#Season Your Goddamn Vegetables!!

[messengerhermes]

Stop trying to strong arm your way into eating your vegetables

And any other "good" habit, actually. Often when we're trying to train ourselves into new behaviors that we believe are "better" for us, we do it in the most utilitarian way possible: Eating more veggies= eating raw lettuce and undressed steamed broccoli Exercising more= hitting the gym for thirty minutes a day, often doing some intense workout Spending less time on your screens= some bullshit self improvement activity you don't actually like What test of wills are you training to pass? Humans are wired for pleasure. We are large, omnivorous animals. We are programmed to lounge around and seek out things that feel good, amuse, and please us. Changing our habits doesn't look like quitting the "bad" thing cold turkey. It looks like building more opportunities for pleasure into our lives. For example: Want to smoke fewer cigarettes? Try: Taking a week to note all the shit that makes you want a cigarette. Don't try to change how often you smoke yet, just pay attention. Keep a record of this for the week. At the end of the week, look over all the times you wanted to smoke. Note all times that were focused on the pleasure of smoking. Note all the times that were about reducing your stress/irritation/boredom/discomfort. For each of those times smoking was a way of coping with something unpleasant, rate how effective smoking was in actually helping you with it. Did it slap a bandaid on the bad thing? Did it actually restore you enough to tackle the problem? Did it let you ignore something that you probably ought to address? For all the times you smoked, not for the enjoyment of it, but to take the edge off of something else, write out some more options for yourself. The key thing here is pick things that : -are at least as appealing as the cigarette. -address the need the cigarette fills equally, if not better than smoking. For example:

If you get overstimulated at work and smoking is your excuse to go outside and catch some air, what if you take a walk around the block instead? No one needs to know you're not smoking on that walk, and it still lets you get a break. If you get halfway through and you still want the cigarette, let yourself smoke, but give the walk a chance each time. let yourself take in what's around you and try to find something small to enjoy. Another example: If you have a smoke every time you feel yourself getting irritated with your housemates, so that way you can go back in and tell them what you need without losing your shit, what if you step into your room/go to your car, get out of the house and let yourself dance/scream/move to a playlist of music that helps you blow off steam? What if you shadowbox for a minute in the bathroom? If you still feel on the edge after letting off that energy and you want the cigarette, have it, but give yourself the change to get those emotions out. Try to give yourself at least two options in addition to the cigarette. For each alternative way of coping with the stressful thing, give yourself a rule for how long you'll give it a shot before opting to smoke instead. The goal here is not to change how often you smoke by force, but by giving yourself an equally enjoyable if not more enjoyable solution to your problem. We cannot punish our way into "good" behavior.

We have to address the problem we are solving with the habits we feel bad about. I used smoking as an example because I feel like that's a habit people often try to force themselves out of, but force quitting smoking ignores the reality that: -Smoking is an addictive habit -Smoking offers an avenue for self medicating a number of stressful problems -If you don't address the problems, you've just shot yourself in the foot by quitting the one coping method you have. Swap "cigarettes" for whatever your unwanted habits are and this method can still apply.

[friendlyneighborhoodshark]

"How to Life" Masterlist

Cleaning and Tidying

Make your bed in the morning. It takes seconds, and it's worth it.

Reset to zero each morning.

Use the UFYH 20/10 system for clearing your shit.

Have a 'drop-zone' box where you dump anything and everything. At the beginning/end of the day, clear it out and put that shit away.

Automate your chores. Have a cleaning schedule and assign 15mins daily to do whatever cleaning tasks are set for that day. Set a timer and do it once the timer is up, finish the task you're on and leave it for the day.

Fold your clothes straight out of the tumble dryer (if you use one), whilst they're still warm. This minimises creases and eliminates the need for ironing.

Clean your footwear regularly and you'll feel like a champ.

Organisation and Productivity

Learn from Eisenhower's Importance/Urgency matrix.

Try out the two-minute rule and the Pomodoro technique.

Use. A. Planner. (Or Google Calendar, if that's more your thing.)

Try bullet journalling.

Keep a notebook/journal/commonplace book to dump your brain contents in on the regular.

Set morning alarms at two-minute intervals rather than five, and stick your alarm on the other side of the room. It's brutal, but it works.

Set three main goals each day, with one of them being your #1 priority. Don't overload your to-do list or you'll hit overload paralysis and procrastinate.

If you're in a slump, however, don't be afraid to put things like "shower" on your to do list - that may be a big enough goal in itself, and that's okay.

Have a physical inbox - a tray, a folder, whatever. If you get a piece of paper, stick it in there and sort through it at the end of the week.

Consider utilising the GTD System, or a variation of it.

Try timeboxing.

Have a morning routine, and guard that quiet time ferociously.

Have a folder for all your important documents and letters, organised by topic (e.g. medical, bank, university, work, identification). At the front of this folder, have a sheet of paper with all the key information written on it, such as your GP's details, your passport details, driving licence details, bank account number, insurance number(s), and so on.

Schedule working time and down time alike, in the balance that works for you.

Money

Have. A. God. Damn. Budget.

Use a money tracker like toshl, mint, or splitwise. Enter all expenses asap! (You will forget, otherwise.)

Have a 'money date' each week, where you sort through your finances from the past seven days and then add it to a spreadsheet. This will help you identify your spending patterns and whether your budget is actually working or not.

Pack your own frickin' lunch like a grown-up and stop buying so many takeaway coffees. Keep snacks in your bag.

Food and Cooking

Know how to cook the basics: a starch, a protein, a vegetable, and a sauce.

Simple, one-pot meals ("a grain, a green, and a bean") are a godsend.

Batch cook and freeze. Make your own 'microwave meals'.

Buy dried goods to save money - rice and beans are a pittance.

Consider Meatless Mondays; it's healthier, cheaper, and more environmentally friendly.

Learn which fruits and vegetables are cheapest at your store, and build a standard weekly menu around those. (Also remember that frozen vegetables are cheap and healthy.)

Learn seasoning combinations. Different seasoning, even with the exact same ingredients, can make a dish seem completely new.

Misc

Have a stock email-writing format.

Want to start running, but find it boring? Try Zombies, Run!.

Keep a goddamn first aid kit and learn how to use it.

Update your CV regularly.

Keep a selection of stamps and standard envelopes for unexpected posting needs. (It happens more regularly than you would think!)

[charliemwrites]

Part 4 of Men at Work!

Just a note, I know I mix phonetic and Cyrillic spellings of Russian in this. Mostly it's so that people can easily translate the more complex words directly.

Content: Masturbation, very mild protective/possessive behavior

It’s becoming a problem.

You think this from the overstuffed daybed recently purchased for the explicit purpose of feeding into aforementioned problem. Not that the porch is the problem, heavens no. If so much as a nail came loose, there’s a trio of men across the street all too eager to lend their hammers and bulging, glistening muscles to fix it.

Which, conveniently, is the problem.

Their muscles, that is. And how magnanimous they are with them.

Your house is nice. New. It took them three days to fix all the issues you’d been putting off for a day you were non-reclusive enough to schedule a handyman.

Your house is too nice and too new.

You’re feeding a Vegas buffet’s worth of appetites raised on old world sensibilities with no outlet for them to be expressed. There aren’t enough squeaky hinges, crooked cabinets, stuck windows, or leaky faucets in your two-bedroom for all that… chivalry. (Or whatever Krueger has that passes for chivalry’s surly cousin.)

They’ve taken to invading earlier in the evening for busy work before dinner. Cutting vegetables, tenderizing meat, cleaning dishes, setting the goddamn table.

Like, sirs, you’re a single woman with three cats and a sham of a personal life – the last time you saw a centerpiece on a domestic dining table was Christmas at your nana’s.

Until Konig shuffled in with a fistful of sunflowers and zinnias, promising that he double-checked that they’re non-toxic to cats. You didn’t have a vase, so you had to make do with an empty mason jar you were keeping for ostensible aesthetic reasons.

Now you’ve got an ongoing bouquet, kitschy salt-and-pepper shakers shaped like lemons that no one ever uses (as if your seasoning decisions are as good as god) and are contemplating cloth napkins like some kind of… of…

“Socialite?” you muse aloud. You glance at Rasputin. He blinks slowly. “Hostess? Woman of the night?”

You’re pretty sure Agatha didn’t mean that as a compliment when you overheard her gossiping to Margot yesterday. (She should really remember that if she can eavesdrop on you from her backyard, the same is true the other way around.)

You’re toying with an idea for a new series with your last one wrapping up and your solo-novel due for release come fall. Something about a rich young woman with a wild streak and her fantastically wealthy gentlemen callers…

“Scarlet woman,” you murmur aloud, eyes on the reason for your recent porch décor purchase.

Krueger is on the roof, cloth around his head to stave off the summer heat. Doing… something with shingles and a nail gun. Your face flushes with each flex of hard muscle, jump of thick tendons. The grip he has on that thing…

As inspiring as your neighbors are, they are also a huge (in many, many ways) distraction. Hence, they are a Problem.

And not just for you. On your right, you catch the flutter of curtains from your peripheral. Lisa taking another peek – to be properly scandalized, probably. (You’re not really sure what the neighborhood biddies tell themselves when they decide something is Simply Not Proper.)

“We’ll have to start charging admission,” you muse, sipping a strawberry mojito.

Curled up far too close for the weather, Little Guy chuffs and stretches. You smooth a fingertip up his little nose, between his eyes, and over the crest of his empty head.

“Jezebel,” you mumble. He yawns, tongue curling and pearly fangs gleaming. “Trollop.”

An annoyed grunt pulls your eyes forward again. Nikto is standing halfway up the porch, one foot planted on the last step like a sexy Russian Captain Morgan. His thighs stretch his workpants oh-so-nicely. There’s a smear of white paste across the material – caulking, maybe?

(You could do with a caulking too.)

“Has someone called you these?” he asks. “Who?”

You laugh. What would he even do if someone had?

“No – well, not to my face, anyway.”

He snorts, shoots a withering scowl at Agatha’s property anyway. You spin your pen around your fingers and try not to bite your lip at the way his shirt is clinging from sweat.

“Aren’t you hot?” you fuss. “You’re going to pass out.”

“Nyet, we have been in worse,” he replies, finishing the short journey up the porch. He pauses in front of you, taking in the sight of you and your cats. What does he think, seeing you lounging about all day while he and his friends(?) are working so hard? If it’s something negative, he’s never let on.

“Still,” you insist, “have you been hydrating?”

“Da, the water runs.”

You blink, put together pieces to assume he and the others are chugging tap water (probably right from the faucet) when necessary. Well, that just won’t do now, will it?

“No, no. Hold on. Rasputin, hold him hostage.”

And like the little angel he is, Ras gets up, stretches out, and begins rubbing his face all over Nikto’s pants. With him distracted, you hop to your feet and scurry inside. The house is almost uncomfortably cool after most of your morning spent outside, but you’ll only be a moment.

There’s a large ruby pitcher waiting in the fridge from last night, complete with various berries floating at the top. You use two hands to heft it out, set it on the counter, then flit to your cabinets for the travel cups you invested in for on-the-go wine sipping. Nice and insulated.

