#Sad? Depressing? Dark? Complicated?

[downfallofi]

TW: long vent post, pass on by, don't read etc etc, I just need to get this out somewhere because it's still messing me up; I had one of the most gut punch conversations with my father I've maybe had ever in the two years since his brush with the ICU and like. This one hit me with a tons-of-bricks feels that nearly had me in tears, but also I can't get out of my mind. Routine duty call, right? My father, still an asshole, has had health issues and nearly died, so I just check on him to see how he's doing, and like has happened before, he took the awkward lull in conversation that happens to try and bridge some long dormant, decades old sounds, and he got weirdly emotional and said he missed me a lot and thinks of me every day (heard that one before) And then this man pulled a god damn MCU Yondu as he said, I'm sorry I didn't do right by you for all those years. You're a good boy, no, a good MAN. I never should have sent you away when you were a kid, I regret it every day.

And son when I tell you that was a punch to the guts because my crippling fears of abandonment, my sense that I am broken, that I was torn away from any sense of safety or knowing what home was started when I was 17 years old, and how can I describe to anyone just what this old man just SAYING THESE WORDS does. I don't even understand it myself, except to say it was both a painful knife wound and the softest hug I have ever been given in my life. And to have HIM saying it, I. Dude. I didn't have the words then, and I don't now. I had to continue the conversation like it wasn't anything and then tell the old man I love him and then I got my coffee and bagel and went in the Cafe Aroma toddler play area to like, weep. I don't sincerely think he even knew how hard that hit me. I don't know if he knows how impacting his words are, or even if he feels them as deeply as I do. I don't know.

He DID say this as a pivot to talk about my brother Michael, and that is the second part of this conversation that is sticking in my mind currently; It also has me thinking that my dad's confession that he done me wrong was secondary. Maybe, even, a salving of his ego, because he put it on me that now that Michael might be going to jail again that I'm his only son who isn't a disappointment.

Shoe is on the other foot now, since he once said I'm the family disappointment. Really feels like he just passes that one around.

And I am fairly disquieted and frightened and worried about Michael. I always, always am.

Dad just went off spilling tea, telling me Michael is borrowing money again, he's buying suspicious quantities of lighter fluid (again?), he's driving without a license with warrants to spend a night in jail again, and I get to be the only one who can't fully cut Michael out when he does this shit, or turn it off like my sister does with family shit like with Dad too. I get to worry from afar, ask myself how can I stay letting Michael's recidivism break my damn heart.

I don't have answers, it was a heavy seven minute phone conversation that was mostly about work, until it wasn't. I'm still reeling. Good feelings, bad feelings, worried feelings, all of it.

I'm not used to my father telling me positive reinforcement.

I'm not used to being told that I'm a good boy, no, a good MAN. Especially not when the same man has said I'm the disappointment.

It's all bouncing around in my head and it's hard to calm it down. Sometimes, I wish I hadn't ever kept contact with the kinder, gentler Warner, ya know, not even after his ICU stay. But also it's ... Very mixed bag, some good to take out of that, some very, very bad. The good even is hard to take fully accepting, even, but damn... It's....... Something to be told by one of the world's biggest assholes that he knows somewhere along the line he's done wrong. And maybe I do take it accepting? Maybe he saw death straight in the face in the ICU and he's slowing down and getting old and now he's full of regrets?

Told you man, it's all daddy issues all the way down, I have nowhere else to write this

[whereistheonepiece]

Thinking about unsolicited concrit (because of my own experience with it) and you know, I get where these critics are coming from. You see potential in the thing and want the author to do better.

But... Fanfic isn't about offering the most polished version of your work for some people. Fanfic, for some people, is to write something so your mind finally shuts up. It's like a cat having the zoomies for some, and they just need to get it all out of their system. It's why you have "No beta, we die like x" tags or "I wrote this last night instead of sleeping" tags.

I saw someone say on here that you're not morally obligated to get better at your hobby, and I have to agree. And fanfic is a hobby.

[musical-chick-13]

Do you ever think about. Seishin Muroi.

[animalstamp]

Rainwings Reference

Rainwings Reference

Fins:

Many types of fins

Used for expressions and hearing.

Even more styles then shown and there is no real rhythm or reason for the different appearances.

*Hooded is based on place of attachment. Hooded fins attach at the ears and extent down to the middle of the throat. Can be combined with other fin types.

Skin and Texture Mimicry:

Rainwings have very soft skin compared to the other tribes.

This soft, malleable skin and be manipulated by the Rainwing to take on many shapes much like a cuttlefish.

Rainwings’ skin (by an account of Nightwing researchers) is startlingly stretchy. Getting a proper grip is difficult. Removed skin loses its ability to change color or shape and turn an unpleasant grey color.

Color Expression:

Rainwings have the ability to turn any color that they can perceive. *More colors than humans can see

Colors are assigned to certain emotions, but context is also very important. Colors, just like words, can have double meanings and some combos make a more complicated expression.

Expression Colors show first on the face and the bigger the emotion further the color takes over a Rainwings’ base color. (Base color is the Rainwings’ favorite or preferred color and pattern.)

Blue (Bright)- Smugness or confident

Blue (Dark)- Sadness

Purple- In amor or Pride

Pink-Pleased

Red-Anger

Orange-Warning, frustration

Yellow- Alarm, excitement, hunger

Green (Bright)- Fear, startled

Green (Dark)- Envy or Jealousy or Tried

Black- Pain, Depression, Illness

Grey- Closed off, bored, being dead serious…or being dead.

Make sure to remember that context matters. Just because a Rainwings’ favorite color is red doesn’t mean that they are constantly angry. Genuine emotion is often a quick flash across the face much like human eyebrows. Rainwings can color how much or how little emotion they show, and some are better at it than others.

Extra:

Rainwing hands have thick and grippy pads on the fingers and palms. (They look like beans) Hands are different than the other tribes with the middlemost fingers being the same length and the other two acting like thumbs.

Wing talon is very long and strong, acting like a second pair of arms. A dragon might be able to hang in the trees with just their wings.

Have some of the fastest reflexes out of all the tribes. A Rainwing could spit before another dragon would even form a thought about breathing. (It’s a good thing they’re pacifist.)

Despite or because of their soft skin they have a far better healing factor. Wounds that might be permanent or deadly are recoverable for them. Damage that would take another dragon months takes a Rainwing weeks. (With them being in good health and having plenty of sunlight.)

Rainwing Venom is really an acid. Adult dragons have stronger acid and the older the dragon the more powerful it becomes. Dragonet’s acid is still painful, however, if a little less deadly. A bigger issue is young dragons also have less control and instead of spitting they will spray acid everywhere if frightened. (Testimony from a Nightwing researcher.)

[artofmaquenda]

I began creating my "moonpaintings" in 2020, back when I often felt intense physical pain each month. I’ve always felt compelled to make art, though it’s rarely easy to explain why. Often, it feels like I’m driven by pure curiosity—or maybe even a touch of madness. When I started, I didn’t fully understand what this process meant to me. Sometimes we think we know why we’re drawn to something, only to realize it reflects something deeper or unexpected within us. Painting with my own blood became a raw way to explore emotions I couldn’t easily put into words.

Looking back, I realize this art was also a response to emotions I didn’t know how to handle. I carried a quiet sadness, though I never wanted to be defined or judged for it. People often think depression means you don’t enjoy life, but that’s not the case for me. I feel deeply connected to life—I laugh, I feel moved by beauty, I’m grateful. But I also carry grief and a kind of sorrow I can’t always explain. Maybe it’s about the world, personal losses, or just the heaviness that comes without reason. I’ve even had people assume my interests—like vulture culture and themes around mortality—stem solely from depression or past traumas. While my experiences have certainly influenced my art, my curiosity reaches far beyond them. I’m fascinated by life in its many forms, by the mysteries of nature, by cycles of renewal and decay, by everything that exists beneath the surface of what we think we know.

I’ve often felt like I had to control my emotions to be accepted, but not only for others’ comfort. Growing up in a home where emotions sometimes felt unstable and the atmosphere unpredictable, I learned to keep myself in check, to be “small” and steady even when I felt anything but. That need for control became a habit, a way to feel safe—but as I kept it up, it also became stifling. The more I tried to manage or conceal my intensity, the more isolated and disconnected I felt, and the heavier my emotions became.

I’ve sometimes worried that sharing these parts of myself might lead people to feel sorry for me, to try to “analyze” or “fix” me, even while I feel they may hide similar parts of themselves. It’s complicated, wanting to be open without being seen as fragile, and hoping others would feel safe to be open too.

Over time, though, I’m beginning to accept these parts of myself, and my moonpaintings have been a big part of that. Through them, I’m learning to embrace everything I am—light and dark, joy and sorrow. I’m still working on releasing the shame around my sadness and intensity, allowing myself to see these emotions as valid and worthy. I’m not fully there yet, but with each piece, I feel closer to showing up as my whole self, without needing to hide or “fix” anything.

This journey isn’t about being completely healed or ��done”—it’s about letting all parts of me exist without judgment, about finding a kind of peace in the messiness. And maybe that’s the real beauty of this work: it gives me a place to honor where I am right now, embracing all the parts of me that are still growing, still struggling, still becoming.

[jiejies-corner-store]

THE AVENTURINE FIC 😭😭 OH GOSH IM CRYING 😭😭

i’m so sorry, anon! here this should make it up 😭😭 the devil knows you're dead

pairing. aventurine x reader

tags/tw: fem!reader, references to a complicated childbirth, mother!reader, father!aventurine, spoilers to aventurine's real name, spoilers in reference to 2.1 trailblaze questline, aventurine’s nihilism and depression, references to death, hurt/comfort, ooc aventurine probably, i make shit up at the end because i want a happy ending—bite me.

sfw

a/n: ouchie. i finished 2.1 and it hurt. it hurt a lot. the ost for the “all the sad tales” is genuinely so beautiful. the trumpet just feels so melancholy yet hopeful it just goes so perfectly with aventurine’s story. but i need something that feels good now. ABSOLUTELY NOT PROOF-READ pt. 1

“As long as you are alive, the blood of the Avgin will never run dry.”

It was cold. Cold and warm. Almost feverish feeling. The type of feeling you’d get when you were freezing but your skin was hot to the touch. There was this frustrating beeping noise somewhere off in the distance that you just couldn’t tune out, finally you opened your eyes to see a sea of darkness, and seemingly at an unreachable horizon, a large circle of white light that looked like a gate.

“You’re not dead, if that’s what you’re wondering,” a voice came from beside you. How you didn’t realize there was a whole person standing next to you, you had no clue.

“Well, that’s not originally what I was going for, but now I’m a bit worried I might be,” you laughed, nervous, but curious all the same. This… person you couldn’t quite make out an exact face, or even a body for that matter, but ther was this distinct feeling that it was in fact a person. Like your instinct knew, but your brain couldn’t quite fill in the details.

“This is a place beyond mortal comprehension, if I tried to explain it to you, you would only be more confused. Walk with me,” the entity said, and without even willing your body to do so, you followed. Ripples emanated from each step as you followed and soon the inky void around you melted into an unfamiliar planet.

The sky was a deep purple, streaked with red that looked like lighting that crackled along the sky. Instead of the fluid, black ground, sand now shifted as you moved foward. Inside a small hut made of rock, you saw a woman cradling a swaddled child.

“Such a lucky child, such a blessed child… Just like your name. A gift from THEM to Avgin… my boy…”

You turned to the figure beside you and hesitantly asked, “Where are we?”

“A land of rock, but not water, lightning, but not rain, blood, but not tears,” the entity responded cryptically, which only caused a crease in your brow. You went closer to the mother in the hut and sat next to her. She whispered a blessing onto her child, but none of the words made sense to your ears. Similar to the entity, it’s like your brain scrambled them from your understanding.

The mother cried. You tried to wrap your arms around her to comfort her but only phased through her like a ghost. The baby too began to cry.

Then, the scene changed again, suddenly it was a cell with iron bars. A blond young man sat next to you. The blond’s gaze was downturned, but you could recognize that voice anywhere.

“—Thirty tanba… that’s all my life is worth.”

“That’s not…” you said, but realized it was all in vain. You tried again to take Kakavasha’s hands into your own. You wantd to take the cuffs off his wrists and cradle where the skin was rubbed raw.

“It's all or nothing…”

“Kakav—agh!”

Your future never existed You█ future never existed You█ future ne█er existed You█ fut███ ne█er existed You█ fut███ ne█er ████ted You█ fut███ █e█er ████ted Yo██ ██████ █e█er ████ted

Your mind felt clouded, a searing headache, followed by an inability to even pin down a coherent thought. The scene shifted once more.

“What’s going on!” you shouted at the figure that stood only silently next to you, crippled on the ground, clutching at your head, fingers pressing in to try to find the spot that would alleviate this awful pressure.

When your senses were no longer blinded by pain, you were back to that inky void you started in, but this time you weren’t alone. Not far away, maybe twenty feet or so, was your Kakavasha, and a woman you didn’t recognize.

“Why are we born into this world if it's just to die?”

You stumbled to your feet to try to run to him, but with each step closer he only got further away. He walked towards that gate of light. In your head, you heart was pounding faster and faster. You failed to catch up to him. He only got further and further away until he disappeared like fireflies dispersing into the night, “Kakavasha! No—!”

Utterly devastated, you sunk back onto your knees. You didn’t know why but you had this distinct feeling of loss. Tears rolled from your eyes freely. He… he wasn’t gone surely? The entity’s presence reappeared next to you.

“Why did you show me all of this,” you asked, not sure if you actually wanted an answer.

“Because you need to go back,” the entity answered and your jaw locked, gritting your teeth so hard they hurt.

You screamed into the void, “You’re the one who brought me here!”

“I never call anyone to me… you mortals believe that it is US that determine when your time to go is… but in truth it is your own doing, whether it is your body or your mind that gives up first,” the entity said, “It is only the strength of your will that will allow you to continue down your destined path… but many give up on that path and someone else must be chosen.”

“What does this have to do with me,” you snapped. “Why are you meddling in my life? What does Kakavasha have to do with this?”

“Kakavasha still has a long road ahead of him. I have supplemented his journey all his life. It was only recently he was able to live on his own will,” said the entity ”Your body is giving up. I do not have the power anymore to keep him alive. That lies with you.”

Your surroundings melted again. You were in a hospital room and on the bed was you. Eyes closed and steadily breathing, but your heartbeat was weak. The annoying beeping from before was louder and more prominent.

“You wanted to help him. During his past, you reached out each time. There is nothing you can do about that now, but the future and the present… you still have a choice.”

Laying a hand on your unmoving body, there was a slight resistance, but with just a bit more pressure you felt as if you could phase through it entirely.

“What do I need to do,” you asked the entity.

“Live.”

You furrowed your brow at that. Of course you wanted to live… right? The entity gestured for your hand, you obliged. Against your palm was an oddly soft feeling. Warm. Like a mother’s touch against your’s. Your palms pressed together, the entity spoke,

“May the goddess Gaiathra close HER eyes three times… Keep your blood eternally pulsing… Let your journey be forever peaceful… …and your schemes forever concealed."

You lifted your head and your “body” began to disappear similar to how Kakavasha disappeared. Just before you disappeared into sparks of golden light, you had the sense about you to ask:

“Who are you?” you felt like you were shouting, but your voice was quiet.

“You could call me Fenge Biyos.”

You opened your eyes with a deep gasp for air. Your surroundings were blurry, and you rubbed at your eyes, only to realize Kakavasha was up, standing next to your hospital bed with an anxious expression, hands already grasping the one that was wiping crust from your eyes.

“You’re awake,” he choked out, holding you as if you would break, “I’m so sorry… I’m so sorry for everything. I’m sorry I did this to you that I—”

“Kakavasha, slow down, what… why are you—no, don’t be sorry,” you finally found your words, sitting foward on the bed to wrap your arms around him. You racked your brain, trying to figure out what was going on. Your mind was still foggy, but finally that haze disappated and you remembered everything leading up to now.

“Kakavasha~” you hummed in a song-like tone, a small wrapped box with a blue and purple bow tied around it. You skipped over to his desk and wrapped your arms around his shoulders where he sat, and placed the gift in front of him, laying your head on his shoulder as your arms tightly hugged him. “I have a surprise.”

He smiled with a small laugh, “Doesn’t this usually work the other way around?” He pecked a kiss onto your check before pulling the bow off and opening the lid of the box, when he froze.

The smile on your face faltered bit when he didn’t say anything after a bit. The corners of it tightened into a more forced position, “Kakavasha? You’re gonna be a papa…”

The joy in his face from earlier had completely vanished. Only replaced by a stony, cold, poker face. He pushed his chair back and you stumbled into the wall behind. He gave you a tight smile and kissed your forehead before heading for the door and grabbing his hat. “I’ll be back later.”

With that, the door slammed shut behind him, leaving you at a loss as you fell into his chair, feeling suddenly so very empty in this large office alone.

He came back after that, apologetic for leaving you, but nothing felt truly right. He continued to reassure you that he did want to have this child, but it was a strenous time. The entire pregnancy was stressful. The doctors warned you that the level of stress you were under put you at risk for a premature birth, but you brushed them off. It was just the hormones, you were sure. Kakavasha still loved you. The ring on your finger should’ve been proof enough of that.

“How about the name Ilyas?” you suggested, laying your head on Kakavasha’s lap, “I was… looking at some databases about Avgin names and I thought that one was nice. What do you think?”

Aventurine hummed, but his mind seemed elsewhere. You let it go.

The next few months continued on in similar fashion.

But it all came to a head.

The two of you were standing in the kitchen. It had started off small. The hormones and the stress were getting to you. It was an off hand comment about him not fixing dinner, and you were tired and hungry from carrying around his child.

From there it had escalated. It turned into you were tired of feeling like you were walking on eggshells when you talked about the pregnancy. About how he was barely around for the appointments, and when he was he seemd emotionally distant… finally he exploded

“I never asked for this!” he shouted. “When did I ever say I wanted to be a father? Did you even ask me? Did you think about what I felt about this whole thing at all?”

You paused, feeling tears well up in your throat as a white-hot fear flashed through your body. You laughed, a hollow sound, “I’m sorry, Aventurine, I thought it took two people to make a baby? And you certainly made no attempt to use protection.”

He didn’t have anything to say about that. Even though the argument seemed over, you felt a nauseous feeling crawling up in your throat. Your tears felt like acid burning through your skin. Then a pain in your stomach. Your knees gave out and the last thing you remember was the scared expression on Kakavasha’s face before it all went dark.

“I was scared…. I was so scared that bringing another Avgin into this world would only bring misfortune onto you… that Gaiathra Triclops would take you from our child, just like my mother was taken from me,” he openly cried into your shoulder. “I took it out on you. I made something that should’ve been a beautiful experience something that was awful, and I understand… if you never forgive me for that but please…. please don’t leave.”

Now you were crying with him, one hand tangled in his blond locks and the other rubbing his back. Quietly, so quietly that you almost didn’t hear it, he whispered, “I can’t lose you too.”

You thought for a long time. In front of you wasn’t one of the Ten Stonehearts of the IPC. Not a calculating or cunning man, who’s only interest was in things that benefited the IPC’s bank accounts. In front of you was a broken man, who’d had everything stripped away from him when he was only a child. Who was shattered and forced to put his life back together with nothing but fear and anxiety as glue.

Did it excuse what he'd broken?

No.

“I’m here… I won’t leave Kakavasha,”

But maybe with time and effort, you could help re-glue each other with something a little more beautiful.

“Ilyas! Don’t run so far!” you called after a small blond haired child who was already ahead of you by a longshot, you turned exasperatedly to your husband, “Honey, can you go after him please? I don’t want him to get trampled by some idiot who’s not paying attention…”

The man only smiled at you, one hand firmly wrapped around your ever expanding waist, “It’s okay. There’s some of my squad that’s following him incognito. He won’t get out of our sights without them dragging him back. We can let him get his energy out. He’ll be cooped up in a hospital soon.”

You huffed conceded. Already tired from just getting through the theme park’s entrance. You were due in about two weeks, but Kakavasha was insistent that a week before you’d be under hospital supervision until you brought your second child into the world. It had taken about five years before the two of you had healed enough and there were roadbumps along the way… but you were both ready to give Ilyas a little sister.

But for now, the two of you wanted to let Ilyas have one more day as an only child. The reconstructed Penacony was nothing like the Dreamscape of the past. Fear and secrets no longer were trapped in the gilded cage of the former prison planet. With the help of the IPC and the Harmony, New Penacony was entirely real. No more dreams, just reality. They’d kept many of their old franchises and built a true theme park.

“Mama!! Picture! Let’s get a picture here before we go in!” Ilyas screeched, pointing at Clockie statue in front of the Clock Studios main attraction. You set a hand on Kakavasha’s arm, glancing up at him to try to get a read on what he was feeling. He’d let you in on the parts of his past that he’d kept a secret. The scheme behind Penacony, his proposed “death” and his encounter with his Past and Future.

He took a breathe and looked back down at you, giving you a smile that said “I’m okay” and relief flooded your bones. After walking you over in front of the camera, he crouched down and scooped Ilyas into his arms.

“Ready?” the cameraman asked and you nodded. After a brief countdown the camera flashed, and for a moment in that bright light, you saw the hopeful future that lied ahead.

