#Save Relationship Messages
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i feel like im not making any sense but does anyone else feel like there are stories that let u run with them and ones that spell everything out for you
#im reading that post that says artists are directors of audience reaction and not its dictator:#'you cannot guarantee that everyone viewing your work will react as you are trying t make them react. a good artist knows that this is what#allows work to breath. by definition you cannot have art where the viewer brings nothing to the table ... this is why you have to let go of#the urge to plainly state in text exactly how you think the work should be interpreted ... its better to be misinterpreted sometimes than#to talk down to your audience. you wont even gain any control that way; people will still develop their opinions no matter what you do#im thinking abt this again cuz i was thinking maybe the thing that lets adventure time work so well the way it does is cuz it doesnt#take itself too seriously that it gives the audience enough room to fuck with subtext and then fuck with them back yknow. i think it was#mentioned somewhere that they werent even planning to run with the postapocalyptic elements that are hinted in the show but changed their#mind after the one off with the frozen businessmen and dominoed into marcy and simons backstory. on the other side there are stories that#explain too much to let the story speak for itself and i think it ends up having to do more with the crew trying to lead ppl in a certain#direction than expand on what they have and i see a lot of this with miraculous. like when interviews and tweets are used as word of god in#arguments and it becomes a little stifling to play around with it knowing the creator can just interject. u can say its the crews effort to#engage with its audience but it feels more like micromanaging. and none of this is to say there ISNT room for stories that spell things out#theyre just suited for different things. if sesame street tried abstract approaches to themes and nuance itd be counterproductive#a lot of things fly over my head so i need help picking things apart to get it- but it doesnt have to be from the story itself. ive picked#picked up or built on my own interpretations listening to other ppl share their thoughts which creates conversation around the same thing#sometimes stories will spell things out for you without being so obvious abt it that it feels like its woven into the text. my fav example#for this might be ATLA using younger characters as its main cast but instead of feeling like its dumbed down for kids to understand why war#is bad its framed from a childs point of view so younger audiences can pick up on it by relating to the characters. maybe an 8 year old#wont get how geopolitics works but at least they get 'hey the world is a little more complicated than everyone vs. fire nation'. same for#steven universe bc its like theyre trying to describe and put feelings into words that kids might not have so they have smth to start with#especially with the metaphors around relationships bc even if it looks unfamiliar as a kid now maybe the hope is for it to be smth you can#look back to. thats why it feels like these shows grew up with me.. instead of saving difficult topics for 'when im ready for it'#as if its preparing me for high school it gave me smth to turn in my hands and revisit again and again as i grow. stories that never#treated u as dumb all along. just someone who could learn and come back to it as many times as u need to. i loved SU for the longest time#but i felt guilty for enjoying it hearing the way ppl bash it. bc i was a kid and thought other ppl understood it better than me and made#feel bad for leaning into the message of paying forward kindness and not questioning why steven didnt punish the diamonds or hold them#accountable. but im rewatching it now and going oh. i still love this show and what it was trying to teach me#yapping#diary
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spent the first hour and change at work deleting some old files and am having a grand ol time laughing at myself for not realizing i was a lesbian sooner
#vulnerable tag rambles ahead please be kind abt them i didnt intent to ramble this much but i dont wanna delete it eitehr#me to every single man i have ever dated after 6mo-1y: yeah hey this really isnt working out i dont really know why but i really hate mysel#and i dont want to blame you because i dont think you did anything inherently wrong here; i think this is something about me but i need#space to figure out why im feeling this way [every single one reacted by telling me No i wasnt allowed to leave btw]#i hold very complex feelings about these relationships esp bc of them ending in very violent/chaotic ways most of the time#but its interesting to look back at it all and realize ive left every man for the same reason (which is that ive hated myself Every Single#Time ive dated a man) and its funny bc i recognized the self hate pretty early on w/ cishet men but when it came to queer men it was#much more confusing (esp w/ nto knowing Any lesbians at that point in my life). im so happy im a lesbian tbh#i have a lot of issues w/ the racism fatphobia and transmisogyny present in lesbian groups#and also coming out as a lesbian really truly saved my life. before i met my wife i was quite literally in a 3yr abusive relationship that#definitely would have died in if i hadnt realzied i was a lesbian and ran from him#its also weird seeing liek the hard evidence of the things that happened to me btween 2016-2020 tbh#cause that was such a bad time of my life. i truly dont know how i survived it but im so glad i did#like the three major relationships in my life b4 meeting my wife was: guy who was in college when i was in HS who stalked me when i left;#guy who was