#She’s only 16 dollar and I want her so bad but I’m saving up hard core so. Alas

[transfem-kirito-truther]

Lil fishing Kiri figure…

[teabanksia]

Isaiah 57:16

summary: An analysis and observation of Arthur Morgan's redemption in the form of a first person fanfiction.

word count: 1.7k

notes: No smut, SFW, angst, major religious references, Arthur has tuberculosis, the Downes family and Leopold Strauss, Arthurs POV.

I still don't recognise the man in the mirror. Now his eyes are sunken and sad, his skin is blotchy, pale, and red, for his sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow, though red as crimson. Are they supposed to weep for you now? The man scoffed. He’s dying, and I am dying with him. A few weeks, months maybe, three at the most; I can only guess. Perhaps part of me has always longed for death. It’s here, but I remain afraid. A cowardly man, that is what I have been.

I was angry, good and angry, because of my own sins. I struck him hard and then turned away in fury, leaving his wife and posterity begging for a mercy I was too mulish to grant. I remained cynical whilst he kept his stubborn and willful ways. I looked again and saw what he was doing for others; helping people, that’s something I could never do, not then and maybe not even now. In the place of justice, wickedness was there, and in the place of judgement, I was there.

Moreover, there is Strauss, a chicken-hearted man if I did ever see one. That shrinking fool is to whom I am to blame for this wasting sickness. Running around doing his bidding at the command of Dutch, making me beat these poor bastards for their petty change, and for what, our freedom? There’s no freedom in this. I ought to kill him for what he’s making me do. But I am desperate and confused. As such I will obey, just as I always have. The weasel’s head snapped up, his nervous eyes met my own. I looked away. 

Coward.

But the thought was not aimed at Strauss.

The final name in the ledger is my own. I absolved the prior, I helped others, I gave my own wealth and I begged for salvation. I tried to save him; the man in the mirror, I led him and I comforted him, praising the mourner and granting peace to the far off and peace to the near at hand. But I could not heal him. The house is damp, and stained grey just as is the sky. The wooden slates had expanded in the rain. The boards are rotting, it looks as though it could collapse at any moment. 

Arthur, her husband, is dead. It’s sardonic, as so am I. Yet I stand in front of the shack that mirrors myself, rotting, falling apart, wicked at heart. 

She has a son, much like my own, with pale skin and chestnut hair. He looked at me with fear. I lost Isaac, murdered for ten dollars. It seems I am no better man than the bastards who killed mine. I’m pathetic; standing before this woman and child who have nothing left, still begging them for their money. 

“You want my boy's shoes? You want the food out of our bellies? What little there is. Do you want me to lie down for you?” Of course I couldn’t. She looked at me with a cruelty that I deserved. There was no fear as was on the child’s face, only hatred for the vile shallow man ahead of her. I absolved the debt and gave her some of my own coin, it wasn’t much, I could have given more. But I am selfish, money hungry, and ugly. 

“I’m sorry ma’am, I really am.” 

But there is no peace for the wicked.

***

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. My actions go against everything I was told, every lie and false rule spat at me by my father; I have disobeyed. I’ve been a bad man. 

When I burst back into camp, I grabbed that scrawny cur and threw him to the ground. I’m sick of him for what he’s done, for what he’s made me do. I kicked him out of camp whilst the eyes of my family followed me. I should have killed him at that moment. Perhaps it is just me being a coward once more, or maybe it’s another hopeless and selfish attempt at salvation. 

There is always a way that appears to be right, but in the end, it leads to death.

I tried to do good, and I did do good. I gave back, I absolved the debtors, I helped that Grays boy and the Braithwaites girl, I’ve helped Eagle Flies and Rains Fall. I have rescued and assisted, helped and saved. I’ve given back and tried my best to atone for what I have done and what I still do. However, there is still Thomas Downes; my white elephant. He is the sick breath at my hind, and now, so is his widow. 

My stomach churns thinking about it, and I find it difficult to get air into my lungs, an issue becoming all the more frequent in recent days. Maybe it's the guilt, or maybe my illness. I’m feeling it more now, as did Downes. Downes. 

The man in the mirror stumbled to a crouch at a nearby rock, his body barely managing before he collapsed against it, his lungs heaving and my wrist coated in crimson as he pressed it against my mouth. His body is dragged south and my heart goes with it. I hate that name, I hate him for what he’s done to me… I hate him for what I did to him. 

"For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."

Surely the fate of human beings is like that of the animals; the same fate awaits us both. As one dies, so does the other. All have the same breath. I have no advantage over animals. Everything is meaningless; and a man reaps what he sows. 

Another good deed could surely fix what I have done, it could grant me peace, an act for someone I wronged the most. Mrs Downes. 

I saw her in Annesburg, a small mining town. I pushed that poor woman into selling herself from the hurt I caused, I pushed her son likely to his death in those mines. I ruined their lives, I suffer for it every day. But my suffering is not half of what their own is. I tracked her out of town, it may have been an invasion, a selfish act for my own will. She doesn’t want my help, but the boy seemed so worried for her. I found her by an old log in the outskirts of Annesburg. A quiet place, with no one to hear her cries. She was being harassed by a male, maybe helping her in this moment was my good deed afterall, but I know I’m the cause of it.

She told me I sound like her husband. My cough – My punishment.

I took her to her home and I offered her and her boy money. I want them to rebuild their lives, not to be killed by their pride. She declined but I forced it into the palm of their hands. 

“Don’t thank me” I commanded them. The boy did anyway, so I scolded him.

I claimed to not be looking for forgiveness, if salvation is not forgiveness, then what is it? I wish for peace, a calm death, for this guilt to no longer be at the front of my mind. How is that not looking for forgiveness? If not from Mrs Downes than from who, Dutch? A higher power? God will bring into judgment both the righteous and the wicked, there will be a time for every activity, a time to judge every deed. 

My deeds have not been kind, nor could my current deeds make up for what I did to so many. You can change the man, but you can not change his actions. If I have changed at all. For a moment I thought maybe this was it, the salvation I seek, the forgiveness. But I am not at peace. 

Perhaps my father, Dutch, is the reason I am this way. He took me off the streets and gave me a home, and at the same time he turned me into a monster. Forced me to be his workhorse, do the dirty crimes that no one else wanted to do, It’s all I was good for, soon I will die with nothing I was good at.

I wish I could tell all of them that it wasn’t me, it was Strauss, it was Dutch, it was my upbringing, my loyalty, I never would have done it otherwise. But I would be wrong. I didn’t have to beat Downes. I did it because I was angry. At him or at myself? It does not matter, I still struck him. The children weep for their mothers and the widows weep for their men. I took both of them and now I expect the same people to weep for me. I am a selfish coward. 

Father, forgive me, I do not know what I am doing. I know what I did, I’m haunted by it every moment. I wallow in my self pity for the actions I myself chose to make. But what the hell am I doing now? All have sinned but mine have been worse. Do I expect myself to be justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ? He will call the past to recount. I can expect nothing more than the eternal damnation I brought upon myself. 

I look to the mirror once more, the man’s sins are damson against the thin skin below his eyes. Wasting away, It’s getting worse much faster than I expected. Will they miss me? My brother John, little Jack, Charles, Sadie. Even my father, Dutch, would he miss me? I wouldn’t miss me. The man in the mirror scoffs once more. How foolish of him to think a month of good can’t make up for a lifetime of pain he inflicted on others. That cowardly man in the mirror – No, the man who looks into the mirror – he and I are the same. The same coward with the same hurt and the same damage. I am no better than my actions, there is no peace for the wicked. 

Image credits // @/softcowboi on Pinterest

Taglist // @luluslibrary @restingmadface @brokebackmountain1899

[thewulf]

I Think I Love You || Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw

Summary: Bradley's longterm best friend (they know each other as long as they can think) moves to fighter town, now that her best friend Brad is permanently stationed there and she finished University... Read Rest Here

A/N: It was so fun to write Bradley! Will def write him more in the future. As always THANK YOU for the super fun requests. You the readers are everything to me. Thanks for making this hobby so enjoyable :)

Pairing: Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw x Y/N

Word Count: 5,800+

“Come on, answer the phone!” You couldn’t sit in place for more than a second after hearing the news. Each ring feeling like it was taking longer than the previous. Your eyes darted from the window to your phone as soon as you heard him pick up on the other side.

“Bradley!” Yelling immediately into the phone you didn’t dare give him a second to think, “Guess what!”

“Jesus Y/N. That was my ear drum you just ruptured.” He tried to sound irritated on the phone with you but was actually laughing softly instead, it was so like you. Chaotic in the best way.

“Aww, is Bradley having a bad day?” You cooed knowing just how badly it would irritate him. If there was one thing Bradley hated it was being babied.

“I shouldn’t have picked up the phone.” He groaned.

Smiling you sat down on your bed leaning against the bedframe, “Oh, but I’m so glad you did! Did you guess yet?”

He hummed trying to think of something, “You won a million dollars playing the lottery?”

“Sheesh, I wish!” The smile grew even further as you remembered just how much you loved talking to him. It’d been far too long since you’d lived close to Bradley. He moved off to college when he turned 18, you were 16. Ever since you could remember it was you and Bradley. He was always there. Your mom, Molly, was best friends with Carole. After Nick passed away your father ended up leaving your mom. Molly and Carol become even faster friends almost moving in together but deciding on raising you and Bradley in houses right down the street from one another.

The friendship was never forced only coming easy to the both of you. He was a few years older than you but always included you. He always went out of his way to make you feel included, wanted. It was and still is an extraordinary friendship between two terribly different people. Bradley was cool, calm, and always collected. He always knew what to say or what to do in almost any situation. You on the other hand were quite the opposite. Chaotic, unafraid and scatter brained. You always had to wonder why he put up with you.

You’d, of course, crushed hard on him as you were growing up. It hurt when he asked the prettiest blonde girl, Alexandra, to Homecoming and not you. Not that a senior would ever ask a lowly little sophomore such as yourself, but you dreamed. You just knew he’d never feel the same. You were sure he always looked at you like a little sister, never standing a chance.

Carole passed away when Bradley was only 15, absolutely destroying him in the process. But you were there. You stood, sat, and laid by him at his worst times never dropping a hand. You were just 13. He had no one. It shattered your heart as he broke down completely. He moved in with your mom and you not long after. His grandparents too far away. Carole had asked your mom to take care of him before she passed away, which she agreed to instantly.

Things were great for the next few years. Then he turned 18 and moved away. Off to college without you. Even though he’d been rejected by the Navy he knew he had to be close. He was going to try every year. He was determined to be a pilot like his dad.

Your mom remarried not long after Carole had passed away. She needed someone and Carole was that someone for so long. It was fine until it wasn’t. Your mom passed a few years after that. Right after your nineteenth birthday. You were going to college locally and saving some money by staying at home. It got bad after she passed. You were truly alone, not even a sliver of comfort to be provided by your stepfather. In fact, it was the opposite. It was mental at first. Insults and manipulation. Then it got physical. A slap here, a broken beer bottle to the face there requiring stitches and finally the broken bones landing you in the ER a little too often. Bradley hadn’t a clue what was going on. How would he? He was a hot shot pilot. You were just studying to be doctor.

You were finally able to move out when you had been accepted to medical school out of state. You’d figure it out. You always did. You’d survived three years in that hellhole. You could keep going. Completely and utterly alone.

But you did it. Not without Bradley’s help. He was the one constant in your life. The one person you knew you could call on a whim. If you needed help Bradley would be your sounding board. If you needed a voice of reason he’d be right, there. He had always loved you. He just wish you could see it.

“Alright, I give up, what is it?”

You gasped, “You hardly guessed!”

“Y/N!” He was used to your antics by now. It always ended in him laughing like he presently. You just knew his eyes were squinted together and that damn mustache you tried to get him to shave was turned right side up. As much as you made fun of him for it, it just worked for him. It made him Bradley.

“Fine. Okay. I matched!” You squealed, “With my first choice!”

“Which is?” He was on the edge of his toes. You’d refused to tell him, wanting to surprise him. Initially you wanted to surprise him by just showing up, but the excitement got to you, and you needed to tell him. “Oh, and congrats. I knew you would.” He sat down with the big smile on his face like you guessed. As annoyed as he tried to act, he loved talking to you. You were his first friend. His first best friend. His person he told everything to. He loved you. He didn’t know if he was in love with you though. He was at one time then life got in the way. But he was settling now, and you knew it.

He'd had girlfriends in the past but nothing serious. You had one boyfriend for a while, but nothing turned out from it. You’d always claimed medical school got in the way. Your friends didn’t seem to have a problem maintaining relationships through it though. Your stepfather liked to throw that out in between punches. If he wasn’t beating you physically, he’d sure go for it emotionally. That was the last time you saw him. You went back for your clothing, and he tried to stop you.

“Thanks Bradley. It might just be at the University of San Diego Medical Center. And it might just be for a surgical residency.”

His heart felt like it stopped beating that instant. You were coming here? He’d just taken a job as a Top Gun instructor last year. He was absolutely thrilled. His Y/N? Coming to live here, “You’re not fucking with me, right?” He breathed out, anxious.

“Never!” You were matching his grin from a thousand miles away, “I loved it when I visited last year and you’re out there so why not?”

“That’s the best news I’ve gotten all afternoon.” Bradley was very aware that he had a few sets of eyes cued in on his conversation. Sure, he was a little more animated when he talked to you, but they were looking at him like he was doing something crazy. Hangman was giving him a nod and knowing smirk. Natasha was looking between the two of them confused. Poor Bob was even more lost than Natasha. Bradley turned away trying to keep his conversation with you vaguely private. It was the end of the day, and they were all just about to leave base with their normally locked up phones when he saw your face pop up on his screen.

“It better be!” You could hardly contain your excitement as you stood from your spot on the bed pacing around your room, “I fly in on the 20th!”

“I’ll be there to pick you up.” Bradley stated so assuredly you weren’t sure if he already knew you were flying in or not.

“Oh, yeah?”

He smirked to himself, “’Course, gotta pick up my favorite girl.”

If only he could see the disgustingly bright blush that spread across your face in an instant. Oh, how that boy made your insides feel all types of ways. The butterflies wouldn’t stop as you tried to form a coherent sentence in your brain, “You spoil me, Bradley Bradshaw.”

He laughed to himself knowing Hangman had the laser eyes locked in on him. He’d mentioned you in passing a few times, but Jake knew there was something more the second Bradley’s face changed when he’d answered the phone. Jake was anything but dumb. He knew that look. The one where you were so enamored it didn’t seem to matter what the other person was talking about. A look everybody dreamed of having and receiving, “Hardly sweetness, just wait till you’re actually here.” You knew he was smirking from ear to ear. God you’d love to be with him, but man were you thankful you weren’t. You wouldn’t know how to compose yourself.

Immediately you found a seat on a chair attempting to process his words. Sweetness? That was a new one. One that quite literally just made you go weak at the knees, “I look forward to it.” You played along.

“I hate to cut this short. But I’ve got a group of annoyed pilots waiting on me. Can I call you later?” He would’ve loved to have kept going. Especially since you’d just dropped that news on his so casually on a Monday afternoon.

“Of course. I’ll talk to you later RooRoo.” You’d dropped the nickname you knew he secretly loved but hated other people knowing.

“You’ll be the death of me, ya know that?” He started walking back over to the group with that stupid grin on his face. He wasn’t doing a very good job at hiding it. He loved you. He knew that. He just didn’t know if he was in love. But he did know he could be. If he let himself.

“You’re right. This place is cool.” You and Bradley were standing at the bar waiting for your drink order to come on up.

“You know I always am.”

Rolling your eyes, you grabbed the bottle that the bartender set down in front of you, “Cocky as ever I see.”

“You call it cockiness. I call it confidence.” Following your actions, he grabbed the bottle taking a lengthy swig as you just shook your head at him.

“Good to see you haven’t changed too much.”

He shook his head, “Never. Now come on, got a few people for you to meet.” Placing his hand on your back he guided you towards the group of Naval pilots standing around the pool table. Thank God your brain was already panicking from the meeting new people to be too overtaken by his hand placement. Bradley had never been so forwardly flirty with you before. Sure, casual remarks and gestures were thrown around before but nothing to this extent. He seemed to love the dumb expression on your face when you tried to figure out his words each time he flirted with you.

“Look what cat dragged in.” The blonde one brought everybody’s attention to you and Bradley joining the group. You simply smiled up at him knowing he was talking about the much taller pilot behind you, “Not you sweetheart.” He made sure to wink at you knowing it’d piss Bradshaw off more than ever. And it did. You felt Bradley’s posture stiffen from behind you. Sending daggers right at Hangman.

“I assumed.” You nodded to him. Lucky for you there were only a few pilots hanging out at the Hard Deck tonight. Six of the twelve pilots that went on the mission got invited to stay and teach. Five accepted. Four were presently relaxing after a long week training to become the next generation of trainers, “I’m Y/N.” Introducing yourself to the pilots was intimidating. Each one more self-assured than the next.

“Oh, we know.” The blonde one grinned mischievously as he stepped forward, “You’re a hell of a lot prettier thank Rooster was letting onto.”

“Really Seresin? Anything that moves with you, I swear.” The only woman spoke up while shaking her head, “Ignore him. I’m Natasha. That’s Jake and Bob is right over there. Javy’s also here he’s just on a date tonight. He’s the best.” She pointed to the one that was throwing darts with another guy in uniform.

Jake shrugged eyeing Bradley. He knew what Jake was trying to do. Get a rise out of him. Ever since you got here a week ago Jake had been hounding him about you. Trying to get him to admit to any sort of feeling but coming up stunningly short in his goal. Bradley wouldn’t crack. He’d convinced himself you’d never feel the same way so he refused to allow himself to ever think it could happen. Never would he admit that to Jake who’d go blabbing off to you the next time he sees you.

The last week reaffirmed his feelings. They never went away they were just sidelined for a bit as the two of you navigated life apart for a bit. It scared him. The feelings that he had for you. Each time you smiled he swore it was the most beautiful thing. How you’d gotten even more gorgeous in the years he hadn’t seen you face to face was beyond him. He was speechless when he spotted you running towards him at the airport. And man, when he hugged you and got a whiff of you he felt everything he had before only tenfold. There you were. His person. Standing there in front of him. It felt too damn good to be true.

Natasha must’ve picked up on what was going on because she pulled you away, “Y/N, let me show you around. I’m sure Rooster did a terrible job.”

He smirked watching you get taken away from him so quickly. He should’ve known. They were all terribly curious of you after Jake blew up his spot. Still, he’d never admit it. He’d look like a little lovesick puppy accepting that fate. The worst thing that could happen is it gets back to you, and you don’t feel the same. He’d fuck a lifetime of friendship and love up. He couldn’t do that. Not when he finally had you back in his grasp after so long apart.

You shot him a nod as you followed Natasha out of the bar and onto the beach. His eyes followed your figure as you left. He had it bad for you.

“You love that girl.” Jake was now standing right next to him. He hadn’t heard Hangman walk over as he watched you. Too entranced with you.

“For the thousandth time this week…”

“Jesus Christ.” Jake sighed almost slamming his empty bottle on the high top, “Shut the fuck up would you. You love her. You know I have eyes and I can see through them. You haven’t taken yours off her.” Jake sat down knowing he had him. His eyes certainly betrayed him. He’d have to do something he really didn’t want to do. Approach another girl. As much as he craved to be around you he had to do this for your sake. Jake was going to end up saying something he regretted.

“Next girl that walks in. I’m getting her number.” Bradley sighed knowing it probably wasn’t the best course of action.

“That doesn’t mean shit. You can flirt with other women and still love her.” Hangman looked exasperated now, “You’re too fucking blind to see it but she looks at you the same way.” He hoped it meant something to Bradley now.

“Drop it.”

Jake put his hands up, “You’re being such a fucking idiot right now. I’ll stop but you’re going to hurt her.”

“I won’t.” Bradley spotted you walking back over with Phoenix. Because of course he did, he always seemed to notice when you walked into a room. It pained him not to stay. To talk to you. The two of you had so much more to catch up on. But he needed to. He had to put some space in between while his co-workers were sitting right there.

Against his better judgment he walked up to the first single looking girl he saw to strike up a conversation. You were too into the conversation with Natasha that you didn’t notice Bradley walking away. When you made it back over the frown the crossed your face was inevitable when you couldn’t find him. Yours eyes scanned but you couldn’t seem to find him. Maybe he was just in the restroom. It wasn’t like him to leave you with people you didn’t know.

“He’s being a dumbass right now.” Jake joined you and Natasha at the table.

“Hmm?” Your eyes flicked up to Jake instead of the restroom door he was surely coming out of soon.

“Your boyfriend.” Natasha smirked at the comment. She’d picked up on it too. As much as both of you tried to reject it, there was something there.

You laughed uneasily. God how you’d love him to be your boyfriend. You know he’d make the best one. Whatever lucky ass girl stole him would have her life changed, for the better.

“You love him.” It was more of a statement than a question. Your mouth bobbed open in retort, but you couldn’t say you didn’t. You loved him so much. Everything felt so easy with him. The two of you picking up right where you left off all those years ago. It certainly helped that you usually had some form of communication at least once throughout the day. If you didn’t talk on the phone it was a text. He loved it, so did you. He loved you. He knew it. Couldn’t admit it.

“I think… I do?” You looked surprised that you said it. You’d kept it in for so long it felt foreign coming off your tongue.

Jake’s smirk turned into a smile. He didn’t even have to grill you to get you to admit it, “Then do me a favor and don’t look at the bar.”

You turned immediately heart sinking seeing him chatting it up with a pretty blonde girl. Jake groaned seeing you spot him immediately. He too should’ve known you’d be like Bradley. Defiant. Not listening to him. It’d piss him off more, but you charmed him already. He was impressed. You were able to keep up. Seemed sweet. A catch in his eyes. He could see how Bradley could love you. It seemed easy. Jake didn’t think for a second if you weren’t Bradley’s he’d be trying.

“I told you not to look.”

Turning your head back to him you nodded, “You did.” Taking a long drink from your glass you knew this would be a long night. It was so out of character for him though. You had to wonder what was up with him.

“He’s being dumb. Thinks you don’t like him.” A confused expression crossed your features as you registered Jake’s admission. Bradley liked you? He couldn’t. Not after he’d pushed you away so obviously in the past.

You shook your head, “He doesn’t like me. Sees me like a sister.” Crossing your arms over your chest all you wanted to do was curl up in a ball and vanish away from here.

Jake scoffed, “Trust me sweetheart. He does not see you like a sister.”

“Yeah, well. Don’t get my hopes up. He’s sitting there talking to someone else. If he liked me he’d be up here.” You threw it back in his face.

“I told you he was being dumb. Just like you are, right now.”

Rolling your eyes, you finished off your beer, “You’re very too the point Jake.”

“Life’s short.”

Sure is. You got up to get another drink. Unbeknownst to you, you’d caught the attention of the other group of Naval pilots on the other side of the bar. Jake told you to stay away. He knew their intentions. They were the students, much younger and much more aggressive with it.

One was so forward he walked right on up to you as you waited for the bartender to get your order. You felt him on your side before you heard him speak, “Now what’s a pretty thing like you doing at this bar?”

You looked around playing dumb, “I’m here with friends.”

“Those guys?” He pointed up towards Jake, Natasha, and Bob.

You nodded, “Yep.” The guy was off to you. Giving you bad energy as he inched closer and closer to you. You tried to step away from him but unfortunately boxed yourself in.

“You can do better beautiful.” He smiled to himself thinking he was all that.

“Okay.” You grabbed your beer before ducking under his arms walking back towards the group quickly. You felt his eyes on you as you rushed away.

To your surprise you spotted Bradley back with the group away from the pretty girl, “Boy am I glad to see you guys.” You sighed in frustration as you took the seat next to Bradley who gave you a small smile. Acting weird you noted.

“You seemed to have been enjoying yourself.” Bradley simply stating making sure not to look at you.

Shaking your head quickly, “Not at all. Sleezy.”

“What’d he say?” Jake looked irritated. There was a reason he warned you. He knew exactly what went through those brains. He was in that position not too long ago. There weren’t many logical thoughts when your young, attractive and a pilot. They didn’t get told no very often.

“Nothing before I got out of there.”

“Atta girl.” Jake nodded.

Bradley shrugged, “You should go for it.”

Your head turned quickly at him before your heart sunk a little lower, “What?”

