#SORRY THIS GOT SO LONG BUT TRYING TO CONDENSE THE IMPORTANT PARTS OF THE BEGINNING IS KINDA HARD LOL

[doomednarrative]

talk about plaga leon au NOW 🔫

OKAY!!

I'm gonna try to explain how this stuff Starts because it diverges from the canon obviously with how Leon and Ashley get rid of the parasites for themselves.

The thing that really kickstarts it all is that last scene that Luis and Leon have together before Saddler kills Luis. In this timeline, it’s not so immediate.

Basically, in this au Luis gets to Leon a bit earlier before Leon finds Ashley and is able to actually talk to him a bit. Not much, but he has enough time to be like “Look I was a researcher, that’s why I know about this stuff and why I have these suppressants for you and Ashley so you can keep the parasite at bay until you can get to the actual cure for it.” Leon of course isn’t stupid and has suspected Luis wasn’t all he said he was originally, but he’s grateful for the help none the less.

The problem comes in when Luis tells him that he’s also managed to smuggle out not one, but Two different Dominant plaga samples from under Saddler’s watch, and he knows Saddler’s going to come for them. One of them is the normal sample that he was supposed to give to Ada, but the other one is one he was working on in secret that not even Saddler was supposed to know about. It’s a version of the Dominant that has regenerative properties, making it’s host that much stronger than a normal Dominant, and overall working Differently than the usual Dominant. This host would be able to mutate at will and hide those mutations normally, making it less drastic and more important, not irreversible like the others.

Luis doesn’t tell Leon all those details though, he just says that it’s a much more powerful version than the one that already exists, and expresses that he has to find a way to get rid of it. Leon suggests just destroying the sample but unfortunately for them both, it’s not as easy as that and the plaga would just find a host to attach itself to either way, which wouldn’t be ideal if the wrong person got to it.

Leon’s like “So what, do you have some other idea for getting rid of this thing or are you just going to carry it with you?” And Luis, because if there’s anything he’s learned in the brief time he’s known Leon, knows that this is someone who he can trust to actually do the right damn thing and not abuse any power he’s given, is like “Well...I actually was going to suggest injecting you with the parasite. If you can get to the island with Ashley in time, you’d be able to remove it before it can cause any damage and then no one would have it.”

This is, of course, another lie. Dominants can’t be destroyed the same way the other variants of the Plaga can, and Luis knows this. But he also knows Leon might be the one chance he has to put this thing into the hands of someone who won’t destroy the world with it, even if it means Leon might hate him later or never forgive him for it.

Leon of course thinks this is a crazy idea, “I’ve already got one of these things crawling around my insides, putting another in there might kill me!” But Luis is already on it, trying to tell him that it wouldn’t work like that, “the Dominants work differently, if anything it might just absorb the other and you’d still only have one to worry about removing,” knowing full well if Leon says yes to this he won’t be removing anything. The Dominant will make Leon it’s permanent host and Leon will have to live with it for the rest of his life.

They both know they're on a time limit here. Leon has to find Ashley, and Luis knows that he may very well die here soon if he doesn't move fast. Neither of them really Wants to do this.

But in the end, Leon...does agree to it, if only because he does agree that letting it get into the wrong hands is something they can't allow. He basically tells Luis "Fine, stick me with the thing if you have to. But if it keeps me from getting Ashley home safe then you Will have a problem on your hands."

And Luis assures him that it won't. "These ones, they take time to mature. You'll be able to get it out before it's a problem, what with how smart you seem to be."

They do it then and there, because there really is no time to spare, and Luis does feel bad about lying to Leon about what he's really taking on. But there truly is no time, and it's not long after Leon's been injected that Saddler does catch up with them, and Luis does die the same as he does in canon while Saddler takes the other Dominant sample for himself, with Leon promising Luis in his final moments that he'll get it back.

The rest of the plot of 4 plays out mostly the same. Leon eventually gets Ashley back, they get to the island, and Leon does successfully remove Ashleys plaga at least. They think Leon's has been removed safely too, but in reality it was only the first one that got removed. The Dominants tend to attach themselves to the base of the spine, and both because of that and because you can't see from that angel on the radiation table, neither Ashley or Leon realize that the Dominant isn't dead, its still very much attached to Leon. But it doesnt stop him from defeating Saddler, and he and Ashley do make it home safe as they well deserve to.

Of course for Leon, the nightmare that he thinks is over is just beginning.

He gets home, and as is mandated goes to his post mission physical, and while he passes it, the doctor basically tells him "Look, for your own good and because I think you actually need it after everything you went thru, I'm signing off on two months medical leave. If I see you back in the office before that time's up I Will make them send you home." Leon wants to protest because he's Fine, Really, and he knows he gets antsy if he's home for too long. But in the end, he's fuckin exhausted, and so he does go home and he crashes.

And thats Supposed to be all this leave is for. Time to recuperate from everything that Spain threw at him and to catch up on sleep.

That is unfortunately not what happens.

It takes a few days for the Dominant plaga to fully mature and attach itself to Leon, that's just par for the course with Dominants. But it's a few nights into his medical leave that Leon starts having nightmares again. He still has them occasionally because of Raccoon City; that trauma never really leaves him no matter what he does. But these are much more intense, nightmares about Spain, about not being able to save Ashley, about watching Luis die again, and sometimes about still having the parasite in him, watching as he has his agency stripped from him due to being controlled with the parasite by others.

Well, one night, when the nightmares are particularly bad, Leon's own plaga actually Responds to that fear that he feels. Canonically in the lore, Dominant plaga transformations take the shape of whatever the host Needs at the time or what would be most useful to them (which is why Krauser's is a knife arm for example; he's a close combat specialist, it's what makes the most sense for him to have at the time.)

Leon's own plaga responds to a need to Protect himself, and so when it manifests it gives him armor of a sort. Plating around his lower arms and sharper claws to keep people at a distance, a tail and four plated bug-like legs appearing on his back to both use to wrap around himself as a shield but also to keep that same distance from people. A split open jaw up the sides of his face and a row of sharper teeth to warn people to stay away. Those features along with the signature red eyes and veins are what makes up Leon's mutations, and so when he wakes up from his nightmares and realizes he's actually Become what he saw in his dreams, well. Naturally, he freaks out.

He secludes himself away in his apartment because really, what the hell else is he Supposed to do?? He thought this wasn't going to be a problem, Luis told him he'd be rid of the parasite with the radiation, and now he knows that was a lie because he's clearly mutated and become a monster and he has no clue how to fix any of it. Its a horrifying reality to wake up to and he has no clue how to handle it.

And of course, Leon's notoriously bad about reaching out to people for help, and he's certainly not going to do so when he knows if anyone saw him like this they'd shoot before asking questions. He's certifiably a BOW now, he hunts these things for a living. He knows he's fucked if he lets himself be seen like this.

But he has no idea how to reverse it, and so he just. Holes himself away in his apartment to try and figure out whats going on alone, even though he has absolutely no clue where to even start.

Thankfully for Leon, he has some extremely stubborn friends. Namely, a certain Redfield who knows by now that if he doesnt answer her text about getting post mission breakfast together, then there's something seriously wrong going on.

Claire's on one of her rare breaks doing at home Terrasave work, and she knows Leon is stateside again, so she's annoyed that he's not answering her back about food. This is tradition, he never skips out without reason but hes not even answering her back. So she decides to go over and meet him at his place to see whats up.

What she's Not expecting when she gets there is for the front door to not only be locked, but also Completely barricaded. That's not normal behavior for Leon, not on a normal day. Thankfully, Claire's a master lockpick, and Leon's place happens to have a fire escape by his bedroom window, so she manages to find a way in reguardless.

And the First thing she's greeted by when she comes in is what looks like a murder scene.

Blood on the wall, on the floor, on Leon's sheets...no weapon to be found, and no body, but certainly not the mess she expected to walk into. It's not until she scans the room (which is completely dark save for what little light filters in from the window she opened, also an odd thing that she notes) that she sees Something huddled up in the corner trying to stay out of her view.

It's hard for her to make out in the darkness, but eventually the mess of blonde hair becomes visible, and Claire realizes, horrified, that whatever she's looking at is Leon, but...not the Leon she knows. And certainly not one who looks human anymore.

She doesn't even think at first, because if there's one thing that her instincts have taught her it's that waiting will get you killed, and before she knows it her gun is out of her side holster and it's pointed directly at whatever creature has assumed her friends face, and Claire has the horrifying realization that she may just have to kill her best friend if he really isn't himself anymore.

And the worst part is she knows he would want her to if that really was the case. He'd rather be taken out than hurt anyone, they'd discussed that much before.

And meanwhile Leon has been sat here against the wall the whole time watching as Claire finally found him (because really, who else would have gone out of their way to check on him But her) and as he watches her pull out her gun and turn it on him, he realizes two things:

A. He really, actually doesn't want to die. Not this time.

B. He has to convince Claire somehow that he's still himself if he wants to keep her from shooting him. (She's still hesitating, and he can see it. But he knows it won't last like that if he doesn't say something.)

And thats when Leon finally moves, inching a bit closer to Claire, reaching a hand out.

"...Claire?"

It feels incredibly Weird to speak like this, his voice vibrates in a way he's not used to and he hasn't spoken in the past few days and so he sounds very rough when he finally manages to get her name out.

But it Does work. It gets to Claire enough that she hesitates, and asks him back if it really is him in there, if he's. Well. Still Leon.

And he tells her "Yeah...still me. Even if I don't look like it."

It does take her a moment, but eventually, Claire does put away her gun. She's not sure if she'll regret it, but by god if she doesn't Have to kill her friend (yet) then she won't.

And it's only then that Leon can breathe the first sigh of relief he's felt since this whole thing started.

:)

[paisley-print]

Near The Water’s Edge:   Chapter Four

After fleeing your abusive husband, you find yourself in the small coastal town of July, North Carolina. Soon you meet Frankie Morales, Air Force Veteran and single dad. As the two of you grow closer, you begin to let go of your past and learn to love again. That is until a strange man shows up in town, and you ’re forced to choose between your safety or the safety of the people that you love.

Inspired by the novel “Safe Haven” written by Nicolas Sparks.

Series Master List

Frankie Morales x Female Reader Rating: 18+ / Heavy adult themes eventual smut. Trigger Warnings: Domestic Abuse, Mentions of death, PTSD, anxiety, mentions of police case, police.  Word Count: 

Note: Another heavy chapter, but things will let lighter as the chapters go on. Enjoy the first half of the beach day. 

Tag List:@qytyy @winter-fox-queen​​​​ @sherala007​​​​@inkededucatednnerdy @quica-quica-quica​​​ @hnt-escape​​​ @giizhkens-cedar​​​@heythere-mel​​​ @toomanystoriessolittletime​​

The ride passed in comfortable silence, the three of you listening to the radio and Lucy looking out the window at the cars in the next lane. All Frankie could think about was how nice it was to have someone else there to spend the day. He knew Lucy must have been feeling the same way, since he hadn’t seen her so excited about a beach trip in a long while. 

He appreciated how patient you were with her; it was something he noticed even on that first day. The way you refused help until you knew she was alright. That moment had stuck with him more than anything else. 

The memory of what Will said earlier surfaced in his mind. He shifted in his seat and glanced at you. Yes, you were beautiful. Strikingly so. A woman who could walk into a room and turn every head in the place; both men and women alike. Of course Frankie had been taken with you. He tried to suppress it, scolding himself whenever he was alone in bed at night and found his thoughts wandering.... 

His only goal right now was to be your friend because he cared for you and knew that you needed help. He wasn’t sure what kind of help, but he sensed that you were alone and at some point in your life something very bad had happened to you. He wouldn’t pry though, he would wait until you were ready to share. 

-

The beach wasn’t too packed; it was still early in the season and  the tourists hadn’t moved into their summer homes yet. The boys had done an oddly efficient job at setting everything up. When Ben and Will got into a little spat about how to sink the umbrella into the sand , Frankie simply rolled his eyes and continued to spray Lucy with sunblock. It made you laugh, they all seemed so comfortable with one another. 

The day was hot and everybody seemed eager to get into the water, everyone except you and Frankie.  You had bought a bathing suit at the store, intending on going in... but somewhere during the car ride you changed your mind. 

“You can go in if you want,” you told Frankie “I don’t mind just watching.”

He shrugged, “I don’t normally go in either.”

Then just like that the two of you were suddenly alone, both woefully unprepared for any sort of conversation.

You thought of something quickly, filling the silence “the marina was packed today.”

“Yeah, It’s always like that on memorial day. Most of the summer too, be prepared for the restaurant to start getting busy.”

“I prefer it that way. It makes the shifts go faster. So I’ve been meaning to ask, what exactly do you do? I assumed you owned the marina?”

He paused for a moment. “Uh, technically I do. It was a wedding gift from my parents. An uncle had died and left it to them. I think they just wanted to get rid of it, but I have an office manager that does all the upfront stuff���.. normally I just work on repairs.”

Married. That wasn’t what you were expecting, but still no ring. “Did you go to school for that?”

“Kind of. I had training for planes, but you would be surprised just how similar the two are.” You gave him a look. He glanced at you and laughed sheepishly. “What?”

“I’m sorry, did you say planes?”

“Yeah”

“You fix planes?”

He smiled and crossed his arms, trying to seem much cooler than he actually was. “I fly them too.”

“You fly pl-....do you take constructive criticism?”

He laughed, “Of course.”

“Lead with that next time.”

He looked at you skeptically. “How am I supposed to lead with that, exactly?”

“You say, hi my name is pilot Frankie …..” 

He shook his head, grinning. “Morales,” he informed you. 

“Hi my name is pilot Frankie Morales, nice to meet you.”

He played along, “but how will I know if people actually like me for me, or they just want me to take them for a ride in a plane?”

You shrugged “it's tough being a celebrity, I don’t make the rules.”

“Oh yeah, celebrity, that’s me,” he said sarcastically. 

You kicked at the sand with your foot. “Also I liked you before I knew you had the coolest hobby in the world. So, you know that you can trust me.”

He glanced over at you and immediately noticed your smile. He had seen you smile before, but they would never quite reach your eyes. This one, he could tell, was real. He opened his mouth to speak when, in the distance, a wave crashed and Lucy squealed with laughter. Both of you turned your heads to look.

“Will Lucy be okay out there?” you asked. She had on a life vest and was being supervised in the shallows by the rest of the adults. Santi was holding onto a boogie board Lucy used to keep herself up. 

“Yeah, I know they seem like idiots but they are good men.” Frankie reached into the cooler to grab a bee and popped the cap off with the bottle opener. “Do you want one?”

You shook your head, “No thank you, but I’ll take a water bottle if you have it.” He set his beer down in his cup holder and reached into the cooler again. The bottle was freezing cold when he handed it to you. Perfect for a sunny day.

You wiped the condensation off on your dress. “Can I ask you something? It’s okay if you don’t want to answer.”

“Yeah, sure,” he said, taking a sip of beer. 

“Lucy’s mom is she….? Are you two still….? I don’t mean to pry, I guess I’m just a little confused.”

“You and I both,” he said with a sigh. “I’m married but we are not together anymore, haven’t been for a few years.”

“Oh,” you said simply, not finding any clarification in what he told you. If anything, you had more questions, but you didn’t want to push. Besides, it didn’t matter anyway…. you couldn’t, you were married as well. “Does your family live in the area?”

“Nope, they live up north. Katie never really knew her family. She grew up in the foster system and was bounced around until she enlisted at eighteen. It’s just me and Lulu now, and the guys when they find the time to travel here.”

“I’m sorry,” you said honestly. “It must be hard not having your parents support.”

He shook his head and took another sip. “I expected it, even when I was younger, it seemed as though they were only interested in keeping me alive.” He looked down and started to peel off the sticker on the bottle as he spoke. “They are both doctors, mom is an archaeologist and dad an engineer. He actually helped design parts of the international space station…. I think they valued their careers more than anything else... they still do. The only time they ever came down to see Lucy was right after she was born, aside from that it’s usually a phone call on a holiday and a card with money in the mail.”

Although he tried to play it off as if it were just another part of life, you could see that it still affected him deeply. For a moment you thought about reaching out to take his hand, but you stopped yourself. “It really is their loss, they are missing out on two wonderful people.”

Frankie adjusted the baseball cap on his head, a sheepish little smile playing on his lips at the compliment. “Well, thank you. Lucy and I could say the same thing about you. You’re great with her.”

You glanced back at the little girl. She was smiling happily as Ben pulled her along on the boogie board. “I think little girls need to be protected, but not only that - they need to be seen and heard. She is already so independent and fierce. I can see how you encourage her to be her own person and not fit into any one mold. That’s important for little girls to learn.”

He laughed, “Yeah, she definitely gives me a run for my money, that's for sure. She can already repair an engine better than most men I know.”

A large gust of wind came through and took hold of the multi-colored beach ball beside you. Both you and Frankie sprang from your seats to race after it. The thing was fast, and you could not stop it from crashing into the waves. You noticed just how much cooler it was near the water’s edge. Although the temperature outside was sweltering, the Atlantic still held that winter chill. Both of you stared at the ball as it bobbed up and down with the tide. 

Frankie waved it away with his hand and squinted in the sunlight. “It’s fine, it’ll probably just float down the beach to another family or something.”

You smirked at him “or choke a poor dimwitted sea turtle to death.”

He paused and shot you a pretend glare, then took off his hat, dropped it in the sand and reached for his shirt. 

You giggled “no, no I’m joking. I got it.” You said, starting to strip down to your bathing suit also.

“Well, you gotta be faster than that,” he said, half jogging to the water.

You slipped off your dress easily and ran straight past him into the waves. Frankie was not far behind. You two were pushing against the tide as you reached for the ball. Fingertips just barely brushed against the plastic before it slipped a couple more inches away. This left just enough time for Frankie to swoop in and grab it.

Your stomach hurt from laughing so hard “hey!”

He shrugged, “I’m sorry that I care more about the environment than you.”

You splashed him with water playfully.

-

The two of you swam for another fifteen minutes, chatting about the town and volleying the ball back and forth. Frankie pretended not to see the way the droplets of water clung to your skin and sparkled under the sunlight. When he noticed the little lace pattern on the bottom of your swimsuit, he knew he had been staring for too long and forced himself to look away. The very last thing he wanted to do was scare you away, or make you believe he had some sort of ulterior motives to helping you. 

You both dressed again before walking back up to the chairs. When the two of you returned, the group had already come back from swimming. They were passing around Tupperware full of fruit while Santi was starting up the tiny little grill he had brought. 

“You guys really don’t play around for beach days,” you mentioned to Frankie. 

“I tried to warn you,” he said with a smirk. 

Will had Lucy thrown over his shoulder, carrying her easily with one arm. “Has anyone seen Fry?”

“I’m right here!” Lucy’s little voice drifted out from behind him.

Will started turning, pretending to look for her “Fry! Fry! Where are you!”

Lucy was hardly able to speak through her fit of giggles, “I’m behind you!”

He put her down on the sand, pretending as if he had seen her for the first time. “Jesus Fry! You scared me!”

“Lulu,” Frankie said, “come here so I can put more sunscreen on you.” Frankie took the bottle from the bag and sprayed her again, making sure to get her ears and the tops of her feet as well. He sprayed some in his hands, and Lucy scrunched up her nose as he applied it to her face.

Watching the two of them together made you smile. You were reminded again just how different Frankie was from your husband. David would have felt emasculated by having to take care of a child. If he had attended today, you would be sitting beside him silently the entire time, only getting up to fetch him a beer.

“Do you want some?” Frankie asked, and you were suddenly snapped right back to reality.  

Even though you weren’t threatened by a burn yet, you figured it would be a good idea. “Yeah, thank you.” You offered him your arms, then the front of your legs.

“I used to be terrible with remembering sunblock until I got sun poisoning in Iraq, god never again.”

“Iraq?” you asked, and turned so he could get the backs of your legs.

“Yeah, with the air force” he told you, assuming you already knew. 

Breath hitched in your throat as he brushed your hair over your shoulder. You cringed at the feeling of the warm sunscreen hitting the back of your neck and jerked away. It was enough for the others to notice. You laughed and lied quickly “damn horse flies hurt when they bite. They say you should wash off the bite with soap to get it to stop the swelling. Is there a bathroom here?”

You sounded believable. Becoming an expert liar had been the only thing keeping you alive for so long. 

Frankie felt horrible. He didn’t quite know what he had done to trigger you, but he knew it was something. “It’s pretty far, I can walk with you-”

You shook your head, a wide smile still plastered across your lips. “Nope, I just need a direction.”

Santi jumped in quickly. “That building when we first came in, near the tennis courts.”

You nodded and started forward, tears stinging at the corners of your eyes. Why was this happening right now? You were fine a moment ago and now you felt as though you couldn’t catch your breath. You shivered, remembering the feeling again and putting your hand on the back of your neck to stop it.

A soldier…. it made sense. You were too stupid to have seen it, the nicknames and the holiday...... 

Thankfully, they were single stall restrooms; you pulled the door shut and locked it behind you. The bottom of the floor was disgusting and filled with wet sand. You lifted yourself up onto the counter and sat, trying to calm down. A soldier, a soldier, you kept repeating to yourself. It was too similar. The anger, the potential for violence…. just like your husband. 

You placed your head in your hands, and suddenly you were back in New Jersey. It was a bitter February, snow still on the ground. You were in your bathroom hiding as David raged in the living room and screamed at his coworker on the phone. A little boy had been killed by his father weeks ago. David was assigned to the case. When the trial came, the jury found the man innocent and let him walk free, even though all the evidence pointed to him as the killer. It was an embarrassment to David and the entire homicide unit

“God fucking dammit, y/n! y/n!”

