#SORRY THIS IS SO LONG. im unwell about them. why are they like that. who did that

[bmpmp3]

the really beautiful landscape/skyscape animation in makoto shinkai's works tends to be the big thing i see focused on and that is understandable and deserved like the weather and lighting effects are unREAL but i do think we should also appreciate how absolute insane the plotlines of his original movies get. at least two movies with in universe catastrophes with major ecological implications. the guns and explosions. theres that one movie i havent seen yet with the guy who turns into a chair (?)

[clumio]

The Master for character bingo?

*I had to add asterisks to this because of the nature of the source material LOL they mean sometimes/in some instances…bbc executive if you’re out there give Sacha Dhawan more material because he could have done even more but one of his episodes was fucking Spyfall Part 2. Part 1 was great. More of that blease. I know audio dramas exist and there’s a ton of this character and different versions but. Sometimes they are just The Jonker but also they’re deeper than that. Anyway.

MY FAVORITE PRINCESS….TORTURE KING 9000 IN SABRINAS WORDS…they suck so bad your honor they enchant me. Me when im in a tragic codependent cunt-serving lowkey-fumbling gothic antagonist-occasional-sidekick competition and my competition is the master 😰 for real though. I have a lot of thoughts about them which is maybe a tenth emo projection and a lot just the text itself being batshit insane. Identity issues [VINE BOOM] abandonment issues [VINE BOOM] validation issues [VINE BOOM] all tied to a certain level on their identity as and relation to their opposing narrative foil [VINE BOOM] [CAR CRASH SFX]. Patron saint of migraines. Bets on losing dogs. Is a dog? Metaphorically? Actually was a cat one time. Non-metaphorically. Also was a goo snake. Was Evil Shadow Skull multiple times. Cannot die. I have like four different playlists about them. Love you The Master get well soon x

[roxygen22]

Any of these fever prompts with timothee pls and thank you 😊

Love you 😘

Link 🔗

https://www.tumblr.com/lawrencespen1777/751448171874533376/whump-fever-prompts-comment-your-favorite-im?source=share

Love you, too, doll! 🥰

Prompt: "You're not thinking clearly right now."

Tether

My fingers carded through Timothee's hair, damp with sweat as he lay unconscious on the hospital bed. The rhythmic beeping of the monitor must have lulled me into a trance-like stupor; I nearly jumped out of my skin when the ER nurse pulled aside the blue curtain.

"Oh, sorry hun. I just need to hang a new bag for his meds."

I nodded and stepped aside so she could do her job. I wondered what drug they were switching to now, seeing as how the doctor wasn't even sure why Timothée's fever had spiked high enough to trigger convulsions.

Flashbacks of my best friend writhing on the couch plagued my mind and seared into my brain. He had been feeling unwell for a couple of days and had to cancel a work trip that he was looking forward to. Knowing he would be bummed, I decided to go visit, bearing his favorite snacks and a couple of movies I thought he'd enjoy from my DVD collection. He hadn't answered my texts, so I figured he was resting. I used the spare key he gave me to let myself in and-

I shuddered and shook my head to clear my thoughts. He was more than just my best friend, no matter how much I tried to convince myself otherwise because he didn't feel the same.

I don't know what I would do if I lost him.

Once the nurse left, I resumed my position by Timothee's side, slowly drifting off as I rested my head on the bed, my hand clinging to his. I thought I was dreaming when I felt his fingers clasp mine. I quickly sat up, blinking and rubbing the sleep from my eyes. I couldn't tell if hours or just minutes had passed.

"Hey," he said through a strained whisper as we locked eyes.

"Oh, Timmy, you're awake!" I lifted and kissed the back of his hand and pressed it to my cheek. "I was so scared."

"How did I get here?" he questioned, looking around as he became more lucid.

"I- I found you. I came to check on you, and...and-" The dam broke, releasing the flood of tears that had been held back by a thin veil of adrenaline. He flipped his hand to gently wipe them away with his thumb.

"You have a knack for always being there when I need you. [Y/N], I- I love you."

"I- you-?" I struggled to form a coherent response as my face contorted in disbelief. I loved him dearly but never thought he saw our friendship as anything more than that.

"[Y/N], I could hear your voice while I was out. I grabbed onto it like a tether. I wanted desperately to come back to you. The thought that I may die without ever telling you how I feel was killing me over and over again. I love you and I want to marry you."

I felt my jaw drop as my words failed me. Time crawled before my neurons fired again. "Timmy, I- I love you, too. So, so much. But I'm afraid you're not thinking clearly right now. How about we talk about this later so you don't say something you regret. Who knows if these meds have made you loopy. They wouldn't tell me anything." I stood and anxiously walked around the bed to look at the IV bag for a clue of how genuine his declarations were.

Timothée shook his head and grabbed my hand again with surprising swiftness for someone who just regained consciousness only a few minutes prior. He nervously rubbed his thumb over my left ring finger. His eyes brimmed with tears, and his voice cracked. "My [cleared throat]- my only regret is not saying it a long time ago. I know it's a little backward to ask you to marry me and then ask you out on a date, but -"

"Ask me again when we aren't in a hospital, and I will say yes to both." I bent down and kissed him gently for the first time, but certainly not the last.

<><><><><>

Masterlist

Tag List:

@croatianprincess @bluizh @jindongdongie @groovy-lady @pmak2002

[opinated-user]

Sorry im new here, who is sparky. and why are they like this?

simply put, they're a predator that has been around the Miraculous Ladybug and other fandoms that have a bunch of young people in it. he used to be fairly active in the LO critical blogs, sending us all messages, DMs and even screenshots criticizing LO. but after we collectively called him out and started blocking him, suddenly he decided to cozy up to LO by feeding her the exact kind of narrative that LO craves for, that is: we're abusive to each other. meanwhile he was also messaging and getting in contact with fans of LO that were underaged. we begged to LO for days in our blog to dennounce sparky, to say anything, even just to share the call out post made about him. originally he had nothing to do with us or with her, so saying to her audience "this is a dangerous person, please block them" would have costed her nothing at all. she still choose to say nothing. and no, i won't believe that LO never saw it. we wouldn't shut up about this for days. we know she reads our blogs. she just choose to say nothing because it would undermine one of the very few voices speaking in her favor, just like she was willing to laugh along and celebrate a nazi as long they said what LO needed them to say. sparky goes through this phase where he tries to gain attention whatever means necesary, crumbles the second we call him out and dissapears to repeat the cycle in a few weeks or months. in one of those cycles he send all the critical blog, including to MO too, some long and graphic descriptions of necrophilic CSA. i still have no idea why. because he liked to think he could shock us, i guess. he's an extremly unwell individual that has utterly refused to do anything for his mental health, so all we have left is try to sniff him out whenever possible and keep him away from our spaces when we can.

[porcelain-dollbones]

warning for talking in detail about self harm

theres only so far and so long i can truly pretend to have a genuine commitment to not self harming. i know i said i was happy i went such a long time without self harming, but truthfully, im happier now that im cutting again. i enjoy it. i like seeing my blood. i like looking at my cuts. i have a neat little row of fresh ones now, running up my upper arm. its incredibly relieving in a way that nothing else is. it can draw me out of even really bad spirals quickly and leaves me warm and even a little contended which is an incredibly rare feeling for me. i dont actually want to stop.

on my bedside table, i have a packet of individually wrapped razor blades, a set of alcohol wipes, a small dropper bottle of betadine, and bandaids. i swab the area, take out the blade and make nice clean cuts, parallel to the others, usually only one or two. i watch the blood flow for a little while, then hold a tissue to it until the blood stops, disinfect the wound and dress it. i dispose of the blade safely.

i wish people wouldnt make such a big deal out of it. it makes my friends incredibly distressed and i feel terrible about that. but why does it matter so much? i self harm safely. i only choose safe spots away from major blood vessels. it doesnt put me in any danger at all. its much better for me than any of the other things i used to do to help cope with difficult feelings.

sometimes, i feel that i am rotting. that my guts are turning fetid and necrotic inside me. that my blood is curdling and turning black. when i cut myself, and see that it is red, that i am alive, i am soothed.

and it is mine. it is mine. my body is always being taken away from me. but no one can stop me from doing this. in hospital, i palmed blades from a razor and cut myself, and to me that was a statement. even though they held me there against my will and coercively medicated me and did everything they could to prevent it, they could not stop me. and so it was a form of power. a meagre one, but the only one i had. my scars from hospital are a reminder that no matter what, i will always own a little piece of my body.

and yes, it is a visible mark of my distress. proof that i am not well. why do i want that? i do a lot to hide that i am unwell. but a part of me wants that proof. even though i put them in places that wont be seen. i do not think anyone has noticed lately. i do not want them to. it is contradictory, but so are many things about me.

when people beg me not to self harm, i want to do it more. i never stopped for myself, it was only for everyone else. but why do i have to? i want it, and i am the only one who gets to decide. i am sorry that it distresses those close to me. i truly am. but i do not think i am going to stop.

[jrueships]

what are the best wire ships?

YALL SHOULD NOT HAVE ASKED ME THIS LMAO 😭😭 i am so not serious to be the header on the wire fandom resurrection front but here we go 😭 i guess 😭! I HOPE URE READY CUS IM NOT LMFAO

FYI this post might contain some spoilers to the show but if u want a nonspoilerly version, just asked! it's pretty old so if yall haven't seen it i 10/10 recommend!!!

im painfully trying a rewatch of the show, i say painfully because my attention span watching a show vs a movie is KAPOOT! i can't stream 30 hours of a show but i can sit thru a 3 hr movie (if i haven't seen it before. Ill still have to get up and stretch sometime in the middle of it but ill be attentive nonetheless). LIKE... sitting thru a long movie holds more accountability to my mind i think. If i can't binge thru multiple episodes and end on a comfy, even number like episode 10, i can't bring myself to sit thru one without checking my phone 😭 BUT IT IS A GOOD SHOW! i just suck at watching shows in general, especially past the 1st season.. idek why.. it's like i get thru the 1st season in a happy binge breeze then BOOM! no more motivation... BUT WHAT I MEANT WITH THIS IS!!!!