[dragonsoulage]

His sweet paramedic...

feat. Levi Ackerman

Levi wounded and hurt from the last battle he ever fought. Just moments after Eren was gone. But what remained was you, his sweet paramedic that always patched him up. Even his heart...

In this short story you are Hanges sister and a paramedic of the Corps. I was in the mood for some angsty, sad stuff after a heartbreaking AoT tiktok, we all know the depression about that right? 🥹🥲

Warnings: angst, sad, spoilers

Wordcount:1,2k

It was over. Finally, finally, it was over. Everything ended when Mikasa moved her blade toward Eren. There was an endless, sad, but loving moment between those two. And you... you had suffered as much as the others. Lost countless comrades and friends—your older sister, Hange. The Moment when she stated it as a sacrifice...and in the end, it was you watching her suicide. It had been hard more than that, for everyone. And yet, you were never alone. You were never left without someone...and that someone was Levi. 

It had been complicated between you two, he didn't want to admit he had feelings. After a long time...and when he figured out he had those feelings, he tried to distance himself. It was always like this, he was never ready to lose those he loved. And this man has already lost more than you could count. You're that sweet, little paramedic. He didn't want to lose you, either. His heart, already filled with sorrow, wouldn't take it. 

No matter how many wounds he had, how many things he sacrificed, he wasn't ready to get too close to the one he adored so much. 

But now, the battle was over. He leaned against that rock, and then he saw a small frame crawling towards him through the fog. It was you, you breathed heavily. Barely able to stand. Crawling towards him, the only one that has always remained in your life

"Levi." your voice was weak, he would have moved to you when he could, but His legs were damaged, seriously injured.

"(Y/N)." He called back to you, his gaze averting in your direction. You were on your knees before you tried to slowly stand up, walking over to him. You let out noises of exhaustion and stumbled over to him before you landed again on your knees, right by his side. Your hair is dusty and disheveled, and your pretty face is covered in dirt. Your eyes...oh, your pretty eyes—are filled with trauma, just like his. 

"It's over..." you spoke, your voice was so thin. It was over, yeah, but it didn't feel like a win. 

His hand stretched out to you, touching your skin on your cheek. Cupping your face with his palm, his remaining fingers marvel at your skin. He saw the big purple bruise that was on the crook of your neck, going to your jaw. You fought like every one of them, although your strength was clearly in first aid. His dark blue eyes are looking at you. The first time, he allowed himself to truly look into your eyes without withdrawing again.

"And you are still standing...remaining." His voice was laced with vurnablity and concern for you. Your own hand instantly went to his, and you laid it on top. 

The wind was slightly hollowing through the landscape, some strands of hair were blown back, so he just kept staring into your beautiful, sad face. Even now, among all this chaos, you are that beautiful, constant thing around him. Always there, yearning for his attention. He always tried to hold back. 

The mist was getting even more, and then you and him heard a noise. Both of you are looking up. And what you saw. 

Your heart couldn't take it, you couldn't even speak. You saw them...your comrades who died, your friends, Erwin and even your sister Hange. Your eyes welled up with tears. 

Your heart shattered to pieces for this last farewell. 

Levi's hand rested on your face while the other showed them the last honor. A rare sight, the stoic captain shed one single tear with a bitter smile. 

The last farewell to his chosen family. 

You felt his thumb stroking your cheek, catching the big tears that streamed down your face. It was the last gift from Eren, the last goodbye he could give you all. 

And then, after this fleeting moment when you could see your sister's face the last time, she had a smile, nodding towards you and Levi. 

Hange never tried to get involved in what was going on between you two when she was alive. 

But she was very well aware that you liked the captain, and that even Levi himself liked you more than he allowed himself. 

But now, nothing of this matters anymore. Hange no matter how crazy she was, wanted you to be happy, wanted Levi to be happy. This was the sign. 

When the mist was getting less, then slowly faded, you turned to Levi, you cried, you cried your very soul out. His forehead leaned against yours.

"Look at me, please look at me." His own voice was strained with the sorrow that was haunting you and him, yet he sounded strong. You looked into his eyes between those raven strands that were like a small curtain in front of his eyes. 

"It hurts, and I am not able to heal it." You explained. Yeah, you were a very skilled paramedic, but not even you could patch up a heart that was shattered into so many pieces. 

"Then at least we knew it was real. They were there, and a part of us. They made us who we are now." Levi spoke, it was serious, but his voice was rough with emotion for the very first time. 

20 Percent of humanity remained on earth, and you...you, his sweet girl, was one of them. 

The death was tragic, and the situation was bitter. The loss was immense, but for once he got lucky, fate was now so kind to not take you away. 

Levi was ready, ready to get closer, to heal together with you. 

"I am nothing without my sister... I barely even breathe." You never saw your own potential at all. Still, some bitter tears dropped from your lashes. Levi pulled your head closer, his nose brushed against yours. His lips are just inches away.

"You don't get it, don't you? You never was nothing, you always was so much more than you gave yourself credit for. 

Otherwise..." He stopped, it was time to say it, right now. Right now, when he already felt vurnable. 

"Life wasn't the nicest to me, to any of us. But it was so kind to leave you here with me. And I don't want you to say you would be nothing, Hange wouldn't want that either...(Y/N)." Levi continued looking at you, right into your very soul. 

"I love you." Levi then let out, his eyes, never leaving yours. Gazing into your orbs. Your pupils widen. Your tears didn't stop, but you then closed this small gap. Your soft, plump lips are pressing in a gentle and sweet way against his. 

With that, he poured all of his love into it, just like you did, as you always did. 

Even when the grief was big, he was the light on the horizon. Just like you were the missing piece, he finally found. 

This sweet kiss sends sparks of hope through yours and his veins. A glimpse of the future that now could be...a glimpse of the love he finally could share with you. 

The kiss on the battlefield that sealed wounds that would take a long time to heal, but they'd remain as memories of what had been. 

[strawberryblue-blog]

Goodbye, Ruben. —Ruben Dias.

summary: You see Ruben again after breaking up and you realize that you never got over him

warnings: none. depression, mention of alcohol and smoking, angst.

word count: +4k.

The darkness of the night embraced you as you watched the group of people outside. You had arrived a few minutes ago at the restaurant where Jack's birthday was being celebrated but you were still outside, undecided if you really wanted to go in.

In your hands you held the present you had bought for your friend, Jack, your legs shivered in the cold of the city (or out of anxiety about facing your biggest fear). Manchester was a cold city in winter surrounded by small snowdrops that adorned the surroundings and the houses in the neighborhood. You liked Manchester, the neighborhood reminded you of your daily trips to the city center.

Many feelings crossed your mind when you saw the picture in front of your eyes, your closest friends, Jack and Sasha hugging each other while you could see the others chatting and laughing around the table. But you could especially see the new couple at the side of the table with their backs to you, chatting animatedly.

Disappointment and sadness gripped your heart and you sighed wistfully looking at them. The reason for your hesitation in coming had clearly been because of them. To think that a few months ago it was you who was under their arms in that same situation but now everything had changed.

You perked up when you saw the birthday boy get up from the table and see you standing out there. Jack smiled cheerfully inviting you in with his hand, which you had to obey taking all your thoughts away. You walked through the door and the warmth of the place greeted you, plucking up the courage to take off the jacket you were wearing and start walking towards the group of people partying.

"Hello Jack" you greeted with a smile to the man who opened his arms welcoming you in a warm embrace.

"I was just about to send someone for you" he said wrapping his arms around you.

"The subway had a delay, I apologize for making you wait" you apologized sincerely.

The truth that dealing with the tube in Manchester was a bit busy these days and after work, there were usually delays or lots of people trying to get home and it got complicated.

"The boys could have come through for you, I told you to let me know and I'd arrange everything" he continued as he broke off.

"I'm already here" you laughed and lifted the gift to reach for it. Jack shook his head with a big smile thanking you.

"Y/n!" you heard a shout behind him. Sasha appeared with her splendid aura and that gleaming smile.

She hugged you tightly and behind her you could see a few faces turning to look at you, as her scream had caught the attention of a few. Shyly you smiled a little towards them, stroking Sasha's back.

"We were waiting for you" she mentioned taking you by the hand.

You felt a little bad, they were probably hungry and tired after training but they had been kind enough to wait for you, even when you were making time out there not to come in. Sasha led you in and sat you down between Ines and Isabel, who greeted you kindly when you joined them.

You had known everyone for a few years, you had been friends with Jack since high school and Sasha always invited you to games, practices and anything that included fun. You were very grateful to them, because they had been your friends forever.

"How have you been?" asked Ines interested.

"We haven't seen you for a few months" Isabel followed her.

"Work has me busy and I'm also applying for a promotion, I have to work hard" you said trying to sound happy.

On one hand it was true, on the other it was a lie. You had already received the promotion at your job and now you were on another schedule, something you had to work hard for but you were no longer going out with them or going to see Jack for another reason.

A reason that only you knew.

"When you get the promotion, you'll have to come back and hang out with us, we miss you" Isabel mentioned and you nodded smiling.

They were very nice to you, they all were. Even the girls that you didn't have much contact with or didn't know but because they were friends with Sasha they sometimes hung out together. They always came up to you and included you even though you were nobody to them.

Your eyes met the pair of brown eyes a few feet away from you, you quickly dodged their gaze pretending to see something else. Your heart broke into a thousand pieces. The hollowness in your chest echoed and you wanted to run away but you forced yourself to keep your posture.

Ruben Dias, was sitting a few feet away from you. He looked different from the last time you had seen him a few months ago, his hair was longer not to say long, his beard was a little darker, he had even changed his style of clothing. He looked beautiful, just as you remembered.

But now he was a complete stranger.

You stirred in your seat, turning to the girls to stop feeling their presence. But it was impossible.

How were you going to pretend you didn't know him when he was all you thought about? How were you going to get over him when you guys had never had anything? How were you going to act like everything was okay when next to him was a young, beautiful woman?

You took a sip from your glass, wine was something you had never liked before but after so much sadness and loneliness, you had started to drink often when you had slumps. So you hoped that at least chatting with the girls would take the focus off their presence. The conversation became more bearable and you listened to Ines talk to you about her pregnancy, her excitement was admirable and you were happy for her. But you were starting to feel more anxious as you felt the stares on you and the pressure in your chest for not being able to get over it. So after a while of chatting you excused yourself to go outside for some air.

You put your coat back on and your bag, opening the door of the restaurant to go out into the silence. You walked down the sidewalk waving to them as they saw you smile and you reached into your purse. You grabbed the box of cigarettes and the lighter, bringing one to your mouth to light it. You had quit smoking a few months ago but lately your vices had returned and you blamed it on your depression and anxiety, something you were treating with your therapist but still couldn't quit.

The sensation of the nicotine in your system made you shiver and tears threatened to spill from your eyes. You quickly wiped them away as they slid down your cheeks.

Thoughts came snatching back against your mind when you heard Ruben's laughter above all others. Something inside you stirred and made you vibrate. He sounded just like you remembered, manly, strong and warm. And then you knew you weren't over him.

You weren't over Ruben Dias and you weren't sure if you ever could be.

How were you going to explain to your heart that you weren't who you used to be? How were you going to trick your heart into telling him that you never had anything serious? How could you believe that he could ever be in love with you? When you had clearly been a distraction to him.

Because that's how you remembered your relationship with Ruben. A distraction. Only for you it never had been.

It all started when he broke up with his last girlfriend, you already knew each other but you weren't really friends. Jack started to invite him more to your get-togethers, he even tried to get you two to go out but he was just getting out of a relationship and you weren't interested in going out at that time. But you began to grow closer with every time you saw each other, chatting animatedly and then meeting up to get to know each other. Coffee mornings, tea afternoons and delicious dinners. Which led to one thing leading to another and after so many outings together, you slept together.

You had both agreed not to tell your friends, it was obvious it had been a one time thing but then you kept doing it over and over again. Not once, not twice. You met when you could, two or three times a week, at his place or yours. Big mistake. You should have put a stop to it when you could but you decided to keep going and thought this would last.

And now you definitely regretted it.

You had really believed that Ruben would choose you. You had really believed that he would fall in love and you would be together forever. You had been deluded. You thought you guys would live in a princess fairy tale, that you had found your prince charming and all that crap.

You had never pretended that he saw you as a girlfriend, you weren't like that. But you didn't think he saw you as anyone else either. You knew he wasn't ready for that yet, he had come out of a relationship of years but at least you believed you had something real. He looked real next to you.

But now you were in a gray story, where there were no good mornings or good nights, only endless days where the only thing you wanted was to erase all your feelings for him and disappear.

Because you really fell in love with him. You had spent the whole summer seeing each other on the sly but when winter came, it was all over. Winter brought disappointment, sadness and coldness.

You hated to admit that you had fallen in love and that the idiot had been you, believing that you had something serious when you had only been a friend to Ruben. A friend he used when he needed and discarded when he found someone else. Because that's how you felt, abandoned and dirty, like you were the plague itself. There was no explanation, no reason, he couldn't even tell you to your face. He just sent a message saying you couldn't see each other anymore and then ignored any sign of you, leaving you to lie in wait with all your feelings.

But it was your fault.

You had made up this story all by yourself. There was no love, no reciprocity. You were just his fuck buddy, the one he had left with his heart on his sleeve and broke it when a week after ignoring you he showed up with his new girlfriend. A famous, gorgeous, brand name model, good body and emotional stability, everything you had been lacking. Definitely the perfect person he had replaced you with.

You were embarrassed and humiliated to come here tonight, knowing he would be here. That's why you had stopped going to games and dinners, excusing yourself with anything. You couldn't even look him in the eye without thinking how stupid you were to try to fix things between you. Which you couldn't do because he had never seen you otherwise, just his distraction when he needed it most. And you had really come to think that he was in love with you because of how he looked at you, how he pampered you, how he took you to fancy and nice places, because every morning he woke up next to you and made you breakfast, because you ran away from his friends and kissed behind his back. Because he knew everything about you, what made you strong and what made you weak, your pleasure, your personality, your essence.

You had given him your being. All of you, even though you didn't expect anything from him. And you didn't really get it. You got nothing but a harsh message and a terrible end for you.

Tears streamed down your cheek as you kept puffing on your cigarette, it was the second one you had lit and you had never been like this before but you couldn't calm your cravings. You weren't going back in there and it was heartbreaking to leave Jack and the girls but it didn't make sense anymore.

You had never really belonged to that world.

You were a simple young woman who worked for a living, barely made ends meet on her salary and didn't have many friends. You weren't pretty, you weren't slender, you weren't famous, you didn't even know if your personality matched. Maybe all this time you had been forcing something you knew wouldn't work but wished it would and it hadn't. How could you expect a top soccer player to fall in love with you? He was rich, famous and handsome. He had everything at his feet, including you.

That was what love was like. That was life. All that was left was to live.

You threw away the cigarette butt and lit your coat, determined to leave. Then you would find an excuse and tell them, it wasn't like they noticed your presence much either. The party was still going on in there and everyone was enjoying themselves happily but you were tired of pretending.

"Won't you say goodbye?" you stopped dead in your tracks when you heard the question.

You didn't want to lie down and let him see you like that. You didn't want to feel his pity or worse, for him to treat you indifferently. You couldn't feel it all over again, it was going to kill you. You didn't say anything, you just lifted your shoulders.

"Sasha won't let me go if I go back inside and it's already late, the last train is in ten minutes" you mentioned with a half smile, trying to sound polite.

Ruben nodded. "I can give you a ride, if you want" he said.

Your heart clenched in your chest. Of course you wanted, you wanted everything from him but you couldn't accept anything else.

"I don't mean to intrude, thank you for offering" you thanked him walking to continue your journey.

Every second that passed you ached to see him there.

"You know Jack would never forgive me if I let you go by yourself" he insisted following you and with every step behind you, you heard voices saying 'don't leave him'.

What the fuck did he care now? If he was trying to be polite and kind, he shouldn't. He'd hurt you enough without caring now. He hadn't even bothered to say why he was breaking up with you, he didn't have to care now when you were nothing anymore.

"Goodbye, Ruben" you said in a whisper.

You wanted to make it clear to him that you didn't need him and that this was goodbye, at least from you.

At least one of us knew how to say goodbye.

Your feet moved on their own, leading you away from the place. You weren't going to look back and sighed when you heard your name called but you walked away quickly. You crossed the empty street feeling the tears stinging in your eyes but they refused to come out as you were in a hurry to get to the subway. You needed to get home so you could cry in solitude and in your peace. Everything was empty, few people trying to get to their homes and you were one more as you sat in the lonely train car. You snorted as you felt the train start to move, soon you would be home and you wanted nothing more than that.

The reflection of the glass reflected your silhouette inside the carriage, outside, the cold Manchester night. The silence was intermittent, accompanied by your agitated breathing and the noises of the train. Through the reflection you saw the silhouette of someone walking behind you in the aisle, silently, sitting a few feet behind you. You didn't think much of it.

You didn't even want to look. The person's face was blurred by the lighting in the carriage but you could see a male figure. Your eyes imagined the unimaginable, your mind remembered what made you ache the most, you could smell his scent, hear his breathing, you even felt his presence. You denied noticing the illusion you were living.

You were really crazy. The lack of sleep, your depression and your mess were making you see things that weren't really there.

The lack of Ruben in your life was starting to hit you hard and you had never gone through anything like this before with a broken heart. Because you were really shattered, completely broken with an illusion that you yourself had created. Now you imagined him next to you, sitting there, holding your hand. Nothing was real, you didn't even know if your feelings were real anymore. It had happened so suddenly, you had let yourself be carried away by your love for him, you had lost everything.

It was silly to think you knew everything about him, his favorite food, his favorite perfume, you knew his tastes and pleasures, his dreams, his goals and his cons. You knew perfectly what he felt after losing or winning a game, every smile when he was called up or every cry when he was injured, you had been in his best moments and his worst. All in secret. Without telling anyone, being like friends all this time, only you were the one who acted.

He knew everything about you, or so you liked to think. You had come to think that he really knew you, that he really belonged to you, when he would pick you up after work or take you home after games, when he would knock on your door with your favorite ice cream flavors, when he would ask you every morning if you had rested well or how he encouraged you to apply for the promotion. Now you couldn't even tell him that if you got promoted, I'm sure he'd be proud, since he always said it. But nothing made sense anymore.

He wasn't here, he wasn't beside you, he wasn't behind you, he wasn't even thinking about you. It didn't matter anymore, you wanted to forget him.

What starts wrong, ends wrong. Many people used to say.

But you were going to forget him.

For your sake and his, you had to.

You closed your eyes and leaned against the window, trying to calm the tears that kept coming. You were tired, you just wanted to sleep. Maybe when you woke up it would all go away.

The sound of the loudspeakers announcing the stop made you jump out of your seat, you had closed your eyes for a few seconds and lost yourself in the feeling of warmth. You stood up from your place and turned around when you noticed everything empty, you had already arrived at your stop. You reached a little way out into the aisle when your eyes caught sight of a piece of paper on the empty seat next to you.

Confused you reached out to take it, you didn't remember if it had been there when you came anyway it was your responsibility as a citizen to throw it where it belonged. So you took it and opened it at least to see what it was about.

I don't expect you to be able to forgive me, i wouldn't do that. I just want you to move on, i don't deserve your pain. I am so sorry. R. D.

You read and were stunned.

You stood there in the aisle of the empty carriage with the note in your hands. How had it gotten there? Had Ruben really been sitting a few feet behind you? A tear spilled down your cheek, your heart turned over in pain. You hadn't imagined it then. You had sensed his scent, his aura, his being.

Why hadn't he told you more? What did that mean? Although you already knew perfectly well what that message was about.

It was a farewell. He was letting you go and he was asking you to let him go.

Maybe it was the right thing to do.

To let go of everything that dragged you down.

For you, for your heart.

You crumpled the paper and walked out of the car, dropping the note in the trash can.

Goodbye, Ruben.

[wangxianficfinder]

I'm in the mood for...

Feb 9th

LINK LIMIT REACHED (check out the replies for more recs!)

