#She can see him in me. Quite literally. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

canichangemyblogname · 10 months ago

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My mother may have tried to raise herself a daughter, but, to her, I have also always been my father’s son.

#She can see him in me. Quite literally.#And I know the knowledge I share his blood leaves a bitter taste in her mouth.#She resents her children because she resents who she could’ve become without us. And she resents the man I look like.#‘You look like your father. How I wish you didn’t look like your father.’

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rearranging-deck-chairs · 8 months ago

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if 9&10 were "dont wander off", and 11&12 were "the doctor lies", 13s rule #1 is "dont question me"

"have we not had a good time together" shes pointing yaz to the rule that yaz very well knows is there: we can travel if you dont ask me any difficult questions. yaz knows this is the rule - "because you ask too many questions", "this team structure isnt flat" - but she also was the one to invite the doctor into her home so im pretty sure she also knows shes not gonna kicked out that easily. she has some leeway. which she has been using between revolution and flux, which is why the doctor reminds her of the rules

i dont think she'd kick her out though. she wouldnt. i think it's just that the more you break the rule, the more unpleasant she becomes to be around, and eventually youre gonna walk out on your own. she doesnt want you to, she'd rather you stay and dont ask questions. but if youre gonna try to ask questions anyway, i think thats whats gonna happen

and yaz must think so too. because she does back off. because she doesnt want that to happen either. and it does anyway

#dont question me/dont challenge me. questions are the sore spot but the challenge is one she says explicitly once #because you see this in how she is with other people too. dont try her patience. dont act like shes smaller. dont challenge her or Die #based on the giggle - 'i thought i was clever' 'what do i say?! because im always sooo certain' - i dont think 14 is like this #also based on the expressions of affection #hes not that......reactive. to this. specific thing #so i wonder if it runs over to 15 #he seems chill. i think? he seems fairly chill. but also i think we've so far only seen him mostly in control of things #faced with the maestro temporarily not entirely in control hes Notably Less Chill #but still bigger picture. hes mostly in control of things right now i think #or uhhhh based on how eager he seems to get out of the role of doctor #hmmmmm #13 didnt want it but like. was stuck with it i think #didnt want it but nobody else was gonna do it. thats why 12 regenerated #15 comes out 14 Literally Quitting #he doesnt want it and hes decided hes not stuck with it. maybe #none of this is true btw im just saying words recreationally #like those 13 moments are super cherrypicked and i havent rewatched in forever so #dont believe me gfkjghgjh #this is based more on how i write them than what ive seen basically #anyway in terms of 14/yaz i think it takes yaz a while to figure out how to deal with 14 Not being like this #bc she got soooo practiced at handling 13. most of which was abt like not tripping this rule too much #she'd keep it up with 14 and he'd just do stuff that like breaks the rule from his side and yaz wouldnt have any idea how to deal with it #he'd show her hes chilled out a bit. about this. over and over and it'd still take her moooooonthssssssss to start relaxing #just muscle memory at this point. doesnt help that shes also like this #i wonder if 14 - in a sort of compelte reversal - wants to be told what to do and how to do and #seeks out situations where someone else knows more than him so he can sit down and say 'teach me'#i think thats what he does. about all the human stuff. hes like teach me. all of it. show me how to do this

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carefulfears · 2 years ago

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one thing that stands out to me about the IVF arc is the way that, for as much as i make fun of her for asking her coworker if she can have his babies, scully asking mulder to be involved in the biggest process of her life (and the most important thing in the rest of her life) is such a healing and reverent experience. like he says “i’m absolutely flattered,” but it’s so much more than that. it’s like…spending your whole life feeling like you should’ve died at age twelve and then being told someone just wants more of you, more and more and more, in everything.

