#SUGAR WILL BALANCE CARMY OUT AND CARMY WILL BALANCE SYD OUT AND RICHIE WILL BE THE ONE WHO TELLS IT LIKE IT IS TO BOTH

[gingergofastboatsmojito]

I don't remember who said the other day that Nat was Sydcarmy's strongest soldier.

Well... She is.

She hasn't fully shown her true Sydcarmy colors, YET. But she will.

Nat's and Richie's support will mean the world to them when they burn every other bridge between them. And, IK this might be my 3rd matcha talking or maybe has something to do with the fact that I have been listening 7 Nation Army on repeat for like 20 mins now, but I'm pretty sure they probably will in S3 and that's when the allys will come in to save the Sydcarmy day.

Let's keep and eye on "Sugar", WHICH IS WHAT BALANCES ACID AND VICEVERSA.

Bonus track: I used to be a bartender in another lifetime and I always hated acid, but I was forced to use it to balance out certain beverages, I recently learned that it works the same in food, even when exposed to heat. Go figure! My theory checks out. Now I just need to sit down and wait to see it all unfold. Exactly what I suck at. Waiting. Ain't life grand?

[midnight-fables]

S2 Entry 2: Soothe the Goosebumps

Image credit: @neverscreens

Summary: Carmy’s girlfriend (who he calls Darling) soothes him down from an impending panic attack with apple cubes. (1346 Words) FLUFF.

Warnings: Swearing, hurt, comfort, fem reader/lass who is a trauma surgeon, she/her pronouns, finger sucking (light), impending panic attack (panic attack doesn’t happen), praise kink, feeding kink?, subby!Carmy. Mentions of Donna Berzatto.

Notes: Thank you for reading and sharing! This is a work in CB Journals Season 2 and will be tagged with #cb journals s2.

Sideblog for commentary and social stuff: @m-z-shoroi

Prompt: String Lights

“Do you not decorate for Christmas?” she asked. “Not even string lights or a mini tree?”

No. Fuck Christmas.

The silence, and the subsequent recoil evident on her face when I looked up from the apple I was dicing, is what told me I’d said that aloud. My stomach flipped. Hands abruptly turned cold for some reason. Heat flooded into my face.

I can’t even begin to explain to you the biblical level of shit I was in that week. That whole month, honestly. The review didn’t go well—we weren’t given our star, which meant that not only did all my bullshit that I pulled in the restaurant after having that mental fucking breakdown after the walk-in incident severely strain all my interpersonal relationships, it also did fuck all to give us any sort of results. If we’d gotten the star, then maybe, maybe, it would’ve stung just a little less. The wounds haven’t gone away—the repeated flare-ups of fighting between Sugar, Richie, Syd, and me are evidence of that—but the star would’ve been salve on the cuts. Maybe taken away some of the burn. No, it just redoubled everyone’s rage at me (including my own. I was getting dangerously close to hating myself more than I hate the fucking Devil at this point). So, the burst of fighting at the top of November turned into all-out war for the rest of the month. We’d found something of a balance before—minus the flare-ups—where I’d do a new menu every month using seasonal ingredients. I’d be mindful of what the kitchen staff could do, Syd and I would actually properly collaborate on them, so she didn’t feel voiceless (even if working with another person drove me fucking insane sometimes), and Richie and I would, generally, as much as we both could corral our familial trauma, try to stay out of each other’s way. Sometimes even get along a bit.

“Carmy?”

Now? Now I lost all fucking control of my restaurant. Syd and I were battling over the menu because even when accounting for her notes, she wanted to scrap whatever I did. Richie was so far out of my grasp that Sugar maintained a demilitarized zone between us, acting as the Secretary of State—or I don’t know, a fucking messenger pigeon—bringing things back and forth, all while trying not to (and failing on multiple occasions) explode at either of us for our bullshit. And it was bullshit. We’re fucking adults, I keep trying to act like a fucking adult and get a handle on myself so this doesn’t fucking happen again—I’m in therapy, for fuck’s sake!—and yet Richie and Syd insist on being fucking children about it.

