#Self-control? Don't know her

[goddessmoonlady]

I was firmly reminded yesterday that self-control and I have never met. 😂 I impulsively bought a paperback edition of a book that I already own both the hardback and audio versions of. Do I regret it?......

Not really. 😂

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

I think for all the discussions we have of "everyone hears the jokes and the piano; after that, they stop listening" surrounding Louis, we tend to still simplify his connection to the piano.

Yes, it's very cute that he sings Clementine a little song when they first meet, and it's very cute that he plays a little prank on her while "tuning" the piano. It's super cute that they carve their initials into the piano and Clementine carves a heart around them. It's mega cute that he names his song he wrote after her when she confesses her feelings. Louis playing Don't Be Afraid at the party is, in my opinion, one of the best moments in all of TFS.

But here's the thing: That piano is Louis' heart.

I don't mean to go all metaphorical on you, but I'm dead serious—the piano is Louis' heart, and when you think about his arc and his romance route with that in mind...?

That piano is his one comfort in a world where the dead walk. It's been with him from the beginning of the outbreak. We know from his backstory that Louis wanted to take singing lessons so he could be a real musician, and his father denying him of that was what set him off to be a "vindictive fuckhead." Louis never got those singing lessons, and it's a very real possibility that Louis taught himself how to play.

Sure, others could've taught him; we know Minerva was musically talented, perhaps she showed him a thing or two. But learning piano, or any instrument, is brutal even with professional guidance. It takes hours of practice until numbness wears fingertips raw; dedication to memorize every key and finger placement to make music pleasing to the ear; self-discipline to keep going through every fumble, every failure, every single cruel thought of self-doubt; intelligence and a creative ear to write his own songs.

And yet, it's severely under-appreciated by everyone. It's annoying. It's distracting. It's unimportant. It's an excuse for Louis to mess around and not do any real work. He doesn't have any actual talent. The music and the piano are brushed off, unheard.

Yet, Louis keeps playing. He keeps singing. He keeps making jokes.

Creating music, the one thing he wanted so badly as a kid that he destroyed his parents marriage, was possibly the greatest comfort he had... a welcome distraction to disassociate from the horror and death happening around him.

It's bittersweet, like a purpling bruise that you can't stop pressing on; it hurts, but there's something else below the pain. The piano is out of tune and it's something that brings him joy... but will always act as a constant reminder of who he was and what he did, why he's at Ericson to begin with.

We first meet him while he's playing; Louis' heart is exposed, but is it really? Is he playing to his true potential? Louis hides behind the mask of a charming, charismatic goof. It's what is expected of him, so he plays a silly song intended to poke and prod at Clementine, to gauge a reaction. That's something we see him do at multiple points in episode one. In fact, we can consider a majority of episode one to be like the song he's playing when we meet him; it's mostly cheery or fast-paced.

Louis is able to soothe AJ with his "alluring" music after the kid bit Ruby is an indication that the two of them will share a bond. Louis is a natural at communicating and bonding with the younger kids [another talent that's overlooked] so it's interesting that he praises AJ for being a natural at piano, as well.

But the song stutters just a bit when Louis and Clementine are in the woods together, though; "There's only one guarantee: this moment. That's the only you got, only thing any of us got. Might as well enjoy it." ...Only for Louis to compose himself and send her away.

It's only when Clementine has a gun in her face, held by Marlon, that the music isn't fun anymore; it's rainfall and thunder and the words "I thought you were more than that" sung through the wind in a melody only Louis can hear.

Then Marlon's dead. The song is over, and reality has arrived.

I've talked at length about Louis in ep2 and his vote in the past. It's one of the most compelling things about Louis' arc and romantic route. It's a tragic mistake driven by trauma and guilt. It's people simultaneously telling him to shut up and telling him to be angrier than he is. Telling him to stop burying his head in the sand when he's never been more aware of everything happening. It's AJ peering up at him with pleading eyes that Louis can't stand to look at. It's Clementine wrapping his heartstrings around her fingers and tugging just enough to hurt, but not break.

