parents as gay on the day of your arranged marriage is a bad idea.” He scoffed, indicating to his bruised eye. The bartender brought over the beers and Sirius thanked. “Sorry, can I get a glass, please?” He requested, breathing a sigh of relief as the bartender nodded. Like Remus, he also refused to drink out of bottles.

“Yeah, I wouldn’t have thought it would be.” Lily breathed, staring at his black eye. Sirius could tell that they had a thousand questions for him but he wasn’t ready to answer them yet. He was exhausted. His wedding had been only a few hours earlier. He had gone straight from the church to Gare du Nord, where he had boarded on the Eurostar, which had taken him to King’s Cross. He had then gone straight to James’ parents house and then ran to the pub. He felt like he hadn’t slept for weeks due to the stress of the wedding and just hoped that James would be okay with him spending a night or two.

“Look, don’t let me ruin your evening. Carry on as you were.” Sirius encouraged, hoping that they would get the hint that he didn’t want to talk anymore. Thankfully, they did, although they were obviously making a great deal to show that they were still having fun because by the time 10pm rolled around, Sirius and Remus were having to practically drag James, Lily and Peter home. James assured Sirius that they only lived round the corner so they could walk but Sirius was still wearing a damp suit and the night was cold so he was shivering slightly until James decided to throw and arm around his shoulders and slur about how much he missed him.

It took them almost 30 minutes to get them to their flat, a walk which Remus had tiredly told Sirius usually only takes 10 minutes at the very most. After watching James struggle to undo their door, Sirius took his key and let James and Lily in whilst Remus did the same for Peter. It turned out that James and Lily lived in one flat and Peter and Remus lived opposite them. Soon Peter was in as well and it was just Sirius and Remus left alone. Remus hadn’t drank that much, used to being the one to drag the others home.

“Hey, thanks for helping me. Usually I have to drag them all by myself.” Remus said with a nervous chuckle as he stood just outside the doorway to his flat. He watched the shivering man in front of him and felt bad for him but knew that he would be safe, happy and warm with James. That is until they both began to hear load groaning and constant banging noises.

“Oh, no.” Sirius muttered as he looked at the door, which had been slightly left open so that Sirius could still get in there.

“Are they boning again?” Peter slurred a moment later as he appeared in the doorway, which caused Sirius to chuckle as he looked over at the shorter lad. He laughed again as he saw the Peter had stripped down to his boxers and one luminous pink sock. Sirius couldn’t help but wondering if they were socks that he wore to bed because they were comfortable or if Peter had worn them all day. Were they the last pair he had because he hadn’t done any washing? Or did Peter actually like them? He was stalling as he tried to think of his next move until Remus spoke again.

“Yes, they are, Peter. Now, for goodness sake, brush your teeth and go to bed.” Remus instructed, using his ’teacher voice’ as the others called it. They were all very familiar with the teacher voice. Peter mumbled something but nodded and stumbled away, his socked foot causing him to slip with every step but he didn’t seem to notice. He wasn’t walking straight anyway so it didn’t really matter. “Look, I know it’s a bit forward but you can stay with us tonight if you want to.” Remus offered, nervously rubbing the back of his neck as he saw Sirius raise a brow. “I mean, we don’t have a guest bedroom like James and Lily do and it just saves you a night of listening to them… Bone as Peter so poetically put it. You’d be on the sofa but you could have a shower and borrow some clothes. Pete snores but we soundproofed his room so you won’t hear it. Tomorrow’s a Sunday and I usually cook breakfast for all of us on a Sunday morning so you could help me with that if you want?” Remus was rambling now and if Sirius’ small grin was anything to go by, Sirius knew it as well.

“I’d like that… Thank you, Remus.” Sirius practically whispered, smiling genuinely for the first time in weeks, maybe months. Hell, maybe even years. A quick shower later, Sirius was sat on the sofa in Remus and Peter’s living room, wearing a pair of Remus’ sweatpants, which were much too large on him, but he had pulled the strings around the waist tighter and that seemed to keep them up. He had also followed a fluffy jumper to wear to warm himself up. He was curled up with a blanket on his lap and a cup of tea in his hand, talking quietly to Remus. They weren’t talking about anything that had the potential to lead onto unpleasant memories. Sirius was telling stories of his memories of James from Hogwarts and Remus was telling similar stories about the shenanigans that James still got up to In recent years. 

