#Schizophrenia awareness month

[schizodiaries]

World Schizophrenia Day was a couple months ago (May 24th), and I had intended to publish this post on that day but I couldn’t finish it in time, so consider this a belated Schizophrenia Day post, or perhaps this can be a Disability Pride Month post!

I want to send positive energies to all people on the schizophrenia spectrum, but I want to give a special shoutout to those who don’t get enough recognition, or are often forgotten in our community:

Early onset schizophrenics, or those who are diagnosed as children or teens.

People with schizotypal personality disorder, delusional disorder, schizoaffective disorder, or schizophreniform disorder.

The schizophrenics who are considered gravely disabled and therefore cannot live independently or care for themselves on their own.

Homeless schizophrenics, especially those without access to mental health treatment.

The schizophrenic people throughout history who never got the chance to be diagnosed or treated.

Schizophrenics part of other marginalized groups, like schizophrenic people of color and queer schizophrenics.

The schizophrenics who have to be institutionalized long term and don’t currently have access to the outside world.

Schizospec people who also live with physical disabilities.

The “crazy” or “scary” schizophrenics- those who talk to themselves, behave aggressively, act unpredictably, or have unusual beliefs.

People who were misdiagnosed with schizophrenia, but turned out to have a different illness, and vice versa.

People who have schizospec disorders alongside other mental disorders, like autism, DID, personality disorders, mood disorders, and so on.

Schizospec people who are not “out,” who have to mask and appear neurotypical, whether it’s for safety or other reasons.

Unmedicated schizophrenics, whether by choice or reasons out of their control.

The schizophrenic survivors of abuse at the hands of their family, partners, or medical staff.

Schizophrenic victims of police brutality.

The schizophrenics that we lost to suicide.

And there are still so many more of us. (If you feel like I left anyone out, feel free to respond to this post with any additions you have.)

Happy World Schizophrenia Day / Disability Pride Month to all of you, from one schizospec to another. The world is a more beautiful place with you in it. I hope there will come a day when we don’t have to be ashamed of who we are. And I hope we can all find it within ourselves to not only survive, but thrive, in a world that likes to demonize us. So let’s all be here for one another, and remember you are never alone. I have so much gratitude the schizospec community for teaching me how to love and accept myself, and I wish the same for all of us. I love you, I see you, and I hope you can live happy and fulfilling lives, schizophrenia and all 🩷

[schizopositivity]

Happy pride month to every LGBTQ+ person who has psychosis or a schizo-spec disorder!

You are a vital part of both communities.

Your mental health does not invalidate your identity.

I believe you. I trust that you know yourself best.

Your identity is not a delusion, it's who you are.

Your identity does not invalidate your mental illness.

Us LGBTQ+ people are an important part of the psychosis and schizo-spec community.

Us psychotic and schizo-spec people are an important part of the LGBTQ+ community.

You may feel like the only one who is both, but you are not, there are people like us that exist.

You are important.

You are valid.

[p4ws-n-cl4ws]

i can't except the fact it's a possibility😭

also happy disability awareness month lmao

[rolaplayor101]

Nonbinary Awareness Week Day 4 ft Disability Pride Month with Max McGrath and my OC Rocks!

My shop!! Emergency Commissions are open, pls commission me!! Pls don’t ignore my DNI! Reblogs would be cool! I super need commissions, homies!

[thebeesbox]

Day 51 of Pride Flags Drawn as Foxes: Schizophrenia Flag

[mental-mona]

Source here, as far as I can tell. Image credit listed there is PSYA4, whoever/whatever that might be.

[thecreativemillennial]

*trigger warning* *mention of suicide and mental illnesses* When holllyoaks raised awareness about mental health issues, specifically schizophrenia, back in 2009. The personas were created by an old friend, who had committed suicide on newts 10th birthday and Rae was created by the picture of the granddaughter of a woman he robbed out of desperation.

[five-thousand-loaves-of-bread]

autistic people dominate AAC conversation on tumblr so for this AAC awareness month (October), let us also remember all non-autistic AAC users & autistic AAC users who not use AAC because or solely because autism.

people use AAC for from intellectual & developmental disorders to neurocognitive disorders to neurological to physical disorders. people use AAC for disorders from birth & acquired disorders. progressive & non progressive disorders.

some AAC users have mouth speech, motor, and/or sound clarity related difficulties, others use for language and/or cogntive difficulties, some for combo of reasons.

those with…

intellectual disability

genetic & chromosomal disorders like down syndrome, rett syndrome, angelman syndrome, williams syndrome, etc.

cerebral palsy

speech language disorders like aphasia & dysarthria

schizophrenia & schizoaffective & schizo-spec

brain injury

dementia

amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS), multiple sclerosis (MS), huntington’s, frederick’s ataxia, etc.

tracheotomy

locked in syndrome

n so much more not listed here

[newwwwusername]

Y : The Last Man (Hulu) - Sam & Hero - Mental Health Awareness Month Prompt 13 : Schizophrenia

Prompt : Write a fic in which a character has Schizophrenia (canon or not canon). DO NOT PORTRAY THIS CHARACTER AS "CRAZY" OR DANGEROUS! This is a negative idea about the disorder that this challenge does not wish to perpetuate Headcanon : Schizophrenic!Hero Author's note : I, the author, am not Schizophrenic. This is written based on my research off the internet as well as hearing from my friends with Schizophrenia and similar disorders. I by no means claim to be an expert and constructive criticism is always welcome

Sam and Hero had only been friends for a few weeks before Hero's little secret came out.

She was Schizophrenic.

It's something she kept on the down-low as much as she possibly could, horribly afraid of how people would react if they found out that she had what so many people wrote off as the crazy person disorder. Hell, no one really respected her as it was. She couldn't imagine how much worse it would be if they all knew.

It had caused her plenty of problems growing up. Her hallucinations would leave her petrified and, until her parents learned the truth about where they were coming from, they would always get written off as a desperate cry for attention alongside the delusions.

Yorick had always tried his best to be understanding, which helped, but she grew resentful towards him over time and eventually the closeness they had when they were young vanished.

As an adult, she didn't have her little brother to run to when things got bad. They hardly interacted anymore and, when they did, it was never a particularly positive experience on either end. Maybe that's why she'd fallen to drinking and narcotics- To hide from it all.