You pulled yourself up on shaking legs, straightened your dress and walked out. David was red in the face waiting for you. “I thought I told you to call Comcast, did I not?”

“They said that they could get someone out here Wednesday because of the snow-”

He took the television remote and threw it at you as hard as he could; he aimed for your face but it hit your shoulder instead. The plastic connected straight with your collarbone. You doubled over in pain, holding it as it throbbed. He stalked up to you and you moved back, the fear evident in your eyes.

His voice was teetering on the edge of lunacy as he screamed at you.

“I give you a simple fucking job to do and you can’t even get it done. You’re a lazy fat fucking bitch.” he shoved you hard but you manged to keep standing. “Spend all day sitting on your fucking ass while I have to go to work for the both of us! I need the television because I need to see the news coverage of the fucking case! You knew this! Or would you like me to get fired and the both of us live on the fucking streets!” He shoved you again, and you fell against the stone fireplace. Your hands came up to shield your face as he picked up the remote and hit you with it repeatedly. It caught your lip, busting it open. 

You didn’t care about the blood, all you could think about was the gun still holstered in his belt. You got the television fixed the next day-

“Summer?” 

You stood quickly and wiped away the tears from your cheeks, pretending like nothing was wrong. “Yeah?”

“Are you alright?” 

It was Frankie. 

You shook your head and smiled in the dingy plastic mirror in front of you. “Yeah, why?”

He could hear that you had been crying. He pushed on the door but it was locked. 

You didn’t like that at all; you slipped off the counter and sat on the floor, against the door. Bracing it closed with your body “I’m fine-”

“You’re crying-”

“No, I’m not I- I get allergies and that horsefly hurt. I am such a baby I’ve always had a low pain tolerance-”

“If it’s something that I did -”

“Nope, it’s nothing that you did. I’m fine, I’m really, really fine I promise. I just got overwhelmed and needed some air. I’ll be back in a few minutes, and you guys can eat without me. Don’t let me hold you up.”

Frankie wasn’t convinced, but he didn’t want to force anything. “Would you like me to save you a plate?”

“Yes, please.”

You could hear his footsteps start to retreat and relaxed a little. 

“Summer?”

“Yeah?”

Frankie was about to say something, but he thought better of it. He figured it was better to let you have your space now.

[forestwater87]

Every episode of Camp Camp ranked: A very (non)objective list

It's well past the time of year when Season 5 of Camp Camp would've dropped. I fully understand and support it not coming out; the crew's health and safety are much more important than a comfort show.

However . . . man, would it be nice to have some comfort right now.

So I'm reliving the entire series! I've been known to share with the world a whole bunch of Spicy Hot Takes, but I've never really sat down and talked about my feelings about the show as a whole. 

And what's the best way to do that? Well, just ask Jenny Nicholson: a numbered list! That is, here's the series ranked from worst episode to best, because I want to get the negativity out of the way early and focus on everything I love (and because people enjoy complaining, so let’s frontload all that). 

The takes will be hot. The feelings will be intense. The post, I'm assuming, will be largely unread.

Let's do it!

Oh and duh, there are spoilers. I tried to keep it pretty chill, but you’ll want to have watched the whole show or just not care about spoilers before going forward.

Also slashes in the middle of “naughty words” are meant to prevent this from being kept out of the main tags. Who knows if it’ll work? I don’t.

60. Who Peed the Lake? (Season 4, epis/sode 3)

Ah, good ol' Pi/ss Lake (or as @hopefullypessimistic84​ calls it because she's funnier than any of us will ever be, “Pis/s Fe/tish Dot Com”). Terrible, one of the few I’d consider nigh unwatchable. I actually kind of love this episode for being such great shorthand for "the absolute worst one."

Who signed off on an entire episode centered around Sherlock Holmes meets a bad om/o joke? Give me names and addresses: I just want to talk.

59. Reigny Day (Season 1, episode 6)

And nobody was surprised.

I'll admit I'm more willing to defend this episode than many people, but it's not . . . like, good. It seemed okay when there were only 11 other episodes to compare it to, but now that there have been so many bangers, this comes across as extremely weak. 

And let’s just say the Na/zi jokes hit a lot differently in 2020 than they did in the summer of 2016.

I’m overall happy with the direction the showrunners have moved Dolph’s character in, and I can’t totally blame them for using a kind of humor that was fairly common in the pre-Trump era, but yikes, this has aged like milk. And it wasn’t even very funny at the time, so it aged like milk that was already pretty bad to begin with.

58. Squirrel Camp (Season 4, episode 10)

This is a dumb one.

Not much else to say; it’s just kinda stupid and lame.

57. Fashion Victims (Season 4, episode 13)

I love Sasha, but this is filler. Which isn’t in itself a bad thing -- I have a couple episodes near the top that could reasonably be called filler, and a valid argument could easily be made that “filler episodes” don’t actually exist in a show with no plot -- but as much as I adore the Flower Scouts and enjoy the handful of good moments we get in this episode . . . who cares? Does anyone really give a sh/it about anything that happens here? Does anyone get their life from this one?

I didn’t think so.

56. Foreign Exchange Campers (Season 3, episode 3)

I know, I know, your Russian waifu came from this episode. Why do you think it’s so low on this list?

Okay, for real: this is . . . fine. It’s fine. It’s fine? I’m not mad at it, it just feels tonally incongruous and not very memorable beyond the fact that the fandom got really weird and kinda gross about Vera. But the episode itself? There’s some cute stuff with Neil and Nikki being jealous, but for the most part it’s a big hunk of white bread with some super mild white cheese that’s kinda soggy from sitting in a bag for too long and getting all condensation-y. 

That is to say: it’s fine.

ETA: Space Kid does say “fu/ck.” I can’t decide if that’s a point in the episode’s favor or against it.

This is the last of what I’d call the “bad” episodes. Everything after this ranges from mediocre to mind-blowingly amazing. But whatever our failing tier of Camp Camp episodes is, it stops right about here. 

Onto the good stuff!

55. Night of the Living Ill (Season 2 Halloween episode)

I keep switching this with “Eggs Benefits,” which probably means they should be tied. But whatever, this is my list and I am in charge and I’ve finally decided, after like 5 changes, that I like this one a little bit less.

It’s a fun Romero parody with nothing I’d call bad. Really this one’s only so low on the list because I think it’s kinda icky, and looking at those green snotty faces makes me queasy. If you think this is a bad reason to put it near the bottom of the list, then make your own post.

54. Cameron Campbell Can't Handle the Truth Serum (Season 4, episode 11)

I . . . don’t remember this at all. I initially had it a bit higher because I tend to love things with Campbell in them, but then I realized that nothing about this episode stuck in my brain even a little bit. 

Oh, this is the “Dolph has autism” episode that made everyone either extremely happy or really mad? Okay. I guess that’s the most remarkable thing about it. Neato.

Cam, I love you, but this was just not the best use of your sleazy charm.

53. Eggs Benefits (Season 2, episode 9)

This is one of those episodes with enough cute moments and good ideas to save it from being totally unmemorable, and I mostly enjoy rewatching. Platypus being a mom is a fabulous idea, and pairing the campers the way they did was mostly really interesting and fun.

The Preston-Nurf stuff takes it down several pretty significant notches, though. It’s what the kids would call problematic, and while I normally enjoy how the show doesn’t skew away from darker themes and jokes, it didn’t really fit either of their characters and just . . . isn’t fun to watch. It’s not especially funny, it’s not especially tragic, it’s just uncomfortable.

52. Camp Campbell Wants YOU! (Season 1, episode 0)

Honestly, this would be a lot higher if it was a full-length episode. It’s funny.

The next 5 or so episodes fall under the “cute but not very memorable” umbrella:

51. Nikki's Last Day on Earth (Season 3, episode 4)

I love the ensemble episodes, so this was always going to score higher than any of the single-character “meh” eps. I didn’t see the twist coming, though I know a lot of other fans did. Textbook example of “cute but not very memorable” -- the Platonic ideal of that concept.

50. The Candy Kingpin (Season 3, episode 9)

A clever idea that plays on Max’s worst characteristics and then calls him out for them, while also giving Dolph some much-needed character development. Unfortunately, I don’t feel like it really picks up until the last third of the episode, leaving the rest just kind of sitting there.

49. Campfire Tales (Season 4, episode 13)

Who doesn’t love campfire stories?

That’s all I got. They’re campfire stories.

ETA: OH SH/IT THIS ONE HAS THAT REALLY SCARY STORY! Where David’s all like . . . Slenderman’d. Fu/ck, I didn’t remember that until I was writing out my thoughts for #35 or so. That definitely elevates it, but I’m too tired to try and re-decide where this should go, so just tie it with “New Adventure!”

48. New Adventure! (Season 4, episode 4)

New trio! Focusing on these 3 was a definite risk, and I think it really paid off. While the “plot” itself isn’t anything special, there are a handful of really great side gags (hi, Dirty Kevin!!!!) and it’s fun to see these three interact. They all get some nice character beats. It’s a good time.

47. Something Fishy (Season 3, episode 8)

This might’ve hit me harder if I’d actually seen The Shape of Water, but the send-up works fine without having more than the seen-the-trailer level of understanding. Gwen dresses pretty, which I love; Max sucks, which I also love. What drags this one down is mostly feeling like the surreal aspects of the comedy go a bit too far into the “what the fu/ck am I looking at?” territory without really . . . making an actual joke beyond “look! Wacky!"

Why is David at the opera with a bird? Why??

46. City Survival (Season 3, episode 11)

Literally do not remember a single thing about this episode except David getting mugged and being called a “homeless twi/nk.” That should probably rank it lower on the list, but David being a fluttery mother hen saves it for me -- as does the fact that it leads directly into one of my favorite episodes, and the single best story arc of the series.

Next set of episodes is what I’m going to arbitrarily call “okay! but like the good kind of okay, not the bad kind.”

45. Bonjour Bonquisha (Season 2, episode 7)

Max and Sasha masterminding a scheme is really fun; their dynamic is great (though it won’t be fully realized until Season 4), and heartbroken David is so tragically cute it actually makes my heart explode out of my chest.

Also I can’t resist a good “3 kids in a trench coat” gag.

44. Anti-Social Network (Season 2, episode 2)

Neil is very relatable and I don’t have much else to say about this one. It’s fun to see an episode that more heavily focuses on our nerdy science boy, and Max and Neil teaming up to save Nikki was really charming and sweet and set my Makkiel ship out to sea.

43. A Camp Camp Christmas, or Whatever (Season 2 holiday episode)

Why does this episode have a musical number? It’s not good.

Okay, that was mean. This is fun and cute and Gwen wears a pretty purple sweatshirt and Space Kid gives her a present and it’s really sweet. But that musical number is an instant fast-forward for me, sorry.

42. Preston Goodplay's Good Play (Season 4, episode 7)

We get some Preston character development! Awesome!

It’s done in a really trippy and surreal way that totally fits his character and heightens the drama of the episode! Awesome!

David has an apparently-tragic history of being a French mime! Not a good call! 

Next tier: Some good sh/it! (Tbh, these could all be put in just about any order; they might as well be one massive tie.)

41. Cookin' Cookies (Season 2, episode 11)

I love the Flower Scouts. I love Dirty Kevin. I love the idea of accidentally starting a dru/g empire. Another weird, borderline experimental one focusing on side characters, and I think it works better than “New Adventure!” because the scale of the melodrama is just so over-the-top.

The fact that this is in the bottom 20 but I have nothing but good things to say about it illustrates how dang good this show is. It’s only getting better from here, folks!

40. Romeo & Juliet II: Love Resurrected (Season 1, episode 7)

Preston is a terrible playwright. This makes sense, because he’s like 11, but he’s the kind of hilariously bad I wish I’d been as a preteen, because his play is absolutely bonkers. Max fucking with David is great, Tabii vs. Bonquisha is great, Bonquisha in general is a giant amazonian goddess and I want to be swept up into her giant arms. Neil is . . . a robot, for some reason?

So much fun!

39. Camp Cool Kidz (Season 1, episode 4)

I don’t love Ered’s characterization in this one, but there are a lot of wacky hijinks in this episode that I think make it really enjoyable. Max’s wide-eyed revolutionary naïveté is a fun change from his usual dour pessimism, and Nikki’s loyalty to Ered is both very gay and very charming. Plus we get to learn a bit more about how the camp operates (and fails to operate), and it’s a nice way to better establish the campsite as its own setting.

(Definitely think “Cool” should’ve been spelled with a K though. But whatever, I don’t write for the show.)

38. Scout's Dishonor (Season 1, episode 3)

The birth of Neeancy! The introduction of the Flower and Wood Scouts! Neil saying “cu/nt” -- one of the first and only truly shocking uses of profanity in the entire show! ZUKO!

I don’t know if my fondness for this one is rooted mostly in nostalgia or if it was actually really fun, but I enjoyed the he/ll out of it. Not as highly-rated as some other episodes mostly because it doesn’t really do anything, character or story-wise, but not every episode needs to be a massive game-changer that drowns us in feels. Sometimes it’s enough to have a fun romp, and this is very that.

37. Ered Gets Her Cool Back (Season 3, episode 2)

Awww, Ered. I have a soft spot for her, because I love the archetype of a spoiled bit/ch clearly still figuring out how to be a person and have friends. You really get the sense of her as a teenager trying to sort her shi/t out in this episode, which I would love to see more of. Her interactions with Nerris are top-tier, and I like that it’s a continuation of how her character’s been softening since Season 1 into this kind of big-sister figure.

Also, all the female campers in this show are lesbians. I do not make the rules.

36. Attack of the Nurfs (Season 4, episode 2)

I feel like this is a pretty underrated episode. But then again, I feel like Nurf is a pretty underrated character, so maybe that’s just my own personal bias.

I really enjoyed all the different iterations of Nurf, and I think Blaine did a killer job giving each one its own personality and life. It’s a fun episode that plays hard with cartoon physics (a 3D printer printing people! I love it!) and has a surprisingly moving ending.

At least, that’s what I think. Most other people seem to find this one pretty forgettable. Again: make your own da/mn list. I liked it.

35. Mascot (Season 1, episode 2)

This entire episode is memorable for so many things, but a few of my favorites:

David is established as kind of a di/ck.

Platypus arrives and kicks all the as/s.

Quartermaster is the best.

Nerris, Harrison, and Space Kid all get little moments to show off how cute they are.

Neil and Nikki bonding.

This:

34. Quest to Sleepy Peak Peak (Season 2, episode 3)

I love watching Nerris and Harrison bicker, and Neil and Nikki fit really well into their group. It reminds me of being a kid, and of playing Dungeons & Dragons (as an adult, because I’m so cool), and of summer . . . which is a really good thing for this show. There are a lot of funny one-liners, and it’s just a good dang time.

33. Quartermaster Appreciation Day (Season 2, episode 6)

I don’t think this one is all that well-loved, but I thought it was funny. There are literally zero important plot or character moments, but it made me laugh a lot, and that’s all I need a Camp Camp episode to do. 

I love QM, and the more we learn about him, the more confused and disturbed we end up being. What a fu/cking champion.

32. Arrival of the Torso Takers (Season 3 Halloween episode)

I lowkey hated this one when it came out, because I knew the Daniel stans were going to be exhausting. And they kind of were? But looking back, it’s a great way to reintroduce this motherfu/cker. He’s a lot scarier than he was the last time around -- but also less competent, which is a great way to kick him in the proverbial ba/lls -- and while I wish it had a lot more Gwen in it, it’s a clever and creative Halloween episode. 

31. Operation: Charlie Tango Foxtrot (Season 3, episode 10)

Charlie . . . Tango . . . Foxtrot . . . CTF . . . OH! Capture the Flag! I never got that before. Oh, that’s neat. I love this show.

Listen, every time the writers decide to take a risk and do something bizarre and creative, I’m going to be here for it at least a little bit. An entire episode told from the POV of the Woodscouts, explaining how hard they failed in all directions? A great gag where everyone in Petrol’s story talks in grunts? The return of Jermy Fartz?! Fantastic. 

30. Panicked Room (Season 4, episode 16)

Listen. I’m a sucker for my trash grandpa; anything Campbell-centric is probably going to be pretty good (except #54), because he’s just one of the most consistently funny and engaging characters. Good times are had whenever this terrible man is on the screen, and giving him a romantic backstory? A tragic romantic backstory full of mistakes and emotional damage?? One where he waited 17 YEARS for the love of his life???

We have no choice but to stan.

29. Party Pooper (Season 4, episode 15)

I’m so predictable. If you put Gwen in something, I will be happy. If you make an entire episode about how Gwen is under-appreciated and overworked and just trying to do her best despite the circumstances, I will dedicate my firstborn child to you.

Anyway, this episode is really sweet, and I liked the unexpected direction the writers took her relationship with her dad. He seems like a nice guy, they seem like they have a nice relationship, and . . . well, an episode about how hard it is to be an adult millennial hit pretty hard. Plus this was just a really pretty episode -- and not just because Gwen was in so much of it! Seriously, that night sky was a thing of beauty.

Also if you say a fuc/king word about Max and that godda/mn dog I will choke you out with your own intestines. Few things are more hilariously, annoyingly ironic than the fact that the entire fandom ignored and failed to appreciate Gwen . . . in the episode all about how everyone ignores and fails to appreciate Gwen.

28. Culture Day (Season 3 holiday episode)

Now, would it be arrogant to point out that I had the idea for a Culture/Heritage Day back in September 2018? Yes, especially since I don’t think the writers ever read fanfiction and it has literally nothing to do with this episode. Will that stop me? He/ll no it will not! I am a creature of ego! Read my stuff! 

Anyway, this is a really fun look at Neil’s background, personality, and relationships. Max looking out for him is just . . . oh my god, I cannot, I’ve written like 30 of these and my brain is starting to melt, but these two are so cute. I love arrogant Neil, and I love protective Max, and I love QM and Gwen fuc/king over the Flower Scouts to save the day. Everything about this episode is lovely.

27. Cameron Campbell the Camp Campbell Camper (Season 3, episode 7)

This should not be ranked so high (even if these are all essentially tied). This is a dumb episode based on a really, really dumb premise. 

But . . . I don’t know what to tell you. “Samboy Kidwell,” Max realizing he and Campbell are disturbingly similar and not liking what his future could look like, David’s “I’m not mad, I’m disappointed” face . . . this episode happens to hit all of my favorite things. It had a really good balance of heavy-handed moralizing and goofs, it was part of the most graceful lead-up into a finale the show has ever had, and I’m just all about it. 

Excellent job, Samboy. Count Olaf would be proud of your disguise.

There ends the “some good sh/it” tier. We’re starting to get into the really excellent stuff now!

26. Parents' Day (Season 2, episode 12)

I know. You want this to be higher. I hear you.

Honestly I’m kind of shocked it’s this high; it’s my least favorite of the season finales so far, and I had to push past a lot of prejudice to actually rank this where I think it deserves to be, as opposed to somewhere in the like mid-40s. Mostly because it gave fuel to the raging inferno of “Max has terrible parents and David should adopt him” headcanons, which I’ve detailed my problems with extensively in the past (in a post that, statistically speaking, none of you have read).

But, trying to be objective: is this episode actually any good?

Well . . . yeah, it really is.

So much work was put into giving each of the campers families that make sense with their characters and bounce absurdly well off of them, ranging from wholesome and adorable (Nerris’s family) to quietly tragic (Harrison’s parents), and they’re all designed so well; they’re fun to look at and fun to watch interact with the kids and each other. (The only exception is Dolph’s dad, who is both kinda lame and misattributes the cause of the weird Na/zi thing because it did not come from Germany, I assure you. But things with Dolph are always a little off, and I don’t really know how you would give him a backstory that actually works with the character, so they were caught between a rock and a hard place there.)

The drama of David having to choose between the man he considers his father and the camp he considers his home is really touching, and him and Gwen choosing to take a sad camper out to get pizza instead of covering for their boss’s a/ss is such a beautiful moment for both of them that I can’t really blame the fandom for losing their mind over it. Campbell’s arrest leading into the arcs of the next two seasons was great as well, and the finale left us all with this weird sense of foreboding because we didn’t know what was going to happen next; it was the only finale that actually ended on something close to a cliffhanger, while still being satisfying enough to keep us all from melting down.

Plus, it’s funny. Carl and Candy are really funny and the idea of Neil and Nikki’s parents boning is funny in a horrible way. The joke about Quartersister is funny. It’s a good episode.

Should this be higher? Maybe, but I can’t bring myself to put it above the rest of these episodes. Again: make your own list.

25. Mind Freakers (Season 1, episode 10)

The episode that launched a thousand ships. Assuming those ships are all Harrison/Neil, anyway.

It’s hard to talk about these Season 1 episodes because they feel so classic. Like, what is there to say? You’ve all seen it a couple dozen times; I’ve seen it a couple dozen times. Harrison is a di/ck, Neil is possibly an even bigger di/ck, and magic may or may not be real. (Though spoilers for literally every season: yes, magic is definitely real.) It’s so much fun watching these two smug as/sholes snipe at each other in an almost literal playground hair-pulling way that could very easily be read as flirtation. 

And the fandom did most certainly read it that way, at least for a little while.

24. Gwen Gets a Job (Season 2, episode 8)

It’s Gwen. What, was I supposed to not put it this high?