Remus was just coming to the end of a story about how James had almost gotten into a fight with an old lady at a fast food joint when he looked up from his mug and over at Sirius, only to notice that the young lad was drifting off. Remus couldn’t help the fond grin on his face as he carefully stood up, placing his own mug on the table before he gently took Sirius’ mug off of him, from where it was dangerously close to falling from his limp fingers and spilling the remaining amount on the tired aristocrat. Sirius’ fingers twitched slightly in response and he let out a long, sleepy sigh but that was it.

Remus then took both mugs to the kitchen and emptied them, rinsing them off and then leaving them on the side to be cleaned properly the next morning before he went back to Sirius. He placed a hand on Sirius’ shoulder and gently nudged him. The young lad seemed to wake slightly and blinked at Remus a couple of times before his eyes merely fluttered shut again. Chuckled fondly, Remus continued to gently nudge and shift him until Sirius got the message and sluggishly moved to lay down, when he then tucked the blankets around Sirius’ warm body. His damp hair was now down from its messy bun and had been combed so was beginning to dry and curl slightly on Sirius’ shoulders. Remus thought he looked absolutely gorgeous, despite his black eye and the fact that the clothes were far too big for him. Remus placed a hand on his arm and gently tucked a strand of his hair behind his ear. 

“Goodnight, Sirius.” He murmured before he switched the lamp in the room off and silently retreated to his own bedroom.

[Okay, so not really a Friends AU. I just liked the base plot for it. Sirius running away from his wedding like Rachel does and finding comfort from an old friend that he knew from school and hadn’t seen for years. Maybe in the future, I could add more to it, like do other parts from Friends… I have a few ideas but I’ll see how well this does and if anyone wants me to. It’s up to you guys! As usual, this has not been checked because I am a lazy piece of shit but oh well. Enjoy! Requests are open.

Side note - for those that don’t know, the Eurostar is a train that will take you from London to Paris. Gare du Nord is the train station that it takes you to in Paris!]

[gooseghoul]

make me dream bud, for the ask meme: Snape, Lupin and Lucius !

put 3 characters in my inbox and I’ll tell you who I’d slow burn/fake date/enemies to lovers with

thank you bud

Snape, Lupin and Lucius

putting this under a cut bc i accidentally wrote 3 feature length films of self insert fanfic.

honestly, lads, skip to the end for lucius. it’s the highlight of this post.

slow burn: snape.

so, it’s not that we’re not friends at school. bc we’d talk in potions (or, I’d talk and he’d glare), we’d trade transfiguration notes (he hated that I wrote everything mcgonagall said down), and he’d best me in defence (the only time I’d ever seen him smile). we weren’t friends, but we weren’t not not friends.

he went off the deep end his last two years in school. i’d still speak to him but didn’t seek him out. slytherin pride and all that. gotta stick together. gotta not get murdered by the dark lord.

he wasn’t the type to keep in touch post hogwarts. but with where he was headed in life, the most i was hoping for was that he’d have a “meh” opinion of me. so, if he was ever tasked with murdering me, he’d at least be somewhat quick about it.

the war ends and I run into him. he’s a mess. full mourning dress, looking a little bit queen victoria, absolutely brooding. don’t get me wrong, I can appreciate brooding. but man, sometimes you just need to pull yourself together. we’re not friends exactly. but he sees that i still see him as the angsty kid i went to school with and not the death eater he became. most other people have tainted views of him. i knew too much of his anger, too much of his teenage fear and hate to despise him. i’d seen him laugh in the common room with mulciber, in the courtyard with the girl whose death ended the war. i’d seen him that one christmas i’d stayed at hogwarts. seen him with no presents under the tree. a stocking empty.

how could i hate a kid i’d seen come to school with at the start of term bruises on his arms? i hated what he’d become, the direction he turned to, but as a slytherin i knew he had little choice. he didn’t have the means to say no. not that i’m sure he’d have wanted to. the boy was a bastard at times, cold and malicious, but he wasn’t evil. he didn’t have the heart to be evil.

he owled me every month from hogwarts. then, after a year, every fortnight. then every week. then every other day.

the month harry potter came to hogwarts i received no owls. no frantic floo calls. nothing but radio silence.

then he showed up at my doorstep unannounced, fire whiskey in hand, ranting about how the boy was just like his father. it was awful to listen to, but listen i did. because snape had been through this before: the torment at potter’s hands (although this time unintentional, possibly imagined), the need to fight back, to be drawn into something bigger. the cycle has begun again.

snape was cruel. ugly. an awful, vindictive man.

