#Sad? Depressing? Dark? Complicated?

[downfallofi]

TW: long vent post, pass on by, don't read etc etc, I just need to get this out somewhere because it's still messing me up; I had one of the most gut punch conversations with my father I've maybe had ever in the two years since his brush with the ICU and like. This one hit me with a tons-of-bricks feels that nearly had me in tears, but also I can't get out of my mind. Routine duty call, right? My father, still an asshole, has had health issues and nearly died, so I just check on him to see how he's doing, and like has happened before, he took the awkward lull in conversation that happens to try and bridge some long dormant, decades old sounds, and he got weirdly emotional and said he missed me a lot and thinks of me every day (heard that one before) And then this man pulled a god damn MCU Yondu as he said, I'm sorry I didn't do right by you for all those years. You're a good boy, no, a good MAN. I never should have sent you away when you were a kid, I regret it every day.

And son when I tell you that was a punch to the guts because my crippling fears of abandonment, my sense that I am broken, that I was torn away from any sense of safety or knowing what home was started when I was 17 years old, and how can I describe to anyone just what this old man just SAYING THESE WORDS does. I don't even understand it myself, except to say it was both a painful knife wound and the softest hug I have ever been given in my life. And to have HIM saying it, I. Dude. I didn't have the words then, and I don't now. I had to continue the conversation like it wasn't anything and then tell the old man I love him and then I got my coffee and bagel and went in the Cafe Aroma toddler play area to like, weep. I don't sincerely think he even knew how hard that hit me. I don't know if he knows how impacting his words are, or even if he feels them as deeply as I do. I don't know.

He DID say this as a pivot to talk about my brother Michael, and that is the second part of this conversation that is sticking in my mind currently; It also has me thinking that my dad's confession that he done me wrong was secondary. Maybe, even, a salving of his ego, because he put it on me that now that Michael might be going to jail again that I'm his only son who isn't a disappointment.

Shoe is on the other foot now, since he once said I'm the family disappointment. Really feels like he just passes that one around.

And I am fairly disquieted and frightened and worried about Michael. I always, always am.

Dad just went off spilling tea, telling me Michael is borrowing money again, he's buying suspicious quantities of lighter fluid (again?), he's driving without a license with warrants to spend a night in jail again, and I get to be the only one who can't fully cut Michael out when he does this shit, or turn it off like my sister does with family shit like with Dad too. I get to worry from afar, ask myself how can I stay letting Michael's recidivism break my damn heart.

I don't have answers, it was a heavy seven minute phone conversation that was mostly about work, until it wasn't. I'm still reeling. Good feelings, bad feelings, worried feelings, all of it.

I'm not used to my father telling me positive reinforcement.

I'm not used to being told that I'm a good boy, no, a good MAN. Especially not when the same man has said I'm the disappointment.

It's all bouncing around in my head and it's hard to calm it down. Sometimes, I wish I hadn't ever kept contact with the kinder, gentler Warner, ya know, not even after his ICU stay. But also it's ... Very mixed bag, some good to take out of that, some very, very bad. The good even is hard to take fully accepting, even, but damn... It's....... Something to be told by one of the world's biggest assholes that he knows somewhere along the line he's done wrong. And maybe I do take it accepting? Maybe he saw death straight in the face in the ICU and he's slowing down and getting old and now he's full of regrets?

Told you man, it's all daddy issues all the way down, I have nowhere else to write this

[whereistheonepiece]

Thinking about unsolicited concrit (because of my own experience with it) and you know, I get where these critics are coming from. You see potential in the thing and want the author to do better.

But... Fanfic isn't about offering the most polished version of your work for some people. Fanfic, for some people, is to write something so your mind finally shuts up. It's like a cat having the zoomies for some, and they just need to get it all out of their system. It's why you have "No beta, we die like x" tags or "I wrote this last night instead of sleeping" tags.

I saw someone say on here that you're not morally obligated to get better at your hobby, and I have to agree. And fanfic is a hobby.

[musical-chick-13]

Do you ever think about. Seishin Muroi.

[animalstamp]

Rainwings Reference

Rainwings Reference

Fins:

Many types of fins

Used for expressions and hearing.

Even more styles then shown and there is no real rhythm or reason for the different appearances.

*Hooded is based on place of attachment. Hooded fins attach at the ears and extent down to the middle of the throat. Can be combined with other fin types.

Skin and Texture Mimicry:

Rainwings have very soft skin compared to the other tribes.

This soft, malleable skin and be manipulated by the Rainwing to take on many shapes much like a cuttlefish.

Rainwings’ skin (by an account of Nightwing researchers) is startlingly stretchy. Getting a proper grip is difficult. Removed skin loses its ability to change color or shape and turn an unpleasant grey color.

Color Expression:

Rainwings have the ability to turn any color that they can perceive. *More colors than humans can see

Colors are assigned to certain emotions, but context is also very important. Colors, just like words, can have double meanings and some combos make a more complicated expression.

Expression Colors show first on the face and the bigger the emotion further the color takes over a Rainwings’ base color. (Base color is the Rainwings’ favorite or preferred color and pattern.)

Blue (Bright)- Smugness or confident

Blue (Dark)- Sadness

Purple- In amor or Pride

Pink-Pleased

Red-Anger

Orange-Warning, frustration

Yellow- Alarm, excitement, hunger

Green (Bright)- Fear, startled

Green (Dark)- Envy or Jealousy or Tried

Black- Pain, Depression, Illness

Grey- Closed off, bored, being dead serious…or being dead.

Make sure to remember that context matters. Just because a Rainwings’ favorite color is red doesn’t mean that they are constantly angry. Genuine emotion is often a quick flash across the face much like human eyebrows. Rainwings can color how much or how little emotion they show, and some are better at it than others.

Extra:

Rainwing hands have thick and grippy pads on the fingers and palms. (They look like beans) Hands are different than the other tribes with the middlemost fingers being the same length and the other two acting like thumbs.

Wing talon is very long and strong, acting like a second pair of arms. A dragon might be able to hang in the trees with just their wings.

Have some of the fastest reflexes out of all the tribes. A Rainwing could spit before another dragon would even form a thought about breathing. (It’s a good thing they’re pacifist.)

Despite or because of their soft skin they have a far better healing factor. Wounds that might be permanent or deadly are recoverable for them. Damage that would take another dragon months takes a Rainwing weeks. (With them being in good health and having plenty of sunlight.)

Rainwing Venom is really an acid. Adult dragons have stronger acid and the older the dragon the more powerful it becomes. Dragonet’s acid is still painful, however, if a little less deadly. A bigger issue is young dragons also have less control and instead of spitting they will spray acid everywhere if frightened. (Testimony from a Nightwing researcher.)

[artofmaquenda]

I began creating my "moonpaintings" in 2020, back when I often felt intense physical pain each month. I’ve always felt compelled to make art, though it’s rarely easy to explain why. Often, it feels like I’m driven by pure curiosity—or maybe even a touch of madness. When I started, I didn’t fully understand what this process meant to me. Sometimes we think we know why we’re drawn to something, only to realize it reflects something deeper or unexpected within us. Painting with my own blood became a raw way to explore emotions I couldn’t easily put into words.

Looking back, I realize this art was also a response to emotions I didn’t know how to handle. I carried a quiet sadness, though I never wanted to be defined or judged for it. People often think depression means you don’t enjoy life, but that’s not the case for me. I feel deeply connected to life—I laugh, I feel moved by beauty, I’m grateful. But I also carry grief and a kind of sorrow I can’t always explain. Maybe it’s about the world, personal losses, or just the heaviness that comes without reason. I’ve even had people assume my interests—like vulture culture and themes around mortality—stem solely from depression or past traumas. While my experiences have certainly influenced my art, my curiosity reaches far beyond them. I’m fascinated by life in its many forms, by the mysteries of nature, by cycles of renewal and decay, by everything that exists beneath the surface of what we think we know.

I’ve often felt like I had to control my emotions to be accepted, but not only for others’ comfort. Growing up in a home where emotions sometimes felt unstable and the atmosphere unpredictable, I learned to keep myself in check, to be “small” and steady even when I felt anything but. That need for control became a habit, a way to feel safe—but as I kept it up, it also became stifling. The more I tried to manage or conceal my intensity, the more isolated and disconnected I felt, and the heavier my emotions became.

I’ve sometimes worried that sharing these parts of myself might lead people to feel sorry for me, to try to “analyze” or “fix” me, even while I feel they may hide similar parts of themselves. It’s complicated, wanting to be open without being seen as fragile, and hoping others would feel safe to be open too.

Over time, though, I’m beginning to accept these parts of myself, and my moonpaintings have been a big part of that. Through them, I’m learning to embrace everything I am—light and dark, joy and sorrow. I’m still working on releasing the shame around my sadness and intensity, allowing myself to see these emotions as valid and worthy. I’m not fully there yet, but with each piece, I feel closer to showing up as my whole self, without needing to hide or “fix” anything.

This journey isn’t about being completely healed or “done”—it’s about letting all parts of me exist without judgment, about finding a kind of peace in the messiness. And maybe that’s the real beauty of this work: it gives me a place to honor where I am right now, embracing all the parts of me that are still growing, still struggling, still becoming.

[azurem]

It was a frequent question he had, buzzing in his ears like a particularly annoying fly. As such, he felt no shame in his question:

"Is there a reason why you drink the... blue?"

Ink glanced at him, a raised eyebrow. He turned his head to look at him, keeping within his closed fist the catalyst for the question itself. "...Hm? I thought I told you already. My emotions aren't—"

"—natural, no," Nightmare finished for him. Seeing as that wasn't enough explanation —Ink was just looking at him blankly— he said, "still. Isn't blue the color of sorrow?"

"So, what if it is?"

"I don't see why anybody would choose to feel sadness," Nightmare said. He moved closer, just enough so his thigh would brush against Ink's. "You have happiness beneath your fingertips, courage... affection. I don't see why you'd take the option of suffering through your own sadness when it's unnecessary."

"Well—" Ink looked to the side, in thought. As he looked back at him, as if sensing something in Nightmare's expression, he smiled. "—what's it to you?"

"Pardon?"

Ink kept smiling. "Why would I drink the blue when I could just not do it?"

Nightmare looked away. Even when their joining hasn't been recent, he still struggled with keeping a poker face whenever Ink smiled like that. "...Well—"

Nightmare thought about it for a second, maybe more. Naturally, his thoughts drifted to the very balance he chose to forsake. "—You can't feel happiness if there's nothing to compensate it for."

"Nope," Ink said. "Not for me. I could just feel happiness all the time, if I wanted to."

"It's a thing about contrasts, then," Nightmare said instead. He closed his eye, unwilling yet to look at him. "You can't enjoy happiness if there's nothing to compare it to."

"You're getting colder," Ink said. He tilted his head, as if to look at Nightmare better, before he took his hand, slipping something inside it. When their eyes met, he didn't make any particular expression, yet his eyes shone with the hue of someone in the middle of reading. "Think again?"

"Hm." Nightmare turned his head to look at them, accepting the offering without any particular word. By its shape, he already knew what it was. His next words were hesitant, a bit clumsy: "maybe... You drink it to look normal. People wouldn't accept someone that wouldn't feel as they did."

"Pf. C'mon, now that's just depressing," Ink said. He snorted when Nightmare just gave him an unimpressed glare, which he promptly responded with an elbow to his arm. "You're thinking about it way too hard."

"Am I, now?"

"You totally are," Ink said. "Making stuff way more complicated than necessary— you do that a lot, y'know?"

He could feel his eye twitching. "Won't you just tell me?"

"I will," Ink said. He faked a yawn. "It's rather simple, really— mhm. A simple, simple thing—"

"Which is?"

"Huh, impatient," Ink said. He winked at him when Nightmare made a huff. "Y'know. Usually people just do stuff because they feel like it."

"Because they feel like it," Nightmare echoed, feeling somewhat disappointed. Still, this didn't clear his question. "But why? Why feel sadness, when it's a feeling everyone would rather discard if the choice arose?"

"See? Thinking way too hard about it."

"Ink— I insist. Is it not about the contrast? About normalcy? Why to feel, when it's—"

"An emotion," Ink said. "You're weird, y'know?"

"You— You vex me," Nightmare said. It was like trying to do a puzzle in the dark. "Incredibly so. You choose unnecessary, undesirable things— you love to make your own life more complicated than it should."

"Then we're the same," Ink said. His hands felt twitchy, so he looked down to look at them, curious of the way they dug into the cloth of his overalls. As in echo, he commented, "I don't get it. Why insist on knowing? Isn't it enough to just... let it be?"

"A life without knowledge is nothing better than the life of an animal, you must understand it well. Though...—" Nightmare looked down at him, at the way his hands seemed confused and lost. "—Though I assume a life without emotion is nothing better than the life of a machine."

"It's not," Ink said quietly. He took a moment before he looked up again. "...Still. You're pretty much a weirdo."

"...I've been called worse," Nightmare said after a moment. It felt somewhat disgraceful to know that he wasn't speaking in deceit.

Ink smiled at him. "Y'know... I wasn't lying. I do it just because, because I like feeling blue. Even if there wasn't any yellow for me, I'd still choose to drink it every time. I'd still like it, even if it was my only emotion."

"You're lying to me," he said. Ink only kept on smiling. It was not a lie. "...Where is the beauty in sorrow?"

"Where's the beauty in joy?" Ink echoed, almost teasingly. "You're a complicated guy, Nightmare. But that's why I like when you get serious with me."

Nightmare raised an eyebrow at him as Ink's hand insisted on his own, making his phalanges close on the vial of glass within. As if Nightmare would have ever let it fall.

"Tell you what," he continued, bringing his hand up to his chest as if to trace the emptiness in between the colors of his chest, as one would do with a missing tooth. "Until you find the answer to that, keep it with you. It'll be a funny story."

[acexsmhking]

𝑷𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒍 𝑻𝒐𝒃𝒊𝒂𝒔 𝑳𝒐𝒓𝒆/𝑭𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒔

: ̗̀➛ Toby lore/facts

Summary: I wrote a document of Toby that contains my personal lore/facts for him along side non-canonical and original content. Get to know my perspective of Toby better!

Warning(s): 18+ content, dark themes, child abuse, alcoholism, descriptions of gore, descriptions of child abuse, cannibalism, non-canonical mentions

Subject - SCP-524-S

Full name: Tobias Erin Rogers

Date of Birth: 4/28/1994

Place of Birth: Trier, Rhineland-Palatinate Germany

Height: 6ft, 0in

Weight: 165 lbs

Name Origins: Hebrew - Good of God

Zodiac: Taurus

Immigrated to Denver, CO. US at age 5 with parental family (Father, Mother, Aunt and Sister)

Multiple detected physical disorders: TS (Tourette Syndrome, class: both), CIPA (Congenital Insensitivity to Pain with Anhidrosis)

Multiple detected mental disorders: SAD (social anxiety disorder), Depression, Bipolar III (Cyclothymic Disorder), D-PTSD (Dissociative PTSD), Amnesia

SCP-524-S ranges from multiple Northwest states: Oregon, Washington, Alaska, Idaho, Wyoming and Montana

SCP-524-S rarely visits Middle/South states, typically more active during Spring, Fall and Winter. Moves to costal areas during Summer.

Subject experienced symptoms of interaction with the creature known as The Operator (SCP-582) through juvenile development. Faced interaction with the creature as 14yrs

Subject has a complicated case with D-PTSD (Dissociative PTSD), and Amnesia. Cause of D-PTSD being after death of family member: Lyra Rogers, Subjects age was 17yrs.

Shortly after tragic events SCP-524-S showed an increase in irrationality and hostility. SCP-524-S experienced increasing memory loss, waking up either dirty or with strange marks, bruises, and indents on body.

Subject is noted to have chewed through the flesh of his left cheek. Other notible scars being a long cut from Subject left eyebrow to eye cause after altercation with Father. SCP-524-S also chewed flesh on both hands, right being severely injured

Seven months after tragedy event Subject was forced to wear a metal wire muzzle fitted to face by pulling wires tighter. Two years later Subject went aggressively brutally killing Father, multiple citizens in a fire

Amnesia later induced on Subject after final contact with SCP-582

SCP-524-S kills in large numbers, typically aiming on office buildings and neighborhoods. SCP-524-S may kill a few victims before entrapping builds in large man-made fire

Singular kills are mainly done in forest areas. SCP-524-S will used leftover body parts from past victims to lure in new ones. Ambushing from trees and bushes

SCP-524-S has a talent of mimicking crying, whispers, and human sounds

Prior to capture, SCP-524-S was elusive. Scent trails and tracks always cut off mid-way and Subject would be lost. Subjects infected by The Operator possibly have chameleon like abilities, blending into their surroundings but not quite teleportation

SCP-524-S has yet to willingly show these abilities

Subject described waking up in the middle of woods with no prior memory after making contact with The Operator. There Subject was met with another proxy to The Operator, Kate the Chaser

Another Subject that has remained unseen by eye or photograph. Subject described learning, living and bonding with Kate which also resulted in his habits of consuming human flesh

“We had to find our own food, eat whatever we caught” — SCP-524-S

Subject stayed in territory of SCP-582 and Kate for six years before leaving, stating SCP-582’s behavior grew increasingly hostile and violent towards him. Kate guided him to the Northern states before leaving

Subject refuses to give location of Kate

While not certain and test remain negative SCP-524-S exhibits behavior of AIWS (Alice In Wonderland Syndrome), could be cause by stressful events and ill-maintained health

When captured, it became apparent that SCP-524-S grew a bond with SCP-225-S as creature could be spotted in distance watching. Subject also had a relationship with a murder of crows

The flock could be seen at sights where victims had been found in woods, and swarmed the capture-spot of SCP-524-S seeming irritated. A few members of the flock attacked personnel

More later….