His heart broke a little seeing your confused expression. But on he went, his own worst enemy, “Yeah, you always complain about not having a boyfriend. Go for it. See what it’s like.”

Jakes eyebrows raised as he watched the tension rise between the two of you. What in the hell was Bradshaw doing? You too had a pained expression as your heart broke even further, “Oh, okay. I’m sorry. I don’t mean to complain.” Looking away you made eye contact with Jake who was shaking his head. You knew he wanted you to stay put. He already warned you about them and their obvious intentions. But what’d you have to lose? Bradley was already gone. There wasn’t much else for you now.

You shrugged taking Bradley’s advice.

“Y/N.” Jake tried to stop you, but you walked off leaving your drink. You didn’t catch the sadness that crossed on Bradley’s face as you were walking away. You were too busy trying not to blink back tears. But here you were. Going to go give your number to this dude. Putting out for him sounded horrendous but it just might be what your shattering heart needed. Or so your brain thought.

Something wasn’t right. Your head was feeling far too light. Your eyes started to dry out as you tried to focus on the pilot’s face across from yours. You were on the date Bradley recommended. It was going about as bad as you’d expect. Everything related back to sex with the man. You couldn’t even seem to remember his name. You were coming up with an escape plan but then your head started going fuzzy.

“I’m getting some air. I’ll be right back.” You abruptly stood from the table the two of you were seated out.

His smile didn’t seem so innocent anymore as he nodded to you. Maybe it was your head just messing with you? You walked and stumbled your way out of the restaurant feeling sets of eyes on you. You hadn’t hardly drunken a thing, this was no buzz. You were feeling drugged. You’d seen it time and time again, girls getting roofied going to the ER. You were about to be one of those girls.

You tried for Bradley, but it just kept ringing. Again, you pressed call, but it kept ringing and going to voicemail. You knew you didn’t have much time to figure this out. In a few moments the drugs would overtake and who knows what the creep will do to you. You shuttered as you decided on calling Jake. He’d given you his number after you gave yours out.

Jake answered immediately. When you didn’t respond he panicked, “Y/N? Hello?”

You wanted to speak but it was like your brain was disconnected from your mouth, “J…Jake.” Was all you could seem to manage. Your own thoughts started getting hazy as you saw the front door open and close revealing him. Fuck. Not much time now.

“Y/N? What’s going on?” He sounded desperate. You tried with all your might to talk but it wasn’t happening. You suddenly understood those poor, poor girls who were drugged like this. How fucking awful it was.

“Drugs.” You managed before he beelined it right from you.

“Drugs? Y/N what the fuck?” Was all you heard before the phone dropped out of your hand. It didn’t hang up the call though. Jake was hearing everything.

“Y/N, let’s go home.”

You think you shook your head, you couldn’t be so sure, “You’re hurting me.” You whined feeling his hands grab your wrists forcefully. That was going to bruise.

“Time to go, now.” He snapped knowing that they were still in a very public place, and you were gone. Lost in your own brain now.

“No, no.” You cried out before he pulled you too him and away from the phone. Jake was already on his way. You weren’t far. He was worried he wouldn’t make it in time. He was with Bradley and heard the whole thing. Bradley couldn’t move, paralyzed in fear hearing your soft plea’s through the phone. He did that to you. He was supposed to protect you. Not push you into the arms of a fucked-up frat boy.

Jake pulled him by the collar into the car. He’d pulled up the Find My app making sure he was heading to the right spot. Two minutes never felt so long as he flew past the speed limit in an instant. Bradley’s heart wouldn’t stop racing as he thought the worst. How could have done this to you? He’d let his stupid fucking ego get in the way and now you were hurt. Because of him.

“Rooster, say something.” Jake almost yelled at him. He was getting pissed. Bradley had gone nearly catatonic once Jake turned the speaker on. They were just supposed to be getting drinks at the bar not too far from the restaurant. Just in case. Maybe he shouldn’t have ignored your calls. Fuck. He knew he fucked up.

Jake pulled in just in the nick of time. Bradley didn’t know what came over him, but he blacked out. All he remembers is opening his eyes and seeing the pilot on the ground, knocked out cold and blood running out of his nose. Lucky for him the adrenaline was enough to make his hand feel fine. He knew it was going to hurt once it wore off.

“Damn.” Jake whistled seeing how quickly he took care of that problem, “Didn’t think you had it in you Rooster.” Jake kicked his side lightly to make sure he was out.

It didn’t take long before Bradley turned his attention towards you, “Y/N.” Placing his hands on your cheeks he turned your very limited attention towards him.

You smiled recognizing the man standing before you, “Oh, hi RooRoo. You’re so pretty.” You blurted out. You were too far gone to notice the brilliant shade of red Bradley wore on his cheeks to your compliment. Of course, you thought him as pretty. He was beautiful. The most handsome guy in your eyes. Nobody could compare. Nobody ever would.

“RooRoo?” Jake laughed at the nickname that so easily rolled off your tongue.

Bradley very quickly shot him a glare, “Not now, please. Later. We gotta get her to a hospital. I have no idea what he laced her dinner with.” He looked worried enough that Jake dropped the smile and walked back over to the car quickly pulling it up to where you were standing.

“Can you walk?”

“My feet are really heavy.” You giggled trying to pick them up to no avail. It’s like your brain was working but wouldn’t communicate the commands to anything you needed it to.

“I’m going to pick you up alright?” He waited for anything before he touched you. He didn’t want to do anything that’d freak you out. You’d already been through enough at his expense.

“You’re so pretty.” You went to touch his cheek but missed completely. You frowned but quickly burst into a fit of giggled forgetting his question entirely. He took that as confirmation enough. He quickly picked you up into his arms, bridal style. Before you could even comprehend what happened you were seated in the back seat next to Bradley.

“I’m so tired.” You closed your eyes leaning on him for support.

“Hey, can you keep them open for me?” Bradley asked. Once Jake heard the seat belt click he was off towards the ER. Definitely not how he envisioned his nor your night.

“No.” You yawned feeling the full effects take over. You felt his hand wrap around your head securing you in his side.

“I got you sweetness.”

“Fuck.” You groaned as your eyes adjusted to the bright hospital lights.

“There she is.” Jake perked up seeing your eyes open. He nudged a sleeping Bradley who shot over to you once he realized.

“Y/N. How are you?” He looked nervous. So incredibly nervous as he looked at you in an entirely new light. He was your next of kin. Your power of attorney. You’d made him your living decider should things go wrong. So, the doctor had no problem disclosing your file to him. He thought you were married after all.

To his horror he read through all the different times you were admitted back in your hometown. Almost every other month you were there with different degrees of injury. You were accident prone but never to that extent. He didn’t tell Jake. He couldn’t tell Jake. That was between you and him now. That’s it.

Jake took the silence as his que, “I’m going to go get some food. I’ll be back later.” He walked off leaving just you and Bradley. Your person.

“My head hurts like a bitch.” You groaned closing your eyes not too thrilled about the situation you were in, “What happened?”

“You were roofied.” He frowned, “Jake and I brought you in. They admitted you because your heart rate was so low. I’m so sorry Y/N.” Grabbing your hand but looking down Bradley squeezed it as gently as possible.

You sighed loving the innocent contact between the two of you, “What a dickhead.”

Bradley laughed. A sound you enjoyed so deeply. A sound you loved pulling right out of him. He was so fucking perfect to you. You just wished you had the courage to tell him before it was too late. He too was a catch. He wouldn’t be single for long if he didn’t want to be.

“What a dickhead.” He nodded in agreement, “I’m so sorry.” He apologized again.

“It’s okay. You saved me. My knight in shining armour.” You yawned still feeling the effects of the drugs that were wearing off. Your mouth was still clearly loosey goosey with it.

He laughed again, “How do you do that?”

“Do what? You asked curiously.

“Make everything so lighthearted. This is so serious and yet here I am laughing.”

“I don’t know. You make me feel safe I guess. I know you’d never judge me. You’d have my back though anything. It’s easy to be lighthearted with you.” You admitted. One of the bigger admissions you’d have to say. You loved flirting with him, but it usually never got deeper than that. Not until now.

“I read your files.” He couldn’t keep it in.

It took you a moment to fully understand what he meant, “Oh.” Was it. You didn’t have anything else to say. It was suddenly a bit mortifying realizing what had happened in your past. Like you were too weak to stop it.

“What happened after your mom died Y/N?” He noticed the dates. He wasn’t dumb.

“Well, good old Jerry decided to take it out on me.” You never thought you’d have to explain it to him. You never thought you’d be back in the hospital so soon. It never crossed your mind.

“Y/N… Why didn’t you tell me?” He scooted close to you on his chair. One hand squeezing one of yours and the other on your cheek.

You looked away willing the tears away. But they fell in rapid succession, “You couldn’t have done anything. You were living your life. I had to figure mine out.” It wasn’t a great excuse. But it was the truth. You didn’t want to burden him with it.

“Oh, my Y/N. I’m so sorry. I wish you told me.” He brushed the stream of tears away blinking back his own. He couldn’t imagine you so injured. Breaking bones on the regular. It wasn’t you. You were being abused and hurt. His girl. And he wasn’t there for you. That broke his heart.

“I’m sorry…” You looked down and away, “For not telling you. I didn’t know how.”

“It’s okay sweetness. No more secrets though, from here on out?”

You nodded smiling slightly at his seemingly new name for you, “No more secrets. I can do that.” You agreed looking right at him. God, he was so beautiful. Your Bradley. He was here for you if you let him. And you finally let him.

“I love you Y/N. I’m in love with you. I always have been.” He looked away from you. Horrified that it came out so quickly. He let Jake’s comments take over his head.

You nodded in realization, “I think I love you…. No, I know I love you. I love you too.” Groggily you grinned at him nodding in realization.

His head snapped up towards you, “Yeah?” He really couldn’t believe it. There wasn’t a scenario in his head where you said it back. Yet here you were, saying it right back to him. That smile on your face made him gleam.

“Oh yeah.”

“I love you.” He took your hand peppering kisses on the back sending shivers right on up it. The laughter that left your throat was one of the most freeing feelings. Not knowing how much that had weighted on you over the years.

“And I love you Bradley Bradshaw.”

Taglist: senjoritanana

[loveandthings11]

Some thoughts from Team Kendall on the endless frustration that is Mass in the Time of War:

No one listens when Kendall actually is trying to do the right thing because every time he does, it also can be seen as self-serving. Seriously, every time. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t also the right thing to do. Yes, he wanted to save himself from going to jail and having his reputation irreparably destroyed. But also, it is the right thing to hold Waystar accountable and stand up for the victims. Both things exist simultaneously.

Roman and Shiv only want to pay attention to the tone Kendall’s saying things in in this episode, not to the actual content of his words (btw I think the audience does this sometimes too). He’s telling the truth about all these things, but they’re focused on pointing out that it sounds self-important instead of acknowledging that it’s true. They can be annoyed all they want, but they all agree that they would win if they all banded together and then they just don’t.

(Side note: this also comes up in the intervention scene, when Connor focuses on the phrasing of Kendall referring to himself as “the oldest son,” when at this point even Shiv is saying, “you know what he means.”)

Shiv says she’ll only join his side if she takes over. Kendall obviously should have been more tactful when explaining why it can’t be Shiv. But the truth is she has still barely worked for the company and it truly is not possible that shareholders would prefer someone with zero business experience over either Kendall or Roman, both of whom have worked for Waystar for 10-16 years in multiple cities. It is objectively a crazy idea that she’d take over a multibillion dollar empire over them at that point. Logan basically explains that when he lays out a three-year plan for her. And yet, she makes this into a reason not to side with Kendall, when Logan isn’t going to give it to her either. Not because she isn’t smart and capable- she is- but because she has no business experience from a shareholder’s perspective. (Yes, she learned a lot from being in the family, but shareholders and board members want to see concrete experience, not solely nepotism with nothing to back it up). At this point in time, of COURSE it would be Kendall. He’s leading the “revolution,” and he has the most experience and education. That makes sense, but no one listens because it also gives him what he wants- the CEO title.

It’s like they all despise each other’s ambition, even though they’ve been taught that that’s the only desirable quality a person can have. If Kendall (or any of them) has ambition or becomes CEO, that person might become Logan’s favorite, and they can’t let that happen. But wanting to be boss isn’t a bad thing in this family, it’s the only thing, so it’s hard to justify being judgmental that he could want to be CEO so much, other than for their own sakes. And if they’re in it for their own ambition, then they’re doing exactly what they’re accusing Kendall of doing.

This attitude is also reflected in the beginning of season 1 when Shiv says “because you like playing boss?” when Kendall says they shouldn’t rush Logan’s recovery. Yes, he likes it, but also, they really shouldn’t rush the recovery. Again, both things exist simultaneously. He was prepared to take over already and no one else was even expressing interest until Logan went to the hospital.

When Kendall says that Shiv is choosing the wrong thing over the right thing I’m basically screaming because it’s TRUE. He’s the “real her” because she has always stuck to her morals in politics, and now he is being the moral one, and she’s the “real him” because she’s going back to Logan to do his bidding, even though she disagrees and doesn’t feel right about it, like Kendall always has in the past. She’d rather do the wrong thing than see Kendall get what he wants. She’s trusting Logan, which is never the right choice for any of his kids.

Jesse. Just let him do even one thing without being thwarted in season 4.

Bonus:

[guzhuangheaven]

As much as I am enjoying My Heroic Husband, despite the fact that it’s genuinely laugh out loud funny and the characters are endearing, I do kind of want to nitpick it a bit (a lot). The drama spends a lot of time telling you about how Tan’er is the best candidate to be the seal holder and the boss of the family business. And certainly compared to her cousin she is better because she does have integrity and dedication to the business. But the problem is that it’s episode 16 now, and the drama has yet to actually show much (any) of her ability.

All the clever business things that had happened so far in the drama has been Ning Yi’s idea. In fact, in the very second episode, where Tan’er’s warehouse flooded ruining all her inventory of fabrics, she came up with absolutely zero idea to save the opening day of her shop except to postpone the opening. In the end Ning Yi stepped in the save the day. I’m not saying that Tan’er is incompetent, because in that situation, there was very little that could be done other than postpone the opening. Ning Yi only saved the day because he has the advantage of knowledge taken from modern time and set up a gameshow to trick customers into buying fabric that did not yet exist and getting them to pay up front then pick up the product later. 

The thing is, this solution that Ning Yi came up with – along with practically all the other business models he wowed people with later like franchising, door to door shipping and customer reward cards – can only really work in our modern mass consumerism market. (Like I get that century egg is this novel thing in this world but no one needs that much century egg that it can be turned into a massive franchise a la McDonalds or Starbucks.) The drama handwaves this and assumes these sales models would work in a feudal, labour intensive world. And this makes for a genuinely funny drama because we are supposed to be aware that everything is anachronistic and unrealistic.

I get that this drama is really Ning Yi’s drama, and it’s supposed to be playing up the fact that Ning Yi has the mind and memories of a modern business man who is used to running billion dollar corporations. So the focus on Ning Yi’s business schemes is not necessarily the problem. The problem is that this set up gives Tan’er nothing to do. At this point, Ning Yi is pretty much the one doing all the business and Tan’er is just the symbolic boss walking around nodding at everybody. Yes there are hints that Ning Yi does discuss things with her and clue her in to things, but we don’t get enough of that to really be convinced that this is still Tan’er business that she is supposed to be running and is responsible for. Tan’er shows up when it’s necessary to be the face of the business, but really it’s Ning Yi pulling all the strings.

And this really sums up the problem (maybe problem is too strong a word, but certainly the weakness) in the way this drama is attempting to subvert gender roles. In fact, it’s a weakness in all cdramas I have watched so far that try to do this, The Romance of Tiger and Rose included. These dramas take a very second wave feminist approach and posits that women’s assigned reproductive roles suck and women being confined to the private sphere suck, so gender equality means that women should break out of those roles and into the public sphere and do what men do. Equality, therefore, means women should be like men and do things like men. Which is all well and good when you say that this means that women like Tan’er should be able to head the family business.

What this approach IRL usually overlooks is the fact that reproductive duties in the private sphere DO exist regardless of what women do in the public sphere, and usually women end up being tasked with the reproductive work in the private sphere anyway. This is what leads to women’s multiple labour and triple burden. To be fair, My Heroic Husband does attempt to address this by having the men at the husband school (whatever it’s called in English, I’m not watching is drama with Eng sub so have no idea…) learn things like to cook and sew and take care of children. But this attempt to challenge gender roles is undermined by the fact that 1) these husbands are still established as the minority and this is still assumed to be a patriarchal society and 2) therefore the society in My Heroic Husband still look down on these husbands who live with their wives’ family and learn/do these traditionally feminine tasks. Basically only men who are weak whatever that means/too poor/too pathetic/have no other option force themselves/choose to put themselves into this role. Moreover, Ning Yi is celebrated among the men at the husband school and in the drama in general not because he successfully embraces his reversed gender role and stays home and take care of the house/kids while Tan’er owns a business, but because he…takes over the running of the business himself so that his wife can be a token female boss???

This tokenism is very much the predictable result when the traditional constructs of “men good women bad” and the power relations between men and women are not challenged. Just because you flip the roles doesn’t mean you are challenging the power relations. This simply flipping is what The Romance of Tiger and Rose tried to do as well, and it worked even less for me in that drama. I dropped Tiger and Rose around ep 18 because I was so frustrated with the fact that it shoves in your face this supposed matriarchal society that is literally no different than IRL patriarchy just with the men and women switching places. This “IRL patriarchy but it’s women instead” approach doesn’t work because it doesn’t unpack WHY IRL patriarchy set up men in positions of power in the first place and the traditional assumptions about the biological difference between men and women that underlie patriarchal societies. It does not interest me in any way to see women oppress men in drama in the exact same way as men do women IRL, because that says nothing about…anything, other than assuming that people just suck in general. It also doesn’t offer any solution to how to undo any of that oppression and unbalance of power, which is what these thought experiments with gender roles are supposed to do.

I guess the point of this very long post is to say I’m just frustrated with how Chinese dramas are still stuck in this rather outdated approach to feminism. Throw socialist/Marxist feminist theories in and it only entrenches this approach even further. None of this surprise me, but I find it hard to ignore in dramas such as My Heroic Husband and Tiger and Rose that set out to very explicitly challenge gender roles and then kind of…don’t. Actually it’s dramas that are not so “in your face” about it like The Story of Ming Lan and to a certain extent Nothing Gold Can Stay are the ones that drives across more subtle but clearer messages about how damaging patriarchy is to women.

(Having said all of this, I still do love My Heroic Husband as a drama because it’s still very entertaining. It’s not meant to be that deep of a drama anyway, I just have too high expectations this being my field IRL and all.) -H

[sorio99]

Deltarune Chapter 2: Live Thoughts

So, since the new chapter of Deltarune came out, I've played it all the way through, so, here are my thoughts as I had them. Basically a live-blog, but, not live anymore, I wrote these in my notes app before.

NOTE: Obviously there are going to be ALL THE SPOILERS for Deltarune Chapter 2 in this, as well as Chapter 1. Reader discretion is advised.

Wow, okay, so I was wrong about it being immediately explained.

Various descriptions have changed, and I’m not sure if it’s because of the change to a new game, or the one to a new chapter.

I feel like Berdly is definitely a m’lady guy.

Okay, so, we’re not skipping class this time.

I really wish we could call Toriel and tell her we’re gonna be late again, but I couldn’t see an option for that. Maybe Kris told her on the ride to school.

Okay, so, Noelle is definitely adorable, and a huge lesbian.

Susie seems lovestruck too, kinda.

SHE HAD CHALK, AND SHE DIDN’T TELL ALPHYS BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT SHE AND SUSIE COULD GO GET IT TOGETHER OH MY GOD

Okay, honestly wasn’t expecting the closet to work again.

Fricking LOVE the new transition.

Okay, so, Ralsei knows about, the real world? How, why, and what?

Oh, that, makes, a little sense? But also, if we hadn’t brought the toys over to the closet then, would they all be, dead?

AND WHAT IS RALSEI IN THIS CONTEXT?!?!

Okay, but I love the new town.

Holy shit, save points have storage, AND a spare list? Hell yeah.

So, we’re all level 2 now. I guess they moved from EXP based (or, execution point based?) to Milestone.

Love the basement for bad guys, with K. Round standing guard.

Bitch said “Child abusers live in Hamster Cage”.

Wait, he uses the hamster wheel?

I don’t know if I believe the king about his “bluff” or not. I think not, but, I don’t know.

I can see the “Susie moves to Ralsei’s castle to escape her abusive home” fic already.

RALSEI GAVE KRIS A TRASHCAN, AND SAID IT WAS FOR THE MANUAL IF HE GIVES US ANOTHER ONE OH MY GOD IM SO SORRY MY SWEET FLUFFY BOY

And of course, the moss call-back.

Oh god, Susie just said “My own room, huh.” and my heart is ready to shatter.

This girl has one actual food item in her fridge, and it’s just salsa

Oh, scratch that, there’s ice, crumbs, and jawbreakers in there too?

Oh, okay, Ralsei did give her actual food.

Entering Lancer’s room gives the cartoon Splat sound effect from Chapter 1, and his bedroom is identical to Chapter 1.

Perfect.

And the sound effect, plays in reverse when leaving? Okay.

So, explore until we’re ready to leave, huh? Seems, suspicious.

Oh my god, I just realized, the LightCandy is literally the chalk Noelle gave Susie. What the fuck.

So, for giving the Top back his cake, we get regenerating SpinCake that heals everyone for 140. Nice.

Battle challenges, huh? This should be interesting.

So, we can get a ClubsSandwich, $100, or…Jigsaw Joe’s entire life savings. Okay.

Aw, Clover has separate heads in their dialogue box!

Just realized this “dojo” also has their bed. Odd.

Alright, let’s take these challenges!

Oh, so if we act with Kris, than spare with Ralsei or Susie…got it!

He has a mercy meter. There’s a mercy meter now. I love this.

Oh, of course his life savings is exactly one dollar.

I can already tell the Graze challenges are gonna be the biggest bitches.

Okay, so, being able to rematch bosses, with different gimmicks and attacks, but based on the same logic? Always amazing.

I love the little cut-ins from the other characters with certain lines, like Susie and Lancer revealing “for a price” means zero dollars.

“Cookie and Wife”?

The Blacksmith runs a bakery where he can fuse items…okay.

Imma get a Silver Card.

What the fuck, Mr. Society?

Okay, so, we’re “leaving” through the way we came in, so “surely” we’re going back “home” to the “real world” and our “family”. Sure.

LANCER was added to your key items.

Oh was he now?

And so was Rouxls, “even though no one wanted that.”

Oh, we, actually went back to the light world. Huh. Actually wasn’t expecting that.

Jack of Spades, and the Rules Card. Makes sense.

Still LV 1 here, thankfully. No murder yet.

Okay, thankfully I can call Toriel now.

…Undyne, what the fuck?

Also? This, car horn music, I guess? Is, um…interesting.

Oh, the, computer lab. Where Toby was in Chapter 1. Okay. Makes sense.

“Guess this means we can’t start our project.” I’d say the biggest obstacle is more that we have no clue what the hell this project is supposed to be.

Hmm, we could use the computer at my house, or we could have a fun Toby Fox adventure…

My house!

I knew Susie wouldn’t allow it, also, you always wanna jump in big pits? That’s, worrying.

Computer lab time!

So, computer themed, maybe?

Rouxls jumped out, apparently. According to Lancer.

Okay, this build up is creepy, where’s the fluffy boy?!

Who is SHE?!

Was

Was that Noelle’s chatter sound?

Asking for help?

OH MY GOD

ITS THE REINDEER LESBIAN

SHES BEEN TAKEN

NOOOO

And, I suppose, this must be, our queen.

Q5U4EX7YY2E9N. Sure. I’ll stick with Queen, yeah.

Oh, she’s a computer! That…that’s probably not, great?

Oh, those plugs are bad, brainwashers. Okay.

Okay, they’re both tired…but Ralsei isn’t here. Fuck.

Aiming at moving targets is hard.

2 Werewires spared, only 4 to go, I guess!

RALSEI IS BACK, YAY!

Fun Gang, back together, working to save Susie’s soon-to-be-girlfriend!

Rhythm game to start a new bumping song. Nice.

