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fyrefrostanimus · 1 year ago

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I still need to finish full references for most of the characters in the Everyone Lives AU but I might as well infodump what I know about the FNaF 6 cast after the fire if anyone wants to read it.

Michael

So, Frailty's remnant logic. If you know you know, if you don't it basically means that he recovers really quickly because molten soul metal is a hell of a drug. Mike actually didn't start recovering until AFTER the fire, since most of his body was rotten to the point it would take forever. Then the fire burned the parts that were stopping the remnant from really working (as you may guess it did not burn as Henry had anticipated) and it really was a shock when Michael passed out in the middle of the floor in front of everyone because his lungs just completely reformed and he hadn't needed to breathe in so long he'd just forgotten.

After he fully recovered (basically he looks like a normal human being again), his eyes took on a silver tone instead of the previous gray-blue. A little nod to the Silver Eyes trilogy even if it's just me taking the name literally.

Honestly way too much of Mike's stuff here is just "yeah this is how having remnant in his bloodstream affects him", so last one: while ghosts just phase through most people, Michael's a solid object (usually ghosts can only physically interact with other ghosts/directly haunted objects). Also he's kinda stuck being 23 forever.

Michael really likes Mother Mother, his favorite album is O My Heart. This might seem random but just listen to Body and you'll probably get it.

Since this AU came from nostalgia from an ask blog I used to frequent, he figures out that the older animatronics are still out there and goes around collecting them one way or another.

Henry

Charlie kinda shoved his soul into Lefty. She refuses to elaborate why to him.

Henry's a bit upset that he's still here, but maybe that's a good thing since no one else seemed to die in the fire.

Charlie

Her main reason for shoving her dad into Lefty was that THIS being his solution to keep her there pissed her off. Before you get on me for mischaracterizing her, imagine trying to fall asleep, but whenever you're about to nod off something wakes you up again so you're just constantly cranky from being tired for a whole week. That's basically what it was like insider Lefty for her.

She was inside the Puppet for a week before leaving it, and most of that time was spent inside a cardboard box that Michael was about to put into recycling. Box is box and Charlie was tired.

Charlie can interact more with the physical world, unlike most ghosts (eg. picking objects up, having more choice in when she phases through things, etc.).

William

He's just completely out. Everyone else could at least move after the fire (although Mike did have one of his legs charred to the point it crumbled when he tried to walk on it), but he's in UCN right now. Elizabeth in CB had to carry him out of the building.

William does still twitch occasionally, so he's obviously not dead. To reduce suspicion from the house smelling like someone died inside, they keep him in the basement and check on him once in a while to see if he woke up.

Elizabeth and Circus Baby

I got a lot to say on Elizabeth, honestly the reason I made this post was because I thought about her a lot while drawing her and I didn't want to forget it. Eventually I just decided "screw it, this IS the main AU I think about anyways so why not give everyone who wants to know an intro?". I'll color the text as it corresponds to each (green for Liz, blue for CB).

Originally she planned on only staying at Michael's house until William woke up and they split off (not like she would tell him). Elizabeth only stayed longer because it became really apparent that he wasn't getting up for a long while and she didn't want to leave without William.

She died in 1987 shortly after the second Missing Childrens Incident, and hadn't actually left Circus Baby until after the fire. So she spent about 36 years with no break inside the 7-foot-tall robot, and was extremely used to that. Once she's out and herself again, Elizabeth is suddenly about 4 feet tall and feels completely different. The closest thing I think to how she'd feel is weak/defenseless.

Michael managed to tell Elizabeth that William full well knew that Circus Baby would kill her if she went near it because that's what she was created to do, even having an emergency override: he just didn't pay enough attention to use it in time. She does end up believing this but it left her in a situation where she just couldn't trust anyone in the house for a while. William was shown to not really care about her as much as she thought he did, and she still didn't trust Michael. Elizabeth didn't trust Henry or Charlie either, and the rest of the Funtimes kicked Circus Baby (and by extension her) out to survive on her own. Eventually she built enough trust with everyone but it really did take a while.

The original MCI kids and Evan show up eventually, and Elizabeth subconsciously would count them and only really interact closely with one at a time when it was just the two of them. It's a habit she picked up from her time in Circus Baby and I don't think it really ever left her. So Elizabeth looks really shy at first, but really she's just functioning off of something that she has for years.

Circus Baby is still Scrap Baby when it comes to looks, but still goes by her normal name.

She has the claw on her right arm but no actual reason to use it, so sometimes she'll clamp down on something and not let go just for fun. This annoys basically everyone else since occasionally it will be one of their arms.

CB and Elizabeth still get along really well. CB's the only one Elizabeth trusts during that time period where no one else seemed trustworthy.

Everyone just calls Circus Baby either by her full name or CB (like I did here sometimes). But no one under any circumstances calls her just Baby. More from their own preference.

Molten Freddy

The Funtimes (minus Circus Baby who is still exiled) aren't exactly Molten Freddy anymore. They separated into their different characters again but take their sweet time figuring out how to take a form other than just a blob again. They'll figure it out eventually.

By eventually, I mean when Michael finally caves and goes back to the bunker for their casings. If Circus Baby can do it and not get locked back in, there's no way he can't (I would not doubt that the remains of his previous internal organs are still there, but he wasn't thinking about that part).

They get really excited seeing some of the most mundane slice-of-life things. Mike's building a LEGO set since he hasn't had enough time to do so in a while? They're immediately over there watching. The Funtimes probably haven't seen vents that aren't large enough for a grown man to crawl through and are questioning about why they exist if not as a mode of quick transportation around the house.

The Rockstars

Not much about them, but there's some notable things about the Rockstars I wanted to put here to finish this post off.

Rockstar Freddy's fucking dead. I'm not even holding back, he overheated in the fire and no amount of repairs are going to bring him back (UCN reference lol).

All the surviving Rockstars have some pretty bad fire damage, but none of them really care about it. The nice part of not having as much of a programmed personality is that you don't care how you look quite as much.

With Freddy gone, Rockstar Bonnie and Foxy do vocals together. Despite their grouping being called the Rockstars they actually do more country songs than anything.

#fnaf #five nights at freddy's #fyrefrosts fnaf au hell #fnaf au #i find it funny how i can write whole paragraphs on everyone else but i have nothing to say on henry #like the man is the catalyst for the fire everyone survived here but i just completely draw a blank #i finished writing this at like 11:30 pm i think i'll post this and go to bed

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tryslora · 1 year ago

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ND Creative: Time, Focus, Organization

Time, focus, and organization can be complicated things as an ND creative.

Objectively, I know what I need to do. I know all the steps. I even know that in order to get it done, I have to list out all of those steps, note how long each will take and their dependencies, then reorganize them into a timeline.

Then I stare at the screen, or the piece of paper, and my brain just stops. Says nope. Hits the mental and emotional back button to get the hell out of that mode.

Makes it kind of hard to get anything done.

I’m currently struggling with this exact thing on multiple levels. Why am I blogging about it? Well, I’m hoping that if I talk about the places where I’m stuck, maybe I’ll become unstuck.

Oh, the funny ways we try to trick our minds, yeah?

Big List Things I Need to Do:

Publishing stuff with DPP (timeline not under my control)

Publishing stuff for independent book (oh hey, a release date would be nice and I’m the one who has to set that)

Plotting and outlining the next PHU novel (is it over a year overdue? I’m sure no one noticed…)

Plotting and outlining the next 7Lakes novel (because when the first one comes out, “where’s the sequel” will hopefully be the obvious first question)

There are a million other things on my list in various sizes from small through medium and even large, but none quite as unwieldy as all of those.

I’ve been blocked on these timelines—both for publishing and for plotting—for a long, long time. I feel like I’m trying to do too many things at once, or attacking things on too many fronts. I worry about well, what if one thing overlaps with another—are the people who want to read my work going to be like “nah, I can’t buy two books” and just nope out of everything? Am I screwing it all up?

I keep telling myself I need to let go and just Do The Thing.

Seriously.

Do The Thing.

So, let’s break down what needs to be done at the highest of levels for the writing-related things (and ignore all the blog posts, TikToks, video editing, etc that also needs to be done).

For publishing with DPP, there is: 2nd edit on book 2, large revision on book 3 before it goes to first real edit, then 2nd edit on book 3, and final edits on all of that. Plus cover reveals, blog posts, teasers. Pulling out quotes I want to use for stickers. I am pretty sure I’m forgetting things. The nice thing is that all of the big overhead things like planning a campaign has been done for me. YAY Duck Prints (Seriously, they are AWESOME). I think my sticking point here is that I have no realistic expectation for how long each editing round will (or should) take, so I’m not sure how to slot it in. Plus I know it’ll be overlapping with the other book.

For solo (independent) publishing, I have so much more to do. I have to create accounts with both the private and public profile information that’s required on publishing platforms. I need to create a logo and develop a description of my “publishing company” (me, it’s just me) and I need to business work for that company, like buying ISBNs. I need to finish the final book editing, then do the layout so I know what the spine width is. Then I can contract for and get a cover. After that it should get easier, right? Pull out quotes, do blog posts, cover reveal, announcement of the release date (probably not in that order). Get the news out. I can set a release date once I get everything else on a calendar. And if the bulk of the editing is done sooner rather than later, my editing energy can be spent on the DPP books while I’m doing production and marketing for the 7Lakes book.

Okay. This all starts to feel like something I can get my arms around. I’m going to let the high level/low level plotting go for now, and come back to it in another post.

So—why is this a blog post anyway?

I mentioned before that I was trying to unstick my mind. By talking out loud to someone else—even though I can’t see that someone, and who knows, maybe I’m shouting into the abyss—I feel like I’m being held accountable. I’m working through it in public. In plain sight. It means I have to keep putting one foot in front of the other, considering every word. It has to get out of my fingertips and onto the page because I am here, not just trying to make notes privately for myself.

I can’t back button out of it.

Sometimes that’s how I get things done.

Will this translate to me taking the things I’ve said above and moving them into something where I can add timeframes, and schedules, and put it all on a calendar with due dates and start breaking it down into even smaller tasks?

Gods I hope so. It’s a goal, anyway.

Getting back to where we started… time, focus, and organization can be complicated as an ND creative.

Time—I spent thirty minutes and a thousand words of chatter.

Focus—It’s like body doubling—by talking to you, I got something done.

Organization—I think I have a list. Or a start of one. It’s more than I had!

It’s a complicated way of doing things, but fingers crossed that my next step is getting to cross off the first part of my timelines task.

#writing #neurodivergent #nd creative #nd series

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sparkymediaseminar · 2 years ago

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Remembrance of Sparky's Past

So yeah, I'm pretty much done with this course now. Or at least, I'm done with what I could get finished in time. I took this course solely because it was recommended to me in a school email, and I thought to myself "sure, I could use the extra credit hours".

