#Single Review: Appetite

[thejoyofviolentmovement]

New Audio: clo Shares Vibey Neo-Soul Track "appetite"

New Audio: clo Shares Vibey Neo-Soul Track "appetite" @heygroover @romainpalmieri @DorianPerron

clo is an emerging, 20-something, San Francisco-born, Brussels-raised, neo-soul/R&B and jazz singer/songwriter, who’s currently splitting her time between New York and Paris, where she’s simultaneously pursuing studies in Neuroscience while modeling, and starting a professional music career.  The emerging Belgian-born artist can trace the origins of her music career to when she started receiving…

[gravehags]

the fabric of your flesh

Pairing: Cardinal Copia x f!Reader (Curator!Reader), Cirrus x f!Reader x Cumulus

Rating: EXPLICIT, MDNI

Tags: oh god where to begin, threesome, oral (m receiving), oral (f receiving), making out, serious relationship conversations, consensual infidelity, titty sucking, QUINT STRAP, masturbation, voyeurism, copia in the cuck chair, copia getting his balls slapped for being a little shit

Words: 7,300

Summary: You've always liked the ghoulettes. Maybe a little too much for your own good.

a/n: this fic takes place sometime after the events of sweet treat, a short little fic i wrote which sets the stage for the events of this piece. this is the longest single thing i've ever written so you know. enjoy lmao.

~~~

“Cardinal, what are your thoughts on sharing?”

Copia sets down the document he was reviewing and leans back in his chair, looking up at the ghoulette looming over his desk.

“It’s eh, a nice concept,” he says slowly, eyes flicking from Cirrus’ face to Cumulus seated behind her. “Is there something you…have in mind?”

“Your girl,” Cirrus says bluntly, and Cumulus yanks her backwards to sit in the chair next to her and give her a stern look. Copia’s eyebrows raise and he reaches up to stroke his mustache.

“What Cirrus was trying to say,” Cumulus begins, giving Cirrus another sideways glance, “is that we noticed there’s some um. Tension. Amongst us. And it’s not romantic,” she says in a rush, raising her hands placatingly when Copia opens his mouth, “we have no designs on her heart. That thoroughly belongs to you. What we mean is ah…more physical.”

A silence falls in the office as Copia watches his ghoulettes carefully while trying to fight back a smile.

“I see,” he says solemnly, leaning forward to steeple his hands, “have you discussed this with her?”

“We didn’t want to uh, step on any toes. So no. Not yet, anyway.”

He lets the silence simmer for a moment, watching Cirrus look around the room and Cumulus anxiously rub her hands. When he begins to laugh it makes both of them jump in their seats.

“Ladies,” he chuckles, “as if I haven’t seen your hungry eyes on her at every turn. I am very glad that you asked me for permission but the person you really need to speak to is her.”

A beat passes.

“So…is that a yes?” Cirrus asks, leaning forward.

“From me, sì. Under one condition, naturalmente.”

The ghoulettes look to one another.

“I get to watch.”

Cirrus snickers and Cumulus smiles.

“Oh that was a given, of course. But…you’re open to it?”

He smiles fondly at them.

“Sì, sì, I think it’s only fair to let her experience being with a woman or, eh. Women. Since she came to me untouched.”

“She what?!”

Once again he has to smother his laughter and instead looks at their gobsmacked faces kindly.

“Oh yes, you didn’t know? Despite her inexperience, however, she’s always been rather eh, voracious. And well…she’s not so inexperienced now I suppose, heh.” His eyes briefly unfocus as his mind conjures images of you in a litany of positions, eagerly and loudly taking him deep inside your–

Cumulus clears her throat politely.

“W-what…what were we talking about?”

“Your mate and her considerable sexual appetite,” Cirrus says wryly. Copia flushes deeply and fusses with his cassock, ignoring the bulge in his lap currently being hidden from view by his desk.

“Eh, right, right. Well as I said, this is ultimately her decision so uh, by all means. I think she’s working in the archives today.”

The ghoulettes stand and Cirrus gives him a slight bow before they turn to leave.

“Best of luck, my ghoulettes,” he calls to them as they walk out, surreptitiously adjusting himself. When the door shuts behind him he sags against the back of his chair.

This is going to prove interesting.

—

“Knock knock.”

You turn to look at the door and see two figures slip into the room - Copia’s ghoulettes, Cumulus and Cirrus. Your face splits in a smile - and your cheeks flush - as you wave the two in.

“Come on in, I’m just going through some of these old purchasing records for the collection. I–sorry, neither of you want to hear about this,” you say sheepishly, tucking your hair behind your ear.

Cirrus hops up to sit on one of the research tables while Cumulus leans on it next to her.

“We’d love to hear about it,” Cumulus murmurs.

You laugh. “You’re both very kind but not even Copia can listen to me talk about this kind of thing without nodding off no matter how hard he tries. I won’t subject you to it. How can I help you, though? Surely you didn’t come down here just to see me.”

“And if we did?” Cirrus purrs, leaning forward and putting her palms on her knees. Cumulus shoots her a sideways glance, lips tugging downwards in a slight frown.

There they are. Those butterflies ricocheting off the inside of your stomach every time you have an encounter with the two of them. The butterflies that make you sick if you allow yourself to linger on them. The butterflies that whisper accusations of infidelity in your ear.

“T-Then I’m sorry to disappoint you, ladies, for not being a more entertaining host.”

“Actually,” Cumulus says, her voice soft, “we wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Oh?” you’ve abandoned the stack of record books to fidget with your hands.

“Something um, personal.”

Cirrus hops down from the table and slowly begins to advance on you, lips curving into a smile that shows the points of her canines. It’s predatory and devious and utterly delicious and you’re terrified. She backs you against a bookcase and props her hand above your head, her breath stirring the flyaways on the side of your face.

“Cirrus!” Cumulus barks, “You’re freaking her out, knock it off!”

Cirrus whips around.

“What? I just figured the best way to get what we want is to show her what we want.”

“And w-what do you want?”

Your voice is small, your concentration mainly focused on how you’re going to explain this should any unexpected visitors walk in. Cirrus still looms above you but is pulled away roughly by Cumulus, giving you an opportunity to breathe once again.

“Angel,” the shorter ghoulette breathes and the pet name makes your knees wobble traitorously, “We had a conversation with the Cardinal earlier - about this thing going on between the three of us.”

“N-nothing’s going on,” you whisper, panicked. “What…what did you say to him?”

“This is going really well, ‘Lus” Cirrus groans, collapsing in a desk chair.

“Fuck,” Cumulus swears under her breath, “okay let’s back up. Start with the basics. We like you.”

“…I like you too.”

“Allow me to be more specific. We like you. As in we want you.”

Your mouth gapes but no words come out.

“As in,” Cirrus says, spinning in the chair, “as in we want to do filthy, unspeakable, unholy things to you. And don’t act surprised - we can smell it on you. You want it too.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” you scoff, cheeks flushed and arms crossed defensively, “I-I would never be unfaithful to Copia, regardless of what you smell on me.”

“We know, hon,” Cumulus murmurs, “which brings us back to the conversation we had with him earlier today.”

“You spoke with him about–about—”

“Sharing you?” Cirrus smirks, “Yeah. And he was open to it, under one condition - and provided that you are open to it, of course.”

“Sharing me? What like some kind of fucked up romantic timeshare situation? He was open to that?”

“Oh, don’t worry - we have no designs on your romantic relationship. We would never do that to the Cardinal. What we propose is purely physical.”

You go quiet for a moment, heart racing.

“What was Copia’s condition? Apart from my consent.”

“He wants to watch,” Cirrus says, lips curling into a filthy grin.

Your cheeks are so hot you swear you’re going to pass out, but no longer from embarrassment or stress.

From arousal.

“The two of you…really want me?”

Both ghoulettes laugh incredulously.

“Is that so hard to believe?” Cumulus says, stepping forward to toy with the loose ends of your hair. “Pretty little thing like you? Always being so sweet to us - to all the ghouls? We would be honored to have you.”

“And have you we would,” Cirrus growls, rising from her seat to advance on you once more, “Over and over until you beg for us to stop. Get you so drunk on pussy you can’t think anymore. All while your beloved mate watches us. So what do you say?”

When your eyes slide closed and head tilts back, a small whimper escapes you and you hear Cumulus sharply inhale.

“Think that’s a ‘yes’, ‘Lus.”

“I want to hear her say it,” Cumulus breathes, “Go on, angel. Tell us what you want.”

“Want…” your voice comes out in a rasp, “want you both. Want you to fuck me until I forget my own name. Want to taste you. And I want Copia to watch as you use my body for your own pleasure. Please. Please I–”

Your words are cut off as Cumulus lunges forward and slides her fingers to cup the base of your skull as her soft lips press against yours. She’s languorous about it - decadent - teasing your mouth open to slide her tongue against yours. You hear Cirrus whine and Cumulus chuckles into your mouth before pulling away. Before you can say a word, the taller ghoulette is upon you, backing you into the bookcase once more. Her kiss is more forceful than Cumulus’ - though no less enjoyable - and you gasp in delight when she slots a firm thigh in between your legs. When your hips rut against her, she pulls back.

“The Cardinal was right,” Cirrus grins, “you are a voracious little thing, aren’t you?”

You laugh, hands brushing her waist.

“He said that about me?”

“Mmhmm,” Cumulus says with a smile, “so…when do you want us?”

“Let me text Copia, tell him to come down here and I’ll let you bend me over a desk right here and now.”

The ghoulettes erupt in laughter.

“Oh no, angel, we’re going to do this right. We want you in a proper bed where we can take our time with you, yeah?”

“Hmm, if you insist,” you say with a pout, cocking your head to the side. “I’ll talk to him and see what works best. Soon.”

Cirrus bends down and drags the tip of her tongue along your lower lip, making you whimper. She steps back, allowing Cumulus to step in and run her lips along your jawline before kissing you softly.

“Can’t wait to give the Cardinal a show,” she breathes. “See you around, angel.”

“Mmhmm,” you confirm, and as soon as they came in, they’re gone. You sigh heavily.

Your conversation with your lover tonight should prove interesting. And you intend on showing him just how thankful you are.

—--

After the two of you converse on the matter - at great length until you’re both exhausted - you’re collapsed halfway on his chest as the two of you catch your breath. As you roll off him, you laugh.

“I gotta be honest, love, I’m a little bit surprised.”

“Hmm?” he says, angling himself to look at you. “What do you mean?”

“This whole thing with the ghoulettes. I never thought you would ever want to uh, share me. Especially considering I have caught you on multiple occasions chastising siblings and ghouls for giving me the once-over.”

“Eh, noticed that, did you?” Copia says, cheeks flushing, “Well, I don’t know. Part of me feels bad for scooping you up before you got a chance to…explore your desires. Especially with women so…” he finishes lamely.

“Uh-huh. Very kind of you. And certainly not because you have a filthy fantasy about watching me get destroyed by two beautiful, infernal women. Surely that has nothing to do with it.”

“Amore!” Copia objects, placing a hand to his heart, “My intentions are pure!”

“Oh, of course,” you smirk, rolling your eyes, “When the ghoulettes approached you, you definitely weren’t thinking about how pretty I’d look getting my titties sucked and pussy ate - my cheeks all flushed and sweaty as I moan wantonly, my eyes on you from the bed while they–”

“Enough!” Copia croaks, head falling back against the pillow. “Cazzo, are you trying to get me to cum in the sheets?”

“Wouldn’t be the first time,” you snark, hand drifting down to cup the length of him. “Though I’m not sure I’ve had enough of you yet, Your Eminence.”

You shift the bedcovers, laying a line of fervent kisses down his chest.

“Again, amore?”

You place several wet kisses to his belly, grinning up at him.

“Don’t say that as if you’re not enjoying every second of this. We spent almost a whole year in each other’s presence without fucking each other’s brains out. That’s a lot of time to make up for, beloved.”

He chuckles, threading his fingers through your hair as you lick a stripe up his cock.

“You’re insatiable, diavoletta mia.”

“That’s what the ghoulettes said that you said about me. As if you didn’t keep me locked in your bedroom for almost three days after the first time we made love.”

“Mmm let’s do that aga–ah!”

You’ve had enough chatter, and show him so by slipping the length of him into your eager mouth. He’s silent for only a moment, hips flexing against you, before he begins babbling praise.

“Perfetta ragazza,” he groans as your head bobs to take him deeper, “you’re too–hnngh–good to this old man. Always knew that–ah–mouth of yours would look good like this. And that tongue, Sathanas…”

You chuckle around him, sliding off just enough to suckle the swollen head, making him moan and fist your hair. He ruts jerkily against you so you hold him down, thumbs caressing his hip bones as your tongue traces up his length.

“You’re right, you know,” he pants, “This–ah–thing with the ghoulettes? S-somewhat selfish reasons. Every time I see you with them I-I picture you in this bed, p-pleasuring each other. I trust them, trust that they will not–ah–overstep–fuck, amore!”

You’ve taken him back as far as you can and swallowed around him, hand gently massaging his balls. His breath comes in sharp whines as he fights to not thrust dumbly into you, chasing his pleasure. He’s close, you can tell by the broken way he spouts his praise, so you double down and hollow your cheeks.

“Cazzo, cazzo, caz–oh dolcezza, j-just like that. A-almost there, fuck baby.”

You pull off him just enough to suck on the head and, resting it on your tongue, your hand rockets up and down the wet length of him. He lifts his head up and looks into your half-lidded eyes and with a groan his cock spasms against your tongue, spurting his seed into your open and eager mouth.

“That’s it, amore, take it,” he sighs, rutting his hips against your mouth, “Fuck, you look beautiful like this.”

Your lips wrap around his softening cock for a moment, sucking any remnants off of him before pulling off with a pop and making a big show of swallowing and sitting back on your haunches. Copia lets out a tired laugh but he’s got a glint in his eye as his gaze roves your naked form.

“Get up here,” he growls, crooking a finger at you. Slowly, you crawl along his body until your breasts are flush against his chest hair and you can feel his breath against your lips.

“No,” he says patiently, raising a finger to tap on his mustache, “here.”

“Again, amore?” you ask, mocking his earlier words.

“Shall I tie you up and hold you down to have my meal instead?” his hands grip at the meat of your ass, urging you upwards. “Come. Here. Now.”

Oh, how you love when the bossy Cardinal comes out.

__

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!”

You’re naked and bent over one of the drawers you’ve hijacked from Copia, rifling through various pieces of lace and silk. The man in question is leaning against the doorway to his bedroom, arms crossed as he observes you.

“What’s the fuss, amore?”

“The fuss–” you say, standing up and putting your hands on your hips, “--is I cannot figure out what I’m going to wear for this…rendezvous.”

“Eh, traditionally I think it’s done in the nude.”

You glare at him and brandish a pale pink mesh thong in his direction.

“You know what I mean, I have to make a…a good impression. Sexy. I can’t just answer the door with my tits and coochie out like ‘hello welcome to the filth den’. I mean, come on, I agonized over what to wear when I went to seduce you too.”

