#SORRY THIS IS SUCH LIKE A 1950s ABUSIVE HUSBAND THING

[paingoes]

really like that specific pose where someone is about to get backhanded. they don't even have to actually get slapped actually its better if they dont. just drawing the hand back in warning and having them shut up immediately. its good.

[divinum-pacis]

This is an opinion article by Thomas Reese.

Read below:

"Many people give up on religion when what they really need to do is change their image of God and how they relate to him. Too many people, when they grow older, give up on the God they learned about as children. What they really need to do is think about God in a more mature way. 

This can be a crisis of faith for many people, especially young people who can no longer relate to the God they learned about as children. Too often, priests will tell them that this is a temptation. They are told to have greater faith. Hold on to their God and don’t let go.

In truth, when someone is undergoing a crisis of faith, they may need to leave their old image of God for a new one. We need to change our understanding of God as we mature, just as we need to change our understanding of our parents as we mature.

Psychologists, like Erik Erikson, teach us that humans go through stages of development as they mature. The great Catholic mystics taught the same thing for centuries when they wrote of the purgative, contemplative and unitive ways. More recently, spiritual writers like James Fowler have used modern psychology to enrich our understanding of spiritual development.

My own simplified vision of spiritual development has three stages: turning away from sin, the practice of virtue and being embraced by God’s love. These stages are not airtight compartments but more a matter of emphasis. All our lives involve turning away from sin and practicing virtue, but the emphasis will be different as we mature.

Many of the greatest saints were first great sinners. They had to go through a conversion, reject sin, do penance and accept God’s mercy. Many Christian ministers put a great emphasis on this process, focusing on sin and the need for conversion in their preaching. Their God is a lawgiver and judge and sometimes even a policeman. God’s wrath will fall on sinners, but his mercy will come to those who turn away from sin.

Pentecostals, Baptists and conservative Catholics are good at challenging sinners and calling them to repent. This approach can be especially successful in dealing with prisoners and those with addictions.

Knowing that God is watching can also keep ordinary Christians from falling into sin. The fear of getting caught and punished keeps many people from doing wrong. We are like children who behave because we don’t want to be spanked.

The prayer life of a person at this stage of development is all about contrition, recognizing we are sinners and saying we are sorry. If we hear the parable of the prodigal son, we identify with  the prodigal and his brother, and how we are just like them. We spend a lot of time examining our conscience and listing all the sins we have committed in confession.

At this stage, God can sometimes come across as arbitrary and vindictive. When I was a child in the 1950s, we were taught that it was a mortal sin to eat meat on Friday or miss Mass on Sunday. Adolescents were told that they would go to hell if they enjoyed a “dirty thought.” Wives were told to stick with their husbands, even in cases of abuse.

For many, it seemed absurd to burn in hell alongside Hitler for eating a hamburger on Friday. This was a God who could be easily rejected.

At some point after turning away from serious sin, a Christian needs to move on from a focus on sin to a focus on the practice of virtue. If you are no longer a great sinner, it is time to move from the negative to the positive. We need to move from “How can I stop sinning?” to “How can I be a better Christian?” Scrupulosity is a sure sign that it is time to move on.

In this second stage of spiritual development, God is not so much a judge as a coach. We ask him for help to be a better Christian. He urges us on to greater and greater virtue. When we pray and read the Gospels, we don’t focus on sin, but on Jesus as the person we want to follow and imitate. “What can I do for the Lord?” “How can I be better?”

Most Christians spend most of their lives at this stage of spiritual development. We are not great sinners, but neither are we saints who practice the virtues perfectly. We try to be better but frequently fail. We don’t pray well, we don’t love as much as we should, we struggle and don’t seem to get better.

This can get tiresome after a while. The coach wants us to run faster, but we know we are never going to win a gold medal. We begin to resent the coach for asking too much of us.

At this stage of development, we are like a teenager trying to win someone’s love with the perfect clothes, hairstyle, makeup, conversation and social media. We are looking in the mirror all the time, not at the person we are with. By being good, we think we will earn God’s love.

In the third stage of spiritual development, we focus not on ourselves but on God. We look less at the prodigal son and his brother than at their father. Many Scripture scholars call the story the parable of the prodigal father because of the love that he showers upon his sons.

When we look at Jesus in the Gospels, we see someone who will not just tell us to stop sinning and follow him. Rather he is someone who is wonderful and who tells us about his Father, who is loving and compassionate. In this stage of development, we are not looking for sin or ways to be better; we are looking at the Scriptures to learn how awesome and wonderful God is.

I sometimes think that the hardest act of faith is not to believe a particular dogma but to believe that God loves us unconditionally, that above, behind and in the universe is a benevolent God.

In each stage of spiritual development, our prayer life is different. In the first stage it is mostly contrition (I am sorry), in the second stage it is mostly petition (help me) and in the third stage it is mostly thanksgiving and adoration (you are amazing).

To truly fall in love, we must forget ourselves and focus on the person in front of us. God is amazing and we give thanks to him for all that he has done for us. In the final stage of spiritual development, we fall in love. We aren’t good out of fear or to win God’s love; we are loving and kind because God has first loved us."

[alostlovergirl]

My perfect 1950s housewife- Bucky Barnes x reader

Summary: you're his perfect 1950s housewife and he was gonna keep it that way.

Warnings: slight manipulation, blood , pain, implied kidnapping, rape, non-con, forced pregnancy, abuse, toxic behaviors, misogyny, and abusive husband. Minors DNI.

I am not responsible for the media that you consume. Please this fic gets really dark and slightly violent.

I just wanted to leave desperately. My eye twitched from the black eye he gave me when I didn't make his dinner right. I pull at the chain keeping me at the stove, where all women belong. My body was exhausted from the constant nights of trying for kids. He always wanted kids and you dian't want kids, but I lost that fight a long time ago. I had given up because I was in pain.

The door slammed and I jumped. He was home. I started to shake as I tried to finish the steak faster, begging to whatever God there was to cook this fucking steak faster. “ Y/N.. Where is my dinner, dear. I am giving you a chance to bring me my dinner." he says in such a sickly sweet tone that it sounded completely fake. Did he forget that you were chained to the stove? Or did he do this on purpose, so he could punish you?

You are completely frozen in fear. What am I supposed to do? I can't move and he was going to hurt me again if I didn't bring him his food. I hear his footsteps coming into the kitchen. I feel his cool arms wrap around my waist. " doll? Did you not hear me?",it was such a shame because he sounded so kind, but he was such an asshole.

He presses soft kisses against my neck and chuckles. " you are letting our steaks burn, doll.", he speaks in such a degrading tone. It sends a shiver down my spine.

" please let me go. I won't tell anyone... "

" not this again, doll. I thought we got pass this." he pulls away, angry. He pulls out a ring of keys and unlocks the chain from the stove. He turns me around and stares at me with confusion. I had tears rolling down my face from fear running through my veins. " why are you crying, doll? I haven't done anything to you. All I did was give you that black eye, but you fucking deserved it. You were being a bad doll. "he says, tilting my head up. He gives me a warm smile, grabbing my face. He wipes my tears.

"you look so good in this new dress I bought you, doll.” he tries to change the subject.

" please. "

He sighs and picks me up, putting me over his shoulder and turning off the stove. "That's it, you are making me mad. I am trying to be nice to you and all you want to do is leave me." he walks upstairs holding me and I know what this means.

" no! Please! I'm sorry! I don't want to leave. I love you! Always have and always will!" I started struggling, crying. He just continued walking towards the room that he had raped me in over and over. I look around, trying to find anyway to escape his grasp. I try to knee him in the face, but I have done that so many times that he just grabs my knee.

" maybe a baby will make you appreciate me and the things I do for you." he grumbles and throws me on the bed as soon as he enters the room. He tosses me on the bed and I start crying, begging him to get off. He doesn't care as he rips my dress off. I thought he liked the dress, but he just wanted it off of me. He doesn't prep me, or even gives me a chance to think before he takes his belt off. He ties it on the headboard and ties my hands up. He wrapped his hand around my throat and slams into me, making me scream out.

" No No no! It hurts so much. Please stop!" he pounded into me dry. Blood started to coat my walls, wetting pussy in the most brutal way possible. He slapped my thigh and pushes deeper.

"say it. I want to hear you say it. Say you love me."

"I love you! I love you so much!I don't ever want to leave!!", I screamed, pulling on the restraints. The pain was unbearable and I knew it was coming. I knew he was going to impregnate me. It was gonna happen sooner or later and you weren't ready for kids. Bucky smacked me across the face.

"You are gonna listen to me, you are gonna do whatever I tell you, do you fucking understand me?" he asked as he started drilling my abused pussy. I nod, quickly and tried to pull away.

" I am gonna fill you with my damn kids. You. Are. My. Perfect. Housewife!” he punctuated every sentence with a painful thrust. It hurts so bad, and he wasn’t gentle at all. He pulled out and flipped me around, pushing my face into the pillow. I screamed into the silk pillowcase as he slammed right back in. I wanted to stop, but he just continued pounding into me with a care about my pain or feelings.

I started screaming for help and all he did was laugh at me because he knew that no one would hear me. He grabs my hair and yanked at it.

" you will wake up every day at 5am, take care of our children, wake me with breakfast, and do every chore in the house while I am at work and the kids at daycare. I don't care how tired you are, you will have dinner on the table by the time I I get home, and if you don’t… you will be punished. Do you understand?”he asks as he suffocates me in the pillow.

I nod and feel hot cum filling my abused pussy and he pulls out with a groan. I collapsed and puts a hand on my pussy. I pulled my hand away and saw dark blood mixed with cum.

I cried, curling up with a silk pillow pressed against my stomach.

Now, you were a few years into the future and you were a used, tired, abused housewife. Every morning at 5 am I struggle out of bed with my swollen belly. I wake up our girls, Belle and Samantha. Then I cook breakfast and with a forced smile on my face, I wake my husband.

He greeted by his bruised wife handing him a hot plate of food. He was happy, even if she wasn't happy.

Note: this is kinda short.

[stephenjaymorrisblog]

Lucky On the Homefront

Stephen Jay Morris

12/09/2023

©Scientific Morality.

It is grey and gloomy outside my house. The street is wet and tires splash as vehicles drive by. At night, while I sleep, I dream about what is now called, “The North Miracle Mile District.” I dream about the spring and summer days of my youth, about riding my bicycle, or the time I crashed my skateboard and almost cracked my head. I dream about the times I collected bottles and took them to the drug store for money. I’d watch mini bikers race in the empty Pan Pacific parking lot. I hung out at “Kosher Dog,” listening to the juke box while eating a Chile Dog with greasy fries, and gulping from a large, Dixie cup, full of crashed ice and Coke.  Los Angeles in the 1950’s and 1960’s, and even in the 70’s, was a quiet, semi-desert town by the sea. Yes, Los Angelenos had bragging rights about the weather. If it rained half an inch, Angelenos would…let’s say…over-react.

My favorite activity was walking the sidewalks in my neighborhood. Everyone had manicured, green lawns. There were plenty of parking spaces along the streets and room to move. Houses had individualistic, architectural designs. Sorry, there were no post-modern designs. There was a house designed by renowned architect, Frank Lloyd Wright, on Highland Avenue and Beverly Boulevard. That was the most outlandish. To me, I was in the center of the universe. My dad told me how lucky I was to be living in L.A. He actually declared, over and over again, how he had to walk to school, daily, in 12 inches of snow.

During the Vietnam war, when the military was bombing the shit out of innocent men, women, and children in their modest villages, the American military propagandists said the Vietcong was to blame. If you criticized the war, you were Anti-American. Israel is now saying the same thing about its ongoing attacks on Gaza; that their relentless bombing of civilians is Hamas’ fault. Anyone who criticizes Israel is antisemitic. Sound familiar? It sounds like an abusive husband who tells his battered wife, “Why did you make me hit you?!” What did I learn from these historical experiences? Technology may have changed over the decades, but history remains the same. It doesn’t matter who is fighting a war or the political bent it’s about, war is inhumane and unjustifiable.

