#Septima Vector

[feminist-cult-following]

sorry but I now am fully committed to the all girls marauder au. it’s like crack. the boys were cool and stuff but everything is better when it’s for the girls and the lesbians!

[atlasdoe]

One day i'm going to go into detail about the power group that was Septima Vector, Aurora Sinistra, Florence Greengrass, Emma Vanity & Bertha Jorkins

They were two years above the Marauders and were those older popular girls who literally everyone either wanted to be or be with.

They were the biggest gossips, the biggest flirts, the biggest jocks, the biggest party animals they were everything and they would kill for one another

Until their seventh year when suddenly they were all at each others throats. Arguments in the Slytherin and Ravenclaw common room became a norm and every secret that they told each other was now public news.

Nobody knew what really happened between them, all that anyone else knew was that none of them had spoken to each other since their last massive fight during their graduation. They all went from best friends to never contacting each other for 18 years.

And the thing that brought them together again? The disappearance of Bertha after sending a letter to each of the other girls asking them why they weren't friends anymore.

[albi-bumblebee]

Hermione actually shipped professors Septima Vector and Bathsheda Babbling it just wasn’t in the books because Harry didn’t take fucking Arithmancy or Ancient Runes

[remuslupinkinnie1979]

It's marauders non-men month and today is Sybill Trelawney day so...

Half-blood

They/she, bisexual

Half Romani from their mother's side

Ravenclaw

One year younger than the marauders

Shared a dorm with Pandora

Her and Panda were besties

Was friends with Xenophilius Lovegood and Septima Vector

Peter and them were dating in her 5th, 6th and 7th year (they broke up after they had a vision about Pete being a traitor. She was trying to warn everyone but no one would listen to them, bc they known as 'the crazy one')

Was autistic with ADHD

Was REALLY clumsy and would trip over their own feet and bump into things all the time.

Would carry around plasters and even bandaids

Loved the type of clothes that I drew her in

Would have a shared wardrobe with Xeno and Panda

5'3 tall (the shortest in her friend group)

Was vegetarian

Loved pasta and green tea

Really looked up to her great grandmother - Cassandra, a great and famous seer

Was bullied badly in first 2 years (in 3rd year Septima found out about it and quickly made the bullies regret that they were even born)

Besides divination their fav subjects were numerology and herbology

Would come up with the weirdest conspiracy theories ever in like middle of a class

Due to her clumsiness their clothes would get damaged. Xeno would have to fix them regularly (they would actually sew and not use a spell)

Could not cook for shit. Literally, she can burn WATER. She would just put things in the oven and then just... forget. They would not even smell that something is burning and if it wasn't for Xeno, she would start an actual fire at Hogwarts. They were forbidden from the kitchen by first her mom when they were 7 and we're learning how to cook and then in second year by Pandora, when she wanted to make her a birthday cake (let's say the dorm didn't look very well after that)

Very forgetful and lost things easily. Would put her glasses on a table, walk to another room and be like: 'Hmmm... Where are my glasses???'

The definition of a cat lady (all of them were black stray cats obvi)

Would like girl in red, Hozier and Beach Bunny

Wouldn't be a fan of quidditch but would support Septima during matches (her, Panda and Xeno would wear these hats with a raven like Luna and ABSOLUTELY SLAY in them)

A total Pandalily shipper

Really messy hair

Had a little crush on Septima in 4th year and they even kissed once in spin the bottle, but Septima would be in love with Aurora Sinistra

I think that's it + my fanart

[missdblack22]

Nuevo capítulo de Snapetober 2024: Día 13: Una familia en Slytherin

New chapter of Snapetober 2024: 13th day: A family in Slytherin.

Characters: Severus Snape, Avery, Mulciber, Lucius Malfoy, Narcissa Malfoy, Regulus Black, Evan Rosier, Aurora Sinistra, Wilkes, Septima Vector, Barty Crouch jr, Madeleine Borgin (OC), Sébastien Aubépine (OC), Bertram Aubrey, Ethan Calloway (OC) y Hera Peverell (OC).

We see Severus' relathionships with his Slytherin partners (canon and OC).

Hope you like it :)

It's the first time I publish one fic in the correct day (but one month after).

[athena-xox]

How I imagine Septima Vector since y’all sleep on her

First off, lemme make one thing clear. SHES NATIVE AMERICAN. the native rep in this fandom is so lacking. My fancast is Amber Midthunder but she’s not really how I imagine Septima.