You pour a cup for each of them, stow the pitcher away again, and carry all three in triangle-formation back outside. (Maybe you should get a tray? The antique store in town probably has something pretty and lemon-themed to match the salt and pepper shakers…)

Nikto hurries to help as soon as he sees you, plucking the extra cup from your hands.

“I saw this recipe and wanted to try it since it’s been getting hotter.”

He blinks at you, then the juice.

“You don’t have to try it now, I just thought—”

Your voice abandons you as Nikto tugs his filtration mask down. The skin beneath is warped and scarred, discolored in some places. When he raises the edge of the cup to his mouth, the skin of one cheek stretches distressingly thin. You can see the individual indents of his back molars pressing against the flesh as he drinks.

You understand why he’s been hesitant to show you; it’s not easy to look at. Which makes you all the more determined to flick your eyes back to his and ask, eagerly, “What do you think? Too sweet?”

As he swallows, throat clicking, you think you hear him grunt something.

“Hm?”

“Nyet. Not too sweet. Is good, пчела.”

You grin even though you’re not sure what it means. All three of them have some nickname in their mother tongue that you can only hope is complimentary and not because they forgot your actual name.

“Good, then I can bring some to K and K while you help me with lunch. That’s why you came by, right?”

He nods. “Nearly noon.”

“That late already!” you say. Wow, staring at hot, sweaty men really makes time fly. “Alright, I was going to make chicken wraps and latkes. Could you start peeling potatoes? You know where everything is, da?”

“Da.” He clicks his tongue, luring Rasputin in and stirring Guy awake. “Come, малышу, before we leave you out here for vultures.”

“Nikto!” you scold. “Don’t threaten him.”

“I do not threaten. It is what will happen.”

You swat at his arm, but at least Little Guy has been lured into Nikto’s reach – if by nothing else than a hand has been offered and cats are helpless to resist a good sniff. Nikto scoops him up while you turn to flounce down the stairs.

“Make sure Susan doesn’t get out!” you call over your shoulder.

She was roused by your quick turnaround to get the juice cups and will certainly be stalking the door now.

Sure enough, you faintly hear him cursing in Russian as you reach the end of the yard. Luckily, you see him closing the door with all three of your demons inside, so you continue across the street.

Krueger hasn’t noticed your approach, his back to you, so you stop at the edge of the property to watch for a moment. Yep, just as good this close, too.

“Krueger!” you call. He doesn’t turn. You huff and try again. Nothing. Christ, you’re starting to think he’s ignoring you on purpose. “Sebastian!”

His head whips around alarmingly fast and finds you right there on the ground. No need to look around at all – sometimes they remind you of their profession in the oddest ways.

“Ja, ja, no need to shout,” he replies.

You open your mouth to do just that, but he’s already scaling down from the roof. You’re stunned into silence as he slides down to the edge of the roof, catches the edge, and swings down to the ground. Lands with barely more noise than one of your footsteps. It’s quick yet so graceful.

You stare (gawk, more accurately) as he saunters up, pants sinfully low on his narrow hips.

“What did you need, bienchen?” he asks. “It is too early for lunch.”

You stutter for a second before your brain reboots.

“What was that?!” you demand, a little shriller than necessary. If you don’t shriek about this, you’re going to shriek about that gorgeous chest and the tattoos and the everything else, and you absolutely cannot do that. “That was so dangerous! You’re going to break a leg!”

“You worry,” he scoffs. He shakes his head, but there’s a wicked, knowing grin at the corners of his mouth and his eyes are far too bright. “That was a little jump.”

“It was not!”

“It only seemed big because you are so little, but it was nothing for me.”

“You’re not that much taller!”

“It is sweet to worry,” he coos, “but it is too hot for it, yes?”

You scrunch your nose at him, not sure if you’re annoyed or turned on or both. (Probably both. It’s annoying how hot he is. And how hot he knows he is.)

“If it’s so hot, then here.”

You all but shove the cup at him. He takes it with a flicker of genuine surprise, sniffs at the liquid, then takes a sip. A pleased hum rumbles in his chest, raises the temperature another few degrees.

“My mother used to make something like this,” he muses, expression softening. You blink, lean in automatically for a peck to your cheek. “Danke schön.”

“Bitte,” you mumble, mouth drier than Reggie’s garden.

His eyes crinkle, mouth hidden by the edge of the cup as he proceeds to chug the rest of it. A droplet slips down his jaw and skips down to his collarbone. You force your eyes away before you’re driven to do something irreparable by thirst.

“Is Konig inside?” you ask. “I have a cup for him, too.”

He grunts confirmation, tongue curling around a blueberry to coax it into his mouth.

Yep, alright, that’s about as much as you can take.

“Scooch, before the punch goes warm.”

“Punch?” he repeats, arching an eyebrow at you.

“That’s what it’s called in English. Punch.”

“That seems like it would cause misunderstanding.” Except he’s grinning as he says it, like he cherishes the idea of someone confusing the two words and starting a fight. Considering how often you catch him and Konig smacking at each other, that’s probably not a stretch.

“Just please don’t swing on anyone, yeah?”

“Only because you ask so nicely,” he croons.

You click your tongue at him. “Wipe off before going in, I don’t want Shithead to stink after crawling on you.”

He barks out his usual sharp laugh and tugs the cloth – his own t-shirt – off his head to mop up his sweat. You make a mental note to tease him about sunburn later as you slip past him.

You can hear Konig singing off-key upstairs when you open the door. The house is sweltering, only mildly cooler than outside with none of the fresh air. You grimace as you pause at the bottom of the stairs; the boys have warned you that it’s dangerous up there and it’s best not to go wandering.

Thankfully, it doesn’t sound like he’s using power tools at the moment.

“Konig!” you call.

“Is that you, biene?” he calls back.

You grin. “Who else would it be, huh?”

You hear his footsteps right over your head, track his gait until the first heavy boot on the stairs. He meets you at the bottom with his usual ventilator on, but he tugs it down when he sees the cup in your hand.

“Is this for me?” he asks eagerly.

“Yep! Tell me what you think!”

With none of Nikto or Kreuger’s hesitation, he knocks back a big mouthful. Licks his full lips as he lowers it, eyes bright as they land on yours.

“This is perfect,” he chirps, “so refreshing! Thank you, biene!”

You beam right back, flushed with pride that all three of them liked the recipe you “happened to find” when you saw the temperature projections for today.

“There’s more back home,” you offer, “come out of the heat.”

“Okay, okay,” he chuckles. “I will wipe off first.”

You hum agreeably, watching him slip back upstairs with great enthusiasm. Konig in a tank top and those tight cargos… summer really is delivering this year.

That evening, you sigh as you recline across your huge bed, naked and cooling off with the night breeze rolling through your window. Ras and Shithead are happily distracted wrestling each other in your forgotten towel, and Little Guy is snoozing on his personal pillow.

You stretch out, feeling a bit decadent and indulgent with moonlight spilling over your body, and let your hands wander. It’s not the high-efficiency sleep-oriented wank you usually rush through, not this time.

You unspool memories of the day with each brush of your fingertips over moisturized skin. You hum as your skin tingles, imagining Konig’s calloused palms in place of yours. He’d be so surprisingly gentle, you’re sure. Big, strong hands but he’d play with you like a precious toy. Plucking your nipples and scratching his blunt nails over the plush of your hips.

As your breathing picks up, you see Krueger’s broad shoulders flexing behind your eyelids. Imagine them bullying between your thighs, hooking your knees over. That bright glint in his eye as he smirks against your cunt. Can practically feel the curl of his tongue around your clit, eating you out messy and mean.

You’re already halfway there when you curl two fingers into your pussy. You’re so wet that your fingers slip and slide, squelch lewdly as you rock your hips, trying to find just the right angle.

You imagine Nikto clicking his tongue at your struggle. Almost hear his low, hoarse voice chiding you for doing his job while he takes over. His fingers are so much thicker than yours, you have to press a third in just to maintain the fantasy.

You want to lean back against his broad chest while he strokes your walls, listen to him and Krueger and Konig talk about you like you’re not even there, debating if you should come. Ignore you as you beg and whimper, big hands pinning you down while they draw it out.

Please, please, please…

You clap a hand over your mouth just in time, hips jerking so hard that it makes your wrist ache.

Whoops.

Well, you doubt anyone heard. It’s pretty late, and you’re on the second story anyway.

Already sleepy, you’re too lazy to close the window after a pre-bed stop in the restroom. It’s such a nice night, after all.

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Masterlist

[cinellieroll]

☆ random obey me headcanons part 2!

asmodeus, levi and barbatos ♡

part one (lucifer, mammon and simeon)

part three (beelzebub, belphegor, solomon)

part four (satan and diavolo)

cw: some small nsfw on asmo's part :p

small note: thank you so much for the likes and reblogs! i never expected such a large majority of people to enjoy my content so it's very dear to me. once again, thank you!

☆ asmodeus:

- kinda bad at cooking. his way of slicing and dicing vegetables is very mediocre if not clumsy looking. there are days where his cooking is acceptable and days where it's to seasoned or too bland (always convinces himself its good tho and posts it on his devilgram)

- though he's kinda bad at cooking, his baking skills are okay! his favorite pastry to make are cookies because he can design them the most.

- "ofcourse mc! you'll always be the first one to try my desserts! unless you want to taste something else?~ ♡"

- he has a collection of sanrios, hironos and sonny angels in his room. ESPECIALLY sonny angels. crazy thing is he always gets them for free from his fans and its always the limited edition ones

- he really enjoys watching old movies from the human world especially the romcoms. mean girls, notting hill, pitch perfect. he will pester you to rewatch it with him even though you guys have seen it multiple times already.

- he keeps a small jewelry box in his room but instead of jewelry its full of pics of you and him and the gifts you give him. theres some pics in there where the other brothers were cut or crossed out so it'll be just you and him lmfao

- he is a yandere and i stand by this. it's not as obvious but if he's really into you he'll constantly mark you with his scent and the stuff he wears. he'll leave a hickey or a bite mark if you're lucky ;)

- the type of guy to only bring a purse to school. if you ask for a pencil the bitch is gonna open his bag and say "oopsie! i only brought my makeup pouch and mirror today. sorry babe!"

- has his own private concert in showers every goddamn day

- he'll either fangirl with you about celebrities or he'll get extremely jealous because you're simping for someone else.

☆ levi:

- sometimes his ass crack will be on display when he's sitting down on the floor

- wears booty shorts religiously. sometimes he'll casually just walk out his room wearing a hoodie and booty shorts with prints on it

- has a tumblr account where he posts a bunch of hc, drabbles and other shit and until now no one knows its him

- had an amino and discord phase where he always roleplayed with other people. till this day it haunts him at night

- he livestreams twice a week on twitch and has been scolded by lucifer on stream once. there was also a time where mammon barged in his room half naked and suddenly all the views went up 10x

- trolls on roblox like it's a 9 to 5 job

- every once in a while he'll stay in lucifers room while lucifer is doing paperwork. he'll just lay down on his bed, watch and play games and even fall asleep

- makes his own persona in every fandom he gets into and writes very detailed backstories (dw levi, same)

- only reads "x reader" fics for obvious reasons

- went insane because human world games and animes are better than the ones in devildom. dont get me started about aot. (his favorite is levi ackerman obvi)

☆ barbatos:

- wishes he could get piercings but since he's the demon prince's butler he obviously can't

- started tweakin when you said some humans keep rats and bugs as pets. like he stopped polishing some plates and looked at you like you just dog shitted diavolo's name

- really enjoys your spotify playlist filled with metalhead and grunge songs. he really likes slipknot

- likes to order those cute, fancy tea sets when he has the time. when you gifted him tea leaves and a limited edition teapot set his love for you sky rocketed.

