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survivingandenduring · 6 months ago

Text

Yeah…taking a few deep breaths after that

Unbound

Joel Miller x f!reader

Warnings/Tags/Notes: 18+ for explicit content. qz!Joel, age gap, m recieving oral, teeny bit of throat fucking, unprotected p in v, a little degredation, mixed with a little praise. Tiny bit of ass play. A good hint of breeding kink. reader is referred to in several ways, inc a few degrading words, some fem coded language. Feelings because this is me. Unedited and unbeta'd.

Words: 2k~

Summary: You make the chaos go blank in his mind, where all the thoughts spend hours swirling and billowing up like a storm. They're calmer when he has you to play with.

It's nights like these he needs you most.

When his mind hums and thrums with the feelings he refuses to put name to. When his fingers shake in strange protest of his forgetting, as he pours the last of that eagerly-found bottle of scotch. Stoic by nature these days, but nature has hardly anything to do with it on evenings such as this one - when the memories his mind might make him replay are a betrayal of the highest form. Twenty years and he hasn't let go despite the lies he tells himself.

You're perfect for him. Pretty and precious and all the things that shouldn't exist in this world - a juxtaposition, he thinks, against the starkness of the landscape just beyond the walls. You were sweet when he found you, sweeter now he has you all to himself.

You'd been sucking cock for favours, dirtying your knees in filthy alleyways for ration cards and painkillers. Lovely creature in a stained skirt, spitting out a strangers seed as soon as they walked away. He'd found you like that, huddled in a corner and smoothing yourself down, wiping your face after a particularly enthusiastic session. Recovering from the thing you had never meant to become. It wasn't easy; living behind QZ walls, living under FEDRA law., trying to become your own person while stuck in the same old place never to taste the freedom of the outside world. You had to find ways to live through it, so you did.

Joel was older than most of the guys you knew. It never deterred either of you for a moment. His grey hair and weathered being stirred desires in you the others never had. He'd watched you, rapt, as you stood and brushed the dirt from your clothes. Eyes meeting like they were always going to and Joel knew immediately you were exactly what he had been looking for. He wanted you.

You'd tumbled into him. Fallen into his bed later. And it never stopped from there.

"That's it, that's it. Sweet thing takin' my cock so good" Joel murmurs as you open your mouth for him tonight.

You seem to show up at just the right times. Those moments when he feels the same familiar fears eating at him. When he searches for a bottle, for a pill, for anything that is within reach.

"Fuckin' filthy girl, swallowing me like that" He groans out, a flurry of grumbled words and curses and bit-back moans that make your cunt throb with tumultuous need. No one is like Joel Miller. No one at all.

His cockhead slips into the constricting passage of your throat, your head angled just right for him to push it back there and feel your struggle around him, watch the drool slipping from the corners of your mouth. It's not romantic, nothing pretty. Except for you, to him; always pretty, always perfect. Always his.

As it is, when you let him fill you it make his brain go quiet. And fuck if he doesn't need that every now and then…more often than not he needs it. You make the chaos go blank in his mind, where all the thoughts spend hours swirling and billowing up like a storm. They're calmer when he has you to play with.

His favourite toy.

And oh, you crave it just like he does.

You gag around him and Joel lets out a loud moan. His hips buck instinctively and your nose is burying into the wiry curls above his cock. His hand finds purchase at the back of your head, and he holds you there for just a moment before his eyes meet your watery ones and he lets you pull back.

"Good girl. Such a good little cocksucker"

A string of saliva connects you to his thick and throbbing member as you withdraw. A vulgar iteration of the string that connects you, brought him to you. You're one and the same, two souls seeking sacred sin. You look up at him wide-eyed, a stray tear making its path down your cheek. A kiss to his tip, as you keep eye contact, as you prepare to take him in again but Joel tuts and shakes his head.

"Not spillin' in that pretty mouth tonight" He says, almost emotionless except for the subtle smirk, the twinkle in his eye of what tonight holds. He hauls you up, strong hands easily moulding you to his desires as he pushes you towards the makeshift bed, one that was much more a bed than your single mattress on the floor. It felt almost like a luxury when you got to sleep in his bed. When he let you sleep.