a year younger than me who cheated on me the entire time while telling me he was being victimized (he wasnt; this was very mess#guy who saw the very messy toxic ldr i was in and helped me dump my ex then decided that meant we were in a relationship [insert 3 yrs here#and admittedly all 3 years with him werent the same level of abusive but it was definitely unhealthy from the start considering I Didnt Kno#we were together until he wanted to celebrate vday and got mad i didnt know our anniversary - and like this isnt including the other stuff#that happened between those Relatonships[tm] (cause ive never been monogamous; these were just the Major Relationships)#like i genuinely think if i hadnt come out i'd be dead rn given just how dangerous my relationships were/continued getting#i am also so tired now that ive seen all this cause like. fuck i can barely believe it and i not only lived it but have PTSD about it#i should write about my life sometime. i feel like it'd be cathartic to try and make a tangible timeline and stories from the years ang stu#anyway yeah. be nice about the tag rambles. dont message me with pity or curiosity or anything about this. i dont usually talk abt this stu#publicly bc i hate the ways ppl start tryign to baby me when they realize my life has been extremely fucked up until only a few years ago#n im still working on accepting kindness from others bc of [insert life traumas here] but its a long process so pls respect my need for jus#being heard rn w/o too much pressure< 3 (but ig if u do read this can u like it cause i feel a little crazy seeing all the evidence of the#stuff i experienced now also cause fuck ik logically it was but also i cant believe it was all real still yk)
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i was on the most random nostalgia kick and rewatched the prince of egypt yesterday and let me just say... that movie is truly one of the greatest animated films of all time.
#it's sooo good#i'm not religious but i enjoyed it from start to finish#i used to be christian (not my fault‚ raised that way) and even though i left the faith a long time ago biblical stories still fascinate me#like they're so interesting when you look at them as simply ancient mythology#and one thing i really appreciate about the prince of egypt is that they don't shove any religious message down your throat#the focus is on moses and ramses's relationship#and... wow. i did not remember it being that deep. i was NOT expecting to get so invested in their tragedy#i really liked the sort of grey area they both fell into and how they weren't just starkly good and evil#like ramses being the way he is because of what his father drilled into him‚ his fear of being the “weak link” and dooming his empire#and ofc moses unleashing the plagues and even allowing ramses's son to die in order to free his people#but i loved how they showed he was torn up about it because yeah! the egyptians were his people too!#and i loved how ramses didn't immediately hate him when the plagues began! he still loved him and saw him as a brother‚ however misguided!#but then moses proved he was willing to do anything for the hebrews' freedom. only then was their relationship beyond saving#this movie made my heart hurt a little. the deteriorating relationship of two brothers at the centre of it all... god#i have so many thoughts and feelings#it's so good. and ofc the animation is stunning. it's definitely a favourite of mine#some things from your childhood hit different when you revisit them as an adult because man i did not grasp all these layers as a kid#text#personal#misc
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I am BAMBOOZLED by the theory that Anakin was mind-controlled by Palpatine, honestly, and it's literally everywhere. The whole story falls apart if Anakin isn't a selfish, greedy, powerhungry fascist. Like this is literally the CORE of Anakin's story, that he's selfish and greedy and lusts for power over others. Just because he's a sweet 9 year old doesn't mean he can't grow up into a nightmare. How many times have you watched the news after someone commits a terrible crime and their parents are sobbing that they never saw this coming, he was such a sweet little boy, etc etc. People grow up, and kids who have a rosy view of the world grow up to be not such nice people anymore. It happens. Anakin's a piece of shit, so stop taking the fascism out of him, it's essential to the entire franchise.
#star wars#anti anakin#anti anakin skywalker#anakin critical#anakin skywalker critical#like i GET the 'padme was mind-controlled' theory even if i don't think it's canon at all and don't personally ascribe to it#but at least i get it#padme being mind-controlled doesn't really fundamentally change the entire message of the story#like it removes some of the nuance that her relationship with anakin is intended to have of course#but since the story isn't about her that's less of an issue#but ANAKIN?#like the only way to save anakin from being an irredeemable fuckhead is to pretend he was mind-controlled instead apparently#okay#you do you i guess#but don't pretend it's canon
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Hi I’m curious what exactly do you mean by bingmei being extremely good at communication? I haven’t read sv in quite some time and don’t remember many of his interactions with anyone other than sqq
Oh goody, I have validation to discuss this! First and foremost, I am studying western communication so I will be doing more general explanations when discussing theories. Second, the translated work I will be discussing is the Scum Villain Self Saving System; Seven Seas Entertainment translation. This is for clarification purposes on examples I will be using to explain what I mean. As for person being studied, I will only be discussing Lou Binghe's (Bingmei for the majority) communication style.