This was the first Gwen-centric episode, and it absolutely slaps. She’s pushed to the breaking point and responds by being a cold-hearted BAMF, and it got her some pretty significant hate from fans but I don’t give a fu/ck, I loved it. We got to see her all dolled up, and then we got to see her all disheveled, and both of those looks were gorgeous. David gives her a tiny fragment of the love and validation she deserves (I don’t know if this is when gwenvid started taking off -- I think it wasn’t really until “Parents’ Day,” or even Season 3 -- but I ate that s/hit up).

Also, again: job hunting post-2008. It’s a bad time, y’all. Camp Camp gets it.

23. Follow the Leader (Season 4, episode 6)

Yeah, I was kind of surprised at how high this landed, too. I guess I’m just a sucker for unlikely companionships, and these three have a great chemistry. The combination of competitiveness, sass, and reluctant admiration make their interactions a lot of fun. Their motivation of doing petty errands for Campbell for the sake of getting at the Box of Illegal Contraband is a great framework too, with high enough stakes to justify all sorts of wacky shenanigans without causing actual anxiety.

I want to see these characters forced to spend more time together. Please, RT, make that happen.

22. Escape from Camp Campbell (Season 1, episode 1)

In terms of numbers, this feels so low, but considering everything from about #45 on is ranked as at least decent, this is actually a pretty high rating. There are 21 episodes I’d call better than this, but these decisions were all pretty painful.

This introduces us to everyone! The main trio, the counselors, Mr. Campbell; we get a snapshot of the major personalities running around the camp, the major points of conflict (Max vs. David, primarily), the major building blocks of future episodes, setting, and relationships . . . 

Again, I don’t know how much of my love for this episode is nostalgia -- there’s a lot of squeeing at familiar faces and gags; this is the first time David gets hit by a bus!!! -- but it was a fun and funny introduction to a series that’s ended up being so important to me, and I’m so grateful this wonderful, quirky little show with its wonderful and quirky little premiere. 

Of all the episodes, I really can’t look at this one objectively. It’s too important.

21. The Fun-Raiser (Season 3, episode 1)

David and Gwen scheming is my ki/nk. They very rarely scheme together, but every single time their teamwork makes the dream work (or, more frequently, makes the dream fail horribly and have disastrous consequences) my soul flies out of my body and takes to the stars, where I write another 500 first chapters to gwenvid fanfics I’ll probably never finish.

This is a great follow-up to “Parents’ Day,” where we immediately see the consequences of the previous season finale and what happens when the one adult in the camp disappears. Mr. Campbell was a terrible adult, true, but at least he was smart enough not to steal QM’s hook. Like . . . whose plan was this? It was so bad. These two are hilariously incompetent sometimes -- often when their bad ideas are feeding off of each other, actually, a la this and “Space Camp Was a Hoax” -- and watching them frantically try and keep all their balls in the air is so great. 

The ending is satisfying, too; a bit graphic, in keeping with a show that tends to keep the violence limited to periodic spurts of bloodshed 1-2 times a season and mostly pretty mild the rest of the time, but between Max stepping up and fixing everything while still being his shi/tty self to our dear dumba/ss counselors getting their dumb as/ses handed to them (deservedly so, if we’re being honest) . . . it’s such a great note to begin a new season on.

20. Journey to Spooky Island (Season 1, episode 5)

A classic.

We get to meet our spooky boy Jasper, we get to watch the comedy trio play off each other and continue to sketch out the general contours of their friendship, and we get to see the Quartermaster with a big purple dil/do for a hand. What’s not to love?

19. The Butterfinger Effect (Season 4, episode 17)

CONTROVERSIAL HOT TAKES! GET YOUR CONTROVERSIAL HOT TAKES HERE!

I’ve already gone into some pretty intense detail about why I think this one is actually really good and carries the theme of embracing change that everything about Season 4 was centered around, but none of y’all read that so here it is in short: this episode is super funny, almost all of the campers’ transformations work really well as extensions of their characters while still being strange and surprising, and the fact that Nurf creates all of these problems by trying to solve them is deliciously fun to watch in a karmic sort of way.

Or maybe it’s just because any Nurf-centric episode is going to rank pretty highly for me. That is also possible.

18. Space Camp Was a Hoax (Season 2, episode 10)

Our camp counselors being bad people: it’s my drug of choice.

We get Space Kid tripping balls in what might be one of the funniest sequences in the show, the entire camp coming together to try and pull off the stupidest, most impossible task (and kinda maybe almost nailing it???), and once again the fun of watching Gwen and David scramble to keep from getting caught in their boss’s shit/ty lies is so great. And Lindsay’s voice acting is absolutely killer, even more so than usual. 

17. Jermy Fartz (Season 2, episode 4)

I get the sense this might be a somewhat controversial one. 

I’ve written before about why I think this episode is a lot of fun, but it mostly boils down to two things: watching the campers try (and fail) to be nice to the most bully-able person on the entire planet, and the essential likeableness of Jermy. 

No, really.

I think a lot of people were put off by Jermy’s general grossness, because . . . my god is he disgusting, but he’s also polite and good-natured, and seems totally self aware of how difficult he is to be around, without letting it make him depressed. He’s cheerful in a weirdly downbeat way that’s impossible to understand until you see him in action. He’s so matter-of-fact about his own awfulness in a way that I found entirely endearing. I don’t think I’d want him at my camp, either, but get that kid to a good dermatologist and gastroenterologist, teach him some basic hygiene and social skills, and you’ll have quite a little gentleman there.

I do however find it hilarious that apparently David got the type of tree wrong when making fun of Jermy. Not only is that a great moment for reveling in David being an as/shole, but he didn’t even have the right wood. F/ucking idiot. I love him so much.

These last ones are my favorites! (Well, duh, that’s how this whole ranking thing works.) Maybe not perfect, but just really good and with limitless rewatch value.

16. St. Campbell's Day (Season 4 holiday episode)

They Grinch’d Camp Camp. Those brilliant bast/ards, they really pulled it off.

Ignoring the fact that David is truly frightening-looking for most of the episode, this is a great bookend to Season 4, following up on the theme established in the first episode about how David is a flawed and selfish human being despite trying his best not to be.

This is another one I was surprised to find so high on the list, but the more I thought about it the more I realizes how good it is. David being a jerk is always one of my favorite storylines, and the fact that the trouble comes from him trusting Mr. Campbell too little instead of too much is a nice twist on the usual formula. Gwen coming to help him out despite a blistering hangover gave me aggressive shipping feels, yes, obviously. 

Between a lot of really funny little gags like QM’s failed satanic ritual and the genuinely touching moral about the importance of spending time with the people you love, it’s just a really lovely episode that gets just the right amount of maudlin for the holiday season. 

15. Jasper Dies at the End (Season 2, episode 5)

I kept switching this and “Dial M for Jasper”; it was a really difficult decision to make, figuring out where these two belonged. I think in the end, while the John Dies at the End reference was very, very good, this one loses me a little bit by being told from David’s perspective. Now, normally the more David is in an episode the more I’ll be likely to love it (see my #1 for proof of that), but his blinders when it comes to the camp and Mr. Campbell result in a really funny story, but one without the same emotional heft as hearing about what happened from Jasper’s point of view.

That doesn’t mean it’s not perfect for what it needs to be: each Jasper episode builds on the previous ones, and having the same intensity of “Dial M for Jasper,” where we learn how he died and how his relationship with David fell apart, would be weird and heavy at this point. In Season 1 we just found out he’s a ghost (and eagle-eyed viewers realized he’d been a camper with David); in Season 2 we find out how David views their friendship and time at camp; and in Season 3 we get Jasper’s perspective. It’s an absolutely wonderful raising of the stakes (for lack of a better term), but the one that packs more of an emotional punch is going to rank a bit higher than the one that’s mostly just for laughs.

That being said: there are plenty of laughs in this one. Everyone -- Griffin, Miles, Travis, the animators -- nailed this one, and it gets funnier every time I watch it.

14. Camporee (Season 1, episode 11)

AKA the episode where Forest realized she was in love with Gwen. 

What a great idea for an episode, seriously. Every coming-of-age story has a talent show or a competition or a big game -- something where the kiddos can show off their improved skills and teamwork to beat their bullies or whatever. And this show has both kinds of bullies: the popular girly girls and the violent muscleheads. What a great moment to pull everyone together and show how friendship can help us accomplish anything!

Except . . . of course that’s not what happens. Of course they’re absolute garbage, and of course teamwork isn’t the answer. Gwen is the perfect foil for David here, being the anti-teamwork, anti-Camp-Campbell adult who can perfectly and effortlessly undermine David’s relentless optimism. David wants so badly for his campers to live in the same coming-of-age summer movie he did as a child, and their staunch refusal to do that leads to a really heartbreaking closer to the episode, as well as lead into the next one. Everything about this, from the challenges to the setup to Gwen shouting “we are winning this FUC/KING trophy!” is just gold.

13. David Gets Hard (Season 1, episode 9)

We have David. We have Nurf. We have Gwen. We have Max trying to be helpful in the shi/ttiest way possible.

We have all the makings of a da/mn good episode. And they deliver. Not a very emotionally intense or moving one, but so, so funny.

12. Dial M for Jasper (Season 3, episode 5)

This isn’t the fate any of us expected for Jasper, and it’s not the fate of a lot of people wanted. But godda/mn it, it worked. The constant bait-and-switch the episode keeps playing with, where you keep waiting for something really dramatic and tragic to happen . . . and then the reality is that Jasper died because Mr. Campbell was stupid and careless, and it was all just a horribly sad accident.

It’s anticlimactic, but in a way that suits the series, both as a comedic counterpoint to all the hype throughout the episode and as a way to establish that Cameron Campbell is a bad man first and foremost through selfishness and laziness, not Daniel-esque sinister evil. Jasper’s death was totally avoidable and totally Campbell’s fault, and while that’s sad, it also adds a weird sort of lightness to the episode. David didn’t do something terrible to kill his best friend, Jasper didn’t kill himself, and without having actively chosen to murder a child (well, not this time), the door remains open for fans accepting Campbell’s later pseudo-redemption. It was just an accident, and Jasper was “haunting” David to tell him that he was sorry for how their friendship ended. That’s really sweet, actually.

I think it’s the best way this reveal could’ve gone, and I’m so impressed with how they pulled it all off.

11. Into Town (Season 1, episode 8)

This might actually be the only flawless episode in the entire show. I mean, I call a lot of them flawless, and I mean that on an emotional level -- “I love this so much I cannot see anything wrong with it” -- but this one is a masterpiece of storytelling. All the technical jumbo I’m bad at, like planting and payoff and tension and all of that, is just perfect.

I feel like this is the kind of claim that needs to be backed up with a long-as/s essay full of citations and video clips and references to, like, Joseph Campbell or something, but this is my 49th entry in the list so I am not going to be doing that. Besides, I don’t think my English degree qualifies me to critique film/animation; I don’t even entirely know half the terms I’ve used to compliment this episode. Someone else please explain why this is such a good one.

10. The Quarter-Moon Convergence (Season 4, episode 5)

I’ve mentioned in other entries that the weird, surreal humor sometimes doesn’t work; it feels too much like being odd for its own sake, and sometimes gets so distracted in being surreal that it forgets to include anything funny or meaningful. 

This . . . is not one of those.

Putting Harrison and QM together is a stroke of genius; the two of them are literally the most magical beings in the entire show, and using them as the conveyance for this great Lovecraftian horror-comedy was such a good idea. I don’t know if we’ll ever see these two interact in another episode -- honestly, this felt a bit like lightning in a bottle, and I have a hard time imagining what could possibly bring them together again -- but if this is the only episode we get, it is such a fantastic one.

Harrison makes a really good everyman, despite his powers; he’s just the right amount of confident and insecure to pull off that wide-eyed apprentice to QM’s grizzled wise mentor. (The fact that QM is objectively a terrible mentor is beside the point.) I still don’t entirely know what the two of them accomplished, but it feels baffling and momentous, with the perfect amount of gravity to make things extremely tense all the way through to the end.

Also, I guess God is an octopus? That’s kinda cool. I like octopuses.

9. Camp Corp. (Season 3, episode 12)

Another unpopular opinion? Oh ho ho, I am so contrary! I am Not Like Other Fans! I am the Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way, refusing to have the same opinions of all you prepz.

I know this wasn’t the most well-loved episode, but I think it did a really great job tying together story threads woven throughout Season 3: Max’s selfishness leading to him hurting other people, his growing realization that he cares about his friends and the camp itself, the parallels between him and Mr. Campbell (and the fact that they both get this redemption moment in the finale). 

This is the most Max-centric season, focusing on his flaws and character growth, and they pulled it off in a really organic way that felt faithful to his character, touching without being too maudlin. The fact that his feelings about the camp are echoed in Gwen, Neil and Nikki, the other campers, and even Mr. Campbell drives home how important the camp -- and David -- are to this strange little family. 

Each season, Max reluctantly becomes a better person, without changing the fundamental core of who he is. That’s a really hard putt for the writers and Michael, and I’m blown away every finale by how they so consistently nail it.

8. Time Crapsules (Season 4, episode 18)

Gwen-centric? Check.

Max learning how to be a better person while still being the bratty kid we know and love? Check.

Looks at one of the most under-appreciated character dynamics in the entire show (i.e., Max and Gwen)? Checkity check-check-check.

I don’t really have much to say about this one, which I should: it was considered a pretty serious letdown to a lot of fans, and I’m not sure how to explain why I loved it so much. 

Comparing Max from “The Order of the Sparrow” to Max from this episode is wild. It’s not like 2 different characters: they’re still very obviously the same cynical, self-absorbed 10-year-old trying to survive summer camp. But he’s become a more considerate friend and decent version of that kid, and it’s great to watch. The moment where he and Gwen go too far and immediately regret snapping at each other is still painful (on my god, the VAs in this show, they’re so talented), Nikki and Neil both get nice subplots about how they’re also growing up, and the ending is fuc/king hilarious, perfectly breaking the tension from Campbell’s speech, which is both beautifully done and important to hear, especially if you’re in a period of uncomfortable transition (like, say, in your late 20s, or living through about 5 different national and global catastrophes).

And okay, I found that speech on the wiki for this episode and it made me deeply emotional, so here:

Here's the thing: you've got to take your failures and make something out of them. Take Camp Campbell for instance: a lot of poor decisions went into making this place what it is today. Sure, somewhere along the line it maybe strayed from its path, not living up to the camp it wanted to be. At some point, the camp realized that the camp would never reach the end of its path until it was ready or until it gave up. So, if the camp wanted to keep embezzling money and dealing with foreign powers, so be it! But, at some point, it didn't anymore. I never saw this coming, but I'm starting to think this camp is the best it's ever been.

If this is the last episode of Camp Camp we ever get -- and for at least a little while, it looks like it’s going to be -- I can’t think of a sweeter, funnier, and more lovely bittersweet note for this show to go out on.

7. The Lake Lilac Summer Social (Season 3, episode 6)

And again: No one was surprised. 

This is the longest non-finale episode of the show, and it uses that time perfectly. Rather than having some big emotional moments and character arcs -- which are great, don’t get me wrong -- the writers use the extended time to build a series of shenanigans as complicated as Gwen’s matchmaking web, and watching her try to set up a series of dominos (with David, for once, being the responsible, level-headed one) is almost as satisfying as the catastrophic results. 

Neil and Snake steal this episode, even from someone as in love with Gwen as I am, and for an episode that’s largely about making fun of shippers, there hasn’t been one that launched nearly as many ships as this. Neil/Snake? Tabii/Erin? Max/Nikki? GWENVID?! It’s all here, and I am here for it.

It was also fun to get a traditional episode setup in a very non-traditional show. I assume this means the beach and/or hot springs episode is forthcoming. (No, Pis/s Lake doesn’t count. Obviously it doesn’t count.)

6. Keep the Change (Season 4, episode 1)

Again, this is an episode I’ve said a lot about in the past -- and I was pretty uncharitable toward Season 3, which in retrospect was very unse/xy of me -- but I stand by a lot of my opinions then: this is a fu/cking great episode.

David is an as/shole, Max is an as/shole, Campbell is an as/shole. No one escapes the as/sholery. David schemes, Max catches him in the scheme, Campbell gets drunk and kind of gay . . . I’m 54 entries into this list and I don’t have much to say anymore: it’s just really good and fun and I love it.

5. Camp Loser Says What? (Season 4, episode 9)

This is another one I kind of hated when it came out, and again for fandom-related and personal-grudge reasons.

Fu/cking Daniel. That motherfu/cker. He shows up for 12 minutes and Tumblr bursts into flames. Every single time.

However, it’s really hard not to love this one. Daniel-as-Trump is a clever but subtle -- I mean, for this show’s definition of subtle -- allegory, and it’s amazing how much this slimy freak and the Woodscouts slot into it. David is a bise/xual disaster with the absolute worst taste in men, Dirty Kevin and Daniel are onscreen together for all of 2.5 seconds and the kevdan shippers lost their minds, and Xemug looks like Megamind for some weird reason.

My only minor complaint is that the ending is a bit anticlimactic, but it plays on Daniel’s stupidity and the value of teamwork, so it’s a very small nitpick in an episode that mostly works like gangbusters.

4. Cult Camp (Season 2, episode 1)

Duh. There’s a really good song and we’re introduced to a charismatic, sinister, and totally dumba/ss villain. What’s not to like?

I don’t think I even need to say anything about this episode. Season 2 started off the summer by throwing a lit firecracker directly at the viewer’s face, and ignoring the fact that we as a fandom proceeded to eat each other, it’s impossible not to get caught up in the episode’s wild energy.

And dude, that song. Fabulous. Fu/ck Daniel, but thank god he’s around to be such a prickly little pri/ck.

Now for the top 3: Literally perfect, wouldn’t change a single solitary thing.

3. After Hours (Season 4, episode 8)

I’m not sure anyone loved this episode as much as me. But this is my list, and I will put this up at the top if I want to and you cannot stop me.

It’s much easier in a lot of ways to talk about the episodes I hated than the ones I love this much. What do I say besides “literally everything about this fills me with joy and my life is better because it exists”? I don’t know. The counselors are my favorite characters, and between Gwen and QM having the weirdest bonding experience, Gwen getting to meet up with people who care about her silly fanfiction, Mr. Campbell being the trash grandpa of my dreams, David getting in way over his head . . . it’s the episode I always wanted, and they made it work so well.

Also, I just discovered that “Gwen Isn’t Your Mother So Stop Asking Her to Rinse Your Dishes” is an actual song and I am overwhelmed with delight. Here, I’m embedding it as well as linking because it’s so good:

God. This show. What the fu/ck even is up with this amazing, weird-as/s show.

2. The Order of the Sparrow (Season 1, episode 12)

Duh.

The entire first season is a great time (except “Reigny Day”), but it’s a pretty low-stakes kind of great time. There isn’t much in terms of emotional depth until the very end of “Camporee,” despite some hints at darker themes in one-off jokes and quick asides, so this episode comes a bit out of left field, tonally speaking.

But that’s not a bug, it’s a feature; if the show had been this overtly emotional from the outset, this finale wouldn’t hit as hard, and the rest of the season wouldn’t be as funny. 

This manages to serve as a capstone to the conflict of the first season, building on episodes like “Into Town” and “Escape from Camp Campbell” in a way that feels totally natural for both David and Max’s characters while revealing new sides of them. It works because it’s so unexpected, but it doesn’t come across as incongruous with their personalities. It’s the first and only time David swears in all 4 seasons, and that line -- I don’t even need to say it, you know exactly what I’m talking about -- still gives me chills.

Also, Gwen sings the camp theme song. Impossible not to cherish.

1. The Forest (Season 4, episode 12)

I’m not sure if this one is a surprise or not. It might be the obvious first place, or it might be a bit of an oddball for some people.

I had a really hard time choosing between this and “The Order of the Sparrow”; I switched their places half a dozen times, and the difference in quality between the two is razor-thin. I think part of that is because it accomplishes a lot of what “Order of the Sparrow” does: puts David in a situation where he’s pushed to his absolute emotional and physical capacity, crushes every shred of hope he has left, and sees what he’s actually made of when you strip everything away. It’s much more dramatic this time around, but it’s the same basic concept.

And just like in the Season 1 finale, what we see is a man who’s determined to do good even when he isn’t rewarded for it, even when he’s actively punished for it. Who wants to love nature, and life, and make the world a better place -- despite his faults, his selfishness and thoughtlessness and anger, David proves that he is fundamentally kind. He’s not nearly as deludedly optimistic as he seems; he just refuses to stop trying.

Because somebody fuc/king has to.

I’ll admit, some of what puts this one in first place is that I’m a sucker for whump, and David really goes through the ringer. However, I also think it’s important to acknowledge the risk Joe Nicolosi took with writing this episode: it’s all centered around a single character, it’s darker and more viscerally bloody than any other episode in the show’s history, the art is focused on these grand sweeping backgrounds that must’ve taken forever to paint, and there’s very little talking in a show that runs 99% on clever dialogue. This could have so easily backfired -- and for some fans it did -- but it was brave and beautiful and breathtaking.

I’ve actually only watched this in full once. It’s really hard to get through; it’s just so intense and even disturbing. But if there’s one episode I'll remember for the rest of my life, even when I’m 80 years old and haven’t seen the show in years, it’ll be “The Forest.”

It’s funny how such a sharp departure from the format and style of the rest of the show somehow manages to perfectly capture the heart of it. Talk about a fuc/king achievement.

So what have we learned?

I don’t entirely know what the purpose of this whole exercise was. I think it was mostly to get myself a nice Camp Camp fix that came from something other than slogging through 20 different fanfic WIPs, and to remind myself of what a strange and fun ride the last 4 summers have been. 