Joel lays on the bed, pulling you down with him. His big hands splayed on your lower back as you come down on top of him. For a moment the two of you kiss. His breath tastes of alcohol. His sighs taste of guilt. He's been a slave to his emotions for as long as you've known him, as stoic and collected as he tries to be Joel is nothing but a man holding on to everything, letting the pain and trauma drag him down into miserable depths. Grief is his only constant, you've begun to realise. And as much as he wants to hide it, there's no control in the way intimacy reveals so much of one lover to the other.

"You look tired" You murmur, pulling back. Your fingers trace the strong line of his nose and then the dark circles under his eyes. It's a single moment of quiet before the insistent press of his cock against you turns to more.

"Been tired for twenty damn years" Joel responds with a huff, swatting your hand away and then giving your ass a slap, only one thought on his mind right now. Perhaps he'd beg, if you denied him. Perhaps he'd beg for you to give him the remedy, the only thing that truly turns his mind to blissful silence.

You think he would, if only you could deny him.

Instead you let his hands on your hips guide you to straddle him. You'll always give in to him. You're searching for the same relief after all. And it's what you find as you sink onto his length slowly, cunt eagerly welcoming him in. He's a stretch, even after all the time you've spent together. He fills you like nothing and no one else ever could. He makes you feel whole, unbroken, even as he splits you open on him.

"Fuck. There it is…she's opening up for me ain't she?" Joel breathes out, gravelly enough that it vibrates through you.

His hand on your hip holds tighter, the other sneaking upwards and finding your breasts, groping them with that large hand, squeezing and pinching while you begin to move your hips and moan his name all sugary sweet, dripping with honey just for him. Most calming sound he's ever known.

His eyes are on you, never straying away from the roll of your hips or the bounce of your tits. He's taken you apart in so many ways but this is forever his favourite; you on top, spearing yourself with him, letting him see you so completely. It helps him lose his thoughts, almost hypnotised by the beautiful, sinful sight of you.

"C'mon darlin', give me everything" He coaxes, teasing fingers pinching a nipple as he demands more of you. You're tumbling down, down, into him again - just like the first time, just like the next time. Your body trembles with the need for it, walls squeezing around him as your own hands take purchase on his chest and you make yourself move, riding him just like he wants.

"Everything" you agree with a whine, struck dumb by the throb of him.

He loves seeing you work hard for it, when you give him all of it and leave nothing out. You're working your way to ecstasy as his thick length throbs within you, positioning just right that it hits exactly where you need it. Your eyes close, mouth forming a little 'o' as you turn off every other thought and concentrate on the pleasure of this, of him. He's made for this.

Joels fingers knead your flesh as you fuck yourself on him, sharp grasp like a weight anchoring you to reality. He’s still there, almost gone, eyes glossy with the build of tension. Watching you like this, watching your give and take, it's a tidal wave of pleasure that drowns everything else. You’re made for this.

The world isn't spinning on its axis anymore. There is nothing - nothing - but the two of you, but the pleasure of you and him and the building tension you both feel as your bodies melt together over and over again. He's not teasing your breasts anymore, finding delight in squeezing your ass cheeks with each meeting thrust, each burial of him into you. Your words come in tongues, each one melding with the other to create a babbling melody of satisfaction that soothes him.

"You're doing so good, sweet thing" He encourages, letting you slow down your momentum after a while, when your legs shake too hard for you to keep your balance. As you fall forward onto him and your chest presses against his he brings one arm around you to hold you there. His lips meet the top of your head, placing a kiss there; gentle even as he raises his knees slightly and lifts his hips to fuck into you now.

"Want it, Joel" you whimper softly. Each push of him into you elicits sounds that are angelic to his ears.

"Beggin' for my cum, beggin' for me to fill you…my perfect, perfect cumdump" Joel mouths against your hair with a smile. It's this, he thinks, that makes him lose himself the most - the way you want him to fill you every time. It wakes the primal thing in him that shouldn't exist anymore, the thought of you round and heavy and his. Thoughts he fights every damn day but fuck they feel like truth when he's in you.

"Make me yours" You say, muffled by your lips latching on to any piece of him you can as his hands spread your cheeks, a finger pressing ever-so at your tight ring of muscle there while his cock drives into your cunt over and over. It's so much, at once, and he's only toying with you there.