Might live blog less from here, since, you know, the game is starting proper.

God, I love Deltarune’s look and sound, it’s so clean? And expressive, and AAAGH, I just love it!

I love angry Ralsei.

First lose control laughing moment: Kris and Susie squishing Ralsei like a toothpaste tube, to play an arcade game.

Did, did I just play Punch-Out inside an Undertale?

Curing computer viruses with Syringes…sure.

Sweet is the rhythm guy! Nice to meet you, Sweet! You and Toby are great at this music thing.

Hey, Susie can act now! Awesome!

Ralsei too, because of bullying! Yay!

Now the whole gang’s dancing!

(This is where I took my first real break, to process stuff and relax, and also to sleep)

In between thought: it’s kinda interesting that, in Chapter 1, Susie basically had to be forced to care about Kris, Ralsei, and Susie, but as soon as Noelle is in the slightest bit of danger, she’s immediately like, “We have to save her or die trying”, huh?

“Reverse diss-tracks, where the vocalist puts themselves down and praises Queen…or noise music.” That’s some, interesting taste in music.

“All our songs are only 4 seconds long!” Damn, so you’re, like, Vine musicians?

So, the Knight is opening alternate fountains, that create dark worlds out of, more mundane places? Interesting…

So, someone new is leading the rebels. This, can’t go well.

Smorgasbord 2.

Oooh, a TP raising Item! Nice!

Oh, the guy who was already working for Queen is a Werewire now. Okay.

66 up arrows. Hmmm, I wonder if I can retry at some point…

Oh boy. Here’s the queens…wait what?

Oh my god.

Go kart time.

Noelle, you traitor! How could you!

Oh, okay. Berdly I believe more.

Also, “beloved”.

I love how Queen apparently didn’t even ask him.

“Light Nerds” Good one, Queen.

That’s one weird Check for Berdly.

Berdly, for God’s sakes, Noelle is a lesbian, you idiot.

You know, given this villain rant, I think I hate Berdly more than I do King. And I’ve dealt with both bullies AND abusive dads.

Oh god, Roller Coaster Tycoon murder (also Berdly is dead)

Garbage! Saved by it again.

Oh, this place looks glitchy.

Also, Susie, you’re not the king of the trash pile. You’re QUEEN of the trash pile.

Oh god, please don’t tell me she’s dying.

Okay, good, she just needed fluffy boy hug.

Fork in the path, advantageous to split up, huh? But there’s three of us, and, two paths probably.

Okay, I can either go with the Fluffy boy who might secretly be evil, or the mean girl who might get lesbian scenes…hmmm…

I’m flipping a coin.

Okay, Ralsei it is!

Oh, Susie is upset at me getting to pick.

Oh, they’re going together.

Oh, this can’t be good.

If I had a nickel for every indie game with a cat themed metropolis on my pc, I’d have two nickels. You can finish the meme.

I swear I just saw Noelle on the right. Something big in the streets, hmmmm…

Okay, definitely saw Noelle that time. Shame the Poppups, popped up.

…I get it, Toby, but I’m still mad.

Blocked 10 ads…okay, I still love this game.

God, I’m already missing my party members.

Okay, so I still have Lancer, but, I’m really hoping Noelle listens to reason, because Lancer is, not.

Oh god no, don’t fight me now Queen. And please don’t join me.

Alright, nobody likes Berdly. Figured.

God they’re so dumb.

“G-got any room for another truce?” Noelle, I would do a No Mercy run for you, of course I’m going to help you.

I can’t believe “No Triple Trucies” is even an option.

Yay! Noelle in party!

“LV1 Snowcaster. Might be able to use some cool moves.” She’s got Heal Prayer, a more powerful (but more expensive) Pacify, and a damaging Ice move for only 16% TP.

I love her.

I don’t know what a sugarplum is myself, actually.

Noelle, you have a one track mind, and I like it.

Lancer, she’s not a cream, and we’re not making her a bad guy.

Oh, and she’s scared of mice, I love it!

Ah, she’s never been in battle before, let’s see how this goes.

See? That wasn’t so bad, Noelle.

Oh, she’s a natural!

“Needles aren’t scary…” Tell that to anyone under 20, Noelle.

Also, “subtle” pro-Vax message?

Oh my god, I just love her animations.

So, the virus and the syringe are fighting…hm…

Okay, so, first, Noelle’s defend animation, also perfect.

Second, so Ambyu-lance’s bullets block and destroy Virovirokun’s…hmm…

Have I mentioned how much I love Noelle? This funky little Christmas Lesbian can do no wrong.

Oh my god, she can’t even confidently say we’re friends, and hearing Kris say it makes her happy, I love her so much.

Okay, so, Queen drinks Battery Acid. Makes sense for a computer.

Kris is so done with this shit, I can tell.

I am both scared of and loving Queen.

Oh Jesus Christ Berdly what the fuck is that.

That is not greatness that is…I don’t know. I’m pretty sure even tumblr isn’t horny for you, Berdly.

Christ, he’s gonna break Queen by being an idiot and then he’ll be the Chapter boss.

Her eyes say lying. Of course.

“I Did Not Know You Had… Nipples” that’s, a good point.

…Berdly, you disturb me.

Second lost control laughing moment: Noelle’s cardboard robot face, and Queen just saying “Wow Cool Face”

Lancer, what is the “illusory nipple technique”?

Oh, of course the music bots built the statue. Berdly would never do manual labor.

Oh, and, they built the next “big” thing…hmmmm…

Why are we, flavors of tea???

Okay, that should be all the werewires for now.

The, clothing store, sold me, a useless mannequin, for $300. Of course.

I am going to touch the cheese.

Maus!

Cheese maze, purposely ruined to spare more Mices.

Hmm, Berdly talks about Noelle’s crush. $20 says he actually thinks it’s him, or maybe Kris at a stretch.

Noelle is now immune to mice! Yay!

Oh, CD Bagel, Seedy Bagel, just got that.

Okay, sacrifice pacifist run to kill Berdly…I’m tempted.

Uh, Berdly, Noelle just one shot both your allies. I’m not alone, you are.

Jokes on you, buddy, I’ve been dodging A+ for years!

“(He hit me in the face with a tornado…)” Yes, Noelle, and I have papercuts on my eyelids. He do be an asshole.

Oh good, they both made Battery Acid Pies. Now we’re in a car together. Perfect. This is exactly how I wanted things to go.

Potassium

Who is this trash man?

Spamton, huh. Oh boy.

Oh god, this song has lyrics.

Oh joy, a mini boss on my own. Just what I wanted.

Oh, new game over screen! Nice.

Anyways, I hate this guy.

Okay, just one more deal, I think. I wonder what’s next.

I’m not giving you my credit card info, dude.

Oh damnit, 1% more.

Okay, I’m very scared now.

Oh, I lost $51. That’s, fair.

Okay, back in the car.

Oh my god, Queen loves Noelle too. Perfect.

Lancer took the mixtape! Nice!

Oh, he ate it…nice!

DECEMB…

Oh god she’s a little kid.

December.

I’m so sorry, Noelle. I really hope you’re going to be okay. We’ll figure out what to do.

Queen, why does everything you have explode?

Now the prize is on my head.

Susie and Ralsei! You’re back!

She can slightly heal me now…cool!

And she taught him Sarcasm. I love them all so much.

Uh, Susie! You can have it!

Okay, so, now Susie is both gay for Noelle, and suspicious of her. Amazing.

And Noelle is turned on by the threat of being killed. Have I mentioned I love these dorks?

The gang’s all here!

Uh, just got past fireworks, and, where’s Noelle?

Oh, okay. She was just watching Fireworks.

Oooo, catching mice minigame!

Oooo, more elaborate but simpler to control mice minigame!

Oooo, bucket hole!

Also, nice gay Noelle moment noted.

Oh no, please don’t take the perfect girl away from us!

Okay, so, I don’t like Berdly, but, Acid river? Bit much…

Oh, okay. He was never in danger. I hate both of you. GIVE US BACK NOELLE

GOD DAMNIT NOT THE CAGE AGAIN.

Oh, great, now we’re captured too. Except possibly Ralsei.

She only plays mobile games. Burn her.

For once Berdly is correct.

Queen, you are dumb.

Is that the super Mario world fade?

I don’t, next question.

No looking at my Search history!

Oh, hey, we can chat in here.

LANCER TIME!

YES I MISSED YOU YOU DOPE

Lancer, never say Pants hole again, and never say you were inside it either.

Lancer, do you still not know our name?!

So this is how they lampshade the tutorial-Toriel thing, huh?

Oh no, Lancer, please don’t die in here.

Um, are there rooms for all the kids at school?

Asriel…

Puzzle time!

Plot twist: Susie is not Susan.

Berdly is dumb.

Admittedly, I did brute force that second one a bit…

Okay, now Susie has outsmarted both me AND Berdly. This is sad.

Oh god, he’s gonna cry now.

Oh, my god, that’s what December meant. That’s why Berdly cares about Noelle. That’s why…oh god.

Oh wow, Susie’s a gamer. This is incredible Lore.

Oh wow, first Lancer’s face returns, now Berdly is Anime. I love this game.

Oh my god, Ralsei in a tux. I love him.

Alright, so, Lancer needs to go back to Castle Town, and we need to get the heck to Noelle. I hope Berdly’s plan actually works…

Aw, I wanted him to stay tuxedo…

Color Cafe, huh?

Oh god, Rouxls came here. I am terrified.

I love this hype manor song!

Toby Fox, why is there so much 3D Shenanigans in this 2D Top Down RPG???

Note: from here, I end up going to the secret of this chapter. Do not read if you don’t want to be spoiled on that plotline. Skip to where I say Pancake Batter.

Okay, I’m going back, and I’m gonna find this third blue check mark.

Okay, found it, now to get back to the guy…

Yay, fireworks, again!

East treasure’s hallway leading to Basement on 1F…

Oh dear.

So there’s a secret here after all…where is…

Found it!

Okay, how to open this lock, now…hm.

Well, one thing was in the field, so, maybe in the city?

Oh Jesus it’s Spamton.

$28, not a penny more.

KeyGen, huh…

If this is as hard as Jevil, I’m gonna be pissed.

Oh, great, just Kris going in. Again. Fantastic.

Oh what the fuck.

Oh Jesus Christ I hate this build up.

Oh, and I died on the elevator. That’s fun.

Okay, so I hate this elevator. A lot.

Okay! Took like six tries, but I made it past the elevator! Now, let’s see what’s waiting for me…

EmptyDisk…hmmmmmmmm…

Maybe take that back to Scamton or whoever?

…Ralsei, Susie, what are you two doing?

Okay, trash man, you better like this.

Oh Jesus Christ.

Okay, this is not what I expected to follow Jevil’s lead. But, let’s see what happens when I turn this disk in.

Oh, nothing happened. Sure it did. Just gonna walk away then…

Oh, wouldn’t you know it, something happened!

Okay, so big puppet robot man. This is terrifying.

THANK YOU SUSIE!

Roller coaster boss! Again! Oh good!

YELLOW SOUL!

Can’t write notes, gotta kill.

Spamton, oh my god. And it’s Neo’s outfit. How the fuck did I not realize before?

Im terrified, let’s GOOOOOO!

Holy shit is that the Undertale Game Over message??????

Many tries later

Okay, I think it’s actually Ralsei and Susie talking…

Quitting the game so they can get their healing items out of storage and buy some good ones extra later

Okay, third turn, and I’ve only been hit once! Granted, it did almost 50 damage to Susie, but, still, doing better this time!

Even more death later

Did he just, attack himself?

Is he surrendering?

I…I did it! I did it in one sitting! Minus quitting so I could grab healing items that did more than 40 HP!

Oh, he killed him by freeing him…….okay.

Dealmaker, huh? Let’s see what this bad boy is…

+4 defense, +5 magic (even on Kris?), and $+30%…”and…?”

Okay, Ralsei, you get that, Susie get’s Jevilstail, and I get many questions.

Alright, now back to the actual plot!

Oh…Kris has goosebumps, and Susie’s asking if they’re okay…no. I’m saying no.

I love these two so much. Now let’s save the adorable lesbian.

Pancake Batter. Alright, we’re good.

Sorry, Noelle, got distracted.

Mouse wheel!

Tasque manager helped!

Man, this room is big and empty, with an odd exit door and screens on the north wall. Hmmmm…

Toby!

Thank you annoying dog!

Okay, I still love this music. Just wanted to say that. Anyways, PROGRESS!

We’re tea covered now. Except Susie. She’s tea filled.

Oh god, I don’t trust Berdly with Susie.

God, Knight teased.

Duck ride with Fluffy Boy.

Okay, so, puzzle time, methonk.

High Five!

More duck ride!

Ralsei, do you wanna do the kissy?

Oh boy.

Oh jeez.

Oh damn.

Rouxls.

Ralsei, you read my mind.

Oh Jesus it’s the tank from the first game.

Okay, so, we, take houses? Okay.

I can’t believe some people thought this dork was Gaster.

Wow, I beat him in like 3 and a half turns because I blocked him in.

Another God Dammit because SOMEONE didn’t pay attention to what happened to Lancer.

His head is still blue…

Hey, Camera! Peace signs and hugs!

Mostly hugs.

Yay, more Susie and Noelle time!

Oh my god, my heart is breaking.

Okay, I love these adorable girls.

Oh boy, this is, weird.

“Point and hearts come out” or “Eat moss”. The choice of a generation.

Fair point, Susie.

She likes scary things, huh.

Kinky

Have I mentioned how much I love these two? Because I do.

Susie and Noelle are best girls ever, no objections.

Oh good, Berdly, don’t ruin this completely, okay?

I fucking knew it.

Noelle, you’re going to kill him, and that’s okay with me.

Susie, stop squishing him like toothpaste!

Oh boy, I get big “final boss” energy right now…

Werewerewire?!

Okay, so I just stole from Noelle’s room.

Okay, boss time.

Shit, I should’ve healed up.

Okay, so, I died, but, I can fix that!

So, this boss is calling back to how the town’s internet has gone out, a fact I didn’t even learn until watching other content last night when I should have been sleeping, because I forgot to talk to Alphys during the brief chance I had.

Also, now both she and Ralsei have made reference to the real world outside…hmmmm…

So I guess the plot is about Google search being evil…yeah that checks out.

Bitch, did you just funny runny way?

Hmm, I’d say 50/50 odds of him being a drama Queen vs. him trying to trick Susie into caring about him.

Yep, he’s trying to score a kiss. Berdly…get a job.

Alright, let’s save Noelle, and possibly the whole town.

The “Roaring” Knight?

Oh god, the determination…who is this Knight, what is going on, and how involved are we?

Wait wait wait wait wait wait WAIT

When she described the Knight making more darkness, she said they took their blade, and showed an image of a knife. Was…was this…

HOLY SHIT IS KRIS’S NIGHT SELF THE KNIGHT?!?!

Oh. It was a giant robot. Not a statue.

Susie’s dancing!

Oh yeah, he can fly.

Resistance! Yay!

Okay, so, we sentai up in this bitch.

I wonder how the hell this story would go if we didn’t go pacifist then? Because in Chapter 1, all that really changed was how the boss was defeated in the cutscene, and like a couple details later. This is, a lot more than that.

Okay, so, three rounds of HP, punch out for her turns, just keep attacking. Got it.

Two rounds down, one to go!

Yes, eat your own Baseball, bitch!

Oh, suicide attack. Well it was just a robot.

Oh. She still has us.

Oh fuck the robot is Noelle’s mom. Fuck.

Okay, so, Queen is dead.

Oh fuck, don’t take over the world with darkness all of you, please.

The Roaring?

Oh fuck, new legend lore.

Titans, Fountains, enveloping the land in devastation. Oh jeez.

Lost eternally in an endless night…that’s not paradise. That’s hell.

QUEEN IS ALIVE?!?! AND DIDN’T KNOW ANY OF THAT?!?!

Thank you, Susie!

Okay, that’s a good ending for a second chapter, it’s dark fountain time!

Susie, please don’t turn evil.

…

And, we’re in the computer lab!

Wait, Ms. Boom? Does, does Gerson have a daughter, or wife?

Lost control laughing #3: this

I love this game so much. Time to explore town again.

Okay, Alphys does crush on Undyne still, at least.

Oops, I just let all the prisoner dogs out.

Awww, Undyne likes Alphys too!

Napstablook, I love you.

Oh shit, Asgore used to be a pig?

Oh god, this Rudy storyline is gonna be depressing all the way through, huh?

Susie, can we steal the tower of the gods?

Hey, we can actually go back to Ralsei’s dark world?!

Okay, this is gonna be interesting.

Oh thank god, we can save in the epilogue now, cool.

Oh cool, King and Queen together.

Oh my god he calls her Queenie Beanie. I love this.

So, a card and a computer fucked to make Lancer, who is a card. Okay.

Okay, so Lancer DOES know Kris’s name! Just not Ralsei’s!

New battle challenges! Yes!

Might save “Ch. 2 All-stars” for another time, though…

Perfection is the mannequin reaction.

Oh my god there’s a dedicated room for listening to music I love this

Alright, time to skedaddle back to the real world.

Okay, so Alvin is Gerson’s son, and he’s depressed. Fun.

Oh, MK and Snowy are by the creepy bunker. That’s…fun.

Okay, so, Susie scared them off after they insulted Kris, because Kris said something about the bunker…hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…

Hey, Nice Cream Guy is one of the Ice-E’s employees! Nice!

Ah, PizzaPants. Never change.

Oh hey, it’s the little guy, who’s clone is a Gaster follower. And the bird guy’s still in the library, and the donut guy is still in his car…

Hey, Catty and Bratty are becoming friends again! Cool!

Omg, Sans’s store is open. Do I…go in?

Hell yes I do!

Okay, so, Grillby’s music still, but, different interior. Interesting…

Sans, a day and 2 years in this game are not equivalent. It’s a day and 3 years.

The trousle grows further away.

Oh jeez Susie’s been drinking the milk. Oh god.

Cool, Susie’s seeing Onion too!

Oh, never mind.

A song is coming from deep under the water…either Shyren is involved, or this is gonna take a turn.

See you, Su-

Oh! Hey mom! Meet Susie!

Pie for all!

Oh my god, Susie, my heart is breaking.

Okay, so Alphys and Toriel know about the chalk. That, kinda makes Susie thinking she’d get expelled for it, really depressing.

Okay, so, Toriel and Susie are gonna make Pie together, that’s cool. Still, pretty worried about, Kris.

Uh, I just ran the sink, and, uh…

WHAT THE FUCK

OKAY SO MY SOUL IS UNDER THE SINK, KRIS WHAT ARE YOU DOING WHY IS IT BLACK OUT THE WINDOW WHERE ARE YOU GOING

WHAT THE FUCK

…so we get a cute scene with Susie and Toriel, then Susie asks where Kris is and…they do this sometimes?

I’m very concerned.

Okay, Toriel is concerned too, enough to say “hell”. Even Susie is shocked.

Okay, so, they’re coming back, uh, okay, this isn’t good, right?

Stopped the faucet, opened the drawer, and…we’re back?!

Kris what the fuck are you doing

And why couldn’t we find Asgore in the town?

Okay, so, we’re all sleeping in the living room. I, guess tomorrow’s the weekend, probably? I don’t know?

Susie, doesn’t have caring parents, I guess?

Oh god, Susie wants them to come to our world, but, Lancer is a playing card, he can’t…I don’t know. I’ll say it’s “far-fetched”.

There’s a festival, apparently. This seems…suspicious.

I’d take Ralsei, so you could take Noelle.

She’s asleep.

That, might not be good, in this context.

Okay, so, we’re asleep too, I think?

Oh god, Toriel’s tires are slashed, that can not be good, in any way.

Okay, night time, Toriel and Susie are asleep…now what are you doing, Kris?

That, knife…

Okay, so, yep, they’re the Knight, and they just opened Darkness in their living room. This is, not, good. And, the tv’s on, and the door’s unlocked…

What the fuck is happening?

Ending credits song sounds, techno? Is this more of Don’t Forget? Or a remix? I hear the lyrics at least.

“To be continued in Chapter 3” OH IT BETTER BE, TOBY

So, yeah, that's Deltarune Chapter 2. In conclusion: this explains nothing, raises 120% more questions, and overall is still an incredible, wonderful game. I also like how each Chapter so far has been almost as long as a full play through of Undertale, and yet we're still somehow only 2 sevenths of the way through. Oh yeah, did I not mention? After completing it, it brought me to a chapter select with SEVEN DIFFERENT CHAPTERS, only two of which were available. So, you know. THAT'S FUN!

In actual conclusion, please play this game, it's free, it's amazing, and also buy the soundtrack on Bandcamp so Toby can make some kinda living.

[waitimcomingtoo]

Hi there! I am a huge fan of your writing. You’re so talented!! All of your stories are pure GEM!!! Anyway, I have a story idea: reader is tom’s childhood friend and she substituting Harry as Tom’s assistant during one of his filming. Only if you don’t mind :) Thaank you!!

Thank you so much!!

Old Friend

part two

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Masterlist

more like this:I might be the writer if we were a movie

“Are you serious?” Tom whined Into the phone.

“I know.” Harry sighed. “I’m sorry. But if I don’t make up my exam today, my professor is gonna fail me. There’s no way I can make it to set today.”

“It’s not your fault.” Tom didn’t want to put the blame on his brother. “I just really need an assistant. I get disorganized and stressed when you’re not there.”

“I know. That’s why I’m sending in a substitute assistant for the day.” Hardy replied.

“A substitute?” Tom sighed. “Who? I don’t really feel like teaching a stranger my whole schedule.”

“I already got them up to date on what they need to do.” Harry assured his brother. “And they’re not a stranger. You’ll know her when you see her.” 

As if on cue, Tom heard a knock on his trailer door.

“Tom?” You asked as you entered his trailer. Tom turned to the voice and his eyes widened at the sight of his childhood best friend. You were grown now, as was he. Your baby face had melted into a beautiful young woman. Your hair was lighter and your skin tanner, no doubt from the LA sun. He hadn’t seen you since you were 10, and you told him with tears running down your face that you were moving to America after growing up next to each other all your lives. Tom let the phone fall from his hand and felt his throat dry out.

“Y/n?” He asked hopefully. “Is that really you?”

“I think so.” You smiled. That was something that hadn’t changed. You still had the same angelic smile Tom remembered from his childhood, and it made him smile back.

“I haven’t seen you since we were kids. God, I barely recognize you when you’re not in a princess dress.” Tom laughed, still taking you in.

“And somehow, you still look like a prince. Nice hair.” You nodded towards his quaff and he blushed in embarrassment. It felt like you had fallen right back into how you used to be, and Tom was loving it.

“Trust me, it wasn’t my decision.” Tom defended his Prince Charming-esk hair.

“I like it no matter who’s decision it was.” You shrugged with an easy smile. “I see you still like to wear the same clothes.” You pointed at his Spider-Man suit with a cheeky smile. You and Tom had grown up in love with the 16 year old superhero, and him playing him was a dream come true.

“Yep.” Tom agreed, thinking back to late nights on the trampoline pretending to be Spider-Man. “This ones a little fancier but a lot harder to use the bathroom in.”

“If I remember correctly, you never had a problem using the bathroom in uncomfortable costumes before.” You raised your eyebrows and Tom groaned.

“I pee my pants during one school play and you never let me forget it.” He whined.

“Just trying to keep you humble, movie star.” You winked. “And I can’t get over it since it was during my only speaking line.”

“I was nervous.” He declared.

“You were a tree!” You protested.

“A nervous tree.” Tom defended. “And I can promise you, I have not peed during any scene since then.”

“I hope not, because as your assistant, I’d have to help you clean up.” You pointed out.

“How’d you end up as my assistant anyway?” Tom wondered, not that he was complaining.

“I moved to LA a month ago to follow my career and I ran into Harry yesterday at a cafe. He told me he was about to fail some class and I asked what I could do to help, and this is what I could do.” You replied. 14 years missing each other and you just so happened to run into Harry in a cafe.

“I’m gonna feel bad making you do things for me though.” Tom realized. He didn’t want to boss the only girl he ever loved around all day. Getting coffee was beneath you.

“Don’t.” You assured him. “Do you know how hard it is to find a job in LA? I will be your assistant for the rest of my life if you want.”

“Oh, okay.” Tom nodded, feeling a little disappointed that you were only in it for the job.