♪¸¸.•*¨*•. ♪¸¸.•*¨*•. ♪¸¸.•*¨*•. ♪¸¸.•*¨*•. ♪¸¸.•*¨*•. ♪¸¸.•*¨*

: ̗̀➛ OMG WAS THIS STUPIDLY ANNOYING TO DO. I was switch between this and preparing Jack’s Masterlist and general head-canons ugh. Anyways eat this up my goofy goobers I’m gonna work on another Toby smut — Ace

-`♡´- tags list: @vanyatas @moriitis @theredservant

[jiejies-corner-store]

THE AVENTURINE FIC 😭😭 OH GOSH IM CRYING 😭😭

i’m so sorry, anon! here this should make it up 😭😭 the devil knows you're dead

pairing. aventurine x reader

tags/tw: fem!reader, references to a complicated childbirth, mother!reader, father!aventurine, spoilers to aventurine's real name, spoilers in reference to 2.1 trailblaze questline, aventurine’s nihilism and depression, references to death, hurt/comfort, ooc aventurine probably, i make shit up at the end because i want a happy ending—bite me.

sfw

a/n: ouchie. i finished 2.1 and it hurt. it hurt a lot. the ost for the “all the sad tales” is genuinely so beautiful. the trumpet just feels so melancholy yet hopeful it just goes so perfectly with aventurine’s story. but i need something that feels good now. ABSOLUTELY NOT PROOF-READ pt. 1

“As long as you are alive, the blood of the Avgin will never run dry.”

It was cold. Cold and warm. Almost feverish feeling. The type of feeling you’d get when you were freezing but your skin was hot to the touch. There was this frustrating beeping noise somewhere off in the distance that you just couldn’t tune out, finally you opened your eyes to see a sea of darkness, and seemingly at an unreachable horizon, a large circle of white light that looked like a gate.

“You’re not dead, if that’s what you’re wondering,” a voice came from beside you. How you didn’t realize there was a whole person standing next to you, you had no clue.

“Well, that’s not originally what I was going for, but now I’m a bit worried I might be,” you laughed, nervous, but curious all the same. This… person you couldn’t quite make out an exact face, or even a body for that matter, but ther was this distinct feeling that it was in fact a person. Like your instinct knew, but your brain couldn’t quite fill in the details.

“This is a place beyond mortal comprehension, if I tried to explain it to you, you would only be more confused. Walk with me,” the entity said, and without even willing your body to do so, you followed. Ripples emanated from each step as you followed and soon the inky void around you melted into an unfamiliar planet.

The sky was a deep purple, streaked with red that looked like lighting that crackled along the sky. Instead of the fluid, black ground, sand now shifted as you moved foward. Inside a small hut made of rock, you saw a woman cradling a swaddled child.

“Such a lucky child, such a blessed child… Just like your name. A gift from THEM to Avgin… my boy…”

You turned to the figure beside you and hesitantly asked, “Where are we?”

“A land of rock, but not water, lightning, but not rain, blood, but not tears,” the entity responded cryptically, which only caused a crease in your brow. You went closer to the mother in the hut and sat next to her. She whispered a blessing onto her child, but none of the words made sense to your ears. Similar to the entity, it’s like your brain scrambled them from your understanding.

The mother cried. You tried to wrap your arms around her to comfort her but only phased through her like a ghost. The baby too began to cry.

Then, the scene changed again, suddenly it was a cell with iron bars. A blond young man sat next to you. The blond’s gaze was downturned, but you could recognize that voice anywhere.

“—Thirty tanba… that’s all my life is worth.”

“That’s not…” you said, but realized it was all in vain. You tried again to take Kakavasha’s hands into your own. You wantd to take the cuffs off his wrists and cradle where the skin was rubbed raw.

“It's all or nothing…”

“Kakav—agh!”

Your future never existed You█ future never existed You█ future ne█er existed You█ fut███ ne█er existed You█ fut███ ne█er ████ted You█ fut███ █e█er ████ted Yo██ ██████ █e█er ████ted

Your mind felt clouded, a searing headache, followed by an inability to even pin down a coherent thought. The scene shifted once more.

“What’s going on!” you shouted at the figure that stood only silently next to you, crippled on the ground, clutching at your head, fingers pressing in to try to find the spot that would alleviate this awful pressure.

When your senses were no longer blinded by pain, you were back to that inky void you started in, but this time you weren’t alone. Not far away, maybe twenty feet or so, was your Kakavasha, and a woman you didn’t recognize.

“Why are we born into this world if it's just to die?”

You stumbled to your feet to try to run to him, but with each step closer he only got further away. He walked towards that gate of light. In your head, you heart was pounding faster and faster. You failed to catch up to him. He only got further and further away until he disappeared like fireflies dispersing into the night, “Kakavasha! No—!”

Utterly devastated, you sunk back onto your knees. You didn’t know why but you had this distinct feeling of loss. Tears rolled from your eyes freely. He… he wasn’t gone surely? The entity’s presence reappeared next to you.

“Why did you show me all of this,” you asked, not sure if you actually wanted an answer.

“Because you need to go back,” the entity answered and your jaw locked, gritting your teeth so hard they hurt.

You screamed into the void, “You’re the one who brought me here!”

“I never call anyone to me… you mortals believe that it is US that determine when your time to go is… but in truth it is your own doing, whether it is your body or your mind that gives up first,” the entity said, “It is only the strength of your will that will allow you to continue down your destined path… but many give up on that path and someone else must be chosen.”

“What does this have to do with me,” you snapped. “Why are you meddling in my life? What does Kakavasha have to do with this?”

“Kakavasha still has a long road ahead of him. I have supplemented his journey all his life. It was only recently he was able to live on his own will,” said the entity ”Your body is giving up. I do not have the power anymore to keep him alive. That lies with you.”

Your surroundings melted again. You were in a hospital room and on the bed was you. Eyes closed and steadily breathing, but your heartbeat was weak. The annoying beeping from before was louder and more prominent.

“You wanted to help him. During his past, you reached out each time. There is nothing you can do about that now, but the future and the present… you still have a choice.”

Laying a hand on your unmoving body, there was a slight resistance, but with just a bit more pressure you felt as if you could phase through it entirely.

“What do I need to do,” you asked the entity.

“Live.”

You furrowed your brow at that. Of course you wanted to live… right? The entity gestured for your hand, you obliged. Against your palm was an oddly soft feeling. Warm. Like a mother’s touch against your’s. Your palms pressed together, the entity spoke,

“May the goddess Gaiathra close HER eyes three times… Keep your blood eternally pulsing… Let your journey be forever peaceful… …and your schemes forever concealed."

You lifted your head and your “body” began to disappear similar to how Kakavasha disappeared. Just before you disappeared into sparks of golden light, you had the sense about you to ask:

“Who are you?” you felt like you were shouting, but your voice was quiet.

“You could call me Fenge Biyos.”

You opened your eyes with a deep gasp for air. Your surroundings were blurry, and you rubbed at your eyes, only to realize Kakavasha was up, standing next to your hospital bed with an anxious expression, hands already grasping the one that was wiping crust from your eyes.

“You’re awake,” he choked out, holding you as if you would break, “I’m so sorry… I’m so sorry for everything. I’m sorry I did this to you that I—”

“Kakavasha, slow down, what… why are you—no, don’t be sorry,” you finally found your words, sitting foward on the bed to wrap your arms around him. You racked your brain, trying to figure out what was going on. Your mind was still foggy, but finally that haze disappated and you remembered everything leading up to now.

“Kakavasha~” you hummed in a song-like tone, a small wrapped box with a blue and purple bow tied around it. You skipped over to his desk and wrapped your arms around his shoulders where he sat, and placed the gift in front of him, laying your head on his shoulder as your arms tightly hugged him. “I have a surprise.”

He smiled with a small laugh, “Doesn’t this usually work the other way around?” He pecked a kiss onto your check before pulling the bow off and opening the lid of the box, when he froze.

The smile on your face faltered bit when he didn’t say anything after a bit. The corners of it tightened into a more forced position, “Kakavasha? You’re gonna be a papa…”

The joy in his face from earlier had completely vanished. Only replaced by a stony, cold, poker face. He pushed his chair back and you stumbled into the wall behind. He gave you a tight smile and kissed your forehead before heading for the door and grabbing his hat. “I’ll be back later.”

With that, the door slammed shut behind him, leaving you at a loss as you fell into his chair, feeling suddenly so very empty in this large office alone.

He came back after that, apologetic for leaving you, but nothing felt truly right. He continued to reassure you that he did want to have this child, but it was a strenous time. The entire pregnancy was stressful. The doctors warned you that the level of stress you were under put you at risk for a premature birth, but you brushed them off. It was just the hormones, you were sure. Kakavasha still loved you. The ring on your finger should’ve been proof enough of that.

“How about the name Ilyas?” you suggested, laying your head on Kakavasha’s lap, “I was… looking at some databases about Avgin names and I thought that one was nice. What do you think?”

Aventurine hummed, but his mind seemed elsewhere. You let it go.

The next few months continued on in similar fashion.

But it all came to a head.

The two of you were standing in the kitchen. It had started off small. The hormones and the stress were getting to you. It was an off hand comment about him not fixing dinner, and you were tired and hungry from carrying around his child.

From there it had escalated. It turned into you were tired of feeling like you were walking on eggshells when you talked about the pregnancy. About how he was barely around for the appointments, and when he was he seemd emotionally distant… finally he exploded

“I never asked for this!” he shouted. “When did I ever say I wanted to be a father? Did you even ask me? Did you think about what I felt about this whole thing at all?”

You paused, feeling tears well up in your throat as a white-hot fear flashed through your body. You laughed, a hollow sound, “I’m sorry, Aventurine, I thought it took two people to make a baby? And you certainly made no attempt to use protection.”

He didn’t have anything to say about that. Even though the argument seemed over, you felt a nauseous feeling crawling up in your throat. Your tears felt like acid burning through your skin. Then a pain in your stomach. Your knees gave out and the last thing you remember was the scared expression on Kakavasha’s face before it all went dark.

“I was scared…. I was so scared that bringing another Avgin into this world would only bring misfortune onto you… that Gaiathra Triclops would take you from our child, just like my mother was taken from me,” he openly cried into your shoulder. “I took it out on you. I made something that should’ve been a beautiful experience something that was awful, and I understand… if you never forgive me for that but please…. please don’t leave.”

Now you were crying with him, one hand tangled in his blond locks and the other rubbing his back. Quietly, so quietly that you almost didn’t hear it, he whispered, “I can’t lose you too.”

You thought for a long time. In front of you wasn’t one of the Ten Stonehearts of the IPC. Not a calculating or cunning man, who’s only interest was in things that benefited the IPC’s bank accounts. In front of you was a broken man, who’d had everything stripped away from him when he was only a child. Who was shattered and forced to put his life back together with nothing but fear and anxiety as glue.

Did it excuse what he'd broken?

No.

“I’m here… I won’t leave Kakavasha,”

But maybe with time and effort, you could help re-glue each other with something a little more beautiful.

“Ilyas! Don’t run so far!” you called after a small blond haired child who was already ahead of you by a longshot, you turned exasperatedly to your husband, “Honey, can you go after him please? I don’t want him to get trampled by some idiot who’s not paying attention…”

The man only smiled at you, one hand firmly wrapped around your ever expanding waist, “It’s okay. There’s some of my squad that’s following him incognito. He won’t get out of our sights without them dragging him back. We can let him get his energy out. He’ll be cooped up in a hospital soon.”

You huffed conceded. Already tired from just getting through the theme park’s entrance. You were due in about two weeks, but Kakavasha was insistent that a week before you’d be under hospital supervision until you brought your second child into the world. It had taken about five years before the two of you had healed enough and there were roadbumps along the way… but you were both ready to give Ilyas a little sister.

But for now, the two of you wanted to let Ilyas have one more day as an only child. The reconstructed Penacony was nothing like the Dreamscape of the past. Fear and secrets no longer were trapped in the gilded cage of the former prison planet. With the help of the IPC and the Harmony, New Penacony was entirely real. No more dreams, just reality. They’d kept many of their old franchises and built a true theme park.

“Mama!! Picture! Let’s get a picture here before we go in!” Ilyas screeched, pointing at Clockie statue in front of the Clock Studios main attraction. You set a hand on Kakavasha’s arm, glancing up at him to try to get a read on what he was feeling. He’d let you in on the parts of his past that he’d kept a secret. The scheme behind Penacony, his proposed “death” and his encounter with his Past and Future.

He took a breathe and looked back down at you, giving you a smile that said “I’m okay” and relief flooded your bones. After walking you over in front of the camera, he crouched down and scooped Ilyas into his arms.

“Ready?” the cameraman asked and you nodded. After a brief countdown the camera flashed, and for a moment in that bright light, you saw the hopeful future that lied ahead.

[memoirofasparklemuff1n]

brutally- r.c. x reader

summary: this is part two of champagne problems-a year after you said no to rafe, you receive a wedding invitation for rafe and sofia's wedding. a/n: this is for the one who asked for part two 🥹 i wrote this at 2 am and my first language isn’t english so bear with me lmaoo, thank you so much to all who've read my silly little story, i honestly didn't think a lot of people would read it. anywayyy i hope you like it <3 warnings: angst (?) depressed reader and low self esteem. oh and swearing lol disclaimer: the reader's depression is based on my own experiences, everybody is different and what i might go through isn't the same as what another person goes through. with that said, if you find any of these topics triggering, i understand! so, please always take care of yourself <3

part 1

seems to me, it's over

i'll get used to it eventually

over and over again, brutally

it's just the way it's meant to be

now your love's no good for me

i closed my eyes listening to the lyrics, my complicated feelings being put into words. it always amazes me how artists could turn pain into art, sadness into poems, and tears into songs. i pulled the covers over my head, darkening the moonlight seeping through my window.

i suddenly heard a knock on my door. i frowned and paused the song, confused. it was 2 am, and i knew that my family would be dead asleep by now, so i started freaking out. i lay still for a moment but ignored it after a while, thinking that maybe i had just imagined it. after all, i haven't exactly been sleeping like i should. insomnia makes you delirious, or so i’ve heard.

knock, knock, knock.

ok, i was definitely not imagining it. i got up quietly and almost tripped on my bunny by accident.

“sorry, baby,” i whispered. i then grabbed a candlestick on my right hand, lifting it in case i needed to hit whoever was behind the door. i mean what kind of burglar would knock? i chuckled nervously as i walked to the door. ugh, it must be jonathan again with his stupid ghost jokes. i took a deep breath and turned the handle with my left hand, swinging the door wide open.

oh, this motherfucker will know to stop messing with me. “jonathan, i swear to god if you’re–,” the words got stuck in my throat. ok, i was officially insane. because there was no way i wasn’t imagining this.

“rafe?” i hissed. “what are you doing here? and how the fuck did you get in?” see? completely irrational, therefore i was hallucinating.

“the front door was open,” he said with wide eyes, clearly trying to look innocent.

i narrowed my eyes, “i personally locked all the doors. so don’t fucking lie to me, or so help me, i will scream.” if i screamed, i knew someone would hear and would come to wake me up.

he smirked, “if you already know the answer, why do you bother asking? also, please scream, i’ve missed hearing it.” what the fuck?! my dreams have never been this vivid. this is it, my own personal hell.

it had been a month since i’d seen rafe and sofia at the beach, and since then i have avoided people even more than before. although on the rare occasions that i did go out, like the grocery store, whispers and covert glances would follow me around like a blood hound.

my eyes were adjusting to the hallway’s darkness, and i noticed that his under eyes were far too like mine. then i saw blood running from his nose, lip, and a bruise was forming on his cheek.

“what happened? oh my god, are you okay?” my voice filled with worry, erasing all the anger i felt because i still cared. more than i should.