- gets annoyed when solomon manspreads

- has a really good voice when he sings. he used to sing diavolo lullabies when his father would get angry at him

- scrolls through levi and mammon's post for educational purposes cuz he wants to learn slangs just incase diavolo asks him what a specific word means

- "barbatos, what does 'runnin from da opps' mean?"

- "my lord, 'runnin from da opps' is a slang made by the new generation. it means fleeing from your haters."

- loves to tailor and iron his bed sheets so he can have a peaceful rest after a long day of non stop errands.

[anemptypuddingcup]

Beautiful inside & out.

Yamato x Female Reader Rewrite.

Yamato imagine original fic.

This goddamn fic needed a damn rewrite because I didn’t necessarily do the right research and ended up writing some sort of a cis-male Yamato fic. Might as well say it was a genderbent Yamato fic.

Contains: Fluffy and smutty! Trans Man Yamato! We love our big boy. Yamato has surgery scars. Yamato also has big sharp bottom teeth (Oni headcanon for Yamato). Yamato has a bit of stubble on his chin too. Size difference kink. Grinding and/or frottage. Multiple rounds. Yamato’s stamina is fucking godly in this- Overstimulation towards Reader. A nice and fluffy fic. Writing’s a bit sloppy and repetitive in this one.

The sun was shining its beautiful blood orange hue within the sky as it lingered to set on this hot yet beautiful fresh day. His hair was up high in a bun while his horns stuck out at the sides of his temple. His skin was tanned and super sun-kissed, mostly from staying out in the sun all day every day.

A heavy whine left him as he shuts his eyes and whimpered out loudly, desperate to just get out of this humid heat and go back inside the house where it would be just a tad bit cooler.

He was picking fresh vegetables from his garden, the pretty yet vibrant crisp colors making the vegetables look even more delicious than they already were. “I hope these are the best ones, didn’ she say she wanted sum fresher ones last time?” He quirks a brow and scratches his head as he stared at a bright and beautifully red tomato, trying to remember what you told him before he walked out of the house.

The heat was obviously making him a bit hazy if not dumber as he sat there in deep thought. His hand moves down from his temple and to his chin, scratching at the slight stubble he had running along it.

He shrugs and puts the vegetables he picked into the basket before slowly standing back up off his knees, a yawn leaving him as he stretched and smiled to himself. He stared down into the basket for a moment and nods happily, satisfied with the produce he’s picked out for you.

“Ahh, she’s gonna be so proud when she see’s these~”

♡ ♡ ♡

You hum out to yourself sweetly as you chopped at some potatoes, a little yawn leaving you as the summer’s heat made you all sticky yet tired. The hot heat had always drained your energy, especially around a time like this where you had to cook dinner. With the windows open and the scent of summer air, it was like a usual summer evening for both you and Yamato. One like any other would be.

And even though the sun was setting, the heat still stayed and lingered behind as if not wanting to leave and give your sweating body a break with cooling air.

Freshly washed rice was cooking in the rice steamer and diced vegetables were arranged along the counter alongside some seasonings. The aroma of freshly-brewed tea wafted throughout the kitchen which merged with the aroma of boiling curry cooking within a semi-small pot. You slowly slid the chopped vegetables into the pot and gave it a stir before putting the lid back on top.

You wiped at your sweating temple before standing onto your tip-toes to peer outside of the window.

“I hope Mato’s okay, he’s still hasn’t came inside yet…” You hummed to yourself, a slight worry spilling in your tone as you scratched at your head.

The sound of Yamato’s geta hitting the wooden floorboards of the steps had immediately alerted you, his heavy footsteps trailing up the steps and onto the back of the wooden porch. You hear him sigh out heavily while his hand slid open the screen door, a deep groan of exhaustion leaving him while he wiped the sweat from his brows.

He looks to you before smiling widely, his body stepping into the house and closing the door behind him before he ran over to you happily.

“Babes! I’ve got some fresh ones this time!” He beams, body slowly trailing over to yours as he watched you cook at the stove. You turn over to him and watched him crouch down to your height, your hand reaching out to touch his cheek while his face flushed all nervously at your touch. “They’re vibrant too! Thank you Yamato.” You praised and thanked him, a blush creeping across his face as he basked in your praise. He presses his hand softly against your head, feeling along the soft strands attached to your temple before he reaches down and presses a kiss to it.

You smile and giggle to him, mewling out as he began peppering smooches down to your cheek and then down along your neck. His sharp teeth pricked at your neck, tickling you yet at the same time giving a bit of a pleasurable feeling. “Mmgh~ M-Mato baby, I’m cooking!~” You giggles to him, shutting an eye at the arousing contact of his lips and teeth against your skin.

He whimpered before moving away from your neck, his body slowly standing up straight as he stared down at your smaller and cuter frame. He stared at you for a moment before noticing how slightly pale your face had looked. His brows furrowed in slight curiosity as he stared at your face for a moment before humming out.

“Are…Are you okay babes? You look a little…”

“I’m just a bit hot is all. I’m gonna be alright though Mato.”

“Hmmph…I guess if you say so…”

You giggled and froze as you heard the rice steamer go off, the sound catching you off guard and and making your eyes widen in slight surprise. “Mato love, can you get the rice out of the rice cooker for me? I’m almost done so I just need you to get that.” You asked him, stirring at the curry while he loomed over the stove and watched you. He slide his hand beneath his crop-top to scratch at his chest before nodding to you, a yawn leaving him before he hums out.

“Of course babes! I’ll get it f’ya.” He responded, his large footsteps trailing away from your smaller body and to the other side of the counter. You hum to yourself as Yamato opened the rice steamer and took the rice out, a hungry hum leaving his throat as he got that whiff of seasoned rice.

Yamato carefully opened the top cabinet to get some plates and pulls two out before he put even portions onto each plate. He peers over his shoulder to see you pulling the top off of the pot and tasting the curry before nodding to yourself, making sure it had tasted alright for both you and him. He pouts to himself and hesitated to ask but he mustered up the courage to turn around to you and ask his question. “Hey babes, is it alright if I get…more rice an’ curry?” He asked politely, not wanting to sound unfair but having a rather larger appetite. You hum out to him before you smiled and nodded in response.

“Of course Yamato! A big man needs a big meal right? Take as much as you’d like, I’m not going to eat much tonight anyways.” You accepted, allowing him to eat more than you while .

Yamato quirks a brow to you before throwing another big spoonful of rice onto his plate and picking up both his plate and yours from the counter. His hands held the platters steadily while he walked over to you with heavy yet balanced steps.

“Why not? Ain’t ya hungry after a long day burnin’ up in th’sun all day? It was pretty hot out there today.” He asked, giving you a bit of a worried look while he handed you the plates and watched you pour curry onto them.

“I’m just…not feeling as hungry I guess.” You responded, a sigh leaving you as you look up to him and handed his plate to him. Yamato pouts down to you and presses a smooch to your cheek to try and cheer you up. He takes your plate from your small hand and smiles as he walked off towards the doorway of the kitchen. “I’ll be waitin’ for ya in the front room, I’ll take ya plate in there f’ya too.” He says, quirking a bit of a worried smile before walks back to pepper another smooch to your temple. You chuckled and watched him walk away again and listened as his footsteps slowly vanish out of the kitchen and fade out into the hallway.

You could tell he was worried for you, as much as you’ve been doing all day he assumed that you would’ve worked up quite the appetite for it. However that wasn’t necessarily the case for you. Yes you were tired but…not very hungry unlike Yamato himself, but that’s what bothered him.

You take off the kettle off the stove and turned it off before you poured tea into the two teacups, your lips blowing air onto the tear to cool it off just a smidge. You slowly set them onto a little tray and taking them into the living room, your steps steady and slow as you walked down the hallway.

♡ ♡ ♡

Yamato had already blessed the food for you both, and he watched as you took small bites while he was practically scarfing his food down as if he was starved. While he was chewing, he started speaking to you, his hand covering his mouth as his lips had parted with his mouth still stuffed.

“Hey babes, I got a question f’ya.”

“Yes Yamato?”

“Will you ever get tired of me and…um…my size?”

“Eh?-“

“Like…D’ya ever worry ‘bout me ever hurtin’ ya? I mean…really. What if I hurt ya and don’ mean to?”

You paused for a moment and stopped chewing your food before looking up into his eyes, your eyes flickering to him before you sighed out. You swallowed your bite and giggled before you reach your hands out to cup his face, your thumbs running along the softness of his cheeks.

“Mato…I don’t ever worry about you hurting me because I know you won’t. Yes, you’re a big and strong man…but that’s exactly what I love about you~ You’re so big and so unique baby…”

You stare up into his beautiful amber eyes, watching them glisten and glimmer with love deep his heart. You wipe the small grain of rice from his cheek and he smiles so beautifully to you, his cheeks flushed as he processed your words deep within his mind.

He wraps his arms around your smaller frame and pulls you close before he press his lips against yours. His teeth bumped up against your temple and gave you that same sense of pleasure you’ve felt countless times before. You hum out to him lovingly and wrap your arms around his neck before pulling away. “Matooo, can’t we finish eating dinner first?~ Weren’t you so hungry earlier?” You teased, your fingers teasing at his ruby-red horns while he mewled out.

He huffs out and presses his hands to your shoulders, his eyes pouting to you while you blink to him. Admittedly, he was still a little negative and unsure with your words and he didn’t know whether he wanted to believe you or allow his stubborn mind to play at himself.

“Can…Can we make love tonight? I just wanna…I wanna stop thinkin’ this way! Reassure me! Make me think otherwise!” He pouts to you, a little whimper leaving him as he stared down at you with intensity. You stared up at him blankly before sighing out, your body shuddered at his tone while your heart began to pound out of your chest.

You blink softly to yourself before smiling to him, your hands cupping his face once again before you’d pepper a smooch to his temple and his horns. His eyes widens as he flinched from the sudden kiss to his horns, his hand nearly knocking his tea over as he stared down at you.

“You always know how to get me going, don’t you?~” You giggled, fluttering your lashes to him while he chuckles nervously in response. “If you want to we can, I’d love to make love with you any night~” You say all seductively, wrapping your arms around his neck while he held you closer to his body. His eyes softened up at your contact before he watched you pull away from him.

“I’m finished eating anyways, I’ll go freshen up for tonight. My body is so sticky from this heat we’ve been dealing with all day today..” You sighed out, staring up at him from below on his lap while he nods and grabs his plate which was nearly clean.

“O-Okay, I’ll take these for ya then.” He says, reaching out and grabbing your plate before he place it beneath his own. You smiled and hand him the teacups as well before climbing up off of his body, watching as his body slowly rose and stood up before he’d walk out of the living room. “Thank you, Mato..” You whispered, causing him to turn back around and smile to you before he walked far out into the hallway.

