#Sarah you absolute chad

[cycian]

Stop asking what you should get someone you care about. Stop agonising on what flower to get your partner.

Throw lube at them. Heed the words of Sarah Chad Morgan. Just give them lube until they get a hint, offer to marry you on a resort island and adopt a half feral kid with you.

[thatbitchery]

BOUNDARIES 101; WHAT ARE THEY, WHY YOU SHOULD HAVE THEM AND HOW TO HAVE THEM

A boundary is the line of discontinuity where the rest of the world stops and you begin, simply put. It's the line that says: past this point, you don't matter, I do. That's that. In this way we can classify a boundary as a definition of who you are/ self.

A boundary is more 'yes' than it is 'no' . We easily express the no ( don't talk to me that way) but at the root of it is the yes desire (talk to me with respect). Boundaries are more about desire than restriction. They're more of expressions of the self than a restriction of the other. Stay with me here, I'll get to that point real soon.

Contrary to popular belief, a boundary is not verbal. It's energetic. This is the one point I want you to walk away with from this entire post. You can miss the rest but this. This. One. Here. You do NOT verbally express a boundary, you energetically draw it. This is the takeaway here babe. This right here.

Let me put it this way: you can not tell someone what they can or can not do. Why? Because this is an infringement of free will and NOTHING. Absolutely NOTHING in this planet will cause you to face more resistance and friction than telling a free being what restrictions it must face. You're not being 'strong and powerful' when you tell someone to not speak to you that way you're causing friction and opening the door to a lot more disrespect than there once was.

Take this scenario. That guy at your office that was better off unborn. Every time he opens his mouth you burn with pity for that one poor lady that really spent nine months creating this thing. That Mr Red pill, you know? Youre in a meeting and you say something intelligent that reminds him hes actually dumb so he says something like 'hey sweetheart can you make me a cup of coffee?' With a smirk. The rest of the office laughs, it's just funny you know? Two ways this could go.

1. You tell him it's not funny. "Hey listen Chad that's misogynistic as fuc don't talk to me like that" so Chad raises his hands in mock surrender and goes "whoaaaa I didn't meannanything by it, just a joke. Man, these raging feminists, not everything is misogyny Sarah learn to take a joke, Christ". Now the meeting is ruined for you. You go into an argument that gets shut down in favor of the meeting. Walking out there's two groups of people, on your side and on his side, and now that you've marked a target on your back you know for a fact you'll be the recipient of microaggressions and snide remarks, suddenly work feels so so heavy.

2. You look him straight in the eye and keep talking. You completely ignore that remark and move on. He makes one more move and you ignore him completely, moving on. It's like he doesn't even exist. After the meeting he runs after you to try and act apologetic but you know it's a drama trap, so you stop and turn to him. He's talking but you're staring at his forehead. Then neck. Then shirt. And I mean with absolutely no emotion, no disdain, no approval, just blank staring. He's still talking, you look at his shoes, back to his forehead. He's still going on and you say "work to do" and go back to your desk. That's the last time you speak to him unless you have to, and when you do have to it's three sentence words, straight unwavering eye contact, NEVER forget to stare at that forehead (manipulation 101 beechez) and tilt your head. When your eyes meet glaze your sight like you couldn't be bothered. Before He's done you walk out or move to the next person. You give him no second you dont have to, whatever silly rumors he starts you shrug off, you talk to him with your back up straight and no facial express, like he's nothing (because I mean. He's nothing)

Which one of those two do you think works.

You. Can . Not. Tell a person what they can or cannot do. Back when I thought I had boundaries and I'd tell every Mary and John what they can and can not do to me all I met was "oh my gooooddddd wow you're so conceited if you think I put all that energy into disrespecting you oh my goooood it's not that deep ohmigauuuud girl get over it oh my God so I'm the bad guy now wuh wuh wuh" and walked out of those conversations with more friction and resistance than solutions feeling guilty as hell and even lost some valuable people. You. Just. Can't. You'll shoot yourself in the foot.

So how do we express our boundaries ladies? Energetically. When you decide for yourself no one should come to your house unannounced don't even open the door. My mother does this. She'll be inside just chilling and after you call she'll answer "you should have said you're coming! I wasn't expecting a visitor today so I was busy!" And that's all you get. No apology. No rescheduling. Next time. Call. [Queeeen behavior].

Boundaries have more to do with what you will do than what the other person can and can not do. Once more you can't tell a person what to do, so your boundary is your "if....then" plan. If someone speaks to me in a way I don't like that's the last time I speak to them unless I have to until an apology is delivered and they earn me back. If my bf doesn't call or speak to me all day I'm not speaking to or calling him until there's a bunch of flowers, poetry and restaurant reservation for an apology and an actual apology and it's two strikes and I'm out. If my parents do not respect my choices they don't get to be a part of said choices, the good or bad or in between. If my friends gossip about someone else they lose access to my personal information or life because once a gossip always a gossip. If. . . Then. A boundary without attached consequence is a joke.

If you don't know what boundaries to set there are three ways you can go about it.

1. Visualize the woman you're hoping to become. Who is she. What are her ways. What boundaries do you think she has?

2. Discomfort and pain. Most boundaries are inborn. Since we are born with the 'self' it comes with its own definition/ lines and if there was no socializing process we would still have them but for the sake of fitting in our social groups a lot of us had to give them up (I'm looning at you people pleasers) . If you have lost touch with yours listen to your Discomfort. What's on the other side of that is your desire and the line between is your boundary. Eg; you don't like how that man was looking at you. You have a boundary against sexualization. Okay, the next time someone sexualizes you, what's the consequence they face?

3. Off your head what boundaries do you want. The problem with this method is we express our trauma more than boundaries. I was hurt by someone in this way so this is my boundary. Being that a boundary is an expression of the self to base it on your pain is a betrayal to the self, but until you get back in touch with your self this works. Off head. What do you want.

The reason we have boundaries is to safeguard ourselves , or, our SELF from corrosion, dilution and diffusion. If you're in a constant state of fear, pain, anxiety, fight or flight you need more boundaries, your SELF is in jeopardy and given that life is literally structured about your SELF do I need to explain why it must be protected at all costs? Negative emotion is a good indicator of a boundary crossed. Those things that hurt your soul, those. Keep them OUT of your lines.

You have to train the people around you to respect your boundaries by a shift in your energy that they FEEL and they have to jump through hoops, go above and beyond to get back into your good graces or lose you for life. You must be willing to upset and lose people in safeguard of your best interests, and if the person is irreplaceable even just temporarily eg your boss, you must shift your energy subtly enough that they feel it but softly enough that you have enough time to plan a soft exit without getting fired.

Telling people what to do will bite you later, don't bother. You train people with reward and punishment in the way you regulate your energy, like one trains a dog. Good thing? Neutral and normal. Bad thing? Worship me or die.

Reminder nothing on the face of this planet, in heaven above or hell below or galaxy around is worth betraying your SELF for and keeping up with bullshit is the loudest expression of a lack mindset that says "I'll take what I have because I don't think there is better for me out there", and people can sense this and then you are, in layman's language, royally fucked.

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[roses-r-rosie3]

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[mermaidsirennikita]

Hello, I hope you have a happy New year

Can you rec some historicals with a good sexy carriage ride?

For sure! I hope you have a happy New Year too.

I'd recommend:

Sweetest Scoundrel by Elizabeth Hoyt. The heroine is anxious about sex (TW: childhood sexual abuse) and gets curious an asks the hero (absolute Chad Asa Makepeace) to touch himself in front of her in a carriage. It's totally solo, but one of theeee hottest scenes I've ever read.

Actually it runs in the family because his brother Winter loses his virginity in a moving carriage in Thief of Shadows. It's super hot but also hilarious because the sexual tension has been building and buuuilding at that point and he's like "FINISH ME FFS".

The Devil of Downtown by Joanna Shupe features the heroine giving the hero a BJ in a moving carriage, which is very fun because she's a good girl~. The Bride Goes Rogue features a "touch yourself while I watch" carriage scene, but it's the heroine touching herself.

Second Duke's The Charm by Kate Bateman (recent release) has the hero go down on the heroine in a carriage. Super fun because she's pretending to not be a virgin for Reasons so she's all "uh YES I know EXACTLY what is happening".

The Rogue Not Taken by Sarah MacLean has another great "he eats her out in a moving carriage" scene.

Fiona and The Enigmatic Earl by Grace Callaway has like... full sex in a carriage? I think? Or she blows him. I'm not sure.

Scandal's Bride by Stephanie Laurens has carriage sex because Richard and Catriona have sex literally fucking everywhere. I think this scene is memorable because he's like "bounce in time with the carriage" and she's like "seems fake but okay".

The Madness of Lord Ian Mackenzie by Jennifer Ashley has the famous journal scene where Beth is all "dear diary la la la gave my first BJ in a carriage" and describes it in rapturous detail lol. I love her. I think The Many Sins of Lord Cameron has a carriage scene too. It maaaay be the first time Cameron and Ainsley have sex?

Scandalous Passions by Nicola Davidson is a medieval FFM with a scene in a litter, technically, where the older heroine teaches the younger heroine about orgasms. Naturally.

Moonglow is a Victorian paranormal I'd highly recommend if you want to dip your toes in those waters. The heroine is an earth witch (think Poison Ivy but more magical) and the hero is a werewolf. They have a very hot, very funny carriage interlude.

Not a carriage but Jack Dodger fucks Olivia on a moving train in Between the Devil and Desire by Lorraine Heath. AFTER he makes sure her kid is up at the front pretending to drive the train, of course. Points for her being like "Jack that was so amazing you're so good to my ki--oh so that's what's happening"

How to Marry a Marquess by Stacy Reid has a scene where the hero ends up going a bit far with his friend girl in the carriage and is all "ACK" about it.

A Week to Be Wicked by Tessa Dare definitely has a carriage sex scene, which because it's Tessa ends semi-hilariously.

[crmsnmth]

September Sky Chapter Two, Part 2

"You had been talking about that for quite some time." She was looking directly into my eyes. It felt a little uncomfortable, but that was alright. Eye contact has freaked me out for the past few years. It's intimidating. "What made you finally bite the bullet?"

"I had enough. I couldn't do one more day. I hated it so much. I hated everything about it. So for my own mental health, I ended my education."

"How did that feel? To know it was over." Sarah's eyes watched for my body language.

"Relief. And it was wonderful," I replied.

"That's good. There wasn't any shame in it?"

"Nope. Not in the slightest. Still nothing."

"That's great. And you didn't do it on impulse. That's a big thing. You planned it out and followed through. Now let's get back to the girl you met." She flipped a page up and in the space between the board and the pad.

"Ok. So anyway, I literally ran into her. Knocked her books down. Knock an apple down. And then I actually looked at her, and I had to try."

"Try what?" Sarah interrupted me.

"Asking to hang out. Three years. And there were plenty of chances there, but no. Three years and a random encounter is all it took."

"What made you decide to break your streak?"

"She was gorgeous. And I really felt like I needed to. There was this voice that said I had too, and I listened. I had too. I had to at least try, you know."

She nodded at me. And scribbled.

"So I asked her for coffee, she said yes. I ran home and then met her back at the campus. She asked if I'd be cool getting something stronger..."