Louis missed Clementine. He says as much when Clementine admits she missed him first. I don't even know where to begin with that! I can think of no other way to describe it other than they are half agony, half hope over this... and if you get that reference, you get a gold star. I just- the ache, the tension, the conflicting feelings of finally having a quiet moment to talk but Louis not being ready yet.

Y'know how someone carved "you suck at playing" in the side of the piano? It's something you might not initially notice while playing the game, just as Louis' insecurities aren't apparent at first.. but they're carved in him; never fully healed, still scabbed and bleeding... Until Clementine offers him a bandage.

She won't clean the wound for him, but she'll be there. She'll help him figure out how to do it himself so he can heal. She'll listen to him, not belittle his feelings or pain. She'll make an effort to know his keys and notes and practice playing his song until she understands.

When Clementine chooses him to spend time with him, it's a mirror of their first time meeting... but this time, Louis plays something real: a song he wrote, one that I believe he crafted during the two week time skip... a song he wrote with Clementine on his mind, for better or worse.

If the piano is Louis' heart, he literally asks her to sit there and try to tune it, which ends up being a joke but I say she's already tuned your heart, my guy. It's there before them, changed in the warm candlelight. He plays for her and opens up about how no one actually listens, but Clementine did.

And remember, this is the night of the raid. They don't know it's coming, but they know it'll be soon. Louis understands that he could very well die, so what does he do? He carves his initial into the one thing he's always had, and he asks Clementine to do the same.

I'm sorry, how are we NOT more feral about this? Prior to this scene, the only thing we see carved into the piano, into Louis' heart, is an insult. This thing that Louis cares so deeply about, this instrument that's become so intertwined with who he is... he wants to leave his mark on it just in case he dies. A reminder that it was his and he belonged to it just as much. Something so important, and he asks Clementine to carve herself into his heart where no matter what, they will be immortalized together in this moment.

And when Clementine carves a heart around their initials? Yes, his reaction is very cute and that's great... but she's not ashamed of him, or her feelings for him. She wants everyone who looks upon his heart to know that. She tells him how she feels and Louis is so giddy, and warm, and he names the song after her and I am going to start biting anything that moves, I can't-

Oh, and let's discuss the party scene in episode three, shall we? Y'know, where the heart covered initials are on full display? Where Louis tells the story of why he was sent to Ericson to everyone?

Louis is so... vulnerable. Sincere. Ashamed of what he did. This is the exposed nerve, the one he was so afraid of showing Clementine but there it is... and she doesn't reject him. Sure, she can say it's fucked up if you choose to, but she doesn't break up with him over it.

Also the fact that everyone sitting around him finally listens when he's at his most unshielded only for Tenn to ask him to play Don't Be Afraid for them after...? How do you not see the connection? Are you trying to make me cry? In that moment, Louis' heart was heard and appreciated and beautiful and strong and-

Listen. I am fine. I'm so normal about this. And fine. I'm fine.

But I also have to add that during the walk in episode four, if you let Louis choose what to add to the imaginary house, he picks a brand new piano because he wants a new heart to reflect the confidence and growth Clementine helped him achieve and because he loves her and AJ so much that wants the new heart to not just be his but also theirs and I am so fine with this, okay.

[fromtheseventhhell]

Arya watched them die and did nothing. What good did it do you to be brave? One of the women picked for questioning had tried to be brave, but she had died screaming like all the rest. There were no brave people on that march, only scared and hungry ones. (Arya VI, ACOK)

--

The night she was caught, the Lannister men had been nameless strangers with faces as alike as their nasal helms, but she'd come to know them all. You had to know who was lazy and who was cruel, who was smart and who was stupid. You had to learn that even though the one they called Shitmouth had the foulest tongue she'd ever heard, he'd give you an extra piece of bread if you asked, while jolly old Chiswyck and soft-spoken Raff would just give you the back of their hand. (Arya VI, ACOK)

Arya: *restrains herself from acting out when captured by the Mountain and his men because she knows fighting back/being brave wouldn't accomplish anything*

Arya: *takes note of the temperments of several Lannister guards so that she can learn how to navigate around their behavior*