Sam found out a few weeks after they'd first met because things were getting bad again and she messaged him a string of unintelligible, paranoid ramblings before the alcohol had kicked in enough to calm her down. Concerned, Sam had immediately driven to her place to find her drunk and inconsolable.

He stayed at her house that night, making sure she was safe, and she explained to him the next morning that she had Schizophrenia and how it was fine and how she wouldn't go crazy and hurt someone like in the movies and how it had just gotten the best of her the previous night but she wasn't dangerous and-

Sam... Stayed.

Sam didn't run at the word "Schizophrenia". He didn't leave her or ask stupid questions or tell her she was faking it or get weird or ridicule her. He just nodded in understanding, thanked her for telling him, and went on with his day.

Huh Hero thought. This is what having a real friend is like...

Do not repost on other sites! If you want to participate in this month's challenge, there are 15 mental illness prompts that you can find here

[imagining-in-the-margins]

Autistic Spencer Reid

Happy Autism Acceptance Month, everyone! By request, my wonderful friends and I have taken on the daunting task of documenting the reasons why Spencer Reid is considered Autistic. Big thank you to you @spencer-reids-adventures and @foxy-eva specifically for their help. We hope everyone enjoys! This is not an exhaustive list.

Stimming/Self-Stimulatory behavior, including rocking/spinning in his chair, twiddling with his fingers, gripping sheets, bouncing his legs, biting his lip/tongue, rubbing his eyes, spinning pens, pacing (e.g., S6E12 "Corazon")

Averse to touch, dislikes hugs (S7E13 "Snake Eyes" & S11E11 "Entropy")

Explains multiple attempts at masking, including "being more conversational," (S2E19 "Ashes and Dust"), scripting conversation (S15E4 "Saturdays"), saying what people want to hear (S6E20 "Hanley Waters")

Verbosity - Difficulty recognizing when he's talking too much/speaking at inappropriate times (e.g., S1E16 "The Tribe" & S10E16 "Lockdown")

Began studying behavioral science to understand behavior that made him frustrated/confused (S11E22 "The Storm")

Averse to hosting/hanging out in his space; didn't invite his friends to his apartment for over 15 years (S15E9 "Face Off")

The only team member capable of proficient communication with other Autistic people (S6E16 "Coda" & S11E22 "The Storm")

He is referred to as Autistic by multiple characters, including a literal profiler, and does not deny or question it (S1E5 "Broken Mirror" & S8E3 "Through the Looking Glass")

Lack of social awareness, such as focusing on a convention while at a workplace shooter crime scene (S7E3 "Dorado Falls")

Various special interests, like Doctor Who (S6E16 "Coda" & S7E23 "Hit")

Literal thinking, such as focusing on scientific accuracy of a star-based fable (S5E13 "Risky Business")

Difficulty recognizing common phrases, such as the "sitting in a tree" song (S3E14 "Damaged") or jokes (S7E9 "Self-Fulfilling Prophecy" & S1E8 "Natural Born Killer")

Makes inappropriate references, such as to Derek's playboy behavior (S1E18 "Somebody's Watching") and Rossi's age (S7E13 "Snake Eyes")

Coordination/Spatial deficits (S1E17 "A Real Rain" & S8E6 "The Apprenticeship")

Hyperfocuses on a task to the point he doesn't notice his surroundings (S5E20 "A Thousand Words")

Unusual/hyper-specific pedantic language (S3E6 "Remembrance of Things Past")

Resistance to change, manifested as a luddite dislike of technology (S6E7 "Middle Man" & S8E4 "God Complex") and struggling with Gideon's death (S10E14 "Hero Worship")

He receives (apparent disability) accommodations to be in the field (S6E10 "What Happens At Home...")

Introverted, difficulty sharing emotions, even with his closest friends (S10E13 "Nelson's Sparrow")

Heavily bullied as a child (S3E16 "Elephant's Memory")

Difficulty making friends (S2E1 "The Fisher King Part 2")

Trouble with eye contact, which persists throughout the series

His mother is schizophrenic, which has a strong genetic link to Autism

Dislikes small talk (S8E3 “Through the Looking Glass”)

Enjoys memorizing lists (S7E11, “True Genius”)

Savant skills - eidetic memory and hyperlexia

Matthew Gray Gubler has also explained that, regardless of the canonical confirmation, he views and portrayed Spencer Reid as Autistic. Specifically, he stated:

"He's an eccentric genius, with hints of schizophrenia and minor autism, Asperger's syndrome. Reid is 24, 25 years old with three Ph.D.'s and one can't usually achieve that without some form of autism." (Note: Asperger's is an outdated term with Nazi origins, which is now referred to as a part of "Autism Spectrum Disorder" by most countries)

DISCLAIMER: I am Autistic, as diagnosed when I was a toddler. These thoughts are my own and shared for fun. If you disagree, please make your own post about it rather than posting them here. This was a labor of love for fans like me and those who love Autistic people and the characters like us. Thank you for respecting and understanding my boundaries!

Looking for more to read? Check out my Autistic headcanon posts for Penelope and Hotch!

Thank you everyone! 🌈♾️❤️

[toopimpabutterfly]

mouthwashing headcanons and important NOTE. Being mentally ill/experiencing trauma doesn't equal it's okay you do horrible things / be a horrible person. You got that?

TW for certain headcanons and subject matter.

Jimmy

-CSA survivor, lived in a low income household, unstable life growing up

-This leads him into trouble in his younger life before Pony Express, IE violent outbursts , theft, ect. He didn't commit any acts of SA till onboard (Seriously guys one of the games points is capitalism is horrible but they're not going to allow a convicted sexual deviant onboard, especially not without informing his crew+Curly knew Jimmy before)

-The trauma of his childhood left him as aggressive, having violent outbursts, and undiagnosed schizophrenia and BPD, turns into the psychosis he experiences during the events of the game

-Speaking of Curly he is aware though that Jimmy is not well mentally but tries to see the best in Jimmy, believes Jimmy is more than what he was on Earth and whatever happened in his childhood (this doesn't work out obviously)

-Tried to off himself in early life multiple times (the reason why he was quick to try and kill himself the first chance he got when caught, and in the end)

-The way he grew up leaves him to not eat a lot, mostly to drink liquids or things on the cheaper side/off brand, he sees most things as luxury's one must earn, but at the same time sees them as not helpful in his situation

-malnourished and has been since childhood and growing up but has a beer belly tbh