I also wanted to take a moment to acknowledge what Camp Camp means to me. This show has been hugely important to me on a personal level: I met two of my best friends through this fandom, and I’ve never been more connected to a community or readers than I have with CC. I know I bi/tch about this fandom a lot, but it’s a big extended internet family, and I’m so happy to be a part of it. Going through all these episodes, getting the chance to ramble about the things I liked and the things I didn’t, was a great way to reconnect with a series and community that I love.

So . . . what have we learned?

1. Season 4 was all over the place.

Some of this has to be due to the sheer volume of episodes, but when I sat down and organized everything into tiers:

There isn’t a single category Season 4 doesn’t have at least one episode in. I was surprised to see how high a lot of them ended up; it really was the best and worst of the show so far.

For the fun of it, I decided to give a number to each placement -- 60 points for the #1 episode, 59 for #2, etc. -- and see how each season broke down. Because that’s that kind of thing I think is worthwhile, apparently. And . . .

2. Seasons 1 and 4 are really good, actually.

Well, I don’t think anyone’s surprised to see how well Season 1 stacked up; it was amazing. But I was surprised to see how much I ended up enjoying Seasons 3 and 4, when if you’d asked me before this little project, I would’ve said they were the most underwhelming. Maybe I messed up the numbers a bit -- I’m no mathmagician -- but not only are they all really close, but Season 4 was one of my favorites.

3. This entire show is really good, actually.

One thing that really struck me when I put it all together visually is how most of the episodes sit in the “good,” “really good,” or “amazing” categories. The amount of episodes that are memorable, fun, and/or emotionally resonant is crazy. I don’t now how many other tiny cult-hit web series can say the same, honestly, and all of the writers, animators, directors/producers/other people whose jobs I don’t really understand, and voice actors should be commended for their outstanding talent and hard work.

4. Thank you, Camp Camp.

It was a real pleasure to relive all of these episodes again and think about what they meant to me. It won’t be the last time I sit down and watch this show -- and it certainly won’t be the end of my being a shrieking fangirl over it -- but with this break, where we have to get through a blazing, extremely difficult summer without a new season to fawn over, it’s nice to stop and appreciate what a precious gem of a show this is.

I hope everyone involved with Rooster Teeth is taking a much-deserved rest and prioritizing their health and well-being. Thank you for creating something truly special, and I can’t wait to see what happens next.

[browncesario]

Pls continue to geek out to me btw I love it. I hope you have had a good week! Is the stay at home order too horrible? I think we might have that here as well. So this might be a big question but PLEASE let me know in as much detail as you can, why do you like the Jonas Brothers. Feel free to do a timeline of events with them in your life with inciting incidents. I want to know it all. Also, I think this is probably right but you’re a Joe fan most, correct?

🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 me to you rn and always the stay at home order isn’t bad yet! but i’m agoraphobic so i don’t go out much anyway lmao. and yes!! i am a joe stan and ok FUCK i’m putting the jonas brothers question under the cut because i literally do not know where i end and the jonas brothers begin they’re such an integral part of who i am in every way so here we go

so like. i’m gonna try and condense this because there’s a lot of sad angsty stuff in the story but the cliffnotes version is i was like. a really lonely kid. i had a literally unbelievable shitty time in elementary school, and in the last few years i got really really into not only horses, but just the barn i rode at in general. it’s important to note here that when you’re an athlete like that, you are spending every moment with these people in this environment. which is fine. the problem was that barn was uhhhh incredibly toxic and highkey abusive. 

summer 2008 was the transition period between when i became an actual person. that summer literally everyone in the barn was going to a big horse show in tennessee and i wasn’t (which sounds a lot less dramatic than it actually was considering the stuff that surrounded it) and i was left with two weeks on my own to sit in my room and try and distract myself. 

you can see where this is going.  their music like. got it. sure it was generic enough that it could, but they helped me process the things i was going through and the pain i was in by putting words to it. i’d lay on my back with my feet on my bedroom wall and listen to jonas brothers (2007) on repeat and think about how they did leave without a single word, not even sorry. i did want to know if they’d care when i’m gone and i’d really had enough. 

i don’t think i really understood that it was going to go from “summer hyperfixation to cope” to “life long love that can make me feel safe and secure in even the worst times,” but it probably has something to do with the fact that i started at a new school a week after a little bit longer came out. that school became the first safe place i’d experienced with teachers who got me and an actual friend group who loved me and cared about me, so somehow in my brain i’ve gotten the wires crossed between “jonas brothers, the camp rock cinematic universe, and the year 2009″ and “beacon of safety, support, and escapism.” i am so goddamn loud about the things i like. can you imagine me at twelve. sure i’ve calmed down in adulthood the jonas brothers are a personality trait of mine in a real tangible way. 

i'm trying to frame the way i loved and engaged with the brothers circa 2008-2010 in an accurate yet concise way so here it is. i spent all my time on youtube because that’s where their base was for the most part. i was a jemi stan and a joe stan and fic writer and i was still in that goddamn barn. i loved the things i did openly and unashamedly and it was a nice time. like i was miserable but it was a nice time.

the brothers went on an unofficial hiatus after the camp rock 2 tour, and it was like. fine. i was 14 at the time and i had other interests (house md hello i love you kiss kiss) and i was pretty fucking mad at joe over the way he’d treated demi that year and proceeded to unstan him for the next two years. (i still to this day have not bought fastlife.) 

in april 2012 there was a very serious blow up at my barn directed at me and it’s literally traumatizing thing i’ve ever experienced. in october 2012 the jonas brothers kicked off their first comeback. 

i will say, the november show at the pantages it took me about half an hour to be wrapped around joe’s finger again. but this is not my fault as they hadn’t toured in two years. but it was incredible. sure, it didn’t have the flair of the disney days but the music was all there. some of their best and most underrated work came out of that era. (s/o to the pushing me away acoustic version specifically.) 

anyway. i spent that year rebuilding stuff re the barn and it uhhhhh did not go well.

a brief history of the things i did in august 2013:

i left the barn

i sold my childhood mare who meant the world to me

my best friend who i was super co-dependant on left for college in new york

i moved to a new barn looking for a fresh start

i started at a new school in the same vein

i went to the last jonas brothers tour date before the band would call it quits in october 2013

i sort of love the symmetry there.

truthfully, while i was sad the band had broken up, i wasn’t totally devastated. i knew when i was like 30. they’d run out of money and do a reunion tour and anyway i had more pressing things to worry about and by the end of that fall semester things had started to pick up and i was really excited about Real Life TM. come college things with the band settled down and dnce formed my freshman year and started touring and that was great! their standing room only show in philly in 2015 is one of my favorite concert experiences ever. 

there’s a lot there, but truthfully i haven’t unpacked my twenties yet so i will simply say i did go back to that barn in 2015 because the horse i bought in that looking for redemption arc died very suddenly and tragically. i left again in 2018 which was a horrible horrible year for me, but i did go back to writing camp rock fic and i do think i left that barn for good this this time. anyway. three months after i left the brothers announced their return. 

so. what do i like about the band specifically? 

with the brothers i think the music is often the thing people talk about last, which is kinda fuckin dumb! this band was made up of literal children who wrote, played, and often produced nearly every single track. that’s not normal and it’s not acknowledged and when people think about the jonas brothers i hope that they think of them as artists, because that’s what they are. 

like literally nick wrote sos in ten minutes when he was thirteen years old. it’s one of the most iconic radio hits of 2007. his credits on lvatt are basically longer than this essay.

i don’t even like calling them a boyband for this reason. there’s nothing wrong with boybands i myself am a one direction stan but like lets not pretend that there’s any similarities between something formed organically out of a love of music that ended up becoming corporate, and something that was formed with the intention of that.

really the brothers went through hell climbing up that ladder, it’s super fucked up when you think about it and that’s even before you get to the disney era. 

they’re fun! they’re funny! less so now that they’re rich and old and a little drunk on fame (i’m looking at you nicholas) but they pioneered youtube and social media branding and i think thats SO interesting. 

i have a lot less respect for the brothers now that i’m older mostly bc they’re sell outs and conservatives (not you joe i love you god’s chosen middle child,) but like. i am fiercely protective of them regardless. i can’t even blame them for being like this. imagine growing up evangelical stage children and getting your entire life sold to the walt disney corporation. wouldn’t that fuck you up too. this counts as a thing i like about them because i love psychoanalyzing them. it’s one of my favorite hobbies.

like seriously. the two months before the brothers came back i spent just picking through ancient obscure interviews and livejournal fics really drinking in things i missed, and it was fucking wild.

also back to the music. to be clear it is absolutely my favorite thing about this band past the personal associations. i’m listening to when you look me in the eyes right now, which is one of my less-loved tracks, and i’m still getting incredibly emotional just pausing and listening to the harmonies and the soft drum kit. 

the brothers write this music that just has. this hopeful sort of honesty. it’s innocent but it’s not naive, it’s caring but it’s not saccharine, they have a concrete sound.  everyone who knows me knows this band matters to me. the brothers say that people like them because they’re the soundtrack of their lives. i know they think it’s a nostalgia thing, songs that came on at ninth grade dances and sleepover movies, but that’s not it. they’re the soundtrack of my life, absolutely. but it’s much more than that. they’re this one constant that’s held through my entire life. they’re the hand for me to hold.

[mysticm3ss]

behind the mask [zen x depressed!reader]

Request: Can I request how Zen would react to an MC having a really bad Depression day where they can't get out of bed, they're not talking or looking after themself, all they're doing is laying there and staring at the wall. A few days ago I had a really bad day and one of the things that got me through it was imagining Hyun being there for me.

Words: 1.3k

Warnings: depression, implied suicidal ideation.

hey lovely, sorry this has taken so long to get up. i really relate to this a lot and found this really therapeutic to write; it’s not a super happy fic but i hope that you like it all the same. hope it’s okay that i made this a fic instead of headcanons, i just felt way more inspired to write this as more of a story. if you’d rather headcanons just let me know and i’ll be happy to write them for you! xx 

basically, i feel like zen would be so, so patient and would put absolutely everything on the backburner to look after you. if you need him, then he’s there, no matter what. You are precious, you are worthy, and you are loved, and zen would do anything to express that to you.

__________

Everything was just… too much.

Most days you could deal with it, or at least act like you could. Plaster on a smile, brush your teeth, even go to the store. You might have been dating a professional actor, but sometimes, your skills rivaled his own; pretending to be okay was a skill you had mastered a long time ago, a part of your resume you wished you could make do without.

But sometimes, your acting caught up with you, and even pretending was too cumbersome a feat to even attempt.

It was these days that you hated the most.

Every limb felt heavy, and as you pried your eyelids open, still sticky with sleep, you knew that today would not be one of the good ones. You couldn’t take to the stage and act like everything was okay, not today. Not when absolutely nothing felt okay.

You felt the urge to sigh, but even that was too draining. Instead, you pressed your face into your pillow, curling into yourself as you fought to find some relief in a slumber that refused to come. You were so tired, your mind so heavy with fog, and the few clear thoughts that pierced the haze had you wishing that you couldn’t think at all.

“Jagiya?”

Zen.

Oh, Zen…

You ignored him, too tired to even feel guilty, although you knew that you probably should.

“Jaaa-gi,” he persisted, voice lilting in playful song. You felt his hair on your arm as he leaned in to pepper your neck and cheek with kisses. “Wake up. I miss you~.”

I miss me, too.

Or at least, you missed the ghost of the person you had been. The person before the numbness settled, before your plummeting self-esteem bound you to your bed and chained you to the demons in your mind. The person who could smile freely, to whom each laugh didn’t feel half a breath away from becoming a sob. 

But that person had died a long time ago, or so it felt, and you were the misshapen disaster that was left behind.

“Jagi?”

Zen’s voice was firmer, laced faintly with concern as you made no move to respond to his affections.

You hummed, a low sound deep in your throat that more resembled a groan than a song. You sighed; a shaky breath through your nostrils that rattled your shoulders and pressed you deeper into the mattress, as though weights had been buried into your lungs, filling the cavity of your ribs with a heaviness that easily replaced the air you had expelled. Tears pricked your eyes, though there was no emotion tied to the sting of the salt except for the terrifying numbness you had become all too accustomed to.

“MC. You’re awake, right?”

“Mm-hm,” you managed, though even that was an effort. Zen’s lips lingered on your temple, warm and dry as he ran his hand up and down your arm.

“Bad today?” he asked, finally catching on to your state. Zen was one of the few people who had seen you like this before, and the fact that he had stuck by your side despite it never ceased to amaze you. All you could feel now, however, was regret that you had to torture him by forcing your darkness upon his light.

“Yeah,” was your only reply. Zen’s fingers moved to your hair, fingertips gently massaging your scalp before he pulled them through the ends of your hair, carefully untangling the knots that had formed as you slept.

“Out of ten?”

“One.”

You and Zen had come up with a system of measuring your mood a while ago, ten being you’d just won the lottery and zero being you wished you were dead. Zen frowned.

“So low?”

You didn’t dignify that with a response. The weight of your silence was all the answer that Zen would need.

He sighed, and you could feel his breath on your neck as he sidled in behind you, his arms curling around your waist and spooning you against his chest. His presence was familiar and solid, his touch reverent as he leaned his face into your shoulder. Squeezing you a little, he pressed a kiss there, trailing his lips along the smoothness of your skin.

“I love you, MC,” he whispered. “I love you more than the sea loves the sand, more than the birds love the sky. More than Jumin loves that stupid cat,” he tacked on. Normally you’d chuckle at that--the fact that you didn’t even crack a smile spoke as a testament to just how low you were feeling.

“We’ve had days like this before, remember? And remember how tomorrow, or maybe the day after, things will start to feel better?” he prompted, his hand smoothing up and down your hip. You shrugged, eyes locking on the wall in front of you. 

That doesn’t change how I feel now. Like the sky has gone dark, like the sun will never shine again. Maybe this will be the time that nothing changes.

“I guess,” is all you could reply. You found a small dent in the plaster and busied yourself with studying the crack in the paint, the tiny flake just beginning to peel. 

“Do you think you can get up today?” Zen murmured. You shook your head, and to your relief, Zen didn’t try to force you. He simply nodded, kissing your temple again as he slowly untangled himself from you. Cold air swept into the empty space his body had occupied, and you instantly longed for his warmth.

“Okay. I’m going to make us some breakfast, okay? I’ll be right back.”

You couldn’t be bothered telling him that eating was the last thing you felt like doing. His hand lingered on your arm before finally falling as he walked away. You cocooned yourself in blankets, guilt knotting your stomach as you heard Zen on the phone in the other room.

“Yeah, I can’t make it in today… I know, I know… yeah, it’s important. I’ll be in tomorrow. Yeah. Bye.”

A few minutes passed, and you felt the bed dip behind you as Zen took a seat. “Breakfast is ready~,” he declared cheerfully. You didn’t roll over, but felt the weight of Zen’s body as he leaned over you to place a glass and a plate on your bedside table. Toast and orange juice. Nothing too heavy, nothing that would feel too taxing to try and eat.

You only stared at it, counting the crumbs that had spilled onto the ceramic, the tiny bubbles around the edge of the juice, the condensation beading on the outside of the glass.

Zen’s hand moved back to your hair as he slid back in behind you. He didn’t say anything, not at first, and you were grateful that you weren’t burdened with the expectation of a response. Slowly, he began to hum. You felt the rumble of his chest, the rich timbre of his voice, and eventually, his humming gave way into singing.

You recognised the song; it was one from his upcoming musical. A love song that he’d rehearsed by singing it to you, his eyes never once leaving yours with every passion imbued lyric.

This arrangement was slower; a mere lullaby to its ordinary grandeur, but the original didn’t hold so much as a candle to the light of its improvised counterpart. You closed your eyes, feeling the honey of his voice wash over you and spread through your veins like warm syrup. Your muscles drained of tension you hadn’t realised they’d held, and you felt Zen smile as you relaxed against him.

Things didn’t feel better, not by a long shot; that would be too easy. But at least you felt just a little less lonely, encased in the glow of Zen’s voice and enclosed in his tender embrace.

The song ended, and Zen’s lips found the hollow of your throat.

“I love you, jagi. Always.”

And with every kiss that he landed upon your skin, you found yourself one step closer to believing him.

[thecozywhaleshark]

King of Hearts (pt. 1)

A/n: ok big oof big oof big oof I’ve just started this series and get ready folks it’s gonna be a real long one and a real steamy one and i’m excited to continue it

Word Count: 3962

Warnings: Escort Jin. A little smut (fingering). Swearing. It will only get worse from here. This is the tame part.

Summary: You are a famous writer who can’t exactly show up to an event alone... so you hire an escort... his name is Jin 

Staring anxiously at the phone before you, you tapped your fingers on your desk and tried to decide.

This was not the greatest idea you’d ever had. But it couldn’t be that bad, right? You’re not that pathetic … right? This is a thing people do… right?  And nobody would ever know… right?

You sigh and bury your face in your hands.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid book party. Stupid publisher’s meeting. Stupid erotica writer with no stupid date.

Of course, you could always show up alone, but that would spark questions.

A wonderful writer like you with no date? What a shame. So pretty too. How are you getting your inspiration? Are you between boyfriends? Do you have many one night stands?

Questions you didn’t want to deal with. How do you tell your sponsors and publishers and everyone who worked on making your books boom that you haven’t been on a date in over three years? Haven’t had sex in just as long? That your sex life was so dry even the desert probably pitied you?

You stared at the website open in front of you and moved your hand over your cell phone. It’s just one night. And for totally innocent reasons. You typed in the number, put it on speaker, and waited.

The phone clicked and a friendly woman’s voice purred through the speaker:

“Heart Escort Services, this is Cindy, how may I help you today?”

You swallowed. Of course her voice sounded like sex. Just like her trade.

Quiet, you don’t know anything about her. Don’t judge. You’re the one calling the line.

“Hello? Is anyone there? I swear to god Jeremy if this is you I’m going to report you to security because you can’t keep calling to listen to my voice and jerk off you mother-”

“Um, hello.” You stammer, and the lady on the other end goes quiet for a moment.

“Oh! I’m so sorry about that. Thank you for calling Heart Escort Services, how can I help you?”

You fiddle with the string of your hoodie and bite your lip. “Do you have male escorts?”

“We sure do! Do you have any specifics?”

You laugh nervously. “Someone handsome?”

She laughs lightly. “Honey, all our men are handsome. We are a highly sought after escort service. Not just anyone can be an escort.”

“Oh, yeah. Of course.” You can feel yourself blushing furiously even though you knew it was just a phone call. You bury your face in your hands.

Lord God please, smite me from above.

Honestly, you didn’t care who your date was. You could always tell your publisher at the next event that it ended up being a short term fling.

“Um, do you have anyone available on March 23? I just need someone to um… escort… me to an event? It’s from 7-10pm.”

You cringe. Did I really just say ‘escort me to an event’ to an escort service? Smooth.

Cindy hums on the other end of the phone and you hear flipping – probably some sort of planner for the escort’s events.

“Alright, we have three men available on the day you requested at the time. Would you like me to give you their names and descriptions?”

You don’t want to choose. You just want a date. “Um… no… I’m not too picky.”

Cindy chortles. “That’s a first. No really, honey I’m going to need more than that. You’re paying for the service right? Then it’s okay to be picky.”

Oh, well when she puts it like that…

“Uh, what or sorry, which? Of the three is the most sociable? It’s a really social night and I need them to be able to hold their own in a room full of strangers if that’s okay? And um, younger? I’m only 24…”

You hear more clicking and humming from Cindy as she decides. “Okay, hun. I have a 26-year-old Korean man named Jin. He’s honestly one of the more talkative escorts that we have. I’m sure he would do great at your event. Just so you know, if you want him the entire night it will cost extra..”

“No!” you almost shout, then quickly backpedal. “I mean, no. No, sorry I don’t want him for the entire night. Just 7-10.”

“Alright, 7-10 it is then. Where should he meet you?”

You thought for a second. You were going to need to walk in with him. The event was at the Cedar Valley Hotel ballroom on 2nd.

“Can he meet me at Christine’s Coffeehouse and Café on 2nd Street?” It was down the street from the hotel, at the end of the block. They could walk up and in together.

You heard some more typing and pencil scribbling before Cindy spoke again. “Jin will meet you at Christine’s Coffeehouse and Café on 2nd on March 23 at 6:45 pm. He will be wearing a black suit and a red tie. Please remember that we only take cash, and you will pay him for his time.” You nod and quickly scramble over your desk for a sticky note and pen.

Jin. Black suit. Red tie. Christine’s. 6:45pm.

Cindy tells you his charge and you write it under the time with a note to make a trip to the bank, surprised at how high it is.

Of course he is dummy. He’s an escort. This place is high rank.

High, but not unreasonable you reasoned. You had the cash. He must be really good at what he does. But so were you.

“Thanks, Cindy. Anything else I should know?”

She laughs again on the other end of the line. “You should really have considered taking him for the night. You, missy, are missing out.”

You find yourself blushing furiously again and hang up. Pushing your hands through your hair and letting out a long breath.

You’re really doing this. You just hired an escort. You laughed to yourself and got out of your chair. If only your mother could see you now. Wouldn’t she be so proud?

You walk over to your closet and begin to flip through it. Black suit. Red tie. Black suit. Red Tie. What did you have that matched that?

