#See how I feel about this one in a week
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~~~~~ Jem Carstairs ~~~~~
1860 - PresentÂ
Soft pillows, quiet rain, birdsong, a purring cat, following someone to the ends of the earth, moonlight, peace within yourself, music echoing around your room, loving people so deeply, laughter, the smell of sandalwood and a very gentle sort of kindness.
â
TID Character Moodboards 3/16
#Yes Iâve posted this one before but I didnât LIKE IT#So I re-did it#See how I feel about this one in a week#Tid#tsc#jem carstairs#Tid moodboards series#James carstairs#Herongraystairs#brother Zachariah
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Bonus round! Do you use a queue tag?
#ive been super curious about this because people seem to have really strong opinions on the queue! so many people seem to HATE it#but i love using the queue! i dont really know exactly why i like it so much- i started using in like... 2016 and its a fundamental part of#my tumblr experience now. i think i started off just using it for offline hours so id hit most my american mutuals (/ for aes posts)#but these days basically everything goes in my queue (cept time sensitive things & like. current hype and original posts-#anything 'normal' posting is in the queue)#idk it feels. nice to me! i like to spread out my posting and not rb 30 things in half an hour and then disappear for the rest of the day#esp since my spaces are so circular- the same post runs on my dash a dozen times minimum. and i get to put it on ur dash a week late!!!#and its so nice to have small interactions with mutuals in incompatible timezones; to open up my notifications in the morning#and go: oh! my friends were here <3#its such a Part of the tumblr experience for me i dont think i could ever truly change now. maybe switch to timed queueing#but my availability changes so much i prefer to just. know i guess#but (i am so sorry for all that) im curious about how other people feel!!!!!! itd be so interesting to hear abt why people do/do not like i#i know some people like the experience of spamming and going. some people think it makes this seem to much like influencing or whatever#everyone has their reasons and i want to know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#nyxtalks#poll#queue#no see answers option because you must fall into one of these
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scenes i loved from Real Enough to Get Me Through by @marriedzukka <333 [ids in alt]
#zukka#zukka fanart#sokka#sokka fanart#zuko#zuko fanart#atla#atla fanart#avatar the last airbender#zukka fic rec#myart#yall. yall. dani. this FIC#first off it made me cry twice. not like 'oh im crying' internet speak no. like. eyes are too blurry to read let me stop this for a sec#it is SO GOOD#your prose? amazing#your insights on grief? life changing#THEM??? THEM their relationship and trust#'zuko looked at him and his world shifted on its axis'#ive been thinking about that line for WEEKS STRAIGHT#i can't tell you how many passages i screenshot just because of how beautiful or cute they were#the moment of seeing the painting of sokka's mom? how did you manage to make it so telling character wise--so sweet so PAINful AND so#cute with their relationship?!!?!#'oh so you think i'm beautiful too'#GOD#i had so many scenes i wanted to draw it was crazy#also#'Our loved ones leave impressions on us that can still impact our decisions and feelings even after they're gone'#fuck. had me crying AGAIN#seriously this fic is so wonderful and not just through a zukka lens. truly life changing you're an AMAZING writer#the fandom is so lucky to have you and i can't Believe it took me so long to get around to reading this masterpiece
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Lan Wangji Goes To Lotus Pier AU: Part 3: Enveloping Feelings.