“Did you?” he asks, eyebrows raised as he ambles over to you, “Ah, now that was memorable. Seeing you sitting in my chair in that pretty little virginal cream silk slip, waiting for me. Ready for me. Mmm cara, so eager–”

Abruptly he pulls you backwards against his chest, fingers sliding down your belly before teasing at the heat of you.

“Copia, my love, as much as I appreciate where this is going,” you murmur, “they’re going to be here in twenty minutes and respectfully, I’m not giving them sloppy seconds.”

“Ugh, fine,” he growls, relinquishing his grip on you. “What about that eh, dark blue silk piece you have? With the lace along the neckline? It looks so pretty with your hair.”

Huh. There’s a thought.

You bend over to do some more digging - ignoring the way Copia is insistently grinding against your ass - and locate it with a triumphant noise. You turn in his grip and kiss him firmly.

“My love, this was inspired, I–” there’s something familiar nudging against you and you look up at him, “Don’t get excited so soon my love, I’d hate for you to uh - finish before anything even begins.”

“Ah dolcezza, I might be in my fifties but have I not proven to have the stamina of Zeus himself?”

“Zeus, huh?” you say, giving him a look, “I certainly hope you don’t have his sense of fidelity, too.”

He looks affronted. It’s cute.

“Amore, you question my faithfulness? You question my devotion? I would never touch another. You, on the other hand. Oh, you were just waiting for this opportunity, weren’t you?”

He’s got an evil little grin on his face and you know he’s trying to get a rise out of you but your lips dip down into a frown and your heart sinks.

“Copia, you know I would never…maybe this isn’t a good idea,” you sigh deeply, biting your lip as tears well in your eyes.

“Oh amore mio,” he says softly, cupping your cheeks in his hands, “I was only teasing! If you are not comfortable with this, say the word and I will end it immediatamente. Truly though, it’s okay, huh? People do eh, exploring all the time while still maintaining loyalty to a partner. And I trust both them and you. My desires are inconsequential - but allow me to give you this gift, sì?”

You nod slowly.

“I love you,” you murmur, reaching up to take his hands in yours, “so much. So much it scares me sometimes, you know? I would never, ever want to do anything that would hurt you.”

He kisses each of your hands.

“And I love you. I know you wouldn’t hurt me but if you have any uncertainty, know that I am A-OK with this. Prometto. Nothing will ever come between us but Sathanas you are going to look so lovely spread out beneath them. On top of them. Sideways, even.”

You sniffle and laugh.

“Hmm,” your eyes glaze over for a moment, “what do you think they’re going to do to me, Cope?”

“Anything. Everything. Kiss and lick and suck and fuck…they’re going to take you apart, dolcezza.”

You shiver.

“Getting me all worked up, Cardinal,” you breathe, the tip of your tongue sliding out to wet your lips.

“I would be a poor host if I did not, eh, ready the party favor, hmm?”

Stepping back with a smile, you slide the midnight blue slip over your head and look in the mirror to loosen your hair from its messy bun.

“Perfetta,” Copia whispers, watching you adjust strands so they fall just right, “they will not be able to resist you.”

“And I will not offer any resistance,” you say quietly, turning away from the mirror to face your beloved. You smooth your hands down the front of his black suit and smile.

“I can do this,” you murmur, those familiar butterflies back in your stomach.

“Only if you want to but yes, I believe you can,” he smiles, fussing at your hair. Abruptly, you grab him by the back of the head and slot your lips against his in an aggressive kiss that slowly turns more lazy and soft. You feel a throb from between your thighs as he whimpers when you suck on his tongue and slowly pull away.

“Good luck tonight,” you purr, “don’t give up the game too quickly, hmm?”

He laughs.

“I had plenty of solo practice drawing things out before we got together, thank you very much.”

“Oh yeah?” you say, cocking your head, “Surely you weren’t thinking of me any of those times…”

“Surely not,” he shakes his head with a smile, “Surely there was another curator who liked to smile at me so prettily and shake her ass so tantalizingly whenever she walked in front of me in tight little skirts. That curator was always so kind to this lecherous old Cardinal. Mmm she was so sweet and soft and–eh, what were we talking about?”

“How you used to shamelessly jack off after staring at my ass?”

“No, no, that was the other curator–”

You roll your eyes and reach your hand down to cup his bulge, making him whine and buck into your touch.

“Easy, dolcezza, easy…I am in a fragile state.”

“‘Fragile state’ my ass,” you grin, “I’ve seen you roll off of me and not ten minutes later hop back on like I’m a pony at a state fair.”

“Ah, not entirely accurate,” he says, lifting a pedantic finger, “you are slightly nicer looking than a pony.”

You slap his balls sharply, causing him to double over with a yelp.

“Just for that, I’m definitely going to leave you for a ghoulette now. Maybe a ghoul too. Who knows?”

“Amore!” he wheeze-laughs, comically cupping himself, “be sweet to me, huh? I might not survive tonight after watching what they do with you…”

“Povera mia,” you croon, “to be fair, I might not survive, myself. I–”

Three knocks sound at the door to Copia’s quarters and you exhale heavily.

“Do you want me to–”

“Yeah,” you nod, walking over to the bed and lowering yourself to sit on the end, facing the doorway. Your heart thuds in your chest as you watch your beloved amble over to the door and open it, smiling when you hear his familiar odd little noises as he stands aside and gestures for your guests to come in. When the ghoulettes step through the threshold your breath catches in your throat. It’s not exactly that you’d forgotten how beautiful they both are but Sathanas it continuously takes you by surprise. They’re both wearing casual clothing - Cirrus in a large t-shirt and basketball shorts and Cumulus in a floral robe - and an anxious laugh bleats out of you before you can smother it. Cumulus is preoccupied with saying something to Copia but Cirrus hears it and gives you a sly grin and a cocked brow. When Copia extends his arm to gesture towards you, your heart plummets into your stomach.

“He–” your voice comes out thick and croaky, “hey, you two. P-please, come in.”

Cumulus favors you with a soft, reassuring smile as she comes to sit next to you. Cirrus plops down on the other side, a hand pushing into the plush red duvet.

“Nice place,” she says, looking around the paneled room, “really elegant.”

“Not my place,” you admit sheepishly, “this is all him.” You point to Copia, who is busy settling into the high backed chair in the corner of the room. He smiles.

“Don’t let her fool you, her room is just as nice. Lots of blues. You’d like it, Cumulus.”

The aforementioned ghoulette laughs quietly, and when she reaches up a hand to brush your hair off your shoulder you want to kick yourself for the way you jump.

“Nervous, angel?” Cirrus asks, flopping backwards onto the bed and letting her fingers dance at the small of your back. You laugh, too loud.

“Y-yeah. Yeah I’m really fucking nervous.”

“What part are you nervous about, sweetheart?” Cumulus asks, shifting her body to face you.

“Uh…everything? The fact that I’ve never been with anyone but Copia, the fact that I’m committing physical infidelity, the fact that you two are so goddamn beautiful, the fact that the man I love is going to be watching…take your pick.”

“Amore, if my presence is causing you any grief I would be happy to le–”

“No,” you say quickly, and you hate the panic in your voice, “No. Please, I need you here. You know how I am, it’s the anxiety. I want to do this for you.”

“For yourself too, I hope,” Cirrus comments from her spot behind you, “unless we’ve been misreading the vibes…?”

“No. Not at all. The vibes are…absolutely there. Incredibly there, in fact. I-I want this,” you look to Cumulus, “I want you. Both.”

“Atta girl,” Cirrus purrs and you don’t even have to look at her to know she’s got a filthy grin curling her lips, “come on, angel. We’ll put on a good show for the Cardinal.”

You look over at Copia, the rapid rise and fall of his chest from the promises of what lie ahead making you ache. Cirrus stands, taking off her shirt in a smooth motion and tossing it to the floor.

“C’mon,” she says, shimmying her shorts and underwear off and climbing onto the bed, “get over here.”

Cumulus snorts as she gets up and you turn, crawling towards Cirrus who is resting against the pillows. When you settle in next to her you finally get a good look at her - all long legs and rounded hips and dusky nipples. You know you’re breathing too loud and then out of the corner of your eye you see Cumulus drop her robe. Cirrus’ chuckle at the whine that comes out of you fans your hair, which she idly twirls between her fingers.

“Perfect, isn’t she?” she asks, looking over at the other ghoulette. You nod. Perfect is an understatement. A rounded belly, large, lush breasts and generous thighs between which are nestled a thatch of white curls. Her tail waves lazily behind her as she uses her hands to trace the path of your gaze. She approaches the other side of the bed and slides in behind you.

“This is pretty,” Cumulus comments, fingers brushing the hem of your blue slip, “keep it on for a little longer, hmm? I like the way it looks on you.”

You nod dumbly and shift to lie on your back. When you do, you catch a glimpse of Copia in the corner. His hand rests in his lap, fingers twitching towards his bulge but he doesn’t touch himself. Not yet. His eyes gleam at you. You’ve got your hands folded on your belly trying desperately not to gawk at either of the beautiful, nude women you’re sandwiched in between.

“Can we touch you?” Cirrus murmurs, ghosting a hand over you.

“Please. Please.”

She smiles and when she lowers her hand to brush against your own you let out a deep exhale. All she’s doing is letting her fingertips glide along the backs of your hands, but it makes you dizzy. When Cumulus reaches down to brush along your thigh, your breath hitches in your throat.

“So sensitive,” Cumulus breathes, dragging her fingers up and over your hip to cradle your belly. You had almost forgotten how the two of them sport a cooling touch - something that comes rocketing back when you feel the almost painful tautness of your nipples. Judging from the low noise that comes out of Cirrus, she’s noticed it too.

“Mmm, pretty little thing,” she purrs, reaching a hand to cup your breast and thumb your nipple through the fabric, “Already so excited for us, ‘Lus.”

“Sure is,” Cumulus agrees, her lips tracing the shell of your ear, “Tell us what you want, angel.”

“K-kiss me. Please.”

“Begs pretty, too,” Cirrus chuckles, “Can’t wait to hear more of that later when I’m making you see stars. Go on, ‘Lus. You’re the one who couldn’t stop talking about her lips.”

Your head turns slightly to face the shorter ghoulette, stomach swooping when she leans in and blows against your lips. You shiver comically and with a smile she reaches a hand up to cup your cheek.

“Ready?” she asks, so softly only you can hear. You nod. When she leans in to capture your lips with hers, you feel as if a dam has broken inside you. All your previous hesitation is gone as you bury your fingers into her curls and pull her towards you, tongue dancing with hers. She’s just as decadent about it as you remember from that day in the archives, soft and yielding as you whimper into each other’s mouths. You’re vaguely aware of Cirrus breathing a curse next to you as Cumulus drapes her body halfway onto yours, hands kneading flesh through fabric. And speaking of fabric–

“This has to come off. Now.” Cumulus groans while pulling away for breath. She’s got one hand gripping the hem of your slip and eagerly shimmying it off your body, pausing to let you lift your hips and sit up to expedite its removal. When the offending garment is finally off, Cumulus skillfully tosses it over to Copia, who catches it with a gasp. You see him press the silk to his cheek, savoring the remnants of warmth from your body and the sight makes you feral.

“Well, well, well, look at you,” Cirrus breathes with a small laugh, “just as soft and lovely as we always knew you would be, right ‘Lus?”

You don’t wait to hear Cumulus’ answer before lunging upwards and slotting your lips against Cirrus’. The taller ghoulette is shocked for only a moment before gripping your thigh and hitching it up on her hip. Where Cumulus’ kiss felt like a dance, Cirrus’ feels like a domination and one you are more than happy to yield to. Teeth chase tongues and when her claws bite into the meat of your waist, you whine into her mouth. When she pulls away you pursue her but she pushes you down into the mattress.

“The Cardinal was right about you,” she grins, “Filthy little thing.”

“If you’re this eager for him, I understand him keeping you from the ghouls,” Cumulus murmurs, “Lucky he likes us best. Shame for the boys, but we’re perfectly fine keeping you all to ourselves.”

“Poor Aether,” Cirrus laughs, “wants you so bad and can’t have you. We promise we won’t be mean and tell him anything about tonight. Much.”

Your head is spinning with arousal, the thought of the ghoulettes tormenting the strong ghoul with sordid details about bedding you causing your clit to throb. Before you can linger on it any further, Cumulus drags her tongue over your clavicle, making you shiver. As if coordinated, both ghoulettes slide down your body until their breath ghosts over your nipples. Your cheeks are hot as Cirrus flicks the tip of her tongue out to graze it. Teasingly she drags the muscle around your areola, avoiding where you want her most and making you whimper pathetically.

“Don’t be cruel, Cir,” Cumulus chastises, placing soft, sucking kisses into the meat of your breast.

“Wanna hear how pretty she begs for me,” she says, smoothing a hand over your belly, “Come on angel, tell me what you want.”

“Suck my tits,” you eke out and Cirrus laughs.

“Oh, the Cardinal’s delicate flower knows how to be direct. I like that,” she pulls back slightly and turns her head to address Copia, “She always this good for you?”

“Better,” you hear Copia rasp and another throb thrums from between your legs.

“Well,” she says, turning her attention back to your breast, “good girls always get what they ask for, right ‘Lus?”

“Then quit talking and fucking give it to me already,” you grit out. Cumulus lets out a delighted noise and Cirrus’ claws bite into your flesh before she drags the flat of her tongue over your hardened nipple. When she finally wraps her lips around the bud and sucks, your hand flies to the back of her head. She’s vicious with her attentions, nipping with sharp canines - Cumulus on the other hand returns to sucking bruises into your other breast, her hand drifting further south. When she firmly cups your mound in her palm a sigh escapes you.

“So good,” you murmur, stroking Cirrus’ dark hair. The tall ghoulette pulls off you with a pop and gives you a grin. Gently, you urge Cumulus back up to face you so you can slide your lips against hers, hand kneading her breast. 

“She likes that,” Cirrus breathes, “Loves having her tits played with.”

You moan into Cumulus’ mouth before pulling back for breath. With a firm shove you push the shorter ghoulette flat on her back, dragging your tongue down her sternum. As soon as your lips make contact with her nipple she lets out a whine that goes straight to your cunt. You lap eagerly, rolling her other bud between your fingers as Cirrus settles in behind you to place wet kisses on your shoulder. Out of the corner of your eye you see Copia with his cock in his gloved hand, panting as he stares at you. You’re filled with affection and, with an immense desire to put on a good show for him, you sit up and swing your leg over Cumulus to straddle her. Cirrus falls on her back, clapping as you lower your mouth to sloppily kiss Cumulus.

“Mmm, initiative,” Cirrus purrs, sitting up and delivering a sharp, pleasurable slap to your ass that jolts you forward, “we like that. Keep going, girls. I’ll be back.”

You pull away and grasp for Cirrus, who slides off the bed and reaches to a bag you hadn’t seen either of them come in with. Before you can see what she pulls out, Cumulus grabs the back of your head and pulls you down to where she can drag her teeth along your throat. Her claws scrape at your scalp and you delightedly let her tug you where she wants you. Something about the way her belly presses against yours makes you flush from head to toe. You feel…decadent. Hedonistic. It’s intoxicating and you want nothing more than to show the ghoulette beneath you exactly how good she’s making you feel.