I didn't know I'd have to do so much so fast. The blog posts are one thing, sure. But a 12 page research paper as well? Ah geez, that was a lot. Some people reading this might think "What's the big deal? I can do those easy". The problem isn't that I'm bad at writing assignments, not at all. The problem is that I can barely bring myself to start them in the first place, as I procrastinate to hell and back. They just terrify me on an existential level, so I stall them out of pure anxiety. It doesn't matter how easy or hard the thing really is, I just don't like writing about things that don't come from a special place inside me. I can definitely write about something from the bottom of my heart that I'm 100% passionate about [like cartoons], there's no question about that. But a research paper that I could hardly ever care about? Ugh...

If there any people reading this who have ADHD and struggle with procrastination like I do, I FEEL YOUR PAIN.

The real problem that comes with writing assignments is that my procrastination puts more stress on me than what's necessary. I easily could've finished the assignment much faster, but I could hardly bring myself to do it in the first place. Delays, delays. That goes for the blog posts as well. Who delays themself when writing a blog post of all things? I do, cause I've never written a blog post before in my entire life up until just this month [as part of my assignments]. Because all forms of writing that don't stem from personal passion are hell for me, I stalled those as well.

If you wondered why many of my blog posts seemed rushed or sloppy in any way, that's why. I couldn't afford to waste any more time, and just wanted to get the thing out of my way. I still did the best I could with the time I had, but I know I could've done far better.

Regardless, I still enjoyed learning about various subjects related to digital media as part of my course. The stuff related to data collection and advertisements was disturbing [SCREW YOU BIG BROTHER IM NOT LETTING YOU TOUCH MY CHEW TOY], though I'm glad I was able to learn what net neutrality is [my heart goes out to the many impoverished indigenous families that struggle due to lack of good internet].

Because the final day of this course just passed, I sadly don't think I'll be able to cover the material for a Module 7 blog post [real reason---I'm tired as hell and need a good break]. While I'm very glad that I was FINALLY able to finish that research paper and get it turned in the last minute before the due date, I sadly wasn't able to get an abstract written in time. As a result, it will be left absent here.

In addition, I will also ignore the required presentation video. I do have PowerPoint, but I do NOT have any time to use it to piece together a video presentation. I apologize, but I just ran short this time.

Regardless of my shortcomings, I'm very happy to have met the many other aspiring students who have also participated in this course. Special thanks goes to Maurice Bailey, who I really loved speaking with even if I didn't agree with some of his positions regarding...certain things. [I don't trust BitCoin one BIT] Even so, I still think you're a pretty cool guy and I deeply admire your accomplishments and ambitions.

I also give a VERY special thanks to my instructor, Dr. Zeng. I am deeply grateful to have been able to speak with you about my term paper, as I was nerve-wracked the whole way and needed all the good advice I could get. I think you're a very wonderful teacher, and I'm happy to have been able to work with you.

I hope everyone here will have a wonderful summer, whether it be spent through vacations or studies. I love having the opportunity to attend college, and I'm grateful to have a wonderful education.

Sincerely,

Sparky T. Dog

WOOF!

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yvesdot · 4 years ago

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How To Read Poetry When You Don’t Know Anything About Poetry

(With the disclaimer that you can read anything however you want, and this is more for people who want to analyze poetry in a traditional academic manner, whether for school or personal enjoyment, but don’t know where to start.)

I am very bad at poetic analysis. I’m okay at prose, but when it comes to poetry something in me snaps and I just don’t know where to start. Here’s an amalgamation of things I’ve learned from papers I keep around, which are the only reason I passed Literature classes where we read poetry.

The Basics

Just write down all the simplest things. Historical context for the author, title of the poem, audience for the poem, style (freeform, sonnet, etc etc.) List everything you can know for fairly certain, and begin discussing their significance. Can you think of alternate titles? Would this poem look different today, and why?

Some Less Objective Matters

This is where you start underlining words and making cases. What tone does the poem have? Who is the speaker, and what message are they attempting to relate? Ask yourself what everything does for the poem-- not just what it literally means, but what effect it has. Start with things like alliteration and branch out to entire lines. If you delete this random word, or use a synonym, how does it sound and read?

Do Some Research

In case you haven’t ended up on Google yet, go to Google. Find out what other people are saying. Take into account their position-- is this an academic writing a paper, or someone leaving a review on a blog? What do people in your position say? What do people who have spent a long time studying poetry say? You can learn quite a bit from the ongoing discussion.

Address Your Confusion

Questions are fantastic. Questions are wonderful. If you’re confused about something, that is the ultimate jumping-off point because you’ve showed an interest in a specific aspect of the piece. Again, research comes in handy, but there’s also something to be said for crystallizing these questions for yourself and discussing them on the page to see what you find.

Turn Your Hatred Into Knowledge

Let’s be honest: sometimes we hate the things we read. This is not only reasonable but great! Really dig into why you feel the way you do-- whether hatred, love, joy, sadness, boredom-- and ask yourself how the piece accomplishes this. It it using a meter you don’t like? Does this alliteration seem too simple? Feel free to use your opinions to formulate an analysis.

Remember that it’s fine to be confused and to have ambiguous perceptions of a piece. In my opinion, the best analysis is one that encourages other perspectives and acknowledges other possibilities. If you’re stuck in class or on your own when trying to interpret a poem, but you really want to try, this is what I’ve used to get my thoughts started. Happy reading!

#studyblr #writeblr #bookblr #yves talks reading #<--New tag...? I may have to go back and add it in for other posts.#For the record this is from the BYU Tenth Grade English Independent Study course I took; along with some AP Lit materials.#I've rephrased it all and smushed it into a couple of simple paragraphs here in the hopes that it'll be accessible to more people.#Also: of course this is helpful for prose! of course there are things I missed! I don't claim to be an authority ^__^#In fact I suppose I'm claiming the opposite... someone who is not good at analyzing poetry but knows how to pretend when given material.#txt #important writing updates #Screw it I spent time on this blog post it goes there.#long post

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bananonbinary · 4 years ago

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Time for a Salty Meta Post about Martin!

people who’ve followed this blog for a bit know that spending six hours combing through text for some goddamn sources is my specialty, so i compiled every time jon ever talked about martin’s work in season 1. which for the record, he stopped complaining about all the way back in episode 26, where he was angry that martin of all people got hurt.

things jon gets mad at martin for:

not being able to find records that don’t exist

not being able to find someone based only on a first name

the Dog

not wearing trousers in his off-hours

being the one that got caught up in the jane prentiss thing

mag 004 and mag 012 both have jon taking potshots at martin over research that was proven accurate by outside sources

things jon has never once complained about:

martin not understanding the filing system and just putting stuff away at random

martin being clumsy, constantly ruining things, spilling tea everywhere everyday, etc

martin turning in incompetent, poorly-edited, or badly formatted reports

martin not understanding the terminology used, skills expected, etc., and generally being extremely new to the field

please for the love of god stop making martin the silly bumbling idiot who can’t do anything right just because he doesn’t have a formal education. there’s zero evidence for it in the text, and it’s really weird to act like a 4 year degree would outweigh the *10 years* of job experience he has, not just in academia, but in the institute itself by season one. my boy has worked there longer than ANY of the rest of the main cast. screw you guys.

tl;dr: martin is never once shown to be bad at his job, jon pretty much only ever gets mad at him for the really stupid first impression and also not finding stuff that no one else was able to find either. after martin got hurt, jon talks about his research basically the same way he talks about tim’s or sasha’s work.

fucking proof under the cut:

(i didnt include the s1 finale or martin’s statement bc that’s just...two entire episodes of them talking to each other, but there isn’t really any notable Martin Complaints in either of them imo)

I swear, if he’s brought another dog in here, I’m going to peel him.

[pre-launch trailer]

Well, technically three, but I don’t count Martin as he’s unlikely to contribute anything but delays.

[...] Alongside this Tim, Sasha and, yes, I suppose, Martin will be doing some supplementary investigation to see what details may be missing from what we have.

[MAG001 Anglerfish]

Martin couldn’t find any records of Ex Altiora as a title in existent catalogues of esoteric or similar literature, so I assigned Sasha to double-check. Still nothing.

[MAG004 Pageturner]

I had Martin conduct a follow-up interview with Mr. Woodward last week, but it was unenlightening. Apparently there have been no further bags at number 93 and in the intervening years he has largely discounted many of the stranger aspects of his experience. I wasn’t expecting much, as time generally makes people inclined to forget what they would rather not believe, but at least it got Martin out of the Institute for an afternoon, which is always a welcome relief.

[MAG005 Thrown Away]

Martin was unable to find the exact date the original house was built but the earliest records he could find list it as being bought by Walter Fielding in 1891.

[...]

We cannot prove any connection, but Martin unearthed a report on an Agnes Montague, who was found dead in her Sheffield flat on the evening of November 23rd 2006, the same day Mr. Lensik claims to have uprooted the tree.

[MAG008 Burned Out]

According to Martin, who was here when they took this statement, it was at this point in writing that Mr. Herbert announced he needed some sleep before continuing. He was shown to the break room where he went to sleep on the couch. He did not awaken; unfortunately succumbing to the lung cancer right there. Martin says the staff had been aware of how serious Mr. Herbert’s condition was, and had advised him to seek medical aid prior to giving his statement, but were told rather bluntly by the old man that he would not wait another second to state his case. I can’t decide whether this lends more or less credibility to his tale.

[MAG010 Vampire Killer]

“Veepalach” might also be a mishearing of the Polish word “wypalać”, according to Martin, which means to cauterize or brand. Admittedly, if Martin speaks Polish in the same way he “speaks Latin,” then he might be talking nonsense again, but I’ve looked it up and it appears to check out.

[MAG012 First Aid]

I sent Martin to look into this ‘Angela’ character - not that I want him to get chopped up, of course, but someone had to. Apparently, he spent three days looking into every woman named Angela in Bexley over the age of 50. He could not find anyone that matches the admittedly vague description given here, though he informs me that he had some very pleasant chats about jigsaws. Useless ass.

[MAG014 Piecemeal]

Martin declined to help with this investigation as he’s “a bit claustrophobic”

[MAG015 Lost John’s Cave]

There simply aren’t enough details given in this statement to actually investigate, short of Martin confirming that Mr. Vittery did indeed live at the addresses he provided.

[MAG016 Arachnophobia]

Oh, he’s off sick this week. Stomach problems, I think.

Blessed relief if you ask me.

[...]

I asked Martin to try and hunt down Mr. Adekoya himself for a follow-up, but have been informed that he passed away in 2006.

[MAG017 The Boneturner’s Tale]

MARTIN

Well, I need to tell someone what happened, and you can vouch for the soundness of my mind, can’t you?

ARCHIVIST

…

That is beside the point.

[MAG022 Colony]

Martin! Good lord man, if you’re going to be staying in the Archives, at least have the decency to put some trousers on!

[MAG023 Schwartzwald]

Martin found one other thing while combing through police reports for the Hither Green area. About a month after this statement was given, on May 15th, 2015, police were called out to once again investigate the chapel.

