#I had so many thoughts about Shannon and fake Shannon and for what | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

misarem · 5 months ago

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Umineko Episode 6 Thoughts or Where I Actually Lock In

Okay so im cursing myself at how long its been since the last one. After making it thru ep 6 i got to the end not feeling that.. elucidated on the whole thing even tho everyone says ep 6 is like the final stop biggest hint youre going to get on this mystery. Which genuinely left me feeling kinda sad and a bit stupid lmao. I could not tell what I wasn’t getting and the phrase “without love, it cannot be seen” being waved in front of my face did not help like I was being TAUNTED. To the point where I found groups that were into the game and actually talked through my ideas, refined my thoughts, looked back on many MANY parts of the story and slowly I’ve come to a conclusion I’m actually sorta confident in. So! After so long i think its time for me to take my sherlock hat off and just keep going with this game. But not before my little journal on this absolutely ridiculous but amazing episode. Spoilers below for the episode itself and what i think the answer to the central mystery of the entire game is which I will be immediately going into before talking abt some other points as well as Erika again because I'm contractually obligated to. this will be a longer one

So after everything. After butting my head against the wall every time Zepar and Furfur told me without love it can’t be seen. After pouring over text LPs and reading this episode twice and having people help refine my thoughts. What I think happened was. 1967. November 29th. A baby is born on Rokkenjima and taken in by Kinzo Ushiromiya, still deep in his mourning of the Golden Witch Beatrice. As this baby grows up, Kinzo shapes their identity under his upbringing and they grow up with a very stunted sense of self. EIther as some sort of disguise or to give themselves more fulfillment, they assume the identity of a young maid named Shannon and a younger servant named Kanon. This helps them navigate their life on Rokkenjima fine until the larger Ushiromiya family enters the picture, specifically Battler, Jessica and George, whose love for them begins to pull their identity apart. After a conversation with a 12 year old Battler about the kind of woman he likes, and getting even closer with George and Jessica in the years after, this person is at a crossroads on whos wishes get to be fulfilled: Shannon’s, Kanon’s, or Beatrice’s, and this all comes to a head on October 4th, 1986, where they facilitate a series of murders as an internal competition and as a demonstration to the person who affected them the most: Battler Ushiromiya.

….I THINK. I didn’t have the epiphany I thought I would have, more like a slow slow realization when I began to piece together the early-suggested possibility that Shannon was behind the appearances of Beatrice that Maria sees, the weird status of Kanon’s body at the end of almost every twilight, how Kanon had to bail Battler out in the first place, and the Love Duel itself, Shannon, Kanon and Beatrice all being on equal footing within it, and why Shannon and Kanon’s (and Beatrice’s) love had to be mutually exclusive in the first place. Plus more little details like the 19 paces coinciding with the perceived 19 people on the island (family + Beato) and the 19 years since the master of the game had been born, the narration and several characters like Featherine saying that the solution to the previous question or to the logic error could be the key to the whole mystery and is a part of Beato’s heart (her identity). George’s reminiscence of Battler and Shannon as a 12 year old with Beato’s own reminiscence of it coinciding with it. The fact that Battler has literally never seen Kanon and Shannon in the same room and the mystery of how Battler saw Beatrice after the murders of the fourth game. But I think that Shannon, Kanon, and Beatrice are all identities of one person, the 16th person after subtracting Kinzo, Kanon and Shannon from the initial 18, and that their disguises and faked deaths are the key to solving not just the logic error room, but the entire game and magic as a whole. Granted I don’t have *everything* figured out with this yet but I feel like I have my foot in the door finally.

Just starting with the logic error room, we know that Erika and Kanon entered and Batler left, the chain was reset when Erika entered, yet by the end of Erika’s search, Kanon was nowhere in the guestroom. Airtight locked room murder, practically no way to get out of this one, at least through the door. And for good measure, Hideyoshi, George, Nanjo, Kumasawa and Shanon are in the next room over while *everyone else* is in the cousins’ room, and during the escape, the seals to the doors of these rooms are intact. Genuinely the only in that I had on this one at first was the “everyone else” wording with Kanon’s status as furniture as my teeny little screwdriver I was trying to pry this thing open with. Of course the furniture thing is mostly a metaphor for the crested servants’ character arcs, and Genji is considered a person who would be included as “everyone else” but it was a start. Incidentally, my attempts before this episode had me reassessing the idea that Shannon could have disguised herself as Beatrice for Maria from the earlier episodes, and it was like I needed something to bridge these two ideas. And the fact of Kanon coming to save Battler being confirmed in red makes it seem useless to try to figure out how he got out of the cousins' room, but figuring that out was an important first step to my reasoning, as it helped me begin forming the idea that, somehow, to have been out of the cousin’s room, he would have had to be somehow less than one, to not be his own person, to not be included in “everyone else”. And taking this to the guestroom, it eventually dawned on me that, if *he* wasn’t his own person, and his love for Jessica couldn’t exist if Shannon was going to be with George, then maybe these two got in the way of each other because they were the same person, and if this was true, Kanon could escape the guestroom by discarding the disguised and identity of ‘Kanon’, removing him from the guestroom, since it was never specified that nobody was in there, only that Kanon wasn’t. ‘Shannon’ in the next room over could have gotten out through the window, since the status of the seals on the window is a hole that is pointed out in the episode, but Dlanor forbids it from being used, I think because bringing it up without solving Kanon’s identity would be solving the mystery incorrectly or at least out of order.

From here, you can take this to many of the other murders in Question arcs. I think I pointed out that Shannon’s body was hidden from George by Hideyoshi in episode 1, but rereading made me realize that not only had Battler not properly seen it either, but if Kanon was at the scene too, following my theory, the body could not have been Shannon’s. Whose it was I’m not sure. If Kumasawa got into her closet for this that would be funny. If they had a body prepared then sure. But this in conjunction with Kanon’s death not being seen by Battler later leaves this person without the identity of Shannon OR Kanon, free to run around the mansion murdering as they please. Even better if they are prepared to disguise as Beatrice as well, as this would have allowed them to have Maria turn around so they could kill Genji, Nanjo, and Kumasawa without harming her, and when the 4 others would come in and investigate, this person would slip out and kill Natsuhi. For Eva and Hideyoshi, since it was Kanon (and Genji who came upon the crime scene), I think it’s possible that the chain being locked was a lie on Genji and Kanon’s part.

As we know in Episode 2, Kanon’s corpse disappears after his death to the confusion of almost everyone, but this is because the body, as Shannon, is in Kinzo’s study “informing him of the murders” which after learning of Kinzo’s pre-game death means she can be doing whatever she wants. Since Kanon never shows up again, she operates as she needs to until she dies with George and Gohda. I think Shannon struggled with killing both of them. It seemed like there was a genuine struggle to even get the door open and overpower George and Gohda, so her and George could have killed each other, or she kills herself after killing George in mourning, because the final twilight is complete, or because she believes Genji or Rosa will take care of the rest. If Shannon was alive, Rosa stopping Battler from disturbing the body and then chasing everyone out would work for that, but Battler also witnesses like, the viscera of her head spilling out of the hole in it, which could constitute as a body check..? Maybe there’s some fuckery with how this Shannon looks to us and to the people inside the story, and that’s how she bypasses Battler’s body check? idk this one isn’t so solid but Kanon’s missing body is so damning to me. Battler does see Beato and Kinzo at the end and this could have been the culprit as Beato. Battler doesn’t get a good look at her and only sees Kinzo’s back as well. And the magic stuff at the end of every episode in my interpretation is Battler having died and the anti-magic, objective perspective being removed. So idk still working on that one lmao

The biggest thing for Episode 3 is the locked room chain, and having two of the servants being assumed identities really helps. Kanon’s body is ‘found’ in the chapel, a very remote part of the island, so his body is hard to confirm. On the other hand, Shannon is ‘found’ in the parlor, the easiest room to operate from and one that the adults were likely to break the locked room status of by shattering the window. Because Battler sees none of these bodies, the true nature of Shannon and Kanon's status is never confirmed, and it can be assumed that the culprit, having (momentarily) discarded Kanon and Shannon, once again has free reign over the mansion. This comes into play after Eva’s murders take the group into the mansion, starting with Rosa and Maria’s deaths as its unlikely the culprit would kill Maria this early. Kyrie kills Hideyoshi here, briefly surviving a shot to the stomach and either trying to hit Eva or retaliating against her where it would hurt (unwittingly damning her own daughter so yknow that’s not horrible at all). Back when I was a Kyrietrice truther (how I miss those days) I thought she survived much longer and killed George and Nanjo, but it turns out Battler checking her corpse in the metaworld means that Battler confirmed her death in the game too so bleh. But I think the culprit killed George and laid him in the parlor, possibly leading him in as Shannon. From here I think she writes the 8 digit code, plays dead as the survivors come in and while they’re distracted (Eva, Jessica and Nanjo are caught up in a fight while Battler overtly is checked out of the situation, not looking closely at the corpses at all), she sneaks out, only to be caught and shot at by Eva, which is what blinds Jessica. The shot isn’t immediately fatal but ‘Shannon’ is bleeding out fast and before she dies, she finds and kills Nanjo, “revives” Kanon, as Beatrice puts it, and leads Jessica out to where they will rest for the remainder of the game.

Chapter 4 is weird, it feels impossible to substantiate anything concrete when the whole island is a huge catbox to Battler, cooped up in the guest house, until after almost all of the murders are committed. WIth Shannon/Kanon in the dining hall with everyone, the best I can work out right now is the first six are shot down by them, the rest escape but are killed as well, at some point in between the 8th and 10th killings, ‘Kanon’ is discarded, making him the ‘9th death’, George and Jessica are killed, not before Jessica sees the dead bodies, is chased to her room and works out that if she gets caught, she’ll probably end up like the rest of them, which she tells Battler. At some point, Kyrie manages to get to a phone and call Battler before being killed. The most concrete thing I can deduce is that the hostage group was potentially never in the dungeon, the status of the dungeon’s existence in that space being up in the air, Kanon’s body is not at the bottom of the well that Battler cannot access, when Beatrice shows up to Battler at the end of the 4th and is spurned by Battler not remembering his sin, she finds a way to die as Shannon and be found.

Very hazy still obviously but idk how else Kanon escapes. Honestly "these clues and circumstances make one body unaccounted for so they can go do whatever" feels sorta cheap which makes me second guess all of this, obv theres some tricks to the locked rooms themselves still but I didn't anticipate that one possible theory would clear up so much. And I don't know why Jessica and George are killed either, sure their love is complicated for a reason but it makes me curious what conditions the culprit has to put themselves in to be able to kill them. This also relies on the cooperation of some adults and Nanjo. Even tho I believe he’s nice I think Nanjo isn’t difficult considering he lies about Kinzo’s death for so long, and I feel like it wouldn’t be.. too hard to get any of the adults in on it if related to the inheritance? They do all need a lot of money right now. I still think some of Eva and Hideyoshi’s ep 1 behaviors are suspicious and it would be really funny and interesting if Kyrie was fuckin shit up. To me.

Overall if this is what the twist is, I think it's neat since Kanon and Shannon have been among my favorites from the beginning and the idea of them being so closely tied to the thematic core of the story is exciting. My idea of magic is so heavily informed by Ange’s story, it makes me wonder, since the Beato we saw in 67 seemed to live in a great deal of emotional neglect, neglect of her own self rather than of “Beatrice” (probably her mother lol), if this culprit is the same in that she was born from Kinzo and a Beato, likely the 67 one, and their personhood was ignored for the sake of Kinzo having Beato again, maybe “Shannon” and “Kanon” are similar to how Maria summons Sakutaro or Ange summons the sisters, and she summons the servants as a way of enriching her sense of self? Would be sort of interesting but it also feels like its crossing over into like DID territory and after playing like 2 danganronpa games worth of poorly handled stuff like that I dont know. I do kinda feel sad for Jessica not really getting to be with Kanon. They constantly get the short end of the stick, obviously because their love hasn’t developed like George and Shannon’s did over the past few years or even how Battler and Beatrice’s did over the past 5 games, but their love is so full of potential, and I love both of them so much. I’d love to just see them happy together but its not Jessica’s fate sadly lmao.

If we’re to believe that it was Battler’s sin that influenced all of this, I do find it to be really interesting how Battler tends to parallel Kinzo, as another extension of the idea that Kinzo keeps this very harrowing grip on all aspects of Beatrice’s/the culprit’s life. That Battler echos Kinzo’s yearning for the old Beatrice isn’t even solely tragic for Battler’s situation, it also has a lot of terrible implications for what we haven’t seen of Kinzo yet, if Battler’s projection of Beatrice as his former lover onto a girl who sees him as her father is any indication of what Kinzo was like. At the very least, I still love Battler and I think he differs from Kinzo by holding onto the love he had for his family. Even after six games, he’s still just as disgusted at the murders, especially so here, and the portrayal of the mothers of the Ushiromiya family in Battler’s game shows that Battler’s capable of a great deal of reflection and understanding, something that’s hard to believe Kinzo was ever willing to offer. For the sin itself it feels like it’s between Battler being like his grandfather, him neglecting the culprit in some way or him denying magic to her and by extension, her way of like and her worldview, like what we saw with young Ange and Maria.

My last thought on this theory is that it makes so much of the love game in ep6, specifically Zepar and Furfur’s commentary, incredibly funny with how on the nose it is, and shifting from the perspective of the elder Beato who doesn’t get it to that of Kanon and Shannon who are painfully aware, is very eye opening to how heavy handed their dialogue is. Yet another moment of the writers desperately trying to guide you to the heart of the mystery which is comforting as a staple of this whole story.

Looking back at the last post, it is funny how little I had to say about Erika Furudo then. She’s like my second favorite character now, as horrible as she is, and everything she does is in line with how she acted in ep5 (with one caveat we’ll get to), but just way more severe and like mask off about her cold-hearted rejection of emotional truths and desire for complete domination and control of what is accepted as the objective truth which is. very entertaining! Obviously saying a ton about the more clinical, quote unquote “intellectual” camps of mystery readers and writers and about how objective truth really is, which is all incredibly important to understanding the overall mystery, almost like a what not to do when playing Umineko.

But just focusing on Erika herself, she just feels so steeped in every detective trope you’ve ever heard of, and in a story that takes the time to build such nuanced dynamics and relationships between characters, the way she operates can be so two-dimensional it’s actually delightful to watch. Even when she’s given a backstory, it almost feels pre-packaged and thrown in to hastily give her depth and personal relation to truth on a conceptual level, as she is a detective, altho I don’t know if it’s completely hollow. Her back and forth with Dlanor is neat and her final response to it is an early tell that her refusal to recognize the emotions behind people’s truths is a fatal flaw of hers, probably caused by her falling out with her boyfriend. And with the whole game trusting you to see the emotions in everything and to not be cold and clinical in your assessment of the story, I can’t wholly believe she’s completely flat as a character, altho the commentary is still very unsubtle so idk fully. It’s not like bullshit characters can’t be meaningful, and I think there is a level of tragedy in the way she was fashioned on the game board as Bernkastel’s piece, trapped in the position of servitude to Bern, constantly emulating her callousness and seeking her approval, as if she’s like an author insert begging not to be removed by the author herself.