During the Vietnam era, I was lucky to be in an upscale neighborhood. The nearest evidence of a war that was thousands of miles away, was on college campuses. Antiwar protests were about 10, maybe 7 miles away. My family had made it into this neighborhood by happenstance. I’m certainly glad we didn’t end up in a trailer park! To be completely honest, during my preteens, I was glad to be far from any war, though in 1965, the Watts riots came close. Then in 1993, a riot erupted in my parents’ neighborhood (I had long since moved away). My mom was oblivious to the nature of it, but rioters had set ablaze a well-known business, Sammy’s Camera Shop. I remember my mom saying to me on the phone, as she watched from her back door, “Oh, look at that!” as if she was looking at a painting in a museum. I told my mom to stay safe, and she replied, “I will.” Thankfully, nothing happened to her or my family.

And now, here I am in this bucolic area known as the Catskill Mountains. The wars in Ukraine and Gaza are far, far away. Protests opposing and supporting Israel occur hundreds of miles away. For all of this, I thank my lucky stars. Every time there is a political conflict, the last place you want to be is in a city.

I’m glad that my draft number never came up during the Vietnam war, I would have never survived. Not that I am a coward; I would do anything to protect my family. However, when my country is wrong, it is not an act of cowardice to not participate in its battles.  This country’s anti-communist hysteria of the ‘50s killed more American men than the Vietcong ever did.

There are no nuclear bombs in Heaven.

[shesay]

Yeah women can do whatever they want and be a stay at home wife. But I'm well within my rights to criticize it too. I've seen more than enough nonsense that happened to my mom, to her friends, to the women at the woman's program my mom used to go to, to know that being a house wife is such an insanely vulnerable position that's often taken advantage of.

You can become disabled and your husband leaves. He can steal your savings and marry a 16 year old in another country. He can block you from ever getting a job so you have to depend on him while also refusing to pay jack shit so he can bleed your savings dry. He can abuse you/rape you, he can cheat on you with multiple women and you can't leave because YOU have zero safety nets. There's a huge gap in your resume. You may not be as educated for what jobs require now vs what they did 20 years ago.

And even if all of that doesn't happen and it some how magically turns out okay. You're still isolated. Taking care of your kids, your infantile husband. No time for your friends or education or passions. You become a shell of your former self and when your picture perfect family structure falls apart you end up a hollow shell of your former self. You don't know who you are because you gave up yourself in order to constantly give to idiot shit bags who don't appreciate you.

And when you die. They won't remember you more outside of a "mother and wife".

What a miserable existence. And I've seen all of it happen irl.

Tradwives always act like "it'll never happen to them" men always say "don't marry a bad man" but they don't know that's what everyone says and they still end up in the same situation regardless. People change. People show different faces when they're at home/out in public.

Its so fucking ridiculous. People who preach about the ""good old days" forget about their grandmothers having secret savings and hiding her jewelry in case something bad happens. Or your mother hoping you'd be the first woman in the family to have a college degree. There is a reason!!!! They don't want their daughters to experience the same thing.

There is no "baking cute cakes all day" or fantasy feminine 1950s housewife dream. Its a lie. The sooner you wake up. The better.

Sorry about the rant but it needs to be said.

ur so brilliant literally.

[read-bi-lina]

My goal during pride month was to post solely about LGBTQ+ books throughout the month but that didn’t end up happening. Thankfully, pride isn’t for just a month so I still plan to share plenty of LGBTQ+ titles with you, starting now.

wlw historical fiction:

Carol (formerly titled The Price of Salt) by Patricia Highsmith: It’s not one of my favorites but I’m glad I read this book as it’s one of the classics for the LGBTQ genre and it’s based off the author’s own life. In the book, Therese begins to realize her lesbian identity when she meets Carol, who struggles to keep custody of her daughter as a queer woman in 1950s USA. TW: blackmail

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid: I expected to like this book but I underestimated just how much because when I finished it I literally gasped and said, “wow…that was such a good book… amazing”. I fell in love with it and I immediately knew I’d have to get my own physical copy for keeps. In the book, Monique struggles with her divorce and her career as a journalist. She wants to make a name for herself and the opportunity arises when Evelyn Hugo, an actress from Hollywood’s golden age, requests an interview with her and only her. Monique is confounded because until then, Evelyn’s had a reputation for being recluse and refusing to speak with the press. During the interview, Monique learns about Evelyn’s seven husbands, her bisexual awakening, and even something about herself. TW: domestic violence/domestic abuse, alcohol abuse/drug abuse, misogyny/sexism, sexual harassment/sexual assault, death/grief, homophobia/queermisia, threatened outing/forced outing, blackmail/manipulation

Last Night at the Telegraph Club by Malinda Lo: This book was real and beautiful. I had to buy a physical copy to add to my bookshelf. The story follows a Chinese American teenage girl living in 1950s Chinatown San Francisco as she discovers her lesbian identity and dreams of a future in the space program. It tackles family trauma, lost friendships, stereotypes, and the struggles of the queer community in 1950s USA. This book is a must-read, go check it out. TW: homophobia/lesbophobia, queermisia, racism/xenophobia, deportation/threat of deportation, death/loss

wlw sports fiction:

(Can someone pleaseee write a wlw romance centered around ice hockey??)

She Drives Me Crazy by Kelly Quindlen: I’m not crazy about this book (sorry, I had to). The story follows Scottie, a high school basketball player struggling to get over her ex, who she just loses the first game of the season to. When Scottie feels like things can’t get worse for her she gets into a fender bender with the head cheerleader, Irene, in the school parking lot. Now she must give Irene lifts until her car is repaired and, oh yeah, did I forget to mention they can’t stand each other? Despite the fact, Scottie comes up with a plan to make her ex jealous and get her back: pretend to date Irene. Warning: stop reading if you don’t want spoilers! This book was ok, I didn’t dislike it but I just couldn’t fall in love with it. It follows the enemies-to-lovers trope but I thought the enemies part lasted longer than the getting to know each other and fall for each other part. It just seemed like it didn’t take much for them to fall in love and yet I wasn’t convinced the chemistry was there. There were some cute parts in the book but I thought the grand gesture Scottie does for Irene at the end was cheesy. It was too much. What I think the author meant to be a cute scene for the readers to gush over was just cringeworthy to me.

Like Other Girls by Britta Lundin: I was a little worried I wasn’t going to like this book but I was pleasantly surprised. It’s about Mara, an athletic teenager who gets kicked off her high school basketball team after she hits her teammate. For her coach to reconsider her spot on the team Mara must prove she can be part of a team again. She tries out for the school’s volleyball team before she ultimately decides that volleyball is too “girly” for her and she tries out for the football team instead. Because, why not? She’s good at it, she enjoys it, and she likes being around guys better than girls. Little did she know the impact she would have for becoming the first girl on the team. I thought this book would be all about bashing femme girls, and it does start off that way. But let me tell you, I showed up for the character development and Mara (or Britta Lundin rather) delivered. Mara’s story also includes her struggle with her family’s acceptance (or lack thereof) of her identity and interests, as well as a disingenuous friendship. TW: sexual harassment, sexism and intolerance

Home Field Advantage by Dahlia Adler: Author of Cool for the Summer, Dahlia Adler does it again. Amber is a closeted high school cheerleader who dreams of becoming head cheerleader and Jaq Jack, short for Jaqueline, is the out and proud new girl in school. Oh, and she’s also the new quarterback after the last QB passed away. Amber is one of two people accepting of the change and while she’s supposed to be helping her squad and the football team to sabotage Jack, the two of them get close. Amber then questions what she cares about more, being head cheerleader and keeping her identity a secret, or Jack. TW: death/grief, sexism, bullying, homophobia/queermisia, threatened outing/blackmail

Catch and Cradle by Katia Rose: After a messy breakup that somehow effected her whole lacrosse team, Becca comes up with an idea in order to prevent history from repeating itself; an unofficial rule that teammates can’t date. But then Hope joins the team and the two find it harder and harder to resist the notion that maybe rules are meant to be broken. I thought Hope and Becca had good chemistry and the representation in this book doesn’t stop at sexual orientation or gender identity, because Hope struggles with dyslexia. However, this book also has unnecessary drama and fondue level cheesiness.

Queer contemporary romance series:

Ashley Blake Herring vs Alexandria Bellefleur, whose work do I prefer?

Easy. Blake takes the cake with Delilah Green Doesn’t Care. Her next additions, Astrid Parker Doesn’t Fail and Iris Kelly Doesn’t Date haven’t been released yet but I’m immensely excited for them. I love Delilah Green Doesn’t Care so much I’m proud to have my own paperback copy sitting on my bookshelf. I plan to write more in-depth about the series as the next two books drop. They have big shoes to fill so hopefully I love them as much as (or better yet, even more than) the first in the series!

When reading Alexandria Bellefleur’s series, I accidentally skipped her second book, Hang the Moon. I got confused and I thought that was her third book but that’s actually Count Your Lucky Stars, which I did read. When I realized my mistake, I decided not to read Hang the Moon because I already knew how it ended after reading the books out of order. I also lost the desire to finish the series because I didn’t love the other two books. That’s not to say I disliked Written in the Stars or Count Your Lucky Stars. There were parts in both I enjoyed (more so in Count Your Lucky Stars, except for an unnecessary fight) and I did love the depicted friendships, but overall they didn’t leave me with the desire to add them to my bookshelf.

That’s it for now but I’ll be back to post more recommendations/reviews on other titles. In the meantime, please let me know if I’ve left out any important trigger warnings or if you have any recommendations for me in these genres. Thank you!

[lariskapargitay]

Headcanons/Deleted Scenes for Waiting To Get Rid of a Miracle

Dolores & César were originally gonna move to New York for a (non soccer) job he was taking bc I’m American and I know my country better than England … but I also know my countries history better as well…. And I thought about it for a second… and a Black girl intentionally moving to the US in 1950 (where her marriage wouldn’t even be legal in most states and Pepa & Felix sure as shit wouldn’t ever come visit for the same reasons) is not a good idea. So yeah, that’s why they went to London so he could play soccer instead.

The bath scene between Pepa and Diego was gonna be a lot different. She originally was going to close her eyes, imagine Félix and get it over with when he wanted sex, starting to cry midway through and he just doesn’t care or notice. And that would have been the sexual assault moment instead of the drunken more typical sexual assault scene.

Diego was gonna be inappropriate with Dolores. Like not explicit or obvious or obnoxious, but JUST enough that Dolores is uncomfortable and he’s just talking to her and touching her and just treating her in no way like how a step father shouldn’t do to their step daughter, but then that would have been a ‘fuck that, don’t care, get tf out’ moment for Pepa. Her kids being scared or upset bc of what’s happening to her is one thing but one of her kids being hurt and someone being inappropriate with her daughter directly? 1000% nogo.

Félix was gonna take Pepa to the ballet when Diego bails on her after he has to go to work. He also got a ticket, she was going to just go by herself, they meet up. It would have been sweet and genuine and sweet and led to the scene of Félix and Pepa when she takes the trash out.

Bruno was originally going to somehow but not really but somewhat know that Pepa wasn’t part of that world. But me and my beta both decided that it would be better if he was just like ‘oh you’re from an alternate universe where everyone has magic powers and wanna get back there? Cool.’

Pepa was originally gonna go with Diego after the big fight but I thought y’all deserved one chapter of just good things

Pepa originally wasn’t going to have any physical marks or scars left over from Diego’s abuse in the ‘real world’. But I liked the idea of her being bruised and then not disappearing a LOT and Félix having even more proof that SOMETHING happened to her.