Septima was tall, skiny and gangly. She had bronze coloured skin with a deep tan. Dark eyes. Very angular features. Also long hair that she never cut (for cultural reasons) she would often wear in a braid.

Her parents were older when they had her. Her mother had six miscarriages before Septima. Her mother was also the seventh daughter. And she was born 7/7. So that’s where Septima comes from. (Septima means seven)

Big family in the states but her father was offered a job in the uk so they moved there. Her parents appreciated academics (they both fought in ww2 and were very anti violence).

She was sorted into ravenclaw and was four years older than the marauders. She was very anti social and didn’t have any friends. She didn’t like anyone at hogwarts.

In the summers she would visit her family and was a totally different person. She was really good with kids and would often tutor kids in her neighbourhood.

Love life: I think she had a summer romance with Aurora Sinistra (she is not in snapes gang!!) but was overall an August in the situation. Also I love the idea of her and Narcissa. Like both second choices that find solace in each other. Also I do hc that when Septima and Aurora both became teachers that they had second chance romance.

Septimaurora/astrolmancy/sevendawn for Septima x aurora

Sepcissa for Septima x Narcissa

She would always wear muted colours. And golden jewelry, often carved by her family. Rbf + sarcastic. Her patronus was an eagle. Oak wand 9 inches with a phoenix feather.

CHARITY WAS HER YOUNGER COUSIN. Idc I will not budge on this. Native cherry supremacy!!

Also she is so Anti Hero coded!!

[dramioneasks]

The Blazing Sun - NeheMikkele - M, 8 chapters - Draco loses a bet with Blaise while they complete their 8th Year at Hogwarts. The task is simple: Make friends with Hermione Granger. The witch who he has tormented and hunted over the years. It's not a simple task.

[poetryandbloods-blog]

Bathsheda Babbling (1950 - )

Septima Vector (1953 - )

Aurora Sinistra (1955 - )

I imagine that with the exception of the heads of house, the other teachers live in Hogsmeade Village so they can be with their families.

Bathsheda is American, married an Irish wizard and moved to England.

Septima and Rosmerta maintain a long-lasting relationship.

After the Battle of Hogwarts, Aurora abandoned teaching and began traveling the world to dedicate herself to research.

** The number of Teachers is disproportionate to the number of students that J.K.R reported that there are at Hogwarts (around a thousand) this is something that has always bothered me, there should be more teachers, divided by years and also other subjects, there is no philosophy/ sociology/culture of witches? (No wonder every few decades they suffer from some kind of dark wizard.)

[canimal]

So I recently participated in my first SMAR. It was a challenge but I’m pleased with how it ended up.

Title: Me Finding You

Pairing: Aurora Sinistra & Septima Vector

Rating: M

Summary: Romantic love is fickle, weak at times, and rarely the most enduring. The love of a best friend is patient, reliable, and waiting. It is a gift not to be squandered or taken for granted. Hogwarts Professor Aurora Sinistra knew this. So did Septima Vector.

[tastaturean]

Reto 17 (Reto Quincenal): Con un mínimo de cuatro personajes. Uno en  primera persona y escondiendo un secreto a los demás. Mínimo 1000  palabras, máximo 1500 (1278) Rating: Tan “maduro” como inocente Reviente: …secretos de juventud

La fiesta de pijamas del personal de Hogwarts

Sólo  a Albus Dumbledore podría ocurrírsele celebrar Halloween con una fiesta  de pijamas de profesores en su despacho. No me importa soportar los  ronquidos de Hagrid en su saco de elefante a altas horas de la   madrugada, pero tener a Sybill al lado soñando predicciones en alto no   es una perspectiva muy alentadora.

De momento estamos todos sentados en  confortables sofás alrededor de una cómoda mesita de té llena de pastas y  bollos, como si la opípara cena de hace escasa horas no hubiese sido  suficiente. A este paso, no va a haber faja mágica que me contenga. Pero  una más…una más no me hará daño, ¿verdad? Albus sabe cómo y dónde  acariciar el punto débil de las personas. Oh, una sola más.

Cuando por  fin nos cansamos de debatir los expedientes escolares más notorios y  notables, Flitwick propone un juego que se supone nos amenizará la  velada hasta la hora de dormir.