"Two questions. Why'd you go back home and what do you mean by something stronger," she said, interrupting me again. Which was fine, otherwise I'd spout out as quickly and direct as possible. This way, she stopped it, and forced me to constantly stop and go. It'd make my mouth slow down and my brain to catch up.

"I went home to shower. Change. Kill time. And like a drink. A beer to be exact," I said.

"Oh ok. That makes sense."

"We went to this bar, The Uptowner, had two beers each and she left. I got her number at the end, so that was cool."

"You had two beers and did what, just talked?" Scribble, scribble, scribble.

"Yeah. It was fun."

"So what was the reason you asked to hang out? That's quite out of character for you."

"I don't know. Just had a gut feeling to not let that pass by, I guess." I shrugged. It wasn't something I had thought about really. But now that she brought it up again, why did I? I couldn't remember what the actual reason was why I knew I had to at least try. I felt like she'd asked that question a couple times now, in different words. She did sometimes, because eventually my resolve would break, and I'd actually spit out a truth even I didn't really know. Like I said, she knew how to work me. How to get me to open up. Every time.

"Well, I think it's a definite step up in your progress. Maybe you're finally allowing someone new in." I could hear the pen scribbling against the paper. The clock ticked, and I could hear that too. Everything seemed very, very loud. The idea of letting someone inside absolutely terrified me. There weren't many that had gotten passed the very carefully crafted shell I wore. Chad was able to get grandfathered in, being my best friend, before and after.

"I don't know about that. I mean, the thought of it alone bugs me," I said, rubbing my arms, as if I'd just stepped into a cold breeze off the lake.

"Maybe it's subconscious. Maybe you're brain knows something you don't. It wouldn't be the first time with you. How many times has something come through in some way, before you figured out what was happening? You should listen to yourself sometimes," Sarah said, turning on that degree from some college.

[screamsortega]

rules/guidelines;

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BASIC:

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SHOWS/MOVIES I WRITE FOR:

scream (the movies only)

outer banks

marvel

stranger things

and the celebrities x reader yk?

WHO I WRITE FOR:

SCREAM

tara carpenter

chad meeks-martin

samantha carpenter

ethan landry

quinn bailey

mindy meeks-martin

amber freeman

(possibly more but these are the main ones.)

OUTER BANKS

jj maybank

sarah cameron

kiara carrera

pope heyward

john b routledge

rafe cameron

cleo

MARVEL

wanda maximoff

natasha romanoff

yelena belova (no smut.)

(probably more)

STRANGER THINGS

robin buckley

nancy wheeler

(probably more)

CELEBS

jenna ortega

mason gooding

melissa barrera

jack champion

madelyn cline

rudy pankow

jonathan daviss

elizabeth olsen

scarlett johansson

florence pugh

(once again, probably more.)

WHAT I WRITE:

one-shots, drabbles, imagines, blurbs.

fluff, angst, smut, au’s, comfort.

smut: oral, strap, fingering, breeding, scissoring, praise, degradation, mommy/daddy kink, legal age gaps.

i may have missed something, feel free to ask if i write for something you have in mind! (of that made sense)

WHAT I WILL NOT WRITE FOR:

minors + adults (unless platonic.)

make reader. (honestly depends, but most likely not.)

reader as minor.

age regression.

smut: piss kink bc wtf, rape/non-con, pedophilia, age play, beastiality, incest.

once again, i may have missed something so feel free to ask any questions.

[teeto-peteto]

I’m sorry to keep going on about Ashe being treated unfairly by the community but Mordekaiser can have all these lines about “I will rule the world because evil” and people love him and call him a chad. but Ashe has these lines about leadership, praying to her gods, deep stuff, and people lose their shit “Oh, she talks too much, she’s so annoying” I’m just… I don’t know. I’m tired. It happened when Ahri got her VA update, it happened with Nidalee’s, I’m so tired.

On a more positive note, I imagine that all the alternate costumes are in characters Institute of war closets. Just going through outfits “What do I wear today?”

Pack up for another longpost because this is so right and im so tired of systematic sexism in all aspects of League Of Legends including the community. I dont think i have to mention it but just in case, im referring to the toxic male sector, i know not all men are like this, but 99% of men are like this.

I do not deny that there are male champions whose only personality is being hot, or dumb stupid, that only have 5 voice lines that go all way around like a carousel when playing. BUT. The amount of female characters with same characteristics is overwhelming and disgusting and when Riot tries to ''fix it'' either nobody cares, calls it a feminist agenda or just says blaahh blahh woman talking virgin speech.

Rakan, for example, is a great character. He's a charmer, he's good looking and he knows it, he's prepotent, but also very iconic, he always talks about himself in a way that doesnt bother you, he has a glimpse of 'my past wanst good but right now im handsome and im having fun'. Sarah Fortune in a terrible character, she's a woman with a huge childhood trauma in the seek of the man who provoked it but only talks about seducing, seducing for what?! I know there's a comic that adresses this but let me tell you, i dont like it. She's seducing, she's iconic but only because she has a crazy amount of sexual innuendos and THATS it, she gives you this 'ohh im a easy girl but dont provoke me ;)' that is absolutely ridiculous. Veigar has more personality than her and it HURTS goddamn. I refuse to believe that the people who wrote Sarah in Ruined King are somewhat related to her development in League of Legends i completely and utterly REFUSE. She's a terrible character.

Remember Illaoi? Cause i do, WE do. Rest of people? Men??? Boohoohoo she's a muscular woman... thats anti natura, if she was thinner she would be good looking... what the fuck. Shes just a fucking MEME cause someone for once said 'You know what? Maybe lets not do hourglass body type in this one'.

While showering i thought about Lux and Sylas... Look, Lux got a voice update i think a couple of years ago. Shit is recent, and Sylas was THERE already. Can somebody fucking explain to me why Sylas gets to talk all his shit about his lore, and we only have Lux saying 'oooh rainbow shiny!' ? Its infuriating. I know Lux is this positive vibe champion but... she also had it rough you know....? Cant we have a few of those long-movement lore insight lines? You know? Relationship with Demacia itself? Her brother? Sylas??????? Is this asking for too much. Only thing i percieve of Sylas that i dont agree with is that he's your typical shirtless men again sexualizing champions for no fucking reason but mkay i guess they wanted to give him this reckless type of persona. I still dont like it but eh...

Ashe's situation just presents over and over again the fact that being a fucking woman is TOUGH even when you dont fucking exist and you're just a fictional character because nobody gives a flying FUCK about you unless you get pretty skins. If you get too much pretty skins then its the fault of real women players because 'they only play Lux' and everything its so fucking wrong and trust me, things seem isolated or in different contexts but EVERYTHING is conected. A fucking macro company ruled by men that often marketizes of LGTBQ+ community and feminism for literally 1 month or a week then to do NOTHING and never actually standing up to this people. This makes the people working in the company as designers to make characters that either need to have their sexualities covered up so nobody realizes but leaving up hints here and there for someone to pick up but when someone brings it up then Riot blasts a huge: 'NO' and pretend it never happened. Nobody wants to do new designs or new body types cause everytime they do it people mock the characters and never take them seriously, the amount of racist and mocking comments i have read about K'Sante are ABISMAL, Illaoi is a fucking joke nobody takes seriously, Naafiri is great but Riot has the NEED to put eyeliner on a fucking DOG and to give her earrings so she can be identified as a female dog. This only creates a community of fucking creepy males that think they can step on characters they dont like specially the female ones and when someone brings up the terrible decisions Riot made they blast a 'BUT THERE'S MALE CHARACTERS THAT ARE SHIRTLESS' because they dont care about us they only see themselves. NOBODY gives a shit about Briar and its so unnatural how people put so much attention on her feet and the hips and thighs is just so vomitive. This is a whole cycle where a company full of shit creates a bunch of shitholes that hate women and thats what Riot fests on. I dont even care if im overreacting i know what im seeing and i know what i am. Ashe was forced to marry a man just for political power but nobody cares about that cause Mordekaiser is bulky and he's evil so that instantly makes him interesting enough to call the eyes of fucking creeps. You know what shaped league of legends women the best? The fandom, the niche fandom, not the rule 34 fandom that oversexualizes everything. Writers, fanartists, they made a lot of characters what they are now, but sadly, nobody gives a fuck.

Quoting America Ferrera's speach on the Barbie movie cause i believe is fitting to the female characters of the game too:

'(...) But always stand out and always be grateful. But never forget that the system is rigged. So find a way to acknowledge that but also always be grateful. You have to never get old, never be rude, never show off, never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear, never get out of line.

It's too hard! It's too contradictory and nobody gives you a medal or says thank you! And it turns out, in fact, that not only are you doing everything wrong, but also everything is your fault.'

Im done. Sorry for long posting. Every day i wake up and i hate being a woman. I think thats what women in League Of Legends lore feel most of the time, if im being honest.

About the happy question :) Yes! And i think Gwen and Elise team up to make the skins... And they have little spider helpers... And champions are like suggesting changes or modifications, it would be so cute! And Lulu can do the chromas changing the colours...

[missmewts]

Okay, heres a good one: what Hogwarts houses do you think each of the Sarah characters would be in?? 🤔🤔

THIS IS A GOOD IDEA ABSOLUTELY

hogwarts house//the (ahs) sarahs

rating; pg

warnings; mentions of murder/killing, season 10 spoilers

taglist; @lanawinterscigarettes @kitwalkersmommy

.

BILLIE DEAN HOWARD...murder house, 2011

ravenclaw’s traits; wisdom, wit, intellect, learning, acceptance

she is wise, and understanding in more ways than one

we see that she is determined in achieving her knowledge, like when she visited the cortez

and when she finds out that violet is dead; she didn’t say anything, and let violet come to terms with it on her own time

valuing knowledge, she also goes to extreme lengths to assist those she works with, like when violet and tate try to get rid of chad and patrick. she shared the croatoan ritual with them, and though it didn’t work, she tried to help them.

she is wise, witty, and overall accepting. all traits of the one and only, ravenclaw, house of the eagle

LANA WINTERS… asylum, 2012

slytherin’s traits; ambition, resourcefulness, determination, cleverness, cunning

while she is determined, strong, and powerful, i don’t think winters would be sorted into gryffindor.

extremely resourceful and adaptive, she manages to survive the asylum just barely. she made her way in and out, all without driving herself to madness, though she does come close

resourceful, she performs an unsuccessful abortion using a clothing hanger and once out of the asylum, always has a weapon on her hip

she’s clever with her moves, and thus earns her the title of slytherin, house of the serpent

CORDELIA GOODE… coven, 2013

hufflepuff’s traits; friendliness, loyalty, patience, hard working, kindness, dedication

cordelia is seen as a pacifist throughout the whole show, and while she does have to kill off characters to get what she needs, such as killing off langdon or turning against her mother, she wouldn’t hurt a fly if given the choice

don’t chalk this decision up to kindness, no. a painful stereotype against hufflepuffs

she accepts zoe as one of her own the moment that she walks through the door, and helps both her, misty, and kyle when he is introduced to her adapt using patience and kindness

dedicated to her craft and her coven

she works hard, and is often taken advantage of by her mother before fiona dies because she is too hopeful that her mother will see her hard work and congratulate her for everything she does

she’s kind and dedicated, making her an easy hufflepuff, house of the badger

BETTE AND DOTT TATTLER… freakshow, 2014

gryffindor’s traits; courage, chivalry, determination, justice, daring, bold

it would be common knowledge that the girls can only be sorted into one house, and that one house would be gryffindor

none of the gryffindors fall into a stereotype. in fact, many of them got there for begging to be in the house. but all of them have one thing in common, and that is their bravery

bette, the aggressive and often times emotional twin, can be seen as a slytherin due to her desire to rid of her sister by surgery, but in the end, she couldn’t lose her constant company. she couldn’t lose her sister. both the girls wouldn’t be able to live without each other, and often fight each others battles, because one battle is two with them.