[MAG025 Growing Dark]

I know, but it would have to have been Martin, wouldn’t it? I mean, anything goes wrong around here, it always seems to happen to him. Anyway, we’re getting off topic. Why didn’t you report this?

[MAG026 A Distortion]

Martin made contact with the son, Marcus McKenzie, but he declined to talk to us, saying that he’d “already made his statement.”

[MAG027 A Sturdy Lock]

Tim and Martin had a bit more luck investigating Tom Haan, though only really enough to confirm that he seems to have completely vanished following his departure from Aver Meats on the 12th of July.

[MAG030 Killing Floor]

Martin’s research would seem to indicate the place employed a reasonable number of international staff they preferred to keep off the books

[...]

TIM

Ah well, that’s actually what he was asking, huh! Um, apparently Martin, uh, took delivery of a couple of items last week addressed to you. Did he not mention it?

ARCHIVIST

No, he… Oh, yes, actually. I completely forgot. He said he put it in my desk drawer, hold on.

[MAG036 Taken Ill]

#the magnus archives #LISTEN #i am once again asking people to remember that martin has MORE job experience at the institute than literally any other character #(except elias or i guess maybe rosie)#he's the goddamn veteran not the newbie #fan wank /

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electronicstarlightfestival · 2 years ago

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I’ve been thinking about this platform as being the best one to continue blogging, so I’ll be posting again about my attempts to fix my lifestyle and myself while being clinically depressed and trying to deal with newly diagnosed OCD through studies, sports, and planning (doubtfully but hopefully). It's better to start doing something once you get an urge, even if there’s a chance you'll drop out, because what if you accidentally manage to develop some working method that will stay?

Pinterest aesthetics have an influence on me and I get inspired or even obsessed with new ideas (I am not proud of it, but at least I can turn it into something useful?). So, despite not being a girl, I got into this "that girl" lifestyle because I wanted to love myself, shape myself and strive for something since I completely lost any passion or desires. Those aesthetics help me see goals and ways to reach them clearer, so it is helpful to follow what the people within the community do.I struggled with an eating disorder when I was a teenager, so the only strategy is not to fall into it again this time. I really want to keep my diet and body healthy.

I have already had two very productive trips to the gym in a row in recent days, and I remembered that sport actually IS enjoyable for me; I am just too lazy to put in the effort and time. However, I've got a possibility to go to the gym for free right now, so I hope that it will take away the pressure. Let’s see how it goes.

My studies are currently extremely difficult for me. I even seem to replace the time I could spend on it to go to the gym, also leaving all my energy there. I'm not sure how to explain why I can't carry on my studies, even though it sounds so simple: just sit down and study! But I can't concentrate and I can't control myself at all, so I hope that going through it with help of a blog could help.

My schedule today was kinda like this:

7:00 woke up 7:00 - 7:20 cooking breakfast (that’s a new habit I’m trying to keep already for 2 weeks!) 7:20 - 7:40 eating and reading 7:40 - 8:00 getting ready for school

9:15 - 11:30 at uni

13:00 - 15:00 gym

And then I didn't do aaaaanything productive nor useful at home except cooking dinner and journaling. I won't go to the gym tomorrow because my presentation is due by Friday at 2 pm and I have yet to begin working on it, so I will have to stay after lectures at the school library and study really hard unless I’ll be screwed.

I hope my tomorrow’s schedule will look like:

7:00 - 8:00 same routine 9:15 - 14:00 (very approximate ending time) uni 14:00 - 15:00 lunch? 15:00 - 21:00 making presentation slides

I really don't have that much time left for the presentation and I think it will result in pulling an all-nighter but thankfully it is just a draft. And I have to buy new sweatpants since mine are practically a waste.

P.S. I could've spent the time I spent writing this post on making the presentation, but I didn't.

P.P.S. I was never good with day planning and can only analyse the day after it has already passed, otherwise lists and plans are making me nervous.

#that girl #daily diary #ocd #fighting depression #i'm procrastinating #studying

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twstlotus · 5 years ago

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Oh, congrats with the new twst write blog!👏 Can i, please, have a hc's for Duece, Azul, Kalim, Floyd and Ruggie with the MC, who make this "cannibalism" joke, while boys eating the cinnamon rolls? Their reaction? Please, make it as fluff as possible. With huge love from Ukraine 💗

Posting this as a way to keep my blog active. Enjoy!

Note: Some of the things here are from a while ago, so the formatting might be a tad different. I hope you don’t mind.

Deuce Spade

He takes it literally. This poor stupid boy thinks that there’s actual human flesh inside of his cinnamon roll and comes close to throwing it to the nearest trash can— all while muttering on how “he killed someone” and how “he’s guilty”.

Luckily, you were able to quickly reach for his hand and stop him from doing anything that would garner too much attention to both of you.

You explain your joke to him and when he realizes what you meant, his face turns completely red. He’s utterly embarrassed upon realizing what he almost did to the pure, sweet cinnamon you prepared for him, worried that he screwed up the picnic between you two. To think that he almost threw it all away for nothing…

You reassure him by planting a kiss on his cheek. Telling him that it’s fine, and say that you found his shock rather amusing. To which he acts a tad defensive about it. “E-Eh?! D..don’t say things like that, (Y/N)..!” The red in his cheeks rises once more. Still, you laugh it off, and he eventually backs down.

Surprisingly, the picnic went alright. You and Deuce continued to eat peacefully despite the small scene that occurred. But overall; the picnic was great! (He seemed to avoid eating the some of the cinnamon rolls, though.) Deuce thanks you for the meals and suggests that you two have more picnics soon— but no more cannibalism jokes!

Azul Ashengrotto

Azul had the Mostro Lounge open after hours just so the two of you could unwind and have a romantic date there. He even had the Leech twins be your waiters for tonight and also be your “music makers” as they play the most obscure love songs to “set the mood”.

On your table was a plate of cinnamon rolls Floyd served to your table with an obvious wink to accompany it. Your fingers began tracing the swirl patterns of the roll while Azul was eating the cinnamon roll prepared for him.

A cheeky grin tugs on your face. You joke to him about how he just committed cannibalism when he ate the cinnamon roll, giggling slightly at your own joke.

Azul chuckles at your joke in return. “Hmm? I never took you for the teasing type, (Y/N). Regardless, it’s a welcomed surprise. Fufufu.” He says with a grin Jade and Floyd are acting like cheerleaders for Azul in the background.

He doesn’t seem too fazed nor does he react strongly on the outside. But the light pink hue creeping on his cheeks say otherwise. It’s a bit of a 50-50— noticing that he’s trying to obscure the coloring heat on his cheeks by “pushing his glasses to his eyes”. But if you do notice it, and maybe even point it out to him, he’ll simply dismiss it while the hue on his cheeks only spreads further.

Kalim Al-Asim

Feasts with Kalim weren’t rare. He’d often invite you to Scarabia to have breakfast with him, among other things. You’re his favorite person after all! (Besides Jamil, of course). Scarabia’s feasts were always grand in its own way; laughter, joy, happiness, it was all present in Kalim’s feasts.

So you weren’t really surprised when Kalim suggested the idea of dinner with you. He promised fine dining (as always) and a starry night sky to watch while you ate; but you didn’t expect it to just be you two alone in the Scarabia Lounge. The ambiance was far different than normal occasions; it was quiet, serene, peaceful— but of course, there were still yours and Kalim’s laughter that’d break the silence.

Kalim happily munched on his cinnamon roll that Jamil cooked up for your dinner. It was supposed to be eaten as dessert after the main course, but hey, good food is good food and it should be free to eat at any time! Oh no...he’s starting to sound like Grim.

A quiet giggle slipped from your lips before you joked about Kalim and his cinnamon roll, which in turn made him laugh, accompanied by a light hue on his cheeks. He comments on how nice (yet weird) it was of you to say that, but you’re the sweet one here, he grins. Kalim’s not one to be too flustered over affectionate words or actions. He is an affectionate person, after all; but he still thinks its kind of you to say such a thing!

Afterward, it sort of becomes a competition on who can fluster the other one just enough with affection— whether it be in words or actions. Eventually, Jamil told you two to keep it down and how “disgustingly cheesy it was”, remarking that he could hear you both laughing all the way from the kitchen. In which you merely find amusement in hearing his complaints.

Floyd Leech

Unlike the others, Floyd isn’t as formal about the entire thing. He just sort of popped in while you were having breakfast. His excuse was that he “wanted to see his favorite little Shrimpy before he has to go to the Mostro Lounge~!” and who were you to deny him?

Floyd was practically squeezing you on his lap the entire time you were eating, making it nearly impossible to even get a bite as he pulled you back from the food on the table. Eventually, he just starts spoonfeeding you. What? It’s nice for him to see Shrimpy take whatever he gives~

Before he’s able to spoonfeed you again; you slip in a cinnamon roll to his lips, Floyd looking at it rather curiously while you giggled. You muttered your “cannibalism” joke, and a puzzled expression crosses Floyd’s face. “Eh~? I don’t get what you mean, but that was pretty funny,” he chuckles.

You have to explain your joke to him, and when he finally gets it, a wide smile dances on his lips. He pulls you in for one of his squeezes, cheering on how he’s soooo happy to hear Shrimpy say that to him. Excuse his tight squeezing, he just can’t help it— Shrimpy’s just so cute!

Floyd gives you a handful of cinnamon rolls to munch on. And whenever you do, he repeats back the joke you told him, his smile never fading. This continues on for a while, and it takes a few phone calls from Azul to get his ass to the Mostro Lounge. Floyd, of course, wanted to stay with you, but you promise to visit him between classes and after they ended. Once he’s reconciled, he makes you promise that you eat together more often, and off he goes.

Ruggie Bucchi

A day off for Ruggie from work means a day spent with you! You happily greet him when he first wakes up, giving him a kiss on the cheek which sends the colors of his cheeks fully pink. He’s happy to see you, but he wonders what you’re doing in Savanaclaw?

You offer to have brunch with him, showing him a lunchbox filled to the brim with meals that’d suffice for the both of you. You say you wanted him to relax for the day, now that Leona’s not going to ask him of any favors (or so you hoped), and you wanted to contribute to his day off by serving him food! He delightfully accepts.

It was mostly the doughnuts you fried that caught his attention (despite you telling him that it was for dessert). But he also made sure to try out other things, like cinnamon rolls! He comments on how perfectly fried they were, the right amount of sweet, soft, everything; he wasn’t used to eating something so sugary, but it was a welcomed experience (you have to eat what you can, right?)

A satisfied smile tugs on your lips. Suddenly, a joke slithered its way into your mind. And so the little “cannibalism” joke you came up with was uttered out, and Ruggie merely laughed. His cheeks coloring itself a rosy hue. “Shishishi, you’re cute. You know that, (Y/N)?” He says through his snickers. Ruggie reacts similarly to Kalim; but since he isn’t as affectionate as him or is as used to receiving it, he does get a tad visibly flustered.