 ~ three weeks later ~

 You stepped out of your taxi and fidgeted with your dress, pulling the hem down. You hadn’t realized how much it had shrunk when you decided to risk throwing it into the washer instead of taking it to the dry cleaners, and now your originally knee-length black pencil dress came down only to mid-thigh. You checked yourself out in the reflective glass of the café.

Simply cut black pencil dress – classy with just a little bit of décolletage and leg on display.

3 1/2-inch heels – as high as you can go without falling while you walk.

Simple crystal earrings.

Loose low bun with just the right amount of face-framing.

Black and silver beaded clutch.

You walked into the café and headed to the bathroom.

Makeup on point. Just touch of the red lipstick – red to match his tie – and you’re good.

You step out of the bathroom, putting your lipstick in your purse and sit down at one of the tables by the window, glancing at the time.

6:37 pm. You’re early.

You sip a glass of water nervously, trying hard not to bite your fingernails.

Please be here. Please don’t be late. Please be at least cute.

You swirled the condensation left from your glass on the table with the tip of your finger and looked at your phone again.

6:39pm.

God, those three minutes seemed like an eternity.

At 6:45pm on the dot, the door of the café dings open and a tall, handsome man strides in. He has purpose in every step, and you can’t stop yourself from staring as he glances around the room, sees you, and turns on his heel coming your way, dropping into the seat opposite of you.

Damn. He’s hot. Like really hot. Stupid handsome hot in a suit and tie. Nobody looks that good in a suit. And shoulders. SHOULDERS. How the fuck –

“Are you y/n?” he asks casually, crossing his legs and looking at you with one eyebrow quirked.

“How-how did you know?” you stutter, nervously tucking your hair behind your ear.

He leans forward and gives you a grin. “We’re the two best-dressed people in this establishment.”

You look around you and laugh. You definitely were. Two people in formalwear in a place that suggests jeans and sweaters.

“I guess the formal dress would give it away.” You smile at him and he grins back, putting you more at ease.

Stupid handsome guy has a nice smile. Of course he does. Shut up, y/n.

“I’m Jin.” He holds out his hand. 

You shake it, trying to give him a warm smile and not look creepy or freaked out. “Y/n, but I see you already know that.” 

“I hear we’re going to an event? What kind of event?”

You fold your hands in front of you to stop them from fidgeting. “I will tell you, but you can’t laugh.”

He leans forward even more, resting his face in his palm. “Ooo, this sounds interesting.”

“I’m serious.” You try to pull a serious face and he sits up and folds his hands in front of him too.

“Serious.”

You nod. “Okay. So this event, it’s a publisher’s dinner. Fancy thing. I’m an author, and it’s important. Help’s me keep in contact with my sponsors and donors and team who made my publishing’s possible.”

“What kind of books do you write?” he looks genuinely interested. You hesitate and decide to tell him a half-truth.

“Uh- romance. Romance novels. Real cheesy stuff.”

He nods and you can see him trying to hide his smile. You give him a side-eye. “Shut up.”

He works his jaw and takes a deep breath. Trying to hold his laughter. “I’m not laughing.”

“Yeah, but you want to. I can see it.”

He smiles then, a big one this time. “Hey wait you’re the one who just referred to her own works as, and I quote, ‘real cheesy stuff.’” He makes air quotes with his fingers and you laugh.

“That’s because it is!”

“If you think it’s cheesy, why do you write it?”

You look back down at the table with a smile and swirl the water on your table in a squiggly line. “Because people like cheese, it sells well.”

He laughs. “I bet.”

“So anyway, I can’t exactly show up to this meeting alone. Everyone thinks that I get my ideas from experience… when I do not.” You blush and look down again.

“Because you use your brain.” Says Jin and you look up, surprised at his answer.

This is the first person to know what I mean without teasing me about my lack of a sex life...

“Exactly! Nobody wants to understand that I’m using my own brain and imagination and information that I researched and read instead of personal experience.” You roll your eyes and give him a big smile and he chuckles.

“Because people are idiots and want to think they know everything,” he replies and you nod in confirmation.

He gives you an easy smile. “So a publisher’s party for a cheesy romance novelist who just wants them to stay out of her personal life. Sounds fun.” He stands and offers you his arm. “Shall we?”

You softly place your hand in the crook of his arm. “Well now, don’t I feel fancy.”

He laughs and puts his hand over yours. “If we are playing a fake couple, we better start acting like one, dearest.”

You find yourself turning red again. Damn it easily blushing face stop it. “Of course… honey.”

He grins at you. “That’s the spirit!”  

Together you walk down the street and into the hotel lobby. The desk clerk gestures you on towards the ballroom and you easily are able to find it. Taking a deep breath you place your hand on the door and look at Jin.

“You ready?” He asks, and you nod.

“Let’s do this.”

“You forgot my pet name, pumpkin.”

You roll your eyes and open the door, giving him a sugary sweet smile over your shoulder. “Sorry, babe. Now come along dear, I simply must introduce you to my publisher.”

He grins and wraps his arm around your waist, and you can only pray you can pull this off.

~

You had been at the party for over an hour now, and Jin had been great. Really great. He introduced himself as your boyfriend, and he had been making it really fun as you played pretend. Currently, you were talking to a group of your publishers and sponsors, and Jin was winning them all over with his quick smile, easy charm, bad dad jokes, and of course, his good looks. The conversation had drifted from small talk to your books quickly, and you hated it. You hated when the attention turned back on you, and you hoped nothing too revealing would be said that outed your real writing to Jin.

“And the entirety of chapter 57?! Whoo! I tried some of that out with my husband, and I have no idea how Emilia did it! We only did one of the things mentioned you know, and I’ve never been more exhausted in my life!” chimes in Julia, your publisher, fanning herself with her hand.

“Emilia?” whispers Jin, leaning down to get to your ear. “The main character in one of my books, baby,” you whisper back and Jin nods, straightening up.

“Ah yes, Emilia.” He says louder. “I love her.” You bite back your grin as your publisher coos over him.

“Of course you do, who wouldn’t?! You’re such a supportive boyfriend for reading all your books!”

So far, so good. We’re safe.

“Y/n, you do write some of the best erotica I’ve ever read in my life. Where do you learn it all?” asks Marilyn, one of your sponsors, patting your arm gently.

Shit. I jinxed it. So much for hoping nobody brings it up.

Jin chokes on his drink and tries to hide it with a cough, grabbing your arm gently. “Sorry, ladies, gentlemen,” he nods at your publishing team. “I think I’m having a coughing fit. Y/n, sweetie, would you mind stepping out to get some air with me?”

You rub his back in mock sympathy. “Sure, darling. Are you okay?”  

“I just think I need some air, peanut.”

You can’t help your smirk as you show him to the balcony. As soon as you get through the glass doors and they close behind you, Jin doubles over laughing. “You write erotica?! You??”

You cross your arms over your chest. “Hey! That’s mean.”

He leans against the balcony rail and tries to steady himself. “Wait wait wait… sorry, but the lady who writes best-selling erotica… hired an escort?! Oh, my god.”

You sigh and lean against the railing. “Are you done?”

He gasps for air and wipes tears out of the corner of his eyes. “Yeah. Yeah. I’m fine. I’m good.” He straightens his tux and takes a deep breath. “I’m a professional.”

You roll your eyes. “You sure act like one.”

He smiles at you, but it’s not mean. “You’re easy to be around. This is a fun job. Normally I have to work with a lot more stiff old people.” He makes a face and you laugh.

You both stand in the cold air in silence for a few moments and he takes off his jacket, placing it around your shoulders.

You try to ignore the shiver that does down your spine when his fingers brush your bare arms and look down at it and pick up part of it with your fingers, trying to act like it’s no big deal.

“What is this? Special treatment? I didn’t know I got the deluxe deal! Oh me oh my!”

He scoffs. “I may be an escort, but I’m a gentleman.”

You nod. “Very gentlemanly.”

He shoves his hands in his pockets. “I’m so glad you noticed.”

You smile. “Are you sure you won’t be cold?”

He gives you a soft smile. “What? Oh, I’m fine. I’m very warm actually. Steamy. Especially now that I know a little of Julia’s sex life.”

You laugh. “I wish conversations got better than that, but unfortunately, when you write about sex, that’s all anyone ever wants to talk about.”

He nods. “I understand that. When you’re an escort, that’s all everyone wants to talk about too.”

“Wait.. isn’t it your job to talk sex?” you giggle and he nudges you with his elbow. “Usually there’s not that much talking” he winks and you laugh.

“Okay dude, TMI.”

“TMI?! You’re the one who writes erotica! Descriptively!” he cries and you laugh again as he shakes his head.

You are both silent for a few moments before he speaks again. “Okay, but, really, what happens in Chapter 57?”

You feel your lips quirk up in a smirk. “Wouldn’t you like to know.”

He looks at you incredulously. “You’re going to leave me hanging?”

“Yes, you just laughed at the fact that I write erotica!”

“I was surprised!” He defends, placing his hand over his heart. “You told me you wrote cheesy romance. I feel betrayed.”

You laugh and shove him with your shoulder. “It is a cheesy romance novel…. That just happens to have a lot of smut.”

“I told you about my sex life!” he accuses and crosses his arms, pouting. “I want to know about Chapter 57.”

God, he’s cute when he pouts.

You shrug off his jacket and hand it back to him as you walk away, smirking over your shoulder.

“Then you can buy it online or at a bookstore. It’s called Wildcard. I’ve heard it’s quite popular.” You open the door and gesture him to move. “Now come on, I think you’ve recovered from your choking hazard and I have more people I have to talk to.”

He puts his jacket back on and follows you back out into the decorated ballroom, mumbling about being left on a cliffhanger and what the frick was Chapter 57 and how you’re so mean to him, really princess, you can’t give your favorite escort a brief rundown?

You ignore him and link your arm through his again as you wade back into the room, getting called over almost immediately by your editor, who wants you to meet some more people.

~

At the end of the night, you take him to a secluded hallway in the hotel and pull the money out of your purse, watching him count it as you rub your arm nervously.

“Hey,” you say, and he looks up, raising an eyebrow. “I just, wanted to say, thanks… for saving my ass in there… you really did me a solid by being my date tonight.” You laugh and look away, tucking your hair behind your ear.

“Well… you did hire me…” he trails off, tucking the cash into his coat pocket.

You blush. “I know, but still… thanks. I had a lot more fun than I thought I would.”

You flick your eyes to his briefly and he looks around the hall before striding forward and cupping the back of your neck, kissing you.

You gasp in surprise and he easily slips his tongue in. You find yourself clutching at the lapels of his coat as he deepens the kiss, his other hand sliding up the side of your thigh, under your dress.

You pull back and look at him wide-eyed as he slides his hand up towards your panties. “Jin?”

He smirks and continues to slide his hand slowly up. “You overpaid. I thought you didn’t want me all night?”

You feel your cheeks redden, but your gaze can’t leave his face. “I-I just tipped you.”

He licked his lips and pressed them back to yours before kissing his way down your jaw. “I think you wanted a little…taste, baby” he whispered huskily as he nips at your neck.

I should turn away. I should push him off. It was just a tip… but OH what did he just do to my neck?? god, do it again..

You moan softly as he works his way down your neck and cups you through your panties. Your heart pounds against your chest as you choose to ignore your logical mind and do something you’ve never done before…

Oh, what the hell.

…just let it happen.

You spread your legs a little further for him and moan in his ear as he begins to rub you through your panties.

“So wet for me? Already? And here I thought you just hired me as pretty eye candy,” he grins against your neck as you grab his hair, tugging his mouth back to yours, desperate for something, anything.

He slides his fingers under the side of your panties and you bite his lip when he teases his fingers up and down your folds, sliding against your slick.

“Ooo, you’re a feisty one, I see,” he smirks and nips your mouth right back, sliding his fingers slowly against you.

You had never been this turned on in your life, despite having past boyfriends who had tried and a few hookups… but none of them had ever felt this good. Had made you feel this good.

“Jin,” you moan, bucking your hips into his hand. “More.”

“As you wish ma ’lady” he nips harshly at your neck and you yelp, but he quickly lavishes over it with his tongue, soothing as his finger drags your slick to your clitoris and he begins to circle it slowly.

The back of your head hits the hallway wall, exposing more of your neck to Jin’s lips as you have to bite your own hand to stifle your moans when he slips a finger inside you.

He moans against your neck and pulls away from it with a pop, resting his forehead against your own.

“God, y/n, you’re so tight,” he whispers, pumping his finger in and out of you and then adding a second.

You buck your hips against his hand and he beings to curl his fingers up, grazing your sweet spot so deliciously as he begins to make out with you again to soften your moans.

He works you like this for a little while and you start keening, panting his name into his mouth while your hands clutch at his hair and shoulders to keep your balance standing up.

It’s all so much, too much, for someone who hasn’t been touched like this in years, and you find yourself burying your face into his chest when he presses his thumb to your clit with just the right amount of pressure and you come hard over his fingers, moaning his name.

He works you through your orgasm and as you come down you blush red again, realizing that you just let an escort, that you paid for, get you off in a back hotel hallway.

You hide in his shirt a few moments longer, trying to breathe until he gently pushes you off his chest and slides his fingers out from your underwear. You pull back, your hands still on his shoulders and he smirks seductively as he brings his fingers to his mouth and sucks, making you blush harder.

He then shoves that hand in his pocket and backs away from you, giving you a two-fingered salute with his other hand.

“See you around, y/n. That was fun.”

He winks and turns, strolling out of the hotel doors, leaving you open-mouthed, panting, and wondering why that had been the best orgasm you’d ever had.

~~

Part 2 

[andypridee]

A River’s Current | Challenge #1

here it is. i bring to you Andromeda Pride. well, andy preferably. I’m so sorry this is up sooo late but writing this was kind of a whirlwind. Please ignore any mistakes, i was writing this like a thousand miles per hour. Thank you sooo much to @arin-schreave and @itssara-oc for the rps i hope i wasn’t such a mess. so i leave you with andy. i hope you reading her as much as i enjoyed creating her.

bon appetit!

Silence flooded the room entirely. The day that just happened had been a whirlwind of things that made me completely uncomfortable. "Oh my God," I thought "This is going to continue for who knows how long" This was clearly the best time to understand the magnitude of my actions. Normally, I didn't think much before acting, but the consequences were not so huge. "Okay Andy, you're already here and there is no escape. Breathe. "

The huge room that had touched me was like a dream. A huge soft bed, a wardrobe that was a work of art in itself, a movie ceiling. "I guess this is it. The selection." A contest to win the prince's hand. Not even that. A contest to win what remains of the prince's heart, if it remains, to be able to one day be the queen of this country, although, in reality, it would only be an accessory for the king and his baby factory because obviously you have to follow the lineage And that's what women are for.

It was incredible that I could be and live, even for a short time, in a room as full of luxuries as that. Yes, my childhood had been privileged, I was aware of that, but this was just another level. He had seen, known and connected to so many places that not even in his deepest dreams could they have dreamed of something like this. And there were people who had so much power and money that this kind of room was simply a "guest room." It was increasingly difficult for me to think that solutions for millions of people were in the hands of a few who should actually provide solutions for those people.

How I wish Sierra had been there.

Anger and helplessness began to grow within me. The air didn't flow to my lungs and I had suddenly started hyperventilating. I went out on my balcony and saw around me. Everything looked so serene from afar. So uniform and so peaceful. I wanted to dive into it, keep walking until I got away from that huge and pretentious place. The edge of the balcony felt like a wall of bars to me. I was not made to live observing. And I didn't even know what I was doing here. I had no princess spirit, much less a queen. I needed to get out, talk, be able to experiment and especially help. Not standing still, looking pretty, saying the things that everyone wants to hear but being hopeful enough for those people who have almost nothing. Everything methodical, everything calculated. All coldly experienced, knowing that even if you want to do something and help, that would not make everyone happy, especially the most important ones. Living not in a home, but in an institution.

I closed my eyes for a moment and breathed. I saw a valley covered by the moon. Miles and miles spread before me, ready to be explored, ready for the unexpected. The cold air brushed my cheeks and I smiled. Then came the sea, with its smell of salt and freedom. The sun caressed my skin and comforted me. In the distance, seagulls were observed in mid-flight. This was what made me get up every morning. The possibility of a new, just, and caring world. A world wherein every place that the sea touched you could feel airs of hope and happiness.

I slowly opened my eyes and took another deep breath. I guess I couldn't do anything about my current situation anymore but I could take advantage of it.

I went to sleep with that image of the sea in my mind and I didn't wake up again until the morning rays touched my skin.

When I opened my eyes the day had already started without me. My maids, Audrey, Kate and Elaine, were fixing my room for a new day. Although I did not really understand why since everything looked extremely resplendent. The bathroom apparently was ready to tell from the condensation on the mirror and my outfit for the day hung neatly from the closet.

I closed my eyes once more wanting to be in my room in Zuni, or even in Waverly's bedrooms. Or anywhere outside of there. I opened my eyes again with the slightest hope that my wishes would come true. Obviously, they didn't, so I sighed and walked into the bathroom, ready to have at least 15 minutes of relaxation and privacy. That was, of course, until my maids started helping me.

"Um, ladies? I don't really know what to call them. Girls? Um well, I can do this alone if you don't mind. ”I tried to speak kindly to them.

"But, miss, we must help you in everything," Audrey replied in a concerned tone.

"I'm sure it doesn't refer to everything," I said, pointing to my body in the process.

"It is our duty, Miss Andromeda," Audrey replied politely.

I sighed “Okay, you can continue to do whatever other crazy duty you are dictated here but please just call me Andy. It is the only thing I ask of you. ” I said almost pleading.

"Okay, Lady Andy," Audrey answered again, who, apparently, was the one in charge of the three.

"Andy, Audrey. Andy. " I looked at her and tried to smile slightly.

"Okay La- Andy," she replied uncomfortably, but she had fulfilled what she had asked and that was an advance for me in the little that I had taken that morning, so I left it like that and I decided to violate what I considered privacy as too many levels.

-

OK. I was not a girl in dresses. And that was clearly inconvenient now. Looking at me in the mirror, I looked like a cupcake. Literally. It smelled of vanilla and everything. The dress itself was beautiful, white with gold accents and such a neat chest. Truly a work of art. But I was not wearing dresses. I felt uncomfortable and constricted, I could hardly breathe, and my arms could not rise more than 10 cm.

And now she was supposed to have breakfast in front of the queen and the royal family like that. Fantastic.

"Miss, you must go to your lesson," Elaine warned me before leaving.

"Lesson? Are we not supposed to have breakfast? ” I asked, starting to feel like my stomach was roaring under the tight corset of my cupcake dress.

"Before having breakfast in front of the royal family you must take an etiquette lesson." answered.

"They think we don't know how to eat? It can't be that different. Finally, it is the same process, you eat and drink. There is not much science. ”

"It is a requirement for all the selected ones," Elaine replied, trying not to get too agitated.

"So now I am that. One "selected". " I said, this time to myself. "Okay, I'll be down soon," I replied, a little more disappointed.

Going down that huge staircase I could see the other girls. All dressed in extremely precious dresses. Splendid walk. Perfect complexion. Hair like silk. And I, holding on tightly to the stair railing, afraid of losing my balance and hitting the living room on the floor. What a contrast.

I entered a large room, where tables were set up with their respective chairs. Several selected ones were already arranged in their places, so I looked for mine in that sea of ​​linen tablecloths and flowers with artificial smells.

Lady Andromeda

Thanks, mom and dad. They seriously couldn't choose another name.

I took a seat and turned the side of the card with my name face down. Then I smoothed down my dress and waited for something to happen, though I wasn't really sure what that would look like.

Finally, Princess Safiya entered the room and addressed us. She exuded airs of elegance and neatness. Almost like her brother but she seemed under control and ready to take charge of any situation.

"Good morning. I'm sure you're all ... eager to start seeing as you're meeting my brother shortly, so I'll try to keep this brief. ”

Eager? Really? Rather terrified of having to meet the prince. Oh, my God. Prince. Know him. Friend, if you want you can have me there all morning because we could say that the prince was not my favourite person in the royal family.

“Today I will begin to instruct you on conduct and protocol, a process that will continue for the duration of your stay. Please know that I will be reporting any missteps on your part to the royal family. ”

This was the most outrageous thing anyone could have said to me. Conduct and protocol? Who I am? A doll? What were the behaviour and protocol? To silence your mouth only and that everything is calm and courteous. Crap.

"I know it sounds harsh, but this isn't a game to be taken lightly. Someone in this room will be the next princess of Illéa. It is no small task. You must endeavour to elevate yourselves, no matter your previous station. You will become ladies from the ground up. And this very morning, you will receive your first lesson. ”

That was exasperating me, that situation they have to change their way of being because we do not consider it highly appropriate. She understood that they were the royal family but they were also ordinary humans. She didn't understand the need to be stiff and perfect all the time, much less at breakfast. It was quite a facade, because, let's be honest, who dresses like that to go to breakfast?

Suddenly, a very elegant brunette woman entered the room. It was Felicity Graham, the prince's ex-fiancée. She saw herself as a powerful woman, even on her own and without any ties to royalty or politics. She was the first person to impress me in the background since I got there.

He approached Princess Safiya and muttered something to her, and so they had an exchange of murmurs and increased the discomfort in the room by 87%.

Neither of us knew what was happening and I personally felt out of place and worse yet, too hungry to have a good attitude. We were there in front of them and they didn't even bother to make excuses.

I was about to get up and go get my well-deserved breakfast without any consideration of what might happen because I honestly didn't care. The faster I got out of there, the better. Safiya said something softly to Felicity but I didn't really bother to understand. Were they really taking away even more time?