You huff out before standing up off of the floor, a groan leaving you as you stretched and walked out of the living room and down the hallway into your shared bedroom. The sound of your footsteps had him all giddy and ecstatic, he was already excited and couldn’t contain himself for very long.

“Man…I love ‘er s’much~ She’s s’perfect for me~” He sighed all lovingly, his cheeks reddening while his body grew hot yet full with love.

Regardless if he was a big man who had negative thoughts, you’d always wash ‘em away with your soft sweet voice filled with reassurance and acceptance. Though part of him couldn’t help but to be stubborn sometimes when it came to things like this. He was happy that you loved him for him, he felt like he could be free with his flaws freely without anyone complaining or picking at him for his imperfections or indifferences of his.

And yet, part of him still couldn’t help but to worry if he would really hurt you accidentally one day. His thoughts makes his walking come to a halt and he paused at the kitchen doorway before he stared down at the empty tea cups and dirty plates in his hand.

“Maybe…Maybe she’ll reassure my thoughts…with her love. I don’ need t’be worryin’ myself over somethin’ I know is just my own facade.”

He chuckles to himself at his pesky negative thoughts and walks over to the sink, getting down onto his knees before he’s softly set the dishes in the warm soapy water.

He hummed out to himself while shook his hips to the tune, cleaning and washing up the dishes while he looked out the window and stared up at the moon. He smirks to himself as he rinsed the soapy dishes out before setting them on the drying rack and washing his hands clean of any extra germs that lingered in his hands.

He closed the blinds to the window before he stood up on his own two feet and walked out of the kitchen, his hand flicking off the light switch as behind him as he walked out.

♡ ♡ ♡

“Baby? Everythin’ alright in there?” He called out, his hand reaching out to the doorknob before he slide the shoji door open. His eyes flicked up before they widened and blinked blankly, his amber eyes staring at your naked back while he watched you slowly look over your shoulder to look at him.

“Hm?~ You wanted to do something tonight didn’t you Yamato?”

“I-I didn’ think- U-Um-“

“Don’t tell me you’re nervous Yamato~”

His face burns a deep shade of red as he pouts and walks into the bedroom, his hand shutting the door behind himself. “M-Me? Nervous!? Ya must be jokin’!” He responded loudly, a laugh leaving him as he tried to hide his nervousness from you.

“Don’t be scared Yamato, you aren’t going to hurt me baby~ I promise you.” You say, turning over onto your tummy while you lifted and moved your forelegs back and forth. Yamato gulps before pulling off his crop top and slipping off his joggers, leaving him in nothing but his boxers while he began to grow sweaty from his own nervousness.

“F-Fine…Just lemme bathe first.” He sighed out, his hand pulling at his hair tie before he’d loosened his bun completely, allowing his stands to fall freely along his back.

You chuckled and nodded in response, teasing him with your body while he growled out nervously in response. “I’ll be waiting for you then, Yamato~” You hum out to him, your tone of voice teasing and making him blush deeply as he walked into the bathroom and slowly closed the door behind himself.

You sigh out and look away from the door before sitting there in silence, your hands teasing at your body while you waited for Yamato to finish showering.

♡ ♡ ♡

“Oi, m’finished showerin’~ Now what is it that ya wanted t’do?-“ Yamato slowly walks out of the bathroom, his hands still running the towel through his snow white strands as he stepped into your shared bedroom. You slowly sit up and turn over to him before smiling, watching as he continued to dry up his dampened hair well enough. He lands his amber eyes onto you and smiles, his hands throwing the towel onto the floor before he’d jump straight onto your shared bed.

You yelp out in response and bounce up a bit from Yamato’s larger stature hitting your shared bed. You giggle to him, his larger hands reaching out and picking you up before pulling you closer to him.

“Hi babes~”

“Hi Yamato~”

He chuckled before pressing his lips against yours, a mewl leaving him as his tongue slid past your lips so impatiently. You hum out all sweetly against his lips and wrap your arms around his neck, your hands rubbing against his soft pretty strands alongside his smooth yet roughed-up skin.

His hands ran up along your back, a groan leaving him as he pulls away from your lips and pressed them back against yours again. His hand slid down in between your legs and began playing at your slit, his fingertips running against your cunt making you gasp out shakily while you gripped his shoulders tighly.

“Already sticky down ‘ere I see~” He gasps out, pulling away from your lips while his fingers played with your slit. You mewl out at the feeling of his thick fingers running along your pussy. “Of course I am~ I’m excited to feel your body against mine after so long~ I’m surprised you wanted convincing on how much I really trust you…” You say nervously, your thighs squeezing together against his hand while you stared up at him with your nervous little eyes.

“I always need convincin��, how else will I ever know that ya genuinely love me for me? No one would want to be with someone as…big and grizzly as myself…”

“Come on baby…I would. I am with you! Why else would I be with you other than for yourself baby?” You asked him, your question causing his brows to raise in response while he grows quiet. He blushes and turns away from you before sighing out, now realizing that once again his mind was playing with him and just making him more worrisome.

“I already told you that I love your body Yamato. Not just your body, I love everything about you just like how you love everything about me.” You continued, your hand running down between your legs and running against the soft skin of his fingers. He squeaks out at your contact and he stared down into your eyes while you look back up into his.

“You love everything about me, right? That’s why you’re with me isn’t it?” You asked him nervously, tilting your head while you gave him an unsure look. His eyes widens in response and he immediately nodded without a second thought.

“H-Hell yeah I do! I wouldn’ be with ya otherwise if I wasn’ so sure…” He yells out in nervousness, not wanting to make it seem like he didn’t love you when he obviously did.

“Well that’s how I feel about you baby, you can always be confident that I’ll love you no matter what happens.” You say smiling to him, your words flattering him and making his heart flutter and skip a beat.

He hugs you tightly and gives you a loving smooch before pulling away, a lovable sigh spilling past his lips as he stared down into your eyes.

“God, lemme fuck ya~ All this sweet talkin’ got me soakin’ f’ya~”

“Please fuck me good Yamato~ Prove to me that you feel the same for me as I do for you.���

“I…I will baby. I will…”

♡ ♡ ♡

Yamato grabs your hips and presses his pussy up against yours, a soft sigh leaving him as his clit smooches up against yours. You let out a soft moan and trembled against him, staring down at his cunt while he stared into your pretty eyes. He adored how small you were beneath him, dominating your smaller body was so easy for him to accomplish. He loved how your body would squirm beneath him, the bigger he was the more pleasure he could feed your body.

“Ya ready?~” He asked teasingly, his lips curling up into a smirk while you look up into his eyes. You nodded softly and smiled, giving him the permission to start moving his hips against yours while you watched from below. You gasp out suddenly and watched as he began rocking his hips into yours, a groan leaving him as he felt your sticky slick running along his pussy.

“God ya s’fuckin’ wet baby~ Makin’ my pussy feel real good like this~” He groans outs, his hands pressing against either side of you while he stared down at your body already melting for him. You blushed deeply and bit your bottom lip, staring up at him while you sigh and gasp out shakily in response.

He chuckles and sits up a bit before grinding his hips a bit faster, his face wincing just a bit out of pleasure while he lets out a moan of ecstasy. He watched as you moan out for him, biting your bottom lip while he fucks your pussy all needily. “Ahhh~ Y-Yamato~ I-It feels s’good~” You moan out all sweetly to him, your brows furling as you watched him slide and grind his pussy all up against yours.

“Ahh~ I’m g-glad it does~ Ya better get ready cuz m’gonna make sure ya feel all of my love!~” He hums out, licking his lips while his hands began playing at your breasts. You huff out shakily to him as your body began to rock a bit hard, with Yamato’s hips going at an immaculate pace while his grinding was steady and rhythmic.

You arch your back and hiss out shakily, looking up to Yamato while he bends down and gives you a deepened kiss. “Mmh~ Ya gonna feel my love baby~ M’gonna make ya feel it, god m’gonna make ya feel s’good~” He gasps out shakily, throwing his head back while he propped himself up on his hands.

You let out angelic moans as he grinds up against you harder and faster against your cunt, your hands gripping the sheets tightly while you moan out and threw your head back. “Oh Yamato~ Y-Yamato I-I’m gonna cum soon~” You whined, your face scrunching up as you slowly lied back onto your fluffy pillows.

Yamato chuckles and grips one of your legs before going a bit faster, causing you to gasp and moan out beneath him while he fucked you so easily. “Cmon then babes~ I wanna feel ya squirtin’ on m’pussy~ Cmonnn~” He mewls out shakily, his breaths growing heavy while he played at his clit teasingly in front of you.

You whined out and press your head to your temple before moaning out loudly, your hands reaching out for his while he chuckled and reached out to you. “Fuck fuck- Y-Yamato!~ Oh god, Yamato!~” His hands waffled with yours and he watched as you unfurled beneath him, a heavy yet loud gasp erupting past your lips as you squirt out onto his pussy against yours. He hissed out and runs his thumb along your clit, trying to help ride your high out while he continued to grind against your cunt.

You whine out shakily as you yearned for him to stop and give you a second to breathe, but he didn’t and your body didn’t necessarily want him to. “Fuck ya so cute like that babes!~ S’fuckin’ adorable an’ needy~” He hums, his lips pressing a smooch to yours while his hips didn’t halt for a second. You whine out shakily, realizing that he wasn’t stopping regardless if you’d just came.

“Cmon baby, that was just th’first round! I haven’t even came yet!” He says playfully, giving you a little smile while you whined out to him in response. “P-Please Yamato~ I-I just c-came~” You whined out to him, a bit of years pricking at eyes as you pouted to him. Yamato chuckled mischievously and looks down at you with a glint in his eyes.

“No no baby…Ya just lay right there. I’m gonna fuck ya pussy and make ya cum even more!~” He says darkly, his tongue trailing across his lips as he finished his sentence. You breathe out shakily and stare up at him before whimpering in response, a bit excited yet nervous to see how rough he’ll go on you.

♡ ♡ ♡

“W-Wait!~ A-Ah!- S-Slow down Y-Yamato!~”

“Nah! I ain’ slowin’ down for nun’! I wanna show ya how much I love ya! How much I love this fuckin’ body of yours!”

You gasp out shakily and held on tight to your pillow, a heavy whine leaving you while tears rolled down your face and drool spilled past your lips. Yamato was breathing heavily above you, his hand gripping your thigh and keeping it up while he ran his pussy up against yours so vigorously and yet so hard.

Both of your pussies were all sticky with slick and cum, yet Yamato was still full of energy as if he hadn’t came three times already. Your mind was practically melting at this point and Yamato was absolutely loving how you looked crumbling beneath him.

Groans left his lips as he got a good look at your adorably sticky face, his smile growing wide as he stared down at you melting beneath his body. He watched your breasts bounce with every movement he took rocking his hips against yours, a handful of moans leaving your lips like a sweet angelic song.