-Jimmy is jealous of Curly as he lived the ideal life he wanted, went to school, had connections, went to University, got a high paying job, ect. Jimmy sees this as unfair for all the suffering he went through growing up

-Also he's Mexican don't ask

-His favorite movies are the Matrix Trilogy (the others suck and that's just true) ,Mysterious Skin, The Talented Mr Ripley, and Akira

Curly

-Grew up upper middle class, met Jimmy in elementary school

-He tries to see the best in everybody, a true everyman, believes everyone can let go of their past/can be rehabilitated

-His favorite movies are Starship Troopers, Back To The Future, Alien II, and Avatar

-Used to watch those true crime YouTube videos growing up and always thought they deserved souch better

-Bro has WAYY too much empathy and sympathy

Anya

-Favorite moves are Girl Interrupted, Good Will Hunting, Jennifer's Body, and The Shape of Water

-Grew up lower middle income, wanted to further her career to help people back on Earth

-Didn't have the cash to go to a proper university though

-She has the best movie recommendations 100%

-Really good at boardgames

-The SA leaves her split, her mind slowly cracking more and more

-She feels a hate towards Jimmy and Curly, Jimmy for assaulting her, Curly for enabling it almost

-Obsession with cleanliness after the SA and up to her death

-Had violent outbursts on the ship in the last months of her death

Daisuke

-Youngest of the crew

-Wanted to make his family proud

-I feel like he's a middle child tbh

-Really loves racing simulators

-Favorite movies are Clerks, Jay and Silent Bob Rebooted, Cheech and Chong, Mallrats, Idiocracy, Adam Sandler movies, and Lords of Dogtown

-Skater backhome

-LOVES to hosts movie nights

-Comic nerd, he's a DCU forever, Dark horse branch his shit specifically

-Loves techno and rave music

-Draws short comics

Swansea

-Favorite movies are Django Unchained, Hellboy, No Country for Old Men, From Dusk Till Dawn, Kill Bill, ect. Huge Tarantino fan tbh

-Was in ROTC in highschool, ran that shit like the navy

-He watches requiem for a dream to remember his alcoholism isn't worth it, trainspotting too maybe.

-He loved to get handmade gifts over bought ones, letters, arts and crafts, drawings, ect

-Woodcarver

-Former Red Cross Worker/Salvation army worker tbh

[regular-gnome]

This theory has been in my head for awhile now so I’m gonna ask does way by any chance have schizophrenia because I noticed in one comic u made he talks to the dead skulls of the creatures he was once friends with, and that just made me think he is but idk if collectors can work like that (love ur work btw!)

In Way's case, they do it more out of comfort than delusion. They are aware that the skulls are dead and see the remains more like empty shells than creatures (or at least they are trying to, as it was explained to them that way before). But after their friends died, Wayfarer stayed there for months, during which time they developed a habit of talking to the bodies while they were skeletonizing. Refusing to face how isolated they were and that it was time to go back. After realizing they would be picked up soon, they took one of the skulls back to the archives. In their own internal monologue, they usually 'talk at' their friends like they were still having a conversatoin, but the skull functions more like a focus or keepsake that was passed on to them

While they can have develop their own share of mental issues, (the unfun part about mental health is that the problems can stack) I'm hesitant to make a clear association between them and a disorder, esssspecially one that is already often stigmatized. All of them have done terrible things, and I don't want to perpetuate the stereotype that anyone who isn't typical will become a monster, even if the things they did had other reasons

(thanks!!:D)

[alexandraisyes]

This is a flag I found for ASPD. There's an entire archive of support flags for people with different kinds of Cluster B Disorders. I just really like this version.

Antisocial Personality Disorder can be disabling and is considered a social disability. Depending on the psychologist it’s also considered an emotional disability like ADHD or Bipolar.

This may not make sense at a glance, but there’s psychologically found logic behind this.

People with ASPD have severe Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Chronic Depressive Disorder, and General Anxiety Disorder GAD).

The disorder also tends to be comorbid with Bipolar Disorder, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), and Depersonalization-Derealization Disorder (DDD), as well as some psychotic disorders like Brief Psychosis Disorder and Schizophrenia. although these last two aren't as common.

There's also a chance for people with ASPD to have overlapping traits from other Cluster-B Disorders (NPD, BPD, HPD). And many people with ASPD struggle with impulse disorders. Common impulse disorders related to ASPD are as follows:

Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED): Characterized by recurrent outbursts of verbal or physical aggression that are disproportionate to the provocation.

Kleptomania: A recurrent urge to steal items that are not needed for personal use or for their monetary value.

Pyromania: An impulse control disorder characterized by recurrent and deliberate fire-setting behavior.

Pathological Gambling: Persistent and recurrent problematic gambling behavior that leads to significant distress or impairment.

Trichotillomania (Hair-Pulling Disorder): An irresistible urge to pull out one's own hair, resulting in noticeable hair loss.

Many people with ASPD also struggle with addiction and may be fighting addictions to drugs, alcohol, sex, shopping, binge eating, and social media because these are quick endorphin fixes that help us feel something due to the inherent nature of ASPD to be numb almost 24/7.

It's extremely rare for someone with ASPD to get disability aid. Which probably sounds ridiculous, when you look at this massive list of issues. A large part of it is our society. People tend to see someone who has a label that is synonymous with Sociopath and Psychopath (there's a difference between the two) and immediately want them in jail. And it doesn't matter how long they've known that person, or what their relationship is. (I got dumped last year when my ex found out I have ASPD and almost disowned during Christmas when I told my dad. The only reason I haven't been being that he thinks it's a demonic issue that can be "cured with prayer".)

On top of that, our psychology system isn't built to handle someone with a personality disorder like ASPD (or even NPD). I get told a lot "You're really self-aware." Which is basically them saying they aren't going to help you. Of course I'm self-aware if I'm going into the therapist's office for advice (at the least) and actual help (would be great), but I get turned away because if I'm "self-aware", so I should be able to figure it out. This isn't an issue that pertains directly to ASPD, it's also one that affects every disorder that's hard for a neurotypical to understand.

This is more personal. Feel free to read this in a mildly irritated, but not very much, tone of voice. Preferably a tired scholar from Skyrim, that'll make my day.

I cannot function in today's society. I can't hold down a job, and I've tried time and time again. I get a few months in and I hit a wall and my mental health goes to shit. I had to quit my last job for my physical safety because I got bored with just life in general, to the point I was seriously considering sticking my arm in a fry vat.