but i couldn’t shake that christmas morning from my mind. i couldn’t shake the sound of his laugh.

i’d see him in person more often. whenever he had a free weekend he’d floo in. mostly he complained about potter, but i tried to drag him away from that topic after a few weeks of nothing but anger. potions was a good bet, but even that devolved into how incompetent potter war.

so i put a “potter” jar on my mantelpiece and made snape pay a knut every time he even thought about the kid. after two weeks, the jar was half full and snape started insisting we meet in hogsmeade instead. neutral territory. easier for him. as far away from that damn jar as possible. but the point had been made. potter was mentioned no more.

i didn’t see him when the mark burnt black on his skin. not for a good week. then snape was tumbling into my hallway numb from the torment. in all the time i’d known him, he’d never been so quiet.

i lead him to my bed and he fell asleep there. i took the sofa. it was the first time he’d stayed the night. it wasn’t the last.

it was weird how it progressed. how it went from cups of tea wordlessly granted, to stolen looks, fingers lingering too long, touches that weren’t there before. he didn’t like me like that. didn’t love me like how he’d loved that girl from before. i knew that in my heart. knew i’d always be second best. knew he didn’t truly have it in him.

but i was there and one touch led to another. one barking laugh at something i’d read in the paper. one christmas morning spent away from the castle. one fire whiskey too many.

a year and a half of normal. of the something between us being more than friendship and slightly less than love.

then the end of harry potter’s sixth year. the end of dumbledore’s tenure. i couldn’t look at him. couldn’t speak to him. couldn’t touch him.

that last year I wish I could live again. my family and I were safe. though we weren’t death eaters we were purebloods, slytherins, good people who’d never gone out of our way to say anything about muggles. snape wasn’t part of that year. was part of that awful regime.

I regret it. now that Potter’s story came out. now that the truth of Severus Snape had reverberated throughout the wizarding world. even i, one of the people closest to him, who had known and loved him the longest out of all, had believed him a monster. but snape was dead. gone. and he had died for love. so confusing a concept that at times i didn’t think him capable of it.

(but the way he’d talked of potter. how he ranted and raved – that was love, wasn’t it? love of the mother, hatred of the son.)

he was dead but not completely. i see him there, in the flash of a student’s cloak; black like the mourning robes he never shed. there, in the biting remark spun in the air over a pint at the bar. and there, in the ugly sun which rises now over the wizarding world. it is a world not free from hate nor vitriol, but one recovering from a war which would have been fateless without him.

fake date: lupin. sirius black cannot stand anything slytherin. to him, understandably, slytherin is the epitome of all that is wrong with the world. certainly all that is wrong with hogwarts. sirius black hates the fact that lupin is on civil terms with me and actually kind of friends. we sit together in potions. while we’re not the best students, slughorn thinks we work well together and refuses to separate us.

so, The Prank has just happened. I’ve no idea what went on, but that weird Snape kid in my year looks shaken up. Sirius Black looks actively guilty. And Remus Lupin is angry. I don’t think I’ve seen Lupin angry in my life. Lupin is so angry he misses our study group, and almost puts the flobberworm mucus in the potion too early. but he doesn’t care that the potions could have gone horrifically wrong.

a week later he finally comes to the library. i ask him what’s wrong but he doesn’t say anything. eventually he hisses, “Black did something stupid. so fucking stupid. he doesn’t even see what he did wrong.”

he’s calling Sirius ‘Black’. Sirius Black is never anything but Sirius.

“I hate him. I’m never speaking to him again. I wish I could just— I wish I could show him how awful— do something that would make him see—”

he looks at me, a gleam in his eyes. “M. you’re a slytherin.”“er”“You’re a pureblood.”“eeeerrr”his eyes are beginning to look a bit manic. “you’re friends with snape”“friends is a strong word for knowing the kid’s name.”

“M. I need you to know that I mean this completely platonically. But I trust you and I think this could work. Will you be my girlfriend?”

platonic? girlfriend? “remus, you know—“

“sirius hates everything about you.” (thanks bud). “not you specifically. but everything you embody. pureblood. blood supremacy. voldemort”

“okay, listen, mate. just because I’m slytherin doesn’t mean I’m up for maiming some muggles.”

“no. but sirius thinks you are. he thinks you’re all the same.”

I think of regulus in the years below, and how, yeah regulus is a blood supremacist like most of us. but he’s not that.

“right. i don’t see what this has to do with platonic dating.”