~*~

1. hello!! itmf request for jiang cheng time travel fics. no jc bashing please and thank you ♥️ and ✌️

Lynchpin by ShanaStoryteller (Not Rated, 103k, WangXian, JC & WWX, Time Travel, Fix-It)

For Both Of Us (And Time Is But A Paper Moon) by sami (E, 65k, wangxian, JC & WWX; JC & LWJ, LWJ & LXC, Canonical Character Death, Mentions of Rape, not explicit but definitely referenced, Time Travel, Not Everyone Dies au, Canon-Typical Violence, Fix-It, Hurt/Comfort, WWX/babie tendencies, WQ is a queen in any reality, Healing, Yunmeng Shuangjie, Canon Divergence, Asexual JC, First Time, Getting Together, BAMF JC, BAMF LWJ, WWX finds new ways to be oblivious, seriously it surprised even us) JC and LWJ time travel together

🔒 a path with thorns Series by baekhyun (baruna) (T, 22k, JC & WWX, WangXian, Time Travel Fix-It, Brotherhood, Complicated Relationships, JC-centric, Spoilers, Sibling Bonding, Canon-Typical Violence, Dysfunctional Family, Humor, Angst, not romance-oriented)

Hand in Hand Together (All Your Life) by sami (T, 41k, WZL/JC, WangXian, Queerplatonic relationship, Implied future MingLi, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, Canon-Typical Violence, Canon Divergence, Time Travel Fix-It, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Healing, Slow Burn) just JC time travels

~*~

2. for itmf, are there any fics in which wei wuxian does not reincarnate, or any modern aus in which he dies? /bunnycoffeeumcat

Threadfic by lamusadelils (LZ prepare WY body for funeral)

goodbye, wei ying by wordsonpage (T, <1k, wangxian, Major Character Death, Modern, Growing Old Together, Established Relationship, Character Death, Angst and Feels, Death from Old Age, Angst, Reminiscing)

Lament by kianspo (G, 8k, LSZ & LWJ, LXC & LWJ, wangxian, Canon Divergence, Grief/Mourning, Slice of Life, Character Study, Canonical Character Death, except he doesn't come back, as this covers decades, eventually other people die, Mysticism, this is pretty sad y'all, i'll be honest about that, though i was aiming for melancholy, One Hundred Years of Solitude mood)

🔒 Entropy by mondengel (Not rated, 1k, wangxian, Major Character Death, Angst, Character Death) Wy dies a second time

Nothing but a Dream by Purplemagic (G, 1k, wangxian, Canon Divergence, Angst and Tragedy, Not A Happy Ending) Wy die a second time

🔒 …and other dreams. by mondengel (E, 2k, wangxian, Graphic Depictions of Violence, Major Charater Death, Eldrich au, Horror, Gore, Body Horror, Murder, Death, A/B/O, Mpreg, Dark fic)

Obvious Progression by GammaRays (M, 21k, wangxian, Major Character Death, Childhood Friends, Friends to Lovers, Modern, Disease, Illnesses, Chronic Illness, Cancer, rare disease, Fabry disease, Artist WWX, Medical Procedures, Hospitals, Angst, Non-Explicit Sexual Content, Hurt/Comfort, Surgery, this is just very sad all around, there are some light-hearted moments too though, like proms and crocheted thigh-highs, Sick LWJ, Sick WWX)

Obvious Conclusion by FairyGardenCorgis (T, 7k, wangxian, Major Character Death, Modern, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Cancer, Grief/Mourning, Medical Procedures, Hospitals, PTSD)

Freefall by cherrywhiskey (T, 1k, wangxian, Modern, Hurt No Comfort, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Angst and Tragedy, Grief/Mourning, Aftermath of wwx's murder, Dead WWX, POV LWJ, Dark LWJ)

🔒 rest by pasteltea (T, 3k, gen, References to Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Angst, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Character Study, Modern, Grief/Mourning, Introspection)

~*~

3. Hi! Do you know any fics which center Nie Huaisang or him just having a bigger role in the fic? Can be anything, NHS ships, him just being a facilitator, modern era, whatever! It would be great if he's kinda scheming for the benefit of his friends, or s/t where someone has the hots for him and he's surprised?

Story-Shaped by lingering_song (T, 13k, NHS & WWX, wangxian, Post-Canon, Chief Cultivator LWJ, Inventor WWX, Found Family, NHS needs a new hobby, And apparently that's spoiling his Wei-Xiong, Mentioned Character Death, Alcohol, Protective NHS, WangXian Endgame, Not JC Friendly, Not particularly gentry sects friendly overall tbh) NHS takes WWX in post-canon

Second on 🔒 like mayflies wandering series by RoseThorne (E, 21k, NHS & WWX, wangxian, Assassination Attempt(s), Introspection, Regret, Travel, Post-Canon, POV Third Person, POV WWX, Ghosts, Reconciliation, Exhaustion, Pining, Pre-Wangxian, Pining, Feelings Realization, Illnesses, ennui, Found Family, Porn Reading, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Manipulative NHS, Memories, WWX Needs a Hug, Pining WWX, Friendship, NHS Is A Little Shit, Qi Deviation, Resentful Energy, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Triggers, Fainting, Anal Sex, Getting Together, Love Confessions, Grief/Mourning)

Friends, Sabers, and Other Essentials for Solving a Conspiracy by MeridianGrimm for Lisa_Telramor ( T, 50k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Mystery, Smart NHS, WWX doesn’t stay dead, LWJ gets a new friend, Happy Ending, Fix-It, To be clear the WangXian is mostly background, This fic is about friendship)

The Absolutely True Story of the Yiling Patriarch: A Manifesto in Many Parts by aubreyli (T, 19k, In-Universe RPF, Romance Novel, Post-Canon Fix-It, primarily drama-canon with cameos from novel-canon)

Something Divine by jusrecht (T, 3k, NHS & NMJ)

CH 3 of second verse, same as the first by Cerusee, Mikkeneko (T, 42k, wangxian, Everybody Lives, Time Travel Fix-It, Canon Divergence, Crack Treated SeriouslyS, erious Conversations That They Never Got To Have In Canon, JC has no filter when he's mad, Even Some People They Maybe Would Rather Didn't Live, canon-typical trauma, even if it hasn't happened in this timeline they still gotta deal with the memories, reference to child death, Gūsū Lán Sect Rules, WN Lives, WQ Lives, this is absolutely positively definitely Wei Wuxian's fault, Memory Loss, Implied/Referenced Suicide)

the problem with authority by isabilightwood (M, 139k, WangXian, JYL/WQ, QS & JYL, Canon Divergence, Sacrifice Summon, only the summoner sticks around, slightly dark JYL, WQ lives, Slow Burn, Angst with a Happy Ending, Chronic Pain, Mild Sexual Content, Switch Wangxian, WWX has to be resurrected & LWJ find out before they can interact, but there’s plenty of wangxian once they do, manipulative relationship)

The Tiger has Destroyed his Cage by updatebug (G, 54k, WangXian, Shapeshifters, Fix-it fic, Animal Pelts, Tiger WWX, Found Family, adopted family, Yungmeng Siblings, Canon appropriate angst and violence, Gratuitous OCs) Link in #15

while covered in mud by merthurlin (T, 12k, NHS & WWX, NHS & NMJ, NHS & Wen remnants, mentioned wangxian, canon divergence, fix-it, NHS goes farming and Hates It)

Crazy, Rich Cultivators by ShanaStoryteller (Not rated, 13k, wangxian, Modern Cultivation, Idiots in Love, Misunderstandings, POV LWJ, īthis started as a crazy rich asians au but quickly got away from me, light moments of angst but mostly shenanigans)

The Mustache by Fortune_Maiden (G, 2k, JGY & NHS, JC & NHS, LXC & NHS, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Humor, NHS grows a mustache, there is much despairing)

Walking Along a Different Road by Anonymous (Not rated, 5k, MS & JGY, MS & NMJ, MS & NHS, NHS & NMJ, JGY/NMJ, WIP, Angst, Canon Divergence, POV MS, MS Lives, Good Parent MS, Hurt/Comfort)

there is no limited dimensions by Stratisphyre (M, 104k, wangxian, LXC/NMJ, WQ/MM, WN/Other(s), Star Trek Fusion, Canon-Typical Violence, Slow Burn, Friends to Lovers, Assumed Character Death, Minor Character Death, Tags on Each Chapter, references to non-con, references to canonical slavery, (The Orion Syndicate is just really bad okay?), bizarre space mpreg, Implied Future Pairings, POV Multiple, The Author Indulges in a Crack Pairing or Two, Accidental Child Acquisition, Found Family, Genius WWX)

Kiss of the Rose by sami (M, 8k, NHS/OFCs, NHS & NMJ, NHS & MXY, NHS & JGY, Family, original trans female character, Falling In Love, Enemies to Lovers, but only one of them knows it at the time, Pining, Getting Together, First Time, First Kiss, NHS drinks Respect For Women juice, courting, Please read notes)

day without night and night without day by xcourtney_chaoticx (T, 27k, NHS & NMJ, LXC/NMJ, JC & WWX, Ladyhawke Fusion, Inspired by Ladyhawke (1985), Animal Transformation, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Family Feels, Canon-Typical Violence, Attempted Forced Marriage, evil JGY)

the more things seem to change by littlebasketbun (G, 26k, LXC/NMJ, JC/NHS, wangxian, Modern, High School, Matchmaking, failed matchmaking, oblivious idiots in love)

The Same River Twice by nirejseki (Not rated, 17k, NHS & NMJ, WIP, Time Travel Fix-It, Unexpected development)

Counting Brushes by Fortune_Maiden (T, 6k, NHS & NMJ, NHS & WWX, wangxian, canon divergence, fluff & crack, humor, hurt/comfort)

🔒 Just Children to War by Anonymous (T, 4k, NHS & NMJ, Angst, Niè Siblings Dynamics, Niè Siblings Feels, Post-Episode 10 (CQL), Hair Brushing, Hair Braiding, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, NHS Needs a Hug, POV NMJ, Early Sunshot Campaign, offscreen death)

silly love songs series by wildwestwind (E, 67k, wangxian, 3zun, JGY/XY, NHS & LWJ, LXC & LWJ, LWJ/WWX/WN, JC/NHS, JGY & XY, XXC/XY, LWJ & WN, WQ & WWX, JC & WWX, Sex Work, Consensual Non-Consent, BDSM, Bad Decisions, Angst, Blow Jobs, Modern, Sex Worker Author, Masturbation, Self-Harm, Internalized Homophobia, Internalized Kinkphobia, Self-Hatred, Unhappy Ending, Horny Teenagers, Guilt, Past Rape/Non-con, LWJ is sad and horny, Baking, Politics, Hackers, Trans Female WWX, Aftercare, play piercing, bad polyamory, Marriage Proposal, Homophobia, Class Issues, Face Slapping, Daddy Kink, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Jealousy, Verbal Humiliation, Tenderness, Affection, Dubious Consent, JGY is a bad person and oblivious to his feelings, Drunkenness, Drunken Confessions, Fluff and Angst, Autistic Character, Autistic LXC, Kid Fic, Autistic LWJ, Trans Female NHS, Childhood Friends, Impregnation, Fluff, Worldbuilding, Bickering, inappropriate use of university library access, Biology, Sadism, Mutual Pining, Self-Indulgent Political Arguments, JGY is so bad at feelings, Porn with Feelings, Falling In Love, Alzheimer's Disease, nursing homes, Sharing a Bed, Fake Marriage, Sickfic, Misgendering, Misgendering Kink, JC Needs a Hug, JC Has Self-Esteem Issues, Kink Negotiation, JC is Bad at Feelings, JC is Bad at Communicating, POV JC, Protective JC, Domestic Fluff, everyone is happy, brief use of reclaimed slurs, Internalized Transphobia, Humor, Drunk Sex, Loss of Virginity, Eating Disorders, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, College/University, Confused Takes On Feminism, Crossdressing, Penis In Vagina Sex, Barebacking, Post-Divorce, Therapy, Friendship, Christmas, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Cultural Differences, JC & WWX Reconciliation, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, WWX Needs a Hug, Everyone Needs A Hug, POV WWX, WQ Is Bad At Medical Ethics, Pining, Grief, Porn AU, Twitter, Idiots in Love, it's not so much that WWX is pushing WN's boundaries as that WN's boundaries are feather-light gossamer and WWX is a very oblivious freight train)

shades of grey spill from my veins (bleeding ink all over the page) by Reverie (cl410) (M, 58k, NMJ/LXC, wangxian, NHS/WN, POV NMJ, Canon Divergence, Joining the “Wei Wuxian raised by the Nie Sect” Club, Mentions of WWX’s life on the streets, Hurt/Comfort, Accidental Sibling Acquisition, Single Dad NMJ, NHS & WWX Friendship, Fluff, Humor, Happy Ending, Everyone Lives AU, Protective NMJ, Sunshot Campaign, Some angst, Blood and Injury, Kidnapping, Protective Siblings, Found Family)

Jailbreaking by CullenBlue (T, 21k, WN & NHS, Canon Compliant, POV NHS, NHS Is A Little Shit, Cinnamon Roll WN, Fierce Corpse WN, Ghost General WN, References to Heavens Official's Blessing, References to The Scum Villain's Self Saving System, NHS insulting the Wen Clan's taste in interior Decorating, Mentions of Murder, WN made a friend by talking about his childhood trauma, BAMF WN, Panic Attacks, mentions of gore, Canon-Typical Violence, Violence in the Name of Comedy, Trauma, Is NHS taking anything seriously? who knows, Bromance)

the final cut by Wildehack (tyleet) (E, 19k, SangYu, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Suicidal Ideation, Emotional Manipulation, offscreen child death, extremely ill advised sex, Mildly Dubious Consent, Grief/Mourning, basically it's a BUMMER) is good but angsty with a bittersweet ending (because it's canon compliant)

~*~

4. Hi!!!!! Thank you so much for everything that you’re going you are literal life savers 🥺🫡

For the next ITMF do you have anything like

A) “On Impulse” by Rynne

B) Or you know that one fan art of teen wwx kissing lwj and lwj being shocked and blushing (pinterest link : https://pin.it/7vWC7oRZ9)

C) And also do you know any fics where wwx shows blatant favoritism towards lsz and the other juniors are jealous till they discover he’s his son ??

Anyway thank you so much ✨✨✨✨✨✨ /ihaveasoftspotfora-yuan

Keep Up by mimilamp (E, 27k, WangXian, High School, First Time, Practice Kissing, Practice hj, Infidelity, Sexual Content, Compulsory Heterosexuality, Pining while fucking, Teen Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dirty Talk) Not sure this is a great fit for #4 as it is both a modern AU and angsty, but it is teenage WangXian getting into it

~*~

5. Hi, I’m in the mood for a fic where... The Untamed is in Top Chef or other cooking shows? I know there are three complete about the great British bake off and also Battle Chefs by Sami, but I want... no, I need more!!! Also, any others about dancing show besides the Wangxian Strictly AU Series by Selenay and Unstrictly Ballroom by Ariaste that I found in the lists here!! I love reality TV fics!! I have read all the ones in the Reality TV list!! Be well and thanks!! Monica /monicaop21

we’re dancing around the kitchen by livinginaworldofnoise (G, 37k, WIP, WangXian, HuaLian, Reality Show, Modern AU, Worst Cooks in America AU, Cooking, Bad Cooking, war crimes committed in the form of cooking, Crack, Fluff, content warning for absolute unhinged chaos, XL Can't Cook, Simp HC) is a Worst Cooks In America AU MDZS/TGCF crossover

and from our own/live to ourselves by betweentheheavesofstorm (M, 105k, wangxian, modern, fantasy, reality tv, angst w/ happy ending, survival, blood & gore, self-harm, animal death, slow burn) is a made-up reality show in Antarctica (fair bit of angsty, be forewarned)

~*~

6. Hi! First off, thank you for everything you guys do! Much appreciated!

This one might be a bit off-topic, as not necessarily wangxian, but... I've been reading through your juniors shenanigans list and I was wondering if you can help? If not, 100% ok, and thank you anyway!

A) something with LJY meeting bb!a'Yuan? De-aged, time travel, or missing scenes from canon, it's all good!

B) anything with my main darling OZZ as the/one of the main characters? Junior-centric fics are so much fun! (Or they're soul-destroying, but in the best way.) /katonahottinroof

6A)

Time, Time, Time by skeletonofaplant (G, 44k, wangxian, JYL/JZX, WWX & LSZ, JYL & JL & JZX, LJY & LSZ, Time Travel Fix-It, Burial Mounds Settlement Days, Identity Porn, Identity Reveal, Angst, Fluff, Junior Quartet Dynamics, Time Travelling Junior Ensemble, Junior Ensemble Shenanigans, Humor) The Juniors go back in time. LJY ends up at the Burial Mounds

Of Bunnies and Childhood Dreams series by iamtheelvenprince (T, 39k, wangxian, LXC & LWJ, LSZ & LWJ, LJY & LSZ, Post-First Siege of the Burial Mounds, Pre-Canon, The inbetween years, Teacher LWJ, LWJ Has Feelings, POV LWJ, Child LSZ, LSZ's Childhood, Poor LJY, Family Feels, Supportive bros, Gūsū Lán Sect, LWJ loves his students, bad teachers, What happens when LQR isn't home, LWJ's ducklings, Supportive LXC, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Bunnies, Protective LWJ, LJY-centric, Child LJY, Sad LJY, Good Kid LJY, teachers playing favourite, unsupportive teachers, Literal Sleeping Together, Sleepovers, Baby LJY, Baby LSZ, LWJ loves his boys, LXC is overworked, Give LXC a nap, Light Angst, Family Bonding, LXC needs a hug, Lantern Festivals, memorial service, Secrets, Secret family, LQR loves his boys, LQR as the best great-uncle, Hurt, Suicidal Thoughts, Loss, Grief/Mourning, Broken Promises, Finding Ones Self, Self-Reflection, Brotherly Love, Brotherly Affection, Hurt/Comfort, Tragedy, Protective LXC, BAMF NHS, NHS-centric, NHS Needs a Hug, Manipulation, LWJ & NHS Friendship, Aftermath of Fatal Journey, Betrayal, Petty LWJ, Good Uncle JC, Good Parent LWJ, Protective LJY, JGS Being an Asshole, JGS Being an Idiot, JGY Being JGY, massive time skips, Teaching, Serious Injuries, Graphic Description, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Damage, Sad Dreams, Dysfunctional Family, Dysfunctional Relationships, Madam Jin deserved better, JC-centric, POV JC, JC Needs a Hug, JC Needs Therapy, Gūsū Lán Juniors Dynamics)

no time for crying by Narci (T, 10k, WangXian, Wwx protection squad, Age Regression/De-Aging, Kid WWX, kid LSZ, night hunt gone absolutely right, (lowkey golden core fix it), Fluff, Angst and Feels, Humor, Juniors)

Back in time by LilacNeko (T, 32k, wangxian, Time Travel, Alternate Timelines, Fix-It of Sorts, Angst, Family Feels, Good Kid LSZ, LSZ Needs a Hug, Sad JL, JL Needs a Hug)

6B)

🔒 卧薪尝胆 by RoseThorne (G, 1k, wangxian, OYZZ & WWX, Petty LWJ, Bunnies, False Accusations, scapegoating, Cultivation Sect Politics, Chief Cultivator LWJ, POV Third Person, POV WWX)

🔒 Four Parts Honey and One Part Vinegar by masked (T, 13k, wangxian, Post-Canon, Established Relationship, Junior Quartet Dynamics, Fluff, Humor, Time Travel, Wangxian in Love, 5+1 Things, Jealous WWX, the Impeccable Trust between Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian, POV Outsider, everyone is Thirsty for Hanguang-jun as one tends to be)

visions of glittering rooms by Sour_Idealist (T, 1k, A-Qing/OYZZ, A-Qing/OYZZ/LJY, Modern USA, Alcohol, Poor Movie Theater Etiquette, Drunk Postmovie iHop)

between the pages of some novel by yuer (vintageblueskies) (T, 7k, JL & OYZZ & LJY & LSZ, wangxian, Post-Canon, Case Fic, Curses, Sex Curse, non-explicit discussion of sex and porn, junior shenanigans, the mortifying ordeal of trying to figure out if your seniors are having sex, no sex happens in this fic, the author attempts humor)

Important Distinctions by nagi_blue (T, 5k, gen, Fluff and Crack, Podfic Available)

Linger in the Sun by etymologyplayground (T, 39k, wangxian, JC & WWX, Case Fic, Intimacy, Curses, Canon Compliant, Post-Canon, Cuddling & Snuggling, Getting Together, Romance, Sexual Tension, Scent Kink, WWX Loves To Teach, wangxian are married, Fluff, nonsexual intimacy, Scars, Sharing a Bed, Nonverbal Communication, this is HEAVY on the symbolism, Translation in Russian)

~*~

7. Is there any fics where LWJ just loses it and slams WWX into a wall or onto a bed or something to kiss him? Like, he just can't take it anymore,, his restraint is GONE! WWX is just too tempting he needs this boy NOW (bottom WWX only pls no implied/referenced switching either oh and no rape it must be consensual or WWX approved CNC)

🔒 感情用事 by rosethorne (T, <1k, wangxian, Frustration, Anger, Embarrassment, Grief/Mourning, Biting, First Kiss, Getting Together, Canon Divergence, POV LWJ, POV Third Person)

🔒 joined delight by RoseThorne (M, 1k, wangxian, underage, fast burn, Making Out, Marking, Frottage, Gūsū Lán Sect Rules, Gūsū Lán Forehead Ribbon, Marathon Sex, Implied Sexual Content, Love at First Sight, Swords, Horniness, POV Third Person, POV LWJ, Canon Divergence, Cloud Recesses Study Arc)

~*~

8. Are there any fics where wangxian are A) babysitters or tutors and meet through that? or B) run a stall/work at a store?

8A)

💖 But really, why? by Scrippio (T, 52k, wangxian, JYL/JZX, WQ/JC, Modern, College/University) features Wei Ying & Lan Zhan as tutors, though I can't remember if that's how they met.

~*~

9. heyy admins! itmf more darkji fics where lwj is possessive of wwx, something like 'so he thinks he's Straight (a memoir by lan zhan)' by pancho. thanks!!