I haven't even managed to get a proper diagnosis because I don't have health insurance, and I have so many false disorders on my medical diagnosis sheet from my narcissistic father bullying my long-term therapist into giving me damn near every disorder except for ADHD and Conduct Disorder (I was below the age of 18, but it would have helped me in the here and now with securing the diagnosis I need for medical reasons.) Growing up several doctors I worked with wanted to get me set up for an ASPD diagnosis and my father told them no. And because of where I lived I had no say in it, and even if I did my father was abusive, so goodbye to ever speaking up for myself.

On top of that, I'm a woman. There's a severe gender bias in ASPD, as well as the fact that women with ASPD are reportedly less likely to be physically aggressive and more likely to be mentally aggressive, so our symptoms show up slightly differently than the stereotype. And don't even get me started on the stereotypes. Plus women are more likely to be studied for comorbid disorders than psychologists even considering ASPD. This is the same shit autistic women struggled with.

There's a massive underreporting in the female ASPD populace because of this, and a lot more masking going on because everything gets chalked up to "she's just a bitch" or "hormones". There's also just not enough research done on females with ASPD to understand how it may be different from a male with ASPD.

I'm tired. I've been fighting for a year to get people to recognize me as an individual who deals with ASPD. Every time I run into threats of being abandoned (which is horrible, considering I was abused and then abandoned by my biological mom, then put in foster care for the next 4 years), or the road block of "You're a woman. Are you sure you don't have BPD? That's the female disorder." Or just getting tired of the uphill slope. I only have so much stamina, and sure I have a lot of spite for the world, but eventually that's going to run out too. And then I'll probably kill myself.

The suicide rate in general is less than 2%.

The suicide rate for people with ASPD is 23%.

[gayhorrorsans]

THIS WAS MADE ABOUT 5 MONTHS AGO, MY WRITNG IS BETTER NOW. I HAVE NOT PROOF-READ OR EDITED THIS. IT WILL BE CRINGEY. SORRY

Initially requested by @dustcrumbs

tw for implied suicide, injury, unrequited love, homophobia and potentially more. Reader discretion is advised

---------------

Love would never work. That's what Phantom Papyrus always told Dust. 'What's the point in trying when no one will love you.' At first it was whatever, Dust coped fine. However the relentless bashing, the constant mentioning that you weren't even worthy of as much as 'Hello' or 'How are you?' hurt. Like being beat across the head with a baseball bat. And this didn't stop, it never did. Even after Dust met Nightmare. It got worse. Any positive emotion Dust felt to anyone, something as little as respect, his brother would berate him for. That's why Dust never talked. He was always having someone in his ear constantly. Calling him every profanity under the sun. Nothing could help. No medication in the world would keep him productive whilst eliminating his brother. He refused to get rid of the scarf, as much as it hurt him it was the only thing that helped him hang on. 

With the addition of Killer the group felt more like a group instead of just a sort of hitman for hire. He, Killer and Nightmare. Killer was the opposite of Dust in some ways. He was talkative, sometimes too talkative. Dust never cared, he'd just let Killer go on. Sometimes he would flirt for the sake of it. An emotionless being had no clue how much his words would impact someone like Dust. From this point Papyrus had only been calling him mean names, and making fun of him, lecturing him as to how no one to ever exist would ever love him. Dust hadn't said a word to Papyrus since a year after the human stopped RESETing. After Dust read upon schizophrenia during his endless time alone he learnt not to antagonize the hallucinations. Whatever, Dust dealt with it in any way possible. If listening to Killer babble on about whatever made him happy he'd do it. It gave him something to focus on besides the red scarf screaming the same things at him. 

With Nightmare and Killer it never really mattered, he had no attraction to them. After Cross joined, Dust had a lot more of Papyrus screaming at him. Nearly 24 hours a day he was moments from tears. Not because the insults upset him. Not because the fact it was Papyrus. But because it was annoying. Imagine trying to sleep, not being able to because all you hear is constant speaking, screaming in your ear all the time. It would never stop. Twenty-Four hours a day. Seven days a week. It got no better when Error became a sort-of member. Papyrus only got worse. The more time he spent around men, the more Papyrus acted up. Whenever he went out alone, or was around some kind of genderbent AU, Papyrus never spoke. It annoyed Dust, what was so different about them? He had a suspicion Papyrus didn't like homosexuality in any way for a while, but had no explicit proof, nor did he have any proof at all still. He had no evidence to back it up. Plus, he still refused to burn the scarf.

The final member joined. Horror. Dust wasn't there when Horror entered for the first time. Nor was he there the day after. But the third day in he was eating breakfast. Papyrus was being quiet. His soul was calm. It was very early after all, before Nightmare would even leave his room. Then he looked up, seeing a larger skeleton, at least a foot taller than him, maybe two, who easily weighed 5 times Dust's size, was making a coffee. His back turned to Dust. Dust's soul skipped a beat. He was enamoured, no, he was. He was. In love. Horror was, physically sculpted. Strong, built, and looked like he could knock Dust out in a second. With every strength comes a weakness of course, Dust was aware that Horror had quite weak magic, barely being able to use bone attacks, with most of his magic going to teleportation and keeping his body alive.

Horror hadn't noticed Dust's stare. He was still waiting for the kettle to boil. Dust immediately pulled the tassels of his hoodie, hiding his face from Horror and anyone who may walk in. He was, silently hyperventilating. His face bright with purple, a deep mauve. Speckled with little bits of dark purple glitter. Like freckles. Each monsters pattern was unique, Dust's wasn't anything special, but still pretty. As he tried to manage the speed of his soul, Papyrus caught on to what was happening. Safe to say he wasn't pleased. But Dust managed to zone him out as Horror turned around with his coffee and sat down. Dust managed to calm down enough to where the purple had faded to a very light dusting, it could be tossed up to him being embarrassed about meeting someone new.