"Think you're already mine, aren't you?" He retorts gruffly, the rumble of his voice making shockwaves through your body. He's right, of course he's right. You need the fix of him. He mends you, every time. Brings something new to you, to remind you what it is to exist. And in return you give him the gift of forgetting, of losing all the rotten parts of his soul to something else for a moment in time that he wishes could last forever.

You answer in mumbles and moans, that turn to sinful harmonies as you come undone by him - trembling with the power of it as his tip hits something euphoric in you again and again and you're crashing into pleasure all at once. You squeeze around him, and he curses in your ear, holding you tighter and moving slower, relishing the drag through your convulsing walls.

"Want it, please" you repeat again in that barely-there whine that makes him lose control every time. Sweetness incarnate as you beg him to finish in you.

It flips the switch, and Joel is burying himself deep in you, spilling forth his offering. Your breath heaves against his skin, and his fingers grip you so tight you can't move an inch as he pours himself into you in ropes of white against your insides.

"It's yours" He groans out, a breath of relief as his mind goes fuzzy, limbs limp on the bed as his release wanes and he's spent.

And then, quiet. It's always quiet in the after. Moments of peace you both have been reaching for forever. Found in the arms of each other.

It's quiet except for the hum of words that slip from his lips as he rubs a soothing pattern into your skin. "Thank you".

Soft, and gentle, and him.

Your eyes close, as his do, both unbound from the disquiet for just a little while longer.

#sexy and sad #fuck to forget #joel miller x you #joel miller x reader #joel miller smut #joel miller x f!reader #pedro pascal character fic #joel miller fanfiction

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natalievoncatte · 29 days ago

Text

Kara heard a distinctive hollow pop as she approached Lena’s apartment. The doorman had been gracious enough to let her up, informing her that Miss Luthor was expecting her. She knocked on the door and listened intently. The soft clink of a bottle being set on a table and rather gentle passing of Lena’s feet on the hardwood floor. Kara resisted the urge to peer through the door.

When it swung in, she wished she’d had the chance to prepare herself. Lena was visibly distraught, eyes red rimmed from crying and cheeks puffy. She was dressed down in a a sweater and leggings, and couldn’t meet Kara’s gaze with her own.

It hurt. Seeing her like this physically hurt, gouging a dull ache into her chest. Her first instinct was to reach out and scoop the smaller woman into a tight hug, make her safe, to wall her in with her arms. Kara fought it down and sighed.

“You… don’t look so good.”

“Come in,” Lena said, her voice soft and flat. “If you want to hang out with a monster, that is.”

Lena turned and trudged back into the apartment as if she was walking to the gallows. She fell back into the couch and grabbed the wine bottle from the table, long since having abandoned the pretext of glasses.

“You’re not a monster, Lena.”

She stared at the bottle and took a long pull from it, the wine sloshing around the bottom.

“Yeah I am. You ever watch Godzilla movies?”

Kara blinked. “What?”

“Godzilla. Giant radioactive lizard.”

“Of course.”

Lena snorted a bitter laugh. “Monsters are born too large, too strong, too tall. That is their tragedy. Or something like that. Director of the movie said it. That’s me. I’m not trying to hurt anyone, it’s just in my blood. It’s who I am and I’ll never escape it.”

“That’s not true,” Lena said, softly.

She looked around the apartment, shocked to find dishes piled in the sink and two more empty wine bottles lined up on the kitchen island.

Kara quickly moved to the couch. Lena offered no resistance as Kara took the bottle. Lena stared as Kara took a long, glugging pull.

“There. Now you’re not drinking alone.”

Lena smiled weakly. Kara didn’t mind the taste of the wine but as far as getting her drunk, it was like pouring it down the drain. If she could keep Lena from alcohol poisoning, it was worth it. Kara felt a tug in her chest. Lena looked so soft, her big eyes wet with tears.

“I only wanted to help.”

“You did, Lena. You saved the world.”

“Children, Kara. Sick kids, dying because of me.”

“That’s not true, Lena. Edge is cooking the data, you know that. We’re going to clear your name and I’m going to help.”