A Matter of Time series by mrcformoso (E, 84k, wangxian, time travel fix-it, graphic depictions of violence, underage, LWJ pov, JC pov, dark LWJ, manipulation, grooming, teen body adult mind for LWJ, happy ending for wangxian, problematic consensual underage sex, blood & violence, insane LWJ, manic LWJ) LWJ is very dark & possessive in this

~*~

10. hi!! i’m itmf for a fic where wwx time travels to the modern era. i’ve seen some fanart and short twitter threads about it where lwj explains modern tech to him and he’s all amazed, but haven’t stumbled upon any fics.

i also wouldn’t mind fics of the reverse where lwj time travels /nalalie

🧡 The Shade of Old Trees by Kryal (T, 128k, WIP, WangXian, Ridiculously Long Notes, History, Canon Divergence, Modern AU, Slow Burn, Worldbuilding, Slow Life, Action/Adventure, Magic Returns, BAMF WWX) it's not time travel in the traditional sense, instead he gets trapped in ice for 15 hundred years. But he does get taught modern Chinese and technology by LWJ and LSZ! Plus protective WQ and NMJ are so fun to read ^^ - Mod C

结局难更改 (the ending is hard to change) Series by PorcupineGirl (G, 50k, WangXian, Modern with Magic AU, Canon Divergence, Time travel, Reincarnated LWJ & LXC, YL WWX, Reincarnation, Secret Identity, Identity reveal) has WWX time travelling to the modern day rather than falling to his death

counterpart by queensmooting (E, 37k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Parallel Universes, Multiple Selves, Kid Fic, some child endangerment (everyone will be fine), lwj can and has gotten pregnant, Bottom LWJ/Top WWX, bittersweet ending (ymmv)) way too much time/dimension travel

🔒 不忘 | Don’t Forget by dragongirlG (E, 50k, WangXian, Modern AU, Canon Divergence, Time Travel, Reincarnation, Fix-It of Sorts, Identity Porn, Social Media, Reunions, Family, Angst with a Happy Ending, Light Bondage, References to Canon, Artist WWX, Sexual Content, Pining, POV Multiple, Additional Warnings In Author’s Note)

atlas in his sleepin’ by anatheme (E, 48k, WangXian, XuanLi, Canon Divergence, Fix-It, Reincarnation, Family Reunions, Dimension Travel, temporary transmigration, Transmigrator!LWJ, Yunmeng Shuangjie Reconciliation, jzx motherhenning wwx, First Time, Sharing Clothes, Angst with a Happy Ending, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies) it not a time travel but WWX teach LWJ modern tech and depend on your interpretation it could be time travel fic, i think?

Wrong Turn, Right Place by diamondbruise (E, 71k, WangXian, Time Travel, kind of, it’s more reality travel but there’s modern wwx and cultivator lwj, Mutual Pining, Angst with a Happy Ending, Jealousy, Idiots in Love, Slow Burn, Misunderstandings, Cultural Differences)

take me back to a time by DizziDreams (T, 143k, wangxian, Graphic Depictions of Violence, Major Character Death, College/University, Modern with Magic, Time Travel, Sharing a Bed, Fish out of Water, Man Out of Time, WWX questionable decisions, LWJ lizard brain, Angst with a Happy Ending, WWX's lack of self-preservation, Student WWX, Time-Traveling Wizard LWJ, Slow Burn, Character Death, reference to abuse, Canonical Character Death, Canonical Abuse, Canon, LWJ, Canon-Typical Violence, Mutual Pining, Chronic Illness, Not A Fix-It, WWX be like "i should be scared but instead im just horny", feat: LWJ horny grip, Podfic Available, Case Fic, Russian Translation Available, Transmigration, America, Spanish Translation Available) lwj accidentally time travels to the modern era

Echoes of Love by Witch_Nova221 (M, 212k, WangXian, Modern AU, Eventual Romance, Time Travel, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, university lecturer LWJ, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, Dark BSSR, Amnesia, Memory Loss, 1980s music, LWJ loves all things 80s, Oxford vs Cambridge, Boat Race, References to Torture, Murder, Blood and Injury, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Mystery) is brilliant with an interesting premise

~*~

11. Do you know any fic (preferably wangxian) where wwx accidentally calls jyl mom ???? The thought popped up in my head and I can’t stop thinking about it 😅😂 /ihaveasoftspotfora-yuan

~*~

12. for itmf!!! no wips pls

A) longer fics w sugar dating or service top!!

B) in which one of them is a single parent, or kid fics really

12A)

November Baby by astrophyllite (E, 172k, NMJ/JC, Modern, College/University, Sex Work, Sugar Daddy, Slow Burn, Miscommunication, Mutual Pining, Pining while fucking, Condoms, Blow Jobs, Anal Sex, Frottage, Switching, JCn Has A Praise Kink, Hair Brushing, Hair Braiding, Dog Bàxià, Yúnmèng Siblings Dynamics, Emotionally Significant Duck Figurines, Trans JZX) mingcheng not wangxian but if you're okay with a different ship

❤️ All Old Things are New Again by The Feels Whale (miscellea) (M, 52k, wangxian, modern, reincarnation, sugar daddy, kink negotiation, gentle dom LWJ)  aaaand some wangxian sugar dating ones that the requester probably already knows about, but linking just in case / is basically a truly wonderful twist on this premise

how to fall in love with a catfish: a guide by wei wuxian (disaster rat) by bwyn, Yuisaki (T, 54k, WangXian, Modern AU, College/University, Actors, Multimedia, Online Friendship, Drunken Shenanigans, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Underage Drinking, Drinking Games, Families of Choice, Ensemble Cast, Fluff and Angst, Slow Burn, Catfish AU)

The Sugar Daddy AU Series by vesna (mrsronweasley) (E, 106k, wangxian, modern, sugar daddy, sex work, dom/sub, aftercare, semi-public sex, exhibitionism, bondage, boundary setting, relationship negotiation) is basically perfection of this premise

finally safe (for me to fall) by sassybluee (E, 77k, WangXian, Modern: No Powers, Sugar Daddy, Age Difference, Sex Work, Rich WWX, Older WWX, Service Top WWX, Poor LWJ, Single Parent LWJ, Sugar Baby LWJ, Family Issues, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Slow Burn, Cockblocking, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, No Lube, Lube, Addiction, Compulsory Heterosexuality, Implied/Referenced Abuse, wangxian + others) is a complete flip of the typical premise - Wei Wuxian as the sugar daddy

12B)

Of Bunnies and Childhood Dreams series by iamtheelvenprince (T, 39k, wangxian, LXC & LWJ, LSZ & LWJ, LJY & LSZ, Post-First Siege of the Burial Mounds, Pre-Canon, The inbetween years, Teacher LWJ, LWJ Has Feelings, POV LWJ, Child LSZ, LSZ's Childhood, Poor LJY, Family Feels, Supportive bros, Gūsū Lán Sect, LWJ loves his students, bad teachers, What happens when LQR isn't home, LWJ's ducklings, Supportive LXC, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Bunnies, Protective LWJ, LJY-centric, Child LJY, Sad LJY, Good Kid LJY, teachers playing favourite, unsupportive teachers, Literal Sleeping Together, Sleepovers, Baby LJY, Baby LSZ, LWJ loves his boys, LXC is overworked, Give LXC a nap, Light Angst, Family Bonding, LXC needs a hug, Lantern Festivals, memorial service, Secrets, Secret family, LQR loves his boys, LQR as the best great-uncle, Hurt, Suicidal Thoughts, Loss, Grief/Mourning, Broken Promises, Finding Ones Self, Self-Reflection, Brotherly Love, Brotherly Affection, Hurt/Comfort, Tragedy, Protective LXC, BAMF NHS, NHS-centric, NHS Needs a Hug, Manipulation, LWJ & NHS Friendship, Aftermath of Fatal Journey, Betrayal, Petty LWJ, Good Uncle JC, Good Parent LWJ, Protective LJY, JGS Being an Asshole, JGS Being an Idiot, JGY Being JGY, massive time skips, Teaching, Serious Injuries, Graphic Description, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Damage, Sad Dreams, Dysfunctional Family, Dysfunctional Relationships, Madam Jin deserved better, JC-centric, POV JC, JC Needs a Hug, JC Needs Therapy, Gūsū Lán Juniors Dynamics) Link in #6A

❤️ save a sword, ride a socialist by sysrae (E, 33k, WangXian, Modern with Magic, College/University, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Single Parent WWX, Homophobia, LQR’s A+ Parenting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Idiots to lovers)

🔒💖 Everyanything by deliciousblizzardshark & lingeringdust (E, 46k, wangxian, Canon Divergence, Gender Identity, Gender Dysphoria, Trans WWX, Protective LWJ, Accidental Baby Acquisition, Is it bad parenting to bring a baby on a nighthunt, Canon-Typical Misogyny, Fluff and Angst, Vaginal Sex, Canon-Typical Major Character Death)

💖 The Best I Can by Zephyr (ZephyrAndTheSilverfish) (T, 26k, LJY & WWX, wangxian, canon divergence, light angst, drama, recovery, coming of age, secret identity fail, rogue cultivator LWJ, road trips, happy ending)

The Simplest Way Forward by harriet_vane (E, 70k, WangXian, Modern AU, Accidental baby acquisition, Kid fic, Green card marriage (but not really), Slow Burn, Endless Pining, Happy ending, [Podfic of] The Simplest Way Forward by knight_tracer)

when the sun goes out by travelingneuritis (E, 176k, WangXian, Modern AU, Modern Cultivation, tech cultivation, Necromancy, Angst with a Happy Ending, insecurity around adoption, Dad!WWX, dad!lwj, Grief/Mourning, Mistaken Identity, Mood Whiplash, Body Swap, sex tears!, Falling In Love, Consensual Somnophilia, apocalypse (localized), Smut, unrealistic sexual stamina, Flashbacks, Time Skips, Illustrations)

Across the street to another life by danegen (M, 99k, WangXian, Modern AU, unleashed au Family Fluff, Set in America, Hurt/Comfort, Past Child Abuse, Addiction, Crime, Amnesia, Ableist, Language, another fridged mother, POV Alternating, past wwx/ofc, past wwx/omc, Medium parent YZY, A-Yuan is wwx’s biological son, Musicians, Happy Ending)

❤️ kick at the darkness ‘til it bleeds daylight by AlfAlfAlfAlfAlf, tardigradeschool (T, 75k, WangXian, Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Eventual Happy Ending, Getting Together, Burial Mounds Settlement Days, Inspired by The Parent Trap (1998), Kid Fic, teen shenanigans, two a-yuans, Fluff and Angst, [Podfic] kick at the darkness ‘til it bleeds daylight by contributor-sky (deepestbluesky), esbielle was also here (esbielle), glittercracker, GodOfLaundryBaskets, jellyfishfire, kisahawklin, Koontyme, Rionaa, semperfiona))

🧡 CSI: Gusu Edition Series by Stratisphyre (M, 39k, WangXian, WWX & LQR, Modern with Magic AU, College AU, Golden Core Reveal, Single parent WWX, Good Uncle LQR, Hospitalization, Allusions to violence and murder)

Magic Mishap by Regency_Bunny (T, 8k, WangXian, NieLan, Modern AU, Single parent WWX, Fluff, Humor, Kid Fic, Meet cute, Love at first sight, Himbo LXC, Magic tricks)

my little love by mellowflicker (T, 54k, WangXian, Modern AU, Single Parent WWX, kindergarten teacher!lwj, Kid Fic, Hurt/Comfort, Domestic Fluff, Pining)

I know what my heart wants by yakuso5u (Not Rated, 28k, WangXian, Modern AU, Single Father LWJ, Fluff, Mutual Pining, Getting Together, Accidental Child Acquisition, Domestic, Slice of Life, Christmas references)

Window Shopping by thunderwear (E, 18k, wangxian, Modern, quarantine fic, Single Dad WWX, Getting Together, Long-Distance Relationship, Mutual Pining, Fluff, Happy Ending, First Time, Phone Sex, switching POV, Domestic Fluff, some smut)

These Things Stay the Same by notevenyou (E, 30k, wangxian, Modern, Kid Fic, Canon-Typical Violence, Minor Character Death, Injury, Natural Disasters, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hospitalization, Accidents)

say it's here where our pieces fall in place by Lirelyn (E, 68k, wangxian, Family Feels, Modern, Angst with a Happy Ending, Kid Fic, Adoption, Foster Care, most of the angst is backstory and we're working through it, several characters have had therapy thank god, there's a good amount of domestic fluff but also a lot of crying, Often at the same time, oh yeah eventually there will be smut, possibly also with crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Podfic Available)

box your errors by mellowflicker (T, 42k, wangxian, Modern, single dad LWJ, Domestic Fluff, Family Issues, Slow Burn, Kid Fic, let LWJ have friends agenda, Hurt/Comfort, Pining)

The stuffed bunny, the beautiful nephew, and other gifts from Lan Qiren by deliciousblizzardshark (G, 8k, LQR & WWX, wangxian, Modern, Single Parent WWX, Good Uncle LQR, Accidental Uncle Acquisition, Found Family, Fluff)

🧡 your heart, two doors down by ghostsgf (G, 9k, WangXian, Modern AU, Pining, Parenting)

🧡 paint smears on sunny days by SnowshadowAO3 (E, 53k, WangXian, Comfort, Fluff and Smut, Everyone Is Alive, Modern AU, Dadji, Mutual Pining, Happy Ending, Brief Alcohol Mention, Masturbation, Blow Jobs, Hand Jobs, Accidentally co-parenting with your son's art teacher, Fatherhood)

🔒Betting On You by kuro (G, 5k, WangXian, Domestic Fluff Single Parent WWX, Neighbors, Modern AU, Pining, Music Teacher LWJ, Programmer WWX)

Can we keep him? by Sweetlittlevampire (G, 15k, WangXian, Modern AU, Shapeshifters, Animal Transformation, Friends to Lovers, Kid Fic, Single Dad WWX, Light Angst, Happy Ending, Modern with Magic, [Podfic] Can we keep him? by Rionaa)

~*~

13. Hi!

A) I would like to ask you to find some wangxian fics with multi chaptered royal au .

B) Omegaverse fic where wwx is a strong omega

Thanks

13A)

我的皇后是農民 | sowing seeds in the cold palace by sweetlolixo (E, 84k, WangXian, Imperial Palace, Emperor LWJ, Imperial Consort WWX, Farmer WWX, Angst, Romance, Wingman LJY, Wife-chasing-LWJ, Arranged Marriage, Best Boy A-Yuan)

travelers through the empty gate by stiltonbasket (M, 107k, WIP, WangXian, Royalty, Emperor WWX, Mistaken Identity, Poor LWJ, Bookshop owner LWJ, Intrigue, Court Drama, Forced Marriage, Confused WWX, POV Alternating, Parenthood, Misunderstandings, Empress LWJ, Requited Unrequited Love, Fluff, Humor, Married Life, Angst with a Happy Ending) my fic fits the bill!

shattered mirrors by besanii

🧡 The Emperor's Portrait by catbrainedschemes (E, 32k, WangXian, Historical, Ancient China, Historically Inaccurate, Meet-Cute, Mistaken Identity, Age Difference, Sexual Tension, Happy Ending, Fluff, Emperor!LWJ, artist!wwx, Misunderstandings, Hand Kink, Strength Kink, Smut, gege kinkl, ots of staring, Dirty Talk, Canon-Typical Bondage) (link in royalty au comp)

True Gold Fears No Fire by defractum (nyargles) (M, 69k, WIP, WangXian, Royalty AU, Ancient China, Wuxia, Historical Inaccuracy, Arranged Marriage, Identity Porn, Mutual Pining, Emperor!LWJ, empress!wwx, Eventual Happy Ending, Misunderstandings) (link in royalty au comp)

Kingfisher Feathers by anonymous (E, 144k, WIP, WangXian, Royalty AU, Emperor LWJ, Concubine WWX, A/B/O, Mpreg, Mutual Pining, Angst with a happy ending) (link in royalty au comp)

13B)

I Will Not Go Gentle into the Quiet Night by TriviasFolly (M, 89k, WangXian, A/B/O Dynamics, Omega WWX, Alpha LWJ, no cultivation au, Vaugely Historical AU?, royal au, War AU, Slow Burn, Attempted Rape, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Murder) mind the tags

🔒 Wilful Blindness ≠ Ignorance by Cy_an_Blue (E, 59k, wangxian, WIP, Graphic Depictions of Violence, LSZ is a Wèi, WWX is LSZ's Parent, Child LSZ, A/B/O, Alpha LWJ, Omega WWX, Prince LWJ, Concubine WWX, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Original Character Death(s), Implied/Referenced Child Death, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied Mpreg, Past Mpreg, War, End of War, Post-War, Canon-Typical Violence, Canon-Typical Behavior, Canon-Typical Gore, Prisoner of War, WWX Has Self-Esteem Issues, One-Sided Attraction, but not really, Falling In Love, SS Being an Asshole, Angst and Tragedy, Period-Typical Sexism, Period Typical Attitudes, Angst with a Happy Ending, Requited Love, Getting Together)

🔒 Three Letters, Six Etiquettes by 2501987 (M, 24k, wangxian, JC/LXC, Royalty, Arranged Marriage, A/B/O, Arranged Marriage, Angst and Humor, Romance, Idiots in Love, Eventual Romance, Soft Wangxian, WWX is a Little Shit, LWJ is Whipped, BAMF JYL, Family Feels, Awkward First Times, First Time, Loss of Virginity, Bad Sex, Wedding Night, Cute Kids, Domestic Fluff)

~*~

14. hello!! not sure if i was able to send this ask already, but do you know any fics were lsz is referenced as the lan heir? thank you! ☺️ /cuddlemehun

A Civil Combpaign Series by Ariaste (T, 19k, JL/LSZ, wangxian, arranged marriage, courting, teenage drama, humor) it's mentioned in the second fic, Besieged

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15. Hello! For ITMF I am looking for canon-divergent fics where Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen help fight through the Sunshot Campaign, and perhaps join Wei Wuxian in the Burial Mounds after. I would love for Wei Wuxian to have had more allies in those years. Thank you for any suggestions! /gloriousclotpole

The Tiger has Destroyed his Cage by updatebug (G, 54k, WangXian, Shapeshifters, Fix-it fic, Animal Pelts, Tiger WWX, Found Family, adopted family, Yungmeng Siblings, Canon appropriate angst and violence, Gratuitous OCs) the tiger fic has XXC&SL get involved in the Sunshot campaign on WWX's behalf. it's canon divergent/ends before the Burial Mounds Settlement Days, but it's also just a really fun fic (and great for "wwx has more allies")

💖 Xiao XingChen’s travelling sect series by The Silverfish (ZephyrAndTheSilverfish) (T, 43k, wangxian, SL/XXC, time travel, children, rogue cultivators, hurt/comfort, murder mystery, world travel) Maybe also "Xiao Xingchen's traveling sect"? that's canon divergent much earlier than the sunshot campaign though

~*~

16. Hello, I'm looking for works, where JC was the initial source of hate rumors targeted at WWX that led to his demise. Could you please help?

~*~

17. Hi, I'm itmf NHS as chief cultivator. Best if before wwx death. Maybe he saw that everything is gradually going shit and decides to abandon his weak persona mask early

~*~

If you didn’t get an answer to your ask here, don’t forget to make use of @/mdzs-kinkmeme and MDZS KINK MEME on Dreamwidth. Authors actually do use them for ideas. You may get what you order!***Your prompt doesn’t have to be kink! Fluff, crack, whatever - it’s all good!***

[science-lings]

Being annoying about each option under the cut

1- Ryunosuke has no other pictures of his bestie's face except for the one of his 'corpse' and that is Fucked Up, which is why I love it. this hc is based on the fact that during my playthrough I looked at the picture so many times bc I missed him immediately. Anyway 1-2 was the worst day of his life and the moment where he was given the photo for the first time really stuck with me.

2- They get to switch off being each other's judicial assistants and they both get to be different flavors of transmasc, I think it would be fun for them. Would they have to attend classes at Yumei to even be considered lawyers? who knows the point is they do it together and are like those cats that bond together and get sad when they get separated.

3- If they are in the same room together that sword is being switched back and forth several times, 'I think it matches your outfit today' or 'I'm on my period I shouldn't be in possession of a deadly weapon' or 'you said in the custody agreement that I get it on weekends' etc etc etc... Though it tends to go with Ryunosuke when they are separated for long periods of time. That sword is symbolic of so much gay shit in these games what's a little more.

4- my guy talks about 'the look' in Ryunosukes eyes so much during the last case, what are you looking into his eyes for? Heterosexual reasons? sure... (also 'fancy meeting you here' that is a pick-up line, you're in a prison, not a bar) Anyway his feelings towards Ryunosuke are complicated and he's so mad that at least one of the feelings in the emotional cocktail is something like attraction)

5- There's that disaster lesbian thing going on but also the situation was pretty stressful but one day she will wake up and it will hit her that her friend was still very interested in her even after she knew it was her in the disguise.

6- Sholmes keeps trying to refer to himself as 'the root of all evil' and how he's 'drawn to the darkness', he's trying so hard to be edgy but he's a six-foot-tall lanky blond man who is dramatic in the silly way and drapes himself over Ryunosuke at every opportunity. Either he's trying to build some kind of reputation or he wants to appeal to the local goth milf populace (Sithe and Tusspells) or even the reaper himself (there's some messy ex energy going on over there...)