“It’ll show Sirius how much he’s hurt me. that I’ve turned to you out of all my friends. that he didn’t even know I’d been thinking of you.”

so, Lupin is great. but also sometimes, just sometimes, he’s a bit of a dick. but you know what, if remus lupin wants to date you you do not say no. even if it’s platonic, strictly revenge dating. even if you think that maybe lupin should just talk through his feelings (his weirdly passionate feelings) with Sirius.

“fine. let’s do it.”

Sirius Black is pissed off. we start off small. walking to classes together. stopping by the gryffindor table to say hi to Lupin. we even let ourselves be caught holding hands in the corridor. how scandalous.

the slytherins corner me and ask what the fuck i’m doing with a gryffindor. so i tell them: I’m doing this to bring the blood traitor Sirius Black down a peg. I want to destroy him. Snape doesn’t look at me anymore. but honestly, his impact on my life was so little that I’d barely notice had one of the Black girls not pointed it out.

we’re in the corridor one day before lupin’s prefect patrol. stood by the gryffindor common room just talking while lupin waits for his partner (lily?) to arrive. lupin’s holding my hand, thumb running over my knuckles absent mindedly. no-one’s around, but you have to put the effort in, right? you have to believe what you’re doing to act it well, right?

“bear with me” lupin says looking behind me. and kisses me.

it’s weird. but maybe…. M, maybe you’re not as gay as you thought you were.

there’s a horrified sound behind you. a hissed word and a door (portrait?) slamming shut. but all that exists in the world is remus lupin.

he pulls away after a moment. utters a single word fuck before kissing me again.

after hogwarts we marry and have 15000000000 cats and my family is super rich so that skinny boy never has to starve again and we build a werewolf bunker under our country estate and all is well. (until his two best friends are murdered and their child survives them but grows up abused and not know who he is but y’know we can gloss over that part.)

enemies to lovers: lucius.

i was a couple years above draco at school. the malfoys hated my family as we were both slytherins and blood traitors (lmao at me pretending i am in anyway a pureblood). post war the malfoys are trying to redeem themselves. draco and i go to the same university (st andrews school of magic), we run into each other in the classics dep and start talking. we become slow friends and i stay at his house over summer. his mum’s house, bc lucius and narcissa divorced post-war.

lucius is there one day, sees me, spits some vitriol and storms out. there’s a number of awful meetings with lucius, but draco isn’t willing to put his parent’s desires above his own anymore. bc he is not his parents. turns out, lucius resents me bc my family and i were good slytherins, so we didn’t get fucked over post-war. lucius and i have a number of mr darcy / elizabeth bennett style arguments with draco bashing his head against the table.

the next summer, i spend a couple weeks with draco at his dad’s place. there, lucius reveals he’s not a complete cock and is actually trying to repent but doesn’t know how. i’m kind of like, hey, so maybe this guy isn’t as bad as he seems. hey, draco, your dad’s kind of cool once you get past the whole being a death eater thing. slowly lucius starts spending more time around the house when draco, me and our friends are there. lucius starts talking to me like i’m a human being and not a rat.

hey, draco, you know your dad has great hair right? you know he’s actually kind of handsome if we ignore how stress has aged him. hey, draco —

cue a scene straight from clueless. one of lucius malfoy’s albino peacocks (because he smuggled some out from the manor during the divorce) walks behind me, a fountain suddenly starts spouting water.

“oh my god, draco. i’m in love with your dad.”

…

…

…

draco says, “no fucking shit you doorknob”

i don’t do anything bc lucius is a dick. he’s always been a dick. i’ve hated his family since before i could talk. he’s hated mine since before i was born. but he’s also….. kind of a dilf? draco thinks the whole thing is really weird, but also he’d rather me than some of the people who’ve been trying to court lucius. so like, he starts trying to hint at a possible relationship.

hint is a strong word.

“hey, dad, M would be a great step mum right?” “hey, dad, doesn’t M look like she could do with a sugar daddy to help her off her feet. if only we knew someone who had a lot of money.” “oh, hey, dad. don’t we have lots of money?” “hey, dad, i can’t be her sugar daddy bc I’m too young. the laws of sugar daddies disallow any relationship between us. if only there were another single man in this family with access to our fortune.”

meanwhile, the malfoy’s most recent house elf is trying to bash draco’s head against the table.

i get invited to the malfoy’s christmas party. i’m working on my postgrad and draco has just finished his first semester of honours.

there’s mistletoe. lucius is standing next to me. but there’s mistletoe. at the christmas party. at the christmas party where lucius is standing next to me. under the mistletoe.

we kiss. really awkwardly bc i’m about 5 gin and tonics into the night but also really eager. bc shit son. shit son. this universe’s M is str8 as heck for the absolute daddy that is Lucius Malfoy.(draco is head bridesmaid at our wedding. a single albino peacock is best man. it is a beautiful, if not visually confusing, affair.)