Horror spoke first, stirring his coffee before leaning back and placing the stirrer back on the coffee set. "So, Dust? Murder?... given couple names... f'er you." He spoke slowly and in small bits, easier to process. Dust didn't ask why, nor bothered thinking about it much. He just loved the way that Horror spoke, mesmerising. Everything from his accent, a deep rustic sounding. Not like Dust used to sound. The two clearly had different surroundings after their timeline. He spoke far deeper than Dust, and Dust had a deep voice. Horror was similar to Nightmare in how he spoke, without the distortion of Nightmares voice. Horror was far less formal, colloquialised terms or contractions were stuff that he seemed to used often. "Either. M-mostly address myself as Dust. Murder's more a... formal name." Dust stuttered, he silently cursed himself. How could he just embarrass himself in front of the hottest hunk he has ever met. He hoped the other wouldn't notice. Horror was just staring at his coffee before Dust spoke, but stared at his eyes, morning eyes. Horror had just woken up not too long ago. He was still tired, but the look he gave Dust made him almost squeal like he fanboying over this man. He controlled himself just barely, pressing his legs together to try use some of his energy without Horror seeing.  "Mm. Murder... Nice ring to it." He smiled, taking a small sip of his drink again, looking back at Dust. "Dust... use that then.... f'er now." He chuckled a bit, causing Dust to have to press his fists together under the table, desperately trying to distract himself and not make some embarrassing sound or giggle that would make him sound creepy. Oh God, what if Horror thought he was creepy? Or weird? What would he do? He tried to not focus on that, instead attempting to smile at Horror, failing miserably, his face was still covered in that shadow. "Mm? Early... you go bed?" Horror gave him a reason to excuse himself, Dust nodded, apologising and walked to his room, running when he was out of earshot of the kitchen. He sat down in his room, locking the door and panting as he sat down on his bed. "Pathetic. You've fallen for someone that easily." His brother started to speak. Papyrus clearly didn't approve of the idea. "It's... he's different. Just stay out of it." Dust actually replied to his Papyrus, for the first time in years. He shouldn't have really. That let Papyrus know that this got to Dust. "A fucking man no less. You know you're a man too? Or did you forget that too." Papyrus laughed at himself, Dust didn't entertain it. "I like him. Shut your fat fucking mouth and stay out of it." Even 2 weeks ago Dust would have never dreamed of insulting any, never mind his own, Papyrus.

"Oh I see how it is. You prefer him over me? Let me guess you won't kill him will you. Well remember why you joined here. To get EXP." "No. That's not why I joined." Dust held his head, his breathing getting faster, he was wishing he never responded to Papyrus. He grabbed the scarf and threw it on the floor, rubbing it into the ground under his shoe.

"I try to help you and you ignore me. They will betray you Sans. You're just some low level, nothing faggot." Dust froze. "What." Phantom repeated himself. "I said. I try to help you and you ignore me. They will betray you Sans. You're just some low level, nothing faggot."

Dust stood up and grabbed the scarf. He marched out, unlocking the door and leaving the castle. He walked past Horror who was still drinking his coffee and outside where the group gathered for a fire every now and again. He poured some gasoline onto the scarf, and lit a piece of string which led to it. In a few seconds. The scarf went bursting up in flames. Causing Dust to squint slightly. He walked back a bit as he heard Papyrus scream, slowly. Very slowly, the screams faded. Then silence. He turned around and nearly fell backwards. Stepping back as he had just walked into Horror. How the fuck did he get there without Dust realising? "O-oh- s-sorry!" He apologised. Horror shook his head and held out a single buttercup to Dust. It was tiny in the giants hand. Dust took a moment to understand what was going on, the world began to shake as he heard a laugh. 

"You really thought you could get rid of me that easily? Your own brother Sans." Phantom floated behind Horror, the giant not knowing because it was a hallucination.  Dust immediately bolted past Horror, running away. Horror looked back to see him gone. The brute frowned. His first attempt at showing affection ruined in a mere instant. He teleported back to his own room and gently placed the buttercup in some powder, then some water to grow some roots. At least the plant could live on.

Dust immediately went back to his room. "Why. Won't you. Leave me. Alone." Phantom laughed at that. "I won't let my brother die due to his own poor choices."

Dust tossed a knife in the direction of Papyrus, the knife sticking itself in the wall. He ignored him. Tried to ignore him. He napped, something he rarely did these days. Papyrus screaming at him to stop being lazy and go get EXP. Dust managed to zone it out. Until he couldn't. Nightmare told Horror to go get Dust for dinner, and Horror turned up outside his door. Knocking.

Knocking.

A set of knocks later Horror groaned, he wasn't so gentle this time, practically punching the door, sending a vibration all through Dust's room (and a very loud noise too). That woke Dust up. Just as Dust was about to complain he realised who it was. He got up and exited the room. "Sorry... was asleep." Horror nodded, letting Dust walk in front of him. It was a long walk from where Dust was to the kitchen. Horror paused Dust, holding his jacket with a finger. He could tell Dust was on edge. He crouched down slightly and held his arms out to him. Just a hug, nothing more.

Dust didn't respond nicely. Papyrus' words from earlier really got to him. He, although very pathetically, pushed Horror. Horror didn't move an inch, but Dust ran after he pushed Horror, teleporting to the kitchen as soon as he could. Horror shrugged, walking to the kitchen at his own pace. He did question why though. Why was Dust acting like that? He seemed nice this morning, why was he all angry and moody. Had he done something? Maybe it was the buttercup he had given him. Had it offended him? He wanted to apologise, not over dinner though. The frail skeleton looked like he could faint any minute when Horror saw him. It didn't matter now. Horror approached the kitchen and leaned into the room, Dust was shaking on his stool. The others weren't looking at the moment. Horror went up to him. "'m sorry." He mumbled, crouching near him, pretending to pick something up off the floor. 

Dust barely responded, simply shuffling a bit. No verbal confirmation of forgiveness came from him. Horror didn't need to apologise, and he didn't even tell him that. Dust was being warped and shifted by Papyrus without even realising. Horror shrugged. "Don't getcha." He stated, grabbing his food and walking away. He didn't lose anything he felt for Dust. But the tiny skeleton was being annoying to him. So he just left.

Dust was shaking. He had just upset Horror. He didn't know how to feel. The world was so busy, colours. Bright colours. The kitchen red and blue. Indigo, violet. Night time sky. Bright. Happy. Joy. Yeah. That's right. Joy. Levelling up. Dust was now faceplanted on the table, giggling to himself, to anyone else he looked creepy, but he was seeing everything. Experiences had become sort of 3rd person. He felt like he wasn't in his own body, seeing someone play out his life. Watching them make choices. He watched as he faded in and out of consciousness, barely able to breathe as he made choking noises. The extremely loud noises drew the attention of the others, who managed to shake him back to reality. Not without difficulty. It was like he had overdosed on something, had withdrawals. He hadn't taken anything. What was it. Was he just that fucked up mentally?