#it reminds me of 'sixth extinction' / 'amor fati'#when he quite literally was tied down and couldn't speak #and the way we hear him try to SCREAM when his mother just leaves him there #but his mind is Silent from the moment he hears scully in the hall begging to see him #and he couldn't crack a joke or run out the door #he literally just had to lie there and feel it #feel it on his Skin #her hand holding onto him #her tears falling onto his face #listening to the overwhelming depth of her fear that she is failing him and her devotion and her dedication to finding a way to help him #her Pleas for him to just 'hold on'#'i think that...if you know...if you could just find a way to hold on...i need you to hold on...please...'#everybody go listen to the civil wars' cover of 'talking in your sleep'#i don't think it can be overestimated how much of an impact that had on them and the lightness and healing in s7. that he Had to hear it #and then with the baby thing it's like...he CAN'T deny her that. he HAS to say 'yes'#there's no part of him that's capable of denying her something that she desires this badly. enough to ask for outright #and so he HAS to let himself be wanted and be invited into this unimaginably important and personal thing #let himself be a part of something bigger. be SEEN as someone who is valuable in a way that's bigger #and again he can't run from it and he can't deflect it and he can't hide from it. he has to just accept it #txf.txt #per manum

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strawberrycamel · 6 months ago

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ninjago seabound hurts. so much. what the fuck

#ninjago seabound #i think this might be the thing to get me drawing again #we shall see #also im very close to crying haha #she turned. into the sea. to save him #and like. the city and all their friends too but he was quite literally dying and the only answer was for her to become one with the sea an #and she #and he sees her after having the water taken out of his lungs. he sees her out the window and she sees him and they put their hands on #either side of the glass. and he doesn't yet know what she did. what it would cost #in the fight later. he sees her explode and takes on kalmaar with blind fury #and then she's back- as a dragon now- and she explodes again and comes back as a bigger dragon and #how can he think anything but good things? he knows what she did now but she's so strong. so invincible. ofc she'll overcome the odds #she'll keep herself together! she will. he has to believe that #and then she wins. and its all over. and everyone's saying they'll just have to get used to her watery body for now #until they find a way to turn her back.#she doesn't understand. she doesn't remember who she used to be. is actively losing the battle to retain her self #and they plead. all of her friends. her master. her Brother.#and him. Jay. her boyfriend.#and there's a moment. a single brief moment where she turns back.#she smiles and holds jay's hands. she caresses his cheek.#and just as quick as she came #she left. jay screaming her name as she dives back into the sea #and then the funeral. because what else do you call it but a funeral.#they call all of her friends and family. they pour seawater in an urn. they hold a service of sorts.#and i'd like to imagine each person feels responsible in some way. for not doing more. for not being as convincing to her.#some feel it more than others. Wu is- was her master. Kai her brother.#and Jay. Jay was her-#out of all of them Jay beat himself up the most. because what good is love if you can't convince them to stay?#woah sorry about that i was possessed by angst #also i feel like you could tie in Jay's abandonment issues with his birth parents here if that wasn't clear <3

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dykevanny · 10 months ago

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every time people misinterpret the ar emails I go even more insane

#She didn’t order herself flowers from a fake boyfriend. Malhare ordered her flowers ‘for her grave’ as a threat. Louis interpreted it #As an imaginary bf #Hrrrrgggggggghhhh #I knowww nobody has the autism of seeing the same thing over and over again for fun quite like me but guysssss it’s right thereeee………#Also. Yeah Louis is that bad !! Sure he’s not like harassing her but … if he was really really concerned he wouldn’t be continuing to ask #Her out and he certainly wouldn’t go on and on about his own problems now would he #While she did type help to him that was desperation because she’d just been threatened with torture by the man in her brain who can make he #Do whatever he wants. Reasonable time to ask literally anyone to help her even if it’s futile #What ness says in therapy is not only super dry and nonspecific it’s covering her ass because she’s being interrogated for fazbear ent. She #Doesn’t actually like talking with him. He’s a scapegoat in that moment bc she’s being looked into for who’s messaging her #Lays down. On the earth #I might be insane .

