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diagnosedhikikomori · 1 month

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The Loneliest Day of My Life

Satoru Tsukada x Sebastian de Tomato Smith

Satoru feels lonely in the dream world, as he lately does since Randal stopped appearing as much as he did. Luckily for him, Sebastian appears instead and the two can have a fun sleepover.

Tags: Gay, One sided attraction, Sleepovers, Gore, Self Harm

(Cross-posted on Ao3 @DiagnosedHikikomori)

Satoru waited in the dream world. It was lonely, no one was around, the school, the classroom he was in was empty. He felt lonely. The ginger stopped visiting as much as he did, all because of that damned Sebastian. Satoru felt replaced, and rightfully so. Every time the ginger did visit, he would bring Sebastian along, and he was all he talked about. He would talk about what Sebastian and him did all day until the dream ended, it made Satoru so annoyed, it was so unfair. Randal was his friend, not Sebastian’s, Sebastian didn't even like him the way he did. Why couldn't Randal see that.

He sat at a desk and started playing with his boxcutter, twirling it around and making marks on the desk out of boredom. He looked outside the window, the sun was setting, it looked as beautiful as ever. He should go home, it was getting late.

With a sigh, Satoru stood up and exited the classroom. The hallways were empty like they always were. Randal and him would chase each other and play hide and seek in the classroom before, but that was before Sebastian was introduced. Satoru gripped his boxcutter and continued making his way through the school.

He was descending the stairs when he heard something, it sounded like someone falling. Did Randal come in the dream? He thought excitedly and ran back to the classroom.

He opened the door and to his surprise and disappointment he didn't see Randal, instead he saw… Sebastian? All alone? That never happened before. He was curious yet angry.

Sebastian stood up and wiped his clothes, he coughed awkwardly and stared at Satoru. “Um.. hi.”

Satoru narrowed his eyes. “Hi… where is Randal?”

“I'm not sure. He didn't come with me.” Sebastian responded looking away, he felt Satoru’s eyes on him and he was angry. He knew Satoru didn't like him, by how he acted around him every time Randal brought him into the dream world.

Satoru scoffed. “Whatever. I was going to go home anyway.” He turned around and began to leave.

“Wait… are you just gonna leave me here?” He asked, not liking the vibe of the classroom, or the school’s. It felt lonely, he didn't want to be alone in a place like this. He might not like Satoru much, but he’d rather stay with him, than all alone.

Satoru turned around, and thought. It's not like he lived with anyone, and it's rare when somebody visits the dream world, so he had an idea. Maybe a sleepover with Sebastian would make his loneliness go away, even if it was just for a little while. He might not like the other either but he could try getting along with him, for Randal's sake, at least.

Satoru smiled, even if he didn't feel anything inside, beside the constal dread that always lived inside his chest, clawing to get out.

“Say, Sebastian, do you want to come to my house? We could have a little fun, and forget about our differences.~” He said smoothly.

“Um..” Sebastian looked around. “I'm gonna be honest, I thought this classroom was your home.”

“Oh, don't be silly! I don't live here, I have a home too, you know.” He felt a bit offended, but brushed it off. He was only going to tolerate him for Randal, he told himself again.

“I'm sorry. I mean, I think a sleepover would be fun.” Satoru began walking away and Sebastian followed shortly behind. He looked around the school. It was nothing like his normal highschool. This one felt… different. It gave him a sense of sadness he couldn't place.

“It's getting late, the sun is setting. Did you notice?~” Satoru said as they began descending the stairs together. They were on the first floor, not too far from the exit.

“I… noticed, yeah, it's prettier in this dream.”

Satoru laughed.

“Everything is prettier in dreams, that's why they're called dreams, it's another way of escaping the ugly reality.” Satoru said as he smiled, he began walking faster, purposely making the curly ginger speed up.

“Oh, reality isn't that bad, I mean, it wasn't before I started living with the Ivorys. Now everything…is dull.” They reached the gate and Satoru stopped and turned around.

“I will switch places with you Sebastian, one day. You will see just how awful living in a dream is.” He smiled, Sebastian felt shivers down his spine.

“I'd rather you don't…”

They continued walking, Satoru still holding his yellow boxcutter and humming slowly. They were on an empty street, no cars in sight. The sunset was prettier and Sebastian admired it, he wished he could take a photo, maybe of Satoru too. He had to admit, the other was pretty, probably because he was based on an anime boy. He wondered why Randal chose to create a boy in his brain and not a girl. He shrugged and continued to walk slowly, following Satoru.

“You're enjoying the view, aren't you?~” Satoru said calmly. He didn't even turn around, it's like he knew exactly what Sebastian was thinking.

“Uh…yeah, it's nice. You were right, it's nicer than in real life. I wish I could watch it for longer.”

Satoru hummed. “It's almost night, so there's no point in doing that. The sky is darkening.”