Félix wasn’t originally gonna die, but I had to have SOMETHING big enough to trigger her going ‘I’m sorry, Pedro, I can’t do this’. Bc that’s what she essentially did, trade Pedro’s life for her old one. Then for a bit it was going to be Camilo who died but Félix dying didn’t necessarily hit harder, but all the aftermath would have been a lot different bc, obviously , she wouldn’t have been able to reunite with Camilo the way she would have with Félix and I liked the husband/wife aspect more than the mother/son

Up until basicslly I posted it, she was supposed to immediately go back after she slept at the River. For the LONGEST time, up until the chapter was posted, Pedro was going to meet her at the river and talk to her there. But I couldn’t figure out how to get him there without it sounding convoluted so that’s why they had their final talk in the bedroom where he basically gives her ‘permission’ to kill him off and why the River didn’t work, she had to have that final talk with Pedro.

Pedro would have known SOMETHING was going to happen at the river with Pepa, bc you can’t go to the place of your death and you’re a few minutes away from not existing anymore and not feel SOMETHING. But either way he’s perfectly 100% okay with it, bc he knows somehow, this is going to make his family okay again, this is going to protect his child, and that was all he wanted

Ricarda married a super sweet amazing fantastic guy in the Encanto who helps her heal from Diego’s abuse. She and her son son are happy and Tomas is Antonio’s bestie.

Ceśar eventually gets together with a leggy dance studio owning milf, Aurora gets a hot young soccer stud and they move to England together (although Aurora would be lying if she didn’t think that man with the strange red headed wife was fucking HOT, and he was on her mind for a while).

Sofía was made co-owner of the new salon that Dona Lopez opens, which became one of the best in Bogata. They name it ‘Pepa’s’ after the mysterious benefactor who gave them the start up

Diego never married again. People literally flinch and can’t stand to look at his scars that he doesn’t even really take care of so they grow even fouler and pus riddled for a while from the infection. He still has nightmares about the red headed woman who the police never found. He cannot forget what he did to her. Several miserable years of being alone later he gets super drunk one night, stumbles out of the bar where he’s just known as the old angry drunk with no friends and no job, gets hit by a bus and dies.

Pepa still has nightmares too. Sometimes she’ll wake up in the dark thinking he’s standing over her, and she’ll start crying and shaking. Or she’ll imagine she’s holding Felix’s dead body in her arms. Félix holds her tight until she’s okay again, before he, without a word, goes and turns on the shower for her, occasionally getting in with her not for sexitiems, but just to hold her and let her know she’s safe, that their world is real, that Diego can’t ever touch her again. Félix knows not to kiss or touch her face on those days. She never tells anyone else what happened to her and her family respects her enough not to ask. She’s terrified that Diego will somehow find the Encanto, even knowing it would be nearly impossible. One day, as if by magic, there’s a newspaper clipping that appears one day out of the blue. It’s a small little article about a drunken man who wondered in front of a car and died coming out of the bar along with a mugshot of a heavily scarred disheveled Diego

She rolls her eyes at something Félix says that night and doesn’t feel fear for the first time in years.

[transhawks]

People hate Natsuo for being mad at Endeavor? If it's justified for other characters to resent Endeavor and they're not annoying for hating him, why is Natsuo annoying all of a sudden? Like that person said, he's actually trying to avoid him and even if he was hostile and extremely angry, he has every right to do so.

I didn’t even realize who it was when I rbed but it’s the same endev stan I complained about a few weeks ago. Her views are noxious and extreme and she’s very socially conservative clearly so I just don’t even think this view is more than a few fringe people including her. I rather not even waste time on her anymore, I’m just going to hope she never has kids tbh.  As to Natsuo, let’s talk about how complex his situation is. Out of all the representations of abuse and how to deal with it, Natsuo is in my opinion, one of the most common ways abuse gets dealt with. He’s the no contact (or trying to be) option, and surprise surprise - when dealing with abusive parents, that’s one of the most common and recommended options. Natsuo’s attempts at going NC are unsuccessful, of course, but that’s important because NC is very, very hard, especially in cultures that put large emphasis on familial bonds and filial piety. Additionally, according to how Japanese families traditionally have worked, both in the ie system and koseki system, Natsuo has far more pressure than Fuyumi or Shouto. Let me explain: While we have a concept of Eldest Daughter syndrome, and to some extent that has played out in the Todoroki family with Fuyumi being the one delegated feeding the family when the maid retired and Rei was institutionalized, this view misses the important factor that Eldest sons play in families. As in, the person who inherits the household (and the family as an institution itself) and the duty of taking care of the elderly parents as they age is the Eldest son, traditionally. If there is no son, then that duty falls to the Eldest Daughter’s husband (Nao Shimura’s parents an example of the son-in-law doing as tradition expects and inviting the elderly parents to live with them). In much of the world, the nuclear family is a very recent thing only really dating back to the 1950s, and isn’t as common as portrayed in media, especially Western Anglo media. While it’s debatable of how much of this is a good thing due to elder abuse, the vast majority of elderly Japanese people live in multi-generational residences, still with their children and grandchildren. So, what does this mean? One, Touya would have grown up with the societal pressure of being the Eldest son. Meaning his need to be acknowledged by his father wasn’t just due to his father being a hero and being surrounded by it: it was also the expectation that above all the children, the Todoroki ‘Family’ would be his to continue and lead one day. That when Enji and Rei were older, it would be on his shoulders to take care of them and lead the “family”. This would require a separate discussion but I don’t think we can discuss Touya and Enji without also looking into Japanese masculinity and fatherhood, at least not holistically.   Natsuo likely got that role when Touya died. In the back of his head, even with the clear preference for Shouto Enji shows, there must have been some sort of understanding that Endeavor could very much choose Natsuo to inherit that aspect. And if not, it’s still likely Rei would have ended up Natsuo’s responsibility. Enji is typically a traditionalist, or at least is portrayed to be. However, I do think the step of building another house was important in terms of family dynamic. It was, in my view, Enji taking himself out of the equation. Acknowledging that whoever bears the Torodoki mantle, they won’t have to deal with Enji himself. If I can give Enji props, it’ll be in that one thing; I read his actions as him reaffirming that regardless of primogeniture, not one of the children will be expected to take care of their abuser until his death.  So, back to talking about no-contact. Natsuo, amidst societal and sibling pressure, has to walk the fine line of wanting to be in contact with siblings (one who is, sorry to say, enabling in terms of contact, and the other who is still a dependent minor) and not wanting contact with Enji. He’s in the tough place of having to be around an abuser who he doesn’t want to be in contact with because the people he

loves are around him. Of course that would cause frustration! If Natsuo’s way of dealing with his anger and trauma is to distance, not being able to do so means there’s no way for him to process it. So, yeah, I think we really should cut Natsuo some slack. Or a lot of it. He’s broken down over how much pressure he feels to have to forgive and let Enji back into his life by just being around Shouto and Fuyumi, and feels guilty over the fact he can’t let it go. But we have to acknowledge that means Natsuo hasn’t been able to process the way he wants to. He can’t heal without distance, but at the moment, he can’t get the distance he wants. And even then, dealing with abuse takes years. Natsuo has been in school for a year or two - he’s barely had time away from the family. And no contact, again, is very common as a tactic. I’ve had a therapist express surprise that I am not attempting NC as it’s what he recommended in cases like mine. Search reddit boards focusing on toxic/abusive parenting and there’s constant discussions of going NC. I genuinely am surprised someone can look at Natsuo and think he’s strange or odd or annoying for what I see as an extremely common reaction. But having that view of him requires not having sympathy for survivors, so, really, it’s hard to understand the views of someone that heartless. I wouldn’t bother to try and get them either. 

[alexsfictionaddiction]

‘She overcame everything that was meant to destroy her.’

Women are truly incredible creatures. We have spent centuries being overlooked, downtrodden and dismissed. In some respects, we have come a long way in terms of gender equality but there are still many recent occurrences which remind us of how far we have to go. 

So many female illnesses take years to diagnose or aren’t taken seriously enough when they are. Women are still having to justify why they chose not to have children. We’re still working with a pay gap. Some women aren’t considered to be women because of the body parts they were born with or without. There are still places in the world where women simply don’t and never will have the opportunities to live life on their own terms. Despite all this, we’re still out in the world making and doing amazing things and looking beautiful while doing them. 

This recommendation list is really a collection of books that celebrate women, their courage, their friendships and their choices. It’s pretty varied in terms of genre and style, so I’m pretty sure you’ll find at least one book here that piques your interest. Keep being your fierce, unstoppable self and honour your girls today. -Love, Alex x

1. Dangerous Women by Hope Adams.

In 1841, 180 English women are on board The Rajah, a ship bound for Australia. All of them are criminals, most of them convicted of petty crimes but one of them has a deadly dark secret. Then someone is killed and the hunt for the culprit is on. But it’s hard to protest your innocence when you’ve already been found guilty. This addictive mystery is so well-researched and is based on the true stories of real female criminals aboard The Rajah. There is an overwhelming, stifling darkness, haunting the whole novel that is so atmospheric and reflective of conditions on board. It’s a story of sisterhood, female friendship and the existence of the Rajah Quilt is an example of the incredible feats that women can overcome if they work together. 

2. Moxie by Jennifer Mathieu.

Viv is tired of following the rules at her high school and is determined to shake things up. Channelling her mum’s former punk persona, Viv creates and secretly distributes a feminist zine to her classmates, who start to take action. Cliques are abandoned as new friendships are formed and a revolution kicks off. The real sweetness about this gutsy, fierce YA novel is the fact that talking about the daily trials and tribulations that girls go through brings them together rather than divides them. There are some fantastic characters and the inclusion of male allies is everything.

3. Queenie by Candice Carty-Williams.

After a disastrous break up, British-Jamaican millennial Queenie embarks on a journey, riddled with bad choices, to discover what she really wants from life. Straddling two cultures, a job where she is perpetually underappreciated and an underlying mental health condition, Queenie is a relatable depiction of what it means to be a young, Black woman in 21st century London. Funny, honest and deeply moving, Queenie is an essential enlightening read with a wonderfully flawed, real woman at its heart.

4. Hag: Forgotten Folktales Retold.

Inspired by British urban myths, this collection of spooky, fantastical stories by various female authors celebrates women in all of their guises. These stories are written by the likes of Daisy Johnson, Kirsty Logan, Irenosen Okojie, Eimear McBride and more. Some of the stories are very dark. Some of them offer powerful insights into other cultures. Some of them explore inherently female issues such as the repression of desire and motherhood. Overriding the whole collection is the wonder and power of women defying the odds and achieving their dreams. A fantastically unique read, ideal for International Women’s Day.

5. My Grandmother Asked Me To Tell You She’s Sorry by Fredrik Backman.

When Elsa’s grandmother dies, she discovers a series of letters apologising to the various people she has wronged. Elsa’s mission to deliver these letters leads to some strange places and a journey that leads to getting to know her grandmother in a way she never did, when she was alive. The relationship between seven-year-old Elsa and her grandmother is so beautiful and I’m sure I’ll never read another grandmother-granddaughter relationship like it. Granny is a truly formidable character and a woman who has left behind a very full, colourful life. Backman is a master at writing quirky, uplifting stories of community and this charming novel is no different.

6. Kim Jiyoung, Born 1982 by Cho Nam-Joo.

Kim Jiyoung has recently given up work to raise her baby daughter but before long, she begins displaying strange symptoms, such as impersonating the voices of other women. As her psychosis deepens, Jiyoung’s entire life is spilled to her male psychiatrist and it’s a life of restriction, abuse and control. This incredibly evocative book is a harrowing illustration of the misogyny ingrained deep in Korean culture and the devastating effects it can have on the women who live within it. A woman on the brink of insanity speaks for them all in this heavily symbolic, heartbreaking read.