(Part 1, Part 2, Part 4)
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#lan wangji#Yungmeng Jiang training arc AU#I wanted to try out a different paneling style for this one - sorry I'm a day late! (there will still be a post tomorrow to keep on track)#The original 3 panel comic idea was fine but the point of this new schedule was to take time to push myself a bit more.#I was taking a look back through some comic artists I felt inspired by#and I really loved how Lynda Barry fills her gutters with patterns and doodles!#Obviously I'm not going as absolutely wild with it as she does but it was a great exercise!#I truly think the gutters are the most important and most overlooked part of any comic. There's lots going on in that space.#It's the same with timeskips. The implied movement between moments that we don't see changes depending on how wide that gap is#You're here for the funny tags so here's some that ties this time talk together:#I think LWJ was thinking about that second note from day 2 but it took him 7 days of hazing to commit it to paper.#I think he sends it a day later and immediately regrets it. Chasing down the messenger and everything.#You know if something actually happened to his brother he would never ever forgive himself for putting the bad vibes out there.#Third time skip was the hardest because there was so many possible flavours of jokes here. Day 8/9 was a personal favourite.#day 14 was also funny (week by week). I think the debate on 'how long does lwj take to catch feelings' is more or less:#'how long does it take for him to arrive at a particular stage of grief and yearning (and awareness of it all)#This is a symphony. There is an act by act structure. Every day he is fighting to keep his old sensibilities. He is losing so badly.#(I'll be returning to the main comic soon but there is more of this AU to come!)
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("Always. Continuously. With increasing apprehension, and decreasing hope. I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I see you every Tuesday. I will love you as a corpse loves the beak of the vulture. I will love you no matter what happens to you, and no matter how I discover what happens to you, and no matter what happens to me as I discover this." -- paraphrased from The Beatrice Letters, Lemony Snicket)
#svsss#bingqiu#luo binghe#shen qingqiu#lbh#sqq#i've been working through the series of unfortunate events and somehow that series has paired really nicely with svsss#the themes of cycling violence and what's justified and what isn't and what can possibly be done differently#and how trying to bring love and honour into the midst of it really changes nothing but also changes everything#it's just *chef's kiss*#i don't know how i can quite do my thoughts justice but i've spent the past few weeks quietly going between the two series (and mdzs and tg#as well if we're being honest they all hit similar questions and themes) and just reveling in the pain and ambiguity of it#everything is interconnected and it means you can never know what trauma and pain and necessity has shaped a person#each story goes too far back to ever ever EVER possibly see the full extent of it#at that level even communication itself is nearly impossible.#and because of that it's almost impossible to change anything. beat yourself apart and the outcome is the same#and yet ATTEMPTING to change things ATTEMPTING to do the kind thing the honourable thing is absolutely critical#because while you can change nothing you also have the capacity to change EVERYTHING#aaaaaaah i don't even know what i'm saying#but i read the beatrice letters today and the love letter just. killed me.#(obviously i cherrypicked some lines because it's three pages long but those ones felt right)#''i love you like a corpse loves a vulture's beak'' i just. can't get over that line.#to be completely changed. altered. destroyed. redeemed. purified. desecrated. reduced to nothing yet entirely necessary for another's life.#what a FUCKING line#anyway i was either going to blow up from thinking about it or else i had to exorcise it via art from an entirely different series#i've already done svsss and discworld why not throw a series of unfortunate events into the mix#i'll be honest folks i did not expect svsss to be the mxtx series that would fuck me up the most about the main ship#bingqiu is something else. i don't even know how to begin to approach my feelings on it. impossibility and necessity all at once#bizarre#my art
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Lumity week day 1: Surprise!!
Something about promise rings or something sappy n romantic idrk... (they're madly in love your honour)
#The artstyle is crazyyy in this one where did I learn to draw side profiles like that#Not sure how I feel about it yet we'll see#luz noceda#amity blight#lumity#lumity week#lumity week 2024#the owl house#the owl house fanart#toh#digital art#artists on tumblr#kenny's art:3
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Whenever I drew Connie with a single dandelion behind his ear this scene was playing in my head like wii channel music.
#bg3#baldur's gate 3#shadowheart#connecticut tav#bg3 tav#comic#i was near burn out while making this#or more like i had a small breakdown while making the last page#but turned out i forgot to take my meds that week oops#aaanyway#shart eventually learns how to make flower crowns#i have this idea that for their wedding they make the crows for each other#consistency in art style? i dont know her#you can see how i tried to do the simplified style and then abandoned it halfway through#that's what you get for working on something for almost a month#i love the feeling of finishing a comic#but goddamn it's so much work#that's a lot of tags sorry#i'm actually nervous about sharing this one ough#moonbird
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I won't be able to finish this drawing before the convention, which will take up my next 5 days.. But I want to talk a little about him.. I've been thinking about golems and Frankenstein, and the trans body, projection and misunderstanding, villainization and death.