“Table manners are very important, and before you can eat in front of the royal family, you must be aware of certain etiquette. The faster we get through this little lesson, the sooner you get to have your breakfasts, so faces forward, please. ”

Against my own will, I followed the instructions and continued the etiquette lesson, ridiculous as that sounds, albeit with some difficulty thanks to my dress. In the end, it was what was going to get me out of here and give me my breakfast without having to disrespect the princess in her face. Despite everything, I had always admired Princess Safiya for her tenacity and intelligence and she was frank, a quality that I will always respect people.

When mentioning the very retrograde etiquette instructions, there were one to two times that I almost laughed out loud. Not speak unless they spoke to us first? Really? She did not know that modernity and feminine emancipation had not reached the court of Illea. Even more so when our president was a woman like the queen.

"If you follow this one, I’ll be disappointed," Safiya added.

Well, one less person to disappoint, and at least the princess agrees with me on that ridiculous rule.

After something akin to a courtesy practice, although it seemed more like a classy torture session, and Princess Safiya completely reproved me with her eyes, we were free. My stomach at this moment was a huge furious mass and when my eyes looked at that oasis called buffet I swear that the angels sang. I'm not fully aware but I think I approached the buffet unusual and not very elegantly, filling my plate with delicacies.

I found my seat and got ready to ... eat. Actually, at first, it seemed like I was stuffed but I hadn't eaten anything since I woke up and that was going to be like two hours! But after the first three or four bites, I tried to keep my composure. Not because they had pointed it out to me but because I wanted to show them that we were perfectly fit people to eat without making a mess.

As soon as the guard who was going to escort me to that small room where the girls came and went came, my back stiffened. Usually, it was good under pressure and I wasn't nervous but this time we were talking about the prince, the actual price. I think the usual was not suitable for those occasions.

I got up from my chair with all the grace that can emanate and accompanied the guard to that little room. The first thing I glimpsed upon entering was the cameras. They were everywhere, pointing at different angles to a chair in the middle of everything. And there was Prince Arin waiting for me, standing a little too straight, a little too stiff, very rehearsed. I approached dubiously, looking back a moment but looking back at the prince, who gave me a small bow.

"Good morning, Lady ..." Her eyes searched for my little tag with my name on it. I guess learning 35 names overnight was difficult. "Andromeda." I almost winced when he said my name. Today had been a perfect day to call me Andromeda. "Please have a seat," he said as he gestured toward the sofa.

I did not know what to answer. My mind had gone blank. She only knew that she was in front of the prince, the heir of Illea. It was as if my conscious part had come out of my body and I was making a fool of myself. I bowed very badly and approached him. Safiya would certainly be disappointed in me, I thought.

"Hello! ... um... Good morning, Your Highness" I answered and took a seat on the sofa. "What the hell are you doing Andy? How old are you? Twelve? Act like a fully capable young lady and stop being silly. ” I said to myself as I tried to get comfortable on the sofa. Glancing back at Arin, I tried to smile slightly, concealing my disagreement.

He had settled next to me, turning his body so he could see me properly. There was something about his actions like they were too methodical and too rehearsed. He didn't seem like a natural person.

"How is your morning going?" he asked in a calm but neat tone of voice. How many times had she done this? He was probably not even paying attention anymore, just following a script and waiting for the morning to pass without any complications.

I, on the other hand, was a disaster. And the most irritating thing was that that wasn't me. I looked him in the eye and I got myself back together. "It's just someone else, there's no reason to be intimidated."

“Well let's say waking up inside a golden palace is a whole other way to start my morning, so pretty good so far. I must say, that breakfast of yours is going to spoil my appetite ”I said, while shaking my head, amused. I wasn't going to tell lies, that breakfast had been the best part of my morning.

He simply nodded and continued.

That’s good to hear. So you slept well then? ”

Again that studied tone. Breathe Although she wanted to explode, I continued the conversation, trying to cheer her up a bit. If he didn't want to have a good time, it was his problem.

"Like a dream, but you must know. I was a bit shocked at first when I got to my bedroom but then I calmed down. ” yes .. that little crisis.

"I'm glad to hear you were able to calm down." He looked for a moment at the cameras. Was that necessary? It was silly to ask, considering my experience with the bathroom that morning. "Which province are you from?"

I instinctively turned my gaze to the cameras for a second, uncomfortable with the situation. A mouse in a laboratory would have felt more comfortable than me. For a moment I felt my dress tighter, my hair straighter, my shoes smaller. I turned my gaze to Arin and replied. He continued to ask me questions and I answered them for a while. The weird thing was that he didn't comment on it like he wasn't even listening to me. I was trying to keep my composure but I was already exhausted. I wanted, first of all, to put on a good pair of pants and a shirt. Sleep all day and in the morning embark anywhere. Probably a remote island, accompanied only by Clifford and a coconut called René.

As the conversation progressed, I became more interested in it. A feeling of relief flooded my body and when I realized I was actually enjoying the conversation.

"It sounds like you enjoy it," he comments as he nods slightly.

"I do ... I think it’s a powerful way to tell the world’s history." I replied, a little excited.

"Do you plan on returning to journalism?"

"I have not abandoned journalism, it's just that I work for an NGO so that keeps me busy"

"What do you do there?"

"Well, I'm practically a wildcard. I've taught English and Maths to kids in Vietnam, I've helped to bring food to war-displaced communities, I've aided to build houses for a community made up of women, victims of family abuse, there's everything where you can help. "

Talking about my job was something I loved, but I didn't want to sound pretentious or anything like that, so I was glad when she continued to genuinely be interested in the conversation, or so it seemed.

He nodded, impressed and continued. That certainly sounds like a lot. I'm sure your family must be proud. ”

It was annoying that his only reaction to everything was to nod but he was so wrapped up in the conversation that I barely noticed. At the mention of my family, I gave a little laugh, funny.

Well, I don’t know. I'm sure my family thinks they contribute a lot to society as well. For my parents especially, it's just a complicated way to help when you can just donate a bunch of money and leave. ”

"Oh well, I'd be proud if I were them. It’s important to contribute to the ways you can. ”

"It is. It absolutely is. I believe that making change happen is the labour of everyone. Grain by grain great things can be built. ”

She nodded, again, and glanced at her watch, then turned to look at me.

"Thank you for speaking with me this morning, Lady Andromeda. It’s been a pleasure. ” She got up from the sofa, saying goodbye. "Please enjoy the rest of your stay."

"I'm sure that my stay he meant two hours while he finished with the rest of the girls," I thought.

But I tried to hide my true thoughts, so I got up and smiled confidently. Whatever happened, I think it would be fine.

“It has been surprisingly a pleasure. And please, call me Andy. My parents have been a little extra since ancient times. ” I joked, trying to make the stiff prince smile for the last time.

And fulfilling my goal, Arin smiled at me and nodded again. "This man and his head," I thought. But I did not care, I got him to show some emotion and that already progressed for me.

"Have a good rest of your morning, Andy."

-

“My parents thought so too but believe me, growing up as Andromeda was pretty tired. "I shrugged." Well, I don't believe so, for now, you are my only friend” me briefly, joking, as I usually did, about my name “the food here is the most heavenly thing ”

She was an extremely sweet and funny girl. I think it was a relief to be able to talk to someone without being afraid of being judged in the background, something very rare to find in the social circles that my parents made me frequent.

She giggled and answered “I can imagine. It's a beautiful name but it's pretty long and I'm assuming people have mispronounced it before? ” Her eyes lit up at the mention of our possible friendship ”That sounds like a deal. I'm your friend and you are mine. Don't take backs. ” And continuing with our conversation he added “It is pretty good. Where are you from? ”

“So many times! plus it is pretty weird so you can imagine ”I shrugged. "Sounds like a deal!" I told her and reached out my hand to close the deal, she took it, laughing, and we shook hands with each other but “From Zuni, originally. What about you? ”

"I kind of get your pain. Not many people know how to pronounce my last name. I'm from Whites! ”

"Well, I sure hope I'm pronouncing it correctly." I giggled a bit, something slightly unusual for me. "Oh! that's a great contrast ”I commented when listening to her native province.

"Don't worry, you're actually doing pretty good." She beamed and continued “It is! So what did you do before… ”she pointed around us, referring to La Selección“ all of this. ”

I smiled nostalgic, thinking about the life I had left behind. That life that had been built by me and only by me, and which was now thousands of miles from my reach.

“Well, I study journalism in Waverly and I work for an NGO, helping in poor communities. what about you? ”

“I have been volunteering in the orphanage here and there. I want to keep volunteering but the career I have makes it hard. ” she pouted a bit, making me smile. Sara was the sweetest person I’ve ever known. Usually, my friends and I expressed love with jokes and sarcasm, so hanging out with Sara was actually pretty recomforting. "I am a manager in my dad's business."

We talk about our jobs and our family. The more time passed, the more relaxed I felt, forgetting everything that had happened in the morning and feeling much more myself. Sara was a very sweet, interesting and impressive person. Being a manager in her father's store and volunteering. It is completely true that appearances are deceiving. At first glance, Sara seemed a very elegant but somewhat reserved person. Turned out to be funny and energetic. With airs of princess everywhere and kindness of heart, I was glad that there were girls with possibilities of winning, like Sara and genuinely began to root for her. We ended up talking about my family, especially my sister, Sierra. My sister was one of the people I missed the most and it had only been a day. We usually parted for months but we were a phone call away. This was completely different and he needed her more than ever.

"I'm lucky to have her. I believe that without her I wouldn't be here right now, ”I smiled wistfully, trying to control my tears instead. “Alright, so topic change because I don’t want to have mascara all over my face and make a fool of myself the first day, mmm what do you like to do outside work?”

Sara smiles and said “You really are the sweetest aren't you…” she gave me a sympathetic look and answered my question. Alright. We can definitely do that another day! ” * joked, making me smile and improve my spirits. "I? Well, I enjoy to read and write. Bullet journaling. Geocaching! I would love to travel more often. I love to learn more about different places. How about you? ”

"Count me in! crying out loud is one of my favourite things ever ”I commented sarcastically. “I have tried to do bullet journaling, trust me, it did not go well. But geocaching? what’s that? ” I've never heard of anything like that but I was truly curious "I LOVE-" had started screaming but then I remembered that morning's sermon and decided it was too early to start breaking the rules. "I love travelling!! it's my favourite thing to do in the whole world, I love to discover how diverse we can be in just one planet. I love photography as well, I have an album with all my trips, to see how a picture can tell a million words and a million emotions. ”

"I mean watching some sad movies can get you to cry out loud" Sara joked, continuing my joke. "Oh, I love it! Oh, geocaching is a bit of a weird hobby of mine. It's basically using GPS to find hidden treasures people have left behind. It's interesting for me. ” added with some regret. “I love travelling as well !! Are we possible soulmates? Long lost sisters? ” I smile with her eyes lit up. "Wow really? I would love to see it. Your album I mean. "

"Only if it's titanic" I joked. "But it sounds interesting like catching Pokémons or something like that, you have to invite me some time" I smiled, interested in my friend's hobby.

"I know! it's crazy!” I laughed and continued "where have you been?” And finally answered her request. “Well I could show it to you sometime, I secretly sneaked it in because my mother almost banned me from bringing it, ”I whispered.

"Obviously only titanic." she chuckled, joking. "It is! I have found several interesting things when I go geocaching. ” she grinned as I mentioned my interest in geocaching “Someday for sure!” she said, smiling widely. "It is! I hope to do that often. Travel I mean. I have been here and there but I barely had time to really immerse myself to each province. The farthest I've gone is New Asia. ” she leaned in when I started whispering “Oh really? I would love to see it. I'm glad you sneaked it in. ”

------

The sun had begun to set over the city of Angeles and a beautiful yellow light sheltered the city. The day that just passed had been, honestly, an emotional roller coaster. I had survived my first day of the Selection and I still hadn't made a complete fool of myself. I didn't know if I was going to be there in 24 hours or if this was only going to be a one-day vacation but at that point, it didn't matter anymore. Despite all my opinions regarding the Selection and what was happening, I was beginning to realize that not everything was completely bad and that in reality if I could not change the course of the river, I could at least travel with the current. I was afraid that maybe I would lose myself in the process for, apparently, it was something I couldn't control. The only thing I could do was make sure that day after day when I looked in the mirror, I kept seeing the same girl who wanted to contribute to the change. No matter what happened.

[alphawave-writes]

Play me a memory--A sigma fic

Summary: Sigma hopes to transcribe the universe's melody, in hopes of awakening his true powers, but gets more than he bargains for when the government facility he has escaped from has found him once again.

Read it here, or find it on AO3

-

Sigma sits in front of a piano. Not the Bechstein studio grand piano that used to sit in his apartment in The Hague but a cheap, upright Yamaha instead. He knows it is old just from the touch, the damp thud of the keys and the slow responsiveness of the pedals. Most aggravating of all is the tuning, the way the notes sound off to his ears. He does not have perfect pitch, and he never will, but if he concentrates hard enough, he can feel the shape of a note. Middle C is a yellow circle, and if he rises it up to a D, it transforms into an orange triangle. He hypothesizes that his abilities over gravity have given him a sensitivity to the electromagnetic waves that make up sound, but he cannot test this without rigorous testing. The beauty of these powers is that there are so many potential experiments and possibilities.

It’s been a long time since he’s played. Or at least, he thinks it’s been a long time. The last time he had touched a piano was one week before he went up to the international space station that caused his accident, but time is no longer linear and memories no longer make sense and he cannot say how many years have already passed since then. Has it been three years or longer? He cannot say.

He very much prefers listening to music rather than playing it, but he does not have that luxury. Talon is many things but it is not a musically inclined organization. His previous request for an parabolic microphone must have fallen upon flat ears for the next day he gets a regular microphone, the kind used for karaoke parties. It didn’t even have the batteries in it. So it is a miracle of sorts that his request for a piano got through. It was probably salvaged from a nearby dump, but it is still in working order, and he is grateful for whatever gifts Talon bestow upon him.

His body suddenly stiffens as he feels a shift in the air. He turns his head slowly, eyes wide as he finds himself staring back into his face. Only it’s not his face but another version of him, decked out in the orange jumpsuit that government facility crafted specifically for him. His copy smirks sinisterly.

 “Gravity is like sanity. All you need is a little push.”

“W-w-what?”

 “They called the geniuses of old insane back in their times.”

He is frozen in fear, staring into a face that is his but not his. The other approaches him and places his hands on his shoulders. He can feel the energy being sapped away from his body, his twisted mirror image growing larger, impossibly larger than him. As the energy leaves his body, he can feel his mind clearing. As his mind clears, he can see this twisted alter ego for what it truly is. It is sin, the devil in disguise. And behind that disguise is the black hole that destroyed his career and his mind. And it laughs. It laughs so viciously.

He feels his body suddenly being rattled back and forth, and his mind is clouded once more. The cloned image of him is gone, replaced by an annoyed woman with chocolate skin and purple lips. Her hair is parted to one side, showcasing the cybernetic implants glowing on her skull.

“Are you OK, old man?” She huffs.

Sigma is about to say “no” but he shakes his head and clears himself of the hallucination. It is easier to keep the fractured pieces of his mind together when he has a familiar face by his side. “Y-yes, I’m OK. Sorry if I scared you, Miss Olivia.”

“Ay, don’t call me that. Call me ‘Sombra’ like everybody else.”

“Sorry. I’ll…try and remember for next time.”

“I give myself a cool name and no one takes it seriously anymore,” she mutters to herself. Her eyes fall on the piano. “We have a piano? When’d we get one?”

Sigma smiles, relieved for the change of subject. “I asked Talon to provide it for me. I told them it was necessary for my experiments.” He raises his eyebrows. “I guess you could say this is an instrument in more ways than one.”

Sombra makes a face that is a cross between a cringe and a wince. A lot of people make that face when he tells jokes. So many years later and people still do not appreciate a good pun.

“A-anyway, I had a breakthrough last night,” he continues. “I have harnessed the harness that is gravity, but I have yet to maintain it in whatever shape and form I desire. I was at a roadblock. Then, it hit me! I’ve been thinking about it all wrong, you see. I’ve been trying to use my equations and quantum instruments to further my research, but I’ve yet to use the most important tool at my disposal.” He smiles in excitement. “I’ve got the universe’s melody in my head, playing on repeat. I’ve heard it so many times before, so I must be able to play it in the real world. If my theories are correct, it is as simple as transcribing a piece of music by ear.” He plays a chord and frowns. “Unfortunately, it seems music appreciation does not equate to music composition.”

“Wait wait, so you’re telling me that playing the piano,” she gestures wildly at the object, “is going to help you create a black hole again?”

His eyes brighten. “Yes. That’s precisely it! I knew you would understand.”

Sombra raises her eyebrows in disbelief. Out of all the Talon operatives that Sigma has encountered, she is the least judgmental—or rather, she is the least likely to dismiss his ramblings completely. She can be rather judgmental when she wants to be, often when it comes to Reaper and Widowmaker, but she makes no remarks about him. Perhaps she thinks it is bad taste to make fun of a man crippled psychologically like he is. Or maybe she doesn’t care enough to say anything about it.

He turns back to the piano and starts playing discordant notes. It has been years since he played but he remembers how to lie his hands, where the keys were, how to make his fingers glide over the faux ivory. He’s almost startled by the ease in which he remembers, because he knows he cannot account this for mere muscle memory alone. There are some things people do not forget, he knows that, but it’s unnatural how comfortable he feels in front of the piano.

It’s almost as if he is supposed to be here. Like the universe is calling to him from within the hidden strings. His fingers fly across as if in a trance. He hears the whispering in the air, but he’s not sure if it’s the benevolent universe or the demonic other or some other creature outside the confines of time and space that have decided to play their games with him. He listens and copies their words. A dark expanse of his own creation surrounds him as his eyes turn cloudy.

He hears someone snap their fingers impatiently in his ears, and turns to find Sombra next to him. She looks annoyed but there’s a familiar shimmer of pity in her eyes. It betrays her, just like his mind betrays him.

“Earth to Sigma.”

He winces. “My apologies.”

“I don’t know what goes on inside your head. You have the thingy on. The pedal. You’re pressing on it.”

He glances down at his feet, which are currently covered in pink wooly socks. They are expensive, and currently his only frivolous purchase since joining Talon. He does not remember putting them on, or when he bought them, or why he chose pink of all colours. On closer inspection, he sees that his foot is firmly pressing down on the right pedal.

“Oh,” he says, surprised himself. “So I have.”

Sombra groans loudly. “I don’t know why they tell me to watch you. I just wanna go back to my computer and watch some videos. Play some games. Hack some dudes or something.”

Sigma frowns. “You do not have to supervise me if you don’t want to, Miss Oli—I mean, Sombra.”

“Nah, the boss will kill me if I do that. I gotta make sure you don’t get yourself into danger.” She walks over to the side and leans dramatically over the top of the piano. “C’mon, piano man. Play a song.”

“This piano is for research. It is certainly not to be played with.”

“But I’m so booored.” She rests her head on her arms. “You must know some song, right? Play me one.”

“I shouldn’t…” he begins to say, but his mind is already buzzing with the songs of his past. One sticks with him, imprinted in his soul. A song from his past that spoke of simpler times.

He looks up into her eyes and falls victim for her doe eyes. He takes a deep breath, composes himself as best as he can, and begins to play Erik Satie’s Gnossienne 1.

It’s not long before he gets lost in the melody. Music is a language as easy to speak as English and Dutch. Sentences flow from his fingertips, time condensed into notes and sounds. Dark magic threads and twists from his wrist as gravity lifts up and away from his body. His mind drifts away to become one with the song, splinters of his childhood resurfacing. Images of his piano instructor in his majestic home, stern and imposing. His father falls asleep for the last time in his study, the sky outside the window going from day to night, the stars twinkling in rhythm to the invisible song.

Objects float and fly above him. Particles transform into one-dimensional strings that ascend into higher dimensions. The piano rises with him. There’s a yelp of surprise. “Let me down, let me down!”

His eyes widen as he finally notices Sombra, flailing her arms as she floats helplessly in the air. In that instant the spell is broken and the world returns to clarity. Gravity returns with a shuddering thud as the two of them crash back down into orbit. He is able to land gently. Sombra does not have the same luck.

“D-Dios mio, you’re going to kill me!” She hisses, rubbing her backside painfully. He doesn’t want to tell her how lucky she was. A few centimetres to the right and she would have been trapped under the piano. On one or more occasion, he has commended Talon for having the mindfulness of nailing everything in his lab down. It has prevented more than a few accidents due to his ever shifting powers.

She looks at him sternly, fire in her eyes. He shrinks a little.

“I’ve theorized for a while that my abilities are linked to my mental and emotional state. It seems music is able to amplify my abilities.” Sigma puts his hand on his chin and frowns. “Perhaps later I can determine the source of this ‘amplification’ and utilize it myself. Right now, however, it is an unfortunate complication to my experiments.”

“I’ll say. You’re going to hurt yourself at this rate.”

“I realise that, but I am close, I can feel it.” His hands glide over the dusty top of the piano. “If I can just find the correct song, I might be able to harness the fullest potential of my abilities.”

“Then maybe put the piano in a different room? So you don’t destroy everything in this room if you do find it?” She suggests.

“No, I…it’s better that I am here, where I cannot hurt anyone.”

Death has unfortunately become the new norm in his life. As payment, Talon tasks him with going on missions with their officers, and that often leads to a battle to the death. No one expects an old man like him to fight, and they definitely do not expect to be flung around like paper ragdolls in the wind. It’s frightening how the guilt washes away easier the more blood he must spill. During one such mission, he almost found himself enjoying the violence.