“never felt better.” okay maybe not entirely. jerk. i then looked away from his face and saw that his shirt was also soaked with blood. it was so much, and i felt sick. if there was something i hated more than anything it was seeing the boy i loved hurt, even if he did it to himself. hell, more if he was the reason behind it. but why would he come here? of all places?

he still hasn't answered my question, but i figured i’d interrogate him while i cleaned his wounds.

i sigh, then pull him by the arm into my room. that’s when it hit me, alcohol. great.

“sit,” i ordered. “be careful with gia.” i saw a ball of white fur running around happily. strangely enough, she loved rafe, despite him not being around in a long time. she’s just like her mom. oh, fuck off. i left my bedroom to look for band-aids and rubbing alcohol. i grabbed some painkillers and a glass of water to try and sober him up. i paused at the head of the stairs to listen to any signs of my parents being awake. snoring met my ears, and i sighed with relief. i didn’t need to explain why my ex-boyfriend was in my room all bloody while being engaged. engaged. i blinked the tears away, “focus.”

the first thing i see when i get back is gia on rafe’s lap. traitor. he was petting her despite knowing i never let her get on my bed. she loved ripping my sheets far too much when i didn’t give her attention. he looked up and smiled at me. my heart broke a little, or what was left of it anyway.

i take her out of his lap and place her gently on the floor. i swear she looked at me judgingly, but then again, she's just a bunny. a traitor but still a bunny.

“she’s so big already,” he says quietly.

“yeah.” i answer. “she’s a year old.”

he looked surprised, “really?” his blue eyes somehow managed to glow in the darkness. why do they always do that?

i nodded looking down, “it’s been a while.” i repeated the words he’d said to me at the beach.

he furrowed his brow at that, but didn’t answer. i turn around and take the chair from my desk, dragging it to where he’s seated. he’s not looking at me, instead watching my paintings on the walls and the clutter of pencils and paintbrushes on my desk.

“you’re painting again,” he stated. no shit, sherlock.

i nodded again. “inspiration has been coming easily lately.” i left so many things unsaid. i wish i could call myself an artist, an echo of my earlier thoughts.

you consumed me, leaving no trace behind.

i felt like i was back 13 months ago before everything went downhill, about to clean his cuts like i’d done far too many times before. i wish i could heal wounds that were not visible to the naked eye.

i took a ball of cotton and dipped it in the alcohol. i leaned in, avoiding his eyes. those goddamn eyes. “this is going to hurt.”

“i know,” he winced when i pressed the ball to his cut lip. “sorry,” i then pressed it to his brow, noticing a small cut. leaning from my chair to clean his face was harder than i thought. normally, i’d be straddling his lap with his hands around my waist. don't go there.

i tried to keep my breath normal while i put on the band-aids. his gaze was intently on my face, but i avoided his eyes. “done.” i leaned back and then i gathered the used cotton and paper.

“you'll have to look at me eventually.” his voice was hoarse, like he’d been screaming. by his state, i'd be surprised if he hadn't.

“only if you answer my question.” i sat back down and grabbed the alcohol bottle and the pills. i took two out and handed it to him along with the glass. i still didn't look at him.

“i got into a fight.”

“well, thank you captain obvious.” i finally met his gaze and only found sadness in them.

he chuckled without humor, “you asked.”

“you know what i meant.”

he went quiet for a while, staring out the window. i took the opportunity to get a good look at him. i frowned when i noticed he’d lost weight. he looked so healthy at the beach, what happened? his nails were bitten to the quick and his signet ring looked loose around his finger. his shirt had once been blue, but was now deep red. his jeans were also matted with blood and his shoes had dirt and blood on them as well. his hair was longer now, falling to his forehead in a messy manner. he looked oddly beautiful. he always did and it made me want to cry. it was so unfair, why was falling in love so easy but getting out of it borderline impossible? every time i went to sleep, he was there, haunting me in my dreams. i woke up and there he was, everywhere. my clothes, my bed, my hands, my eyes, my fucking heart. it wasn’t his to own, yet he stayed without any intention of leaving.

his eyes met mine and he finally says, “better hear it from me than from somebody else.”

i frowned, “what do you mean?”

“i had a fight with one of your friends.” i clenched my jaw.

“what?!”

“pope, he provoked me,” he looks back at me defiantly.

“pope? rafe, what the fuck?” i was so confused right now.

i’m having a fever dream, i must be. pope was a saint, he wouldn’t hurt anyone and if he did, it would be with good reason. he was the only one of the pogues i talked to the most. after rafe and i broke up, i pushed sarah away and by extension, john b. so because of that, jj talked to me on occasion and kie only ever talked when she hadn’t heard from me in a while. which had become less and less when i stopped putting effort into our friendship. so, the only one left was pope, sweet and kind pope. i could never push him away; he didn’t deserve it. well, none of them really did, but we had a special bond. i think it was because my brother and i had spent the entirety of our only summer camp with him. pope and i were seven and my brother was eight and we were inseparable, the only times we didn’t see each other was when the boys and girls were divided for different activities, which wasn’t often. so right now, i am furious.

“i need an explanation. now!” i remembered to lower my voice, but i almost didn’t care.

“no, wait. you know what? i don’t need to listen to this,” i took a deep breath and closed my eyes, because if i didn’t, i would punch something, preferably rafe.

i turned around and pointed at the door, without looking at him, “get. out. now.”

“no.”

i scoffed and opened my eyes, “what do you mean, no? you don’t get to decide, ok? first of all, we aren’t together anymore. secondly, you broke into my house, drunk and bloody and third, you had a fight with my best friend.” i tightened my fists to control my anger.

“i won’t leave until you hear me out,” he crossed his arms and glared at me.

“i don’t have to hear you out. this is my house, therefore my rules.” oh my god. this is it. i have become my mother.

“fine. let’s go outside then,” he grabbed me by the arm and dragged me out the door before i could protest.

“rafe cameron. let me go, right now.” i yanked my arm to no avail, and to be fair i wasn’t strong enough. id lost too much weight and didn’t exercise, although i don’t think that would’ve helped me much if i’m being honest. rafe was freakishly strong.

“no. you’re going to listen to me whether you like it or not.” i could feel him trembling with anger and i hated that my heart started pounding so fast. he’s practically kidnapping you and you’re all excited? what the fuck is wrong with you? oh god, let’s not go there.

i knew there was no point in fighting, so i let him drag me out the front door and down the street to a small playground that we used to spend a lot of time in late at night. i hate that he remembers where it was and that he didn’t hesitate in taking us there.

when he finally let me go, he didn’t face me. i crossed my arms expectantly. i looked around me and saw that all the houses were dark, the moon being our only witness. how i love her. it made me feel a little better that she was lighting our path and, in a way, creating a spotlight on us. cheap shakespearean tragedy again. i started shaking from the cold and hugged my sweatshirt tighter and faced rafe. i hadn’t noticed him looking at me quietly. i felt a little pang in my chest at the familiar gesture.

“well?” i raised an eyebrow, expectantly. he started to fidget and avoided my gaze.

“i—” he looked down and frowned. “i broke up with sofia.”

i took in a sharp breath. ok, i wasn’t expecting that. what the fuck was i supposed to say? he stayed silent and i realized he was waiting for me to say something. “i’m sorry,” i guess. i don’t know.

he scoffed and lifted his eyes to mine. like always, they shined but this time they weren’t as bright. he was sad, i could tell.

“i still don’t see what this has to do with pope and you breaking into my house, though.”

he nodded and walked towards the swing seat that was a few feet away from us. i felt like i had déjà vu in that moment. here was the first time he kissed me. on that very same swing set. i sighed and went to sit on the empty swing by his side.

“remember when we snuck out here and we got drunk for the first time?” he asked.

i laughed, “yeah, i then swore i would never touch alcohol again. my mom was so mad.”

he laughed too, “my dad congratulated me that day, said i was finally a man.”

“what? that’s so unfair,” i feigned annoyance. “my mom locked me up for a week.”

“i did break you out, though.” he pointed out and chuckled.

“the least you could do after making me steal my mom’s liquor,” i smiled and stared at the ground. our laughter died down and all that was left was the bittersweetness of what once was. i was so happy back then; everything was so simple. sure, i’d had my low days but after a while, i started dimming until i turned off. the lightbulb now burnt out, but unlike the real ones, i couldn’t be replaced. a sudden wave of guilt came over me. i ruined everything and for what? i stopped talking to my friends, broke the heart of the love of my life and built a fortress around me, not to keep people out, but to keep myself in. that way i wouldn’t hurt anyone, or so i thought.

“i’m sorry.” i lifted my head, confused.

“for what?” i asked.

“everything.” he looked at me with a tired expression.

“what is everything, rafe?” if anything i should be the one apologizing.

“for pressuring you when you didn’t want to marry me. i knew how you felt about it and i still pushed and ruined what we had. i was selfish and stupid, but i swear i didn’t mean to. i never meant for you to feel like i didn’t respect your boundaries or your beliefs.” i could tell he’d thought about those words for a while. he was so wrong. “rafe—”

“no, please let me finish.” his eyes were glassy, and i swore i could see him burning from the inside. a feeling i knew all too well.

he takes a deep breath and starts talking, “i am not going to deny that i was angry and hurt and that i felt like i was going insane. i spent weeks wondering what i’d done wrong, ways to make you take me back and every time i looked for you at your house, your brother or your mother would turn me away. and i never saw you outside, even months after our breakup.

“and instead of being angry at myself, i began to feel angry at you. why did you do this to me? when you knew how i felt about you and that i would never feel the same way for anybody else.” he gets up and starts pacing, avoiding my gaze and i’m grateful because my heart has somehow broken once more, and rivulets start descending, falling to the ground.

he starts gesturing wildly with his hands and turns to me, “i was broken, ok? you broke me and i started spending my nights at the country club, permanently glued to the bar. i drank away my pain and then this girl started noticing how sad i was. despite me being a jerk to her, she was kind to me and instead of serving me more drinks she started listening to me.” sofia. great. now i have to listen to their love story and how she healed him or whatever. stop being so bitter.

“so, i asked her out and she said yes, and we started dating. for the first time in months, i felt better. like maybe i could be good enough for someone, even if it wasn’t the person i wanted. i locked you away in my head and made sofia my priority. i was petty when i asked her to marry me. i wanted you to see that i had moved on, that it wasn’t that special, and that you’d done me a favor. that i could be happy without you.” i’d stopped looking at him in an attempt to hide my tears.

“but then i saw you at the beach. and all those feelings came crashing back in. that day i wanted to scream at you, kiss you, hurt you, and hold you so hard you couldn’t leave me again. i saw sofia go to you and you looked the same, yet not. when you said you were sick, i figured it was a cold and not the way i hoped. that maybe you were just as miserable as me. then you turned around and i couldn’t stop myself. so, i went to you, and i saw you crying and it took everything in me not to reach out to you. i realized i wasn’t over you and that i never would be. and i’m angry at you because i saw you for less than ten minutes and you somehow managed to destroy everything, i’d worked so hard to build. i hurt sofia badly. she didn’t deserve that, and i hate myself for it and i hate that i still love you.”

i looked up at that, shocked. i suddenly forgot how to speak.

but he had so much more to say because he didn’t stop, “so i broke up with her a few days after that and today, i went to find another place to drink, because she worked at the country club, and i couldn’t go there. you ruined that for me too. you managed to exile me without a word, and i went to the next best thing in kildare. your friend’s restaurant, and there were your stupid friends and my sister talking and laughing. when sarah saw me, she came up to me and i snapped at her, so john b stepped in and then jj and pope came along to kick me out so i punched him and then the others got into the fight as well, until they called the police and told me to leave. and i ended up here without realizing it. because i always come back to you.”

he was breathing heavily as if he’d run a marathon, his words starting to mix. i could only stare at him, and i guess that pissed him off even more.

“answer me for fuck’s sake!” i flinched. he’d never yelled at me like that. first time for everything.

“i—”

“y/n, please. i need you to talk to me because i’m going insane. please, i need a fucking answer. why did you do this to me?” he knelt in front of me, crying. i hate myself so much.

“rafe, i’m sorry,” i sob.

“sorry doesn’t cut it, okay?” his nostrils flared. “i need an explanation for why you left me.”

i take a deep breath and nod. “you’re right. i just- i.”

i sigh and close my eyes, “i didn’t say no because of my views on marriage, ok? i didn’t say no because i didn’t think you weren’t good enough for me, on the contrary. i felt like you deserved so much better than me. i’m pretty shitty, rafe. i didn’t want to ruin things, only to realize it was too late. i just wanted you to be happy, even if that meant with somebody else. somebody who could love you better than i ever could. i hurt you and i’m sorry, it’s the last thing i wanted. i only want you to be happy and i can’t give you that. you’re an amazing person, rafe.” i put my hand on his cheek and wipe away his tears.

“i do love you, rafe. i always have and i always will. i love you so much that i know what you deserve and it’s not me. i’m not ok. i’ll sabotage everything in the end, like i always do. i didn’t want to drag you down with me.”

i felt his features harden under my hand and he got up. he glared at me and his chest started rising and falling angrily.

“what the fuck, y/n? you don’t get to decide what’s good for me. that is my decision, and you didn’t ask me, ok? you went ahead and broke up with me for no clear reason. i know i fucked up by proposing, but we didn’t have to break up. instead, you left me there, alone and with my heart ripped out. it’s such bullshit. i am a grown man, and a relationship is between two people, but instead you decided i wasn’t capable, and you chose for both of us. that is so fucked up, y/n.”

“do you really think this low of me? that i’m an idiot who can’t think? or even worse, that i wasn’t a good enough boyfriend that you felt like i couldn’t help you? is that what this is? you think i’m incompetent? did i do something that made you feel like that? you should’ve told me how you were feeling, not bottle it up and then leave with no explanation. i’m not chopped liver, you know? we were supposed to be there for each other in the good and the bad.”

i looked down at my hands, ashamed. he was right, and it just proved everything i’ve said. “i never meant for it to be this way. i thought i was doing the right thing, ok? and it’s not that i thought you couldn’t handle it, i just didn’t think you should. you’ve had enough problems with your life for me to bring you more. a relationship is of two people, but i wasn’t in the right headspace to be able to maintain it. you couldn’t fix me, and i didn’t expect you to.” i looked up and his face was still wet with tears but was otherwise serious. he stared at me, his gaze hard and his jaw clenched. he was so angry and upset. its all your fault. it always is.

he was quiet for a while and i thought he wasn’t going to speak until he said, “who ever said i wanted to fix you? you don’t need fixing and you’re painting me as if i’m perfect. i’ve had my fair share of fucked up stuff too and you helped me. i just wanted to be there for you, i still do. you don’t have to go through this alone.”

“besides, what good has it done for us to be apart? if anything, we’re worse. i get drunk at least three times a week and you never leave your house. when was the last time you went out with your friends? you think i didn’t know? i talked to sarah sometimes and she always said you were ignoring her and avoiding the others.” his voice started raising again and started walking towards me.

i looked up at the sky, the moon hiding behind clouds. even she’s embarrassed. “i didn’t say it would be good for me, i only meant that it would be good for you.” how many times do i have to say it?

“yeah well, it’s not, ok? it hasn’t been good for me. i want to be with you. and i’m tired of this whole sad girl shit you’ve got going on, alright? you’re not the only one in pain and frankly, you’ve only done more harm than good. your friends don’t deserve your disappearance acts, much less my sister. sarah loves you more than anything, more than she loves me. you’re her sister and you’re being selfish.” i just felt like i’d been slapped in the face. although maybe that would’ve stung less. the worst part is that he’s right, but now i was starting to get pissed off.

so, i did what i always do, hurt them back. real mature.

“there you go, you discovered america. i’m a shitty person and i’m selfish and self-centered and egotistical and a hypocrite. whatever you want to call me, ok? you just proved my point so congratulations on finally figuring it out.” i got up and wiped my tears and began to walk away before i said something else that i’d regret or worse.

he grabbed my arm before i could take another step and sat me back down, “you don’t get to have the last word, ok? when will you finally understand that the thing you were supposedly protecting me and the others from, is precisely your behavior right now. being present before wasn’t hurting anybody, and now, by removing yourself from our lives, you’ve caused exactly what you were trying to avoid. i’m so fucking pissed off with your self-pity. before being your boyfriend, i was your best friend, or at least i thought i was. sarah was your best friend, and you could’ve told her if you didn’t want to talk to me, alright? but this self-isolation is over. you’re only hurting everyone else.” his blue eyes were somehow colder than the night air. i know that what he’s saying is true, but i don’t feel like it is. i’m so overwhelmed that all i want is to rot in my bed alone.

i yanked my arm out of his grip and stood up. “i have enough to deal with without you making it worse. forget about me, ok? its better this way and maybe you should go talk to sofía. she clearly loves you more than me.” i pushed past him and didn’t look back.

something hit me from behind (not in a good way) and i ended up on the ground. “what the fuck?” rafe tackled me. like some fucking nfl player. “dude are you for real?” he flipped me over and pinned my hands over my head. my breath hitched and he noticed. motherfucker.