“I know that look,” Cirrus says with a grin, “go on, angel. Make her sing for you.”

I’m going to make you sing, bellezza.

Instantly, you’re taken back to your first night with Copia and you let out a breathy laugh before looking down at Cumulus, who gazes up at you with pupils blown.

“I’ve never done this before,” you murmur and she smiles.

“You’re more familiar with the terrain than you realize. I’ll tell you what feels good, okay?”

You nod and slowly begin to maneuver yourself down her body, kissing and licking every inch of skin available to you. When you settle between her spread thighs and place a kiss to her mound, she lets out a soft sigh. Delicately, you use your thumbs to spread her open and immediately begin salivating when you see how deliciously wet she is. She twitches when your heavy exhale ghosts over her cunt.

“Go on, pretty girl,” you hear Cirrus say encouragingly from behind you, her hands smoothing over your hips. “I’ve got something real special for you.”

As your lips make contact with Cumulus’ slick folds you gasp. Behind you, Cirrus drags the head of what you assume is a silicone cock through your own folds, causing you to arch your back. When you pull away to look back at her she chides you.

“Keep your eyes on the prize, angel. Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you.”

Well. You don’t need telling twice.

With as much fervor as you kissed her, you slide your lips and tongue over her folds, delighting in the way her hand flies to your hair. She’s right, of course, you’re familiar with the general terrain and when the tip of your tongue grazes her swollen clit, she gasps your name. From behind you, you feel the head of the cock drag through your folds again and gently, Cirrus eases the thick tip inside you. You whine into Cumulus’ cunt, hungry for more, but Cirrus holds your hips steady to keep you from bucking backwards.

“Sweet–ah–sweet Aether…used his quintessence on this strap, you know that? Makes it feel like it’s actually a part of me. Poor ghoul had n-no idea who it was going to be used on. Keep going, angel. Want to see you t-take her apart.”

Panting and desperate for her to fill you up, you lower your mouth again to lap up Cumulus’ slick. When your tongue eases inside her she lets out a loud, long moan.

“Good girl,” Cirrus breathes, “g-good–fuck.”

Fuck is right. With agonizing slowness she pushes the strap in and your jaw hangs open at the stretch. Copia is nothing to sneeze at, and he’s thick too, but this you feel in your guts. Your arms wobble as they struggle to hold you up and when Cirrus bottoms out with a groan you let out a pathetic whimper.

“H-how does she feel, Cir?”

You can hear Cirrus panting roughly behind you, hands smoothing over your ass.

“Unholy fucking hell, ‘Lus, hot and wet and t-tight, fuck. I–”

You squeeze around her as hard as you can and Cirrus cuts off with a sharp gasp and a broken moan. When you crane your head to look at her over your shoulder, you give her a grin and she lets out a breathy laugh.

“Oh Cardinal, she’s wicked.”

You hear Copia let out a low chuckle from behind you and it makes your cunt spasm around Cirrus.

“Finish your task, angel,” she coos and you glance up at Cumulus who looks down at you and wets her lips. Feeling deliciously full of both Cirrus’ cock and renewed fervor, you lower your head and slowly drag your tongue though her folds. 

“That’s it,” Cirrus murmurs, slowly pulling out of you then pushing back in, “c’mon baby, show her how much you like her.”

So you do.

You’ve got your hands wrapped around Cumulus’ generous thighs, fingers digging hard enough to bruise as you alternate between fucking her with your tongue and circling her clit. Cirrus’ thrusts are deep and forceful, pumping in and out of you while streams of filth slide out of her mouth. 

“That’s it, honey,” Cumulus whimpers from above you, burying her fingers in your hair and bucking her hips against your mouth, “so good for me, right there, right–fuck!”

Her praise ceases as you wrap your lips around her clit and suck. Cirrus moans and her pace quickens, fucking into you with less and less abandon. From behind you you hear a strangled amore mio and you know that Copia is close. The visual of his gloved hand wetly sliding along his cock, the taste of Cumulus beneath you, and the mounting pressure of Cirrus’ cock inside you make you feel like you’re going insane. Your moans are muffled, your mouth thoroughly occupied with suckling at Cumulus’ swollen clit while she cries out above you.

“Please, please, please,” she whines, “so close, so fucking close honey, don’t stop!”

You double down and take a page from Copia’s playbook, taking a finger and teasing at her entrance. Slowly, you sink it in knuckle deep and crook it searching for that sweet spot. When she screams your name you know you’ve found it, delighting in the way her cunt clenches around you. When she shatters, she pulls your hair hard enough to hurt but you don’t care, not with the way she whimpers your name like a prayer. The sounds she makes only inflame your passion further and you want nothing more than to wrench another orgasm out of her but suddenly she’s pushing you away. Taking the hint you pull back and suddenly Cirrus’ hand wraps around your shoulder.

“My turn,” she snarls, yanking you towards her and causing your back to arch. Her steady thrusts become sharper, harder, as she pounds into you and makes you see stars. Wrapping her hand around your throat she pulls your back flush against her.

“Look at him,” she growls, her breath hot in your ear, “Look at what you do to him.”

You turn your head to look at your beloved and a gasp hiccups out of your throat. He’s hunched in on himself, gazing up at you with his paints streaked down his face and his mouth hung open in a moan. His hand squeezes at his reddened, leaking cock, hips fucking upwards into his fist. Cirrus holds you in place, her hand seeking your sweat-slick breast to pinch sharply at your nipple as she fucks ruthlessly into you. You cry out, pushing backwards to meet her thrusts.

“I know you’re close, angel,” she groans, hips jackhammering into you hard enough you can’t catch your breath, “mmm fuck gonna–ah–gonna fill this pretty little cunt up. Gonna–ah-ah-fuck, baby!”

“Give it to me, Cir,” you whine, “just like that, j–Copia!”

You cum with a cry, watching as Copia spasms, painting his fist and chest with rope upon rope of his seed. Behind you Cirrus thrusts three times more before you feel her fill you up. You’re trembling in her tight grip as she empties herself into you, her forehead pressed against your shoulder. Copia is looking at you with nothing but pure adoration as you struggle to catch your breath. A silence settles among the four of you and you break Copia’s gaze to look down at Cumulus.

“Beautiful,” she breathes with a wide smile, “fucking beautiful. Look at you.”

You let out a short, delirious laugh and Cirrus mouths weakly at your shoulder.

“You were perfect,” she murmurs into your ear, pressing a kiss to the side of your head, “just like we knew you’d be. Wasn’t she, Cardinal?”

Copia’s head is tipped back against the chair, eyes trained on the ceiling.

“She always is. Always. Amata mia.”

Gently, Cirrus extricates herself from you and the slide of the rigid silicone dildo as it exits your cunt makes you gasp. Weakly, you crawl forwards to Cumulus’ embrace and collapse next to her. Cirrus follows after a moment, slipping in beside you.

“So, how was it?”

Your gaze lingers on the canopy above you and you tip your head to lean against Cumulus.

“Wow,” you say with a dazed smile, “women, huh?”

Cirrus barks out a laugh. You feel your eyelids get heavy as you watch Copia get up and go into the bathroom.

“Don’t fall asleep on us,” Cumulus nudges you, “we’re not done with you yet.”

You whine but you can’t deny the delicious ache coming from between your thighs.

“I’m gonna need a snack, then,” you say with a sigh.

“Anything you want, bellezza,” Copia says, returning to the bedroom, half cleaned up, “I am your servant.”

Hmm. Now that’s a thought.

“Bring me some grapes, a bag of chips, and a pint of ice cream and I’ll show the girls how pretty I look when I bounce on your cock, huh?”

Cumulus lets out a soft gasp and Cirrus’ eyebrows shoot up.

“What flavor?” Copia rasps out, reaching down to adjust the bulge in his pants.

Mmm. You could get used to this.

[kkanabel]

façade ❃ twoshot ❃ chapter one

prohero! bakugou x prohero! reader

you and bakugou have been broken up after he "cheated" on you with a coworker at Endeavor’s Agency in your third year. seven years later, you both have to go under disguise as a newlywed couple to gather intel against a crime syndicate in a small town.

directory/m.list

next chapter ⇨

Words: ~5.8k

t/w: cheating (but it was a misunderstanding), angst with a happy ending, alcohol use, cursing, fluff

Your steak was partially-eaten at the restaurant next to the hardly touched side dishes. Across from you was a person who was familiar and unfamiliar at the same time. Watching him was like listening to a once-favorite song you no longer enjoyed. The words that came out of your mouth were sugared.

“Love, your food is getting on your face!” You giggled, light and sweet, a performance for everybody else in the room, but your appetite shriveled. Just looking at him was enough to ruin it. 

His black hair might’ve been part of the disguise, but it was his eyes that truly twisted your stomach. That fiery intensity in his look hadn’t dimmed, no matter how much he tried to blend in. His physique was no different. Broad shoulders and strong arms were all wrapped up in a get-up that he’d usually never wear— polos and khakis hardly fit his personality, but they fit his arms and shoulders damn well. 

Though you’d never admit it.

You were hungry earlier, truly. After an entire day of scouting the town with Bakugou, both of you memorizing the layout and studying the locals, you were ready to devour anything. But you’d forgotten one critical detail—you’d have to share a meal with him. Now, Bakugou sat directly across from you, his damn eyes watching you, piercing through your every thought with a single glance.

You were so hungry earlier, too. After an entire day of scouting the town with him to discreetly memorize and study the surroundings and the locals, you were ready to eat anything and everything. But you’d forgotten one critical detail—you’d have to share a meal with him. Now, Bakugou sat directly across from you, with those damn eyes piercing through and analyzing your every thought with a single glance.

It made you sick. These eyes were the eyes that ruined you when you were younger. More stupid, more naïve. 

Bakugou—disguised under a different name—grinned in a way that was so unlike him it almost made you laugh. Almost. “Thanks, honey. What would I do without you?”

The sound of his voice, those saccharine words, made your skin crawl. He was acting, just like you. But knowing he didn’t mean it—knowing he never would—made it worse. It twisted the poisoned knife he’d left in your heart all those years ago. 

Your target was at another piece of steak, sawing at it until the knife clattered against the plate. The small bite tasted like cardboard in your mouth. It wasn’t the restaurant’s fault—you were just in bad company. The restaurant reviews were beaming even though the only reason you came here was to memorize the faces of the workers, who were all suspected to be working with the villain organization you were targeting.

“Pfft, I know. Just like when I fixed that old shirt of yours the other day. You’re welcome, by the way,” you replied, snark dripping from every word, as if you really had been together for years.

He paused mid-chew, his jaw tightening for just a moment before he forced another smile. This one was all teeth. “I’m lucky to have such a talented wife.”

It sounded wrong coming from him, hollow. He never said things like that, not genuinely. You forced your lips into a lovesick smile, but it was hard to keep the bitterness from bubbling to the surface.

If you had your way, you would’ve never spoken to him again. But fate, cruel as ever, had other plans. A mission had dragged you back into his orbit, this time forcing you into the role of his newlywed wife of all things. Your agencies had decided you two were the best fit for the job in this small town by the edge of the mountains—because apparently, everyone else was too busy.

However, the reason why you decided this wasn’t exactly for the “better of the world” or for some selfless bullshit reason. It was him. It was all Bakugou. He was the reason why you used work as an excuse to run away from life in the beginning.

You both work in the same field in neighboring towns. How did you not expect to have to work with him in close quarters again? You had to do it a couple times in the past, of course. But in those cases, you never had to utter more than a polite greeting or a quick debriefing to him.

But heroes don’t disobey orders. You couldn’t choose anything else. This was a month-long mission, so you’d both have to concentrate and act like the world’s best couple while you two secretly worked and played right next to the villains. 

After almost a decade of working in the pro hero field, you were able to eat your restaurant food while listening in to conversations between the world’s most disgusting people. It never got rid of your appetite. But sitting here with a simple coworker was like torture.

Even after seven years, he wreaked havoc on your emotional state. Sure, his existence was like listening to an old favorite song. But that song that you once enjoyed became corrupted with bad memories—memories of him kissing a coworker that he told you “not to worry” about while drinking. 

Bakugou looked at you, his fiery gaze softening for a moment, like he could sense the storm raging inside you. But he said nothing, just smiled that infuriating, fake smile.

You pushed your plate aside, hunger long forgotten. Even after all this time, he still had the power to wreak havoc on you. It didn’t matter how much you wanted to move on, how much you tried to bury the memories. The song you once loved had been tainted—ruined beyond repair. And now you were trapped in this duet, pretending for the sake of the mission, pretending for the sake of the people living in this town. But no matter how well you acted, every glance from him chipped away at the facade, like a scab being picked off a wound that refused to heal.

The restaurant's warm lighting reflected off the metal utensils on the table, your plate of half-eaten steak a reminder that some things, no matter how familiar, could never taste the same again. His voice, a mockery of normalcy, grated on your ears, each affectionate word laced with a layer of tension you couldn’t ignore.

As Bakugou stood, you noticed he was two paces ahead of you by the door. He turned slightly, waiting, and extended his hand as any good husband would. You hesitated for a fraction of a second before slipping your fingers into his. The warmth of his hand, once comforting, now felt suffocating.

"You okay, honey?" he asked in that low voice reserved for public ears, his eyes softening just enough to sell the act. But then his tone dropped further, meant only for you. "I know you hate me, but you need to commit."

The subtle squeeze of his hand sent a warning up your spine, anger sparking in response. You glanced away, biting back the retort that hovered on the tip of your tongue. He was right, and that made it sting more. When you looked back at him, his expression had morphed into something bright, affectionate. Disgustingly fake.

With a soft, practiced smile, you leaned in and pressed a kiss to his temple, your lips lingering just long enough to sell the charade. "Sorry," you murmured sweetly, "I'm just exhausted from today."

The two of you walked out of the restaurant hand-in-hand, each step weighed down by the tension between you. Onlookers would see a couple perfectly in sync, fingers intertwined like a newlywed pair lost in their own world. Only you knew the truth—the burning desire to be anywhere but here, holding the hand of the man who shattered your trust years ago.

You heard whispers about him from time to time—rumors swirling like autumn leaves caught in a gust of wind. Bakugou was popular among the female heroes, and his name was often accompanied by a chorus of giggles and teasing remarks. “Dynamight totally hooked up with so-and-so last night!” they'd say, exchanging knowing glances and coy smiles.

You knew. You were at the same party that he was at, and you saw him with a random woman seated on his lap, all proud that she was there. The way he looked at her sent disgust through your stomach. 

You didn’t know that his eyes darted to you as soon as you sent your attention back to your partner.

Your coworkers would drench the office in gossip, speculating about his encounters, claiming he still refused to settle down with anyone, despite his countless admirers. At the moment, you brushed it off, telling yourself it was just idle chatter—nothing more than the usual buzz of workplace gossip. After all, you were in a relationship, and Bakugou was just an ex, a chapter of your life you thought you had closed for good.

But beneath that confident facade, a knot tightened in your stomach each time you heard his name mentioned. You tried to shake it off, burying your feelings under layers of indifference. Yet, deep down, the echoes of those conversations stirred up memories you thought you had forgotten, rekindling the doubts and insecurities that haunted you.