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guinevereslancelot · 5 months ago

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decided to leave my job and i'm gonna fr gonna cryyyyy

#literally can't work with my new boss bc i can't trust her #she went to the head of the department with complaints abt me without ever speaking to me or giving me any indication she was unhappy #and various other reasons im not happy w management and the school in general #HOWEVER #i love the kids sm and im gonna miss them and worry abt them 😭😭😭😭#im literally scared for some of them bc it feels like the other teachers have no empathy for some of my favorite kids #one of them who is so so sweet and when he cries i'm the girst to comfort him bc everyone else thinks he needs to toughen up 😭#also my new boss sucks so so bad and is gonna be such a bad influence on him and all the other kids #and my main co teacher said she's gonna quit if i do so i cant even beg her to look out for my babies and take care of them 😭💔#and it would be unprofessional to mention any concerns to the parents but genuinely some of the kids would be better off elsewhere #like im actually worried about it #i dont want some of the really sweet sensitive kids to lose their sweetness bc they're being treated unkindly #and the worst bullies and spoiled kids are the ones the teachers dote on #so it encourages some of the sweet ones to act out for attention #anyway 💔#i really do need to go tho #and i'm sure i'll love the kids at my new job #but im so sadddd #also its unlikely i can find a well paying job w this age group even tho i love this age group #its basically impossible not to get attached to them at this age and i get to pick them up and hold and cuddle them and stuff #and you cant really do that with the older kids sadly #literally on the verge of tears even seriously thinking abt leaving #things have been p bad for a while due to management but i never seriously considered leaving bc i love the kids so much #but i literally can't see a future here #and my new boss clearly hates me and im worried she's going to try to get me fired #she already made up a bunch of lies about me and its only been three weeks #anyway i only make 15 an hour so hopefully i'll at least get more somewhere else and i know i'll still love the kids #its just really hard #which is why i've stayed this long #i was p unhappy before my new boss even started bc of the way they treated my old boss

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sskk-manifesto · 6 months ago

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Ep 5!!!

#Episodes that make me go “The author has never talked with a woman ever” 😓😓😓#I don't like how Lucy's character is handled at all. And I feel like I can't talk about it because I'm just going to sound like a bitter–#ss/kk shipper... But I really don't like it. And if it can help my case I'm a multishipper so I really don't take any–#issues with atsu/lucy I like the ship quite a lot actually.#So you're telling me there's this girl... Who meets this boy who pretty much ruined her life by directly causing her to lose her job...#And the next time she sees him she's going to sacrifice her own freedom for him as well as tell him “when you're done doing your things–#come and save me” (longest ewwww ever)... And when she regains freedom (author didn't bother to explain how because they don't care)–#she goes to work... As a waitress at the café beneath his workplace. So he can keep doing his Cool Superpowers Job while she literally–#must serve him every time he visits the place. It's just ?????????????????????????????????#Look‚ I don't dislike Lucy and I feel general affection towards her. It's just that they make her act like no one ever would #Just for the sake of the plot I guess #And like I knoww it's (probably just a little) more nuanced than that. I know Lucy is living her own fairy tale fantasy.#It's just that what I've said about her story is still true‚ you know?#I'm sorry but as sweet as atsu/lucy can be. I really hate the author for making Lucy a waitress. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.#It's so weird. This anime has women writing standards that feel like dating back to the 20s #Same with Katai and the ideal woman tbh. Like why are women to be seen as this abstract impersonal entities? Why can't they just be people?#Ideal for WHO. It's like super screwed up of a concept. What even is an ideal woman? What does it mean to be a woman anyways?#They just want to say “ideal wife”. But women aren't made to be wives their existence isn't functional to another person.#Sorry. I derail. Next episode is going to be even worse on this front ughhhh #Back to the episode: once again it really shows they were running out of budget with this season‚‚‚ the animation looks very suffered #Too many flashback also... I feel bad for the animators tbh #I don't really like the shift in art style :( Not even Atsushi I found particularly pretty this episode my heart cries #The nail pulling thing made me feel like throwing up afhsjyabfsbfwasfvb I feel like I can bear worse gore but there's a couple of little–#specific things I can't stand and this seems to be one of them pffftttt #I like Higuchi I think she's both very funny and cool. I really wish she was explored more (but then again looking at Teruko... )#The relationship between Kunikida and Katai looks so interesting even though we only get glimpses of it. Kunikida regrets Katai leaving–#the ada but is also happy for him but also worries for him. He comes to his house seemingly to check on him and starts cleaning around.#The way he loves him and cherishes their friendship and shared history is really evident and it makes for a compelling dynamic.#Perhaps I should read their short story... In any case. Going to someone's house and compulsively start doing the dishes half out of will–#to help out half because he can't bear the mess sounds a lot like something I'd do lol

