#Shannon is kind

[aggressivelyaverage21]

Baby Bea and the OCS Chapter 1

8 Years Earlier: One week following Beatrice's 17th Birthday

Stepping off the train in Antequera, Beatrice can’t help but feel like a cliche. Here she is. A school girl in a strange country, again. All her belongings were in a duffel bag slung over her shoulder as she looked wide-eyed at the beautiful architecture of the Spanish town. It rolled and moved with the hills. The buildings looked like they belonged there just as much as the mountains did like they might have been there just as long.

It was different from Porrentyry. The home of the ever-prestigious St. Charles College et Lychee, god, even thinking of the name, made Beatrice want to roll her eyes. It was greener there. But not really in a good way. It made the buildings look stuck there. Like they didn’t belong.

Though young, Beatrice wasn’t blind to the fact that all these observations about belonging were likely just her projecting. At least this time, she knew more phrases in the local language than “Hello” and “Where’s the bathroom?” when she walked through the streets of a new place. Alone, and a least less afraid than the first time she’d done it. Maybe this could be it. Maybe this would be a place she could fit.

As she walked the streets, she stopped at a little corner bakery. The smell pulled her in more than anything else. It was delightful. She’d been training since the Nun visiting Maison du Cœur Eucharistique mistook her for a novitiate and started the recruitment process for the OCS, but the Roscos Fritos smelled so good she couldn’t resist.

One treat, one final indulgence, before she entered a life of service couldn’t hurt. Right?

The man behind the counter she orders smiles at Beatrice, warm and easy, as he passes the bag to her. However, when she reaches to dig through her pockets, he holds a hand, stopping her. “¿Eres del Convento?”  

“No.” Beatrice shakes her head, looking down at herself. She didn’t think she was dressed as a nun. Loose-fitting black pants and shirt. Her hair was pulled back in a neat bun. Little did she know she’d be sitting at a bus stop in an outfit not dissimilar to this one going the opposite direction. However, for now, that wasn’t her.

Not yet, at least. If they let her stay, it wasn’t exactly a done deal. She still had to convince Mother Superion to let her stay. That she was worth it. An endeavor that may prove impossible, seeing as she was still trying to convince herself too.

She didn’t know much. She’d tried her best to research the order and talk to the sister who’d recruited her, but the OCS was secret at best and very good at keeping that secret. She was told to come in good physical shape and be ready to train hard. Beatrice was no stranger to training, to discipline and pushing herself to her limits, but this was an unknown world.

Beatrice wasn’t afraid of hard things. Her whole life was hard. A sentiment she often found herself refuting. Her life was privileged. She knew that much. She should be thankful for all she was provided with growing up, and she was. However, that didn’t mean it wasn’t also hard. Fitting into boxes she didn’t belong in. Pretending to be things she wasn’t, being good at things so that she had any value at all. It was hard, and it was exhausting.

She didn’t think joining the church would solve that problem. She wasn’t that delusional, but she figured if she was going to have to pretend, to hide parts of herself away, and be miserable, she might as well make something of it. Be of service. Help.

It didn’t hurt that here she would have the opportunity to prove to a god she longed to be loved by that she was doing everything she could to make up for the sins of her heart. She’d slipped one time, and that was it. It hadn’t even been anything at all. It had been innocent childhood friends misconstrued into something perverse, but perception was reality, and that time had long passed.

She’d never felt a dread like this. Thinking about all the ways she could fail. What might happen if she did. She knew this was going to test her in all the ways she could be: physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. Likely socially as well. There were going to be late nights and early mornings. Training. Prayer. Studying. Beatrice wouldn’t say she was scared. That felt like admitting something she wasn’t going to be able to overcome.

In the darkest parts of her mind, even if Mother Superion allowed her to stay, Beatrice wasn’t sure she’d overcome any of it. Those nagging ‘what ifs’ played like a broken record in her mind. What if they found out? What if she wasn’t good enough? What if they rejected her? What if she didn’t have what it took? What if she was terrible at it?

Quitting doesn’t count if it is before you even started, right? No. The humiliation of quitting would be less than the humiliation of failing, right? You are doing this. Failure isn’t an option.  

Then and there, in this quaint bakery in this small Spanish town, while a baker looked at the strange young woman before him, Beatrice made herself a promise: You will convince Mother Superion to let you stay. And you will stay. They will have to drag your body from this order before you will ever quit.

All that was too much to dump on a stranger, a man she would likely see around the small town if she did get to stay. In a language, she still needed to be more confident in her pronunciation or vocabulary to get across any of that accurately. So, instead, she settles on disclosing “Soy nueva.”  

“Las hermanas no pagan.” He smiled like it was the hundredth time he’d reminded one of the women from the Convent that their money was no good in his bakery.

Beatrice figured it likely was. It was a kindness she felt she hadn’t yet earned. So instead of listening to the man, she took a few euros from her pocket and held them up to the man before placing them in the tip jar. She smiles as he shakes his head at the unnecessary gesture, flipping the towel back over his shoulder casually as he does. “¡Buenos días!”

Beatrice is halfway out the door when she realizes, for all her confidence getting off the bus, she had no idea where she was going. Pausing in the middle of the frame, she turns back around, bell smacking against the glass, stopping the baker from returning to the kitchen.

