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sirrriusblack · 5 years ago

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Merry Fucking Christmas

Prompt: Sirius spends Christmas with the Lupins.

Thanks @wholesome-gay for the prompt.

Okay, so um I took a very angsty turn on this and I’d like to apologise because I think I just ruined Christmas but I hope you like it? Also, this went a bit longer than I meant for (by a couple thousand words oop), but uh… oh well? And I’m sorry it took so long, I think we can understand why.

tw for child abuse and homophobia

* * *

I had to keep myself in check. That’s what Remus had told me the week before when we’d gotten the invitation. Remus’ parents had invited us over for Christmas dinner. Well, they’d invited Remus, and Remus had insisted I come with him. It wasn’t like I had anything to do; we’d all gone to James and Lily’s place last night, had woken up and spent Christmas morning together, our first one since we’d graduated. We’d had lunch too, and I swore, I’d never been more grateful to see my friends alive, happy, healthy, starting the next chapter of our lives despite the looming war. But I was free for dinner. Regulus had sent a letter by owl, wishing me a Merry Christmas, but saying nothing about the formal dinner and party my family held each year, only the most noble and salient of their friends invited. So I’d agreed to go with Remus. Even though I didn’t understand why he was going. He always gave them more chances, always sat around and waited for them to attack him, to reopen the wounds that had just started to heal. I also didn’t know why he was bringing me. His parents knew about us, knew we were together, knew how we planned to keep it that way whether they agreed or not. But bringing me was only adding fuel to the fire. Maybe that was the point. Maybe Remus hadn’t forgiven them, but was finally going back there to give them a large ‘fuck you’ and leave. Maybe. But either way, I had to keep myself in check.

“Sirius, we have to go,” Remus called out from James and Lily’s front door. I grimaced in the mirror at the thought of smiling and shaking the hand of the man that had put Remus through that hell. Shaking my head, I stepped out of the bathroom and walked up to Remus. He looked me up and down.

“What were you doing in there?” he asked. “I thought you were getting changed!” Remus’ eyes were wide, probably as he realised the mistake he’d made in inviting me.

“No, I was practicing my smile, you know, preparing to keep myself in check.” I smiled a small smile at Remus and chuckled while he kept looking me up and down. “What?” I looked down at what I was wearing, what I’d been wearing all day. I had a black denim jacket on over a burgundy turtle neck, a pair of black Levi’s and cherry red Doc’s. “It’s not like I’m wearing a studded mankini. I mean, I could if you want. Prongs might even have one in his room. Hey Lily—“ Remus flashed his teeth, not able to contain his smile, but still looked at me sternly.

“I’d love to see that one day, Sirius, but maybe not at a Christmas dinner with my parents, okay?” Remus said. Peter yelled out from the kitchen as I frowned.

“You two are disgusting! Leave already!” He had food in his mouth, I could hear it. I smiled, and even though I couldn’t see him, I knew him and James were in there, making their ‘secret recipe’ red velvet cake, stuffing more of the mix in their mouths than in the actual tray. Lily walked toward us, down the hallway, shaking her head and smiling to herself.

“Ignore those two idiots. You’ll be fine, Remus, Sirius is presentable enough.” I smirked at Remus, poking him in the rib. He dodged it and glared at me.

“Don’t get a big head. ‘Presentable enough’ doesn’t sound like much of a compliment, you twat,” he grinned. Lily hummed before she handed Remus his coat and kissed us both on the cheek before walking back down to those two idiots.

“She’s right, Remus, it’ll be fine,” I told him, grabbing the bottle of wine I’d brought for his parents off of the table by the door. Remus smiled at me, a tight smile, obviously forced. I grabbed his hand and linked it with mine.

“Why are you even going?” I whispered the question. Remus’ eyes clouded for a moment. With his free hand on the door handle, he looked up at me, and there was so much— so, so much in those amber eyes that I couldn’t take it all in at once.

“I... I don’t know,” he admitted. I reached my own free arm forward and pushed his hair away from his face. “I don’t want to, but I feel like... like I have to. At least one more time.” To see if they were really worth forgiving. I understood. It was the same reason I’d gone back every time. To see if I could deal with the pain, the screaming, the alcohol; if for nothing else, then for Regulus. But for me... it was too much. I guessed we’d see how much Remus could handle.