Nobody at this office knew that you and him used to date in your UA days. Even within your class, only a handful of people knew about it out of fear that villains would try and use you against each other.

Even as you forced a smile and participated in the banter, a part of you was always wondering: Did he really move on, or was he just pretending?

And now, with every step you took together, the countdown to your next "date night" loomed, an event you dreaded more than the mission itself.

Walking hand-in-hand, you left the restaurant together, keeping up the facade. Every step felt like it dragged you deeper into the pit you thought you had clawed your way out of. The town’s dim-lit streets were quiet, a peaceful contrast to the storm inside you.

As you approached the small cottage the mission had forced you to share, you tugged your hand away from his. The weight of his touch lingered, a reminder of how easily he could still reach you, even if you despised it.

The two of you had been sleeping in the same bed, despite how much you hated it. The first night you arrived at the cottage, you’d tried to sleep on the couch—anything to avoid the shared space that felt far too intimate for what you were capable of handling. You thought you’d been quiet, moving around pillows and blankets in the dim light of the living room. But of course, Bakugou had noticed.

“We’re married,” he said, the words like a shot to the chest, each one punctuated with a venomous reminder of the act you both had to maintain. He stood at the doorway, arms crossed, his silhouette barely visible in the shadowed room. “Come to bed.”

It wasn’t a request. His voice was low and laced with a touch of irritation. You knew why. There could be eyes on you, even now. Someone could be watching from the shadows, waiting for a crack in your performance—waiting to tear down everything you were working to accomplish. The mission was clear: gather intel, take down the villains, and do it without drawing suspicion. And part of that required playing your part as the loving, newlywed couple. 

The perfect, unblemished duo that could never be doubted.

You stood there, clutching the blanket in your hands, torn between what you wanted and what you had to do. It felt like a cruel joke. You and Bakugou, sharing a bed, pretending like the past years hadn’t carved a canyon between you. But you knew he was right. He was always right. No matter how much it stung to admit, he now had a way of pushing aside personal feelings, of locking away anything that might distract him from the mission.

You, on the other hand, weren’t that strong. 

The memory of his voice—so sharp and cold—lingered as you made your way back to the bedroom that night. It was a silent truce, but you hated the way it felt. Like you were once again trapped in his orbit, dragged back into the center of something you thought you had escaped. You slid under the covers beside him, the bed too small for the space that stretched between your bodies. You could feel the heat of him, so close, and yet miles away. It was suffocating.

It didn’t help that Bakugou played his part so perfectly. He’d initiate the small touches, the easy smiles and kisses in public, all with that infuriating ease of his. It was like he had no problem pretending you were still the couple you once were. As if the memories didn’t hang over him the way they hung over you. Every kiss in public, every affectionate gesture was a jab, a reminder of how effortlessly he could turn his emotions off. He was so damn good at his job, not letting anything—especially not the past—interfere with his focus.

But for you, it was different. Every time he reached for your hand or pressed his lips to your temple, it cracked something inside you. He wasn’t kissing you—he was kissing the role. You knew that. He was just following orders. And yet, there was something about the way he could act like nothing had changed that left a pit in your stomach. 

Did he still care? Or had he buried the past so deep that it was nothing more than another file in his mind like you thought you did?

Even after dating multiple other people, you thought you were fully over him, but this mission just opened up this rusty can of worms.

The thought kept you up more nights than you’d admit. You stared at the ceiling, the weight of it pressing down as you listened to his steady breathing beside you. 

How could he pretend so well when you were struggling just to breathe in the same room?

You hated that he could compartmentalize everything, lock it all away as though nothing between you mattered. It felt like you were the only one still caught in the wreckage of what you once were—while he had moved on so easily. There were times, especially in the quiet, that you almost wanted to confront him. To throw it all out there, demand answers, demand something. But the mission hung over you both like a guillotine, ready to drop the second one of you messed up.

It was worse at night. The bed felt impossibly small, the silence thick between you. Your shoulders would brush sometimes, and every accidental touch sent a jolt through your body that you hated yourself for. The memories of the past—the good ones, before everything fell apart—would trickle in when you were lying next to him, and it was impossible to shut them out.

You’d catch yourself remembering what it felt like to sleep beside him back then. The warmth of his body against yours, the way his arm would drape over your waist in a protective, possessive way. Those nights, you’d feel safe, wanted. 

Now, lying beside him in silence, you felt the exact opposite.

The worst part was knowing that you truly still weren’t over it. Over him. Even after all the hurt, all the unresolved anger, he still had that power over you, and you hated him for it. And maybe, somewhere deep down, you hated yourself more for still caring.

It was a cruel twist of fate that had thrown you into this mission together. Forced to act like you were happy, like you were still in love. Because, no matter how much you resented him, there was a quiet, bitter truth that gnawed at you—a truth you didn’t want to face. Some small part of you still was.

The people you dated after him? They were nothing more than distractions. Fleeting attempts to erase the mark he’d left on you. But nothing could ever compare to the way he made you feel during those two brief years at UA. When you were together, he made you feel like you could conquer anything. He brought out a side of you—someone confident, strong, capable. You’d grown, both as a person and a hero, because of him.

And then he destroyed it all.

What happened at the end of your relationship had shattered you. His betrayal had torn through everything you thought was real. He ruined your trust, your sense of self-worth, everything you’d built with him. In one moment, all of your confidence—your certainty in yourself and your place in the world—was obliterated.

You still remembered how it felt, that crushing weight in your chest when you saw him with her. The girl he told you not to worry about, the one who was nothing but a friend, according to him. The image was burned into your memory, an ugly scar that you couldn’t heal. How could you ever trust anyone again after that? How could you believe that you were enough when the one person who made you feel like everything had turned around and made you feel like nothing?

You spent years trying to rebuild yourself, but the cracks remained. No matter how far you’d come in your career, no matter how many missions you succeeded in, there was always a small, insidious voice in the back of your mind that whispered doubts. The kind of doubts that made you question whether anyone would ever see you as more than just a temporary convenience.

Listening to the steady rhythm of his breath while he slept beside you each night made your stomach twist. The peace he found in sleep was maddening, as if he could slip into unconsciousness so easily while you lay there, trapped in the turmoil of your own thoughts. It was cruel, really, how he could do this so effortlessly.

The next morning blurred into a haze. Sleep had eluded you, leaving your body heavy with exhaustion and your mind thick with unrest. You and Bakugou went through the motions, keeping up appearances, going to your fake jobs—tasks that were merely covers for gathering intel on your target. But the mission wasn’t the only thing that weighed on you.

It was the end of the week. The day you had been dreading.

Date night.

The two of you walked through the park, just like a real couple. His hand fit securely in yours, his grip firm but relaxed. It was all for show, you reminded yourself. This was just a role he was playing, nothing more.

The air was damp and cool, the scent of rain still lingering from yesterday’s showers. Autumn was settling in—the breeze carried whispers of the coming cold as orange and red leaves fluttered through the air. You watched as they drifted down, spiraling slowly before landing at your feet.

You stole a glance at him, studying his sharp profile as he stared straight ahead, expression unreadable. His jaw was tight, betraying nothing, but you knew Bakugou better than anyone. He was never oblivious. He simply chose not to show it.

"I overheard this couple the other day," he said suddenly, his voice light, laced with an artificial sweetness. It was code, meant to sound innocent to any passerby. "They were planning a trip to Kyoto. Like our honeymoon."

It was a message. A meeting would take place 14 kilometers away, in a forest. His words, however, stung for different reasons. The mention of Kyoto dredged up memories you had tried to bury. Of stolen moments, of the days when you believed him. When his words weren’t tainted by lies.

Your gaze lingered on his lips—lips that had once promised forever, now nothing more than a vessel for deceit. "Sounds nice," you said, keeping your tone light. "I miss it already. Maybe we should go back sometime." Your answer was clear—affirmative. You would assist him.

His eyes widened, just for a moment, caught off guard by the weight in your voice and the look in your eyes. Then, he stopped in his tracks, pulling you into his arms as if this were just another romantic stroll in the park. He kissed you, soft and slow, his lips sending a confusing warmth through your veins.

“I love you,” he whispered, his voice gravelly, low enough for only you to hear. It was too rough, too raw—too close to something real. And for just a second, you questioned whether this was still part of the act.

You hesitated, the words sticking in your throat. When you finally forced them out, they sounded hollow. “I love you, too.”

He stiffened ever so slightly, his expression shifting into something hard that was more like him, before his face softened into that easy, charming smile he wore so well. A passerby would have seen a happy couple, sharing a sweet moment in the park. But you weren’t a random passerby. You knew him.

You hated it—the way his touch still sent heat curling through your chest, the way your heart betrayed you every time he got too close. You couldn’t stop the growing blur between the facade and the truth, and that terrified you.

As you strolled through the park, the memories of your time at UA flooded back, weaving through your thoughts like the golden leaves swirling around you. You could still remember those late-night study sessions, the way he would pull you close while you both tried to catch some sleep in your dorm after a long day of training. Bakugou was always warm, a solid presence that made you feel safe, even when the world outside was chaotic.

But there were moments that cut through that warmth like a winter chill. You recalled the time during your third year when everything had gone wrong. The mission had turned sour—dangerous and overwhelming. You had been curled up against him, your head resting against his shoulder, the two of you trying to find solace in each other. His warmth wrapped around you like a blanket, a comfort that made you forget the world for just a moment.

Then the call came. His phone rang, breaking the fragile peace. It was a female coworker of his, voice laced with panic, relaying urgent news about the mission. Without a second thought, he’d shot up, leaving you behind with a “Babe, I’m sorry. I’ve got to go. It’s the agency.”

 The way he’d jumped into action had shaken you, the sudden absence of his warmth leaving a hollow ache in your chest. In that moment, you had brushed it off, convincing yourself he was simply doing his job. You understood, or at least you wanted to believe that you did.

But now, as you walked hand in hand with him, that memory gnawed at you. You felt a pang of regret for not stopping him, for not looking back and saying something. You had let him go, thinking it was the right thing to do, thinking it wouldn’t matter.

This mission was nearing its end. Soon, you’d be pulling down the entire crime syndicate together, all the pieces falling into place. But each step you took beside him tightened the knot in your chest, making it harder to keep the lines between your past and present clear.

You both walked home as the sun set, painting those same oranges and reds everywhere. A color that suited Bakugou too well.

You couldn’t fall for him again. Not after everything. But despite all your efforts, you were slipping.

And you didn’t know how much longer you could keep pretending.

“We’ve got another date tomorrow,” Bakugou said, his tone measured as he unlocked the door.

You nodded stiffly, the thought of another evening like this one making your skin crawl. “Yeah. Can’t wait.”

But just as you turned to head inside, his voice caught you off guard. “(Y/N)—” Your real name slipped from his lips, so casual, as if the past years hadn’t driven a wedge between you. The sound of it froze both you and him mid-step.

You hadn’t heard him say your name in years, and it hit you harder than you’d care to admit. When you turned, his eyes were locked on yours, an expression there you hadn’t seen since before it all went wrong. Something raw, maybe even regretful.

“I mean—” He caught himself, the moment of vulnerability quickly masked with irritation. “Forget it. Just… whatever.”

But the damage was done. That one slip cracked through the walls you thought you built. You both knew it.

Your phone buzzed with a message from a number you had blocked for the past seven years. You had unblocked it for the mission, but part of you had hoped he wouldn’t reach out.

1 New Message from Bakugou Katsuki:I’m outside.

No other explanation, just like him.

The mission was over; the crime syndicate was dismantled, and both of your agencies had everything under control from here on out. You didn’t have to talk to him anymore. Yet here you were, standing at the threshold, opening the door to the man who had shattered your heart.

Bakugou stood there with two meals and a bouquet of flowers, the sight both comforting and surreal. He was no longer in disguise—this was him, the real Katsuki, stripped of the masks he'd worn during your mission. You accepted the flowers, their scent pulling you back to memories you had tried to forget, and sat down to eat, but the air felt heavy, thick with unspoken words.

“You’re quiet,” he muttered, eyeing you with that familiar intensity. “What’s going on? You’ve been actin’ weird since I got here.”

You swallowed hard, knowing he’d pick up on it. He always did, whether you wanted him to or not.

“I’m fine,” you lied, the words catching in your throat. Suddenly, you stood up, desperate for distance, but his hand shot out, gripping your arm gently but firmly, halting you in your tracks.

“Don’t pull that bullshit on me.” His voice was low, thick with concern. “You’ve been off for days now. Spit it out.”

Your heart raced, pulse hammering in your ears. You couldn’t keep this bottled up any longer.

“I can’t do this,” you confessed, your voice barely above a whisper.

“Can’t do what?” he pressed, brows furrowing in confusion.

“This,” you said, gesturing vaguely between you. “Pretending. Acting like everything’s okay. It’s not. You—” Your voice cracked, but you forced yourself to continue. “I can’t let myself fall for you again. Not after what you did.” Regret seeped in, laced with self-loathing for letting him affect you this deeply.

His expression twisted, a mix of bewilderment and concern. “What the hell are you talkin’ about?”

You felt the dam inside you break, the flood of emotions you’d been holding back spilling over. “I saw you, Bakugou. Seven years ago. You kissed her, that girl on your mission. You ruined everything, and now I’m—” You clenched your fists, struggling to keep your voice steady. “Now I’m falling for you all over again, and it’s killing me.”

He stared at you, stunned into silence. Then, slowly, he let go of your arm and stepped back.

“Wait,” he said, his voice barely a whisper, tinged with disbelief. “You… you think I cheated on you?”

“I don’t think,” you snapped, bitterness flooding your words. “I know. I saw it with my own eyes, Bakugou.”

His gaze widened, processing your accusation, then something clicked, and realization washed over him. “Holy shit,” he whispered, shaking his head in disbelief. “You really thought…? That kiss wasn’t what you think.”

You blinked, confusion swirling inside you. “What?”

“I didn’t kiss her,” he said, voice rising slightly, desperate to clarify. “She kissed me. I didn’t want it. I pushed her away and never talked to her since.”

Stunned, you stared at him, grappling with the weight of his words. “But… you never said anything.”

“I wanted to,” he admitted, his gaze locking onto yours with an intensity that sent shivers down your spine. “I thought you knew. I thought… damn it, I thought I didn’t deserve to fix it.”

The air around you felt charged, heavy with emotions that threatened to explode. Could this entire mess really be a misunderstanding?

“Why didn’t you just tell me?” you asked softly, the hurt spilling over into your voice, memories of your pain surfacing anew.

“Because I’m an idiot,” Bakugou admitted, his voice thick with regret. “I thought it was too late. Thought I’d already lost you.”

The truth of his words hung in the air, heavy with the weight of unspoken feelings. As tears began to well in your eyes, you felt the walls between you shatter, leaving behind only a fragile, flickering connection.

Tears blurred your vision, and before you could process it, he stepped forward and wrapped you in his arms. “I’m so fucking sorry,” he murmured, voice cracking. His grip was tight, as if he was afraid you’d slip away. “You’re the only one— fuck, you’ve always been the only one.”