Alright, first off we will be discussing how Lou Binghe speaks to others. This is important because not all communication is *verbal* communication. Going in a chronological order for LBH's communication towards SQQ we see a very specific communication verbal style. LBH uses I-messages (or owned messages) to specifically state how he feels and how he hopes to fix or continue this in the future. Not unusual for students to use towards their teachers, as this is polite to do. However we can see that this continues even as LBH get's angrier with SQQ.
In the very first meeting, SQQ asks how LBH is doing with his cultivation and LBH says, "This disciple is stupid and still...failed to understand." (pg. 30, book 1) which is a perfect example of the I-message set up LBH has. "This disciple" is a statement of possession in his wording, what he is saying is that this statement is true of his own knowledge. "is stupid" is the modifier of this statement and "failed to understand" is the content. Essentially he is purposefully giving a statement that is non aggressive in communication theory of interpersonal relationships. Later, during the carriage incident before the Skinner Demon arc LBH also gives a non-aggressive statement towards Ming Fan "I wouldn't dare" (pg. 53, Book 1). This being another I-statement (added as it is known that SQQ is watching).
"Ning Yingying-shijie went with me to the city's market earlier today, Luo Binghe said. "Once evening fell, I urged Shijie to return, but she refused--then somehow she suddenly vanished. This disciple...searched the entire street once but couldn't find her, and he could only come to plead with Shizun for help."
This is another good example of said I-message use, LBH (even panicked) starts this by explaining the I-message owners (the people who know this info) and says "Ning Yingying-shijie" and "me" in a non aggressive statement opener. By then continuing to explain the situation and modified the information by his own feelings on the matter. By stating that evening fell and that she vanished, he is giving information (content) to SQQ but modifies it by stating that LBH "urged Shijie to return" and "searched" and "plead" he is modifying the information to suggest that he did his best and needs help in a non threatening manner. Another example of this is during the Skinner incident aftermath, where LBH asks SQQ if he may know the reason SQQ used him as bait. Upon given the promise that he would not die, he states, "If this disciple could give up his life for Shizun, it would be an honor." Once again this is a modified statement meant to be nonthreatening in communication theory. Now that we have gone over this era of LBH, lets jump to Meng Mo to explore the Dream sequence verbal communication.
A slight variation from the previous Communication! This era of LBH has made an assumption over SQQ's past actions and now is a tad looser than previous communication events. Instead of being timid with his questions, LBH specifically asks every single question he can to SQQ to verify whats happening and to gather more information. He continues, however to use the same I-mesage format for most sentences towards SQQ. Any and all variation of these statements are towards enemies (Sha Hauling's Demons, and Meng Mo) and when SQQ is harmed. LBH will give more aggressive statements that *demand* information, but rarely does he insult or do anything more aggressive than that in speech. The only times he has done so at this point are in defense of SQQ's life, as at that point he had been under the assumption he was dying. Skipping waaay ahead lets discuss verbal communication in the Abyss scene, as everything up to this point is very similar and does not have an emotional charge to it that would suggest a change in speech.
Noticeably, his speech pattern doesn't change but we get a new message type in this! A you-message are usually aggressive in communication style as you are stating something about someone else that might not be true, however in this instance it is a true statement. Probably implying that LBH would not have stated such a thing if he was not sure of what he was saying about SQQ. He states, "But Shizun, you said before that just as people can be good or bad, demons can be good or evil" which is a you-message with the content being people and demons with modifier being good, bad, and evil. Hes basically using past words to clarify an assumption in this instance, which isn't necessarily a wrong thing to do but there are better ways to ask this. He even continues this by saying, "But you said..." at a later part. Ending this scene he says, "Shizun, do you really want to kill me?" all around this scene is a rather good example of what I mean by LBH being a good communicator! Hes sticking to asking clarifying statements, and using I-messages to explain whats going on. Not only that, but hes not in the wrong for this scene and doesnt know that SQQ is agreeing with him in his mind. (pp. 248-249, book 1).
Lets skip to the next book and discuss the Jinlan City incident. Which I can say with immediate disdain, is when Xin Mo comes out to play in LBHs speech patterns. Before the abyss, LBH used a lot of I-messages and only stated things he knew to be true about himself (what he felt) and what he knew about others (information shared or told to him by said individual). Afterwards, due to both Xin Mo and trauma, we have an individual who uses a lot more you-messages and makes a lot more assumptions about individuals around him. He still asks a lot of clarifying questions/statements however, and even makes some of his more aggressive you statements tilted in such a way that SQQ could deny it.