Like I said, she exhibits almost all the same behaviors she did in the last episode, just more brutally here. It’s almost like after failing to beat Battler at the end of episode 5, she’s trying to prove with everything she has that she really is a completely deplorable person, which she does when she fucking kills 5 people in what was supposed to be a non-tragic game, and she does this using the one thing that makes her different from last time: her lack of detective authority. Not only is is a cool trick that runs alongside her casting off the image of a noble seeker of the truth so she can debase herself in order to chase down a more twisted conclusion, it speaks a lot to her own capabilities that even without the privileges of a detective in a classic mystery story, she’s still able to bend the Ushiromiya family to her will and think miles ahead of Battler, making her all the more terrifying. Another thing that makes her different here is that she’s not just trying to solve the murders anymore, she is actively trying to catch Battler in a logic error, trapping him in the broken rules of his own game forever, and once she convinces him to give her seals to a few of the rooms, she does this incredibly easily, guiding Battler to his own damnation in what is, in my opinion, the best battle between the human side and witch side in the entire game thus far. It is absolutely fucking insane the lengths Erika goes to in order to completely destroy Battler. Her command of the game from the very start as if she had planned every mode both of them were going to make is just diabolical and after being a bit desensitized after the past 5 chapters of killings, her BEHEADING five people including a mom in front of her 9 year old daughter just to fuck up Battler’s game genuinely made me sick. And this is all heightened by how well written, translated, and voiced Erika is throughout the entire chapter. Before I got into Umineko, I’d seen videos of the <OH VERY GOOD> scene completely out of context, and slowly I was drawn into wanting to play the game by the voice acting, the incredible music and tantalizingly rich atmosphere that I would have readily indulged in a full game of. But knowing the context of the scene now, how it acts as the final nail in the coffin of Battler and as the peak of Erika’s twisted level of ecstasy as she gleefully destroys this family, not just for domination of the truth but for the joy of revenge against Battler for denying her that ecstasy in the last game. It is just such an incredibly gripping stretch of scenes so fucking good oh my god.

All of this leads to the wedding of Erika and Battler, which really is the most deplorable action of Erika’s in this whole episode. Just the most disgusting subtext going on here that if you’ve read the novel I don’t even have to spell out. Just the depths she plummets to so she can exercise complete control over Battler. In stark contrast to the way Beatrice let Battler into her game, granting him the tools to understand her and to shed light on the mystery of her existence, finally granting her fulfillment, Erika is an intruder into Battler’s game in every sense of the word, and it’s Bern that created this monster in the first place to further toy with the lives of the Ushiromiya family, not completely different from how it was Kinzo's upbringing that made the adults of the Ushiromiya family who they were, leading to how theyr raised their own kids. Luckily Beatrice is the one who steps in at the last moment to save Battler here, exposing the one thing Erika cannot control: the emotions that are inherent to the facts of the murders. She cannot fathom that the solution to the murder isn’t some one million iq 4D chess move of Beatrice's and after an epiphany about the nature of multiple truths that not only feels kinda fake but is something Battler had come to 3 whole episodes ago with Virgilia and the Braun tubes, Beatrice and Battler’s final red truth shoots her down. Troll officially slayed don't be like Erika Furudo kids. Also there’s only 16 people on the island now! Hopefully you paid attention to Zepar and Furfur earlier. It is actually a funny wink wink nudge nudge that Beatrice entering the chapel to save Battler from the marriage runs parallel to Kanon entering the guest room. As if Ryukishi isnt already on his hands and knees tears in his eyes screaming and begging and groveling for the reader to understand whats going on here.

But yea Erika is a fascinating case study on the nature of truth, its objectivity and how it should be pursued. “True” does not always equal “right”, and the pursuit of objectivity can do immeasurable and irrevocable harm to innocent people just trying to find happiness in their own lives. I didn’t even mention her beefing with a literal 9 year old over a beginner magic trick, but it's clear here that her values run opposite to the games and the writers have a very very fun time criticizing those values through her. I learned this from a YouTube comment but apparently in some WTC bonus material, Rika from Higurashi mentions deep sea fish as omens of misfortune, which absolutely evokes the image of Erika washing up on the shores of Rokkenjima, foreshadowing the ensuing disaster. But after everything, as astute as she is as a riddle solver, she really has not even gotten out of the shallow end in terms of what the heart of a mystery really is, how trauma makes people act and why people are even driven to do the things that they do, ultimately looking like a fish out of water against this very magical setting. Get it like solitary deep sea fish honk honk

Other thoughts. I’m so happy to see Ange again! If the meta aspects of this story weren’t obvious enough, her and Hachijo/Featherine have the most overt reader/author relationship, and it’s funny how Ange’s risen to Battler’s status of reader insert but in a different way. Battler and Beatrice have a combative, opposing relationship but the way she presents the murders to Battler and beckons him to figure them out very much reflects the writers’ desire for the reader to recognize their fiction. On the outside, it seems tricky but is actually very nurturing. Now, this late in the story, Ange and Featherine have a much more outwardly respectful relationship, likened to a miko and her guardian, although there is a little seedling of toughness that Featherine seems to hold for Ange, probably because of the latter’s stubbornness about some aspects of the story, with Ange also harboring contempt for Featherine sensationalizing her trauma with the message bottles. Funny inversion with Battler and I like the continued commentary on true crime. I also think Ange’s pursuit of the truth and trouble with emotions as Featherine’s reader slightly echoes Bern’s other piece, Erika, although to a much, and I cannot stress that Ange is not anywhere near as flawed as Erika, MUCH lesser extent, and Ange clearly has a higher chance of actually coming to an understanding at the end of the episode, plus its more understanding of Ange to want some power over the narrative as someone whose life was nearly ruined by it, rather than a piece who was just dropped in without any other relation to the Ushiromiya’s, despite being at the mercy of her master. Hate M Zakky guy plotting to kill her at the end altho I figured he sniped those Sumadera henchmen for her earlier and its not surprising but. le sigh

And because you know I have to always bring up Kyrie. That scene with her and Jessica was. Amazing. When Jessica's eyes glazed over and prison strip started playing I lost my mind. Genuinely such a compelling backstory for Kyrie and I love Jessica’s challenge to it, and her finishing line that, as much as Kyrie has been both empowered and terrorized by her jealousy, it does not make her a noble person, and this idea that trauma doesn’t automatically make you virtuous, I believe, will probably be very pertinent to the ultimate mysteries of the story. Besides that, one detail I caught is Kyrie talking about having worked up the nerve to kill Asumu over many many years, and she calls it a miracle that some other force took her the moment that she would have. Earlier this episode, and it’s been echoed in the previous ones, Featherine mentions that magic, as something limited by human ability, is the power to follow through with or get away with it. It really makes me think that. Kyrie could have just. Killed Asumu and is using magic to exonerate herself fdsfdsfds. I mean I’m always biased to my idea of murderer bastard Kyrie and the mountain of circumstantial evidence I thought I had with that and I do think its really funny!!! That she’s the only adult who seems to know how to handle the WInchesters well enough to do it one handed in her cg AND her portrait (og and pachinko not ps3). But hey idk. Every time she makes that closed eyes open mouth portrait it makes me think that she might not be any more savvy than the other adults about whats going on so

Overall probably my favorite episode so far! It's like 6 > 4 = 3 > 1 = 2= 5. Similar to 4, it's not consistently the strongest but it has some of the highest highs and that's really what makes a piece of writing for me sometimes. And now that I'm on the cusp of the answers of the """answer""" arcs, I'm very excited for my personal documentation of my experiences with the game to pay off

#hopefully we finally see sword guy and blond gnc ushiromiya from the op #they have taunted me for weeks i seriously thought sword guy was gonna be natsuhis lost cliff baby for a sec #uwtc #umineko when they cry #umineko no naku koro ni #erika furudo

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kotlc-deleted-scenes · 1 year ago

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Keeper Summer Week #10

Second Deleted Scene from Lodestar

This scene used to be part of the sequence set at Dex's house, but it felt like it was slowing the story's momentum too much, and nothing all that significant was happening or being revealed. So once again, I had to chop something I liked to keep the pacing tighter.

—Shannon

“Wow, just noticed the sky," Biana whispered as they all stared through the glass dome at the swirling streaks of green and pink.

"Is that the aurora borealis?" Sophie asked. "Or another one of your holograms, Dex?"

"That's the real deal," he said. "I actually tried adding a northern-lights setting to my gadget, but everything looked fake."

"I'm sure it was better than you thought," Biana told him. "Though this really is beautiful. I know it's probably a huge betrayal to the Vacker name to admit this, but I think this is prettier than the Celestial Festival."

Fitz and Biana's very distant relative—Orem Vacker—was a Flasher, and he was famous for creating a light spectacle whenever there was a total eclipse.

"This is calmer," Fitz said. "Plus, it's kinda cool knowing there's no one controlling it. It's just…nature. Feels like a good thing to remember, you know? As powerful as we are, as many crazy things as we can do, there's so much that's way bigger than us."

Biana laughed. "Look who's getting all deep and philosophical while cuddling with his sparkly red dragon."

"Hey, don't knock it till you try it," Fitz told her, hugging Mr. Snuggles tighter. "Besides, I think it's useful to remember that we're not as important as we sometimes think we are. It's…Never mind, I don't know how to explain it."

"I do," Sophie jumped in. "It's good to remember that we're not the epitome of everything, because it puts it all in perspective. Especially with how huge our problems feel sometimes."

"Exactly," Fitz said. "Maybe the whole world isn't resting on our shoulders. Only a part of it is. Sometimes I think we forget that. Like with the alicorns. All that stress and hassle we went through trying to shelter them in the Sanctuary, when the better idea was to let Silveny and Greyfell take care of themselves."

"So ... what? We just let the Neverseen do whatever they want?" Dex asked.

"Of course not," Fitz said. "But sometimes I wonder if the Council's problem is that they keep trying to control everything. Their attention gets so divided that they miss a bunch of huge stuff."

"Like when they focused on finding the Black Swan instead of going after the Neverseen," Sophie suggested.

"Or all the focus on abilities, and forgetting to train us in our skills," Fitz added.

Biana snickered. "Look—now they're basically finishing each other's sentences. They really are Fitzphie, aren't they?" she asked Dex.

"It's Sophitz," Fitz corrected. "And hey, you guys are starting to turn into…Actually, what would we call you? Bianex? Dexiana?"

"How about Vackizznee?" Biana suggested. "Or Dizzker?"

"Dizzker?" Sophie repeated.

"It could work," Biana insisted.

#lodestar #kotlc deleted scene #kotlc deleted scenes

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hexagonalhavoc · 11 months ago

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Hex Characters in the Real World

So basically at the end of the game it’s implied that all the characters go into the real world. This also goes hand in hand with the theory that Amanda from Inscryption is Sado meaning that when all the characters go through the hex portal they get a normal looking appearance. I wanted to make headcanons for what jobs I like they would have in the real world just for funsies

If I have the time I wanna draw them just living their casual civilian lives

Reggie:

I think he would just make the Six Pint Inn real. It would be somewhere secluded in the mountains or the woods.

A lot of travelers go there for the owner’s hospitality and really tasty root beer.

He’s known for being kind, even letting people stay at the Inn for free during really bad storms.

Yet some people feel uneasy around him.

Jeremiah:

In the game if you get all the coins for the vending machines it mentions how Jeremiah wasn’t happy being a janitor and that he wanted more of a thrill in his life.

I think initially he helps Reggie build his inn but then leaves to go pursue his own interests but they still chat from time to time.

The job I see for him is a private investigator because he already has experience with hunting people down and keeping a low profile.

Swk:

Either he gets a human form and just becomes a literal weasel.

I think if he did get a human form he would actually go to college and study engineering. He’s probably really good at math.

Ends up joining a rock band as the drummer. It’s mildly popular in his area and he’s kind of a celebrity again but this time he’s really chill about it. He keeps his band mates in line if they start letting the fame get to them.

If he had to make a name up for himself it would be “Kidd Shrewd.” It’s a strange name but perfect for a rockstar.

Chef Bryce:

I think we all know what his ideal job would be.

After everything he’s been through he just wants to live a calm life.

Would try to set up his own bakery but if that doesn’t work out he would become a high school teacher.

He would be the cool teacher that not all the teachers like but his students love him because he’s just really mellow.

Chandrelle:

She would have a job where she didn’t have to interact with many people.

Would be absolutely terrible in a customer service job because of how snarky she is.

This is a weird one but I think she would be a janitor and actually enjoy it because she gets to blast music in her headphones and ignore everything while she cleans.

If she sees someone litter in the place she’s cleaning she will smack them with her mop.

Since her name really sticks out I think she would go under the alias “Charlie Storm” or just “Shannon.”

Lazarus:

When I thought about him the first thing that came to mind was dog walker.

He’s calm and confident which means he’s able to get dogs to listen to him.

The poor man probably doesn’t really know how to relax so on top of dog walking he’s also a cashier at a gas station and going to college full time.

Ends up becoming a veterinarian or a marine biologist.

He prefers to chill with animals rather than humans and finds marine life to be really neat.

Probably doesn’t care about going under a fake name but if he did it would be “Russel” or something basic like “Jason.”

Rust:

Lives off the grid or in a very small town.

He can’t stand crowds and would feel unsafe in a big city.

He’s sad about spending his days alone but he isn’t really sure where to go or what to do with his life.

Ends up working as a mechanic that most people are intimidated by.

Has salvaged a bunch of classic cars and stuff, he likes to decorate them.

Everyone just calls him Rust, they assume it’s just a nickname and don’t really question it.

First Person Perspective:

In the real world he would end up looking like Lionel with very few differences.

Horrified by this he would do everything in his power to make himself look different from his creator. He might dye his hair, let it grow out or shave it completely, wear contacts, anything so people don’t point out the similarities.

Even though he can actually talk now he still doesn’t because he’s used to not talking and he doesn’t want to hear Lionel’s voice come from him.

Someone needs to give him a hug, he needs it.

Probably majors in philosophy and would either work at a library or as an IT.

Probably still wore a hat and trench coat at first but too many people were staring at him so he just wears a hoodie with the hood up all the time.

#the hex #the hex game #I had fun with this #daniel mullins games x reader

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glompcat · 2 years ago

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2022 was a big year. After a very very very long span of time where depression meant I only had the attention span for works starring established familiar characters and universes, I finally was able to return to reading entirely original fiction this year. This really started last year after my cat died, when I discovered that romance novels were the ideal way to distract myself and get through my pain - which is why there are so many of them in the mix this year. I’m firmly a fan of the genre now.

I don’t normally list what I read in a single year, but I am so excited that by mid year last year I was in a good enough place in my recovery journey that I could hop into brand new worlds and meet new complex characters all over again.

So here are the Fiction Books I read in 2022 in no particular order. I am sure I forgot a bunch? IDK. I wrote a few short thoughts about each next to them. Please feel free to ask if you are interested in more detailed thoughts on any of them. I’m planning to write more about the ones I listened to as audiobooks while hiking over on my hiking blog later!:

The Priory of the Orange Tree by Samantha Shannon (fantasy) - This was without question the best fantasy novel I read all year

The Space Between Worlds by Micaiah Johnson (science fiction) - This was the best science fiction novel I read all year. I REALLY REALLY REALLY loved this book.

The Luminous Dead (horror/science fiction) - This was the best horror novel I read all year

Read Between the Lines by Rachel Lacey (romance) - You’ve Got Mail lesbian edition. The author sure loves New York City, but in a way where it really felt strange as a New Yorker reading it?

No Rings Attached by Rachel Lacey (romance) - Serviceable. Fake Dating, Only One Bed, roadtrip where you know the obvious conclusion before you get there because the wrong assumption the character made was so super obvious. There is a moment in this book I am still very annoyed by in a “this doesn’t read as true for a queer person who lives in NYC” type way

The Lady's Guide to Celestial Mechanics by Oliva Waite (historical romance) - This was a really good historical romance. Waite clearly cares a lot about the historical period she writes about and does a great job of establishing her leads as full people with strong interests and lives outside of their relationship.