The tension between you dissipated, but the weight of everything you thought you knew hung heavily in the air. His eyes were bloodshot, reflecting the pain and regret etched into his features, tears spilling over. It was a sight you’d never thought you’d witness—the strong, brash Bakugou Katsuki, reduced to this vulnerable state.

Just how deeply had this affected him? The thought lingered, and as the truth hung between you, you couldn’t help but wonder if this was the beginning of a new chapter or just another cruel twist of fate.

Bakugou’s grip on you tightened, as if he feared the moment would slip away, just like the years had. You could feel the heat radiating from his body, grounding you in a way you hadn’t realized you needed. It was a comfort and a reassurance, a silent promise that he was here now, willing to fight for this connection.

“Just let me in,” he murmured, his breath warm against your skin. “Please.”

And with that simple plea, the dam holding back your emotions broke. You stepped closer, heart pounding in your chest, every insecurity and doubt crashing against the newfound hope. You needed this; you needed him.

In that moment, you surged forward, pressing your lips against his. The kiss was tentative at first, a gentle exploration, as if both of you were afraid to break the fragile spell woven around you. But as his lips moved against yours, the urgency of everything unspoken flooded the space between you. 

He kissed you like a man starved, lips tangling into a kiss that held all of yours and his pain for the last seven years. It was a kiss that spoke of longing, regret, and an undeniable desire that had been buried for far too long.

You responded with fervor, deepening the kiss as his hands tangled in your hair, anchoring you to him. Every hesitance melted away, replaced by a passion that ignited every nerve ending in your body. It felt like coming home, a feeling you had both craved yet feared to admit.

As the kiss deepened, you could feel the weight of the past slowly lifting, the pain of misunderstandings giving way to the warmth of reconciliation. You lost yourself in the moment, surrendering to the feelings that had been pent up for seven long years. His lips moved with a fervor that mirrored your own, igniting a fire that blazed brighter than anything you had experienced before.

When you finally pulled away, breathless and dazed, your foreheads rested against each other, hearts racing in unison. He searched your eyes, looking for confirmation that this was real, that he wasn’t just dreaming.

He felt himself overheating from the passion of your kisses, each one igniting a fire within him that he had thought long extinguished. His mind soared in high heavens, finally basking in the warmth of your presence after years spent in the cold shadows of longing. He had followed your social media from behind an alternate account, feeling like a ghost haunting your life, a silent spectator filled with regret every time he clicked on a photo that showcased your happiness without him.

All the weight he had carried—the suffocating pain of feeling unloved and unwanted—began to lift, like a storm finally breaking. He regretted even talking to that female coworker, ever. In hindsight, he would have quit his job at Endeavor’s Agency in a heartbeat if he had known it would cost him the chance to be in your arms. The memory of those years was a constant ache, a reminder that he had let something precious slip away.

He had tried to move on, but the moments replayed in his mind like a cruel movie reel. He remembered the nights when Kirishima had dragged him to parties, urging him to loosen up, but the moment Kirishima disappeared into the crowd, all he could see was you and some guy—glowing with laughter, surrounded by people who didn't understand the depth of his heartache.

Then he saw it—the news flashing a photo of you with that actor. “A fucking actor this time? She’s fucking an actor?” The bitterness clawed at his throat. “They lie for a living. They’re just damn frauds.”

You looked so damn happy, smiling up at that guy as if he hung the stars in the sky—just like you used to smile at him. It felt like a knife twisting in his gut, a searing reminder of what he had lost. He was consumed by jealousy, the bitterness so overwhelming that he downed shot after shot, trying to drown out the memory of your smile, the way it lit up his world. He found a random girl with the same hair color, desperate to fill the void, but it never worked. She didn’t talk like you; her voice didn’t hold the same warmth, the same inviting tone that wrapped around him like a familiar blanket.

He replayed the same mantra every month when you posted another photo on Instagram or when he saw you on the news with someone new. “You’ll never be mine again.” The words echoed in his mind like a painful lullaby, lulling him into a false sense of acceptance while simultaneously ripping his heart apart.

Yet here you were now, in his arms, and for the first time in years, he dared to hope. But the memories lingered, haunting him, the ghost of every moment he had let slip away swirling around them. Bakugou knew he had to confront the past he had run from, and as he kissed you, he resolved to do everything in his power to make sure you never felt that emptiness again.

a/n: smut coming for the next chapter in this two-parter! i realllllllllly enjoyed writing this one! it pulled at my heartstrings WHILE writing it. i had to pause from time to time and just take a breath lmfao

thanks for reading! anywayy, taglist is open! lmk if you want to be on the taglist for just bakugou/bnha chars or if you want news on allll my fics. i plan on writing haikyuu characters eventually, too!

btw. not beta read, pls lmk if there are any typos or inconsistencies <3 stay safe & hydrated as always!

taglist: @kalulakunundrum

directory/m.list

next chapter ⇨

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Pretty Petals 26

No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.

Warnings: this fic will include dark content including rape/noncon, kidnapping, violence, sexual acts (fingering, oral, anal, dp), coercion, bondage, and more tags to be added as the series progresses. PREPARE YOUR PANTIES, HOES.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: You go on a self-improvement retreat, but not all is as it seems.

Girls and Flower Name List HERE!

Characters: Ransom Drysdale, Lloyd Hansen, Lee Bodecker, Curtis Everett, Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes, Loki, Andy Barber, Hela, and multiple OFCs

Note: double chapter day!

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me <3

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!)

Love you all like birds love to appear everytime you are near. Take care. 💖

“It was so lovely to come see you all, to see how you’ve grown,” Hela preens as she stands at the head of the table. “Immaculate, every one of you.” 

Dahlia pokes her cheek with her tongue and Bucky snatches the fork she twirls in her hand. He knows her well. Maybe he even fears he’s at the mercy of the tines.  

You turn your attention back to your matron of dishonour. Her black bob is wavy and her skin freckled from the sun. She’s beautiful for someone so wretched. You can’t help but wonder if you’re the only ones. You know you can’t be the first. It’s all too orderly, too planned, too perfect. 

“Do make me proud, petals,” she claps her hands together and her pretty lips curl, “I may just return at Christmas with some gifts, eh?” 

Christmas. It’s still a ways off but the fall is setting in. The summer is in its last dregs and you find yourself shivering in the morning as the night cools. Not a single voice rises to answer her farewell. You all just stare, rather glare, at her. 

“Well, then, I’ll be off.” 

“Sister, I’ll show you the door,” Loki rises and beckons her away from the table, “I must thank you for coming so quickly and bringing a fresh stem...” 

His voice trails off and you glance over at Zinnia, sitting by his empty seat. She mashes down her eggs with the back of a spoon. The other girls keep there hands away from their plates. You don’t have much of an appetite yourself. 

“Boring,” Lloyd says suddenly. “How about we do something fun?” 

The other men seemed agitated by his suggestion. Strange how they seem to share the same malaise. Ransom’s arm drapes over the back of your chair, Curtis has Violet in his lap, Lee keeps jabbing Marigold and whispering at her. Your eyes meet Steve’s as he watches you in turn. You quickly look away. 

“I’ll clear the table,” you offer as you stand and lift your plate. 

“Ugh, boring,” Lloyd spits again, “Christ on a dildo, why are we sitting here playing Brady Bunch? Let’s get fucking wild.” 

“Shut up,” Bucky growls as Dahlia rubs her faded bruises. 

“Oh, shit, you know, I got the perfect fucking game, girls, follow Lily’s lead and clear the table.” 

The mustachioed man stands and breezes away. The other women look at each other. You nudge Azalea and she stands with her head down. She takes her plate and Lloyd’s. The other girls follow in a long train to the kitchen. Andy gets up to follow, keeping watch as you cluster together to divvy up the leftovers into containers. 

You hate to agree but it is dull as hell. You finish stacking up the dirty plates but none of you are eager to go back into the dining room. Only bad things happen there. The games they play aren’t much fun for you. 

“Go,” Andy demands. 

Dahlia goes out first, angling her head back and forth defiantly. Zinnia follows after her, Daisy, Rose, Violet shuffles noisily and clings to Azalea’s hand as she drags her, then you, and finally Marigold. As you come out, Lloyd stands in front of his seat, jiggling a pair of dice in his hands. 

The other men share your level of enthusiasm. Bucky’s arms are crossed, Ransom yawns, Lee rubs his belly, Curtis picks his thumbnail, Loki untangles a shank of his long dark coils, and Steve peers over his shoulder to stare at you. You don’t like that. 

“Right, simple rules, guys,” Lloyd rattles the large pair of plastic dice, “choose a girl, roll the dice, and let fate decide. I’ll go first since it was my idea.” 

You nearly let out a groan. You’re so tired. Ransom points you next to him and you sit. The others follow suit. Andy stands behind his chair and watches as Lloyd tosses the dice. 

You notice the imprinted images on the sides of the cubes. Various positions and words. You hold your breath and sense the rest of the room doing the same. 

“Hey, Zinnia,” Lloyd calls as the dice bounce over the wood, “how about we get acquainted?” 

The plastic cubes still and shows a man with his head between a woman’s legs as she sits on a chair. The other dice reads, ‘until orgasm.’ 

Zinnia whimpers and Loki sniffs. He stands and drags her chair away from the table. She grips the sides to keep from sliding off. He veers her around to face Lloyd as he struts behind the other seats. He snickers as he drags his hand over his mouth. 

“Come on, let me see the kitty, just wanna give her a pet,” he gets down to his knees and Loki catches Zinnia’s shoulders before she can sit up. She writhes helplessly as Lloyd’s hands crawl up her thighs. He tickles the front of her panties and glances over, “hey don’t let me have all the fun, unless you wanna watch.” 

There’s a moment of indecision. Then Steve reaches across the table and scoops up the dice. He examines each then cradles them in his large hand. Zinnia’s murmurs underline the lull as Lloyd growls deeply, his mouth making unsettling noises. 

“Lily, how’s it we’ve never had any fun?” He asks and tosses them. They only roll a short way before stilling. 

You stare at the top of the first dice. A couple in doggystyle. You clamp your lips and try not to shudder. You glance over at Dahlia and she shakes her head. The other girls slump and shrink, knowing their own turn is imminent. 

The second dice makes you blanch as it lands flat; ‘backdoor’. 

“Perfect,” Steve growls, “don’t worry, sweetheart, I’ll be nice.” 

He stands, pushing out his chair and waving towards the seat, “get on your knees, I’ll be right back.” 

“The fuck, Steve,” Ransom sneers. 

“We’ll trade,” Steve offers. 

“Mm, thanks but I think I’ll try something new. How about you, Statue of Liberty?” He looks at ass, “you think you can stay awake for some good dick?” 

You get up as Ransom swipes up the dice. This is humiliating. It’s one thing to be dragged off behind closed doors but these men are as good as starting an orgy. For what? Because they’re bored? 

Steve helps you onto the chair. You brace the back as you sit on your knees, shaking. You don’t know if you can handle this. He rubs your shoulder, gripping it hard enough for the tendon to tweak. You wince and he lets go as he walks away. You watch after him as Azalea starts to snivel. 

You look over as Lloyd keeps his face buried between Zinnia’s legs, his hand on her tits as he devours her. She puffs and pouts and squirm as Loki pets her cheek and coos. Ugh, god! You can’t keep doing this.  

For now, you have to. You have to bide your time. You have to get rid of these necklaces and those damn cameras. You have to wait for these men to turn their fangs on each other instead of you. 

Steve comes back as Dahlia’s snarl rolls through the air. There’s a struggle behind you on the floor you can’t see. Andy’s no longer by the kitchen door. It must be him. His voice confirms it as he calls for Rose too. 

Shit. The chaos breaks out quickly. Steve startles you as he squirts a slick flow between your cheeks. You squeak as he pushes his fingers along your ass as rubs your tight hole. He clicks shut the bottle of lube and reaches to put it on the table. 

He grips the back of your neck and forces your head straight. You his and latch tightly to the chair. You sit on your heels as he bends against you, contorting so he’s flush to your back. He pushes his head next to yours and growls. 

He rescinds his touch for just a moment as he jostles around. His brings his firm tip up along your cheeks and presses against your ring. You babble and reach back to press on his hip. 

“Please, no--” 

He loops his hand around the front of your neck and chokes your voice away. You gasp and wheeze as he pushes into you. He stretches your ass just around his tip, just enough for your to let out a whistle through your tight throat. Ow. Oh shit.  

He rocks and dips a little further inside. Your eyes prick and you shake your head, grinding your teeth as you quake. He thrusts again, deeper. Several more times, sinking in as your insides burn. Even the lube can’t help the resistance of your body. 

He brings his other hand to your throat, crisscrossing his fingers in front of it as he forces your head up and back. Your spine arches as his pelvis claps against your ass and he grunts. The chair rocks with his motion, teetering dangerously as your tears stream down your cheeks. 

The pain is blinding. Your eyes roll back as you puff out shallow breaths through the constriction of your throat. He snaps his hips harshly and you spasm. Again, again, again. Each time crueler than the last. 

Steve shifts his feet and moves closer again. He bucks into you so that the agony radiates from your core. You would sob if your could breath. He adjusts his hands, wrapping them full around your neck. Your lashes flutter as your vision speckles with black dots. 

“Steve, take it easy--” you hear someone warn but you can’t make out their timbre. 

“Hey, whoa, slow down. She’s--” 

Your tongue lolls out as all the air traps in your chest. The heat in your lungs is as fiery as that in your ass. The slap of flesh and the cracking force mingles with the swirling in your head. Your eyelids close of their own volition as all resistance gives out and your body goes limp. The world fades though the pain remains. 

🌸

“You could’ve fucking killed her,” A snarl seeps into your ears, making them itchy. “What the fuck are you thinking?” 

“Whatever. We can get another--” 

“Fuck off. The new one’s already pissing me off,” Bucky’s deeper tone breaks through the veil over you. 

“Like you even like the one you got--” 

“Lily,” another voice drifts in and your eyelids part, your vision hazy as Dahlia’s blurry figure sits over you. 

“Keep it down,” Lloyd sneers, “some of us are trying to eat.” 

“Don’t be a jackass,” Andy barks as he stands behind Dahlia, looming over you both, “if we lose another one, maybe you should just sacrifice the tall one.” 

“Don’t be so fucking dramatic. He was getting kinky--” 

“She’s awake,” Steve looks over at you, his pants still undone but his dick tucked away. 

“Fucking lucky,” Ransom shoves him and sidles through. “Lily pad, you okay down there?” 

You blink at him as Azalea sways nearby, twisting her hand around her finger. You look at the faces you can make out and Dahlia helps you sit up. You nod and rub your temples, wincing as your ass throbs. Oh, yeah... 

“Come on,” Ransom bends over you and hauls you up, “someone send that douchebag to his room.” 

“Who put you in charge?” Steve growls, “not my fault she can’t take it. Maybe you’re getting soft.” 

“Some of us don’t wanna fuck a corpse,” Ransom retorts as he wraps an arm around your back and lifts you. 

“I’m sure you do so much work, pillow princess,” Lloyd cackles from his knees. He has three fingers inside of Zinnia as she continues to squirm and squeal. 