“Love, I’m here for you, no matter what. And if you want to go home right now, I’m happy to.” I reached for his other hand. “We can lie in bed, watch a movie, maybe... do some other things.” I whispered the last part, not doubting how dramatic Pete’s reaction would be. Remus grinned, a light in the darkness around us. “But if you want to go to your parents’, for whatever reason, I’m fully here for you on that, too.” I squeezed his hands and reached past him to open the door. He turned and walked out in front of me and we both called out goodbye before I shut it behind us. Remus, still holding onto one of my hands, grimaced when he turned to face me, shivering from the cold.

“So what will it be, Mr Lupin?” I asked, pulling him closer by the waist. Remus grinned, the smile so bright and I just... I had to kiss him. Remus kissed me back, some hint of warmth beneath the snow falling around us. I felt him smile against my lips.

“While I’d love to go home and do that for a long,” he raised his eyebrows, “long time, I think I need to go to my parents’” he explained, his eyes solemn. I nodded. I’d just have to keep myself in check.

* * *

We apparated to the gate of the Lupin’s house. It was very... perfect. White picket fence, a neat lawn, trimmed roses.

“Mum likes to garden. She picked it up as an excuse to go do something while Dad... um.” Remus’ voice got thick and I squeezed his hand, even though all I wanted to do was storm in there and— I had to keep myself in check. “Yeah, she likes it,” he finished, clearing his throat. I nodded. We stood in silence for a moment before Remus spoke again. “It’s like a trap,” he whispered. I looked at him. There was pain in his eyes, and all I wanted was to see it gone, to be able to take that pain for him.

“What?” I asked instead.

“It’s so perfect. Which is absolute bullshit because there’s a cage in there. There’s a cage in there for a monster.” Remus ran his hands through his hair. “Fuck.” I put my arm around his lower back.

“We can go, whenever you want. Just say the word.” I told him, just so he knew. Just so he didn’t feel trapped, so he didn’t get stuck back in that cage. I knew how it felt to go back there. I knew how much it hurt. Remus nodded, but opened the gate anyway.

His mother opened the door on the second knock, something between a smile and a wince on her face. Lyall stood behind her. He seemed... normal. So fucking normal that it hurt. Here it was, the day I would finally meet the asshole that was Remus’ dad and he was just... so average. His eyes met mine and travelled down, right to where my left hand was linked with Remus’. I made to let go, to calm the storm before it happened, but Remus held on tight. Lyall’s mouth twitched.

“Remus, honey, hello!” Hope finally seemed to register it all, and hugged Remus. When she came over to me, I wrapped my right arm around her and kissed her cheek, hating every second of how close I was to her. “And you must be Sirius. Remus has um, talked... a lot about you.” I almost scoffed at that. Remus had told me all that had happened the Summer he came out to his family. I would have called it far from talking.

“It’s nice to meet you, Mrs Lupin.” I paused for a moment to reach my free hand out to Remus’ father’s to shake it. He locked eyes with me and slowly reached his hand out, like he was taming a wild animal. I quickly grabbed his hand and shook it, wanting nothing more than to get away from him and his—aura. “And you, Mr Lupin. I’ve heard... a lot about you two as well.” I didn’t explain further. Let them figure out what I knew and what I didn’t. His father glared down at our linked hands like they were a threat to his life. Remus smiled tightly at his father, that and a curt nod the only greeting he deigned to give him. Lyall didn’t seem to care. He only nodded in return and walked back down the hallway. Hope winced.

“Please, uh, come in.” Remus and I followed his mother down a narrow hallway. The inside of their house was much like the outside, perfect and welcoming and homey. I thought about what Remus had said, about the cage somewhere in here and I almost shuddered. Remus had been trapped in that cage. Not just during the full moon. I remembered that conversation like it was yesterday. It was the day I’d found out about it all. That the scars on his body weren’t just from his lycanthropy. And I promised him that he’d never come back here, that I’d never let him.

* * *

Hope led us to the dining room and took a seat across from the two places she motioned for us to sit at. The food was already at the table, still steaming. Remus cleared his throat. “So, how have you—” he was cut off by a gruff voice.

“Who wants whiskey?” Lyall walked into the dining room from a different door then the one we’d entered through. He was holding a bottle of amber liquid and three glasses. Remus rolled his eyes.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea Dad.” Remus said. He was clutching my hand under the table, so hard his knuckles were white. Lyall raised his eyebrows.

“No?” he asked. His voice was thick with disdain. “Alright then, no whiskey for you.” He put the bottle on the table and took the seat at the head of the table, between Hope and Remus. Remus flinched—flinched, when his father lifted his arm onto the table to pour his drink. I ran my thumb up and down his hand. “What about you, then?” he asked, looking directly past Remus to me.