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ruvviks · 8 months ago

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toying with the idea of making yancey's friends not real. would that be too evil

#personal #hear me out. the diner is a mimic and it's toying with the entire town and making people oblivious and just. stuck in time metaphorically #it's known to make people hallucinate it's known to show things that aren't there. it can fuck with technology #yancey has. problems. he's sick with grief and pain and regret and sorrow from his past moving into a strange new town #and there's all these people there in the diner and they all remind him of some part of his life #stevie quite literally reminds him of his ex but stuck in the state before anything happened. stevie is a constant reminder of like #what could have been had they not crossed the line of getting together #his relationship with daphne (friendship mostly but he has a little crush on her at some point) is like #the romanticized version of the life he had in mind for him and his ex. yeah he gets a little bit insane with it but he loves very deeply #freddy is what he wished for his older brother to be like. their friendship is what he wishes he and his brother would be like #rafiq is basically yancey's ideal partner. yukiko reminds him of his younger sister #hell even teddy is connected to him because he and teddy are basically the same person. dealing with a situation very poorly #but teddy WOULD be real since he is part of CALAMITY so his connection to yancey if anything is like. on purpose #he is SUPPOSED to mirror yancey because that will make yancey realize things about himself #that only leaves morrigan as the only other real person in all of this. because she is the only one not connected to the diner #(freddy isn't either but since he's first introduced on the radio as radio host he is sort of connected to the town)#(in like a way the diner could influence that too. you know what i'm saying)#and morrigan's whole deal is that she's so so stuck in the past. trying to get back what is no more. and daphne is her sister #so daphne could even be a manifestation of yancey's and morrigan's shared grief #for yancey the romanticized relationship with his ex. for morrigan her sister who died in the wildfires #are you seeing my vision. the diner is defeated and it's just yancey morrigan and teddy. it's always been #no one else has been real the whole time. they've only interacted with one another or yancey. never with teddy or morrigan #(with exception of daphne who would have interacted with morrigan bc of shared manifestation)#and yancey acts like the others have never existed. because they haven't. and now that he's no longer #under the influence of the diner. he doesn't remember. haha #idk if i wanna go with this because some of them aren't as solidified as concepts as others but man. MANNNNN

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widevibratobitch · 11 months ago

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????? ok fuck me ig this year is crazy

#so first my moms husband dies. then turns out my grandpa has cancer too and wont see the end of this year. my grandma's also dying.#NOW MY MOST BELOVED PIANIST LEAVES TILL THE END OF THE YEAR???????????? health issues. bruh. ill get health issues if you leave me.#im obsessed with him he restored my love for singing i would have quit if not for him </3 #my voice teacher is leaving for the rest of the month cause she's singing in latvia. good for her i love her so much it hurts so its ok #but still :((#and like. god. im fucking up left and right and it feels like everything is literally crumbling to dust around me #cant catch a break can i #ughhhhhhhhhh #also i literally took the 'ah non lasciarmi no' concert aria to her last time we saw each other asking if i can do it #and now what? both her AND MISTAH [redacted] ARE LEAVING ME.#di vita mancherei nel dirti addio fr ah no non lasciarmi ah no </3

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brutalmasks · 6 months ago

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currently thinking about how, since bunny mask's head / sort of by extension her neck ( yeahhh, i'd say that, because she is NOT immune to decapitation ) are basically her achilles heel in the way that they heal muchhh slower than the rest of her body does + there have even been times where she didn't heal properly at all in those areas... that most of the scars bunny has are concentrated around there.

thus, if your muse is intimate with her in any way, then they'll most certainly be seeing those on her skin and i just 😭 it kind of hits me RIGHT in the feels — and i say this because there has to be a lot of trust there for bunny to feel safe enough to expose what is literally the most vulnerable spot of her body to them, you know? so yeah. that is one surefire way of knowing that bunny mask trusts your muse with her life ❤️