- Cada uno contará la  experiencia más loca de su juventud, la que con más nostalgia recuerde,  la que sin duda volvería a repetir -explica, y sonríe de soslayo a  Severus, para que relaje el semblante tenso que se le ha quedado.

-  ¿Demasiado vino en la comida, profesor? -es la respuesta del maestro de  pociones.

Y aunque ahogo una risita, como los demás, debo reconocer que  se me ha puesto hasta el último pelo del moño de punta. ¿Experiencias  alocadas? ¡Minerva McGonagall nunca ha protagonizado ninguna anécdota  alocada! Ni siquiera en sus tiempos de quidditch. O al menos, esa es la  cara que ofrezco a la galería de profesores en un estado ebrio-festivo  moderado pero latente.

- ¡Empezaré yo, entonces! -anuncia  Flitwick- Cuando era estudiante, una vez me reuní con mis mejores amigos  y nos disfrazamos de enanitos según un libro muggle para niños que  consiguió uno, no sé cómo. Logramos convencer a una bruja muy simpática  para que hiciera de Blancanieves y nos fuimos de paseo por Londres en  carnavales fingiendo que teníamos efectos especiales muy sofisticados  para la época. Tuvimos tanto éxito que un tal Spiul…Spiel…bueno, un  señor que decía ser director de eso que los muggles llaman cine, nos  quiso contratar para una de sus películas. Si no hubiésemos tenido medio   curso por delante...

Albus ríe de buena gana; Severus arquea   media ceja y sorbe su té; Sybill examina con el ceño fruncido los posos de su taza y luego vaticina un futuro alternativo prometedor para   nuestro profesor de encantamientos, de haber elegido la otra carrera.

-  Pero lo hecho, hecho está. El pasado es el pasado y no se puede   cambiar. – suspira Sybill- Ahora yo, con tu venia, Dumbledore   –carraspea- Bueno, lo que yo os voy a contar tuvo lugar hace unos años, porque claro, la juventud es algo muy relativo que nunca te abandona a menos que la eches – sonríe, ajustándose sus enormes gafas- El caso es que fue mucho antes de que Dumbledore me llamara para cubrir la vacante  en Hogwarts. Digamos que andaba sondeando los rumbos posibles que me   deparaba el destino, y barajando las mejores opciones –buscando trabajo como cualquiera, a ver quién pagaba más y quién quería a un pequeño gran  fraude, pero mejor me callo y sorbo mi té para que no se me note la  guasa- y me surgió un pequeño trabajo para una emisora mágica local, que  buscaba una radioadivina para las gentes supersticiosas del lugar. Al  principio me iba a negar, claro, porque unas artes tan depuradas como  las mías no se pueden someter a un estricto horario radiofónico; pero  decidí intentarlo durante un día y...oh, ¡fue maravilloso! Conseguí  predecir 5 muertes, 3 engaños, 2 enfermedades incurables y hasta 8  grims, ¡y acerté uno de cada 10! Aún recuerdo las lechuzas de   agradecimiento que estuve recibiendo durante semanas…- comenta, y se   rasca una verruga diminuta junto al ojo izquierdo, fruto seguro de una   maldición agradecida.

Hagrid se carcajea ruidosamente y agita la mesa; Severus se atraganta con una pasta y Flitwick le da unas   palmaditas en la espalda. Sólo Dumbledore sonríe cortésmente. Yo doy   otro sorbito a mi té y dejo que otro tome el relevo. Hagrid carraspea   dos y hasta tres veces antes de empezar a hablar.

- Pues   yo…err…recuerdo aquella vez que me guardé a escondidas una cría de…un   bichito muy simpático que, de verdad, no mordía ni era peligroso, ni   venenoso, a menos que se le pisase por error la cola; y claro, era   difícil no hacerlo porque tenía la manía de deslizarse por entre los   pies de la gente para mordisquearles la ropa, hasta que hubo cierto   accidente que…ah, y también aquella vez que solté a aquella cría de yeti  de aquel circo ambulante de invierno y la traje a mi cabaña. Pero se   escapó y no he vuelto a saber de ella. Claro que poco después fui a   visitar a Aragog y había unos restos de esqueleto que no parecía humanos  en su nido, pero imagino que sería un centauro mutilado o alguna otra criatura de paso. Y también aquella vez, con la cría de…

- Creo que ya es suficiente, Hagrid, muchas gracias. Imagino que tus colegas profesores ya se han hecho una idea.