“M-M’gonna cum a-again, Yamato~” You whimpered out loudly yet shakily to him, your eyes shutting softly as your lied your head back in sweet arousal. “Aww again? Ya so sensitive ain’cha?” He teased, a little snicker leaving him as he smiled down at your broken little state. You sigh out heavily yet weakly, begging him to give you a break with the press of your hand against his chest.

His brows raise in response and he smiles and bends over your, hovering over your body. His smirk grows into a wide smile as he smooched your lips, grinding his hips harder before he began to gasp out. “Fuck, m’close again~ I know ya wanna cum to so I’ll let ya~” He whispered to you, his hips beginning to go faster against yours while you let out a broken moan.

You groan out heavily and pull him close, your moans all soft and broken as your pussy fluttered against his. You let out a silent moan as you threw your head back, your pussy gushing all over his while he sighs out shakily. He chuckled before gasping out, his temple against yours as he breathed heavily against your lips.

His body shudders and he lets out a heavy growl, his body shuddering against yours as he squirts out into your pussy and lower abdomen. He humps you a few more time before he stopped completely, a hum leaving his lips as he looked down at you who was all fucked out and drooling.

He giggles and gives you another sticky smooch before slowly pulling himself off of you, a string of cum and slick disconnecting from both of your pussies. He sets himself down beside you and pulled you up into his arms, his arms cradling you as if you were a precious gem in his delicate hands.

“Did I….Did I do good ‘nough for ya babes…?”

You lied there unresponsive for a bit, causing him to move in closer to you before you looked into his eyes and smiled to him.

“Y-Yes baby~ Y-You did m-more than enough~” You responded a bit afterwards, huffing out as he sat there and stared down into your eyes. He slowly spreads out and lies down onto your shared bed, his arms resting you beside him while he lied down and spooned your smaller body inside of his.

“I-I t-told you~ I-I would l-love you no m-matter what~” You sigh out, your tone broken yet loving and caring for Yamato while he gave you the slightest look of worry.

“I-I know babes, but…are ya okay?”

“I’m f-fineeee~” You giggles to him, your fingers tickling at your chin while you felt his slight bit of scruff scratching at your fingers.

He sighs out and rests his head in his hand, his eyes watching as your slowly closed unconsciously out of exhaustion. He giggled a bit before pressing a smooth against your temple.

“I love you like how you love me babes…”

[harleehazbinfics]

I like to think that with the cannibal chef overlord spin off that Chef has a 5 star restaurant and it’s Hell’s Kitchen (love that show) and when she’s not with Alastor or the others she’s kinda like Gordon with her employees (btw the souls she owns) idk I think that would be so funny!

Like Alastor sees her working and yelling at everyone and he just has heart eyes 😍

A moment in Hell's Greatest Kitchen [Cannibal Chef!Reader Spin-off]

a/n: ngl, i loved writing this. thank you for the ask!

Cannibal chef! reader m.list | Author profile

"YOU FUCKING IDIOTS! CAN'T YOU PREPARE A SIMPLE MEAL?"

I flinch at the sound as I almost cut my finger from chopping the vegetables. I peeked out of lashes to see my boss cussing out my co-workers while they cooked sweating profusely from the heat and the insults being thrown at them.

"EVERYONE CLEAN YOUR STATIONS! IT LOOKS LIKE A GODDAMN PIGSTY HERE. I'M RUNNING A RESTAURANT, NOT SOME ESTABLISHMENT WHERE YOU BRAIN DEAD LITTLE PIGGIES CAN SHIT IN."

I immediately threw my peels in the bin and wiped the counter then placing my knives back to their drawer.

This was my boss. Hell's largest Cannibal Overlord, (y/n). Aside being a household name in hell to be wary of, she was also a well-respected chef. I idolized her even before we died. I lived during her era and even got the opportunity to work in her restaurant when we were alive. It was tough to get in and work with her, but it was tougher to stay there. Thankfully, luck was on my side to work with her for 6 years before her death.

She was as mean as she was before, however, I do get jumpy at loud noises. She was tough on us, prioritizing the customer's satisfaction and cleanliness around the

Even after she was outed as a cannibal and was executed I devoted myself to her and followed after her. Which led me here.

"You! Daniel! Pick up the pace! Table's 5 and 10 are done with their appetizers," she yells at me making me flinch and nod.

"Yes, chef!" I replied making her give me a nod of acknowledgement. i blush while doing my duties as I replay her calling my name in my head. 'She remembers me!' I scream giggling in my head.

"Pardon me. I apologize for getting in your way," the tall red deer demon apologizes after bumping into me, I nod dismissing it and stirred the pot I already seasoned.

He gives me a tight-lipped smile and walks forward to a corner to avoid getting in our way. He stares at Chef (y/n) with adoring eyes and a large smile as she pinched a sinner by the ear and twisting it then screaming on it. Which the red hair only gives out a dreamy sigh.

That was Alastor, the Radio Demon. He and my boss had a very special relationship, it's quite intimate from what I've seen. From what I heard, Alastor approached Chef (y/n) and submitted his soul to her, and from then on, they were inseparable. Chef had a soft side when it came to him, she'd latch on to him and lean on him even often baby talking to him. It had us all stunned when she first introduced Alastor to us, her change in demeanor was very telling she liked him a lot.

So, whenever we were in a pinch.

"Uh! Chef! Sir Alastor is here!" another sinner tells her, in an attempt to save our co-worker.

You then turn to the direction they pointed and skipped towards the deer, "Alastor, honey!" she greets before giving him a kiss.

The sinners in the back on their knees thanking the Radio Demon for saving their asses.

"Good morning, madam," he greets holding onto her waist, "A lively morning, isn't it?"

"It's better now with you around," (y/n) coos as she snuggles deeper into his embrace.

And this is how every morning in Hell's Kitchen. Gore, Food and Love.

🔗Cannibal Chef! Reader Taglist:

@bonnie-02 @marxo5 @whaatttlaufey @froggybich @rybunnie @midorichoco @lucifers-silhouette @kimmis-stuff @bontensbabygirl @janey @akiqvq @wonderlandangelsposts @spoiled-slutt @roboticsuccubus83 @atlas-rin @yuriohoe04 @azullynxx @milk-bulb @hahalame @aria-tempest @speedycoffeedelight @0strawberrysorbet0 @amitiel-truth @corvid007 @kaminarithebest @enby-goblin @whydosnakesnotdance @wtvbabes @willow404 @psychoanalyze0 @sweetadonisbutbetter @manachpo @dionysusismypatrongod @obessivlyonline

[squeakadeeks]

Can I be nosy and ask how you got scurvy. In exchange you can take anything you want from my fridge vegetable drawer

oh totally. the fact that i had scurvy remains one of the weirdest twists in this ol life o' mine.

part of this story is funny, the other part not so funny. (TW EDs)

the not so funny part is I got to the point of developing scurvy in an insanely predictable way. I've had a clinical ED all my adult life and a lot of the PSAs warn you about the surface level stuff like "your hair will fall out!" "you'll be tired all the time!" which....yeah. but if you restrict hard enough and long enough youre basically doing a "stranded on a desert island DIY POV" simulation. not to sugar coat it but I was deeply unwell and doing some absolutely Insane things. i was living hot Sir Ernest Shackleton boy summer. except it wasnt hot it was horrible and Shackleton probably wouldve been deeply disappointed and confused by the whole situation.

but as one would naturally imagine if you are tit for tat nutritionally larping as a castaway, you will. Develop Diseases. I remember suddenly noticing that my teeth looked like straight ass and I was getting mouth sores but I wasnt sure why. I developed a fever for weeks that i couldnt shake, the skin on my hands kept chafing off and my fingers would lock up, in general my skin was really bizzare looking with weird scabs and dark spots, and overall i felt utterly awful. Ive been struggling with this for awhile so some of that was my ""normal"" at the time so I didnt really connect the dots until I was reading something about scurvy and went "haha funny sailor disease" only to pause and realise that with my dietary habits, i hadnt eaten fruit or anything containing vitamin C in well over a full calendar year. this caused me to look up the symptoms of scurvy with dawning horror that this mystery onset of symptoms was disturbingly close to scurvy, prompting me to go to the dr and low and behold I basically had la croix flowing through my veins with how terrible my blood levels were.

I was moving out for grad school within the season and i really didnt want to start that with a goddamn captain hook ass disease so for months I had to macrodose on vitamin C like I was a prized guinea pig. seeing those huge tablets still gives me flashbacks.

what gets funny is literally within the week of learning I had scurvy....I also had a major ocular melanoma scare. of which one of the treatments is to surgically remove the eye and/or have eyepatches involved. so for a few months in the summer of 2021 i was hobbling around with scurvy and an eyepatch on this beautiful green world of ours.

[sim0nril3y]

Let’s be honest, Simon is probably the better cook in the relationship. You’ll try your best to make something special but half the time it’ll come out the oven a burnt mess and you’ll be making some excuse for what your forgot to take it out half an hour ago. Goddamn that boy loves you so much he’ll actually attempt to eat it, grimacing on every chew whilst your brightly say “it’s not so bad, is it!” And to show willing he’ll take another hearty bite reminding himself how much he loves you as he forces it down his throat. This was fucking torture - trust him, he knows… he’s been tortured before!

After one too many of those meals Simon would appear in the kitchen way more often, even when you assure that you have everything under control at first he’ll just observe the way you flit from one thing to another haphazardly, leaving pasta boiling rapidly on the hob whilst you cut some vegetables very dangerously with a knife. He has to intervene then, turning down the hob and the moving over. “Here, love. Let me help. Put me to work.” Simon doesn’t want to make you feel bad. He’d rather try and help subtly than make you feel less than. “You’re good with a knife.” You’ll comment and he’ll smirk and shrug easily.

Sometimes when you were working longer hours Simon would just do the whole job for you. Coming home surprised to find dinner waiting on the table, you hungrily eat and everything is perfectly seasoned, perfectly cooked, not a damn thing burnt. “Wow. This is amazing. I can’t get that bloody oven to work, how did you do this?” He’ll feel a sense of pride knowing that you’re eating a good meal and thank god he doesn’t have to suffer another burnt offering.

[gowns]

you know, they tell you all about childhood wonder, but i made spaghetti squash last night, and i told my 6 year old, "look! this looks like an ordinary squash, but look what happens when you cook it! it's going to turn into spaghetti!" and i roasted it and took it out of the oven and showed her, "look! look! check this out! it's like magic! spaghetti!!!!" digging my fork into the squash, the little strings coming out looking so goddamn much like spaghetti, in a way that still amazes me, as an adult, even though i've seen it happen before, it's still incredible to me, holy shit, here's this thing that grows out of the ground and we figured out that if you roast it the insides look identical to this other thing that exists, that is also edible, and they taste pretty good with the same seasonings and sauces.

"look! the squash turned into spaghetti! holy cow!" i even wrapped the strings around my fork, like a spaghetti commercial.

my 6 year old looked at my fork, looked at me, with a world weary glare, then rolled her eyes. "i'm not going to eat that." "ok, ok, you don't have to eat it, but isn't it cool?! how does it do that?!" "whatever." whatever! how can you whatever seeing a spaghetti squash for the first time?!

i tell you, we were sold a bill of goods about childhood wonder. there are so many things that amaze me that don't amaze my kids.

when i think about it, i remember that i was the same way, when i was that age, when i learned to read bigger books; i read a few science books, then i felt like i knew everything, and nothing amazed me anymore, everything that could be imagined had already happened. everything had a rational explanation. christmas lights were just electricity. mickey mouse is just a guy in a costume. vegetables are just vegetables and not that exciting; food doesn't need to be exciting, after all, it just needs to be safe and familiar.

