#She's bab

[firespirited]

A little more tactical-practical before integrating the crew. Weird Bab from the trash isn't even the trashiest.

[batfam-stuff-posts-0]

[homeofwyrm]

Ianthe's no good, very bad day

[aingeal98]

This might be my favourite cover because for one thing it gets me invested in the potential story like WHY is Cass in jail. I can think of a thousand reasons why people would want to arrest her but why has she let them, that's the part I'm most intrigued by.

Secondly, Cass looks so much like Shiva here that I'm pretty sure her mugshot would give Bruce a jump scare.

[hailsatanacab]

A Persuasive Argument - dpxdc

"Great!" Danny says, clapping his hands together to get everyone's attention. The dinner table falls silent as everyone looks towards him. It's a full house today and, honestly, Danny's a little nervous. "I'm sure you're all wondering why I gathered you here today."

"It's dinnertime. In our house." Duke mutters, while doing a very bad job of concealing his yawn. He holds his fork poised over the braised beef, but, just like everyone else, still looks towards Danny before tucking in. It's intriguing enough to wait.

"Yeah, no one misses Alfie's dinner." Dick says, with a brilliant smile that Danny can't help but return.

"Precisely! What better time to talk to you all than when you're all actually here!"

"Wait, I thought you came round to work on our English essays?" Tim asks, blinking owlishly.

"I'm afraid I've lured you here under false pretences, Tim."

"This is where I live."

"I would still really appreciate help on that essay though, I mean, what the hell is Hamlet even about? I just don't get that old time-y language, like 'Hark! A ghost hath killed me!' - absolute rubbish, what does that even mean?"

"The ghost never kills anyone in Hamlet, he's there to tell Hamlet that he was murdered. Have you actually read it?"

"No, but it sounds like you have. Tim, I want this guy to help me with my essay instead. I know for a fact that you haven't read Hamlet, either."

"So? We don't need Jason, I've read the Sparknotes."

"Hi Jason, I'm Danny, pleasure to meet you, summarise Hamlet in three sentences or less."

"Am I auditioning to help you write your essays? I can't believe you’ve gone through your whole school life without reading it, it’s good!"

"Hamlet, along with a number of other classics, was banned in our house because it portrayed ghosts as intelligent and sympathetic beings rather than evil, animalistic beasts. I didn’t even get to see The Muppet's Christmas Carol until last year with Tim! It was surprisingly good, and I hate Christmas because everyone always argued and it sucked. But we're getting off topic. I—"

"No, no, please go back to that, because what the fu—"

"Boys, please." Bruce interrupts, looking to the world as if he wants to hang his head in his hands. "Danny, you were about to say something?"

"Oh, yeah, Mr. Wayne! Thanks!"

"Please, call me Bruce."

"Well, that very succinctly brings me to my point, because I'd actually really like to call you dad."

Nobody says a word. Nobody even blinks, all as shocked as the other, watching open-mouthed as Danny pulls his laptop out from beside his chair. Bruce can definitely feel a headache coming on.

"Before you say anything, I've prepared a 69 slide PowerPoint presentation on why you, Bruce Wayne, should adopt me, Danny Last-Name-Pending. Please save your questions, comments, and verdict until the end, thank you."

[cassandracain52]

Reverse trope

where instead of the Bats forgetting that they’re adopted (something actual adoptees do on occasion and is hilarious) they forget that some of them *cough Damian cough* aren’t

_______

Jason in the heat of a probably ridiculous argument: Yeah well YOU’RE adopted!

Tim just as invested in said argument: So are YOU! We all are!

Damian who had previously been quietly watching this unfold while he drank his tea: Actually I’m not

Tim and Jason who didn’t realize he was there but are already DoneTM: …… Damian continuing to sip his tea entirely unbothered: :)

Damian: Because I’m not an orphan-

Jason: ok, yoU KNOW WHAT-

____

or like in their group texts (that we know they have thanks to Nightwing (2016) #79)

*Steph changed the group chat name to “Bruce Wayne’s Personal Orpanage”*

Jason: Really?

Steph: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Steph: It’s the truth Damian: Both my parents are very much alive

Steph: Shhh you don’t count

Cass: Mine too Duke: Technically so are mine

Barbara: I still have a dad so there’s that

Steph: YOU GUYS ARE RUINING THE JOKE

Tim: Stephanie aren’t BOTH of your parents alive???