#SOMETHING FEELS AMISS: musings.#LET ME TEACH YOU: headcanons.#I AM HERE BECAUSE I AM BUNNY MASK: headcanons.#yeah... i know this is the first real headcanon i've posted about bunny in a while SO i wanted to make it sort of angsty as well as sweet-#because y'all deserve more of that kind of content IMO haha (': but anywhozies this just sort of came to me a little bit ago because-#i was thinking about the deeper implications behind bunny having a relationship with tyler with her having a 'weak spot' there-#and her not altogether distrusting the entirety of humanity BUT also trying not to get her hopes up all of the time that people will do-#the right thing if that makes any sense just because people can be so... full of darkness.#but i think that bunny had latched onto tyler rather quickly due to the fact that she quite literally had NO one else in her life when she-#was set free and well... she had been deprived of human interaction for literally millennia + because bunny feeds by sharing energy with-#humans through a physical connection i think her attraction to him might've been partially attributed to her needing-#to take care of herself in this way you know? but bunny also just genuinely likes tyler and he seems to genuinely like her as well-#but the problem with tyler is that he can't fully accept bunny mask as she is no matter how hard he tries unfortunately.#and thus that's why they're kind of in this odd spot of being 'on-and-off' lovers but bunny would literally KILL for the man NGL #anyhow though i'm just thinking about the possibility that these scars on her head / neck are sensitive as well because that part of her-#body sees so little 'human touch' i guess you could say due to her protecting it and bunny just. maybeee experiencing-#something that could be the equivalent to sensory overload bc of that if her partner were to touch them but not quite-#at the same time #tw: scars #tw: mentions of past injuries.

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swallowtail-ageha · 4 months ago

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Lately my dash is full of the terror content which reminds me of when earlier this year i went with my brother to norway and visited the fram museum and there was a part dedicated to failed polar expeditions which made me go "oh that's awful! Thank god i will never experience this" which alas turned to be grim foreshadowing because like three days later i experienced a similar thing by virtue of the abisko plateau road getting broken while we were on the bus and getting stuck there for ten hours in the dark in the middle of a snowstorm with ~50 other people

#the whole situation was managed awfully as in the driver called the road to notify of the accident only five hours in and after #we banded together to quite literally force him to do that. my brother had started breaking down and told me #we needed to get off the bus and return to narvik by foot (impossible as well. snowstorm in the night and the fact we #were kilometers away from it) i started sobbing hysterically at one point #there was a cute baby i played with but afrer a while it also contributed to the breakdown bcs i was like oh shes gonna freeze to death too #to this day i just feel extremely uneasy going on these types of buses especially when they stay #with their motors on but without moving idk how i pulled during the greece school trip (ok i did have. a panic attack but i calmed down)#also did i mention my gums started bleeding from cold + stress??? awful awful event #tho its a fun story to talk about. how many people can tell you the time they got stranded at ~250 kms from the start of north pole???#also when they finally rescued us they displaced us in this high end hotel which was. nice. slept exhausted #i also dont think seeing the abisko plateau and its wind turbines mid snowstorm by the day #wouldve been as half as cathartic without considering the day before's nightmare #so as one can tell. i have vry mixed feelings on this experience LOL

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skrunksthatwunk · 2 months ago

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really fun letting all of my favorite shows take turns being the "i can't think about it i can't think about it i can't think about it!!" bingewatch during finals season/associated crunch times. they're being inducted into a society