Los  profesores Vector, Sinistra, Sprout, Trelawney y Flitwick miran cada   uno en una dirección o buscan manchas en su túnica. Severus no oculta su  gesto de repugnancia y yo sigo sorbiendo la tercera taza de té y dejo que hablen, ¡que hablen ellos!, porque  Minerva McGonagall no tiene nada  interesante que contar. No señor.

Cuando Sprout termina confesando sus  “experimentos” con las hierbas medicinales en pipa y sus efectos en  buena compañía a la luz de la luna en un invernadero solitario,  decidimos irnos todos a dormir.

Por suerte, Albus ha sido precavido y  hechizó la puerta una vez entramos todos, de modo que Severus, como era  de esperar, no trate de escaparse a sus mazmorras después de confesar  que en cierta bacanal Slytherin de fin de curso, lograron vestirle con  la túnica de gala de Narcissa Malfoy y untarle de maquillaje hasta las  cejas. Sí, recuerdo que luego Lucius no dejaba de hacerle gestos  lascivos burlones a la hora de las comidas.

- Severus, ¿a dónde  vas? Tu saco está ahí, junto al mío –señala Albus amable pero  firmemente. Y estamos todos metiéndonos en nuestros improvisados catres  con cierto bochorno y sensación de “dónde me he metido, por Merlín y mis  ancestros”, cuando nuestro director remata- Ah, Minerva, y espero que  no te hayas hecho la falsa ilusión de escapar de tu turno de narración.  Mañana durante el desayuno nos contarás alguna historia divertida, de  esas que crees que no te extraerían ni con veritaserum. Ahora, ¡buenas  noches a todos!

Las luces de las lámparas se apagan y de  inmediato me pongo a pensar en una historia plausible y lo  suficientemente decente como para compartirla con los demás profesores.  ¡Ni hablar de contarles la que lleva rondando mi cabeza durante toda la  sesión! La que Albus, tan agudo él, parece haber adivinado en el brillo  de mis ojos mientras me evadía del monótono relato semi anecdótico de  Vector: el año en el que el equipo ganó la copa de Quidditch y todas mis  amigas y yo nos fuimos a celebrarlo a un santuario secreto de brujas,  un día de luna llena, bañándonos desnudas en la fuente bajo las  estrellas, cantando himnos prohibidos y construyendo hermandades  perecederas pero ¡oh! tan bonitas entonces.

Y, soñando con aquella  noche memorable, no escucho ni los ronquidos atronadores de Hagrid, ni  los augurios somnolientos de Sybill, ni el rechinar de dientes de  Severus, ni la risita pícara de Albus, que sé, oh sí, sé de buena tinta,  que nos está examinando en sueños a todos.  

En la fiesta de Albus, en la fiesta de Albus, todo el mundo salía con algún secreto de minus

----------------------

Publicado originalmente en el Gremio HP de Livejournal en septiembre de 2004 aquí.

Nota: Los versos finales hay que cantarlos con la melodía de "En la fiesta de Blas". Es muy malo, pero tenía que hacerlo : X

Los retos del Gremio HP los voy recopilando en Wattpad aquí.

[newtscamandersbf]

anyone else ships septima vector w sybill trelawney .. no ? .. its just me ? … okay ….. 😓

[feminist-cult-following]

marauders era girls as taylor swift lyrics!

lily evans: I hate it here

“I hate it here so I will go to secret gardens in my mind / people need a key to get to / the only one is mine / I read about it in a book when I was a precocious child”

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

mary macdonald: slut!

“but if I’m all dressed up / they might as well be looking at us / and if they call me a slut / you know it might be worth it for once / and if I’m gonna be drunk / might as well be drunk in love”

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

marlene mckinnon: cowboy like me

“takes one to know one / you’re a cowboy like me”

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

dorcas meadowes: gold rush

“if you fail to plan, you plain to fail / strategy sets the scene for the tale”

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

pandora lovegood: snow on the beach

“and it’s like snow on the beach / weird but fucking beautiful / flying in a dream / stars by the pocketful”

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

alice fortescue: nothing new

“how long will it be cute? / all this crying in my room / when you can’t blame it on my youth and roll your eyes with affection”

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

emmeline vance: the last great american dynasty

“there goes the maddest woman this town has ever seen / she had a marvelous time ruining everything”