This 1st post will mainly just kinda lightly touch on general knowledge from season 1 then expand in detail the more seasons i rewatch (with more ships too probably). This is mainly my fav ships i noticed now or back then

TO BE NOTED THO!! the wire isn't a really shippy show tbh, it's mainly about dynamics thru relationships contributing to story/effect on the story rather than romantic relationships. Every plot point has to have an eventual purpose for the story, every interaction, etc. It has like one will they won't they mainly for angst, and it's for Detective McNulty who has a general 'will he won't he' beat the Irish drinking gene or whatever lmao. If u wanna ship, u gotta really take the few nuggets the show might give u and REALLY turn them to gold. Cus they are gold in general, but it's up to you to make them really profit! IN CONCLUSION.. u gotta be. A little delusional. Hence our first 'ship' introduction..

🩵 stinkum & bird 🩵

... i told you we had to be a little unwell to really indulge. Sorry.

this is a totally biased list so please excuse me. Stinkum n Bird are two of Avon's muscle in the game and they both get outta it pretty quick. Involuntarily, of course, because they're the typa freaks that love it. With these two, you need context clues n connections. Almost EVERY scene Stinkum is in, he's GOT TO bring up his boy Bird. Hell, it might just be every. This is mainly due to the writers knowing the actor of bird is a big shot cameo, so it'd be too expensive to have Bird in a lot of scenes, especially in a TV show budget. And they also knew Stinkum wasn't made to last long so why not just use him as a substitute introduction to Bird's character so we don't have to pay that much for personal appearance in prologue? Bird's supposed to be the 'unhinged' one in the crew, the Crazy Guy. Crude, rude, cruel, & ruthless. Don't have the budget to show it, cheaper to tell it instead. Stinkum's just the hype man to Bird, essentially. Also he has another thing going on that leads to his early demise, but besides that, that's pretty much it. Goes to show how the show wants every dime spent for a strategical reason. Good TV shows need Causation, not 'and then's, but 'therefore' 'so' ETC.

... doesn't mean we can't have fun with it ourselves though. See, The Wire brings you quality entertainment, & it's up to us what we make of that quality to be entertained. Up to our love of the show to keep coming back to it and exploring the prime time possibilities it presented/hinted/hid. Which is a lot since practically every part of it is practical. The beauty of Stinkum n Bird to me is Stinkum being some wide-eyed doe eyed obsessed little freak who woobifies n glorifies n babygirlifies Brutal As Fuck bird because? He's insane. I guess? They both are! This is evidenced in the show, on purpose for plot! But this purpose can be made even better if we make something accidental out of it. Take the gold and spread its profits through smaller amounts, cut the product for bigger prices! LISTEN LIKE.. they made stinkum's character constantly bringing up Bird's name for plot... but him always yammering on about Bird can mean other things...... dare i say... gay things 😈. WHY does he always talk about Bird? For cheap character intro to get us ready when Bird makes his short appearance eventually yea but WHAT ELSE? they're giving us an ELSE without rlly GIVING us an else! Stinkum, who's a bit of a dopey lil goon guy, might have been unknown to a certain shooting danger one night when BLAM! He turns around, not filled with lead, but with awe for the guy he just saw skin a man alive... save HIS skin by dealing with his unforeseen assailant. Stinkum sees a softer side to the craziest, cruelest guy in their group, and has his respect eternally earned. Does Bird ever return it?? We don't know.... Bird never mentions Stink. Which creates more fun for us cus we get bounce off that with whatever the hell we want. It always goes back to the source! IF YOU WANT.. i recommend looking up 'the wire stinkum' / 'the wire bird' and ull find their scenes that show more of their character. I can elaborate on a single ship in more detail if u want, just ask ! trust me, id be MORE than happy to lmao!

🩵 Bird n Omar 🩵

Apparently, thanks to Stinkum, we know Bird n Omar jailed with each other. And STINKUM heard from BIRD that Omar was gay?? Which is like.. ok. Thanks stinkum/bird??? That's a bit.. what do u mean by that... have you, Bird, man whose little scenes he's shown is spewing same sex sexuality slander 99% of the time, Experienced that info Firsthand? Are you. Perhaps. Were you... One of Omar's whole stable of boys he had while locked up at Jess Up 🤨? ...the public needs to know 😈. Is all this talk you have against the lgbt.. perhaps... coming from a bit of internalized Rage 🤨? hm 😼? AND THIS ISNT JUST MY SPECULATION EITHER!! Other wire fans thought this!! They were sus on stinkum n Bird's relationship too!!! hell i GOT that idea from one of the wire's youtube COMMENTS!! yall we see it.. we do. Also Omar is 5'10... Bird is 5'3 at worst (says he's 5'5 but trust me. That is a definite lie.) .. Bird's also Omar's type too (which i find hilarious).. lightskinned. some may say, even, a little bratty BUT HEY! HEY!! im just usin my context clues given to me from THE SHOW ok! dont shoot the messenger bird... Omar looked like he was enjoying Bird getting his comeuppance a little Too well in that police interrogation scene.. i wouldn't be surprised if there was a deleted scene of him saying 'oh what a mouth'... BUT FROM THE SCENE GIVEN TO US THO.. what do you Mean 'bird really knows how to bring it out of people', Omar 🤨? What do you. What do you Mean by That 🤔? something.... explicit 🫣?

ANYWAYYYSS... smthin Bigger.

🩵Avon & Stringer 🩵

u rlly do have to see the show for all of these to rlly land with u tbh, the bigger ones especially bcs when the show has two characters they keep close for long... u know they're gonna be in pain. And u are too. I love avon and stringer man they make me so 😭😭!! One bleeds red the other bleeds green... ones all for family, the other for profession but DAMN IT! He thought he was family too, isn't it? Aren't i... Avon ? If the other ship types were doofy tongue out loyal to the bone tail wagging dumbly following dog Stinkum x asshole cat with claws who Maybeeee has a Slight soft spot for the dog where only HE can scratch it sometimes Bird, or elegant silk n clever streetcat with a semi bitten ear who steals fish with class Omar x rowdy rabid orange tabby cat who jumps at windows trying to eat other cats Bird..... this one is . Opposites attract. Unlikely friends to the end. Unlikely betrayal in bonds. Unlikely.. Unlikely. I don't wanna speak on it too much incase u haven't seen the show. It's just so good, it needs a justification thru watch. Avon and stringer together.. u can just feel the connection. Like these two Were childhood friends and now all this shit is happening to them.. this rift. It sucks!! It makes u wish the old days with them!! It makes u feel like an old head! Makes u feel what they're probably feeling but can't express cus they don't have the power or the pride rn!! I love them. They make me miserable. Avon and stringer were THE powercouple on the wire. They were THE girlboss malewife powercouple takeover. THE adhd bf Autistic bf romance. OKAY??? I just have to tell u the terms, it's up to u to see the show explain it. Watching stringer infodump about whatever smthing new he learned in his community college econ's is so cute. His finance bro business bro interests 😭 Avon acknowledging it and helping him indulge in it!! Making it a giant part of his organization!!! Avon the hardworking son from a long line of feared bad blood incorporating his businesstime consigliere godfather type shit ! Seeing avon get all excited at the bball game, jumping up n stomping the ground when he's winning or losing Lmao. Stringer roasting the competition, joining in on the pettiness. I love them. They're my petty powercouple and I GET TO SAY THEY DESERVED TO KISS EACH OTHER!! And GET MARRIED and LOVE EACH OTHER!!! okay!!! In another life avon is the prideful n stubborn basketball coach for their cc's poor basketball team and stringer is the sexy rich new econ professor who got demoted for being too harsh on his past private college students. D'angelo the spoiled nephew hates going to Stringer's class and hates Stringer even more when he becomes his strict new stepdad thanks to googly eyes at Avon. The coparenting comes with its troubles..

Another big crime dealing (literally) powercouple on the newer side..

🩵 marlo & Chris 🩵SHUTUP ABT CHRIS'S HAIR I TRIED OKAY IM NOT TRYING THAT HARD OKA

this one is mainly dynamic, there are some works for marlo/chris, but it's mainly dynamic exploration or relationship hinting if u squint but kept kinda dim under the surface. What's interesting abt these two is that.. They're just so interesting. It's like.. how Did they meet? WHY is chris so loyal to marlo? Also it's on misinterpretations too cus people might look at chris and think he's the ruthless killer who takes joy in his killings since he's big muscle for marlo's group... but actually he's a very chill (unless ur crime is Bad.) kinda kind n polite guy with a butler-like professional nature in his affable behavior sometimes . VS everyone thinking marlo is some emotionless, bug-eyed freak who just watches from the dark. And he is LMAO. Just like how chris CAN be ruthless, marlo CAN be hauntingly apathetic. But he can ALSO be very petty. I mean, half his Google images are of him looking disgusted LMAO. He's almost always vaguely annoyed, impeded upon, or intrigued. And chris n him Both know the other should not be messed with when pissed. If avon and stringer are the more kind of 'front and center' powercouple at the party, Marlo and chris are the two lonely assholes sitting in the dark corner (uninvited btw) of the party, vaping and judging people. Marlo doesn't drink, so he's just sipping ice water out of a red solo cup telling chris to kill whomever marlo finds insignificant (so everyone) while chris stares at the weather app on his phone, not knowing what to do. I love them in the goofy sense. They're just so awkward. Bruh girl 4 bruh girl. When two mfers with social skills where u can tell it's ok Except there's just smthin kinda Off about them, keeping them from being normL, find each other... the world burns. And it Did. They both have insane trauma and i think they should kiss. Ill def reblog with more abt them when i get to the later seasons rewatch..