The Care and Feeding of Waspish Widows by Oliva Waite (historical romance) - The difference between the cover and the actual book for this one is WILD. The cover looks horrible, but the actual book is great. An older and now widowed side character from Celestial Mechanics gets it on with a chubby beekeeper lady around her age. Lots of exploration of the politics of that time. Really loved this one.

A Little Light Mischief by Cat Sebastian (historical romance) - I am not going to lie, I don’t remember too too much about this one, but I remember really liking it?

The Seep by Chana Porter (science fiction) - Really interesting exploration of an alien invasion where everything about what it means to be human suddenly changes, from the perspective of a woman who had fought to be her true self before the invasion and finds herself unable to keep adjusting to the shifts in everything the more and more everything changes.

Payback's a Witch by Lana Harper (paranormal romance) - two witches team up to get revenge on their mutual ex boyfriend and surprise surprise they fall in love with each other in the process. It was a good enough book that I seriously considered reading the next book in the series even though it was a het romance and I don’t do those.

Faux Pas by Lily Seabrooke (romance) - It took me a bit to get into this one, but once I did I was here for it! Basically a very gentrification focused property developer inherits a beloved restaurant in a small town she’s never heard of, which turns out to be almost exclusively populated by queer people. Everyone in town knows what she does for a living, so they are set on running her out of town and making her miserable, except for this hot mean butch who lives in the woods and seems to hate the whole town. She used to be a chef in the restaurant and promised the former owner she’d make sure it stayed in his family, so she is set on convincing our protagonist to move to the town and take over the restaurant rather than sell it. She has a tortured past which is the key to why she is a prickly asshole to everyone, there are many scenes of her sexily teaching the protag how to cook, and to top it all off there is a fake dating aspect to it all.

Love & Other Disasters by Anita Kelly (romance) - It’s a new season of Masterchef errrr a totally original reality TV show that isn’t Masterchef, really, and the show is featuring reality cooking TV’s first ever nonbinary contestant. To hype up drama and ratings the producers made sure one of the other contestants is a TERF, so things really are not going great. However what the producers did not plan for was for another contestant - a recent divorcee - to fall head over heels for her fellow contestant (the NB one, not the TERF, obs). The main thrust of the book is them flirting during various challenges and being absurdly cute together. NGL reading this over the summer and then seeing a cooking show during the fall with a NB contestant really made this book feel extra strange. Obviously The Big Brunch was nothing like Masterchef with regards to drama and how the whole reality TV aspect of things is handled, but it was wild reading about how torturous being on TV would HAVE to be for a NB person in the book and then seeing in reality a person being treated with nothing but dignity and respect.

D'Vaughn and Kris Plan a Wedding by Chencia C. Higgins (romance) - LOVED LOVED LOVED this book, oh WOW. It made me cry!!!!! So so so so so good. The plot is a reality TV dating show decides to do a season focused exclusively on queer relationships. The premise of the show is two total strangers have to convince their entire family that they are getting married in a super short period of time, involve their family in the wedding planning, and if they can make it to the wedding alter without anyone figuring out that it’s fake they get the choice of either taking a massive cash prize or actually going through with the wedding. The book follows two contestants - D’Vaughn and Kris. Kris is a budding influencer who wants to be on reality TV for the massive boost in followers it would give her, and D’Vaughn is not out to her family and wants to do the show because she wants cameras trained on them when she finally tells them that she’s gay. I love both of them so fucking much it isn’t funny.

The Romance Recipe by Ruby Barrett (romance) - A restaurant owner fell in love with her head chef before she hired her, back when she was a reality TV contestant on a cooking show. Problem is the chef is straight, and the owner doesn’t want to make their work relationship weird so she’s doing her best to get over her crush and move on, but it’s hard. The chef on the other hand has just figured out she is bi and is struggling with how to let the world know since there is an opportunity to do a new cooking show AND she is kinda sorta crushing on her boss and that doesn’t feel very professional - especially since she very publicly used to be engaged to the producer of the reality TV show she was on and doesn’t want to have a rep for dating her bosses all the time.

Her Majesty’s Royal Coven by Juno Dawson (fantasy) - One of the two series I read this year about a fifteen year old trans girl with new powers, powers she uses to alter her appearance to look how she ideally desires (in this book that happens at the end, in the other it happens at the start of the book). She is not the first trans person in that universe to have powers but she is the most powerful powered person in that world so everyone has to pay attention to her and treats her like she is the first. One member of the powered community becomes her mentor who she moves in with, and the mentor takes on the role of being her mom. That mentor has her body stolen by a biofamily member (in the other series the mentor character got better! In this particular book’s case it was how the book ended, and the next book in the series isn’t out yet so I guess we will see when the next book comes out?) while another member of the powered community - who leads the big government sanctioned powered person org our protag is supposed to be part of - is a TERF (and other members of the powered community explicitly call her a TERF) who becomes obsessed with the teen and gatekeeps so hard the TERF villain destroys her life and reputation and loses everything. (I LOVE both of these series)

Dreadnought by April Daniels (superhero) - This is the second series to follow the pattern described above. In Juno Dawson’s series it is witches in England, in April Daniel’s series it is superheroes in America. Very interesting exploration of coming out. Danny knew she was a girl before the book started, but she had not told anyone yet. The book starts with her gaining superpowers, and with them her appearance changes to match her most idealized self image. So suddenly this 15 year old girl has to explain to everyone she knows how and why she well... looks like herself, while trying to do the whole secret identity thing. Also she is the most powerful superhero in the world, so her abusive dad can no longer physically harm her, but alas her parents are the worst and find all sorts of ways to still terrorize her.

Sovereign by April Daniels (superhero) - Love that Danny is allowed to be messy and not just a perfect unproblematic figure. One thing I am super interested in when the second book in Dawson’s series comes out is if it, like this one, will have a plot where the cis girl our protag was friends with in the first book becomes her girlfriend in the second book. Based on certain comments in the first one I think it will.

Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir (science fiction) - NGL I mainly read this series so I could understand all the memes on my dash.

Harrow the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir (science fiction)

Nona the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir (science fiction)

Wilder Girls by Rory Power (horror) - SUCH A GOOD HORROR NOVEL OMG. I really loved this one, the writing style especially.

The Unspoken Name by A.K. Larkwood (science fiction) - It took me a bit to get into this series. As in I only TRULY got into it during the sequel? I think part of the problem for me was how the book often danced over really interesting things I wanted explored more - such as the protagonist’s teen years as a mercenary, which are kind of mentioned in passing even as they are happening and then cited constantly after as the reason she is so kick ass with swords

The Thousand Eyes by A.K. Larkwood (science fiction) - I really enjoyed this book, and it really made up for my struggle with the first book. It was the payoff that justified all the build up for me, and was just a fun ride overall.

A Memory Called Empire by Arkady Martine (science fiction) - This is may be the most interesting examination of empire I read in 2022 (that may is because I am in the middle of Baru Cormorant and who knows how I will feel by the end of that series) I love this book. It is kind of wild to try to summarize. I remember reccing it to my dad this fall and simply saying “there is a space station where they implant the memories of dead people into people in their 20s as part of how they ensure important maintenance work is done right with a tiny population. There is this massive space empire that wants to devour them, and they really do not want that - even though that empire has been going HARD at absorbing them through cultural means. The station is losing a significant chunk of its population to people immigrating to the empire because the books and plays and poetry they keep sending to the station is all so damn cool, and this is a major crisis on the station. The ambassador to the empire - tasked with making sure the empire does not take them over - just died. He hasn’t been home for 15 years, so his last recorded mental imprint is super out of date. It’s uploaded to a 21 year old who wanted to be poet, and she is sent to the capitol of the empire as the new ambassador, where everything promptly goes very very very wrong.” What gets me is that description is basically just chapter one, and also that it convinced him to read it. ANYWAY this book is wild and fun and amazing all around

A Desolation Called Peace by Arkady Martine (science fiction) - HOLY WOW did this just keep getting better. Also wow but the whole concept of the two characters who had endless UST in the first book finally doing it with a running commentary from the bitchy dead bi guy in our protag’s head was SO MUCH as was the endless panic about if he was present in her technique or if it was just her in bed. Oh and of course it has one of the damn coolest alien species I’ve encountered in ages. I loved how alien they are and how that alienness tied so perfectly into all of the themes of the book????

The Stars are Legion by Kameron Hurley (science fiction) - It feels like the author of this book set out to make everyone and everything in this world as unlikeable as possible?

Legends and Lattes by Travis Baldtree (fantasy) - You know the way that a drink from Dunkin’ Donuts is perfectly fine? Yeah, this was that. Like there is nothing wrong with it and it got the job done? This is going to be the first one I review on my hiking blog so even if I wind up being unable to follow through with all the others on this list I did while hiking, you’ll most likely see more about it there.

Light from Uncommon Stars by Ryka Aoki (science fiction fantasy) - Exact same analogy but about the donuts at Dunkin’ this time. I really do get what the author was going for, and was very emotionally moved by this book - I cried during the end of it - but it left so many questions unanswered and really did not seem to want to explore any kind of worldbuilding? The aliens were running from a war because parallel to refugees on Earth. The music instructor had a deal with the devil because that is a classic music thing. Neither of these concepts really got explored, and I kept waiting all book for them to be properly fleshed out.

The Drowning Girl by Caitlin R. Kiernan (horror) - Worst book I read all year. Literally just ~mental illness is scary~

Saltblood by T.C. Parker (horror) - THE HORROR OF SURVEILLANCE CULTURE, YES

The City in the Middle of the Night by Charlie Jane Anders (science fiction) - SUCH GOOD WORLDBUILDING OMG. Also ngl LOOOOOVED that we have this weird scifi book about humans trying to survive on a super alien planet and how that impacted their cultures and society and religions on that planet…. AND THERE ARE STILL JEWS THERE. Like it was amazing and wild how everything is so different, and one of the supporting characters is literally Jewish.

Into the Drowning Deep by Mira Grant (aka Seanan McGuire) (horror) - I had been holding onto this book and hoping to read it since before the depression got so bad I could not read stuff outside of fandom related content. Was super happy to finally get through it, as always McGuire is a master of horror, love everything I’ve ever read that she’s put out under the Mira Grant pen name.

The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet by Becky Chambers (science fiction) - Probably the weakest of the books in this series for me, which isn’t really knocking it too too much. I really enjoy the worldbuilding of this series, it is such a detailed fleshed out universe, which is so much fun to get lost in.

A Closed and Common Orbit by Becky Chambers (science fiction) - AHHHH I loved this book, I loved both of the stories being told and how they related to each other, it was so much fun. A young human clone slave taking agency over her life with the help of an AI system, growing up to help a different AI system in a humanoid chassis figure out how to exist in human form? Yes please!

Record of a Spaceborn Few by Becky Chambers (science fiction) - I swear with this series there really was - for me - a feeling of each book being better than the last. I particularly loved the whole idea of an alien anthropologist coming to document life on the Human colony ships.

The Galaxy, and the Ground Within by Becky Chambers (science fiction) - My favorite of the series, probably because it is the only one absent of human characters, just alien species and cultures and exploration of the interplay between them.

Sailing With Her Wolf by Ariel Marie (paranormal romance) - I bought this book and the following by the same author together, because I wanted to see what paranormal f/f romance offerings were like, her name was the first to come up in my search and I was not sure if I would like a werewolf novel or a vampire one more. Sadly I discovered this author is not for me personally as her books tend to mostly be sex scenes with very little build up or character work between them.

Deadly Kiss by Ariel Marie (paranormal romance) - I had already bought it so I figured why not give it a try even though I didn’t like the author’s other book I got. Besides, that one was slim and this one was longer, so I went in hoping it would have more substance than the other did. I was wrong and am full of regret.

The Traitor Baru Cormorant by Seth Dickinson (fantasy) - In many ways this is my current read, so my thoughts are not yet really formed since I am in the middle of this series. The basic through line is a horrible eugenicist empire is taking over the world. Baru was a child when they came to her home, and after she does exceptionally well on their standardized test which determines your life placement she finds herself put in a position of power. What the empire does not know is that she plans to do everything she can to gain enough power within the empire to destroy it and set her home free. But to get that power she first has to do horrible horrible things.

The Monster Baru Cormorant by Seth Dickinson (fantasy) - I finished this book on December 31st, and am currently reading the third book in the series (The Tyrant Baru Cormorant).

#2022 reflection

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slowdripsunrise · 3 months ago

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ok here we go again spoilers under the cut

starting off with a banger i read The Priory of the Orange Tree by Samantha Shannon. holy shit it was awesome. audiobook 10/10 narrator did a phenomenal job. there were some characters that confused me, where there were a couple names for the same person and i thought they were different people, and the opposite maybe im still not quite sure.... mainly with the queen of yscalin i believe? again not 100% sure but it didn't take away from the story at all. i did really like most if not all of the characters, they were all well fleshed out in my opinion. super interested in the prequel, my favorite thing ever ever ever in stories is like. well theres the story but what happened before years ago or even centuries ago is still there. she's haunting the narrative. she's present in every timeline there was no other ending to this story etc. etc. loved it excited to get my hands on the other one and maybe also try some of shannons other books? i heard about another series but it looked a lil confusing to get into but either way i will read it. trust

after that i read Yellowface by R. F. Kuang ! not my favorite of hers bc i am more of a fantasy/sci fi/historical fiction girlie rather than lit fic but there were parts of this that did make me laugh ! its been a while but i do remember the part where the mc talks about liking eminem or something in the beginning and thinking ok yeah she's got the character down good. like yeah. anyways i do see how it's a bit on the nose and some of it seems a little out there and cartoonishly evil. and i can definitely see how a lot of the characters mirror real life people, mainly athena/rebecca. and how a lot of the criticisms towards athena are criticisms r.f. kuang has gotten/gets in the past and does she kinda just write them off as haterisms. yeah. like thats a little funny sure queen. and while yes i dooooo think that its a bit over the top some times..... having seen all of the asian phishing and race faking and pretending to be someone ur not on twitter to get published irl these past few MOnths. like in 2024 ONLY. i do think Sometimes the obviousness is necessary !. like some of you bitches did NAWT get the message. anyways the book was pretty good not my personal favorite as its just not the type of story i typically read but i will continue to read Kuang's work ! it was fun it was silly i got to laugh at a racist white woman.... and i do think it was nice how a tiny little bit of sympathy would come up for the mc in the book and then just immediately be squandered by the next stupid thing she did like it was funny. like damn okay you watched a sorta friend acquaintance die thats traumatic. oh well you stole her entire manuscript okay nevermind. oh something bad happened to you in the past that sucks for you /gen sorry. oh okay no ur using it to fuel ur racist ideas and beliefs and how nothing is actually ur fault okay man yeah i dont feel bad anymore. like it was just kinda funny how every little chance she got to do better she absolutely squashed it. astronomically. and okay last thing i think but i do like in the acknowledgements Kuang said that a lot of this book is a horror story about loneliness in an isolating industry. and thats not a direct quote but i think its the jist and yeah like. so many problems the mc had could have been solved by having real friends that cared about her and her writing and supported her when she needed it, so she didn't go and blame every other person (and minority) in her vicinity on her problems. and people to hold her accountable when she did wrong. all of the people around her were basically just yes men (when she was making them money) and so nobody checked her when she was being a fucking idiot and a racist. so like. yeah i do see how it's a horror story about loneliness, and i like that outlook on the story. it is also primarily a silly ass look into a racist white woman's brain. like okay i can see how you got to this conclusion, if everything else you have ever thought and known and been taught was wrong. like its yeah a little funny. okay i need to stop on this one i am just saying words at this point like it does need to stop. recommend as a quick read if you wanna see how a lot of racist people in the publishing industry operate. (side note that part was interesting reading about the publishing industry like taking away the racism from the mc it was interesting to see the other characters and how they operate) okay done.