He thanked the others for their kindness, apologising as he stood up and went to his room. The world was dull to him now, even the others, their normal brightly coloured eyes, or in the case of killer, his red knives he carried, were dull. Not as in the sharpness of the knives, the colour. They seemed more pale or more dark. It was truly hard to describe, but Dust wasn't sure what it was anyway. He tried to not focus on how bad he was getting by climbing back into bed. Heading back to sleep at a more reasonable time.

----------------

Horror hadn't slept. Not because he couldn't, but because he normally doesn't sleep for very long, and the night prior he had slept for about 3 times as long as he normally does. He had gone out in the night to an AU he quite liked visiting. Farmtale. He was good friends with the Sans from their. He had paid him in advance for a special bouquet of purple iris flowers, verbana and asters. It was expensive, and beautiful. Horror gave Farm a hug, before leaving. Tipping him an extra bit before he did. He returned back to the castle and placed them in some water with some auxins to propagate root growth. Then he returned to his own room to grab the buttercup, which due to the magical nature of the auxins - mixed with some magic of course- had already grown roots. 

Nightmare had a garden near the castle. A little greenhouse in it too. He had given Horror permission to grow any flowers he wanted, so long as they were dull or dark colours. Purples and reds were fine, but the yellow buttercup would have broken the rules. So he used a small amount of plant-safe food dye, and splashed red onto it, making it appear to be a blood splattered plant. He would of course inform Nightmare as soon as he awoke to ask if it was fine, but at the moment, the little buttercup sat in the soil and it was pretty.

Horror had also prepared a new gift, that would arrive in the early morning, around 9-10am. He was unsure as to why, he felt this way towards Dust. Someone who clearly wasn't interested, nor even like Horror. Every time they spoke after the first interaction was barely anything. Not to mention they hadn't met a long time ago, it was only the second day. Horror was, somehow, determined to try and win Dust. Although deep down he knew, it wouldn't work. 

He sat in the kitchen, the bouquet of flowers in front of him. He waited for Dust. He presumed the skeleton would expect him to be up at a similar time as the day before. So Horror believed Dust would try come an hour before to get his breakfast. And so Horror waited. And he was right. He was sat there with his coffee as Dust walked in. "Morn' Murder." 

Dust froze up. Despite him allowing Horror to use the name, it still shocked him. Not to mention how he didn't think Horror would even be up. He tried to ignore him, giving in further to his Papyrus. He grabbed some bread and toasted it. He buttered it and sat down at the opposite corner of the table from Horror. Not even looking at him. He knew Horror could snap his neck if he wanted to. He should be thanking him, but again, didn't.

Horror slid the flowers to Dust, smiling as he drank his coffee, finishing it. He watched as the other looked at the flowers, examining them. Then finishing his toast. Horror had placed the flowers in a beautiful vase. It looked as if it came from royalty. It wouldn't be surprising to hear it to be one of Nightmare's old antiques. Dust grabbed it. And threw it back at Horror. Hitting him square in the forehead with it, the glass shattered. Horror didn't move for a moment. Dust froze as well. Horror moved his eyes to face Dust. And Dust was gone. Teleported away immediately. Horror twitched his skull a bit, groaning as he reached his hand deep into his skull through his eye, grabbing a few glass shards that had landed in there. He felt his eye go a bit fuzzy. The glass must have hit and cut it. He stood up and started to clean up the mess. He grabbed a sweeping brush and collected all the glass into a pile, then shovelled it into the bin, taking the bin outside and placing into the larger outdoor bin they had. They would then take that to whatever AU to dump it there or recycle it. But not now. Horror walked back inside and finished cleaning. He looked at the bouquet and sighed. Whatever. He grabbed it and went back to Farmtale.

He walked into Farm's barn, despite it being 3am in that AU. He went to Farm's room, knocked and entered. Farm slept very little through the night anyway. He silently gave Farm the bouquet, handing him another small amount of money to apologise for wasting his time. He then left  after immediately, not allowing Farm to say anything. He finished wiping down and drying any water that was on the floor or counter and it looked like nothing had happened. Horror then walked towards the garden again. He sat down, catching a glimpse of himself in the reflection of the greenhouse. He looked and, didn't react much verbally, but he was seething. Dust had shattered a bit more of his skull, which wasn't the main thing that annoyed him. It was now, the crack has expanded so much, it was now connected to his eye socket. That's probably why Dust ran away so fast. 

He kept his cool, not expressing his anger in any way. He watched the plants move about in the wind a bit and smiled. When he was angry back in Horrortale, he often went to Farm. He did work, but when Farm screamed at him to stop working - or else he would be drastically overworked - he would sit down outside, often with the flowers. Red spider lilies. Farm told him how they signified death to some people, Chrysanthemums too. Horror remembered always questioning him, they were all such pretty flowers. How could someone assign such horrible attributes to a flower? It didn't make sense to Horror, but they fit with Nightmares garden. And they were more than beautiful. They fit so well. Horror looked more out of place than they did. He stayed there for a few hours before he heard someone shout his name. He got up and packed away the chair, folding it up and sliding it into the greenhouse. He slowly followed the sound to the kitchen. 

Dust and the others were sat down, everyone besides Dust were eating breakfast. As Horror walked in, everyone was caught staring at him, besides Dust. Horror looked badass, but that doesn't make a difference when he should have died about 10 times by now with how large his crack had grown. He was flooded with multiple questions, he shushed everyone, saying he would explain to Nightmare shortly, and to everyone else when he saw fit. He turned to Dust after everyone had calmed down slightly, seeing him have a look of sheer horror on his face. Horror shrugged, turning back to the front door as he checked the time, the delivery was due, he waited outside for the delivery. Mail Sans, a nice sans, quite generous and laid back. One of the only people who wasn't scared to deliver things to places like Dreamtale or even Dusttale. Horror tipped him, not a custom to do with delivery services but Horror felt like it. And with how this next thing would go, he wanted to at least have someone happy.

He walked inside and waited for everyone to leave besides Dust. He sat down at the table. He handed the parcel over to him.