“Plus, I get to hang out with my childhood best friend on a million dollar movie set. Trust me, I’m living the dream.” You smiled and poked his arm. At the first contact with you in 14 years, Tom felt his body light up like a live wire. He pulled you into a hug and held you there as if his life depended on it.

“I have missed you.” He said, voice wavering with emotion.

“I guess I missed you too.” You shrugged in his arms.

“Ouch.” Tom laughed at your indifference.

“I’m only teasing.” You laughed back. “My friends from high school and college know everything about you. You were all I talked about.”

“I get it. You wanted some street-cred for knowing a celebrity.” Tom said with a cocky grin.

“I actually never told them you were famous.” You answered, still in his arms.

“Really? You didn’t tell them you and Spider-Man used to finger paint portraits of each other?” Tom looked down at you the best he could.

“I told them about those portraits, but not that it was with Spider-Man.” You replied.

“Why not?“ Tom wondered.

“Because it wasn’t.” You shrugged. “It was with you. I knew you before you were famous and that’s the Tom I remember. I told them about how you were secretly a great carpenter but pretended to be bad so your mom wouldn’t make you go to carpentry school and how you accidentally ran over a butterfly with your bike and cried for a month. Those are the things I remembered and loved about you. You being famous is the least interesting thing about you.”

Tom was speechless with your words. You loved him for him, and clung on to your memories the same way he did. He squeezed you tighter and sniffled a little.

“I really missed you, Y/n.” He repeated. It was all he could say.

“I missed you too.” You smiled softly as you hugged your childhood best friend. You and Tom stood in silence, quietly swaying as he rested his chin on top of your head. No words were spoken, but no words were needed. You let your body language speak the words you didn’t have a chance to all those years you were apart.

“Now go make me a coffee.” Tom said, breaking the silence. You slipped out of his hug and gave him a shocked face.

“I’m kidding! I’m kidding!” Tom pulled your back into his arms with a laugh, placing a gentle “welcome home” kiss on your forehead. “I drink tea.”

You spent the day at Toms beck and call. He was incredibly easy to work with and just as kind as you remembered. He always sent you away with a “please” and greeted you with a “thank you.” You brought him his tea, script, schedule, and anything else he asked for. He was filming all day, but spent every break and lunch with you, just catching up. He learned that you were single and trying to become a playwright. Tom told you you’d be amazing. He was just as you remembered; goofy, annoying, and just about the sweetest guy alive. The day ended before you knew it and soon it was time to leave.

“I’ll see you when I see you.” You said as you gathered your things from Toms trailer, feeling deflated. He was busy at work and your time together was ending.

“Right, I’ll see you.” Tom said before putting his hand over his pocket. “Oh, what’s that? My phone is ringing?”

“I don’t hear a-“ you tried to say.

“-oh, it’s definitely ringing.” Tom cut you off as he took out his phone and held it to his ear. “Hello? Oh Harry! It’s Harry.” Tom whispered to you. “What’s that? You can’t be my assistant tomorrow either? You’re failing another class? Gosh golly darn it. I don’t know where I’ll find an assistant on such short notice.” Tom sighed loudly and you bit back a smile as his ridiculous behavior. “What did you say? You think Y/n should stay for another day? That’s a great idea Harry. Gee, I wish I thought of that idea. I’ll ask her. Okay. Bye now.” Tom pretended to hang up the phone and looked at you.

“Harry’s not coming tomorrow either.” Tom sighed again.

“Really? I had no idea.” You played along.

“I guess you’ll just have to be my assistant again tomorrow.” Tom shrugged as if he didn’t orchestrate the entire plan.

“I guess I will.” You shrugged back. You and Tom shared shy smiles, feeling like kids again.

“So I’ll see you tomorrow?” You asked as you made your way out.

“Yes. Tomorrow.” Tom nodded and watched you leave.

“Damn it.” The director grumbled as he got off the phone the next day.

“What’s wrong?” You asked as you fixed Toms hair before his next scene where Spider-Man had to save a girl from a falling truck.

“The extra broke her leg over the weekend.” He answered. “She’s not coming.”

“Can’t you just use someone else?” Tom asked.

“We’d have to find a girl who can fit into her costume and act in under half an hour to stay on schedule. That’s not happening in such short notice.” The director sighed and checked his clipboard.

“Y/n could do it.” Tom spoke up.

“What?” You asked him.

“It’s perfect.” Tom continued. “You can act and you can fit into her costume. We used to do plays all the time when we were younger.”

“A year 3 play is a lot different from a Marvel film.” You reminded him.

“Not really. Anthony Mackie acts like a third grader anyway.” Tom answered. “You’ll be fine. All you have to do is scream.”

“Tom, I can’t.” You said out of the corner of your mouth.

“Please?” He begged. “If we don’t shoot this scene today the whole movie will be delayed.”

“I’ve never been on camera before. I can’t just jump into a Spider-Man movie.” You protested.

“I did! Actually, I flipped in.” He corrected himself. “That’s besides the point. The point is, you’re amazing, you’re talented, you’re here, and I need you.” Tom listed. “Please?”

You looked at Tom and sighed. “What do I have to do?”

“Yay! Thank you!” Tom kissed your forehead. “All that’s gonna happen is I’m gonna swing down and pick you up to stop you from being crushed by a falling truck. Then we just swing around New York before I set you down all safe and sound. That’s easy enough, right?”

“Swing me around?” You gasped. “How high?”

“40, maybe 50 feet.” Tom shrugged.

“50 feet?!” You shrieked.

“I said maybe!” He shot back.

“I’m not good with heights.” You whined.

“It’s okay. I’ll be holding onto you the entire time. You’ll be safe in my arms.” Tom assured you, and you almost believed him.

“I don’t know.” You bit your lip.

“Come on, Y/n. We were the biggest Spider-Man fans as kids. You always told me it was your dream to swing around in his arms. This is your chance.” Tom pleaded with you as you felt the eyes of the entire cast and crew staring at you.

“My chance to fall 50 feet and die.” You shot back.

“You won’t fall. I won’t let you.” Tom promised as he held his hands under his chin in a pleading position.

“Fine.” You blurted. “What do I have to say?”

“You don’t have any lines. You just need to scream. You don’t even need a script.” Tom smiled as you were rushed off to hair and makeup.

Next thing you knew, you were changed into your costume, harnessed and had wires attached to you, Tom as well.

“Ready?” Tom gave you an excited thumbs up.

“No.” You answered, but couldn’t help the smile that appeared. Tom shot a grin back at you before slipping on his mask. The first story nodded at you, and you nodded back.

“Action!” The director called.

You did as you were told. You started running away as the cameras followed, always looking back and screaming.

You tried to go left and a car exploded in your way.

You tried to go right and a telephone line fell, blocking your path as sparks flew. You had nowhere to go and no one to save you. Then, the truck came flying at you. You screamed and covered your face just before Spider-Man came swinging in and swept you off your feet. You kept your eyes shut as Tom gave your hip a reassuring squeeze. You didn’t watch as you felt the worse pulling you higher and higher. You just held on tightly to Toms neck and prayed for a safe landing.

“Give is a scream!” The director called from below. You did as you were told.

“It’s okay. I got you!” Tom said triumphantly as Peter. He saw the platform he had to land on and squeezed your hip twice to let you know it was ending. He stuck his landing and you felt your feet touching the floor again. You slowly took your face out of the crook of his neck and looked around, timid and afraid, before looking at Tom.

“See? I told you I got you.” Tom laughed sprightly and gave you a squeeze.

It was in the script.

All of it.

The words, the swing, the moment. The extra who didn’t show up knew that. Tom knew that. The cast and crew knew that.

Not you though.

You’d never read the script. Not that scene anyway. So in the rush of the moment with your favorite superhero’s arms around you and your heart beating rapidly from the adrenaline, you lifted Toms mask above his nose and kissed him firmly without a second thought. The kiss softened and he cupped your face before you pulled away and shook your head to wake yourself up.

“Thanks Spider-Man.” You said bashfully and slowly took your arms from around his waist.

“Okay. You have a good day ma’am.” Tom pretended to tip an invisible hat at you and ran out of frame.

“Cut!” The director yelled.

“Sorry, I kinda went off script at the end there.” You quickly commented to both Tom and the director before it could get anymore awkward between you and Tom. He hadn’t removed his mask yet, and you were glad he hadn’t. You didn’t even know why you kissed him. You just did. Everything in you told you you had to.

“No problem. You were feeling the moment. All good actors do. You’ve felt the moment before, right Tom?” The director asked.

“I definitely felt something.” Tom said in a strange way.

“Y/n, Tom, great work. I think we got everything we need. You two can go home for the day. See you tomorrow.” He smiled and patted Tom on the back. Tom removed his mask and was just as red underneath. At first, no one spoke. Then he cleared his throat, then you. Finally, you had to speak.

“Sorry about that.” You offered.

“Don’t be.” Tom smiled tightly.

“It’s just, you know how long I’ve loved Spider-Man and when we were shooting that scene”, your heart started to pound again like it did when you were in the air, “it all felt so real. You in your suit looking like Peter Parker, I mean it was just magical.”

“I’m aware of how magical it was.” Tom smiled genuinely this time.

“No, but you’re used to it. Swinging around with the wind in my hair and your arms around me, I just got so emotional that I kissed you” you explained. “All I could do in that moment was kiss you. Uh, kiss Spider-Man I mean. I just really needed to kiss Spider-Man.”

“Right. Spider-Man.” Tom nodded, suddenly wondering if he wanted to be more than friends with his old friend.

Part two

Tag List 🏷

@maybemona @sunrise-shawn @meghan-8520xx @writing-for-hours-on-end @lavender-writer @captainmandeestudent17 @whatareyouhidingpeter @takenbyheartstrings @ultrunning @imyourliquor-youremypoison @theolwebshooter @autumnlyholland @andreasworlsboring101 @guksmyfav @waiting-to-be-myself @letsloveimagines @ho-ho-holland @peterparkoure @a-villain-vying-for-attention @m19friend @justcallmehitgirl @iamanerdot @averyfosterthoughts @celestial-skylines

[all1e23]

Astrophile [Pt.16]

Chapter: Double Star

Summary: Pizza and Cuddles. 

Warnings:  Fluff. 

A/N:   So sorry this has taken so long to get out, but here it is! Only one more chapter to go. I can’t believe it’s nearly over! 

***My fics are not to be saved or posted on any other sites without my written permission. Reblogs are welcomed! Thanks!**

Pizza was Y/n’s pick for dinner. Mostly because it was rather late by the time they made their way towards a place that served food, thankfully they live in New York though and can get pizza nearly any time of the day or night. Within reason, there was an unfortunate incident when Steve and Bucky were in college, and it turns out six in the morning is pretty hard to find a pizza place that will deliver. Tonight though Bucky wouldn’t have cared what they ate or what they did, she could have offered to make macaroni and cheese back at her apartment and, not the good kind either – the old school blue box with the powdered cheese and, he would have taken those stairs two at a time if it meant he got to spend a few hours alone with Y/n.

All he’s wanted for weeks now is to have her to himself for just a little while. Selfish? Might be, but Bucky doesn’t spend a lot of time being selfish these days. The last time he did anything remotely selfish he ended up with a late-night phone call from a panicked one night stand letting him know he was about to be a dad and, hey, that time it all worked okay – scratch that, it worked out better than okay. It was amazing. Ori is the best part of his life, and maybe she came from a self-indulgent moment, but she is one of the few good things in his life. 

He can add one more thing to that list now that he has Y/n. 

Y/n spent a lot of time talking over dinner. Who knew extra cheese makes her so chatty? Not that she didn’t open up to him on any other night they’ve spent together, but something about this conversation is different. She tells him about growing up with her grandparents, which kids always thought was so cool because who doesn’t like going to their grandparents, right? It’s all candy and hugs, and dollars slipped into tiny hands with the whispered promise not to tell mommy and daddy. 

Of course, Y/n loves her grandparents, but it wasn’t always easy when she was little. They were older grandparents because her parents had her later in their lives so they couldn’t go on field trips or participate in field day. There wasn’t a lot of money to hire extra help for the bookstore so often only one of them could make it to dance recitals or talent shows. That made Bucky briefly wonder if Ori ever feels the same on those long nights when she’s sleeping at Nat’s because he can’t be home with her. He’s spent countless nights lying awake worrying that she’s spent more time with Nat than with him and, one day when she’s all grown up she’s going to resent him for that.

Y/n being Y/n picks up on it right away, quickly squashing the thought with a firm reassurance, Don’t even think about it, James Barnes. You give that little girl your whole self. I’ve never seen a more devoted father. It’s not the same.

At the time, Bucky had rolled his eyes and leaned forward to wipe a bit of sauce off her nose before urging her to go on. Which she does but not before ducking her head to hide that little shy smile of hers. She goes on to tell him about college and taking over the store when her grandparents could no longer run it. She reveals how her parents left to attend a conference and never came back – the calendar, the ink, and the childhood heartbreak. 

All of it.

By the time they arrive back at her place, she’s told Bucky about the pencil on her calendar and how she’s still hesitant to write anything down in permanent ink.  He caught a quick glimpse at the faded marks where their date should have been written on their ascent up the back stairs that lead directly into her apartment from the back office. Bucky knows nearly every secret her heart has to tell, so he figures sharing a few of his wouldn’t hurt. After all, she’s the reason his heart is beating faster, the cause behind those butterflies in his stomach and her smile… well, nothing sparkles quite the way she does when she’s smiling at him. 

And when they are together like this, the whole world makes sense. Everything snaps into place as if it’s always meant to be the three of them. 

“And she just left?“ 

Bucky nods and leans back against the arm of the couch so he can see Y/n as he continues, "Yeah, she grabbed her skinny jeans and took off." 

"I hate that for Ori and you,” she tucks her legs under her and leans her head on the back of the couch facing Bucky, and says with disbelief, “It’s hard to believe she didn’t want to know Ori. She’s the best kid, Bucky. She’s bright and funny and so kind and generous. You did such a good job raising her, and she adores you. You should see the way she lights up when you’re around.”

He offers her a shy smirk and drops his eyes to the woven red thread of the couch because it’s too much to hear those words and see the spark in her eye as she says them. He’s only human. He can only take her beauty in small doses. 

"Thank you. That means a lot. I had a lot of help, though. I’m not sure she would be so amazing if it weren’t for all the help I’ve had over the years. Especially Nat.” 

"Yes, she would. She’s half you after all. Where do you think all that good came from?” 

Bucky looks up and shakes his head, but he couldn’t stop the grin. She scoots closer to him and nods towards the television.

“Pick a movie, Buck. You know I’m right.”

They are navigating something wholly new, and somehow it didn’t feel new at all. Having Y/n tucked against his side as a movie plays in the background and feeling her fingers tracing the lines of tattoo suggests this isn’t the first time he has held her like this, but the thudding in his chest is there to remind him how fresh her touch is. Her fingers pause on the main star of his tattoo, and she looks up at him raising her brows. Bucky reveals the reason behind ink on his arm without her having to ask. He tells her it was a bad night a few months after Ori was born. Steve got hurt pretty badly, and they weren’t able to save a little girl who lived on the top floor of a three-story brownstone. 

He tells her how he couldn’t explain what happened, but Bucky knew at that moment he needed to have a piece of his little girl with him when he was running into buildings most people were running out of and, she had said, “So, you put your heart on your sleeve for all to see.” If it was even possible she gained another piece of his heart right then – that’s assuming she doesn’t already have all of it.

“You would make a very handsome chimney sweep,” Y/n observes as they watch Jack dance across the small television in her living room. Bucky had whined until they put on Mary Poppins Returns, claiming he really didn’t like that she missed movie night and things wouldn’t be right until she watched it.

Bucky dramatically clutches his chest and gasps, “Are you just hanging out with me for my looks?” 

She giggles and buries her nose in his neck, admitting against the soft skin below his jaw, “You do have very pretty eyes, but no. You like me for me. That’s why I like being with you.” 

He doesn’t say anything. Bucky can’t because there is an extremely high chance he’s going to say something stupid. He simply grips her legs that are resting on his lap, pulling them securely against him and she can feel a soft kiss landing on the crown of her head. The world calms enough to let her know she’s the one that’s spinning and everything outside her window quiets, waiting for them to admit what everyone around them already knows. Y/n’s head falls to his shoulder, and she looks up to meet his admittedly pretty eyes, but the words she wants to say die on her tongue and the stars sigh in frustration. 

They had time to talk about it about another night. There is something she needs to know now, though. 

“Hey, for Halloween–”

“Nope.” 

“Come on! How cute would it be?!” 

“It’s not gonna happen, Beck. No matter how far you stick out that lip.” 

“What if I cry?” 

“Christ– Dammit…Please don’t.” 

She breaks down into a burst of laughter thanks to the look of panic mixed with genuine pain on his face. Bucky playfully narrows her eyes and grips her hips, curling his fingers into just enough to give her a hint to what’s about to happen. She doesn’t have time to protest or beg him not to, his fingers are squeezing her sides until she’s breathless with laughter and somehow amid all the tickling, she ends up on his lap with her head resting against his chest. Her chest is still heaving as she attempts to steady her breathing and debates climbing off his lap to claim her former place beside him, but Bucky rests his chin on top of her head and wraps his hand around her calf – his silent plea for her to stay and keep his heart in one piece. 

So she stays.  

Her attention turns back to the movie after tangling her fingers into the soft fabric of his dark blue Henley and burrowing herself as close to his warmth as she can get. This is the first time in nearly a week she let herself relax, and her body is taking full advantage allowing her to give in to how truly exhausted she is, skimming the surface of sleep while surrounded by that earthy, slightly citrus scent that can only belong to Bucky. 

“Come on sleepyhead,” Bucky whispers against her ear as the credits begin to roll on the screen. He is already lifting her into his arms and carrying her towards her bedroom by the time her sleep riddled brain thought up a comeback, and it’s a fairly weak retort that she manages to mumble into his chest, “I am not sleepy." 

Bucky chuckles, "Sure, you’re ready to run a marathon.”  

He lays her on top of her heavy red and orange comforter and pulls the plush white blanket at the end of her bed over her, whispering into the darkened room, “ Get some sleep and I’ll see you tomorrow.”  

Bucky slowly pulls back letting go of her hand as he retreats from the queen size bed. Something about the whole moment makes him think of putting Ori to sleep, and it has him grinning. Y/n’s eyes flutter open for only a second, and she grabs his hand to keep him from leaving her alone. 

“Don’t go. Stay. Cuddles.” 

Even through her sleepy haze, she can tell he’s hesitant, she cracks an eye and sticks out her bottom lip, pleading with a sleepy voice, “Please? I’ll cry if I have to.”

Good grief, between Ori and Y/n he’s completely screwed. 

“Okay, okay. I’ll stay,” Bucky says instantly. 

He toes his boots off in record time and parks himself next to her on the bed, running his fingers through her hair. He can tell she’s still floating around the edges of sleep despite the proud smirk on her face from getting her way. It’s not that he doesn’t want to slip under those cotton sheets and spend the night wrapped around her, he does. He wants to wake up to find her legs tangled with his and her whole body draped over him, but he also wants her to feel safe when she’s with him. 

Always.

“I’ll stay till you fall asleep, but then I’m moving to the couch. I am not sure you’re in the right headspace to consent to cuddles.” She smiles at that as she leans her head against his thigh and takes a deep breath of his scent before letting herself drift off. 

The early afternoon sunlight comes too soon. They were up till nearly four in the morning and waking up before noon feels like a punishment no one deserves, but maybe Y/n can convince Bucky to sleep in a bit longer. She rolls to her left side and throws her arm out, hoping to connect with a warm body for cuddles; all she finds is a cold empty space, and she jolts up. 

Did he leave after he carried her to bed?

Y/n tosses the blankets off her and slowly wanders into the living room looking for her phone in hopes he at least left her a message, but as she approaches the couch she sees Bucky– He’s crammed his massive body onto her tiny couch and used the small crochet blanket she keeps on the back of said couch to cover him; it doesn’t come close to enveloping him and all those holes didn’t help to keep the cold air out. She decides to let him sleep. Muffins were put in the oven and coffee was brewing, they stayed up late, and he deserves a morning without rush or worry. Breakfast is nearly done and she's in the middle of debating if she should wake him now or let the muffins cool first when a hoarse voice calls from the couch, “Are you making me breakfast babydoll?” 

The spinning is back. 

“Maybe,” She calls back as she makes her way towards the couch with two cups of coffee, “Or maybe I’m just making myself breakfast.” 

Bucky drapes her blanket back over the arm of the couch and sits back down, making room for her to join him. He pictured her apartment a few hundred times, and this is close to what he thought it would look like. The couch was big and red, sitting right in the middle of the room, two green armchairs sit under the far window and the old twenty-four inch tv they watched the previous night is sitting on a lime green chest that he is sure her grandparents bought brand new. 

The black trunk she uses for a coffee has Y/n written all over it, with well worn leather straps and the curio cabinet on the far wall across from the chairs has hand painted flowers on the doors. It felt warm and full of light and all Y/n. Everything had a place he noticed. There isn’t a mess. Not like his place where the mess never seems to end and after getting to know Y/n’s heart the last few months he understands why she likes the mess so much. Y/n sits down next to him and the again cushions sinks, Bucky raises a brow and shakes his head in disbelief.  

“Nah, you wouldn’t do that. You wouldn’t want me to cry now, would ya?” 

“No, I think it would break my heart to see you cry,” Y/n glares at his playful wink and passes him the mug full of coffee she made for him – Black with two sugars. Just the way he likes. She takes a sip from her own mug and smirks as she asks, “Did you say consent to cuddles last night?” 

“What?” Bucky clears his throat and holds the ‘i need space’ mug in front of his face, hoping to block the red he knows is rapidly spreading over his face, he says, “No, I didn’t say that. I don’t– I don’t recall that.” 

She giggles, and it makes Bucky grin. He loves that sound almost as much as he loves– likes her. His head is telling him it’s too soon for big feelings like those. If only he can get his heart and head to agree. 

“I have to work tonight,“ Bucky mentions, letting it linger in the air and lifting his left arm for Y/n to curl into his side like she’s been hinting at with every little scoot closer. She’s awake. She can consent to cuddles now and he’s hardly able to keep his hand off her. She looks up from his side where she snuggled up to and asks, “When do you need to leave to get Ori?” 

“Uh, here soon, actually. I like to spend time with Ori before I go in if it’s possible. Do you want to come with me to pick her up? I have to bring her to Nat’s for the night, but I thought maybe we could pick her up and get an early dinner together before my shift.” 

Her entire face lights up, and so does Bucky’s soul. 

“You don’t mind me coming with you? I don’t want to take up your day with her. I know you guys have your alone time and it’s hard to come by.” 

“Ori will be excited to see you. She’s had me all week. I think she’s missed our hangouts and I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want you to come,” He assures her with a kiss to the side of her head and a gentle squeeze to her hip.

“Yeah, okay. I’ll go with you after muffins, deal?” 

“Deal. Oh, and you can plan on being at movie night on Wednesday because it feels wrong without you.” 

“Hold on a second,” Y/n says as she practically jumps off her couch and runs over to the wall calendar that hangs on the wall in her kitchen. She grabs the nearest pen and scribbles on next Wednesday, “Movie night with Bucky and Ori.”

Tony was right. It’s not so scary when Bucky is the one holding her hand. 

-------

When Bucky told Y/n, Ori would be excited to see them all together he was not kidding in the least. She screamed so loud Bucky’s pretty sure the neighbors are going to call the police to do a welfare check. Sam spent their entire twenty-minute visit grinning like a maniac because Bucky held Y/n’s hand the full 1,200 seconds they stood in their doorway– he fully intends to make Sam pay for every single comment the second he falls asleep tonight. After lunch, Ori asked Bucky if she could spend the night with Y/n instead of Natasha. If it were anyone else he would have told her she needed to stay with Aunt Nattie, but it’s Y/n – it’s their Beck. 

Ori would be just fine with her.

They swing by the house and grab Ori’s things so the girls could have a sleepover in the bookstore because who wants to sleep in a comfy bed when you can spend the night in a sleeping bag on the hard floor in the middle of the bookstore? Y/n and Ori Facetime him before bed, making sure he got a picture of their tent with the twinkle lights from Ori’s birthday party, and first thing in the morning they are calling with a cheerful good morning shout. By the time Bucky hangs up he’s grinning like an idiot and he can’t help but wonder if this is what it would be like if it were the three of them all the time. 