Ransom huffs and carries on past the others. You lean your head against him, blocking out the rest of the room with his body. You can’t look. It hurts even more to see the rest suffer. 

He takes you into your room and elbows the door shut with a quick jerk of his body. He tuts and put you on the bed. You can’t help but curl up, hugging your legs as the ache pulses from within. 

You’re groggy with the aftermath of Steve’s strong hold. You rub your cheek, trying to get some sense back. Ransom paces, a hand on his hip, the other opening and closing in silent monologue. He’s uptight. You haven’t seen him like this. 

“I told him to stop. Fucker. Can’t fucking listen to save his life,” he snarls and stops, facing you as he stomps. “You heard me tell him to quit.” 

You bat your lashes and nod. Slowly, you muster your strength to sit up. You wince as you do. You stay balled up small as Ransom pushes his chin up and heaves once more. You consider him and his frustration; the words from before. How the men constantly battle for control, not just with you but each other. 

“He should listen,” you croak, coughing and rubbing your throat, “they should all listen to you.” 

He lowers his head and looks at you with an arch in his brow. 

“Sir, I’m sorry,” you drop your shoulders. 

“No, what are you saying?” He narrows his eyes. 

“It’s only... Maybe... if you’d been upstairs, you could’ve saved Iris. And... and if they’d all just listen it wouldn’t all be a mess. You always tell them not to... not to go so far,” you temper your words as you speak them, uncertain and yet you think that makes them seem more genuine. “They don’t listen. First Curtis with Violet, now this.” 

You chew your lip as he stares. Your heart pounds in your chest. Does he know what you’re doing? You’ve never been a very good liar. 

“They’re all breaking the rules but didn’t you all agree to them?” 

He comes forward and you fight not to cower away. He reaches for you and you expect a slap or a grope or jab. Instead he strokes your cheek and bends to meet your gaze. He looks you in the face, his blue eyes searching. 

“You know what, lily pad, you’re right,” he sits lightly on the edge of the bed and draws you close. “that’s why I like you. ‘Cause you know better. You listen.” 

He shifts and lays on his side, pulling you with him. You let him. You put your hand on his chest and rest your head on his shoulder. 

“You’re... you’re the only one who doesn’t hurt me,” you say. 

He hums and sucks his teeth, “I know, lily pad.” He exhales and closes his eyes, “this can’t go on. I gotta get these guys in check.” 

You nod and nestle closer. Not because he makes you feel safe. Not because you meant any of it. Because it makes him think you do. That sliver of doubt is under his skin, it will only continue to poke until he has to rip it out. 

[amiiancasselmanyet]

Fix Me is a Mid 2000's Classic, You're Just Not From Canada

before I start this essay series, I would like to clarify that this is NOT a series of reviews but just me genuinely expressing my feelings I have towards the albums in question because I’m a highschool dropout…bon appetite or whatever

also tw for eating disorders, self harm, general mental illness and addiction but this is fix me, you probably knew that

When most people think about early to mid 2000s rock albums that became staples and bands that became household names, there's a few that genuinely come to mind. Let’s get the “emo trinity” out of the way; From Under The Cork Tree was Fall Out Boys sophomore album from 2005 that is still widely loved for good reason. The songs are good and the lyrics hit when you least expect it. Every. Single. Time. Then, of course, we have The Black Parade. I cannot express my love of this album enough, it is quite literally my all time favorite and while Three Cheers has a more solid concept (man kills other men to try and get his lover back, homosexual antics ensues), there's a reason it’s arguably their most well known and beloved by the kids who used to bully you in middle school. Of course we have A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out coming in right after this, there’s not much I can say since this album truly deserves it’s own essay that I won't manage to write (Ryan Ross please come back the kids and I miss you) but, like the other albums, it's a STAPLE at Emo Nites and Emo Nite knockoffs (shout out to Sneaky Dees in Toronto). There is, however, an album among them that's a hidden gem due to the fact that . Fix Me was the debut studio album from Marianas Trench, arriving in 2006. This album stands out from the others in a lot of ways, its sound, its vulnerability and its general lack of a concept. This album was a shot in the dark and a testament to taking chances. Let's talk about it. 

If you’re even a little bit familiar with Marianas Trench (you definitely are because you are on a blog dedicated to the drummer, my beloved bias Ian Casselman), the sound you’re used to most likely isn’t here. This album is gritty, it’s production is grungy. When you look at the other albums at face value, it stands out as nothing like the rest. If you dig deeper, however, you realize that this album truly was the foundation of what was to come. The guitar heavy sound continues throughout the discography, even if it feels less clean than its successors. It adds to the aggression a lot of the songs have, it makes the lyrics hit harder. It was too rock for the pop charts but too pop for the rock charts.(I’m pretty sure Josh said that but this thing isn’t getting a bibliography, this is a more sophisticated shit post on a blog that, again, focuses on the silly drummer with mutton chops) While the sound is incredible, the true core of the album lies in its vulnerability.

Fix Me is essentially an auditory diary, with each track feeling like a new entry. There are themes focusing on the actual struggles Josh Ramsay dealt with at the time. There’s a lot about addiction (specifically heroin), self harm, eating disorders (specifically bulimia) and general depression. It's angsty. It's difficult  to hear at times. You're not supposed to get personal during essays but this is literally on a blog where I refer to the followers as “casselman nation”, it’s a lawless land and fuck you I’ll do what I want. This album, at its core, felt like it was almost a diary entry from a younger me. 

14 year old me was very different from the current me, I had a different name entirely, a different outlook on life and a lot of things that shaped me today had not happened yet. I was unmedicated and everyone else's problem. If you ever scroll down on the personal tag of my main (you WILL NOT, you DO NOT need to see my digital footprint and angst), you'll notice that there's a lot of themes on this album that pertained to me at that time. I was VERY depressed, undiagnosed bipolar 2, bulimic and…doing things in school bathrooms I shouldn't have with items from my art class I shouldn't have had access to in that state (not going to elaborate, I’m sure you get where I’m going). When you deal with those things head on, you tend to, from experience, seek out public figures, whether it be musicians or celebrities or youtubers (shout out to Dan and Phil lmao) who have similar experiences that you had. For me, a big one from the get go was Marianas Trench. There’s something oddly comforting in not only knowing you’re not only alone but that you’re ALSO going to survive. I truly wish I was able to hug 14 year old me but I also know that they’d be proud that I DIDN’T do the thing I wanted to do before I turned 17.

There’s another reason Fix Me is truly removed from other albums and it truly feels like the biggest component; there's no concept. Fix Me has its own identity but it's not through a story or through successful singles, it's through the fact that it has none of it. It shines through its simplicity, its impact is through the way it can stand alone. It’s an album by the band that could be, and should be at times, put on shuffle. It’s an album where you can pick any song, off the top of your head, and listen to it when you’re feeling angry or sad or full of unbridled angst. Sure, you CAN listen to other songs on other albums one at a time, Masterpiece Theatre is the first on I can think of off the top of my head, however, would you want to? Would you want to listen to The End of An Era and have it followed up with a song like This Means War? It 100% kills the immersive nature that the band has carefully crafted over the last 20 years. (yes they’ve been a band that long considering the fix me bsides are from 2001, yes it makes me feel geriatric) I think the biggest reason that it personally hits every mark imaginable for a grungy punk record is the fact that there is no secret meaning hidden in each song, its open and honest from the get go. It’s raw, real and does exactly what it needs to do.

Through its sound, its ability to be honest and vulnerable in its writing and the easily accessible material, it's a staple. Shake Tramp belongs in an Emo Nite just as much as something like Sugar We’re Going Down and more than Welcome to the Black Parade (I love that song but it doesn’t fit the vibe as well as House of Wolves or The Sharpest Lives, Emo Nite is just catering to the normies and preps). Decided to Break Its video should be as beloved as I Write Sins Not Tragedies. Marianas Trench deserve their flowers for being such a staple in the lives of canadian teens who are struggling, the adults who want to comfort their inner teen selves and those who, in general, are feeling small.

[chaosincurate]

A Guide to The Cure, Pt. II: The Pop Phase

After making three consecutively darker records back to back to back, it was time for The Cure to try something else. The next few years would see them experiment with poppier sounds, initially through singles and EPs, to try and create a more accessible sound, but one that still feels true to them. A radical departure in fashion atop the same, familiar skin. The singles they would release (and later compile into the album-length project Japanese Whispers) had mixed results, but with a few fan favourites under their belt with this new sound, they felt ready to make a full album of songs headed in this bold new direction.

The Top

They weren't ready to make a full album of songs headed in this bold new direction.

I generally try to avoid value judgements like that in my writing. I prefer to describe an album's appeal as opposed to it's lack, but this one was a rough listen. I saw some of the reviews heading into this and they didn't paint a very pretty picture, but, especially after the first few tracks were decent (if a little lacking in personality), I was holding out hope that it would give me something to appreciate. It just didn't though. After those first two tracks, I found there to be a steep drop in quality that didn't reverse itself for the rest of the album.

I do think it's very possible for some to enjoy this album though, so long as it's the right person going into it with the right mindset. First, it has to be someone that doesn't mind gimmicky production and songwriting, because there is a lot of that and it can get pretty on the nose. Second, you have to go into it with no pre-conceived notions of how a Cure album sounds. Even heading into this album with the knowledge of both their famous pop sound and their cult classic goth sound, I was not prepared for something that sounded this much like an altogether different band.

So in case it isn't clear already, I really don't recommend this as one of the first albums you listen to of The Cure. Except for maybe in the instance where you know that no matter what you want to listen to all of their discography and want to put this first so it won't ruin your appetite for more as you get the bad outliers out of the way first.

The Head On the Door

If anybody ever said that The Cure weren't elusive, they lied. Right after The Cure's biggest failure to date comes a candidate for their biggest triumph. The Head On the Door is not just a must-listen within The Cure's discography, but also within New Wave as a whole. goth rock and new wave are absolutely very different subgenres, but this album really highlights how transferable the skills are between them. Both support strange and emotive vocalists very well, and both ask a lot of their lyricists, albeit in different ways. Both are also more interested in the soundscape than technical ability when it comes to the instrumentation, although sometimes those two goals align in both styles.

And where there is a stark difference, the band prove able to manage brilliantly. Perhaps it's just my lack of exposure to the gothic sound and therefore it's intricacies, but I feel as though new wave demands more experimentation, and tracks like The Blood prove that this new Cure is capable of striking the balance required between keeping things fresh and ensuring the album comes together well as a cohesive project. I mentioned that different things are required lyrically between the two styles, and Robert Smith makes the necessary adjustments very naturally here. He seems extremely comfortable writing hooky choruses for New Wave as he does rhymeless literary marvels for Goth Rock.

As it stands, there is only one album of The Cure's that I'd recommend as the average listener's first ahead of this one (that album is yet to come), and if you just want to hear the poppier stuff, this is comfortably the best of that bunch for me, even if many of the songs have a goth rock sound sprinkled in.

Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me

I'm going to be totally honest, I'm not sure what to say about this album. Not because it's bland, far from it. Just because there's so much going on that it feels difficult to define. It also doesn't really fit cleanly into any narrative I have going on here.

It feels like a lot of fun was had putting this album together, and probably skews the poppiest of all their albums, but it's also very chaotic, with a lot of songs being outliers to that general skew. Confusingly, their opener is amongst those massive outliers, with a prog-rocky guitar solo intro, that leads into an album very nicely, but not necessarily this album. It's far from bad, but tonally it resembles a compilation album. An assortment of sounds that feel navigated based on raw intuition and what the band thought would be fun. That approach has bundles of charm, but you're going to struggle to leave a lasting impression with it.

That being said, some of the very best The Cure has to offer finds itself amongst this strange project. Just Like Heaven was a hit for a reason, Why Can't I Be You is one of their most endearing songs, previously mentioned opener The Kiss is an amazing starter, and as silly as it is, I love Hot Hot Hot!!!. But there in lies the issue with recommending this album: all I have to say about it is in relation to the individual songs. This album has value to fans of The Cure, because it's just them trying a bunch of different things, so there is very little for someone who isn't already familiar with the band to latch onto. It's a fun listen, but I'd recommend leaving this one until you've heard a few albums of theirs already.

Next Week...

Next week will be the wild mood swings phase. That's going to be released on Friday the 13th (spooky) September 2024 at midnight BST. If you're far enough in the future, you can already check it out you privileged scamp, you!

[agentnico]

Challengers (2024) review

That’s one way of engaging me in sport I guess.

Plot: Tashi, a tennis player turned coach, has transformed her husband from a mediocre player into a world-famous grand slam champion. To jolt him out of his recent losing streak, she makes him play a challenger event -- close to the lowest level of tournament on the pro tour. Tensions soon run high when he finds himself standing across the net from the once-promising, now burnt-out Patrick, his former best friend and Tashi's former boyfriend.

It’s safe to say this movie has blew up the internet. Zendaya with her major fan-base starring in a threesome tennis flick that’s brought to you by the director who revealed Timothee Chalamet to the world in that queer flick that featured the infamous peach scene? Now that’s quite the selling pitch. Naturally the result is a box office success and a movie that is already taking the top spot for the most memeable motion picture of the year. And I get it, this movie is definitely provocative enough and has enough sexual tension in it to excite any viewer. I’ll refer to my friend’s Letterboxd review for this movie with him saying the following: “I’ve found recently that hormones in films plays a factor in how much I like the film and this film is very horny”. Right, let’s not delve too deep into my friend’s evident sexual frustration, but he is not wrong that this movie reaches peak horny levels. Every scene is imbued with the steamy appetites of its central trio of characters. Like damn to these people want to f*ck hard big time! This should not come as a surprise though, as this follows a very similar formula to Luca Guadagnino’s other films, stoking the appetite of the youth to provide an open forum for unbridled desire to let loose. Call Me by Your Name, Suspiria, Bones and All, A Bigger Splash - every single one of these features tackles themes of sensuality and elegance. You know exactly what you’re getting into with a Guadagnino movie and Challengers is no exception.

That being said, with Challengers the actual narrative serves itself perfectly for a trashy B-movie experience, however it is thanks to Guadagnino’s directorial prowess that the film rises above that and becomes a truly cinematic experience. This thing looks great, and I don’t mean due to the lovely actors present, but the camerawork and the scene framework. The way the sweat drops off people’s faces in slow motion and the camera lingers on their stoic yet thoughtful facial expressions to the impressive tennis match scenes with a particular impressive sequence involving the scene being shown for, the perspective of the tennis ball which….I don’t know how the hell they managed it but that was awesome! Also need to mention the great techno score from Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross that creates an unlikely pairing in electronic dance music and classical, with the result really amping up the energy of every moment. Honestly from a technical standpoint this movie is a marvel.

In regards to the narrative that is where we start running into some trouble. For starters this movie did not need to be over 2 hours. The story was simple enough to shrink down to a 100 min max run-time, but instead the film opts to really dial in on extended pointless shots that linger way too long, so much so that I noted multiple audience members looking at their mobile phones to check the time. Secondly those excessive time jumps. Telling a story in a non-linear fashion can be a useful story-telling device, but here it was used way too much that it became distracting. Like there was a time jump back and forth every 5 minutes, with some jumps sprawling 13 years, which made it really difficult to get engaged in certain moments. Speaking of the 13 years, bless Zendaya’s heart but as much as they tried to age and de-age her through hair and make-up, she never looked older than 19 years regardless of the time era. For all of the film’s technical achievements you’d think they’d put more effort in the make-up department.