🩵 Omar's og crew with him, Brandon, n bailey 🩵

i loved Omar's og little Robin hood crew so much 😭 it's a shame the wire back then didn't know how successful it'd be, so they introduced n had the other members live so short for story. They shouldve had more screen time fr! Doing shenanigans!! i just love the dynamic of Omar n Brandon being best bfs... Omar simping for Brandon n letting his mistakes slide bcs hes down bad for the lightskin.. and then there's lone wolf John bailey who just has to third wheel with them. Bailey is known to just go wherever the money goes, do whatever to get whatever, mix with whatever for whatever, so gotdammit if he has to spend time stealing money n drugs with gay people, he'll spend time stealing money n drugs with gay people!! i guess 😭. he definitely will be using that time to side eye them tho 😭😭. The funny gay couple and the straight man (literally) doing stealing shenanigans.. smh. We were robbed 😭 from their robbing!!!!!!!! i wish we saw more of them (dont get it twisted from all the praise the wire gets, it does have its faults, every show does!).. got to explore them more! We barely get to see Brandon before he dies n we don't even get to see John bailey's end result! Just hear it passing by! SMH!!! they were a cute lil ragtag group and i wanted to see them successful!!! also.. just saying John but... if u stayed n had a threesome instead of going to see ur 'mom', you wouldve lived longer...... probably not that long when you've got avon n his muscle minions after u... but still. You missed out big time bro. It's time to consider switching sexuality sides, methinks !

AS CLOSING SINCE WE'RE RUNNIN A LIL LONG!!

🩵 gay ppl.. everywhere

🩵 The Baltimore fuzz can also be poly excluding kima as platonic <3. Herc n Carver have too many sus conversations to be just bros at this point ... but ill talk more abt them later probably! They're rlly cute tho! And bunk n McNulty have their buddycop banter that's very domestic and assholic because they are domestic assholes. Bunk made lester bow-legged. Bunk ALSO outside of police stuff, has some childhood lore with Omar, of all people. Perhaps Omar had a schoolgirl crush on THE JOCK bunkster, feared star of his... school's game with the stick or whatever lol it sounds cute though! I'll talk more abt the fuzzy side of the show if u want, but they're pretty big so ull see more of that for urself with less explanation needed if u watch it !

🩵 avon's barksdale crew could be a poly powercouple gang takeover !! As could marlo's! With obvious platonic pieces as snoop probably has her own gf n such. Wee-bey is just so beautiful he needs to be a bf!! he needs someone to listen to his fish facts!! Him and stringer probably trade fish facts n finance facts! Avon and his gang kiss <3

🩵 bodie/Wallace have some fans! The stubborn kid playing tough guy to survive trying to steel his heart and the smart kid who's a little too soft and a little too supportive.. it's sweet and sad :( .

🩵 Bodie n poot are cute too. The second coming of girlboss malewife. Lil Kevin had to be in a poly with them or smthin cus there's no other reason why they should keep him along 😭 he was so shit at being muscle. It's not even funny LOL. Poot was also kinda shitty at being muscle too. Lil spoon headass, desperately debilitatingly declining hairline headass. Fuckin poot 😭.. bodie rlly spent his whole life carrying the team tbh. No wonder he's always such a crabby Lil guy! Yall make him do too much! By the time he was 26, he felt 86 probably !!

🩵 there's also cutty n slim charles, n other people that show in the later seasons that i can address later in a reblog, but yea! So far those are my favs mentioned n can be elaborated later! thank u SO much 4 asking, this was SUPER fun n appreciated 🩵🩵🩵 i doubt many ppl will read this n i don't blame yall but TRY if u can.. to watch The Wire if ure ever bored n have some freetime!! it's so good 😭

[salsakiyoomi]

GAHHH OH MY GOD OKAY OKAY first of all holy smokes I love the theme on your blog so much it's so cool and the red is just,,, chefs kiss oh man💗💗🥹!!

OKAY AJAJA would it be alright if I asked for a matchup for Spiderverse (either of the other fandoms work if they're easier/more fun to work with!! I love all of the fandoms there as well ajajja) :O??<3 please take as long as you need with it!!💗🙏

my persona:

name: ellie :D

personality: ENFP/ENTP (but E and I are bound to change depending on how I'm feeling while taking the test BWAHSHSHD so here's another description!!): I'm a generally optimistic person with the sense of humor of an eight year old boy. I will laugh at your mom jokes and then apologize and then make another one😭 I enjoy helping people and creating things, but I do tend to question my morals a lot and wonder why I am helping those people !! I really like the idea of self-improvement and knowing there's always room for more :D reminders are always great too because I forget a lot of things SJDBSJSJHS

zodiac sign: aries!

ideal type: i'm okay with being paired with any gender, no preference! i'm also a minor/highschool student if that helps at all :D (i'm totally on board with platonic matchups as well, i'm unlabeled so for me i can roll along w just about anything!! whatever is easiest GAARAHH). i really admire people who are kind at heart, it doesn't matter how they show it :D i admire people who are humble but not meek, and are willing to speak their minds when it feels right to them OH MAN and I also love people who i can go on and have deep talks with them and fall asleep next to them giggling like im 7 years old at a sleepover every night. OH AJDJSJ and I also love watching shows meant For Literal Children/cartoons because I find them genuinely hilarious and the lessons are always so good 😭🙏 creativity is important to me as well + education for passions :D my giving love language is words of affirmation and physical touch, and my main receiving is acts of service and physical touch! :D

my favorite trope: SHDHDJDJ FOUND FAMILY FOUND FAMILY FOUND FAMILY or any forms of domestic fluff!! 💗💗(sharing a bed and hurt/comfort and being held after a nightmare is my JAM BWAHHS)

favorite season: autumn :)))

hobbies: I absolutely love biology/biomed/environmental science :D! I love going to aquariums and (art) museums and learning about my passions. i definitely want to work at an aquarium as one of those people who give tours to the 3rd graders one day 🥰🙏 I also love listening to instrumental scores from movies!! (I CRIED OVER THE ONES FROM ATSV I AM UNWELL) how to train your dragon and big hero 6 are definitely up there as a few of my favorites :D oh man I also love performing and doing musical theatre for the sake of the community WAHHHSJ,, I love art and writing even though I can get pretty bad writer's block AND OH MAN I love tutoring a lot and going on bike rides when I'm alone !! I love hanging out w people but I also value my alone time as well, and soMETIMES (I AM WORKING ON IT SJXJSJ) I tend to become a doormat where i can't say no and worry about how I am in public places (bUT I HAVE NO PROBLEM DOING PRESENTATIONS WHICH I FIND HILARIOUS SJXNSKJD), but again I SWEAR I am working on it !! =D💗

and the fandom for spider verse would be great :D!! but again anything else is totally okay!!!

OKAHXHSJD IM SO SORRY I WROTE SO MUCH PLEASE DO NOT STRESS YOURSELF OUt ABOUT IT I ALSO THINK YOUR WRITING IS VERY NEAT AND I LIKE IT VERY MUCH AND I AM DEFINITELY GOING TO READ MORE BECAUSE THE STARS W AKAASHI MADE ME MELT. okay that is all have a wonderful day!!! 😭🙏🙏🙏💗💗 take good care of yourself and make sure to sleep well :D!

HONEYMOON MATCHUP WITH : HOBIE BROWN

— honeymoon :

– hobie thinks it's a little funny, honestly, how things turned out with you — the two of you are almost polar opposites, but you know what they say ; opposites attract, and you were his missing puzzle piece — hobie didn't like labels, but there was no denying that he certainly had a thing for you, and you couldn't deny that you liked him either, so you settled in middle ground.

– hobie would come to your place every night — that's how it started, you'd watch a movie or two and once the clock strikes midnight, you find yourself laying in bed with him, huddled up in his arms with your head resting on his chest and his face buried in your hair, the two of you talk about alot of stuff, jumping from one topic to another about completely unrelated things — he likes listening to you talk, likes the sound of your voice and how it immediately soothes him into a good mood — but once the clock nears five am, and you start mumbling and tripping on your words and your eyelids become heavy, he places a soft kiss on your lips, telling you it's time for bed before holding you close and the two of you eventually fall asleep.

– hobie has a knack to convincing you to do things you wouldn't usually do, like going out with him at three am on a supposed 'date' where he takes you to one of the city's highest rooftops with a couple of snacks and the radio playing your favourite songs, he likes to draw and often brings his sketchbook to those dates, so the two of you doodle on the pages, slapping stickers on them and creating a perpetual memory, and he thinks — actually, believes, that no matter what, he'd never forget you, and he has reached a conclusion that maybe, just maybe, he may be in love with you.

— what's on the radio : moonlight, kali uchis

a/n : hello??? kirishimas-manly-eyeliner ?? 😭😭 i used to follow you, i loved your blog sm and you were legit one of my inspirations to write 😭😭 i didn't know you were aware of my blog holy shit, i love you so much 😭 thank you for the request and your ask was so much fun to read like shejwkwk, you're such a nice person help 😭 thank you sm for the request again, ily — also atsv was so good, i cried alot during the moving so you aren't alone, and i loved hobie's animation ! i loved the way they colored him and how he looked like he was out of a panel and the way he changed colors (??) it was so good, he's one of my faves pls 😭 i hope this did you justice and that you like it ! once again thank you sm for the request <33

[frutigerfaggot]

Hihihi Kosmo. I can’t play more bg3 for a while (ran out of space on my puter, need to order an external hard drive and move it onto there <\3) and I’m going through Hyperfixation Withdrawal. You know how it is. So MY POINT IS in the meantime you should tell me about your tav I wanna hear about your tav please tell me about your tav. Also I’d like to hear how the games going for you and all that, if you don’t mind sharing :)

HIHIHI ARI :) sosorry about your puter </3 stay strong in these tough times soldier!! also i do know The Hyperfixation Withdrawal 🤝 i need my daily dose of Guys From My Computer to keep me going youknow. ANYWAY I DONOT MIND SHARING I LOVE TALKING ABOUT THINGS AND HEARING ABOUT THEM ALSO !!

as for gameplay i havenot. gotten far. </3 i keep remaking my tavs because i came up with something better. but so far i keep failing checks and getting blown up and catching on fire and falling and dying and so on <3 its so funny. to me. its like a recurring gag on a sitcom. shadowheart keeps befalling the same fate as my tavs as well. go girl give us nothing ! (said lovingly)

RAMBLINGS BELOW I GOT CARRIED AWAY SOSORRY.