Steph: KNOW WHAT? FINE

*Steph changed the group chat name to “The Technicality Police”*

Tim: well that’s more accurate at least

Steph: :)

_____

Damian in his 10th argument with Tim of the day: That’s- this is-

Tim in full Antagonizing Big Brother mode: I’m listening

Damian -a Gen Z and best friend to Jon Kent- extremely frustrated: This is such Motherless behavior!

Tim taken aback: [voice cracking] W-what-?

Damian who didn’t mean to say that but doubling down anyway because his bloodline doesn’t believe in admitting mistakes: THIS! This is such Motherless behavior!

The rest of the family who is also motherless: :O

Cass whose been spending way too much time with Meme Queen Stephanie Brown and not involved in the argument but finding it entertaining regardless: [nodding along seriously] Facts

Tim: [visibly betrayed] CASS WHAT-

A video copy of the interaction gets sent out anonymously to the entire family. Barbara is the prime suspect but there is no proof as of yet (and they will never find any)

Steph, Cass, and Duke continue to respond “Motherless behavior” everytime one of the bats does something they deem questionable/insane. It is said often

It only stops when one night in the middle of patrol. Batman is in full Dark Knight mode (possibly in the middle of threatening someone) and descends from the ceiling into the middle of a warehouse drug deal, dark cape billowing out behind him-

and Steph just automatically whispers “Motherless behavior” forgetting her com was still very much on

She immediately realizes what she said and frantically apologizes but it’s too late.

Bruce just- Blue Screens. Completely stunned into silence

Dick -who was unfortunate enough to be the one teamed up with Batman tonight- is fighting for his life to choke back his laughter

Jason doesn’t even try to stop his and has collapsed to his knees from lack of air from how hard he’s laughing. Cass try’s half heartedly patting his back to help to no avail

The criminals are terrified into surrender from The Red Hood just laughing hysterically at seemingly nothing while Batman just Stands There

Damian ends up being the only one still functioning enough to continue arresting everyone, though he is privately amused and strangely proud

Tim and Barbara have saved both the com recordings and cowl footage to at least three different servers and sent it to absolutely everyone before Batman even recovers

Duke finds out second hand the next morning and is furious he missed the chance to see it in person. He declares he is moving to the nightshift so it doesn’t happen again. (He is all talk and goes to bed by 9 pm)

Bruce bans the phrase for life and promises swift and server punishment to anyone who dares to use it again

[jalapainio]

Bruce and Cass are so not good for each other in the Batgirl (2000) run and I'm all for it. There's one scene where Bruce is talking to Cass, and he's like “Remember when I let you risk your life all alone bc you thought you needed to? Can you return the favor?” And Cass is like “Father figure, I gotchu."

[welcometogrouchland]

ANOTHER SKETCH DUMP! Featuring more of me playing with lineless art. Batman reborn era trio (dick, damian and steph) I miss you...when will you return from war. Also featuring Steph designs bc I've seen ppl dissatisfied w/ her current look, some good mom Talia, and Jason Todd poetry club. Duke is confused not that Jason would start a poetry club but that he'd have such mid poetry opinions. (ID in Alt)

[theflashjaygarrick]

The ladies of Gotham (and Talia) as Reductress/Onion headlines

[cologona]

Jason ought to be stubbornly analog where Tim is enthusiastically digital. Tim is impossible to hack because he is very much up to date and on top of cybersecurity. Jason is impossible to hack because you can’t hack a shovel.

[iguessthisisanewobsession]

A Catfish??

All of the bat children are horrified when they found out the boy Damian has been talking online, someone they were expecting to be a 5’3 twig. Someone who Damian has been crushing on for years turned out to be a 6’3 muscle-bound fucker that makes Jason look small.

They are even more horrified when they realized they never gave Damian the internet talk and for some reason Bruce is not reacting like this is something of concern and what the fuck-?!

The reason Bruce is not freaking out like the rest of his kids is quite simple.

He can see the last of the baby fat clinging to Danny’s face, he notices how even though Danny is a walking tank of a being, he still glances at the doorways like they could not be trusted.

Like he wasn’t used to his height.

No Bruce is not concerned, because all signs and research just points to one fact.

Danny Fenton has came into a Fenton-sized growth spurt.

[bluerosefox]

Peek-A-Boo Champ!