In retrospect, I don’t blame Syd. If your coworker spiraled off the fucking deep end, and all you got out of that was the trauma of surviving that spiral, would you even want to fucking look at them again? She worked her ass off to make The Bear what it is, she put stock in her own identity as a chef, and wants, more than anything, to be able to take pride in her work.

I said I wouldn’t stand by and let her do to herself what I did to me, right?

Am I not her Devil?

So here we are, December three days away, still without a fucking menu.

“Baby? Sweetheart? Hey.”

Shit. Shit. Fuck. I dropped the knife onto the cutting board. “S-sorry. Sorry, I-I should explain—”

“I just wasn’t expecting such a strong reaction.” She held her hands up, palms out towards me. “It’s okay. It just caught me by surprise is all.”

“Christmas-Christmas is fucking traumatizing.” Why did it come out like a question? It’s a fact. It was fucking traumatizing. I closed my eyes, trying to retreat to the quiet dark, where it’s stable, where it’s safe. “My-my mom, she would, uh, she would do this-this big feast. Seven Fishes... And it was-it was always such a fucking disaster. And-and she would always explode at the tiniest thing. I-I hate fucking Christmas and New Years a-a-and-and fucking birthdays. Fuck birthdays.”

Something burned in my chest. A deep sort of fiery sting that took me two heartbeats to recognize as stomach acid bubbling into my esophagus. I grasped at the pain as if I could somehow get ahold of it and remove it from me, could toss it away like a wet paper towel, but all I found was the front of my apron.

“Hey, hey, you’re okay.” Oh no, Darling sounded worried. I fucking hate when I worry her. I pried my eyes open and found her expression contorted in concern, eyebrows scrunched together, corners of her mouth turned down. “What’s wrong? Pain? Nausea?”

I tried talking, but I couldn’t produce sound past the hot iron burning my insides. Blindly reached for the quart of water and chugged a few sips down. It provided some relief initially, but the flames came right back.

“Hold on.” She rifled around the cabinet above my head and pried off the lid of the baking soda container. Put two pinches in the quart. Swirled it. “It’ll taste weird, but it should help.”

Metallic. Metallic, bitter, kind of salty? Like I licked a dirty penny or something. Weird doesn’t sum it up, it’s fucking disgusting. She rubbed up and down my sternum as I gulped this vile concoction down.

“It’s a base, it’ll help neutralize the acid,” she explained. “Just take little sips until the burning stops.” I’m sure she knew I understood the logic, but I appreciated her talking to me anyway. It was comforting. Something to focus on. Something to drown out the memories of ma’s yelling bubbling away in the back of my head.

Goosebumps exploded on my arms when I took another gulp of the baking soda water. It just kept getting worse. Now the weird taste was lingering on my tongue well after the water was gone, but my chest still burned like a brand was on it. Darling rubbed her hands up and down my forearm, trying to soothe the goosebumps away.

“I’m-I’m sorry,” she mumbled.

I responded too slowly. “You didn’t do anything wrong.” Not even giving me this horrible shit; it was helping the heartburn.

“No, about the whole…” she gestured in a wide circle. Ah. About Christmas and shit. Got it. “It’s gotta be tough. With. How much those things are engrained in society and all.”

I shrugged a shoulder. Grimaced and got another wave of chills on the next sip of baking soda water. She picked up an apple cube and pressed it to my lips. It wasn’t meant to be an intimate gesture—I’m getting better at reading her face and knowing what the intention behind anything she does is—but something deep in my core tightened and warmed when she fed me the morsel of apple, when the tip of her finger rested just a second too long on my lips. I must’ve had a certain look on my face because she made the cute little cooing sound that meant she figured something out. Cupped my face with her other hand. Stroked my cheek.

“That better, pretty boy?”

She brought another apple cube to my lips, kept her eyes locked on mine—this piercing gaze halfway between interrogative and fascinated, like she was a cat observing a new toy, trying to figure out how to pounce on it. My navel flooded with heat, dick twitched in my sweats. Half of me wanted to shrink in place, become tiny and insignificant, small enough to fit in her pocket like a pathetic but endearing pet. The other half of me got lost in her eyes, in those shimmering river stones, in the perfect architecture of her eyelashes, as if admiring a fine work in some pretentious fucking museum somewhere. She let me suck the tip of her thumb clean. Dragged it slowly over my tongue.