with their courage and determination throughout the season, they win the title of gryffindor, house of the lion

SALLY MCKENNA… hotel, 2015

slytherin’s traits; ambition, resourcefulness, determination, cleverness, cunning

while sally is emotional and unstable, she fits in more with slytherin stereotypes than the actual house traits. however, despite her need for things to work well for her, she is determined to find love, and is willing to go through anything to get it.

with this example of determination and resourcefulness, she fits in slytherin, house of the serpent

AUDREY TINDALL-MONAHAN… roanoke, 2016

hufflepuff’s traits; friendliness, loyalty, patience, hard working, kindness, dedication

despite her status, she stays out of the drama on the set of my roanoke nightmare with shelby and matt, and instead is friendly and dedicated to her work rather than picking sides

she also took a chance on the goofball of a redhead, rory monahan

hard working and patient, audrey wins a spot in hufflepuff, house of the badger

ALLY MAYFAIR-RICHARDS… cult, 2017

ravenclaw’s traits; wisdom, wit, intellect, learning, acceptance

using her wits, she outsmarted a powerful cult and killed off the cult leader, thus disbanding the cult and earning the good guys a point

and while she was relatively cowardly near the beginning, she learned and adapted to the cult’s ways, ultimately ending in her killing off her wife, of whom was planning on killing her, and snaking her way into the cult to blow them up from the inside

with her ambition and wisdom, she earns herself the title of ravenclaw, house of the eagle

WILHEMINA VENABLE… apocalypse, 2018

slytherin’s traits; ambition, resourcefulness, determination, cleverness, cunning

venable is easily a slytherin.

when michael arrives, he notes that venable has created many rules that give her power over the residents of the outpost

because of her position with jeff and mutt, she craved power over people, specifically men

and being the queen of outpost nine, she got that power, though she didn’t earn it

cunning and resourceful during the apocalypse, she is granted the title of slytherin, house of the serpent

TUBERCULOSIS KAREN… red tide, 2021

hufflepuff’s traits; friendliness, loyalty, patience, hard working, kindness, dedication

though we don’t get nearly enough screentime with karen, we see that she cares more for harry and the safety of his family than her own, advising him against belle and austin, knowing full well that they could kill her easily

she constantly advises people against it; belle with the children, harry, mickey. all of them ignore her, despite her dedication to getting people against it.

and her kindness, loyalty, and dedication grant her the house of hufflepuff, house of the badger

[cangrellesteponme]

NOOO YOU TOOK MY PICREW POST AND YOU MADE IT EVEN COOLER PLEASE TELL ME ABOUT THESE GUYS' DND SESSIONS ESP OF MEY RIN THE DUNGEON MASTER OMG I BET SHE'S SO AMAZING, BEYOND WHAT ANY OF THEM EXPECTED RHDYFU AND WHY EXACTLY IS SEB THE ONE PROVIDING SNACKS IS HE/SHE JUST BETTER AT REMEMBERING THAT STUFF, WHAT EVERYONE LIKES FOR SNAKS OR DOES OUR DEAR PERFECTIONIST ATTEMPT TO MAKE SURE THEY'RE HOME COOKED HEALTHY SNACKS?? XD I'm so sorry I'm too strangely hyper about all this PLEASE just tell me everything 🙇

okay so

Dungeon Master Mey-Rin: Their game is fairly relaxed, so she has a DMing style that matches that vibe: clear descriptions with real-life analogies, casual register and vocabulary, a storytelling focused on what is told and not how it's told, as long as the point gets across. I think she'd be the kind of DM who's completely unfazed by the unpredictability of her players, with a perfect poker face and the ability to make a nat20 on a stupid plan sound like a perfectly logical thing. Fully conviced she absolutely sucks at naming places and NPCs on the spot so they end up with very plain names like "John", "Sarah" and "Chad". Karen the Drow is a player favourite. Another thing, I think she'd be really good with moods and atmospheres and all that. Even the chaos of their game can't throw her off. Overall, an icon, a hilarious and talented DM.

Seb the snack provider: It's option three! Seb is just so fucking tired of seeing Bard and Grelle come with the most unhealthy snacks possible- it's like they're trying to one-up each other on how terrible their tastes are. Somebody had to save the table from this.

now for other headcanons i simply cannot keep contained in my little head

The group I'm thinking of is Mey-Rin, Seb, Grelle, Hannah, Bard, Agni, with on occasion literally everyone else (Ronald is there more often than not tho.)

They have a main game that is a long-ass campaign of pure high fantasy chaos in which the party saves the world 24/7... from the dangers they create because they never pay attention AS they save the world. Assassinated a corrupt king? He was some weird demon's warlock and now that thing is coming for the people's heads. Killed that ancient red dragon? You woke up a fucking tarrasque.

They also, on occasion, do shorter things on the side, exploring themes like piracy, urban fantasy, barocco chaos... It also allows for everyone else to try their hand at DMing. (So far, Grelle is the best. Her games are always filled with humour and over the top drama.)

As for how the players are: Seb is a freaking rules lawyer, Grelle is The Bard That Never Plays A Fucking Bard, Hannah is the one braincell that often goes on vacation and always drops dead five seconds into combat, Bard is the player who is STRUGGLING to do math on the spot after spending the last ten minutes trying to figure out what to to on their turn, Agni is the one that started out as Lawful Good with no backstory and ended up True Neutral with trauma, and Mey-Rin has a terrible case of "I forgot what my accent was but at this point it's a whatever happens happens kind of situation" because she definitely plays a warlock with Mask Of Many Faces. As for their guests, Ciel's a min-maxer who plays a Halfling Rogue, Will is a fucking metagamer who knows too much, Soma (bless his soul) has forgotten the rules for the 43rd time but he roleplays so well that he's forgiven, Ronald is the player with terrible plans but such great luck that he always pulls it off and makes it iconic, Alois makes great accents and has a three-pages long backstory in bullet points that perfectly fits into the universe and he remembers every single piece of lore BUT he sucks at combat, Mr Tanaka played in an older edition and thus uses the wrong words for everything but he's a great player and an even better DM. Everyone else, I have no idea yet.

[anotheronechicagobog]

Functional Dysfunction - Rheese - Chapter 5 - It Isn’t Salad

written by @anotheronechicagobog

warnings: swearing, mention of abortion, mention of attempting to force abortion, unplanned preganancy, Connor and Robin are still together, Jimmy is still an ass, but now so is Chilli

The next day everyone was acting weird around her. Manning and Maggie were now running away from her, Halstead couldn't meet her eyes, Choi pretended to take a phone call when they were alone in the doctor's lounge, and Doris was completely silent. That never happened. She gossiped about anything and everything, until now Sarah hadn't believed there was a force on earth powerful enough to shut her up. 

A distraction came in the form of a mass casualty structural collapse at a construction site. Injured workers flooded in, while Sarah and Choi were tasked with going to the scene and treating people in the field. It was Sarah's first time working like that. So far it had only been fully stocked EDs or ORs with copious amounts of staff ready to jump into action. Here there were limited supplies, limited staff, and unlimited chaos.

So far the building they were constructing was a small five-story apartment building, it didn't have any walls or floors, it was just metal beams and underlying structure. Half of the crossbeams had just... Come off, taking the workers that were on them, towards the concrete foundation, where other workers were. It was a grizzly, awful site. There were going to be so many casualties, no doubt about it. She reached her first patient, a woman no older than twenty, whose arm was being crushed by a beam near the shoulder. It was purple. She had to amputate.

Red tag, red tag, black tag, red tag, black tag, black tag, black tag, red tag, green tag, black tag, red tag.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She hadn’t eaten in ten hours and there were two more action-packed hours left in her shift. While she was finally back in the hospital, she couldn’t help but feel like she was still at the disaster site. One wrong move, one wrong word, and tragedy would occur. Of course at Gaffney it would be social tragedy, but still, she felt like she was navigating a mine field. She’d been on her feet non-stop since her shift started and she was feeling more mentally drained than physically drained. The other interns looked at her the way she imagined vultures would, beady eyes looking at your dying soul, ready to devour your corpse. Except... She wasn’t dying. She was in perfect health, it was apparent that they thought her career was about to be drop-kicked into an active volcano. Boy were they in for a surprise.

“Dr. Reese, scrub up, I need you in the OR with me.” Chad Dovingly, the resident “legacy” intern, almost yelled at Dr. Abrams, but Sarah watched him stop himself. “Sam-”

“Do not call me by my first name, I don’t know how many times I have to tell you that. Call me ‘Dr. Abrams’ or don’t speak to me at all.”

“Right, right, my apologies. Dr. Abrams, are you sure that Dr. Reese is the right choice? I mean, I was literally born to be a surgeon, I was in the top ten at my med school, and Dr. Reese, well... Is this because she’s pregnant-”

“Stop. Talking. You may have been in the top ten of your class, but she was the first in hers. She has shown far more dedication and skill than any of you here, and I will not stand here while you not only accuse me of favouritism, but belittle your colleague and fellow intern because of a matter that is absolutely none of your business. The reason you aren’t scrubbing in as much is that you’re not good enough to yet, so if you want to scrub in more, prove to me that you’re worthy of it, because honestly so far Dr. Reese and Dr. Kim are the only ones who have done so.” He dismissed the other interns with only a head nod, leaving the two of them alone in the hallway. “Dr. Reese, the surgery is in two hours. Read up on the procedure and eat something, then meet me in OR four.” The confusion must have been displayed on her face so he sighed and pulled her to the side away from the other interns. “Dr. Manning cornered me earlier and informed me that you’ve been on your feet all day, and you’re going to be staying late. So eat something and then join me in the OR.”

“Oh, okay, I’ll see you in two hours then.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She had a sandwich in her bag, but she doubted that the cold cut meats would still taste good after all this time. She debated going to the cafeteria but at this time all that would be available was heavy fast food. “Sarah?”

“Hi Dr. Manning, don’t worry Dr. Abrams ordered me to eat something before I join him in the OR.”

“Good. I was actually coming to get you, we ordered pizza down in the ED and I was wondering if you wanted to join us?”

“Something tells me you’re not going to take ‘no’ for an answer.”

“A correct assumption, come on it should be here by now.”

They were almost at the doctor’s lounge when Sarah couldn’t ignore the need to ask anymore. “... You know, don’t you?”

“Yes. We all do. I’m sorry that we’ve been avoiding you all day, we just didn’t want to ruin the surprise.”

“What sur-”

“SURPRISE!” Sarah jumped out of her skin and then looked around the lounge. There was a shiny blue ‘congratulations’ banner along the back wall, streamers taped to the ceiling and a stack of pizza boxes on the table. “We want you to know that we’re here for you and that we’re happy for you. I know that you don’t have a lot of time, she needs to scrub up at OR four in... one hour and fifty-one minutes, but celebrate with us a little now, we just want to make sure that you feel supported.”