He would be okay with that. 

Sam collapses next to Bucky on that old orange and brown couch, glancing at Clint and Steve before nudging Bucky’s boot with his own, “So, she asked you to be her date to Tony’s wedding? That’s a year from now. I am pretty sure that means she doesn’t plan on dating anyone besides you. Not to mention you spent the night at her place.” 

Of course, the three jerks Bucky has chosen as his best friends have not quit him about Y/n for the last sixteen hours. That is all thanks to Sam informing the entire station Y/n was there when he picked up Ori. He really needs new friends – friends that mind their own business. 

“I slept on her couch,” Bucky retorts with an eye roll and, Sam is quick with a recovery, “Yeah, but she wanted to snuggle. Why can’t you just admit you love her? She’s perfect. I am failing to see the problem.”

There’s that big, monumental four-letter word again – love. Why can’t they take things one day at a time? Why does he have to jump in headfirst and possibly ruin everything they have right now? The last time he asked her out, she cancelled for crying out loud! Bucky doesn’t want to push too fast and maybe, lose her for good this time.

“I wouldn’t say we are at love just yet and it’s a big step, Sam. It’s not like Zoey or Claire–” 

“God, I did not like her,” Sam groans. “She couldn’t even say Ori’s name right.”

“I don’t think she had much interest in peanut,” Clint pipes in after Sam. 

“She’s not some woman I met at a bar that I’m bringing home for the night,” Bucky continues ignoring Sam and Clint’s commentary on his past relationships – well, hookups. No one can call those relationships. “Ori knows her and spends more time with Y/n than I do some weeks. She’s already spun into our lives and Ori’s heart. If things end badly or we don’t fit like everyone keeps insisting… what’s going to happen when Ori gets hurt? 

“You mean when you get hurt? Because that’s what we are talking about here, right?”

Bucky meets Sam’s eyes and then looks up at Steve standing behind them. They are all wearing the same expression, the one that says they had him all figured out and maybe they do. Perhaps he is scared, but that doesn’t mean he’s wrong either. “Look, I’m doing this my way. I need to be sure before It’s too late to take it all back.” 

“I hate to tell you pal, but it’s already too late and I think you know that, Buck,” Steve is quick to point out and Sam takes this chance to jump in, “Look, take her out this weekend, and we will watch Ori. You’ve got forty-eight hours off so do whatever you do that makes chicks believe you actually have game and win her over. No more dancing around each other. Just tell her how you feel very clearly. In the plainest words possible because I’m telling you the two of you–” 

“Sam,” Steve sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. “This isn’t helping.” 

“I’m just saying, they need it spelled out for them like they are in a Kindergarten class.” 

“What if she doesn’t like me like that?” Bucky grumbles halting Sam and Steve’s bickering. Sam runs a hand down his face in frustration and shakes his head, answering before Steve or Clint could,  “Christ, you are dumb. Why would she want to cuddle your ugly ass if she didn’t like you?”

Bucky has a snappy comment on the tip of his tongue, but there’s no time for snark or a shove off the back of the couch. The board is lighting up, they’ve got a call and Bucky has no time for payback. He jumps up and points at Sam, “Wait till we get back. I’ll show you who’s ugly. I’m damn adorable, and everyone knows it.” 

“Enough,” Steve orders. It’s strange how easily Steve fades away, and he slips right into Captain mode. Steve recites the address back to the team and Bucky goes still, repeating the address in his head several times. 

“Let’s get moving. Buck?” Steve murmurs, coming to a stop in front of the dazed man, “You all right? We’ve got to get going. If this is about what Sam said I need you to let it go till we handle this–” 

“No, that’s not– That’s not the right address. That’s- that’s the store. Y/n’s bookstore.” 

“Shit.”

“Steve. Ori is with Y/n today. They are at the bookstore together.” 

And, Bucky’s entire world went up in flames in a matter of seconds. 

Previous // Next 

[mrssarablack]

1. What’s your sexual orientation?

Heterosexual. 

2. What are you obsessed with right now?

Hmm, I really don't know. I have my usual things that would qualify but my "obsessions" but they don't often consume me to a high degree, so I have a hard time dubbing anything I like a full blown obsession. 

That being said, it's probably tiktok. The obsession of the moment, I find myself on the app entirely too much because it's just a fun party and oh the things that lead to little research dives are fascinating. Mostly it's the musicians that get me. I love creativity and am forever amazed by the collaborations and straight magic people make in the time allotted... but it takes up way too much of my time when it really shouldn't. I have better things I could be doing. 

3. Ever done any drugs?

Yup. 

4. What piercings do you want?

None. My ears are pierced to the degree I like and I don't really desire anything else to be pierced. 

5. How many people have you kissed?

Enough. 

6. Describe your dream home.

The house I live in outdoes anything I could possibly come up with. I'm very happy with my home, but I'd be happy most anywhere. If I'm honest, I'm a bit Aladdin-like when it comes to living arrangements. My dream home list, if I only considered myself, is the very low bar of a roof over my head  that has a beautiful view. Bonus it has a pool but it's not a requirement. 

Clearly, where I live outdoes that by a longshot and I'm very lucky to have the things I have. I'm not unaware of that fact. 

7. Who are you jealous of?

There is no way for this not to sound like a humble brag in my head, but no one. I've never been the jealous type. There's so much unnecessary energy in wanting what someone else has and jealousy is a negative you just don't need in your life. It's much better to focus on your own joy and not worry about what others are doing. 

8. What’s your favorite show to binge?

Schitt's Creek

9. Do you watch porn?

I have. 

10. Do you have a secret sideblog?

No, I don't.

11. If you could teleport anywhere in the world right now, where would you go?

I don't know, I'm good, but somewhere warm and with a beach, I guess?

12. What’s one of your fantasies?

I really only have one and that's of my mother apologizing for what she did. 

13. Do you have/would you get your nipples pierced?

Nope. 

14. How would you spend a million dollars?

I probably wouldn't. 

15. Are you in a relationship?

Yes

16. Do you follow porn blogs?

No, but I'm pretty sure some have followed me...🙄

17. Are you angry with anyone right now?

My mother. It ebbs and flows between anger and indifference. Depends on the thoughts I'm having surrounding the why of it. 

18. What tattoos do you want?

I don't want any. 

19. If you could change your name, would you? What would you change it to?

Maybe? But probably not. I don't particularly like my name. It's kind of dull, if I'm honest, but at the same time it's my name and I don't have a replacement in my head for it. So, I'm Sara and I'll forever be Sara. It's alright. 

20. What is something you’re obsessed with?

I already answered this, but I suppose my general obsession is pokemon. I like the games and the lore. The whole thing is fun and I enjoy it a lot. 

21. Describe your best friend.

She's like sunshine. She's bubbly and sweet. Anna has optimism for days. She can be a little naive but people also see naivety in what is actually her stubbornness. She won't give up on people even if she should. She sees good in almost everything but she isn't unaware that bad exists.

And because of this her kindness shines. She'd help a stranger without hesitation or a need for anything back. She very much is a person who would stick her neck out to save a life. She brings out the best in people and makes it look effortless. She is kind and caring but has a determination that can tackle damn near anything that becomes an obstacle. Anna's a force to reckon with and not many people realize this truth.

22. Tag someone you think is hot.

@nikolascblack

Did you really think I'd pick someone else? 

23. Who are five of your favorite bands/musical artists?

This list alternates with moods. I love so many bands and artists. But right now the top five are:

Nikolas Black

AJR

The Beatles

Ok One Rock

P!nk

24. What are three places you want to travel?

I really am that person if given the chance to just pick a plane and go I'd probably take it. I just want to experience all the places so here are the first regions that came to mind...

Italy (like all of it) 

Spain/ Barcelona 

South of France 

25. Describe your perfect Friday night.

It's getting warmer so, right now, it's an evening with Nikolas on our back patio. Fire up the grill and enjoy a meal outdoors. Maybe spend some time in the pool. End the evening with a warm blanket and a cuddle. 

26. What’s your favorite season?

Summer. My skin may take issue with the sun but I like it best when it's warm and sunny and being outside. 

27. What’s your pet peeve?

When I am listening to music… I probably don't want to talk to you. Leave me alone. I do not like when I'm interrupted when my music is on. 

Also, if I'm doing art or sewing … be aware I might get snippy if you choose to interrupt my flow. I like reaching stopping points before I'm asked to change gears. 

28. Who is the funniest person you know?

Probably Jakub. He's the king of one liners and his sass gets me. 

29. What’s the most overrated movie?

I'd say Avatar, was not impressed by space Pocahontas….

30. Tag someone you want to talk to but have been too shy to message.

... um... I'm not really the shy type. If I wanna get to know someone.... I'm going to be friendly to them and start a conversation.

31. Do you like paper books or ebooks better?

Paper books but I do register I read more electronic ones. The library system is nice in that format… when I actually finish a book. I don't read that fast so I have like 3 waitlisted at any given time three or four times over just so I can finish it … 😅 

32. If you could live in a fictional world, what world would you pick?

Pokemon? 

33. If money was no object, what would your wardrobe be like?

I dislike questions that make me feel like I'm bragging. Or that could be seen as such but my wardrobe wouldn't really change because my boyfriend allows me to use his funds from time to time to have the nicer clothing items I like. Which sit right alongside my jeans I got from TJ Maxx. Legitimately, it probably wouldn't change at all.

34. What’s your coffee order?

Cold brew or if it's cold I typically, latte it's usually a hazelnut

35. Do you have a crush on anyone?

No. 

36. Do you still have feelings for any of your exes?

I don't. Most of them were pretty shit people. So, yeah… nope, I don't think much on them at all really. 

37. Have any tattoos?

No

38. Do you drink?

Occasionally

39. Are you a virgin?

Heh… no.

40. Do you have a crush on any of your mutuals?

Nope

41. How many followers do you have?

Um… I have no idea. Not many that's for sure.

42. Describe the hottest person you know.

I did this once. I'm not going to objectify him again. So instead:

43. What’s your guilty pleasure?

True crime documentaries or horror movies. I do not watch them often. Nikolas isn't into it and I'm not going to be the ass that takes the tv and makes him watch something he doesn't like. So, I save it for when I am alone. 

44. Do you read erotica?

I have but I don't seek it out. Typically the erotica I have read has been tucked away in a romance novel and was far more than I expected it to go from the synopsis or anything before that point.

45. What’s the worst date you’ve ever been on?

I have to go with the one where it was clear he asked me out as some sort of revenge date. His ex-girlfriend was at the location with friends and he kept looking over at her trying to see her reaction. It was bad and I dismissed myself as quickly as I could.

46. How many people do you follow?

Again, I don't know. I know it's mostly friends and artists or designers but I'm too lazy to look up the number because I don't care. 

47. If you could marry any celebrity, who would you pick?

This guy right here:

48. Describe your ideal partner.

There's a theme here...

49. Who do you text the most?

Anna? Our friend text line is usually an all day back and forth.

50. What’s your favorite kind of weather?

Sunny and warm. Weather that screams "beach day"

[papermoonloveslucy]

LUCILLE BALL: NUMBER 1, BUT STILL TRYING HARDER

July 29, 1974

Editor's note: following is the final part in a series of eight profiles on America's self-made women.

By PHYLLIS BATTELLE 

“Success - whaddya you mean by that?” rasps Lucille Ball in that rowdy voice which strikes adoration into the hearts of Lucy lovers. 

“If your concept of success is happiness in what you’re doing, in being a mother, in being a wife, then I’m a success. I’m also damned lucky that I have my health and guts life takes guts and that my work paid off. 

“But if you’re talking of the kind of success that’s about dollars and cents, forget it. The real wealth is not out here in Hollywood. Its all highly taxable, honey, and who cares? Money has never been important to me. I hate looking at bills. I hate math. I’m a typical Leo: money-blind. What I’m saying is that not one of us out here has more than $25,000 to buy a stamp with! 

“Pennies, Pickles Or Something" 

So much for Lucy’s petty cash. Aside from stamp funds, she has assets: a million-dollar home in Beverly Hills, another in Palm Springs and an apartment near Aspen, Colo.; investments resulting from the sale of her Desilu Studios to Gulf & Western for $17 million in stock, her own Lucille Ball Productions Company: earnings from 23 years of “Lucy” series (now running in 77 countries); a percentage of “Mame”, the new super-movie musical; not to mention the proceeds from diligent work dating back to 1913, when she was two years old in Jamestown, N.Y., and spoke little pieces at the grocery store for pennies or pickles or something. 

At 62, Lucille Ball Arnaz Morton is No. 1 - but still trying harder. (1) Husband Gary Morton says proudly, “Her work is an obsession and a labor of love, and as long as the public likes her shell never retire.” 

Lucy recently did terminate her “Here’s Lucy” series, at least temporarily, but will hold her "business family” (about 500 staff and cast members) together while she produces TV specials. Now, she leers at her orange-haired image in a dressing room minor and says, “I’ve loved to work, always. I discovered very early that the way to please people was to make them laugh at me. So I appeared at church, school, Girl Scouts, anything and anywhere. Made the tickets, sold them, starred in my own shows. That seems backward now. That’s gone out. The business has been hanging itself, and the kids with it, by making stars and superstars out of strange, young people who don’t know their craft."

Drums And Records 

An example, Lucy says, could be found in her own son, Desi Arnaz, Jr. "When he was nine, he was very good on drums. Used to beat them while the records played as background. He got a group together with a couple of kids at school Dino Martin and Billy Hinsche and they called themselves Dino, Desi and Billy. Then Sinatra heard them, and they made a record and had a hit. 

"A magazine took off on them, and they went on tour. Poor waifs - thank God, they didn’t have any more hits. But it left its mark, this being made a star when you don’t know anything at all, and after two years it was damn hard for Desi and the other kids to get back to doing their homework." 

That sort of "big payoff for mediocrity" was not what happened in Lucy's own youth. Her family in Jamestown was "lower than middle-class, hard working, had a truck garden and was never hungry." 

Most Influential Man 

Lucy's father, a mining engineer, died when she was four. (2) Her stepfather was the most influential man in her early life. To encourage young Lucy’s "flair," he took her to see Julius Tannen, a monologist. (3) “When I saw Tannen sitting on a empty stage in a dark theater, making people cry and then laugh - oh, it was magic, pure magic," she recalls. 

At 16, she went to New York, where her stepfather entered her in drama school. "I found out how shy, awkward and unable to cope I was. The teachers put me down, said I had no talent whatever.” Lucy's blue eyes flash. “New York frightened me. Still does. You have to take me out of the hotel on a leash to get me on the streets of New York today. Being tall, lithe and well-sculptured, Lucy took up modeling. But then, almost tragically, she contracted pneumonia with complications and was bedridden for eight months. It took three years of convalescence before she regained complete control of her legs. At 21, through an agent, she was hired to become a Sam Goldwyn showgirl in Hollywood for an Eddie Cantor film, “Roman Scandals”. 

Would Take Any Part 

“Out here in California, I knew as much as the rest of the girls in movies, which was nothing,” she says. “The difference was I would take any part. I never sought to be a star. I didn't mind being typed. I wanted to be typed. One of the greatest thrills of my life was hearing a director say he wanted a Lucille Ball-type for a picture. 

Of course, later it was different, she growls, "when they said they wanted a young Lucille Ball-type. 

In 10 years as willing “Queen of the B movies," Miss Ball was out of work only two days. 

In 1939 she met a young Cuban bandleader named Desi Arnaz, and they married in 1940. From the beginning, their marriage was a difficult venture: Desi toured the United States with his group, while she stayed in Hollywood making movies. Then Desi served in the army, while Lucy starred not in films but a popular radio series, “My Favorite Husband”. They split. They tried again. 

Finally, in 1951, in a desperate move to keep their marriage alive. Lucy sold CBS on what, at the time, seemed an unlikely television series: "I Love Lucy.” 

It was the beginning of greater professional success, but not the end of domestic upheaval. Their first child, Lucie, was born when her mother was 40; Desi was born when Lucy was 43. But the much-adored children were not to save the marriage, and in 1960 - tearfully, knowing her diligent efforts had failed - Lucille divorced Desi, citing his outbursts of temperament, instability and violence. Desi did not contest the action. 

In parting, they split a $20-million television empire. They are better friends today - at arms length, with new matrimonial ties - than they were during the 19 years of marriage. 

Today, Lucy’s sense of well-being with one-time comedian Gary Morton (who is executive vice president of her production company), is obvious and delightful.

"It s really a super life, grins Gary, living with a thoroughbred." Says Lucy, I guess its very possible to live without a good man. Possible, but no fun. To bake a cake is no fun without a man. It’s no fun to make a garden without a man to watch it grow." 

Lucy also is, and always has been, a proud and over-protective mother. Is that bad? I don’t think so." 

A Share Of Problems 

But despite Lucy’s mother-hen" closeness to Lucie, now 22, and young Desi. 20, the Arnaz offspring have strayed into their share of problems. Desi and actress Patty Duke had a much-publicized affair when he was 16 (and Patty was 28); later he became engaged to Liza Minnelli, but that broke up last summer. Lucie was married in 1971 to actor Philip Vandervort, but the couple quickly split. 

Lucy is convinced her daughter, who is featured on “Here’s Lucy," will be a star. “Lucie," her mom says, “has all the material of stardom - ability, inclination, vitality, intelligence, beauty, good sense and good taste. 

“Wholesome Movies Alive" 

In fact, one reason that Lucille Ball finally agreed after three years of rejecting the role to star in the movie “Mame” is that Gary convinced me it could keep wholesome movies alive for talented people like my daughter. 

"This industry," Lucy shudders, “has turned into a sex-and-violence factory. The whole thing’s ugly, with thousands of ugly people ripping-off their clothes and ripping-off the public. If that’s what makes good box office, and if box office is what they mean by success, then success is out of kilter!”

#   #   #

FOOTNOTES FROM THE FUTURE

(1) The advertising slogan “We Try Harder” was developed in 1962 for Hertz Rent-A-Car company, who was perpetually number two in popularity to Hertz Rent-A-Car. Lucille Ball and Carol Burnett satirized the campaign on “The Carol Burnett Show” on October 2, 1967. 

(2) Henry Ball, Lucille’s father, was actually a telephone lineman, not a mining engineer. One story had Hunt as the executive of a mining company in Montana. his death certificate listed him as a ‘laborer’. 

(3) Julius Tannen (1880-1965) was a monologist in vaudeville. He was known to stage audiences for his witty improvisations and creative word games. He had a successful career as a character actor in films, appearing in over 50 films in his 25-year film career. He is probably best known to film audiences from the musical Singin' in the Rain, in which he appears as the man demonstrating a talking picture early in the film.

[kdramalifee]

What are your most favorite/recommended dramas? I've honestly only have watched 4 cause never know where to start once I finish one. Thank you!! 💕

Sorry of the late reply ��

Here’s a “few” dramas that I enjoyed. Some of them fall into more than one category so I’ve written what categories I feel they fall into for each one. I’m going to write the amount of episodes for each show, but I’ll only be counting by (approx.) hour, so if the drama has 32 episodes where each “episode” is half an hour, I’ll write it as 16 episodes. Also some of these have several names, so I’ve just used the one they use on mydramalist. I’ve bolded my favourites.

This list might seem a bit daunting (as it is quite long) but I recommend looking at the specific genres you know you enjoy and just pick one you think seems interesting (there’s no shame in dropping a drama if it doesn’t grip you). If you can’t decide which one to start first, send me a message with the ones you’re trying to choose between and I’ll help you decide ^^

Action/suspense/Crime:

Bad Guys: 11 episodes, Action, Thriller, Psychological. A police detective gathers a team of criminals to combat crime in exchange for reducing their sentence. Throughout the drama, secrets are revealed. 

Class of Lies: 16 episodes, Suspense, School, Mystery, Law. A highly successful lawyer falls from grace after the fallout from one of his cases. He fakes his identity to get the position as a teacher at the school connected to this case in an attempt to uncover the truth and save his reputation. 

Cross: 16 episodes, Medical, Suspense. To get revenge for the death of his father, Kang In Kyu becomes a (highly skilled) doctor/surgeon and gets a job at the prison where his father’s killer resides in order to kill him.

Doubtful Victory: 20 episodes, Mystery, Crime. A man who was wrongfully sentenced to death when he was younger escapes from prison and fakes his identity as a police officer to help prove his innocence.  (Just a heads up: I don’t think a lot of people liked this drama (it gets a bit draggy in the middle). I liked it, but I think that’s an unpopular opinion)  

Kill It: 12 episodes, Action, Thriller. Kim Soo Hyun is a veterinarian who is also a professional killer. One day he is hired in exchange for information about his past. At the same time a detective is trying to find Kim Soo Hyun. They both uncover a mystery regarding their shared past. 

Healer: 20 episodes, Romance, Action, Mystery.  "Healer” is a special kind of night courier, that gets his clients whatever they want, as long as it doesn't involve murder. He is hired by a famous reporter to collect information on a second-rate tabloid writer. He begins to uncover the mystery of his own shared past with the two reporters, thus putting them all in danger. (This is a very popular drama that a lot of people have seen, so if you haven’t seen it I would recommend it.)

Mad Dog: 16 episodes, Action, Investigation, Mystery. A group calling themselves “Mad Dog” fights against insurance scams. They start working with Kim Min Joon, the brother of the man who crashed a plane killing the child and wife of the leader of Mad Dog. They try to uncover the truth behind the plane crash.

Player: 14 episodes, Action, Investigation. A private investigation team consisting of a swindler, a fighter, an elite hacker, and a talented driver is asked to take back property hidden away by criminals.

Save Me: 16 episodes, Psychological, Suspense. Following the failure of her father's business, Sang Mi and her family move to Muji-gun where they have no friends or relatives. After a tragic event, the family is taken in by the “Spiritual Father” resulting in them being trapped in a cult. Four young men try to save her.  

Stranger: 16 episodes, Investigation, Mystery.  Hwang Shi Mok had brain surgery when he was a child, which caused him to lack emotion. Now, Hwang Shi Mok works as a prosecutor. He meets Police Lieutenant Han Yeo Jin at a murder crime scene and they work together to eradicate corruption at the prosecutor's office and solve a serial murder case.

The Guardians: 16 episodes, Action, Thriller.  After the murder of her daughter, Jo Soo Ji joins forces with a few other people to monitor criminals 24 hours a day and rescue potential victims before the crime is committed. Together with these people she fights to get justice for her daughter, who’s murderer is still free.

WATCHER: 16 episodes, Action, Suspense, Investigation. Kim Young Goon became a police officer after his father was imprisoned for the murder of his mother. The detective who imprisoned his father is the leader of the internal affairs investigation team and gets Young Goon to join in order to fight against corruption and uncover the truth behind the tragic incident.  

Fantasy/sci-fi: 

Angels Last Mission: Love: 16 episodes, Romance, Fantasy.  Lee Yeon Seo is the prima ballerina, but after an accident she has to give up her dream. After her parents' sudden death, she doesn’t trust anyone since there are a lot of people lurking around her and her inherited money. Kim Dan is an optimistic, carefree angel who is always getting into trouble. In order to return to heaven, he is tasked with a mission to find true love for the talented but emotionally distant ballerina

Are You Human Too?: 18 episodes, Romace, Sci-fi. After loosing her son to her father in law, a woman creates an android to replace him. Years later the android called Nam Shin III must pretend to be the son of the rich family when the real Nam Shin falls into a coma.

Chicago Typewriter: 16 episodes, Fantasy/Supernatural, Romance. The story of a popular writer suffering from writers block, a fan of said author and a literal GHOST writer who starts writing for the main character. In a past life, these three people were all members of the resistance wanting to free Korea from the Japanese occupation. The story is set in modern times and in the 1930′s. 

Circle: 12 episodes, Alien, Sci-fi, Mystery. This drama is set in both 2017 and the year 2037. In 2017 we follow the story of a college student working together with a woman that looks identical to a girl he knew as a child to investigate suicides that she insists are actually murders. In 2037 technology has advanced to the point where you can control human emotion (creating a city without crime). A detective enters this city in order to investigate a missing persons case from 2017. (The first half of each episode is set in 2017, the other half in 2037). 