NEXT i read Ghost Music by An Yu. interesting, the mushrooms were throwing me a bit and like. i do see how there is a connection between the mushrooms and the mother and her hometown and her son but its been a bit long since i read this so i do not know what the connection is yet. and what exactly this connection is trying to say. i think if i reread it i would understand more but i'm not much of a rereader and i don't think im interested enough in this book to try. dont get me wrong it was good !! i just wasn't in the correct headspace to really take it all in when i read it. the story was fun, i liked most of the characters. tbh it is very short so i feel like i didn't sit with it long enough. i also dont understand the talking mushroom. but like the vibes were there.

ALMOST THERE !!!!! i read ough okay A Tempest of Tea by Hafsah Faizal ! so. i liked it thats for sure. the characters were fun and cute i particularly liked the relationship between Jin and Flick...... they were cute. i do think as i've grown out of YA and into adult books, my standards for YA have gotten lower and lower lol. like i have high standards for my adult novels because thats what i primarily read now, but going into YA i'm looking for maybe a more specific type of vibe and less like. i don't need the highest quality ever bc i have high quality in adult books now. if you get what i mean? so like no i don't think this was Faizal's best work we hunt the flame you will always be that girl to me. BUT. i read this for the vibes and the tea and the heist and not much else. my expectations were low -that the other thing i think a lot of people came into this book with super high expectations- and i had a really good time ! i am definitely interested in the sequel- i think a lot actually maybe not a lot but some of the moments in the book were specifically written to idk maybe go viral ? like some of the dialogue and scenes i could just tell some editor or publisher really wanted to highlight it. did i see a lot of the plot twists coming. yeah. did that make it less interesting....... not really? Could it have been better. yes absolutely i think theres always room for improvement especially in YA when a lot of things are more cookie cutter. BUT. this was still fun. and i liked how the worlds are connected, arawiya is present ! although. okay. am i stupid because Laith was making references to shit i feel like i should remember but i don't.... like yes arawiya was freed by the king yes i know vaguely.... but yeah. idk. I WILL READ THE SECOND ONE !!!!!! love how this post is just me trying to remind myself to read more books lol.

NEXT i read The Ten Thousand Doors of January by Alix E. Harrow. fun book ! not much to say about it tbh i did like the vibes, don't remember the ending at all so overall i don't think this one like. really made me think or emote or whatever. i do think that the dual kinda. stories were cool i liked reading both, which is rare for me usually theres one that i like a lot more than the other. the world was cool. i had fun. i would recommend as a shorter little fantasy book....

Tread of Angels by Rebecca Roanhorse... meh. I kinda went into this knowing absolutely nothing I SEE THE VISION. god i see the vision so hard but i really think Roanhorse shines when she has a larger page number and more room to really flesh out her ideas. like because the vibe was there, it wasn't like. Present but i could get just a little taste of it and god it would have gone so hard as a fully fledged story i feel like. this one, tho, fell way flat. i did NAWT care about any of the characters at all. like the mc and her sister. were just both not great people and like neither were the rest of them and i think that was the point but like even when characters are bad you kinda wanna have to root for them at some point. and i just did not at all. Sad !. well theres other stories.

okay. last one. i finally did it after so many people raving about it and one of my friends basically forcing it on me. i read The Fifth Season by N. K. Jemison. and well like i get it. LIKE OKAYYYY I FUCKING GET IT THIS BOOK WAS AWESOME. apparently the author is on tumblr and does look for fanart so like if u see this hai :3. really really fucking good. it took me one or two tries to get into it, first with just the book, second with just the audiobook, and once i had time to sit down and read them together it was like. just flew by. i tried to pace myself but hooo boy. did i see it coming how all the characters were actually one character yes. because well i had heard how everything was connected before and well the dots came together pretty quickly. did not take away from the story at all though! if anything it made me want to read more to see when and how it all came together !! 1000000000% recommend to anyone who likes fantasy (look up trigger warnings!). the characters OUGH. the worldbuilding OUGH. that last line like OUGH. the little interludes like explaining some stuff about the world OUGH. like okay when it was talking about how yknow. how will people know whats missing when they've never had it before? like they have the stars the planets the sun and i was like well Moon? any Moons queen? and then forgot about it until the very end like OKAY YEAH THE MOON. having a moon well it does control tides and things like that. so it being missing could have a large affect on the seasons. and well yeah. also. dude the whole premise of like having to go on what u think is a stupid ass assignment with some guy you don't like but are contractually obligated to have sex with. well its fucked up first of all. but also just a little bit funny like. the mc will just be describing her day and then just "yeah and when we set up camp for the night me and this stupid ass man i hate had sex it was really bad and then we went to bed" its just a little funny like man. yeah. the polyamory was cute !!!!!!! those little moments of bliss and then it switches to a different pov and ur like god how did it go so wrong. damn. okay last thing because well this is getting long. but god there was a post i think i reblogged it but comparing two passages, one of Alabaster saying he would destroy the world for his little family, and the other from the very beginning of the story where he breaks the world and that just. is so. OUGH TO ME LIKE FAWWWWK this book is kindof making me insane and also to that point of the part in the beginning where Alabaster is breaking The Stillness well that part in the audiobook. god the narrator did such a good job that will stick in my mind forever i think. just they way they said it OUGH. fucked me up. anyways thats all if u read all this good job happy reading.

#book review #thoughts.txt #the priory of the orange tree #yellowface #ghost music #a tempest of tea #the ten thousand doors of january #tread of angels #the fifth season

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fkyumerica · 8 months ago

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she made all of her kids nude porn stars then too, at birth "yea film it"-her mom anne marie/lady gaga/whoever jens mom is

then kills dogss

then goes back to her then back to her and its inbreeding again, the video shit

and they dont stop going at you too

and they are everywhere

then horse back riding, masks, and a logo

and all again

maybe a morning sunset on th ebeach

or a filipino beach guy to give you a infant while you live up in the trees

and maybe drugs if you want

dazed and confused

black hair

white guitar girl

tan guy

then she goes wild for a boy doing a wheelie on a motor bike

then sees footprints in the sand

she is mary anne, aunt rose's daugter who brest fed beth

so kids name was brett

to come back to it

rips shirt off

then shes deezy

i need a drink

give me a nose ring

then beard her

aunt rose i gotta live with her

then ex post about it

weird calm down meme feeling. mom posted the picture of a conversation.

there were only so many face books

i will write down the names later

john wayne gacy is kevin

filipino

then it just goes on again to their big gay life

school dances

my cell phone dick photo in the mirror

she wanted a dress like mine

shoot her in the fucking head

mollys relative, we killed her kind of right, thoughts of me were there

right

make it sluttier

https://www.facebook.com/friends/suggestions/?profile_id=100000085233472 and your neice next shannon

halloween 4? drugs and that life they all have to.. go and live it!

to sit her big asss on you

phase of life

omg friends drugs she told me it i dont care

hahahha

grandmother willow right

the dumpster guy in the movie

noroi

dragging the infants

no you need one too

says it to them

anne marie looking ones just left it on the ground

and shannon would be fucking it then walk up to him fucking it aand try and get them all fucking while doing that

and annemarie made shannon her drug ffriend

there is alix the next generation after

constantly has to fuck him

a don

shannon is a mom first

and anne marie just goes to sleep

aunt rose and beth are anne maries

chris is a alix needs to fuck

leaves fast

or what im young again to find her with a dog

and leave it to

and this is alix too, wayneradio tv what i cant put on a mask and fool them all, and leave, and make them again, in your area, with them, and their party, what they want, in the woods, and here, i might get her, and i get her, and i get her

and leave

we had to do the same thing the other one did

we are alike

whoa not related

hate it

we know you and hate you too

half of it is tit pics

the rest is i dunno

for sex with wwho

all of them are tht

and the i dunno you ones

i dunno go fuck

why arent you

now im turned on by you

aand hey me and mom do it easy

dope me do me mom then i fuck it up and die in 8 years now i live in the woods at raves and fuck and do whatever

im gay

mom lives ina house in a river

now plan it out

houses where

they all get to live

throw it in

abortion

then it gets a name

his dad and him

garbage guy

and john wayne gacy

twilight

mask

and werewolf

and abortion

skeleton with hat

he would put one on it

they brought a pile over again

and tried to fuck me with it

he was sting too, john wayne gacyy

and youre in the back right

right?

orange

i know them all now

and dialet

i will shit in her food today

and the kids he mates with, i wont be afraid to get this fucking spot doing it with him, their wives were the same he said

they wanted to go on it

when

they saw

who

fuckign noises

owl calls for one

old wild

that is aunt rose and fred

again? greg?

his son in front of him would

they would jump and fuck and fuck one of them there

grouped outside

the jump landing was it

face lift to her huh

then carriage accident

full fake head

does this guy try and live in mym house

he is godzilla

guess who

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

at anyone

at him

my dad?

mated 8 times

who who

said it

oh my god

i dont care

who

it is

sexy shit

they thought giants would walk them around

epkot

epcot

their world logo

for take over

their train shows it

they keep cumming in a numbilical cord then after liquid laundry detergent it turns it black and they inject it

to turn black

or purple or what blue

violet was him

mission

family

he knew everyones family the scare crow

of central t owest spain

and is gay

golfer

lion

and his wife

dur dur dur im the gay chienese animator

made it all

shes getting a bath

i dont want that from ya

hot

or that

cold

warm

and please squeeze it, like it again

Thu 6:14 PM

charles lee ray is the garbage guy

marrried agnes and chris

and aunt jemima wwas his inbred with the gone with the wind black btich, married that black woman too

kept the money for herself

she next on ekept checks

then after

free bank ask for it in the back

meghan

it was her in the movie too

mexico

and is penny's mom

lady gaga

apacolypto film me from up

was 8 then next yearr peggy sue 16 right

barbra ann

her mom

and next one

her mom

cinndy

then her mom

chris

then her mom

agnes

then her mom

gone with the wind black bitch

they edited her white

right

no is amanda

or meghan

which one

shoot both

take off her voice piece she is the one with the headset under her skin

to keep licking

wwhat you wwant on you

was suppossed to get shot

and shut up

too

0 notes

flyingcookierambles · 9 months ago

Text

So in case graduations happen again soon, I looked up PLs on the niji sub which has gone basically rogue and is actively discussing PL. I followed RZ's PL, which I was like. Holy hell, 1 million subs. All the comments joking about RZ being his side hustle or a side quest and RZ was a big animation storytime youtube joke make sense now. Brooooo what are you doing in niji.

EA's PL was surprising. I didn't follow her previously, but I was more active in the vocaloid fandom and the vocaloid song English fan dub circles when I was younger. I watched some of EA/Shannon's videos and in hee comments are other singers I know and follow like JubyPhonic and rachie! From like 5 years ago! Crazy. I want to try to rewatch some old YouTube utaite chorus collab projects and see if I spot Shannon. It's so weird to think they I may have seen her years ago become she became a vtuber/ EA and didn't even realize.

For FO, I actually know and still follow his personal danmei reviewing twitter which he has since privated and his still public old vtuber PL. my friend who is more into danmei and manhua that me actually recommended his older twt and youtube channel to me. Then like 2 months later he privated his stuff and left and then FO debuted lol. My friend who knew him longer immediately recognized his voice in his debuted stream lol.

Edit 2/13 - that public explanation steam on EP's yt....oof. wtf. That only made things worse guys. These are the worst lawyers with the worst advice I swear wtf is even going on anymore....??

I think im following PG's past life acc on twitter and I don't even know why. I'm not subscribed to her old YouTube account where she did utaite type music. I'm just baffled. I just say that her old twitter is locked but I'm somehow following her and I can't even remember why. Lol.

Anyways saw some funny posts on a certain fruit farm website about SB falling his death a second time to get out of this situation. And I'm just like. A second time???

Turns out he is/was a legendary tf2 player Pyro main. It sounds like he had a video game addiction or something that was really ruining his life and/or he got burnout playing tf2. So he decided to fake his death so he could return to school or something. Like. OK, congrats on the therapy and college completion or whatever, but like you couldn't just have a normal hiatus post????? he like vaguely mentioned in his final stream that he had a terminal illness and then just stopped streaming for 5 years, so everyone thought he died. Like, on one hand, I and many other commentators seem to think it's a bit funny and totally ridiculous. I guess that only learning that this is a hoax years after and also not being tf2 fans/his fans helps make this like a weird prank to outsiders. On the other hand, faking a terminal illness and your death is really stupid and insensitive to people who actually have those issues. Plus to his old fans who knew him for many years who respected and trusted him, that's gotta hurt bad. Like. Bro what. SB unprivated his old YouTube videos though, I'm curious to see the highlight reel of supposedly the world's best tf2 player, even tho as a person who doesn't play fps or moba or tf2, I don't really understand how much skill it takes to do his playstyle, so I might not appreciate it as much as it is.

Anyways kusosanji has shit pr and lawyer team, but their talent scouts/audition people knew how to pick them very well. Like one of the top apex players and tf2 players, multiple musicians and comedians, etc. All these extremely talented peoples' past present and future careers being totally ruined by a company that doesn't care about them and their wellbeing at all. Even if they tried to leave via terminations (shout out to SY liking a company critical comment and then outting "returning soon" message on her pl youtube) and return to their past life, people have lost trust in them due to kusosanji (or due to already existing past life drama like above with SB). If they tried to make a new indie vtuber account they would be starting from 0 and even then if people match up their voices or life story details from some off hand comment during a zatsu, it'll be over for them again, back to 0 and having to reincarnate. Just a waste of potential, it's sad for all livers involved. Incredibly cowardly to have the public facing employees who have the mpst to lose take the worst of the harassment while the neglectful and abusive managers and rich ceo and investors can stay safe and anonymous and in a totally different country. I hope no poor indie vtuber decides to audition for any new en waves, which I doubt they'll even do anymore going forward. Being forced into a black company sounds awful. Comments online theorize that at this point, the investors and so management are seeing this workplace culture clash and deciding to deliberately sabotage the remaining EN branch so they have an excuse to merge it to the main branch and gradually dissolve/graduate/fire everyone like for the OG EN (india) KR and ID.

Edit edit: yeah.....even if the whole rrat / great unifying rat king theory from 4chan is true, that still really only means that like 5 people of a clique are bullies, plus mayyybeee AA?? But like really, other than those 6 people, like there's still the 25 other people (who as far as we know) are not bullies or even involved in this, that really were just trying to grow their career and make friends in a new place. They couldn't have known about the massive apocashitstorm pr disaster that was coming up. I feel so bad for the new kids Krisis and TTT too...like.. holy crap they JUST got there....

*insert meme that Vivi is the unluckiest new member*

Just because the management is bad and maybe 6 people are guilty of bullying, all 25 other innocent incredibly talented people are being dragged into this. It's just awful.... :(

I want so support them, they're unlucky innocent bystanders in this I think, but not as they are right now. Still not exactly normal vtuber etiquette, but this whole situation is totally abnormal, but I'll just find their pl youtube or twitch accounts and follow them there, patiently awaiting if/when they return to those accounts. People on reddit are all saying like "I hope my oshi graduates/gets fired" and that might literally be a better ending for them right now. So weird.....

Edit edit edit: oof yeah. Again, as an outsider to SB's pl and the tf2 moba fps genre community, plus 7 years have passed, I have some forgiveness towards him for the fake death thing that i can understand his older OG fans may not have. Still, it sounds like he talked about his past in a zatsu. He legit had a video game addiction and ended up homeless and jobless. I can understand toa degree why he had to make his hiatus/break from tf2 and video games in general so final so that he would not be tempted to play it again. Still, just an extreme decision to fake an illness and death instead of just admitting you want to go to college and not be living in japanese net cafes and the streets.