He places his fingers back on the keys. Sombra takes her place in the far corner of the room and watches warily, away from danger. There are no more fluctuations in gravity that day.

-

He plays and he plays, morning day and night, but he is no closer to his goal. He has continued his normal experiments, with the piano experiments continuing during his break. He eats and drinks and sleeps, but it is at a bare minimum. Why is it now, when he seeks out the song does it decide to run away? Why is this silence louder than noise, overwhelming him with nothingness? Why is it when his mind has never been clearer does a part of him yearn for the spark of insanity?

There is madness in his actions, but it is controlled and tempered. His equations are correct, as they always have been. He has ripped out a bit of paper to write sheet music on and has done his best to interpret the song. He can only work through sound. If only he knows an expert in music composition, or sound engineering. His understanding of sound is limited to his extensive knowledge of electromagnetic waves. Tonality, timbre, chord structure, they are patterns he hears but does not understand.

It’s late at night but he presses onward. He’s close, so very close, and he must work now while his mind is still whole. The pieces never hold together for this long, and sooner or later it will fracture, but he must press onward while he still has control. He wants to feel normal, and to feel normal is to surround himself in his research, pushing forward to new limits and new heights. The stars call out for his name. First he must understand and master his abilities. Then he can continue his original dream to see the stars outside their humble galaxy and walk on the surface of planets that are not his home.

He doesn’t hear the thudding footsteps approaching in the dead of night. He doesn’t notice the red light on the security camera suddenly go dark or the crack of his lab door breaking open. It’s only when he hears the unmistakable sound of a gun’s safety being taken off that he finally notices that he’s no longer alone. Three men stand before him, each training their guns on him. The sigil of the government facility he escaped from is displayed fully on their uniforms. It taunts him in a way that a gun to the head cannot. His heart leaps out from his chest.

“Subject Sigma,” one of them barks. “Come with us quietly, or we will shoot.”

Despite every instinct in his body, he cannot move. He is frozen in place in front of the piano, trapped, as if he is still tied down to that accursed bed, like his freedom and everything since is a dream he has conjured. He can imagine their hands forcing him into horribly itchy orange jumpsuit, the unprofessional way they injected their sedatives into him, the way they talk about him like he’s beneath humanity, a hideous creature without thought or intelligence.

“Didn’t you hear what he said?” A second soldier growls. “Get a move on!”

His eyes glance around, desperate for a way to escape, but there is none. The exits are watched by more soldiers. The very safety features within this room, designed to minimize the harm he can cause with his powers, are now the portents of his doom. In this section of Talon’s HQ, no one will hear him if he screams, and even if someone does, he will have less than a second before he’s shot dead. He might be able to block or absorb most of the bullets, but it will be futile. It will buy him seconds, maybe a minute. It’s not enough.

Even the voice that screams for violence in his ear is unnaturally quiet. It knows that taking the offensive will not help them survive in this situation. They’re trapped.

The third man steps forward, a curious smile spreading across their face. He orders the other men to stand down. As Sigma watches, he sees that this man is not dressed like the others. He wore glasses over his eyes instead of the tactical masks everyone else did, and his uniform has the markings of a combat medic rather than a soldier.

“It’s good to see you again, Siebren.”

The realization floods him with a feeling of terror but he hides it behind his gritting teeth. This is the doctor that was in charge of him back then. This was his torturer above torturers, Satan amongst the demons. “Dubrovnik,” Sigma spat.

“You’ve done well for yourself, haven’t you? A nice fancy lab, some powerful friends on your side,” His eyes glance down. “Loving the socks. Really sells the old man look.”

“What do you want?”

“To finish my job, and that is to keep you contained,” Dubrovnik said.

“You cannot stop progress.”

“You are a threat to humanity.”

“I am in control.”

“Until when?!”

Sigma stiffens. Dubrovnik puts his gun away and approaches slowly, the hunter coming to collect his prize. Sigma doesn’t react when Dubrovnik tugs his chin forward, jerking his head up to look into those cold, black eyes. Dubrovnik is significantly shorter than him, but in his seated position, their heights are roughly equal. It’s a frighteningly familiar feeling, being manhandled like this, like he is just a piece of trash on the ground.

He wants to choke him, make him suffer, make him hurt in all the ways he has been hurt, but he can’t and Dubrovnik knows this. Dubrovnik relishes in it. He was, and still is, a sadist.

“Out of the oven and into the fire, right, Siebren?”

“What are you talking about?” He rasped.

“You don’t know what Talon is?”

“They saved me!”

“You never thought why?” Dubrovnik’s lips curl. “I’ll tell you why. It’s because they want a weapon. They want Excalbur, and you happen to be the one who pulled it out of the stone. They want war, Siebren, they don’t care about you. As soon as they can wield Excalibur for themselves, they will throw you away like trash. And when they have Excalibur, no one will be able to stop them. They are terrorists. You know this.”

He wants to tell Dubrovnik that he’s wrong, that Talon is an organization of intelligent men and women who want to help humanity take the next big step, but he sees the heat in Dubrovnik’s eyes and he cannot help but take pause. Dubrovnik truly believes this. But why? He is needed, he is important. They will not go through the trouble of saving one man unless he’s important. They have been so kind to him, provided so much for him. They will not abandon him…right?

Dubrovnik takes a step back, Sigma rubbing his neck self-consciously. He’s not sure he imagines it but there’s a flicker in Dubrovnik’s eyes, almost like he pities him.

“If you come with us, we will help you subdue these powers. No one will hurt you or use you. I promise.”

“How can you promise that, you Croatian hypocrite?” Sigma snarls.

“Because no one should wield the powers you wield. Not you. Not Talon. No one.”

Dubrovnik puts his hand out and Sigma is left dazed. He glances around at the guards, emotionlessly watching the exchange. As far as Sigma can tell, Dubrovnik is sincere. And that terrifies him, because Dubrovnik knows something he doesn’t. About Talon, probably.

Sigma realizes in that moment how little he knows about Talon. All he knows is that they support cutting edge research, and have a private military to protect themselves. What is Talon’s goal? Why did they bother with an old man like him?  

He almost reaches for that hand, but Dubrovnik’s form swirls and shifts and suddenly his mirror image is standing there, orange jumpsuit and bitter smile and all.

 “Will you really submit yourself to him again?”

“What else can I do?”

 “You know what to do.”

The mirror image gestures behind Sigma, pointing at the piano. His skin pales.

“I-I can’t. I need to hold it together.”

“A little push,” they say as Dubrovnik appears once again from the smoke. The mirror image is no more.

“If you’re done with your muttering, would you kindly come with me, Siebren?”

Sigma turns back to the piano, his eyes wide. He can hear the melody again. The universe is speaking for him again. It asks him to play its song. It shows him the chords. It tells him the price it will wreak upon his mind.

It’s a price he is willing to pay this time. He turns around and opens the lid for the piano.

“What are you doing?” Dubrovnik asks.

“Let me play one more song before I go,” he says. “It’s my final request.”

He sees the blank faces looking at him in the reflection of the lacquered wood. In the darkness he finds his place on the faux ivory easily. He presses his foot lightly down on the pedal, spreads his fingers on the keys, and pushes his fractured mind off the cliffside. With perfect precision he plays a song of his own creation, a tribute to the song the universe sings.

Memories of his past resurface. The bitter judgment of his academic rivals, the callous disregard of his piano instructor, the stars in the sky, the sorrow of losing his home, the rage of knowing no one cared enough to find him. Dark emotions coalesce into space as gravity releases itself from its chains, sending everyone in the lab flying. There’s screams and shouts as guns are ripped from people’s grasps. Dubrovnik is saying something to him. A plea, a beg, something along those lines, but all Sigma can see is the cosmos expanding, with him at the epicenter. He’s no longer playing the piano; gravity is doing the work for him. He flies above everyone else, his hand outstretched. With every bit of himself he loses, he gains control. The dark voice in his brain laughs in murderous glee.

“D-d-don’t do this, Siebren, please! You’re better than this! You’re not a murderer!”

Alarms are going off above his head, painting the room a bright red. People are holding onto each other, trying to hold on. They know what is coming before he does. Despite the chaos and turmoil before him, he is strangely at peace. The universe sings its lullaby to him from the piano. There is no time signature, no bars, no rhyme or reason. It should not work, but it does.

A placid smile escapes his lips as he brings everyone crashing down. The crunch of broken bones is followed shortly by the bellows of pain. The dark voice takes over, grabbing one of the guns, still hovering up in the air. He shoots—not accurately, but he shoots. There is silence, save for the klaxon above his head and the whimper of one more person.

Dubrovnik crawls towards the door, broken. His left shin bone is sticking out from his pants, trailing blood. Sigma calmly floats forward, the dark voice in control as he pushes the might of gravity upon Dubrovnik’s head. There’s a gasp of air, and then the crunch of bone, and finally a squish. Red liquid oozes out of every hole of Dubrovnik’s head.

It’s not long before Talon realizes the reason for the breach in their HQ. Reaper and Widowmaker are the first ones there, guns at the ready. They round the corner to Sigma’s office down, ready to fight, only to discover the aftermath of a bloodbath. The entire lab is splattered in crimson, dead bodies lying in crooked angles and twisted postures. A pile of guns are stacked in one corner, all crushed and broken. By the door, a man's head looks to have been squeezed together.

Sigma sits alone on the piano stool in front of the cheap, upright Yamaha piano. He is perfectly clean, as is the piano. As they tiptoe over the bodies, careful to not step on the blood, Sigma turns to them with a stern but relaxed expression.

“You’re late,” he says, before waving dismissively. “It’s fine, though. I handled it. I think I even learned a new trick or two.”

If Reaper is not wearing his mask, they would see his mouth open and shut. He’s speechless.

“Since you’re here, how about a song?” Sigma cracks his knuckles and places his fingers on the keys. “How about ‘Piano Man’ by Billy Joel? An old classic.”

No one says anything. Reaper and Widowmaker stand there while Sigma plays and sings along from memory. They do not move. Their eyes are concentrated on the swirling dark energy hovering over the piano, bopping in tune to the beat of the song.

[theateared]

I’ve Got You. ❜

Summary:  I made up a lot of constellations and stuff.

    “I’m surprised you had time for this.  And that you even remembered.”

    “You wound me, Grace,”   he said with a complimentary chuckle as he came to stand beside her, a long, thin bag slung over his shoulder.  They stood there atop a tall hill like cursed scarecrows, a brisk chill burrowing its way beneath their clothes.  A lone bench sat a ways behind them, smothered in shadows cast by overhanging trees.

    She peered at the bag curiously as he shrugged it off of his shoulder, squinting at it as it was offered to her.   “... what is it?”

    He considered his answer before settling on an enigmatic:   “A gift.”

    After a few moments of feeling her stare scalding him, she huffed quietly and reached out to take it.  When the weight disappeared from his hand, it flopped to his side as if he’d lost all sensation in it.  However, his ears remained upright, trained on her so as to gauge her reaction. The zipper was tugged slowly, as if she expected a snake to spring forth and lock its jaw around her fingers, before a small gasp was released.  Edgar could barely stop his lips from twitching, a rare genuine smile threatening to rise to the surface.

    The telescope was thin and light in her hands, though it carried with it a quality that she was unfamiliar with.  In all her time star-gazing, the closest she had gotten to a telescope was an ancient monocle she’d stolen from a deceased man many moons ago.  Its silver finish glistened in the moonlight, glinting like a knife catching a streetlamp.  After a moment of silence, her eyes found his, round with amazement.

    “Where…  did you get this?”   It was a question posed with bated breath, wonderment laced in every fine syllable.  She finished with an awestruck:   “It’s beautiful.”

    “It’s…  complicated.”   The truth was, he’d made a deal for it with an incredibly intelligent young boy.  To think that the only thing he’d wanted in return for his high-end star-spotter was a passing grade in his P.E class.  It had been exceptionally easy for Edgar to frighten his teacher into altering the pitiful ‘E’ into an acceptable ‘C’.  Why it was so important to the child, he couldn’t understand.  If he had to guess, it was likely something to do with the relationship with his parents.  I don’t care about that.  I care about impressing Grace.

    It looked as if she was going to start asking questions, so he took the opportunity to sweep close to her and point at the sky, his free arm winding around her shoulders.   “So!  What’re these ‘’constellations’’ you’ve been telling me about, hm?  You said tonight was perfect for them.”

    Her sigh of resignation was like music to his ears.   “They’re like…  sky-pictures.  C’mere and I’ll show you.”

    Gently, she wrapped her hand around his closest wrist and tugged him with her to the bench. His body folded obediently beside hers, head on a permanent incline towards the sky.  She briefly considered how odd it was to see him looking up at anything;  him being over eight feet tall meant that he was almost permanently tilted downwards.

    Even without the telescope, she could see the beginnings of Huron’s Trail, though when she raised it to her eye, the picture became clearer than she’d ever seen it.  Her heart skipped a beat, a glimmer of wonder entering her eyes as she honed in on the dotted line. It was so familiar.  She knew every starlit swirl, yet she felt as if she had never laid eyes on the pattern before.  It was so crisp and bright as she peered through the glass that she briefly considered the possibility that she was dreaming.

    “Grace?”

    She blinked hard, returning to the present so quickly that she experienced head-rush.   “Oh,”   she said gingerly, lowering the telescope into her lap as a meek laugh escaped her, a stray lock of hair tucked behind her ear.   “I’m sorry.”

    “Don’t be,”   Edgar replied, a smirk turning the corners of his mouth to sharp points as a slight blush rose to her face.   “You’re so endearing when you’re embarrassed.”

    “Oh, leave me alone…”   she muttered, nudging him with an elbow before she handed him the telescope.   “Just hold it up to your eye and I’ll show you Huron’s Trail properly.”

    When he followed her instruction, she reached out to adjust the object oh-so-slightly, making sure it was properly focused on the arrangement.  Huron’s Trail was special to her, namely because it was one of the only constellations to have received its name from somebody outside of the district.

    “Do you know about Huron’s Trail?”   she asked, secretly hoping that he didn’t.

    “I’ll be honest, I know nothing about any star,”   he replied, grin unwavering.  She found it sweet that he would admit that.  Though she’d come to expect surprises from him at this point, she still found it somewhat staggering that an authority figure was willing to acknowledge when they didn’t know something.

    “Okayokayokay--  I’ll be your teacher, then!”   He said nothing, keeping the image of Grace in a tight pencil skirt whilst brandishing a ruler to himself.   “So this constellation was actually previously known as Starla Geddon, a subtle nod to the tale of General Geddon.  He was apparently separated from his men in enemy territory for days and eventually found his way home through smoke and ash by following the direction of that jagged arrow right there--”   She drew it out with her finger even though he couldn’t see her doing so.   “--  but was renamed by a mysterious traveller after it was discovered that General Geddon was actually a traitor to huros.  During the war, he worked as a spy, selling out his comrades. He spun a tale to cover his tracks, though it was eventually uncovered several centuries later.  As you can probably imagine, lots of people were upset about this.  It was left nameless for ages until that weirdo came stumbling into town, offering it a new name because of how it led him into the district.  Apparently, no matter where you stand, the arrow always faces us.”

    “Valor?”   Edgar asked, keeping the fact that he knew the tale of General Geddon a secret.     “Ah, yeah.  I…  forget his name all the time.”     “Heh.  He’s an interesting fellow.”     “You’ve met him?”

    “Oh, yes!”   Edgar exclaimed, finally pulling his face away from the telescope so that he could look at her properly.  His hands moved as he spoke, spinning her a tale of equal intrigue.   “The most fascinating part about him is that he’s painfully ordinary!  Though he’s become a legend at this point, he’s a very humble creature.  His only desire is to explore.  He lusts for nothing except the thrill of the journey.  He just...  accidentally saves people along the way.”

    Grace tilted her head, smiling.   “Really?  If I had that many stories about me, maybe it’d go to my head a little bit…”

    “You and I both,”   Edgar replied, sinking in his seat somewhat.  His head was very close to her shoulder, she noted, though she didn’t do anything to push him away.   “Go on.  Show me another.”

    Overjoyed, she took the telescope from him and searched for another nearby.  She knew where most of them were at this point, though she still had to follow the map she’d conjured up in her head.  Eventually, the glass settled on the bow of The Renegade.  She gasped with excitement, wrapping an arm around his shoulder and drawing him nearer, as if trying to share the scope with him.  At last, she had the sense to pull it away from herself, shoving it in front of his eye.

    He made an audible sound, one that was akin to a laugh but not quite, before he tried to focus on the vague outline of a ship.  It was a massive thing, even condensed into a single lens;  a fleet that appeared to have cannons withdraw on either side, a large swirling star serving as the ammunition it had fired.

    “That’s a big boat,”   he mused, prompting Grace to giggle quietly.

    “You could say that about The Renegade, I guess,”   she replied.   “It’s just a story, but it apparently belonged to a weary sailor who ran out of water to explore.  Apparently one day he became so weary that he took his boat on one last voyage, only he never returned. Legend says that Raku gave the boat the ability to fly after He saw how sad the man was, and he went to the Astral Plane to pick a place to rest.”   She paused, allowing a self-aware chuckle to slip out.   “Likely?  Not really.  But I like the story.”

    She lowered the telescope slowly, though noticed he was still staring.  Huron’s night sky was a wonderful thing;  a live Van Gogh painting, some would say, swirling lights illuminating the horizon in dim shades of blue, yellow and green.  Seeing it every night did nothing to deter the people from appreciating its beauty.  Even before Edgar had struck a deal with the Sheriff of this region, Grace had found herself skirting the border, keen to watch it.  On some rare occasions, she had caught a glimpse of the Astral Plane too, a myriad of waves that glistened an aqua blue before fading from view again.  There’s magic in this realm, she thought whenever she saw something that wonderful.  There just has to be.

    “This is… something,”   Edgar murmured.  He looked at her when she nudged him.

    “C’mon.  Say it.”     “Say what?”

    “That you’re impressed!”   Her mouth split into an amused grin.   “You totally are.  You think this is neat.”

    “No,”   he replied through a strained smile, though gave in a moment later, not keen on the idea of breaking her heart quite yet.   “... perhaps.  A little.  It isn’t completely dull.”   He found the little roll of her eyes adorable, his smile only widening as she stood up.  She muttered something about ‘’going home then’’, prompting him to reach out, snapping a hand around her wrist.  Even before she’d turned around to look at him, he knew she was smirking;  knew that she was proud of herself for catching him out in his understatement.  You surprise me, Grace.  You just keep surprising me.

    “Wanna see something else?”   she asked expectantly, though her smile became warmer when he nodded his head as a genuine response.  Briefly, she adjusted her skirt before raising a leg, climbing up onto the bench.  The Alpha seemed to leap into action, standing up quickly as if he expected her to topple over, his hand closing around hers.  When she looked at him curiously, he wasn’t looking at her.

    “... I’ve got you.  I don’t want you to fall.”

    She could have refused, could have brought her hand back to herself, but she left it there.  His skin was cool, calloused in some places, but ultimately inviting.  As she brought the telescope back up to her eye with her free hand, she let her fingers close loosely around his.

    Her search was gradual, her gaze slowly shifting to the right as she tried to locate the constellation she was looking for, and whenever she shuffled slightly along the bench upon finding nothing, he followed her movements keenly, keeping an eye on where she was placing her feet.

     Suddenly, the glass caught a brief flicker of cyan, prompting her heart to catch in her throat.  She gasped softly, her fingers now tight around his as she attempted to follow it, eventually catching it for a second time.  The colour rippled across her glass much like the ocean would, and she felt excitement explode inside of her.

    “Eddie!  Look up!”   she exclaimed, the telescope lowered to her side.  When he followed her command, he laid eyes on a curious sight:  a series of meandering lines that glimmered a brilliant azure, seeming to fade into the unknown.  What is this?  As if she’d heard the thought in his head:   “It’s the Astral Plane!”

    It passed much like an airplane in the distance might:  slow and steady, but never stopping. Eventually, it ebbed away into the dark, as if it had never been there at all, and it had a sense of mystique unfurling in his chest like a flower in spring.  Nothing surprised him much anymore, but as he watched that light, he was plagued by wonder, by a lust for adventure that wasn’t there before-- that had never been there before--

    --  and then he found himself looking at her.  As the ethereal light made its rounds, his gaze naturally drifted along its curves until it found itself staring at the thing that amazed him the most. Her smile was radiant, eyes bright, almost glittery.  The natural oddity complimented the cobalt in them perfectly, giving them a glow that he hadn’t seen before.  You look alive.  So alive.  I’ve never been so happy to see something breathe.

    When it had vanished completely, her grip on his hand was tight, so tight he thought that the tips of his fingers might pop free.  She jumped down all at once, shoes making a dull thud against the concrete, and her excited chatter began.   “Did you see that?!”

    “I did,”   he replied with a chuckle, watching as she spiralled into a ramble built only on ecstasy, her hands curled into the lapels of his coat and shaking lightly in an attempt to expel it in some way.  She was talking up a storm, and not once did the light leave her face.

    You really do love space, don’t you?  I saw the Astral Plane.  I saw The Renegade and Huron’s Trail and all the stars and sleeping suns, and yet I recall none of them like I recall your face while you talk about them.  I saw them all, but I saw you too.  You’re what I remember the most.  You’re your own constellation  -  The Adler.  The thing that points in the direction of my heart;  the name that makes sense;  the shape that compliments mine.  I saw you, really saw you, and I can never forget it.