The concepts of Frankenstein's monster and the golem have been swimming in my head for a while, and their lore intertwining.. The tragedy of existing being seen as a monster no matter how you try,.. And the Golem, a protector of his people and a servant whose only flaw always rang a bit close to home as an an autistic person-- being too literal in execution of his orders. He's tired and struggles with a yearning for death. His havdalah candles will be out.. The first flame of the week, a spark of starting over again-- The flame brings him fear. As much as he's kept himself together he doesn't know how much longer he can keep doing it, he fears failure- but the fear of what may happen if he's gone is even more terrifying. He's lived a long life, and over time the one who formed him has sculpted him to the golem's own wishes.. From nothing to the man he is- but even with that effort, to outsiders he's still a monster. His skin is different shades of clays from varying riverbeds as his people have travelled.. Golems are unformed, imperfect.. but even as outsides can be polished the insides can still be broken
#i have a million thoughts on him but will only put a little ramble i guess#jewish art#trans art#you ever think about how no matter how hard you try as a trans person at the end of the day a large amount of people will still see you#as trans. doesnt matter how acceptable you look#the same thing is with jewishness for me.. it's been like a damage multiplier on top of transness.#it doesnt matter how nice i try to be or how caring. it doesnt matter how many good things i do im still a jew to a large amount of people#even within the queer community haha :') ive felt it so often in queer communities here.#this little guy is gonna be where i store that experience as a trans jew. it goes in the frankengolem#i like the thought of frankenstein's fear of fire being incorporated into him in his fear of both rest and havdalah..#he doesnt feel safe to rest. he dreads the new week. his entire life he spends in dread even if he wants to protect his loved ones#gently pats the top of his head.. this boy's autistic#long text#bare chest#death#cw death#tw death#just in case
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DPXDC Prompt #94
Danny falls through a portal to the DC world from a natural portal that opened up while he was in mid fight with Skulker a fight that began at Vlads where the creep put a collar on Danny that kept him in ghost form, Vlad thought heâd force Danny to reveal his secret to his parents by taking away his human form. Looking around heâs in a dark city with dark smog colored skies. Unfortunately heâs stuck here as the portal closed leaving him trapped. He tried to find help but no one can see him in his ghost form. He starts tailing the vigilantes of this world and eventually follows one onto this space station through this tube (possessing inanimate objects sure comes in handy). He wasnât expecting for the random British guy in a trench coat to see him.
#dp x dc prompt#dp x dc#dc x dp#danny fenton#danny phantom#writing prompt#poor danny#What if no one could see Danny like deadman#Danny is stuck in ghost form#Constantine has a headache especially from the ghost king that has apparently been tailing Batman for a week#ghost king danny#Batman had a feeling he was being tailed but itâs hard to prove when nothing is amiss#my asks are open#More Minty lore? Sure!#Honestly no one in my family knows I love Danny Phantom so I only own a glitch in time#Itâs still my favorite show from the 2000s but at this point that probably has more to do with the phandom#Iâd also like to reveal my DP inspired world soon but I have no clue how to go about it#Should I start a new blog? Or should I just post it here? This blog is meant for everything but I donât want to bog it down#So thatâs my rant take it or leave it but you canât unread it!! Thanks for reading have a great day!
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Just to clarify my thoughts (since I've had a number of people ask me about it) re: Job and cursing God. There's a big difference between cursing God as used in Scripture and how we generally would think of cursing at God today.
Cursing someone, in the Bible, has a lot of depth to it. It's not just saying "screw you " in anger, it's got a sense of forsakenness to it. It's the opposite of a blessing, a removal of blessing. If the blessing is presence, your face shining on the person you're blessing, then a curse is absence. In some translations, Job's wife tells him to "renounce God and die," which I honestly think makes a lot more sense to modern ears.