Duel: 16 episodes, Sci-fi, Crime, Suspense. After his daughter gets kidnapped a detective tries all he can to get her back. Suddenly the culprit shows up without any memories, denying that he has anything to do with the case. They work together to find the detectives daughter and uncover secrets along the way. 

EXIT: 2 episodes (drama special), Sci-fi, Psychological.  Kang Soo is a loan shark that tries to get by day to day in his depressing reality. No matter how hard he tries, he can't escape the nightmare of his reality, and when he was about to give up on his life, he sees a flier asking, "Do you want to become happy?" He goes to the research center, however, he learns that happiness comes at a steep price of 300,000 dollars. He decides to steal the money.

Extraordinary You: 16 episodes, Romance, Fantasy, School.  Eun Dan Oh, a 17 year-old high-school student, experiences gaps in her memory and eventually comes to the realization that she’s living in a comic book. Not only that, but she is also a secondary character who’s supposed to die later on in the story due to a heart condition. She decides to change her fate and defy the writer to get a happy ending for herself. 

Go Back Couple: 12 episodes, Fantasy, Life, Romance.  Choi Ban Do and Ma Jin Joo are both 38-years-old and a married couple. Choi Ban Do has been burdened with being the breadwinner and Ma Jin Joo is a housewife with low self-esteem. Even though they loved each other when they married, they now hate each other. They both regret marrying at such a young age. The couple travels through time and finds themselves as 20-year-old university students when they met for the first time.

He is Psychometric: 16 episodes, Fantasy, Romance, Mystery, Comedy. After losing his parents in a fire, Lee Ahn acquires the power of psychometry, the ability to read a person or an object's past through physical contact, and he decides to use it to take bad people down. While he does not know how to control his power yet, he meets Yoon Jae In who tries her best to hide her painful secrets. Together with his foster guardian, prosecutor Kang Sung Mo, and the latter's colleague, investigator Eun Ji Soo, they team up to solve an elusive case that has been haunting the lives of Ahn, Sung Mo, and Jae In.

Life on Mars: 16 episodes, Fantasy, Mystery, Suspense. As leader of a crime investigation team, Han Tae Joo has propelled his career and risen through the ranks by trusting data over all else. One day, while investigating a serial murder case, he has an accident. When he wakes up, he suddenly finds himself in the winter of 1988. He doesn't know why, but he's now a detective appointed to work at a police station in a small city. To get back to the present day, Han Tae Joo tries to solve the case.

Signal: 16 episodes, Mystery, Fantasy, Crime.  Fifteen years ago, a young girl was kidnapped on the way from school, and Park Hae Yeong, who was an elementary school student at that time, witnessed the crime. A few days later, the girl was found dead, and the police were not able to find the culprit. As time went by, Hae Yeong started distrusting the police. Fifteen years later, Hae Yeong is now a police officer and criminal profiler. One day, he finds a walkie-talkie that allows him to get in contact with Detective Lee Jae Han who is in the past. They then set out on a journey to solve cold cases.

Splash Splash Love: 2 episodes (Drama Special), Romance, Fantasy. Dan Bi is a high school senior who has given up on math. On the day she is about to take the KSAT for college, she is transported back into the past during a freak rain shower. She finds herself hundreds of years in the past at the height of the Joseon Kingdom, which is suffering from a severe drought. She encounters King Lee Do who yearns to learn advanced mathematics and falls in love with him.

Strong Woman Do Bong Soon: 16 episodes, Romance, Fantasy. Bong Soon is a woman with supernatural strenght who pines after a childhood crush who now works as a police officer. She is approached by the CEO of a gaming company who has a distrust for the police and she starts working as a bodyguard for him. (There are some problematic elements to this show, but the romance is really sweet) 

The Guest: 16 episodes, Supernatural, Horror, Mystery. It centers around three characters who had their lives ruined by a demon called “Son” (the guest) when they were kids. Yoon Hwa Pyung is a psychic that can see ghosts and who was once possessed by “Son” causing his mother and his grandmother to die and his father to try to kill him. Kang Gil Young is a detective whose mother was killed by the demon and Choi Yoon/ Mateo is a catholic priest that exorcises demons and whose brother was once possessed by “Son” causing him to kill his family. They band together to find and stop “Son”.

You Who Came From the Stars: 21 episodes, Romance, Fantasy. Do Min Joon is an alien who landed on Earth 400 years ago during the Joseon Dynasty period. He possesses a near perfect appearance and enhanced physical abilities involving his vision, hearing and speed. Later, he discovers that he has three months left on Earth. And that is when he meets Cheon Song Yi, the biggest Hallyu star in Korea.

Romance:

Come and Hug Me: 16 episodes, Suspense, Romance, Melodrama. When they were children, Yoon Na Moo and Gil Nak Won were each others first love. They are forced to break apart when Na Moo's father Yoon Hee Jae, a psychopath serial killer, murders Nak Won's parents. 12 years later, Jae Yi has become a popular actress and Do Jin is now an experienced detective trying to repent for his fathers sins. They meet again and start to develop a relationship.

Descendants of the Sun: 16 episodes, Romance, Medical, Action. Kang Mo Yeon works as a cardiothoracic surgeon and Yoo Shi Jin is the Captain and team leader of Alpha Team. They both get sent into an area of conflict, and start to devolop a relationship.

Hospital Ship: 20 episodes, Romance, Medical. This drama is about army doctors aboard a hospital ship, which is a floating hospital that serves people who live on remote islands. Eun Jae, a cold perfectionist surgeon whose fast-track career was derailed, starts working at the ship.

Just Between Lovers: 16 episodes, Romance, Melodrama. A shopping center collapses killing many people. When he was 15, Lee Gang Doo dreamed of playing for the Korean national soccer team, but a serious injury sustained as a result of the accident destroys those dreams. In the years after the accident, Gang Doo spends his days fighting through physical and emotional pain, struggling to support his sister and pay back a hefty debt, and working as a construction worker. When she was 15, Ha Moon Soo lived through the accident, and years later she is still plagued by nightmares. She lives above the women’s bath house that her mother runs and specializes in making architectural models that are an important safety element in any major building planning process. Years after the incident, a construction project is due to kick-off at the accident site, and they both get involved in the project, causing them to develop a relationship while struggling with the painful memories it brings back. 

Shopping King Louie: 16 episodes, Romance. The story of “Shopaholic Louie” revolves around a handsome shopaholic named Louie, who is the successor of a vast business empire but becomes homeless after suffering from amnesia. Meanwhile, Koh Bok Shil, a country girl who lives a life that is worlds apart from the rich and famous, encounters Louie in Seoul. They develop a relationship.

Thirty but Seventeen: 16 episodes, Romance. Woo Seo Ri, a violin prodigy at 17 who was about to study in Germany, got into a bus accident and fell into a coma waking up 13 years later. Mentally she is still only 17, while physically she is now 30. Due to a trauma he experienced 13 years before, Gong Woo Jin does not want to have a relationship with others. They get to know each other and try and open the door to the happiness that they once thought had been closed to them.

When the Camellia Blooms: 20 episodes, Romance, Thriller, Life. Dong Baek is a single mother living in the small town of Ongsan. She runs the bar-restaurant Camellia, while also taking care of her son Pil Gu. The people of Ongsan frequently gossip about Dong Baek. She grew up as an orphan, is a single mother and runs a bar where many of the men in Ongsan frequent. Regardless of what the locals may whisper about Dong Baek, local police officer Hwang Yong Shik is deeply in love with her. Meanwhile, Dong Baek's ex-boyfriend Kang Jong Ryeol suddenly reappears in her life. He is a famous baseball player, that hid their relationship when they dated. While Dong Baek tries to find happiness, something truly sinister lurks in the background. A serial killer roams Ongsan and Dong Baek may be a target.

Historical:

Kingdom: 6 episodes, Action, Historical, Zombie. The King falls ill to smallpox and rumors start to spread that he has actually died. Meanwhile, Crown Prince Lee Chang is labeled a traitor by the Haewon Cho Clan, the clan of the current pregnant Queen and her father, Chief State Councillor Cho Hak Joo. While trying to uncover the mystery of what happened to his father, the Crown Prince goes with his guard, Moo Young, to Dongnae to look for the physician that treated his father, only to be stuck with Assistant Physician Seo Bi and a mysterious man named Young Shin in a village plagued with a terrifying disease.

My Country: 16 episodes, Historical, Action, Romance, Tragedy. Two friends ends up on opposite sides in a conflict involving the fight for the crown. Confronted with betrayal the two of them have to learn how to fight against their best friend all while trying to stay good in a cruel world.  

The Tale of Nokdu: 16 episodes, Action, Romance, Comedy. One day, Nok Du’s father and older brother are attacked by a group of female assassins. Jeon Nok Du chases after one of the assassins to the capital. To find out why his family was attacked, Jeon Nok Du disguises himself as a woman and enters a widow village where the assassins are hiding. There, he meets Dong Dong Ju who is an apprentice to become a gisaeng.

Misc:

Age of Youth: 12 episodes, Friendship, Life.  Five girls in their twenties come to live together in a house called "Belle Epoque. As the girls feel a bond of sympathy and become closer, they also deal with their personal issues as they live out their eventful twenties. The drama follows their struggles and incidents dealing with relationships - within their circles, with dating, and with each other - and a variety of events they are experiencing including credits, part-time jobs, drinking, hopes and dreams. (This drama also has a second season)

Avengers Social Club: 12 episodes, Friendship, Life.  Features three women from different walks of life coming together for revenge: a fish store ajumma who envisioned a better life for herself, a housewife, and a chaebol’s daughter who was raised like a delicate greenhouse flower. They’re an unlikely trio who would never otherwise meet, but they join forces to carry out their individual revenges. Although they start out as co-conspirators, along the way they’ll build a strong friendship.

Chief Kim: 20 episodes, Business, Comedy. Kim Sung Ryong is a skilled accountant who works for gangsters. He makes his way into a company called TQ Group as a middle manager in the accounting department with the intention of embezzling money from the company. As he contends with hot-shot accountant Yoon Ha Kyung, financial prodigy Seo Yul and peppy intern Hong Ga Eun, Sung Ryong finds himself embroiled in office politics and notices other shenanigans by those in power that threaten to bring down the company. Sung Ryong slowly comes to realize that he’d rather fight against corporate corruption and fight for employees’ rights than complete the mission he originally came to do. 

Miss Hammurabi: 16 episodes, Law, Romance. Park Cha Oh Reum is a newly appointed judge who is assigned to the 44th Civil Affairs Department at the Seoul Central District. She is always on the lookout for injustice and is able to profoundly empathize with others. Compared to her, Im Ba Reun is a cool-headed man of principle with the creed of ‘Court that is equal to all’, and he is displeased with junior judge Park Cha Oh Reum who is overly sympathetic when it comes to cases. (There is one moment in the first episode (I believe) where something problematic occurs, but I think its only that one thing). 

Psychopath Diary: 16 episodes, Comedy, Mystery.  Yook Dong Sik is a 34-year-old office worker who is so weak and timid that he is used by everybody around him. After an incident, he becomes the scapegoat of his company, and so facing losing his job and his family turning their back on him, he decides to commit suicide. While doing so, he unexpectedly stumbles across a murder scene, but gets into an accident while running from the murderer. He wakes up with amnesia with the psychopath's diary in his possession. With no clues to his true nature other than the diary,and his fragmented memory lining up with the diary entry, he begins to believe that he is in fact a psychopath serial killer.

Happy watching! 

[chronicle-21]

My first tumblr post.

I want to discuss something that has been on my mind recently. It has bothered me deep down for many years, and the feeling of not saying anything is painful. I hope that by writing this, others are able to relate.

My high school friends were never my true friends. There. I said it. Years of never saying anything that I wanted to say to them because I was young and too nice. I was afraid of having no friends. If I ever said anything, I made the mistake of pouring my heart out on social media. Dumb mistake, but I was desperate for someone to understand.

I think part of the issue was that our families were way different raising us. My family was lower middle class, and sometimes my father did not have a job. We did not always have much money, but we got by okay. We never took true vacations or went out of state for anything. My parents scrounged at every penny to save up to send us to Disney for marching band in high school. One of my favorite memories. As teenagers, my siblings and I learned the value of money. When I turned 16, my parents made me get a job. I have worked ever since then (I’m almost 30). It was from then on that I bought everything (for the most part) myself. I felt the pain of buying things with my measly minimum wage jobs, whereas my friends had their parents pay for everything. I won’t lie, growing up I’d be a bit jealous. I never spoke of it. It was deep down. I wished that my parents would pay for everything. As an adult, I know and understand my parents situation, and I believe that it has humbled me and taught me empathy for others. My friends didn’t understand this at all. I’m glad their families had the ability to afford their lives, but I also think they did them a disservice.

Once we all graduated high school, we all went our separate ways and went to different universities. People grow and change, and that’s okay! When we first met back up on school holiday breaks, I noticed that they became, I don’t know, egotistical? Narcissistic? Full of themselves? They were all in a similar major dealing with med school, while I was getting my degree in education. I sensed that they didn’t take my major seriously. I understand that they had similar stories and class information that they were excited to share with each other, but it was all they talked about. I could never get a word in edge-wise. I felt like a third wheel. It became so that EVERYTIME we hung out, they would only talk about themselves and their classes. I just couldn’t relate. None of my classes were science or math related (or at least not on that level). It got to the point where I met them a restaurant after not seeing them for six months or more and they never talked to me or asked how I was doing. They greeted and acted like they liked seeing me, but I don’t think they cared much beyond that. I just sat there and listened. I could have interjected, but that would be rude. I could have tried to put my two cents in, but I just could not relate. It was one of the first real breaking points in our friendship that I realized that they didn’t care about me. I was beneath them.

I was sent on this downward spiral of realizing over all these years that I was: 1) Not going to fit in with them, ever. 2) Always be viewed as beneath them. And 3) They didn’t care about me truly. Let me explain. Please. I beg. I’ve been thinking about this for a long time. Here’s some examples that stick out to me.

-Growing up, we would give gifts to each other and like I had mentioned, we didn’t have much money. My parents would sometimes give $20 to split between three friends for Christmas or birthdays. Sometimes it would be my paycheck money. I would often find gifts at Walmart (for example, cheap jewelry, shirts, cute accessories, etc) or places like Big Lots, or sometimes things at the mall if something was priced right. I can remember one of the friends saying, “Oh, did you get this at the dollar store?” I remember feeling embarrassed. Trying to find a gift on a budget, and I felt like a fool. It gets worse.

-I used to buy jewelry candles back when they were a craze. I loved the surprise of not knowing if you’ll get a real piece of jewelry or not. I remember I found several rings that were real stones and real silver. Not diamonds but I felt excited to have real silver and real gemstones. I wore them out to eat and one of my friends commented that they liked my rings. I explained jewelry candles. My other friend spoke up and said, “Yeah, they look like something you get from a ring candle.” I’m not here to impress you people. I was wearing it because it made me happy. Similarly, they would look at what brand purse or jacket I was wearing and comment on it. Sometimes almost implying I got it thrifting like I couldn’t just buy it full price. (I was an adult at this point and working full time).

-My high school graduation party, none of my friends came. They were all supposedly on vacation. Fine. I can’t do anything about that. Let it be known that I went to all of theirs and bought them all gifts. Better gifts than I had ever gotten them before (had a better job with more hours in school). Never got any gifts from them.

-Was a bridesmaid, in one friend’s wedding. I probably shouldn’t have agreed to do it, but I was. My others friends were bridesmaids, as well plus some of her friends from college. The bride was the one I was closest to. The whole thing with the other bridesmaids was beyond stressful. The bride had no maid of honor but one acted like they were. She was one of the friends from high school. She had us do all these super extra unnecessary things last minute. I found out later that these extra things were part of her gift! I spent hundreds on this wedding that wasn’t mine and she had the nerve to do everything free and play our hard work off as her gift because she was cheap. We had all made that gift ourselves and she had the nerve to make it her gift since it was her idea. She had her masters at that point and was working a good job. I worked at a grocery store going to school part time. I had went and took a painting class for one of my gifts that was customized. I paid $280 for a bridesmaid dress and had it fitted and seamed, plus shoes and nails. The dinner for the bachelorette party at a vineyard. -The bride may have been trying to have been nice to me when she offered to pay for my dress and then I could pay her back. I had been making payments on it since I also had my car bill, phone, and other things. It felt like a slap in the face. I guess the others girls paid theirs off in one payment and she found that out. I splurged and paid the rest of the money on it because I was embarrassed. It wasn’t like it was too outrageous to afford, but I just had other things to pay at the time. All her bridesmaids were in the medical field and came from good money. The one girl’s family owned a lake. That same girl also wouldn’t talk to me the entire time. The night of the bachelorette party, the one girl’s mom paid for our room and all the other girls got a bed. I had to sleep on the pullout couch. It was super lumpy and uncomfortable. Once again, embarrassing. I left the hotel in the middle of the night and drove home. I didn’t live far. I drove back in the morning and got brunch with them. Acted like nothing happened.

-Mid 20s: My friends were all back in town. We decided to meet back up. They decided to meet at bar in downtown. I go and they all have their significant others with them. I would have brought my boyfriend at the time if I had known. I felt like a third wheel. The bar was loud and cramped. Live music was playing. After we greeted each other, no one talked to me. I was sitting on the end and tried to conversate over the music at the bar. I had weird feelings and thought about leaving. The live music ended after a few hours. My one friend got up and went out to her car to get something. She came back in with two pretty boxes with my two other friends’ names on them. They opened them up in front of me. They had been invited to be her bridesmaids. I awkwardly sat there trying not to cry and feeling confused. These were my childhood-high school friends. I played it off like it didn’t bother me. I thought to myself, “Why invite me then?”. Stupid me stayed friends with them for several more years. I went to said friends bridal shower and wedding, like a fool. I got her nice gifts, like a fool.

-One friend has a weird thing about comparing herself to other people. I think it’s insecurity mixed with ego? I’ll explain. She always has to have the best things. A new car, a half million dollar house, private universities, the fact she’s been with her high school sweetheart who is a douchebag, honestly. They have an unhealthy relationship for various reasons. They are mostly together for (what the kids these days call) “clout”. They both have good jobs. She’s in the medical field and he was selling medical equipment last I knew. They like to bring up bad things each other did to each other in front of guests. For example, he tried to cheat on her in college, and she’ll bring it up to guilt him in front of people. “Remember when you tried to cheat on me...”. In public. They do it to each other. He lied about his political party because he was working for a politician and was trying to schmooze his way up. He later admitted he just lied to everyone and didn’t share the same the beliefs. Amongst many other things. They are married now. He wants kids, she doesn’t last I knew. They get on Facebook and use the hashtag #powercouple. Point is, she always wants to know what I’m up to. I’ve had to watch what I put on social media. I used to be more open and now I realize that people use that to judge or compare themselves to you. I don’t put where I work or where I live on there. I realized it’s nobody’s business. When I bought a house with my husband, she was wanted to know where exactly I lived so she could look up how much we bought our house for. I know this because I remembered her saying she loves to creep on people and find out things. We bought a home that we felt was affordable and had character. In high school, her and husband lived off of the high of being our grades most well-known couple. Everyone knew them together. They went to France together. They had their engagement photos done in London. She gets on Facebook for their anniversaries (how long they have been together and their wedding anniversary date) and says something like, “Can’t believe I’ve been stuck with you for 12 years. You gets on my nerves, but you’re a good cat dad to our cats. And you can cook. Haha. I love you. Or maybe I love the cats more”. Cringey.

An ending to this long story? Yes, for the most part. I want to mention that I made my own mistakes with them. I’m not perfect. I also know that I never said anything mean or degrading either. I realize that I never really spoke up to them. When I did it was because I was upset or frustrated with them. I was too worried about being alone. I was friends with these toxic people, and I eventually stopped seeing them. The last straw was seeing them on Instagram all hanging out without me. It’s fine. That’s their choice, and I wish they would have done it sooner instead of stringing me along. I’m not angry. It was my sign that we weren’t friends anymore. I deleted them off of social media. Nothing has been said to each ever since.

I want people to know that it’s okay to grow and change. It’s not okay to make others feel bad. It’s not healthy to compare and feel above others. Please don’t be afraid to speak up like I was. The fear of having no one scared me badly. Sometimes having just one good friend is better than having a group of friends. I ended up find my best friend after all of this! We’ve been best friends for six years now. It’s the most healthy and rewarding friendship I’ve ever had. We build each other up and can talk for hours! We don’t judge each at all. We love the simplicity in our lives.

I really just wanted to vent. I hope other people have similar stories to me. Feel free to share.

[darklingichor]

Gone With the Wind by Margaret Mitchell

Buckle in kids, this one has my analytical muscles flexing!

I always said that I absorbed some of this epic through osmosis. GWTW is my mom's favorite book and one of her favorite movies. I remember wandering in and out of the living room at least once a year while she watched it. I would listen with half an ear as I played in the other room. A movie so long as to have an intermission just couldn't keep my attention as a kid. Of course I knew the story, just like I knew the story of a lot of fairy tales that I'd never actually had read to me. I didn't actually sit down and watch the movie in it's entirety until I was in my 20's. I liked it. It was well made, the acting was great and the story for all it's wince worthy moments and the surface polishing of such an ugly period in american history, was compelling.

I've never been able to get through the actual book. The reasons are going to sound a little silly. When I was younger, I thought : Why read it? I know the story. Tara is a plantation pre civil war, Scarlett lives at Tara, she's spoiled, she marries out of spite, gets widowed, Atlanta burns, she and her family become poor after the war, "As God is my witness, I shall never be hungry again" she works hard, almost loses Tara, she marries for money, saves Tara, works hard, is widowed again, marries again, rocky relationship, a child passes, "Frankly my dear, I don't give damn", end credits. In between she pines over a guy she can't have, and manages to be all around an unpleasant person in general. Done and done.  I was probably too young to read it then anyway.

When I got older and realized that a book could be complex with horrible things in it. I thought I should read it. But, every copy of the book I seemed to find had tiny tiny print and no paragraph breaks (the later being a a typical writing characteristic in the past). Even with my glasses I have a hard time reading a book in that format. I skip lines, reread lines, I always end up,with a,pounding headache. No matter how good the story it's hard to get into when you can't physically read it. I had the same problem with Little Women. I eventually got through it but it was difficult.

Well, now there's audible. For once, I didn't have a book I was chomping at the bit to listen to and I thought: Why not? I listened to other books I couldn't get into for whatever reason. So, one credit and 48 hours (spread out over the last three weeks) later. I made it through.

Let me say, this novel is rich in language, as in it is well written and has much to analyze. But every time the n-word was said I flinched. Every time a black person was infatlized, or threatened, I felt angry, I was pissed off by the caricatures and happy slave narritive. Everything I have read about the author points to her evolving her views on black people after her novel, which is good. However, it doesn't make the characterization of black people any easier to read. There are racist things in the book, writing about a bunch of well to do people in the antebellum south, I'm not sure how an author could avoid it without Clorox-ing history, which honestly, she did enough of with her mythical view of the way enslaved people were treated and felt. It was a narrative I often heard in school, in the PNW, in the 90's.

The story went that depending on where someone fit into the hierarchy of slaves, some were well treated and loved. Because of this, when emancipation came, some slaves were afraid to be, or didn't want to be free. This of course served the purpose of making an awful period in US history seem softer than it was. "Sure it was bad, but it wasn't that bad."

As I studied more, this viewpoint was replaced with a "Nope, this was just bad, as in monumentally criminally bad."

I think Mitchell, when she wrote the book, thought she was being accurate, but considering she learned her history from veterens of The Confederacy, it is not surprising that she was wrong.

Because of the one dimensional way that black people were written, it's hard for me to really dig into the symbolism of their characters. I'm only marganially good at this, as you will soon see.

I will say this: I liked the book for many of the same reasons my mom gave me for loving it. For it's descriptions and it's style, for it's symbolism. I like it for it's depiction of a culture in flux, of the impact of war for those on the home front, of the all too human condition that one never sees one's self as the bad guy. I do not like it for the characters. Rhett is an asshole, Ashley has a lot in common with a wet towel, only less interesting. Melanie is okay but can at times, give one a toothache. Scarlett is a brat. The glorifying of a time when people owned other people is disturbing, full stop.

It was those parts that made me profoundly uncomfortable and I had to remind myself over and over that this was a novel about civil war Georgia and the rich people that inhabited it before, during, and directly after. This was how those people would think, talk and behave. It was wrong then, it's wrong now.