“i’m not going back to sofia, ok? and you’re not leaving until i say so.” in other circumstances this would be hot, but right now i am exhausted. sure, of course you are. and i really wanted him to kiss me. i was so close to giving in.

“do tell, rafe.” i forced my voice to sound tired, but my heart said otherwise. yeah, his body on top of mine was enough to wake me up. horny bitch. i just really miss him. is that so bad?

he didn’t respond though, he was breathing rapidly, and his gaze fell on my lips, but before i could say something his lips crashed into mine. his hands let go of mine and moved to cradle my face and i threaded my fingers through his hair. shit.

suddenly my body felt alive again, my heart restarting completely and my mind went quiet for the first time in a year. i moaned when he bit my lip softly and he groaned when my tongue trailed his. we fell into that familiar rhythm and suddenly i felt like nothing had changed. i pulled away to breathe but he only took the opportunity to kiss my face and jaw, then down my neck. i tugged at his hair, and he kissed me again, this time rolling us over, so i was on top, with my legs on either side of him. he somehow managed to sit up and his right arm wrapped around my waist, pulling me closer while his left hand pushed the hair out of my face. this time he was the one that pulled back, only to wrap his other arm around my waist and bury his face in the crook of my neck. i stroked his hair and closed my eyes. i quit all of my resolve and hugged him tighter to me. he spoke first.

“i missed you so fucking much,” his voice cracked, and i then felt something cold slide down my chest. he was crying. and that broke me. i started sobbing and hugged him impossibly tighter, “me too. i love you so much, i’m sorry.” i pressed my lips to his head and inhaled his scent. home. he lifted his face to look at me and his hair fell over his brow. he was so beautiful. the moonlight bathed him over, the planes of his face highlighted, and the shadows became more pronounced. chiaroscuro. a technique i’d never mastered, yet the moon, ever the artist, did so effortlessly.

a tear fell down his cheek and i kissed it away, and before i knew it, i kissed every crevice of his face and whispered i love you’s spilled from my lips. i hated that i was the cause of his pain. when i finally pulled away, his eyes were closed, and i lifted my hand and traced his face like i’d done forever ago. “your freckles are like constellations,” i whispered. he chuckled at the memory and hugged me to his chest.

after a while of us sitting still he said, “don’t leave me again, please.”

i pulled away, put my hands on either side of his face and looked into his eyes. “i’ll stay as long as you want me, but i don’t want to hurt you again.” i meant it.

“you’ll only hurt me if you leave. and i want you to know that i’ll help you get better, but please don’t push me away. i only want you to be happy too, but the way you’re living right now won’t let you achieve that.”

i looked down and nodded, “i’m sorry.”

“i’m sorry, too.” he lifted my chin so i could meet his gaze. “we can do this together, okay? its not about fixing each other, but about supporting one another. you don’t need fixing because you aren’t broken.” my eyes welled up at that and this time he was the one that kissed my tears away.

“just let me in, please.” his lips felt like the perfect antidote, and i knew then that i would be alright, with his help and my friends’.

“ok.” he pulled back when he heard me and smiled, and god how i’d missed that smile.

i smiled back and rested my head on his shoulder. “you really need to change and shower.”

he laughed, “yeah, pope won’t appreciate new fashion choices.”

i laughed too, “i have to see them and apologize. tomorrow. you’re right, i’ve only made things worse.”

“i’ll go with you, if you want. though don’t expect me to apologize.”

i slapped his shoulder, “rafe!”

“fine, then i won’t go.” i narrowed my eyes at him.

“you have to apologize, or i won’t talk to you for a week.”

his eyes widened, panicked. “fine, ill go. just please don’t do that.”

i didn’t expect that reaction to be fair. “i was joking, i’m sorry.”

“well, it wasn’t funny,” he pouted. why is he so cute? i’m so down bad.

“ok ok.” i stand up and offer my hand for him to stand up. he takes it but once he’s up he doesn’t let go.

as we walked up to my house, i realized he can’t stay with me.

“are you going home?” i ask.

rafe looks down at me, “are you that desperate to get rid of me?”

i roll my eyes, “you know that’s not what i meant.”

“hmm, better be. but to answer your question, yeah. although i was hoping you’d come with me.”

i stop at that, “i can’t, my mom will get worried.”

he groans frustrated. “can’t you just say you left to stay with a friend?”

i raise an eyebrow at that, “she’ll never believe that, especially at this hour.”

“i meant like leave a note. but i can stay with you, unless you want me to go. i have clothes in my truck, if that’s what you’re worried about.” he stops and looks at me expectantly. his offer is tempting but i can’t help but feel like we’re going too fast.

“i don’t want you to go and id love to stay with you, but maybe we should stay away for tonight. i feel like its too sudden.” his frowns at that, but nods though i can tell he’s a little annoyed.

“yeah, i guess you’re right.” he looked like he wanted to say something else and after seemingly thinking about it for a bit he says, “i just don’t want to be alone tonight.” me neither.

i nod, “ok, but get your clothes first.” his eyes light up and he nods before letting go of me to head towards his truck. when he gets back, we go up the stairs quietly and i tell him to go shower while i set the bed. we used to do this countless times when we were together. i usually took a couple of weighted blankets and draped them over us so my parents wouldn’t notice he was there, although they probably wouldn’t come in tomorrow, or today, because they had work early. i’d still lock my door just in case, that way i’d be alerted if they tried to get in. i jump, startled, when the door opens, and rafe comes in. he’s wearing a sweat set and is barefoot. he chuckles at the sight of the bed, “that never gets old.” gia suddenly hops onto my bed, and i lift her up and kiss her. “you know you can’t be here.” i then set her down and she runs under my desk, but not before stomping her back feet in annoyance. i feel rafe hug me from behind and kiss the top of my head, now smelling of my shampoo and soap.

“nice fragrance,” i giggle.

“thank you, it’s from a very exclusive shop in paris.” he says in an arrogant manner.

“oh, my bad, my lord.”

“apology accepted, my lady.” he picks me up and throws me onto the bed, before enveloping us with the blankets. after snuggling in my small bed, i kissed his cheek. “i love you.”

he hugs me tighter and kisses me softly, “i love you, too.”

part two <333 @lissylopez i hope you like it <3

divider creds: @anitalenia

[dragonsoulage]

His sweet paramedic...

feat. Levi Ackerman

Levi wounded and hurt from the last battle he ever fought. Just moments after Eren was gone. But what remained was you, his sweet paramedic that always patched him up. Even his heart...

In this short story you are Hanges sister and a paramedic of the Corps. I was in the mood for some angsty, sad stuff after a heartbreaking AoT tiktok, we all know the depression about that right? 🥹🥲

Warnings: angst, sad, spoilers

Wordcount:1,2k

It was over. Finally, finally, it was over. Everything ended when Mikasa moved her blade toward Eren. There was an endless, sad, but loving moment between those two. And you... you had suffered as much as the others. Lost countless comrades and friends—your older sister, Hange. The Moment when she stated it as a sacrifice...and in the end, it was you watching her suicide. It had been hard more than that, for everyone. And yet, you were never alone. You were never left without someone...and that someone was Levi. 

It had been complicated between you two, he didn't want to admit he had feelings. After a long time...and when he figured out he had those feelings, he tried to distance himself. It was always like this, he was never ready to lose those he loved. And this man has already lost more than you could count. You're that sweet, little paramedic. He didn't want to lose you, either. His heart, already filled with sorrow, wouldn't take it. 

No matter how many wounds he had, how many things he sacrificed, he wasn't ready to get too close to the one he adored so much. 

But now, the battle was over. He leaned against that rock, and then he saw a small frame crawling towards him through the fog. It was you, you breathed heavily. Barely able to stand. Crawling towards him, the only one that has always remained in your life

"Levi." your voice was weak, he would have moved to you when he could, but His legs were damaged, seriously injured.

"(Y/N)." He called back to you, his gaze averting in your direction. You were on your knees before you tried to slowly stand up, walking over to him. You let out noises of exhaustion and stumbled over to him before you landed again on your knees, right by his side. Your hair is dusty and disheveled, and your pretty face is covered in dirt. Your eyes...oh, your pretty eyes—are filled with trauma, just like his. 

"It's over..." you spoke, your voice was so thin. It was over, yeah, but it didn't feel like a win. 

His hand stretched out to you, touching your skin on your cheek. Cupping your face with his palm, his remaining fingers marvel at your skin. He saw the big purple bruise that was on the crook of your neck, going to your jaw. You fought like every one of them, although your strength was clearly in first aid. His dark blue eyes are looking at you. The first time, he allowed himself to truly look into your eyes without withdrawing again.

"And you are still standing...remaining." His voice was laced with vurnablity and concern for you. Your own hand instantly went to his, and you laid it on top. 

The wind was slightly hollowing through the landscape, some strands of hair were blown back, so he just kept staring into your beautiful, sad face. Even now, among all this chaos, you are that beautiful, constant thing around him. Always there, yearning for his attention. He always tried to hold back. 

The mist was getting even more, and then you and him heard a noise. Both of you are looking up. And what you saw. 

Your heart couldn't take it, you couldn't even speak. You saw them...your comrades who died, your friends, Erwin and even your sister Hange. Your eyes welled up with tears. 

Your heart shattered to pieces for this last farewell. 

Levi's hand rested on your face while the other showed them the last honor. A rare sight, the stoic captain shed one single tear with a bitter smile. 

The last farewell to his chosen family. 

You felt his thumb stroking your cheek, catching the big tears that streamed down your face. It was the last gift from Eren, the last goodbye he could give you all. 

And then, after this fleeting moment when you could see your sister's face the last time, she had a smile, nodding towards you and Levi. 

Hange never tried to get involved in what was going on between you two when she was alive. 

But she was very well aware that you liked the captain, and that even Levi himself liked you more than he allowed himself. 

But now, nothing of this matters anymore. Hange no matter how crazy she was, wanted you to be happy, wanted Levi to be happy. This was the sign. 

When the mist was getting less, then slowly faded, you turned to Levi, you cried, you cried your very soul out. His forehead leaned against yours.

"Look at me, please look at me." His own voice was strained with the sorrow that was haunting you and him, yet he sounded strong. You looked into his eyes between those raven strands that were like a small curtain in front of his eyes. 

"It hurts, and I am not able to heal it." You explained. Yeah, you were a very skilled paramedic, but not even you could patch up a heart that was shattered into so many pieces. 

"Then at least we knew it was real. They were there, and a part of us. They made us who we are now." Levi spoke, it was serious, but his voice was rough with emotion for the very first time. 

20 Percent of humanity remained on earth, and you...you, his sweet girl, was one of them. 

The death was tragic, and the situation was bitter. The loss was immense, but for once he got lucky, fate was now so kind to not take you away. 

Levi was ready, ready to get closer, to heal together with you. 

"I am nothing without my sister... I barely even breathe." You never saw your own potential at all. Still, some bitter tears dropped from your lashes. Levi pulled your head closer, his nose brushed against yours. His lips are just inches away.

"You don't get it, don't you? You never was nothing, you always was so much more than you gave yourself credit for. 

Otherwise..." He stopped, it was time to say it, right now. Right now, when he already felt vurnable. 

"Life wasn't the nicest to me, to any of us. But it was so kind to leave you here with me. And I don't want you to say you would be nothing, Hange wouldn't want that either...(Y/N)." Levi continued looking at you, right into your very soul. 

"I love you." Levi then let out, his eyes, never leaving yours. Gazing into your orbs. Your pupils widen. Your tears didn't stop, but you then closed this small gap. Your soft, plump lips are pressing in a gentle and sweet way against his. 

With that, he poured all of his love into it, just like you did, as you always did. 

Even when the grief was big, he was the light on the horizon. Just like you were the missing piece, he finally found. 

This sweet kiss sends sparks of hope through yours and his veins. A glimpse of the future that now could be...a glimpse of the love he finally could share with you. 

The kiss on the battlefield that sealed wounds that would take a long time to heal, but they'd remain as memories of what had been. 

[strawberryblue-blog]

Goodbye, Ruben. —Ruben Dias.

summary: You see Ruben again after breaking up and you realize that you never got over him

warnings: none. depression, mention of alcohol and smoking, angst.

word count: +4k.

The darkness of the night embraced you as you watched the group of people outside. You had arrived a few minutes ago at the restaurant where Jack's birthday was being celebrated but you were still outside, undecided if you really wanted to go in.

In your hands you held the present you had bought for your friend, Jack, your legs shivered in the cold of the city (or out of anxiety about facing your biggest fear). Manchester was a cold city in winter surrounded by small snowdrops that adorned the surroundings and the houses in the neighborhood. You liked Manchester, the neighborhood reminded you of your daily trips to the city center.

Many feelings crossed your mind when you saw the picture in front of your eyes, your closest friends, Jack and Sasha hugging each other while you could see the others chatting and laughing around the table. But you could especially see the new couple at the side of the table with their backs to you, chatting animatedly.

Disappointment and sadness gripped your heart and you sighed wistfully looking at them. The reason for your hesitation in coming had clearly been because of them. To think that a few months ago it was you who was under their arms in that same situation but now everything had changed.

You perked up when you saw the birthday boy get up from the table and see you standing out there. Jack smiled cheerfully inviting you in with his hand, which you had to obey taking all your thoughts away. You walked through the door and the warmth of the place greeted you, plucking up the courage to take off the jacket you were wearing and start walking towards the group of people partying.

"Hello Jack" you greeted with a smile to the man who opened his arms welcoming you in a warm embrace.

"I was just about to send someone for you" he said wrapping his arms around you.

"The subway had a delay, I apologize for making you wait" you apologized sincerely.

The truth that dealing with the tube in Manchester was a bit busy these days and after work, there were usually delays or lots of people trying to get home and it got complicated.

"The boys could have come through for you, I told you to let me know and I'd arrange everything" he continued as he broke off.

"I'm already here" you laughed and lifted the gift to reach for it. Jack shook his head with a big smile thanking you.

"Y/n!" you heard a shout behind him. Sasha appeared with her splendid aura and that gleaming smile.

She hugged you tightly and behind her you could see a few faces turning to look at you, as her scream had caught the attention of a few. Shyly you smiled a little towards them, stroking Sasha's back.

"We were waiting for you" she mentioned taking you by the hand.

You felt a little bad, they were probably hungry and tired after training but they had been kind enough to wait for you, even when you were making time out there not to come in. Sasha led you in and sat you down between Ines and Isabel, who greeted you kindly when you joined them.

You had known everyone for a few years, you had been friends with Jack since high school and Sasha always invited you to games, practices and anything that included fun. You were very grateful to them, because they had been your friends forever.

"How have you been?" asked Ines interested.

"We haven't seen you for a few months" Isabel followed her.

"Work has me busy and I'm also applying for a promotion, I have to work hard" you said trying to sound happy.

On one hand it was true, on the other it was a lie. You had already received the promotion at your job and now you were on another schedule, something you had to work hard for but you were no longer going out with them or going to see Jack for another reason.

A reason that only you knew.

"When you get the promotion, you'll have to come back and hang out with us, we miss you" Isabel mentioned and you nodded smiling.

They were very nice to you, they all were. Even the girls that you didn't have much contact with or didn't know but because they were friends with Sasha they sometimes hung out together. They always came up to you and included you even though you were nobody to them.

Your eyes met the pair of brown eyes a few feet away from you, you quickly dodged their gaze pretending to see something else. Your heart broke into a thousand pieces. The hollowness in your chest echoed and you wanted to run away but you forced yourself to keep your posture.

Ruben Dias, was sitting a few feet away from you. He looked different from the last time you had seen him a few months ago, his hair was longer not to say long, his beard was a little darker, he had even changed his style of clothing. He looked beautiful, just as you remembered.

But now he was a complete stranger.

You stirred in your seat, turning to the girls to stop feeling their presence. But it was impossible.

How were you going to pretend you didn't know him when he was all you thought about? How were you going to get over him when you guys had never had anything? How were you going to act like everything was okay when next to him was a young, beautiful woman?

You took a sip from your glass, wine was something you had never liked before but after so much sadness and loneliness, you had started to drink often when you had slumps. So you hoped that at least chatting with the girls would take the focus off their presence. The conversation became more bearable and you listened to Ines talk to you about her pregnancy, her excitement was admirable and you were happy for her. But you were starting to feel more anxious as you felt the stares on you and the pressure in your chest for not being able to get over it. So after a while of chatting you excused yourself to go outside for some air.