“And that you eat, no one needs you fainting in an OR.”

“Thank you, all of you, so much... I really appreciate this, I was pretty scared at first, I still am, but I’m confident in my decision.”

“Trust me, we know Sarah.” Puzzled, she looked around at her co-workers and found them all snickering in the direction of Connor and Robin. Connor blushed and lowered his head with anawkward smirk while Robin rolled her eyes. “Doris tried to talk smack and I can honestly say that I have never seen someone get verbally eviscerated so viciously. Showed all of us not to mess with Robin.” Everyone around her chuckled and seemed to unanimously agree with Maggie. “Thanks.”

“No problem, Sarah. Besides I think it was about time someone knocked her down a peg. I mean, I know that gossip is just a part of hospital life, but she just takes it to a whole other level.”

Maggie and Nat were the least tense around her since this whole thing started, Choi and Halstead just seemed relieved that there wasn’t anything wrong with her, April and Noah just seemed content to make her laugh as loud as possible, Robin made sassy quips about the two of them sticking together, and Connor just made sure she always had pizza on her plate. They exchanged a smile when he made sure that she was the first one to eat ‘I know that it’s not salad but it’s still pretty good’. Sarah couldn’t have been more delighted to see Connor moving more freely, lighter, with an enormous weight having been removed from his shoulders.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

The surgery... Did not go well, but it wasn’t anyone’s fault thankfully. Their patient had the largest tumor she’d ever seen in the centre of their brain and when Dr. Abrams removed it, it looked horrifying to be frank. There was literally a hole in this poor man’s brain which unfortunately resulted in brain damage. It was a serious risk from the beginning, so the patient and family had been informed numerous times in the days leading up to and of the surgery. Delivering that news had been assigned to Sarah and she was not looking forward to it. She left the recovery suite where the patient has just been examined after waking up and went to the waiting room where his husband was waiting along with his twin sister were after Dr. Abrams told them to wait while they examined him. “How is he?”

“He’s okay, right?”

“I am so sorry to tell you this, but he did sustain significant brain damage and it’s very likely that it’s permanent. There’s also a possibility that he could... Pass away due to the severity.” The second that the word ‘sorry’ was out of her mouth they both broke down in tears, holding onto each other for dear life. “You can see him, if you want, and I can explain a few things. Dr. Abrams will check on him again tomorrow at seven am, to give him more time to improve-”

“So, he could get better, my brother could recover.”

“I need to stress that while that is a vague possibility, it is incredibly unlikely, and I don’t want to get your hopes up. I’m so sorry.”

“... Can you take us to him? Or at least me? I totally understand if you can’t see him yet, he’s your twin, but... We- He’s the love of my life. I need to see him.” Sarah nodded and gestured for them to follow her, she wasn’t sure if his sister would at first, but she did, with a far-off, grave look in her eyes. Sarah tried not to think about it, after all, this poor woman was just told her twin brother suffered brain damage and would probably never be the same again, she was allowed to react however she needed to. Still... Sarah couldn’t help but feel like foreshadowing had taken physical form, like her patient’s sister knew more than she was saying. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sarah had forty minutes left in her shift when alarms started blaring. She knew before she even turned around who it was and what the outcome would be. Despite being in her usual ‘crap someone’s dying’ speed her ankles felt like lead, and her soul had stayed at the computer she was working on. Her mind was still there, still searching her head for the best course of action before conducting it, giving orders to nurses, telling someone to get his loved ones out of the room, and shouting for someone to page the on-call neurosurgeon... But it was no use. And from the way everyone was looking at each other that this was the outcome they expected. “Time of death, 21:37.” Her voice felt so out of place, the vibrations her thoat made were irritating. The late patient’s fiance and sister were in the doorway. He was sobbing so inconsolably, so loud, it made Sarah’s heart clench. She however, looked numb, like a part of her just died. She looked Srah dead in the eyes and Sarah’s heart broke all over again. She’d known. “I’m so sorry for your loss.”

“Thank you Dr. Reese... I know that you and Dr. Abrams did everything you could. Could- could we have a moment with my brother? To say... Goodbye?”

“Of course.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When she finally left the hospital she was in tatters. She wasn’t sure if it was the pregnancy hormones or if it was her patient’s death, but all that she really wanted to do was cry. No, she needed to cry. Sadness and despair was bubbling up inside of her and she just didn’t want to keep it inside her. But of course the universe had other plans. When she finally made it to her car the last two people she wanted to see were standing beside it and sitting on it. She sighed, on the verge of tears and not in any mood to deal with either of them. “Jimmy. Chilli.”

“We need to talk.”

“We don’t actually. We really, really don’t. You don’t want to be involved and that’s fine. When they’re born we’ll do a paternity test because that’s what’s required for you to sign away your rights, and then you’ll do just that, and then you’ll walk away. It’s okay.”

“No it’s not. I’m not okay with you having my baby.”

“And I’m not okay with it either, he’s my... Boyfriend and I don’t want another chick to have his child.”

“Okay, first of all, neither of you get a say and whether or not I have this child. My body, my decision, that’s it. Second, Chilli, you have absolutely no say here in anything. You are not the mother or the father and I’m not even sure if you guys are dating given your hesitation in calling Jimmy your ‘boyfriend’ and you have such a volatile on/off relationship, you get zero say in anything even remotely related to my baby.”

“HEY! DON’T TALK TO HER LIKE THAT-”

“Speak to me like an adult or don’t speak to me at all. You don’t get to yell at me, you don’t get to use that tone with me, it’s not okay.”

“I CAN SPEAK TO YOU HOWEVER I WANT! AND YOU ARE GETTING AN ABORTION EVEN IF I HAVE TO DRAG YOU THERE MYSELF!” In the next three seconds Sarah observed three things:

There were two of them and one of her

They were in a dimly lit, poorly monitored parking garage alone

They had to deal with violent people at their jobs more than she did and would likely overpower her

“The hell she is! She made her choice Borelli and you didn’t get a say in it!” Okay, so #2 was not true apparently, as Connor walked closer to them from the entrance. “This isn’t any of your business doc, so just go, okay?”

“You’re threatening my friend in a dark parking garage. Yes, it is my business. But it isn’t yours, you’ve said that you don’t want to be a dad, so you won’t be, and I don’t even know why Chilli is here, so you two need to get off of Sarah’s car and leave her alone.”

“No. We don’t have to listen to you. I’ll talk to her however I fucking want, I don’t have to move away from her car, and Chilli doesn’t have to get off it. Fuck. Off.”

“Connor, you worked a long shift, you shouldn’t have to stay for this, I’ll figure it out.”

“I appreciate the thought Sarah, but you worked a long day too and I’m seriously worried about your safety around them. Why don’t I just drive you home? It really isn’t a big deal.”

“If you’re sure.”

“I am-”

“HEY! DON’T TALK ABOUT US LIKE WE AREN’T HERE! AND THIS ISN’T ANY OF YOUR BUSINESS!”

“Oh, go suck an egg, Borelli. Lead the way, Connor.”

“Gladly.”

They’d managed to make it to his car before the, quite honestly delusional, couple(?) realized they were seriously leaving, and Connor was pulling away with them shouting expletives and trying to chase the car on foot. “Thanks Connor, I really appreciate this.”

“Anytime Sarah, seriously. I care about you, you’ve become someone I trust and I want you to be safe and happy. I’ll help to make that happen if you ever need it.” Maybe it was the hormones, the encounter with Jimmy and Chilli, or the day just catching up with her, but she just couldn’t keep the exhaustion and gratitude out of her voice. “Thank you.”

[myrandom-fandomlife]

I Think I Kinda, You Know Chapter 1: The Agreement

JJ Maybank x Carrera! Reader 

Moodboard, Summary, and Playlist

Gif Credit 

Word Count: 2k

Warnings: Swearing, implications of smut, mentions of a toxic relationship and cheating

A/N: So, I’ve been working on this for a while, trying to make it an awesome first chapter. I was originally going to write actual smut into it, but I decided against it because I feel like my smut is super cringe. I might write descriptive smut in future chapters. I’m really proud of this, so I hope you guys like. Huge thanks to my beta and irl best friend @otherfandomsrun​ for proof reading, helping with ideas, and hyping me up. Show her some love! I kinda ended this on a cliff hanger, but I’m already working on chapter 2! Fic is below the cut, and feel free to ask to be on the tag list!

You sat next to your sister, Kiara, on the HMS Pogue. That pogue group of friends had expanded quite a bit in the last year. First it was you, Kie finally deeming you old enough to tag along on their adventures. (Which you had, anyway. You were only a year younger, for God’s sake.) Then Sarah, who you and Kie weren’t too fond of, but once you got to know her she was actually pretty awesome. Sarah’s dating John B, Kie and Pope are… complicated, which leaves you and JJ. Generally, you are left alone together because the others have paired off, and recently there has been some unexplained tension between the two of you. You couldn’t lie either, JJ is hot. But, you knew JJ wasn’t one for commitment, and if Kiara knew about your attraction to him, you wouldn’t hear the end of it. So you try your best to repress any non-platonic feelings of attraction down.

“You good Y/N?” Sarah asked. She’s laying her head in John B’s lap across from you. Pope is driving the boat and Kie is next to you, looking out at the water. JJ is on the other side of you, smoking.

“Yeah, just spaced out for a second. I’m good though,” You smiled and leaned over to the cooler to grab another beer. 

“I’m bored,” JJ complains, promptly stealing your beer, taking a long gulp. 

“Come on, JJ! I just opened that!” He smirks at you so retaliate by stealing his blunt from his hand and taking a hit.

“I know,” He takes another long drink. You take another hit and blow the smoke in his face. 

Kie pinches your side, making you flinch, “Careful. If you go home smelling like weed, mom and dad will have a fit.” Your parents weren’t strict, really. And they had warmed up to your group of friends quite a bit, occasionally inviting them over to dinner or to eat at the restaurant. Surprisingly, your mom’s favorite of the group was JJ, and she had always wanted either you or Kie to date him. She loved Pope, though, of course, but you thought she probably wanted to take in JJ as the son she never had. 

“Nah, Kie, let her live a little. Plus, your parents aren’t home tonight. Something about a ‘much needed date night.’” He shrugs at your confused faces and steals the joint back, taking a long drag. “She told me I have to stay with Y/N while Kie is working late tonight.” She was always talking to JJ and putting him to work when he came over to pick up you and Kie, so you weren’t surprised she had told him that before you guys left.

“Oh no, you don’t have t-” You start.

“I’m glad she’ll have someone there, I don’t like her being home alone,” Kie cuts you off, giving you a look that says ‘don’t argue with me, because I’ll win.’

“Yeah, some of the guys on Figure Eight, are super creepy,” Sarah adds. John B nods in agreement, but you think he’s dozing off. 

“You mean like, your brother?” Kie asks, causing Sarah to laugh.

“That guy, Chad, that Y/N dated was a huge creep, though,” JJ adds with a hint of hostility, and everyone nods in agreement. 

“And a cheater!” Pope calls, causing you to tense up. Chad was still a sore subject for you. You had dated for 6 months and right at the end you found out he had been sleeping with other girls the whole time. You broke up about a month ago and you were definitely over him, but it still hurt to know you wasted 6 months of your life on that scumball.