“I’m so tired, Kara. My own brother tries to murder me once a week because I won’t help him try to take over the world. I keep getting kidnapped by my insane family and aliens and God knows who else and I’m tired. That woman today almost killed me. One of these times there won’t be someone to jump in front of the bullet and it’ll be my time.”

“That won’t happen.”

Lena shook her head, failing to fight back the tears. “I’m so tired of being everyone’s monster.”

“You’re not a monster to me, Lena. You are so good. You work so hard and care so much, and people don’t even know about your work at the children’s hospital, the reading to the kids. You’re a saint.”

Lena looked at her sharply. “How did you know about that?”

Kara thought, FUCK.

She fiddled with her glasses, knowing it was a tell.

“I um, well I am a reporter. I won’t tell anyone, I know you don’t want publicity.”

“Kara, I’m confused. I put a lot of effort into making sure no one knows I do that, so the kids don’t have to deal with the bullshit my life brings. Have you been following me?”

Kara licked her lips.

Just holding back the truth isn’t make it a lie, did it?

“More like keeping tabs, just to… keep you safe. To watch your back.”

Lena looked horrified. Kara’s chest seized and she thought for a moment that she’d gone too far.

“Kara, I don’t want you doing that. If Edge or my brother come after me and you’re in the way, they’ll kill you. You can’t risk that, you don’t deserve it.”

Lena grabbed her hands. “Listen to me, Kara. I have a target on my back. I have a price on my head. Sooner or later my number is going to be up and I’d rather die than have you be the one to catch the bullet. I just want you to be okay.”

“They won’t get you.”

Lena pressed her eyes shut and choked back a sob. “Yeah, they will. I’m living on borrowed time. It’s just a matter of the odds, in the end. Next time James won’t be there to take a bullet for me and Supergirl will be too busy and I’ll just be another monster on obituary page until-“

“Stop it!” Kara barked, shocked at the sharp snap of her own voice. “Stop it. I won’t let them.”

Lena’s eyes snapped open and she stared at Kara, more than a little shocked. Her hands tensed, closing tightly around Kara’s.

“Don’t put that on yourself. I’m not you’re responsibly and I don’t want you risking your life for me. It’s just not worth it.”

“You are worth it,” Kara insisted, shaking her hands a little as she leaned in. “You are, and I won’t accept that you’re not.”

“I love that you believe in me so much.”

Kara’s heart did a backflip. Love? She loved it? Lena was looking at her with such a softness in her eyes, and Kara scolded herself that she was drunk, that she might say things she didn’t intend or didn’t want to slip out.

“But,” Lena said, “you’re just one person, you can’t save me from this.”

Kara’s jaw set as she bit down on this pressure growing inside her, as if something had taken root in her chest and grown and grown inside until it made her ribs creak and her heart ache and it would split her open if she didn’t let it out.

She wasn’t drunk. She was lucid, clearheaded, but Lena was gazing into her soul with tear-filled eyes and she looked so small and vulnerable and resigned, like she was just waiting for her turn at the headsman’s axe.

Kara couldn’t take it. She couldn’t fucking take it, and the words came so easily she scarcely knew how she’d held it in for so long.

“I can protect you, Lena. I’m Supergirl. I can do anything.”

Lena’s soft expression twisted into a scowl.

“Bad time for a joke, Kara.”

Tenderly, as gently as she could, Kara guided Lena’s hand to her glasses.

“Go ahead.”

Lena hesitated, chewing her lip, eyes flicking strangely, gaze surveying Kara’s face- looking at her eyes, her scar, and in a way that pulled at Kara’s heart, her lips.

Slowly, carefully, Lena pulled the glasses free, visibly surprised by their weight.

“They’re lined with lead. It helps with sensory overload.”

Lena raised her now shaking hand and her thumb grazed Kara’s ear as she reached back to unclasp the clip holding Kara’s hair, allowing honeyed tresses to spill free across her shoulders and down her back.

“Look at me, Lena.”

Lena looked. Her expression flickered from pained annoyance to shock to something Kara couldn’t quite identify.

“You lied to me,” Lena whispered.

Kara bit back some lame excuse, like I never said I wasn’t Supergirl.

“I did, and I’m sorry. If this means your feelings about me have changed, that’s okay, but I won’t stop protecting you. I won’t let Morgan Edge or your brother or anyone hurt you. Never you.”