--

just a few hours after the spaghetti squash, after i had put them to bed -- i heard the gentle click of my kid's bedroom door. her head popped into the bathroom, where i was taking a bath.

"i can't go to sleep, because i'm afraid."

"afraid of what?"

"i was watching a show about rattlesnakes, and a gila monster was about to eat them, and i turned it off, but now i'm still thinking -- what if i was a snake, and a gila monster was about to eat me?"

"...well, you are very lucky, because you are not a snake. and there are no gila monsters here."

"yes, but what if i was a snake? and what if there was a gila monster?"

"but you are a kid, and you are safe in your bedroom."

"but what if i wasn't?"

--

what i love about kids is that they are full of surprises. you can't predict how they'll react to things. adults follow scripts, but kids write their own. especially in these brief, precious years -- between 4 and 10 -- when they have enough language to communicate and process the world, but they're not following any scripts yet. and they have big emotions because they bristle against all the scripts being presented to them.

so you get all these funny contrasts -- the big christmas decorations are "whatever," but what's really fun is twisting these fuzzy pipe cleaners together. this toy doll is kind of fun, but what's really fun is pouring water in her mouth until she's sopping wet, cracking up because it's like she peed all over herself, then deciding to take a bath at noon. (taking a bath at noon is fun, taking a bath at bathtime is not.) the "make your own cookie" pre-made set is not fun, but mixing a big bowl of flour until everything is covered in white definitely is.

i love them because they're right. because we're both right. because they fill my life with contrasts. the spaghetti squash IS amazing, and it's ALSO pretty boring. coloring on paper IS limited fun, coloring on walls DOES feel liberating. it's true that we are not snakes, but what if we WERE?

we are always showing each other alternative ways of being!

[taijuslegalwife]

⋆𐙚₊˚ Mr.Chef

Taiju Shiba x Reader

warnings: usage of pet names(princess,brat), established relationship, female pronouns, female reader.

While (y/n) was at work, Taiju took it upon himself to do something special. That special thing just so happened to be making his girlfriend dinner. He waited for her to leave for the day and as soon as she had shut the door to their house he raced into the kitchen and laced up her medium-sized pink and white apron hung neatly in the kitchen, grabbed a metal pan from the cabinets below and started up the stove. Taiju paused for a moment when he realized he didn’t know what to cook—he began panicking quietly as he took to his phone to search online for some easy beginners recipes.

“Goddamn, Nothin’ good on this stupid site.” 

Taiju’s grip on the phone tightened as he kept scrolling through the many recipes listed, growing more and more agitated as he found no recipe he deemed good enough for his girlfriend. His piercing yellow eyes scanned the phone screen religiously until he found the perfect recipe. A ��One-Pan Pork Tenderloin’ with tomatoes,potatoes,and spinach. Taiju immediately rested his phone on a steady wooden knife-holder as he reached over into the large black refrigerator, pulling out vegetables of all colors and the main ingredient; the lovely pork tenderloin. Taiju carefully reached up into the spice rack above him and steadily pulled out all the spices he required, and began to combine the cumin, allspice, turmeric, paprika, salt and a generous amount of black pepper in a large bowl. He lazily slapped the pork tenderloin into the bowl and tossed it around evenly to coat it completely in the spice mixture.

After the pork was properly seasoned, Taiju threw some oil skillfully into the heated pan along with the pork settled in the middle. While the pork cooked he tossed the sliced potatoes and tomatoes, adding in some sliced lemon for some flavor. He wiped some sweat quickly off of his pale forehead and swept some baby hairs that were sticking to his skin due to the rising heat in the kitchen. He bent over to read the instructions once more before covering the pork and letting it cook on low. His large, veiny pale hand immediately untied the restricting apron off of his large scale, neatly  placing it on the kitchen counter in a quaint fold. Taiju pulled one of the stools from his kitchen island over near the stove to watch the pork carefully, not wanting to mess up this surprise dinner for his beloved. 

╭────── · · ୨୧ · · ──────╮

Taiju had gotten lost on his own devices and before he knew it the oven beeped, reminding him about his cooking dinner ready to be served. He immediately remembered about the meal and quickly swiped back to his tab saved with the recipe before standing up and lifting the pan lid off of the pan. He picked up some tongs sitting in a nearby cabinet before picking up the cooked pork and placing it on the cutting board carefully as to not ruin it. Taiju felt an unconscious smile creep up his face in pure satisfaction at how well the tenderloin had turned out. He picked up a sharp kitchen knife and was about to slice the meat perfectly when he heard the doorknob jiggle. Panic set in as he soon heard his beautiful girlfriend announce her arrival early from work, Taiju quickly ran to take the pan off of the stove so that the vegetables wouldn’t burn and hid the meat behind him as he watched (y/n) walk inside.

(Y/n) immediately picked up on the smell of the freshly cooked meat and smiled accordingly, “Oh wow, what is that? It smells great!” Taiju just stared her down silently as he watched her approach him into the kitchen. He eyed her gently for a moment before speaking out in his soothing deep voice, “It’s nothing, princess. Don’t worry your pretty little head off about it.” He attempted to try and lure her away from the kitchen so he could continue to prepare the meal in peace without his surprise being ruined.

 As Taiju leaned in to wrap (y/n) into a bear-hug she sneakily peaked around his large figure, spotting the delicious dinner behind him. Realizing his surprise was found out he stepped to the side and bellowed out laughter, “Aw damn. You found me out. Should I not serve you for being so disobedient?” Taiju playfully teased her as he snuck a warm finger underneath her chin. He leaned in before connecting their lips together in a warm embrace, whispering in her ear right before, “Your welcome, brat.”

[c-o-t-o]

Akira dreams of Akechi

Author: c-o-t-o

Characters: Akira Kurusu x Goro Akechi

CW: none, sfw

Misc: ~1.4k words

About: Akira dreamt that Akechi cooked for him and tells Akechi about it. In the hopes that acting it out will stop Akira from dreaming about him constantly, Akechi pays a visit to LeBlanc to prepare a home cooked meal.

*Do not remove info or credit from posts when reblogging or sharing!*

‘I had a dream where Akechi made a home-cooked meal for me…’ Akira recalled to himself upon waking up. He grabs his phone that's half stuck under a sleeping Mona to tell Akechi about it.

“Another dream about me?" Akechi responds. “At least it's better than the dream you had of us at the beach with your bathing suit shorts washing away…"

Akira chuckled. He didn't know why he was always dreaming of Akechi, but lately he found himself enjoying those dreams more and more. As he and Akechi became closer friends, those dreams started to feel somewhat warm and fuzzy to him. Akira found himself feeling flustered around Akechi now, sometimes getting nervous for no real reason.

Akira got up and ready to help Sojiro downstairs in the cafe for his morning regulars. Sojiro was teaching Akira how to roast his own coffee beans, about the different kinds of roasts and brewing methods, and he kind of loved it. He was able to make drinks for the regulars now, some say even better than Sojiro himself.

Around noon when it quieted down, Akira was startled by the bell suddenly ringing from the front door opening. A customer around this time?

To his surprise, it was Akechi. More specifically, Akechi holding a shopping bag with a look of annoyance on his face.

“I'm here to…” Akechi’s face contorts as if he doesn't want to say the words. "I'm here to make you a home cooked meal. Maybe this will stop you from having all those goddamn dreams about me.”

Akira stands behind the counter in his apron blushing, trying to figure out if he's excited about the idea of Akechi cooking for him, or if he's nervous because they're alone. They've spent so much time together before, but it was usually in a public place with others around. It's been a while since the two of them have been alone by themselves. Especially since Akira started having these dreams and feelings.

Akechi takes his jacket off, rolling up his sleeves, and putting a spare apron on as he rounds the counter. He starts tying his apron at his back when he looks at Akira whose cheeks are still red. Akechi huffs through his nose, still looking annoyed.

“Don't get excited about this, I'm only doing it so that your freaky dreams about me stop. Maybe if I can act out one of your dreams it'll satisfy your subconscious." Akechi combs his fingers through his hair. “And then you can stop texting me EVERY MORNING about them."

Akira awkwardly smiles as Akechi brings the groceries into the kitchen. He didn't realize he was bothering Akechi with all his texts about his dreams, but at the very least it lead to them hanging out again.

“Usually curry is everyone's go-to for a simple meal, but I won't attempt that here. Even I know I'd be a fool for trying to make curry in Sojiro’s place.” Akechi takes the ingredients out one by one, looking at some almost questioningly, before placing them on the counter.

Akira starts looking through the ingredients when Akechi lightly slaps his hand away.

“No. I have to be the one to cook it all, or this might not work.” Akechi's eyebrows narrow as pinches the bridge of his nose. " Why don't you… go sit down or something.”

Akechi flicks his phone screen with his thumb to scroll through the recipe he found online for some stew. He figured it would be hard to mess up something where all he had to do was boil chunks of beef and vegetables together and add some sauces and seasonings.

“Simple enough," Akechi mutters to himself. As he starts chopping the vegetables he looks up to see Akira watching him from the counter, chin resting on his folded hands. “Why are you so quiet? You haven't said a word since I came here." Akechi said with an air of annoyance.

“Sorry," Akira mutters softly. "First I dreamt you were cooking for me, and now you're actually here... I'm just excited."

Akechi's face becomes flush, so he lets his hair fall over his face to cover up the red that has spread across his cheeks. He breathes out quickly through his nose as if to laugh.

Akira studies Akechi carefully, noticing that he's following a video as he chops everything and adds ingredients to the pot.

‘How much did he prepare for this? He even found a video to make sure he did it right,’ Akira thinks to himself.

While Akechi finishes cooking, Akira brews coffee for them with beans he had just roasted a few days ago. He had been letting them rest for a few days and was excited to finally try them.

Finally, Akchi walks two bowls over to the bar counter and places the bowls by each of their coffee cups. He looks at Akira questioningly at the sight of the drinks.

“I roasted and brewed this coffee myself, I hope you like it." He grabs the coffee cup and holds it up to his mouth as a way to use his hands to hide his blush. The flavor was deep and chocolatey and came out even better than he expected.

As Akechi sat down next to him, his leg and arm brushed against Akira’s, causing him to momentarily choke at the feeling. Why was he getting so flustered? Although… now he notices a faint smell of cologne coming from Akechi. Did he always have some on? Was it only today? Before his thoughts could wander more, Akechi grumbles and holds a spoon of stew out to Akira.

“C’mon already. Eat. Before it gets cold…” Akechi says with a look of annoyance on his face. It quickly turns to one of embarrassment as Akira takes the bite from the spoon being offered to him. Akechi opens his mouth to retort, but closes it, blushing. Looking away with his eyes, he asks Akira how it tastes.

“It's really good, I can't believe it." Akira’s eyes widen in surprise as he eats the stew. He honestly expected Akechi to mess it up somehow.