Now, I'm going to look at the symbolism in this book because I found it facinating.

Gone with the wind is far more complex than I thought when I was a kid or after I watched the movie. The collective consciousness holds Rhett Butler and Scarlett O'Hara's romance to be the heart of the story... But it's not. Scarlett herself is the heart of the story. Honestly, Rhett driffs in and out when Scarlett needs either a dose of levity, a hard dose of truth, or a leg up on a hard fight. He doesn't rescue her, he helps her get the tools, and shows her the path to rescue herself.

Scarlett is an odd character. She has so many good points and bad points that she is nearly neutral. She's self-centered, but will fiercely care for and look after those she considers family, or as she calls them "my own". She will, on the surface ( for as the book says, it was all surface with her) resent every step taken, dollar spent, or moment given but she will keep doing it. She's opportunistic and ruthless with it, but she doesn't do it for the hell of it, she does it when backed into a corner. She's inpatient with her children, but her actions show that she loves them. She wants to do right by the social customs she was raised with and that the South cling to even after the war, but she's far too practical to pay them any more than lip service unless they fit her purposes.

Katie Scarlett O'Hara *is* rural Georgia. The colors that are always used to describe the land and Tara are red, green, black and white. In Scarlett we have described, red lips, green eyes ("without a hint of hazel"), white skin and black hair. She often wears these colors as well. Scarlett grows and changes along with Georgia and in fact, the reader is treated to the change of Georgia in a way that makes it more important than the changes of the characters. There are long stretches of discription of Georgia, especially Clayton County where Tara is. Long passages of the feelings of Georgia's people, before, during and after the war. Scarlett's life story from age 16 to age 28 are placed in between, and I have to think that the composition of the book was deliberate (I've never read any literary analysis GWTW, this is just me rambling). 

Scarlett is told by her father, early in the book, that an Irishman's land is like his mother. Gerald O'Hara, an Irish immigrant, goes on to tell her that this kinship to the land is the same for anyone with a drop of Irish blood. In Scarlett, this goes further, for not only is the land her mother, she is,truly it's daughter.

Since she only swims in the shallow depths of her mind, she is unaware of her deeper waters. She does have them, she just pays no attention to what lives there. Weirdly, what lives there is what truly moves her. Early in the book the reader is told that although she didn't know it, she loved Tara, she was at peace there.

Nature is neutral,nature doesn't care about wars, politics or customs. At her core Scarlett doesn't care about these things either. Throughout the book the reader is told, that Scarlett doesn't care about anything that didn't directly affect her. This is true, and she is called out  fairly often by other characters for being self-centered. However, her selfishness has a different feel than say, Bella Swan, Veruca Salt, or various other literary brats.

Scarlett feels less like one only,out to further her own interests and more like one who is trying to maintain her niche in her environment. For a living thing to thrive, their environment must support them. When an environment changes, the living thing either adapts or dies. Scarlett adapted.

Unable to convince Ashley Wilkes to break his engagement to Melanie Hamilton, being more obvious about her feelings for him than she thought, facing shame and questions to her reputation that would devastate her social standing and also possibly damage her family, she took swift action. She married Charles Hamilton, Melanie's brother. Why? It would shut up those who thought her in love with Ashley, thus saving her reputation. Plus, she figured it would hurt those she saw,as a threat to her. Like a river wearing a path around a tree, she avoided the obstical and continued on.

So if Scarlett is Georgia what about our other big characters?

Rhett is change, and time, like Scarlett he's nearly morally neutral.

Ashley is the past, he's the southern gentleman that the culture out grew.

Melanie a sheltering force. She reads as sweet and proper, but is always supporting Scarlett, even when her choices do not line up with the social system.

So, let's look at each of these characters in relation to our green-eyed force of nature.

I’m going to start with Ashley. Scarlett is fixated on him from the beginning. One can make many arguments as to why. He’s the only man not falling all over himself to get her attention, he very much represents the white knight to her, having “fallen in love” with him when he rode up to Tara after being away from Twelve Oaks, the reason as old as time, because she can’t have him, and her father says he’s not a good match for her. All of these are true, but to look at it from the symbolism angle:

Scarlett is Georgia,. The land and the plantation culture, she’s comfortable in her world at the start of the book. She doesn’t care at all about the war. It’s something that’s happening around her, something she is dreadfully bored by. Ashley represents that comfort, being with him means keeping things the same, staying the girl who only has to worry herself with parties, and being a plantation wife. Life would be slow and easy.

Time goes on, when everything goes wrong and Tara falls into poverty, Scarlett adapts. This girl who only a few years before married a man to save face, had never expected to work, now has to bust her tail trying to keep everyone fed. She wants Ashley, still, because she desperately wants to go back to that past, to where things were simple, to where hunger was not an issue.

The problem is that, Scarlett views Ashley through a haze of sentimentality, and Ashley is, himself, the embodiment of rose tinted nostalgia. He is not like Scarlett, longing for that time, but functioning in reality. He cannot exist outside of it; he’s not wishing for a time when all he had to do was talk books and philosophy with Melanie, he is of that time and he can do nothing when its gone.

Ashley Wilkes is an embroidered cloth of the antebellum south. He's the neat picture that faces outward, the pleasent part that the one weilding the needle wanted people to see. What is hidden is the web of threads criss-crossing each other, the nests of string, the knots and the things those messy parts tell of. The pricked fingers, the broken threads, the bent needles, stitches that were undone, tangles. The work and the pain that went into making that pretty picture look effortless. In short, he's what Scarlett and others at the start of the book thought of their culture and society. The work of the slaves was just simply there, what mattered was the result. Scarlett, like the society at large, had to let that go, face what it was. Not a shining example to return to, but an impractical relic of the past.

Rhett on the other hand sort of drifts in and out of the awareness of the main characters, He is always sort of there. He sees the writing on the wall, knows that many of the social conventions are on their way out and nudges Scarlett in the direction she wants to go in anyway.

After Charles dies, and Scarlett is in mourning, tradition dictating that she wear black, Rhett buys her a green hat and tells her he will take it away if she has it dyed.

When Tara is about to be lost, and Rhett refuses to give her money, Scarlett, without shame and with ruthless practicality, steals and marries her sister Suellen's suitor.

Why? Because she knew that Suellen would not have used any of the money she might have come into to save Tara.

Scarlett then takes over her new husband's business. She has a talent for it, and does well. Rhett encourages this unconventional behavior by lending her money to buy a sawmill which she runs.

This loan is interesting because it has a condition. He loans her the money as long as it isn't used to help Ashley.

This could be seen as an opportunity that would only really work if not given over to the conventions of the past. This plays out some what when it turns out that Ashley really sucks at doing... Well anything useful, really.

When Rhett and Scarlett eventually marry, he is proud to have a smart wife.

Rhett, as change, sees that Scarlett can and should break free from the social expectations that hem her in, when she does, she tends to do well. They are prosperous. What gets her in trouble is her constent looking back, pineing for Ashley, for the past that never was what it seemed, and the lost future that never would have been what she thought. Case in point, Scarlett and Rhett have Bonnie, who Rhett adores, Scarlett seems contented in her marriage. Then what happens? Ashley tells Scarlett that he is jealous of Rhett. And Scarlett promptly demands that she and Rhett sleep in separate rooms.

Later, we continue to go all soap opera when Scarlett and Ashley share an embrace and Ashley's sister, India, spreads a rumour of an affair. Melanie kicks her out of her house, but Rhett has heard. Enticements of the past impeding the progress to the future.

Rhett is near his breaking point with Scarlett and her focus on Ashley. He forces himself on her. Change trying to force itself on the culture through a vile and violent act. That is not a way to move forward, however.

Scarlett becomes pregnant, argues with a fed up Rhett, and falls down the stairs, losing the baby. Scarlett doesn't want anything to do with Rhett after this happens, understandably.  A lot of change made in violence is resented and rejected. This leaves Rhett at a loss.

When Bonnie dies (it could be argued that she represents a new south, one that is not held back by convention, but is ultimately killed by the strong hold that those conventions had on the culture) Rhett is broken. And just when Scarlett is willing to embrace change, Rhett decides to leave, to find his own version of south that Ashley had been clinging to. This could be interpreted a couple of different ways. It could be seen as, that change  is brought about by time and acceptence, and that the lack of the latter means that the former will not be effective and pass you by. Or, and this is the interpretation that I prefer, the fact that time, in regards to culture, repeats. Every generation has experienced this. You spend your youth laughing at the way things were done “back in the day” maybe even proclaiming that when you’re older, you won’t talk about “Kids these days…” but then one day you find that everything that was familiar to you has become outdated and you don’t understand, and therefore don’t like what is happening now and you find yourself wishing for the time when you were so sure and you understood everything. Ashley represents a past after a major upheavel, Rhett, is simply the march of time that every now and again will turn around and walk backwards to see where he’s been. Now, one could argue that Rhett is going to end up like Ashley, afterall, he’s looking for his past again. But I feel that Rhett is retreating into the past because of the trauma he experience in losing Bonnie and giving up on Scarlett. It’s a respite, rather than a permanate state of mind, like it is with Ashley. Ashley’s mind was always in the more idealized place, no matter the circumstsnce. It was the war that rattled his viewpoint of the world. Rhett is grounded in reality, he just wants to go home. Ashley is a rerun of an old tv show, Rhett is a nostaligia inspired reboot.

And Melanie. Ahh, Melly, silk wrapped iron, she is.

If this book has one "good guy" it's Melanie. If Ashley is pulling Scarlett (Georgia) back and Rhett is marching her forward, Melanie is a sheltering force, and  Scarlett's counter point. Melanie has a streanth of her own and it is a perfect compainon to Scarlett's straightforward determination. While listening to this book, the phrase "speak softly and carry a big stick" kept coming to mind when it came to Melly. There are times that a soft spoken assurance, a politely worded insistence can be more powerful than anything else and Melanie shows that. The two prop each other up. When Scarlett kills the Yankee that invaded Tara, she helped bury the body. When Scarlett is demanding and short-tempered in regards to work being done around Tara during the lean times, Melly backs her up, but sweetens the tone. It takes a quiet fortitude to keep the peace in a way that still allows for getting things done and  Melanie enables Scarlett to do just that. She knows the ins and outs of society rules and can weave her way through them with more ease than Scarlett. As such, she recognizes when Scarlett has to bend or break those rules to ensure the family's survival and knows just the right way to phrase it to give her sister in law enough wiggle room to keep her on society's good graces.

She Dances with Rhett for the cause even while in mourning? Melly insists she's doing it out of memory of Charlie. She does more than sit and home and be a widow? Melly points out that Scarlett is young and should be allowed some leeway.

Ashley's sister spreads a roumor about Scarlett and Ashley while the former is married to Rhett? Melly banishes her from the house.

When Melanie dies, Scarlett realizes how much she has meant to her and I would argue that it is her sisterhood and partnership with Melanie that is central to the story, rather than Scarlett's relationship with Rhett.

Each of these main characters are either rejected or leave just as Scarlett's deeper motives and thoughts float to the surface where she pays attention to them.

Melly dies when Scarlett is finally ready to stand on her own, because the social rules are being phased out, she doesn't need Melanie's gentle protection any more. With the phasing out of those rules, Ashley  is outdated and unappealing and finally, Rhett and time move on, now that they have had their effect. And what is left standing is a changed Scarlett O'Hara in a changed world.

[almasidaliano]

Almasi for President

so in about 12 to 16 years, i am running for president. i do not believe the world will have ended then, though i do believe things will be different. hoping for better, not, not expecting worse. our system is broken. all of the systems are broken. the government is corrupt. the justice system is corrupt. those in charge are turning blind eyes, covering things up, and allowing the fall of our country. i will not be surprised if a civil war commences; although i'm also thinking they are going to really create and push for a purge. we are in real trouble then. that just goes back to what i said, are you standing for something or dying for nothing?

people were excited for biden to win. and i have to say, i was not one of them. biden seems like another puppet to me. obama was a puppet. he was his vp. crazy how biden is president and he has a black female vp now. that sounds like a win huh? wrong, she contributed to the failed prosecution of the officers who murdered Oscar Grant. that went over everyone's head during the election though. trump was just so bad had to get him out. biden is anti LGBTQ+. everyone wanted to put it on trump folks getting rowdy and such however, biden won and nothing changed.

trump's slogan was "make america great again." personally, i think he could have. trump's a businessman and to say the least, entertainment. they gave trump four years, why do you think they didn't renew his contract? because he was playing them. trump is a classist. he doesn't like poor people. personally, i think he just believes hardwork pays off, his did and so he just holds everyone to the standard he held himself. there are circumstances, however i think that's fair. he said all this racist shit everyone got mad. yet, he won by a landslide because the country said they would still rather this "bigoted, racist, sexist, classist asshole" than a woman. then the country complained the whole time. he exposed america and instead of society shining light and doing something they continued to do what we have been doing; pointing blame.

the system has failed us. the system failed us a long time ago. all trump did was present a call to action. the one thing i can give rednecks is they patriotic as fuck. they want the america they invision type shit. i feel like melanated people in general struggle with that because america never felt like home. america never wanted us here. but the fact of the matter is, this all we know. this is home now. there are 3 real options. 1. go back to where your bloodline stems. 2. sit and conform, hope they dont get you. 3. defend your rights, your home, and your people; come out on top or die trying. you have to pick something though. we have to do something because they those set to protect us are out to get us.

we do not have a democratic government not even a representative democracy like we once thought. sorry if you were today years old when you found out. we operate out of a republic; a constitutional federal republic. what's the difference? in a democracy, all that voting that we do, matters.  even if it was a representative democracy. we would have representatives to disclose our decisions. the electoral college makes final decisions on elections.

a constitutional federal republic means that the constitution which is the law of the land governs the land. if this is the law of the land, why do we have sub laws? the constitution needs to be amended. want to fix the race and inequality issues? let me tell you how, real easy fix. call a convention. take out any amendment that gives rights to people AND reword the beginning anyway folks see fit so that women and americans from all ethnic backgrounds get the same level of respect and rights. there will always be an unspoken division until things like that are rectified. before black people got rights we were not even counted as complete people, simply 3/5s of a person. life liberty and the pursuit of happiness. these are unalienable rights. my very existence guarantees me these rights.

the judicial system coupled with the criminal law system are hopeful, and still in need of reform. prisons are privately owned institutions, which are supposed to be forms of rehabilitation. instead, they are condemning people and treating them inhumanely; creating the same environment they were in on the outside, on in the inside conditioning them to be stuck in these ways as means of survival and then continue to place blame on them. officers need to take crimes more seriously. people are people, bias, prejudices, and profiling have no place in the workplace. officers are corrupt, arresting kids for selling, who just are trying to help their mother with the bills, then turning around and selling it back out on the streets. officers are wrongfully convictind and killing predominately (as far as the media is broadcasting) though not only melanated people. on top of that, they are walking free. lives are being lost and they arent even losing their jobs. tax dollars are going towards keeping them safe. however, if a civilian shoots a cop. up the river for them.

lawyers aren't fighting hard enough. especially defense attorneys. it is fairly simple to get a conviction with the right information, proving innocence is always a bit more complicated. the problem is that attorneys get too big eyed. they looking at how to get their clients off, accountability is another taboo in this society. there are a multitude of people who are innocent behind bars, as well as those who received heinous outrageous sentences. that is not right.

people factor more than necessary when trying to make a decision, yet they ignore the things that remind them a person is human. its this art contest over who can paint the best picture of the defendant. which story is easy for a jurors bias to sway? how people look matters. and it shouldn't. our government since the building of america, has created dividing markers.

just like with royal kingdoms, the wife couldn't have things of her own. her role was cleaning, cooking, taking care of the kids, and whatever else was asked of her. if there was a divorce, the woman got nothing. they had no rights. imagine being the first born as a female in a royal family and being told you can't have your kingdom, correction you can but you must marry to get it. then if you get married the new king running things not you. what is that? its called patriarchy. our government is run off a patriarchy as well.

so i never really believed there could be like a true separation of church and state because every law and decision made was based on people's morals and beliefs. there is supposed to be a separation of church and state yet, due to people's religious beliefs gay marriage had to get legalized, despite there being no law for heterosexual marriage. would that not make it illegal? since gay marriage had to be legalized though there was not a law for it either? then on top of that, how do you make it a law, and still for religious reasons, ministers and such can refuse? there are always stipulations and hinderances for the rights of those who are not white men.

ABORTION: i really do not know why we are still having this conversation. its literally conversations like this that have me looking at americans like--- seriously? once again there should be a separation of church and state. so religion cannot be a reason to outlaw it. how can you put out a law that dictates what someone can do with their body? all of life, i mean every part of life should be pro-choice. its just that simple. Pro-Choice. i am all for the right to decide for yourself. and men want to feel a way about women making that decision on their own. and while i do stand behind the fact that ultimately it is the womans decision, that does not mean she can't listen to an opinion. it is a part of the woman, literally grows inside of her an entire being. and fathers can just dip out and folks will just look at the mom and suddenly she should just become super woman. the pressure that comes with having a child is enough on its own. like thats a being that is dependent on you. some people are honest with themselves and know they arent ready or dont want it. all they need is support. the mental toll life takes on us is huge as well. still people do not consider that at all.

there is no point of incarcerating people, if they have still lost a chance at a decent life once they get out. jail is for rehabilitation. they go, do their time and then they are supposed to be allowed to try again. our government knows nothing of redemption, that's why all the top leaders go through so much to hide their dirt. they crucify civilians trying to make themselves seem superior, really they are just like you and i. almasi for president. im going to save the world.

-Almasi

[kileyrose-2003]

Dan Torrance x Daughter! Reader

A/N: Hi lovelies. This imagine was requested by @iamstrangerthanfiction I hope you enjoy this hun and are having a good day!

Wendy Torrance was definitely not the proudest mother in the world when 16 year old Danny Torrance came home from school with the news of "You're going to be a grandma." From his ex girlfriend.

"So she's keeping the baby I take it?" Wendy hummed as she read her book on the sofa, cigarette in hand despite the news of her new found and fastly growing cancer.

"Actually that's what I wanted to talk to you about." Wendy looked at her son. "She doesn't want the baby."

"..if you have something you want to ask me or tell me Danny, just outright say it." She put the cigarette out, not wanting him to see her dismay.

"I told her I'd keep the baby." She slammed the book down on the sofa. "You did what?! Danny, how are you supposed to go to school or make a living for yourself? College is the big thing now."

"I know but mom, I didn't really plan on going to college and if I don't take the baby then she's going to go into foster care and I can't do that. It doesn't feel right."

Wendy sighed and patted the cushion next to her on the sofa. "Danny, come here." She hummed.

He sat down next to his mother and held her hand in his own. "You're sure you want to do this? You're fully ready to take care of this child?"

"Mom, I've never been more sure of anything. I know it'll be a little bit hard at first but I know I can do it."

"I just..look, you've been through alot of trauma. We've been through a lot of trauma and you've done really good the past couple of years with coping and I don't want you to lose that. I don't want you to end up like your father." Wendy tried to reason.

"I would never do that mom, I promise. You trust me, right?" Dan smiled at her. "You know I do Danny, but it's also my job to protect you. If you're sure this is what you want, then I'm with you every step of the way but I just don't want something bad to happen and have something happen to the child because that wouldn't be fair to them."

"I've got it mom, I promise." Dan was right, he did have it together for the first couple of years in your life.

He loved being a father to you. The day you were born was the happiest day of your life. He could still remember the warmth and excitement he felt the first time he held you. Your little hands gripped onto his shirt as you snuggled close to his chest in your sleep. A gesture of love from a completely new person that meant so much to him.

"She's beautiful." He told Wendy, memorizing every feature of your face from your long baby eyelashes to Y/c/h.

Wendy smiled and nodded. "What did Y/m/n decide to name her?" She thought you looked surreal, almost like a doll. "Y/n." He hummed softly and kissed the top of your head.

For the first 3 years of your life there was never a moment that Dan ever made you feel unloved. Even on the nights he had to work he always made sure even if you were asleep, he'd come in and kiss you good night or spend some time with you in the early morning hours before he had to go work, watching whatever cartoon it was that you liked but then he just changed.

Slowly but surely the smell of liquor would be on Dan's breath when he came in from work and the amount of goodnight kisses you recieved began to decrease.

"You need to control yourself." Wendy told him as she stood outside her bedroom, scolding her drunk son the same way she would her husband.

"She's three and she's starting to pick up on things and is like you with the weird radios." She was referring to yours and your father's shine.

"I'm sorry mom, I just can't handle it..what am I going to do when you're not hear to help me?" Dan looked tired between work and taking Wendy back and forth to Chemotherapy.

"Danny, we knew this was probably going to happen anyway. The world is a hospice full of fresh air. No matter what happens to me that little girl needs you. You're the only thing she's got. You understand?"

"Yeah mom..I understand." But he didn't and soon enough, he became an out of control alcoholic.

You had the mind set of an adult from the time you were about four years old and Dan hated it. You seen him do things that some people in their forties hadn't even seen.

He felt ashamed knowing that he was doing the same thing to you that his father did to him but he couldn't take it. Dan didn't want to be born like this. It wasn't his fault if he got his shine from lord knows who and how just nothing took it away besides the drink but the drink took him as well.

Your grandmother tried to make it as smooth as she could for you but it was hard. "Your father loves you." She told you as she laid in her bed, the black death flies hoarding over her face.

"What he has, whatever Dick called it, you have it too. Your daddy never tells me what he sees but I know it bothers him." She coughed slightly. "I think that's why he does what he does. It absolutely doesn't excuse him but he's got a lot on his shoulders, sweetie. So do you."

"I know Nana." You hummed softly and gently held her hand. You looked her in the eye despite the hoard of flies. "I just wanna help him feel better though.."

Wendy smiled at you, the flies on her hands began to slowly crawl up your face. "I know you do honey..and you will one day. You're such a sweet girl."

You smiled and gently hugged her, climbing up in bed next to her. "Thanks Nana. I love you." She kissed the top of your. "I love you too Y/n/n. I'm not going to be around much longer so you've got to keep an eye on your daddy for me.."

It was only 2 weeks later that Wendy died. Your father was actually home when it happened. Sleeping of a hangover from whatever liquor it was that decided to take him the previous night.

Your father didn't cry but you cried. You cried not only for the loss but also because you knew somewhere inside that things were going to get way worse before they got better.

You didn't go to the funeral and neither did your father. You could still remember him standing in your room, packing your bags quickly day of the funeral. It was one of the rare times he wasn't drunk in the early hours of the morning.

"Where are we going?" You asked softly, your long Y/c/h flowing down your shoulder in little pigtails that your cousin did for you the previous night.

"A little trip." He told you, throwing one of your pink dresses your grandmother sowed you into a large bag. "The front door is locked, right?"

You nodded. "Good, because we got to get out of here before Aunt Jackie gets back." He scrambled to find more of your possessions. "I can't lose you too..you're my sunshine."

The words hit you hard and you didn't know what to even say or think. Before you had time to fully process, your father threw you over his shoulder. Putting you and your possessions into the car. You buried your face into your little y/f/c blanket you had since you were a baby and sobbed.

Dan never wanted so much just to hold you and pepper your little cheeks in kisses and tell you everything was going to be okay but he also had that same gut feeling it wasn't.

You both were right. It got way worse as time went on. You bounced from place to place, never being able to keep friends or tell people where you lived because it was always changing and on the rare nights your father actually was home, you couldn't even enjoy his presence.

You were always cleaning up the aftermaths of his hangovers or driving yourself into the ground with all the worrying you did.

Sometimes he'd sleep so deeply from all the liquor you would think the alcohol actually caught up to him and he poisoned himself. Leaving you alone in the mess of the world.

The worst was the women he brought home with him at times. They smelled of liquor and drugs and never stayed long because as much as your father wanted to play house you never went for it.

You'd scream at him. A thirteen year old telling a twenty nine year old that he was wrong but Dan didn't want to hear it.

He'd always try to apologize. Either wrapping his arms around you in a tight hug and telling you he loved you over and over again or gave you things you didn't even think he had the money for to try and make it up to you but it didn't matter. The damage was too far done.

You were in a dark place all the time and dark things were attracted to you like a moth to a light.

Your shine grew and you slowly began to realize how dark and hungry the world was. People would eat you alive if they got the chance and the demons that visited you at night wanted too.