Job says a lot of unpleasant things to and about God in his anger and grief. So do the Psalmists. A number of the Prophets. So can we. God can take it if we come to him with honest expressions of our emotion, including those not-so-nice ones directed at him. I don't think there's anything wrong with getting mad at God and saying, "How dare you, you bastard" when you suffer unjustly. You can say much worse, I think, without sinning, though I don't feel particularly inclined to give examples. But as long as it's an honest expression of your heart, I think you're doing exactly what prayer is for. You're presenting him your heart with an open hand. He can use that. Opposite of love is not hate but indifference, etc.
Job doesn't renounce God. Neither should we. But I think when you're truly suffering, you're gonna have those feelings toward God either way. He'd rather you address them with him directly than try to avoid them. Cursing at God in the modern sense is actually a great way to keep the relationship strong and not end up cursing/renouncing him in the Biblical sense.
#i did try to draw that distinction in the original post but I didn't really go into detail#mostly bc i was trying to be concise and just focus on how the church talks to sufferers#so here's the long version#pontifications and creations#only thou art holy#also side note: there was someone yesterday who responded to that post with the suggestion that suffering is generally the sufferer's fault#and it got worse from there#just an absolutely rank response that had me immediately blocking that person and googling if there was a way to remove someone's addition#idk to what degree that person is an active member of this broader christian community we've got going on here#but if you see that post (and you'll know it when you see it) please as a favor to me don't interact with it#there were some lovely responses and additions to that post yesterday too#but that one made me mad#idk. to a certain degree i wanted to vent#they're blocked now though so whatever#anyway. I've sort of been percolating on these various thoughts for a few weeks#since i went to a really fluffy women's talk on suffering#and now i kind of want to give my version#I'm far from the greatest sufferer in the world. i am well aware of that#but as I've been sick I've just done So Much Thinking and reading about theodicy and struggle with God that i feel qualified to opine#unlike the giver of that talk#anyway#tag rant over#...for now#theodicy
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AU where Loki doesnât interfere with Thorâs banishment at all and it takes Thor years to prove himself worthy and when he returns to Asgard everything is just. The same. Nothing seems to have changed at all and everyone greets him like his absence was a minor obstacle that didnât fundamentally change Thor and the worst part is Loki stepped down from the place as regent without any delay and Thor canât help but feel thereâs something underlaying the way his brother looks at him now and wonât let him touch him and Thor doesnât know what he could have missed because he doesnât think he would have found anything wrong with the things around him and how everyone behaves if he hadnât spent time on Earth reflecting.
#the warriors 4 not being interested in anything Thor âlearntâ at all#and making it clear that Thor was punished unfairly and the AllFatherâs decision had been harsh#Loki saying heâs happy for Thor and Thor sees the way the smiles are forced and he sees the way Loki avoids any touch#Thor hating the way Frigga talks about Lokiâs short regency and Thorâs absence like it wasnât two whole decades or something#like sheâs so grateful to have her other son back without ever addressing why he was gone#Thor just. growing during his time on earth and being much more aware of the behaviour around him#he learns to be critical and assess why people around him may act a certain way#once he realises that itâs possible for him or anyone else to be fallible and make mistakes itâs over for Asgard for him I think#Thor returns and Loki gives him the throne and everyone expects him to obviously have the throne#and Odin is sleeping and Thor isnât comfortable with the way everyone accepts him as king regent after the banishment#Loki who either never lashed out against Jotunheim or did and it was brushed away and no one thinks about it as anything#but Loki is still deeply affected and acts the way he always would have but Thor can feel itâs not the same#he knows something is wrong and Loki wonât say anything about it and Thor doesnât know how to bring it up#Thor sees Loki metaphorically receding into the shadows to become a nonpresence so loud Thor hears it even after returning from decades away#Thor goes to Earth and gets his priorities in order gets a new worldview learns not to take what he has for granted#and finds out he actually despised Asgard#heâs been back a week and he canât stand it
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Things I NEED y'all to stop putting in Jason fics:
"Since Red Hood arrived, he cleaned up Crime Alley better than Batman ever has" First of all, this is not even the case in the comics, so y'all are making this up to make Jason's way "the right way". Second of all, if murdering criminals violently worked better, then that's what the cops would be doing, because, new flash, but the gov used to be way more violent, and crimes were worse, and the gov had to lower its violence, because we know it doesn't work and the gov didn't have enough good excuses to continue. If you think they are not waiting for an excuse to violently kill people, you are wrong. So, stop writing that shit, it's borderline fascist propaganda (violence is the only way to keep power/peace, so free real estate for us to kill anyone we label as criminals) You do not need to find excuses for Jason.