[frankensteindotpdf]

All of them (bc why not)

HOLY CRAP HERE WE GO

Harry Potter: How do you want to be remembered?

As someone who made a difference; someone who was kind, sweet, funny, and loving. 

Hermione Granger: If you could meet anyone, living or dead, who would you meet?

Daniel Handler/Lemony Snicket- This man is amazing. He’s my favourite author and I couldn’t even begin to express how much I love him.

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle- Another one of my favourite authors. He was insanely intelligent and just sounds like an awesome guy.

J.K. Rowling- Obviously.

Gerard Way- His songs mean so much to me, and his art is amazing…I just love him so much

Dan and Phil- (including them as one fite me) They’re so smart and funny and sweet and I just really really want to meet them.

(that’s just the first few to come to my head)

Ron Weasley: What ice-cream flavours do you love/hate?

Mint Chip is one of my favourites (fun fact! for a while I only said it was my favourite because it was my favourite character’s favourite flavour). I also L O V E cookie dough and cotton candy. I cant hate ice cream broski

Hagrid: If you could breed two totally different animals together, what new animal would you create?

A turtle and a sloth. No specific reason why.

Dumbledore: What is your most treasured possession?

My books, probably. (This includes my sketchbooks)

Voldemort: On the first day of ruling the world, what would you do?

Remove all laws against things people can’t control or that don’t harm others (being gay, bathroom bans, religions, etc.). After that I’d order the wealth of the world to be spread more evenly, as well as the food.

Fred Weasley: If you were told you only had one week left to live, what would you do?

Cry? Then I’d probably read, try to do something impactful, start a fundraiser (people love to donate to dying teens) so the funds could go somewhere important like disaster relief.

George Weasley: If you could read minds, whose would you want to read?

Authors mostly. Also my friends, see how they really feel about me.

Draco Malfoy: Do you like yourself?

I’m working on it? I know I don’t hate everything about myself (even though it feels like it sometimes), and I’m trying to be more positive.

Ginny Weasley: What’s your favorite indoor/outdoor activity?

Drawing and listening to music.

Neville Longbottom: What’s your fondest memory?  

(Oh it sounds so pathetic) Going to Universal? Honestly I was shaking it was literally like stepping right into the movies I’ve been watching since I was 2. I really love the peaceful happy moments spent with friends and my cousins (they live like 10 hours away). Singing and feeling genuinely happy.

Luna Lovegood: What are your favorite lyrics?

Oh there are SO many I’ll just go with the ones I can think of first

“I never let them see the worst of me. ‘Cause what if everyone saw? What if everyone knew? Would they like what they saw? Or would they hate it too?” Words Fail, DEH

“I cry tears you’ll never see. So fuck you, you can go cry me an ocean, and leave me be.” Save Rock And Roll, FOB

“Oh how stupid to think that I could compare to the pretty girl with the butterscotch hair. And I won’t hate you but oh, it stings. How does it feel to be adored by him?” Adored By Him, Dodie Clark

All of Waving Through A Window

And wow that was depressing how about a nice one

“Take my jumper. Wear it, you’ll need it on the train home. And everyone will know that I’ve been loved tonight; a permanent hug from you.” Permanent Hug From You, Dodie Clark

Severus Snape: Of all your pet-peeves, which is the strangest?

Wow there’s a lot…incorrect grammar, being able to hear people chewing, clicking noises with no rythm or beat, people being too physically close…

Remus Lupin: What is your greatest fear?

Being alone.

James Potter: If you were reincarnated as an animal/drink/ice cream flavor, what would it be?

Honestly I have no idea…I have yet to decide on a favourite animal, drinkwise maybe one of those punches with pop and ice cream, and ice cream flavour…uhh is music a flavour?

Lily Potter: Who or what, if anything, would you die for (or otherwise go to extremes for)?

Anyone? People in general, I don’t really see myself as a person anymore, or at least worthy of the same respect and treatment so I’d do a lot for other people and yes, if it came to it, probably die for them too.