^^^^ my main man Amari !! only one picture because i may have made them in august and. forgot about him. so sorry king

he/him . or they perhaps... heart <3

high half elf and. a bard. <3

romancing astarion (

also his name means eternal in hebrew because well. i think thats funny. guy named immortal dating a guy who is immortal. anyway.

the most i got lore wise is that their background is urchin. perhaps learned instruments and whatnot to make money.

i wish i had more worked out but. alas. melchior and those damn old men (aldente) plaguing my mind.

^^^^ MELCHIOR... MANDATED DARK URGE TAV. YOU KNOW.. more pictures because i made him the other day. theen remade him again today which is why this took so long so sorry </3

he/him <3

seldarine drow and. a rogue .

romancing that damn vampire also. because i kept hearing things about durge and astarion. no other reason <- lying

picked melchior because. seems like something a weird little guy would name himself.

okay. i am a poser i havent played much. however i know durge lost memories and so on. but i was making this dude before i decided to make him my durge tav and. i donot want to change his lore

he was the worlds worst conman. grunkle stan style. warrant in 25/50 states youknow. doesnot remember any of this. when asked about his background hes too prideful to admit he doesnt remember anything and lies each time. horrible at keeping up with these lies however and everyone is so painfully aware (but he doesnt realize that).

also i think its funny to imagine these guys Adventuring and whatnot and coming across various wanted posters for their questionable little buddy. and each time hes soso close to remembering something but brushes it off as an equally charming and beautiful and great at everything stranger you know. do you get me <- is unwell

got that good. that good for nothing. dude is SHIT at EVERYTHING. ive rolled a critical failure on damn near everything with him. i like to imagine this annoys astarion to no end because. well im normal. im about to get ill about that vampire. so sorry.

gets to the point where astarion starts doing things for him because he cant do anything. melchior is beyond amused and begins to fail horribly on purpose to annoy him. everyone in the party hates these two. two guys dragging their party down <3 love loses !

horrible at reading social cues also. because i heart projection. cannot tell when hes being made fun of. or flirted with. astarion cannot win with this guy. makes a catty comment and melchior goes "thanks dawg!" and daps him up so hard he gets a spinal injury.

gofd theres so muchmore about these two and their ddynamic that ive made up in my mind but this is getting long and my fear of being cringe is winning. you know how it is. ANYWAY THANKYOU THANKYOU THAN K YOU !!!!!! YOU SHOULD ALSO TELL ME ABOUT YOUR TAV(S) . IF YOUD LIKE. OR ANYTHING BG3 RELATED REALLY I LOVE HEARING ABOUT THINGS !!!!!! <3 also i intend to draw these two. at some point. i make no promises however you know how it is another note... been thinking about making a third dude for gale or perhaps karlach. but these two r enough fornow.

[wanderingpages]

Chapter 3, LETS GOOOOOOOOOOO

Hot girl math every chapter, but i like that you solved the equation for me ❤️❤️ vivi is cardans age, but a freshman 

“My breasts would spill out of anything she owns, so I let her know I do actually own clothes sexy enough to attend a party.” - mommy? Sorry. Mommy?

““I used to sneak out of the house pretty late,” I reveal to her. “Sneakers though – had to climb up to my roof to get back into my bedroom.” ” - she a baddie she showing her panty – also as an aside, love the aesthetic you have going on for the tumblr chapters, like oof, you said (drake voice) this is not to get confused, this ones for you (Me,) – also does this mean she sucks at heels cus she never thought to wore them since she always used sneakers and this is foreshadow or am i reading too into this??? Also this, foreshadow too? > “but he always drew the line at curfew.” (me picking at crumbs) also: Air Force 1s in my air force one (Aside, yall remember rocking that thang remix? Yall remember when rap songs had remixes with like everyone?? Last one i heard was probably fuckin problems. We need another anthem (So i gave em another anthem [we the bessstttt]) - dj khaled - me. Peach i am on medication for Covid.)

““My…brother,” I test the word out. It’s so foreign, it tastes rancid in my mouth. ”- ok but physically, jude…jude, look at me, physically. Not rancid at all. He is delicious, i promise, you jude. Jude. I promise, you jude ❤️❤️❤️❤️

“When I say it again, in front of the lookout guy at the door of the frat house,” - ok but this transition!!! When i say its a MOVIE, PEach. PEACH

“Let me embarrass myself in front of his friends and roommates. He’ll laugh about it later, with them” awed by how canon this actually is for fanfic lmao

““Alright sweet thing,” this guy tells me and I want to punt kick him in the balls for it.” - i know thats right fr. Vivienne also, is everything. Shes a better friend than she is sister, and ill let that sit with yall (yall, i say like im talking to a crowd, bye, im so delulu) anyways but the whole inner turmoil of jude thinking Cardan invited her to embarrass her? Baby who hurt you (Your mother, i know. Already cleared that) im talking in a lot of parenthesis. You can see where the medicine is taking over, actually. Im lucid tho

““My baby sister,” he coos in jest, making me feel uneasy. “Come here,” he tells me,” –he’s such a dickhead im in love

“At the wedding it was all soft makeup and tied up hair. Today, there’s glitter on my eyelids, sharp wings accentuating the shape of my eyes, a gold glimmer on my cheeks that catches in the light, and lips so red that he holds his gaze there for a moment too long. ” – Peach, i love this so MUCH she’s EVERYTHING TO ME 🥰😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨

But back to him being an ass why is he soooo lol like really walking around the fact that theyre NOT related, for the taboo of it all. Kinky mf, i fear.

“catching mirth in pretty hazel eyes only partially obscured by sandy blonde hair. ” GHOST? IS THST YOU?

JUDE AND CARDAN KISSED? WHEN?

OH - “. We did a little more than kissing that night. His fingers traced over parts of me even the sun hadn’t yet touched. Thunder had masked cries I couldn’t hold back and lightning had made him look like a luminous god. I cross my legs, embarrassed and something more.” help me. Also shut up locke, mind ur business for real, this is grown people talk.

Omg it was Ghost ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️”“You’re Greenbriar’s sister.” / “Stepsister,” I breathe out ” stop this is so derek and casey coded 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨

HOLD ON WAIT GHOST?! GHOST AND JUDE? ( I love that he braced her head when they fell lmao horny but gentlemanly)

AHHH CARDAN? HELLO?! NICASIA ? OH MY GOD AND ALL FOUR OF THEM JUST DECIDE TO KEEP GOING?? They said impromptu orgy. “Cardan shifts and leans back on his elbow, still having a perfect view of me, but now giving Nicasia space to twist her head to look at me, too. ” - please…. I am on my knees… i am unwell….i am sick to my stomach… alexa play that should be me by justin beiber…. That should be me fr but which one is the question??

God why is ghost everything right now??? “Do you want them to watch?” like oh my god….. I need a moment. I need a lot of moments. “”Do you want your brother to watch me taste your come?”” – i am…convulsing. Ghost is… like my body is breaking out in a sweat.

Say please and make it as sweet as your – top 3 things that would send a victorian child into a coma

Stop why was this the best head ive read? 

““Such a good girl,” I hear Nicasia whisper.” - help….  They are actual deviants and i am in hell, keeping your seat warm, peach ❤️❤️❤️❤️

lol see this is the longest ask over ever had so far and I’m truly amazed at your commitment ngl

Sneakers, I guess it’s foreshadowing for some stuff 🤷🏻‍♀️ curfew, yes. I like that you have three separate song references in one paragraph lmao I also feel this is the point you should have called it a night and fell asleep 💀

This is so uncannon that’s I’ve tried to slip all the cannon stuff I actually can in 😫

Actually cardan was intoxicated here but was genuinely surprised she introduced herself as his stepsister cus he was like …oh? Ok…:)

Yeah you know I love me some Ghost 🤭

Yes! Absolutely Derek and Casey!

Yes ghost!!!! Also I do love people being mindful during intimate moments ngl like duh hes gonna make sure she doesn’t crack her head open!

Your commentary here is sending me oh my god 😂🥰

[mycptsdstory]

Look, I'm gonna sound rude, (and vent, A LOT) before I say this and I will be talking about some of my ex friends. I will be talking about how healing hurts and sometimes, you're just gonna have to push through.

Me and my fiancé went to London to see AEW at Wembley stadium. I had a FULL BLOWN panic attack, thinking someone is going to rape me and attack me. Thank god, I had my meds to calm me down a bit. HOWEVER, I DIDN'T LEAVE. I STAYED. Why? I did it for my fiancé. He spent so much money, for us being there and (this is where I'm gonna sound fucking rude, before you bitch and whine at me) I didn't want to be selfish and ruin the day for us. RUIN THE DAY FOR HIM. IM NOT LETTING MY CRAPPY MENTAL HEALTH DO THAT. FUCK THAT.

Did I get extreme after effects from the panic attack? Oh boy did I. BUT I STILL DIDN'T LEAVE. I DIDN'T WANT TO RUIN THE DAY, all because I had a panic attack. FUCK THAT.

I WANTED TO HAVE FUN. I WANTED US TO HAVE FUN and we did. It was amazing. I'm glad I didn't walk away and ruin the day for us. I even told my therapist and how proud she is of me because normally, people would walk away. I DIDN'T WALK AWAY AND IM SO FUCKING PROUD OF MYSELF. Next time, when I go to a stadium, I would be less likely to get a panic attack. Why? BECAUSE I PUSHED THROUGH. I DID IT. I PUSHED THROUGH AND I'M SO FUCKING PROUD OF MYSELF.

I lost count on how many times my own friends flaked out on something because they had a flashback, or it causes server anxiety. That in the long run, can cause Avoidance Tendencies and Avoidance Personality. It doesn't help them, or their loved ones.

I remember I had a friend who had Selective Mutism and countless of times, she refused to go to places because it made her Selective Mutism flare up. Even at events, family weddings. Her family just accepted that behaviour and she ruined the day for them. I saw their faces how hurt they are, but they just let her do that. I don't get it! I don't understand! I NEVER want to do that. She even quits therapy, quits going to independence courses and stuff like that. All because her Selective Mutism flares up. All because "healing is hard". Duhhh, because healing is fucking hard, it's not a walk in the park. It's not that hard to figure out, good lord 🙄.