As for the actors, whilst I admire Zendaya for tackling such a meaty and, dare I say, challenging role, I feel like she’s too young in her acting career to be able to fully perform a weathered, jaded, cynical, ruthless and calculating character like Tashi. It seemed for the most part she relied on having a resting scowl face, but otherwise I found it actually hard to believe any of her chemistry with her male co-stars. As for the male co-stars, out of this love triangle it was in fact the queer relationship that really popped. Props to Mike Faist (who was a highlight for me in the recent West Side Story remake) and Josh O’Connor whose chemistry was through the roof! The way they looked at one another, to the churros to the way O’Connor smoothly moved Faist’s stool closer to his with his foot…… they can say they are best friends all they want but we just know they are both aching for those benefits! Again it’s how strong of performances these two give that hinders Zendaya who is nowhere close to their level.

Challengers overall is an entertaining enough youthful erotic crowd -pleaser that from a filmmaking standpoint looks fantastic, however due to the narrative structure and Zendaya’s arguable miscast this movie falters. That being said to Tom Holland, dude, I’ve seen your social media posts about being excited to support your girlfriend and going to see this movie, but dude, I bet your cried your eyes out after. Spider-Man - she ain’t coming home!

Overall score: 6/10

[legion1227]

Katy Perry: 143 Album Review

Wow, what a load of garbage!

Katy Perry first made it big when she released "I Kissed a Girl" in 2008. The lead single reached number one on the Hot 100 and stayed at the top for several weeks. Katy capitalized on this success with numerous hits to finish off the 2000s and dominate the first few years of the 2010s pop scene. "Hot n Cold, California Gurls, Teenage Dream, Firework, E.T., Last Friday Night, Wide Awake, Roar, Dark Horse…." At one point, she harbored the recipe for smashing big hits.

She has since lost that recipe.

Perry proceeded to languish as an artist for the rest of the 2010s. None of her singles hit as much as the previously mentioned. I found her 2017 singles, "Bon Appetit" and " Swish Swish," moderately enjoyable but lacking any sweet charm of her earlier hits. And now, in the big year 2024, Perry attempts once more to make herself a tour deforce with her latest album, "143." Does she succeed?

Nope. Not even a little.

Teaming up with producer Dr. Luke, a man that Kesha alleged to have drugged her as well as abused her physically, verbally, sexually, and emotionally, the dynamic duo crafted one of the worst albums of 2024. In the span of 33 minutes, Katy Perry attacks the pop genre with generic, forgettable, poorly-written slop. "143" comes with four skilled features in 21 Savage, Kim Petras, J.I.D., and Doechii. Each artist is immensely talented in their own projects, but they bring less than their best on each of their respective songs. I mean, on "Gimme Gimme," the song featuring 21 Savage, he says, "Take my card and go shopping for weeks/No limit, you shoppin' for free/I'm in Paris, I'm shopping for we…" The play on words we and oui is perhaps the smartest bit of writing or wordplay on this album, which isn't saying a lot.

Lyrically, instrumentally, and vocally, Katy Perry is lacking in every department on this latest project. This album is not worth the time for pop fans. You're better off either re-listening to her better hits or listening to better pop albums from this year like Sabrina Carpenter's "Short N' Sweet" or Charli XCX's "Brat," to name a few.

Rating: 1.5/5 At least it's short.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

Tonight’s bill is a big one! Little Shop of Horrors at the @GuthrieTheater! Break a leg to the entire cast and crew! And a special “Welcome to Minnesota” to the wonderful @will_roland! pic.twitter.com/5Nsq3i2ykr

— Joe (@joescranium) June 29, 2024

followed by this review:

LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS at the Guthrie Theater Hosted by the Guthrie Theater

A strange and unusual new plant is being featured on the Guthrie Theater’s Wurtele Thrust Stage and it’s got an appetite for blood. Yes, Little Shop of Horrors is back on the Twin Cities stage in flashy, yet campy, fashion. The 1980’s classic musical based on the 1960 film of the same name, tells the story of a down-on-his-luck florist, Seymour, who spends his days in a florist shop in Skid Row, tinkering with odd plants and counting down the days until the store closes from lack of customers. Without warning (and with the help of a total eclipse of the sun), his luck changes when he stumbles across a “strange and unusual” plant that, when placed in the shop window catches the eye of passersby. Feeling like the tides are turning, Seymour’s boss, Mr. Mushnik, demands that he take care of the plant at whatever costs to keep business booming.

Sounding like an easy task for him, Seymour attempts to perk up the little plant, Audrey II as he has named it, but there is one catch: Audrey II prefers a different kind of plant food. Blood, and lots of it. Running out of fingers to prick, Seymour must turn to other methods to feed the plant and as Audrey II grows, so does the admiration of the people around him, including his co-worker Audrey. Though she is a nice girl, her dentist boyfriend is anything but. Torn between the new found fame of having such a strange plant that requires extreme measures to keep alive and the love he has for Audrey and a life he dreams they could have, Seymour must make a serious of decisions that will affect every single resident of Skid Row….and perhaps the world. While Little Shop of Horrors has been produced hundreds, if not thousands, of times throughout the decades, the Guthrie has taken a new approach to their production. Instead of basing Audrey II off of a normal Venus fly trap, they have opted to base it on the aptly named Corpse Flower. A flower that only blooms every few years and when it does, omits a startlingly grotesque smell. Seemingly the perfect flower to base a man-eating plant off of and maybe not so coincidently, the Como Park Conservatory in St. Paul, Minnesota has one on display periodically when it is set to bloom. Not only has the Guthrie changed the type of flower but they have leaned very heavily into the B-Movie vibe of the story that seems to be scrubbed away in most productions. Even though the production is flashy, loud, and a spectacle to watch, it carries a fresh campy-ness that makes the show feel fresh and new. Even for patrons who think they know what to expect will find a plethora of fun surprises waiting behind the doors of Mushnik’s florist shop. Bringing charm and nerdiness aplenty to the role of Seymour is Broadway actor, Will Roland. Known for his roles in Dear Evan Hansen and Be More Chill, Roland tackles Seymour with his iconic comedic timing but offers a large splash of humanity across his whole performance. He brings out the raw emotions that Seymour feels with every breath and note. Whether he is elated with the success he has stumbled into or horrified at the lengths he has to go to, to maintain that success. Roland takes us on that journey with ease and it is a treat to enjoy, even if he does have to get a tad murderous.

Standing side by side with Roland every step of the way is China Brickey who brings Audrey to life with incredible vigor and camp. If there is anyone in this production that throws themself fully into the B-Movie vibe of the show, it is Brickey. She is hilarious, heart warming, and heartbreaking all at once. Brickey clearly knows the precedent that actors before her have brought to Audrey but she doesn’t give a recreation of any of them. She breathes her own life into the role and her delivery is sensational. The physicality and facial expressions that she is able to deliver, especially in the final moments of the show, are beyond impressive and memorable. Playing off one another with such ease, Roland and Brickey have such chemistry together as Seymour and Audrey and that is shown to high acclaim when they deliver their truly show stopping edition of Suddenly Seymour. Suffice to say, it may be one of the best performances of the song in recent memory. The delivery that they bring to the tune is both goofy and touching but it ends on such a triumphant note that the audience was practically jumping out of their seats to laud Roland and Brickey’s dynamic performance. It is worth the price of admission just for this moment. It would be unfair to single out one other member of the company who certainly delivers some of the highlights of the show. David Darrow. Embodying the sadistic and maniacal dentist, Orin D.D.S., Darrow is an absolute star. From his mischievous laughs as he inhales copious amounts of nitrous oxide to his aggressive and abusive attitude towards anyone, and everyone, he deems his victims…um…patients. There is no shortage of devilishness in Darrow’s performance and even though the audience despises him and waits for his inevitable demise, they can’t seem to lap up enough of his performance. While his main role is portraying Orin, Darrow takes on a slew of other roles throughout the production and he nails every single one of them without missing a beat.

It seems to be a rare feat now days to have a complete smash hit show in this day and age but the Guthrie Theater’s production of Little Shop of Horrors is firing on every cylinder. There are laughs, spectacular musical numbers, and plenty of horror to go around. So grab your friends, family, neighbors, and anyone else that you wouldn’t mind sacrificing to an alien plant and check out this can’t miss show of the summer because, if the opening night crowd is any indication, the run is sure to sell out and fast. Oh and remember, whatever they offer you, don’t feed the plants (unless you want all of your dreams to come true).

[enchantedlandcoffee]

Annual Writing Self-Evaluation

Thanks for the tag @allwaswell16 <3 I posted a lot of works this year so it's all under the cut 🥰

1. List of works published this year:

There's no one I love more in this world than Stanley Tucci

Kiss In The Kitchen Like It's A Dancefloor

Can We Please Get Back To Lovin'?

Two Hearts In One Home (WIP)

If The World Was Ending, You'd Come Over, Right?

Rush Hour Crush

Court Wine

Hope We Grow Old But We Never Grow Up

Hold On I Still Need You (WIP)

Bloodline of Queens (WIP)

Eager To Please

Running Over Thoughts That Make My Feet Hurt

Tell Me With Your Mind Body And Spirit

And I Can Lend You Broken Parts That Might Fit

My kiss can mend your broken heart

Bodies entertwined with their lips

When It's Good It's Really Something

Tied Up Like Two Ships

Just Let Me Adore You

When The World Is Cold, You'll Have A Place You Can Go

Was Tangled Up And Twisted

Actions Have Consequences

Gagging For It

Share a Single Bed (and tell each other what we dream about)

I promise that I'll love you for the rest of my life

Lips so good I forget my name

Friends Don't Know The Way You Taste

Let Me Be Your Last First Kiss

Always You

I'm Missing Half Of Me...

Christmas Advent Calendar

Do you really want to be all alone?

Feel My Traces

Let Me Inside

Have yourself a larry little christmas

I'll make this feel like home

To Find A Love That Feels This Right

I got me an appetite, now I can taste it

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

Probably 'If The World Was Ending, You'd Come Over, Right?'. This is the work I am most proud of because I wrote it during a not great time in my life and it was my first proper attempt at writing angst. It's also the first chaptered fic I had finished and in a way, I found my voice in terms of writing. And I formed a connection to the characters which has helped in the long run when brainstorming and planning scenes.

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

Unfortunately either 'To Find A Love That Feels This Right' or 'Tied Up Like Two Ships'. I just really clashed with the ideas in my mind and the words that I ended up writing. But thankfully, they're part of seperate series so I can expand on the worlds and hopefully make them better.

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

This sad fluff snippet from If The World Was Ending, You'd Come Over, RIght?

He put himself to work making a simple breakfast, one that he and Harry had had more times than he could count. As he carried out the task, he allowed his mind to wander, well, allowed wasn't really the right word. His mind took him on a journey he didn't sign up for. A journey full of mornings just like this, one of them getting ready whilst the other prepares food. A journey where the patter of little feet joins him in the kitchen, a little boy with brown curls and bright green eyes. A journey where the love of his life walks in, their daughter in his arms as he scoops up their son as well.

5. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

I have a few that I loved a lot (I love any and all reviews I get) and I'll share them below:

Ash, this was amaaaaaaaaaziiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing!I am officially your biggest fan now and I demand being granted that title.Wow you're talented, had me want to cry, throw up, smile and laugh all at the same time, I loved it! I'll read everything else by you I can get my hands on ;)Just lovely &lt;3

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

The past month or two. It was hard balancing work, school and writing and also being at my childhood home with fic deadlines to meet. And also being emotionally drained for two months doesn't really help get me in the writing mood.

7. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

I think the emotional scenes in If The World Was Ending really surprised me. I never knew I could come up with little rants like that, let alone multiple in the same fic.

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

I feel like I grew a lot as a writer this year. I explored different genres and themes I never thought I would (writing smut, writing angst, writing omegaverse, writing different pairings other than larry), I wrote about 73k this year which is about 70k more than I have written in my entire life.

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

I hope to improve in my ability to write and update WIPs, also to improve both the quality and quantity of my writing.

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

There were a few people who really helped me this year:

@justahappycloud was my beta for my pirates fic, my Two Hearts In One Home fic and was always cheering me on. @babyhoneyheslt hears nearly all of my ideas first and has helped me plan so many of my fics. @red-pandaaa has helped me with my confidence in writing and in general. @lunarheslwt has inspired me as a writer and has also been cheering me on from the very beginning!

11. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

A lot of angst as it's been a rollercoaster of a year. Also a lot of Harry and Louis' feelings whenever they're crushing have also been my way of getting my feelings out about people in my real life.

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

No matter how silly or weird you think an idea is, you should just go for it! Even if it doesn't fit your normal "brand", don't be afraid to branch out and write new things.

13. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

I'm looking forward to finishing my Zayn fic for @zaynsalbumsficfest as it's going to be so fluffy. Also my groundhog day magical fic for @romcom1dficfest is my favourite plot I have come up with so far (aside from Witchrry). @ohharold and I are working on something quite cool for @1dteamworkfest . And I'm hoping to update Two Hearts in One Home and to finish and post my Witchrry fic.