#so i watched s1 of the funny ballet show. AGAIN like i think this has literally happened in this context before #'oh man i have so much to do for today and i can't skip woahh' (watches 4.3 hours of ducky content)#not the only unproductive thing i did this weekend. there were several #anyway gonna keep this brief for obvious reasons but gahhh i love the funny ballet show #idk how i keep forgetting how cute ahiru is. like her slapstick in the first few eps is way more prominent #and i just like it!!!! shes a silly goose!!!!!!!(duck) and i like her very much she's great #rue's stepping into kraehe's shoes (literally) For Real On Purpose stemming from wanting things to stay the same forever. aughh #like mytho's her one escape from it all he's the one thing/person she feels safe with #and to stick to something stagnant and loveless just so she can have someone to project those feelings onto who won't leave is. gahhhh #i also always forget how much i love rue like. YOU'RE GONNA BE OKAY #i wish mytho changed more with each shard but it's always fun to see how the prev episode's shard affects the next when it happens #which is decently often #early fakir's comedically evil toxic bf thing is still shocking to me. they turn him around so fast and it starts when mytho regains fear #imo. once mytho can Undeniably Suffer the negative effects of fakir's treatment he can't quite bring himself to do it #fakir resorting to these awful authoritarian abusive ways of keeping mytho under his control bc he's desperate and scared and overwhelmed #is like. augh hes so interesting to me. night and day swap though it's crazy how much work those like 4 episodes before akt 12 do for him #anyway. i love it it's great it's always great. comfort show indeed + i gotta get back to work now + bye #no but fakir doubles and quadruples down on never budging on his treatment of mytho bc again hes scared but also i think it's a little like #he suppresses all his feelings so he doesn't lose control over mytho and justifies it with mytho's lack of feeling #when he tells mytho to forget about it and that emotions are useless and stupid he's talking to himself too y'know #i think there's a squishy sentimental part of him he tried very hard to crush out of himself to better protect mytho (from himself + tutu #+ the raven etc) and once it's clear (though not immediately) that mytho has feeling and a will to regain his heart he starts helping him #he embodies warped devotion and loyalty as much as rue and similarly to tutu. fakir and rue devalue their own and mytho's feelings #while ahiru only devalues her own. her brand of self sacrifice is something to be challenged and overcome in the same way #but shes able to start all this because she cares about what mytho's feelings Would/Could be > what they currently are (nothing)#ANYWAY. good show. i forgot about the greenscreened in/obvious live action effect fire/fog in a couple episodes that was funny

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vancalox · 1 year ago

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lvl8 assassin astarion just casually dealing 72 dmg to yurgir in a sneak attack. its actually so embarrassing for the rest of this party who are managing 40 dmg on an exceptional day 😐

#tay plays bg3 #man has straight up carried my ass thru every single fight the last 3 playthrus #i dont think i can take him out of my party even if i wanted to anymore. im too dependent on him for survival lol #it still blows my mind seeing ppl on t*kt*k complaining that he does no damage #bc well that has simply not been my experience <3 have u considered maybe he just doesnt like u and wants u to tpk <3 #KJGFDKF #anyways to tie this into lily lore #i can so imagine a post game conversation happening w him expressing some... wariness about how powerful lily is #in terms of being a warlock/noble #and she has to be like well babe if i ever lose my pact i am quite literally fucked. bc i am useless in a fight as u know <3 #she couldnt even fight off lvl 1 astarion on the beach w a cantrip let me tell u that shit was ALSO so embarrassing #oc: lily

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spamtoon · 9 months ago

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(Out of nowhere, you are approached by a familiar lightbulb-headed Cog.)

Ah, it's you, cat. Thinking you're oh-so-slick. Muttering and whispering under those raggedy whiskers of yours... Thinking I am unable to hear it all...

Well, you've simply underestimated my fantastic hearing. You probably want to know the reason why I'm here, taking a 'break' from my incredibly important scientific breakthroughs? It's quite simple, really!

(She gets close, and squints her eyes.)

I know what you are.

Farewell, now!

(She then leaves the way she came from.)

(Spam giggles immensely, covering her face... it always seems like she's giggling, isn't she? This lasts... at least thirty seconds. Longer than usual.)

And I know what I am too, Sparky! You broke through something, that's for sure. Really, broke through...

(She looks down, continuing to laugh nervously.)

You know, I find it odd you Havent tried to bulb blast me into the stratosphere by now. I mean knowing how you acted with Frostbite. Is there something peculiar about me that you perhaps can't quite track? Something about me that you... don't know what I am?