Examples of what I just said appear in the chase scene: "No, I should say, a relentless hatred towards me." (pg. 54, book 2). and "Does Shizun honestly think that I would kill, burn, massacre cities, and inevitably topple countries just because of that half of my lineage?" (pg. 55, Book 2)
Its also the first time we get something new new from LBH, he starts insulting people in book 2! Towards SQQ he says, "Utter hypocrisy!" which is a major first for a lot of LBHs speech patterns. If he did insult people before this, he did so in a polite conventional way (email style lmao). Speeding up to get to the prison scene, there are more notable moments in the accusation stage where LBH continues to use more you messages to state what he does know about SQQ. This reads more along the lines as a defense, and a way to subtly imply that he wants to make sure he wasn't misunderstanding SQQ previously. As all you message statements he uses tend to be more questioning in nature (unless about how LBH was treated or taught by SQQ specifically).
In the prison scene, LBH states direct facts to LPM (its in a month, what are you doing, etc.) while towards SQQ he asks more clarifying questions about why he did what he did and what he wants. Its only after being refused answers that he reverts back to using more I-messages. "I knew the answer, but I still asked Shizun. I'm so stupid." (pg. 100, book 2) (Again with the stupid comment, it would appear to be a theme).
In the confrontation on rooftop scene, a tad too long for me to quote if we wish to get to emotional bids and nonverbal communication in this post, LBH is spitting mad and Xin Mo is active to an absurd degree because of backlash. This also has an affect on LBH! (something I will continue to point out because I am losing my mind over fanfic after fanfic acting like LBH is always yandere girlfriend mode 24/7. Hes not!!! Its literally Xin mo!!) He states his feelings over his past, and what he felt towards SQQ at that moment in mostly aggressive style communication. This being a lot of yous and a lot of accusation speech. This leads to the explosion and Xin Mo being cleared from LBH. He almost immediately starts using only I-messages again and clearly goes into shock, but he does revert back from you messages at this point.
Ironically, I found that when LBH is talking to himself (presumably) he only uses you messages because he thinks hes talking out what he knows to himself. As such, he does not worry about being polite at all before he kisses SQQ in his dreams. Its only after that he uses an I-message towards SQQ, and its more or a clarification statement. At around this point in the novel we get a healthy does of what a stable Xin Mo carrying LBH, and its someone who uses equal amount of you and I messages.
Going to book 3, we'll just go over his ending monologue/breakdown because. Listen, we're a few pages into this and I highly doubt anyones going to read this far. I feel like Peerless Cucumber absolutely wailing about PIDW latest chapter, this is an absurd post.
Anyway, towards absolute desolation, we will start discussing this segment with "Is that so? But I don't trust Shizun anymore." (pg. 287, book 3). Almost every line in this segment is a picture perfect communication breakdown on what and why LBH feels the way he does in an interpresonal relationship. He specifically states how he feels about SQQ, how this happened, why this feeling specifically, and what this means for them now. He then states how he feels about himself, and why! This is very important, because this is the basis of solid verbal communication. LBH even states how they can continue and how all this can be fixed. Of course, none of this is healthy but hey! It's theoretical good communication, not healthy communication (the major issue I see in this fandom is differentiating the two). It's after this last breakdown that he defaults to I-messages for the majority of the Ridge arc. It becomes more childish as time goes on, I will admit, but Xin Mo is full influence on LBH at this moment in time. It's after the papapa to save the world that we see something interesting, LBH goes back almost fully to just I-message speech pattern. This is notable because this is after everything intense happened and he has had time to think it over. Before now, when left to his own devices and forced to reckon with SQQ almost dying he would revert to you-message centric speech patterns but this is after Xin Mo. Since this is no longer a factor, LBH has taken to falling back towards his disciple era speech patterns. Basically, LBH has begun to take on a healthier and theoretical amazing communication technique because this is forcing SQQ (and others) to acknowledge the scenario and feelings of the matter.
Now getting onto Emotional bids! This is something LBH does almost the entire three books, any and all times LBH has stated "Shizun" by itself was an emotional bid. (emotional bids being an act or word usage to get your relationship pattern to acknowledge you or to showcase that they care about you). It's important to note that LBH's main way of emotional bids is verbal, he almost never goes the physical route for emotional bids. Yes, he does use physical means to make SQQ pay attention to him but this is more along the lines of staying in the conversation than acknowledging LBH specifically as someone SQQ cares for. Its only during the hand holding time that LBH uses an emotional bid in such a way, its also why it hurt LBH a lot more when SQQ seemingly turned away from it. Of LBH and SQQ, LBH uses the most emotional bids and lets SQQ respond to them in anyway. SQQ is, however, an idiot and doesn't notice most of them or actively misreads them. Its actually funny how many times I can count an emotional bid that SQQ ignores in a chapter (more than 10).