Sirius Black: What are your views on sex?

Personally I think it looks like a great thing to be shared with the right person. I think everyone has a right to their own bodies and their own decisions but I personally would have to be with someone for a while first.

Tonks: if you could be anyone else for a day, fictional or non-fictional who would you be any why?

Oh man idek that’s so difficult…..maybe Tonks? Honestly she’s so sweet and fun and CONFIDENT I could totally learn from that. Plus the metamorphagus powers would be awesome. and of course she’s married to remus

McGonagall: What do you believe I am thinking right now?

I think you’re doing the Jared Kleinman Laugh TM because of all the work you’re making me do.

Bellatrix: three words would others probably use to describe you?

annoying, irritating, stupid hopefully sweet, kind and funny

Lucius Malfoy: Do you tend to argue with people, or avoid conflict?

I love debating, but actual arguements happen VERY rarely…I never stand up for myself so the only time I’ll argue with someone is if they’re hurting one of my friends.

Molly Weasley: What do you define as a family?

A group of people who love each other, feel comfortable around each other, and support and bring out the best in each other.

Arthur Weasley: If you could have any career possible, what would it be?

FULL TIME LIBRARIAN, PART TIME TATTOO ARTIST

Peter Pettigrew: If you had to change your first name, what would you change it to?

If I had to, I would put much more thought and research into it but atm probably Beatrice or Elizabeth or something gender neutral

Umbridge: If you could choose, how would you want to die?

I WANT TO BE HIT BY AN AMBULANCE, AND HAVE JUST ENOUGH CONCIOUSNESS TO SAY “SOMEONE CALL AN AMBULANCE”

Colin Creevey: Who inspires you?

Youtubers like Dan and Phil, Thomas Sanders, and Dodie, as well as the members of MCR and authors and artists in general.

Dean Thomas: Are you generally organised or messy?

It’s a mix. I want to be organised, and some places of my life are organised (my closet is organised in rainbow order as well as type of clothing) but others are horrible (my room is a dump).

Seamus Finnigan: What makes you laugh?

Youtube, memes….everything tbh

Dudley Dursley: Who is the person you despise the most, and why?

Not gonna say the name but there’s a person I know who basically destroyed my mental state. They insisted they were a friend while shredding any self-esteem I had to bits. They made it nearly impossible for me to talk, telling me “no one cares” “shut up” or “you have no friends” anytime I opened my mouth, which of course echoed in my head when they weren’t around. They terrify me, because I know they can rip down the self-confidence I’m working so hard to build back up with a sentence. And I have to see them every day again. And they’re acting just like they used to.

Vernon Dursley: Who is the most important person in your life, and why?

Gosh this is tough. I don’t really…have a best friend. I used to, years ago. And last year, another person. But at the moment…no one. So that makes it really hard to choose someone. I know it doesn’t have to be a best friend but there isn’t really anyone else, either so…no…one?

Petunia Dursley: How close are you to your family?

Fairly? I feel like I hide a lot though.

Victor Krum: What is your favorite form of exercise?

none probably hiking on a nice cool day in the forest. Or sit-ups. Those aren’t too hard, so I don’t mind them.

Dobby: Are you spontaneous, or do you always need to have a plan?

(FINALLY LAST ONE) For most things, I very much need a plan. Otherwise I panic. If it’s just hanging out with friends, though, I do enjoy just wandering around shopping at festivals or downtown (but there has to be a set plan to get there ha)

[wereflamingo]

Self-Insert

My submission for the wolfstar introvert prompt: Internet Crush

Huge thanks to @nachodiablo and @mirgaxus for the beta and the support!

Summary: Remus and Sirius both write self-insert fics in the same fandom. One day Sirius asks to borrow Remus's OC for his new fic. What could he possibly be planning, and what is the mystery pairing he promised to introduce?

Read it here or on AO3

Padfoot was a very popular writer in the Double Trouble fandom. His OC, Orion, had long, sleek black hair, piercing grey eyes, and cheekbones that could cut glass. Orion liked to wear crop tops, leather jackets and combat boots, as well as numerous sassy pride pins. In some stories he just hung out with the prankster YouTuber twins, but usually he dated Fabian, the member of the duo who was rumored to be gay. The stories were filled with cheeky innuendo, and the occasional euphemistic sex scene. Truth be told, Remus had a bit of a crush on Orion - how could he not? He knew most of the readers did, because they said so, in all caps, in the comments section.