I shook my head. “No, thank you. I don’t drink.” I told him, trying to hide the disgust threatening to leak out. Lyall snorted.

“You don’t drink? Guess alcoholism doesn’t run in the family then. Walburga was real bitch for a drink, wasn’t she?” It was my turn to flinch.

“Dad,” Remus warned, an edge to his voice. Lyall raised his hands in surrender, a small smile on his face. Remus let go of my hand when Hope opened her mouth to speak, and he held it up to her.

“No, wait.” She closed it again. “Why did you invite me here?” Neither of them answered. He turned on his father. “You have treated me like the furthest thing from a son since I was five. You have abused me, locked me up, and treated me like a monster all because of your fucking pride. What happened to the house? Where are the chains and bloodstains?” Lyall wasn’t even looking at Remus, but staring at me instead, horrified at what Remus was saying in front of me. I looked away from him. “When did you decide that you were going to be the perfect, white picket fence family? And how do you keep up that act? This house is a fucking mask. It’s a fucking mask and its hiding the worst monster I’ve ever encountered. And I’m not talking about me.” Remus’ face was red and tears were falling from his eyes. I grabbed his hand again, not deigning to look to his father for a reaction.

“Remus, honey, you have to understand—“ I would give anything to make sure I was never on the opposite end of Remus’ current gaze. Hope had every right to look scared at the anger in her son’s eyes. But Remus also had every right to be that angry.

“No, you don’t get to tell me how to feel, okay? You did nothing but trim your fucking rosebushes while he,” Remus’ arm flung out in his father’s direction, “locked me in a cage for days on end and starved me. You’ve whispered just as many insults and slurs as he’s yelled, so you don’t get to sit around and act like you played no part in the abuse of your son.” The room was silent for a moment, everyone locking eyes with everyone. Remus had told me to keep myself in check, so I sat beside him and I kept stroking his hand, offering the only comfort I could muster. Lyall finally broke the silence. His chair creaked when he pushed it back and stood up, standing at the same height as Remus but still intimidating enough.

“Don’t you ever,” his lip pulled back from his teeth as he stepped closer to Remus, “talk to your mother and I that way again.” I had to keep myself in check. I understood it now. Why Remus came tonight. He wanted the last word. He wanted to tell them exactly what he thought and be done with it—with them—forever. When he’d told me to keep myself in check it wasn’t because he thought I’d be a dick, but because he knew exactly what I wanted to scream at them right now, knew exactly how I’d act if a certain ass-wipe of a father tried to intimidate his adult son, yet again. “And while you’re at it,” Lyall continued, the same sneer still on his face, directed at me this time, “get your faggot hands off of him.”

“So now, what? You’re forbidding me from holding my boyfriend’s hand?”

“He’s not your boyfriend.” Lyall said through clenched teeth.

“Why not? Because he’s a guy and you don’t condone it? Or because I’m not human enough to have a boyfriend? I’m half a monster, right, dad? That’s what you used to tell me when I went to sleep at night. Instead of a lullaby or a bedtime story, I’d get a fucking lecture on how disgusting my kind is.” I’d never seen Remus like this, laughing and angry and hurt all at the same time. I wanted to help him, I wanted to do something other than sit here, stroking his hand. Lyall ignored Remus. He completely brushed off all that he’d said as he looked at me again.

“I said, get your hands off of my son you fa—“ Remus exploded. He yelled louder than I’d ever heard him yell and stood up out of his chair.

“I stopped being your son the second you let that belt hit my skin, you sick bastard!” Calm, ‘avoid conflicts at all cost’ Remus, was screaming. I wanted to grab him, to leave, to hold him while he sobbed and let everything out. “I don’t even know why I came back to this shithole,” he exclaimed, walking out of the dining room. “Merry fucking Christmas!” he yelled, and slammed the door. The room was silent for a moment while I stood up. I reached over and downed Lyall’s glass of whiskey, before I turned to walk away. When I reached the threshold I turned back to face the both of them. These were the people who had abused and tortured Remus, who had taught him what pain was beyond the measure of his monthly transformations. I smiled at them.

“Merry Christmas, I hope you both rot in hell.” They said nothing as I walked back down the hallway and out the front door.

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roseworth · 2 years ago

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ooo how about "I hope you find it someday." "Find what?" "Whatever it is you're looking for." with stephanie brown and jason todd?

send me a prompt !

“O,” Steph whined. “This is literally the most bored I have ever been in my entire life.”