He briefly ruffles your hair as a reward for your words. Afterward, he tells you that he’s going to cook next time you two hold such an occasion— you insist that you could cook for him, but he always turns it down. In the end, you give in and promise to him that you’re sure to be there when he cooks. He’s a good chef, so you’re in the right hands!

#deuce spade #azul ashengrotto #kalim al asim #floyd leech #ruggie bucchi #twisted wonderland #deuce spade x reader #azul ashengrotto x reader #kalim al asim x reader #floyd leech x reader #ruggie bucchi x reader #twst #twisted wonderland headcanons #twst x reader #well of the lotus flowers

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des-draws · 5 years ago

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1-A autistic hcs!

Alright it’s already past midnight here but. I’m still posting this.

Back in my 1-A pride hcs post I also mentioned my autistic hcs, and said I might elaborate on them in April. But because I am a master of procrastination, of course I left it for last minute.

But either way, here you go; over 3k of projection and infodumping. I’m gonna leave an AO3 link in the replies if it’s easier for you to read there.

(general tw for some mentions of ableism, and specifically tw for ableism/child abuse/ende*vor in the very first bulletpoint)

Todoroki

Ende*vor absolutely refused to believe that there could be something “wrong” with the one supposed to surpass All Might, and so he ignored any and all traits Todoroki would show, punished him for the ones he couldn’t ignore, and chalked up the meltdowns he caused him to Todoroki being a brat.

As such, Todoroki spent a lot of his life masking and hiding and suppressing himself.

Thankfully, much like with everything else, after moving to the dorms he’s starting to unlearn all that internalized shit and instead accept himself for who he is- including indulging in suppressed stims, special interests and other autistic behaviours in a safe, accepting environment.

He’s found that cold soba is apparently a samefood for him- he knew he liked it enough to eat it all the time without getting bored of it (not that he actually does, since with their hero training a balanced, diverse diet is important), but he didn’t know there was a word for that.

Monotone voice and trouble with facial expressions, you know how it goes. He actually tries to use the “correct” tone and make the “correct” expression, if only so that the people he’s supposed to protect don’t think of him as “aloof”, but he gets easily tired of going back to the masking. He cares, he cares so much, this is just not one of the ways of showing it that comes to him naturally.

Can people please stop talking in metaphors and idioms around him and expect him to know the translation to everything. Thank you.

He’s reluctantly letting himself indulge in his recently discovered special interest on a certain manga series; he’s been buying the volumes, and at some point Sero found him reading one and they started bonding over it. Now Todoroki goes to Sero when he feels like infodumping- though, he has to be careful not to spoil anything. Sero is a way behind since he doesn’t go through the volumes like someone’s chasing him. He has, however, helped Todoroki make a blog where he can infodump about it, spoilers and all. He’s quickly becoming “fandom famous”, Sero says- and even though Todoroki’s not sure what that means yet, he’s very happy to see others as into the series as he is.

Iida gives him stim and fidget toys all the time- Todoroki is reluctant to keep them as the other says, since he could buy them himself, but Iida insists. Todoroki especially likes the tangles. He’s building himself quite the collection.

He’s also invested in some high-quality sound-cancelling headphones. Long overdue, but better late than never.

Favorite stim: TBA, although clenching his fists around his thumbs is something he’s always done- even before he had a name for it, or knew why it was so comforting.

Midoriya

His special interests are Quirks and All Might (the Hero Persona™ rather then the person)! He can infodump about different quirks and theories on how to use them and “what if x quirk exists how would that work” for hours. He’s spent entire evenings arguing on forums about which of All Might’s hero outfits was most efficient and useful for what was needed. Inko, on more than one occasion, had to lure him out of his room with the promise of a rare comic book so he would eat something.

On that same vein, he is appalled by some of his classmates’ hero costumes. He’s too polite to be that crass about it out loud, but in his brain he’s always going “what in the everloving fuck is this???? Who let a teenager go into battle naked???? Did she just go ‘oh yea give me a pair of gloves and boots and I’m set’ and they let her??? Who agreed to this?? Nothing tracking her vitals, nothing keeping her warm in fucking December????? This is just irresponsible”

So you can imagine the rants he goes into when one of them does ask him for advice on how to update their costume.

He likes visual stims a lot- you know that thing where you shut your eyes and wave a bright phone screen in front of them? He loves that

Having trouble emotionally regulating means lots of crying. Not a bad thing, just. A thing. That a lot of people don’t expect when they first meet him.

Inko has always tried her best to accommodate him, but there’s only so much to do when they’re just getting by. He’s very understanding though. She gets into making DIY stim toys for him, and as he grows up he joins in and it’s a very pleasant pastime for the two of them (to the point that he’d rather keep them as mementos of the time spent together than use them for stimming).

Favorite stim: Hand-flapping and back-and-forth rocking!! Classic and good!

Iida

No volume control we die like men (he’s trying to work on it but a lot of the time he’s louder than he realizes. His friends never fault him for it tough.)

Always loved putting his toys in a line- lines are neat! Don’t you see how tidy everything looks now? This is fun! Unfortunately, kids his age didn’t have the same opinion and just chalked it up to him being a “neat freak”.

The kind to separate his food into sections. He had to get used to eating with company in school, since no one wanted to sit with him during lunchtime before, lest they be subjected to his “bizarre eating habits”.

His family is, thankfully, very supportive and accommodating. They were a little worried when he moved into the dorms, but he reassured them that his classmates are just as accepting and understanding. And besides, he’s not the only “out” neurodivergent kid around anymore!

Has copied the language habits of his parents around Important Customers and never stopped. No one in his family talks quite as formally as he does in casual settings, but hey, better to be too formal than too informal and be considered rude, right?

Owns quite the collection of stim toys. Cubes, squishies, tangles, slime, kinetic sand- you name it, he has it! It’s not so much for himself, since he has a few favorites and sticks to them, but keeps the rest more so for anyone else that might need them.

He’s partial to the fidget pen- he likes fidget cubes too, but they’re usually a little small for his hands and harder to work with.

Doesn’t use memes quite right, but is always eager to learn where they originated from. Kaminari (always good-heartedly) never misses an opportunity to explain them to him, and gets so proud when one of Iida’s attempts lands.

He was kind of worried he’d look out of place on stage in the Cultural Festival, but with his friends reassuring him it’s alright, not only did he go out there, but had lots of fun as well!

Very routine focused. He loses half an hour of sleep and he’s already thinking about re-structuring his entire schedule.

Orange juice is a samefood. That boy need his orang juice

Special interest in the mechanics that go into hero costumes and quirk-assisting gadgets. It’s why he was so eager to accept help from Hatsume during the sports festival (he has mixed feelings about this one), and he’s sure they would work well together if only she stopped trying to make him a test subject.

It’s also something he and Midoriya can spend hours going back and forth about. Iida doesn’t usually lose track of time, but he can’t help it when such an interesting conversation is happening!

Screw “quiet hands”. In this house we wave our hands around intensely enough to almost smack someone (“but not actually smack them!! Always be aware of your surroundings!!”)

Favorite stim: Believe it or not, running! The wind resistance, the stomp of his feet, is all Very Good!!

Kirishima

He used to chew stuff a lot- first as a way to get used to his new, sharper teeth, and then because he just liked how very stimmy it is! But he’d also chew stuff that’s not really supposed to be put your mouth so his moms helped him find healthier stim alternatives, since actual chewelry were either a) not stimmy enough, b) wrong texture or c) destroyed too quickly and he’d just go back to chewing unhealthy stuff.

Since he’s grown enough to not go through chewelry at a breakneck pace, he keeps a couple at hand for when he’s studying- helps him focus! He was kinda embarrassed to bring one to his and Bakugou’s study sessions at first, but after Bakugou admitted that he’s also autistic he started keeping one on his person during them- assuring the other that he’s taking proper care of washing it and everything.

He used to bite on his hands as well- still does when he's under extreme stress (imagine summer camp/AFO showing up at Kamino levels of stress) even though he's grown out of it for the most part.

Hyper-Empathy Station. Makes him good with people (and animals) but leaves him exhausted more often than not.

“Hey don’t you get tired of sticking your hair up like that every d-” “It’s routine bro you can’t just quit it that would be chaos”

Whether he wears it up or not, his hair always seems to be a very good tactile stim, both for him and, surprisingly, Bakugou. When it’s up, the pointy spikes are very satisfying to run one’s hands over, just rough enough to slightly scratch the palm, but just light enough to not completely bring them down. When it’s down, Bakugou doesn’t miss an opportunity to touch it, which works for Kirishima too, since having people run their fingers through his hair is very relaxing to him.

He Cannot handle kinetic sand and most slimes. It either feels grainy and dry or too wet and sticky. The crunchy sound sand makes when it’s cut is like nails on a chalkboard in his head. It’s just not for him.

Gullible. Please be nice to him he just wants to believe in the good in everyone

Special interest on Crimson Riot!! I mean, come on; basing his hero persona on him, naming himself after him? Turning to interviews of his in moments of doubt and uncertainty, finding comfort in media about him? Yeah

Has a couple Comfort Sweaters™ and a single comfort plushie- a shark one, the first gift his Ma got him when she met his mom. It’s been patched and stitched up dozens of times, and barely holds itself together, which is why he never takes it out of its safe place in the closet unless he’s seriously in need for some comfort and has already exhausted all other options.

Bro, We Are Autistic . Its Ok To Stim Around Me . Im Ur Best Friend . I Love You . ... Bro, We Are Infodump ing Now . . No Dont Stop Bro .. Bro ...

Favorite stim: Bumping his hardened fists together!! Sometimes he’ll simply rub his hardened knuckles back and forth together- it’s more discreet, and while not as satisfactory, still good for emotional regulation.

Bakugou

Branded a problem child early on, Bakugou had the majority of his meltdowns called “tantrums” instead. So he decided that if everyone treats him like a brat, he might as well be one.

Even before he started losing his hearing, he had some auditory processing issues- which is why he hates hates hates when Midoriya mutters (and similarly, why he didn’t immediately turn his back to Kirishima- the guy talks loud and clear like 95% of the time. Bakugou can appreciate that, even if he won’t say it).

Face blindness is inconvenient as all hell, which is why he gives people ridiculous nicknames: connecting names to faces is difficult enough, and at the beginning he doesn’t really care to try and memorize them anyway, so he just finds a prominent characteristic to remember each of them by.

[Insert Smart Guy Meme] “You can’t be deceived by fake politeness and sarcastic compliments if you react aggressively to everything people say to you”

Loves his routine and having everything planned. If you drag him into something out of nowhere and disrupt his schedule he will be mad at you for a week minimum (something his friends found out the hard way)

Prolonged human interaction is absolutely exhausting, more than any quirk training exercise, and he gets cranky at the speed of light when he reaches his limit. As time goes on he does find a few people (first Kirishima and then progressively the rest of the Bakusquad) that aren’t as exhausting for him to be around for longer and longer. He still needs his alone time, but now he knows that he can recharge around them as well, if he feels like having company.