7. The Shelf by Helly Acton.

Amy is pretty sure that Jamie is about to propose, so she is more than shocked to find herself on The Shelf, a reality TV show for single women. Over the next few weeks, she and five other women must take on challenges to improve themselves and be crowned ‘The Keeper’. The Shelf is a joyful celebration of singledom and female friendship. Funny and heartwarming, it inspires its readers to never settle for second best and discover life and yourself, completely on your own terms.

8. Invisible Women by Caroline Criado-Perez.

The world is made for men. Cars, phones, the medical industry, workplace laws and more areas of modern society largely ignore women. This fantastically informative manual exposes all the data biases that have been hidden from us. Caroline Criado-Perez has collated stories and case studies from across the globe that show how women’s lives and health are affected by our male-minded world and calls for drastic change.

9. A Kind of Spark by Elle McNicoll.

Addie has autism but she is so much more than that. When she learns of her hometown’s involvement in witch trials, she launches a campaign to erect a memorial for the women who died during them. This gorgeous, uplifting, funny middle-grade book offers a unique insight into a neurodivergent mind and simultaneously honours innocent, murdered women. You’ll get all the feels!

10. Olive by Emma Gannon.

Olive’s choice to not be a mother has ended her nine year relationship and her three best friends are all at various stages of motherhood. So, where will Olive fit into their lives now? This wonderfully sensitive and thoughtful novel is a wonderful celebration of women who are child-free by choice as well as giving voice to those who have struggled to become mothers. It will speak to any woman who has ever been asked when they’re going to take the leap into that ‘inevitable’ stage of a female life -motherhood.

11. The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid.

Evelyn Hugo is a retired Hollywood icon who has personally chosen struggling, unknown reporter Monique to dictate her biography to. No one knows why, not even Monique herself. Over a series of intimate meetings, Evelyn tells Monique her story; from her rise to fame in the 1950s LA to her retirement 30 years later and the myriad of romances throughout that time. In time, it becomes clear that Evelyn’s and Monique’s lives intertwine in a heartbreaking fashion. Soaring, epic and completely unforgettable, Evelyn Hugo is the story of a woman who was consistently objectified, moulded and suppressed. Ultimately, it is a story of a great forbidden love and the hell that fame can bring, especially for women.

12. The Year of the Witching by Alexis Henderson.

Imannuelle’s mixed heritage is sacrilege in the tiny, puritanical community in which she lives. So she does her best to obey the rules and worship the Father. However, she finds herself in the haunted Darkwood where the spirits of murdered witches roam but they have a gift for Immanuelle -her dead mother’s journal, which leads to her discovering the dark truths behind the community she was born into. This atmospheric, brooding fantasy-horror novel champions the overthrowing of control, the discovery of one’s own inner power and capabilities as well as demonstrating how women have been villified by the patriarchy for centuries, simply for leading the lives that they want to lead. An addictive, Gothic witchy treat!

[ourloveisforthelovely]

The Fall 4

Harry Potter AU

Pairings: Sirius Black x Reader 

Link to Chapter 3

Rating: M

_______

“Y/n, don’t do it. She isn’t worth it.”

Sirius said carefully as he followed you through Kings Cross. All he could see was the disaster waiting to happen!

“She needs to hear it! She is a horrible toad of a woman and has personally offended me.”

Sirius glanced over his shoulder at James, who looked as nervous as he did. All he could see was your little 5’3 self storming up to his intimidating mother and telling her exactly what you thought of her! Sirius was ready to grab you, if need be, and vanish. Between James and himself, they could get you away before the sparks started flying.

The moment Walburga Black came into view, Sirius was pleading with you to just go another direction. He also knew telling you not to do something worked about as well as baptizing a cat. Once that you had something in your head, he needed to be ready to pick up the pieces. Typically Sirius didn’t mind. He was always ready to scoop you out of whatever mess your feisty temper got you into, however, his mother was another story.

“Mrs. Black?”

Walburga knew who you were. Y/n Potter was no secret to the Black family. Walburga knew that you had been with her son for over 2 years now and was probably part of the reason he went around the twist.

“What do you want, child? Haven’t you ruined my life and family enough?”

Walburga said, rolling her eyes. You didn't back down as so many people did when Walburga’s cold eyes fell on them.

“No, you’re done that yourself. How dare you hurt Sirius the way you have! You should be ashamed of yourself for being an abusive cold monster!”

Sirius quickly wrapped his arms around your waist. If Walburga cared for him at all, she wouldn't attack you while in his arms. Sure, it was a long shot but he couldn’t risk you being harmed.

“Stay out of things that you don’t understand. Sirius is no son of mine.”

You were trembling in Sirius’ arms as he hissed at you to calm down.

“I totally understand that you are a psychopath and I am thrilled that I won’t have to deal with you as my mother in law! You don’t have to worry about your son. I’ll give him the love that he deserves and that you are incapable of giving…”

Sirius’ eyes snapped open. He hadn’t had that dream in a long time. It seemed since Harry and yourself arrived a few days before; you were not leaving Sirius’ mind at all.

When Sirius tried to move, he became aware that he wasn’t alone. Looking down quickly, his mouth dropped seeing you draped across him. Your face was snuggled against his shoulder while your left arm was thrown across his chest.

“What did I do last night?”

Sirius thought as he tried to think about the previous evening. The conversation with you slowly replayed through his mind.

“You can kiss me all you want tomorrow.”

If you wanted nothing to do with him that would be one weird statement to make. Sirius slowly turned on his side before you wiggled right back against his chest. He slowly reached down and stroked his finger over your cheek.

Your hazel eyes fluttered open slowly. To Sirius’ relief, you didn’t jump and try to bolt from the room. Instead, you actually smiled at him. It had to be the most beautiful smile that he had seen in a long time too!

“I would ask what we did last night but we both have clothes on.”

Sirius said with a small grin. You smiled again.

“You were super drunk and arguing with your mother’s picture. Me getting in bed to cuddle you was the only thing that would shut you up.

Sirius rolled his eyes. That sounded like himself!

“You know that I’m a needy drunk. Does that promise of getting to kiss you anytime I want still stand?”

He was surprised when you leaned forward and pushed your lips to his. Sirius wanted to kiss you longer. When you pulled away, it took all he had not to protest.

“That should answer your question”

You replied with a shy smile.

“What changed your mind?”

Sirius asked out of curiosity. The day before, you were adamant that you would not take him back now you were in his bed offering kisses. Your hazel eyes rolled back to his.

“I don’t want to hold onto the bad parts of our past anymore. You’re here...I’m here. It's the way things are supposed to be.”

“Y/n, about what you told me...the way I acted...you didn’t deserve that. I’m sorry that you had to go through all of that alone. I should have stayed home that morning that I went after Peter like you asked. I was so angry…”

Sirius knew that he should have said more but the pounding in his head made finding all of the right words difficult. He was relieved when you seemed pleased with his apologies.

“I was angry that day too. Not at you, but at Peter. I also knew that there was no sense in arguing with you that morning. I knew that you were going to kill him and as bad as it sounds…I didn’t mind. I’m sorry that I bought into the whole narrative that you spread around. I know you better than that. I can’t even give you an excuse…”

Sirius shook his head.

“I don’t need one. Love, we were young. It was so easy to buy into anything in those days. You had just lost your parents then James and Lily...you were grieving and not in the right state. When I got out of Azkaban, I wanted to come to you right away! I wanted to come to you and just see your beautiful face...but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to risk you being harmed and at the time I had no way to care for you the way that I am supposed to.”

You pressed your lips together feeling the tears beginning to well up again

“I think that was one reason why I have been so hostile. I was hurt that you didn’t come after me. I thought that you didn’t care.”

Sirius frowned before reaching out, wiping some of the tears away from your cheeks.

“Didn’t care? Sweetheart, I cared very much. I wanted to make sure that I had some way to take care of you properly...be the husband that you deserved.I also wanted to get my hands on Pettigrew. That kind of went to hell though.”

You smiled. Sirius had grown up! When all of this had happened, he was still your rebel bad boy. You had been the responsible one in the relationship while Sirius was still “having fun.”

You reached out kissing him again.

“Sirius, I want you to listen to me. We are going to get him. He’s going to suffer for what he did and you’ll truly be a free man.”

You let your lips linger near his as you spoke. Sirius’ dark eyes locked with yours. This was the first time that he really resembled the man that you loved so much. He could drive you crazy but you had missed that smile!

“As long as you know that I am innocent that is enough for me now.”

Sirius pulled you into the first long meaningful kiss that the two of you had shared in a long time. You winced when Sirius’ hand closed around your injured one. Sirius quickly snapped his eyes open and looked down at your bandaged hand.

“What happened?”

You shrugged.

“I kind of got hit with a curse. You should see the other guy. He definitely came off worse.”

Sirius shook his head.

“We’ll need to get something on it. I mean it when I said that I can take care of Harry and yourself. You don’t have to keep putting yourself in danger.”

You slowly sat up enough to straddle his lap.

“I have been putting myself in danger since we were kids. It's hard to turn that off, love.”

Sirius had to admit that you were right. Both of you had a habit of getting into dangerous hobbies and activities.

“At least think about it.I don’t want to lose you when I’ve just gotten you back.”

You smiled as he leaned down for another kiss.

“So when does the horny boy that used to make me late for class show up?”

Sirius chuckled.

“I suppose the same could be said for the girl that wanted it as much as I did. You’re such a pain in my dick and ass.”

You pushed Sirius on his back before leaning down.

“That’s why you are crazy about me.”

You quickly got out of bed leaving Sirius booking after you with a lust-filled expression. He lit a cigarette before leaning back.

“Your dirty boy is right here. You are the one that got up. I’ve still got it.”

You smirked.

“Oh darling, I’m sure you do but your godson is probably awake now. He goes back to school in a day. I think that you can keep it in your pants until then”

Sirius inhaled before standing up.

“Doesn't mean that I can’t kiss you all that I want. You promised me after all…”

He gave you that cocky little girl that melted your heart. Sirius knew how to use his looks to his advantage with you and clearly that didn’t change.

“Want to go piss my mother’s painting off a bit?”

You didn’t know exactly what he had planned but the idea was tempting. Even though the painting would just screech like a banshee maybe Walburga burning down in hell would get the message.

“Sirius Black, what are you doing?

He gave you an eyebrow wiggle before taking your hand and leading you down the hallway.

You could hear Walburga screaming as the two of you walked down the stairs. Sirius smirked as he moved the curtains away from the portrait. The moment that Walburga saw Sirius she started her whole your no son of mine and blood traitor lines. Sirius glanced back at you before holding out a hand.

“Mum, want to watch something?

Sirius quickly pulled you to him before titling you backward in some 1950’s style kiss. Walburga’s eyes almost popped out of her head as she started screeching louder and louder.

“This painting is getting out of control…”

Remus’ voice came from the kitchen and stopped the moment that he walked to the living room seeing you in Sirius’ arms. This was the last thing that he was expecting! The night before the two of you were barely talking now you were both kissing like the world was ending!

“I see the two of you are doing much better.”

Sirius almost dropped you hearing Remus’ voice for the first time He was in a world totally of his own. Sirius quickly lifted you back up before meeting his friend’s gaze.

“Yeah, Moony it sure looks that way.”

Remus sighed. Something told him that this was going to end badly. While part of him was more than happy to see his best friends back together; the sensible side said this needed to be approached slowly. Judging by the fact the two of you were making out in front of \Walburga’s photo so quickly...slow most likely wasn’t going to happen!

“Y/n, can I talk to Sirius alone for a moment?”

You glanced between the two knowing that this wasn’t going to be pretty.

“Remus, I think that I should stay...to moderate whatever is about to happen.”

Sirius patted your bottom before shaking his head.

“It's alright, love. Nothing is going to happen. I'll be in there with you shortly.”