Fandom: Arya is a feral idiot with no self-control uwu 🤗

[thegreatimpersonator]

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[angelsdean]

seeing a post abt how sam's early seasons anger is justified given the circumstances of his life + childhood trauma, and the post itself was fine, but then there's tags / reactions where people (samgirls / deancrits) will apply such a double standard when it comes to dean expressing any form of anger. sam's anger is good and righteous and makes sense given the circumstance, but then they'll look at dean who has also experienced a traumatic childhood + the trauma of parentification + all the trauma from being trapped in a literal horror show + hell trauma / michael possession trauma and think, "oh dean angry? dean yelling and not reacting properly to his compounding trauma? abuser! villain! controlling! bad guy!" like, everything they say to justify sam's anger and reactions to trauma also applies to dean. and why is it always a competition with samgirls / deancrits? sam does not have the monopoly on trauma / autonomy issues!! and if you think so you're really missing the point of this show. it's the trauma and autonomy issues show! it's the fighting for free will show! it's the, people trying to do their best in a world where it is far too easy to do your worst show! they all (dean, cas, sam, jack, etc) grapple with these issues and experience similar traumas. this isn't the trauma olympics show.

[sierradeaton]

So who you been callin' baby? Nobody could take my place

[bijoumikhawal]

also it really is shit how several popular bloggers were like. Horribly bigoted towards ace people when it was cool, but once it stopped being trendy they 1) deleted those posts so receipts couldn't be pulled 2) maybe put up claimed "redactions" or said "omg its been years if you really wanna know wether i still hate those people dm me" but never apologized for their behavior lmao. I don't think any of the people who did that actually changed, I just think they know it's not such an acceptable/fun target to bully anymore. It's really sick how that type of bullying was encouraged for years and how few people repented for their behavior.

[theangrypomeranian]

this Saturday's chapter of LWH is 15k words

I-

[dennisboobs]

ok at the point now where looking at an image of dennis makes me want to smash my head through a wall

[vv-ispy]

.

[phoenixcatch7]

The problem I'm having with one of my stories is that it is compelling - but not clicking.

It's a sephiroth gets reincarnated into mdzs. Straightforward. I've got several branching paths: lwj, jc, nmj (my personal fave) and the jade twins (one mind in two bodies). All five of them have great potential, but for some reason my heart is set on sephiroth!lwj, because the aesthetic is sublime.

But! It's! Not! Working!

My main problems are a) despite similar surfaces, sephiroth has fundamentally different morals and life experiences to lwj and lwjs morals are a huge part of his and wwx's stories. B) I can't NOT have wangxian. I don't ship often at all, but when I do I'm pretty set on it lol. I don't want to deny soulmates. Unfortunately I HATE writing romance. C) I do not think sephiroth should be in any sort of romantic relationship at all nor can I see him wanting one. I've read tons of fics where he is in relationships (healthy or otherwise) and they're amazing, yes, but... Under my pen it's just not in the cards. And I do feel pairing him with wwx would just amplify wwx's worst traits, which is the opposite of what lwj does for him.

Everything's in conflict, but the lure of sephiroths second childhood in strict gusu and his complicated feelings about it, wwx being a perfect mix of all his important people with a spine of steel and righteousness that they all lost as everything fell apart, the relationship between sephiroth and his new mother, and how he'd inexplicably lose her too, the white on white aesthetic, the older identical brother, the cruel angels aesthetic with the benevolent demon, the angst of wwx's defection and death, his relationship with qi as a planet's overflowing life force, the tragedy of the mourning angel, monster x monster.... It calls to me.

But there's also the way wwx becoming a demonic cultivator was so vital to winning the war, and the way that affected things, gave him a legitimacy. Involve the silver soldier, and well. Everything else becomes a little extraneous lol. And sephiroth himself is such a big mover and shaker, I don't know what I could do to manage that without wiping out 80% of the remaining jianghu after the burial mounds siege with sephiroth appointing himself king lmao. He's not the kind of person to make small ripples, you know?