“Too soon, man,” JJ answers, passing the blunt back to you. You and him had grown closer in the past month, him being there to comfort you after the break up when the others couldn’t. Not to say that Kie and Sarah weren’t there for you, Sarah came to your house and you three watched movies all night when it happened. Of course, all three of the boys offered to fight him for you- which you politely declined; but it’s the thought that counts. Everyone helped you cope one way or another, but whether they were working, doing school work, or navigating their own new relationships, they couldn’t be there for you as much as JJ had in the past month. You weren’t mad at all, though. You were sort of grateful it had been him. Everyone else was walking on eggshells around you the first week or two, like they were scared to be happy in front of you. JJ was his usual self, though. He would make you laugh, and let you cry. He was there when you needed him most, and you were glad.

You happily take his offer and shrug the comment off, “It’s okay, J, he’s right.” He gives you a sympathetic look that says, you sure? And you nod, handing his joint back. 

“Oh shoot, I have work in an hour,” Kie says just as we pull up to the dock.

“Dad needs me home tonight to help with some project at the house,” Pope adds, while JJ starts securing the boat to the pier.

“Hey,” Sarah taps John B’s face lightly, “We have dinner with my parents soon. Time to wake up.” He stirs and opens his eyes groggily, flinching a little from the light. Everyone gathers their things, sunkissed and exhausted from the day of boating.

“And we have absolutely nowhere to be,” JJ playfully bows and holds out his hand to help you up onto the small deck. 

You laugh and take his hand, stepping off the worn vehicle. “Except for watching Friends at my house.”

“Very true. Pizza?” He asks brightly. JJ coming over to watch movies or binge a tv series while eating pizza with you and sometimes Kie had become a common occurrence. These nights usually ended with the two or three of you falling asleep sprawled on the sofa together.

You nod, “Duh.” A small chuckle escapes him and you walk up to the Chateau, where you had all met that morning. Then you all start going your separate ways, but you, Kie, and JJ all pile into the silver SUV your parents had gotten for Kiara when she turned 16. They got you a car when you turned 16 a couple of months ago, but Kie liked driving more than you did. You thought maybe it made her feel like you still needed her, which you do. You can’t imagine not having Kie to help you through everything in your crazy life. 

The sound of JJ saying your name from the front seat snaps you out of your thoughts, “What, JJ?” 

He turns his head and his lips curve into a smirk, “Oh nothing, I was just saying how hot you look tonight.” He then bursts out laughing at what you assume is the look on your face.

Small giggles leave you. Kie shoves JJ’s shoulder lightly and adds, “Stop hitting on my sister!” At that you and Kiara crack up too, the car filled with your laughter as you head home.

--------

Approaching the large house, Kie jumps out of her car almost as soon as it’s parked, muttering about being late and needing to get ready. As you and JJ head inside, JJ questions, “Want me to order the pizza?”

“Yeah, I just want to change out of this swimsuit,” You scrunch your nose up, “Saltwater.”

He softly smiles, “The usual?” You shake your head yes and shoot him a grin in return before turning to go up the stairs. You swear you can feel his eyes on you as you retreat.

You try to be quick, donning a cropped t-shirt and some cotton shorts. You throw your hair into a messy bun, bounding down the stairs when you’re done. Your eyes land on the blonde-haired boy in the living room and you see that he already has the pizza, “What are you? Magic?”

His eyes slowly trail down your body, making your face heat up, but he laughs, “Nah, just had to name drop and I was given high priority on my order.”

You giggle, and he adds that Kie had left for work while you were changing. You help get blankets set up on the couch, and turn on the tv. He’s already grabbed a few beers to split between the two of you and you usually just eat the pizza straight out of the box. Pressing play on Friends, you start your favorite kind of night.

--------

A whole pizza and two beers each into your sleepover, you’re both feeling a little buzzed. Currently, you are discussing Chandler and Monica’s relationship, “Yeah, I don’t know. I haven’t been laid in a while so I feel like I need a situation like them, where they just have sex. Minus the feelings though, because gross.” You shudder dramatically and he laughs.

“Yeah, I agree. I just want someone I can have really good sex with, no strings attached.”  He pauses, then looks up at you, a calculating expression on his face.

Then you get what he’s thinking, “JJ...”

“No, think about it. We’re both super hot, we both want to get laid, and we both want no feelings. We could even make a contract if that makes you feel better?” He rambles for a second, still thinking.

“Okay, say we did do this. What would the rules be?”

“Well, there’s the obvious one. The other pogues cannot know. Especially not Kie.” He licks his lips.

You nod, “Yeah, I get that. How about, if one of us gets uncomfortable with the arrangement, we stop?”

He meets your eyes with his dark blue ones and moves toward you on the couch, “Agreed. The last one is very important. We absolutely are not allowed to fall in love. Can you manage?” His lips curve into that smirk again and you can’t help but let a small laugh tumble past your lips.

“I can, can you?” He moves even closer from his side of the couch, and your breathing hitches. The noises from the TV can’t be heard over the sound of your blood rushing in your ears.

“Definitely.” Then his lips are on yours and you forget how to breathe for a second. His tongue is exploring your mouth, hands moving to the bottom of your thighs to wrap your legs around his waist. He starts kissing down your neck, your hands pulling at his hair and making him groan into you.

You feel him bite down on your soft skin, your chest heaving. “Fuck, JJ. Upstairs,” You moan when he continues his antics. He complies with your request and let’s just say, it was a very good night.

--------

You wake up naked, with an ache between your legs as you slowly recall the events from the night before. You groggily open your eyes, spotting a familiar blonde head right away. He looks peaceful. You turn over to check your clock and realize you have an hour until your early work shift, meaning Kie will be knocking at your door very soon.

“Shit,” You tap JJ lightly on the shoulder and he stirs, “J, get up, Kie’s gonna be at my door soon and I don’t think she’s gonna like that you’re currently naked in my bed.”

He smiles, “Good morning to you, too, sunshine.”

You hit him with your pillow, “I’m serious, JJ!” You get up, stumbling a bit on your sore legs, which he smiles proudly at. Then you’re rushing to put some clothes on and he reluctantly does the same.

He puts his hands out in front of him in surrender, “Okay, okay. How am I supposed to get out without Kie seeing? I can’t exactly walk out the front door.”

“Um.. how about the window?” Before JJ could respond, there was a knock at the door, both of your eyes widening in shock.

Tag list: @treestarrrrrrrr​ @sspidermanss​ @harrysbbby​ @thatsonobx​

[breakable-girls-and-boys]

Crooked Smile Chapter 1

a/n this fic is very angsty. it’ll end happy, I promise. but you have been warned.

~This empty end was never something of your choosing. You could have won but you were much too busy losing~

Holly’s flight docked at the Toronto Pearson International Airport gate at exactly 23:37. She grabbed her bag and her carry on and followed the rest of the passengers off of the plane. Holly trudged her way to baggage claim to meet her friends and collect her luggage. Most of her belongings were being shipped from San Fransisco this week, so all she had brought with her were enough clothes to get through the week and several of her favorite books. Turning the corner, she saw her friends Lisa and Rachel waiting for her at the baggage claim. Immediately, she picked up her pace and when she was within a reasonable distance, she dropped her belongings and jogged the rest of the way, enveloping her two friends in a tight hug.

“You are not allowed to leave. Ever again,” Rachel said, squeezing Holly back.

Holly released her friends and walked back to retrieve her abandoned belongings, and the three of them sauntered over to the baggage claim area to wait for Holly’s other bag.

“I still don’t know why you came back. I would have stayed in San Francisco,” Lisa said as she pulled her jacket tighter around herself. “It’s too goddamn cold here.”

“It was great, but this is home. I missed you guys too much,” Holly replied just as she spotted her bag. Shouldering her way through bystanders, she hoisted her bag off the conveyer belt and hauled it back towards the other two women.

As the three friends began the walk to the car, Holly continued, “Don’t get me wrong, I loved every moment of my job and the opportunity it provided. But San Franciscans are weird and I missed the cold.”

“Well that’s great and all, but two years is just way too long. We need a good old fashioned girls’ night,” Rachel said.

“Yes!” Lisa exclaimed. “Ooo, there’s a new club I’ve been dying to check out!”

“We can absolutely have a girls’ night, but not tonight,” Holly said. Rachel pouted while Lisa began to whine something about how Holly ‘doesn’t really love us’.

“I’m tired,” Holly continued, “I just spent the last five hours on a plane. I’m jet-lagged. I’m going home, and I’m going right to bed.”

Rachel helped Holly load her luggage in the trunk before climbing into the driver’s seat. Holly joined her in the front passenger seat, while Lisa flopped into the back seat, still sulking and mumbling ‘Holly the buzzkill’ under her breath.

The 20 minute car ride was spent mostly in silence. Holly was trying too hard to keep her eyes open to deal with Lisa’s broodiness, and Rachel was content to let them be. Rachel pulled into the driveway of Holly’s townhouse and popped the trunk. She helped Holly bring her bags into the foyer. Setting her suitcase down, Holly sleepily turned to her friend.

“Get some rest, girl,” Rachel said, smiling at Holly, who was too exhausted to stand straight. “We’ll figure out a time to get together.”

“Thank you for picking me up,” Holly mumbled, stumbling forward to pull her friend into a brief hug.

“Any time. We’re glad you’re back.” With that, Rachel turned and left, closing the door softly behind her.

Holly threw the lock and dragged herself upstairs to her bedroom, not even bothering with her bags. She fell on top of her bed fully clothed, asleep the moment her head hit the pillow.

————

A week after Holly’s return, Lisa had finally gotten her wish: the three friends were on their way to a new club. Holly couldn’t remember the name of it at the moment, and she wasn’t overly thrilled about going out. She had wanted to stay home and read in a hot a bath, but Lisa had called her a recluse and reminded her that she had abandoned them for two whole years. So Holly had conceded and gotten dressed up. As the three of them approached the club, she remembered the other reason she wasn’t thrilled: the club was obnoxiously named Lush, which was obviously meant to convey that this was an upper class establishment. In Holly’s opinion, it was quite ironic. And judging by the group of scantily clad sorority girls in front of them, she knew exactly the kind of people who frequented this establishment, so it was no surprise Lisa had dragged them here.

Holly handed the bouncer her ID as he eyed her simple button up shirt and jeans with thinly veiled disapproval. She yanked her ID back and mumbled an insincere ‘thanks’ as he waved her through the door. Following Lisa and Rachel to the bar, she took in the crowd of people swarming it and grimaced. She’d have a hard time getting a drink tonight, what with all the bartenders drooling over the half-dressed women.

Rachel and Holly shared a look of misery. Lisa, completely oblivious, waved enthusiastically at a man by the bar and rushed over to greet him. Holly and Rachel remained where they stood, taking in their surroundings. The club had an upper level, with tables and balconies where patrons could look down on the dance floor. The main level had chairs and tables lining the walls, but most of the floor was devoted to the dance floor and DJ booth, where an overly passionate man moved rhythmically back and forth between spin tables.

Minutes later, Lisa and the man from the bar were walking back towards them, several drinks in hand. Lisa handed Rachel and Holly each a mixed drink.

“Guys, this is Ryan. He and I did our residency together,” Lisa introduced the man next to her.

Ryan smiled at the two of them as Holly took in his appearance. He was dressed in a sleek black suit, his dark hair was slicked back and beard short and precisely trimmed. Of course he was a plastic surgeon.