You carefully looked between the two once more before turning and walking into the kitchen.

Sirius waited until you were out of the room before turning back to Remus.

“What?”

Remus sighed, shaking his head.

“The two of you need to slow down.”

Sirius rolled his eyes before lighting another cigarette.

“Remus, calm down and take off your mum apron. You act like Y/n and I have never been together. What is so wrong with the two of us wanting to be happy, huh?”

Remus crossed his arms over his chest.

“Nothing is wrong with it...I just think the two of you need to slow this down. The two of you aren’t the kids that you used to be.”

Sirius glanced over his shoulder.

“Y/n and I will be just fine. We were before and we will…”

Remus nodded.

“That’s right….before. You have both changed a lot from when the two of you were together last.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. What was Remus getting at? Where was this sudden hostility coming from?

“Remus, stay out of it.”

Sirius turned to walk after you. Remus was silent for a moment before deciding that he needed to speak up.

“And if she gets pregnant again? What happens if you get caught and hauled back to Azkaban? Are you really waiting to risk making Y/n a potential single mother again because you can’t keep your hands off of her? Sirius, I knew that she was pregnant before. She didn’t have to tell me. I figured it out and had to watch her suffer. I am sick of playing the dumb guy that is clueless to everything. Having another child won’t replace the one that was lost.”

Sirius was silent for a moment before turning back to his friend.

“Then don’t be the dumb guy.”

Sirius turned and left Remus alone in the living room with only Walburga Black’s screeching voice with company.

____

@lilulo-12

@hawkeyeharrington

@brokencasbutt67-writer

@authoressskr

@fandom-trash-worth-it

@hankypranky

@summer-novak

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@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts

@untoldshortsofthefandoms

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@deanwherescas

[worldmadeofwordsnbooks]

Originally Published ~ 13th June 2017

Page Count ~ 400

Publisher ~ Atria Publishing Group

Genre ~ Historical Fiction, LGBT Literature.

Nominations ~ The Globe and Mail called it “a cinematic tale with hardscrabble roots,              

                          staggering highs and sickening lows.”

                           Goodreads Choice Awards Best Historical Fiction

                           Audie Award for Multi-voiced Performance

      Finalist for Book of the Month‘s Book of the Year award in 2017.

 BLURB: (According to Goodreads) Aging and reclusive Hollywood movie icon Evelyn Hugo is finally ready to tell the truth about her glamorous and scandalous life.

When she chooses unknown magazine reporter Monique Grant for the job, no one in the journalism community is more astounded than Monique herself. Why her? Why now? Monique is not exactly on top of the world. Her husband, David, has left her, and her career has stagnated. Regardless of why Evelyn has chosen her to write her biography, Monique is determined to use this opportunity to jumpstart her career.

Summoned to Evelyn’s Upper East Side apartment, Monique listens as Evelyn unfurls her story: from making her way to Los Angeles in the 1950s to her decision to leave show business in the late 80s, and, of course, the seven husbands along the way. As Evelyn’s life unfolds—revealing a ruthless ambition, an unexpected friendship, and a great forbidden love—Monique begins to feel a very a real connection to the actress. But as Evelyn’s story catches up with the present, it becomes clear that her life intersects with Monique’s own in tragic and irreversible ways.

MY REVIEW:

I wanted to mourn over the book and the characters, well, not all of them but few which include: Monique Grant, Evelyn Hugo, and Celia St. James and Harry Connor.

Especially over Evelyn Hugo for whatever she went through, for all those things she did for her loved ones and yes she did know that she is not a good person (for me she was an amazing person) but she was still ready to do anything for them.

__________

This book was not at all how I expected it to be!

It seems like yesterday when my friend and I were making a little fun about having seven husbands and how life of Evelyn might be.

There were times when I thought the book is little long, slow paced and it’s taking time but well, I loved it anyways. The book only got interesting as I was going on. I didn’t feel like stopping at all!

This is the book which broke me, broke my heart, touched me in a way no book has, bought me to near tears and should I say taught me so much as well.

I never thought the book would be about a heroine who would suffer so much, who would go to such extent just for those whom she loves without caring about hurting others because that’s the only thing that could help them live.

From getting married to someone for fame, to being in an abusive marriage, and also getting married to a gay being bisexual herself so that people don’t get suspicious. Evelyn has set an example for so many of us that what does matter is doing the right thing for our loved ones even if others consider it wrong. The reason for the same is that you can live your life without other things probably but not without your loved ones. You’ll always regret the time you wasted instead of actually spending time with them.

I liked Evelyn’s relationship with Celia and Harry the most. Celia the love of her life and Harry their best friend. What she would have not done to spend time with them. But life isn’t always fair now, is it?

The references about all the movies and the description of the characters made me feel as if it was so real. It was as if I was living that life.

Monique was the one who had the opportunity to write Evelyn Hugo’s biography/memoir.

I had so many questions regarding this, why was it Monique? What was Evelyn’s relation with Monique? And so many more, but at the end of the book it all made sense, and when it did, it broke me again.

The ending of the book was so abrupt for me, I didn’t want it to end, but it had to end and I took 1 day to mourn over this. This book has a special place in my heart and will be with me forever.

FEW HIGHLIGHTS FROM THE BOOK:

 Charisma is “charm that inspires devotion.”

 “You can be sorry about something and not regret it.”

 “Life doesn’t get easier simply because it gets more glamorous.”

 “So how can I condemn the fourteen year old girl who did whatever she could to get herself out of town? And how can I judge the eighteen year old who got herself out of the marriage once it was safe to do so?”

“Be wary of men with something to prove.”

 "Praise is just like an addiction. The more you get it, the more of it you need just to stay even.”

 “Intimacy is about truth. When you realize you can tell someone your truth, when you can show yourself to  them, when you stand in front of them bare and their response is, ”your safe with me” – that’s intimacy.”

“You are my muse. And I am your conductor. I am the person who brings out your greatest work.”

"Heartbreak is loss. Divorce is a piece of paper.” 

“I wasn’t heartbroken when Don left me. I simply felt like my marriage had failed. And those are very different things.”

My Rating : 5/5 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟/5

[dogbearinggifts]

(Part 4/I am an awful person) Grace was taught what she was taught. Does as told. She had no autonomy of her own. Thusly the 1950s aesthetic is subtly terrifying on her "husband's" part. As of pogo he was doing a very difficult act. If he does nothing these kids will break, stand up too much and he'll be discarded. He did what he could in a terrible set of circumstances, and I'm honestly convinced the guilt still eats him alive.

Grace was certainly programmed to be the perfect, obedient housewife and mother—but I think she grew beyond her programming, and I think she did it somewhat quickly. In a flashback, we see her serenely moving through the chaos of pre-mission preparation, helping each child in turn. Most of the things she does—helping Ben with the zipper on his suit, giving Allison a repaired domino mask—directly play into what Reginald wants in that situation; and her compliment to Vanya is brief and doesn’t hold back progress at all. But when she sees Diego trying to work through his stutter, she stops, and gently reminds him to “picture the word in your mind.” This has nothing to do with the mission. It has nothing to do with getting ready for the mission. Diego could go through every single mission without saying a single word and it would likely only add to his strong-and-silent persona. Yet Grace helps him anyway, because Diego is embarrassed by his stutter and wants to speak. 

She wasn’t programmed to be independent, but she found ways to obtain pieces of independence anyway. However, she always uses this independence for the good of her kids, not for her own good. She doesn’t use it to leave the Academy after Reginald’s death, or to claim a room for herself. Every time she exerts her own will, it’s to help one of her kids. What’s interesting about this is that, while she praises Reginald and gently admonishes Diego for hating him, she seems to have recognized that he was not the perfect man he told her he was. She seems to know that he didn’t always have the kids’ best interests at heart, and so when she acts on her own, she counters Reginald’s toxic influence—even as she denies that this toxicity has harmed her as well. 

Pogo is I think one of the more misunderstood characters in this fandom. See, in the comics, Five learns that Reginald granted Pogo humanlike intelligence and sapience through a series of brutal, gruesome experiments that clearly traumatized poor Pogo. Yet Pogo remains loyal to Reginald, because (as he says at the funeral) “in all respects, he made me who I am today.” I think Reginald would have made it clear that he was the reason Pogo had the life he had, which would have made Pogo reluctant to show any signs of rebellion. 

Additionally, Pogo probably remembers the lab, or pieces of it. He probably remembers the pain, the humiliation and fear he felt. Yet he knows that the trauma Reginald put him through gave him intelligence and reason, so I think that on at least one level, he sees his own abuse as necessary. Because of this, it’s not too much of a leap to assume he sees the kids’ abuse as necessary. If abuse granted him intelligence, then it has to have some benefit for the kids. Going along with it clearly tears him apart inside, but there’s not much he can do—and there might not be not much he thinks he should do. 

(Part 6/ I can't count) I blame the sorry excuse of a man that was so sociopathic and cold as to create these circumstances. I blame Reginald because if the children were the soldiers, and vanya was the civilians. If Grace was a symbol of the post war dream, and pogo a good will ambassador esque presence, then Reginald was the problem. Reginald was the untouchable power. He was the old man sending children to fight his war. He could have used his resources the right way

(Part 7/ oh the irony) He could have helped sway laws, or used his disgusting wealth to change things. But he didn't because he was in love with the carnage and violence. I don't really think he even gave a damn about right and wrong. I think he just really loved the destruction, because when someone stands behind a cause to the point of sacrifice, normally THEY go in harm's way. Normally they sacrifice something of their own. He didn't give a damn about good or bad, he just wanted to play god.

Reginald is definitely the real villain here. 

I think we get a peek into his psyche in his flashback: He’s on an Earthlike planet, taking the hand of his dying partner as missiles rain down from the sky. I don’t know what his backstory is, and I don’t know how much of his comics origin they’re adding to his Netflix backstory, but it seems evident that he escaped a planet in dire straits, possibly one at war and on the brink of collapse. 

If this is the case, then it would explain why he’s so adamant his children become soldiers and go to war as soon as they’re able. If he escaped a planet torn apart by violence, he might not see violence as something to be avoided, but as something to be utilized: When they bring you war, don’t pray for peace. Strike first, and make that strike so devastating that they never want to fight again. He doesn’t see violence as a means to start war, but as a means to end it before it begins. That he’s using actual children as his strike force doesn’t matter to him. 

He certainly could have used his immense resources for good. He saw wars begin and end; he watched social movements change attitudes as opinions swayed this way and that. Reginald had over a century of perspective to offer, over a century of wisdom—and he eschewed that in favor of forcing his own children to go to war. And when his ruthless methods damaged his children, he blamed them for not being strong enough. 

Diego said it best. “He was a monster. He was a bad man and a worse father, and the world is better off without him.” 

[whenwomenrefuse]

A History of an Ignored No

My story starts young. I’ve always had memories of being really young, young enough to be in diapers. One of my earliest memories is sitting on my uncle’s lap with his hand down the back of my diaper. Family all around, nobody noticed this. He was good at hiding it. And that’s my second earliest memory. That uncle went on to molest me for several years, forcing me to give him oral and receive oral from him. It took several years for me to be comfortable giving oral and even longer to receive. He would threaten my family, and buy me toys he knew I wanted so badly and then tell me I owed him. I still can’t accept gifts from men. He wasn’t the last to use buying me things as a way to get me to do sexual favors. I told my mom on him and ended up calling the cops on him once when he wanted me to lie down so he could touch me and go down on me. I lied after he made me go down on him and told him I had to pee. I’ll never forget good last words to me before I ran downstairs to call the cops. “Don’t wipe.” I went back upstairs to stall him and make sure he was caught redhanded.

I was five at the oldest.