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

hestia jones: carolina

“and you never did see me here / no, they never did see me here / and she’s in my dreams / into the mist, into the clouds”

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

emma vanity: I did something bad

“I can feel the flames on my skin / crimson red paint on my lips / if a man talks shit then I owe him nothing / don’t regret it one bit cause he had it coming”

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

sybil trelawney: cassandra

“so they killed cassandra first cause she feared the worst / and tried to tell the town”

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

narcissa black: would’ve, could’ve, should’ve

“give me back my girlhood / it was mine first”

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

bellatrix black: fortnight

“I was supposed to be sent away / but they forgot to come and get me”

septima vector: vigilante shit

“draw the cat eye sharp enough to kill a man”

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

lucinda talkalot: the bolter

“but as she was leaving / it felt like breathing / all her fucking lives / flashed before her eyes”

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

amelia bones: this is me trying

“I was so ahead of the curve / the curve became a sphere”

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

charity burbage: bejeweled

“I can still make the whole place shimmer”

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

aurora sinistra: the lakes

“I want auroras and sad prose / I want to watch wisteria grow / right over my bare feet / cause I haven’t moved in years”

rita skeeter: but daddy I love him

“and I’ll tell you something about my good name / it’s mine alone to disgrace”

[atlasdoe]

BURY ME WITH THE NDAS

marauders band au | rated M | chapters 5/? | 16,293 words

Summary

The Marauders were one of the worlds biggest bands but after an argument in the studio, Regulus Black, the bands lead singer and guitarist, is killed in a car accident during the bands peak.

Not wanting to upset the fans or end their career, the band are eft with no choice but to find a replacement.

Enter Sirius Black, Regulus' older brother and the closest thing he has to a clone

CHAPTER FIVE: CARRY THAT WEIGHT

Preview

Despite the fact that everything was different, Remus kept getting strange senses of deja vu.

He was back in the recording studio in Abbey Road, and he was still watching Regulus and James have the same argument that they did a week ago, which at this point might as well have been a lifetime.

The only difference was that Remus won’t joke about killing his bandmates, Septima won’t come over and ask either him or Peter to make them stop, and he was definitely not going over there and taking Regulus away to talk to him. Because that wasn’t Regulus who was arguing with James; it was Sirius, and Remus refused to let himself forget it.

[athena-xox]

Oh my gosh don’t get me started

Emmeline: a couple canonical things to get out of the way first she’s canonically Asian!! (And hot like she’s literally described as majestic) and she also was a part of the first war and died in the second. I hc that she’s ravenclaw same year as the marauders. Very sarcastic I’d say she’s like a mix between lily and reg. Best friends with caradoc dearborn. Secretly a hopeless romantic. Her vibe is smudged sparkly eyeshadow. She joined the ravenclaw quidditch team in fifth year as a chaser. Her friend group consisted of Caradoc, Sybill, Xenophilius, Doris Purkiss and Kingsley. My all time fav ship is emmary but Emm has chemistry with a lot of ppl. She would be such a swiftie her top five albums would be: evermore, midnights, reputation, speak now and folklore.

Amelia: she is canonically broad! You can interpret this how you want but interpret it somehow into your hcs. I hc that she was the middle child of five at adopted. She was Brazilian but her parents were Black and white. She was one year older than the marauders and a hufflepuff. She became a prefect (head girl) and quidditch captain. She was very strict on fair play and would bench her players if they said any shit to the other teams. Overall just an it girl. I ship her with Emma but I can also see her with Hestia, I also like the hc of her being acearo.

Alice: canonically plus size! I see her as totally badass. Gryffindor four years older than the marauders. Was literally so many girls queer awakening or just crush. I definitely don’t hc her whole vibe to be Alice Cullen (guilty as charged). Nobleflower>> but I also really like fralice.

Emma: she was the keeper on the slytherin quidditch team. She went pro. She was really close with Dorcas who was a year younger than her and both her and Cass loved Lucinda Talkalot like a little sister. Latina, her personality is literally just Andi from rebelde. Obviously I love her and Amelia, also her and Hestia though (polyam?) and emlily. Captainflower is just so fcking cute.

Bellatrix: oldest, everyone at school was scared of her. She would enchanted her hair to look like snakes and would always dress up as Medusa for Halloween. Ik canonically she’s ten years older than the marauders but I hc she’s only five. Quillkiller is just top tier, like toxic gfs? Yes please sign me up.