I nodded. Yes. Yes, it’s better.

The fuck was I even stressing about before?

Tags: @carmenberzattosgf @jess248 @catharticconsolation @persymons @morgthemagpie @glitch0o0 @nox-is-thename @forgechildofheph @leminjelly @fridavacado @lumoslemon @cyarskj1899

[blackjack-15]

okay i'm back 6 hours of sleep later

i'm still galled at claire having her friend say "we were together for 5 years and he never even cooked me dinner" and claire's response being "you deserve better. no one's ever made me dinner before"

no one -- i think it's gelled by getting more sleep than i have all week, so i'm a little more normal now -- no one talks like this in the show. the bear prides itself on very naturalistic dialogue. hesitation markers, people talking over each other, misspeaking, correcting themselves -- it's an intensely naturalistic approach to dialogue, and it makes the world feel very cohesive. it's worldbuilding in the most integral way. it's not there for "realism", it's there to create the world that the characters operate within

claire does not talk like this.

claire says stuff like "because you're the bear, and i remember you" in a supermarket at night. claire says stuff like "speaking of dead brothers, do you want to go to a party?" when a man is talking about how he enjoys talking about his brother's memory. claire says stuff like "you deserve better. no one's ever made me dinner before" when her friend is sobbing over a 5-year relationship ending.

claire speaks like she's on a CW show and has no idea that she's not.

and since the writers and directors are good and purposeful and consistent? this is on purpose. she's supposed to feel Outside of the show, and it's not because she's Exceptional. it's because she's a distraction.

anyway.

tina's killing it, she looks great, she sounds great

and gee i wonder why the song is about supporting and loving someone who needs them by their side...it's ebra, yes, most texturally, but...syd's sitting there at the bear, trying to do plates and menu, and she needs her partner

it's character work, and carmy's going through it. but i'm gonna love seeing those two come back together. it feels like a string stretched too tight for comfort

oh carmy...he is not logan but he's gonna pretend!

CARM'S PERFORMER SIDE COMES OUT

"that's the thing about logan. he doesn't give a f//k"

it's amazing how much easier he finds it to talk -- and how much charisma he has -- when he's not buried under the weight of being Carmen Berzatto. if there's one thing i've noticed over and over throughout this show, it's that carmy's at his best when there's no spotlight shining over him -- when he's not mikey's not-dead brother, or 'the bear', or Chef Carmen, or anything else; those quiet moments he's cooking with syd in the kitchen and no one else is around, when he's talking with marcus outside behind the beef, when he can finally hash things out with sugar on the floor of the office, when he's sitting in the car or basement with richie talking about life

"i got really good at managing sad, drunk people" "yeah i know that feeling" "i know you do" if this girl could have one EFFING emotional beat without making it all about herself, i would cheer.

"guess i missed this college thing, huh" AND THE SUBTEXT BECOMES TEXT. this whole thing is a glorified high school/college party. fireworks, drinking, i'm guessing a handful of drugs in the mix, crying drunks, the whole nine yards

carmy in a lot of ways skipped from kid brother to executive chef, emotionally, and what he's missing is, like in the last episode, being out in the world. he's technically speaking the best, the most impressive, and he has a lot of heart in what he cooks, because it's the only language he can reliably use to express what he's feeling.

the result is that he has very little middle ground. he's either spending hours scrubbing a single spot on the floor of the kitchen or he's using a fake identity to entertain at a party. he either comes back to the bear after a long day there to keep working or he disappears from it entirely. he needs balance. and he's not finding it here just yet -- especially not so long as he keeps up this all-or-nothing approach that has let him 1) become one of the best chefs in the world 2) become such an isolated and repressed person that it takes a case of mistaken identity to get him to smile at a party

oh. okay fake number thing? we're going onto another post for this holy crap

[sylvies-chen]

after seeing a tweet about season 2 coming out I thought now would be a good time start The Bear to fulfill my need to have seen every single show in existence! I’ve only seen the first 5 episodes so far but here are my thoughts:

it seems everyone in this show except marcus (he’s just in the corner perfecting his lil donuts!! leave him in peace!!) teeters so beautifully on being absolutely detestable. some *cough cough richie cough cough* do venture into unlikeable territory but then when they do, the writers bring in a scene that instantly gives them an extra layer and shifts you towards empathy. it’s a really delicate balance but so far it’s working for me!