He wasn’t the only one at that time molesting me. My biological father, whom I never call my dad, always Tim, had a father who started out by “inspecting” me. He’d take me somewhere we’d be alone and tell me to pull my pants down. Then he’d touch and look at me and have me move this way and that so he could see better. Tim ended up living on his land and every summer I had to go visit Tim for six weeks. While there, Tim would scream at me constantly, kick me, isolate me, and control every aspect of what I did. I wasn’t allowed to talk to anyone, to play with my bike, to play with toys, to use his bathroom, to eat unless I had permission. I was a slave to Tim. I was seven and younger and had to cook, clean, hold his cigarette while he smoked, (he had no arms, also it wasn’t just nicotine he smoked,) and any other thing he wanted me to do. When I was bad, he sent me to spend the night with his father. I remember one night in particular where Tim’s girlfriend stole my book my father had bought me (stepfather technically but always my dad,) and crossed out my name and wrote her name in it. When I confronted her, she pooped in Tim’s bathroom, didn’t flush, and told her I’d done it. In retaliation, he made me go up to his father’s to spend the next day and night. That night, he made me stand wide awake in the corner all night long, telling me he’d beat me if I got out and he’d be watching me while he slept with one eye open. I was too afraid of him to turn around and see of if was watching so I stood in the corner all night. The next night when I was condemned to sleep at his father’s, after dinner, his father Joe told me to make sure I took my panties off and put them under my pillow when I went to bed. He then raped me for hours. I don’t know if it was his penis or his fingers, but he was definitely inside me. It hurt and I asked him to stop. He didn’t for another half hour. This went on four years until I finally told Tim’s brother’s wife, and she called the police.

The police spent an hour trying to convince me I’d made it up. Trying to convince me that I’d dreamt it or I’d seen it on tv but it hadn’t happened to me. I didn’t change my story and I was sent for a rape kit, scheduled a week after the rape. Before I was called in, Tim showed up in the hospital and screamed and screamed at me, calling me the nastiest things I’ve ever been called. I hid behind the tv in the corner and cried. I still remember everything he said to me. He called me a paranoid schizophrenic who believed everyone was out to get me. He told me and everyone in the waiting room IF his father did what I said, it was because I’d tempted him to do it, I instigated It. I was seven. A police officer escorted him out and threatened him to shut him up when I was called back for the rape kit. It hurt worse than the rape and was even more humiliating because they took pictures. I cried during that too and couldn’t pee for a week from the pain, it hurt that bad.

Tim then told everyone he was sorry, he broke down crying but everyone knew it was fake. He wouldn’t let my mom leave with me, he demanded I go home with him. The police officer stepped in again and told him I was going home with my mom one way or another. He finally said okay but wouldn’t agree until my mom promised to stop by his place, where his father lived, (Tim lived in a camper on his land,) to pick up a doll house he’d just bought me. I remember the cop taking my mom aside and telling her not to go back to his house because he was not going to let us leave. He told her to speed all the way out of North Carolina and he’d make sure no cop stopped us.

In order to press charges, the courts wanted me to testify in open court with Tim and my rapist in the room with me. They wanted me to tell them everything while Joe and his lawyer tried to discredit me. My mom tried to beg them to let me prerecord my story and present it that way, or at least have Joe and Tim not in the room. They refused. I had nightmares for months. She eventually pulled me out, but I never stopped having night terrors for many years.

My mom’s mom’s husband also molested me, but I only know of the one time. My aunt would come over to my mom’s house, Ann, with her three kids, and spend the night. She’d drug her kids with sleeping pills every night. I saw her putting the pills in our drinks one night and I didn’t drink that night. I was still awake when Ann’s husband came into the room and molested me and my much younger female cousin. I know my aunt and her kids had been there with me before so I don’t know if she’d ever drugged me before and if Ann’s husband touched me before. I just know of the once. And I never went back.

His son also molested and raped me, but I don’t blame him as much because he was young and had obviously grown up seeing it and thinking it was normal. He stopped when I fought back.

My cousin raped me when I was eighteen. He’d also forced me to go down on him. He threatened the life of my four year old niece when I fought back. I tricked him by making him think I wanted to have sex with him and wanted to tie him up (he was into being tied.) I tied him to my dresser and ran.

At that time, there was a man living with us. (My mom, second stepfather Bob, and me.) He gave me a bad feeling and I told my mom. She didn’t believe me until she cleaned his room one day and found a diary detailing his plan to lure me into the woods with him and a knife, rape me, and kill me, then have a threesome with my sister and her four year old daughter. He was obviously kicked out.

I had a boyfriend at seventeen who would pressure me into sex constantly and would continue pressuring me when I said no until I said yes. Once he pinned me and wouldn’t let me up until I said yes.

I had another boyfriend who wanted to do anal with me. I told him no constantly, then one day when we were doing it doggy style, he slipped it into my ass and kept going. I didn’t know I could say no. After that, any time we had sex, he’d end up eventually shoving it into my ass. No lube, no foreplay, no warning. It hurt and I hated it.

I had another boyfriend who also wanted to do anal, half because I’d “let” my previous ex do it, and he wanted to be inside every part of me and wanted to do what I “let” my ex do. I told him no, I didn’t like it, and he eventually convinced me to let him try fingering me there during vaginal sex. I hated it. It turned me off so much that when he did it RIGHT when I was cumming, or about to cum, it would stop that entirely. It just turned me off to the point I would literally just instantly dry up. No matter how close to orgasm I was. I told him that and he made me feel bad, like it was my fault, and I was ruining the sex with him because of it. So I let him do it. This same ex got me pregnant, emotionally and mentally abused me constantly by making horrible disparaging comments about me to me, snapped my phone in half for talking to my dad every day because obviously I was having an affair with him, threw my laptop at concrete because I refused to stop talking to my friends, and beat me while I was eight months pregnant. He strangled me, punched me, pushed me, shoved me to the ground and got on top of me and violently slapped my face. Because I went to the er and didn’t tell him until my parents went to bed so they wouldn’t eavesdrop. And also because he was trying to force me to move three hours away from my hospital to an area with the closest hospital being an hour away and not equip to handle high risk pregnancies. This hospital he wanted me to go to almost killed my pregnant best friend because they had no idea what they were doing. They almost killed my niece, me, and several others because they’re literally the worst hospital. Not only was that hospital so bad, I was having a very high risk pregnancy with spd, preterm early labor, and severe preeclampsia, and he wanted to live with him mom who had no car, no phone. And he wanted to live with her because he wanted to quit his job and not work. He worked at pizza hut for two hours a day twice a week. I, with pregnancy issues, worked 12-14 hours a day every day and was never allowed to complain or go to sleep before two am because his day was so hard and he wanted to talk and have sex. I got up for work every morning at 7, worked until sometimes ten, and he would never let me go to sleep until at the earliest two am. He was horrible.

My next ex was emotionally worse. He said the nastiest shit to me. He called me an almost-murderer for a miscarriage I had when I was nineteen that emotionally destroyed me. He forced me to confirm to his religion and his God that believed women were inferior to men. He knows I’m a hardcore Wiccan feminist, and he tried to force me to be a 1950’s stay at home mom. I was forced to stop working, wasn’t allowed to go outside the apartment without permission, wasn’t allowed to read or write, (I’m an author,) had to take care of both my toddler and his toddler alone without help, clean the house and keep it clean, never talk back to him, never ask questions, wasn’t allowed to feel or think my own thoughts, and when I told him how I felt, he would tell me I was complaining and start yelling at me. I was fucked up physically from my pregnant and can’t stand on my feet for long. He would get pissed if I spent any time sitting down and there were more than two dishes in the sink. He could take days, weeks, to do his chores (laundry and trash and only because I wasn’t allowed outside ever,) but if I took more than two days to was dishes, he would call me lazy and say the nastiest shit to me.

He kept starting fights over anal. I told him at the start of the relationship I hate anal. I do. I hate it so fucking much. It is not, and never will be, a pleasurable thing to me. Even when it isn’t painful, it is just straight up unpleasant. It turns me off so much. He knew that at the beginning and even agreed that he didn’t like it. Then suddenly he was starting fights over it because he wanted it so much. At first I told him no. He kept pushing and I said fine, I’ll try it. He kept telling me I hated it because it had been done wrong and if it was fine right, he knew I’d live it because God had told him I would. So he did it RIGHT. Lube, preparation, foreplay, vaginal stimulation–still turned me off. The second he started fingering me there, I was completely turned off to sex, even when he was going down on me or fingering me vaginally or rubbing my clit. It turned me off. But I let him do it, I let him have anal sex with me. I hated it.

I told him we could do it sometimes, but he didn’t like that. He wanted to do it any time he wanted it. When I said no, at first he’d just get sulky. Then he started fights. The fights escalated to him telling me he was leaving and I said fine, until he cornered me in the bathtub and gave an hour long speech about how I had no bodily anatomy, he had full control over my body, I had no rights to my own body, I had to give him what he wanted and when, nobody would love me like he did, nobody could because I’m so difficult that nobody would be able to ever handle me but him. He was the only one who could. Nobody else wanted me. At that point the fight had been going on for hours and I knew he wasn’t going to leave or stop until I just gave in. So I did. We did anal a few more times with him telling me I’d really love it eventually. When I didn’t start liking it, he bought a vibrator so he could use that to brainwash me into liking anal. He used to vibrator on me while fingering my ass, and before he started fingering me, I was cumming and enjoying myself. Even just one finger started to turn me off. Two more, and three to the point all I could focus on was his fingering me and I hated it. My entire demeanor changed and he noticed it enough to ask me if it hurt. I told him yes and he stopped. That was when I knew without a doubt that he had no idea what he was talking about and anal was never, ever going to be something I enjoy. I know my body. I know what I do and do not like. Anal is never going to be something I’ll like. And the fact that he couldn’t accept that really drove the point home that he didn’t, and would never, respect me.

I had a miscarriage due to his psychological abuse. I got pregnant again and he wouldn’t let me go to a hospital or set up a doctor or insurance. I’m high risk. I have multiple issues that need to be constantly watched when pregnant. I went through a period during the beginning of this pregnancy that left me in crippling pain constantly. I would pass out. I’d be in constant pain. And he’d still leave me all day with two toddlers and say horrible things to me when I told him I was passing out, throwing up blood, and in pain. He’d call me lazy and say I was using it as an excuse. I wasn’t. I’m fine now, but that lasted weeks and he refused to let me rest or go to a hospital.

He would make me get both toddlers dressed and ready when we went anywhere without help, then get pissed at me and take off leaving me with two disappointed tantrum throwing toddlers if I took more than a minute to get myself ready. I was rejected to get myself ready WHILE getting both toddlers ready by myself. I can’t get dressed, brush my hair, and brush my teeth, and pee while dressing two male toddlers.

It got to the point that when we were going places, my toddler would have an attack and tell that daddy was going to leave us when I was putting him in the car seat. He would also freak out and tell that daddy was going to leave me once he was in the car seat and I wasn’t in the car.

This man has no respect for women in general. He forced me to change every aspect of my personality. Made me feel bad about my physical problems and being autistic. Constantly told me I needed to be “fixed,” and refused to respect my sexual boundaries. He was the epitome of everything I’ve ever feared. He took my control away, my dignity, my independence, my freedom, everything. This man, along with the others, is a sexist, misogynistic person. This is a very common religious type in his beliefs. This and the men like him can’t figure out what no means, and can’t respect it.

It’s men like them that give men a bad name, but most men just want to scream #notallmen, instead of confronting and stopping men like this. If ALL men would stand up and realize these men are real, common, and wrong, things would change. If men would stand up and fight WITH us instead of against is, men like the ones in my story would cease to be so common. Men are our most treasured allies, but so many remain cemented in their stubborn #notallmen beliefs that they are our enemies. Men, I beg you. Your voices are important. You are important. You are the key to change. Stop fighting us, and fight WITH US.

We are not your enemies.