Drumming is Very Good stim-wise. So is spicy food, which is why he likes it so much.

Pressure stims are The Worst for him- weighted blankets, tight vests, anything at all that might constrict him in any way? He Will react like cats do to cucumbers. The only exception is that once in a while, when he’s exhausted but can’t seem to ground himself enough to drift off, he’ll ask Kirishima to just. Lie on him, also like cats do, just until he falls asleep.

This is a No Socks Zone. These foot prisons are absolute sensory hell, and with how sweaty he gets it’s only made worse.

How Can People Talk About Emotions While Simultaneously Looking Each Other In The Eye This Feels Disgusting I Will Blow Something Up: an autobiography

Favorite stim: Tiny explosions popping in his palms. Sure, grand light shows are fine and all but small ones, just big enough to feel through the roughed-up skin of his palms have a certain calming effect. Sucks that people immediately jump to assuming he’s threatening them when he’s just trying to cool down.

Tsuyu

Very blunt. She doesn’t mean to be rude, but sometimes it comes across like it when she’s only trying to be honest and offer advice.

Raptor hands 24/7. what an icon

Has trouble with physical contact in the sense that she’s??? not really sure how to do it??? She offers hugs and hands to hold left and right but it always feels like she’s just. doing it. Like how one would tie a loose shoelace or button up a shirt. It’s not like she hates it, but her nonchalance when someone does hug her makes people assume she’s being cold- which is not the case at all! She’s just offering comfort in a way she knows other people will understand even if it’s not really doing much for her.

Jelly is a samefood! She likes sour apple jelly the best

Kind of a black-and-white mind. She’s working on seeing the world in shades of grey though, since she saw how her Absolute thinking can impact her friends.

Low/no empathy. She hates that to some people’s eyes that automatically makes her a bad person. Kindness is a choice, one that she doesn’t need empathy to make every day.

Favorite stim: Her near constant kero-kero-ing is very much a vocal stim, as well as echolalia!

Yaomomo

Makes her own stim toys using DIYs rather than her quirk, and is very eager to make any personalized ones for her friends!

She also likes experimenting with what kinds of textures she can make using her quirk.

Has a semi-popular account where she uploads videos of her playing with slime and kinetic sand regularly.

Much like Iida, she adopted the more formal ways of speaking from her parents and house staff and has trouble toning it down (not that anyone faults her for it).

Very picky about who touches her. She genuinely does not want to come off as the Snobbish Rich Girl but sometimes when someone touches her with no warning or consent she feels like crawling out of her skin

In the exact same vein, she was extremely hesitant to admit that the futons at the training camp drove her up the wall with that hellish texture. She didn’t want to be the nitpicky one and make a new one using her quirk, either. If anything good came out of the disaster that was the training camp, it was that she didn’t have to sleep on it another night, she thinks (and then feels terrible about it).

Her special interest is tea! Like, actual tea that you drink. Just look at how she lights up when she gets an opportunity to talk about it, or make some for others!! It’s also a samefood for her- she tries to be diverse, but there are a couple with juuust the right combination of smell and taste that she will always go back to.

Sometimes she won’t even drink any- just the process of making it is extremely comforting.

Favorite stim: Double-sided sequins! Tactile-visual stim combo!

Koda

Largely nonverbal. Talking to people is too stressful 99% of the time. Animals are way better listeners anyway.

No volume control we die like men part 2 (but it’s the complete opposite from Iida, in that he can never seem to raise his voice enough)

Likes his peace and quiet, and can easily go into sensory overload if one too many sounds are happening at once. He wants to invest in some headgear for his hero costume that helps him tune out distracting sounds so he can focus on matters at hand while still being able to hear and help those in need.

A plushie hoarder if I ever saw one. His room is the Ultimate Comfort Corner.

Favorite stim: Humming to himself. Reluctant to do it in the presence of others, but increasingly comfortable around friends.

Aizawa

Samefoods with those juice pouches he always keeps around

Permanently exhausted due to having to interact with people

Talks in a monotone and has trouble making expressions

His sleeping bag is very good pressure stim. It’s also very hard for him to replace it, because it has to be Just Right, so by the time he does find one that is Just Right, the old one is practically falling apart.

The only reason he’ll sleep in a bed is if Mic is there to share it with him. Otherwise it’s too cold and exposed and weighted blankets can only do so much.

He kinda misses the time before he got top surgery for the sole reason that binders offered a very comforting pressure stim. However, he acknowledges that it’s for the best he got it, since a lot of the time he’d bind for longer than it’s safe. He was lucky to still have the option of getting surgery.

(this has been a safe binding psa, please don’t do what he did)

He does however, tend to wear a tight, though still breathable undershirt at near all times.

As much as he complains about Mic’s mustache, he actually likes it. He tried to kiss Mic once when he shaved it for the first time in forever and instantly went “yea no. This isn’t working. Feels wrong and bad, Put It Back™”. Didn’t kiss him again until it grew back.

Everything Happens So Much

He talks back to cats. Like, actually meows back at them. Very good echolalia, makes Mic’s day to walk into a scene like this

Favorite stim: Petting cats! The fur of different breeds offers a variety in texture and when they start purring a very good auditory stim is added to the mix! And when they sit on him and add a pressure stim? Cats are the whole package!!

That’s all (for now?) Thanks for reading!! Hope you had a nice Autism Acceptance Month!!!

#autistic headcanon #autism acceptence month #bnha headcanons #aizawa shouta #bakugou katsuki #kirishima eijirou #midoriya izuku #todoroki shouto #iida tenya #asui tsuyu #yaoyorozu momo #kouda kouji #des writes sometimes

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theastrophilearchitect · 4 years ago

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A new project.

Because the first one wasn’t working. Writing journey #3.

Tue 30/03/2021 - ‘Bay Tree’ Word Count: 42,150 07.27 Hello! So I established in my last writing update that I was taking a break from my WIP ‘Bay Tree’, to return May 10th, and even though I’m not writing today, I just wanted to say that taking a break feels amazing. I’m focusing on reading (granted, I’ve been reading House of Earth and Blood for like two weeks) and it’s really helping ideas for edits develop.

In my draft, I got to chapter 13 (I think) of twenty-something (because I didn’t fully outline the climax, so I’m unclear as to how many chapters there will ultimately be) but I just don’t think I can get all the way through a draft without first doing some developmental edits. So, for the next few weeks, I’m going to note the changes I think I could make, then figure out which ones I won’t implement, then how I will implement the others on May 10th.

In the meantime, this Thursday, I’m going to start working on a new WIP, which I have quite a clear idea for, but obviously need to develop the plot. So that’s it for today, and I’ll update again for my new project on Thursday April 1st.

Thu 01/04/2021 09.54 It is Thursday! I’m free for a couple weeks! Which means it’s time to start working on a new project. My goal for the day is just to compile some of the various ideas I have into something vaguely cohesive, then I’ll develop it tomorrow, and hopefully make a skeletal outline on Saturday, scene block on Sunday... I’m going to shut up before I set myself a thousand insane deadlines, but I’d like to have started a draft by the end of my free time. So, let’s go.

Wow. Blank documents really are intimidating, aren’t they?

13.04 I already had my core concept, but now I have almost a justification for it--why it happens, and I think I want to build up my world first, then characters, because knowing the world and its various peoples will allow me to figure out how exactly they fit in and develop their motivations, then finally do the plot. I’ll only work out the three characters I’m currently certain will be integral for the plot, because I don’t want to waste time on developing characters who are ultimately unnecessary, like I did in the earliest days of Bay Tree.

Basically, with a world, I can work out motivations; with motivations, I can work out characters, and with characters, I can create a character-driven plot. I want to focus on creating both lovable characters and a memorable plot--I know all my favourite books have memorable characters, but the ones I enjoy the absolute most are the ones where it doesn’t feel like the plot only exists to drive the characters into relationships (I’m looking at you, Cassandra Clare. Seriously, I love Shadowhunters books, but the technically ‘main’ plots always feel second to the subplots).

Fri 02/04/2021 08.16 Honestly, didn’t get too much done yesterday. Mostly because I ended up down a rabbit hole of researching (though I do think what I learned will help me to form my world), and I was busier than I expected to be. Regardless, I think I want to make this a series. I have a feeling Bay Tree is also going to become at least two books when I revisit it, but I’m going to go into this one with that intention.

Obviously I don’t know how long it will be right now, but I think I’m going to aim for three books, then let it shape itself.

12.25 I just spent an hour writing out a history of the world and how it got to where it is. This is really fun, but really intense.

16.36 So, I have a rough plot in mind. I have an ending, a catalyst, a backstory for the world, and a few characters. And a lot of things that need names. I waited a really long time to name my characters in Bay Tree, thinking they’d be easier to name when I had then conceptualised, which makes sense, but I’d given them numbers with which to refer to them until that point, so it was a long time before my protagonist became her actual name instead of just ‘3′, despite the fact she technically became 2 because I had to cut 1.

Anyway, going to pick names, then let nominative determinism do its thing.

Jesus, I have no good male names. I keep a list of names, first and last, I like for use, but I have so many more female ones than I do male.

In Bay Tree, I used MBTIs as a starting point for personalities, which I’m planning to do here, especially since I know the types so much better now, but I want names first.

Maybe I just ought to choose this specific character’s surname first. Maybe he goes by his surname, or some variation thereupon (like how Daniel Arlington from Ninth House goes by Darlington).

Maybe he doesn’t need a name. Maybe we literally just call him Hero Guy.

God, screw this. He’s Hero Guy until either it comes to me, or I have no choice but to name him.

Sat 03/04/2021 11.15 I feel like crap today. I’ve been doing nothing for three hours, and I, quite frankly, need to get something done. So I’m going to write.

12.41 Wow, initial development really is the hardest bit of the process, huh?

Sun 04/04/2021 08.04 I’d really like to do more worldbuilding first, and character development, but it’s difficult when I don’t know the different parts’ roles. So, today, I’m going to attempt to outline the primary plot points of the three books. Attempt being the operative word here.

13.41 Honestly, yeah, I’m struggling with the plot. I think I managed to get Bay Tree’s plot so fast when I sat down to actually write it because it had been on my brain for a couple weeks, whereas I literally started this project three days ago.

Maybe that’s how I’ll handle this--when I hit a wall with one project, I work on the other to give myself some distance. Working on Bay Tree requires less thought anyway, because that plot’s already mostly figured out. Yeah. I think I’m going to revisit Bay Tree, but for reference’s sake, I’m going to dub the new project... eh... the first thing that came to mind was ‘Feather President’ which is more related to the actual content than ‘Bay Tree’, but it sounds so much crazier. I want to dub it something that actually could be a title, even if it definitely won’t be the final title, because I don’t want people to look at my blog, see ‘Feather President’ in the pinned post and immediately assume I’m insane.

Could always just use an acronym. Let’s go with FSB; those are one of the character’s (also the only character who so far has a name) initials, which may ultimately change, but it works for now. Bay Tree and FSB.