this is, at its core, a show about how to go about taking pieces of something broken and turning them into something better and beautiful, revamping it without discarding its true nature— and this is true in both the inwards sense, relating to carmy’s (and sugar’s and richie’s) grief and mental health in learning how to move on from a tragic loss but not forget your past pain, and then in the outwards sense as well regarding to the restaurant and the Chicago community, how to make a successful restaurant without forgetting the people they serve, how to not be a gunslingin’ dive but also not a gentrifying posh joint.

speaking of that internal turmoil though, I’m absolutely lovinggggg the bear motif and it fits perfectly with this idea! it’s like carmy has so much bottled up inside him, both good and bad, like his passion to change the restaurant mikey left him but also his pain and grief and sorrow, and him trying to let the bear out of the cage and slowly tame it or control it in his dreams is very reminiscent of someone trying to get a hold on their own psyche. but it’s like. no dude. you gotta let it all out, let it go wild! both the pain and the ambition! it will let you be more loving, be healed, and be a better leader! gosh, it’s so so good.

JON BERNTHAL IS IN THIS?? Oh wait I think I vaguely remember @levijeanqueen watching this show just to see Jon Bernthal on her screen. sky babe this is me formally saying that I should have followed in your footsteps sooner omg I love this

richie gives me whiplash because he starts crying about his kid and I wanna give him a hug and tell him he’s a good dad but then he yells at syd and I get filled with rage and then he calls the cops on the mobsters when someone else solves the problem he couldn’t because he can’t stand not being needed and then anti-hero by taylor swift starts playing in my head because it’s him hi he’s the problem and what do you mean he accidentally drugged children with xanex i-

sydney is my GIRL y’all!! she has such a passionate, eager spirit about her that she can’t hold in and yet she also lacks confidence in a lot of ways and like. she is me!! I am her!! I kin this woman so hard. (that’s actually my first time using that word I hope I did it right lol). I’m so obsessed with everything she does, I can’t wait to see her grow and evolve as a chef, and to gain more confidence! also I need to learn more about her backstory right tf now like what was that catering business?? what’s her family like??

I don’t know where people are shipwise with this show?? it’s not a show that offers a lot of substantial material on that front but shipping is so much more fun when you have zero expectations and can kind of just go with the flow and take your own creative liberties so I like having fun with it. anyways I definitely feel a certain vibe with carmy and sydney but also marcus is so outwardly sweet to her when no one else is so I’m not mad about that either.

I think carmy and syd are like… two side of the same coin? they’re not the most alike but they’re not polar opposites either, they’re very much foils of each other and they each are the parts of the other that the other wishes they were. like sydney very openly wants to be skilled like carmy (she’s skilled on her own ways though might I add) and be a fearless chef and innovator, and carmy I think less-openly wishes he was like sydney: new, fresh, eager, not beaten down by the verbal degradation of high-end culinary culture, hopeful about the world and creative. I really like that sort of connection between two characters, it kind of alludes to a deeper idea that this bond was meant to be in a way? their chemistry is fucking fire too like wow

but then there’s marcus and sydney, which I think is cute because marcus has that sort of fun experimental eager green energy that sydney has and that many others (like tina and richie) have discarded or snuffed out, so I think he could be like a nice bright spot for sydney. idk. I need to know like a million more things about her character as well, she deserves all the screentime in the world. but in the meantime I’m just chilling, enjoying the little itty bitty crumbs that let me have my fun lol

anyways I’m sorry if that was too long for you lovely folks but I hope it was a worthy interruption to your regularly scheduled tumblr scrolling because I really love this show and I can’t wait to finish these last two episodes before moving on to this new season!!

[gingergofastboatsmojito]

Acidity was the missing piece of their puzzle, well... not anymore.