“My friends have a table over against the wall, if you ladies would like to sit down?” Ryan suggested, gesturing to the wall across the room.

“Sure,” Rachel said cheerfully.

Holly shot her friend a look of betrayal. Rachel laughed and bumped Holly with her hip.

“Come on, indulge your inner sorority girl,” she said as she and Holly trailed after Lisa and Ryan.

————

About an hour and a half later, Holly was working on her 6th drink. To say she was a little buzzed was an understatement. Ryan’s friends kept buying her and Rachel drinks, and she was not about to turn down the free alcohol. Rachel was sitting in the corner, being flirted with by one of Ryan’s friends. She thought he had said his name was Mike? It was thoroughly entertaining: Mike was trying very hard to get Rachel to dance with him, and Rachel was very politely shutting him down at every turn.

While Holly was distracted, one of the other men at the table made his way over to her.

“Can I get you another drink?” he asked as he set his own drink on the table, situating himself directly in front of her.

Holly looked up at him and shook her head no.

“Thank you, though,” she said.

“You sure?” He said with a toothy smile, shifting forward a little. He was wearing a grey-blue shirt with a solid black tie and black slacks. His long blonde hair was tied back in a pretentious man-bun and his beard was short and neat. “I’m Chad.”

“Holly,” she replied.

“So Holly, what do you do?”

“I’m a forensic pathologist,” Holly answered and took a sip of her drink.

“So you’re like a doctor? Very hot,” Chad drawled, running his eyes over Holly’s body and reaching for his own drink.

Holly choked on her Caesar, but Chad didn’t seem to notice.

“Uh, sure,” Holly giggled, “if you’re a necrophiliac.”

A confused look crossed Chad’s face.

Holly laughed harder. “Never mind.”

Chad shrugged off the comment and smiled at her once again.

“So, do you wanna dance or maybe get out of here?” Chad asked as he took a step closer, looking over-eager.

“Look, Chad, you seem really…” Holly struggled to find the right word, “uh, nice. But I—”

Holly’s sentence was cut short as something flashed in the corner of her eye. Holly turned to see what it was that had distracted her. As the object came into focus, Holly froze. Her breath hitched and she dropped her drink.

“Shit!” Chad yelled. “My shoes! What the fuck is your problem?”

Rachel was there in a flash, shoving Chad away from Holly. She had turned at Chad’s outburst and immediately saw who Holly was looking at.

Gail Peck was standing by the bar, drink in hand. Next to her was Traci Nash and Gail’s brother, Steve. Her hair was longer than Holly remembered, down past her shoulders. Her hair had soft curls and was pulled back behind her ear on one side. She was wearing dark jeans and a fitted, red henley.

The three of them began moving towards the tables. Towards Holly. Rachel saw the exact moment that Gail registered Holly’s presence. Gail paused, turned to Traci and Steve, who had happened upon an empty table, and spoke to them before making her way towards Holly.

Holly had finally remembered how to breathe. Abruptly standing from the chair, she took a couple steps towards Gail.

“Holly, hey,” Gail said quietly. Holly could barely hear her above the roar of the music.

Holly gulped. “Hi.”

“Hey,” Gail repeated.

“You said that already.” Holly said, smiling.

“You know, it sounded familiar,” Gail quipped. She took another step towards Holly and continued, “How is San Fransisco?”

“It’s good. Too hot for my tastes. I actually just moved back to Toronto.”

Gail’s eyes widened briefly before her stoicism returned. She nodded once.

“How have you been, Gail?” Holly asked.

“Good, I’ve been good,” Gail answered. She was about to say something else but was interrupted by the approach of another woman, who put her arm around Gail’s waist.

“Hey babe,” the woman chirped, flashing Gail with a dazzling smile.

Gail looked at her and then back at Holly. Sadness flashed briefly across her features but was quickly replaced with a hard look.

“Holly, this is my fiancée, Sarah. Sarah, this is my old friend, Holly.” Gail’s voice was soft but flat as she introduced the two.

Holly felt her heart plummet. Nausea roiled in her stomach and her mouth went dry. Blinking rapidly to keep the tears at bay, she extended her hand to the other woman. At that very moment, Rachel swooped in and grabbed Holly’s arm.

“Gail, hi! Lovely to see you. I’m so sorry, but I need to steal Holly away, it’s an emergency,” Rachel said pleasantly, taking Holly by the shoulder and physically turning her back towards Ryan’s group.

Holly turned to glance back at Gail, lifting a hand in a feeble goodbye. Gail nodded at Holly in return and led Sarah back towards Traci and Steve.

Holly stood like a stone while Rachel went about gathering their belongings and bundling Holly into her coat. It was then that Chad and Mike walked over.

“You guys are just gonna leave? The night has only just begun!” Mike exclaimed.

Chad grabbed Holly’s hand. “Come on, stay.”

Rachel moved between them.

“We’re leaving,” Rachel said flatly.

“You don’t speak for her,” Chad said, puffing out his chest.

“She’s gay, you nimrod,” Rachel sneered. With that she turned Holly toward the entrance and they walked out into the night.

————

Gail took a long drink as she watched Rachel yank Holly out of the club. Traci watched her watch Holly.

“You ok, Gail?” Traci asked a little too knowingly.

Gail swallowed hard and nodded once.

“So how do you know her?” Sarah asked innocently. The silence her question provoked was more than a little tense.

Gail cleared her throat. “Uh, we used to work together. Sort of.”

“Sort of?”

“She worked at the morgue,” Traci clarified.

“Oh, gotcha. She’s cute,” Sarah said nonchalantly and took a drink.

Traci and Steve both looked at Gail, whose cheeks were flushed bright red. For once Gail was thankful clubs were so dark.

————

Having managed to get Holly out of her clothes and into her pajamas, Rachel helped her friend into bed. Holly just let her, silent and unmoving, unless pushed.

“Did you know?” She asked at last, voice cracking.

“Did I know Gail was engaged?” Rachel clarified, tucking her in. Holly nodded. “No, I didn’t.”

Rachel sighed and sat on the edge of the bed.

“I’m so sorry, hun. I didn’t even think about running into her. But also, it’s been two years, I thought you said you were over her?”

“I thought I was,” Holly whispered, twisting the sheets between her fingers.

“Do you want me to stay with you tonight?” Rachel asked, resting a tender hand on her friend’s shoulder.

Holly nodded.

“Ok,” Rachel said. She kissed Holly’s forehead and went about changing into some of Holly’s spare pajamas. She shut off the light, crawled into bed, and held Holly as she cried herself to sleep.

[privateoakshq]

it’s that time again, I’ve compiled a list of the fc’s that haven’t been used in more than a month (mine included). If you’ve decided to drop them or are not feeling anymore muse you know that is perfectly fine, just let the main know and let the other half of the pairing know! I love you all so much and I don’t do this list to put pressure on anyone, I do it just so you can physically see the names and make a decision but there is absolutely no pressure ! ♡

dylan minette

zara larsson

michael consuelos 

froy gutierrez 

nezza

daniel sharman

bradley simpson

ryan follese

charlotte mckinney

sarah hyland

lea michele

cassie steele

nash overstreet

mike lobel

elizabeth lail

brant daughtry

niki demartinez

gabi demartinez

tyler blackburn

jake borelli

connor franta

miles richie

emily tosta

max haddadin

shay mitchell

ashley benson

gabriel conte

jess conte

jake miller

lana condor

rob gronkowski

brittany snow

jake johnson

zoey deschanel

noah cyrus

anthony padilla

kristine froseth

dylan barbour

matt cornett

kelsey merritt

hannah godwin

savannah lynch

riker lynch

francisco lachowski

charlotte d’alessio

nicola peltz

alex warren

kouvr annon

mykie

thomas petrou

anne winters

james mcavoy

stephen colleti

ryland storms

justin bieber

hailey bieber

jeff wittek

drew dirksen

alexa steele

jordan binnington

kyle houch

emmy rossum

peyton list

ethan cutkosky

isabella jones

jeremy allen white

lily james

jesse metcalfe

chelsea kane

michael clifford

dom deangelis

carter jenkins

tyler posey

matthew daddario

joe jonas

cole sprouse

ana de armas

alan stokes

lexi rivera

virginia gardner

elliot fletcher

sierra furtado

nicholas hoult

brent rivera

brooklyn beckham

selena gomez

blake woodruff

kj apa

louis tomlinson

nick robinson

karla souza

jack griffo

nash grier

kate upton

kaia gerber

diane guerrero

devon windsor

liam payne

dylan everett

hayes grier

cristine prosperi

will grier

megan williams

lottie tomlinson

amber heard

stella maxwell

patrick schwarzenegger

cameron dallas

margot robbie

griffin funk

erin gilfoy

ian somerhalder

andy bean

jay ryan

presley gerber

sommer ray

ryland lynch

ricardo hoyos

logan shroyer

paris berelc

charly jordan

robbie amell

eoin macken

luke benward

matt king

brendon fehr

jacob elordi

luke bilyk

odeya rush

joey king

becky g

james lafferty

cierra ramirez

kristen sire

chloe bennett

devyn lund

beau mirchoff

bethany joy lenz

corey scherer

carrington durham

chad michael murray

elsa hosk

chelsy amaro

ross lynch

milo manheim

sierra capri

bridget satterlee

mariah amato

alisha boe

sophia bush

thalia bree

zayn malik

gemma styles

rita ora

sergio carvajal

[thegrimzuera]

Now this is a story all about how my life got flipped, turned upside down into a real-life, real BAD fanfic.

So for the sake of privacy, we’ll say that my name is Zoe. I was raised in heteronormative, Midwestern suburbia. Now for the most part I adore my family and I loved my childhood, but in this case it did not work to my advantage. You see, nobody ever told me I could be gay. Just slipped their minds, I guess. Oops? So for most of my adolescence I walked around like a chump, thinking I was straight. I mean, straight people, you do you! It just didn’t work for me. That in and of itself is Bad Fanfic Trope #1.

I dated this guy on and off throughout high school. We’ll call him Chad. I liked Chad quite a bit. He was nerdy and we had nice conversations. For some reason we just couldn’t click well enough to maintain our relationship long enough that it became permanent (hint: because I was GAY...!). Honestly, we don’t even need to dwell on Chad that much. He’d be the least important part of this story if it weren’t for the fact that during one of our “off again” phases, he met and fell right in love with a person who we’ll dub Sarah.

Here’s where it gets juicy.

Now I’d never met her, but everyone said that Sarah was just like me—but cooler. We were both cute little emo girls, we both liked anime and weird music, and we both for some unknown reason liked Chad. Sarah also had this really amazing accent because she had moved to the states from Wales. All of Chad’s friends called her “British Zoe.” Come to think of it, that title made me a little bitter towards Sarah, and if Sarah ever heard about it, it may have contributed to her feeling bitter towards me too. Of course, being directed to compete over Chad didn’t help.

So Chad dated Sarah for a while, but it was fine, because Chad and I were going to stay friends like the mature 18-year-olds we were. Even though I was still insanely jealous of this mysterious and unattainably cool Sarah person. It was during this time that I figured I liked girls (and boys, I still thought) and as I was toying with the idea of telling Chad about my newly discovered bisexuality, he informed me that Sarah had also come out as bi. Interesting, isn’t it? 👀

I had the opportunity to meet Sarah once. We all went to an anime convention together, and I distinctly remember taking a deep breath beforehand and deciding that this was the day Sarah and I would become friends. There was no need for me to be jealous! If she was as cool as everyone said, then imagine how great a friendship would be. But I was shy. And she was shy. And we had all that baggage between us. I went home that day feeling alienated and disappointed.