I’m going to end this particular writing stint here and come back in a couple hours, at which point I’m going to switch back to Bay Tree.

I should really stop planning so far ahead when my plans will inevitably change.

15.40 So here’s the plan I currently have that I definitely won’t stick to: at the start of each week, I’ll determine which project I work on (operating Monday-Sunday; if you think the week starts any day but Monday, you’re wrong, and I’m not sorry), and only work on that project throughout the week. So I’ll work on Bay Tree this week, and FSB next week.

I’m going to let myself work on a project for more than one week at a time, but I think I’m going to say I can only work on one for three consecutive weeks before I have to switch to the other. This seems like a good way to stay excited. Yes.

This second? Not completely sure. Might just go read and deal with it tomorrow.

Mon 05/04/2021 - ‘Bay Tree’ 11.37 Actually really glad I just sat down and read--I read about 200 pages yesterday in total, which meant I could easily finish the last 100 pages this morning. So I finished Starsight (the recent reads post will probably be up by the time this one is)--was anyone aware the A Court of Silver Flames paperback is £24 on Amazon? Anyone?

Anyway, we’re returning to Bay Tree today, after nearly two weeks (I know that’s not even long), and I’m going to attempt to implement my edits, by which I mean I’m going to put scene changes at the bottom in brackets, then technically implement them when I redraft.

Tue 06/04/2021 - ‘Bay Tree’ 09.11 I didn’t exactly accomplish much yesterday. I spent a good few hours just watching YouTube, because I didn’t have any motivation to do work, which screwed up my schedule, and I did no writing aside from transferring my list of edits from my phone to my document. I started reading Call Down the Hawk by Maggie Stiefvater, but didn’t get very far in--I’m obsessed with Stiefvater’s writing style; it’s the perfect mix between typical prose and fairytale-style storytelling. Anyway.

I’m going to switch to a new Scrivener project for the sake of cleaning it up--Bay Tree is a hot mess right now--and hopefully begin to implement my edits--maybe not today, but certainly this week.

Thu 08/04/2021 - ‘Bay Tree’ 16.53 So I haven’t yet had a day where I’ve done nothing (since my break finished), but the last couple days I’ve just been doing tiny amounts of what I’m calling ‘reference pruning’, where I’m just editing and clarifying character, worldbuilding and location documents. I’ve ‘pruned’ five character references, and I hate it. It needs to be done, but it doesn’t need to be done now. I’ve decided I’m just going to completely clear out the new Scrivener project I started for Bay Tree, and add stuff to it as it becomes necessary. I’m going to make notes of overarching edits (stuff I can’t just note at the bottom of a scene), and just get started with draft 1.7, adding and editing references as it becomes necessary. I’m also going to say I just need to spend an hour writing a day, rather than a word minimum.

Okay. Edits established. Things to bear in mind established. I need to go through the character profile for the POV character in chapter one, then we can get started. Or rather, I’ll get started tomorrow, because I need to go cook soon, and even if I do have time after dinner, I’m not going to, because I’m going to read then. Okay. Character.

I’m getting excited again!

Oh, and the setting. I need to do the setting document.

I’d like to draw attention tot he fact one of my character documents describes her as having ‘black upturned gold eyes.’

Clearly I couldn’t pick a colour, but now I’m inspired to give her heterochromia.

Character done, and setting undone, but I need to go cook now, so I’ll pick this back up tomorrow, when I may also do some actual work.

I just hope these posts give someone security in that writing is a messy process, and you don’t have to be perfect all the time to be a) competent, and b) a writer. I’m a competent writer, and I’ve only ever written about 60% of a draft. But I’m still going, still trying, and that’s the point.

Fri 09/04/2021 - ‘Bay Tree’: 484 words 09.15 Okay. So we’re redrafting, and this is like my fourth draft of the first chapter, so let’s just go.

Sun 11/04/2021 - ‘Bay Tree’: 576 words 09.01 Yeah, I missed yesterday. Ironically, having time off seems to be making productivity more difficult, despite the fact I actually have time for it.

09.19 I feel like this project is making me stagnate. I think what I have is almost subconsciously tying me down, preventing me from improving, but I don’t want to just restart, because I want my bases, and it’s so ingrained in my head, I can’t physically start from scratch. Crap.

I think it needs to sit for longer. Crap.

It’s alright. I mean, it sucks, but it’s alright. It’s not like there’s any ideal age to become an author anyway, and I’m a long way off the average. I have time, and if it takes shelving projects now to complete better ones later, so be it. Maybe I’ll return to Bay Tree in a few weeks, or a few months, or a few years, or never, but I’ve learnt a lot from it.

So we move on.

Mon 12/04/2021 - FSB 08.05 This post is such a mess. I’m a mess at the moment. Today, we’re just continuing to work on FSB’s plot, and I think I’m already going to change the name of the character whose initials are FSB, so its nickname will probably change, too.

I had a trilogy in mind, but looking at it now, I think a duology will be best to convey the arc I have in mind.

21.51 I’ve actually accomplished quite a lot today--I’ve mostly been doing character profiles, but that helps me form tidbits to add to the story, which I can eventually string together. We’re progressing.

Tue 13/04/2021 - FSB 08.37 Hello! I think I can safely come to the conclusion I prefer development to actual drafting. Anyway, today I’m going to focus on completing the character profile for my other protagonist and do a little more work on another important figure. Then, I hope to be able to figure out the drive of the main plot in book one.

On another note, I am debating whether to plan out two books or three. Mulling it over, I think three books would give a more fulfilling arc, but it depends if I can work out enough content for the main plot. We’ll see.

Yeah, it’s going to be three. Two just can’t carry the impact I want.

20.00 I made pretty good progress today, but I just wanted to make the point I’m a lot more confident this project will hold my interest for longer than Bay Tree. This was something ruminating in the back of my mind for weeks, that I was desperate to write, where Bay Tree was very much a ‘sit down, make something up’ process at the beginning. Anyway, I think I’m done writing for the day, and I’ll get back to this tomorrow. (Because unlike most writers, I have a functional sleep schedule)

Wed 14/04/2021 09.19 Honestly, my head is empty right now, so I really need to open my project before determining what I want to do today.

Okay, so we’re basically just going to continue filling in holes.

14.50 Working out the plot, I’m pretty confident I’ve got the A plot covered, which the B plot will fit into, but I need more subplots.

Thu 15/04/2021 10.12 I want to work this one out mostly on the fly. I have nearly the whole of book one plotted out, but I want to work out the fine details as I write it; as I go, I’ll add more detail to my outlines of two and three. But for now, book one.

15.28 I’ve got basically the whole of book one covered; there’s just a gaping hole in act one, that I’m not sure I can fill. I mean, I can fill it, and I will, but I don’t feel like it’ll be that intentional of a thing. I think it’ll be more of an accidental idea that happens to flourish, but I’m going to keep working nonetheless.

Fri 16/04/2021 14.08 Good afternoon! I would’ve started writing earlier, but I wanted to catch up on the reading I didn’t do yesterday to make sure I finish A Court of Silver Flames within a week, so I can return the ebook and get a refund, because, despite being £6 cheaper than the paperback, it still cost me £8, and I want my money back. (Seriously, the paperback is fourteen pounds on amazon. Which is nearly twenty dollars. Which is pretty standard for a hardback, but it’s the paperback.) I’m about ten pages off meeting my minimum for the day (though I need to surpass that if I do want to finish it within a week), but it’s writing time.

14.37 I’m still establishing how, exactly, it applies, but I think I’ve solved it!

Definitely happy that as I’m planning, all I want is to make the characters happy, because I already love them so much. But they don’t get to be.

I have a section on a Pinterest board that’s just called ‘Simping’, and is just pictures of couples doing cute as shit things, and I literally just want my characters to dance together. Always. In Bay Tree, in FSB. Just dancing.

15.04 I have book one covered. It still needs development, scene development, but I can now move on to outlining book two, during which I’ll continue to develop one, integrate themes and such.

Honestly, the plot falling into place is absolutely the most exciting part of writing. I get an adrenaline rush (yes, while sitting in a chair, typing), I start to love the characters, the world, the story... ahhhh.

I’m actually really satisfied with how the plot seems to be going.

16.44 The word ambiguous has too many Us in it. Three vowels in a row??? And the vowel sequence is a palindrome?? Don’t want it.

I’m just sat here discovering new music. And it’s all so good and so dramatic and so perfect.

Okay, why do I have to come up with ideas so easily when I don’t need them? Then when I do I have nothing?

17.51 And just to clarify now, this post will actually end with Sunday the 18th, because after that I’m going to take three weeks completely off writing (aside from noting ideas), because I have a lot going on, then I’ll return on May 10th.

Note to self: develop a character who isn’t one of your two protagonists.

Sat 17/04/2021 10.23 I’m thinking I ought to do a more in-depth outline of book one before doing the basis of book two. Help me set up subplots and so on. Yanno, because other characters need some kind of agency, and I currently basically have two characters.

Sun 18/04/2021 08.52 I managed to plot out Bay Tree so fast because I’d already done so much development--plot was the only thing I was still missing. Anyway, I’m having a minor crisis. I think I’m a plotter, but I’m not entirely certain. It clearly didn’t work for Bay Tree. I think I may just start a draft of FSB now, and hope that lets me work out the other two books as I go.

In one of my excessive plans I will probably fail to stick to: I think I’d like to write a draft of the whole trilogy, all the way through, before even editing book one. I’ll obviously make notes of edits as I go, write as if I’ve already made them, eg. if, while writing book two, I have an idea for a book one edit, I’ll write book two as if I’ve already implemented it, which means I’ll have a little less editing to do of book two.

I have this all planned out in my head, but I’m probably being overambitious. We’re staying optimistic, though. I don’t believe in manifesting, but we’re manifesting.

14.23 I want to say I tried. I got a few details for the first couple chapters, but when I opened a doc to actually write it... nope. I need an outline to have a starting point. I just need detail.

Scene blocking sucks. But then I can’t write without it, so what can you do?

And I guess that wraps up this update. Writing this section, I’m about halfway through the writing break, and I have so many more ideas for this project. I was excited for Bay Tree because it was the first time I really made progress, but I’m excited for this one because I genuinely love this story. This post is going up May 14th, at which point I’ll be back to writing, and the next update should come mid to early June.

And that’s a wrap.

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pokemonswshbutionlyplayedsword · 5 years ago

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Gym leader reality show: them having one of those cooking shows like Master Chef or Hell's Kitchen.

Oh my god that’s a horrible experience for everybody. Also I spent 30 minutes scrolling through my blog to find the post I made about them cooking.

Milo doesn’t work very well under pressure. He started off strong but as the timer ticked down and the pokemon version of Gordon Ramsay (who has a full team of nothing but food based pokemon) starts yelling at all of them, he cracks and gives up. He doesn’t make it to the presentation.

Nessa has to quit because she wrecked literally every ingredient she had. She hardly knows how to cook. It’s one of the worst food atrocities ever on the show. Nessa’s normally better than this, but I guess she was panicking.