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fuqsketti · 3 years ago

Text

king of detention

richie tozier x reader

part ( 1 / ? )

The cold empty hallways felt deathly as the pair walked to their boring destination, the squeaks of their shoes against the waxed tile making Richie's head throb.

It wasn't his fault, for once, it wasn't.

That's what made him so mad.

Y/n L/n, some random chick in his science class got him in a hell of a lot of trouble, 2 whole weeks of mindlessly wasting away in detention.

Richie normally never minded detention, this place was practically his kingdom after all , but then again, Richie knew how to take accountability for his actions, if he acted out of turn in class and got a pink slip then that's on him, he didn't mind.

But being falsely accused? Richie was a poor sad man.

Once they reached their destination Y/n swung the door open, not bothering to make sure it stayed open for Richie, the door nearly wacking him in the face.

Her grumbled some unheard profanity’s under his breath as he walked in after her,

"Richard, not a surprise to see you here." He heard Shannon laugh out.

Shannon, otherwise known as Ms. Terry, was the detention monitor, so let's just say her and Richie were quite aquatinted at this point.

"Why hello beautiful," Richie smiled, reminded that detention wasn't all that bad, Shannon often let him take out his walkman or sometimes even brought him comics she thought he might like. She wasn't nessasarily a teacher but if she was? She'd definitely be his favorite.

"What'd you do this time?" She asked, her blue eyes looking at him with the type of look a mother would give her son after he took 20 dollars out of her purse.

"Not what I did," Richie quipped, then looked at the y/h/c girl next to him, pointing to her.

"What she did."

Richie wasn't really a snitch but he'd guessed it didn't matter either way, Shannon had the report from the office already, she would read it and know what happened- so why not defend himself?

"Oh, And what's your name?" Shannon smiled at

y/n, inviting her to share the floor.

"Y/n, L/n." She whispered, feeling weird that being in detention wasn't as cut throat as she would've thought it to be.

"Your on my roster, never had one detention a day in your life." Shannon sighed out,

"So tell me, how'd you manage to get two weeks with this piece of work?"

This was how she normally operated, even when it's just her and Richie, she always asked why he was there, listening to his explanation-although Richie's accounts always tend to be over exaggerated and made to paint him in a good light.

However neither student said a word, staring at each other menacingly as if too dare them to lie about what actually happened.

"Sit down." Shannon sighed out, motioning to the row of desks behind them, both reluctantly doing as told,

She swiped up a few papers off her desk, skimming the words quickly,

"You guys are marked down with..." she read aloud then trailed off, her face twisting in disgust.

"Indecency in science class-?"

"Don't tell me you-" She began to say with a groan but was quickly cut off by a flustered y/n.

"No! I would never, that's gross!" She exclaimed then faked a gag. Richie's annoyance turned to being immediately offended,

"Oh pardon me Princess! Not exactly too thrilled about the idea myself." He scoffed, kicking the leg of her desk so it scooted her away from him.

If you couldn't tell, Richie was also the king of being petty.

Shannon shushed them both then turned to Y/n,

"What happened Y/n?"

Y/n squirmed in her seat as she felt Richie's intense gaze on her, a glare that she had caught one to many times this past hour.

"We were in biology, making that weird purple goo stuff with the chemicals we were provided and, I got paired with Richie..." Y/n said calmly,

"We were supposed to mix the green liquid with the red liquid, but wise guy over here... thought it'd be funny to mix the orange with the green." Y/n found herself getting quieter as she recalled the events, almost embarrassed by her past actions.

Y/n had always been an A+ student, never late for a class and never letting her attention drive away from what was important., so having a detention on her permanent record? It was enough to make her want to punch Richie's dumbass face into a wall.

"And..?" Ms. Terry urged her on,

Y/n scrunched her nose then sighed in annoyance,

"It exploded, like really bad exploded." She finally said with a sigh.

"It stained all the tables and some kids skin, it even broke like 3 beakers." She then continued, making Shannon quietly gasp.

"So now your here?" She asked.

"Yes maim." Y/n whispered, earning a solemn nod from Shannon who then turned her attention to the raven hair boy who was giving her a pout.

"Richie?" She cooed, Richie's head shot up

"My turn?" He asked, sitting up almost excitedly.

"Mhm." She hummed and readied herself for his motormouth to start going.

"Okay, okay, okay." He began, then took a deep breath before beginning,

"So it is true that I mixed the orange liquid with the green," He admitted, then pointed at Y/n, an attempt to accuse her.

"BUT it wouldn't have exploded if she had just left it alone and let my creation speak for itself,"

"What are you talking about?" Y/n interrupted him, shaking her head as if she couldn't believe the shit coming out of his mouth.

"You poured the red liquid in afterwards! three chemicals? of course it ended badly!" He reminded her,

"Y'know it wouldn't have ended badly at all if you just followed directions like a normal person!" She shouted back.

"Well not everyone is a goody goody teachers pet-" He began,

"I hate you!" She spat,

"Well i'm not too fond of you either Princess." He scoffed.

"Just be quiet and do some of your missing work, two hours starts...now." Ms. Terry sighed out, eyeing them both down, they both quieted down under her command.

Until Y/n quietly raised her hand,

"Yes?"

"What do I do if I have no missing work?" Y/n asked, hoping this seemingly cool teacher could have something fun in store for her.

"Think." Mrs. Terry replied without looking up

"Oh." Y/n whispered, she could hear Richie stifle a laugh at her expense, so she just rolled her eyes and laid on her hand, figuring maybe a nap could end this 2 hour long bore fest.

"Richie, get to work. Mrs. Lune wants your essay by tomorrow." Mrs. Terry snapped back shushing the boy and making him reluctantly start looking through his backpack.

"Yeah yeah," he sighed, pulling out a crumpled lined paper and smoothing it on the edge of his desk.

About 15 minutes of silence passed before the pair sparked up again,

Y/n had been daydreaming about all the different ways she could explain to her father her absence, she couldn't just outright say 'she got detention' she couldn't break her father’s heart like that- she'd surely figure out a way to lie him-

"Psst-!" Richies hiss snapped her out of her thoughts but of course, she chose to ignore him, she didn't want to hear another complaint.

"Princess!" He whispered a bit louder then poked her with his newly sharpened pencil, causing her to yelp at the jab.

"Stop calling me princess!" She whisper shouted while rubbing the spot her stabbed.

"What's the capital of Maine?" He asked ignoring her previous remark.

"I can't tell if you joking?" She asked, not wanting to engage but some part of her needed to know if this boy was really that stupid and as he just stared blankly back at her, she got that he was.

"Augusta." She answered with a sigh,

"Maine, originally an exclave of Massachusetts became a state in 1820. Maine's first capital was in Portland but the government moved to Augusta in 1832, for its more central location within the state." She spout it all out like a encyclopedia, then sighed contently, proud of herself for being able to remember that off the top of her head.

"What the fuck." Richie muttered as he stared at her like she had grown a third eye.

"What?" She asked, as if it were normal.

"You're like a dictionary!" He exclaimed beginning to frantically write on his paper ignoring her comment on how,

"Dictionaries aren't filled with facts, their filled with words and definitions-"

it's not like any of that really mattered to him in the end.

"Can you say that again, but much slower?" He asked pausing his writing and looking up at her with a grin.

"About dictionaries?" She asked, this caused him to chuckle slightly as he shook his head.

"No about august- or however you say it..." He murmurs then gave her a pleading look, one that she for some reason found rather hard to ignore.

"It's Augusta." She corrected him, averting her eyes from his doe brown ones, she never cared too much for eye contact. It was always too intense for her liking.

"Yea, yea I knew that." He scoffed, then tapped her sneaker with his beat up converse.

"Slower, please." He whispered.

This all felt so odd to her, didn't they just hate each-other five minutes ago? Why did he seem so nice now? Sure he was still an undeniable dumbass who couldn't pass a class even if you gave him a cheat sheet but he was a sweet dumbass, one that reminded her of a puppy.

"Are you writing it down?" She whispered back.

"Duh? My entire report is on the capital of the state, are you even listening?" He replied then laughed his tone making her feel stupid

, so much for a puppy.

"And you didn't even know what it was? Didn't she say it was due tomorrow?" Y/n shot back, sliding her foot out from under his and tucking it under her other one.

"What's your point?" He scoffed

"You're unprepared is my point!"

"Well I'm getting it done now and that's gotta count for something." He defended himself, starting to fuck around with the bright pink eraser on top of his pencil.

"No your not? Your using the most basic fact about Augusta and thinking that's enough to write an essay off of-" She began to say-

However Richie cut her off, with that same damn tone that pissed her off so much ; she wasn't an idiot.

"It's only supposed to be five paragraphs long, with that one piece, if I'm lucky, I can base each paragraph off a different part of what you just said."

"I find that highly improbable." She snapped right back.

"Well at the very least I'd get a C, and that's all I really need." He insisted

"A 'C' is not passing." She argued,

"Last time I checked? It definitely was." He mocked them rolled his eyes still picking at his damn eraser.

"Not in my house." She quipped,

"Well it is in my house." He shared, finally being able to pop off the eraser, a satisfied smirk coming on his face.

"You're parents must not care very much." she hissed, sending Richie over edge.

He shot the now discarded eraser into her cheek, hard then gave her an angry

"Fuck off."

He silenced her, his voice stern and no longer playful, no tone of mocking or joking, just a mean ol’ fuck off.

Her cheek stung by the impact, certainly a red mark was left behind.

She had no idea what had made him switch so quickly, and if anyone were to ask- she would describe her detention pal as ‘bipolar’

for she didn’t realize how deep words like that could cut neglected boys like Richie .

a/n

this is going to be my first mini series!! i’m so exciteddd

#richie tozier x reader #richie tozier imagine #richie tozier fanfiction #richie tozier #it 2019 #it chapter one #it 2017 #it chapter two #pennywise #ben hanscom #bill denbrough #stanley uris #mike hanlon #beverly marsh #eddie kaspbrak

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chaosandwolves · 3 years ago

Text

What are you afraid of?

Pairing: Eddie Diaz & Evan Buckley

Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Eddie Diaz’ long awaited breakdown, Eddie Diaz needs a thousand hugs, Panic attack

Summary:

How do you even rate panic?

Eddie doesn't know. Cause he never took the time to look at it. He shoved it back and pushed it down and pressed it into the back of his mind, pulled a fake smile over it and a steady "I'm fine."

Eddie breaks down.

A/N: Happy 911 day!!!!

I think we all agree that this one second in the trailer is everything and that it has wrecked us completely. Naturally I had to write my version of this.

Word Count: 3851

Read on AO3

Eddie shoots up from where he's been lying awake in his bed and presses the heels of his hands against his eyes. He hasn't slept at all, thoughts circling around and around that one question.

"Tell me about a time when you felt the most afraid."

Eddie had almost laughed at this.

How do you even rate panic?

Eddie doesn't know. Cause he never took the time to look at it. He shoved it back and pushed it down and pressed it into the back of his mind, pulled a fake smile over it and a steady "I'm fine."

And it worked. It did. But now, now he has run out of space and he can feel it lingering inside him all the time. And when Frank asked him this stupid question the careful packaging started to come apart and now he sees all of it and he's running in circles, bouncing helplessly from one package to the other and he tries, tries so hard to wrap it up again but all he can do is stare as he's tossed around in his own mind.

"Think about a time you have felt the most afraid."

He huffs. Cause after everything. After everything he's been through, after everything Chris has been through, it's not one of these times. It's not the few seconds when he thought his son got swept away by the tsunami, it's not the time when he realized that Shannon was the person on the bicycle, or when he realized that she would die. It's not even the times… not even the times that are so clearly imprinted on the back of his eyelids. Buck under the ladder truck, Buck splattered all over with blood in front of him, Buck spitting blood, Buck wishing he got shot.

No. It's not.

It's now. Right now. This moment and all the ones before and the ones that are coming. It's the everlasting terror he now feels so deeply lodged in his bones. The heavy panic weighing him down. The constant fear, restricting his breathing at every second.

"What are you afraid of, Eddie?"

And if this isn't just a ridiculous question. It's so easy to answer.

It's anything.

Everything.

He's afraid to sleep.

He's afraid to leave Chris.

He's afraid to drive his car.

He's afraid when he sees Buck.

He's afraid to stand in the streets.

He's afraid when he can't see Buck.

He is a carer. He looks after people. That's what he does. That's what he's meant to do. And that's what he's good at.

He's afraid all the time.

But it's not for himself. It's never for himself.

He's exhausted. And tired. So tired. But the anxious thrumming doesn't turn off. It just won't stop anymore, not even when he is sleeping.

It was always so easy to just push everything aside, to focus on everyone else.

But these past few years… These past few years, too many things happened and he couldn't keep up, couldn't archive everything and then all the old memories were pulled out and… And…

It was a warning.

He should've known. He should've known from the moment on when, for the first time, the panic pushed him over the edge.

He didn't understand then. What was happening. Just knew that this chorus of "no no no no no" was pounding against his chest and that he couldn't breathe anymore. He didn't even realize. He just blinked and suddenly his ears were ringing and he was lying on the floor and Chris shouted and then he was in the hospital.

And he was stupid enough to ignore it. Stupid enough to try doing everything over and over again instead of changing tactics. How could he have been so stupid?

He is a soldier, a firefighter, a dad. He knows that there are no proper instruction manuals in life even if commanders and captains and teachers have tried to tell him otherwise. No.

No. Eddie knows how to adapt to changed plans. He knows how to use all his expertise to improvise. Knows how to manipulate all the rules in a way that allows him to save the lives of others.

And this? This is exactly the problem, isn't it? Cause there was no one else to rescue this time. Only him. Only Eddie. But Eddie is a carer. He can do all this, push away what is blocking him, change plans and adapt and utilize the smallest resource when he is doing it for someone else. But he doesn't know - doesn't want to- he doesn't know how to do it for himself.

And then Frank asked him these stupid questions and now he's sitting in his bed, hands pressing into shut eyes, against his forehead, against his temples and he can feel it. He can feel everything coming down around him and he can't breathe and he feels how he's shoved over the edge and he claws, claws at everything and anything. But nothing is there and he's losing his grip and he digs in but nothing, nothing.

And this has never been a problem until now. Cause he stopped being able to take care of others cause he hasn't taken care of himself, well he has, but not like people are telling him would have been healthy.

But if life strips him of being able to do his job, of being able to look after Chris, and Buck and the rest of his fire family… Well he needed to adapt to this but he didn't know how, so he ran. He ran to get a bit more time, a bit more space. But this space seems to collapse around him now and it doesn't stop from collapsing and he is so tired.

But he can't sleep.

"EDDIE!"

Everything explodes and it's so quiet and so loud inside him and all these images burst into existing and run through his head and now he needs his hands to shove them back but they're not moving, cramped around something solid, a last grounding straw to this world, something that whispers underneath the chaos in his head, "safety, security". But then he can't breathe and he can't see and he's lost in all these memories. But he's not even sure if they are memories. They're too real, too close, he's too there. In every single moment all at once and one after the other and he's at his own mercy that doesn't know how to write him into his own book.

And suddenly there is a noise that's not coming from inside of him, it's near him and something explodes and someone screams and smoke and fire and blood are clouding his vision. And he needs to, needs to, needs to protect, protect Christopher, protect the others but someone is in the way, blocking it, blocking the only way out and he shouts but they don't move. He feels something in his grip and swings and

It's caught and he panics, he needs to get out, needs to protect, needs to

"EDDIE!"

Something seeps into him, something familiar but he can't grasp it, doesn't know where to place it but somehow, somehow the images slow down but he's still blocked.

"Eddie. Eddie. It's me. It's me, it's Buck. Eddie."