Nonverbal communication, ah how I hate thee in this instance, it covers 60-90% of human communication. LBH is more of a verbal communicator but also does use haptics and proxemics to communicate. Touch and distance, he uses these to insinuate different scenes and feelings on SQQ as a whole. Basically, LBH uses verbal communication to clarify but uses touch and distance to set tone for this communication exchange.
Now, what does LBH do wrong in communication? Strangley enough he does one thing very wrong despite the fact that he asks for clarification communication a lot. He mind reads (the act of assuming what someone is thinking) a lot because of the mixed signals he gets from SQQ. SQQ lacks the ability to verbally communicate certain things because of the system, this makes LBH have to decode a lot of nonverbal communication in hopes of understanding things. He fails. A lot. This is fair to him, but this is the main problem that facilitates the miscommunication of the entire series. Both LBH and SQQ think they know the other better than they do, and thus lead to problems when they actually do try to communicate with the other. Frustrating! I know!
TLDR; LBH as a whole is a theoretical good communicator with a slight assumption problem, but I didn't say that its healthy communication :3
#svsss#scum villian self saving system#lou binghe#luo bingmei#Sweet potato binghe#Im so sorry how long this got I was very excited and only could discuss LBHs communication :(((#Give me time and I could also do SQQ whos AWFUL at communicating to an absurd degree#one of his main problems is that he uses I messages to lie about himself its wild#Anyway I hope this explained what I was thinking??? Fair warning I tried to explain what certain things meant but if it doesnt make sense#this is something that can be looked up online as long as you end the item with communication#because I-messages communication will pop up with description if needed#also this focuses on interpersonal relationship communication I didnt even touch media communication#hehehe I like it when silly guys are good at communicating its wild#answered ask#ah fuck forgot to mention this has no extras in it because I havent read them yet forgive me
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siiiiiiigh
#i am in fact a grown adult who is still incapable of talking about their feelings and thoughts to people so I'll just rant here#my relationship with my mother is. so weird. it's not always bad but it always ends up bad for one reason or another#she can be perfectly civil and i'll still be irritated. other times i do try to tolerate it and engage and she ends up saying something#upsetting to me either way.#i don't want to keep being rude to her i don't want to get mad and annoyed all the time but i just can't stop. it's always like this#and i hate myself for it and i hate her and i hate everything about it#today i was leaving for work and she was like. i'll take the trash out of your room and i told her not to do it. she kept insisting and i#had to raise my voice at her to maybe get the point across to get her not to touch anything#and yes my room is a fucking mess and it is something to be embarrassed of. i just feel so fucking tired all time time and i keep tellin#myself that i will clean it this time for sure and then i don't. most of the time it's my mother taking care of it without my permission#and i am grateful for it bc nobody likes living in a mess... but i also fucking hate it because it makes me feel even more worthless#i just can't get rid of the feeling of shame. no matter what i do.#and back to the mother thing. i told her that if she touches anything i will go to her room and throw out anything that isn't nailed down#even though objectively i have no reason to oppose her helping me#but i also fucking hate it#maybe being rude is the only way to get it across. but also i get irritated about anything so easily#i feel shittier and shittier every day. had there been an easy and painless way of killing myself i would have done it already#and despite how much i want to blame this on a disorder or lack of access to medication. there is no magic pill that would fix me is there#i'm just a shitty person who cannot get it together despite everything being handed to me#i'm literally bad at anything and everything. i'm not even a good blogger lmao#people have it much worse in life and still do better. me? i'm useless. there's no helping it. i should have died from covid or something#nobody will save me. nobody cares enough. besides one person whom i push away because i can't stand her and i don't even know why 👍#if i stop messaging people first most of them would forget about me#i am alone. a lonely person in a messy room desperately trying to be entertaining so someone will pay a little bit of attention to me.#not to mention the geopolitics#i won't even go there. i hate the possibility that people might see it mentioned and give me shit for it#one more thing that is apparently my fault. directly or indirectly#all i want is to leave this country. spend the day with someone who cares for me like an actual friend. and then shoot myself so i don't#have to go back#sealene.txt