Kabu chooses to make a traditional meal from his homeland. He makes it to the end, and it’s a strong qualifier. It’s one of the most unique dishes out of those who actually make it to the end.

Bea doesn’t really know what she’s doing, but she tries. It’s not good, though. It’s a little burnt, haphazardly presented, and definitely not going to win. She doesn’t know much about cooking, so she can’t really be held responsible.

Allister is just goofing around, tbh. He decided pretty early on that he didn’t know what he was doing, so he just goes around and helps/harasses the others. So maybe he caused a few mistakes, but who cares. They’re pokemon trainers, not professional chefs.

Opal is a little slow moving and she takes her time reading every little thing, but it’s pretty obvious she knows what she’s doing. She’s totally in the zone. She’s been cooking for nearly 80 years, she’s going to be just fine.

Gordie has a vague sense of what he needs to do, but he doesn’t know how to make a dish from scratch with no recipe. So he just kind of does what feels right and he ends up with something edible, but not a winner. It doesn’t look that nice either, so there’s that.

Melony has experience cooking for all of her kids, but she never really enjoyed it, so she never got creative with it. She makes a pretty good meal, but the presentation is average and the creativity is pretty low, so she doubts it’ll win unless everyone else screws up royally, which they might.

Piers has some experience cooking meals for his sister for nearly 10 years, and it’s a little known fact that Spikemuth has a huge restaurant/cafe scene. So he decides he’s going to make one of the ambitious dishes that his favorite cafe has to offer. Everyone thinks he’s insane when he’s tossing random shit into the pan/pot, but he comes out with a super creative and pretty good dish. It’s not perfect, but he’s proud. And as an artist, he’s got a good eye for the presentation.

Raihan’s just a mess. He doesn’t know what he’s doing at all, and he hates cooking, so he doesn’t even know what he’s doing there. He’s just like “cake is sugar and flour and eggs, right?” No, he burnt it and there were eggshells in it. If you were stranded on an island, it wouldn’t be half bad, but no one in their right mind would choose to eat that. It’s an insult to the culinary arts.

Leon is confused. He knows what he’s doing sort of, but a dish made specifically to taste and look good? Leon knows what a good dish looks like, so that’s his strong suit, but when he cooks, it’s usually for himself, and it’s some sort of bland health dish that fits with his workout regiment. It’s pretty good, but not a dish the judges would consider.

Anyway, it was really interesting and the judges wanted to cry watching this all happen. There’s a corner of shame that those who dropped out early had to sit in. Opal is the winner, Kabu comes in second, and Piers third. Everyone’s pretty happy with the results, they definitely earned the scores they got.

#pokemon swsh #pokemon milo #pokemon nessa #pokemon kabu #pokemon bea #pokemon allister #pokemon opal #pokemon gordie #pokemon melony #pokemon piers #pokemon raihan #pokemon leon #ask #avatardreamer

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not-easy-being-green-124 · 5 years ago

Text

Chaos Hours

Third Post: People like me? Sounds fake but okay.

tl;dr --> Apparently my love language is “words of affirmation” and apparently I don’t get enough of that and so when people say nice things I just *full restart*

Last night’s anon: This is about you <3

So, I’m going to refer to the first anon from last night as Golden-Heart Anon because of the yellow hearts and apparently I like to name people. Anyhow.

That ask? It literally short-circuited my brain. I honest to goodness couldn’t think. I think I fell asleep with a smile on my face.

The weird thing is that I wasn’t even in a bad place yesterday. I was in a good brain space. I was comfortable in my skin and with who I am. I was cheerful.

And then I realized that even when I love myself, I don’t expect other people to like me. And I have no idea why.

I’ve alluded to it before, this inability for me to process that people like me. Logically, I know this. I have friends. I love them. They laugh with me and tell me they like my company. Apparently they enjoy my company. But I can’t process that beyond a logical, black and white, pencil on paper understanding. It’s as if my brain goes “well of course. they are Nice People. They tolerate you.”

Despite the fact that my friends (bad influences group, I’m looking at you) (also Tee you’re the best) (and the rest of my tumblr crew) actively seek me out? Don’t tell me to shut up? Occasionally tell me point blank “no I like to hear you talk”? I hear that.

And somehow it doesn’t make it any further than my skin. It settles like a thin blanket on my skin, comforting, but unable to penetrate any further. And it’s no one’s fault. It’s something in me, that can’t process it.

Except for sudden, random moments. Like when my friend went “yeah, I had a major crush on you.” Or Golden-Heart Anon. Or @pendragonpants. Those got under my skin somehow. I don’t know why?

I think part of it is that none of the above were really solicited. My friend’s came out of the blue (we were talking about crushes and then BOOM). Golden-Heart Anon’s was so spontaneous and honest. And I think it was also that I don’t know who they are. I don’t know if we’ve ever talked. I don’t know if we are mutuals. I have no idea who they are. And yet they decided to charge into my inbox with that message and I just. I am faced with no choice but to believe them. There’s no way for me to repay them. There’s no ulterior motive. There’s no way for my brain to perform enough gymnastics to keep that from going deep into my soul.

Pendragonpants too, we don’t talk a ton (because I’m bad at responding whoops). That message was also just so honest that my brain went straight from “whot” to “oh okay We Shall Believe”.

And I want to be clear that this isn’t me fishing for compliments or anything. I have a hard time believing them anyhow. I’m currently in a good brain space. I’m just...so baffled by a) my inability to process that people like me and b) the fact that apparently people like me.

I just. I have no idea why I believe that no one truly likes me. On the rare occasions that I do believe people like me (I can’t gymnastics my way out of my students’ enthusiasm), I can’t fathom why. Again, I can think of Logical Reasons, things that I do for them. But no reason why they would like me.

Actually, I think that’s at the heart of it. Wow. Okay. I think...that’s it.

I’ve spent so long masking, trying to guess what I’m supposed to be, who the person I’m with needs me to be, who the world wants me to be, that I firmly believe that’s who people like. The me that I’ve crafted. She looks a lot like me, she’s not a lie. But she is a front. She’s toned down on the “weirdness”. She’s less chaotic. She’s less desperate. She’s less “too much”. She barely stims. She’s me, just...with some really good instagram filters on.

And I can’t believe that anyone would actually love or like the Real Me. The one that’s too much. That stims. That makes sheep noises or meows when she’s happy. the one that gets too interested in tv shows. The one that will dive headfirst into literally ANYTHING. The one who gets tired. The one who can’t hang out in the sun sometimes. The one who cancels on plans because she’s too tired and strung out. The one who fails, falls, screws up. The one who cries. The one who is mean sometimes.

I can’t believe that anyone would like the me that I keep hidden.

Huh. Okay. At least we figured out what the issue is. Fascinating. Heartbreaking? Yeah kinda.

And I think that’s why you all surprise me. Because tumblr? I’m not filtered here. Like. At all. I mean, you can’t hear or see me, but this chaotic mess of a blog is alllll me. And somehow I’m getting asks going “this is kinda neat” and I’m just like...you talkin to ME? You sure about that?

I mean, there is also the issue that my love language is words of affirmation and like none of my family or friends who live near me Do That and then we also have The Boss who has said maybe 5 kinds things to me ever so. There’s that too.

Anyhow. That was...heavy. But informative. Honestly these chaos posts are just me talking my ideas out, because that helps me process them. If they stay in my head it’s like a ball of messed up yarn. I gotta get it out and straighten it all out and then I can figure out what’s going on.

Welp. I have work to do.

But Golden-Heart Anon and Pendragonpants, thank you. <3 So much. And to the rest of you, who comment on things (even if I’m bad at replying) -- please know that I see you and I am amazed at everything kind you say.

#chaos post #chaos hours #i've typed chaos so many times that idk how its spelled #what do i even tag this mess

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forthehardonofgrayskull · 4 years ago

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Let's get nuts. *gives Adora a hose hooked to a 500 gallon tank of melted chocolate*

> GEEZ OKAY.

> A video is posted. Just to prove your point.

> The thing appears for you, like, outside. It genuinely startles you, conveniently transformed.

“yikes. WARN me next time. FIINE. but this isn’t going to do anything. like i said. fool’s errand. “

> You make sure to stretch as you hold the nozzle in one hand, just to prepare yourself. Of course, you’re thinking this might do... Something. This would literally be like eating almost an entire other you. Maybe more. That’s a loootttt.

“i am, also, recording this. for posterity. so people can actually SEE what i mean, and i really enjoy showing off in this form. most of my shame is gone at this point.”

> Mostly gone. Certainly gone enough for you to be recording this for all your followers to see, the device hidden pretty securely on something high up. It manages to get all of you, at least for now. Probably not so much in a few minutes, after you put your mouth over the thing. Hopefully the flow is fast enough, but still. Through most of the process you’re rolling your eyes. This is SILLY. You’ve spent a whole week straight being fed, and while you’ve certainly felt a little fullness in this form, you think you’re basically impossible to reach any sort of capacity like this.

> It’s actually a reasonably long video. That’s a lot of liquid getting pushed into a lot of warrior lady. There’s no real dialogue, just the image of you swallowing. Cheeks filling dramatically, throat flowing equally so. You’ve chugged barrels of liquids at feasts, this might be um.. a lot of those actually.

> Time passes, your show of looking impatient and bored turns into surprise, and a little redness to your cheeks. It looks like it takes forever, but you are, visibly, beginning to fill. No firmness yet, though, just a gentle and steady rounding of your stomach. There IS a lot of liquid in there already, though, maybe a good fifth or so. A few gallons would barely show in your stomach. About a hundred? Yeah it shows, but not by a whole lot.

> But it’s like once something finally shows, that’s when the flustered gestures begin, when you realize you’re not even halfway. Maybe boasting was a bad idea, but you’re hardly going to stop. You, also, remain standing out of spite. At some point your eyes screw shut a little bit, and that’s around the same time another fifth of that supply goes in.

> You’re starting to strain. The video shows that stomach hanging full and heavy in front of you, while you’re trying to remain upright. You think again maybe all that boasting was a bad idea, but still, you hold on. You’re not stuffed yet.

> It’s pretty dramatic. When you’re nearly done, your stomach is forcing you on your knees a little bit. You can’t help it, and some of that groaning may be audible from the feed. You’re not quite big enough to lay on your stomach, but it is enough to hold you up a little bit while you kneel. Hey! Free yoga ball. By the way your arms dig in slightly, it’s clear you’re not at your limit, but there is definitely firmness where there wasn’t before, and there’s still another hundred or so gallons.

> When the thing is drained, you’re blushing pretty dramatically. The device, is, also, still recording. You let the nozzle drop, shoving it aside, and try to muffle the burp coming out of you. Your eyes search for what’s recording you, and there’s visible regret on your face as you realize you might be too full to reach up and and shut it off. Shhhoooot. But it’s still broadcasting to your blog, anyhow. Everyone can see you struggle for a second, cradling your near stuffed form. Not tight as a drum, but maybe all that showing off was for naught. Maybe you CAN fill up. Fuck.