I don't understand how her parents just let her block her own friends. Let her quit therapy, ENCOURAGE her to be like this. Even her own mum doesn't believe in therapy. I'm sorry, that's just rude. Now she's an adult, she's not gonna change. She's already slammed the door in my face. I've stopped being friends with her, for multiple reasons.

Oh that's not even the worst part. I GET IT that Selective Mutism is an anxiety disorder. People can't talk in person, but online is just fine. This is when it pisses me off. SHE LETS HER MUM CONTACT HER FRIENDS, PRETENDING TO BE HER OWN DAUGHTER AND HER FAMILY IS OKAY WITH THIS. WTF. Sometimes, I feel like, I wasn't talking to her. I was talking to her mum. Honestly, I think her mum encourages her behaviour and lets her quit, so she can be codependent on her mum. Like, Enmeshment mother-daughter. There I said it.

I had a major panic attack and so many flashbacks at the stadium and I REFUSED to be selfish and ruin the day for my fiancé. I didn't want to be that person, who lets people down. But my ex friend did this, MULTIPLE TIMES. It's fucking rude.

I had another friend who refused to see other friends, who just flaked on them. Was always late, but when it comes to boys... oh she never flakes out on them 🙄. It's fucking rude J.P. so rude.

Yes, I did have major after effects from the panic attack. Did I care? Nah. It was fucking worth it going.

Being in the homeless shelter, being around so many mentally unwell women. They all did avoidance, because it was easier than dealing what they are going through. Me? FUCK THAT.

I had one friend, who drank her feelings away because healing is hard. Duh, because healing is hard.

You have to put in the work, no one can do that for you. No one can heal for you. You want to heal, then go ahead and do it. You want to understand your brain? There are libraries, with psychology and not those stupid self help books scams bs. There are scholarly articles FREE on any search engine about psychology. There are no excuses now. Even FREE books online to understand CPTSD. Again, you have no excuse.

So yeah, I don't understand how someone can flake it because it's hard. Me? I'm doing that thing, if my CPTSD likes it or not.

[1800duckhotline]

dont expect this to be a well-put together analysis/interpretation/etc because im extremely bad at putting my thoughts together but i HAVE to write this down before i completely forget.

sister amalie brainworms ahead. skip over if youre not a #pentimenthead (or dont idk up to you)

so while i dread talking to my parents abt religion theyre regrettably more knowledgeable about a lot of its aspects than i am (never did cathechism and never did communion as a child and idgaf about doing it now aged 23) but i asked them a bit about Why does sister amalie have Purple in her habit. Because purple is a color that REALLY stands out not only against her basic vestments which are white, but also because literally nobody except maybe priests during certain festivities/periods of the year for mass/ceremonies wears colors that vibrant as a like, religious uniform.

from basic history i'd gathered that purple is a regal color. this was completely unrelated from Why amalie has purple in her habit. (lol) But anyways from what i understood long story short is that purple in religion represents grief, penance and wait (for the coming of Christ iirc). This is like, the baseline for what purple represents in ALL usage of it in paraments.

We know Amalie is a mystic and an anchoress; specifically an ascetic who lives a mostly reclused lifestyle and has possibly been a regular nun before turning to this specific kind of lifestyle (which is surprisingly free of rules, anchorites aren't constricted by vows such as chastity for example, nor do they have obligations to the public or the church: their life is reserved exclusively to study and prayer) - I'm referring to times before she was at her old convent with Father thomas (according to the game, 10 years prior the story).

Mystics can either recount of their visions, reserve themselves to prayer or even become exorcists. We know pentiment isn't fully founded in like 200% realism but we know well Amalie is a mix of the first two; her 'visions' are even well explained by her probable chronic pains which, for the time, weren't treatable much if at all - pain that strong (arthritis and scoliosis are no joke) is assured to give you Visions and this is still very true to this day. It does seem however that she decides to give in to this pain, as part of her asceticism, as part of her prayer and devotion. More or less it is a deliberate choice, and being the times they were a lot of these folk had a belief that the pain was a trial given to them by God for them to endure so to speak. It wouldn't be silly to claim Amalie falls under this specific type of asceticism.

If you remember what I mentioned about purple representing penance, among other things, pentiment (ha) for one's sin and past faults, it correlates also perfectly with the concept of Contrition which is central to christianity in particular and later is more or less heavier or lighter depending on the different doctrine. Contrition is essentially 'to feel crushed by guilt for a previous sin committed'. Amalie's habit is more and more decorated by purple as years go by; I can't say if this is a deliberate choice on the devs' part, though I think it'd be cool if it was both a like, literal and 'symbolic' choice. Both because more purple in habit = more years spent in 'waiting', a milestone mark of sorts - and because more purple in habit = more years spent in guilt, consciously or not, for the part she played in the terrible murders that took place in tassing (Lorenz deserved it though, fuck that guy).

Idk it was puzzling me for a WHILE because purple is SUCH a strong color to use for a design. And this makes so so sooo much sense to me. If you're still reading this I'm sorry i'm so mentally unwell about this woman

also talking to a friend apparently it was part of the anchorite rule, specifically for anchoresses, to shave their hair or otherwise keep it short (according to an old english book which, well, y'know, doesn't probably apply to all places universally, but we can nitpick information for fun here). so basically sister Amalie should be shaven. she is to ME. she is BALD AND BEAUTIFUL

[nepenthean-sleep]

very good tags by various people in case you are not understanding the point of my post here:

by @getgriddled:

#this is seriously one of my biggest gripes of this fanbase like what is wrong with you people #of course it happens in all fandoms but at this point you should make ocs . people disastrously mischaracterizing these characters #without any care.... looks at “breeding bitch milf” harrowhark aus with the utmost disrespect #maybe it isnt that /srs people are horny and whatever but i really just think it is so disrespectful to portray both gideon and harrow+ #+in those ways... YOU CAN BE HORNY AND NOT REMOVE THEIR PERSONALITIES AND IMPORTANT ASPECTS OF THEM #anyways. i hate this fanbase #thats why tlt to me is my OOMF chamber with me and my oomfs

by @notedchampagne responding to the above tags:

#PREV TAGS IS SO REAL #im conducting a study on the exponential rate of ooc-ification of griddlehark #wherein gideon is simultaneously an adored himbo and a dom daddy as a part of the fetishization of brown/black butches and - #-undermining her intellectual ability as part of her being a jock archetype. one harmless but common example i see often is ppl hcing her as #a gym bro when she canonically Isnt and that her physical ability is bc she wants to leave for the military #i can excuse this as fandom kind of comes with the expectation that these characters will be altered to archetypes so that making content is #a) easier as you follow tropes with it or b) more enjoyable bc its something that You like #furthermore harrow and gideon are both maori but regardless i see that people write their skin tones in a way that comedically resembles... #sorry for what im about to say... a little bit of racist yaoi. you make the skinny twink light and breedable and a mommy and she has- #-the brown butch daddy overpowering her and being all violent etc but Its Ok bc theyre Lesbians and shes Protective. #why did you make Straight Nuclear Family 2.0 #anyway im done theyre barely adults they should be stupid and mentally unwell and goofy and if they have sex it should be kind of bad sex

by @thatneoncrisis:

#thank you fer being brave enough to say this idk how long i could keep my mouth shut #some of you are Weird about gideon and her having sex #actually adding more all the breeding shit with gh drives me up a wall #and its always the exact same thing gideons like a butch trans woman who cant wait to knock up her tiny femme girlfriend #goddamn what fucking book did you read jesus CHRIST #in a sense it just feels like #some people arent interested in them as characters they just need stand ins for porn #and like. writing porn is not the issue here it really isnt #its like. why THESE characters what about them necessities this weird sort or reinvention of a heterosexual dynamic #oh harrow needs someone strong to hold her and fuck all her problems away shes such a baby #weird about both of them in different directions that reinforces like european ideals of how relationships should work #oh they HAVE to get married they HAVE to have a baby and be excited about it and be good moms

by @fkapommel:

#GOD thank you #like if ur gonna write her that way u gottaaa acknowledge first the broader social context and meaning of u writing her that wa y#and second that its not canon at alll #a lot of ppl in the tags are missing ops point that writing a Brown butch girl as violent sex god is NOT the hot take u think it is!! #confident!gideon does not and will not equal whips and chains excite me unemotional!gideon

can't believe i have to say this but like. i am not criticizing people for being horny and writing porn. i am criticizing people for oversexualizing butches and oversexualizing women of color in a fandom space because it both 1. is shitty and bigoted and 2. causes harm to a lot of people within the same fandom space. don't even get me started on pyrrha and how some of yall treat trans women of color i will never fucking shut up. do better.

if i have to see gideon nav mischaracterized by the fandom as a Daddy Dom Top Himbo Golden Retriever Sex God any longer i’m going to go postal. please stop and think for three seconds about why you are portraying a character who is a butch woman of color in this way.