And I'd love a twin jades au to sort of turn the chaos inwards a bit (nmj and jgy would be Excellent foils) but again, I can't separate wangxian and imagining scenes feels a bit too close to incest for my tastes, even when it's ONE PERSON in identical bodies!

It's frustrating, wanting to write a non romance fic set in a love story lol. I just. I hate writing romance. But wangxian just don't want to be parted.

But the image of lwj in the xuanwu cave secretly covering a feverish wwx with his wing, only to notice a handful of white feathers pushing through the black as he unknowingly becomes a better person through showing care for other people, shaking his own deep belief that he is a horrible irredeemable creature incapable of love. Caught in an act of love. Hnggh.

Any ideas?!

[izzyspussy]

why are they laughing at him as he gets straight up killed??? he doesn't deserve this! he's a sweet kid at heart! he literally just needs one (1) real friend!!

[blue-banditt]

guys I'm gonna be such a wreck in a couple weeks after my bestie turns 21 I know I'm not gonna be able to stop pestering her to buy me alcohol so I can relapse and it might just get to levels of pathetic diseased puppy and I'm going to hate myself sm for it

[lyranix1201]

My biggest problem that I have well making digital art is that I add too much details. I need to stop and have self-control , but sadly, I don't have that. I've been adding details for the past hour.

The worst part is that you won't be able to see the detail in the end.😭

all of this hard work for nothing

Like, Help meeee, free me from this torment.

[hephaestuscrew]

The only two times we hear Minkowski and Eiffel hug (which represent half of the canonical hugs in the whole podcast) are in Ep31 (Sécurité) and Ep54 (The Watchtower). Both hugs occur after Eiffel has been missing out in space and Minkowski has had very good reason to believe that he's dead.

When he returns from being missing in action for the first time, Minkowski hugs him so tightly that he can barely breathe. Then immediately afterwards, she's embarrassed and apologetic; "sorry, I don't know what I'm doing…" (A few more of my thoughts on that hug here)

In contrast, when he returns from being missing in action for a second time, it's him who "embraces her tightly" (quote from the script directions). And I think it's not just that he wants to give her a hug, although of course he does. It's also that he thinks she will want to give him a hug and he knows she hasn't always found that open affection easy.

He could have hugged her without saying anything about it, he could have said something about him giving her a hug, but instead he asks her to hug him ("C'mere, give us a hug"). He asks her to do what his past experiences suggest she will want to do anyway but will feel self-conscious about. In that casual way - perhaps without even consciously thinking about it - he gives her permission to let her guard down the way he thinks she'll want to. And he doesn't know that she's not able to appreciate that gesture in that moment. He doesn't know that her desire to hug him is being suppressed by far more sinister forces than her attempts at composure.

[softquietsteadylove]

Heyyyy

Can we have some more- uh- *cough* *chokes*- spice for the mermaid AU?

once again I live for your entire account 🫶🏼

Thena crunched her sardine snacks, seated next to Gil on the beach that was around the backside of the island. There was a little actual tree cover over this 'beach', and it was even less out of the way than the dock for Titania.

She called it her little cove, where she could slip into the water for a nice little swim and emerge without drawing attention. Gil called it her secret oasis, sometimes.

"This is nice, huh?"

She smiled at him next to her, fishing lazily just for the sake of relaxing. She nodded with another fistful of her favorite snack in her mouth. The water moved and she nudged his arm.

"Ooh!" Gil jumped to grip his fishing rod tighter, reeling and letting out slack in strategic intervals. "Come on, little fella."

Thena tilted her head a few times, trying to deduce the catch from the sounds and smells she could pick up, as well as its behaviour on the hook. "I think it's a snapper."

"You think so?" Gil murmured, although he wrestled with his catch a little.

She nodded, leaning against his shoulder, "don't let it go completely slack, but let it think it's winning a little. Then reel it in all at once."

Gil chuckled, following her instructions. "Is that how you'd hunt it, Angelfish?"

She laughed as well, licking the salt from her snack off her lips. "Exactly. You let it think it can get away and then-!"

Gil beamed as he reeled in the red snapper, letting it soar through the air.