“Well, I’m glad to hear we’re not being dramatic about it,” Barbara responded over her comm.

“They’re not even doing anything, they’re just waiting,” Steph complained. “I wanna throw cowboy on these guys.”

“‘Throw cowboy’?”

“It means to beat the shit out of ‘em,” she explained. “Dick taught it to me.”

“You need to be patient, Batgirl,” Oracle said. “If they’re waiting for something, it means you’re waiting, too.”

Stephanie groaned.

“I promise you can throw cowboy once you know the full situation.”

“Fine. But mark my words: once I do, these drug dealers aren’t even gonna know what hit ‘em.”

“I believe it,” Babs chuckled. “Just wait a little longer, and you’ll be golden.”

Steph stretched out in her position in the rafters of the warehouse and looked down. The dealers were making small talk, which felt a little strange. She never really thought about big-time drug dealers talking about the Knights game and the weather.

The conversations came to a screeching halt as the door opened. Everyone straightened up as whoever it was walked into the room. Freaky. She was almost nervous to see the guy who could apparently silence a room full of some of the most powerful people in Gotham’s underworld.

“Oracle, he’s here,” Steph whispered. “Some tall guy, wearing a red helmet.”

Steph could hear Barbara’s sharp intake of breath. “Bulky guy, red hood, leather jacket?” she said.

“Yup, looks like it.”

“Batgirl, you need to get out of there now.”

Steph frowned. “But you promised I could–”

“I’m serious,” Barbara hissed. “You cannot be there.”

“I can take this guy!”

“No, you can’t. Leave.”

“Can’t I at least call backup?”

“Stephanie, no. Out. Now.”

Steph groaned quietly. “Fine. I get it, you still don’t trust me,” she said, getting up to leave. “I’ll go now, but I totally could’ve handled it.”

Babs sighed heavily in her ear. “It’s not like that, just… trust me on this one. I’ll explain later.”

“Yeah, whatever.”

Steph looked down, and the creepy guy in the helmet was still just standing there, scanning the room. Just as she was about to get out, he started talking.

“Look at this, you’ve got a whole shindig planned out, but you’ve still got a bird infestation,” he yelled. Steph froze.

“Shit shit shit shit shit,” she whispered, scrambling to leave.

“What’s wrong?” O asked urgently.

“He knows I’m here.”

“Fuck.”

A gunshot went off, and a bullet buried itself in the wall right next to her. Shit.

“Come on, leaving so soon?” the man yelled. Steph didn’t dare look back as she slipped out the window and grappled to the neighboring building.

Her heart was beating out of her chest. “Who the fuck was that?”

“The Red Hood,” Oracle answered. “He’s the big crime lord these days, he took down Black Mask. I didn’t think he would be there.”

Steph snorted softly, trying to even her breaths. “Maybe I should send him a thank you card.”

“Or maybe you should stay out of his way so he doesn’t try to kill you,” Babs scolded. "You should ask Speedy or Red Robin about their interactions with him."

"Speedy and Red Robin are both still alive," Steph pointed out. "It couldn't have been that bad."

"Yeah, but both of them say that they're only alive because he let them go."

Steph rolled her eyes and grappled to the next building. “I would’ve been fine.”

“You wanna put money on that?” a low voice grated.

Steph looked up to see the Red Hood standing in front of her, holding a gun to her head. Shit.

“How the hell did you–”

“I don’t like it when Birds fuck with my business,” he interjected. “And I’m not opposed to sending a message to make sure I get left alone.”

“Stay calm, Batgirl,” Barbara said, typing furiously in the background. “Just don’t do anything to provoke him, and he’s not gonna hurt you.” Steph wanted to point out that that rule probably applied better to wild animals than it did to crime lords threatening her with a firearm, but she held her tongue.

“Whatever, man, it won’t happen again,” Steph said, holding her hands up. “Let’s just move on, I’m not going to–”

“You’re angling your feet to leap at me,” Hood pointed out. “And the way you’re holding your arms up is supposed to look non-threatening while still being ready to attack. Don’t try to use the Bat-training on me, kid, I know it all.”

“What the hell is your deal?”

“Batgirl!” Oracle scolded. “I said not to provoke him!” Steph ignored her.

Red Hood stayed silent for another moment. Steph hated how she couldn’t see his face. She narrowed her eyes and scowled at him to make up for it.

“They never told you, huh?”

“Told me what?”

He reached up with the hand not holding his gun and opened a latch on his helmet to pull it off, then tossed it on the ground.