"Crime Alley is Jason's territory and the Bats cannot enter it without his permission" Also, not canon, never was. Are you all forgetting that Bruce's parents died in Crime Alley? That's how it got its name. It's where Batman was born. It's where Bruce goes to mourn his parents during patrols. It's an important location for the Batfam as a whole. It's where Dick thinks his siblings are not authorized to fight when Bruce is "dead"/gone because it is insulting Bruce's memory. It's the meeting points the Bats use multiple times. Batman's first night was probably in Crime Alley. Crime Alley is the mission, to make it a better place for its inhabitants is Bruce's goal. He is shown multiple times to be very protective of its people, especially in front of powerful figures (politicians/rich). As much as Bruce loves Jason, he would not give up Crime Alley. Yes, Jason grew up in Crime Alley, but Crime Alley was Bruce's before Jason was even born.
"Crime Alley hates the bats, except for Red Hood" Again, Batman has been protecting the people of Crime Alley since he started. He was the only one who fought for them against the people that hurt them, the cops not giving a fuck about the poor. Like, stop trying to paint Bruce as a rich guy disconnected from the people, that's not who he is and who he ever was (except for some storylines, but like, fuck these storylines). He has not live their struggles, but he has studied it, he cares about it. And, I can understand that not everyone in Gotham and Crime Alley likes Batman, of course. But to make children dislike Robin or NIGHTWING??? Dick's whole thing is how he is always everyone's favorite. He's an acrobat, he is flying with grace in the sky without powers, he is all smile and gentleness with children, no fucking way children don't like him.
"Dick killed the Joker for Jason." No, he killed the Joker in an act of rage and fear when he had Tim and threatened to kill him like the last one. BUT ALSO, and this is really important, DICK WAS HORRIFIED about what he had done. He hated himself and self-isolated, refused to listen to Bruce and Barbara when they tried to comfort him. This is not something he is proud of. Dick wouldn't be like "Yeah, I killed the Joker, but you know Bruce... I don't regret it." He does regret it. Bruce forgave him way faster than Dick forgave himself for killing the Joker. He would not do it again if he could, that's why it only happened once.
"Jason is mad at Bruce for being too late to save him." Nope. In Under The Red Hood, Jason literally tells Bruce he forgives him for not saving him. Jason was NEVER angry at Bruce for not saving him. Jason is mad because he thinks Bruce doesn't care about him. If Tim hadn't taken the Robin's mantle, Jason probably would have gone home, because that's what hurt him the most, the possibility that he was replaced in Bruce's eyes.
"Jason ran away because Bruce believed he killed someone" It was never explicit if Bruce did believe Jason pushed the rapist. But also, no. When Jason ran away, Bruce just benched him as Robin because he saw that Jason was hurting and needed help, and being a vigilante wasn't helping. Pls, read Death In The Family, Bruce was trying his best to support Jason and help him. Jason being violent at times is a sign, for Bruce, that Jason is hurting. He doesn't villanize Jason's actions. Don't be like DC writers and forget that Bruce knows that violence and aggression come from pain.