14. Tag three writers whose answers you’d like to read. ;)

@lunarheslwt @babyhoneyheslt @hellolovers13

[thejoyofviolentmovement]

New Audio: Sam The Woo Shares Audacious and Swaggering "Rude Little Girl"

New Audio: Sam The Woo Shares Audacious and Swaggering "Rude Little Girl" @heygroover @romainpalmieri @DorianPerron

Emerging Northern California-born, New York-based pop artist Sam The Woo grew up on a llama farm and initially had dreamt of becoming a dermatologist. But her knack for performing kept nagging and poking at her. She relocated to New York, where she attended Pace University’s Musical Theater program. With a semester left until graduation, the Northern California-born, New York-based artist left…

[darlinguistics]

i went off my adhd meds (strattera) for a few weeks as a lil experiment cuz i havent gone off them since i started them really and its too high stakes to go off them during the school year so i did it now before summer ended. i just started taking them again yesterday because i decided i was done with the lil experiment, so here's the review:

Things I Remembered About Myself/My ADHD After Actually Experiencing Them In Full-Unmedicated-Swing Again After A While (A Few Years)

conversations were fever dreams. i noticed it especially with my sister who im so close with and rarely mask around, i think like at least 1 in 3 thoughts were never finished or were finished like 2 minutes later after i remembered i never finished them. i also would totally ignore parts of things people said because i got caught up on the first thing they said and then they had to repeat themselves. i so often walked away from conversations feeling like i genuinely had no control over what i chose to say. the worst by far though was how when i really Did want to say something, i suddenly felt so inarticulate and nothing i said was actually what i meant. it was so frustrating and i didnt stay off my meds long enough to get super anxious about it but it made me remember how anxious i used to be socially before i was medicated and that was why

i lose things like crazy wow. such a cliche adhd symptom that everyone who treats adhd as a personality quirk references as like silly and chaotic of them but when its a real thing dude, its genuinely such a burden. i would just have 0 recollection of where i put things as recent as like 2 seconds ago. i lost my water bottle at work, my phone for a second, i luckily didnt lose my wallet and keys but i misplaced them so often and had mini heart attacks every time. one time i was in the car with my sister and i was like 'ugh i forgot my phone!! grr adhd!!' and then we were parked and i was waiting for her to do something and i killed time ON MY PHONE and then she came back and i put it down and then just stared at it like... wait where tf did my phone come from

sounds became so much more painful. i always underestimate my own sensory issues and i forgot how much auditory things especially are hard for me. i worked at a summer camp during this too, so i genuinely could not avoid the constant noise for like at least 8 hours straight every single day. it was annoying before i went off the meds but once i was off them it was borderline unbearable

decision overload! another symptom thats so easy to treat as just quirky and silly but wow it is debilitating!! it took all of my effort to make myself actually eat dinner every night because i would think of what to have and even just having to choose between a few things was enough to make my brain just shut off and prefer to just not eat even though i was starving. i got so much worse at grocery shopping which i usually love to do because i couldnt keep straight what my plans for the week for food were anymore. so much food went rotten because i forgot i bought it. honestly i could make a whole separate post about the weird changes my appetite went through

i just got so much more annoyed by myself? ive worked pretty hard to build a better relationship with myself the last couple of years and i actually feel like ive come really far about being nice to myself, but all the little ways that adhd inconvenienced me or messed something up, even when they were all very minor things with no serious impact, still had me with so much less patience for myself and so much more critical. i was actually shocked at how drastically the change happened and every time i caught myself it made me so sad to realize i was so angry with myself, but i also didnt really know how to tone it down. its like my mind was an overworked caregiver or something, like i gave myself compassion burnout. i think this was the nail in the coffin that made me end the little experiment and go back on my meds, because there was just no way to really fix that and give my mind the break it needed to calm down without them and i didnt like how much lower my self esteem was from just a few weeks of it.

we all know overstimulation sucks but so did the understimulation. i like totally forgot how that felt honestly, but it was painful at times. i would finally get some free time during my really busy schedule but all i could really get myself to do was just kinda sit in a quiet room and do literally nothing, maybe play soft music but only if my ears let me after all the noise of the day. i called my family less because i didnt want to hear anyones voice or i knew id get bored and wanna hang up really quick and i knew that would be rude. it was this weird situation where i felt so overstimulated most days for so long that when i finally got a reprieve i was genuinely exhausted energetically and physically and i couldnt actually make myself do much during down time but then that just made me so so understimulated and bored and SAD! i felt so much duller, almost numb, isolated. it was depressing, and then shameful when people would ask me how i spent my time and i had to say i did nothing. it reminded me of coming home from school growing up and being such an anti-social empty husk with 0 energy, back then it was even more troubling because it also made me irritable around my family and made me fall behind on assignments which only stressed me more which only exhausted me more and it was an endless cycle

okay but any good things?? i mean why did i do this?

trust me im very well acquainted with the downfalls of hyperfixating but wow i forgot how good and fulfilling it could feel too!! i started reading?? chat when was the last time i read a book omg. im genuinely so happy about this development it was like i woke up one day and was like hm actually.. im a reader. i read now. im gonna read. i wouldve expected the opposite for going off my meds but i think the unfiltered excitement about the material gave me more motivation which made up for the lack of attention span

coffee mmmmmmm. i luckily avoided like a full addiction to it (again i am very familiar with the potential evils of coffee x adhd trust me) but idk man coffee just started to hit different. while medicated i mostly just drank coffee out of like the comfort and familiarity of it and the flavor, but didnt actually crave it as much for the caffeine aspect of it because it felt unneeded and at worst anxiety inducing, but while unmedicated it became like... exactly what i wanted it to be, idk i cant describe it well lol

okay that summer camp job i mentioned, i worked with some disabled kids there that was like my Job. and i was initially worried about not being 'normal' enough off my meds to help them anymore but im so glad i did it because it made me realize/remember that it actually helped! like of course it did idk why i was nervous about it! it obviously comes with its unique challenges but it was mostly a strength that i felt like i understood some of them more and i was able to be more of like an older role model leading by example of how to exist in this way instead of just an outsider telling them what to do and what not to do without actually trying to understand them. this summer really reignited a lot of my passions about working with disabled children especially neurodivergent children and being unmedicated for a portion of it only fueled that fire more and i just feel so much more connected to the community again and so excited about the career im trying to make for myself :)

i was so shitty at masking lol, even though i still mask when im medicated i felt out of practice when i was unmedicated. but this time around i was more sure in myself so while im not and never will be immune to the shame or insecurity of being perceived unmasked i was also able to appreciate it more than i ever have. i feel like i was better at standing up for myself. i had some challenging social situations and even though i had the brain-to-mouth communication difficulties i mentioned before, it at least felt a lot easier to identify what my wants and needs were and to give them a voice, even if my voice didnt always hit the mark it still felt good to try. i tend to be a bit of a mirror or a doormat sometimes (im also a gemini rising for the astrology ppl :3 lol) because trying to navigate my own mind to find what my opinions are and then decide which are appropriate to share is like too much work so i tend to just be agreeable and small-talk-y, but i think the unmedicated adhd made me care less about all that and just like, say what i felt (or try to at least) and then also stand by what i said too. it was a good reminder that confrontation isnt inherently evil, its good actually to take up space like that sometimes. it was nice, with how much being unmedicated made me lose trust in myself in a lot of ways, i feel like it built self-trust in this aspect.

tl;dr - am i glad i did it? yes. will i do it again soon? probably not, but eventually. do i recommend it? yes..? but only if you feel like it is something that will actually benefit you and if you feel supported enough to navigate whatever challenges come up during it. do i feel differently about my meds? it definitely made me remember what exactly they do for me, and going off them for a bit satisfied the spiteful little part of me that kinda always wants to go off them and just fuck around. i feel less of the weird guilt i sometimes have about medicating now that i remember how it helps and that my unmedicated self is still part of me and i havent like, killed it off lol. do i feel differently about my adhd? i feel a lot more aware of it again in both the parts i appreciate of it and the parts that i struggle with and that was probably the most valuable takeaway from all of this.

[alln64games]

SimCity 2000

JP release: 30th January 1998

NA release: N/A

PAL release: N/A

Developer: Maxis, Genki

Publisher: Imagineer

N64 Magazine Score: 83%

I didn’t touch this one that much. For the most part, it’s a straight port of SimCity 2000 on PC, but completely in Japanese (even with Google Lens, it’s a nightmare to play). On top of that, the joystick moves a cursor and is really not suitable for this kind of game. I did try to get somewhere with it, but I couldn’t even attract a single person to my city.

This version of SimCity 2000 does have some additional features I never got to, mainly in the form of minigames. You can bet on horse races, breed monsters (to defend your city from other monsters), defend your city in a Sci-fi shooter and take part in a dating sim.

I am curious to see what they’re like, but the barrier is just too high – I’ll save my SimCity effort for the N64’s other, more custom, SimCity game.

If this review has whet your appetite for an N64-based city management role, you’d do well to consider the following: Sim City 2000 is due for UK release in a few month’s time, and the Japanese version is near incomprehensible unless you’ve played the game on another format. There’s also the problem that moans and requests from citizens are so easy to ignore when they’re in another language – another curious way in which Sim City 2000 mirrors real life…

- James Price, N64 Magazine #13

(Note: There was never a UK release of SimCity 2000)

Remake or remaster?

It would be curious to see the minigames in another version.

Official ways to get the game.

There is no official way to get the N64 version of SimCity 2000. The PC version can be bought from EA.

[sustenance-soon]

2024 recipes

my goal is to! cook 52 new recipes in 2024! here is a running list of possibilities.

winter:

moroccan vegetable tagine stew (recipetin eats)

✅ sheet pan nachoes with queso (gimme some oven)

aloo chaat two ways, add chickpeas! (bon appetit, indian healthy recipes)

✅ japanese tomato curry (just one cookbook)

fujian fried rice (woks of life)

✅ weeknight enchiladas (budget bytes)

✅ leek and potato soup (ch7 author's notes of alchemyalice's a steady grip, the tumblr post that started it all, use some spinach!)

✅ single chocolate chip cookie (dessert for two)

✅ sweet red bean soup (woks of life)

✅ spinach smoothie (the natural nurturer / ruby)

✅ shandong fish and pork dumplings (woks of life)

✅ vegetable biryani with leftover basmati rice (raaazzz food love)

spring:

yotam ottolengi's green pancakes (bon appetit)

红油抄手 (woks of life, just buy chili oil lol)

japchae (my korean kitchen)

butter chicken (random youtube person)

these four sandwiches (youtube)

https://www.wellseasonedstudio.com/eggs-florentine/

miso ramen

summer:

yotam ottolengi's very full roasted veg tart (the bitten word)

spicy spring roll cold noodles (momofuku)

yotam ottolegi's soba noodle w/ eggplant and mango (the happy foodie)

peach or berry galette (kitchn)

cucumber green pear smoothie (isha)

tuna tomato cold somen (just one cookbook)

frozen orange shaved ice (youtube but look up a couple more maybe)

beef and tomato donburi (youtube)

some kind of cold marscapone/ricotta and pesto pasta? maybe add spicy green chutney to see?

fall:

ginger scallion shrimp with crispy coconut rice (momofuku)

november cakes from scorpio races (maggie stiefvater)

brock's cream stew (tumblr)

this bean? soup? ppl r losing their minds over? (tumblr)

carrot onion ginger soup w ditallini, key is to grate the ginger in the end (COOK NOODLES IN THE SOUP)

anytime:

korean toast (my korean kitchen)

gamja jorim, korean braised potatoes (my korean kitchen)

edible water/juice jelly drops (tumblr)

cauliflower dal (feasting at home)

red lentil wraps, eat w/?? yogurt / leftover chutney (six hungry feet, from Tor)

bombay burritos / frankies (feasting at home)

lemon blueberry yogurt cake, use frozen bluebs (recipe tin eats)

tomato rice (sunny: core tomato; salt/oil water; rice cooker)

boba from scratch from this book dk reviewed

gochujang stir fry sauce (tumblr, use on leftovers)

muffins?? (tumblr)

ratatouille

beef in pita (various)

super easy rice cooker meal (that lady i like on youtube)

THREE MORE EASY RICE COOKER MEALS (youtube guy)

hungarian mushroom soup (tumblr, add chicken maybe? google)

rocket shrimp — just shrimp and wrappers omg w a sauce, easy?? (youtube)

tofu shrimp stew chinese style — one pan balanced meal, use romano beans! (youtube)

[burningdarkfire]

books i read in feb 2024

[these are all short + casual reviews - feel free to ask about individual ones if u want my full thoughts or ask for my goodreads!!] 

great pace for february! i'm in the complete opposite of a reading slump where i'm loving everything that i read, which is so enjoyable 🤗

mammoths at the gates - nghi vo ★★★★★ (fantasy novella)

a tender, thoughtful exploration of grief with great clarity of vision. i've loved every single instalment in this series!

heartstopper vol. 5 - alice oseman ★★★★★ (YA romance graphic novel)

lovely reread! i definitely enjoyed the volume over reading them online. i love how cute and charming and fun the whole comic is while still tackling serious topics with considerable weight

[REREAD] the song of achilles - madeline miller ★★★★★ (mythology retelling)

the audiobook makes such a tremendous difference in elevating this book! i gave it 3* as a paper read years ago and would probably still stand by that, but frazer douglas is working miracles

bride - ali hazelwood ★★★★☆ (contemporary romantasy)

super fun if you're into basic vampire-werewolf type of shit, and i am extremely into basic vampire-werewolf type of shit, so!

last night at the telegraph club - malinda lo ★★★★☆ (historical romance)

sometimes a book just tickles your personal fancy, and i think this is one of those. the writing was bold at parts and tastefully understated in others. it's delightful in its immigrant chinese-ness and touching in its queerness

seven ways we lie - riley redgate ★★★★☆ (YA contemporary)

solid look into the types of isolation we experience as teenagers in high school. it's pitched as gimmicky but easily transcends that into something surprisingly thoughtful

patron saints of nothing - randy ribay ★★★★☆ (YA contemporary)

idk if this is a "good" book about the sociopolitical issue at its heart, but it tackles with a lot of grace a very teenage reaction to a sense of powerlessness. it's also a hilariously cathartic book about a guy getting drastically humbled on every other page

greywaren - maggie stiefvater ★★★★☆ (fantasy)

i didn't reread the series before this finale so it's hard to judge it fairly, but it felt like a clumsy landing. i liked parts of it, but i found other parts of it totally forgettable or overwrought to no effect

balzac and the little chinese seamstress - dai sijie ★★★★☆ (historical)

reads almost pastoral, with its small scale and everyday concerns. a neat glimpse into a life under the cultural revolution, but nothing particularly unique or stirring

[DNF] a magic steeped in poison - judy i. lin ★★★☆☆ (YA fantasy)

giving up on this book after three tries. it's a completely standard YA fantasy and i think people who have an appetite for stories like this would enjoy it, but it's not for me

[hijinks-n-lowjinks]

Just saw the Demon Slayer Hashira Training Arc movie and WOW am I excited for season four!!!! I recently reread the manga from where s4 picks up (the first episode is about 40 minutes long) and I can say without a doubt that the animators and directors did an amazing job adapting the manga into something that flows really well when animated!

Review and very light spoilers below~~~

Let's start with the opening sequence! The visuals and animation were stunning and I was gagged with all the hints to the Infinity Castle Arc. The song itself wasn't especially interesting, but the audio was also lowkey fucked up in my theater so that could have been a possible cause 🤷‍♀️

The opening scene was FANTASTIC. They added an anime only scene of Sanemi and Obanai hunting down some demons and we got to see them in an actual fight, as well as a teaser of the Infinity Castle.

The Hashira meeting was very well done and made the information much more interesting to hear about instead of just reading it off the page. We also see Ubuyashiki's conversation with Amane and you really feel the love between them and how she's already grieving her husband that hasn't even passed yet.

We see Ubuyahiki's crow speak with Tamayo and prompt her to start working with Shinobu as well as

We got a really good look at the training Tanjiro is going to be put through as well as a decent look at where he'll start off with Tengen. I suspect that we're probably going to see more of the training than just the few panels we get in the manga (which I am very excited for).

There are some good hints at Giyuu's backstory as well as ending off with Tanjiro receiving Ubuyashiki's message worrying about Giyuu.

Little things that I adored:

Mitsuri and her appetite are referenced and we see a little thought bubble of her eating and shouting "umai/tasty!" which made my heart melt as a Rengoku stan. It was really nice seeing an easter egg about their singling/mentor relationship.

Zenitsu isn't as weird about the Butterfly Mansion girls in the anime as he is in the manga! I didn't find him as insufferable as I was rereading the manga, which was nice.

We get to see a little bit more of Nezuko walking around in the sun and interacting with others.

Bisexual Mitsuri canon, she fawns over how gorgeous Amane is just as much as she fawns over Obanai or the other male Hashira.