So... when Jazz and her newborn baby were taken by a cult she wasn't... too worried. Okay yes of course she was worried about her baby in the hands of the people who knocked her out cold when they broke into her home and seem to want to use HER baby as a vessel for some evil entity to bring the apocalypse BUT she knows her husband's patrol routes like the back of her hand, knows when Jason likes to drop by to check on them (with maybe another bat or bird with him, he begrudgingly allowed cause they wanna see the littlest batbaby) and knows he and the rest of the batfam had been alerted and are on their way, she knows this. And if they don't come soon she has ways to get out of these bindings and saving her baby (no anti ghost things at all, so she's good with going liminal on them if need be)

HOWEVER Jazz stops when she realizes the summoning circle they're planning on using... and knows damn well who they're going to bring to this plane of the realms...

It's been a good long while since she saw her brother. And this will give her a chance to actually introduce him to his nephew/niece instead of just sending him pictures.

......

......

Jason really wasn't expecting, as he showed up to the warehouse the cult (THEY TOOK HIS WIFE AND KID. NO B, HE WILL NOT CALM THE FUCK DOWN, HES TAKING THEM ALL OUT FOR THIS! THEY'RE GONNA USE HIS KID TO BE A VESSEL FOR A GHOST KING) was using guns blazing, to find the cult members all frozen in solid chunks of ice that would make even Mr. Freeze envious of meanwhile his wife cheerfully chatting with a glowing, floating, blueish skin with star like freckles being with a glowing crown and space cloak... who at the moment is making silly faces at his kid and playing peek-a-boo (by actually disappearing and reappearing)

[mayasaura]

Ianthe is for sure going around picking up gal pals to fill the empty places where she used to have companionship, but you know what? Pretty sure Kiriona is not replacing Harrow in the Coronabeth-shaped hole in her life. Kiriona is the new Babs.

[aingeal98]

I love that Barbara's slightly grey morality during her history as Oracle is just something half the batfam cannot acknowledge for the sake of their own mental health.

Steph: Oooh you used to work with the Suicide Squad? Did you ever have to kill people?

Babs: Well I-

Dick: Of course she didn't!

Cass: Barbara would never kill how dare you.

Babs, knowing full well everyone in the room knows that's a flat out lie:... Yeah sure. Let's go with that.

[lizardpersonyk]

yes tim parasocial relationshiping his way into the batfam is objectively funny but also he was so determined to help and bruce did NOT treat him well and he was just there sacrificing his childhood to stop a grown man from running himself into the ground and bringing gotham with him. Like he was TEENSY and SMALL. a baby. And he saw someone he's idolised for years hurting and going out of control and the only thing he thought was to force him to get better, never mind Tim's well-being. I just don't think people consider that he was so young and was treated so badly in Bruce's grief enough. That's a BABY sir. AN INFANT. maybe a toddler if you stretch it

[neptunezo]

Out of the blue, Bruce announces to the batfam, that he does, in fact, have a favorite child. He proposes a challenge, that anyone who can guess the favorite child gets first dibs on Alfreds cooking for a whole month (practically winning the lottery) so the batkids are now invested.

Damian immediately guesses Dick, fully under the impression that he’s right and Bruce is just trying to play mind games with them. Damian was incorrect.

Dick guesses Jason after finding out it’s not him, he was wrong, it’s not Jason.

Now Jason is intrigued, he’s noticed Tim still hasn’t guessed but is probably analyzing everything. Knowing Tim takes awhile (even if he is always correct) Jason goes ahead and guesses anyways, completely confident in his answer. Jason guesses Duke, he is incorrect.

Babs, knowing she isn’t one of Bruces kids so she doesn’t count for this challenge (because if she did it would obviously be her) she guesses Damian, the obvious choice. His biological son. Bruce smirks and shakes his head.

Duke guesses Tim, an answer that would make the most sense. I mean, Tim is practically Bruce 2.0, but he isn’t the favorite child.

Suddenly it clicks, Tim is now frustrated it took him so long to see. Obviously the favorite is Cass, who else could it be?? Tim almost has a tantrum when told he was wrong.

Now everyone is confused, they’ve gone through all of his kids. Tim doesn’t know why he hasn’t solved this puzzle yet. He looks for more clues and sees Cass wearing a ring. An engagement ring. The same one Steph is also wearing. It finally makes sense.

“I know who it is,” Tim brags. “But I’ve already used my guess, so Cass, please do the honors.”

Cass then points to Stephanie. Bruce has the biggest grin on his face as his nods. This is how they all find out that Cass and Steph are getting married.