Thena instinctively reached to catch it, but withdrew her hand so Gil could toss his catch aside in his catch basket properly.

He kissed her cheek, "I'm lucky I have the expert with me."

She grinned, always happy to receive affection from him. She would be flipping her tail if she could. But there were certain things her tail couldn't do for her.

Gil sighed as she kissed his lips more purposefully. She set her snacks aside and moved her legs so she could crawl into his lap. Her legs were much better at this kind of thing.

Thena moaned as she tasted his beer on him. She didn't mind the taste of it so much, although that was possibly just because she associated it with Gil so much now. He said she never tasted like sardine snacks even though she ate them all the time.

According to Gil, she tasted the way the ocean smelled. She didn't quite understand that, but it was nicer than hearing that she tasted of dried fish.

"Sweetie," he sighed as she slipped her hand to his belt. He caught her hand gently, "we should go inside."

"Should we?" she asked with no intention of waiting to hear the answer. She moved closer, tugging at one end of the contraption. Something she would never, ever admit to Gil was that when he was at work she practised things like untying his shoes and getting his belts clasped and unclasped.

It was good practise for her! And also she wanted to be better at getting him undressed before he could start arguing about whether it was 'the right time' or not.

"Angelfish," Gil attempted to sound more stern, although she pressed a hand to his chest and found that funny bump called the nipple again. Its many purposes and pleasures still amazed her.

Thena pulled back and pouted at him, "why?"

"Well," her sweet human blushed, holding her gently between his outstretched legs. "We're...outside."

She blinked, "and?"

"Well," he urged, only more embarrassed. "We don't do...this...outside. What if someone heard us?--what if someone saw you?!"

"Hm," Thena pursed her lips. She supposed that mating was more something done with a certain modicum of privacy. No one wanted to stumble upon a mating couple among the coral reefs. She looked around them. "But-"

"Thena-" Gil tried to continue but moaned as she kissed him again.

"You seem excited by the idea," she pointed out, pressing against him and the increasingly firm bulge between his legs. "There is no one around, for how concerned you are of it."

Gil sighed, looking at her. "No one?"

"No one," she assured with a smile, tracing her thumb along his hairline. "I can't hear a single human, or boat. I can't smell anything but the sea."

Gil seemed ready to concede. He have a great respect for the fact that her senses far exceeded his own capabilities. He frowned, "are you comfortable with this, Angelfish?"

She tilted her head at him. "Are you?"

Gil smiled, tilting his head up and kissing her again, "If you're sure no one is around to listen to my girlfriend like this, then I'm fine with it."

She purred as she leaned in for another kiss. Ever since their first time mating it seemed her body hungered for it. She sat around thinking about him--about it. They slept together regularly now but when they didn't mate before sleeping she would sleep lightly, hoping to wake up and find that he was awake too.

Humans needed so much sleep--poor creatures.

Gil rolled them over on the blanket he had laid out over the large and coarse sand of the side beach. It wasn't the very light silica that was likely to get all over and stick everywhere, but sand was still sand. He grunted, "wrap your legs around me, Angelfish."

Thena sighed, melting against him as he purred that pet name in her ear. It reverberated through her, reducing her hard earned bones to jelly status.

Gil kissed from below her ear down her throat, dragging his teeth along where she had sealed away her gills under extra skin. She shivered. "You like that?"

She did. Very much.

Thena arched her back as he unbuttoned the shirt of his she was wearing, revealing her breasts. He found those very special, very sensitive nipples and began working his magic with his firm, calloused fingertips.

Even though he and Sersi had both taken her shopping, she simply preferred wearing Gil's clothes, unless they were going somewhere new.

Gil ran his tongue over one nipple then the other, teasing them until they were at peak sensitivity. She could feel the wind against them. He unbuttoned the shirt all the way, revealing her hips and between her legs.

She mewled as he stroked there, "Gil, yes, more."

He nudged her necklace up with his nose so he could nip her collar bone lightly with his teeth. Such blunt teeth, such gentle nibbles. "That's it, sweetheart."