Andy: twins with Bella. Super badass rockstar vibes. Her hair was a bit lighter than Bella’s. She was almost sorted into hufflepuff. I love her and Ted but her and Olivia Gleaves>> it’s basically the same trope just sapphic.

Narcissa: technically Irish twins with Bella and Andy. Four years older than the marauders. Rbf. Honestly more scary than Bella. Was very intimidating on the outside but inside she was very insecure. Naturally black hair. Nobleflower obviously is the best but I also really like the idea of her and Septima Vector?

There’s literally so many more underrated marauders era girls (Ik around 100) and I’ll give hcs for a few more who are popular.

Hestia Jones: I alr mentioned her but I hc that she’s hufflepuff one year older than the marauders and best friends with Amelia. She was kind of reserved and almost sorted into ravenclaw. I hc that she’s Afro Latina.

Aurora Sinistra: oh my. She’s so everything. Four years older than the marauders and ravenclaw. Half blood. Introverted but still had friends.

Lucinda talkalot: I hc she was three years younger than the marauders. Latina fs. My fc is Camilla Mendes and I won’t except any other fc. Little sister to Emma and Cass. ACEARO!!

Sybill Trelawny: she’s so underrated for what? She’s literally so important to the plot like what. I hc that she looks like me (so white and brunette 😭) but I can see her as any race. She’s autistic. It’s canon. She told me. Hopeless hopeless romantic. I really love the idea of her and Lily.

Olivia Gleaves: four years older than the marauders and ravenclaw. Super bubbly and a total gossip. Latina my fc is Andrea Chaparro and it’s the only correct fc!! She’s muggleborn and had a twin brother who was sorted into hufflepuff. Her and Andy (Androlivia)

Septima Vector: NATIVE AMERICAN. the lack of native rep in this fandom is disgusting. Four years older than the marauders and ravenclaw. She didn’t like anyone at hogwarts and was super anti social. But a totally different person with her family. Was so good with kids.

Charity Burbage: controversial opinion? She was not friends with snape. Hufflepuff a year younger than the marauders. She was a transfer from ilvermorny in her fifth year. She was cousins with Septima and native as well (sue me). Was friends with Benjy Fenwick and a lot of other ppl but often caught up in her own world. Activist. Nickname was Cherry.

Bertha Jorkins: canonically plus size!! Ravenclaw four years older than the marauders (if you can’t tell I’m obsessed with the ravenclaws of ‘74) gossip super bubbly. Best friends with Olivia.

can people give me headcanons for any of the girls? not just Mary, Marls, Lily, Pandora or Dorcas, I mean Emmeline, Amelia, Alice, Emma and the Black sisters as well, as long as anyone not listed here.

I want to dive into their characters more, but I'd like a sense of what other people think they're like first

[saintsenara]

honestly is there a single competent teacher at Hogwarts? Any teacher I can think of with more than 10 lines of dialogue is a pedagogical disaster. Very shippable disasters though, for which I am grateful because your page has made me giggle all week.

maybe Sprout.

honestly, anon? no.

that school is a basket case and the older i get the more my sympathy for cornelius fudge increases. imagine getting the call where dumbledore says "heyyyyy... so, i hired what i thought was an ex-auror who was retired from the service because of serious ptsd, gave him no teacher training, let him perform illegal curses on children for fun, and then it turns out he was an escaped convict trying to resurrect the dark lord all along. lmao."

i'd have devoted myself to trying to discredit him too.

and so, for fun and profit, i think it's only fair for us to establish an official competency ranking of the teaching staff at hogwarts during the period 1991-1998... points on for having a basic grasp of the material, points off for anyone who nearly dies in your class.

1. wilhelmina grubbly-plank, care of magical creatures

genuinely, professor grubbly-plank is the only person we meet in all seven books who seems to be an uncomplicatedly good teacher. she's got a series of well-defined lesson plans which feature a mixture of guided and independent study and which work in a tangible way towards exams, she has clear authority in the classroom but is never unreasonable or cruel, she's demonstrably able to lead a practical class which involves wild animals which might behave dangerously or unpredictably without there ever being any concerns about student safety, she takes an active pastoral role [such as when she helps heal hedwig's injured wing, reassuring harry enormously], she's collegial [she shares her lessons plans with hagrid in goblet of fire, and she refuses to criticise his teaching to umbridge], and she's admired by all of her pupils except harry [who is nonetheless begrudgingly forced to admit that she's incredibly good at her job].

plus, her aesthetic is iconic.