“pssh. see? NOTHING. no effect. still hungry, here.”

> Clearly not. The full gurgling can even be heard on the audio. You wince and struggle a little, face continuing to blossom a deep red.

#(( viewable to followers #Anonymous

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ruromyke · 4 years ago

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12/08/2018 10:34am, in front of JR Akihabara Station

So I got the notification on the 5th year of this much-neglected blog. Between the last post and this one, so much have happened. The pandemic, the lockdown that followed thereafter, WFH hijinks; the company’s franchise renewal hearings and it’s subsequent denial, the announcement of mass retrenchment, which included yours truly, another set of hijinks, this time for asset accountability transfer on the way to clearance; and me, still trying to get stock of WTF happened with 2020. I did mention during that particular Zoom meeting when my tenure was announced to be cut that I’ve made my peace with my fate, and to day, I tend to agree. Even prior to COVID19 f*cking us all over, I’ve felt a certain stagnation in my productivity. One school of thought states that I should’ve changed gears then, but I guess the sweet siren of tenure dissuaded me from taking the plunge. Another is that the workplace has evolved into something that I’ve just grew tired of, with the mindset that whatever methods and processes that one pushes clashes with the current direction of the department. So in short, burnout. There, I said it.

The norm with the company is that once you reach a certain amount of years in tenure, you’re built up to be supervisory (or managerial) status. But even when I was just starting up, I never envisioned going to such heights, preferring to be in the midst of operations, going through the grind of the Mon-Fri 2-10pm “action time”. And the action was there, whether it ends up turning out to be a disaster or averted crisis, it could swing either way, everyday. Yet we revel on it, being the action junkies that we are. With the threat of programs not airing on time due to many factors, it’s likely the fact that clients look up to our team for answers and solutions. That it was somehow our call if they’ll air or not gives me and the shift-mates a certain chip off our shoulders, gives a heady sensation that’s hard to let go of to move on to the relatively safe confines of management level.

And before you knew it, there goes by 20 years. Almost half my life spent well on my 1st REAL job (there’s an earlier gig, but some other time for that) after technical school. And despite all the bad stuff intermingled with the good ones, I’d say I really had a heck of a run there. The people I’ve met, places I’ve been (work-related or like Akiba up there), training I’ve undergone, it’s all amazing.

And as I go though the paces of starting anew, the temptation to jump back in (once certain parameters are met) has that same heady feel to it. Can’t say I want to take a pass on it, but I think I’ll take a bit of rest for a while. Take a lighter load, travel a bit when the opportunity arises (*cough* Electric *cough* Town *cough*), date (finally!), set-up a decent home-office, the options are out there.

So here’s to the next 2̶0̶ ̶y̶e̶a̶ , screw that.

#thoughts #thinkingoutloud

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iol247 · 5 years ago

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Flashback: Unabomber Publishes His ‘Manifesto’

Ted Kaczynski was a madman who killed and maimed innocent people – but did some of his worries for the future come true?

By 2017 standards, a bearded man ranting in his manifesto about how “one of the most widespread manifestations of the craziness of our world is leftism” might, at best, have a chance ending up name-checked by Alex Jones. Most likely, he’d become the hero of a thousand faceless message board posters. His 35,000-word diatribe against technology titled “Industrial Society and Its Future” might be suitable for a personal blog, but a national newspaper? Surely not.

Of course, more than 20 years ago, when Ted Kaczynski mailed out what would come to be known as the “Unabomber Manifesto,” it was huge news. After over a decade spent living as a recluse without electricity or running water in a cabin in Montana – sending mail bombs to university academics and corporate airline executives – Kaczynski sent letters to the New York Times and the Washington Post demanding they publish his manifesto and agree to print an annual follow-up for three years. If they did, the bombings would cease. If not, the Unabomber hinted at more bombings to come.

It had started in May of 1978, when a package exploded and injured a Northwestern University security officer. A year later, another bomb was sent to the same college, injuring a graduate student. Also in 1979, Kaczynski snuck a bomb into the cargo hold of an American Airlines flight. It went off mid-flight, causing an emergency landing and afflicting 12 passengers with smoke inhalation. In 1985, he switched things up, and sent a shrapnel-loaded bomb to a computer store in Sacramento, California, claiming the owner as his first victim. By the mid-1980s, the Unabomber had become a real-life American boogeyman. A killer who would strike without warning, and without much reason. Why was he doing what he did – and when would he do it again?

The publication of the manifesto would end up being his undoing. Members of Kaczynski’s family had a slight suspicion Ted could be the person behind the terror campaign. His brother David was one of the thousands of people who called the FBI tip-line after the manifesto was published and a million-dollar reward was offered for information leading to the capture of the Unabomber. After a long search, FBI agents arrested an unkempt Kaczynski in his Lincoln, Montana cabin on April 3rd, 1996. They found bomb making components, over 40,000 journal pages and the manifesto’s original typed manuscript.

There’s no defending the actions of a person who mails bombs with the intent to do serious harm. But Andrew Sodroski, executive producer of the new Discovery mini-series, Manhunt: Unabomber, thinks there is plenty to take away from Kaczynski’s words. As he said in a phone conference with reporters leading up to the show, “What the manifesto has to say about our relationship with technology and with society is more true right now than it was when Ted published it.”

Not many domestic terrorists convicted of murder get called prophetic by television producers – and there are scholars from different sides of the political spectrum who agree that the the Unabomber’s anti-technology stance was ahead of its time. “His work, despite his deeds,” wrote Dr. Keith Ablow, a psychiatrist and member of the Fox News Medical A-Team, “deserves a place alongside Brave New World, by Aldous Huxley, and 1984, by George Orwell.” Ray Kurzweil, noted author, computer scientist and futurist, quoted a passage from the manifesto in his 1999 book, The Age of Spiritual Machines. Some believe he’s a murderous modern-day Henry David Thoreau, while others say he’s a genius and a prophet. So what, exactly did he get right?

Kaczynski opens his manifesto with, “The Industrial Revolution and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race.” The technology he goes on to rail against, keep in mind, was mid-1990s – before smartphones, before Twitter, before “Likes” on Facebook and algorithms helped pick out things for you to buy and experience. Although the word “dystopia” never shows up throughout the essay, Kaczynski believed (and you have to assume still does so from his prison cell) that the future wasn’t some Philip K. Dick or Handmaid’s Tale scenario; the dystopian future started happening a long time ago. Computer networks, the mass-communication media, the modern health care system, pesticides and chemicals, all products of the Industrial Revolution, are destroying the planet, he writes. As one portion of the manifesto is sub-titled, “The ‘Bad’ Parts of Technology Cannot be Separated From the ‘Good’ Parts.”

In point number 49 the manifesto, Kaczynski writes, “In the modern world it is human society that dominates nature rather than the other way around, and modern society changes very rapidly owing to technological change.” One of the big problems, he believed while writing his manifesto, was the inevitable growth of artificial intelligence and how humanity will cope with it. “First let us postulate that the computer scientists succeed in developing intelligent machines that can do all things better than human beings can do them.” As one Wired article explained in 2015, “A manufacturing device from Universal Robots doesn’t just solder, paint, screw, glue, and grasp – it builds new parts for itself on the fly when they wear out or bust.” From checking you out at the grocery store to flipping burgers, robots are being designed to integrate into the labor force and cut costs.

He goes on to write in point number 172, “In that case presumably all work will be done by vast, highly organized systems of machines and no human effort will be necessary. Either of two cases might occur. The machines might be permitted to make all of their own decisions without human oversight, or else human control over the machines might be retained.” When Kaczynski’s thoughts were published, we were still dealing with the Terminator version of the robots overtaking humanity and destroying it – it was a nightmare scenario, fiction. But Kaczynski wasn’t writing speculative fiction; he was stating, from an academically-trained point of view, where he saw technology headed.

Technology overtaking humanity was only one of the scary possibilities. The rise of the “one percent” super rich and corporations controlling everything, was another. “Human freedom mostly will have vanished, because individuals and small groups will be impotent vis-a-vis large organizations armed with supertechnology and an arsenal of advanced psychological and biological tools for manipulating human beings, besides instruments of surveillance and physical coercion,” he wrote.

Tech companies have untold amounts of data on every person that logs online for everything from shopping for cat litter to ranting on Twitter. How to understand that data – and what to use it for – is an industry in itself. Could it be used to manipulate us? See the 2016 U.S. election and the rise of fake news spread through Facebook. “Hyperpartisan Facebook Pages Are Publishing False And Misleading Information At An Alarming Rate,” as one 2016 BuzzFeed article put it, showed up in feeds even if the people didn’t follow those groups. Some of the false news was spread the old-fashioned way, through word of mouth; but, as John Herman of the New York Times explained, misinformation on the social media service thrives or dies, “at least in part, on Facebook’s algorithm.” As Kaczynski believes, that’s just the tip of the iceberg. All of this seemed farfetched when Kaczynski’s words were put in front of a mass audience. In 1994, audiences were being told suave cyberterrorists like the ones in the movie The Net were the ones looking to steal your information online and do whatever they please with it.

After all this, however, calling Kaczynski a prophet might be a stretch. He’s a highly intelligent person who wanted to try and stop where he saw humanity headed by any means necessary – including murdering people. Yet he routinely points out throughout his manifesto that there very well might be no stopping the inevitable. The entire point of his manifesto, as he states, is revolution, anarchy: “Its object will be to overthrow not governments but the economic and technological basis of the present society.” Kaczynski, who has stated admiration for the eco-anarchist movement (“but I think they could do it better,” he also said in an interview in 1999), takes aim at both leftists, including “socialists, collectivists, ‘politically correct’ types, feminists, gay and disability activists, animal rights activists and the like”). He also writes, “conservatives are fools,” and that they’re, “just taking the average man for a sucker, exploiting his resentment of Big Government to promote the power of Big Business.” Kaczynski even engages in some gaslighting: “Feminists are desperately anxious to prove that women are as strong and as capable as men. Clearly they are nagged by a fear that women may NOT be as strong and as capable as men.”

All of this reiterates the point that Kaczynski is no hero whatsoever. The person who wrote “Industrial Society and Its Future,” is a fanatic. And as is sometimes the case, fanatics can take things to the tragic extreme. Yet there is something to be taken away from his words if you read closely; it’s that we give up a piece of ourselves whenever we adjust to conform to society’s standards. That, and we’re too plugged in. We’re letting technology take over our lives, willingly. It’s the sort of thing that doesn’t take a madman dressed up like a prophet to tell us; it’s all too evident. Kaczynski, to steal a phrase from the tech world, was just an early adopter of these thoughts. Yet his warning will probably forever go unnoticed because of the horrific deeds he carried out to get his message across.

https://www.rollingstone.com/culture/culture-news/flashback-unabomber-publishes-his-manifesto-125449/amp/?__twitter_impression=true

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