I know, I know, I'm talking to nobody again. But you were there when I had a moment today with the one the only Frostbite The Bravecog. You may be remaining. Lurking in the shadows. Knowing about these thoughts that I'm thinking.

(The giggling resumes, lasting far shorter this time.)

Your brother's a piece of fucking barp, by the way

(She braces for impact for a few seconds, wincing while smiling, before comically looking around to realize nobody's there. She sighs.)

Wow, okay maybe toony superhero show logic doesn't apply in this situation. Cool.

WAIT I JUST FUCKING REALIZED WHAT SHE MEANT but like. Dude if she meant that then what's the point I mean the whole ahh sellbot department barping knows unless you're Really low on the ladder. Heheh... maybe she did mean what I thought she meant.

Oh i'm so fucking screwed. What kind of bitch gets filament fever

#bright spark #<- for finding this again later. haha i called her sparky #the way she talks fucking tickles my brain so much im so . ohguohguohoghog SHE #SORRY THAT THIS TOOK SO LONG you see i was in the mindset that i would do this one little thing and then i would do my work which uh.#that leads to so so SO much procrastination. including on fun things! oh so fun things.#today was an event.#i also spent quite a bit of time ruminating i “would she really say that” is worse when shes literally you #to clarify. she is spam's aunt by like. building standards. not really in her found family. so its fucked up but as i said in discord this #is like. a “your mom's kinda hot” level crush. you know. also sorry i really wanted to say filament fever its been eating at me okay #nothing SERIOUS the way my f/os (and spam's f/os (plural now?? i guess?? if today was a canon event)) are #honestly mark still feels like the only real one with her to me but damn it. if spam's reflecting My Changes then she's Reflecting My Chang #spam in toontown unlike my other sonas is the most “its just you again” out of all of them and thats partially because her main #cog connection... is frostbite. they bounce off each other like we literally bounce off each other and damn it shes been so stagnant on her #own because of it. mark happened and she mirrored that because i kept fucking talking about him while we were in character and ideally #i should TRY to fix her. but also man because i'm not doing Serious lore stuff with her i dont. even know if i want to.#i kinda brushed it over the rug by saying that she relies on her constant entertainment so readily because she herself still doesnt feel #like she has a place outside of cogs only. sure she's in high roller backstage sure she's in allan's family now but shes not Doing anything #with herself the way that her friends are. mole's a ranger. frostbite cohosts. wishes... has chip. and something she doesn't have--#living and fully growing as a toon. rather than being haphazardly slapped into a world. and in some respects she's envious of frostbite #finding themselves so quickly because she distracts herself because she's still kinda struggling with it. despite everything. yes she lives #happy and carefree a lot of the time but she keeps buying those dumb phones because when she's truly alone... her mind starts to wander.#that's what mark is for. so that spam can dream of a world where she has a purpose. even if its fake and fragile and just nothing compared #to the great friends that she already has. where she feels like its worth it doing something when she doesn't have anyone. and in that #respect. with the goons ma allan parallels in sonboy the spam cathal parallels shine. seeking tv (and to a lesser extent games) as a #method of escapism. even when one's life is already pretty good. because there's nothing else worth doing without friends or family.#the internet isn't just cool. it gives her something to be when it seems like everyone is something but her. and maybe thats a lazy #excuse for why it seems like she doesnt HAVE anything to call her own but that but damn it i'm trying my best to twist it around.#spam has such a HISTORY yknow? even if it feels like i havent established her much.#spam is the hearts to frostbite's spades not just because they're the duo of all time but because spam's fake stupid love keeps her going #sorry i just started rambling in the tags of this post about spam it. happens. she loves her friends so much i need to reiterate that okay

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dapperrokyuu · 1 year ago

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Saw a bad Mochijun take, lol.