After a while of walking on the lifeless streets they finally seemed to arrive in front of a house. It was a simple Japanese house. He unlocked the door and stepped inside. “Make sure to put your shoes there, don't want you making my house dirty.” Satoru said as he took his own shoes off. Sebastian nodded and did as he said.

“Come on, come to my room. I have a futon on the floor, it's comfy.~” He smiled as he showed Sebastian his room. It was small and he had plants and a few opened mangas on his dresser. One of the drawers was open and there were a few neatly packed clothes and CDs on top. He had another bookshelf full of mangas. There was even a small TV on the floor and a cd player. His room was simple.

“Make yourself comfortable~. I will bring snacks.” He tried to be as nice as possible, but it was hard. Sebastian made him feel weird things, he didn't know if it was anger or something else, it wasn't his usual jealousy he felt. He felt conflicted.

“Do you live with your parents?” He asked him, wondering why this house felt so empty, even with the two of them there.

“I'm all alone, silly.~”

“Oh.” He didn't know what to say, he felt sort of sorry for the other, did something happen to his parents or was he all alone in the dream world, he wondered.

“I will be right back!~” he cut the silence and left the room without looking back.

Sebastian nodded and sat on the futon. His kakebuton was nicely folded next to him. It seemed soft, and Sebastian thought he would sleep heavenly if he covered himself with it, but you can't sleep in a dream, you just wake up, he realized.

Satoru came back with a bowl of snacks and pocky, which technically is a snack too. He smiled, and sat next to Sebastian. “What do you want to do now? We could watch something, oh! I have a few horror CDs if you want to play those. I bet you’ll get real scared.~”

“I don't get that scared from movies, Randal made me watch a lot of horror movies. I think I'm basically immune.” Sebastian laughed but stopped immediately as Satoru let out a ‘tch’.

“Horror movies it is then. Let me grab a CD.” He stood up and grabbed one of the many CDs that were in his drawer.” He turned around and walked to the CD player. He put it in and turned on the TV. He selected a few things there and turned to Sebastian. “All done! It's starting.” He sat down next to Sebastian and his eyes seemed fixed on the TV.

As the movie played, Sebastian stole a few glances at the other, he was an expressive watcher. He could see him laugh at the stupid decisions the people were making but also flinch at the jumpscares, Sebastian, on the other hand, didn't get as scared as he thought he would, the movies he watched with Randal definitely made him immune, well, sort of.

At some point Satoru seemed to get really scared that he was gripping his kakebuton. He also started breathing heavily which worried the curly ginger. He didn't know if it was the right thing to do but he reached out a hand and put it on his shoulder. Satoru flinched and looked at him.

“We can pause the movie if you can't take anymore, you're trembling.” Sebastian said softly, slight worry showing on his face.

“Okay…yeah, that would be best.” Satoru stopped and smiled, though it felt full of loneliness, now that Sebastian knew his situation in the dream world. “Sorry.~”

“No, it's alright, we can just watch something else- or read, I saw you have mangas laying around.” Sebastian said quietly.

“Oh, that's a good idea, what would you like to read? I have a lot of Junji Ito, though my favorite is No Longer Human."

“We can read that.” Sebastian forced himself to give a smile.

“Okay!” He said excitedly, that warmed Sebastian’s heart, he was glad he could make him happy, he felt like the other hadn't felt that emotion in long.

Satoru stood up and picked up the manga, he put it on the bed and sat back down, and got closer to Sebastian and opened it. “Lets read.~”

They began reading and Sebastian let out soft ‘oh’s as he saw the main character’s life change so much through the story. And swallowed nervously at his suicidal thoughts and attempts. Satoru followed the story too, but he looked at Sebastian’s face more. He saw the other had freckles on his pale skin, also rosy lips, as he kept chewing on them nervously. Maybe he isn't so bad, he thought quietly as he continued to stare. His diamond shaped eyes were staring intensely at the book as he flipped the pages. He seemed nervous too, maybe he noticed Satoru was staring. He didn't care however, he analyzed his face more, his curly ginger hair that was lighter than Randal’s. Satoru felt conflicted emotions inside of him. He finally realized why Randal liked this guy so much, he was quiet, kind and awfully pretty. He still felt jealous, believe him, but it seemed to disappear slowly.

He wanted to hurt him.

“Are you enjoying the book?” He asked softly, looking up at Satoru.

Satoru's eyes widened. “Yes, a lot. I've read it before, it's interesting how a book can affect you so much, hm?~”

“Yes.” Sebastian said and he looked at Satoru’s hand next to him, it seemed to have deep scars on it. “Hey…uh, what happened to your hand?”

“Oh, this?~ I cut myself, I have more scars on my arms, it's a way to pass time.” He smiled inoffensively and revealed his arm, full of dried blood and scars, deep ones that almost seemed to reach the bone.

“Ah!” Sebastian gasped “I don't want to see that!” He looked away.

“Haha~ Why? Am I too gross for you?” He stopped talking, stopped breathing as Sebastian took his arm in his and began touching the scars slowly and carefully. “What are you doing?” He narrowed his eyes.