Dust was confused, why was he still trying. He didn't like this fool... he didn't... he did. No. He didn't of course he didn't. He wasn't gay. He wasn't... no. Horror wasn't good enough for him. He knew that now. Horror was pathetic, cheap EXP even someone like Dust could feel bad for. Despite that, he felt like... he didn't know. But every time Dust came close to feeling sympathy for Horror, or even love. Papyrus would speak, quickly changing Dust's mind. Like a puppet. He opened the box, finding a knife set. It was, beautiful. Some of the most expensive, high quality knives he had ever laid his eyes upon. There was 5 sets of knives. One was for Dust, it even had a little personalised note on top. A cute little illustration of him and Horror. Each of them had one, but his was dead centre and looked to prettiest. Dust looked at it and opened the knife set for himself. Inside were 8 knives. From small knives, to a decent sized knife Dust would most likely use, to a bread knife and a carving knife. Expensive. Each knife looked pristine, easily worth £150 each. Dust examined the knife. And in an almost robotic motion, felt the handle, grabbed it, and threw it in the direction of Horror. 

Horror would have taken it but dodged to prove a point. He snatched them back off Dust, then grabbed him by his shirt, lifting him up to eye level. He stared at him. His eyes not tired, lazy, nor attractive anymore. They were aggression. Pure aggression. Horror dropped him, turning away and letting Dust do whatever. He grabbed the knife sets and put them back in the box. "never asked.... for love... you could have.... said no." He walked away, directly to Nightmares room. He was uninterested in Dust now. He had tried. Little things like hugs. He had even gone into Dust's room when he wasn't there for the first few days to try introduce himself. Each time with a small box of chocolates. Dust was never there. Horror had tried these past few days. Each attempt was met with refusal. Even non-romantic things. A hug. Dust ran away from a hug. Whatever.

Horror approached Nightmares room and knocked, once he was granted entry, he handed Nightmare a knife set. The same one Dust got, a similar illustration too. It was to thank him for allowing him to come here. He assured Nightmare this wasn't some kind of last minute thing before he quit. However, he sat down and spoke. He wasn't good at speaking, so he signed by pointing at certain things to get most of his words out. He pointed at his crack, specifically the part where Dust had injured it. He then pointed at a vase with some flowers in, then signalled that he gave Dust the vase, by pretending to give Nightmare one, then stood up, in place of Dust, and threw the pretend vase directly where he was just sitting. "m... just wanted... to at least... be friends.." Nightmare nodded in response, thinking. He stood up and thanked Horror for the knife set. He apologised for Dust, insisting he would not only keep a close eye, but were he to personally witness anything, he would do the exact same thing Dust did to him, but 10 times, and with 5 times as much force each time. Infighting in his group was something Nightmare despised. For his own selfish reasons of course, but you can't run a group with constant fighting. Horror accepted the response and bowed his head towards Nightmare to signify respect, then left. 

He walked quite a while to get to his next destination. Nightmares room was very out of the way from everyone else's. He eventually found his way to Cross' room. He knocked on the door, and entered. He smiled as he greeted Cross, handing him a knife set, with the same little illustration of Horror and whoever was handing it to. He sat down on the floor for a quick second, reorganising the box as he had placed all the loose knives in the box, so he didn't want to stab himself, so he placed them all at one side. He also did the same thing he did with Nightmare. Although, didn't mention name, or hinted at who it could be. He repeated this with Error and Killer. Error would have less use for a knife set compared to someone like Killer, but Error could use them for cooking.

After doing this with everyone, he went back to the kitchen, packed up his knives and went to his room. He tossed the box on the bed and immediately went to Dust's room. He knocked on the door. Nothing. That was all he needed to know. Dust didn't feel anything, no remorse, no sadness, nothing. As much as it hurt Horror (and it did), his attraction to Dust, was just that, an attraction. Dust's attraction to him, was an obsession. Horror didn't even know Dust liked him, he had a slight suspicion at the start from the others faint purple blush but whatever. It didn't matter now. It won't ever again. It won't ever be the same. Horror grabbed the knife set, and teleported out. He went to Farm. It was the only AU where he felt comfort. He walked into Farm's kitchen, knowing he would be there. It was nice.

"Hey big guy, how are y'all a-doin'?" Farm chimed, walking up to Horror, who handed him the box, with the knives left stray. Horror got down on his knees and hugged Farm. 

"'m sorry...." He mumbled into the others shoulder. Big ol' softie he was. He could be anyway. He apologised for the knives not being in a proper box and just the crooked old cardboard from the delivery. He apologised for there only being 7, not 8. The 8th was ruined when Dust threw it into the wall.  "Hey hey, you're fine. Ay promise ya." He gently patted Horror's back, this wasn't what he expected today, nor was it last night. He gently looked at Horror, leaning back to do so. He smiled softly,  rubbing his face, "y'er eye?" Horror nodded, he tried to mumble what happened, but couldn't do it coherently, as he kept getting overwhelmed emotionally each time he did so. He mumbled, crying a little, then stopping himself. Farm thought for a second. "Ya tell anyone else?" Horror nodded. "Bring em 'ere, or we go to them!" Horror thought for a second. The only person he had said the name to was Nightmare. Whilst Nightmare didn't exactly dislike Farm, they had no positive feelings with each other. 

Horror grabbed Farm's hand and teleported to Cross, who was able to more coherently say what happened than Horror was, after they left, Horror was able to mumble who did it. Whilst the answer wasn't surprising, it still was slightly shocking. Dust had appeared to be getting better. With his very few interactions with any of the Bad Sanses he knew that Dust was more sane and safer to be around. Clearly not. They returned back to Farmtale and Farm let Horror know that he could stay here any time he wanted, which Horror immediately took the offer on. 

Throughout the week he had numerous missions to complete, none with Dust. Nightmare didn't put them on the same one. But that week showed how strong Horror was. Not only was he just terrifying, which inflicted negative emotions on their own. He could work his magic in multiple ways. Being able to haunt people at night in their AU's by hiding in a crack between their mostly closed curtains, making them paranoid someone was watching them. He could hide under some peoples beds, breathing at times they weren't to make them uncomfortable, which would eventually grow into absolute fear. Eventually Horror finished his first full week. Nightmare was very impressed.

One person who wasn't. Dust. Dust had slowly started to realise that Papyrus was acting that way out of selfishness. Dust was fine and could perform well with a relationship. He, was prepared to apologise to Horror, but because he almost never slept their during the week after what he did, he was unable to. 