Now things began to get messy, because conflicting feelings often do that. I’ll spare you the ugly details, but tell you that my friendship with Chad ended quite abruptly when I discovered that he’d been juggling both Sarah and I romantically at the same time. So I split, made a life for myself 50 miles away, and that was that.

Except it wasn’t. Fast forward about six years—one marriage, one child, one mental breakdown and revelation, and a divorce later. I moved back to my hometown, and one night I walked down the winter streets on the East side with a good friend of mine. I didn’t often come to these parts because I was raised on the opposite side of the city and it was unfamiliar to me. This was actually the first time I’d been here in about...hmm, six years? But one coincidence is all it takes I suppose.

As we walked along, I happened to glance into the front window of a restaurant just off the sidewalk. I had to do a double take, because there was no way that after six years and only one meeting I would immediately recognize...Sarah? Also Chad 😒 I did not say hello. I didn’t know what to do at all! After a mini meltdown, I decided that the best thing I could do was to reach out to Chad on social media.

In truth, I’d wished over the years that I could repair my friendship with Chad—wished that things had played out differently. If we all hadn’t been so dumb, maybe I wouldn’t have lost that friendship. To my great surprise, Chad was very friendly when I reached out. We arranged a time to meet up for coffee, and for several hours we talked and reconciled everything that had happened. We caught up on life, and Chad said that I should hang out with him and his friends—and Sarah—sometime.

I remember the first time I got to spend time with Sarah. It was shortly after that first coffee that Chad, Sarah, and I went to a local pinball bar to play and have drinks. We got together to play board games and have dinner around that time as well. In both instances, I was floored by Sarah’s kindness to me. Despite both of us being rather quiet by nature, we had easy conversation. I also remember feeling like such a dork in comparison. Me and my carefully curated outfits and sculpted hair were overdone and pretentious when compared to Sarah’s shaved head and relaxed wardrobe of black tank tops and some of the coolest pants I’ve ever seen. It was all so effortless for her.

Damn, I wanted so badly to be her friend! Chad kept encouraging me that Sarah thought I was really cool too, but I just didn’t believe it. When I learned that Chad would be moving out of state, I realized I had to stake my claim on Sarah’s friendship fast.

We all got together at Sarah’s new apartment for potentially one last time. Merely stepping foot into this place had my desire to be a part of Sarah’s world skyrocketing. The apartment sat on the East side of town, less than a hundred feet from the very restaurant window where I’d first saw her. It was on the upper level of an old, hipster coffee shop for goodness sake. If I didn’t want to be friends with Sarah just to be friends with her, I certainly wanted to For The Aesthetic.

That night I also met the person we’ll call Katie. This was Sarah’s new roommate. I could just tell as we interacted that evening that something good would come of this. At least, I hoped so. I largely contribute my lasting friendship with Sarah to Katie’s presence, because Katie has such a way about them. They can take even the most shy and awkward folks like me and get them laughing like fools. A little alcohol may have helped as well.

I lamented that night about how lonely I had been, and I did so out loud. That really should be embarrassing, but I’m nothing but grateful for my clumsy and pathetic tongue, because it allowed Sarah to open her mouth and invite me into her life.

“You can be my friend,” she offered earnestly. “Once Chad leaves I won’t really know what to do with myself, so you’re welcome here any time. I mean it!”

And hot damn, was I going to take her up on that. I came home that night absolutely elated. I had found a place to belong. I wrote songs and poetry about how happy I was. I told my parents how happy I was. I had never felt so hopeful, right down to the tips of my fingers. Flowers could have grown straight from my chest that night.

A week or so later, I had plans to have dinner with Sarah, Katie, and another friend of theirs, Rose. I was growing connections. That was also the week that I discovered Sarah and Chad had broke up because of some deeply rooted trash-bag tendencies he’d been revealed to have. We won’t go into that, but Chad was out of the picture, and somehow that raised the stakes. I had no training wheels now, not even in the form of an out-of-state buddy who could encourage me that Sarah truly did want my friendship.

Fortunately, what came to be on that evening with the three almost-strangers was the beginnings of the most instantaneous, wild, and addictive friendship of my life. We talked about everything. We discussed heartbreak, joy, pain, existence as a whole. We sat on a rooftop deck and gazed at the stars, and we immediately planned a get together for the following night where we would meet Lena and Emma, and our core group of instant best friends would be complete.

I can only describe this friendship as a whirlwind romance. These were the true loves of my life, and it had all started with laying eyes on Sarah by means of coincidence or fate that night in the winter—after years of tension and competition! Talk about an Enemies to Friends arc.

But I’m not even done yet.

As I mentioned, our little group became inseparable. We spent all of our time together and poured more energy into our friendship than I had ever given or been given by another adult person. I learned that these people were the coolest to ever exist, and that they thought I was cool too. I finally l believed it, because they wouldn’t allow me to doubt. This was a fierce love.

For some reason, with all this fierce love, I always found myself dying to get closer to Sarah. Closer and closer yet. I also felt particularly protective of my friendship with her. I think this had everything to do with the fact that our friendship was so ill-fated and had been thwarted many times before. I promised myself that I would never let anything or anyone come between us. Sarah was my number one concern.

You can see where this was going.

Bad Fanfic Trope #2: Enemies to Friends [to Lovers]

Now let me just take a pause in our literary journey to tell you some of the reasons I fell for Sarah. Consider this a montage of sorts:

For being a very shy, very introverted person, Sarah lives loudly. She’s the one to show up in the most fabulous, effortlessly cool outfit you’ve ever seen. We once went on a walk to the park with mine and Emma’s kids—Sarah wore black leather hammer pants. She has about ten thousand pairs of black boots, each one unique and quietly elaborate. She just exists this way, never looking like she tries too hard or had to even put thought into her appearance. She just is.

Sarah also loves to dance. And she’s good at it. This was another thing that surprised me, I suppose because I figured that as a self-proclaimed awkward person like myself, she would be too timid to dance. But Sarah can and will dance to anything. Sarah will dance in silence. Sarah also knows and loves every song known to humankind. I’m talking tens of thousands of songs—she knows the lyrics, the albums, the artists, and probably the life stories of said artists.

Sarah is an artist herself. She draws, paints, and does pottery. For my birthday, she threw me the first party I’d had since my absolute failure of a sweet sixteen (in and around eight years prior), baked me the most delicious lavender cupcakes I’ve ever tasted (oh yes! Sarah also is a master in the kitchen!), and gave me the coolest, trippiest, handmade cup. It is my favorite cup. I would probably murder if this cup asked me to.

Most importantly, Sarah is the most kind, gracious, emotionally intelligent person I know. I’ve always been astounded by her ability to forget our past and extend such grace to me. Despite the way we met, she welcomed me into her life. She’s always the first one to check in not just on me, but on all of our friends and even people who have wronged her to be sure that we are all okay. Sarah understands people. She understands feelings and can express them so beautifully when she’s actually given the chance.

We’ve done the whole nine yards over the last year since we met (er, met again). I’m talking midnight kisses, bed sharing, romantic dinners, slow dancing, regular dancing. The problem was in figuring out if it meant anything, because when all your friends are gay, this sort of thing can be confusing.

Nobody told me to feel this way. A smart person would have told me not to. A smart me would have listened. But I love the feeling of falling, so I allowed it. I allowed it and clung to it. It actually happened quite fast. Sarah and I have always been honest with each other; it was something I prioritized due to our rocky beginning. So, when I realized my feelings for her, I wasted no time in asking her on a date.

Sarah said yes, but she also told me she wasn’t sure where she wanted this to go or if she was ready for anything serious. Her relationship with the trash bag had left her pretty severely wounded, and she was understandably still healing from that. And so together we agreed that this would be a date without expectation.

Sarah also told me that she’d never been on a proper date before. Trash bag had never bothered to do that. This was just more motivation to make this a good date. Not to pat myself on the back too hard, but I did a great job. I am good at treating people right. We went axe throwing (yes, very gay, I know), and then had dinner and drinks.

All seemed well, I was happy, she was happy. But, since we agreed that it was a casual date, I didn’t want to apply any pressure by asking her out again too quickly. So I waited and tried to play my hand wisely.

Now during this time, COVID cases were on the rise in my area and in the rest of the country. Hangouts in our tiny group had been easy and safe up until this point because of the nice summer weather and Sarah’s outdoor, rooftop deck where we usually would gather. Winter in the Midwest, however, made that impossible.

Now I thought I might lose my mind if I couldn’t see my people for the entire winter. Fortunately, Sarah asked me to be her “plus one” of sorts—each of the roommates in her apartment got to choose one. Katie chose their partner, and the third roommate in the apartment chose his partner. Sarah chose me.

I say again, you can see where this is going.

Sarah confessed to me that she felt lonely and jealous of her roommates romantic lives. They had partners, she didn’t. They were in love, she wasn’t. But here I was.

Bad Fanfic Trope #3: Fake Dating AU

Now I know what you’re thinking. Why would I do this? Why would Sarah do this? Why, Zoe? Why?

Emotions are a very persuasive bastard, I’ll tell you that. Besides, it made Sarah happy, and I got to go over to my favorite apartment with my favorite person. We actually spent quite a lot of time together in this days.

One particularly magical night for me was the walk we took around a local college campus. This was near Christmastime, so the surrounding houses were all lit up with colored lights and the atmosphere just hit different. Even being out in the open, it felt intimate. We came across the most oddly placed bus stop in the parking lot. Truly it was an island out at sea—it just looked like it didn’t belong there, a little glass building with citrus light leaking out of it.

“That’s a portal,” Sarah joked, spotting it at the same time as me.

I laughed, but I was actually serious when I asked her, “Should we go through?”

So we did. We ventured to the middle of the lot and entered in the left-side door. The inside felt even more otherworldly, and I’m still not convinced that something supernatural wasn’t going on there. But we giggled like kids and imitated the sounds of machine and tearing space-time, and then we stepped out the right-side door.

I’m pretty sure that was the night I knew I was totally fucked. Up until then things had been pretty manageable, feelingswise. But everything about that evening just pumped me up with hope and adrenaline, and whether things went up or downhill from there is kind of hard to tell.

Things really were good! I got to dress up for mini, COVID safe parties and dance in the living room. I got to sleep over on movie nights. I had already been living out my fanfiction dreams to the tune of Cruel Summer by Taylor Swift for the last several months, so what was a few more?

Actually, it was quite painful. I say this was a fake dating AU, but I think I was the only one being fooled—and maybe Sarah too on some level. We didn’t really mean for it to happen this way. I didn’t mean to be the person who couldn’t control her feelings, and Sarah didn’t mean to be the one who led me on. We were supposed to be having fun—and it was fun. Until it wasn’t.

See, holding back your own feelings can be miserable. It’s fun in the moment until you come home to an empty bed and know that nobody will be joining you. It’s fun until you’re reading into every text message and searching for a hidden meaning. Everything somehow felt perfectly aligned and all out of sorts at once.