You put your coat back on and your bag, opening the door of the restaurant to go out into the silence. You walked down the sidewalk waving to them as they saw you smile and you reached into your purse. You grabbed the box of cigarettes and the lighter, bringing one to your mouth to light it. You had quit smoking a few months ago but lately your vices had returned and you blamed it on your depression and anxiety, something you were treating with your therapist but still couldn't quit.

The sensation of the nicotine in your system made you shiver and tears threatened to spill from your eyes. You quickly wiped them away as they slid down your cheeks.

Thoughts came snatching back against your mind when you heard Ruben's laughter above all others. Something inside you stirred and made you vibrate. He sounded just like you remembered, manly, strong and warm. And then you knew you weren't over him.

You weren't over Ruben Dias and you weren't sure if you ever could be.

How were you going to explain to your heart that you weren't who you used to be? How were you going to trick your heart into telling him that you never had anything serious? How could you believe that he could ever be in love with you? When you had clearly been a distraction to him.

Because that's how you remembered your relationship with Ruben. A distraction. Only for you it never had been.

It all started when he broke up with his last girlfriend, you already knew each other but you weren't really friends. Jack started to invite him more to your get-togethers, he even tried to get you two to go out but he was just getting out of a relationship and you weren't interested in going out at that time. But you began to grow closer with every time you saw each other, chatting animatedly and then meeting up to get to know each other. Coffee mornings, tea afternoons and delicious dinners. Which led to one thing leading to another and after so many outings together, you slept together.

You had both agreed not to tell your friends, it was obvious it had been a one time thing but then you kept doing it over and over again. Not once, not twice. You met when you could, two or three times a week, at his place or yours. Big mistake. You should have put a stop to it when you could but you decided to keep going and thought this would last.

And now you definitely regretted it.

You had really believed that Ruben would choose you. You had really believed that he would fall in love and you would be together forever. You had been deluded. You thought you guys would live in a princess fairy tale, that you had found your prince charming and all that crap.

You had never pretended that he saw you as a girlfriend, you weren't like that. But you didn't think he saw you as anyone else either. You knew he wasn't ready for that yet, he had come out of a relationship of years but at least you believed you had something real. He looked real next to you.

But now you were in a gray story, where there were no good mornings or good nights, only endless days where the only thing you wanted was to erase all your feelings for him and disappear.

Because you really fell in love with him. You had spent the whole summer seeing each other on the sly but when winter came, it was all over. Winter brought disappointment, sadness and coldness.

You hated to admit that you had fallen in love and that the idiot had been you, believing that you had something serious when you had only been a friend to Ruben. A friend he used when he needed and discarded when he found someone else. Because that's how you felt, abandoned and dirty, like you were the plague itself. There was no explanation, no reason, he couldn't even tell you to your face. He just sent a message saying you couldn't see each other anymore and then ignored any sign of you, leaving you to lie in wait with all your feelings.

But it was your fault.

You had made up this story all by yourself. There was no love, no reciprocity. You were just his fuck buddy, the one he had left with his heart on his sleeve and broke it when a week after ignoring you he showed up with his new girlfriend. A famous, gorgeous, brand name model, good body and emotional stability, everything you had been lacking. Definitely the perfect person he had replaced you with.

You were embarrassed and humiliated to come here tonight, knowing he would be here. That's why you had stopped going to games and dinners, excusing yourself with anything. You couldn't even look him in the eye without thinking how stupid you were to try to fix things between you. Which you couldn't do because he had never seen you otherwise, just his distraction when he needed it most. And you had really come to think that he was in love with you because of how he looked at you, how he pampered you, how he took you to fancy and nice places, because every morning he woke up next to you and made you breakfast, because you ran away from his friends and kissed behind his back. Because he knew everything about you, what made you strong and what made you weak, your pleasure, your personality, your essence.

You had given him your being. All of you, even though you didn't expect anything from him. And you didn't really get it. You got nothing but a harsh message and a terrible end for you.

Tears streamed down your cheek as you kept puffing on your cigarette, it was the second one you had lit and you had never been like this before but you couldn't calm your cravings. You weren't going back in there and it was heartbreaking to leave Jack and the girls but it didn't make sense anymore.

You had never really belonged to that world.

You were a simple young woman who worked for a living, barely made ends meet on her salary and didn't have many friends. You weren't pretty, you weren't slender, you weren't famous, you didn't even know if your personality matched. Maybe all this time you had been forcing something you knew wouldn't work but wished it would and it hadn't. How could you expect a top soccer player to fall in love with you? He was rich, famous and handsome. He had everything at his feet, including you.

That was what love was like. That was life. All that was left was to live.

You threw away the cigarette butt and lit your coat, determined to leave. Then you would find an excuse and tell them, it wasn't like they noticed your presence much either. The party was still going on in there and everyone was enjoying themselves happily but you were tired of pretending.

"Won't you say goodbye?" you stopped dead in your tracks when you heard the question.

You didn't want to lie down and let him see you like that. You didn't want to feel his pity or worse, for him to treat you indifferently. You couldn't feel it all over again, it was going to kill you. You didn't say anything, you just lifted your shoulders.

"Sasha won't let me go if I go back inside and it's already late, the last train is in ten minutes" you mentioned with a half smile, trying to sound polite.

Ruben nodded. "I can give you a ride, if you want" he said.

Your heart clenched in your chest. Of course you wanted, you wanted everything from him but you couldn't accept anything else.

"I don't mean to intrude, thank you for offering" you thanked him walking to continue your journey.

Every second that passed you ached to see him there.

"You know Jack would never forgive me if I let you go by yourself" he insisted following you and with every step behind you, you heard voices saying 'don't leave him'.

What the fuck did he care now? If he was trying to be polite and kind, he shouldn't. He'd hurt you enough without caring now. He hadn't even bothered to say why he was breaking up with you, he didn't have to care now when you were nothing anymore.

"Goodbye, Ruben" you said in a whisper.

You wanted to make it clear to him that you didn't need him and that this was goodbye, at least from you.

At least one of us knew how to say goodbye.

Your feet moved on their own, leading you away from the place. You weren't going to look back and sighed when you heard your name called but you walked away quickly. You crossed the empty street feeling the tears stinging in your eyes but they refused to come out as you were in a hurry to get to the subway. You needed to get home so you could cry in solitude and in your peace. Everything was empty, few people trying to get to their homes and you were one more as you sat in the lonely train car. You snorted as you felt the train start to move, soon you would be home and you wanted nothing more than that.

The reflection of the glass reflected your silhouette inside the carriage, outside, the cold Manchester night. The silence was intermittent, accompanied by your agitated breathing and the noises of the train. Through the reflection you saw the silhouette of someone walking behind you in the aisle, silently, sitting a few feet behind you. You didn't think much of it.

You didn't even want to look. The person's face was blurred by the lighting in the carriage but you could see a male figure. Your eyes imagined the unimaginable, your mind remembered what made you ache the most, you could smell his scent, hear his breathing, you even felt his presence. You denied noticing the illusion you were living.

You were really crazy. The lack of sleep, your depression and your mess were making you see things that weren't really there.

The lack of Ruben in your life was starting to hit you hard and you had never gone through anything like this before with a broken heart. Because you were really shattered, completely broken with an illusion that you yourself had created. Now you imagined him next to you, sitting there, holding your hand. Nothing was real, you didn't even know if your feelings were real anymore. It had happened so suddenly, you had let yourself be carried away by your love for him, you had lost everything.

It was silly to think you knew everything about him, his favorite food, his favorite perfume, you knew his tastes and pleasures, his dreams, his goals and his cons. You knew perfectly what he felt after losing or winning a game, every smile when he was called up or every cry when he was injured, you had been in his best moments and his worst. All in secret. Without telling anyone, being like friends all this time, only you were the one who acted.

He knew everything about you, or so you liked to think. You had come to think that he really knew you, that he really belonged to you, when he would pick you up after work or take you home after games, when he would knock on your door with your favorite ice cream flavors, when he would ask you every morning if you had rested well or how he encouraged you to apply for the promotion. Now you couldn't even tell him that if you got promoted, I'm sure he'd be proud, since he always said it. But nothing made sense anymore.

He wasn't here, he wasn't beside you, he wasn't behind you, he wasn't even thinking about you. It didn't matter anymore, you wanted to forget him.

What starts wrong, ends wrong. Many people used to say.

But you were going to forget him.

For your sake and his, you had to.

You closed your eyes and leaned against the window, trying to calm the tears that kept coming. You were tired, you just wanted to sleep. Maybe when you woke up it would all go away.

The sound of the loudspeakers announcing the stop made you jump out of your seat, you had closed your eyes for a few seconds and lost yourself in the feeling of warmth. You stood up from your place and turned around when you noticed everything empty, you had already arrived at your stop. You reached a little way out into the aisle when your eyes caught sight of a piece of paper on the empty seat next to you.

Confused you reached out to take it, you didn't remember if it had been there when you came anyway it was your responsibility as a citizen to throw it where it belonged. So you took it and opened it at least to see what it was about.

I don't expect you to be able to forgive me, i wouldn't do that. I just want you to move on, i don't deserve your pain. I am so sorry. R. D.

You read and were stunned.

You stood there in the aisle of the empty carriage with the note in your hands. How had it gotten there? Had Ruben really been sitting a few feet behind you? A tear spilled down your cheek, your heart turned over in pain. You hadn't imagined it then. You had sensed his scent, his aura, his being.

Why hadn't he told you more? What did that mean? Although you already knew perfectly well what that message was about.

It was a farewell. He was letting you go and he was asking you to let him go.

Maybe it was the right thing to do.

To let go of everything that dragged you down.

For you, for your heart.

You crumpled the paper and walked out of the car, dropping the note in the trash can.

Goodbye, Ruben.

[wangxianficfinder]

I'm in the mood for...

Feb 9th

LINK LIMIT REACHED (check out the replies for more recs!)

~*~

1. hello!! itmf request for jiang cheng time travel fics. no jc bashing please and thank you ♥️ and ✌️

Lynchpin by ShanaStoryteller (Not Rated, 103k, WangXian, JC & WWX, Time Travel, Fix-It)

For Both Of Us (And Time Is But A Paper Moon) by sami (E, 65k, wangxian, JC & WWX; JC & LWJ, LWJ & LXC, Canonical Character Death, Mentions of Rape, not explicit but definitely referenced, Time Travel, Not Everyone Dies au, Canon-Typical Violence, Fix-It, Hurt/Comfort, WWX/babie tendencies, WQ is a queen in any reality, Healing, Yunmeng Shuangjie, Canon Divergence, Asexual JC, First Time, Getting Together, BAMF JC, BAMF LWJ, WWX finds new ways to be oblivious, seriously it surprised even us) JC and LWJ time travel together

🔒 a path with thorns Series by baekhyun (baruna) (T, 22k, JC & WWX, WangXian, Time Travel Fix-It, Brotherhood, Complicated Relationships, JC-centric, Spoilers, Sibling Bonding, Canon-Typical Violence, Dysfunctional Family, Humor, Angst, not romance-oriented)

Hand in Hand Together (All Your Life) by sami (T, 41k, WZL/JC, WangXian, Queerplatonic relationship, Implied future MingLi, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, Canon-Typical Violence, Canon Divergence, Time Travel Fix-It, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Healing, Slow Burn) just JC time travels

~*~

2. for itmf, are there any fics in which wei wuxian does not reincarnate, or any modern aus in which he dies? /bunnycoffeeumcat

Threadfic by lamusadelils (LZ prepare WY body for funeral)

goodbye, wei ying by wordsonpage (T, <1k, wangxian, Major Character Death, Modern, Growing Old Together, Established Relationship, Character Death, Angst and Feels, Death from Old Age, Angst, Reminiscing)

Lament by kianspo (G, 8k, LSZ & LWJ, LXC & LWJ, wangxian, Canon Divergence, Grief/Mourning, Slice of Life, Character Study, Canonical Character Death, except he doesn't come back, as this covers decades, eventually other people die, Mysticism, this is pretty sad y'all, i'll be honest about that, though i was aiming for melancholy, One Hundred Years of Solitude mood)

🔒 Entropy by mondengel (Not rated, 1k, wangxian, Major Character Death, Angst, Character Death) Wy dies a second time

Nothing but a Dream by Purplemagic (G, 1k, wangxian, Canon Divergence, Angst and Tragedy, Not A Happy Ending) Wy die a second time

🔒 …and other dreams. by mondengel (E, 2k, wangxian, Graphic Depictions of Violence, Major Charater Death, Eldrich au, Horror, Gore, Body Horror, Murder, Death, A/B/O, Mpreg, Dark fic)

Obvious Progression by GammaRays (M, 21k, wangxian, Major Character Death, Childhood Friends, Friends to Lovers, Modern, Disease, Illnesses, Chronic Illness, Cancer, rare disease, Fabry disease, Artist WWX, Medical Procedures, Hospitals, Angst, Non-Explicit Sexual Content, Hurt/Comfort, Surgery, this is just very sad all around, there are some light-hearted moments too though, like proms and crocheted thigh-highs, Sick LWJ, Sick WWX)

Obvious Conclusion by FairyGardenCorgis (T, 7k, wangxian, Major Character Death, Modern, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Cancer, Grief/Mourning, Medical Procedures, Hospitals, PTSD)

Freefall by cherrywhiskey (T, 1k, wangxian, Modern, Hurt No Comfort, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Angst and Tragedy, Grief/Mourning, Aftermath of wwx's murder, Dead WWX, POV LWJ, Dark LWJ)

🔒 rest by pasteltea (T, 3k, gen, References to Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Angst, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Character Study, Modern, Grief/Mourning, Introspection)

~*~

3. Hi! Do you know any fics which center Nie Huaisang or him just having a bigger role in the fic? Can be anything, NHS ships, him just being a facilitator, modern era, whatever! It would be great if he's kinda scheming for the benefit of his friends, or s/t where someone has the hots for him and he's surprised?

Story-Shaped by lingering_song (T, 13k, NHS & WWX, wangxian, Post-Canon, Chief Cultivator LWJ, Inventor WWX, Found Family, NHS needs a new hobby, And apparently that's spoiling his Wei-Xiong, Mentioned Character Death, Alcohol, Protective NHS, WangXian Endgame, Not JC Friendly, Not particularly gentry sects friendly overall tbh) NHS takes WWX in post-canon

Second on 🔒 like mayflies wandering series by RoseThorne (E, 21k, NHS & WWX, wangxian, Assassination Attempt(s), Introspection, Regret, Travel, Post-Canon, POV Third Person, POV WWX, Ghosts, Reconciliation, Exhaustion, Pining, Pre-Wangxian, Pining, Feelings Realization, Illnesses, ennui, Found Family, Porn Reading, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Manipulative NHS, Memories, WWX Needs a Hug, Pining WWX, Friendship, NHS Is A Little Shit, Qi Deviation, Resentful Energy, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Triggers, Fainting, Anal Sex, Getting Together, Love Confessions, Grief/Mourning)

Friends, Sabers, and Other Essentials for Solving a Conspiracy by MeridianGrimm for Lisa_Telramor ( T, 50k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Mystery, Smart NHS, WWX doesn’t stay dead, LWJ gets a new friend, Happy Ending, Fix-It, To be clear the WangXian is mostly background, This fic is about friendship)

The Absolutely True Story of the Yiling Patriarch: A Manifesto in Many Parts by aubreyli (T, 19k, In-Universe RPF, Romance Novel, Post-Canon Fix-It, primarily drama-canon with cameos from novel-canon)

Something Divine by jusrecht (T, 3k, NHS & NMJ)

CH 3 of second verse, same as the first by Cerusee, Mikkeneko (T, 42k, wangxian, Everybody Lives, Time Travel Fix-It, Canon Divergence, Crack Treated SeriouslyS, erious Conversations That They Never Got To Have In Canon, JC has no filter when he's mad, Even Some People They Maybe Would Rather Didn't Live, canon-typical trauma, even if it hasn't happened in this timeline they still gotta deal with the memories, reference to child death, Gūsū Lán Sect Rules, WN Lives, WQ Lives, this is absolutely positively definitely Wei Wuxian's fault, Memory Loss, Implied/Referenced Suicide)

the problem with authority by isabilightwood (M, 139k, WangXian, JYL/WQ, QS & JYL, Canon Divergence, Sacrifice Summon, only the summoner sticks around, slightly dark JYL, WQ lives, Slow Burn, Angst with a Happy Ending, Chronic Pain, Mild Sexual Content, Switch Wangxian, WWX has to be resurrected & LWJ find out before they can interact, but there’s plenty of wangxian once they do, manipulative relationship)