[soloshikigami]

Just a touch of personal bullshit that I wanted to put out there... because stuff happened this weekend. Nothing horrible, the memorial went fine, just... confirmation of a lot of what I feel is true.

My grandmother and I had a tense end to our relationship in a way. As a child and teen, we got along fairly well. She was a bit overly critical in my opinion, and made me feel awkward when she kept bringing up that it’s only because she had money that anyone paid any attention to her. She had a little wooden girl hanging in her kitchen with these words printed on her dress: “Money isn’t everything, but it keeps the kids in touch!” and coming from the fact that my mother worked three jobs to feed and clothe us, and my father did dick to pay his child support, and I was raised with the belief that money wasn’t everything and rather a necessary evil... it just felt like no matter how sincere I was, she would never think that my love for her was for real, and I felt that she may have loved me and my sibling more out of obligation. I do miss aspects of our relationship, and I’m sorry for the time that was lost between us, but I made my peace with her when I last saw her and the idea that it was going to be the last time I saw her, I feel she got what she deserved in the end and I honestly do hope that she is in a better place and with the people she wants to be reunited with. 

I feared seeing my father again. I didn’t know how he would behave or what he would do. He was only a bit physically violent, hurt my mom a few times and I’ve been slapped by him once, standing in for my brother, but his emotional and verbal abuse was far, far worse. He was also manipulative and alcohol had poisoned him beyond redemption. I didn’t know how I was going to respond to anything that he would do; I would be in a situation where I’m surrounded by people I barely know but who share the same 1950′s concepts and ways of life, and what would be expected of me did not align with the way I had the right to behave.

However, there was nothing. I saw my father, he’s looking a bit frail, old, not necessarily sickly but I did notice his hands shaking a bit more than they should. He was calm, quiet, I allowed him to hug me. He didn’t say much, we spoke fairly little, I told him about my job and a bit about my writing (I stress the bit part), he reminisced on me as a toddler and I realize now that it’s probably the only other age he really remembers me. For the majority of my life and even now, he drinks. I asked my brother’s fiance, and I hated to do so, but I asked if she had noticed anything with my father and she said that he was definitely plastered the other day. This means he never went into recovery like we asked, nay, even begged him. That means he has continued to lie to me, and I’m not surprised. We chalked it up to the fact that his mother had just passed and politely left it at that. I know better, always did.

So, for now, I no longer fear my father. I don’t fear that he’s going to try to manipulate me, I don’t worry that he has truly turned over a new leaf and I was being unfair and wrong and stubborn and I don’ have to mourn for lost time. He’s still a sad, pathetic excuse for a human being and an utter failure as a father.

My aunt, his sister, has always been a cold, almost cruel sort of woman. I know for a fact that any kindness or nicety she had towards us kids was out of family obligation, Never once helped, offered any true words of advice, and when I showed up to the memorial she didn’t look very pleased to see me. Her big complaint right now is that she is doing everything single-handedly to take care of my grandmother’s things and, estate I guess... and my father hasn’t lifted a finger to help her. I have no sympathy whatsoever. Maybe she should have been on her brother’s case back when he was leaving a frightened 4 yr old who had a thunderstorm phobia since infancy alone in a pizza parlor so he could buy a bottle of whiskey, or maybe said something when he screamed at a 7 yr old boy for not bringing him a slice of pizza (of all things) to him fast enough and then threw the pizza, box and all, at said child. Perhaps she could have spoken to her mother and put her foot down when instead of being with his mother to help watch for blood clots after being in the hospital for heart surgery, he was found so drunk at the train station that the cops couldn’t legally arrest him. But no, her cottage in England with her dogs and super rich husband (who divorced her about 10 yrs ago now) and life of doing pretty much nothing in particular besides pretend she’s been British all along was far too important. Never lifted a damn finger in ours or anyone’s time of need and yet expect everyone to flock to you when you need help. Fuck you, bitch, take care of it yourself. I’m pissed that she has my brother all gung-ho and getting on our father’s case about what he should be doing - that sort of thing should not come from a child to their parent, not about this (at least not in my family). My father and aunt should be setting an example to us of what to do when they die, and frankly, I learned more from watching Six Feet Under.

So this is the family bullshit I’ve been anticipating, dreading, and dealing with for the past few weeks. I’m sure there will still be some more to come, but now I feel like I can handle what comes next better. I don’t fear my father, I couldn’t give two shits less for my aunt... and I’m sad that my family is so broken like this, but, for whatever reason, it’s the set of cards I was dealt and I will make the best of them.

I don’t necessarily feel better, but I feel more... resolved, I guess? I was able to put some fears and worries to bed for good, and I guess for the most part, I don’t have much else to do but to wait for that inevitable next step to claim the next generation.

[gayquinn]

History of People with Eating Disorders

 I was going on a wikipedia deep dive (as you do) and I started reading about the history of anorexia and I thought it was quite interesting the different people afflicted with it and how they shaped societies perceptions. Warning!!! This could be triggering of course!!! I’m definitely not condoning it (quite the opposite, please take care of yourself!!!) But for interests sake and maybe it might help someone, I don’t know. 

Saint Catherine of Siena (1347-1380)

Catherine was one of the two patron saints of Italy and one of the six patron saints of Europe. She was a little kooky (sorry to anyone who holds those beliefs) as she believed that she was married to Jesus and had an invisible wedding ring. She first began fasting in defiance when her mother tried to have her marry her sister’s widower. Her sister had also fasted in order to get her husband to have better manners, I don’t know how that was supposed to work. She lived with her family and did not want their food, saying that she had a table laid for her in heaven with her “real” family. When she became a tertiary she practiced strict abstinence, and concerned her associates with her lack of eating. This is a practice know as anorexia mirabilis, religious anorexia, as opposed to anorexia nervosa. She died at the age of 33 after having a massive stroke, most likely due to malnutrition. 

Catherine of Aragon (1485-1536)

THIS Catherine was the Queen of England until she was famously by King Henry VIII causing the split between the protestant and Catholic church. After she was divorced, she confined herself to religion and also suffered from anorexia mirabilis from severe fasting. Scientists speculate she died from cancer.

Mary, Queen of Scotts (1542-1587)

This Scottish queen had a mysterious illness temporarily that caused dizziness, fainting, convulsions, and vomiting. This illness was undiagnosed but is thought in modern times to have possibly been anorexia. She recovered and was eventually executed for trying to assassinate queen Elizabeth.

Renee Vivien (1877-1909)

A famous poet and lesbian, she lived a life of sybaritism filled with sadomasochism and affairs. She had unsuccessfully tried to commit suicide in 1908 and began to refuse to eat due to depression. She eventually passed away from pneumonia complicated by anorexia, as well as alcohol and drugs.

Irene Fenwick (1887-1936)

She was a silent film star who had appeared in more than 10 movies and multiple stage plays. She was married to film star Lionel Barrymore who played Mr. Potter in It’s a Wonderful Life. She died at age 49 from pneumonia due to complications of anorexia, called “overdieting” at the time. 

Jane Fonda (1937-)

This famous fitness guru, actress and activist has been open about her battle with bulimia. She has been active in women’s rights, anti-war efforts, environmental rights, and so many other things she’s really just a boss ass bitch. Her body issues began with her father, who taught her that appearance was the most important thing she had. She said she developed the disorder like three of her father’s five wives. She said that her disorder began when her mother committed suicide at age 12, and she would sometimes purge up to 20 times a day. 

Sande Crabb (1937-1957)

The daughter of a famous actor and olympic athlete Buster Crabbe, she died at age 20 from anorexia. It wasn’t an understood disease at the time, she officially died from “malnutrition brought on by an emotional disturbance”. 

Dianna Ross (1944-)

This famous diva revealed in her book Secrets of a Sparrow that she had suffered from anorexia in the 60s when with her musical group, and even had collapsed on stage.

Sally Field (1946-)

Sally is an actress who’s been in many prominent works such as Forest Gump, Steel Magnolias, the Flying Nun, The Amazing Spider-Man, and Mrs. Doubtfire. She suffered from bulimia in her 20s because of not feeling attractive enough. 

Elton John (1947-)

This absolutely legendary man has stated that admitting he needed help for his addiction and eating disorder was more difficult than coming out. He corroborated with Princess Diana over their shared bulimia. 

Richard Simmons (1948-)

The flamboyant fitness guru spoke with Oprah about how he began his weight loss and had trouble stopping when he was a kid. He recovered with a strong positive attitude and help from his beloved fitness routine. 

Karen Carpenter (1950-1983)

Possibly the most famous person to die from anorexia, Karen’s death certainly brought much needed light to the subject. She was one of the lead singers and a drummer for the band The Carpenters along with her brother. She had an abusive husband, possibly pushing her towards the eating disorder. She began dieting in high school and was at a healthy weight. When seeing an unflattering photo of herself taken at a concert, she hired a personal trainer and began to have a more specific diet. The personal trainer’s suggestion caused her to gain muscle which made her appear heavier, so she fired him and began to restrict her eating. She contacted Cherry Boone about her illness who suggested she see her doctor. She was treated by a psychiatrist but continued to use thyroid pills to increase her metabolism and laxatives so her condition worsened. She was finally admitted to a hospital where they put her on intravenous nutrition, which was a success, but the rapid weight gain caused damage to her already weak heart. She seemed to be improving tremendously after the hospital, but ultimately collapsed at home and died at the hospital from a weak heart. Her death brought attention to the disease, and her family created a memorial foundation in her honor.

Gelsey Kirkland (1952-)

A very famous and talented ballerina, she joined the New York Ballet at age 15 and danced as Clara Stahlbaum in the 1977 televised production of the nutcracker. She was also on the cover of Time magazine in 1978. In 1986 she published her memoire Dancing on my Grave, which chronicled the struggles with drugs, plastic surgery, abuse and an eating disorder on her rise as a dancer. She had a tremulous disorder, starving herself during the day and then binging and purging during the night and taking multiple pills and supplements to aid in weight loss. 

Susan Dey (1952-)

This actress struggled with an eating disorder when she was cast in the show The Partridge Family at only 18. She recovered without too much damage.

Cathy Rigby (1952-)

At first an olympic silver metal gymnast, she retired at only 18 due to an injury. She then went onto acting and portrayed the character Peter Pan for 30 years, including on Broadway.  She spoke publicly on her struggle with bulimia in the 80′s, where she said she would consume almost 10,000 calories a day and almost died twice from an electrolyte imbalance. She struggled with the need to maintain a “perfect weight” when she was in gymnastics, and her problems only worsened after she left gymnastics. She attributed her struggles with bulimia to her lack of self confidence, and said that her second husband helped her get the treatment she needed. 

Dennis Quaid (1952-) 

The actor said in an interview that he had developed anorexia while losing over 40 pounds to portray Doc Holiday in the movie Wyatt Earp. He said while the weight loss was temporary, the mentality stuck with him. 

Cherry Boone (1954-)

Daughter of Pat Boone and granddaughter of famous country singer Red Foley, she was also in her own music group with her sisters in the 70s called The Boones. The same year she met Karen Carpenter and the year before she died, Cherry published her book Starving for Attention which detailed her living with anorexia and her recovery. She later published two follow up books on the matter. 

Diana, Princess of Wales (1961-1997)

The famed princess of wales turned to bulimia when she was struggling with her husband’s infidelity. It began the week after her engagement when her then-fiance made a comment about her weight. She spoke out about her struggles in order to encourage others to seek help. 

Lena Zavaroni (1963-1999)

Lena was a child star who remains the youngest person ever to have an album in the top ten UK charts. She suffered from anorexia from the age of 13 and depression from the age of 15. She begged for a psychosurgical brain operation which she received and seemed to improve her mood. However she died shortly after from pneumonia from complications from her eating disorder.