"The memorial is Bruce's making and Alfred hates it" WRONG, it's the contrary. Alfred made the memorial, Bruce was against it. Please, stop putting all the blame on Bruce and making Alfred perfect. Bruce hates the memorials, he hates his sons being remembered as soldiers. He put up with the memorials because it's Alfred. (I am so tired from y'all blaming Bruce for this one, omg) Also, while we are it, Alfred doesn't put up with Jason's bs. Jason can criticize Bruce, but there's a limit for Alfred.
#red hood#jason todd#bruce wayne#dick grayson#alfred pennyworth#nightwing#batman#robin#dc comics#my ramblings#I am begging y'all to stop#the bats all care about the people Bruce does and that's what he teach his kids to care about the people#Jason and Bruce can both have a connection to Crime Alley at the same time that's literally how they met#no need to take it away from Bruce#for the first one I am tired#open a history book about police enforcement pls#also tired to open fics and see the same bs fascists are blasting in the news like no killing bad people doesnât fix shit#the last one I feel like I repeat it every week#Also Alfred is sometimes classicist which fits with his upbringing but everyone forgets about it#like he thinks the popular âstreetâ culture is inferior he sees street arts as bad and not art but a crime#Bruce doesn't have this judgement tho#just tired of the âAlfred is perfectâ narrative he worked for the British Monarchy no he's not
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something something blood-soaked hands cradling your face something something
anyway here's the post btw
#what if post dp3 logan struggles to emotionally accept that wade Will Actually For Real Survive Anything#and one time they are fighting some random baddies#and they somehow get in a few shots straight to wade's cranium and he drops like a bag of slutty slutty potatoes#and logan goes full berserker trying to get to him#like he just massacres everyone in his way and wade still isnt getting up ohnoohnoohnonotagainohno#(healing factor or no a few direct shots to the brain stem/t box take a bit to recover from)#(no more than five minutes but it's an eternity to logan)#and his heart sinks to the very core of the earth as he kneels down next to wade's body#and his hands are shaking and soaked in blood and he can't seem to sheathe his claws in his dazed adrenalined state#he tries to peel back wade's mask and fear is just *pounding* through his system because in that moment#all he can see are the xmen dead in massive pools of blood#and that feeling of unreality is rushing over him like thiscantbehappeningthiscantbehappeningnotagainohgodnotagain#wade's still and unresponsive and there is so Much BLOOD (hard to tell how much is Wade's and how much is just on his hands)#and logan doesn't even realize he's crying until suddenly wade's eyes light up like a computer restarting#and he's smiling and gasping and joking immediately#âwell howdy there hot stuff what did I miss?â#and then he clocks that logan is Not Okay#â... well gee willikers golly goddamn peanut 'twas only a flesh wound! no need to go all waterworks over lil ol meâ#âyou know it would take a helluva lot more than that to make me shuffle off this here mortal coil!â#âsee all better I'm hunky dory peachy keen right as fucking rainâ#âI mean cmon I can't have been out for more than five minutes so let's just go back to you being exasperated with my bullshit antics okay??#â...okay sugarboobs? snookums? babycakes?.... Logan?â#and they just sit there on the floor holding each other for a while#wade babbling and logan crying about everything he's lost and wondering distantly how he has come to care so much#about this blithering jokester in like barely a week#that the thought of losing him brought him crashing back to the worst memory of his extremely rough life#anyway that's enough tag mini fic lolol I'm having feelings about my own drawing I guess đ”#poolverine#deadpool and wolverine#poolverine art
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boy dinner
#princess tutu#ptonic week 2024#ptonic week#princess tutu fanart#fakir#mytho#this is bordering on non platonic but shh theyre cute#i love imagining them hanging out when things were less tense#like we dont talk enough about how they grew up together and are literally besties#so heres them on a cute picnic similar to the one Mytho and Rue were on in the first couple of episodes#i really like the idea that Mytho likes going on picnics with Fakir and Rue#bc he cant differentiate his feelings he just sees it as a fun past time#idk theyre adorable#Fakir being soft around Mytho is something we also never saw enough#for good reason but still#like you cant tell me he isnt smiling at this goofy heartless motherfucker all the time!!!!#anyway im crying#cant wait to do more#picnic