He shakes his head. No no no he needs to get to Buck, needs to help, there is so much blood on him, he can't let him die, can't let him

"Eddie. You're home. You're in your bedroom. I'm here. Buck. I mean. I'm Buck."

Somehow, somehow everything stills for a second as the sound of the voice washes against him and somewhere inside him something whispers that they're telling him the truth but he needs to know, needs to make sure.

But no no no. He just needs a second, needs this second before everything is moving again. And suddenly he finds it. Chris waving, Buck driving him away. He remembers. He remembers this but when, when was it? It seems forever ago, a memory too familiar to have been new in this chaos, but he sees the date on the card and he has to try, has to ask,

"Chris?" He croaks out, his throat feels like he hasn't used it in months while it's sore from screaming.

"Is safe. He's at Hen's today. Birthday party."

And Eddie nods and shakes his head and tries to find this memory somewhere in the whirlwind inside of him.

"We can call him."

"Day, which day?"

"It's friday, 25th March, 2022."

And after a short pause the voice adds, "You're in your bedroom, Eddie. And it's me, Buck. Evan."

Eddie gets a breath in before everything starts moving again but somehow, somehow it all moves slower and he feels wrong. His body tingles and itches and is numb and moving between realities.

"EDDIE!"

"Eddie, Eddie look at me," the voice urges and Eddie suddenly feels. Feels how his eyes are pressed shut and he tries but he's too afraid, always too afraid now what his eyes will land on.

"Eddie, come on, man. Look at me."

He already sees the bright red sprinkles and the deep dark red of blood oozing through his hands and he can't breathe, he

"Eddie, look at me."

His eyes fly open, urged on by this familiar place inside him, the voice reaches for.

He blinks, and blinks again. There is no blood, no fire, no smoke, no mud, no water and the silence around him is deafening and ringing in his ears.

The voice coaxes his eyes to focus. And how??

"Buck?"

He is standing in front of him. Buck is in front of him in Eddie's bedroom, his bright eyes wide and concerned. Eddie knows this look. He adores it. But he can't figure out what Buck is looking at him for like this.

"Yes. Yes. Eddie. You're with me?"

"You with me?"

Eddie blinks again. He looks Buck over and the panicked energy in him subsides just this tiny bit.

Yes. Yes. This is Buck in front of him. The real Buck. As far as Eddie can tell. And he looks him all over and there is no blood on him.

And Eddie nods, half on autopilot and half to reassure Buck, to care for him, to protect him.

But he needs to, needs to check. Needs to be sure.

He lets his eyes wander over Buck again, checking for broken limbs, for open wounds, for any signs of smoke inhalation. There is nothing. Nothing.

His back hits the wall and his breath catches in his chest.

So he nods again.

"Good. Good."

"Can I take this?"

Something tugs at his hands. He looks down and sees his hands wrapped around something in a death grip. His eyes follow it all the way up to where Buck is holding the other end of it. The realization of what he was holding, of what must have happened explodes in him and he stumbles back, dragging the bat with him. A fucking baseball bat. He took a fucking baseball bat against Buck.

"Fuck. Shit. No."

"No no no no no." He presses himself against the wall, tries his best to get as far away from Buck as possible. But the wall refuses to swallow him so he sinks down to the floor.

How could he?? How could he??

He was supposed to protect Buck, not to… To… to attack him. Shit. Shit.

How could he have been gone so far, how??

He almost.. What if Buck hadn't caught it, he could've, he could've

"No. No. Hey Eddie. It's alright. I'm ok, see?"

If he had… If he had landed that swing… He could've… He could've.. Not Buck. Not Buck. He's been through enough, he doesn't need that, he can't…. Oh my god, he almost…

He chokes on a breath. Tears are welling up in his throat.

"I'm so sorry… you… I almost…" somehow he presses the words out beyond the barrier lodged in his chest.

Wait, what if he did land a swing? What if what he's come back to was the middle of it and not the beginning? How could he ever move past hurting Buck?

But Eddie shakes his head. No. No. No. It's not alright. It's not. He fucked up. He fucked up so badly. And now, now he doesn't only have to constantly be afraid of what the world is throwing at Buck but also of what he will do to him, cause he hurt Buck when his job was to protect him. He hurt Buck.

"Eddie. Look. I'm alright." Buck makes a step towards him.

And Eddie panics.

He pulls the bat closer to him, away from Buck, away from where it can cause harm. He tries to scramble back but the wall still won't let him through, so he grips the bat tighter, not noticing how he breaks his skin again, and chokes out a panicked,

"No!"

He wants to tell Buck to stay away, to leave, to run as far out of Eddie's reach as he can, to bring himself to safety, away from the mess Eddie has created for himself.

But he can't. The words slip from him and get stuck in his throat. He gasps for air and only manages another choked out,

"No"

Way less forcefully now.

"Eddie, come on. Look at me. I'm fine. Nothing happened, ok?"

But Buck stops. Buck stops moving towards him. And for a brief moment, relief washes over Eddie.

Then Buck crouches down beside him and the panic inside him roars.

"No no no no," is all Eddie can mutter, is all he can say to warn Buck to send him away.

Why can't he just go? Just leave Eddie behind and bring himself back to safety.

He tries again to tell him but just more broken, "No no no no no" come out.

So he reaches out.

For the first time in months he reaches out to Buck. But this time it's not to take a hold on him, to hang on to him; it's to push him away.

But Buck just catches his hand in his own, grabs it and wraps his other hand around it as well.

"Hey. Hey. Eddie. Eddie. Come on. I'm ok. I promise. I'm ok."

Eddie can feel his hand being squeezed and it's like electricity is blazing up his nerves.

And he feels like he's losing it. He huffs out a laugh between choked tears cause he's way past losing it already.

He just can't lose Buck, too. He needs him to be safe. Needs him to be ok. Needs him to be there for Christopher.

And yet there is nothing he can do anymore to keep him safe. On the contrary

He himself is not even safe for them anymore. And he's so sorry. So sorry that he's failed them all.

He cries harder and lets the litany that's chanting in his head slip past his lips.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry… "

One sorry for every failure, one sorry for every time Buck was hurt, one sorry for every time he failed to protect.

Buck squeezes his hand again, so hard it would probably hurt if Eddie could feel beyond that hole of sorrow inside of him.

"Eds, come on. I'm here. I got you. I got you."

Buck's voice is cracking around the edges, half panicked himself. And for a second they're back in the fire truck and Eddie is seeing all this blood on Buck and pure terror grips his heart.

But then Buck squeezes his hand again.

"I got you, Eds. I got you."

Eddie knows, he knows that if he'd look up right now, he would see Buck's big bright eyes reddened and swimming in tears. And for that, Eddie can't forgive himself.

You know this moment when you've headed right into a panic attack and you reach this breaking point from where you will lose it completely if you aren't already working on your way back out?

Well that's where Eddie is. And it feels like… It feels like something is breaking inside of him.

And it's Eddie himself.

His heart tears open and there is nothing he can do to stop everything from spilling out. All the walls, all the protection he's built up for years crumble down and he lies open and bare to the world, stripped down to his raw existence.

He breaks and breaks and breaks and all he can do is sob and cry and gasp for air.

When he feels Buck pulling away the hand that's wrapped around the two others, Eddie thinks he will actually die if Buck leaves him now. Even though it's what he wanted him to do in the first place.

But instead, he feels the bat being pulled out of his loosened grasp and a wave of relief washes over him.

Somehow he cries even harder and tries to apologize again and again. But the words get lost in choked noises and interrupted attempts to suck air into his lungs.

He just feels and feels and feels and cries it all out while Buck is the only thing that's holding the shattered pieces of him together.

Then, suddenly, a strong arm reaches around his shoulder and he's pulled into a tight embrace. His head lands on Buck's broad chest, his right hand keeps being held by Buck's.

Eddie doesn't have the mind to think about how uncomfortable he should be.

Eddie hangs on to every single, "I got you, I got you," that Buck murmurs into his hair.

And after a long while, somewhere something along his broken soul starts to believe him.

Eddie feels like he finally stops falling, stops breaking into more and more pieces.

And when Buck whispers another, "I got you, Eds, I got you," and presses a kiss on top of his head a new wave of tears rolls through him. But this time, this time it feels different.

This time somewhere deep deep inside him, underneath all his pain, underneath all the mess that is Eddie, somewhere underneath all this, a warm small light starts to flicker to life.

Then, when Buck promises him, "It'll be alright. You'll be ok…. We are ok," when he promises Eddie this, he decides to let the light shine its small light.

Buck keeps holding him, keeps reassuring him until Eddie's sobs die down and his tears start to run dry until all that's left of them is Buck's wet shirt and the dried streaks on Eddie's cheeks that pull on his skin. Even then Buck keeps holding him for a long long while.

Eddie has almost slipped into unconsciousness when Buck whispers into his hair, "Eds?"

Somehow Eddie finds the strength to give Buck the tiniest nod, "hmm?".

A soft chuckle that feels a little bit sore, vibrates through Buck's chest.

"Ok. Come on. Bed."

Eddie nods again but there is not enough energy left inside his body to actually get up.

So Buck whispers, "Ok. I got you," and places another soft kiss on top of Eddie's head.

Eddie is too far gone to wonder how Buck does it, but a few minutes later he feels the mattress of his bed dipping underneath the weight of the both of them.

He meant it when he said that they'll be ok. Buck knows they will. Eddie might be broken and wounded right now but Buck knows him. He knows that Eddie will get back up to his feet and fight to rebuild himself. And Buck will be with him every step of the way.

When Buck pulls away, Eddie's heart sinks and he croaks out a panicked, "No."

Buck's arms are back around him in a heartbeat. "Hey. No no. I don't leave you. I just get some water, ok?"

But Eddie doesn't want Buck to leave for even a second. In the back of his heavy mind, he knows that it's irrational and pathetic but he doesn't have any energy left to care.

"Please stay," he pleads.

The arms around him tighten but Buck says, "You need to drink some water, Eds."

Eddie doesn't know why he remembers but he answers, "Bottle, floor."

Buck glances around the half dark room. He leans a bit over where Eddie is lying in front of him and finally spots it. A half filled water bottle is standing next to the bed. Buck reaches for it, pulls it up and looks down on Eddie. He is sure that Eddie is already half asleep and doesn't have an ounce of strength left in his body after what just happened. So he uncaps the bottle and lifts Eddie's head with his other hand.

"Hey. Eddie. Can you drink something, please?" Buck lifts the bottle to Eddie's lips and despite the weird angle he manages to get some gulps of water down Eddie's throat.

"Good ok." Buck takes a few small sips himself but mindfully leaves some more water for Eddie in case he needs it later.

He places the bottle back down next to Eddie's bedside. Then he retrieves his phone from his pocket, shoots a message to Hen, asking her if they could keep Chris over the entire weekend and another one to Bobby, telling him that Buck needs to swap shifts for the weekend. Lastly he writes to Josh and tells him that Eddie won't be able to come in for the next two days.

After that, he turns his phone on silent and hopes that Eddie's phone is either far away enough that they won't hear it, or has run out of battery so he won't be woken up by it.

Then he kicks off his shoes and turns back to Eddie.

His eyes fall onto Eddie's bloodied knuckles and he lifts his hand gently to have a closer look. They don't look too bad and Buck is ok to leave it to tomorrow to patch them up.

He pulls up the blanket and wraps it around the both of them, hugging Eddie tight to his chest and intertwines his fingers with Eddie's.

A smile tugs on his lips. He pulls Eddie closer and for a last time he whispers, "I got you, I promise, I got you." And he presses another kiss onto Eddie's hair before he closes his eyes.

Even if the others like to think so, Buck is not a fool. He knows what he has in Eddie and Chris. He knows that they've built a home with and for each other. And he's not about to give any of this up.

It doesn't matter what will happen between him and Eddie, if anything will happen at all. He'll be at his side nevertheless.

He'll love Eddie and Chris anyway. And he's happy to do it.

The small light inside Eddie's chest gets just this little bit brighter and he squeezes Buck's hand before he lets himself fall into unconsciousness completely.

#Buddie #Eddie Diaz #Evan Buckley #911 #911onfox #Eddie has a breakdown #finally #but don't you worry #Buck is right there #season 5b trailer #the one second that threw the entire fandom into a meltdown #the way we all can't wait for this #fanfic #fanfiction #Chaos writes #Chaos' fics #Chaos' Buddie fics

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madamewriterofwrongs · 3 years ago

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my sweet darling - how about an armed forces 911 AU? Maybe Eddie meets Navy Seal Buckley overseas? Maybe they meet back stateside at the VA?

You, my darling, always send me such fun and interesting prompts. I promise I didn’t forget.

Ooh, okay. Let’s see...

Prompt Me with AUs

Delta X-Ray (I am Sinking)

Read on Ao3

Eddie first sees him as he’s getting off the plane in Washington. He’s going to receive a medal. Apparently his work in Bagram made him a hero and not a broken, shell of a man. Who knew. And really, it’s just a glance because he has other things to worry about besides a Navy man getting dressed down by his captain. He doesn’t need to hear what’s being said to know that’s exactly what’s happening. He’s seen that look too many times, felt the hot breath of his superior as they spat harsh words meant to ‘toughen him up’.

As he passes the sailor, he hears something to the effect of “if it happens again, you will be dismissed.” And Eddie wonders how many times this particular man has received this exact lecture. It doesn’t really matter, anyways. He just wants to get his medal, shake a few hands of politicians who think they had anything to do with his ‘accomplishment’ and go home to his wife and child – ex-wife, he reminds himself. Shannon had the papers shipped to Afghanistan. Couldn’t get away fast enough, his mind bitterly supplied. All he would have at the end of the day was his son, and a medal to replace the wedding band he’d worn since he was 19.

Before he knows it, he’s standing on a small stage, a million lights flashing in his eyes as cameras and stage lights practically blind him. His shoulder aches – out of the sling for the afternoon so he can at least look more put together than he feels – and he’s dizzy from the attention. That’s his excuse for why he doesn’t recognize the man standing beside him.

“Seaman Petty Officer First Class Evan Buckley.” A blond man steps forward and Eddie catches himself staring at the dress whites and stone expression for longer than is strictly necessary. He seems a far cry from the officer being scolded less than an hour ago, but it is definitely him. And he was standing on stage beside Eddie, about to receive a medal of his own.

“For distinguishing oneself by heroism not involving actual conflict with an enemy of the United States, Petty Officer Buckley is awarded the Navy and Marine Corps Medal.”

As he watches the stripes being pined on the officer’s lapel, he lets himself wonder what crime the man could have committed to be dressed down and rewarded in the same afternoon.

He’s so curious, in fact, that he nearly misses his own name amongst the titles thrown around.

“Staff Sergeant Edmundo Diaz.” He steps forward, holding his breath until the entire ordeal is finally finished. “For gallantry in action against an enemy of the United States, Staff Sergeant Diaz is awarded the Silver Star.” The medal is heavier than he anticipated, but he supposes that makes sense. It is quite a burden he’ll be carrying around, and now he has a gold star to go with it – he wants to chuckle at the irony of his ‘Silver Star’ actually presenting as a golden one.

It seems everything about his life is a life.

There were a lot of reasons Eddie hated attending events like this: The politics, the bravado, the crowds of people ‘thanking him for his service’. Mostly, though: he never knows anyone. Sure, he can charm a senator or two for a few minutes, swap stories with other officers from other divisions about where they were and what they saw. But those are fleeting relationships, meant to get him through the day. He’ll go back to his hotel room at the end of the night with no more friends than when he’d stepped off the plane in this awful, awful town. Eddie is tired of ‘schmoozing’. With any luck, today will be the last time he has to tell the governor’s wife how lovely she looks in her dress.