“Why are you so surprised? It doesn't take a genius to follow a recipe…” Akichi retorts. He stops himself though, and sighs. Still looking away, he slightly mumbles, “Thank you. I'm glad you like it."

Without thinking about it, Akechi uses the same spoon he just fed Akira with and uses it to feed himself. Akira stares at him completely blushed at the same moment Akechi freezes with the spoon in his mouth, suddenly realizing the same thing. Him eating from the same spoon is like sharing an indirect kiss. He slowly pulls the spoon out of his mouth and chews his food, eyes spaced out on nothing in particular ahead of him.

“Not. A. Word." Akechi threatens.

Neither of them realized that Mona had wandered downstairs. All he knew was that the two of them were eating and suddenly heard Akechi threatening Akira. Out of spite, Mona jumped up on the counter and swiped Akechi's bowl off the table. Akira heard Mona snickering to himself before running off somewhere.

“Aaghhh! Your cat! He-" Akechi stands up abruptly and tries to wipe the stew off his clothes. “My stew! My clothes…” he said aggravated.

"I'm so sorry! Let me get you a change of clothes so I can wash yours.” Akira pleads. After a few minutes, Akechi returns wearing Akira’s spare gym clothes. " I'm sorry about him,” Akira says, referring to Mona. "And I'm sorry we didn't really get to eat your stew.”

Akechi sits at the countertop that Akira cleaned while he changed. He takes the warm coffee in his hands and, after sipping it, grimaces.

“Damn it," he quietly mutters to himself. “How is this so good…” he continues drinking Akira's coffee with a mixture of satisfaction and annoyance. In the end, he wasn't really able to give Akira a home cooked meal, not completely. And Akira brewed this incredible coffee, somewhat outdoing anything Akechi could have made.

Akechi tries to rack his brain for ideas on how to live out one of Akira's dreams so that maybe they'll finally stop. He really believes acting one of them out might satisfy Akira enough. He rests the coffee cup on the counter, still holding it to warm his hands. Akechi looks down into the coffee, once again letting his hair fall over his face to hide the immense blush covering it when he asks Akira his question shyly.

“Should we… try going to the beach next time…?”

[existentialterror]

One (1) discount fear please.

Now don't tell anyone else but this great vegetable is the reason I was trying really hard to get all these fears out the door rather than just dumping them in a city park after the season ended. Sorry to keep you waiting. Now this is a NICE goddamn turnip. Look at the color on this bad boy. Saw it while you were standing in line and was like oh that is a fine vegetable if ever I have seen one.

YOUR DISCOUNT FEAR:

A tall tower standing in a swamp. The inside is just one winding staircase, all the way up, all stairs, with no railing, and a huge gap in the middle, so you have to hug the wall because of the horror of this huge pit. There's one missing step 75% of the way up. It leads up and up to one room, at the very top. And what's in the top? Skeleton wizard.

THANK YOU for your purchase.

Vegetable counter: 41 (avocado, snap pea, onion, strawberry, 3 carrots, 1 caret, cucumber, cucumber salad, 3 broccolis, sweet potato, 2 letti, 3 garlics, asparagus, moshroom, mushroom, flesh tomato, regular tomato, pumpkin, pepper (green), pepper (extremely spicy), 3 potatoes, 2 butternut squashes, 2 corns, green bean, bean sprouts, kohlrabi, cubes???, beet, zucchini, turnip)

[ciellunee]

Seeing him tonight, it's a bad idea, right?

Pairing- Nanami kento X reader

Chapter 2- And I know we're done, I know we're through,But, God, when I look at you

Synopsis- kento Nanami is your ex-boyfriend. He's cold, stoic, and more importantly, the crush of your new friend. Being the good friend you always are, you should keep your hands off him, but..... can you?

Chapter 1-

Nanami kento recently rejoined jujustsu high, and you couldn't understand your feelings regarding the news. Texting nanami was either the best or the worst decision, but thankfully for you, it didn't go that bad....

You knew nanami. This is exactly how he responds... he's a stoic man. You knew everything yet your stomach churned, as if expecting something different. "He moved on, and so should I," was your mantra. You kept chanting it. It was stupid, but it reminded you of the necessary.

Packing your lunch, you knew you'll meet him today since every teacher at jujutsu High shares the same staff room. You promised to compose yourself. You have to. You want to you need to.

It was quite a hectic day. Your eyes tearing and burning from working long hours in dim light. The autopsy was rather difficult because of the cursed technique used. Finally, after filling out the report analysis, you opened your phone, getting tons of messages from the group chat.

The idea of your co-worker and your ex-boyfriend together made you nauseous. You never thought about it, nanami with some other girl, it was made you break into cold sweat. You never got to move on. Why does he? He broke your heart. He made your life harder, every night you'd cry yourself to sleep wishing that kento would reverse his decision of leaving you and just come back to you after all, wasn't he truly happy with you too?

Pushing the thoughts aside, you checked the time. 3:25, the lunch was over, and you were starving. Since all your work for the day was finished, you decided to eat your lunch in peace in the empty staff room.

Your bento box had eggs and chicken with rice and curry in different smaller containers. Everything was freshly prepared by you that morning. You remember how kento loved having your meals because they just "tasted better and fresh."

Your peace was soon interrupted by the staff room door opening. The blond you didn't really wished to see standing in the doorway. He took one glance at you, his poker face doesn't show any emotion. You shift uncomfortably trying to focus on your food as you scroll through the recipe book on your desk.

The blonde took his seat at the corner of the table and took out a book himself. You couldn't help but look at him. His face was stressed yet somehow relaxed. His crisp suit had no crease, and you knew he smelled absolutely amazing. You missed being in his arms. The only thing you wanted was for him to pull you in his arms and let you marinate in the aroma of him and his cologne. A sigh escapes your lips.

No class? You ask

None. I thought taking a break to read would be nice. What about you? Didn't see you at lunch

Ah, I had a case, quite a difficult one. Was finishing up reports during lunch. I'm starving. You motioned to the bento box, "want some?"

He loved your cooking, but you were sceptical if you crossed a line asking him to eat.

Sure. He smiled. Goddamn that smile.

He came closer and took a seat beside you. Taking a pair of chopsticks, kento dug into your lunch. Smiling as he enjoyed the nostalgic taste. The vegetables tasted fresh and crisp. Chicken was well seasoned and rice was perfectly cooked. You just knew how to hit the spot.

"Delicious!" He commented, and took another bite of rice and chicken. I've missed your cooking so much. He said, not paying attention to your now reddened cheeks.

Suddenly you were too full to eat anything. In awe to see your kento delightfully eating. You loved that man and no matter how much time passes, you cannot let go.

A sudden click of door takes you out of your thoughts, it's Midori along with Yuuji Itadori who's carrying a bunch of papers for her.

"Sensei!" Little angel greets you before turning to nanami.

Nanamin! Ooh, gojo sensei was looking for you, I'll tell you you're here with y/n sensei.

Your chuckle makes nanami a little embarrassed. 'Don't call me thar itadori kun. And no need to call gojo San over. I'll contact him myself Don't worry.'

"But I think it's a cute name nanami San..."

Midori your newest friend and co-worker whined, placing the papers on her desk she sat on the edge of the table in front of nanami. Na-Na-MiN sounds adorable.

Midori's voice made something inside you snap but you had to keep your cool, after all, you guys weren't together or anything. Yuuji excused himself while nanami and midori went on bout their days. Jealousy wasn't even near what you felt. A part of you was sad seeing kento so happy and cheerful while talking to midori, he deserved it all but just why.......why couldn't it be with you???

[zombiewhor3]

NOT GOOD AT GOODBYES

daryl dixon x fem reader (season 3 era)

WARNINGS: couples argument, implications of almost dying, mentions of kidnapping, breakup, implications of stripping clothing, mentions of the word prostitute, mentions of uncomfortable interactions, uncomfortable shoulder touching, not sure if it’s SA? (Might edit a smut part later idek I’m just lazy to do it rn lol)

she didn't mean it, hell he didn't mean it. Their silly little argument all of it, they didn't mean to scream at each other her and they sure as hell didn't mean to cut things off just like that,

their relationship over in just a few heated words, she felt sick to her stomach looking at his stuff that had now been missing from their once shared cell room.

-

"god bringing him here! after what he did to me and Maggie!" she screeched at him watching him grunt softly rubbing over the stubble of his beard before he yelled back at her.

"He's my brother! was i supposed to leave em to a man who tried to kill us!" he pitted against her watching her scoff,

"we almost died looking for him Christ's sake! we almost died while he was on a joy run with the goddamn governor playing warrior!" she watched him unfold his arms as he threw them up at her face.

"merle almost got rick and glenn killed! do you hear me our friends almost died for that piece of shit!" she scolded at him,

"watch your mouth y/n! you say one more thing about em and we're done ya hear me!" he yelled back watching as she fumed ever so desperately trying to hold back her bitter words.

his hands cupped her cheek harshly just ask she was about to speak, "say one more thing and i swear to god" he hissed roughly tossing her face away from him watching her rub her cheek and lick her lips.

"if you want a douchebag brother over a fiancé that's been here since we were at that damn camp back near atlanta! i was there when you got shot with an arrow, i was there when you were looking for sophia and couldn't forgive yourself when we found her dead body in that barn! Dammit daryl i was there when we looked for your brother who doesn't give shit about you because if he did he would've never even considered the thought of killing you and if you want this over end it Daryl end it now because i'm done!" she screeched putting her foot down watching him take a step back as he sunk into her words.

"maybe ya deserved it" he mumbled watching her brows furrow,

"what the hell does that mean!?" she asked with a huff taking a seat down onto one of the lunch tables,

"it means maybe ya deserved hurting all of that bullshit cause ya know i never asked ya to, i didn't ask ya to follow me like some dumb bitch puppy dog all the goddamn time so yer right we're done!"

he scoffed watching tears form into her eyes leaving a glossy reflection, she gulped harshly pressing back the tears so she could speak in agreement, "we're done" she muttered back standing up and bumping past him, he turned to watch as she walked quickly back into the cell block slamming the door behind her.

“Good!” He hollered back sinking against the wall as he pulled out a cigarette from his leather jacket, he lit it looking over at carol who darted her eyes away from him and back to the laundry.

-

she looked at the food tray in-front of her, beth had slid it to her but she had been now just staring and picking at some of the vegetables,

"i know you eat these i've seen you at the farm house you practically ate your entire plate in a few seconds" she spoke pointing to a side of cucumbers on the plate while she smiled looking over at Judith who was babbling in her arms.

y/n rudely pushed it away from her as she looked at the bars of the window that had been covered with a slab of wood to prevent attacks, Daryl had been in the same room with a few of the other members of the group while they were eating their dinner.

he could see the dullness of her face, the way the light and sunshine had been drained from it.