7- I need Phoenix to inherit Karuma, he knows a bit about it but he doesn't make a big deal about it. He does have a few prosecutor friends who know the blade and are so annoyed that he's not super proud to own it. Also it's funny to me if the only family that Phoenix knows are a couple of victorian lawyers that haunt him. I think they should watch over him and be a little horrified. Ryunosuke was excited when he was intending to be a performing arts student as a fellow drama kid but it doesn't surprise him that he chose to become a lawyer. It's in his blood.

8- You cannot tell me Ryunosuke didn't want to fling himself off of that boat every night he was stuck in the room he thought Kazuma was killed in. He just didn't want to ruin Susatos trip to England by leaving her alone and he goes into a depression when she leaves for Japan, going so far as to avoid looking at the photo the 221b fam took before she left because it made him sad, which gets put up every time by Sholmes who Gets It. Meaning that he went up to the Naruhodo consulting agency regularly to check up on him. I like to think Sholmes was genuinely worried during the months he spent banned from the courtroom and without his weirdgirl who he bonded with through his best friends 'death'.

9- Wagahai is a good kitty, she can tell who the most depressed person in the building is and follows them around, sometimes Ryunosuke has a nightmare and wakes up with a cat right up by his face.

10- Ryunosuke starts the Naruhodo family tradition of not talking about their personal lives to people they care about and making their own little patchwork family for themselves. Practically all we know about his past is that he's afraid of doctors and studied English from a young age. And then like three months after going to a new country and meeting new people he's just like 'neat this is my family now :)' there is something going on there I swear. I have many conflicting ideas about what it could be specifically though.

[arinzx]

𝓢WEET TEARS

ENHYPEN

Yang Jungwon x fem!reader. . . CONTENT/ WARNING(S): Sadness, fluff, lots of love, comfort, tears and vent

J-note: this is my first time writing about an idol, excuse me if I do something wrong!

( reblogs + feedback always appreciated! )

English is not my native language!

Jungwon had been distant

It was something very unusual in him, he was very caramelized with you all the time. I always wanted to have you close, but it’s been more than 2 weeks since he barely held your hand. You felt depressed, trying to find out if you had done something wrong, if you had said something hurtful to him. But Jungwon has always been someone difficult to decipher, and not seeing him so often lately, it was more complicated to know

That day, you were in the kitchen preparing a delicious ramen, trying to make everything perfect to have a cozy dinner with your boyfriend. After finishing serving the food, you called Jungwon, who was in his shared dormitory, to come down for dinner, but he didn’t answer, you called one, two, three, four times and he didn’t come down.

Worried, you went to the stairs on your way to her bedroom, hurrying the step every time you were closer to arrive, you were going to open the door, until you heard sobs coming from the room, with your heart in your throat. You silently opened the door of the room, finding the room in the dark.

You entered the room slowly, adapting to the darkness of the room and looking for Jungwon with his eyes

You wore a silhouette sitting on the floor on the edge of the bed. The closer you got, the glow of the moon that filtered through the window, let you see Jungwon, sitting with his head down. You heard the agitated breathing and the painfully sad sobs of the poor boy.

You quickly approached him and sat next to him, grabbed his chin, raising his head.

“Jungwon? ...” he looked up, finding you with a painful image. His eyes were red from crying so much, his nose and cheeks flushed. While he tried to control his sobs, he looked at you with eyes containing tears.

He didn’t hold back and rushed into your arms, hugging you tightly while snuggling up to your neck, letting out sad sobs. You wrapped him in your arms, attracting him closer to you, you began to caress his hair sweetly

“Wonnie, everything will be fine... you have me with you” jungwon in response began to cry harder, squeezing you even more “y/n... I can’t take it anymore” between gasps

Your heart broke, assimilating what he had just said, your eyes began to fill with tears, you felt how your chest began to hurt and your heart accelerated.

“I’m so tired of everything... every day they demand more from me, all I want is a break, and when I can finally have it, they take it away from me. They always blame me and make me responsible for things that go wrong... I don’t know what to do anymore” you stroked his back, feeling how your tears slowly ran down your cheeks

“I’m so sorry Wonnie... I’m sorry I can’t do anything for you, I wish I could do something so much. But I know that you will overcome this, do not give up, because you are so strong that you will be able to overcome all the obstacles that cross your path. You are the strongest boy I have ever met, and if you feel that you can’t alone, I will be with you, supporting you, being by your side at all times, no matter how bad or good it is.”

Jungwon, when he heard your words there, regulated his crying, looking up to look into your eyes, “I don’t know what I did to deserve you, I love you so much and/n...” he put his hand on the back of your neck and pulled you towards him in a loving hug even with soft sobs “I love you wonnie”

You slowly lifted Jungwon, forgetting about dinner, you laid him on your bed, wrapping him up. You took off your shoes and snuggled up next to him, attracting him to you while you hugged him, he kept sobbing, but much more calmly than moments ago.

“I love you so much Jungwon...” you waited for an answer from him, but when you saw him, you saw him deeply asleep, with his calm breathing. Resting as he wanted so much, you decided not to interrupt his rest, stroking his head. Falling deeply asleep next to him.

[astroyongie]

Stray Kids April Reading 2024

note: please take my words with a grain of salt

Bangchan

Love: It does look like Chan was able to get closer to his crush and that things have been developing so far, however there’s still a lot of miscommunication and not enough emotional connection between the two. Chan might be trying too hard as well, and not listening to his crush's need before engaging themselves in a possible relationship. it feels like his crush isn't in a relationship anymore and be might the reason why 

Career: there’s a lot happening in their career, either the preparation of new music, preparations for new tours, ect that is putting Chan in a more complicated position because he lacks some foresight in some situations. he has been having a hard time adjusting to everything that has been happening on his life. he also wants to stay o the same path instead of trying new things like some members have been asking for 

Self: he is doing okay, both physically and mentally. he has been working  a lot on his inner self and on his self worth and trust. At the moment he believes that he is able to conquer anything and despite these initial fears. Chan has also been turning more into faith when it comes to managing his fears of the unknown 

Minho

Love: Boy is frustrated as hell. I believe that he is still in a  relationship with their partner but that things haven't been the same since september. they haven't seen each other much outside of their work which also makes things complicated (due to the lack of time). His partner is also putting a lot of red light on Minho’s actions, which makes him hasty in a sense. there’s high chances the relationship won't work 

Career: at least in his work space things have been doing well and more healthy. Minho has been helping his teammates a lot and he has finally found a healthy way to cope with everything while being productive. he is also happy with how things are turning out of the group. he got especially close to the younger members 

Self: I still believe that he suffers a lot with his mental health (and his relationship also doesn't help him at all). he is in a vulnerable position emotionally and he gets easily overwhelmed and sensitive. there’s way too much grief he needs to work on 

Changbin

Love: single as always, not looking for any relationship at the moment changbin is already battling against his own mind and his own self. He was however a lot of inner turmoils because it feel like he does have a crush on someone but he isn't exploiting it because he understands that he isn't on a good place to engage relationships 

Career: Things are complicated as well. I don't think Changbin has been having the best relationships with his teammates but also with the people he has been working with. That is because his relationships are usually filled with jealousy and sabotaging from other people and it has impacted a lot on his capacity of trusting people around him. I believe at the moment, the environment he is in and the career itself is the most toxic place for Changbin to be which is really sad

Self: without any surprise, hsi mental health hasn't improved. I sense some depressive energy around him, but also more of dark energy and thoughts surrounding him this probably linked to his work , his self worth and an overall burnout). JYP should pay more attention to him and allow him to rest

Hyunjin

Love: Okay so lmao this is a huge thing but take it LIGHTLY!. It does seem like Hyunjin and his crush have finally parted ways. To prove his point hyunjin is currently seeing someone else (it looks like this person is an idol as well) and they have been trying to get something out of here. now in my opinion, he doesn't have feelings for this person but that is probably trying to move in by using this person while also showing his crush that “he doesn't need them”

Career: career wise things seem to be going well for him. one a first instance his relationship with the members seem to be going well and also his sponsor has been also to get him another exclusive contract (so there’s chances to see Hyunjin from April-June to travel somewhere for his endorsement or for some type of public appearance). he getting the bag and the connections 

Self: Despite all of it, I think Hyunjin is also in a dark place at the moment. Firstly because he is trying to portray himself as someone he isn't and also because he is using his wealth to protect himself and to create an image that doesn't suit him. but he is hungry for change in his life which is making him take reckless decisions 

Han

Love: the relationship he had in September is finished now. things didn't work well and the co dependency was becoming toxic and his partner took the decision to call it quits. however Han is upset about it and isnt accepting the break up very well (he probably still is in denial about the whole thing as well)

Career: he has been feeling lonely lately. there’s a chance that Hna has been self isolating himself from the members and also has been procrastinating when it comes to work (like for example husband been writing his music or hasn't been contributing a lot artistically speaking) because he just isn't feeling the spark on it lately

Self: Emotionally there’s a lot happening and i think that Han needs to work on his emotions and also let go of things that isn't serving well (and in this same case, accepting that his relationship wasn't going to work no matter what he did). he is probably very dispirited and struggling to push forward 

Felix

Love: Listen y’all.. this guy is also in a very new relationship that started very recently. I have no idea who the person is and how the relationship is going exactly because I didn't get much information. All I can say is that Felix seems to have switched his whole personality (this person isn't the type of person i ever thought he would go for) so I wonder if this is an experiment or if in contrary there are really feelings here.

Career: He hasn’t been talking much with his members either, and has kept an introverted self around them mostly because there’s some members he doesn't want to talk with (cough cough). in any case i believe that he is overwhelmed and way too overwork to actually focus on things properly 

Self: Everything that he has been speaking on social media is a simple side of his idol image. It does seem like Felix is refuging in his idol image because it's the only thing that has been protecting him from the reality of his life. his self expression feels pushy and fake and i wonder if his love life, his whale drastic change is due to something hat has happened this last weeks

Seungmin

Love: Seungmin is still dating the same person however it does seem that lately he has been rather moody about his love life. that mostly because he has a sense of extreme jealousy toward his partner and he doesn't know how to deal with it. Instead of communicating he has been lashing out and just is unrealistic with his own thoughts. there’s the need of him to come down from his delusions 

Career: There has been a conflict between him and another member (I couldn't figure out who) which has provoked some tension in the group. although the problem as been fixed by the management team, Seungmin still holds a few grudges that he hasn't processed 

Self: Other than that, he is doing okay emotionally and physically. he is happy with the life he has and despite the stuff that sometimes happen he is able to regulate his emotions well. he just needs sometimes, a little time to figure it out 

IN

Love: still single and still enjoying his life as a boy of his age. Jeongin isn't interested in anyone, he has a lot of flings opportunities and people around him love him easily. honestly he is just a young boy who is living a life of a person single of his age which is actually healthy 

Career: Boyis thriving on his career, he has the good people around him and he has also a good relationship with everyone he works with. his sponsor is also doing wonders when it comes to Joenging’s lifestyle which is a good thing. he is overall happy with his career life 

Self: He has been doubting a little about the honesty of some people around him but he tries to hide it. I think Jeongin is also going through some sensitive stuff and things that make him a little more immature and emotional but this is also linked to his young age and lack of experiences.

[rainswriting-blog]

I like the fic you did with the child and Shingen and was wondering if you could do a continuation. Where the child continues to bring Shingen different creatures and reels him out of his depression because she reminds him of how he was like as a child.

A/N: yes Anon you may. Thank you for being so nice ❤️🥹

——————

You watch from a distance, always careful, always strategic. Your daughter - your fierce, curious little girl - becomes Shingen's unexpected lifeline.

You knew she was special from the moment she was born. But you never anticipated how she would become a bridge between Shingen and something he'd long forgotten: hope.

It starts with the lizards. Small, green creatures that she carefully cradles in her tiny hands, presenting them to Shingen with the solemnity of a scientist making a groundbreaking discovery. The first time, you see something crack in Shingen's typically stoic expression - a flicker of something soft, something remembered.

Somi notices it too. "She's pulling him back," she tells you one afternoon, watching through the discreet surveillance you've maintained. "Piece by piece."

Your daughter doesn't know the weight of what she's doing. To her, these are simply exciting discoveries. A frog with bulging eyes becomes "Mr. Jumpy". A field mouse is "Princess Whiskers". Each creature has a story, a name, a personality - and she shares them all with Shingen as if he's her closest confidant.

You remember your own conversations with Shingen, years ago. Intense. Complicated. But this? This is different. This is healing.

Haruto mentions that Shingen's been different lately. Less consumed by darkness. More... present. You know why. Your daughter, with her handful of creatures and her boundless heart, is slowly reconstructing a man you once knew.

The garden snake is a turning point.

"She's sad," your daughter tells Shingen, her voice serious, her eyes wide. "I think she needs a friend."

You remember being just like her. Curious. Unafraid. Seeing connections where others see barriers.

Shingen lets the snake explore the table. Your daughter provides a running commentary, her small body pressed close to his, completely unafraid. You see something in his posture change - something softer, something healing.

Somi sends you a message. "She's doing what we couldn't," the text reads. "She's bringing him back."

You think about the careful plan you've maintained. Connections through Somi, through Haruto, through Gun. But you never anticipated your daughter would be the most powerful connection of all.

Each creature is a thread. Each visit, a stitch repairing something broken.

And you realize: she is more like both of her parents than you ever imagined.

[leonstoenailunderhisbed]

Lately, I’ve been thinking about Leon, Ada, and Claire. Especially on their relationships because I think they’re pretty interrelating so here’s another analysis made by yours truly <3

TW: mentions of mental illnesses, MY OPINION! + observations. This is strictly based on my knowledge. I’m majoring in English- doesn’t mean I’m 100% correct, it just means I’m pointing out some things that I thought were pretty cool. Take this with a grain of salt.

So I actually propose that we bring the color theory into play, mainly between Leon, Claire, and Ada.

In RE2R and in Infinite Darkness (death island too but I’ve yet to watch it), Leon is portrayed as blue. (His RPD uniform and his suit/jacket) back in my English class (film vs book) we talked about the different types of people and how the author/creator purposefully assigns a character a specific color.

By majority belief, the color blue represents sadness and often times calmness as well. However, I have a different view on why CAPCOM seems to love Leon in winter colors (blue/green/purple)

Leon is the definition of the Blue Character Theory- these types of characters are compassionate, loyal, confident, and can manage their emotions (keep it cool in other words) but sometimes these characters are prone to become over emotional (depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, etc.) and I actually wrote a small paragraph on Leon in infinite darkness about this because I found it so interesting that Leon- a cool and reserved guy, has these complicated emotions welled up inside him and one of the only ways we can tell is by the color of his representation. (Think of Euphoria and how colors really affected the way the characters act, especially Maddy and Cassie and how different they are.)

I’m also going to be hella bold and say that his eyes are a CLEAR representation on his character by color analysis. His eyes are blue, not only because he’s a white man- but because the “eyes are the windows to the soul” thing really does help us understand him better. They clearly did this on purpose to let the viewer catch a glimpse at Leon’s raw personality. His eyes are very expressive if you really REALLY analyze them.

And when you bring someone who is represented by the color red (Claire and Ada) there’s already an established connection between the two. Although Claire and Ada are way too different in personalities, I like to believe that they both have at least the same level of ambition, stubbornness and leadership. Red characters are known to lead or take matters into their own hands when the world is against them. If no one is going to help them then they’ll do it themselves.

In ID, Claire did her own investigation. She took charge and decided to that if no one would help her, including Leon, then she’ll just do whatever she can with the power she has. Ada is similar in that aspect. Ada has a way of getting things done her way, just like Claire. She uses the art of manipulation to make sure her plans are fulfilled, even if it means at the cost of others. She’s ambitious and goal-driven, much like Claire.

CAPCOM represents the two women in explicitly red or at least with red items (hair, dress, shoes, etc.) it makes me believe that they know what they’re doing when it comes to giving characters their own individuality.

Now, we know that blue and red are complementary colors based on the color wheel.

But we also know that Leon and Ada don’t really have a healthy relationship (I’ll get to this in another post near the future once I’ve got evidence) which is contrasting to Leon and Claire’s relationship. Which prompted the question: Why?

I mean, yeah Claire is Chris’s sister and by affiliation Leon enjoys her company. But it is also clear that the two of them worked very well back in RE2R (the fence scene) their chemistry and tension was high but when he’s with Ada, it seems different.

It is no doubt that Leon had/has (? I’m just as confused as bro tbh) a crush on Ada. I read somewhere from the notes on Leon that he was actually glad to have seen Ada in RE4R (not too sure for RE4OG since almost everything is about the remake)

CAPCOM purposefully follows the Red Oni/Blue Oni trope (a Japanese folk tale, shout-out to my professor for putting me on that) but what why are there two red ones and one blue one? Is CAPCOM keeping their choices open for Leon’s potential love life? I can’t say for sure what’ll happen or what everything means because this is something I over analyzed.

Remember, I’m only an English major student, I still believe my observations are pretty vague or at least a little bit underdeveloped. Hopefully sometime near the future I can make better analysis 🙏🏼

Also, tysm for all the amazing comments and reblogs 🥹🙏🏼 idk how to reply to reblogs but I really do appreciate the fact that you guys like my fics. I promise I have more to write (I have a list in my notes app lmao)

[lizzy-calaxio]

Hey! Look at this! I found motivation to write! It's Krile and Lizzy stuff, with minimal spoilers to MSQ! It takes place a little before Endwalker, and mentions Sharlayan locations, as well as referring to events in stormblood, so if you haven't played dawntrail yet, you're fine c:

“’Introduction to Psychology’? Why, I’ve never heard of that. Who’s the teacher? Archon...Calaxio?! Well, this must surely be interesting. Let’s ask her about it, maybe it’ll be fun.” Krile speaks idly to herself as she fills out the semester sign up forms.

Later that day, she walks around Sharlayan. Finding a nice walk can be very refreshing after looking through numerous dense books. Sometimes, at night, she’s even able to walk around with her hood down, feeling the wind flow through her hair – the chilling breeze cooling the back of her neck.

While walking near the Studium, she sees a familiar large tail rounding a corner ahead of her.

“Lizzy! Hey wait!” Krile starts a light jog to catch up, as she turns the corner, she gets smacked in the face by the previously seen tail, “OW!” “Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry! This always happens, I’m very clumsy with my tail, I’m so so sorry, are you ok? Normally echo havers are safe…”

Krile, flat on her ass, looks up at the Au Ra profusely apologizing to her, spikey black hair with red-emberish highlights on the tips stand out immediately, “Uh, y-yea. I’m ok, thank you.”

Lizzy helps her up, and Krile can’t help but notice how different Lizzy looks in a professional outfit – a blue suit-coat, with black slacks and dress shoes. On her back is a set of nouliths. She grabs her tail almost like she’s scolding it.

Lizzy adjusts her glasses, “So what’s up? I heard someone shout for me, I’m assuming that was you?”

“Why, yes! I saw you’re teaching a new class next semester, so I wanted to ask you about it. I may sign up for it.”

“Oh! A-ah, well, you may or may not have heard, I got my archon mark recently. It’s in the field of Psychology. I’ve been called a pioneer, but that kind of makes me uncomfortable. Er, uh, it’s about the mind. Mental health, as it’s called. Ah, can we uh, keep walking? If I don’t make it to this meeting with Omi….”

“Are you sure it’s ok? I can do that.” she begins walking next to her, “So, mental health?”

Lizzy brightens up immediately, “Yea! So, there’s a lot of traumatized people in eorzea, right?”

“’Traumatized’?”

Lizzy stops for a second, and looks introspective for a moment, “Ok, right, new science. So, have you noticed that there’s an unusual amount of people that are sad? Or like, have you ever been speaking to someone and they suddenly lash out at you for no reason?” “Oh! Yea, especially when their intention wasn’t to hurt me, I found it odd.”

“So, these can be indicators of a troubled mental health. Depression is when people are so sad they can’t function normally or take care of themselves, traumatized people have perceived strange behaviours, but they are easily explained by examining the root cause of it, though sometimes there’s more complicated issues – That’s a lot to say, that Psychology is a study of the complexities of people’s minds.”

Krile’s echo gives her a bright surge of happiness and eagerness from Lizzy, “I see, that does sound interesting! You’ll be teaching it, personally, right?” Krile tries to hide a small amount of excitement. The idea of hearing Lizzy speak enthusiastically about something she enjoys for a length of time sounds absolutely delightful – at the very least, a better experience than feeling the dread and boredom from the teacher.

Lizzy stops walking for a moment, takes off her glasses and cleans them, Krile notices dark circles under her eyes, Lizzy smiles at Krile, “Yea, that’s actually why I’m going to a meeting right now – I’ve never taught anyone in a professional setting, so I’m hoping to learn from Omi.”

Krile senses good intentions, but… “Omi….Has a reputation around here, are you sure you want to learn from him?”

Lizzy nods enthusiastically, “He taught me how to be a black mage, so I know he’s a good teacher...Even if he’s a little…” she searches for the right words, “Well, you know.”

“I do indeed. Well, I think this has convinced me – I’ll be seeing you next semester, Archon Calaxio~” Krile cringes at her own attempt at flirting.