Dolores O’Riordan (1971-2018)

The frontwoman for the band the Cranberries. She revealed in an interview in 2013 that she had suffered from sexual abuse which caused her to lapse into anorexia. She has also spoken openly about her bipolar disorder and suicide attempts. She died recently of currently unknown means.

Christy Henrich (1972-1994)

An American olympic silver metal gymnast, a judge in an international meet in 1989 first told her she needed to lose weight. The sport of gymnastics was dominated by very petite girls. Her coach Al Wong also made derogatory comments about her weight, after his pressuring ultimately lead gymnast Julissa Gomez to die from a fatal injury from a move too dangerous. Christy’s efforts to lose weight to maintain her popularity in gymnastics eventually escalated into full-blown anorexia. She weighed only 47 pounds, and died of multiple organ failure. After her death other gymnasts came forward with their stories of disordered eating and the issue was addressed by multiple programs to inform about nutrition, as well as commenters on American gymnastic television programs were no longer allowed to mention a gymnasts weight. 

Portia de Rossi (1973-)

Ellen’s wife wrote about her struggle with bulimia and anorexia in her book Unbearable Lightness: A Story of Loss and Gain. Her disorder began at 12 years old when a modeling director told her to lose weight. Her disorder then resurfaced when was working on the show Ally McBeal. She’s said that she would sometimes eat as few as 300 calories a day, and take as many as 20 laxatives. 

Hila Elmalich (1973- 2007)

An Israeli model who only weighed 60 pounds when she passed away from heart failure. After her death Israel passed a law in 2012 that models must have a healthy BMI over 18.5 in order to work. 

Melanie Chisholm (1974-)

Also known as sporty spice! Melanie has been very open about her depression and eating disorder, talking about how she would spend hours at the gym and restricted her diet to only fruit and vegetables while she was in the Spice Girls. The pressure of being a popstar caused her to be critical of her body image, but she now has a healthy relationship with food. 

Victoria Beckham (1974-)

Also known as posh spice. While she has been less open about her disorder than her fellow Spice Girl, she revealed in her autobiography Learning to Fly that she had suffered from appearance issues facing pressure for the Spice girls and began to binge eat in later years.

Hedi Guenther (1975-1997)

A ballet dancer who was first told to lose weight while in dance school. She broke her foot in her first season and refused medical treatment as she was afraid she would lose her contract and just rested when she wasn’t dancing. This caused her to gain five pounds. Although her company told her not to lose any weight as she was already too thin, her artistic director told her that if she did not lose the five pounds during summer vacation she would not get a part. Her company urged her to gain weight, but her mother insisted she lose weight to get better parts. She died at Disneyland from cardiac arrest due to her eating disorder. After her death American ballet companies began to treat the disorder seriously. 

Victoria, Crown Princess of Sweden (1977-)

This literal princess struggled with an eating disorder in her teenage years before she went to college. The illness was particularly difficult to deal with due to her position in the public eye. She has said that when she had little control in her life, she found control in the foods she was putting into her body. 

Daniel Johns (1979-)

The frontman for the band Silverchairs. He developed depression and anorexia while on tour in 1997 for their album Freakshow. He then wrote a song about his experiences, Ana’s Song, which premiered on their next album. 

Isabelle Caro (1982-2010)

A model and actress who advocated for the treatment of anorexia. She was featured in the TV show Supersize vs Superskinny and interviewed for the TV documentary The Price of Beauty. Most famously she was featured in an ad campaign with her naked body with the words No Anorexia in 2007. Her gaunt and bony body was very shocking to the public. She hoped to raise awareness to the severity of the disease but the ad was banned in several places if it was determined it exploited the illness. Her disorder was perpetuated by her mother, who had an irrational fear of her growing. She died of an immunodeficiency caused by her disorder. 

Billie Piper (1982-)

This Doctor Who darling said that she had dealt with an eating disorder and suicidal thoughts since she was a teenager. It’s said she would do self destructive behaviors such as eating tissues or going up to five days without eating solid food. She discusses her disorder in her book Growing Pains.

Luisel and Eliana Ramos (1984-2006) (1988-2007)

Two sisters were both prominent “Size 0″ models. Luisel collapsed from a heart attack after eating nothing but lettuce and diet coke for 3 months. Her sister Eliana passed away shortly after also from a heart attack brought on by malnourishment. 

Ana Reston (1985-2006)

Ana was the reason that eating disorders within the modeling business were brought to light. Like many models, she was told by a casting agent that she was too fat and needed to lose weight. Towards the end of her life she subsisted on nothing but apples and tomatos. She died of a kidney malfunction and became a martyr for the fashion industry.

Troian Bellisario (1985-)

This actress is most notable for her work on the show Pretty Little Liars. She’s spoken about difficulties in high school and having problems with anorexia and self harm. She wrote, produced, and starred in the movie Feed which dealt with the issue of anorexia. She said making the film had helped her heal from her own disorder. 

Lily Allen (1985-)

The singer has spoken about her battles with bulimia before, and suffered from major postpartum depression.

Brittney Snow (1986-)

The pitch perfect and hairspray actress has been very open about her experiences with anorexia, depression, and self harm. She’s discussed things she experienced that are common to other people with anorexia, about considering other people worried a good sign, or thinking that she would feel better if she got down to a certain number. 

Allegra Versace (1986-)

The daughter of Donatella Versace, and niece of the legendary designer Gianni Versace. Unlike her celebrity family, she is very withdrawn and dislikes the spotlight. Her uncle’s murder traumatized her as a child and left her emotionally stunted. Her mother issued a public statement in 2007 that she was suffering from, and getting treatment for anorexia.

Mary-Kate Olsen (1986-)

One half of the most popular set of twins was committed to an institution following her high school graduation for her struggles with anorexia.

Snooki (1987-)

Yes, Snooki. The reality star talked about how she would starve herself in high school, but returned to a healthy weight with the intervention of her parents. 

Evanna Lynch (1991-)

This Harry Potter cutie patootie has worked hard to help people recover from eating disorders after suffering herself. She was in a treatment facility at only eleven years old for anorexia. She found the disorder was a way of getting attention that she could control. 

Demi Lovato (1992-)

This singer has been very vocal about her struggles with depression, self harm and eating disorders. She’s become a role model for teenage girls struggling with anorexia and or bulimia. 

[margotnetwork]

📲Incoming: Knox to Endora

Knox: Hey. Sorry this is so random but I met you at the shop and you seemed so lovely I just wanted to check up on you. It’s Knox by the way.

Endora: I appreciate you checking up on me...I'm....well I'm okay at the moment. Just getting shouted at as per usual but that's nothing out of the ordinary.

Knox: what is he shouting at you for? No one should be shouting at you? Do you need to come to mine?

Endora: His mad because I didn't come straight home with him..his ridiculous..he never used to be like this

Endora: He used to be loving, caring and everything.

Knox: I am really concerned with your well being like I don’t like that he is yelling at you. He honestly shouldn’t be complaining. You are so pretty and amazing like what has he got to yell at ?

Knox: what happened?

Endora: Aw thank you Knox. I simply didn't come straight home to him. He expects me to do every single little thing for him, and I don't. He wants me preparing all his meals and cleaning up after him. It's not on. If I try and put my foot down, he gets worse.

Knox: if you need to be home anywhere I want you to call me I’ll get you home on time. I don’t want him yelling at you. Jesus Christ you aren’t a slave. Like does he live in 1950 or 2021? Let me talk to him. I’ll fix him.

Endora: His been the worse after not getting the higher paid role he was working towards. He used to be like amazing and I could see him and me lasting, but now? I'm looking for escape routes..honestly. Sorry. I shouldn't be burdening you with my problems Knox.

Knox: you don’t need to say sorry. I want you to talk to me about everything like you’ll never burden me. I actually don’t have any one to talk to so this is really nice.

Knox: I wish I didn’t have to be so without people but life is life

Endora: Well you can come to me too, so this is fair and isn't one sided. I'm a good listener too, you know?

Knox: yeah I mean I think my story is a little heavy on the heart I don’t tell it often but it’s definitely one not for the faint of heart and I don’t want to put you in danger by telling you

Endora: I can handle it. If you don't want to tell me that's fine, but if you feel like you need to get something off your chest, you can do so. I'm stronger than you think.

Knox: it’s not about strength because I’m happy to tell you it’s more like-... okay we are going to call them a order of people because if they find out that you know about them they could come after you and I don’t want that for you

Knox: but growing up I didn’t have a lot of money and I stole a lot which admittedly I am not proud of to get by. I did have a family but they are all deceased. They were actually umm murdered. In front of me.

Knox: by this-... order of people. Which I am now associated with. And I xant leave them. Very much like your husband so I guess we are both trapped

Endora: Oh no! I get why you said it was hard to talk about, I'm sorry that you had to go through all of that Knox. So do you literally have no-one left?

Endora: I wish there was something I could do.

Knox: you don’t need to be sorry it’s okay I know it’s not your fault. But no. I was a son and a older brother but I don’t exactly have friends I purposely moved BECAUSE everyone I know gets hurt or just-...disappeared. So the less you know about what I do the better. And it’s not that I don’t want to tell you I just-... can’t

Knox: you’re my friend so you have done enough in just scared for you

Endora: Here I am complaining about my life, and you have been through so much more Knox.

Endora: I just want to hug you now. Next time we see each other, these arms are wrapping around you.

Knox: you go through that stuff all the time. Like you have been through hard stuff too

Knox: I’ll be honest I’m not a hugger I don’t think I’ve been hugged for a really long time

Knox: so you might need to be patient with me because I don’t know human touch any more

Endora: Okay, no hugs just yet, got it!

Knox: no no. Hugs are nice I just

Knox: don’t know how

Knox: :flushed:

Knox: I’m just saying sorry if I’m awkward

Endora: I can teach you, but when your ready because hugs are my favourite thing!

Endora: Sh, i'll find it cute.

Knox: I want hugs but I just don’t get close to people so you’re really lucky

Knox: I don’t think anyone has called me cute

Knox: I’ve been called a lot of things but cute isn’t one of them

Endora: You are cute. At least as far as I'm aware and physically.

Endora: Sorry I shouldn't be complimenting you with a husband but still, the truth must be told.

Knox: you think I’m cute? Thank you

Knox: I think you are attractive yourself. I won’t tell I promise

Knox: I haven’t dated any one in a really long while but if I did I feel like I would want them to look like you

Endora: :blush: thank you so much, i'm blushing.

Endora: Aw Knox! That's so sweet of you to say.

Knox: I wish I could see that

Knox: I feel like you should be complimented often

Endora: Stop it you :stuck_out_tongue:

Endora: I'll get nervous around you the next time we see each other..I can see it already

Knox: and why would you be nervous? I have been told I’m intimidating. I hope you don’t have to feel that way with me

Knox: I want you to like me at least as a friend

Endora: For complimenting me. Not in a scared way.

Endora: I do already, funnily enough. It's nice speaking to someone else.

Knox: I feel the same. It’s sad to admit but you won’t believe how lonely I get

Endora: I’m in a relationship, and it gets lonely.

Knox: believe me. Being single isn’t much better. But I don’t want it think it’s should be like that. I’m sorry you’re lonely. You have me to talk too

Endora: I know, it's nice having someone to speak with.

Endora: I'd rather me single than with the guy i'm with now

Knox: like even if you have nothing to say but want to come over. Please do

Knox: can I ask why you don’t leave him

Endora: I've tried to leave him, the first time I did he got all emotional and said he would change.

Endora: The second time he got a little physical and verbal with me. I'm scared to try it for a third time.

Endora: Like it's hard without him signing the papers.

Knox: The first time was emotional abuse, that much I can tell you-... he guilt tripped you into staying which already makes me mad.

Knox: The second time was physical abuse, which is completely out of the question.

Knox: and for the third time well, you yourself don't need to do that, you can have lawyers arrange for that, and for protection because you don't need to be in a marriage if you don't want to.