[lee-minhoe]

mel my love hi !! i´m finally here to reply to your message! sorry it took me so long!!

first of all thanks so much for the support! i´m almost done with all my deadlines so yay!

and aaaah i totally get it noeasy is one of my face skz albums too! i just love those songs so much (star lost? my biggest love) and same!! i love their title tracks they're always so fun and hype! noise music our beloved <3

and omg that's so funny i totally get that! i actually had that with ateez. i remember first listening to pirate king and thinking ????? no. but then a couple of months (? sorry i have no sense of time) later i heard it again and was like ?????? yes. why did i ever hate this ashjdfsfhgjk.

aah i see! i hope you liked the title/album! and yes omg that's so fitting ahjkdf. your love for minho truly is the cutest :(

and ofc !! it had to be taste !!! but it's valid so i'll accept ahsdkg. i recently finally saw a vid of them performing it and !!! insanity.

as for which groups i like, we actually have a lot of groups in common! nct, svt and txt are also loves ! (pls dont ask me to pick biases im very bad at picking favorites ahfjdskhg) and omg day6!! in love with their music truly. i've listened to the rose and nflying and i've actually recently been getting into xheroes and p1h ! i adore kbands (and bands in general tbh) so much!

as for girlgroups, i actually listen to a lot of them as well ! i actually haven't really listened much to stayc but they seem so lovely ! my faves are probs itzy, le ssera, twice, red velvet, purple kiss and billlie? but i'm probably forgetting some agskdh. i actually love a lot of soloists as well but i'll stop here ahsdkf

and yes thanks so much for introducing me to his fancams !! it was so fun ! and ahfjkdhkjf he's insane i love him so. also i think i actually knew that cam!! and ugh so true he's so good it's sickening truly

as always wishing you a lovely day/night and !!!! merry merry christmas! i hope you have lovely holidays full of love and laughter and peace and ofc good food ! sending you all my love ! *hugs* - 🌻

okay but ateez…..their recent cb was really good like im still obsessed with cyberpunk, new world, etc lol im looking forward to the cb coming up!! idk much about them but i feel like ive absorbed some things through my moots 😂 i had the same thing with ateez too when i first got into kpop, i was like idk if this is for me either but now with nct and skz noise music i think my taste has changed LOL. it’s so interesting how our taste in art (not just music) can vary depending on the timing of when we come across it

the taste performance was crazy let’s not talk about that bc it makes me so unwell HAHAHA (aka lets talk about it bc i am so whipped for that man). lee know in that silk shirt 🥴🥴 how did u like skz replay?? omg and the danceracha stage for gayo daejejeon on new years eve, i cant wait for that 😁

i looove day6’s music too, i think their songs and lyrics have this feeing in them that idk how to explain but it’s relatable, and it also conveys a feeling of hope? i like rock sounds in general which i think is why i like kbands so much ^^ do u have any other fav kbands or bands besides the ones we already talked about? (also fine if u dont lol we listed a lot already)

ooh i listened to billie’s stuff recently and i liked it a lot, i also like their concept and even like the album/track titles! and they make a whole separate album thats a soundtrack for their actual album?? i think thats so cool

i hope you had a very merry xmas and are having a joyful holiday season 💕💕 im excited to find out who u are soon hehehe <33

[itsleese]

e— electricity | sero hanta & kaminari denki

warnings: 18+! erotic electro stimulation, voyerism, cunnilingus, overstim,

a/n: im unwell x ALSO dedicated to @kyberhearts who gave me this awesome idea!!

ᴅʀᴀʙʙʟᴇ ᴀʟᴘʜᴀʙᴇᴛ ʜᴇʀᴇ

You’d all decided— as a house— to be open and honest and free about everything. After walking in on Kirishima and Mina in the bathroom, and coming home early to Denki blowing Bakugo on the sofa, and being walked in on Sero teaching you how to give a blowjob yourself… there was a conversation to be had.

So, the consensus was: no dating, no kinkshaming, no secrets. Effectively, a free for all.

Which is honestly perfect for a share house full of college students, yeah? You all get to try new things with people you know you’re safe with, and there’s none of that monogamy that gets a lot of young people in trouble.

Still… anxiety grips at you as you look between Sero and Denki. Denki’s got two iPhone chargers in his mouth, and Sero’s scrolling through his phone talking about physics and wattage and volts—

“E-explain this to me one more time,” you interrupt, immediately met with wide honey eyes, lazy liquorice.

“Denks got his tongue pierced a couple weeks ago for a science experiment.” Sero smiles slowly as you tug on the hem of your oversized t-shirt, pushing it into the plush mattress between your crossed legs, knowing you’re wearing nothing underneath.

“Ath a conductithe—“

“As a conductive.” Sero’s eyes fall on Denki, “Keep your mouth closed, we want you fully charged.” Then he turns back to you, grin turning toothy, “For your pretty little pussy,”

You groan, torn between embarrassed and horny, “Sero—“

“Just wanna see if it adds to the pleasure, or if it’s… y’know? Too much.” He shrugs, tossing his phone to the bed and digging in his pocket for something.

You roll your eyes and turn your attention to Denki, who’s starting to look a little bit… twitchy. As if he feels your stare, his eyes meet yours, his whole face lighting up, rosey pink blush dusting his face.

He’s always fun to mess around with; silences the little ‘why me?’ sitting at the tip of your tongue.

“Okay!” Denki announces, spitting the cords from his mouth. You can almost see the electricity dancing behind the whites of his eyes when he pounces on you, pushing you by the shoulders into the pillows at the head of the bed.

“Hey!” Sero grabs Denki by the scruff of his shirt when he angles down to kiss your lips, pulling him away from you. “Don’t waste it, you dipshit; ‘t’s for her pussy.” He scolds, rolled cigarette hanging between his lips.

And fuck, if your cunt doesn’t clench and dribble at the look Denki gets on his face when he’s reminded.

“Sorry babes,” the blonde licks his lips, the little copper ball on his tongue catching the lamplight. “Can’t really warm you up this time.” He shrugs, sliding down your form, sinking between your thighs as he plies them apart smoothly.

“It’s fi— Ahh!” You squeak, thighs trying to close around his head as he thrusts his tongue straight into your cunt. He groans— loud and long— as he grinds his hips into the mattress, black fingernails digging into your fleshy thighs; then he’s meeting your eyes, his honey orbs almost sparkling before you feel it: a gentle rolling current against your g-spot.

“D-Denk—“ you gasp, eyes going wide, hips bucking against his face.

“More.” Sero orders lowly, his voice a pant. When you glance at him, he’s got his cock in his fist, hooded eyes watching you intently.

Then Denki obliges. It’s like nothing you’ve ever felt before, so precise and good and—

“Shhhhhit…” you whine, falling back against the pillows, the stimulation strange and hot and a little— “itchy!” You gasp, fingers digging into his hair, against his scalp, tears in your eyes.

Denki pulls away, licks his lips again, then his fingers are inside you, strong and fast and purposeful. “Gonna make you cum now, ‘kay?” He grins, then his mouth is closing around your clit, and he’s pressing that little ball to it— right under the hood— and letting the charge go.

It’s entirely too much; the shock— mixed with his skilful fingers— has you chanting his name desperately, “Denkidenkidenkidenkidenkiiiiiiiii—“ as he ups the amps, the feeling surging stronger and stronger as his fingers continue to assault your g-spot.

You can vaguely hear Sero muttering at the end of the bed, those dark eyes glued to your face, watching your brows raise higher, tears gathering at your lash line. “Comeoncomeoncomeoncomeon,” he pants, the wet friction of his hand on his lubed-up cock adding to your overstimulation.

“Oh fuck, Denks—” you finally cry, bowing off the bed, pulling his hair impossibly closer to your cunt as you cum, grinding your messy pussy against his face.

“Fuck yeah,” Sero huffs, softening cock in one hand, thick, shiny cum cupped in the other.

Denki pulls away from you, gasping, when you go limp and release his hair, “I just—“ he heaves a breath, “came in my pants.” He sounds surprised as he pulls the strap to his underwear away from his hips and looks inside. You lay there, mind fuzzy, ears ringing, as Denki laughs almost hysterically and wipes your squirt from his face. “I just came in my pants,”

“Yeah, no shit,” Sero adds with a huff of laughter. “New kink unlocked?”

“Dude, that was intense,” the blonde collapses on top of you, his head at your sternum. “Was it good?” The question’s directed at you, his pretty eyes closing as his arms circle your waist.

“It’s always good with you, Denki,” you admit, completely content in your post orgasmic haze.

“All right, all right you two,” Sero’s standing up, wiping himself off with some baby wipes and fixing his pants. “We gotta do it without the fingers now; time to recharge, Chargebolt.”

“W-wait, what?” You gasp, eyes wide.

“Oh yeah, cool.” Denki sits up. “You write down times and stuff?”

“Yeah in my phone,” Sero nods, looking down at his device as Denki reaches down to the carpet for the charging cords.

You’re practically speechless, propped up on your elbows watching as they treat you like some kind of science project.

Sero catches your stare, gives you a wink, “variables, y’know? We gotta test ‘em.”

[gentil-minou]

I read the adrien situation post and a quick question, how a person that lives in a house that doesn't really care THAT much about them go to a therapist? I'm asking this because I really want to go to one but I live in a small village and also my family thinks I'm joking when I say I really want to go to one. What do I do? I just have myself to trust here. My family isn't abusive they just put me in the dark mostly of the time but I been feeling pretty unwell for 3 or 4 years in a roll. Now I'm better! But I think I still need to go to a therapist. Can you give me a tip?

okay first of all, i'm so sorry that you've been in that situation for so long and i hope that will change soon, but here's my advice

1. find support in other way. by that i mean communities with people you identify with, whether its fandom or forums for people going through similar things. sometimes it's easy to feel isolated but i promise, there are other's like you out there and they will want to help you.

2. find an adult who you can trust, someone who you can look to for support. this could be someone at your school or an elder or a neighbor, family friend, etc. someone you trust who is looking out for you and who you feel like might understand. and dont be discouraged if it takes a while to find one, it's scary to be vulnerable but as one of those adults who advocate for kids i can honestly say we do exist.

3. im not sure what country you live in, but look into what the laws are for consent for medical services. for instance, in america and the state where i live the legal age for a minor to seek mental health services is 13. this means that if i have a client 13 and older they are able to seek services without their parents permission and i never have to contact their parents (though insurance may find out and contact them, that's why i say look into the rules and restriction in your area)

4. finally, look for other services. outreach groups, school counseling, youth groups, charities, etc. services that are there to support you. if there are none in your area, look online and see if you state/province has anything. it might be hard to find but they are there.