“Of course! It’ll be relieving to see a familiar face!” Lizzy beams a very bright smile at Krile.

Thankfully, it seems she’s immune to bad flirting. Krile decides to quickly leave before she embarrasses herself further. Though, she walks with a refreshed vigor and a light hum as she leaves.

----

The night before class starts, Krile has a dream. She’s trapped in a small box. She bangs on the walls, screaming until her voice goes hoarse. Her hands become bloodied and bruised from hitting the metal walls. She feels stabbing sensations at various parts of her body. She curls up, and begins to cry.

Suddenly, the box opens. A familiar spikey hair comes into view, retrieving her from the box. “Krile?!” The voice sounds desperate, scared. Her echo throbs, intense concern, mild relief, and...interest?

“Krile?! Are you ok?”

She feels a hug wrap around her.

Lizzy’s mouth near her ear, whispers, “I’m going to get you out of here. I’ll protect you.”

She wakes up, flustered. Sweating. Scared. Krile hesitates for a moment, then steels her nerves, and picks up a linkpearl.

“Hey…Lizzy?”

----

Lizzy sits at her desk, pouring over her books of psychology, her notes about teaching from Omikhle. Her forehead reddened from her hands being pressed against it. Suddenly, a linkpearl rings, startling Lizzy and spilling her coffee over her notes. “DAMN!”

She picks up her linkpearl, keeping her voice even. She hears from the other end, “Hey….Lizzy?”

“Krile? What’s up, is everything ok?”

Silence follows the question for a moment, “I...had a bad dream. It felt like...when I was trapped-” Lizzy stands up and gets herself another cup of coffee, “Oh no, do you want to talk about it?”

“No, not really...Can...Can you just tell me I’m safe?”

Lizzy stops mid-pour, “Of course.” she uses her calming magicks, hoping it works over the phone, “Everything is ok. You are safe, and secure. No one is trying to hurt you. I gave you this linkshell specifically in case you are in danger. I’ll drop everything to get to you. I told you when we rescued you, ‘I’ll protect you.’ and I mean it.”

More silence follows for another moment, her voice sounds more relaxed and even, “Thank you, Elizabeth. That really helps.”

“No need to thank me, I’m glad I could help. I never want you to hesitate to use this, ok? Do you wanna stay talking until you fall back asleep?”

“O-oh, no, I couldn’t! You gotta teach tomorrow.”

Lizzy crosses her arms, though the only one to see is Tango, “And you gotta learn tomorrow, I won’t let one of my students have her first day start on a bad note due to trauma based nightmares.”

“...Thank you, I...I’d like to talk until I fall asleep.”

----

Lizzy sits at her desk as students filter out of the classroom. There was a lot more people that decided to take her class than she expected. Though, she anticipates a number of them dropping the class. She sighs with relief, and slumps down further into her chair.

“I shall become a slime, I think.”

Lizzy closes her eyes.

“I think you’d be a very smart looking slime, then.” the voice interrupts her idle thoughts.

Lizzy’s eyes pop open, spying a familiar lalafell standing next to her, “Oh shit, uh, hey! You...were not supposed to hear that.” Lizzy nervously rubs the back of her neck.

Krile senses embarrassment, but places a coffee cup on the desk, “A present, for talking to me last night.”

Lizzy turns the cup, “’Sharlayan’s Best Psychologist’, it’s cute – I like the little lizzy face on it!”

Genuine happiness, Krile smiles, “Yay! I was worried you wouldn’t like it.”

Lizzy looks tired, “I love it, thank you, sincerely. Did you find the class interesting?”

Interest, mild concern, Krile reassures her, “I did! I’m surprised you fit so much information into the first class. You seemed to really enjoy speaking up here, though. It’s a bit surprising, considering your general attitude around the scions seems much quieter.”

Lizzy looks a little nervous, “Ah...I mean, This is an area I’m an expert in – and I like it a lot. I’m always scared of saying the wrong thing around the scions.”

“Well, I don’t think you should be too worried about that. You sounded brilliant, and I’d love to hear more of your….you...you talking about psychology!” Krile winces at the misstep.

Lizzy gives a gentle smile, “That’s very kind of you- oh! Lemme try the coffee, I was so distracted by the cup itself…” she takes a sip, and her eyes go wide, “OH! That’s absolutely delicious. This fucks!”

Sincere intent, Krile is taken aback by the exclamation, and laughs a little, “Well! I’m full glad you enjoy it! I’m...uh, gonna go to my next class now, I’ll see you tomorrow!” she waves as she runs off.

Lizzy sits at her desk enjoying her nice cup of coffee. Now drinking her 5th cup.

After a few moments, she perks up again, “OH SHIT I HAD A MEETING WITH OMI.” and she sprints off, trying to not spill her coffee.

----

The next day, as people shuffle into Lizzy’s class, Krile notices the cup she gave her sitting on her desk – steam still coming off the surface of the coffee inside. Her mood brightens immediately, and she waves at Lizzy after she sits down. Lizzy in turn notices Krile, smiles and waves, and takes a sip of her coffee. Krile suddenly feels a flash of romantic interest towards her, causing her to smile more to herself. Playfully kicking her feet as she listens to Lizzy speak.

After class, Krile once again walks up to Lizzy’s desk, “Helloo~!”

Lizzy, mid-sip of coffee, holds up one finger to indicate that she needs a second, after she finishes, “Hey Krile! How are you today?”

“Wonderful! I got some very good news today.” she smiles at Lizzy.

Lizzy tilts her head inquisitively, “Oh? What news?” Krile winks and holds a finger in front of her mouth, “Ah, it’s a secret, can’t tell.”

Lizzy gives an exaggerated frown, “Aw, nothing’s worse than a secret I can’t know!”

“Don’t fret, don’t fret, I’m sure at some point I’ll be able to tell you.”

Lizzy goes back to drinking her coffee, before asking, “Still enjoying the class? Today was a bit more dense, and I’m scared I may have turned some people off from the class…” Krile moves closer to Lizzy and rubs her back, “Oh, I don’t think it was that bad. I enjoyed it quite a bit, actually! The part about uhm...How breaking a bad cycle involves actually starting new habits to build new...neural pathways?”

Lizzy gives a weak smile, and gently rests her head on Krile’s head, “Thanks, at least someone paid attention. One person in the back straight up fell asleep.” she unconsciously starts rubbing her horn against Krile’s hood ears.

Krile suddenly recalls a passage she read about Au Ra and horn rubbing, and gets flustered, “M-maybe they just needed some coffee,” she gives a nervous chuckle.

Lizzy picks her head up, causing Krile to give a small internal ‘Noooo’, “Maybe so. I don’t wanna keep you from other classes, though. Thank you for the reassurance, regardless.”

Krile nods, and waves as she walks off.

After she leaves the room, Lizzy’s forehead smacks her desk, loudly, and groans, “I’m such a dork.”

Krile chuckles a little outside the door.

[bubblybubbubs]

Stuck with Me (4)

Soulmate AU - Draco Malfoy x Reader Summary - Draco finally reunites with his amnesiac soulmate. She still doesn't remember him and he is sad. It gets complicated, they both have issues. Slow burn.

Word Count - 12k

AN: Holy shit. I'm sorry this took me two? years to churn out. But here it is. It's not super proofread which is surprising given it took me two years. I just knew if I didn't publish it the minute I wrote the last word it would never happen. If this is your first time seeing this series don't get discouraged by the length of this part, the other parts are a reasonable length I just went crazy here. Warnings: Smut adjacent tags : @sadgirlgiselle @flores-and-sunshine @pencilupyourass @procrastinatorofwriting @fluffybunnyu @weasleysmalfoyxstyles @bi-andready-tocry 

part 1, part 2, part 3

The rubbish that scattered the ruins of Hogwarts dug into the fabric of your pants as you both sat against the walls of what once was the great hall.

Ron and Hermoine had both left, but you were both still there. It was dark and cold, and the moon light illuminated your face in the perfect way. The same way it had when the both of you would walk around the grounds at night, the only time there wasn't any prying eyes. 

“So I got amnesia, and you ditched me?” You said plainly, breaking Draco's focus on the details of your face. He had given you a brief recap of what you should remember about him and why he had stayed away for so long, it didn't seem to be going in his favor at the moment.

Draco tensed. “Well when you put it like that..”

“What other way is there to put it?” You snapped back, the fire in your voice was so familiar to him he was almost happy to hear you upset with him.

“Im sorry I really am, I haven’t been making the best decisions as of late.”

“Yeah I can tell.” You said. “Now what?”

“You still don’t remember me?” Draco said, hoping you had remembered and were only dragging it out as a joke.

“No.” You said rolling your eyes. 

“I didn't really have a back up plan. I just assumed you seeing me would, I don’t know, kick your memories into gear.”

“Cocky are we?” You said, unimpressed.

“I’ve been called worse”

“I don't doubt it.”

Draco felt as if this conversation was going worse and worse by the second. “You know with the way you're talking to me, you’d think your memories would be back.”

“Yeah maybe they’re sitting in my deep deep deep subconscious.”

“Funny” He said crossing his arms.

“Is that really the best you could do, I mean I am your soulmate after all, couldn’t at least dress up for the occasion?” You motioned to his pajamas, the ones he hadn't changed all week.

He turned bright red, he was going to kill pansy. If this kept conversation kept going as badly as it was, he would make sure Pansy would hear about it for the rest of her life.

“Yeah well, I didn't exactly have the time to pick my Sunday best.” He said. “My friend Pansy quite literally had to drag me off my couch for me to come here.”

“That excited to see me?” You said. “I think I remember her. Pug faced, Slytherin, kind of mean?”

“I'm starting to get offended.” He said frowning. Of course, you remembered Pansy, who you likely interacted one time in your entire life, and not him.

“Im starting to think there’s a reason I didn’t remember you.”

His face visibly fell.

“Sorry, this is kind of a new situation to me, I get mean when I’m nervous.” You said kicking the dirt under your shoes.

“And here I was thinking we were bantering.”

You made a face. “Sure, if that’s what you want to call it.” You weren’t sure how to handle the situation. You knew that you were missing something, even before the moment you saw him with Ginny, something felt off. But that didn’t change the fact that you knew nothing about the boy standing infront of you, your soulmate.

You stood up, reaching out a hand to help him up which he took.

“No use in being among this depressing rubbish is there? I remember Hogwarts, what I don't remember is you.” You said. “Might as well get going, Molly is supposed to make a big meal today, you should join us.”

"Me? In the Weasley house?” Draco chuckled. “Merlin your memory really is fucked.”

-

“Mr. and Mrs Weasley, hello.” Draco said sheepishly.

Draco was assuming that you didn’t know that the both of you would be so late to dinner, or maybe you did and the awkwardness of the situation was you getting some retribution for all the times he wronged you.

The Weasley's all sat around the table, and it was all of them. When Draco imagined a big meal, he just imagined a regular dinner for the Weasleys, but it was a BIG meal, there were mini-Weasleys here he didn't even know existed.

The older ones, Bill, his wife Fleur, Charlie, and Percy tried to remain polite and kept to their conversations. 

Ron, George, and Ginny made no such effort.

Ron was about to protest his entrance when Molly stood up quickly welcoming him and magically adding two spots to the already stuffed table. Not surprisingly between the two worst options, Ron and Ginny. Y/n opted to sit next to Ginny leaving Draco to sit next to Ron, he audibly groaned when Draco sat next to him.

“Manners Ron!” Molly said to him causing him to mumble an apology. It came to no shock to Draco that Ron wouldn’t bother to hide his distaste for him, it was deserved to say the least.

“Y/n is a member of this family,” Molly said standing next to the table. “She is free to bring anyone to join our meals, especially when that anyone is her soulmate, I’d think you lot out of anyone would see the importance of a connection like that!”

“Now go on eat your food and stop gawking!” Molly tisked and mumbled under her breath. “As if they’ve never seen a Malfoy before.”

Draco awkwardly kept quiet.

“Thank you, Molly.” You responded. “We’re sorry for coming so late.”

“We’re just glad to have you, darling!” She said. “How is it going by the way, are the memories coming back?”

“It’s a work in progress.” You said smiling.

“Of course.” She said giving you a warm smile.

“Make yourself at home Draco, for as long as you’d like to stay.” Molly said. 

Draco was shocked by her hospitability, he thought he would get kicked out of the house the minute they saw him, given his history.

“I’d reckon we should get them their own room Arthur. Better than having them both staying in a cot in Ginny’s room.” She said with a laugh.

“Oh, I don’t think that will be necessary Molly.” You said nearly choking on your food with laughter. “I doubt Draco will be staying for too long.”

“Well, you never know.” Molly said.

“I think it’s about time I’ve got my room back to myself, no offense.” Ginny said with a playful grin on her face.

“Believe me, none taken.” You said. “But I feel as if I’m already imposing enough as it is I wouldn't-“

“Nonsense!” Arthur said. “It’s just a few flicks of the wand.”

“I’m starting to wonder why this didn’t come up a few months ago.” Ginny said.

“Wow I didn’t know rooming with me was such a pain Gin.” You said laughing.

“It was almost worse than when we all were sleeping in the room of requirement, remember?” Ginny said. This was a habit that Ginny had taken on, whenever she spoke about something that happened at Hogwarts she would always check to make sure you knew what she was talking about.

“Yeah, I remember.” You said smiling.

The mood at the table grew somber at the mention of the war and Draco grew stiff. Everyone at the table knew of his role in making the events unfold the way they did and he knew it too.

Bill interrupted with a story of how his baby was learning how to crawl and everyone’s focus shifted to him.

“And how did you come to that conclusion?” Draco said quietly to you. He couldn’t help the nervous feeling that flooded his senses. There had been a point in his life where he felt he couldn’t comfortably tell you anything, now here he was nervous to even speak to you.

“Pardon?”

“You said that I wouldn’t be staying for too long.” He said pulling together all the strength he had to not show his nerves. “I don’t recall deciding that.”

“You spent almost everyday of 6th year complaining to me about how Ron sat next to you in potions. Do you really think you could live here with Ron? Not to mention the rest of the Weasleys” You said it so freely you didn’t even notice that you had remembered something.

“You remember all that?” Draco said with a smile. He saw a glimpse of you, the you that remembered him, and he could almost feel the anxiety melt away. The return of the sense of familiarity.

“Yeah, I guess I do.” You said returning the smile. He missed that smile so fucking much.

“Yeah.” He said taking a spoon full of the stew Molly made. Trying to hide the grin growing on his face, it had been you. For a second maybe but for that second he felt as if he was talking to you, the You he remembered. "I think I’ll be sticking around.”

-

Molly was so excited to show you the new room, she kept going on about how it was the first room she had added since Ron and Ginny grew out of sharing a room. It was cute and looked like the rest of the Burrow.

“Thank you, Molly, this means a lot to me.” You said taking in the act of kindness. “You’ve been so kind taking me in the way that you have.”

“You are family.” She said pressing a kiss to your forehead. “We are here to help you through every step of your recovery, and then some.”

She looked at Draco who stood awkwardly at the entrance of the room.

“I’ll leave you two to it.” She said with a warm smile that Draco was growing to like.

“This is cozy.” He said.

“I hope you mean cozy in a good way.” You said making a face at him. 

“Believe me, I do,” Draco said. "This is a mansion compared to my living arrangements these past few months.”

“Who were you staying with.” You asked as you ran your finger along the books Molly had no doubt picked out for you that sat on your new nightstand that had the signature Arthur Weasley touch, meaning that it was somewhat slanted but you wouldn't have it any other way.

“Blaise Zabini, you probably wouldn’t remember him.” Draco continued with a laugh. “Don’t believe I ever got around to introducing you two.”

“Was that a joke?” You said. “Can’t really tell if something actually never happened, or if I’m just not remembering it.”

“Oh, it was a joke.” He said embarrassed. “I never introduced you to any of my friends, our relationship was, private.”

“Except for this one time.” He laughed. “You had come up to my table during a meal and sat yourself across from me demanding me to speak with you, and when Pansy told you to buzz off you told her you were my soulmate.”

“Wow, I sound amazing.” You laughed.

“Yeah. You had your moments.”

He liked talking to you again, hearing your voice was intoxicating, but still, your conversations felt so impersonal.

You still had your snark but it wasn’t you, you didn’t look at him the way you used to, and he didn’t look at you the way he used to. It was as if someone else was living in your body.

Neither of you knew quite how to speak to the other so the room was filled with tense and awkward air, something Draco had never experienced with you.

“I think it’s best if we don’t stay in the same room.” Draco said.

“Yeah, I was thinking the same thing.” You said. “Where will you stay?”

“I have an idea, a potentially problematic one, but an idea nonetheless.”

-

“Are you demented.” Ron squealed. “You really think I’d have you sleeping in my room? I’d prefer to not be smothered in my sleep thank you very much.”

“Weasley.” Draco had never in his life imagined himself in this position. Groveling with Ron Weasley to let him stay in his room, it was almost hysterical. 

“Don't Weasley me!” Ron scoffed. “It’s one thing you being my home, but my room! You’re out of your bloody mind, you’ve completely lost it.”

Draco wasn’t dim. He in no way had been expecting Ron to welcome him into his house with open arms, much less his room. But he was desperate, he had to be close to you. He wasn’t going to give up, not this time. He would make you fall in love with him a million times if he had to.

“I can’t sleep in the same room as her, and I don’t have any other options if I want to stay here.”

“She’s your soulmate, stay with her!”

“She’s not my soulmate, she’s not my y/n.”

“This is exactly why I don’t need you in my room.” Ron huffed. “I have no interest in any of your issues.”

“It won’t be a long time just until she regains her memory,” Draco said hurriedly. “This is me groveling Weasley, please.”

Ron let out a long and dramatic groan throwing himself onto his bed.

“If you kill me, I’ll be really mad.”

“I gathered that.”

-

“We really took nature walks?” You questioned. Stepping on the stones that lead you further away from the Burrow. The Weasleys lived fairly removed from anyone else leaving plenty of land to explore.

“Once in a while,” Draco said. “I think the stress of war really brought out our appreciation for the simpler things in life.”

Your hair was pinned up and you looked stunning, not that he could say that to you. 

"How long are you staying for." You asked. "Not that I want you to leave."

"As long as it takes." He said. "If that's alright without you."

"That's alright with me." You said smiling at him. "Better than having you go be all lethargic on Blaise's couch." Even though Draco still felt like an acquintainces, you couldn’t help but feel guilty. You had gathered from what Ginny said that he hadn’t been in a good state since your injury and it weighed on you, you felt responsible somehow for what he had gone through in the last few months. You felt even more guilty about still not remembering him.

"Fair enough." 

"You know he wrote me."

"He wrote you?"

"He wanted to make sure I was treating his best friend right." You said with a grin. "He really cares about you it's sweet."

"When you get your memories back you have to meet my friends, they've heard a lot about you."

"I wonder how long it's going to take." You say. "It's already been a week."

"Don't rush yourself." He said. 

"I know, it's just so frustrating." You said. "I remember everything but you."

"It’s just the universe getting back at me for being born, it’ll pass."

-

It didn’t pass, months went by, and as each month came and went you both were growing less and less hopeful of your memories coming back. It was eating away at you, the way he looked at you when he was referencing something you knew he was praying you’d remember and how he looked every time you had to let him down. It was the same thing over and over, you would spend time together, he would bring something up from your past, you wouldn’t remember it and then he would remember you weren’t the y/n he fell in love with, those shoes were beginning to seem impossible to fill.

The stress you were under was overwhelming, every minute of your day felt like it was devoted to remembering. You weren’t allowed to move on with your life, to create new memories, not until you had recovered the old ones. 

You tried to stifle your cries with your pillow but Ginny almost had a sixth sense with her keen readings of your emotions, so there she was at your door.

“Y/n.” She said softly approaching you, taking your face into her hands. “Hey, it’s okay.” She said continuing to soothe you. “I’m letting everyone down Ginny, why can’t I fucking remember? That’s the only thing anyone wants from me and it’s the one thing I can’t do.”

“What are you talking about.” Ginny said, “We just want you to be happy.” You took a second to catch your breath.

“Every conversation I have just seems like a test, I just want to live Ginny. I can’t keep going on like this, I’m just going to keep disappointing everyone and that’s too much for me.”

“You could never disappoint us.” She said pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “But I get how you feel, I’ll tell everyone to cool it, I promise.” “What about Draco?” He was your biggest concern. He had the most at stake with you, every day he was counting on seeing his soulmate in you and you just could never seem to do that for him. You didn’t want to let him down, make him think that his soulmate was gone for good.

“What about him?” Ginny huffed. “If he loves you as much as he said he does he’s going to be kicking himself knowing how you’ve been feeling. Everyone just wants you to be happy Y/n.”

Ginny left you alone with your thoughts, you knew you had to cool it with Draco. Maybe it was the amount of pressure you put on your relationship that wasn’t letting you remember it all.

-

You knocked on his door quietly. 

“Come in.” He yelled from behind the door. Fred, Ron, and Draco were sprawled on the floor around some sort of floor, it was certainly an interesting sight.

“We’re playing wizard skittles, you want to play?” Draco said, eager to include you.

“No way man, we’re midgame. We’d have to start all over and I’m winning.” Ron said nudging at Draco to redirect his attention, which Draco ignored. “I’m good actually, I was hoping to talk to you, Draco.” The three boys looked at you not moving. “Alone.”