#dee p thoughts #genuinely dislike vague posts and/but I dont want to put a person on blast but like #''alice became irrelevant'' quite frankly the plot revolved and wouldnt exist in the first place without alice nadfbjkldan #I can get behind the idea that the plot is less EXPLICITLY about her lategame and mochijun frankly wasnt perfect about writing girl #characters (sincerely Id say the PERFECT done ones are only lacie and echo; the rest struggling with either disappearing quickly a la #vanessa and marie relegating to supporting/supplemental to male characters roles a la sharon ada shelly and/or funky in execution a la #lottie lily and alice) but literally. the plot goes from ''who murdered her?'' to ''why did she die that way?'' and that means EVERYTHING #EVERYTHINGGGGGGGGG!!! OZ IS RIGHT HERE!!!!!!!!! frankly should more have happened with her lategame YES!!! but she frankly CANNOT BE #IRRELEVANT EVERRR- lots to think about in terms of the girls' character writing in PH lottie really gets me a ton in terms of what was trie #that I could see and what didnt happen and the mild disappointment and the potential LOTTIE IS SO COOLLLLL but her intro. ack and more-#GENUINELY GOOD I COULD SEE THE ATTEMPT AND WHERE IT WAS TRYING TO GO A TO B MAKES SENSE AND IS ULTIMATELY HEARTFELT BUT THE EXECUTION WAS S #OOOOOO not the best lol. like her a ton cute design could/wished it could be better- lily is perfectly serviceable but relegated to being #cute and reactive after her moment which works but more would be better/coolerrrrr #hated levi. this point is irrelevant but I just remembered him and I loathe his ass. choke.

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moe-broey · 2 years ago

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I'm too lazy to illustrate it (plus I think I'd get too caught up in the process LMFAO) but when drawing/adding personal touches to Lif's design I am channeling Lio Fotia Promare for his armor (ESP the Mad Burnish armor) Lewis Mystery Skulls (less aesthetic similarities reflected but like, kinda similar broad chested body type similar vibes and important heart motifs) (heart motif isn't pictured in this Lewis image but if you've seen the animated music vids you get it) and literally just any 2D animated Disney villain who is Shaped and Dramatic (and has a huge fucking cape or coat -- tbh the specific ones I think about are Maleficent and Cruella just from the dramatic/big cape standpoint, purely aesthetic)

(fuck it after a lot of thinking Hades is a good one too)

#no main tags about it but. i need everyone to understand my vision.#ig maleficent is more sleek than i'd ever draw lif but it's about vibes. fucked up dramatic evil vibes.#when it comes to body language i am always imagining him moving around in that dramatic disney villain way too #like i adore the serious art of him that captures his canon very well i adore seeing his severe and threatening side #but to me when i portray him he is just a little campy.#i can't help it LMFAO everything i touch gets a little silly and gay AGSJHAKSKAK #THE FLOURISH. THAT'S WHAT I'M ALWAYS IMAGINING. THE EVIL FLOURISH.#and like v important he's still so serious. and angry and full of grief. a threatening foe and liability as an ally.#someone you love but don't fully trust.#i feel like i. don't always capture the full scope of complexities in my work. too busy staying silly ig LMFAO #fe lif #<- one main tag actually. but only so i can find this later on my blog if i need it 👍#THINKING THIS OVER AGAIN the reason i gravitate towards maleficent is bc of the Sharpness in her design #like dr facilier/the shadow man could fit v well here too aesthetically and hades thematically esp #but also full disclosure i haven't watched any classic disney movies in years LMFAO #literally was just frantically looking up 'most iconic classic disney villains' to look at their character sheets #bc i was SO hard pressed by the maleficent inspo. i feel like she is the EPITOME of dramatic disney villain #and i happened upon cruella and was like OH FUCK YES BIG FUCKING FUR COAT!!!!!!!!!!!! implementing this forevwr now #pouring over model sheets i almost feel like dr facilier is a bit too flamboyant actually?#like he's too playful actually. fantastic vibes but not quite for lif.#i think hades captures the silliness/exaggerated rage/movementa i think of and cruella also captures this #AND she has the big fur coat. i desperately wanna watch 101 dalmatians now LMAO #just to see how her coat moves and the weight of it.#but also i think maleficent captures the Classic dramatic and severe villain i was also imagining.#she has a lot of seriousness to her too. plus big cape. and drama. ect.#CATEGORY 5 AUTISM MOMENT. I KNOW. I NEED TO STOP THINKING I WANNA DO SALMON RUN

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