The Tiger has Destroyed his Cage by updatebug (G, 54k, WangXian, Shapeshifters, Fix-it fic, Animal Pelts, Tiger WWX, Found Family, adopted family, Yungmeng Siblings, Canon appropriate angst and violence, Gratuitous OCs) Link in #15

while covered in mud by merthurlin (T, 12k, NHS & WWX, NHS & NMJ, NHS & Wen remnants, mentioned wangxian, canon divergence, fix-it, NHS goes farming and Hates It)

Crazy, Rich Cultivators by ShanaStoryteller (Not rated, 13k, wangxian, Modern Cultivation, Idiots in Love, Misunderstandings, POV LWJ, īthis started as a crazy rich asians au but quickly got away from me, light moments of angst but mostly shenanigans)

The Mustache by Fortune_Maiden (G, 2k, JGY & NHS, JC & NHS, LXC & NHS, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Humor, NHS grows a mustache, there is much despairing)

Walking Along a Different Road by Anonymous (Not rated, 5k, MS & JGY, MS & NMJ, MS & NHS, NHS & NMJ, JGY/NMJ, WIP, Angst, Canon Divergence, POV MS, MS Lives, Good Parent MS, Hurt/Comfort)

there is no limited dimensions by Stratisphyre (M, 104k, wangxian, LXC/NMJ, WQ/MM, WN/Other(s), Star Trek Fusion, Canon-Typical Violence, Slow Burn, Friends to Lovers, Assumed Character Death, Minor Character Death, Tags on Each Chapter, references to non-con, references to canonical slavery, (The Orion Syndicate is just really bad okay?), bizarre space mpreg, Implied Future Pairings, POV Multiple, The Author Indulges in a Crack Pairing or Two, Accidental Child Acquisition, Found Family, Genius WWX)

Kiss of the Rose by sami (M, 8k, NHS/OFCs, NHS & NMJ, NHS & MXY, NHS & JGY, Family, original trans female character, Falling In Love, Enemies to Lovers, but only one of them knows it at the time, Pining, Getting Together, First Time, First Kiss, NHS drinks Respect For Women juice, courting, Please read notes)

day without night and night without day by xcourtney_chaoticx (T, 27k, NHS & NMJ, LXC/NMJ, JC & WWX, Ladyhawke Fusion, Inspired by Ladyhawke (1985), Animal Transformation, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Family Feels, Canon-Typical Violence, Attempted Forced Marriage, evil JGY)

the more things seem to change by littlebasketbun (G, 26k, LXC/NMJ, JC/NHS, wangxian, Modern, High School, Matchmaking, failed matchmaking, oblivious idiots in love)

The Same River Twice by nirejseki (Not rated, 17k, NHS & NMJ, WIP, Time Travel Fix-It, Unexpected development)

Counting Brushes by Fortune_Maiden (T, 6k, NHS & NMJ, NHS & WWX, wangxian, canon divergence, fluff & crack, humor, hurt/comfort)

🔒 Just Children to War by Anonymous (T, 4k, NHS & NMJ, Angst, Niè Siblings Dynamics, Niè Siblings Feels, Post-Episode 10 (CQL), Hair Brushing, Hair Braiding, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, NHS Needs a Hug, POV NMJ, Early Sunshot Campaign, offscreen death)

silly love songs series by wildwestwind (E, 67k, wangxian, 3zun, JGY/XY, NHS & LWJ, LXC & LWJ, LWJ/WWX/WN, JC/NHS, JGY & XY, XXC/XY, LWJ & WN, WQ & WWX, JC & WWX, Sex Work, Consensual Non-Consent, BDSM, Bad Decisions, Angst, Blow Jobs, Modern, Sex Worker Author, Masturbation, Self-Harm, Internalized Homophobia, Internalized Kinkphobia, Self-Hatred, Unhappy Ending, Horny Teenagers, Guilt, Past Rape/Non-con, LWJ is sad and horny, Baking, Politics, Hackers, Trans Female WWX, Aftercare, play piercing, bad polyamory, Marriage Proposal, Homophobia, Class Issues, Face Slapping, Daddy Kink, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Jealousy, Verbal Humiliation, Tenderness, Affection, Dubious Consent, JGY is a bad person and oblivious to his feelings, Drunkenness, Drunken Confessions, Fluff and Angst, Autistic Character, Autistic LXC, Kid Fic, Autistic LWJ, Trans Female NHS, Childhood Friends, Impregnation, Fluff, Worldbuilding, Bickering, inappropriate use of university library access, Biology, Sadism, Mutual Pining, Self-Indulgent Political Arguments, JGY is so bad at feelings, Porn with Feelings, Falling In Love, Alzheimer's Disease, nursing homes, Sharing a Bed, Fake Marriage, Sickfic, Misgendering, Misgendering Kink, JC Needs a Hug, JC Has Self-Esteem Issues, Kink Negotiation, JC is Bad at Feelings, JC is Bad at Communicating, POV JC, Protective JC, Domestic Fluff, everyone is happy, brief use of reclaimed slurs, Internalized Transphobia, Humor, Drunk Sex, Loss of Virginity, Eating Disorders, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, College/University, Confused Takes On Feminism, Crossdressing, Penis In Vagina Sex, Barebacking, Post-Divorce, Therapy, Friendship, Christmas, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Cultural Differences, JC & WWX Reconciliation, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, WWX Needs a Hug, Everyone Needs A Hug, POV WWX, WQ Is Bad At Medical Ethics, Pining, Grief, Porn AU, Twitter, Idiots in Love, it's not so much that WWX is pushing WN's boundaries as that WN's boundaries are feather-light gossamer and WWX is a very oblivious freight train)

shades of grey spill from my veins (bleeding ink all over the page) by Reverie (cl410) (M, 58k, NMJ/LXC, wangxian, NHS/WN, POV NMJ, Canon Divergence, Joining the “Wei Wuxian raised by the Nie Sect” Club, Mentions of WWX’s life on the streets, Hurt/Comfort, Accidental Sibling Acquisition, Single Dad NMJ, NHS & WWX Friendship, Fluff, Humor, Happy Ending, Everyone Lives AU, Protective NMJ, Sunshot Campaign, Some angst, Blood and Injury, Kidnapping, Protective Siblings, Found Family)

Jailbreaking by CullenBlue (T, 21k, WN & NHS, Canon Compliant, POV NHS, NHS Is A Little Shit, Cinnamon Roll WN, Fierce Corpse WN, Ghost General WN, References to Heavens Official's Blessing, References to The Scum Villain's Self Saving System, NHS insulting the Wen Clan's taste in interior Decorating, Mentions of Murder, WN made a friend by talking about his childhood trauma, BAMF WN, Panic Attacks, mentions of gore, Canon-Typical Violence, Violence in the Name of Comedy, Trauma, Is NHS taking anything seriously? who knows, Bromance)

the final cut by Wildehack (tyleet) (E, 19k, SangYu, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Suicidal Ideation, Emotional Manipulation, offscreen child death, extremely ill advised sex, Mildly Dubious Consent, Grief/Mourning, basically it's a BUMMER) is good but angsty with a bittersweet ending (because it's canon compliant)

~*~

4. Hi!!!!! Thank you so much for everything that you’re going you are literal life savers 🥺🫡

For the next ITMF do you have anything like

A) “On Impulse” by Rynne

B) Or you know that one fan art of teen wwx kissing lwj and lwj being shocked and blushing (pinterest link : https://pin.it/7vWC7oRZ9)

C) And also do you know any fics where wwx shows blatant favoritism towards lsz and the other juniors are jealous till they discover he’s his son ??

Anyway thank you so much ✨✨✨✨✨✨ /ihaveasoftspotfora-yuan

Keep Up by mimilamp (E, 27k, WangXian, High School, First Time, Practice Kissing, Practice hj, Infidelity, Sexual Content, Compulsory Heterosexuality, Pining while fucking, Teen Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dirty Talk) Not sure this is a great fit for #4 as it is both a modern AU and angsty, but it is teenage WangXian getting into it

~*~

5. Hi, I’m in the mood for a fic where... The Untamed is in Top Chef or other cooking shows? I know there are three complete about the great British bake off and also Battle Chefs by Sami, but I want... no, I need more!!! Also, any others about dancing show besides the Wangxian Strictly AU Series by Selenay and Unstrictly Ballroom by Ariaste that I found in the lists here!! I love reality TV fics!! I have read all the ones in the Reality TV list!! Be well and thanks!! Monica /monicaop21

we’re dancing around the kitchen by livinginaworldofnoise (G, 37k, WIP, WangXian, HuaLian, Reality Show, Modern AU, Worst Cooks in America AU, Cooking, Bad Cooking, war crimes committed in the form of cooking, Crack, Fluff, content warning for absolute unhinged chaos, XL Can't Cook, Simp HC) is a Worst Cooks In America AU MDZS/TGCF crossover

and from our own/live to ourselves by betweentheheavesofstorm (M, 105k, wangxian, modern, fantasy, reality tv, angst w/ happy ending, survival, blood & gore, self-harm, animal death, slow burn) is a made-up reality show in Antarctica (fair bit of angsty, be forewarned)

~*~

6. Hi! First off, thank you for everything you guys do! Much appreciated!

This one might be a bit off-topic, as not necessarily wangxian, but... I've been reading through your juniors shenanigans list and I was wondering if you can help? If not, 100% ok, and thank you anyway!

A) something with LJY meeting bb!a'Yuan? De-aged, time travel, or missing scenes from canon, it's all good!

B) anything with my main darling OZZ as the/one of the main characters? Junior-centric fics are so much fun! (Or they're soul-destroying, but in the best way.) /katonahottinroof

6A)

Time, Time, Time by skeletonofaplant (G, 44k, wangxian, JYL/JZX, WWX & LSZ, JYL & JL & JZX, LJY & LSZ, Time Travel Fix-It, Burial Mounds Settlement Days, Identity Porn, Identity Reveal, Angst, Fluff, Junior Quartet Dynamics, Time Travelling Junior Ensemble, Junior Ensemble Shenanigans, Humor) The Juniors go back in time. LJY ends up at the Burial Mounds

Of Bunnies and Childhood Dreams series by iamtheelvenprince (T, 39k, wangxian, LXC & LWJ, LSZ & LWJ, LJY & LSZ, Post-First Siege of the Burial Mounds, Pre-Canon, The inbetween years, Teacher LWJ, LWJ Has Feelings, POV LWJ, Child LSZ, LSZ's Childhood, Poor LJY, Family Feels, Supportive bros, Gūsū Lán Sect, LWJ loves his students, bad teachers, What happens when LQR isn't home, LWJ's ducklings, Supportive LXC, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Bunnies, Protective LWJ, LJY-centric, Child LJY, Sad LJY, Good Kid LJY, teachers playing favourite, unsupportive teachers, Literal Sleeping Together, Sleepovers, Baby LJY, Baby LSZ, LWJ loves his boys, LXC is overworked, Give LXC a nap, Light Angst, Family Bonding, LXC needs a hug, Lantern Festivals, memorial service, Secrets, Secret family, LQR loves his boys, LQR as the best great-uncle, Hurt, Suicidal Thoughts, Loss, Grief/Mourning, Broken Promises, Finding Ones Self, Self-Reflection, Brotherly Love, Brotherly Affection, Hurt/Comfort, Tragedy, Protective LXC, BAMF NHS, NHS-centric, NHS Needs a Hug, Manipulation, LWJ & NHS Friendship, Aftermath of Fatal Journey, Betrayal, Petty LWJ, Good Uncle JC, Good Parent LWJ, Protective LJY, JGS Being an Asshole, JGS Being an Idiot, JGY Being JGY, massive time skips, Teaching, Serious Injuries, Graphic Description, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Damage, Sad Dreams, Dysfunctional Family, Dysfunctional Relationships, Madam Jin deserved better, JC-centric, POV JC, JC Needs a Hug, JC Needs Therapy, Gūsū Lán Juniors Dynamics)

no time for crying by Narci (T, 10k, WangXian, Wwx protection squad, Age Regression/De-Aging, Kid WWX, kid LSZ, night hunt gone absolutely right, (lowkey golden core fix it), Fluff, Angst and Feels, Humor, Juniors)

Back in time by LilacNeko (T, 32k, wangxian, Time Travel, Alternate Timelines, Fix-It of Sorts, Angst, Family Feels, Good Kid LSZ, LSZ Needs a Hug, Sad JL, JL Needs a Hug)

6B)

🔒 卧薪尝胆 by RoseThorne (G, 1k, wangxian, OYZZ & WWX, Petty LWJ, Bunnies, False Accusations, scapegoating, Cultivation Sect Politics, Chief Cultivator LWJ, POV Third Person, POV WWX)

🔒 Four Parts Honey and One Part Vinegar by masked (T, 13k, wangxian, Post-Canon, Established Relationship, Junior Quartet Dynamics, Fluff, Humor, Time Travel, Wangxian in Love, 5+1 Things, Jealous WWX, the Impeccable Trust between Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian, POV Outsider, everyone is Thirsty for Hanguang-jun as one tends to be)

visions of glittering rooms by Sour_Idealist (T, 1k, A-Qing/OYZZ, A-Qing/OYZZ/LJY, Modern USA, Alcohol, Poor Movie Theater Etiquette, Drunk Postmovie iHop)

between the pages of some novel by yuer (vintageblueskies) (T, 7k, JL & OYZZ & LJY & LSZ, wangxian, Post-Canon, Case Fic, Curses, Sex Curse, non-explicit discussion of sex and porn, junior shenanigans, the mortifying ordeal of trying to figure out if your seniors are having sex, no sex happens in this fic, the author attempts humor)

Important Distinctions by nagi_blue (T, 5k, gen, Fluff and Crack, Podfic Available)

Linger in the Sun by etymologyplayground (T, 39k, wangxian, JC & WWX, Case Fic, Intimacy, Curses, Canon Compliant, Post-Canon, Cuddling & Snuggling, Getting Together, Romance, Sexual Tension, Scent Kink, WWX Loves To Teach, wangxian are married, Fluff, nonsexual intimacy, Scars, Sharing a Bed, Nonverbal Communication, this is HEAVY on the symbolism, Translation in Russian)

~*~

7. Is there any fics where LWJ just loses it and slams WWX into a wall or onto a bed or something to kiss him? Like, he just can't take it anymore,, his restraint is GONE! WWX is just too tempting he needs this boy NOW (bottom WWX only pls no implied/referenced switching either oh and no rape it must be consensual or WWX approved CNC)

🔒 感情用事 by rosethorne (T, <1k, wangxian, Frustration, Anger, Embarrassment, Grief/Mourning, Biting, First Kiss, Getting Together, Canon Divergence, POV LWJ, POV Third Person)

🔒 joined delight by RoseThorne (M, 1k, wangxian, underage, fast burn, Making Out, Marking, Frottage, Gūsū Lán Sect Rules, Gūsū Lán Forehead Ribbon, Marathon Sex, Implied Sexual Content, Love at First Sight, Swords, Horniness, POV Third Person, POV LWJ, Canon Divergence, Cloud Recesses Study Arc)

~*~

8. Are there any fics where wangxian are A) babysitters or tutors and meet through that? or B) run a stall/work at a store?

8A)

💖 But really, why? by Scrippio (T, 52k, wangxian, JYL/JZX, WQ/JC, Modern, College/University) features Wei Ying & Lan Zhan as tutors, though I can't remember if that's how they met.

~*~

9. heyy admins! itmf more darkji fics where lwj is possessive of wwx, something like 'so he thinks he's Straight (a memoir by lan zhan)' by pancho. thanks!!

A Matter of Time series by mrcformoso (E, 84k, wangxian, time travel fix-it, graphic depictions of violence, underage, LWJ pov, JC pov, dark LWJ, manipulation, grooming, teen body adult mind for LWJ, happy ending for wangxian, problematic consensual underage sex, blood & violence, insane LWJ, manic LWJ) LWJ is very dark & possessive in this

~*~

10. hi!! i’m itmf for a fic where wwx time travels to the modern era. i’ve seen some fanart and short twitter threads about it where lwj explains modern tech to him and he’s all amazed, but haven’t stumbled upon any fics.

i also wouldn’t mind fics of the reverse where lwj time travels /nalalie

🧡 The Shade of Old Trees by Kryal (T, 128k, WIP, WangXian, Ridiculously Long Notes, History, Canon Divergence, Modern AU, Slow Burn, Worldbuilding, Slow Life, Action/Adventure, Magic Returns, BAMF WWX) it's not time travel in the traditional sense, instead he gets trapped in ice for 15 hundred years. But he does get taught modern Chinese and technology by LWJ and LSZ! Plus protective WQ and NMJ are so fun to read ^^ - Mod C

结局难更改 (the ending is hard to change) Series by PorcupineGirl (G, 50k, WangXian, Modern with Magic AU, Canon Divergence, Time travel, Reincarnated LWJ & LXC, YL WWX, Reincarnation, Secret Identity, Identity reveal) has WWX time travelling to the modern day rather than falling to his death

counterpart by queensmooting (E, 37k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Parallel Universes, Multiple Selves, Kid Fic, some child endangerment (everyone will be fine), lwj can and has gotten pregnant, Bottom LWJ/Top WWX, bittersweet ending (ymmv)) way too much time/dimension travel

🔒 不忘 | Don’t Forget by dragongirlG (E, 50k, WangXian, Modern AU, Canon Divergence, Time Travel, Reincarnation, Fix-It of Sorts, Identity Porn, Social Media, Reunions, Family, Angst with a Happy Ending, Light Bondage, References to Canon, Artist WWX, Sexual Content, Pining, POV Multiple, Additional Warnings In Author’s Note)

atlas in his sleepin’ by anatheme (E, 48k, WangXian, XuanLi, Canon Divergence, Fix-It, Reincarnation, Family Reunions, Dimension Travel, temporary transmigration, Transmigrator!LWJ, Yunmeng Shuangjie Reconciliation, jzx motherhenning wwx, First Time, Sharing Clothes, Angst with a Happy Ending, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies) it not a time travel but WWX teach LWJ modern tech and depend on your interpretation it could be time travel fic, i think?