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Why did I wait this long to start watching Fraggle Rock: Back to the Rock, this is exactly what I needed
#fraggle rock#I do think the morals/messages are very blatant but I like them!#and Boober! My beloved!! He actually has an arc and I'm living for it (though it does last like... one episode. Shh)#also Red and Mokey relationship goals??#Gobo's still Canadian#and Wembley's still Wembley we love him <3#ALSO NEW DOC?? Love her#she just wants to save the ocean and get her PhD and I'm rooting for her
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#here's a little rant that no one asked for#me and my dad never had a very solid relationship#the fact that he lives far away and only calls me on sunday night says a lot about it#and well there's also the fact that his wife hates me#she already committed all kinds of psychological violence with me and i was just a child#there was that episode where she tried to blind me and people in my family pretend it didn't happen#despite all this he never defended me#when i needed him the most he was never there for me#in fact he was never present at any significant moment in my life#but when he decided to separate the only person he dumped his problems on was me#i was always there to give him support and advice even though i knew he didn't deserve it#now he decided to try to save his marriage and return to the woman who hates me#and just forgot me again and discarded me#bc he never called me again to see if I was okay#besides ignoring my message#idk why i even care#i should have realized a long time ago that i'm not a priority in my father's life
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#it's so sad seeing the t/r tag goddd#it really ended up like the kabby tag#forever mad at these men for actually turning out to be the most basic writers after all#who for all the preaching about romance couldn't let the big ships that made sense and felt like a natural endgame happen#but hey at least we got the iconic love story of beard with the woman who ripped up his passport...jumpscared him...stalked his friends...-#-didn't want him around his friends...threw his keys away and sent all those gross messages to him *sarcasm*#honestly it's worrying BH didn't see how bad that was and the message was nooo don't butt into your friend's ab*sive relationship-#-possibly saving them from a terrible fate and pain...(like you're just butting into a minor disagreement) just leave them be! what a-#-sh*tty thing to take from that...#and acting like they love their female characters but keeley who they gave a 'girlboss' ending (because oooo can't be both a girlboss and-#-in a relationship) but didn't show her being a boss in her own plot or anything really...#plus how last minute they made rebeccas plot and it didn't make sense and laughing at people who saw the t/r potential#they aren't sh*t and i mostly take back my praise (there were some good eps ofc which makes this mess worse)#hi im still mad about tl almost 3 months later#i try not to focus on it tbh i don't want to spend any more than 5 minutes thinking about it#the fact even when the strikes are done js will never own up to his sh*t#and i swear if that ep wins an emmy (when the other eps s3 and previously nominated were right there) im done#that'll be the sh*tty icing on the sh*tty cake
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slept even more weirdly than usual today because the internet was out for almost twelve hours (i was typing a comment to a mutual about nacho when it went out, which i doubt even went through, but the timing...you think of *me* indeed. and i do! i miss you my desert flower, my king 😔💙), but i kept waking up to see if it came back on, which clearly belies some sort of serious problem, let's not unpack that, anyway...i had the most vivid dream about dean, it's faded to the haze where dreams go in your head now, but i was walking down a sloped hallway (think this was actually my high-school but i don't wanna unpack that either 🙃), and he was just...right there in front of me, and he turned around to make sure i was following, and smiled and said, "you still gotta hang in there with me," and i said, "it feels like you keep getting further ahead of me and i don't know where you're going and won't be able to see you anymore." he stopped in his tracks and reached his hand out and said, "there's no place i could ever go where you wouldn't be able to see me. didn't we talk about trust and that i'm right here?" so i took his hand and said yes, and we kept walking down the hallway and he laughed for no reason and it sounded more like a bell.
this is what happens to your brain when you watch something from the first night to the last, for fifteen years straight, are torn to shreds by the ending, try to rewatch to heal, quit cold turkey, and don't go back as over a year passes, which is the longest you've ever gone without seeing your fave or hearing his voice since he first emerged from the darkness. you go mad, is what.