=2. filius flitwick, charms; pomona sprout, herbology

in joint second place, we have these two.

both sprout and flitwick spend canon seeming to be pretty good at their jobs - they have interesting lesson plans which seem to balance theoretical and practical work well and which prepare their pupils properly for exams, their pupils like them and enjoy their lessons, they're both excellent at the pastoral side of their jobs [sprout's gentle encouragement of neville is really lovely], and they're adored by their colleagues.

they lose marks for lax classroom discipline. harry, ron, and hermione are constantly yapping away in both charms and herbology - with harry and ron frequently failing to understand what they're supposed to be learning because they were too busy have a chat.

=4. remus lupin, defence against the dark arts; septima vector, arithmancy

two teachers here who earn their placement on the list by having one pupil who considers them life-alteringly inspiring.

for lupin, this is dean thomas - whose constant state of readiness to throw hands to defend his honour is one of his greatest character traits. for vector, it's hermione.

obviously, they're both well-qualified, well-prepared, engaging, and [at least in lupin's case, but i can't see why it wouldn't also be the case for vector] well-regarded by their colleagues.

they don't rank higher because lupin loses marks for endangering his students by not disclosing his knowledge that the presumed-to-be-a-death-eater sirius has a means of entering hogwarts without detection [i understand why he does this from a characterisation point of view, but it's inexcusable from a safeguarding one] and because vector teaches an elective subject which is implied to only attract bright, engaged pupils - and therefore has an easier time in the classroom than someone trying to get a student like crabbe through their exams.

5. minerva mcgonagall, transfiguration

in comes minnie mac at number five.

unsurprisingly, her solid curriculum, excellent classroom discipline, high-regard among her colleagues and pupils, support of student extracurricular activities, and investment in helping her pupils pursue the careers they want all give her points.

she loses marks, however, for the fact that she is so casually disdainful of pupils who aren't instinctively good at her subject - which suggests that she doesn't know how to adapt her material so it can be understood by every student she teaches. like dumbledore, she seems to have an identifiable favouritism for brilliant students - who she seems to permit to get away with much more than students she considers average or dull - which probably doesn't endear her to anyone who doesn't get that treatment.

on her pastoral approach, though, i don't think that it matters too much that she's not particularly nurturing - even though she's a head of house. she seems to be good at responding to genuine distress and managing genuine crises with empathy, and the "pull yourself together" vibes she takes in response to more trivial dramas is because she's a presbyterian scotswoman.

6. severus snape, potions & defence against the dark arts

the one on this list that i imagine will be controversial...

because snape is a dick in the classroom - not denying that - but he's also, in terms of his pupils' exam performance, clearly the most successful teacher in the entire school. he can fill his newt-level classes despite only admitting those with outstanding grades, and he expects every pupil he teaches to pass owl-level potions and seems not to be disappointed. hermione reveals that he does teach the theory of potions and the discipline's wider application - harry and ron just don't listen - and that she thinks his lessons are interesting.

snape loses marks - obviously - for his general vibe, although i think he should be allowed some leeway for his dickhead behaviour since potions is clearly a subject in which not paying attention and not being able to follow instructions properly is dangerous [hence why i've been a trevor hater since day one].

i suppose he should also be allowed some leeway because it's a genre requirement for a school story to have a theatrically evil teacher. but he's not getting it - since he clearly enjoys the role so much.

7. horace slughorn, potions

marks on for encouraging independent thinking and for clearly being able to hold a classroom's attention. marks off for not learning the names of pupils he's indifferent to, getting his favourite pupils drunk, and for having no follow-up questions to "hello, sir. i'd like to commit some murders."

8. charity burbage, muggle studies

entirely because i think it's genuinely admirable - and, indeed, far more admirable than the fact that the order of the phoenix all happily keep working for the state following voldemort's takeover - that she publishes an article in the daily prophet, to which her real name is attached, explicitly refuting blood-supremacist rhetoric when she must know that a blood-supremacist government is about to come into power.

marks off because the fact that even wizards who've taken her class appear to know fuck all about muggle society means that she can't be particularly good at her job.

9. firenze, divination

marks on because his pupils love him, marks off because that's a tremendously low bar to clear given... trelawney.

him telling his classes that divination is a bullshit, made-up subject is iconic, though.