“We know when we’re not wanted,” Fred said taking the game out of the room with Ron on his tail. “You’re disqualified Malfoy.” Draco rolled his eyes before turning his attention back to you. “Is it your memory, is it back?” He said eagerly, you could almost hear him holding his breath. “No. But I did want to talk about that.” You said, he patted the spot next to him on the floor cushions and you sat next to him. 

“I think it’s best for me, and my memory if I just stop all this.” Draco furrowed his eyebrows, taken aback . “I’m not following?”

“The constant questions, you walking me through every day we spent together. I just can’t take it. What if I never get my memory back.” You had already started getting yourself used to the idea. “That’s not going to happen, you’re already so close.” The thing was that you weren’t. You knew it, and you knew he knew it too. He just didn’t want to admit it.

“I’ve been close for months, this might well be the best we get and I think I need to move on with my life and so do you.”

“If that’s what you want,” Draco said looking at the ground and you counted yourself lucky for that. You wouldn’t be able to bare it, the final look of devastation and disappointment on his face.  “ I can be out by the end of the week, I just need to talk to Blaise about moving back in.” He said looking away from you looking completely defeated “I’m sure he won't mind.” 

“You don’t need to leave Draco.” You said, and you truly meant it. You liked Draco you really did, the issue was that you didn’t love him. The last thing you wanted to do was uproot his life again and make him start over. Besides where would he go? Regardless of your feelings for him, he was your soulmate, and you couldn’t let your soulmate go homeless.

“You were the only thing keeping me here.” He said sharply.

“You like it here, the Weasleys love you and besides you said you hated Blaise’s couch.”

“I do hate Blaise’s couch.” He took a long pause, still not looking you in the eyes. “I’ll let you know, thank you Y/n.” 

“I’m sorry.” “I’m sorry for the way I’ve made you feel.” -

“What the fuck mate!” Ron said swinging the door open. Draco tensed at the sound. Him and Ron had surprisingly become good friend. Admittedly, it had taken a while but he found he had truly enjoyed the company of the person he despised for the majority of his life. The issue with that is that Ron no longer had any hesitation on commenting on his personal life. “Why did Blaise just write me saying you’re thinking of moving back in with him.” “She’s given up, she wants to move and I need to let her.” Draco said, avoiding eye contact with Ron. “She told you to leave? I can change her mind.” Ron said. Draco couldn’t help but feel a bit flattered that Ron would be willing to do that for him. “No, she told me to stay.” “Then why the fuck are you leaving.” 

“Staying is going to break my heart.” Ron looked at Draco with pity. Draco hated that.

“You’re going to be heartbroken either way. Stop being stupid.” Ron didn’t get it, he and Hermoine had this annoyingly perfect relationship. 

“I don’t want to impose on your family anymore either.” “I actually had a thought about that.” Ron said. “Ginny and I were thinking about moving out. We found a great flat, with four bedrooms. Hermione and I in one room, Ginny was going to take one, Y/n would take another and we have a fourth one, for you. ”

Draco stilled, “Really?” Flattered couldn’t begin to describe how he felt. This wasn’t a spur of the moment, ‘we’ll make it work’. They had thought of him when planning this. They wanted him there. “What about Potter?”

“Tried to convince him but I think he’s going to be staying with Andromeda,” Ron said. “Your aunt, he wants to help with Teddy. Feels awful guilty I reckon.”

Draco paused. His heart couldn’t help but feel lighter. Ron Weasley liked him. He was inviting him to live together, by choice. He had never imagined what forgiveness would feel like, but this seemed to be it or something close to it anyways. “I’ll talk to Y/n about it, I wouldn’t want to make her uncomfortable.”

“Ginny and I haven’t talked to her about it yet, but I’m sure she’ll be fine with it,” Ron said putting a hand on Draco’s shoulder and nodding at him. “So you can unpack that bag, at least for now.”

-

You held your boxes of things close to your chest as you walked up the stairs of your apartment building toward your new flat. It would be hard to get used to not using magic for everything, but Hermione insisted on it. Her new job in the Ministry had her more strict on the statute of secrecy than she had been in school. 

“Need a hand?” Draco called from behind you. You were happy that he had chosen to join you, truly you were. The last thing you wanted was to tear him away from a life he had grown comfortable with, you saw the way he was happy with Ginny and Ron, and based on the letters you had gotten from both Pansy and Blaise this was the first time he had felt that way in a long time. He took a box from the top of your teetering pile before opening the door for you. 

“It’s,  nice.” You said with an evident pause. The question of how you had gotten such an affordable deal was instantaneously answered, you turned to Draco to see how he felt about the place but saw no such reaction.

“I’ll take what I can get,” Draco said setting your box and his things down. “I lived on Blaise’s couch for a year and have been sleeping a few feet away for Ron for the last few months. My own room is a blessing.”

“It’s perfect,” Ginny said entering the flat with her own boxes in tow, Harry not too far behind, helping her with her things. “I love Mum, but Merlin am I excited for some freedom.” “Like you ever listened to her.” Ron snorted, your friends fell into their comfortable banter and you wandered off toward the rooms. They were tiny for sure but you couldn’t help but like them. You were beginning to feel normal again when you first woke up and had no memory you didn’t see yourself living a normal life but here you were, back on track. Your eyes found themselves on Draco and you felt uneasy, you didn’t know how he fit into your new life. He was your roommate now,  his place in this flat was as cemented as yours. You no longer felt guilt every time you saw him, that was a step forward for sure, but still, a sort of uneasiness came over you. You pushed it aside, the whole reason you had shut down Draco the way you had was so you’d be able to have a normal life, and that included treating Draco like you would every other person in the flat, like a friend.

-

“Draco your friends are here.” Ron called from the door as Pansy pushed past Ron and into the flat.

“Sorry.” Blaise said.

“What have I said about apologizing for me Blaise?” Pansy groaned. “Which room is Draco’s?”

“What are you guys doing here?” Draco asked.

“Starts living with a bunch of Gryffindors and forgets all about his friends, typical.” Pansy exclaimed.

“I got to say I agree with her.” Blaise said.

Ron walked away from them, overwhelmingly uninterested in their dramatics.

“I haven’t forgotten about you,” Draco said. “You guys are my best friends.”

“Okay we get it,” Pansy said rolling her eyes. “No need to get all sentimental.”

Draco had really missed his friends, he liked his flat mates he really did. It took some time to get used to ‘Game Night’ but he was growing to appreciate the Gryffindor-esque of his roomates. But Pansy and Blaise had been there from the beginning, there were things about Draco that only they would understand, them and Y/n, of course, atleast the old Y/n. 

“We’re taking you out for drinks.” Pansy exclaimed excitedly, shaking Draco slightly. 

“Not my idea,” Blaise said shaking his head. 

“I’m controlling myself now, I’ll be fine.” Draco said. He really was getting better, he didn’t like to think about the mess he was before he had moved in with the Weasleys.

“So emotional, the both of you,” Pansy said shaking her head. “It’s so boring.”

Pansy fussed over both his and Blaise’s outfits for the next hour before sheathing her jacket to show off one of her clubbing outfits, only much more extravagant than anything Draco has seen her wear in the past.

“Where exactly are we going?” Draco said.

“Don’t worry your pretty little head about that,” Pansy said.

-

It was worse than Draco expected, Pansy had really outdone herself. The club was packed, every few steps Draco felt the sweat of others on him and had to stop himself from physically cringing. 

“Let loose a little!” Pansy said, her own excitement visible all over her face as she leaned over the bar to talk to the bartender.

“When was the last time you had a little fun?” Blaise said.

“I have fun.” Draco said. “I like living with all of them.” “I don’t mean that type of fun.”

Draco snorted. “What to do you think.” “You depress me Draco, you really do.” Blaise said. “Do you need me to be your wingman or something? How times have changed, the Draco Malfoy needs help getting laid.”

“I don’t need help getting laid Blaise,” Drcao said, embarassed and irritated. “I just don’t really want to.” “Merlin, it’s even worse than I thought.” Blaise immediately turned to the bartender ordering drinks for the both of them.

-

Draco sits at the bar silently, Blaise had found someone else more interesting and abandoned him so he was sulking at a bar, very typical of him, he thought to himself. He tried to look as unapproachable as possible but he felt a burning stare on him and couldn’t help but turn to look who was sending it. He looked up to see a girl who was intently headed in his direction, he looked around for his friends desperate for a quick way out but they were no where to be found. 

The girl took a seat next to him, “Thanks for the drink.” She said with a slight giggle and she swirled her drink around before drinking more of it. Draco stared down at her cup completely confused before putting it together, Blaise just loved to meddle. He wasn’t sure what to say but luckily for him there was no need for that, the girl talked his ear off. 

Eventually she grew tired of sitting and dragged him to the dance floor. Draco didn’t want to offend this girl so he feigned the most interest he could while simultaneously backing away from her. He was already many drinks in and he still wasn’t able to drown out the fact that this girl was not you. Evidently the girl didn’t pick up on just how put off Draco was and he had to put an end to it. 

He pushed her hands off of his chest where they had been,

 “Hey-”

Whatever protest he was going to put up were quickly shut down by the girl all but throwing herself on Draco, her lips were smothering his and Draco was complteley frozen for one second and the next he was gagging. The girl backed away immediately in disgust, just in time for Draco to throw up all over her shoes. The attention of the entire room seemed to be on him and the girl as many of them began to laugh at the scene. Pansy and Blaise quickly found him and dragged him to the bathroom. 

Pansy tried to stiffly her laughter as Blaise scolded her.

“I thought you could hold your liquor Malfoy.” Blaise laughed. “Time have really changed.”

“It wasn’t the drinks, she kissed me.” Draco mumbled.

“Did she taste bad or something?” Pansy chortled.” God how embarrassing, for her that is.”

“She tasted fine.” Draco said as he cleaned himself infront of the bathroom mirror.

“It’s okay mate, you tried.” Blaise said. “But if you had let me be your wingman you probably wouldn’t have thrown up.” “I really don’t want to talk about this anymore.” Draco said plainly, amusment gone from his voice. He could’ve told them that this would have happened. Saved them the trouble. He was living with you as friends sure, but that didn’t mean he was over his soulmate. Pansy and Blaise exchanged a guilty look.

“We’ll take you back to your place.”

-

Draco closes the door behind him quietly, feel a bit of relief wash over him.

“Hey,” You said from the sofa, she was sat down working on some sort of craft project. “How was your night out?”

He considered being honest with you, telling you that he threw up because he couldn’t handle kissing anyone that wasn’t his soulmate. But there would be no point in that because you were not his soulmate. He wasn’t sure when it had set in but he knew that he didn’t feel the same way seeing you as he once did, so he lied. “It went great.”

“That’s great,” You said smiling up at him. Draco started to head towards his room before you called after him. “I actually wanted to talk to you about something.” 

He nodded before taking a seat on the couch, leaving a seat between the both of you.

“I don’t know how to approach this, given our situation.” You looked up while you spoke, avoiding his eyes. “I got asked on date, and I wanted to take them up on the offer. I just wanted to check with you before I said anything, I would hate to make you uncomfortable.” He didn’t understand how he felt, he thought he didn’t love this new Y/n but the thought of you going on a date with someone else made him want to throw up again. It was a constant whirl of confusion, but you seemed to know what you wanted. The only thing he did know was that he missed his soulmate, so much that it hurt.

“Go for it, I’m good.” Draco lied. “Really, I am.”

-

You posed in front of the mirror with Ginny and Hermione.

“We look so good,” She shook you with excitement. “I’m serious we’re going to kill this party.”

“This is what our last few years should’ve been like, partying, dressing up,” Ginny said shaking her head. “Not war.”

“I’m glad Parvati is having this party,” You said adjusting the straps of your dress. “Melin, we need it. I mean when was the last time any of us were able to feel our age.”

“I agree,” Hermione said. “And we look really good.”

The three of you were dressed as pirates, Parvati had called all of you up only a week ago with the idea of throwing a Halloween party and you had all been in agreement. “Can you tell Draco that he has to go?” Ron said standing in your doorway and knocking on the bathroom door to get your attention.

“He doesn’t want to go?” Hermione asks.

“No,” Ron says frustrated. “He thinks people aren’t going to want him there.”

You follow Ginny and Hermione out of the bathroom, Draco is sat on the couch arms crossed, likely already having received a lecture from Ron on the importance of Halloween parties.

“Draco get dressed!” Ginny exclaimed pulling his blanket off of him. “You’re going to make us late.”

“I already said I’m not going,” Draco said yanking his blanket back. “I’m serious, I don’t want to spend my whole night surrounded by people who hate me.”

“They don’t hate you.” Ginny said, sounding wholey unconvincing.

Draco didn’t budge off of the couch.

“Fine whatever, be lame!” Ginny said going back to getting ready followed by Hermione. Ron scoffed and went back to putting together his own costume, a mummy. You stood awkwardly in the living room, across from Draco. His eyes softened when it was just you, whatever irritation he had at his friends dissipated. 

“The point of this party is to get everyone’s spirits up after everything we’ve gone through,” You said. “You went through the War just like the rest of us, you deserve to move on too.”

You give him a small smile before heading off to the bathroom too. Ginny talked your ear off about how excited she was to see everyone and Harry who had been so busy lately. You nodded along to her recounts drifting off until a soft knock caught your attention.

Draco stood at the door, he was wearing an orange shirt with a haphazardly drawn face on it, “I’m a pumpkin.” He said, you couldn’t help but smile up at him. 

-

It seemed like your entire year had shown up to the party, it felt strange seeing everyone in the same place again. Your friends had all dispersed all having their own people to catch up with, except for Draco who stuck by your side.

“Are your friends coming?” You asked him as you maneuvered through the crowd of people.

Draco snorted, “No, Pansy told me she’d rather die and Blaise said that I’d damper his Halloween spirit.”

“I guess we’ll just have to show Blaise you have tons of Halloween spirit.” You said.

“I guess we do.” Draco laughed. “Want me to get us some drinks?”

You nodded before he walked off, you could sense his uneasiness as he walked towards the drinks, having to get past all of the people who wanted nothing to do with him. You hoped he’d be able to have a good time, you were the reason he was here after all.

You were brought away from your thoughts at the familiar nasal tone of Romilda Vane’s voice, it was the same one you heard gossiping almost every night in the Gryffindor common room.

“What is he doing here?”

“Doesn’t he look good,” Lavender said. “Merlin, how does he make orange work?”

“He’s a murder Lav, get yourself together,” Romilda said. “ How the fuck did his psycho ass even get invited?”

“Apparently he lives with Ron, Ginny, Hermione, and Y/n.” Katie chimed in. “Merlin, he’s got to have put some spell on them.” Romilda said in disbelief. “What the fuck is he playing at.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” You spun around to face them, the look on the three girls faces blanched for a second, not having seen you. “Mind your own fucking business.”

Lavendar and Katie backed away, not wanting the confrontation but Romilda only puffed out her chest and stepped closer to you, it was an intimidation tacit she had used since your first year. 

“We have the right to be concerned for our safety.” Romilda sneered. “Well, I’m telling you that your perfectly safe, so shut your mouth Romilda.” You said trying not to backdown. You were not a fighter, Ginny had enough aggressiveness for the both of you.

“What, are you shagging him?” Romilda laughed. “Is that really all it takes to get you to forget that Death Eaters are bad, it’s pathetic really. ”

Before you could even process that Ginny was right behind you, ready to handle Romilda herself, you hit her. Your fist stung and you shook it as she cried out and gripped at her face, making a spectacle of herself. Everyone was turning to look at you.

“What is going on?” Padma said. You explained under your breath, Padma had always been your friend more than Romilda’s, it didn’t take much convincing to show her Romilda was in the wrong. It was Romilda after all. Katie and Lavender had to drag her out as she cried out in protest. 

“I’m so sorry Padma, I know how much this party meant to you, and to everyone.” You were more than embarrassed.

“She was out of line, it would’ve been wrong for you not to put her in her place.” She said before leaving you on your own. The party quickly picked up, your drama no doubt firing a bit of the stir. 

“Was that awesome or what?” Ginny said coming up you with Hermione and Ron in tow. “Where did you learn to hit like that? Oh wait, I totally taught you!”

“Where’s Draco?” You asked, there was no way he had missed all the commotion. You hoped you hadn’t made him feel worse. Ginny rolled her eyes at how quickly you killed her excitement. “In some corner sulking probably,” Ron said. Hermione supported his statement, nudging your elbow and pointing towards where he was. Standing in a corner of the room while swirling his drink around. You abandoned your friends and walked towards him, already piling up the stew of apologies you owed him. “I’m so sorry Draco, I didn’t mean to bring more attention to you.”

He looked at you confused, “You hit Romilda because of me?” Your face turned red. 

“You didn’t hear all that?”

“Not until she started screaming. Shit, I knew I shouldn’t have come.”

“No, It’s my own fault. I just got myself carried away.”

“What happened?”

“She was just saying stuff she had no business saying.” You said. 

“I’m sorry.” “For what?” “Ruining your night, if I hadn’t come she wouldn’t have had anything to talk about.” “Don’t apologize. You're my friend, I’ll make a million more scenes if I have to.”

“Please don’t.” He laughed before his expression softened. “I’m glad we’re friends by the way.” Draco meant it too. Surprisingly, it was getting easier. You weren’t the Y/n that was his soulmate, you were the Y/n that was his friend and this reality was increasingly becoming less scary.

“Me too.”

“Fuck.” He said.

“What?” “Now I have to punch someone.” Draco said pinching the bridge of his nose, feigning anguish. You laughed and shoved him.

-

“What is she doing!” Ginny yelped as she pressed herself to the window trying to get the best look down from her apartment building.

“Keep your voice down.” Hermione scolded from next to her, although she was equally as curious. Even with Hermione’s shushing Draco and Ron came out of their rooms to see what the fuss was about. 

“What’s going on?” Draco said looking between the two girls and then at Ron who looked equally as confused.

Ginny let out a scream at the sight of Draco before standing on the couch making her best effort to cover the window. “Don’t look!” Draco ignored Ginny and went up to the window, it was You. You were wearing, what Ginny would call a ‘Bad Bitch’ outfit, it was new, he definitely hadn’t seen it before. It seemed like you were going to wear it to wherever Zacharias Smith was planning on taking you in that car of his. This must’ve been that date you had told him about, he wasn’t sure why he hadn’t thought it was going to happen, but here it was.

“It’s fine.” He said moving away from the window. “She told me she was going on a date.” “Did you know it was with Zacharias Smith!” Ginny exclaimed, sinking into the sofa in defeat. “That guy sucks!”

Draco didn’t know Zacharias but he was glad to have a valid reason to not like him, although Ginny’s bar for ‘suck’ was pretty low.

“It’s really none of my business.” Draco said, he didn’t miss the look of pity from Hermione and Ron.

“It its your business,” Ginny said. “You’re her soulmate!”

Draco sighed “I really don’t want to get into this right now.” “It’s alright mate.” Ron said, patting him on the back. “Leave him alone Ginny!”

Draco made his way back to his room, shutting the door behind him to try to lose the sound of Ginny and Ron arguing. He was trying to convince himself that it was fine, he had date options too! He could finally take Astoria up on that offer, Pansy wouldn’t let him hear the end of it, Astoria being Daphne’s baby sister and all that, but still. What did Pansy know anyways? If Y/n could move on, he could to. In fact he had to, he didn’t want to seem obsessed with her or anything like that. They were roomates afterall. 

Draco pulled paper out of his desk before writing to Astoria, he crumbled it up the first time. But the second time he managed a possibly too formal invitation for a date, he handed it to his owl before he had the chance to change his mind.

-

You picked at your food as Zacharias went on about what he’s been up to since Hogwarts. Working his way up the ministry ladder, or something along those lines. You remembered one of the conversations you had with Draco when you were still trying to get your memories back, he was telling you how he’d rather die than be a Ministry Man like his father, and grandfather and possibly all the Malfoy men before him. Zacharia had not no such concerns. You took a mouthful of your pasta before noticing the way he was looking at you, eyes wide with a slight smile, head tilted like he was expecting something. He must have said a joked that you missed.

“Sorry!” You said, “Trying not to laugh with my mouth full!” “No worries, it’s good for a woman to have manners.”

You held back a laugh, but this time not to have ‘manners’ but to spare his feelings.

-

Draco poured cereal into his bowl as he heard the sounds of keys jingling, outside of the door. Would it be awkward for him to be in the kitchen as you came in, would it seem like it was on purpose? It was already too late for him to go running into his room, he had to act natural.

The door opened and he could hear the voice of Zacharias carrying into the flat.

“I had a great time.” Zacharias said. Merlin he even soiunded like a prat.

“Thanks.” You said awkwardly, “Me too.” Draco wondered if you meant it, but he was quickly taken away from his thoughts by the sight of Zacharias pushing you into the door and kissing you. The door, which was already open agape, swung open at Zacharias pushing your body against it and hitting the wall. Draco really wished he had taken that chance at making a run for his room.

Zacharias moved away from your completely still form at the sight of Draco. “You live with him?”

“Uh, yeah.” You said stepping away from him further.

“Whatever.” Zacharias scoffed, clearly upset by Draco’s presence. “I’ll call you.”