Thena panted as he moved his fingers in waves, the way she would move her own tail. She wasn't sure if this was just the technique but by all seas and oceans it was good. "Yes, yes, Gil, please!"

He always made her finish first ('come' first). Something about it being good for her. And it made it easier for him to enter her afterwards? She hadn't paid much attention, too gripped by the pleasure of imagining it while he was explaining it so calmly.

She laid facing up, blinking at the sun just barely peeking through the leaves over them, tingling her skin. She gripped Gil's shoulders as he kissed her, pulling his fingers from her gently.

She sighed and purred, her head lilting this way and that lazily, her legs wound around Gil's hips. "Please, Gil? I want you inside of me again."

He blushed; something about mating instilled such shyness in her sweet man. It was very endearing.

He kissed her as they both got his belt undone and tossed away. He did most of the work until he was at her entrance again. "Ready?"

Thena moaned as loud as she wanted to as he pushed into her. This was the feeling that consumed her mind day and night. It was driving her to insanity. Makkari wouldn't recognise her anymore if she knew how much she craved Gil's naked flesh against her fingertips.

Gil moved gently at first, his body laid out and close to hers, her arms wound around his ribs and her legs over his hip and around his leg. Truly a beast with two backs, they made.

Thena whimpered as she dug her heel into his tailbone. It was a difficult angle for her leg - or maybe it was her hip doing the work - but it could make him go faster.

Gil thrust harder, hitting deeper. Their pelvises met loudly, and Thena could hear the fluids allowing their mating to happen smoothly. She groaned. He nipped at her neck again, "feel good, Angelfish?"

"So good," she responded, digging her nails into his back a little and dragging them over his skin. His muscles clenched and she would have asked if she had hurt him, if he didn't pick up pace even more.

"Fuck," he cursed, pushing himself up on his palms beside her so he could move more intensely. She liked the way it sounded when he cursed. It was different from her own usual curses, like oil spill or clownfish or barnacle.

Thena let out another moan as he scraped against the front of her, "there, Gil, I want more right there!"

He grinned, his breath coming out differently when he was smiling. He gripped the side of her butt and then her thigh, "okay then!"

"Gil, more, there, yes!" Sometimes word ceased to find her when they were mating. Like now. "Fuck!"

Ooh, it did feel good to say 'fuck'.

"Thena," he grunted, sweat beading on his forehead. He was close to finishing too.

"Yes, right there, almost," she panted, staring up at the sky as if she could physically reach out for the point of her release. "Gil!"

It felt like waves against the rocks. Like letting her body go and riding the ebb and flow of the storm safely within a warm pocket. She felt like a jelly listing lazily through the current, or a great turtle swimming as slowly as it desired.

Gil's finish was always loud, sometimes painful sounding. But he said it felt good, and the feeling of his finish releasing in her certainly felt good for her. So she hoped it felt better for him.

Gil stayed close to her body, as if a bird flying overhead would be spying on them mating and he was greedily keeping her human body to himself.

Not that she wanted to share his human body with anyone.

He kissed her gently, as he always did after mating. He looked down at her with warm eyes, always with this extra soft expression after their release. "You okay?"

She smiled at him, purring for lack of any better words. He seemed to understand, burying his face against her breast and kissing over her happy little heart.

"You're amazing, Angelfish."

By the seven seas did she love him. She didn't know if love always accompanied mating but it certainly did for her. She would never need - or take - another mate so long as she lived. "I could say the same of you."

He blushed, her sweet, sweet human.

Gil pulled her up into his lap, him hanging loosely now that the mating was over. He held her delicately, buttoning up his shirt again.

According to him, having her breasts out in the open flustered him.

Thena bent her head to sneak in little kisses as he did up the buttons, blocking his view of them at every opportunity. She liked kissing him, and she liked kissing him far more than she liked being dressed.

"Come on, Cuddlefish," he chuckled, giving her another kiss before stuffing himself away into his pants again. Doing up that damned belt. "I have dinner to make."

Thena nodded and sighed, letting him stand up and pull her with him. Mating was far better, but Gil's food was a close second for the best feeling in the world.