Kara’s jaw trembled as she spoke and her heart was racing.

Lena’s was doing the same, beating too fast in her chest. Kara carefully put her hands on Lena’s shoulders.

“Easy,” she said. “I know this is a shock.”

“When you caught me after… when you saved me from Lillian… when you… the helicopter… that was you?”

“Always, Lena. I’ll never let you fall.”

“Kara?” Lena whispered.

She was staring, but rather than meet Kara’s gaze, she was looking lower, eyes fixed on Kara’s lips. Kara’s gut did a backflip at the way Lena was looking at her, mouth slightly parted, flushed, her heart racing.

If Kara was human, she might pick up on those things, or she might not. She might be confused or briefly wonder if Lena was really looking at her the way it seemed she was.

Kara Danvers was not human. She could look up and see particles dancing across the atmosphere in hues for which humans had no names because their eyes were blinded to them. She could hear the rapid beating of Lena’s heart and see the heat blooming on her skin and taste on her tongue the tangy, pleasant musk of the pheromones Lena was emitting, and she could do it all so fast that her mind processed it so quickly that it could barely be measured. When Lena began to lean towards her, she watched it happen in curious slow motion.

When Lena kissed her, it was an explosion of sensation. Not just the soft warmth of her lips but her scent, her real scent breath the perfumes and sharp tang of wine smell, the pure scent of Lena herself. The soft sigh that broke from Lena’s lips was a symphony, and Lena’s hands on Kara’s flanks was like a blast of firecrackers running under her skin to ignite a sudden flare of warmth low in her hips.

Lena was kissing her. Kara was kissing her back, consuming every aspect of the contact in perfect detail, burning it into her solar-powered Kryptonian mind where it would live in perfect detail for the rest of forever.

She gently, oh so gently, pushed Lena back.

“Lena, stop.”

“Oh,” Lena murmured, her face falling. “I didn’t… I’m sorry… I thought… I misread…”

“No, no Lena it’s not that I promise, you’re drunk. You’ve had too much to drink and I can’t let you do anything while you’re like this, I couldn’t take it if you wake up tomorrow and…”

Lena blinked back tears.

“Oh my God. You really are a superhero, aren’t you?”

“I’m just being decent.”

Lena smiled sadly. “I don’t deserve you.”

“Well, you’ve got me, Lena. You’re not getting rid of me.”

Lena actually laughed, a bitter little chuckle that made her look away in embarrassment.

“I can imagine Lex seething if he found out about this.”

“Alex is going to kill me.”

Lena giggled. “Oh my God.”

“What, um, what is this, exactly?” said Kara, her voice cracking with tension. “I mean, you kissed me.”

“I did,” Lena said, guarded. “I’ve wanted to for so long. How does the saying go? In vino, veritas?”

“In wine there is truth,” said Kara.

“Yeah.”

“Lena, we’re going to get through this, I promise, and I will always protect you. Always. Right now I need to protect you from the hangover you’re going to have tomorrow. I’m putting you to bed, and I’m sleeping on the couch.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“I don’t have to, but I need to know you’re safe, and you can’t get any safer than Supergirl crashing on your couch.”

Lena blurted, “I could have her in my bed.”

Kara thought her soul might leave her body.

“Not when you’ve had this much to drink.”

“God, you are amazing,” Lena sighed.

Kara nodded. “If you say so.”

It took a while for Kara to actually get Lena into her bed. Lena was suddenly taken with an extreme tiredness and Kara let her lean on her as they walked down the hall, fighting the urge singing in her veins, demanding that she pick her up and just carry her.

She may have been Supergirl, but even she had limits.

Once Lena was curled up in blankets and safe, Kara puttered around the apartment, doing the dishes, cleaning a little before she fell back on the expansive sofa to sleep.

When the warm morning sun woke her, she sat up and found Lena staring at her.

“I didn’t dream that. You’re really here.”

Kara rose from the couch and approached her tentatively.

“Yeah. I’m really here. Lena, if you’re angry with me because…”

Lena cut her off, darting forward to plant a soft kiss right on her lips. Kara froze as her brain essentially rebooted.

“Oh,” said Kara.

Lena smiled softly. She still looked bedraggled and had clearly been crying, but the smirk on her lips was everything.