He noticed that she hadn't been eating and that she had been just pushing her food away in silence for hopes people like Beth and Glenn would stop nagging her about it.

she sighed softly using her hand to prop her head as she traced her finger over the edge of the tampered up table her and beth sat at, beth was feeding Judith a bottle while looking up at y/n.

y/n flicked her eyes up at her to share the gesture, Beth knew the reason why y/n had been down. She could see the practical lifelessness running through her body almost like she was one of the walkers who were mindless and dull.

y/n had a tear running down her face as she looked at Judith cooing and using her hands to grip the bottle in her hands while beth gently rocked her, she had talked about kids with Daryl

even before they were dating. when they were just friends at the camp surrounded by Dale, Andrea, t-dog, amy, lori, shane and so many others that had died along the way of the apocalypse.

she remembered explaining a low played out fantasy to him, she wanted one or two kids running around the front yard while she had someone sitting with her on the porch, someone who she could relax for the rest of her life with.

Daryl flicked his eyes up at y/n once more and a frown pulled onto his face while he could feel a sense of longing to go and comfort her, it had only been two weeks but without him she was a damn mess.

even when they were best friends before things got serious they never fought unless it was over silly things like who got the kill or who got a certain part of something but it was never this big.

never this big to kill off the relationship they shared with one another.

"eat" she could hear maggie demand at her as y/n flicked her eyes away sending a signal that she hoped Maggie would take and leave her the hell alone, she didn't want people to check on her.

she wanted to sit in her own circle of rotting pity and wait for it to go away, she didn't need the extra help. She wasn't weak and she sure as hell wasn't going to run back like some puppy dog.

"you don't see the rest of us moping around" maggie remarked taking a bite from a carrot while looking down at her plate knowing that she shouldn't have made a comment like that.

"last time i checked what i do is none of your fucking business, jesus christ all of you always wanna control and watch my every fucking move!"

she shouted slamming her hands onto the table before shoving her pistol in her holster and storming out of the cell block.

She didn’t feel guilty or embarrassed for yelling at them, because what she said was true. She had been bossed around by this group ever since the beginning. Ever since the damn apocalypse started she had been bossed around like a damn child.

there was barely any light out but she needed to let loose some type of steam and instead of crying and cowering with her face planted into a cheap prison bunk pillow, she needed to let go of the rage inside her so she planned so she sat at the fence, opening it and whistling for a few walkers as she started to pelt them with bullets.

she bit on her inner cheek harder and harder with each shot until eventually she could taste the blood now lingering on her taste buds from the small wound in her mouth.

"are ya fucking insane!" Daryl yelled from the outside of the fence pulling his crossbow out to shoot a walker that was approaching her,

"oh please shouldn't you be watching your brother or some shit make sure he doesn't kill anyone else!" y/n remarked with a chuckle before raising her gun up to shoot a walker but she saw an arrow run through it she grumbled softly turning to face him.

"that was my kill daryl!" she shouted watching him shake his head at her, he was looking at her like she was mad and maybe she was, maybe she was a little fucking insane for walking out here with 10 bullets in her gun and just a knife on her.

"get it quicker than! and besides i'm trying to help you!" he spoke opening the gate shutting it behind him as he was now back to back with her shooting walkers surrounding them.

"i don't need your help! go watch m-" she could feel her mouth being covered by his hands, "stop that, just stop" he huffed turning to shoot a walker approaching up behind them.

"stop what? stop telling the truth that you chose a murderer over your girlfriend! do you remember what he did to me? do you remember how i was beaten to shit , tied to a chair and left to die because he and the governor sent a damn walker in there to kill me!”

She paused for a minute before she spoke again, she was tired of yelling tired of fighting and running from the problem, it was like all they did these days was run and fight.

“I was forced to strip my clothes in-front of the governor and that’s not enough to make you care? To make you even have an ounce of consideration because Merle had no problem letting him do it”

she spoke lowering her voice so that she hadn’t drawn any attention to walkers, she had tried to shoot another walker but her gun clicked letting her know she was officially out of bullets and screwed because there were walkers filling in around them.

daryl pulled out his gun watching a few of the walkers bodies drop as he grabbed her hand pulling open the main gate and closing it behind them, she panted as she looked over at the fence.

She could see the mob using its hands to push against the fence, reaching their fingers through the gaps trying to reach for them. She gulped feeling as Daryl harshly grabbed her and whipped her around so that she’d be facing him instead.

He hadn’t said anything except lifting up her sleeves and inspecting to see if she had been scratched or bitten at all, and when he found nothing he let out a deep sigh of relief licking his lips clean.

He rubbed over his face with his hand buffering out a soft chuckle, nothing was funny. Well except the fact how stupid he had been for letting Merle even anywhere near the damn prison.

he looked not angry but damned with himself for not listening to her, "sugar” was the only word he could seem to utter from his mouth as he followed her up the gravel, hearing the rocks crunch beneath their feet while he grabbed her arm for her to stop.

“I can’t do that again, I can’t almost die. He knew that we were gonna get married! And he sent that walker in to kill me, I would’ve died if it weren’t for that wooden chair I was tied to. I can’t handle feeling like the governors hands are on my shoulders and watching Merle’s face as he sat there and watched, he watched like I was nothing but a prostitute!”

She spun away watching Daryl’s expression turn sympathetic, and well she knew that someone was probably watching from the prison window.

Whether it was Rick, Maggie, or even Merle she didn’t want them to feel like it was there fault that she had been kidnapped by the governor.

Daryl had followed her into the garden watching as she ran her hands over the bright green leaves inspecting them for any vegetables.

He was truly speechless, he didn’t have an ounce of thoughts to come up with the right words to say to her, he could notice that she had kept looking up at the windows of the prison to see if anyone happened to be peering down on them.

And to which they were all boarded up with wood thanks to ricks doing, and the prison was to loud for them to even hear anything inside.

She sat back on one of the garden beds feeling a gust of wind blow over them, “I can’t do it again Daryl, it’s like I can still feel it, like I feel his eyes just peering over me” she admitted with a gulp feeling him lift her hand up softly and planting a kiss.

“I promise, I’m never gonna let him or that governor touch us again, especially you.” She could tell he felt guilty, she could see it rippling like a stone against water in his eyes.

It was skipping through his thoughts, it was making him go crazy. Making him understand how much of a damn fool he was.

“I’m an idiot” he mumbled looking down at the grass beneath his boots, she laid her head against him. “No you’re not it’s your brother Daryl I mea-“

He stood up abruptly,

“you’re my fiancé why would I throw all this away hmmm? I am a god damn idiot because I should’ve never brought him here in the first place” he shouted watching her stand up and rub his shoulders.

“I love you Daryl, and i just want that prick not to hurt anyone, I don’t want him around me or even near Maggie and Glenn but he’s your brother so I have to understand” she rubbed his cheek softly.

“so ya still wanna marry me?” He asked hoping internally that she hadn’t changed her mind because he was such a damn fool.

“I could never change my mind about wanting to me Mrs. Dixon” she smiled back wrapping her hands around the back of his neck.

-

Merle had his eyes laced on her, he had his mind focused on her while he took a bite of some of rations that had been set in-front of him.

She could feel his eyes burning into her as she reached out to grab Daryl’s leg but he was already gone, he had already stood up and grabbed Merle by the corner of his shirt and pulled him into a cell slamming the door closed and pulling down the curtain.

“What the hell daryl!” He shouted trying to poke his head through the curtain but Daryl tied the bottom edges to the bars, “ya can come out when me and y/n are done eating, it’s just so ya can’t stare” he called out before plopping down a seat next to her.

Carol and Rick sat across from them picking at their own plate of food while “better?” Daryl asked watching y/n take a bite from her carrot.

“Better” she repeated back feeling his hand rub hers softly while she could feel a new set of eyes looking at her, but not like she was prey or a hooker but yet they were looking at her like family.

…

[pastafossa]

Based on a painful overheard discussion at the store (”and then when they’re done boiling, I add a little salt to the carrots and maybe put pepper out in case anyone’s feeling spicy! My mom always served them like that!”), this needs to be said for whoever needs to hear it: you should be roasting and seasoning your vegetables, your family convincing you it is acceptable to boil them and serve them with only salt is a lie and a curse you are obligated to break.

ROAST AND SEASON YOUR VEGETABLES.

Boiling them pulls nutrients out that you then pour down the fucking drain, it drains away all the LITTLE TASTY SUGARS INSIDE, whereas roasting both LEAVES nutrients in and caramelizes the sugars into deliciousness.

ROAST YOUR VEGETABLES.

Boiling them is a crime, I don’t care who told you you needed to tolerate mushy unflavored vegetables, they were wrong, they lied to you, .

ROAST YOUR VEGETABLES AND FIND JOY.

Oil. Seasoning (NOT JUST SALT, SALT IS CONSIDERED DEFAULT). Minced garlic (buy the big pre-minced tubs if you don’t have time or physical ability and tell those saying you can’t to fuck off, no one should be denied the deliciousness of garlic). Shredded cheese if you want - Parmesan gets nice and golden. Mix. Roast at 400-425 until crispy. Maybe squeeze some lemon juice on it. Done.

ROAST

YOUR 

FUCKING

VEGETABLES.

GUESS WHAT? ALL THE VEGETABLES I THOUGHT SUCKED AS A KID WERE BOILED. YOU KNOW WHAT’S DELICIOUS NOW? CARROTS. CORN. TOMATOES. FUCKING ASPARAGUS. GODDAMN PARMESAN ROASTED CAULIFLOWER. I HAVE NEVER MET A VEGETABLE NOT IMPROVED BY ROASTING. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO LIVE LIKE THIS ANYMORE.

ROAST YOUR VEGETABLES AND BREAK FREE.

[thisisstarfleet]

Improvised Chili

Wait until 3am

Start by browning your meat.  I used 1 lb ground pork and 2 lb ground beef, both 80/20, along with a bit of salt and fresh ground black pepper.

Drain as much fat from your meat as you can without spilling the meat in the sink.  Add the meat and remaining fat into your slow cooker.

Dice 1 large yellow onion and add to slow cooker.

Gather your canned ingredients.  Realize that you don’t have enough of anything to make this the usual way.

Open a 28oz can of whole peeled tomatoes.  Pour the liquid into the slow cooker, then use an immersion blender on the tomatoes directly in the can.  Do a bad job so there is some puree and some basically still whole tomatoes.  Add to slow cooker.

Add 1 15oz can of diced tomatoes and 1 10oz can of Rotel tomatoes and chilis to the slow cooker.

Add 1 15oz can of kidney beans, 1 15oz can of pinto beans, and 1 15oz can of black beans, including liquid, to the slow cooker.

Add 3 packages of chili seasoning mix (I used 2 regular heat reduced sodium and 1 hot normal sodium).

Stir and set to low heat for 8 hours.

It is now 3:45am.  Go to bed.

Wake up at noon, stir and taste chili.  It’s ok.

Wait 90 minutes for your cousin who said he was probably coming over, then decide you can’t wait any longer and have a small bowl.  It’s still ok.

Wait 90 more minutes.  Still no cousin.  Have a second bowl, this time with some shredded cheese sprinkled in.  It’s still just ok.

Add in a few heavy sprinkles each of: garlic powder, cumin powder, chili powder, cayenne, smoked paprika, and cinnamon.  Stir and return to low heat for an hour.

Leave on warm until you get hungry again.  It’s a lot better than ok this time.  Eat two bowls.

Put the leftovers away and realize you should probably eat a goddamn vegetable at some point and it’s 10pm now.