“Is it… because you're alone, in this dream world? Do you just… do this because you're lonely?” He asked quietly, running his fingers along the scars.

Satoru stayed quiet for a bit, enjoying the feeling of someone finally touching him. He missed that feeling. “Maybe… it's not your business, is it?~” he tried to make Sebastian stop bugging him with stupid questions, it was obvious he did it out of loneliness.

“I… yeah, you're right, but that doesn't stop me from being worried, you know?” Sebastian swallowed nervously. “They are deep, do you not feel any pain in the dream world?”

Satoru laughed. “You don't feel any pain in the dream world, because for you, this isn't real. But for me, this is my reality, so of course I do.” He pulled his arm away and covered it. He smiled. “I have an idea of a game we could play.~”

Sebastian listened to him. “What game?”

Satoru narrowed his eyes. “Pain game, well, I, haha, something like that. In this game, you hurt the characters as much as you can, and in turn, you get hurt in real life, don't worry though, It won't hurt as much as a pinch.~” He stood up and grabbed two consoles. “What do you say, you in?”

Sebastian felt his mind get corrupted by this dream, the longer he stayed in it, the more it affected his mind. Though he could still make sane choices, it somehow felt as if he was becoming part of the dream as well. Satoru smiled at him, realizing his internal conflict.

He gently put one of the consoles in his hands. “Play with me.~”

Sebastian swallowed nervously. “I… I think I will pass, can I just watch you play instead?”

Satoru's smile faltered, but he nodded firmly and took the CD and put it in. He stared blankly at the screen.

“It's starting. Get ready for gore, there's a lot in this game.”

Sebastian nodded and looked at the screen nervously. On the screen appeared a character that looked awfully like Satoru. Black hair, empty black eyes and pale skin, he clicked confirm and the character seemed to be in a classroom full of other people. Satoru looked at Sebastian and smirked. “Say, who do we choose to torture? I say~” he pressed his finger on the screen. “This one.”

What the hell, Sebastian’s eyes widened, t-that looks exactly like me…

“I take that as a yes.~”

After a little bit of playing, the character that looked like Sebastian ended up in Satoru's basement. The smile on his face seemed almost haunting. “Let's hurt him.~”

He clicked on the option to pull out the character’s fingernail. The room was pierced by a loud, robotic scream. The game was grafic, it showed the blood pouring from the finger, and also the flesh, and after the scream the character begged to be left alone, but that didn't seem to stop Satoru, too invested in the game.

Next he pulled out the character's tongue and in his other hand he had a knife.

“What do you say we should carve on its tongue? I say ‘I ♡ U’ seems lovely.~” He didn't wait for an answer, as if he was talking to himself. He began carving the letters slowly, and the character continued to scream. He seemed intoxicated with happiness, by the look on his face. “This is so entertaining, don't you think?~ but sadly it's time to put an end to this.” Next thing Sebastian saw was the knife being plunged into the character’s stomach and slowly opening it up, as it screamed for help, and soon, began vomiting blood and bile, presumably out of fear.

Satoru continued to open the character up and after that he plunged his hand into it and pulled out its organs, slowly ripping them out. The character’s screams echoed throughout the room but they seemed to quieten slightly, presumably because it was on the verge of death and it felt weak. It's ribs and spine were showing after Satoru successfully pulled out its organs and even its heart, which seemed to still be beating slowly, the haunting sound echoing throughout the room.

Sebastian couldn't watch anymore, it was too graphic and too, too much. He didn't know Satoru enjoyed this kind of stuff, he was right to be wary of him, he was Randal’s creation after all.

“And this is how it ends.~” He smiled at him. “Don't worry, I won't do that to you, it's a dream after all, I will gain no pleasure until I know you're really gone.” He smiled and in one swift move grabbed the boxcutter that was next to him and put it against Sebastian’s neck.

Sebastian went pale and tried to run but the grip Satoru had on him stopped him. He stared in fear. “What… what are you doing?” He stuttered, feeling himself paralyzed.

“Hm.~” Satoru traced his neck with his thin fingers. “You're awfully pretty, you know? Randal made a good choice choosing you.~” after a pause he said. “I wish we could have more fun together.” he put the boxcutter down and loosened his grip on him. He yawned softly.

“Ah! We didn't eat any of the pocky I brought for us… I'm so hurt. We should do that!” Satoru said smoothly, smiling at the other boy. Sebastian on the other hand felt as if he was stuck in a nightmare, and becoming part of it, he was terrified, more than he felt of Randal, Satoru was something else, he was way worse than anything he's ever seen.

Satoru put a pocky in his mouth and began eating it. “Mmm~ so good. Do you want to try?” He wanted to hand him a pocky but before he could do that Sebastian’s head lolled forward, his eyes turning lifeless, it was as if he died on the spot. Satoru chuckled.

“Aw… he woke up. I’m gonna miss you, Sebastian.~” he pushed Sebastian’s body and he fell limply to the floor, slowly beginning to fade away.

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