“The name’s Jason Todd,” he said with a smirk. “Good to meet you, Batgirl.”

Steph’s jaw dropped. “Jason fucking Todd? The dead kid?”

“Steph!” Barbara shouted.

“Yup, the one and only.”

“I can’t believe you’re fucking alive, you dick,” Steph groaned.

“Excuse me?”

“Oh my god,” Babs groaned. “If you survive this, we’re going over what do not provoke means.”

Steph reached to her ear and clicked her comm off. Jason was looking at her with fiery eyes, the gun still pointed right at her. The safety was definitely on, though. She was guessing that was on purpose.

“You made my life hell, you know that?”

“I really don’t think that’s true.”

“Batman used to give me so much shit about being ‘too reckless’ and ‘too much like Jason’ because of you,” she fumed, jabbing a finger into his chest. “And all that time, it turns out you’re alive?”

“I wasn’t alive all that time,” he said. “And I don’t see how any of this is my problem.”

Steph folded her arms. “You’re right, it was all my problem while you were off god-knows-where doing god-knows-what, and now you have the nerve to hold a gun to my head?”

Jason lowered the gun and raised an eyebrow at her. “All I did was die, it’s not my fault Bruce treated you like shit,” he said. “Maybe the one you should be mad at is him.”

“Oh, trust me, I am mad at him,” she responded. “But you’re the one that’s alive right now, so you’re the one that gets my rage.”

“Have you ever thought maybe he was right?” he retorted.

“Are you serious?”

“Dead serious.”

“Hilarious.”

“Listen, Bats,” he said, “Maybe kids shouldn’t be putting on capes and scampering around the city. And maybe for once in his life, Bruce wanted to actually fix a mistake he made instead of burying it and forgetting about it.”

Steph narrowed her eyes. “You don’t know a thing about me. I was not a mistake, I was helping the city.”

“Stephanie Brown, age 18, daughter of Arthur and Crystal Brown, freshman at Gotham University with an undeclared major,” he listed. “Became Spoiler when you were 14 to stop your father, then kept crimefighting despite everyone telling you no, then became Robin a few years later when Tim stopped, started a gang war, and died in the line of duty. Am I right so far?”

Stephanie glared at him silently.

“Yeah, I thought so.”

“Fuck you.”

“Sorry, keep talking about how you were ‘helping the city.’”

“You’re an asshole.”

“Yeah, I’ve been told.”

“What about you? You’re the one that’s a crime lord, it’s not like you’re doing the city any favors.”

Jason rolled his eyes. “You’re right, there’s nothing I can do for the city without putting on tights and bright colors,” he drawled. “I am helping the city, more than Bruce ever did.”

“By doing what? Making everyone live in fear?”

“It's not about fear, Stephanie," he shot back. "You’ve seen the city, you’ve lived in it the way I have. There’s no helping it if we don’t use a permanent solution.”

“I’ve lived in the city my entire life,” she argued. “And I know that the way to help is to bring hope.”

“That’s cute, you should put it on a greeting card.” Jason stepped away and picked his helmet up off the ground. “Look, shortstack, I’m not here to debate morality with you. Just stay away and let me do what I need to do.”

Stephanie looked at the bags under his eyes and the way he kept his muscles tight like an attack was going to come from any direction. He meticulously checked his weapons in his holsters before getting ready to leave despite the fact that he hadn’t touched any of them since they started talking.

“I hope you find it someday,” she said.

He froze and snapped his head to look at her. “Find what?”

“Whatever it is you’re looking for.”

He clenched his hands into fists and turned away. “You don’t… That’s not what this is.”

“Isn’t it?”

Jason tightened his jaw, then pulled his helmet back on. “Tell Babs I say hi.”

Stephanie watched him grapple away, disappearing as quickly as he came.

She sighed and clicked her comm back on. “Oracle?”

“Oh, good, you’re not dead,” Barbara snapped. “Never do that again.”

“Sorry, O, technical difficulties.”

“Uh-huh. I’m gonna add about 10 comm overrides to your suit when you get back.”

“I know you are,” Steph said, looking across the skyline of the city. “By the way, Jason said hi.”

#jason when he realizes hes not in control of the conversation anymore 🏃💨#stephanie brown #jason todd #dc #fanfic #my writing #listen. i just really wish jason and steph had met in her batgirl 2009 era #all of those parallels WASTED.#jason and steph both dying and coming back to life and wanting to 'fix' the city #but doing it in DRASTICALLY different ways #so much potential #smh #anyways thank you for the promptttttt <3 <3 <3

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