That’s when he spots the man sitting at the edge of the bar like he’s trying to hide from the world, and he decides to make his way over.

“Do you mind if I join you?” He asks, even as he sits down.

The other man’s eyes light with recognition – and damn, are they as blue as the sea. “Not at all. Diaz, right?”

“Eddie.” He supplies, raising a finger to the bartender to snag his attention. If he is going to make it to the end of the evening, he’s going to need one, good drink. “And you’re Buckley.”

“Actually, it’s Evan but you can call me ‘Buck’.” His amusement must be evident because his new drinking buddy supplies the answer. “There are a surprising amount of ‘Evan’s in the Navy.”

It had never occurred to him to check how many ‘Eddie’s were in his squadron. Maybe he should ask his CO if that’s why he always called him by his full first name.

“Congratulations, by the way.” Buck looks somewhat nervous even as the words leave his mouth. “On your medal. Good job.”

“Oh.” Is all Eddie can bring himself to say as he stares into the bottom of his glass. “Thanks.”

“You don’t look too happy about it.”

He really isn’t doing a good job of hiding his emotions if this relative stranger ca read him so easily. “No, I-” he takes a deep breath to recalibrate his thoughts and paste his best fake smile. “It is a great honour.”

“Bullshit.” Buck laughs in his face but for some reason, Eddie doesn’t bristle nearly as hard as he expected. It almost feels playful. The rest of Buck’s response is cut off by his buzzing phone on the counter. The man quickly grabs it long enough to check his notifications, returning it to its place at the bar with a disappointed look.

“Are we keeping you from something?”

“Uh, no.” It’s Buck’s turn to look caught out and in need of recalibration. His expression changes much slower. “I’m just waiting for a call from my sister. I sent her an invitation to this thing but she never responded.”

Eddie has experience with family not coming to big social events like this one. Of course, in his case, he never invited them in the first place.

“Family ain’t easy.” He shrugs as he takes a long sip of whatever burning liquid he’d ordered – it really doesn’t matter so long as he can stay sitting here and not mingling with the crowds of vultures.

“It’s more than that.” Buck looks worried, and the way he bites his lip is… Eddie shouldn’t be focusing on that. “It’s just…” The man shakes his head, dismissing whatever feelings were eating at his gut. “I don’t want to bore you.”

“Please.” Eddie leans into his space with a playful smile. “It can’t be any more boring than this event. Please try to bore me to tears, if you dare.”

When Buck smiles, Eddie’s heart flutters out of his chest and sits beside him as they listen to Buck begin to speak. He tells Eddie about his sister, how she cared for him growing up, how she went away with her asshole of a boyfriend – now her deceased asshole of a husband – leaving him to fend for himself. He talks about travelling the country, trying every odd job he could get his hands on, until a buddy of his suggested he join the Navy. And he loves the work, he really does, but he hasn’t seen his sister in over a year. Their last conversation ended in a fight about some family secret that Buck is reluctant to talk about. Even Eddie can tell that the man just misses his sister. No matter what the argument was about.

Eddie finds himself talking – in less detail – about Shannon and the divorce and his son at home. At Buck’s prompting, he shows off his favourite photos of Christopher (avoiding the one burning a whole in his shirt pocket, torn and bloody, which never leaves him). The man’s face positively lights up when he sees the kid, offering an appropriate amount of sympathy for his divorce without pushing him for more emotions.

It’s easy talking to Buck, he realizes after a few hours. Because suddenly, the venue rental is nearly up and he’s still sitting at the corner of the bar, talking to Buck. Sure, a few people have passed by and shaken their hands, thanking them for their service – Eddie cringes every time and Buck has to hide his laughter once he realizes – but for the most part, it’s just the two of them, sitting and talking.

“The flag signalling we use now was established in 1855.” Buck explains as he leans further into Eddie’s space. “And while Robert Morse invented Morse Code in the 1830s, the International Morse Code that we use didn’t come out until the 1850s.”

“How do you know all of that?” Eddie was fairly certain he hadn’t had to study the history of communication when he was in training. But he’d also been very focused on his medical textbook.

Buck was incredibly cute when he blushed, Eddie decides – though he opts to keep that opinion to himself for now. “I get bored and I read.” The man shrugs nonchalantly, as though he hasn’t been entertaining Eddie with stories of Naval history and his own dumb-ass mistakes all evening. Honestly, Eddie wants to sit here all night and listen to Buck tell him stories of the world. It seems like he’s lived a lifetime already. And what has Eddie done? Gotten a girl pregnant, joined the army, gotten shot, and now he doesn’t even have a wife to go home to.

“Can I ask you something?” Eddie realizes too late that Buck looks nervous. He thinks he probably wouldn’t have said yes if he’d noticed. “How did you get your medal?”

Now he knows he doesn’t have to answer – and his initial instinct is to close out his tab and see if he can run to El Paso on his still-injured leg. But he also realizes that he hasn’t told anyone since it happened. Not the full story. Even now, he might not have the words. But he tries.

“Our helicopter got shot down while transporting wounded. I could still move so I got everyone out. Or I tried to get them out.” The echo of gunfire is not as distant as the others told him it would be. He can still smell it. “Support finally arrived and they decided to give me a medal for holding down the fort.”

Buck places a gentle hand over his and Eddie gasps, reminded that it has been a very long time since anyone has touched him. God, how he misses it.

“You saved wounded soldiers in the middle of the desert while being fired on. And you think you were just doing your job?”

“I’m an army medic.” He reasons with the bottom of his glass. “It’s my job to save people.”

“Maybe. But I don’t think that’s why you do it.” Without elaborating, Buck smiles at him and Eddie forgets the question.

“What about you?” He asks instead. “What’s yours for?”

Unlike the enthusiastic, bubbly personality he’s been talking to for the last few hours, Buck melts into the face he saw up on that stage. The stoic, professional.

“We were on our way back from an escort mission when we encountered some rough seas. I happened to be on deck with the chief mate when he had a stroke. I tried to tend to him but the storm was getting worse and no one could find the captain, so I just took over navigation. It was rough, I had no idea what I was doing, but we all made it out safely and the chief mate was okay.” As Buck shrugs, memories of an overheard conversation come flooding back to Eddie’s mind.

“Wait, were you on the USS Angelo?”

“Yeah. Why?”

Eddie can’t believe it. He has to laugh. “You were the cadet who sailed out of Hurricane Ida?”

“I am a petty officer first class, I’ll have you know.”

“Buck, you navigated a 2,000 ton ship out of a hurricane and all they gave you was a lousy medal?”

“I should get that printed on a t-shirt, or something.”

“That was incredibly reckless but also incredibly brave. Buck, you’re a hero.”

“I was just doing my job.” The smirk tells Eddie he knows exactly what he’s doing but it still hits him that he’s throwing Eddie’s words back in his face. Cute and cheeky.

He doesn’t know why he asks – well, he does, but it’s incredibly stupid and impulsive, and he definitely can’t blame it on the alcohol but he sure would like to.

“How long are you in town?”

Buck looks pleasantly surprised by his question but answers with regret in his eyes. “I head out with the Fifth Fleet in the morning.”

Wow. “You just got a medal, and you’re headed out to earn another one?”

“Something like that.” Buck laughs and Eddie wishes he was braver than he felt. “But I won’t be gone forever. And I’m really good at telegraphy if you wanted to send anyone a message.”

He’s so grateful that Buck has the good sense to be everything he needs right now. Because asking the next question is easier with someone standing next to him. “I suppose I’ll need a way to get in touch with you, then.”

Buck winks and Eddie has never been gladder that the concept of ‘standing’ was only metaphorical. The man should not be so irresistible after only a few hours, but Eddie can’t help but watch him push off his barstool and walk around the side of the bar.

“Hey, Diaz!” The spell is broken long enough for him to look across the room at where his name is being called. He waves at old friends – well, Senior Airman Han and Space Force First Sergeant Wilson are the closest things he has to old friends but in actuality, he’s not sure he knows their first names. “We’re going to the afterparty, want to join?”

On a normal night, Eddie would decline on the basis that he doesn’t want to go, and would rather lay in bed and watch reruns of ‘Murder She Wrote’. Tonight, Eddie wants to decline on the basis that he doesn’t want to go, and would rather stay up all night talking to someone who makes me feel curious about the future.

“Not tonight.” He shouts back across the room. “I’ll catch you at the next ceremony.”

They wave him off because they know it’s the same excuse he makes every single time but the only thing that matters is getting back to Buck.

“So.” He turns to the bar only to find it empty. The seat beside him is also unoccupied, as is any of the space surrounding him.

Had he dreamed up Buck? Had he been imagining this person who made him feel like divorce wasn’t his last chance at happiness? Was he truly so desperate and lonely?

“Hey.” Eddie looks up with too much hope in his eyes to only come face-to-face with the bartender. “He left this for you.” The man – who is not Buck, no matter how much Eddie hopes to see those eyes again – slides a napkin across the counter and walks away before Eddie can ask anymore questions.

He picks up the napkin and reads the blue ink-stained note written in messy scrawl.

Kilo

--... .---- --... ..... ..... ..... -.... --... ----. .----

The dots and dashes he recognizes as a series of numbers – a phone number, he hopes – but the word above? He tries to recall his academy days.

Kilo. Short for Kilogram. Used in the International Code of Symbols to represent the letter ‘K’. In Maritime Signal Flags, it indicates: I wish to communicate with you.

He’s pretty sure the bartender hates him for how late he stayed and how loudly he laughed at Buck’s note, but he can’t bring himself to care. Instead, he spends his energy memorizing the napkin’s contents long after he’s input the number. It’s more than just a piece of paper: it’s hope.

#military au #911 on fox #911 fox #buddie #eddie diaz #evan buckley #buddie fic #911 fic #first meeting #cj answers things #florenceandthemachine #cj writes things #love flo

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leandra-kinard · 3 years ago

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oooo a suit that doesn’t fit?

Man, it was really hard to pick something to post, and I had to go and ask my beta-reader @onelonelytortillachip which part to use, lol. So here goes: (Eddie is roughly 17 years old here)

“Why don’t you have a girlfriend?” his father asked him one night at dinner after Adriana had told them about her new boyfriend. Of course, at the age of thirteen, it was all very innocent, and neither Adriana nor Theo would be allowed to spend time together unsupervised, let alone — for many years to come — overnight. Naturally, their father had to adjust to the thought of his little girl growing up, and Eddie could imagine rather vividly that Theo was facing a somewhat intimidating talk the next time he came to visit. Other than that, however, their parents seemed happy for Adriana, and Eddie felt oddly… envious about it.

Even Sophia had her first puppy love crush on a boy in her school, sighing dramatically every time she mentioned him. Only Eddie still had no one, not even a girl to show off to his parents to spare himself questions like the one he awkwardly had to find a way to answer now.

He shrugged, shoving a few pieces of broccoli around on his plate. “Just haven’t found the right one, I guess.”

“Or maybe,” Adriana started, a mischievous smirk forming on her lips, “it’s because he’s gay.”

“Adriana! Don’t joke about that!”

His sister’s words had already felt like Eddie was doused with icy water, but his father’s admonishment felt like a punch to the gut. Like something was twisting inside of him — that thing again, cackling. Of course, nobody seemed to notice, and Sophia even found all of this terribly amusing and was giggling around a mouthful of potatoes.

“Edmundo isn’t gay,” his father said, the tone around the offending word full of disbelief and disdain. “He’s had girlfriends.”

He snorted out a small chuckle, and Eddie wondered if maybe he had just imagined any trace of disgust in his father’s tone just now. Maybe it was simple incredulity.

Or maybe it wasn’t. Maybe you’re a freak.

This is a fic accompanying Eddie through the years and his defining relationships. The first three chapters of it are already published. But writing it is going somewhat slow. The hardest part was the chapter where he meets Shannon, how their relationship forms and unfolds, and how he decides to enlist as she gets pregnant. So I'm hoping it's gonna go a little bit faster after that.

Eddie is gay in this fic but represses it entirely. I've based a lot of it on what I know from a gay couple who both came out later in life, after having been married and having kids. Ever since the whole "follow your heart" thing and the fact that all the 'romantic' chemistry between him and Ana felt so super strained and fake I've been thinking that it would actually make a whole lot of sense for him to be gay, not bi, and I wanted to explore that.

#my fanfic #eddie diaz #gay eddie diaz #buddie

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crimsonblackrose · 2 years ago

Text

Okay here’s all my thoughts and questions part 1 How did Chozen get weapons through security? And why does everyone keep calling him an assassin? Has he...actually killed someone? Because really the one time we saw him fight to the death he failed and got his nose honked. Or did Chozen arrive in LA and immediately go buy weapons? Miguel seeing his dad with another kid handling it better than Robby but at the same time it’s a little kid and not someone his age. Also saving the kid but being a creeper who followed them around? Kind of here for everyone telling Johnny the stuff he does is illegal. Graffiti karma and kidnapping a minor even if it’s his own son. I kind of get why Carmen didn’t go and rescue Miguel because that guy is scary but at the same time....I hate that she stayed home. Who knew fake FBI shirts could cause so much trouble and rip so easily? Time to add another Johnny chokehold to the gifs of every time someone’s gone for the poor guys neck.

Moon sometimes gives me Miyagi vibes.

Daniel why the hell didn’t you google Barnes? You looked up enough to stalk him from his home to his work...but you didn’t...google his job? Like see that he works in furniture. Opposite of you Johnny at least is googling stuff. You’re supposed to be the smart one and it makes me cringe so much when he...jumps in head first without thinking. Like at least look around the front to see the place or like read the newspaper articles or coverage that Barnes is now in furniture. I just can’t think of how on earth he could’ve gotten Barnes’s address and not seen that he was a furniture king.

Okay so Daniel can meet with Barnes and actually stop Barnes and Chozen from fighting and explain the who big misunderstanding and yet...gestures at the entire series. There’s more in that. Esp with Johnny. Because 9 times out of 10 the two misunderstand each other and nearly come to blows. I don’t know whether he’s gotten better at it because of Johnny or whether together the two are just more stubborn and everyone else is easier.

Omg Daniel do not call and leave a message for that sketchy attorney. That person could still be working for Silver. I don’t get why Daniel doesn’t trust Silver at all and yet will trust anyone and everyone else to listen to reason and pick him. Do you not remember talking to the police when Barnes originally bothered you and then they laughed it off. I just...seriously? Daniel why aren’t you googling or researching anything. That’s going to bite you....and it did...in a steam room.

I get why Barnes left the country. Sketchy red flags for insurance but uh...Silver yeah I get that.

Did Johnny just admit to doing sex work after school? Is...that how he and Shannon met...no she didn’t seem to know but also didn’t bat an eye. (Also Lawrence isn’t his mom’s maiden name? But....it’s not Sid’s last name...did she marry his dad???????? So many questions)

My main concern is that Miyagi’s house, the dojo, all those vintage cars are going to be set on fire and Miguel’s necklace for Sam will be there and somehow it will be his fault or Johnny’s. You know what, I appreciate Johnny saying thank you. Demetri deserves some kindness and I think it’s probably the best thing for Demetri to be Johnny’s tech person because Miguel views him as a dad and already had all the cringe nightmare stuff. Time to pass that responsibility to someone else who kind of knows Johnny is a mess but most likely won’t be scarred by the exact type of mess he is.