10. "alastor moody", defence against the dark arts

i think it's genuinely impressive that he manages to go from being imprisoned under the imperius curse for a decade straight into planning a full year's lesson plans [which his pupils love] and doesn't have a breakdown.

marks off because of literally everything else.

=11. all the miscellaneous teachers: aurora sinistra, astronomy; silvanus kettleburn, care of magical creatures; bathsheba babbling, ancient runes

they seem fine.

14. rolanda hooch, flying

full respect to her for managing to wangle a full-time salary out of an annual workload made up of teaching one lesson [badly] and refereeing six quidditch matches.

15. quirinus quirrell, defence against the dark arts

all the proof those of us who hate professor riddle stories need that voldemort would have been a dogshit teacher, if he can't even get his meat-puppet to inspire a room full of eager eleven-year-olds in a subject which is about the coolest ways possible to kill people.

=16. cuthbert binns, history of magic; sybill trelawney, divination

they're terrible, obviously, but the fact that they remain in their jobs despite being so clearly incompetent is entirely dumbledore's fault. are you not giving the staff performance reviews, albus? come on now.

18. dolores umbridge, defence against the dark arts

umbridge deserves to be in prison, but she did at least bother to plan out a curriculum.

=19. gilderoy lockhart, defence against the dark arts; rubeus hagrid, care of magical creatures

both victims of dumbledore's "lol this will be so funny" era of hiring practices. both deservedly regarded as completely fucking incompetent by all but one defiant brownnoser. both possessing jazzy taste in textbooks.

21. amycus carrow, defence against the dark arts

he beats his sister simply because his pupils do appear to know how to perform the unforgivable curses correctly.

22. alecto carrow, muggle studies

literally nothing positive can be said.

[logolepsy-babble]

Marauders in the Riordanverse

(I’m bored and I randomly thought what if they were in the Riordanverse?)

Camp Half-Blood

Cabin 1 - Zeus

- Emmeline Vance

- Aurora Sinistra (adopted by Hera)

Cabin 4 - Demeter

- Frank Longbottom

Cabin 5 - Ares

- Edgar Bones

- Amelia Bones

- Kingsley Shacklebolt

- Ludo Bagman

Cabin 6 - Athena

- Regulus Black

- Sirius Black

- Rita Skeeter

- Lucinda Talkalot

Cabin 7 - Apollo (Greek)

- Poppy Pompfrey

Cabin 8 - Artemis (Hunters)

- Marlene McKinnon (quit)

- Alice Fortescue

Cabin 9 - Hephaestus

- James Potter

- Arthur Weasley

- Pandora Rosier

Cabin 10 - Aphrodite

- Bertha Jorkins

- Zara Zambini

Cabin 11 - Hermes

- Peter Pettigrew

- Gideon Prewett

- Fabian Prewett

- Molly Prewett

Cabin 12 - Dionysus

- Rose Rosmerta

Cabin 15 - Hypnos

- Xenophilius Lovegood

Cabin 16 - Nemesis

- (arguably) Dorcas Meadowes

- Quirinus Quirrel

Cabin 17 - Nike

- Hestia Jones

Cabin 18 - Hebe

- Rubeus Hagrid

- Charity Burbage

Cabin 19 - Tyche

- Elphias Doge

Cabin 20 - Hecate

- Sybill Trelewaney

Camp Jupiter

Children of Neptune

- Amos Diggory

Children of Bacchus

- Florence Greengrass

- Severus Snape

Children of Mars

- Dedalus Diggle

- Bellatrix Black

- Narcissa Black

Children of Minerva

- Minerva McGonagall

Children of Bellona

- Albus Dumbledore

- Emma Vanity

Legacy

- Aberforth Dumbledore

Descendant of Hercules

- Lily Evans

Children of Apollo (Roman)

- Remus Lupin

- Septima Vector

Magicians

- Dorcas Meadowes

- Marlene McKinnon

- Benjy Fenwick

- Sturgis Podmore

- Caradoc Dearborn

- Mary Macdonald

Norse (but not dead)

- Lucius Malfoy (son of Víðarr)

- Tom Riddle/Voldemort (son of Loki)

Vallhalla

- Alastor Moody

- Barty Crouch Jr (son of Tyr)

- Evan Rosier (son of Hel)