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IT'S KAWOSHIN DAY!!! As well as the last day of Kawoshin Week :') It's been such a blast, gonna miss it when it's over
Kawoshin Week Day 7: Cuddling/domestic fluff! + Sleepover and Spinoffs (again)! Based on the Campus Apocalypse sleepover chapter âșïž
#shinji ikari#kaworu nagisa#kawoshin#neon genesis evangelion#campus apocalypse#nge#nge ca#toma draws#kawoshinweek2024#CAwoshin again! wanted to ensure my favorite niche kawoshin got some representation in the week in case no one else did stuff with them...#which wasn't the case since literally every fill for the spinoffs prompt has been campus apocalypse!!! which i'm overjoyed about đ„ș#my second option for today was finishing a sonicverse kawoshin wip for the free day prompt. but i already included sonic in the week with-#the song lyrics i used for my day 5 piece so i went with this instead#also went with this because. um. my original plan for today was actually. a CA fic for these same prompts set after said sleepover chapter#but i'm neither fast nor confident at writing so i. haven't finished it (i DID get it to almost 1500 words so far though! progress)#so i thought i'd color something i drew while thinking about it :')#i did it while taking a break from my day 5 piece and was pretty loose about it so it's not super polished and i'm not sure how i feel abt-#the colors but! it hits the soft cozy vibe i was going for and that's good enough for me#if i manage to finish the fic within the year i might still include it as a very late week entry... no promises though. we'll see
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Fernando Alonso & His Relationship With Cards
I'm sure we're all familar with the cards on the back of Fernando's Vegas GP helmet by now, but did you know his relationship with cards goes a lot deeper?
I. Magic Tricks
You've probably seen or heard someone at least mention Fernando's propensity for card tricks. As far as I can tell he was doing them(publically) as far back as 2003 all the way to as recently as 2018. Even once performing a card trick, with a condom and a teddy bear(!??!?!??!!), in front of Valentino Rossi who said "How was that possible?"(x)
But how did this start? According to James Allen, "Fernando admits to having been heavily influenced by his grandfather, a mercurial figure, who taught him magic and card tricks, still one of his passions away from the race track."(x) And I'm not sure the validity of this one, because I couldn't find an actual source, but apparently he once said: "My parents are responsible for the two things I like doing most - driving and magic tricks. They bought me my first go-kart and a magician's kit."
In several interviews he described it as his hobby off track, and that he loved learning new tricks and surprising others in the garage with them! So clearly cards are pretty important to him both as a hobby but also to who he is as a person since they've been with him just as long as racing has.
II. Card Symbolism in His Helmets
This is the reason I originally made this post, but I thought I should also explain the origins of his card fascination first. As I said, we probably all remember the cards on the back of his helmet in Vegas, but did you know that wasn't the first time he had cards on the back of his helmet?
From 2008-2013, he used to have a pair of cards on the back of his helmets. The symbolisms of the cards themselves as well as the evolution of their design is really fascinating to me! Even more so with the recent development of the card choice in 2023.
Fernando said he wanted to reference his two titles in some way on the back of his helmet and after his friend sent him several ideas, he decided on having two cards(an ace of clubs and an ace of hearts, sometimes pictured with 05 and 06 on them as well), saying: "I picked the cloverleaf [the ace of clubs - Ed] to give me luck, but the only pity is that it doesn't have four leaves!"(X)
2008.
Here's the very first appearance of the cards! They're displayed flat, with the 05 and 06 clearly visible
2009.
Very similar to 2008, but with a slightly different design, and they're maybe a bit more straight with less shadow?
2010.
This is the first major change! I was sad they didn't have the years on them anymore, but then I realized they're sparkly to match with his signature lightning bolts on the top of the helmet!!
2011.
Honestly I'm still somewhat unsure if this is the actual 2011 helmet? It's pretty difficult to find clear photos of the back of helmets from older seasons. It's easiest to find them on replica sites or auction sites so I'm not 100%? But anyways, I like that this has the championship years on the underside of the cards
2012.