#also he called me 'darlin'" 😭 but it felt too much to put in the body of the post you get it as a tag confession#yet again this could have been a private message to#cassie#but then i'd lose it and i wanted to save what i could of the memory of it because i'm sick in the head#dean and i have an intimate close personal relationship you wouldn't get it#jess.mess#dean feelings#you're alive in my head#i love him more than could possibly ever be stated
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Nate, there's a reason why everyone at the station hates Bobby and is not his news reports
#shitty boyfriend bobby agenda#tho imagine going on a picnic with Bobby#omg college studets the detective and bobby having a picnic date on campus and annoying everyone by staying in the middle of the road lool#i'm actually lowkey curious what dating Bobby was like. like did we go on dates??? or was more of a physical attraction that lead into sex#and they choose to date after that??? who made the first step??? probably bobby if he knew the detective was smart and all#but i could see the detective falling for Bobby and regretting it for the rest of their life#anyway#wayhaven 3#wayhaven book three#wayhaven nate#wayhaven bobby#tagging him cuz of the tags lol#ok but the idea of all the police station (captain included) hating the shit out of Bobby for strictly being my shitty ex?? wonderful 👌🏼#even Douglas sees Bobby does a double take and probably sends Tina a message about it because fuck that guy#omg but imagine the vibe around the station drastically changing when bobby gets inside and he doesn't even notice the death glares he gets#or if he does he isn't aware they are because of the detectivr hr thinks they are because of his news#i feel like verda has to stop tina from shooting/arresting bobby with no reason at least once. mostly to save tina from jailtime herself#Rebecca is more of a 'as long as i don't see him i don't feel the need to shoot' but trust me- she would have shocked the shit out of Bobby#if he wasn't sick in book 2. that reaction??? shitty relationship (between her and the detective I mean) or not she is feeling strong about#the detective's ex#anyway going back to book 3
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I love how you guys portray the cpps sm!! In previous fics and your current fic, they're so so good!
With this whole change of setting and environment and extra support for some characters though, I wanted to ask about how some characters will be (or if they'll still remain) the same! It's alright to neither confirm or deny if it's too much of a spoiler, obviously! Anyways, you guys talked about how Toby will be less unstabley possessive, because he's more emotionally experienced in this setting and has Nina as a great supporting friend, but I was actually curious about Jane and Natalie! Rea said most of the people in the mansion will be in pretty much an open relationship(s?) so I was curious about how that'll carry on to Nat and Jane's relationship? With how Jane is written, she's very much a control freak (in a hot way of course) and insecure with her unmasked appearance, so even in a previous fic, she was pretty awkward and petty or jealous at times over the inclusion of another partner entering her and Nat's relationship. Will HO1C Jane be similar to THIO Jane in this regard, or will her and Nat have some more experience with that in this new setting? I'm mostly curious because I feel like this setting least effects their duo in a way, given her and Nat are both hard butch lesbians and most of the mansion inhabitants are men/amab nonbinary individuals, and I feel like Jane would probably see Nina as a sister if anything, so that seems like it rules her out too! Sorry for the super long ask, I just am so so excited to see you guys flesh out this amazing fic!!
You’re right!!! Their duo isn’t that different than in thio as they’re both lesbians and there aren’t a lot of options in the house. Jane and Natalie have both had a sexual encounter with Nina though you’re right, Jane jusr sees her as a bestie now! Natalie and Nina probably have very casual sex sometimes but not often. They’re not monogamous but they much prefer eacother.
Reagan and I were saying that Jane probablt says her and Natalie are just “a casual relationship” like “it’s nothing serious she just fucks me and we hang out and go on dates, I like her but it’s super casual.” Everyone knows that’s not true . Everyone .
So they have more experience being open but that doesn’t make Jane less of a control freak with insecurity issues, her and Natalie still break up a lot, have lots of miscommunications (maybe even more since there are so many people in the house). Jane is the type of person who even with people who care about her is still stubborn and set in her ways. She’s still self conscious of her face and doesn’t like to talk about it and wears her mask around the house. It’s just part of who she is.
#tldr their relationship is super similar but Jane tries to save face and act like they’re casual. they are not.#asks#also thank you anon this is a sweet message zzz
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all this time i've been covering my ears going LALALALALA pretending that ~virtual idols~ don't exist and this is what you do to me? and hongjoong and yunho? please never fucking do that again it's an insult to them and real life actual human idols in general
#not to mention that like... with the introduction of virtual idols who aren't REAL and don't have feelings... idols you can't hurt and whose#rights you don't have to respect... i don't know how korean kpop fans will react and i dearly hope the vr idol thing will flop hard but who#fucking knows with a/e/s/p/a being wildly popular#in recent years with the appearance of those apps that have you pay money to 'subscribe' to idols' posts or for a chance of them seeing and#replying to your message... as though the relationship between fans and idols wasn't already transactional as fuck. as if some fans#weren't already treating idols as vending machines for fanservice#NOW you're adding glorified 3d models who could technically do everything and work all day. i would love to be able to confidently say#it's not going to affect real idols' working conditions but i'm not that optimistic#not to mention that like... it's such an obvious cash grab/save move that i'm nauseous#japanese idol franchises at least have them be actual characters who interact with each other and have backstories. they exist WITHIN their#story. when i saw that fucking girls something thing he/ejin participated in i was so embarrassed because its like. oh shes from a planet#of mice and she dreams of building a second moon out of cheese. this kinda level shit. it's pathetic#and poor hongjoong and yunho have to fucking. michael jordan in space jam this shit when they just signed up to sing and dance#honest to god i hate it so much. i want to say make this shit FLOP but everyone said the same thing about n/f/ts and yet korea lived it for#like a year. headdesk as they used to say#shrimp thoughts#also they're just ugly.