Wendy's spirit visited you ever so often as the years went to check in or give you some advice. The one night she visited, she found you standing above a suitcase, tears streaming down your face. You didn't look like a young girl. You looked tired and at the end of your rope.

"I guess I don't have to ask what you're doing then." She stated, her arms crossed as she watched you put what little you had into your bag.

"I'm sorry, Nana. I can't take it anymore." You stopped what you were doing and sat down on your small bed, not meeting her eyes.

"I can't do it anymore! Every day he just hurts me more and more and I don't want to be here when something does eventually happen to him because I won't be able to handle it.." You started sobbing and the ghost woman wrapped her arms around your tiny frame. Lacing her fingers through your knotted tresses.

"Do you at least have money to get somewhere?" She kissed the top of your head and sent soothing waves to you, trying to calm you.

"Yeah." You sniffled and nuzzled close to her. "I've been saving up for the past couple of months. I have a few hundred dollars. I don't know how far it'll get me but anything is better than here."

Wendy sighed and rubbed your back. "Just be careful please? There are people out there who eat what shine. Empty devils your dad was spared from but I don't know if you will be. Stay away from them. Can you promise me that Y/n?"

You nodded and looked up at her, yours tears starting to slow down in flow. "I promise Nana." She kissed your cheeks. "Good. You take care of yourself Y/n. You're a good person."

"I will. I love you Nana." You mumbled softly. "I love you too Y/n. I know you'll do what's right." When you looked up your grandmother was gone and you felt alone again.

You found the nearest bus and got on it with your suitcase in hand, taking it all the way up to New Hampshire where you found yourself in a tiny town called Anniston.

It looked so clean and nice and something just told you to get off there. You could smell the trees and salty waters from the nearby lakes and oceans. You were only there for a minute and you loved it.

Meanwhile as Dan came home to an empty apartment, aimlessly searching for you in places he thought you would be a middle age woman had already found you walking the streets and took you in. Saying "she knew your type."

She reminded you alot of your own grandmother from the way she spoke to how her tiny little apartment was set up.

She lived there by herself. Her husband, a mean old bastard, from what you could gather, died in the place a few years ago and her daughter, a pretty blonde girl with glowing blue eyes, ran off doing god knows what with god knows who when she was 15.

She wasn't as affectionate as your grandma was with you by all means but she treated you with respect and never asked questions about your past, which you liked. In her eyes, it was never her place to ask you at all and you never asked about hers in return.

She watched you grow from a skittish young girl to an independent woman and eventually graduate from high School and college with honors as y/c/m and everyone around you, including Wendy who's spirit you seen less and less of, was so proud of you.

For the first time in a while, you truly felt like everything was okay. Your shine became a gift. Not a curse. The demons that once haunted you didn't bother you anymore and you had a pen pal of sorts.

It started shortly before you entered college. You'd wake up in the morning and find little notes on the blackboard of your refrigerator or your dorm's window with smiley faces all over it or little messages telling you to have a good day and you'd write back every time. Signing 'Your friend Y/n.' You knew it couldn't of been someone messing with you because you lived by yourself in an honors dormitory at school and when you lived in the apartment, the woman you lived with never wrote anything on it.

You figured it was probably a random child around with the shine in the area. You did the same thing when you were little either accidentally writing things for your father to see with your shine or just plainly out of boredom. Having the shine made you feel lonely as a kid and you didn't want to have your little pen pal to grow up feeling the same way.

You didn't even know if she was 'little' anymore. She started writing to you right around when you turned 15 and you were 24 now so she had to be at least a preteen now.

It was a sunny Friday morning and you rolled out of bed like you normally would in that same sluggish, almost Frankenstein like way. You never were exactly a morning and even having the day off of work didn't make it any better.

You walked downstairs to the kitchen and giggled when you seen your dog sitting infront of the fridge confusedly. "It's been four years and you're still not used to it?" You asked aloud and gave him a gentle pet before reading today's message.

'I hope you have a good day today. I'm going to binge the next couple of episodes of RWBY after school and meet up with a friend. Had a rough night last night. Your friend, Abra.'

You picked up the piece of chalk. 'I'm sorry honey. You want to talk about it? And that sounds like fun! I'm probably going to go to the bookstore and get coffee. Your friend, Y/n.' You wrote back, putting a little heart below it and smiled.

You looked up at the clock and noticed it was past 11. "Well, better get a start on the day now then to start later.." You went go pour yourself a cup of coffee.

(They killed him.)

Your nearly tripped over your own two feet at the sound of your pen pals voice.

(Killed who, sweetie?)

(The Baseball Boy. It was the woman in the hat.)

Your blood ran cold as an image of a woman with startling beauty popped into your head. Her hands like bloody gloves and laughing at the poor little boy on the ground.

"Not real, not real.." You whispered aloud over and over but you knew she most definitely was. The blonde standing behind her tapped the hat woman's shoulder and she turned to look at your.

Your eyes went wide and she smiled at you graciously.

(Well, hi there!)

You dropped the pot of coffee and the hat woman was gone.

(Y/n? Are you okay?)

Your dog started freaking out and you shushed him. "Calm down, it okay." You started to pick up the glass with your hand.

(I don't know.)

(Can we meet after school?)

(I thought you were meeting with your friend.)

(I already did. I skipped school.)

(Abra!)

(I'm sorry Y/n. I just need someone who believes me right now. He believed me but he wouldn't do anything about it.)

She almost sounded like she was about to cry.

(Okay..okay but just this once, alright?)

(Thank you! Thank you so much Y/n.)

(You're welcome honey. Be safe, okay? You have a ride home from wherever you're at right?)

(Yeah, I'm going to take the bus home.)

You automatically thought of your bus ride to Anniston right after you ran away and how some of the men of it creeped you out and you cringed.

(Stay where you are.)

(Why?)

(Because I'm going to drive to wherever you're at to see you and then I'm driving you home. Please until you're at least old enough to drive, do not take a public by yourself anywhere again.)

(Y/n, you really don't have to do that.)

(For my peace of mind, yes I most definitely do. You're in Frazier, right?)

The mental sonar in your head was pinging loudly like a fire alarm.

(Yeah.)

(Alright, I'll be there in about 30 minutes just stay there.)

You finished picking the glass of the ground and quickly grabbed your cars, running out the car. Not even caring if you were still in your PJs.

You put the key in the ignition and the engine roared loudly as you peeled out of the driveway.

"Well, aren't you in a rush?" You nearly swurved onto the other side of the road as you looked at the back seat of your car.

"Nana?" You looked at Wendy in shock and she smiled. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare ya but Dick said you'd need me."

"It's okay Nana..it's just been a while." You muttered, trying to focus on the road. She put her one hand on your shoulder and you instantly felt calmer.

"Thank you." She leaned forward and kissed your cheek. "You're welcome." Your eyes started to water a little bit. Wendy didn't look as worried anymore. She looked happy.

"Nana?" You asked softly. "Yeah honey?" She hummed. "Who's the woman in the hat?"

"She's an empty devil, like one's I told you about when you were younger. Why?" She eyed you gently.

"I seen her today." You responded. Wendy's grip on your shoulder tightened. "Stay away from Y/n. You and your father."

"Nana, I haven't seen dad in years." She wouldn't respond. "Just stay away from her!" The image of the baseball boy popped up in your head again and you screamed.

You pulled into the nearest spot you could find next to a sign that read 'Welcome to our Teenytown.' The ping in your head stopped but you felt tingly.

"She's around here somewhere." You muttered softly and carefully stepped out of the car. Looking all around you.

"Hi!" You jumped slightly and turned to this little preteen girl standing behind you. "..Abra?" You were bewildered. "That's me." She smiled and ran up to you, wrapping her arms around your middle. "It's so nice to meet you, Aunt Y/n!"

"..Nice to meet you too kiddo." You awkwardly patted her back and she giggled, but the laugh made you smile. The poor kid probably needed after what she seen last night. You knew you probably needed the hug.

She lead your over to a tiny park bench and you sat down next to her. "So what exactly is going on, kiddo?"

Abra recounted everything to you from the spoons at her birthday party all the way to The Baseball Boy.

"Wow..and you have another friend who knows all about this?" Abra nodded. "Yeah, Uncle Dan."

You immediately stiffened. "Uncle Dan?" You parroted. "Yeah, Uncle Dan. Y/n are you alright? You look a little upset."

"Yeah..I just..that's a name I haven't heard and seen in a long time." You reached inside your purse and grabbed a tissue.

Abra looked disappointed. "That's sad..he thinks about you alot."

"Does he? Tell me, is he healthy Abra?" Your voice began to shake and she nodded. "He thinks about you all the time and he misses you. Something about he blames himself but I didn't look at the far. It was bad enough I already peaked."

"Well, you tell Dan I'm very happy for him." You wiped your eyes off with the tissue and gave a tight lipped smile.

"Why don't you tell him yourself?" The question was innocent but you laughed coldly and shook your head. "He's not going to want to see me. Not after what I did." You hummed softly.

"That's not true and I know it. If he didn't want to see you he wouldn't be thinking about you all the time. What's the worst thing that could happen? He just doesn't answer his door?"

"Yeah.." You muttered. "I just don't want to get my hopes up."

'Because she doesn't understand what I meant by healthy and I see him drunk, that's going to be a whole other issue.' You thought to yourself.

"I promise. Nothing bad will happen. He just really misses you and wants you to come home."

You stared off into space at the sidewalk. "You know where he lives?"

A few minutes, Abra brought you inside an apartment complex on a tiny street corner. The building looked old but it was clean and way nicer than any of the other places you bounced around in growing up.

"His apartment is 4B." You turned to look at your little pen pal. "You're not coming with me?"

"No, Uncle Dan's friend lives here. I'm going to bug him for a ride home that way you don't have to drive me home."

You nodded and gave Abra a small hug. "Be safe, okay? And let me know you got home alright."

"I will, I promise." She gave you a small wave of dismissal and walked off to one of the other apartments in the building.

You took a deep breath and shakily made your way up the stairs. Setting your eye on 4B. You stood there for a few moments and looked at the before finally giving a small, hesitant knock.

What felt like an eternity later you could see the door knob jiggling and the old wooden door carefully opened.

"Can I help you mi-" Yours and your father's matching icy blue eyes met and you gave him a sheepish smile. "Hi dad.."

"H-hi Y/n." His eyes looked watery like he was about to cry. "Would you like to come in?" He offered and you nodded, taking a small step inside.

The apartment was tiny but it was clean and smelled nice. There wasn't a sign of alcohol anywhere. "You seem like you're doing well."

"Yeah..I am. I've been sober for about 8 years." He looked proud and so did you. "Good..I'm very happy for you."

"Yeah, it took a while but it did happen. When you left it kind of gave me an eye opener." You nodded solemnly.

"I missed you Y/n..alot." He rubbed the lower portion of his face and you bit your bottom lip. "I missed you too dad."

He held his arms open to you. "Can I give you a hug?" You nodded and very carefully walked towards him.

Your father wrapped his arms around you and you buried your head in his chest, melting into the warmth of the embrace.

His shirt smelled like fabric softener, a much more welcoming scent then you remembered from your childhood.

"I love you so much." Dan whispered and you started crying. "I-i love you too dad."

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry." You sobbed into your father's chest as he rocked back and forth in his arms.

"No Y/n, you have nothing to be sorry about. I pushed you away with my drinking and I was never there when you needed me. I was the fuck up." He continued to hold you close. Not believing you actually were standing there in his arms after all these years.

"I-i know but I hurt you and I feel awful for doing that because even as bad as it was I made you worry about me and you had stuff on your own plate.." You sniffled. "I don't deserve to be here."

He held your face in his hands, gently wiping your tears off with his thumbs. "Hey..hey. Don't say that. Because we both know that's not true."

(Even the times I screwed up and couldn't stand myself, I always wanted you. You were my sunshine.)

You nodded and breathed in, trying to calm yourself. "Okay..okay." He rubbed your back until you calmed down and afterwards sat next to you on the tiny sofa in his apartment, refusing to let go of your hand. Speaking in a hushed manner of the things you both seen and did in the gap of years you hadn't seen him.

"I seen her too, you know?" You looked up at him. "The Hat Woman?" You nodded. "She came to me today in my kitchen and waved to me..whatever they are. They're not human."

Dan said nothing and pulled you close to him. Kissing the top of your head. "Dad?" You looked up at him but didn't take your head off of his chest. "Yes sweetheart?"

"Do you think anything is going to happen to Abra?" He shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know honey but as long we have each other we'll figure it out and she'll be okay. I promise. For now, all I know is I never want to let you go again. Especially with these sick fucks around."

He wrapped his arms around you in a bear hug you let out a content sigh, actually feeling at home for the first time in a while. "I love you dad."

Dan smiled softly, feeling the same way and kissed your cheeks. "I love you too sunshine. I'm so glad you're home.."

[expression-in-its-essence]

The Goldfinch movie.

7 min 26 secs in : Why the fuck did they start the movie like that. Why didn't the explosion take place? Theo's mom's apartment? His anxiety? Also.. why do they keep cutting the scenes abruptly? They ain't tweets... No limit.. then??

8 min 2 sec in : Okay they went to the apartment. Audrey's sweater deserved more screen time. The lipstain on the mug in focus *chef's kiss* poetic cinema!

9 min 19 sec in : Do you see what I see? Tom Cable's face has a stark resemblance to Boris's face. Did Theo have a crush on him?

9 min 54 sec in : Mr Barbour's hand is shaking. I like that they put it in there. He was sick. Nice. (I'd imagined Audrey's apartment building entrance like they showed the Barbour's apartment building entrance. Wild.)

11 min 8 sec in : Don't shove it into his face that y'all are fancy okay? He's not used to that life style. He didn't have maids making his bed. ARE YOU GIVING HIM DRUGS, MRS BARBOUR? But you just glared at your husband for offering him the same sort of thing?? Oh God. Poor child. "it's perfectly understandable" my ass. You gave him meds just because your sleep was getting affected.

14 min 39 sec : Woah woah woah Theo wtf you're so smol how'd you do that? Also... Again. The frame of Theo and Tom standing close and Theo and Boris standing close when they kissed, Theo is wearing the same damn sweater.

16 min 58 sec in : Ayyyy Jeffery Wright!

20 min 33 sec in : "He drank a lot", Theo about his dad. Honey just wait up, you will too. (The grilled sandwich and the cute lil smile 😍 also this is the first time since the movie started that Oakes' voice isn't deep.)

23 min 54 sec in : Wizard of Oz poster, I see you!

24 min 19 sec in : I love how Oakes is expressing being caught off guard. Theo knows he did something bad and every time he's dealing with something he didn't expect to deal with, he's like OMG THEY KNOW ABOUT THE PAINTING AND IM FUCKED even if no one knows.

25 min 1 sec in : The glasses made a difference. He went from mature to cute. Angry bird to angry birb.

25 min 44 sec in : Another sweater? Or was this THE sweater of Audrey? (Off topic but Oakes is hella cute. I could murder anyone who hurts him.)

29 min 9 sec in : Pippa doesn't remember or doesn't wanna remember? There was something in her eyes that was hard to read. Also, why doesn't anyone say 'I'm sorry about your mom' to Theo? Do Americans not care? It's weird to see no response when he tells people that Audrey is dead.

31 min 17 sec in : "The Goldfinch, destroyed"? Then why is Theo upset. Good riddance. Oh yeah. I know why. It's Donna Tartt we're talking about.

32 min 39 sec in : Hobie just casually predicting the future. "It's only fake if you pass it on as an original". Theo's like, "noted, gonna do exactly that".

34 min 16 sec in : Why does Theo write like a five year old child? That's toddler handwriting! And omg all the Andy-prom-dress memes are making sense now. (Also did I mention that Mrs Barbour seems more selfish in the film than she does in the book. Like hey I'm putting up with this kid because he helps my kid. He's serving a purpose for me. What the hell.) (How old is Andy anyway? He looks younger than Theo. I think he's different. Didn't grow up like other kids. That was mentioned in the book right?)

35 min 20 sec in : Ayyy Hobie's earring!

35 min 49 sec in : He shopped for himself? Nice! Didn't know kids could shop without adult supervision in the West. (Because they can't in the East.)

35 min 50 sec in : Ayyyy Sarah Paulson! Damn she's hot. How can you dislike her? *heart eyes*

37 min 30 sec in : I can't bring myself to hate Luke Wilson since Skeleton Twins but SHUT THE FUCK UP LARRY! AUDREY DESERVED BETTER. Look at how Larry and Xandra are looking at the place like they're vultures.

39 min 34 sec : They got the airport scene right. STOP GIVING HIM DRUGS WTH IS WRONG WITH THE ADULTS IN THIS MOVIE!

41 min 12 sec in : Ayyy Popper!!!!!

43 min 27 sec in : It just dawned on Theo that he's alone. Oh god. My poor baby.

45 min 12 sec in : Let me take this moment to say that Ashleigh Cummings is pretty. And I finally get why y'all were pissed at the non linear storyline and the weird voiceovers. Guess I'd been prepared for that so it didn't really suck that much.

49 min 30 sec in : I'd imagined Boreo reunion like the Platt Theo reunion. In the day. Dang it. Also... Adult Platt Barbour was not supposed to be good looking? In the book?

55 min 34 sec in : Without context, none of it could make sense. Apologies to whoever didn't read the book beforehand. Crowley fucked this up.

58 min in : Ayyyy Finn Wolfhard! BORIS IS HERE AND IM SO EXCITED IDK WHY

1 hour in : It's such a Boris thing to leave the bag unzipped.

1 hour 3 min 20 sec in : Slumdog Millionaire's Jai Ho (2008) is playing in the background. The only song that I've recognized so far. Wow. Lets me know about the time setting. Nice.

1 hr 3 min in : Someone gif " That cost twenty dollars!" *Stare* "That would have cost twenty dollars!"

1 hr 8 min in : So Boris's room is exactly like I had imagined but Theo's room isn't. Boris just mentioned Kotku though.

1 hr 9 min 14 sec in : Isn't it hella hot in Vegas? Why are they wearing sweaters? Or does drug intake make you more vulnerable to the environment?

1 hr 10 min 15 sec in : Xandra Theo argument : gold. "Cocktail sausages that you like." I wanna laugh in Crowley's face. What was he thinking?? Omg I'm dying.

1 hr 11 min 17 sec in : The slap sound didn't work??

1 hr 13 min 53 sec in : I like serious Boris better.

1 hr 14 min in : The slum house Audrey dream thing was not in the book. That's an entirely new addition.

1 hr 18 min 26 sec in : The Welty Theo scene is awesome. The sound effects work. I feel suffocated. The ambulance noise fiasco is also nicely pulled off. (also Theo's Yellow bag was dirty af then how did it get all clean when he didn't even do anything to it?)

1 hr 20 min 57 sec in : Shhhh Potter.

1 hr 22 min in : Holy shit he got slapped twice!! Ouch! And Larry's audacity to tell Theo to stop with the crying?? Good thing he died. Asshole.

1 hr 25 min in : "You don't tell me a lot of things but that's okay". I see what you did there, Boris. Which was of course, I love you.

1 hr 26 min in : "Act normal" - Theo knows his way around drugs pretty well, doesn't he?

1 hr 30 min in : "No family No friends" line punched me in the face. (Also awww popchik's excuse was the last resort for Boris to make Theo stay.)

1 hr 31 min 17 sec in : That pause after "What do you have to tell me?". You can clearly see Boris struggling to hold something back. Which was of course, I love you.

1 hr 31 min 34 sec in : What the fuck is that music? Oh heyyyyyy they kissed!-- he fucking runs away?? Also what kind of a kangaroo runs like that? (Yes, the taxi driver watched. I don't have to wonder anymore.) (They didn't address why he took the bus instead of flying?)

1 hr 33 min in : I didn't imagine Welty's room like that at all. Also why doesn't Hobie seem happy to see Theo again?

1 hr 35 min in : Longer stretches of one storyline are kinda bearable. From drugs in storage unit to waking up beside Kitsey. We got Vegas and Young Theo. Nice. (Also, who the heck puts jewelry in shoes? Is Theo that dumb? And now I can't think of anything else than Boris piercing his ear for the emerald earring. Tumblr has fucked it up bad.)

1 hr 43 min in : They nailed the Kitsey Theo confrontation.

1 hr 44 min in : Ayyy Ozma of Oz!

1 hr 48 min in : I noticed it before but I wasn't sure... Now I am. Pippa has Welty's ring. On her finger. At all times. (also, is NYC always that noisy? Must suck to walk on the roads.)

1 hr 52 min 23 sec in : They nailed the Theo Pippa date. What's that song playing in the background? I want the name. It's almost like two hours and I still haven't seen Aneurin Barnard once. Why! (Jerome's mentioned in the movie btw.)

1 hr 52 min 51 sec in : Complained too soon. Boris is sat in the dark doing god knows what. My man Aneurin is here!

1 hr 53 min 37 sec in : BOREO REUNIONNNNNN - no don't look at me like that I only watched it thrice.

1 hr 56 min in : Boris saying "it's someone else" with a knowing look and Theo looking at him. The frickin yearning.

1 hr 57 min in : Boris is like you're unhappy, I'm here, we're both rich, let's f*ck. "We could"... What are you suggesting dude he's repressed!

1 hr 58 min in : "you unwrapped it and showed it to me." So many meanings. The heart, the love the soul... Wow. Good for you, screen play writers! ( It's kinda hilarious how Boris got mad at Theo for never quote unquote fucking opening it.)

2 hr 1 min in : I'm calling it. They're going to fuck up the Theo Hobie confrontation. They put it on the wrong time. And they also fucked up the text from the book.

2 hr 5 min 48 sec in : Even Platt is saving his sister's face. Also where did Todd go? Did he never grow up? I wish Mrs Barbour didn't use Theo like she did.

2 hr 7 min in : The frame where Boris is between Kitsey and Theo. Chef's kiss.

2 hr 10 min 54 sec in : *intense music playing* Boris put his leg up on the table and I burst into laughter THOSE ARE THE FAMOUS FUCK ME PUMPS.

2 hr 11 min in : AAAAA THE FOREHEAD TOUCH AAAAAAA (Theo just knows without looking that Boris is close enough to touch? Theo are you sure you don't feel feelings for him?)

2 hr 12 min in : Theo is so worried that I'm not sure if it's for Boris or for losing the painting again. Omg he just murdered a man. Oh god.

2 hr 14 min in : Theo is spiralling. In the movie they imply that Hobie played a part in him attempting suicide. So wrong. Poor Hobie. In the book that wasn't the case.

2 hr 15 min in : The transition of the Goldfinch into Audrey, wow. Also, is it the first time we're seeing her? The movie started so long ago that I've forgotten if I saw Theo and Audrey in the museum. Boris following right after Audrey? That's a subliminal message. Boris is here to rescue y'all.

2 hr 16 min in : No shit Boris is freaking out right now.

2 hr 17 min in : The diner scene. They're both crying. "Happy Christmas, Potter" - which was of course, I love you.

2 hr 18 min in : No don't you dare compare Audrey and Mrs Barbour. Audrey would never drug her child or use him for her benefit.

2 hr 20 min in : Poor kid bumps into his mom lol. I found it funny.

On the whole

The movie was nice if you'd read the book beforehand. The first hour was steak, The second hour was Korean BBQ and the rest of the twenty minutes were minced beef. If you get what I mean. Weird analogy. It could have been much better. But it was really very nice in some places. Most places I'd say.

I didn't like how the pop songs ruined the mood of certain moments. I didn't like how you couldn't hear the conversation over the music playing. For example in the engagement party when Platt and Theo talked. Or in the diner scene.

Both Borises killed the accent thing. They tried their best. Cut them some slack.

Oakes deserves an Oscar for holding up this movie on his smol shoulders. I was shook at how a kid could act that well.

Popchik deserved more screen time. I'm still pissed they didn't add the Popchik Boris reunion. But then they couldn't make it chronological, what were we supposed to expect anyway.

Ansel Elgort y'all. Theo sure improved his handwriting lol. Ansel's writing is nice. He was actually good in this movie. Better than he was in The Fault In Our Stars. The internet is just mean. The critics too. I will never understand the hate.

All in all, it could have been a better adaptation but it didn't suck as bad as everyone made it out to be. John Clownery should be punished nonetheless. Special shout-out to Roger Deakins for making it work.