Wrong Turn, Right Place by diamondbruise (E, 71k, WangXian, Time Travel, kind of, it’s more reality travel but there’s modern wwx and cultivator lwj, Mutual Pining, Angst with a Happy Ending, Jealousy, Idiots in Love, Slow Burn, Misunderstandings, Cultural Differences)

take me back to a time by DizziDreams (T, 143k, wangxian, Graphic Depictions of Violence, Major Character Death, College/University, Modern with Magic, Time Travel, Sharing a Bed, Fish out of Water, Man Out of Time, WWX questionable decisions, LWJ lizard brain, Angst with a Happy Ending, WWX's lack of self-preservation, Student WWX, Time-Traveling Wizard LWJ, Slow Burn, Character Death, reference to abuse, Canonical Character Death, Canonical Abuse, Canon, LWJ, Canon-Typical Violence, Mutual Pining, Chronic Illness, Not A Fix-It, WWX be like "i should be scared but instead im just horny", feat: LWJ horny grip, Podfic Available, Case Fic, Russian Translation Available, Transmigration, America, Spanish Translation Available) lwj accidentally time travels to the modern era

Echoes of Love by Witch_Nova221 (M, 212k, WangXian, Modern AU, Eventual Romance, Time Travel, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, university lecturer LWJ, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, Dark BSSR, Amnesia, Memory Loss, 1980s music, LWJ loves all things 80s, Oxford vs Cambridge, Boat Race, References to Torture, Murder, Blood and Injury, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Mystery) is brilliant with an interesting premise

~*~

11. Do you know any fic (preferably wangxian) where wwx accidentally calls jyl mom ???? The thought popped up in my head and I can’t stop thinking about it 😅😂 /ihaveasoftspotfora-yuan

~*~

12. for itmf!!! no wips pls

A) longer fics w sugar dating or service top!!

B) in which one of them is a single parent, or kid fics really

12A)

November Baby by astrophyllite (E, 172k, NMJ/JC, Modern, College/University, Sex Work, Sugar Daddy, Slow Burn, Miscommunication, Mutual Pining, Pining while fucking, Condoms, Blow Jobs, Anal Sex, Frottage, Switching, JCn Has A Praise Kink, Hair Brushing, Hair Braiding, Dog Bàxià, Yúnmèng Siblings Dynamics, Emotionally Significant Duck Figurines, Trans JZX) mingcheng not wangxian but if you're okay with a different ship

❤️ All Old Things are New Again by The Feels Whale (miscellea) (M, 52k, wangxian, modern, reincarnation, sugar daddy, kink negotiation, gentle dom LWJ)  aaaand some wangxian sugar dating ones that the requester probably already knows about, but linking just in case / is basically a truly wonderful twist on this premise

how to fall in love with a catfish: a guide by wei wuxian (disaster rat) by bwyn, Yuisaki (T, 54k, WangXian, Modern AU, College/University, Actors, Multimedia, Online Friendship, Drunken Shenanigans, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Underage Drinking, Drinking Games, Families of Choice, Ensemble Cast, Fluff and Angst, Slow Burn, Catfish AU)

The Sugar Daddy AU Series by vesna (mrsronweasley) (E, 106k, wangxian, modern, sugar daddy, sex work, dom/sub, aftercare, semi-public sex, exhibitionism, bondage, boundary setting, relationship negotiation) is basically perfection of this premise

finally safe (for me to fall) by sassybluee (E, 77k, WangXian, Modern: No Powers, Sugar Daddy, Age Difference, Sex Work, Rich WWX, Older WWX, Service Top WWX, Poor LWJ, Single Parent LWJ, Sugar Baby LWJ, Family Issues, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Slow Burn, Cockblocking, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, No Lube, Lube, Addiction, Compulsory Heterosexuality, Implied/Referenced Abuse, wangxian + others) is a complete flip of the typical premise - Wei Wuxian as the sugar daddy

12B)

Of Bunnies and Childhood Dreams series by iamtheelvenprince (T, 39k, wangxian, LXC & LWJ, LSZ & LWJ, LJY & LSZ, Post-First Siege of the Burial Mounds, Pre-Canon, The inbetween years, Teacher LWJ, LWJ Has Feelings, POV LWJ, Child LSZ, LSZ's Childhood, Poor LJY, Family Feels, Supportive bros, Gūsū Lán Sect, LWJ loves his students, bad teachers, What happens when LQR isn't home, LWJ's ducklings, Supportive LXC, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Bunnies, Protective LWJ, LJY-centric, Child LJY, Sad LJY, Good Kid LJY, teachers playing favourite, unsupportive teachers, Literal Sleeping Together, Sleepovers, Baby LJY, Baby LSZ, LWJ loves his boys, LXC is overworked, Give LXC a nap, Light Angst, Family Bonding, LXC needs a hug, Lantern Festivals, memorial service, Secrets, Secret family, LQR loves his boys, LQR as the best great-uncle, Hurt, Suicidal Thoughts, Loss, Grief/Mourning, Broken Promises, Finding Ones Self, Self-Reflection, Brotherly Love, Brotherly Affection, Hurt/Comfort, Tragedy, Protective LXC, BAMF NHS, NHS-centric, NHS Needs a Hug, Manipulation, LWJ & NHS Friendship, Aftermath of Fatal Journey, Betrayal, Petty LWJ, Good Uncle JC, Good Parent LWJ, Protective LJY, JGS Being an Asshole, JGS Being an Idiot, JGY Being JGY, massive time skips, Teaching, Serious Injuries, Graphic Description, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Damage, Sad Dreams, Dysfunctional Family, Dysfunctional Relationships, Madam Jin deserved better, JC-centric, POV JC, JC Needs a Hug, JC Needs Therapy, Gūsū Lán Juniors Dynamics) Link in #6A

❤️ save a sword, ride a socialist by sysrae (E, 33k, WangXian, Modern with Magic, College/University, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Single Parent WWX, Homophobia, LQR’s A+ Parenting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Idiots to lovers)

🔒💖 Everyanything by deliciousblizzardshark & lingeringdust (E, 46k, wangxian, Canon Divergence, Gender Identity, Gender Dysphoria, Trans WWX, Protective LWJ, Accidental Baby Acquisition, Is it bad parenting to bring a baby on a nighthunt, Canon-Typical Misogyny, Fluff and Angst, Vaginal Sex, Canon-Typical Major Character Death)

💖 The Best I Can by Zephyr (ZephyrAndTheSilverfish) (T, 26k, LJY & WWX, wangxian, canon divergence, light angst, drama, recovery, coming of age, secret identity fail, rogue cultivator LWJ, road trips, happy ending)

The Simplest Way Forward by harriet_vane (E, 70k, WangXian, Modern AU, Accidental baby acquisition, Kid fic, Green card marriage (but not really), Slow Burn, Endless Pining, Happy ending, [Podfic of] The Simplest Way Forward by knight_tracer)

when the sun goes out by travelingneuritis (E, 176k, WangXian, Modern AU, Modern Cultivation, tech cultivation, Necromancy, Angst with a Happy Ending, insecurity around adoption, Dad!WWX, dad!lwj, Grief/Mourning, Mistaken Identity, Mood Whiplash, Body Swap, sex tears!, Falling In Love, Consensual Somnophilia, apocalypse (localized), Smut, unrealistic sexual stamina, Flashbacks, Time Skips, Illustrations)

Across the street to another life by danegen (M, 99k, WangXian, Modern AU, unleashed au Family Fluff, Set in America, Hurt/Comfort, Past Child Abuse, Addiction, Crime, Amnesia, Ableist, Language, another fridged mother, POV Alternating, past wwx/ofc, past wwx/omc, Medium parent YZY, A-Yuan is wwx’s biological son, Musicians, Happy Ending)

❤️ kick at the darkness ‘til it bleeds daylight by AlfAlfAlfAlfAlf, tardigradeschool (T, 75k, WangXian, Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Eventual Happy Ending, Getting Together, Burial Mounds Settlement Days, Inspired by The Parent Trap (1998), Kid Fic, teen shenanigans, two a-yuans, Fluff and Angst, [Podfic] kick at the darkness ‘til it bleeds daylight by contributor-sky (deepestbluesky), esbielle was also here (esbielle), glittercracker, GodOfLaundryBaskets, jellyfishfire, kisahawklin, Koontyme, Rionaa, semperfiona))

🧡 CSI: Gusu Edition Series by Stratisphyre (M, 39k, WangXian, WWX & LQR, Modern with Magic AU, College AU, Golden Core Reveal, Single parent WWX, Good Uncle LQR, Hospitalization, Allusions to violence and murder)

Magic Mishap by Regency_Bunny (T, 8k, WangXian, NieLan, Modern AU, Single parent WWX, Fluff, Humor, Kid Fic, Meet cute, Love at first sight, Himbo LXC, Magic tricks)

my little love by mellowflicker (T, 54k, WangXian, Modern AU, Single Parent WWX, kindergarten teacher!lwj, Kid Fic, Hurt/Comfort, Domestic Fluff, Pining)

I know what my heart wants by yakuso5u (Not Rated, 28k, WangXian, Modern AU, Single Father LWJ, Fluff, Mutual Pining, Getting Together, Accidental Child Acquisition, Domestic, Slice of Life, Christmas references)

Window Shopping by thunderwear (E, 18k, wangxian, Modern, quarantine fic, Single Dad WWX, Getting Together, Long-Distance Relationship, Mutual Pining, Fluff, Happy Ending, First Time, Phone Sex, switching POV, Domestic Fluff, some smut)

These Things Stay the Same by notevenyou (E, 30k, wangxian, Modern, Kid Fic, Canon-Typical Violence, Minor Character Death, Injury, Natural Disasters, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hospitalization, Accidents)

say it's here where our pieces fall in place by Lirelyn (E, 68k, wangxian, Family Feels, Modern, Angst with a Happy Ending, Kid Fic, Adoption, Foster Care, most of the angst is backstory and we're working through it, several characters have had therapy thank god, there's a good amount of domestic fluff but also a lot of crying, Often at the same time, oh yeah eventually there will be smut, possibly also with crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Podfic Available)

box your errors by mellowflicker (T, 42k, wangxian, Modern, single dad LWJ, Domestic Fluff, Family Issues, Slow Burn, Kid Fic, let LWJ have friends agenda, Hurt/Comfort, Pining)

The stuffed bunny, the beautiful nephew, and other gifts from Lan Qiren by deliciousblizzardshark (G, 8k, LQR & WWX, wangxian, Modern, Single Parent WWX, Good Uncle LQR, Accidental Uncle Acquisition, Found Family, Fluff)

🧡 your heart, two doors down by ghostsgf (G, 9k, WangXian, Modern AU, Pining, Parenting)

🧡 paint smears on sunny days by SnowshadowAO3 (E, 53k, WangXian, Comfort, Fluff and Smut, Everyone Is Alive, Modern AU, Dadji, Mutual Pining, Happy Ending, Brief Alcohol Mention, Masturbation, Blow Jobs, Hand Jobs, Accidentally co-parenting with your son's art teacher, Fatherhood)

🔒Betting On You by kuro (G, 5k, WangXian, Domestic Fluff Single Parent WWX, Neighbors, Modern AU, Pining, Music Teacher LWJ, Programmer WWX)

Can we keep him? by Sweetlittlevampire (G, 15k, WangXian, Modern AU, Shapeshifters, Animal Transformation, Friends to Lovers, Kid Fic, Single Dad WWX, Light Angst, Happy Ending, Modern with Magic, [Podfic] Can we keep him? by Rionaa)

~*~

13. Hi!

A) I would like to ask you to find some wangxian fics with multi chaptered royal au .

B) Omegaverse fic where wwx is a strong omega

Thanks

13A)

我的皇后是農民 | sowing seeds in the cold palace by sweetlolixo (E, 84k, WangXian, Imperial Palace, Emperor LWJ, Imperial Consort WWX, Farmer WWX, Angst, Romance, Wingman LJY, Wife-chasing-LWJ, Arranged Marriage, Best Boy A-Yuan)

travelers through the empty gate by stiltonbasket (M, 107k, WIP, WangXian, Royalty, Emperor WWX, Mistaken Identity, Poor LWJ, Bookshop owner LWJ, Intrigue, Court Drama, Forced Marriage, Confused WWX, POV Alternating, Parenthood, Misunderstandings, Empress LWJ, Requited Unrequited Love, Fluff, Humor, Married Life, Angst with a Happy Ending) my fic fits the bill!

shattered mirrors by besanii

🧡 The Emperor's Portrait by catbrainedschemes (E, 32k, WangXian, Historical, Ancient China, Historically Inaccurate, Meet-Cute, Mistaken Identity, Age Difference, Sexual Tension, Happy Ending, Fluff, Emperor!LWJ, artist!wwx, Misunderstandings, Hand Kink, Strength Kink, Smut, gege kinkl, ots of staring, Dirty Talk, Canon-Typical Bondage) (link in royalty au comp)

True Gold Fears No Fire by defractum (nyargles) (M, 69k, WIP, WangXian, Royalty AU, Ancient China, Wuxia, Historical Inaccuracy, Arranged Marriage, Identity Porn, Mutual Pining, Emperor!LWJ, empress!wwx, Eventual Happy Ending, Misunderstandings) (link in royalty au comp)

Kingfisher Feathers by anonymous (E, 144k, WIP, WangXian, Royalty AU, Emperor LWJ, Concubine WWX, A/B/O, Mpreg, Mutual Pining, Angst with a happy ending) (link in royalty au comp)

13B)

I Will Not Go Gentle into the Quiet Night by TriviasFolly (M, 89k, WangXian, A/B/O Dynamics, Omega WWX, Alpha LWJ, no cultivation au, Vaugely Historical AU?, royal au, War AU, Slow Burn, Attempted Rape, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Murder) mind the tags

🔒 Wilful Blindness ≠ Ignorance by Cy_an_Blue (E, 59k, wangxian, WIP, Graphic Depictions of Violence, LSZ is a Wèi, WWX is LSZ's Parent, Child LSZ, A/B/O, Alpha LWJ, Omega WWX, Prince LWJ, Concubine WWX, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Original Character Death(s), Implied/Referenced Child Death, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied Mpreg, Past Mpreg, War, End of War, Post-War, Canon-Typical Violence, Canon-Typical Behavior, Canon-Typical Gore, Prisoner of War, WWX Has Self-Esteem Issues, One-Sided Attraction, but not really, Falling In Love, SS Being an Asshole, Angst and Tragedy, Period-Typical Sexism, Period Typical Attitudes, Angst with a Happy Ending, Requited Love, Getting Together)

🔒 Three Letters, Six Etiquettes by 2501987 (M, 24k, wangxian, JC/LXC, Royalty, Arranged Marriage, A/B/O, Arranged Marriage, Angst and Humor, Romance, Idiots in Love, Eventual Romance, Soft Wangxian, WWX is a Little Shit, LWJ is Whipped, BAMF JYL, Family Feels, Awkward First Times, First Time, Loss of Virginity, Bad Sex, Wedding Night, Cute Kids, Domestic Fluff)

~*~

14. hello!! not sure if i was able to send this ask already, but do you know any fics were lsz is referenced as the lan heir? thank you! ☺️ /cuddlemehun

A Civil Combpaign Series by Ariaste (T, 19k, JL/LSZ, wangxian, arranged marriage, courting, teenage drama, humor) it's mentioned in the second fic, Besieged

~*~

15. Hello! For ITMF I am looking for canon-divergent fics where Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen help fight through the Sunshot Campaign, and perhaps join Wei Wuxian in the Burial Mounds after. I would love for Wei Wuxian to have had more allies in those years. Thank you for any suggestions! /gloriousclotpole

The Tiger has Destroyed his Cage by updatebug (G, 54k, WangXian, Shapeshifters, Fix-it fic, Animal Pelts, Tiger WWX, Found Family, adopted family, Yungmeng Siblings, Canon appropriate angst and violence, Gratuitous OCs) the tiger fic has XXC&SL get involved in the Sunshot campaign on WWX's behalf. it's canon divergent/ends before the Burial Mounds Settlement Days, but it's also just a really fun fic (and great for "wwx has more allies")

💖 Xiao XingChen’s travelling sect series by The Silverfish (ZephyrAndTheSilverfish) (T, 43k, wangxian, SL/XXC, time travel, children, rogue cultivators, hurt/comfort, murder mystery, world travel) Maybe also "Xiao Xingchen's traveling sect"? that's canon divergent much earlier than the sunshot campaign though

~*~

16. Hello, I'm looking for works, where JC was the initial source of hate rumors targeted at WWX that led to his demise. Could you please help?