“What was that about.” Draco said as you went to close the door behind Zacharias.

“Oh, well we talked about our soulmates. So I explained our whole situation, I just didn’t mention that we lived together.”

“I hope that’s not a problem.” Draco said, in reality he hoped it was a problem but you didn’t need to know that. “In all honesty, I don’t really care if it is.” You said kicking your shoes off. “Good night Draco.”

“Night.” He called out after you, the urge to go on a date with Astoria was very much gone but he knew that the Owl had likely reached her by now. He was expecting a howler from Daphne any second about asking her sister out without checking with her first.

Draco groaned and poured his cereal down the drain, he had lost his appetite.

-

Draco went on his date with Astoria, and then some. And you grew to tolerate Zacharias.

Even with the both of you being involved with other people, the undeniable fact was that it was your day. Unbeknownst to both of you, you would both lay awake at night under the same roof wondering what would happen. What if you didn’t hear eachother’s voices? Draco thought that would explain why things weren’t the same, but he didn’t want to consider that. He didn’t want to replace you. Although sometimes it felt like he was, Astoria laughed a certain way or wore a certain shirt and he was reminded of how he never meant to date again. 

You were stretching, having just woken up when you felt the tug. You were stunned for a second, one of the things you had yet to remember where the tugs, you couldn’t remember a single one and here you were experiencing it again.

Draco spoke first, “How are you?”

The confirmation that was hearing his voice somehow lifted a pressure off your chest. “I’m well. What are you having for breakfast?”

“I was going to have pancakes.” He answered.

You stepped into your slippers before making your way to his room. You knocked twice.

“Come in.” He called.

You pushed the door open and stood in his doorway. “Hey soulmate.” “Hey.” He said laughing a little, although there was a ting of sadness carried in his tone.

“Mind if I join you for those pancakes.” You said.

“Not at all.” He smiled stepping out of bed. 

You were so sucked into the domesticity of it all, the way you and Draco were able to get through everything you’d gone through and still be friends that you almost missed the way he managed to look good even after just waking up, almost. 

-

You were a nervous wreck, dinner usually had away of going sideways with the 5 of you, now with the added elements of Harry, Zacharias, and Astoria you weren’t entirely sure what to expect.

It had been your idea after all, you had made an attempt at convincing Ginny that Zacharias wasn’t the complete asshole that he had been at Hogwarts to no avail. So this dinner was to try and show them that you were going out with him for more than a free meal, and to possible also convince yourself of that as well. And if you we’re being completely honest you wanted to see what Astoria’s deal was. Draco never brought her over to the flat, the same way you never let Zacharias get past the door way. But now they’d both be in your home, fantastic.

-

The doorbell rang through the house. Everyone was here except for her, the spot next to Draco and across from you was empty. Draco stood from his chair to get the door, but not before catching the anxious look on your face. 

You turned towards Zacharias pretending to be interested in whatever he was telling Ron and Harry about, you could see it on their faces that they were about disinterested as you. You wondered what exactly made you continue to date him, he was handsome, maybe that was it. Sometimes he could be funny, and he was very gentlemanly. You supposed that was enough. 

Astoria sat across from you. You knew she was a year or two below you in school but that was about all you knew about her, but she looked exactly like you imagined her to. Her dark brown hair was blown out and framed her pale face nicely, she had light blue eyes that contrasted against her dark hair and her bold red lipstick. She was from one of those old rich pureblood families like Draco and she looked the part. Seeing them sit next to each other they looked like a perfect fit for each other, the Ministry husband and the gala-planning wife. 

You noticed that everyone’s eyes were on you.

“Sorry?” You said, clearly having missed something.

“Astoria was just introducing herself to you.” Draco said, concern etched on his face.

“Right, sorry.” You said. “Lovely to meet you, truly.” She gave you a tight lipped smile as she exchanged pleasantries with the rest of the table. 

Zacharias gave you a weird look but you missed it, instead staring down at your plate. 

The small talk was going well for a few minutes. Not that you were too engaged in it, you couldn’t help but sneak looks at Astoria and Draco. You knew you had wanted him to move on from you for so long, but it’s one thing to want it and another for it to happen right before your eyes.

“So Zacharias, what have you been up to.” Harry asked Zacharias.

“Working at the Ministry, surprised you lot aren’t there too.” Zacharias said. “Working isn’t for everyone, I suppose.” You elbowed him for his brassness. 

“Well Zacharias,” Ginny said. From the way she put her fork down you nearly wanted to cower under the table. “Some of us have a War to recover from.”

Zacharias snorted. “I went through the war too, I’m perfectly fine.” “Did you though?” Hermione said under her breath.

“What was that?” 

You wanted to scream. The worst possible scenario was actively unfolding. You felt the realization wash over you, this guy was actually just a fucking asshole. 

“Everyone saw your cowardness Zacharias.” Hermione said sitting up straight and looking directly at him. “You pushed first years into danger to get yourself out of it.”

“It’s called survival skills,” Zacharias said, not backing down. “Maybe if you lot had some this table would be a little more full, yeah?”

The table went silent as Zacharias pointedly made eye contact with Ginny and Ron.

“You need to go.” You said breaking the silence, you couldn’t even look up at him from how humiliated you felt.

“What!” Zacharias said offended, “I’m just standing up for myself.”

“Get out!” You said standing up. “I’m serious Zacharias, you need to go.”

Zacharias stood up aggressively and the rest of the table except for Astoria stood too.

You walked to the door holding it open for him. “Now.”

Zacharias angerly gathered his stuff and made his way out. “Can one of you make sure he finds his way out?” You said, tears welling up as you made your way to your room followed by Hermione and Ginny.

“I’ve got this.” Draco said, motioning for Harry and Ron to stay put. 

-

“What the fuck, are you following me?” Zacharias said as Draco got into the elevator after him.

“Just making sure you find your way out.” Draco seethed.

“Well, I’m fine, thanks.”

“Yeah I think I’ll stick around until you’re out the door.” Zacharias huffed and Draco stood in the elevator arms crossed until they reached the ground floor.

When Zacharias stood outside of the apartment building, he looked back at Draco, eyes flailing. Zacharias rubbed his face in frustration before mumbling under his breath a curse mixed with your name.

“Excuse me?” Draco said grabbing him by the collar. “You’re friend’s a cunt.” Zacharias seethed, not backing down despite having Draco at his neck. 

Draco ignored the voice of a cop down the street yelling at him to let Zacharias go. Zacharias pushed Draco off of him only to be met with Draco’s fist. Zacharias pushed Draco back and made to punch him back before Draco pushed him onto the ground.

“Cut it out!” The cop yelled getting inbetween the both of them.

-

“Merlin, fuck.” Harry said watching from the window.

He knocked on your door not wanting to disturb whatever motivational speech Ginny and Hermione were giving you. “Sorry to interrupt but, I’m afraid Draco is getting arrested.”

“What?” Astoria said standing up from the table and looking out the window herself. “Merlin, Draco.”

You wiped the tears of humiliation off your face and went to go look out the window too. “They’re taking him away! Where are they taking him to.” “Where do you think,” Ron groaned. “Most likely the police station genius.”

“I don’t need this snark right now my s-” You paused. “Draco is being arrested.”

Astoria stood awkwardly next to you, not entirely sure how to react. 

“I’ll drive.” Ginny said grabbing her keys off of the counter and making her way out of the flat.

“I think I’ll go on my own.” Astoria said, forcing a smile.

“Right of course.” You said closing the door behind her.

-

Draco’s phone call was met by voicemail so he assumed that his friends were already on their way. Merlin, what was he going to say, Astoria wouldn’t find it weird that he punched Zacharias for you would she? Would you find it weird? 

The door of the police station swung open, it was you and the rest of his friends, with a lack of Astoria that went unnoticed by Draco. You rushed to the desk telling them what you were there for, you looked so concerned. Draco found it entirely endearing. The secretary went off to talk to one of the officer and your eyes scanned the room for Draco, you waved slightly when you finally saw him, he smiled at that.

-

“We’ll let you off with just a warning this time.” The officer said, you trailing not too far behind him. “You the girlfriend?” He said turning to you. You blinked staring at Draco and then at the officer.

“No, that would be me.” Astoria said coming up next to you, because she was his girlfriend. Not you. There had been no reason for you to hesitate, yet you did.

“Just keep him out of trouble Ma’am.” The officer said. “Let there not be a next time.” “There won’t be officer,” Astoria said smiling at him in a way that made the officer turn light pink. She was charming, you never considered yourself charming. 

“Do you want to ride home with us?” You asked looking back towards your friends who were waiting by the door of the station, watching curiously on this unspoken game of tug-a-war between you and Astoria.

“I think he’ll come with me.” Astoria interrupted before Draco could answer. “There’s probably not enough room in Ginny’s car.”

She grabbed Draco by the hand leading him out of the police station without stopping to say goodbye.

Draco glanced back at you with a tight lipped smile. “I’ll see you at home?”

You nodded.

-

You fell asleep waiting for Draco to come home, the sound of the door opening woke you up. You stood to talk to him.

“Why’d you hit Zacharias?” You said standing across from him. 

Draco sighed, shaking his jacket off and throwing it onto the couch. He ran a hand through his hair before answering, “Because.” He paused. “I’d do anything for you.”

Your breath catched at the look on his face as he turned to you. His eyes were dark and all of his focus was on one thing, you. He got closer to you until you could feel his breathing on your nose. 

“Draco,” You said, “Fuck.” His finger tilted your face upwards to kiss you before he pushed you closer to the sofa, he spun you and pulled you down with him until you were sitting on his lap. His mouth was on your neck but he moved his wet kisses down towards your chest, yanking on your shirt until you pulled it off over your head.

“Y/n” He called, you only hummed in response.

“Y/n.” You blinked slowly, you were on the couch but not on top of Draco. No Draco was in front of you, shaking you awake.

“Did you fall asleep waiting up for me?” He asked, brows furrowed.

Your chest heaved with each shallow breath.

“Are you okay?” He asked, taking in your appearance.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” You said rubbing your eyes as you sat up. “What time is it?”

“It’s 2.” He said. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know you’d be waiting up for me.”

“No, I don’t know why I thought you were coming right home.” You said. “I should go to my room.” 

He nodded, “Good night.” You stopped in your doorway, turning to look at him. “Why’d you hit Zacharias?” “You’re my friend.” Draco said. “And he was being a prat.” “Sorry, you got arrested.” You said.

He shrugged. “No big deal.”

“Good night Draco.” You said before closing the door behind you. You didn’t give yourself time to think about your dream, or why Draco hadn’t come straight home, you collapsed onto your bed and let sleep take you. 

-

Astoria was perceptive, but she didn’t need to be to see your obvious affection for each other. You were talking to each other animatedly on the sofa, bodies fully turned towards each other, you couldn’t get enough of each other’s presence. Draco hung onto every word you said the same way your eyes were glued to his. She wasn’t the only one to notice this, she didn’t miss the excited glances that Draco’s roommates gave each other whenever they saw Draco and you acting this way. She put down the bowl she was stirring.

“Draco can you give me a hand with dinner?” She called out from the kitchen, she didn’t miss how he lingered next to you. Obviously not wanting to leave your side, and she didn’t miss the way your hand slipped off his arm, where it had previously been. She turned away from the sight, wiping angrily at the tears welling in her eyes.

“What’s up.” He said.

“Uh.” Astoria paused. “Can you finish up dinner, I’m not feeling well.” 

“Oh yeah totally.” He said. “Don’t worry about it, you were so kind for offering to make dinner for us in the first place.”

“Rain check?” Astoria asked. “Sure.” He said leading her out the door. “Want me to walk you to your car?”

“No need.” A part of Astoria thought he would notice the tone in her voice and ask her what was wrong but he didn’t, he shut the door behind her and she heard his quickly retreating steps, most likely eager to get back to you.

-

Ginny and you laid on your bed while your nail polish dried, you were reading a magazine while she stared you down.

“What do you want to say to me Ginny.” You sighed putting down the magazine. You had known Ginny long enough to pick up on her tells, not that she was discrete with them.

“It’s not what I want to say to you.” Ginny said. “It’s what you want to say to me.”

“Okay.” You paused. “What is it you want me to say.” “When we’re you going to tell me about you having a crush on Draco!” She whisper yelled. “Do you have your memories back?”

Your face burnt bright red. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Why are you lying to me right now,” Ginny said. “I’m not going to tell him.” “I don’t have my memories back.” You said laying back down and covering your face with your hands. “And maybe I do like him, but he doesn’t like me! He’s dating Astoria, plus he’s only interested in me if I have my memories.” Ginny blinked at you. “Are you fucking blind. Even Astoria can see that he likes you.” “No, he doesn’t!” You said. “I’m the one that pushed him away remember?”

Ginny groaned in frustration. “I hate you so much.”

“Why do you choose to make your life more difficult than it has to be!”

“I am not making my life more difficult.” You argued. “I’m saving myself from humiliation.”

“He is in love with you!” Ginny said, You shook her head and picked your magazine back up. “I don’t want to talk about this.”

“Then when will we?” Ginny said. “When he really does stop loving you because of Astoria?”

She walked out of your room slamming the door behind her.

-

Groceries in hand you dug through your pockets for the keys to the flat. You stopped in your tracks when you saw Astoria, she was standing on your doormat waiting for a response but she started walking towards you when she saw you.

“Hi, Astoria.” You said. “I don’t think Draco’s home right now.” “I’m here to talk to you, not with Draco.” She said.

“Oh.” You paused, “Let me just put this stuff away and we can talk.” 

She nodded walking into the flat and sitting down on the sofa after you opened it.

“What’s up.” You said, taking a seat next to her.

“I need you to leave Draco alone.” She said, not looking you in the eye.

“What?” You said incredulously

“He told me what happened with the two of you.” Astoria said. 

“What-” She interrupted you. “You cut it off with him. So please let him move on.” 

“Astoria, he’s my friend.” You said, “I’m not trying to seduce him or anything.”

“ I love him,” Astoria said. “Do you know how hard it is to find someone when you don’t have a soulmate? It’s impossible, but I found Draco.”

You were silent. He was never her’s to find. You weren’t dead, he would still hear your voice every year. Did she not know that? You so wanted to drag her by her perfect hair. Who was she to tell you what to do?

“So, please. Let him go.” Astoria pleaded.

“What exactly is it that you want him to do.”

“Just leave him alone.” She snapped, then regained her composure. “By stringing him along, you’re ruining his life. You’re never getting your memories back, get used to the idea.”

Your eyes unfocused out of anger. 

“Get out of my house.” You said. She looked at you and opened her mouth but quickly closed it and stormed out. You slammed the door behind her, turning on your heel towards your room. You couldn’t believe her audacity. You laid on your bed trying to compose yourself while staring up at your ceiling.

What would Draco say if you told him she had confronted you like that? Surely, he’d be on your side. 

You turned to your others side. But Astoria was right, you did turn him down. And you aren’t getting your memories back. Even if he were to start ‘liking’ you again that wouldn’t change.

-

You felt lonely, Ginny was too upset with you to talk to you and you were trying not to talk to Draco. Even though you truly hated Astoria, she was right. Your crush on Draco would only mess with both of your lives. You weren’t speaking to the two most important people in your life. You couldn’t find a reason to get out of bed, so you didn’t.

You heard soft knocks at your door. “I’m letting myself in.” Ginny said. She took in your room and tried to ignore the mess before making her way to you. “I’m so sorry if I went too far. You’re my bestfriend. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine Ginny.”

“Then what’s wrong with you.” She said. “You’re not treating yourself right.”

You stayed silent. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Y/n please.” Ginny said quietly running her fingers through your hair. “We’re so worried about you.”

“I’m fine.” You said turning away from her.

“Is this about Draco?” GInny said, she had only seen you like this once before.

You couldn’t help the way the sobs racked your body. “Merlin, I just love him so much.”  

“Oh sweetheart.” She climbed into bed with you, hugging you tight as you cried. 

“I just don’t want to keep hurting him.”

“I know.” Ginny said pressing kisses to your forehead. “But do you honestly think Draco would be anything but happy to hear you love him?”

“I don’t want to risk it.”

“Just fucking being in the same space as him makes me happy,” You said. “I don’t want to make him want to leave.”

“Haven’t you seen how close him and Ron are?” Ginny said. “He could hate you and he’d put that aside to live with his bestie.”

You laughed at that,

“You’re my best friend.”

“I know.”

“I love you Ginny.” “I love you too.” She said. “So please get yourself together and go get your man.”

-

It took you three days to work up the nerve to talk to him. 

You stared at yourself in the mirror, your makeup was done but not to the point it would be too obvious, and your hair looked slightly cuter than usual. 

“Get yourself together.” You told yourself, you stood up from your vanity with determination.

A knock sounded through your room, it was probably Ginny asking you when you were planning on making the move.

“I’m coming.” You groaned. You swung your door open expecting Ginny but were met with Draco.

“Draco.” You said curtly, “Sorry, I thought you were Ginny.”

“Are you going somewhere?” He asked,

“What?”

“You did your makeup, and your hair.”

There goes being subtle.

“Oh- uh-no.” You said.

He nodded, stuffing his hands into his pockets. You would’ve picked up on his weird behavior if it wasn’t for your nerves.

He opened his mouth to say something but you quickly interjected. “I need to tell you something.”

He opened his mouth again but you interrupted. “Sorry no interruptions, I need to get this out or I’m never going to say it.”

You sighed and he watched you curiously not saying a word. “I love you.” You said. “And no I don’t have my memories back, and I don’t know if they’re ever going to come back.” You choke back tears and Draco hasn’t moved an inch. You so desperately hoped he’d shut you up by telling you he loved you but you continued. “And I don’t need them to come back, because I’ve met you again. I’ve fallen in love with you again, and I know you have Astoria, I know that. But I feel like you should know that I love you because what’s more soulmatey than me falling in love with you twice.” You bit your lip, not looking him in the face as you took a deep breath before continuing. “I’m you’re soulmate Draco, I know it in my heart. I know that sounds so incredibly cheesy but I do, I see you and I can’t breathe because I love you so much. Every moment I’m not with you I’m thinking about you. I don’t need my memories to know that my feelings for you haven’t changed.”

There was a quiet pause. “You can talk now.” You said.

“I broke up with Astoria.” He said.

 “When?”

 “Just now, I just came from seeing her.” 

“Why?”

 “Because Y/n. I love you too. I never needed you to get your memories back. You’re not the same person I first fell in love with but it doesn’t fucking matter because I’m still irrevocably in love with you y/n. I never fucking stopped.” 

Your heart nearly exploded. You were frozen for a second, but only for a second. You were overcome with the urge to touch him. You all but launched yourself at him which he eagerly accepted. His lips caught yours and his hands went to your waist pulling your body to his. You had unwillingly caught Draco and Astoria kissing a few times, and everytime you couldn’t help but get angry. You had felt a possesiveness, he wasn’t hers for her to be touching like that. You let that feeling control you. Things were how they were supposed to be now. Your hands went to his chest and you couldn’t help but pull at his collar. You wanted it off, you wanted to feel his skin on yours. His kisses moved down to your neck, too focused on you.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted this for.” You said lustfully.

He laughed, stopping the kisses. He took your face in his hands, smirking at you. “You have no idea.” His eyes were dark and his voice was low and raspy. You could fuck him right there in the hallway.

“Let’s take this inside, yeah?” You whispered in his ear. Pulling him into your room behind you

-

“I don’t get why you need to move out.” Ginny groaned as you pushed another box out of your room.

“I’m sorry Ginny, I promise you it wasn’t an easy decision to make.” You said.

“Is Draco forcing you to move? You know just because you’re back together doesn’t mean he’s the boss of you.”

“I know that Ginny, it was a mutual decision.” You said putting down the box to look at her. You loved living with your friends you really did, and you loved seeing how much they loved Draco. Although they would deny it entirely, by your friends living alongside of you they were nursing you back to health. You wouldn’t have made it without them, and now you were better. You wanted to prove to yourself that you would be okay without them as your crutch. Besides you knew that you would see them almost everyday anyways. Not that you would be completely independent, you would have Draco. 

You were finally where your life was supposed to be.

“We’ll still talk everyday.” You reassured her, pulling her into a hug.

“Treat her right Draco.” Ginny said. “Or you’ll have to deal with me.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” 

-

You bound up, sitting up in your bed. You had an unsettling dream, but it wasn’t a bad one in fact it was a pretty happy dream. Draco was there, but he was significantly younger and you two were arguing but you could tell neither of you meant what you were saying, and you were in Hogwarts and remembering Hogwarts had began to stop hurting.

It was a nice dream. Your grogginess immediately went away and you shook Draco awake.

“What’s the matter, what’s wrong.” Draco said pushing himself up to look at your face.

He just saw you staring at him with a big grin and tears streaming down your face.

“Y/n, what happened are you okay?”

“Draco,” You said choking on your sobs and throwing yourself at him.

He was still taking in what was happening when it seemed to click. He held you tight. “You have your memories back.” You didn’t say a word just feverishly nodding as you pressed yourself closer to him. 

“I’m so sorry for everything you had to go through.” You said pressing a kiss to his cheek. He nodded and began to cry too. 

“I’d go through it all again a million times over if it’s what it took to be with you.”