5. and finally, most importantly, remember that while this may be the situation you are in now, it won't be forever. it can feel that way sometimes, it can make you feel really really scared and isolated and afraid, but one day you will get out of there and you will get the support you need. even if it might take a while, you've made it for so long that i know you can keep going

and remember i'm always rooting for you <3 while i cannot offer my services as that is not ethically sound, i am here to tell you that you are loved and valuable and your feelings are valid, and i have every belief and faith that you are going to get the love and support you need one day <3

[kumoriyami-xiuzhen]

Hakuoki Shinkai: Ginsei no Shou - Saito Chapter Four

Well, this is probably my 2nd favourite chapter from Ginsei no Shou... Final edits will be done later as always. Need to go over the punctuation and some of the sentences which were compounded in the translation I used so I also need to review that... though it’s probably going to take a while before i get to the subtitled video for this since my finals are literally next week, with the last one being on friday and im only about 3/5 done with the timing for the first chapter. 

Chapter 4 occurs in Edo.

enjoy!

Hakuoki Shinkai: Ginsei no Shou - Saito Chapter Four

Translation by KumoriYami

Twelfth month, third year of Keiou. 

The Shinsengumi was very busy following the aftermath of the Battle of Toba Fushimi and other political affairs, and was very busy......

However, in comparison, the current political situation has undergone even greater changes. [check jp mtl. reword later].

The Edo Shogunate which had been provoked by Western vassals, had been unable to completely suppress them, finally accepted the Imperial Restoration Order [check jp mtl]. 

In name, the shogunate was abolished and a new government was established [reword later].

However, the Shogunate, which had held power for so long, naturally refused to give it up [check jp mtl]. 

At the end of the third year of Keiou, many soldiers had been stationed in Kyoto and Osaka in order to prevent the Sat-cho's forces/armies/troops from entering the capital. 

The Shinsengumi which had been stationed at Toba-Fushimi, also confronted the Sat-cho's forces.

Then, on the third day of the first month, before the atmosphere of the New Year had yet to dissipate——

A single gunshot started the Battle of Toba-Fushimi. 

Until now, the Shinsengumi which wielded blades, could have been regarded as invincible. 

However against the Sat-cho which with the latest weapons and equipment, they had been unable to make up the gap in performance granted by guns [reword later.]. 

The warriors fell down one after another before they even stepped into the attack range of a sword, and their dead bodies piled up like a mountain. 

Watching how he was no longer able to rely on his battle-honed swordsmanship, could only watch as Kyoto, which he had guarding with all his heart, turned into a sea of flames, I had no idea about what Saito-san had been thinking [reword later].

I had always viewed the Shinsengumi as samurai, and so, their defeat felt like it signified the end to the age of samurai...... 

I wasn’t able to put this into words, and was only able to watch in silence. 

After, in order to avoid pursuers, we decided to retreat to Osaka Castle. 

In addition to Amagiri-san, who had been repeatedly fought against.

 because I was the target of that male oni——Kazama-san, we ended up being obstructed once again.

The fighting with the Sat-cho forces had ended up [with them] being completely suppressed by the latest firearms [check jp mtl]. 

Yet even the katana that he had always believed in was unable to resist the strength Kazama-san wielded as an oni......

Even so, Saito-san was like a well-tempered steel blade, completely unyielding——

In order to fulfill his orders to protect me, he drank the Ochimizu, became a rasetsu, and was finally able to drive back Kazama-san. 

Afterwards. 

We arrived at Osaka Castle, and met up with the rest of the Shinsengumi. 

We followed Yoshinobu who retreated to Edo [check jp. pretty sure this is Yoshinobu being mentioned here], and vowed to make a comeback from Edo. 

The reason why I was living with the Shinsengumi was originally to find my missing father.

Now, since there wasn't much meaning in doing so, I didn't seem to have a reason to follow them anymore......  

After pulling myself together, I took [my] sword [check jp for kodachi] from Saito-san, and decided to follow the Shinsengumi. 

This must have been because of being in contact with them all the time , the Shinsengumi had become my home. 

First month and a half, Fourth year of Keiou [uh... reword later.].

We finally returned to Edo, and borrowed a hanamoto's residence/mansion [check game for the term they use] to use as our headquarters to regain our strength.  

But, it wasn't easy to restructure/reorganize a severely damaged organization. 

Kondou-san and Hijikata-san, in order to negotiate with the Shogunate, were attending meetings all day. 

Inoue-san and Yamazaki-san had sacrificed their lives, and Okita-san was still recuperating......

The greatest burdens naturally fell onto Saito-san. 

After turning into a rasetsu, he would feel unwell from simply being awake during the day, but he still never complained and devoted himself to working all day and night/tirelessly working. 

Second month of the Fourth year of Keiou

One day during the second month of the Fourth year of Keiou, when I saw deeply distressed over how Saito-san was working and reluctant to even sleep, the following story occurred. 

Second month of the Fourth Year of Keiou

During the first month of the year, the former/old shogunate army, which had been defeated at/in the/during the Battle of Toba-Fushimi, retreated to Edo, was waiting for the opportunity to make a comeback.

The Shinsengumi, who had also returned to Edo, first stayed at a hotel in Shinagawa, then borrowed a hanamoto's residence in Edo to use as their headquarters. 

In order to revitalize/restructure the situation [reword later. think that reads oddly], every day was very busy.

About a month after returning to Edo...... 

Yukimura: Um, I remember that this box should have......

I was in the middle of hastily organizing all sorts of things that had been bought for the/at the new headquarters/I was at the new headquarters and arranging all sorts of things that had been purchased [check jp mtl]. 

However, I couldn't waste too much time on this.

Because I still had to go shopping, and there were many other things that had to be done——

Yukimura: Ah……!

Because of how flustered I was, I accidently knocked down a pile of luggage. 

Yukimura: Ah……

Those things need to be put back/returned to their original positions as soon as possible. 

Thinking this, I quickly/hurriedly picked up the luggage. Just then/At this moment, someone opened the door, and a cool/clear/cool and clear [check jp mtl] voice came [echoed]. 

Saito:……Yukimura.

Yukimura: Ah, Saito-san. I thought you went out, but it turns out you were here [reword later].

Saito: I just returned....... putting that aside, I heard a loud noise just now.

Yukimura: Ah...... I'm sorry, I wasn't careful and knocked some of the luggage down [reword later?]. I'll clean it up right away, so don't worry about it.

Saito: It'll be difficult for you to do this by yourself, so I'll help you. 

Shortly after he spoke, he picked up the luggage and returned it to their original positions [reword later].

Yukimura: But, Saito-san, shouldn't you be very busy……？

Saito: I'm not so busy to the point that I don't have time to put these back.

Yukimura:……Thank you, Saito-san.

Shortly after, we finished packing the luggage [thesaurus later].

Saito: Anyway, Yukimura.

Yukimura: Nn, what's wrong/what is it?

Saito: Are you the only one sorting out the luggage here?

Yukimura: Yes. It's because the other warriors have their own work to do. In the past, Inoue-san would help me clean up, but——

After saying that, I quickly stopped myself.

Yukimura:…………I'm sorry.

Saito: No, you don't need to apologise.

Yukimura:…………

Inoue-san and Yamazaki-san, they died during the Battle of Toba Fushimi.

During such normal daily circumstances, to suddenly think of……

It was depressing/I couldn't help but feel depressed [check video].

However Saito-san and the other warriors would never publicly express their grief.

That's why...... I try to not to mention Inoue-san to them as much as possible.

Saito: Anyway, Yukimura. I would like to take you somewhere later....... Do you have anything you need to do?

Yukimura: I was planning to go buy food for dinner after....... I was just thinking about which of the warriors I could go with.

Saito: In that case, I'll go with you. Afterwards, I hope that you can accompany me. 

Yukimura: Alright, that's fine, but where are we going?

Saito: Matsumoto-sensei. So I can see the circumstances of the wounded.

Yukimura: Ah, so it was like that....... But, is that okay for you? It's still early. 

Having become a rasetsu, Saito-san would feel unwell in the sunlight [check jp mtl 'during the day'?]

But, he still......

Saito: That doesn't matter. Please get ready as soon as possible.

Although I  was very worried about him, but...... [check game]

Yukimura:.......I know.

I'm afraid that telling him to rest now, would instead be more painful. 

I silently convinced myself, and decided to go with him.

Afterwards, we visited Matsumoto-sensei, confirming the/Matsumoto-sensei to confirm the circumstances of the wounded......

Yukimura: The majority of people seem to have recovered from their injuries, which is good [check jp mtl].

Saito:......Yes, it can be said that this is good luck/blessing despite misfortune. In order to prepare for the next battle with the Sat-cho, it is necessary for as many soldiers to recover from their injuries as soon to regain [their?] combat effectiveness. 

Yukimura:......Nn.

Saito: Unfortunately, Souji......

Yukimura:......!

Hearing Okita-san’s name, I froze.

Just now, according to Matsumoto-sensei, Okita-san's seems to have seriously/significantly deteriorated——

In the future/From now on, I'm afraid that/perhaps he will never be able to hold a sword [ever] again. 

Saito: The Chief and Vice-Commander hope that they will be able to fight against the Sat-cho again soon, but I do not know if they will be able to fight alongside Souji the day that hope becomes a reality...... [check jp mtl. difficulty with translating]

Yukimura:…………

Even Saito-san, who rarely expresses himself, couldn't help but feel extremely regretful when he thought of never being able to fight alongside Okita-san again. 

Shortly after, he shook his head. 

Saito:......Sorry, I’ve upset you by saying that. [check jp mtl. Tl is more literally: Sorry, for saying that, hearing that upset you]

Yukimura: No, how could that be…...

Saito: [We’re going] back to headquarters [check jp mtl], there is still work that needs to be done.

Just as Saito-san finished speaking, and was about to move [tl is “to take a step”. Check jp mtl]. 

Saito: Guh……!

Suddenly, he winced and groaned in pain.

Yukimura: Saito-san!?

I rushed forward to support him.

Saito:......No, you don’t need to worry, I was just feeling dizzy [check game for punctuation].

Yukimura: But......!

After Saito-san turned into a rasetsu, even/just walking in the sunlight would cause pain beyond imagination/would be accompanied by unimaginable pain. 

Yukimura: After we return to headquarters, why don't you go rest for a bit? You've recently been busy with work, and don't seem to have enough rest [reword later.]. 