This is when I started getting weirdly emotional about the helmets. Do you see how they've progressed from being a centerpoint to being curled up and sad at the bottom of the helmet? Not listing the year anymore??
2013.
Same thoughts as 2012. And after this season, they cease to exist (just like his ferrari chair in the garage, WOAH CALLBACK), until cards make a reeappearance in his Vegas helmet, albeit in a different form
2013 Monaco(Honorable Mention):
For some reason 2013 helmets were easier to find proper pictures of, so I happened to witness this absolute beauty. The creativity of this helmet genuinely blows me away??? Wanting to keep the card motif, but making sure to incorporate it into the rest of the puzzle piece design?? Mwah! There was another special 2013 helmet but they didn't change the cards at all so I really applaud this one
2023 Las Vegas(The Return of The King):
The magnificent return! But look! The cards are different cards! Instead of being two aces, it's now an ace of hearts, a four of hearts(his driver number of course!) and, the, now iconic, representation of himself as a Joker. I literally could not believe my eyes when this helmet was released and I saw the Joker card, what a fucking silly old man....I really wonder if he felt nostalgic having cards on his helmet again or if he didn't think about it all and was just like, "ah cards because Vegas!!!"
III. Why Does This Matter?
*The rest of the post was factual, this is moreso my personal thoughts on the symbolism of the cards/designs
This post spawned from me recently watching the 2010 Bahrain gp and noticing "hey wait a minute...are those CARDS ON THE BACK OF HIS HELMET!?" It's a really tiny detail that's unfortunately covered up by the HANS device pretty much whenever he's wearing the helmet, so it's really difficult to spot! But I became fascinated with the fact that he had cards on his helmet before that recent helmet, and now here we are!
There's something to me about how the design of the cards evolves over the course of six seasons from the cards being front and center to being smaller, more folded up and closer to the bottom of the helmet. As I said, the 2012-2013 ones genuinely made me depressed because it feels, symbolically, like his hopes for getting another Ace are becoming more and more unlikely and falling away until they eventually fall falt and fade away entirely after 2013 and disappear for basically a decade.
But when they return? They're not the same cards! Instead of representing Fernando's championships, they now represent him as a person, displaying his driver number and his persona of being a Joker!! Though I do think it's interesting he happened to keep the Ace of Hearts, even though he talked more about the Ace of Clubs before. I'm not sure it's actually this deep in reality, but I like to think that it's him not letting his championships(and the lack thereof) define him, but rather letting who he is as a person shine and be the centerpoint instead! But on a sadder note, as @suzuki-ecstar said to me, maybe the Aces aren't there anymore because he's lost all hope for a chance at a third Ace entirely :(
#yes its finals week and im up to my eyes in coursework but instead decided to spend like 5 hours researching and writing this post#nah bcs i actually genuinely put more work into this then I think I have all semester dsfjdskjg#that thing about him using a condom and teddy bear in a magic trick genuinely had me crying with laugher. actual tears rolling down my face#<- HOW!?!? WHAT WAS THE TRICK?? its literally inconceivable to me what he did. oh if only there were pics UGH#anyways!! this post was a lot of fun to make!! i really really love the symbolism and design of helmets so this was a rly fun project#and i also went down a lot of rabbitholes while make this and saw many very weird articles from yore#i feel like i make an equal amnt of deranged posts abt seb and nando but i dont know why nando is gifted w all my well researched projects#<- i.e. chair post. that was the same level of research as this one but at least this one i could find actual sources about....#idk theres smth about the extremely long history of nando's history that evokes research posts like this KLAJSLSKDJ#theres just so much that i dont think I ever really see people discussing! so i must create.#haha what was that joke tag i wanted to make abt my researched posts? I think:#normal posts that catie normally makes in a normal fashion#<- one day ill go back and actually tag posts w that. bcs the amtn of research compared to my actual schoolwork is so unwell#fernando alonso#fa14#f1#formula 1#catie.rambling.txt#we do a little bit of f1
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