Remus also wrote fics in the Double Trouble fandom, under the nickname Moony, but he wasn't nearly as popular. His OC, Romulus, also usually dated Fabian, although in one fic it was Fabian's brother Gideon who was secretly gay and fell for the shy OC. Remus didn't describe Romulus's appearance much, only stating he had light brown hair and looked very average, but his best friend, Daisy, who appeared in all the stories, assured him he was totally cute. He did always mention Romulus's shyness, bookishness, and inexperience.

Romulus was just naturally uninterested in fooling around, focusing on finding The One. In some stories he'd never even kissed anyone. Remus felt like the story was cleaner that way, even though he himself had actually dated Lily, whom Daisy was based on, for two whole weeks.

Once, feeling brave, he decided to actually put his “relationship” with Lily in the story. It served as a way for Romulus to find out he didn’t like girls, because he was supposed to be attracted to her, but wasn't. Remus himself wasn’t actually sure he didn’t like girls, but he figured a totally gay character would be more relatable, as well as more attractive to a confident older guy like Fabian. He let Romulus feel confused for a while, just to make it interesting, before Fabian swept him off his feet and showed him how gay he actually was.

It was this story that got him his first comment from the one and only Padfoot.

Great story, man. I loved the confusion over Daisy and Fabian. Did you consider that Romulus might be bi or pan though? Not saying he has to be, just that while we all know Fab is hot enough turn any guy, even he can't put a guy off girls entirely if he's into them.

His heart beating fast, Remus wrote a reply: 

Haha, yeah. He could be bi. I mean Daisy's not the only girl in the world. But right now he obviously has a strong preference for men, and one especially. ;)

Thanks for commenting!

Over the next few months, Padfoot commented on all of Remus's fics, and on every new chapter of his WiP. He even followed Remus back on Tumblr, after months of Remus following him. Occasionally he messaged Remus, although the conversation usually fizzled quickly since Remus had no idea what to say. Remus consoled himself with Padfoot's frequent likes on his posts, which never failed to put a goofy grin on Remus’s face.

And then the fandom exploded. It came out that Fabian was dating Caradoc Dearborn, a popular and rather attractive game reviewer. Some fans were excited about the new ship, but others mourned, especially those whose OCs were paired with Fabian. Padfoot, however, announced on his blog that he was writing a new story, which was Fabidoc, and also contained a new pairing. Remus clicked like. Orion and Gideon would be hot together. A minute later, he was surprised to see a message from Padfoot.

padfoot hey moony

moony Hi?

padfoot what's up? listen i wanted to ask you smtg

moony Sure

padfoot can i borrow romulus for a story i'm working on? 

moony Er, sure. What for?

padfoot you'll see 

Unlike most of Padfoot's stories, the new story turned out to be a slow burn. It was an AU set in a college, and the first few chapters were mostly Fabian and Orion being flirty gossipy gay best friends, and Gideon being straight and exasperated. Caradoc showed up in chapter two, but only hung out with Gideon, barely giving Fabian a glance. There were some crazy plans cooked up by Orion and Fabian (with occasional input from Gideon, who just couldn't help himself) to get Caradoc's attention on Fabian, all failing spectacularly, but there was no love interest for Orion himself.

Remus was stalking Padfoot's face tag (he looked just like he described Orion, although Remus wondered if the eyes were photoshopped), when he received an email notification from AO3. "Padfoot just posted chapter 5 of The Moon to My Stars," it said. Excited, he clicked the link.

And there he was. Romulus was the cute hipster working in the library, described at length from his soft brown curls to his scuffed trainers. Orion only had time to ask his name before he had to dash, throwing one last wink at him, narrowly escaping a furious Gideon, whom he had locked in a bathroom stall so that Fabian could go meet Caradoc in his stead.

Remus thought false imprisonment, of a friend no less, was rather excessive just to get your friend a date. He was about to click the back button, disappointed, but his eye was drawn to the next paragraph, where Fabian was relating how Caradoc had recognized him immediately and saved him from trying to pretend to be Gid. Apparently Fabian was having second thoughts about the plan, because what do you know, some people don't want to start a relationship based on lies. He was extremely pleased that Caradoc  had recognized him, though, considering he and Gideon were identical twins and most people couldn't tell them apart. Remus thought it was very romantic, even though he himself had memorized the freckle patterns of both twins and could tell them apart easily.