When I decided I couldn’t take the wondering anymore, I asked Sarah for the chance to talk. She of course said yes, and so we agreed that we’d find some alone time at our next get-together. This happened to be our jazz night party, and Damn, did Sarah look good on jazz night.

We’d had themed parties before, but Sarah really outdid herself this time. She’d taken the lead on this party, and when I walked in I found the entire apartment transformed. The living room furniture had been pushed back to make room for dancing, and the kitchen cart was rolled in as a makeshift bar. The plush bench from the entryway sat in front of a strung-up tapestry as a photo station, and the flat screen was adorned with some sort of “jazz club ambience” from YouTube.

Sarah herself looked like something straight out of the Great Gatsby. I’ll spare you the details because I’m trying not to be too cringe-inducing here, but she was striking and perfectly on theme. I’m pretty sure I looked like a grunge gremlin in comparison, but that’s neither here nor there.

I told her how lovely she looked when I arrived, and truthfully I couldn’t tell if she was the one being awkward or I was. It could have been both, in hindsight, but considering how things went it doesn’t really matter.

It was difficult to focus on the absolute beauty of the party when my hands were trembling and all I could think of was the upcoming talk of be having with Sarah. I didn’t want to look at her too long in case everything went wrong and she didn’t want my eyes on her, but she also looked gorgeous and cool, and she was making us drinks like a real bartender. This was the time of her life, I could tell.

Everyone else was having a good time too. Katie and their partner were two peas in a pod. And Adam (third roommate, thus far unnamed) and his partner seemed pretty much in sappy, romance heaven. It hadn’t been a problem before, but suddenly I wasn’t sure where I fit into this unique equation.

When slow songs came on through the playlist, the couples wrapped their arms around each other and looked fondly into each other’s eyes. Sarah and I danced, but not too close, and I definitely couldn’t meet her eyes right now. It just didn’t feel the same.

We finally managed to get some privacy when the others went on a Taco Bell run. I mentally went over my talking points and tried to prepare myself for what seemed like the most predictable outcome. I would make sure that Sarah felt no pressure with me, because that truly was the last thing I wanted. I would also make my intentions clear—I’d love to go out on more dates with you and just see if there could ever be something between us. Easy as that. I didn’t expect that she would confess her true and undying love for me (I tried not to expect anything really), but a large part of me figured she would at the very least agree to a date or two for the sake of discovery, and maybe she’d even be excited about it. It just made sense to me.

But, even as I was beginning to express my feelings, I could tell the direction this was going. Sarah smiled and said she also felt like we probably needed to talk, and that I was really brave for bringing this up—braver than her, she said. What followed was the kindest, most gentle letting down of my life. Really, she couldn’t have handled that conversation any better.

There were a number of reasons for her decision to turn me down. For one thing, she didn’t want to risk our friendship. We were already so close, and as she’d expressed before, she didn’t want to rush into any serious relationships right now. 100% reasonable. And, it kind of did make sense. It would have been difficult not to become serious very quickly considering how close we were. On top of not wanting to risk our friendship and not wanting anything serious, I suspected that she simply didn’t feel the same way.

At the end of it all, Sarah asked me if I needed some space to process, or if I wanted her to step out of the apartment for a while. That’s right, Sarah literally volunteered to leave her own home during her own party to make me comfortable. I of course told her that was ridiculous and did my best to carry on normally. I wanted to be cool about it for both of our sake. Alas, I ended up making multiple trips to the bathroom for secret crying sessions, and eventually I ducked out early so that I could cry peacefully in my car—and my bed, and my shower, and everywhere else for the next few days.

Yikes. Funny how it hadn’t even hit me until that moment that I’d been making the very same dumb mistakes I read about all the time on AO3. I filled myself up with hope that wasn’t there and nearly ruined everything because of it.

I tried moving on without much luck. I tried remaining friends with moderate success. Perhaps that’s being too pessimistic. Honestly, my friendship with Sarah is stronger than ever. It’s just that almost two months after Jazz Night I finally had to have another talk with Sarah—one where I confessed how hurt I’d been over the whole ordeal. I apologized for my mishandling of the situation, and she apologized for hers. Honestly, we both had a good idea of what we’d been getting ourselves into at the start of it, but we did it anyway.

Am I over Sarah? Not if I’m being honest. But my priority has been and will always be protecting our friendship, and I think she’s on the same page as me there. I hang out with both her and Katie routinely, and I’m doing everything in my power to fix this. I don’t think it’s as big a deal for Sarah as it is me in that she doesn’t have to alter her feelings. I don’t want her to change her behavior either—because our amazing friendship is why I fell for her, she didn’t do anything to make me uncomfortable.

So we’re carrying on. I guess this is an ongoing story, but the fake-dating part is over as are the fanfiction tropes that seem to have overtaken my life for a hot minute. I just thought it was so interesting—interesting enough to share I suppose.

(Honestly part of me things this would make a good story if I went back and documented these events in more detail—like, I dunno, multiple chapters or something idk. If anyone got this far and would be interested in that lemme know. It’s my real life but for once that’s actually quite interesting.)

[lambourngb]

More writers block today, YAY so I opened a document to start categorizing the things I know about Maria Deluca-

She was an animal rights activist in high school who wasn’t afraid to dump fake blood on the elite mean girls at a dance.  She was protesting Sarah Palin and the slaughter of moose. At homecoming! The stones on this girl.

She grew up thinking she and her mom were the only black people in town. Alienated if you will, and learned to love her skin because of her mom’s confidence.

She loved Rosa Ortecho. They snuck up to the roof together, getting wasted/high without Liz, who I imagine was a Very Good Girl. She knew some of Rosa’s secrets, and 10 years later she is lovingly maintaining a memorial against a very hostile and racist town.

She seemingly stayed behind after all of her friends left (or was away briefly before Mimi got too ill to run things). She runs a business that her mother handed over to her. In a town that is devoted to tourist traffic, she maintains a bar strictly bare of any alien-themes and will kick out anyone who talks about aliens. That is a fierce business model to have with a restaurant/bar which is notoriously hard to keep in a positive cash flow.

She’s a mercenary and keeps a tab. She runs a monthly night to support homeless and less advantaged people. She will employ a racist band leader as long as they play for free.  

She does whatever she has to in order to earn money and keep her mom safe. She has never relied on anyone to save her or her mom. The only time she asks for assistance, it is for company/emotional support to see a psychic/faith healer.

She can sing. She has a guitar. Music is important to her, and a way of honoring her absent friends (90s night).  She looks amazing in a formal dress.

She was lonely during those 10 years, stalking social media for a glimpse of what Liz and the others might be doing. It hasn’t been explicitly stated but it appears Alex was the only one she saw during those 10 years.

She knows Michael as a regular customer and playfully bans him for his antics/bar fights. As someone who has to pay sales tax based on the weight of liquor in her bar, Michael drinking straight from a bottle is a PROBLEM but she allows it because she keeps a tab.

She knows Max is often the one who hauls Michael out of trouble.

Her most important and longest lasting relationship is with her mother, who she is losing day by day to a type of dementia the doctors can’t treat or find on a test. She is forced to commit her mother to a senior center with a memory ward for Mimi’s safety. (Not cheap by the way, it’s around 8,000 dollars a month in North Carolina, and she would have had to have a power of attorney to do this- which if a doctor can’t find a medical reason, they would have labeled Mimi as a psych patient. And again, that is a specialized placement in senior centers).

As for what she knows of Alex’s feelings, at first she knows he was in crazy stupid love 10 years ago after a kiss in the UFO Emporium. When she says “home can be a person” she is reminding Alex he can fall in love again and have that feeling where Roswell is a place he likes. She is not referring to Museum Guy being that home.

She is absolutely shocked by the idea that Michael Guerin is the person Alex was twisted up about 10 years ago (and the feelings resurfaced again).

She is conflicted by the fact she has feelings for someone who is her best friend’s ex, and that someone keeps showing up for her. Caring for her after a scary encounter with a drugged drink. She knows right after she wakes up from the drugging, Max Evans is there asking her questions about a murder victim. She knows her bar was a place of interest in a murder investigation. I think the line is pretty easily drawn for her to believe she could have been the next person killed that night. 

[An aside about the smoke bomb- NOAH hands Michael his coat at the beginning of 1x11 at the Crashdown after their pow-wow. I think Maria was herself during the whole “it’s over, it’s been over” conversation. ]

She says of her reluctant attraction to Liz, who immediately recognizes that Maria has a crush with her reputation of “stupid” - because guys are stupid to Maria. She has never relied on a man in her life, especially after that Chad scenario. Liz is excited that Maria has that omg a guy is making me nuts tone in voice. It’s honestly the same excitement that Maria had when she realized her closed-off and practical best friend Alex is having ‘boy problems’.  

Maria: “Don’t say it. It doesn’t matter because Alex is in love with him. So. Yeah. Guerin is Alex’s Museum Guy” Liz : “That’s a lot. That’s a lot. Um… have you talked to Alex, told him how you feel?” Maria: No…I just I feel so guilty. Liz: Hey. You can’t choose who you fall for.  Love is scary. If we could choose, we wouldn’t fall at all, and… what’s the fun in that? You can’t be guilty of something you can’t control.

Michael is his own being with agency. Also you can’t call dibs on a person. Kissing your best friend’s ex before you had a chance to hash this out (because he was busy blowing up his dad’s alien prison) is apparently a crime?

[outerpogues]

Topper is a walking billboard for an abusive boyfriend. He's a stalker, obsessive, untrusting (maybe Sarah would have cheated but maybe if he wasn't so untrusting she wouldn't have found a reason to pull away from him so much), and has nearly killed 2 different people. He only let Sarah and John B go to prove he loved her more. That's some grade a manipulation.

i agree! especially with the stalking and proving-he-loved-her part, which is why i tagged that reblog with the whole “yeah uh he’s kinda obsessive” comment. he also totally slut-shamed sarah which absolutely is not okay for any reason, cheating or not, and that’s also a tricky thing for me to look past.

i think my thing with topper is that he’s just... more redeemable than rafe? which i think is the big thing that was going through my head when i reblogged that post. i think there were little moments that pointed to topper having semi-decent morals, at least compared to rafe, and where he’s 16 under the influence of a sociopathic 19-year-old the majority of the time, i feel like it’s easier to understand (but not forgive) why he acted the way he did in some situations. not all, but some.

i also agree with you about his reasoning for letting sarah go. i think topper really did love the idea of sarah, which is what she said, because he saw her as a form of validation if that makes sense; sarah is beautiful and “cool” and generally carefree and also the kook princess. and topper has never received validation from anyone in his life as far as we’ve seen, particularly his mother. in my opinion, the dude’s got mommy issues and just sees sarah as a way to combat that, which is super super toxic.

at the end of the day, topper is 100% one of those vineyard vines chads who, unless given significant reason to change, will join a frat in college and do some very questionable things but never get in trouble for it because he’s rich and white. however, i do think there could be potential for a redemption arc, since he’s young and has a lot more time to grow than rafe does, but i also don’t think we should completely brush aside the shitty things he did. if the writers are going to give him character development, it should only happen by means of topper recognizing and admitting to the mistakes he’s made, and very actively trying to change those parts of himself.

again, in my opinion he’s not fully redeemable, just more redeemable than rafe. if he doesn’t get a redemption arc then i’m okay with that, but between the two of them, i’d rather see it go to topper.