~*~

17. Hi, I'm itmf NHS as chief cultivator. Best if before wwx death. Maybe he saw that everything is gradually going shit and decides to abandon his weak persona mask early

~*~

If you didn’t get an answer to your ask here, don’t forget to make use of @/mdzs-kinkmeme and MDZS KINK MEME on Dreamwidth. Authors actually do use them for ideas. You may get what you order!***Your prompt doesn’t have to be kink! Fluff, crack, whatever - it’s all good!***

[science-lings]

Being annoying about each option under the cut

1- Ryunosuke has no other pictures of his bestie's face except for the one of his 'corpse' and that is Fucked Up, which is why I love it. this hc is based on the fact that during my playthrough I looked at the picture so many times bc I missed him immediately. Anyway 1-2 was the worst day of his life and the moment where he was given the photo for the first time really stuck with me.

2- They get to switch off being each other's judicial assistants and they both get to be different flavors of transmasc, I think it would be fun for them. Would they have to attend classes at Yumei to even be considered lawyers? who knows the point is they do it together and are like those cats that bond together and get sad when they get separated.

3- If they are in the same room together that sword is being switched back and forth several times, 'I think it matches your outfit today' or 'I'm on my period I shouldn't be in possession of a deadly weapon' or 'you said in the custody agreement that I get it on weekends' etc etc etc... Though it tends to go with Ryunosuke when they are separated for long periods of time. That sword is symbolic of so much gay shit in these games what's a little more.

4- my guy talks about 'the look' in Ryunosukes eyes so much during the last case, what are you looking into his eyes for? Heterosexual reasons? sure... (also 'fancy meeting you here' that is a pick-up line, you're in a prison, not a bar) Anyway his feelings towards Ryunosuke are complicated and he's so mad that at least one of the feelings in the emotional cocktail is something like attraction)

5- There's that disaster lesbian thing going on but also the situation was pretty stressful but one day she will wake up and it will hit her that her friend was still very interested in her even after she knew it was her in the disguise.

6- Sholmes keeps trying to refer to himself as 'the root of all evil' and how he's 'drawn to the darkness', he's trying so hard to be edgy but he's a six-foot-tall lanky blond man who is dramatic in the silly way and drapes himself over Ryunosuke at every opportunity. Either he's trying to build some kind of reputation or he wants to appeal to the local goth milf populace (Sithe and Tusspells) or even the reaper himself (there's some messy ex energy going on over there...)

7- I need Phoenix to inherit Karuma, he knows a bit about it but he doesn't make a big deal about it. He does have a few prosecutor friends who know the blade and are so annoyed that he's not super proud to own it. Also it's funny to me if the only family that Phoenix knows are a couple of victorian lawyers that haunt him. I think they should watch over him and be a little horrified. Ryunosuke was excited when he was intending to be a performing arts student as a fellow drama kid but it doesn't surprise him that he chose to become a lawyer. It's in his blood.

8- You cannot tell me Ryunosuke didn't want to fling himself off of that boat every night he was stuck in the room he thought Kazuma was killed in. He just didn't want to ruin Susatos trip to England by leaving her alone and he goes into a depression when she leaves for Japan, going so far as to avoid looking at the photo the 221b fam took before she left because it made him sad, which gets put up every time by Sholmes who Gets It. Meaning that he went up to the Naruhodo consulting agency regularly to check up on him. I like to think Sholmes was genuinely worried during the months he spent banned from the courtroom and without his weirdgirl who he bonded with through his best friends 'death'.

9- Wagahai is a good kitty, she can tell who the most depressed person in the building is and follows them around, sometimes Ryunosuke has a nightmare and wakes up with a cat right up by his face.

10- Ryunosuke starts the Naruhodo family tradition of not talking about their personal lives to people they care about and making their own little patchwork family for themselves. Practically all we know about his past is that he's afraid of doctors and studied English from a young age. And then like three months after going to a new country and meeting new people he's just like 'neat this is my family now :)' there is something going on there I swear. I have many conflicting ideas about what it could be specifically though.

[arinzx]

𝓢WEET TEARS

ENHYPEN

Yang Jungwon x fem!reader. . . CONTENT/ WARNING(S): Sadness, fluff, lots of love, comfort, tears and vent

J-note: this is my first time writing about an idol, excuse me if I do something wrong!

( reblogs + feedback always appreciated! )

English is not my native language!

Jungwon had been distant

It was something very unusual in him, he was very caramelized with you all the time. I always wanted to have you close, but it’s been more than 2 weeks since he barely held your hand. You felt depressed, trying to find out if you had done something wrong, if you had said something hurtful to him. But Jungwon has always been someone difficult to decipher, and not seeing him so often lately, it was more complicated to know

That day, you were in the kitchen preparing a delicious ramen, trying to make everything perfect to have a cozy dinner with your boyfriend. After finishing serving the food, you called Jungwon, who was in his shared dormitory, to come down for dinner, but he didn’t answer, you called one, two, three, four times and he didn’t come down.

Worried, you went to the stairs on your way to her bedroom, hurrying the step every time you were closer to arrive, you were going to open the door, until you heard sobs coming from the room, with your heart in your throat. You silently opened the door of the room, finding the room in the dark.

You entered the room slowly, adapting to the darkness of the room and looking for Jungwon with his eyes

You wore a silhouette sitting on the floor on the edge of the bed. The closer you got, the glow of the moon that filtered through the window, let you see Jungwon, sitting with his head down. You heard the agitated breathing and the painfully sad sobs of the poor boy.

You quickly approached him and sat next to him, grabbed his chin, raising his head.

“Jungwon? ...” he looked up, finding you with a painful image. His eyes were red from crying so much, his nose and cheeks flushed. While he tried to control his sobs, he looked at you with eyes containing tears.

He didn’t hold back and rushed into your arms, hugging you tightly while snuggling up to your neck, letting out sad sobs. You wrapped him in your arms, attracting him closer to you, you began to caress his hair sweetly

“Wonnie, everything will be fine... you have me with you” jungwon in response began to cry harder, squeezing you even more “y/n... I can’t take it anymore” between gasps

Your heart broke, assimilating what he had just said, your eyes began to fill with tears, you felt how your chest began to hurt and your heart accelerated.

“I’m so tired of everything... every day they demand more from me, all I want is a break, and when I can finally have it, they take it away from me. They always blame me and make me responsible for things that go wrong... I don’t know what to do anymore” you stroked his back, feeling how your tears slowly ran down your cheeks

“I’m so sorry Wonnie... I’m sorry I can’t do anything for you, I wish I could do something so much. But I know that you will overcome this, do not give up, because you are so strong that you will be able to overcome all the obstacles that cross your path. You are the strongest boy I have ever met, and if you feel that you can’t alone, I will be with you, supporting you, being by your side at all times, no matter how bad or good it is.”

Jungwon, when he heard your words there, regulated his crying, looking up to look into your eyes, “I don’t know what I did to deserve you, I love you so much and/n...” he put his hand on the back of your neck and pulled you towards him in a loving hug even with soft sobs “I love you wonnie”

You slowly lifted Jungwon, forgetting about dinner, you laid him on your bed, wrapping him up. You took off your shoes and snuggled up next to him, attracting him to you while you hugged him, he kept sobbing, but much more calmly than moments ago.

“I love you so much Jungwon...” you waited for an answer from him, but when you saw him, you saw him deeply asleep, with his calm breathing. Resting as he wanted so much, you decided not to interrupt his rest, stroking his head. Falling deeply asleep next to him.

[astroyongie]

Stray Kids April Reading 2024

note: please take my words with a grain of salt

Bangchan

Love: It does look like Chan was able to get closer to his crush and that things have been developing so far, however there’s still a lot of miscommunication and not enough emotional connection between the two. Chan might be trying too hard as well, and not listening to his crush's need before engaging themselves in a possible relationship. it feels like his crush isn't in a relationship anymore and be might the reason why 

Career: there’s a lot happening in their career, either the preparation of new music, preparations for new tours, ect that is putting Chan in a more complicated position because he lacks some foresight in some situations. he has been having a hard time adjusting to everything that has been happening on his life. he also wants to stay o the same path instead of trying new things like some members have been asking for 

Self: he is doing okay, both physically and mentally. he has been working  a lot on his inner self and on his self worth and trust. At the moment he believes that he is able to conquer anything and despite these initial fears. Chan has also been turning more into faith when it comes to managing his fears of the unknown 

Minho

Love: Boy is frustrated as hell. I believe that he is still in a  relationship with their partner but that things haven't been the same since september. they haven't seen each other much outside of their work which also makes things complicated (due to the lack of time). His partner is also putting a lot of red light on Minho’s actions, which makes him hasty in a sense. there’s high chances the relationship won't work 

Career: at least in his work space things have been doing well and more healthy. Minho has been helping his teammates a lot and he has finally found a healthy way to cope with everything while being productive. he is also happy with how things are turning out of the group. he got especially close to the younger members 

Self: I still believe that he suffers a lot with his mental health (and his relationship also doesn't help him at all). he is in a vulnerable position emotionally and he gets easily overwhelmed and sensitive. there’s way too much grief he needs to work on 

Changbin

Love: single as always, not looking for any relationship at the moment changbin is already battling against his own mind and his own self. He was however a lot of inner turmoils because it feel like he does have a crush on someone but he isn't exploiting it because he understands that he isn't on a good place to engage relationships 

Career: Things are complicated as well. I don't think Changbin has been having the best relationships with his teammates but also with the people he has been working with. That is because his relationships are usually filled with jealousy and sabotaging from other people and it has impacted a lot on his capacity of trusting people around him. I believe at the moment, the environment he is in and the career itself is the most toxic place for Changbin to be which is really sad

Self: without any surprise, hsi mental health hasn't improved. I sense some depressive energy around him, but also more of dark energy and thoughts surrounding him this probably linked to his work , his self worth and an overall burnout). JYP should pay more attention to him and allow him to rest

Hyunjin

Love: Okay so lmao this is a huge thing but take it LIGHTLY!. It does seem like Hyunjin and his crush have finally parted ways. To prove his point hyunjin is currently seeing someone else (it looks like this person is an idol as well) and they have been trying to get something out of here. now in my opinion, he doesn't have feelings for this person but that is probably trying to move in by using this person while also showing his crush that “he doesn't need them”

Career: career wise things seem to be going well for him. one a first instance his relationship with the members seem to be going well and also his sponsor has been also to get him another exclusive contract (so there’s chances to see Hyunjin from April-June to travel somewhere for his endorsement or for some type of public appearance). he getting the bag and the connections 

Self: Despite all of it, I think Hyunjin is also in a dark place at the moment. Firstly because he is trying to portray himself as someone he isn't and also because he is using his wealth to protect himself and to create an image that doesn't suit him. but he is hungry for change in his life which is making him take reckless decisions 

Han

Love: the relationship he had in September is finished now. things didn't work well and the co dependency was becoming toxic and his partner took the decision to call it quits. however Han is upset about it and isnt accepting the break up very well (he probably still is in denial about the whole thing as well)

Career: he has been feeling lonely lately. there’s a chance that Hna has been self isolating himself from the members and also has been procrastinating when it comes to work (like for example husband been writing his music or hasn't been contributing a lot artistically speaking) because he just isn't feeling the spark on it lately

Self: Emotionally there’s a lot happening and i think that Han needs to work on his emotions and also let go of things that isn't serving well (and in this same case, accepting that his relationship wasn't going to work no matter what he did). he is probably very dispirited and struggling to push forward 

Felix

Love: Listen y’all.. this guy is also in a very new relationship that started very recently. I have no idea who the person is and how the relationship is going exactly because I didn't get much information. All I can say is that Felix seems to have switched his whole personality (this person isn't the type of person i ever thought he would go for) so I wonder if this is an experiment or if in contrary there are really feelings here.

Career: He hasn’t been talking much with his members either, and has kept an introverted self around them mostly because there’s some members he doesn't want to talk with (cough cough). in any case i believe that he is overwhelmed and way too overwork to actually focus on things properly 

Self: Everything that he has been speaking on social media is a simple side of his idol image. It does seem like Felix is refuging in his idol image because it's the only thing that has been protecting him from the reality of his life. his self expression feels pushy and fake and i wonder if his love life, his whale drastic change is due to something hat has happened this last weeks

Seungmin

Love: Seungmin is still dating the same person however it does seem that lately he has been rather moody about his love life. that mostly because he has a sense of extreme jealousy toward his partner and he doesn't know how to deal with it. Instead of communicating he has been lashing out and just is unrealistic with his own thoughts. there’s the need of him to come down from his delusions 

Career: There has been a conflict between him and another member (I couldn't figure out who) which has provoked some tension in the group. although the problem as been fixed by the management team, Seungmin still holds a few grudges that he hasn't processed 

Self: Other than that, he is doing okay emotionally and physically. he is happy with the life he has and despite the stuff that sometimes happen he is able to regulate his emotions well. he just needs sometimes, a little time to figure it out 

IN

Love: still single and still enjoying his life as a boy of his age. Jeongin isn't interested in anyone, he has a lot of flings opportunities and people around him love him easily. honestly he is just a young boy who is living a life of a person single of his age which is actually healthy 

Career: Boyis thriving on his career, he has the good people around him and he has also a good relationship with everyone he works with. his sponsor is also doing wonders when it comes to Joenging’s lifestyle which is a good thing. he is overall happy with his career life 

Self: He has been doubting a little about the honesty of some people around him but he tries to hide it. I think Jeongin is also going through some sensitive stuff and things that make him a little more immature and emotional but this is also linked to his young age and lack of experiences.

[rainswriting-blog]

I like the fic you did with the child and Shingen and was wondering if you could do a continuation. Where the child continues to bring Shingen different creatures and reels him out of his depression because she reminds him of how he was like as a child.

A/N: yes Anon you may. Thank you for being so nice ❤️🥹

——————

You watch from a distance, always careful, always strategic. Your daughter - your fierce, curious little girl - becomes Shingen's unexpected lifeline.

You knew she was special from the moment she was born. But you never anticipated how she would become a bridge between Shingen and something he'd long forgotten: hope.

It starts with the lizards. Small, green creatures that she carefully cradles in her tiny hands, presenting them to Shingen with the solemnity of a scientist making a groundbreaking discovery. The first time, you see something crack in Shingen's typically stoic expression - a flicker of something soft, something remembered.

Somi notices it too. "She's pulling him back," she tells you one afternoon, watching through the discreet surveillance you've maintained. "Piece by piece."

Your daughter doesn't know the weight of what she's doing. To her, these are simply exciting discoveries. A frog with bulging eyes becomes "Mr. Jumpy". A field mouse is "Princess Whiskers". Each creature has a story, a name, a personality - and she shares them all with Shingen as if he's her closest confidant.

You remember your own conversations with Shingen, years ago. Intense. Complicated. But this? This is different. This is healing.

Haruto mentions that Shingen's been different lately. Less consumed by darkness. More... present. You know why. Your daughter, with her handful of creatures and her boundless heart, is slowly reconstructing a man you once knew.

The garden snake is a turning point.

"She's sad," your daughter tells Shingen, her voice serious, her eyes wide. "I think she needs a friend."

You remember being just like her. Curious. Unafraid. Seeing connections where others see barriers.

Shingen lets the snake explore the table. Your daughter provides a running commentary, her small body pressed close to his, completely unafraid. You see something in his posture change - something softer, something healing.

Somi sends you a message. "She's doing what we couldn't," the text reads. "She's bringing him back."

You think about the careful plan you've maintained. Connections through Somi, through Haruto, through Gun. But you never anticipated your daughter would be the most powerful connection of all.

Each creature is a thread. Each visit, a stitch repairing something broken.

And you realize: she is more like both of her parents than you ever imagined.