Johnny’s gig life is embarrassing and gross to watch and I would not have blamed those girls for cancelling their ride and being like nah no thanks sir. Johnny is still kind of a messy creep and he already has a bad track record. How is it that teens with pools care this much about a water park? Like Sam’s not even swimming, why is she even there? Just sit at the pool at home....oh...is she banned from the pool at home because of Chozen? Like Chozen’s habits are kind of interesting but the fact there’s teens and preteens in the household I get why Amanda freaked out. And I guess now I get why they’re at a water park and not at home. But doesn’t Moon or like any of these other rich kids have a pool? Isn’t like Eli rich? Why can’t they go to one of these pools and for the Cobra Kai kids...uhhhh Kyler probably has a pool right? The item Daniel brought for the auction is going to be destroyed isn’t it? I like that the pawn shop guy just knows how to handle Johnny now. And it’s kind of fun that he has 3 kids that he swears Johnny will never meet and 3 pawn shops. I half thought he’d hire Johnny to work one of them.

Everyone is being kind of nice to Johnny. I’m kind of shocked.

How the hell do you race in a slide? Daniel oh honey no. And there we go bonsai got destroyed. Darn and Daniel didn’t even give them a second glance. Remember when he used to freak out over bonsai? Sorry Mr. Miyagi. Stingray? Oh his poor sad face. Like I get that he’s...an odd character but I feel bad for him. And the flinch when Silver touches him. “I feel like a kept woman.” omg. He gets Lawrence’s car? Does that mean Silver has Johnny’s phone? Oh the mess he could make with that. Robby and Miguel got parent trapped at olive garden “When you’re here you’re family” omg that’s so on purpose that it’s hilarious. Also uhhhh they picked Italian which is kind of funny because I doubt Daniel will be there, but he’s there...in spirit. I wonder, since this is clearly an advertisement for Olive Garden if they’re doing any Cobra Kai specials. 😂

Omg this is such an advertisement. “Breadsticks aren’t going to fix this.” I agree. 😂

Daniel was from here? This was where scruffy Daniel came from? How long has he been alone without Amanda?

Daniel...you gotta communicate. Like it’s not just Silver, this whole journey you hide stuff from your family. All the way back to Lucille and hiding your black eye from her. Talk hon, talk and not just to guys from Okinawa.

I’ve heard one line from Amanda’s mom and I already love her.

Omg omg omg omg omg omg No! Hold up! How the hell does this work? So Amanda doesn’t know Jess and Daniel’s time with Silver and Barnes and LA? WTF? Like at least they must’ve seen each other at the wedding right? Jess has to know everything. And does that mean Amanda’s family is the pottery store across the street from Miyagi’s little trees? Aunt JO! Johnny you made art out of your beer cans? Bud. How bored are you? Omg he made a salon. Sir. You little weird artist you.

Did some internetting. Johnny did you get them a “this is our get along shirt?” Our theme is the Lincoln County War. Johnny. What are you doing? I love this but I also am so confused. Is this....are you healing Johnny? Does this mean you’re finally growing? And thus can learn stuff again? Oh...it’s from a movie. LOL. I thought. I love that abuela is in on it. OMG Johnny can understand some Spanish? Of course it’s the I screwed up....T_T 💔

Oh wow. Daniel going too far? Chozen, you...I’m glad you’re with Daniel because he is a mess.

I’m sorry Amanda is a video game nerd and yet hasn’t bonded with Anthony over that? Omg Elizabeth Anne Rooney? Are we in Ohio? WTH?

Damn Daniel and also Johnny that’s some growth. 😂 How Johnny knows something is up with Daniel is his shirt isn’t tucked in. 😂😂😂😂

Sibling chat! Sibling chat! FINALLY! Wait so Anthony was in time out and talked to no one but Johnny during that family dinner and no one decided to tell Sam that her baby bro bullied some kid and ....damn everyone is so self focused they don’t see beyond themselves.

Listen I appreciate the quick re-run of the past. But you’re missing some facts that Jessica knows. That Barnes and co tried to actually murder them in that pit. That both of them nearly died. And there’s a lot of stuff neither of them are aware of.

BAR FIGHT! GET REVENGE AGAINST ELIZABETH ANNE ROONEY JESSICA!!!! GET HER! These two are never allowed near stairwells ever again. I don’t care that ended up okay. Banned. Absolutely banned. 😂 White Castle advertisement. The taste you crave after getting into a bar fight (Jessica freaking out over a club fight where she was being attacked but ready to throw down at a bar when she’s older is fascinating) You know what I’m so ready for? Robby getting some care from the Diaz’s. Let him smoke some weed with Abuela and get some kindness from Carmen. Don’t do it Daniel. Don’t go in because the doors open. Don’t fall for Silver. Don’t do anything. Walk away. No. Run away. Oh god what happened to Stingray. I do not like this parallel to when Johnny went by himself and got his ass kicked by Silver. I do not like this. Daniel you shouldn’t have gone by yourself. T_T Babe you’re in a horror movie. Stop going places by yourself. It’s not safe. Ayyeee knew Tory would go to Kreese. Knew she didn’t fully trust everything. Chozen stayed. T_T I’m glad. And now Johnny is finally here. I was so worried that like stingray was beaten up in a corner and Silver was going to call the cops on him.

#mumbling about shows #cobra kai spoilers

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trashyswitch · 3 years ago

Text

The Real Reasoning Behind All of This

Pocket is getting sick and tired of the pressure that comes with writing fanfics. So, she starts to imagine the characters she's written about, and imagines what advice they would give her and what comforting strategies they would use. And as she predicted, lots of tickles!

Pocket was growling and throwing her phone around the room. So many expectations. So many ideas given to her. She has no excuse to not write now. But she just didn’t. Want to.

She hated when she felt like this. It felt like she was letting everyone down by not pushing herself to fucking write. She knew Shannon was fine with the no writing, but were others okay with it?! Probably not.

She walked up to the fridge and was about to reach for a smirnoff.

[Alcohol doesn’t solve problems]

[Alcohol will make your life miserable]

[It’s a fake high, Pocket.]

[SUGAR]

Pocket angrily closed the fridge and grabbed some chocolate covered almonds instead. She didn’t wanna do the work...It was so much work...She hated waiting for the moments she got into hyper focus. That was the only way she would get her fanfics done at a reasonable time. She relied on those hyper focus episodes. Perhaps if she skipped out on her ADHD med, she would have more energy to do the work. But nope...The adhd med is supposed to help her focus. But the ADHD med drained all her energy. Every time she missed her pill, she would wind up with extra energy. She would be filled with adrenaline. It felt like a sugar high...Or a buzz.

Pocket had recently figured out that a buzz from alcohol was very similar to ADHD adrenaline rushes. It was a fun little fact that she found to be very interesting and yet...disappointing. Finding out the truth meant she didn’t need alcohol to experience happiness. But skipping the ADHD meds couldn’t be the answer to all her problems. There were benefits to her pill. There were days that she didn’t want to be a ball of energy. There were days that she wanted to lounge. And that pill allowed her to do that without issue.

So is being drunk like having ADHD? Maybe for her. But is ADHD like being drunk all the time without the hangover?

Who. Knows.

Pocket looked down at her dog and smiled. She was laying against her leg with her back upwards towards the ceiling. She looked like a loaf of burnt toast...with a bandana tied around her neck. She was a sleepy girl...A fun girl...A cute widdle bean. And definitely a somft girl.

Pocket began to stare off into space as she stared at the white screen on her laptop. Nothing to write...nothing.

Why was she like this? Why is she here? Why can’t she write right now?

Snoring doggo. She snores a lot.

“Hey Kiddo…” Someone said beside her.

She turned to the left, and smiled. “Hi Patton.”

“Why so down?” He asked.

“I can’t write worth my life.” She complained.

“Well, no matter what you think about your writing, I always support you and will help you when things go wrong.” Patton told her. “So tell me: What’s going wrong?” He asked.

Pocket looked down. “I have no motivation left…”

Patton nodded. “Well, you did go through a phase of writing nonstop for tickletober…” Patton reminded her.

Pocket nodded. “Yup...I just want a little more motivation left over and interest. That’s all I ask.” Pocket told him.

Patton nodded. “And motivation, you’ll get again eventually. Now is just not the time.” Patton reminded him.

“Maybe it’s time I changed what I did again…” Pocket thought.

“Changing your way of doing things, is only going to upset the 400 or so followers that you have.” Someone else said.

Pocket looked over to her right. It was William Afton.

“I know…” Pocket muttered.

“Maybe the problem is, you’re too much of a ler to play the lee.” William offered.

“Well...I’m certainly too ler to be a switch…” Pocket mentioned.

“Also, when are you gonna change your status to ‘ler’ instead of ‘switch’?” William asked.

“When are you gonna stop being manipulative?” Pocket asked the murderer in the room.

“T...Touche.” William replied as he faded away.

Soon, another person appeared. ‘Take some time for yourself. It’s what Shannon wants.’ THe person signed.

Pocket looked over and smiled brightly. It was Jamie!

“Hi Jamie!” She greeted him.

‘Hello!’ Jamie replied.

“Getting to be the time to watch your halloween video again.” Pocket mentioned.

‘Happy halloween!’ Jamie signed happily.

Pocket repeated the signs for ‘happy halloween’. She had taken a sign language course before, and learned Sign Language in her own spare time.

“I know exactly what Pocket needs! But only if you want it.” Patton offered.

Pocket smiled brightly. She knew exactly what he was talking about.

“Yes.” Pocket smiled.

‘Wow! You quick!’ Jamie signed.

“I’ll say!” Patton reacted.

William appeared again .“Let’s get to it then. I’m not patient when it comes to tickling.” William said.

“Alright!” Patton ran to her hips and started digging. “Just tell me-”

“BAAAHAHAHAHAHA!” Pocket yelled, laughing hysterically already.

“WOW! I must’ve hit the jackpot!” Patton reacted.

“I’ll say...She’s already a mess of laughter.” William reacted.

“MYHYHYHY HIHIHIPS AHAHARE THE WOHOHORST!” She laughed.

“You kidding me? You’ve got fuckin’ Shakira hips goin’ here.” William reacted.

Jamie hummed silently as he thought long and hard on where else to tickle…

Then he remembered that bellies exist!

Jamie smiled and started skittering his quick fingers on her belly.

“EEEEHehehehehehe! NOHOHohohoho!” She was pushing the arms away and kicking wildly.

“Awww, de poor widdle baby can’t handle de tickles!” Patton teased.

William looked up at Patton. “Is that seriously how you talk to people?” William asked.

“No!” Patton responded, rather offended. Then his face switched to a smirk. “Only when I’m teasing.”

William looked...rather terrified of the face change.

“GUHUHUHUYS! PLEHEHEHEHEHEASE!” Pocket begged.

“Oh yeah…” William muttered.

Patton placed a hand on William’s shoulder. “William, William, William…” He said to him politely. “She loves this.”

Jamie raised an eyebrow. ‘Pocket kicking and pleading.’ Jamie mentioned.

Patton smiled and stopped tickling Pocket. William looked down and stopped tickling as well.

Pocket’s laughter turned to giggles and started lessening to huffs.

But then…

“Why…...why did you stop?” She asked.

William blinked and widened his eyes. “Because breathing is important.”

Patton giggled. “Told ya! I know a lee when I see one~” Patton teased.

William blushed at that and looked away.

Jamie looked at William’s blush out of the corner of his eye, and smirked. He rubbed his hands together and tickled William’s sides.

“WHOAHAHAHAHA! WHOHOHOHO-” William scooted himself away from the random tickle monster that was tickling him, and turned to see Jamie in the same spot he was in. “Oh...It was you.”

Jamie wiggled his fingers with a smirk from both the lips and the mustache.

“Uh oh…” William got himself up onto his feet and started running. Jamie wasn’t far behind him as he chased Will around the room.

Pocket watched this whole thing and giggled. It was so funny seeing the most innocent man chasing the murderer for tickles around her room.

“Now: Let’s get this lee mood dealt with.” Patton decided.

Patton started tickling Pocket again and specifically focused on the sides and belly this time. Pocket laughed and giggled as she kicked her feet and flailed her arms around all over again.

“OHohohohoho nohohohoho! Pahahahahahat!” Pocket laughed.

“Yessss?” Patton replied.

“Ihihihit tihihihicklehehes!” Pocket laughed.

OHOHO SHIHIHIT- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” Someone else shouted.

Patton stopped tickling and turned around. As it would turn out, Jamie had already caught William and was now tickling the man.

“IHIHIHI- WHAHAHAHAT’S YOHOHOUR NAHAHAHAME AHAHAHAGAHAHAIN?! JAHAHAHACK??” William asked.

Jamie widened his eyes, stopped tickling him and completely lost himself in laughter. This man couldn’t even bother to remember his name right?! Wow! It’s a wonder he kept a business afloat for as long as he did!

Pocket smiled and enjoyed watching Jamie laugh his head off. It was nice to be able to imagine these characters.

“Alright. One more tickle attack, then I’m all done!” Patton decided.

Pocket nodded and opened her arms to him. Patton happily took it and tried tickling her ribs next. He started at the bottom ribs.

“EEEHEHEHE!” Pocket laughed before collapsing to the floor. It would seem that Pocket was SUPER ticklish on her lower ribs!

Patton tried moving upwards.

“PAHAHAhahahahat! Hahahahahehehe!” She laughed.

“Ooooh! Not so ticklish on your middle ribs, huh?” Patton said out loud.

“Nohohoho...Just thehehe bohohottom rihihibs.” Pocket replied.

“Good to know!” Patton started digging into her bottom ribs and focusing on the spot between the ribs too.

“BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! NAHAHAHAHAHA!” Pocket laughed.

Patton slowed his fingers down and stopped pushing as hard. “Your laughter...is so much different when you’re tickled! Are you faking your laugh often?” Patton asked.

“Nohoho...Ihihi juhuhust hahahave dihihifferent tihihickle lahahaughter.” Pocket told him.

“Well, good to know! I’m happy to know you’re not forcing yourself to laugh.” Patton replied.

Patton took a moment or two to look at the progress between William and Jamie. As one would probably expect, William was now getting his revenge on Jamie! And while the tickling wasn’t producing much of a laughter sound, Jamie was certainly making wheezes and visual reactions.

‘Stop stop stop stop stop!’ Jamie kept signing.

“Why would I stop? You’re clearly loving this!” William reacted.

Patton laughed at that. “Yohou’re not wrong about that.” Patton confirmed for him.

“See?” William smiled and continued to tickle Jamie for a little longer before stopping to let him breathe.

“Not so bad for a lee, huh Jamie?” William teased.

Jamie flipped him off as a response.

Aaaand that earned Jamie even more tickles.

Pocket was helped up by Patton and was given a big bear hug. “Thank you Patton.” She told him.

“No problem, Kiddo!” Patton replied.

“And thank you William and Jamie!” Pocket said next.

‘You’re welcome! Love you!’ Jamie signed.

“Glad to help kid. And for the love of god, take a break.” William ordered. “You deserve it.”

Pocket watched as the characters faded out of existence. Pocket smiled to herself, feeling a lot better. She wasn’t really motivated from the experience, but she did feel a little more inspired again. She felt like she had a better grasp of why she did these fanfics in the first place: To just have fun. And sometimes, the fun will feel like a chore...but that’s okay. It’ll get better.

Now to get these new, fresh ideas into motion before she forgets!

But quickly, a little sentence popped into her head:

[“For the love of god, take a break.”]

Yeah...Maybe he’s right. She didn’t really feel motivated to get anything more going yet. She just felt...super inspired with no energy to make it.

The brain was too tired to do what the heart wanted.

So, Pocket grabbed her laptop, turned on some Lo-fi music and decided to take a nap.

[“You deserve it.”]

This might be my last fanfic before Tickletober rolls around. So, I hope you enjoyed it!

#sanders sides #five nights at freddy's #jse egos #fan animation #original female character #fluff #ticklefic #ler!jamie #ler!patton #lee!pocket #lee!william #very personal fanfic

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