Saito: There is no time to rest now. 

Yukimura: But, if you continue like this……!

Saito: I said that you don’t need to worry. Now, we’re going back to headquarters.

Yukimura:......

From the bottom of my heart, I could not accept Saito-san's words. 

But, I also knew that the work he was doing, was something only he could do. 

For that reason, I didn't say anything, and returned with him to headquarters. 

Following that, it seems that Saito-san seemed to be reluctant to spend any of his time on sleeping/reluctant to even sleep, and buried himself in his work. 

It wasn't like visiting the injured soldiers yesterday, or dealing with various trivial matters, such as allocating the necessary supplies for headquarters, would do anything to raise the funds that were needed to pay for the expenses during this period of time, or anything/and so on [check jp mtl. had difficulties with this sentence].. 

Additionally, preparing money/funds for new clothes and bedding, the purchase of weapons, preparing medicine, arranging for food ingredients [reword later. check jp mtl. "money for clothes." word i have can be translated to a money-related word or "change" as in 'change of clothes']...... There were a lot of things that needed to be dealt with.

Of course, I also wanted to help as much as possible. 

Despite that though, I am unable to completely do everything. 

If only he would take a day off for his health......

Yukimura:……?

At this moment, I heard some noise from in front of the entrance. 

Those voices, it couldn't be......

I hastily ran over to the entrance. 

Opening the doors, standing in front of me were——

Yukimura: Nagakura-san, Harada-san, are you heading out?

Shinpachi:: Nn? Ah, yeah. I was planning on asking/inviting some of the soldiers to something good to eat/to eat something nice, to(/and) cheer them up [reword later]. 

Yukimura: That's it/That's...... 

If only doing something like that could encourage/cheer Saito-san up. [check jp mtl. Don’t think “cheer” is appropriate for Saito though that’s an accurate translation. thesaurus later?] .  

Seeing how I was unusually lowering my head, Harada-san looked at my face. 

Harada: What’s wrong? Did something happen?

Yukimura: Actually......

I told them about what I thought when I went out with Saito-san yesterday. [reword later?]

Harada: A way to cheer up Saito…... 

Shinpachi: What can we do about that [though?]? Even if you told him to rest, there's no way he would just obediently do that. 

Harada: Yeah. There'd be no choice but to use force to get him to sleep, right? [check jp mtl]

Yukimura: Fo-Force/By, by force? 

Shinpachi: Hey hey, you're talking nonsense, Sano. How can a girl compel Saito with brute force? [check jp mtl]

Harada: We also should be helping [check jp mtl], but,  it's not good to leave the other warriors to themselves...... 

Yukimura: The other warriors, are they too busy that they don't have time to rest......?

Shinpachi: Well...... we were ultimately defeated in battle. There are a lot of guys who are constantly accumulating resentment [reword later]. 

Harada: After all, they're all vigorous youngsters/young people, if they aren't allowed to drink and vent their frustrations, I really don't know what they might do. 

Yukimura: That’s…...

Harada: Once we come back, we'll take on/share a portion of Saito-san's work. We can't always leave the entire burden on him/all the responsibilities to him...... right?

Yukimura:......Nn, both of you, thank you.

The two men walked shoulder to shoulder. 

Watching their backs, I suddenly got an idea. 

Yukimura: Letting them drink sake to vent/express their frustrations......

I didn't know if such a thing would work with /if such a method would be effective for Saito-san. 

However, compared to doing nothing....... perhaps it was worth trying. 

Thus, later that night. 

Yukimura: Saito-san, are you/did you fall asleep?

I asked the question from behind the sliding door. [reword later?] 

Saito: Come in, Yukimura.

Yukimura: Yes, excuse/pardon me.

Saito-san still looked too busy to pay attention to me/still looked too busy to me...... [check jp mtl]

Without looking away from the/his desk, he remained focused on writing a letter. 

Saito: It's very late, is something wrong? [reword later]

Yukimura: Saito-san, are you busy right now?

Saito: There are still matters that must be completed [reword later]. Western-style training and weapons must be arranged for as quickly as possible. 

Yukimura: Then when that is finished, will your work for today be done?

Saito:......?  

Saito: No, after that's done, even though that is finished, there's still work that needs to be done and it is best to start sooner——

Turning his head, when he saw me, his expression instantly hardened/froze. 

Saito: Yukimura, what is that?

Seeing how speechless he looked, I replied with a smile. 

Yukimura: It's sake——I'll wait for you to finish that letter, there will be drinks tonight [check jp mtl. had difficulties with this sentence]! I'll be accompanying you too!

Saito:……What……?

When Saito-san's work finally came to an end......

I hurriedly explained my intentions, and poured the sake into a cup. 

Saito:.......What is this/this for. What on earth are you thinking?

Yukimura: The letter's done. You can finish the rest of your work tomorrow....... 

Saito: Even if it's not urgent/an emergency, it's better to finish this early. 

Yukimura: But, can't you have a drink? It's important to rest properly. 

I pushed the cup of sake in towards him/in front/before him.

He hesitated doubtfully for a moment, [but?] he still took the cup. 

Saito:…………

But he still didn't drink. 

It was difficult for someone to drink by themself, I thought, so I poured myself a cup, and drank it without the slightest hesitation. 

Yukimura: Ah...... It's, it's good sake! Saito-san, please [check jp mtl. word i have is "please" but it can also mean 'to ask/invite' or 'request'. maybe change to 'please have some'?]! 

Saito-san’s brows furrowed tightly, as if he was thinking for a moment......

Saito:......In the end, what is your purpose? [reword later? i don't like how that reads]

Yukimura: Actually, I——

How should I answer that?

Choices:

[It's to get you drunk] <-

[I just wanted to drink with you]

Yukimura: Because…… it’s to get you drunk.

Presumably it was because my answer was too startling, that Saito-san fell silent/was speechless [probably change to the latter].

Saito: To get me…… drunk? Are you able to drink a lot [tl is more “hold your liquor/have good capacity for drinking. reword later]?

Yukimura: Th-That's......

How was I supposed to say that I almost never drank, but was I being too bold to try and get Saito-san to be drunk? [reword later]

But......

Yukimura: If I don’t do this/If this isn’t done, you’re never going to rest. If you continue like this, you’ll definitely collapse one day. Please, just for tonight, please listen to my request and drink this sake/drink this [check game]!

Saito: Wa-Wait. You're not making any sense. Considering that....... you're not actually drunk, are you?

Yukimura: I'm not drunk! I only had one cup. Rather than me, you should be drinking this, Saito-san! This sake was specially prepared for you!

Saito:......Apparently, you won't let me go if I don't drink [reword later?].

He finally raised the cup of sake to his mouth.

Yukimura: Saito-san, did you drink it......?

Tonight's goal was to get him to rest properly.

If I was the only one that got drunk, then it was meaningless. 

While I only had one drink, I wasn't sure if he actually drank anything......

Yukimura: Saito-san...... what do you think of this? [how is it]

Saito:  Ah, aah......

Although I felt dizzy, I felt comfortable, like I was soaking in a warm bath. 

Yukimura:.......By the way, Saito-san, you always, always...... act recklessly. Do you know how upset I get watching you...... No, you don't know.......

Saito: Even if you say that you are suffering/upset, as a member of the Shinsengumi, I must follow the Vice-Commander's orders....... 

Yukimura: Then, when you were fighting against Kazama [check for -san], your entire body was covered in blood...... At that time, I really thought that you were going to die....... 

Saito: I, I see....... Sorry.

Yukimura: Since coming to Edo, you've obviously been unwell, but you've been working so hard...... That's why I hoped you would be able to rest, and at least have a drink.

Saito: I understand.

Yukimura:....... Re-Really?

Saito:......Yes, I ended up drinking. But, you drinking in order to get me to drink feels odd....... For forcing yourself to drink to get me to drink, I apologize. [check game]

Yukimura: No......! I don't need you to apologize to me....... I just....... wish that you would cherish your body a bit more......

After that, Saito-san began drinking, and while I didn't know how much time passed...... 

I was hit by an intense feeling of drowsiness, and I couldn't even sit properly——

I fell onto the tatami like that. 

I felt so weak and couldn't get up. [reword later]

If I relax a bit more, I'll probably fall asleep like this. 

It was only out of a sense of duty that I wanted Saito-san to rest, and I then opened my mouth to ask a question.

Yukimura: Saito-san...... how are you......? Are you asleep......?

Saito:…………

I heard quiet breathing from the person sleeping beside me. 

Yukimura:......That's great......

Although this method was a bit rough [thesaurus?], Saito-san finally slept.

I felt relieved from accomplishing this and I couldn't help but say what was on my mind. [check game]

Yukimura: I.......

Yukiura: I've always been worried about you....... You drank the Ochimizu, and now have a body that loathes the sunlight, and it's my fault...... that you've become a rasetsu.

Saito:…………

Yukimura: But....... if you didn't drink the Ochimizu and become a rasetsu then....... I would no longer be here...... and I would never see you again....... 

Saito:…………

Yukimura: So even though it's painful...... even though I feel sorry...... and even though I feel sad...... I still want..... to thank you....... for protecting....... me.

…………

…………

Saito:……………………Are you asleep, Yukimura?

 Yukimua:…………

Saito:……Really……to think that you'd talk to yourself if the other person was asleep....... I don't regret drinking the Ochimizu in the slightest. I only made the right choice for my own honour, and to protect you.

Yukimua:…………

Saito:.......But you're worried about this and my body. However when I think about the Shinsengumi's situation, I cannot rest...... Nevertheless/Even so....... I'm very happy for you to have broken into my heart like this. Thank you, Yukimura.

Yukimua:…………

…………

……That night, I dreamt that Saito-san was saying something into my ear [reword later].

His voice, which sounded more gentle than usual, seemed to whisper [reword later].

It sounded so comfortable, so full of affection/care......

I slept like this until the next morning [reword later].

- The End -

*happy sigh*

Well, in kyoka-roku, during one of saito’s char perspectives, he does say that he might have been attracted to Chizuru since they talked in that alley…