------

A few weeks had passed. Dust had seen Horror a few times, but the larger skeleton never even looked at him. It slowly started to dawn on Dust that, he had lost Horror. The person who he was literally head over heels for. He had lost him. All because. He listened. To a hallucination. Dust had lost the man who would have been his lover, if he had common sense. If he accepted Horror's advances. He laughed at himself. No this couldn't be true. It was a dream surely. It was all just a dream. He pinched himself, poked himself, hit himself. It wasn't a dream.

It wasn't a dream

It wasn't a dream

It was real.

He had lost Horror.

No. No, Horror wasn't with anyone. So, over time they could build a bond back up. Right? He grabbed onto his jacket and tried to control his breathing, barely being able to at this point. He tried to bring himself to a more sane position. Papyrus had gone. Once he did his damage, he went. And Dust certainly believed he would never come back. He didn't know why he thought this, he just did.

He paused. He was in the kitchen. Horror had just walked in. He was about to get up. Go apologise. He had finally built up the courage. He was finally going to do it. He didn't expect forgiveness, but he wanted to try. He approached Horror an-. Horror wasn't alone. He was with someone. With another AU. Farm. Of course. I mean, why would Horror wait for Dust to apologise. There were always better options for him. Dust was one of possible hundreds. He was easily in the bottom third of the pile while Farm was easily top 5. And now, he had lost his chance.

He loved Horror. No, he needed him. He had never felt like that with someone ever. Not one other person gave him the same feeling that Horror did. No one could ever make him as happy as Horror. No one could bring him to his knees quite like Horror. No one could intimidate him like Horror. Horror was the best in everything to Dust. And, someone else gets that now. He's happy for Farm, sure. But, were it not for him still loving Horror. He would plunge a knife down his throat in seconds. He doesn't want to hurt Horror though. He wanted Horror in every way. And Papyrus prevented that. Dust went to the garden, pulled a flower out. And went back to the kitchen.

"H-Horror..." He spoke, attracting his attention. Dust held the flower behind his back as he spoke. "I've been... horrible. That puts it extremely lightly. I don't expect anything. But." He pulled out the buttercup that Horror had tried to give him at the start of this entire experience. The suspense was killing him. It felt like he was waiting hours for Horror to respond. Horror did wait a bit, but 5 seconds felt like 2 hours to Dust. Horror reached, and gently grabbed the buttercup. He looked at it, smiling. It was as beautiful as he remembered. The red splatters on it had faded slightly but it was still pretty.

Dust had his eyes closed, not ready for the response. He opened them slowly, met by Horror crouching down slightly. He held his arms out to Dust. To which Dust collapsed into them. He wasn't expecting forgiveness. In a way it hurt more. The love of his life forgave him for something. He wasn't the perfect partner he wanted to be. He wasn't going to end up with him. Bittersweet. He had forgiveness. That was good enough. To want more would be greedy right?. And so, Dust hung on for as long as he could, before Horror gently let him down. He rubbed the little guys head and thanked him, going to sit down with Farm. Dust nodded, and walked outside. He sat down on the steps. He had nothing to say anymore. He found his purpose. And lost it. No matter how hard he tried to convince himself that 'everything would be okay'. It wouldn't be. He was happy, for Horror. He loved him. But, a friendship isn't what Dust wanted. He went to his room, grabbed a pen and paper.

He wrote a note to each individual member of the group. Then he wrote to Horror.

'To My Love. 

I, am sorry. I can't explain to you in words, on text or pages what you mean to me. I feel like until I met you, I lived in a world where I was blind, cold and deaf. When I met you, I could see, hear and feel warmth. Obviously not literally, but that's what it felt like.

You are, the most important thing to me. But being friends isn't going to help me. Do not feel guilty. I am a horrible person for what I put you through. I can't even bring myself to say your name. Hence why this letter is not addressed to you. I'm sorry. I can't say it enough really. I ruined my only chance of happiness in life. I won't have a chance to redeem it. I'm happy for you and Farm. I really am. But, to say I am jealous is to tell a blind person they need glasses. It's nowhere near the truth. I'm sorry for dumping all this on you at once. I let my hallucinations control me.

You, are the best thing that has happened to me. The few moments we had together in happiness were maybe just moments to you, but to me it was a new beginning. I would sit here now and tell you I would do anything for you. Be yours. Be a toy for you. I wouldn't be lying either. However I don't want to disrespect your relationship. 

All My Love, Murder.'

He sent that letter to Farm's house, a red splatter on the back to signify it was for Horror. He did similar things with the rest. He walked out the front door. And kept walking. He walked until walking became too slow. Then he ran, until that became too slow. Then he teleported. He got as far away as he could from Nightmare's castle. He returned to Dusttale, and wrote 2 words on a piece of paper. 

'Thank You.'

He left. He didn't know where he went. He just kept going until he was in a place where no one was. No one, not even Error had probably been this far. He stayed. He really did mean those words.

Thank You.

[rolaplayor101]

It's World Schizophrenia Awareness Day! So here's a doodle of my OC Tape, who has Schizophrenia [Xe/Xem]

My shop!! Emergency Commissions are open, pls commission me!! Pls don’t ignore my DNI! Reblogs would be cool!

[schizopositivity]

I wanted to thank you for this blog. It has got to be one of the most important things I have ever encountered on the internet.

I don't have schizophrenia, nor do I know anyone who has it, and that's why I've been spending the last months trying to find out what it truly is.

Finding out about this blog and that there are entire spaces where people share their experiences with having schizophrenia has been such a great thing because now I feel like I somewhat understand how it feels like beyond what I see in media.

As someone with autism, I am beyond aware that media rarely portrays anything related to mental disorders in a positive or even realistic light.

I started reading things about it a few months back. Some science papers, healthcare websites, any scientific text that could hopefully get me a true understanding of what it was. While it was helpful and I did get an idea of what it is, it hardly helped me with even picturing what any of it even feels like.

Seeing people talk about their own experiences as well as their history with it helped so much with finally getting a better idea of how things work. It is especially great to see people talk about it in a positive way.

Thank you for this blog, and really, thank you to anyone who does a similar thing. Communities like this are some of the most important things.

Thank you so much!! Yeah I was looking at those same things when I got my diagnosis, but desperately wanted to find others like me sharing their own experiences. That's the main reason I started this blog, for other schizophrenic people to find. I never thought that nonschizophrenic people could also get something out of it, so I'm so glad to hear that. I think going out of your way to educate yourself and hear directly from disenfranchised communities you are not a part of is an important thing to do.