The story rolled faster from there. In chapter six, Fabian refused to listen to any more plans. His new plan, to Orion's chagrin, was to stop playing around and be direct. It seemed to work for him, as he managed to make plans alone with Caradoc (which he insisted were not a date, because nobody said so directly, but obviously were). Orion, dragged away by Gid when he tried to spy on them, and then ditched in favor of football practice, wandered into the library, bored. Of course, there he met Romulus again. Remus thought the description of Romulus's laugh was a bit gratuitous, as was Orion's random stretching, like he didn't wear crop tops half the time anyway.

The chapter ended there, leaving Remus a little confused. Was Orion flirting with Romulus? Just then, he heard a pop sound. He had a message from Padfoot on Tumblr.

padfoot have you read my new chapter?

moony Yeah, just finished it, very cute Are we going to see Fab and Doc's date though?

padfoot nope orion's not there if he doesn't get to see it then neither do you

moony You can change POV just for that?

padfoot meh tbh they're a side pairing

moony What do you mean?

padfoot moony, do you want to maybe beta the next chapter? it's nearly done

moony Alright Are you going to answer my question? 

padfoot nope i'm sending you a google docs link in half an hour 

padfoot here: [link] 

moony Padfoot! 

padfoot moony! did you like it? 

moony Yes, but Isn't Orion basically you? 

padfoot yeah 

moony And you realize Romulus is me, right? 

padfoot lol yes i figured hoped 

moony So... 

padfoot so? 

moony So you paired our characters together in your fic 

padfoot yep! ^__^

moony Your gorgeous sexy OC and my dorky OC. 

padfoot rom's not dorky ok he's a little dorky, but in a cute way also thanks :D since we've established orion's actually me glad you think i'm gorgeous and sexy

moony Padfoot

padfoot because i've been trying to get your attention for months

moony Wait, what? Months? 

padfoot yes, months i've reblogged every one of your rare selfies i've commented on every chapter you posted i recced you on my blog and now i went and did this very nearly in public i mean anyone reading mtms knows where this is going but at least this chapter isn't posted on there so i could maybe i dunno abandon the fic if you don't like me back

moony What do you mean everyone knows where it's going? I didn't know where it was going! 

padfoot how?? they were obviously flirting i mean it's a fic they always get together in the end also it's called the moon to my stars ffs 

moony It wasn't obvious to me I mean I suspected but I wasn't sure 

padfoot oh my god and here i thought you p much hated me or weren't even reading because i'm boring or you think i'm a perv or smtg

moony Hey, I left kudos! 

padfoot yeah, back when i posted ch 1 i thought maybe you stopped reading 

moony No, definitely not Sorry, I just get anxious when I try to comment 

padfoot no no, i'm not trying to guilt you about not commenting that's totally fine 

moony Okay 

padfoot ffs moony, will you please put me out of my misery already? do you like me back or not?? 

moony You were the one who pointed out that I pretty much said I thought you were gorgeous and sexy 

padfoot okay but you could still hate my personality 

moony Is your personality like Orion's?

padfoot yes no he's the best of me and some of the not best too actually i make terrible decisions but they're amusing so i left that in but also we've been talking why do you need my oc to figure me out

moony I may have been a little star struck for most of our interactions You have tons of followers I have like five 

padfoot i don't believe that 

moony What, that I have five followers? Fine, I have 45. So many, aren't you amazed? Also your selfies are amazing and I'm a potato 

padfoot you are not look, i actually like you i really hope you can look past the fandom celeb and just see me 

moony Okay, I have an idea They have this date in chapter 8, right? Let's co write it Like, roleplay it 

padfoot moony are you asking me out on a date??? that’s the best idea i've ever heard 

moony Technically neither of us will be going out, but yeah, I guess I am? 

padfoot ooh we can do it on skype then we can dress up for it 

moony .... You just want to wear a crop top and fluster me, don't you? 

padfoot good idea but we'll be sitting down anyway so you won't see it i'll have to put on makeup and fluster you 

moony Okay we can talk about the details later, I gotta make a couple of corrections in your chapter 

moony Okay, all done 

padfoot yay! ^__^ 

padfoot er, moony? 

moony Yes? 

padfoot why are all your corrections related to rom checking out orion's butt? 

moony ^_____^

padfoot don't use my emoticon against me

moony You haven't finished reading yet, have you? Keep going

padfoot oh my god they kiss romulus kisses orion moony you are perfect i'm keeping you

moony Hehe Please do <3

And they lived happily ever after, and got a shout out in the next Double Trouble video because Padfoot's fans ratted them out. The End.