“ ¿Hermana? ”

Beatrice cringes a bit as the words tumble out of her mouth. Her lack of situational awareness was truly embarrassing. “ Um, ¿Donde esta-” But before she can even finish the question, he’s smiling at her knowingly as he points to his left as if to say, ‘That way. Can’t miss it.’ His smile only widens, making his eyes glimmer in amusement when the bells ring loudly, presumably just up the street.  

“Gracias.” Beatrice turns to look down the street, shaking her head when she sees what could only be the gates of a colossal convent. She really could have found it on her own. Yet here she was, not thinking things through. The closer the time gets to when she’s supposed to step through those gates, the more she can feel her heart beating frantically and her chest tightening with each passing minute.  

“Con mucho gusto. ¡Mucha mierda, Hermana! ”   It was a little puzzling at first, but she vaguely remembered that it was a version of ‘break a leg.’ Beatrice feels her cheeks heat up as he winks knowingly at her like he didn’t just say the Spanish equivalent of “shit” to a young woman hopeful of becoming a nun. To him, the young woman looked much too young to be getting into the kinds of things those nuns got into. Yet still here she was.

And though she took the time to enjoy the treat, there she was. She was standing in front of those grand black gates to the convent. Through the bars, she could see women in various combinations of gear. Sisters were walking around in navy habits, chatting idly. Women in black workout gear were returning from a run. A few more were in what looked to be Gi’s sparing.

This was it.

This was what she’d worked so hard to graduate early for. She worked so hard to skip her final year of school for an opportunity to serve the church like this. A chance to make up for what she was. To maybe finally do something worthwhile with her life.

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[wellcollapse]

EDDIE DIAZ & BOBBY NASH (3x08 — "MALFUNCTION") CHRISTOPHER DIAZ & EVAN BUCKLEY (7x01 — "ABANDON SHIPS")

[ghostlyarchaeologist]

"6daze happens to be the hottest voice in anarchist-Marxist-hyperrealist-postmodernist street art."

Leverage Redemption S01E04 The Tower Job.

[queenunderthatmountain]

I am once again asking for Elwin not to be Sophies father

[exhuastedpigeon]

Sometimes I wonder if Eddie clings to his love and grief for Shannon because it's proof (in his head) that he's straight. He can't be gay if he loved Shannon as deeply and profoundly as he did. He can't disappoint his family further if he just never let's himself move on and risks falling for someone who maybe isn't a woman. He doesn't have to explore the side of himself that's attracted to men if he never lets himself move on.

[fujoshiromiya]

animus / anima

[apassingbird]

every singly time we get another comfirmation that buck's place in eddie and christopher's life is akin to that of a partner and parental figure i'm just like. why am i shocked i already knew that.

[soranatus]

ULTRAMAN: RISING (2024)

[grassoftunnel]

[makorragal-312]

Okay, I know that I put up a post speculating about how Chris would interact with Marisol, but rewatching his conversation with Buck is making me think of a possible avenue the show could go with his feelings on Eddie and Marisol's relationship.

Earlier, I said that that I saw Chris being distant with Marisol and not making an active effort in getting to know her because her being with Eddie meant that they'd be seeing Buck less. But now? What if Chris still ends up being distant and not trying to form a connection with Marisol, not necessarily because he hates the relationship...

But because he's just waiting for her to walk out just like his mom did with him and Eddie.

And as much as I hate seeing Chris be hurt, Marisol leaving is necessary.

Because she's gonna be the last person to leave.

And Buck is gonna be the first person to actually stay.

I really hope this made sense.

[holocene-sims]

next // previous

august 19, 2021 12:00 a.m. star noraebang

current task: sing karaoke with henry's wife's siblings 🎵✅

song in queue: gift - melomance ✨

[weewoo911]

Back on my rewatch and I don’t wanna swing a bat at a hornets nest but I wanna point out that being a single parent and having a partner who is stationed overseas are different experiences

I do think Eddie was a bad husband (and so does he) but it’s not the same as straight dipping from your kids life and not providing any contact or financial support

[stagefoureddiediaz]

Thinking thoughts about Abuela being back and with this backstory about her being taken in by charlatans and Eddies whole catholic guilt thing and how the two things kind of play into one another as an exploration of faith and being taken in by something.

Abuela giving all her money to the tarot card readers etc because she was searching for something - for connection (with Abuelo) - trying to recapture what she had lost, and How Eddie has spoken about trying to re-find the magic he had with Shannon - how Eddie hasn't actually fully reconciled the Shannon of it all when it comes to relationships and how his Catholic guilt connects into that.

How Marisol as a physical representation of Catholicism is part of that narrative - how Eddie is entering a place where he has to chose his path - in order to move on from Shannon he needs to fully square the hole - catholic or non catholic. And how that needs to happen first - before he can begin his queer journey!

[cringefaildiaz]

actually tho I think there's something really gorgeous about the possibility that Eddie could pursue someone of his own volition, realize it's not what he wants, and fucking. walk away. not cling out of a sense of responsibility or obligation or idea that he's broken for not wanting it. just. realize that while he does want a partner, this one isn't it, and be okay with choosing that for himself

[camelspit]

something about how sophitz subverts the prince charming love at first sight trope.. how it shows the cracks under the surface and how nothing is as perfect as it seems.. and still says yeah! it may not be what you expected, but it's still good! it may take work and time but thats okay! thats normal! you don't have to be a saint to deserve love. it's possible for every part of you to be loved, even the messy, sharp bits. ough.

[iamtrashboatsworld]

Me with most of the 911 season finale