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as if my mind is anything else but this today
unfortunately I’m only motivated to think about 911 and Them
#911#took me ages to send any email then like how can you email at a time like this???#messaging my friend buck and eddie headcanons like they don't care!!!#well they do but they're not caught up on 911 they don't know wtf I'm on about#can't even talk about newest eps so my headcanons are thick thighs save lives oriented#but ALSO thinking about sth Oliver said about people can interpret the relationship how they want which is so true bestie#so I decided whatever happens tonight and rest of the season they are So Real to me and So Queer#it's not even manifestation they are already manifested
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As an aro-spec ace, it’s really confusing that I want all the cutesy pink heart shaped valentines day stuff that stores are putting out now…
#and I know you can celebrate whatever kind of love you want to and blah blah blah#but romantic love is definitely prioritized#that said. wanting this stuff does feel a bit like healing my once very fraught relationship with the holiday#from not wanting to buy the boxes of valentines for my classmates in grade school#lest they think I liked them *like that*#and only gave them chocolate with the message ‘Happy Valentine’s Day!’ to do some semblance of fitting in#to when I did a very anti-valentines day celebration for my friends in high school#(that was the year after the only year I’ve been in a relationship for the day and that had gone so poorly#the gift I’d given him was so nice and thoughtful and took his interests into account and I wrapped it up nicely#and he got me m&ms on the way to my house…and they weren’t even my favorite kind#and I know he must have known my favorite kind because his little brother saved all of the peanut m&ms from halloween to give to me)#anyway I feel much better about the holiday now#sarah’s assorted thoughts
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i'm so happy i'll cry so bad when i finally open it 😭😭
#tag later#AAAA IM ACTUALLY SO HAPPY#IM LIKE. RLLY CHILL RN BUT IM SO SO HAPPY#i'll play nier first ofc but oh my god zack. crisis core. i'll cry so bad#im so happy im rlly so happy it's so funny i'm so chill rn but#earlier when i saw data blitz w the poster i jumped n ran to it pointing at it n#I WAS SMILING SM WHEN THEY HAD IT IN STOCK N ALL UWAHH#fun day w my friend hehe we rlly just shopped ngl 🥹#her. 'friend' ehem (read; basically bf) was low on social bat it seems but it was cool meeting them irl BUT I WAS TOO SHY TO TALK..#they're usually more extroverted tho n then#i'm sorry i accidentally peeked at my friend's messages n her friend mentioned that like. if another friend of ours (who apollo n i are#closer with) then it wld've been more chill or wtvr I CANT REMEMBER#i miss hanging out w my friends :< I MISS THEM SO MUCH FUCK#I'm so tired from walking tho help i'm sitting down rn finally#torn between really excited for ccr n stressed for the future n really happy from today n#torn too between feeling excited or. idk lonely rn thinking abt all my different kinds of relationships#that flew by too fast.. i wna spend more time w my friends :<#despite how fun it was n everything i can't shake off this certain. emptiness that i can't make sense of#BUT RN I'M DOING FINE DW#technically i'm friends too w the friend of my longtime friend bcs we met (save for me w my longtime friend ofc#like way back early this year. turns out another guy from the other school went bowling w their friends in the same mall#n OH YEAH in this same mall iirc the friend apollo n i are closer w from the guys went to a con here yesterday?#i just realized hi small weird thumb reveal it seems#i just realized if you're filo n know your malls n know a con yesterday then it's very obvious where i was today uh#WAH THAT SAID THOUGH omg i'm rambling but i'm. god i've been feeling rather empty lots lately But i know that i'm happy from today#omg oh yh bcs of all the ppl i mentioned earlier me n longtime friend n apollo joked abt like. reunion of that grp earlier this year hehe#the idea is rlly lovely.. ngl i rlly do have a level of social anxiety even w close friends yeah but that doesn't mean i'm antisocial no#i rlly want to socialize n make friends :< so the idea of it is. rlly wonderful indeed but it seems so far out of my reach#i'll fix tags later i have sm to talk abt oh my god but it's comforting knowing my friend. felt the same way i do abt that earlier hehe#I RLLY WANT A BUCKET HAT N COOL SHADES TO GO W IT HFKSJFKSJFS
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