Disclaimer: this is a WIP.

Acid = Slow burn in Storer's book.

I felt inspired by this post by @fresaton because cherry tomatoes are my favorite and even though I only partially agree with her Carmy=Tomatoes and Sydney=Cherries theory I noticed that Carmy said that Syd's dish lacked acid back in S1:

And while definitely not the most acidic variety, cherry tomatoes are more acidic than other, more sweet varieties that's why they are NOT a good choice for people who have GERD.

Sources: Thekitchencommunity.org and Healthline.com

Cherries are very acidic, which is why they are used by pastry chefs to balance out certain desserts. Right?

So here's where I start seeing an acidic pattern:

Cherry tomatoes / Cherries / Cherry onesie, which I don't think Carmy bought for the baby but would love to be wrong about that because that would be sooo cute and → ACID. Because cherry tomatoes and cherries have acidity levels in common, seeing as they have a very similar PH range:

Sources: Thekitchencommunity.org and Foodzilla.io

So, what do we have here?

ACIDIC FRUITS, it's all about the acid that was missing.

Tomato, regardless of the variety is actually a fruit, not a vegetable.

Cherries are also a fruit.

Both bring acidity to the dishes or desserts they are added to.

And acidity was precisely what Syd's dish was either lacking in S1 or having an excess of in S2. And Carmy represents that acid.

And let's not forget the grapefruit that was all over S3 and it's also an acidic fruit.

I already went over what acid means in terms of Sydcarmy flavor symbology here:

*Please also check my own RB notes.

So, since acid seems to be a theme throughout ALL 3 SEASONS now, then that probably means that they are closer to hitting the right mark in terms of ACIDITY which was the one thing they were missing to REALLY NAIL IT. That's my hunch, because otherwise why making such a fuzz about it?

It's because they are getting closer to hitting the right mark in terms of acidity and balancing ingredients out the right way this time around (we will see it in S4 but they are at the door of the moment now 🎶😘 in S3, that's why all the cherries and grapefruits were all over the scenes)

03x01 → Lemons

which is a great sign both in terms of Sydcarmy timing because I think that when they can find the right balance on a dish they will also find it in their relationship, as the menu represents THEM, because it's their red string of fate that them brings together, as I mentioned → here (The problem with the current S3 menu is that it's all Carmy sublimating Syd on a plate just like he did with the polka dots sauce in 03x09, is not a co-creation but a monologue, as I explained→ here)

And in terms of award-winning dishes, plus it aligns with my previous theory of this new era that began with the baby being born:

This brings me to this conclusion I drew a few months ago: when they get to that point, which will be next season because they are almost there now, they will need SUGAR, not to get too acidic:

Balance!

This is just a hunch: IMO, as I have been saying in other posts where I looked at this from other angles: We are getting closer to SYDCARMY SHOWTIME because ACID is what makes or breaks a dish, according to CIA.

Source: CIAfoodies.com That's code for acid = slow burn, in my book, chefs. And in Storer's for that matter, obviously.

Bonus track: I still think about this CARMY ONIONS recipe that Syd was working on when she decided to go back to Carm to go back to The Beef to collect her last paycheck and ended up opening a new restaurant with Carmy and deferring her own payment for 6 months:

Remember to follow my tag #Gingerpovs 💋

[midnight-fables]

Entry 18: With Love, CB

GIF credit: @carmen-berzattos

Bearblr Promptober Day 18: Candlelight

Summary: Carmy has a lot of questions for Mikey, so he writes him a letter.

Warnings: Carmy writing to Mikey posthumously, mentions of Natalie, mentions of Donna Berzatto, mentions of Sydney, mentions of Richie, Carmy thinks he's going crazy, fem reader/rando lass who is a trauma surgeon, she/her pronouns. This one hurts.

Notes: All journal entries will be titled as such and tagged with #cb journal.

Thank you for reading. Thank you to @carmenberzattosgf for putting together this prompt list. If you want to keep following this set of works, you can follow the #cb journal tag. Sideblog for commentary and yapping: @m-z-shoroi

Also, if random letters or words are black/white instead of the colors they should be, that's Tumblr being dumb, I've been fighting it for days.

18 Oct 2024

Hey, Mikey.

Nat said I should try writing a letter to you if I wasn’t going to go to church and light a votive candle. It’s not that I don’t hope you’re doing okay wherever you are, it’s that God and I aren’t exactly on speaking terms right now, much to the shock and disbelief of Sugar. You know how she is.

I suppose things have been going okay. The good balances out the bad. Good things: I’m dating a girl, I’m on a waitlist for therapy, Nat’s daughter is doing great, Pete and I are on pretty good terms still, Richie and I are figuring it out, Syd’s the second-best thing that’s ever happened to me, Chicago is starting to feel a bit like home. Bad things: I’m choking under the weight of fucking it up with Darling, I’m on a waitlist for therapy (yeah, it’s both good and bad), Richie and I still fight more than I want to (and it’s wearing me the fuck down), we’re not doing so good on margins and that loan I owe Cicero, ma’s presence is looming over me like a mile-long shadow and I might just fucking explode if I have to keep thinking about how I’m supposed to talk to her.

I don’t know if there was ever a good time to talk to her since coming back to Chicago, because it always ends the same way, and, if I’m being honest, I don’t know that I want to fucking talk to her ever again—I have a dandelion of peace in my life right now, and I don’t want to do anything to disturb it because I can’t fucking handle something going off the rails right now. But I see how it affects Sugar. I can’t make her stop wanting to fix things, and she just wants to fucking fix things with me and mom. She doesn’t mean to be twisting my arms with this, but my arms are being twisted. The fuck should I do?

You would’ve liked Darling. She’s sweet, kind, understanding. She listens. She listens to everything and she makes me feel important. She takes me seriously. She likes asking questions and learning more about what I do. I don’t think I’m a good teacher or anything, but it’s actually kind of nice being able to talk to someone who wants to know more and explain all this chicanery with being a chef and have them say they’re fucking proud of me.

I have a lot of questions, Mikey, but you’re never gonna be able to answer them. They drive me crazy. I’ve found a few pages in this journal that are covered in nonsensical scribbles, often to you, that I don’t remember writing. It’s starting to scare me.

Why did you leave me the restaurant?

Why did you push me out of it to begin with?

Why didn’t you tell me you were having problems?

Did you try telling me? Did I ignore the signs? Could I have done something? Did you tell anyone? Did everyone ignore the signs? Could any of us have done anything?

Miss you.

With love,

CB

[blackjack-15]

ep 5, and syd is in full syd mode! trying everything, going full speed ahead, spreading herself too thin

thank heaven tina's there to balance it a bit. but carmy where are you.

oh it's 1:30. i'm hoping carmy's in bed

"do you think it's too many ingredients?" "it seems a little busy, ma" "it's fine" SYD BABY

"i'm seeing now it's a lot" yeah honey XD

how you doing, ebra? you and the world's longest cigar?

THE KNIFE carmy babe you're so generous. people love you regardless of what you can give them, you know that, right?

(he does not know that)

cicero once again bringing up the story of complete and utter failure...once is an incident, twice is a coincidence....

"stall him!" "hey tim, you wanna see some magic?" fak is not in the same show as everyone else and thank heaven, the bear is a comedy

nat pulling out the manipulation tactics, richie's cackling in glee, and carmy's reaction? "that was f//king gross, sugar" -- beautiful illustration of how different the two siblings are. carmy's ruthless and clever, but he's a grinder -- he became as good as he is because he worked himself to the nub and ground himself down. natalie's more cunning, looking for ways to jump hoops without effort. it's a good combo for business

TINA'S ON FIRE ebra please come back

carmy so obviously trying to help nat out b/c she's pregnant is really cute. he's also getting better at trying to express himself!

the disconnect is with syd right now, and, well...yeah it's gonna be, that's where our conflict is coming from

HE'S TWO-BIRDSING CLAIRE??? mwahahhhahaha

(two-birdsing is when you do the whole two-birds-one-stone thing, but he's doing it instead of hanging out with her later that's hilarious. truly the stuff romantic dreams are made of, combining work with a 'date' so you don't have to do them separately)