                                                                                           You’re my favourite star.

[alternativewinxcontinuity]

will the winx alt. con. keep with canon relationships? cuz sky and bloom could be a dope couple with good writing, and aISHA AND NABU OHMYGOD-

TLDR:

Yes and No?Stella/Brandon are basically the same, while Sky/Bloom and Aisha|Layla/Nabu|Ophir are getting a little bit of a more obvious over haul they will still be A Thing.

Tecna/Timmy, Flora/Helia and Musa/Riven are... less so, like, if they happen as a romance thing, it will be a long time coming, or less obvious.

Mirta/Lucy& Palladium/Avalon are also A Thing, but more background than any of the others.

So in terms of ships in the Canon show: they are a mess. On the surface they seem plausible, maybe even okay, but the longer you look at them, the worse the relationships get. I've tried to keep the basics, but change certain circumstances so things are less... bad foundation-wise

Bitching and Alt Con spoiler alerts below the cut.

Stella/BrandonBloom/Sky (feat. Diaspro)Aisha/Nabu|Layla/Ophir (feat. Roy (&Nex))Tecna/TimmyFlora/HeliaMusa/Riven (feat. Darcy)Mirta/LucyDaphne/ThorenPalladium/Avalon

Final heads up, I'm about to say a lot of sh*t, and none of you have to agree, we all interpret things differently, I'm the kind of person who pulls things apart and finds the smallest speck of 'rot' and grows it in a mental Petri dish to see how awful things could be... that is a terrible analogy, but long-and-short-of-it: my opinions may be based on worst case scenario analysis, rather than any analysis you may use, and I am not saying you should not ship things, by all means, ship all the things.

I apologise for the high levels of in-coherency and absolute aggro.

Stella/Brandon

On the surface, this ship is changing perhaps the least because they're a “pretty stable” couple, unfortunately, they also began their relationship with a lie and that was never fully addressed in Canon. I tried to combat that by having Brandon and Stella 'test the waters' so to speak, with Brandon asking early on if Stella thought she'd still like him even if he wasn't a prince, and Stella later mentioning to Bloom that yeah, she would.

I say “pretty stable” because they don't break up every other episode, but their relationship is kind of... on the opposite end of the problem spectrum, like: “I'd jump off a cliff with no knowledge of what was below and no safety harness or ability to fly for you,” they've displayed a concerning level of co-dependency.

I tempered that a bit in the Alt Con, mostly be removing the situation where that (jumping off the cliff) happened, because it was the result of characters being sudden!dumb! But I also feel like, whatever universe, they'd be the kind of couple who'd get through rocky points in their relationship because they'd try to make it work because they are connected.

Canon treats them a little weirdly, because they are (excuse my language) psychotically-in-love, despite both being established as generally flirty people, but it only once really put the jealousy thing into play, in season 4 when the writers tried to make us take Mitzy as a 'serious villain' by turning her into Stella&Brandon's 'Diaspro problem'.

Alt Con Stella&Brandon are more reasonable, but are still very much 'our eyes met and something clicked' kinds of in love, but they definitely put work into a stable foundation, and were able to weather the SkyBrandon reveal with only a small wobble and some breathing space.

-

Bloom/Sky (feat. Diaspro) aka: the Drama Llama ship.

I think this one is changing the most, of the three main ships that are 'staying'. Alt Con Bloom&Sky didn't actually start dating until late in season 2, and are being very cautious with their relationship.

Unlike Canon Sky, Alt Con Sky was hesitant to begin a relationship when he knew he would have to end it, and knowing it would be a douche-bag move. Likewise, Bloom's Canon displayed empathic ability came into play, warning her that Sky was hiding something from her, and making her hesitant to even try dating while that was looming between them.

The biggest change with the Bloom/Sky dynamic is that it didn't start under falsehoods, and Diaspro was treated with the respect she deserved, rather than an unwanted crazy ex (even before she was the ex).

Canon Sky was a cheater, pure and simple, we've (probably all) talked the matter to death over the years, and there's no interpretation where what he did and didn't do, was okay. But it also explains his later douchey behaviour: people who cheat are more likely to suspect others of cheating.

Canon Sky has always been quick to jealousy, see season 2's full on stalking bullshit, and of course the thing with the FrEaKinG unicorn.

And of course, since he did start his relationship with Bloom as a cheater, Bloom knows he has a history of cheating, and cheaters don't typically 'find the right person and change their ways forever'. Sorry, but they don't, which explains why Bloom is so ready to believe Diaspro is succeeding in stealing Sky back, whether she actually is or not.

Canon Bloom/Sky have no trust foundation, like zero, none, maybe even negative trust foundation.

Fixing that was simple: I didn't let them get together while there were lies to be had.

Now, love her, hate her, pity her, Diaspro is a huge part of the Canon relationship, so I do have to talk about her.

Canon treats her like an increasingly manic instant drama dispenser, and I think we're all sick to death of it, not just because Diaspro has become more and more difficult to sympathise with, but because we're sick of the Bloom/Sky (relationship-status: “Yoyo's would be dizzy by now”) continuity.

But she's a princess, which means she should be more politically aware than what she is in Canon, she's marrying in to The Royal Family of Eraklyon. Sky's already there, he's set, he is the 'scheduled in in pen' Future King of Eraklyon, he ain't got to do shit.

Diaspro does. She has to be liked by the current king and the people, even if not her future husband, her marriage is a job.

So Alt Con Diaspro gets to do 'diplomacy' first, she gets to make first contact with the Winx, rather than being randomly attacked by a crazy ass fairy and being humiliated in public.

But this also means that Bloom wasn't humiliated in public, because Alt Con Diaspro was tactful in revealing the truth about the SkyBrandon switch. (Because the switch wasn't actually life or death protection.)

That whole first meeting in Canon was disaster from the word go, and put such a taint on the relationship that it's season 8, and the writers are apparently still trying to beat that dead horse.

The main thing that stops Bloom/Sky from moving past their beginning in Canon, is that they just don't communicate. They run into the slightest problem and suddenly they're breaking up and they stop trusting each other and its the end of the world and boohoo, blah blah woof woof.

They get back together as a matter of course, like its on a freaking check list for the writers to tick off, but they never really deal with what happened. It's all: Inciting incident, zero to sixty in three point five break up, way too long stealing the B plot's screen time being pouty and childish, 'oh we were wrong and are back together now without dealing with the actual problem because there wasn't one we're just dumb.'

Starting them off with knowing that they have an attraction to one another, but listening to a combination of common sense/basic decency and intuition so they wait until they're at a place where they can be honest and upfront about what needs to be spoken about, rather than having them run head first into what is nothing more than a revolving door of relationship drama was important for the Alt Con, because ain't nobody got time for that shit anymore. (Have you seen the new time line, it's condensed AF.)

The Alt Con also does something else I always wanted to see: addresses the fact that Bloom is now in a position to marry into a Royal Family.

Alt Con Bloom/Sky is a lot more tentative than Canon, they started of on a better foot, without that lie and cheating between them, but they're going into the relationship knowing that if they work, and they feel like there's a good chance they will, Bloom will have to assume the role of Queen Consort of Eraklyon one day, she's not just dating Sky, she's dating his family and his Planet which means they have to take it slower and more seriously.

Spoiler alert for season 3 of the Alt Con: the love potion is still happening, the set up of the relationship though means there's less 'why doesn't he love me anymore' and more 'Diaspro was (not totally fine with it but) prepared to accept the change, this isn't like her,' and 'Sky and I were okay last time we talked, he wouldn't do this without telling me, something is wrong here.' (Diaspro is not a psycho b*tch/Mark of Valtor theory coming well into play here.)

-

Aisha/Nabu|Layla/Ophir (feat. Roy (& Nex))

So in Canon, Nabu and Aisha first met when Nabu just randomly up and stalked Aisha through Magix on her day off after their engagement was announced. And because apparently princesses can't date first boyfriends who don't lie about their identity, Nabu introduced himself as 'Ophir'.

Look, I get that he was shy and embarrassed or something? But what the genuine frick-frack?!

The writers have apparently never had romantic relationships before because that trend was really friggen messed up. Like... none of the relationships in Winx Club are what I'd call ideal and healthy, all of them have some aspect of 'oh god run!' to them, but Aisha got the short end of a ratty stick.

So Canon timeline (allegedly): Middle of third year, Aisha's home world is under attack and she can't do more than she's already done. Trying to take a mental health day with her girls, and this rando dude up and stalks her, then, because she's a decent person, she chooses stalker's life over the Magical Dimension (Agador Box), and it turns out, this random ass stalker has lied about his identity and stalked her because he's the fiance she never wanted.

And yes, they do eventually end up falling in love and choosing one another... right before he fricken dies less than a year later.

So you know, Aisha does her 'vengeance is me' spree, which was awesome but designed to put her in a bad light, let's be real.

And then: nothing, an extra heaping of man hate because Aisha is an angry-girl, but no one really addressed her grief after the fact, like you don't just wake up and get over the death of someone that close, and yes, I know that people do move on, but we never saw her moving on, she calmed down after an episode of revenge and then she was 'all good' bar the aggro-tude. She spent season 5 and 6 angry at everything male, then suddenly she was dating Nex and... I'm sorry, I do block a lot of the later seasons out, but I genuinely do not remember them getting together, they just suddenly were after a season of Nex being an asshole with an almost redemption scene when he saved Roy, who mysteriously vanished, despite sticking around post his job-arc in season 6, but I guess that was for drama.

I don't really care for Nex, but that's a complex and layered issue that is only partly about shipping, and only partly about the fact that he was an absolute asshole who almost killed Roy during training basically on purpose, even if I didn't particularly like Roy, I don't hate Nex either.

Aisha has had all the boys thrown at her, and it was annoying, because she never needed one, she sure as sh*t didn't need a second and a third who inexplicably 'won her hand' or whatever the hell happened there.

I would have been fine if Aisha had stayed single after Nabu, like, just because people do move on, doesn't mean she has to date again.

So, Alt Con, Nex and... urgh, 'Thoren' are persona non grata, because let's be honest, they were introduced for shipping purposes and Daphne/Thoren was the stupidest thing to ever be shipped in Magix, I apologise if you like the ship, I don't mean to start a war, but it felt like it was so forced and it came out of even less than nowhere than Aisha/Nex.

Also Daphne isn't returning to life in the Alt Con, sorry, spoiler.

But Nabu isn't dying either. (I thought about it, but it was a stupid drama grab, so it's been chucked and set on fire. I did have an idea of a plot line for the closure, involving Nex as the son of a Valkyne who'd left Waltevy, and him taking Aisha to say a proper goodbye to Nabu, and freaking waiting for her to be ready to date again and just being a decent friggen person... but, yeah, nah.)

Salvaging Roy, even in Canon is actually pretty easy: Roy volunteered for the duty of driving Aisha around because he was actually good friends with Nabu, they went to school together before Roy joined the royal guard (or whatever), and while they never got the chance to meet while Nabu was alive, Roy wanted to get the chance to meet the young woman who stole Nabu's heart, the young woman who loved Nabu like he did. (yes, Roy is gay now.)

Boom! Roy: kept, forced attempt at shipping: gone, call back to that one dead character everyone loved in a way that could lead to closure: available.

(So yeah, Roy is also gay for his bestie in the Alt Con, but also understands that Nabu will never feel the same, and puts their friendship above his romantic interest... he might get someone one day...)

With the Alt Con, there are places where I want to run parallels, and the Aisha/Nabu|Ophir meeting is one of them, but also not.

Again, season 3 spoilers apply: Aisha will be meeting Nabu under the name Ophir, but it's not for 'nefarious purposes of deception' like Canon, it's just a misunderstanding no one cleared up until too late. Part of (Alt Con) Androsian culture is something called a 'Sidhe name', something that an Active magic user takes on when they achieve a certain level or status. Nabu's Sidhe name is Ophir, which he uses for important or official situations, like during the siege of Andros.

Ophir and Roy are showing up early on to take part in the defence of Andros, and to fight along side the Winx, not as love interests, but just as two guys who were available, who are capable and who are helping out.

'Ophir' and Aisha get along pretty well during the events, and Aisha's parents, having been quietly worried about finding someone who would be a good match for their 'not as courtly as she could be' daughter, reach out to Nabu's folks to see if he's in a relationship, and all parents get a little ahead of themselves which leads to the surprise engagement, which leads to Nabu tracking Aisha down to apologise and see if it is something she'd like to pursue or if they need to sit their parents down for a talk, which leads to the reveal, 'Ophir isn't my birth name, sorry, surprise I'm your fiance' moment, which is no longer a 'surprise your chosen-for-you future-husband is a rando stalker' event.

And because the parents went off the pre-existing mutual attraction rather than just up and picking a dude, it's less stupid when they get together anyway.

(I'm sorry but, Canon Aisha did not want to get hitched to some random guy, but he ended up being her first love? Urgh, maybe I'm just too jaded, but it just always hit me as a 'if you stick it out long enough you'll learn to love him, settle now to be happy later' message. I am so happy they did find love and happiness together, as brief as it was, but... come on not all arranged relationships end well...)

(And yes, Aisha will be taking Layla as her Sidhe name, because it is such A Thing within the fandom, I had to find a place to throw it in.)

-

Tecna/Timmy

Look, this ship is not a bad ship, I think I just don't like it because I liked that there was a romantic relationship that wasn't... standard hallmark romance or whatever. People aren't all the same, friendships and romantic relationships look different on different people, and I enjoyed that Tecna and Timmy were a... “bromance” style romance, that they knew what they had, and it was enough even if it didn't look like the other couples' relationships. If we had to have their relationship take up screen time, I would have preferred it wasn't a forced dinner date.

They were so uncomfortable, but as that damn subliminal message likes to tell us: 'normal dating is correct dating, your love is wrong, so in the end, their friends forcing them to do something they didn't want to do, and meddling in their relationship was “the right thing all along”'.

>:(

No, none of that in the Alt Con.

Tecna/Timmy is a lot slower in the Alt Con, because their friends are more respectful of their different emotional needs. Tecna is learning how to express herself in ways others can more easily see and recognise, but the Winx are also learning to read how Tecna expresses herself normally (for her).

Timmy is a capable leader, but also a bit introverted, while he can take charge, he's more of a team tactician, gathering the data and making it understandable.

Their relationship in the Alt Con is romantic, but it won't take up much 'screen' time, and it won't necessarily 'look' romantic.

Tecna and Timmy of the Alt Con are... shared spaces, quietly working on their own projects while in the same room, sharing tools as they work, they're technobabble too fast for anyone else to keep up, they're leaps in logic that only the other seems to follow in full, they're hooking pinky fingers together when they stand close.

They're slow and methodical and contented and they know where they are together, and they communicate well, even if they don't communicate like Brandon and Stella who do it loudly and with giant gestures and exaggerated facial expression, or Bloom and Sky who sit and hold hands and sometimes struggle to word things trying to make sure they're understood by the other because they're a little afraid.

Tecna and Timmy clicked quietly one piece of a puzzle at a time, and they know they don't do things like everyone else, but their way works for them, and that's what's important.

-

Flora/Helia

Look, I'mma be honest: this ship kinda irks me a little. It felt like Aisha showed up so Flora had to start the romantic process, because a maximum of 1 Winx may be single at a time. Again: this is not a bad ship, it just felt forced. (Like in Sailor Moon Crystal, how just because Serenity and Endymion were dating, their friendship group/generals/guards had to be exactly matched and dating each other too. This is not just my K/Z|M/Z shipper heart being bitter, it just always feels weird to me when this happens, like just because Juliet and Romeo had a thing, doesn't mean the Capulets and Montagues had to start dating one another... bad analogy let's move on.)

At this point, I have no plans for Flora and Helia to be A Thing in the Alt Con, but if it feels like there could be some natural development, I won't rule it out. Helia will still be around, he and Flora just won't be auto matched.

...I fell a little bad I don't have more to say about this ship... I guess... as 'blah' as I feel about them, even I think season 7 did them dirty?

-

Musa/Riven (feat. Darcy)

Ah yes, the other ship we probably all have strong 'fix it or end it forever' feelings for.

We as a fandom have talked this one over as well, we all know that no matter how passionate it was, the writers just could not let them get to a healthy place and stay there.

Any time it looked like these two dorks were going to be okay, and move past their rocky beginnings: NOPE! Misunderstanding because Riven is a 'Bad Boy' and Musa has abandonment issues which makes it hard for her to trust him... or something???

… honestly it's a little tricky to pin down exact reasoning with these two, because again, I don't think the writers have ever been anywhere near a healthy and supportive long term relationship, and they need to prolong the 'she can fix him if she just holds on' token relationship.

Because realistically that's what this one is, the ship that tells young girls that they can fix 'bad boys' if they just stick it out, that boys like that can be or want to be fixed and 'good boyfriends are prizes you get for fixing shitty ones'. It could have been so much more than that.

The problem is there was never any space where Musa wasn't 'in crush' with Riven or in a relationship with him, and there was only a few times when Riven got to not be an asshole, all of which were typically wipe away for status quo reasons within a few episodes.

So the starting point for these two (versus relationships) in the Alt Con, is Darcy. You all remember when Riven and Darcy dated in the first season, but it was so she could use him as a maybe spy? But she might have liked him for reals? But she totes dumped him like a sack of crap once he was no longer useful and once he did his redemption act, no one ever brought it up again?

I'm not the only one who remembers that right?

So Alt Con Darcy/Riven were actually in love, they met and clicked and it sizzled, and Darcy regretted having to choose between Riven and her sisters, to the point where she helped Riven escape, even though it ended up leading to her own downfall.

And Riven was genuinely in love with Darcy, even into season 2 and 3 he's still in love with her, but he's also trying to get over her, because she's a bad person who tried to rule/destroy the universe.

He had a shitty childhood, he has reasons (not excuses) for being the way he is, and being jealous of Sky's leadership position, but (and this is the important part) Riven knows he's kind of an asshole, and he knows he's not the nicest guy, and the one who wants to make Riven not an asshole, is Riven.

(Reasons: This is why I did the thing. | Excuses: This is why you should let me get way with it.)

Riven is relying on his friends, and yes on Musa too, to help him become a better person, but he's not leaving it all to them, they aren't forcibly shoving him down the road to redemption, Riven is taking responsibility and trying to be better for himself.

Fixing him is not Musa's job, she's just a friend who's supporting another friend on his road to self improvement.

That's not to say that Musa has only platonic friendship feels for Riven, oh no, she thirsts for that capable warrior man, but she also knows that he's kind of an asshole, and a pretty face is not enough to make a shitty attitude worth it.

Though she still occasionally checks him out, (because she has eyes, she can look,) Musa has set aside romantic ideas for the time being, and after season 1 the two settled into a bumpy but solid friendship.

If Musa/Riven do become A Thing, it will be far down the road after a long term friendship, once Riven has gotten to a place where he feels both okay with who he is as a person, and that he has moved on from Darcy and can share his heart with a new person the way they deserve (rather than forever being second string to his first girlfriend) ((and because they grew together while they were growing as people, not her getting a reward for waiting it out)).

(Yes I do understand she wasn't some blameless victim in an abusive relationship as this rant may have seemed to indicate, these two were both to blame for their poor communication and hang ups, but mostly because the writers were ass hats. This show is designed for young girls, every message in it is first intended for young girls, though they can be shared with anyone, and because my brain: what's the scariest maessage that can be taken from this fiasco of a relationship? ^that shit^)

-

Mirta/Lucy

It was Canon, and I'll hear nothing to the contrary, but holy shit did Lucy keep running back to the Trix and treating Mirta like crap.

I am giving them a little more screen time, and an ongoing background arc, so I let them talk it out.

Alt Con Mirta and Lucy are in 'denial' (they just shy) about being 'together' as of the end of season 2, but they've moved past their fears of being abandoned by one another just because their lives and magics have taken them down different roads.

They'll finish figuring their shit out eventually.

-

Daphne/Thoren

… no, none of this. Just... just no, thank you. She's staying 'dead' and he doesn't exist.

-

Palladium/Avalon

So in Canon, Palladium had a crush on who he thought was Avalon, but was actually a monster in disguise. This was never addressed, nor was any trauma Avalon may have suffered during his imprisonment, or the fact that people at Alfea would have acted like they knew him, when they didn't and that would have been confusing until he got to know them all.

This was a ship in it's infancy that never got to be, because it was based on even more of a lie than Bloom/Sky, Stella/Brandon, Aisha/Nabu in Canon.

The Canon of this ship was straight up (ha, pun) queer baiting, let's be real, so Alt Con switched a few key details.

1: Avalon was possessed by a demonic sleeper agent rather than an entire fake!Avalon, so the relationship actually happened, and didn't get retconned last minute.

2: The students ship it

3: Avalon feels like shit about being possessed, but he and Palladium are working through it together

-

End Note:

I personally feel like the two biggest problems facing the relationships in the Winx Club was the absolute lack of communication between people allegedly in relationships, and the writer's need for Status Quo Drama.

(Status Quo Drama: things that happen to create drama and are never truly solved in a satisfactory manner despite being 'resolved' by the end of the arc in a way that leaves all characters right back where they started while pretending their was some kind of progression.)

[imagine-loki]

Giftless

TITLE: Giftless CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: 42/50

AUTHOR: nekoamamori ORIGINAL IMAGINE: 

Imagine that you are Stark’s niece and you secretly share a strong relationship with Loki since he entered the crew. One day you get hurt so bad during a mission that you are about to die.  Loki knows a spell that will save you and share his immortality with you but you and he will be linked forever sharing thoughts, pain, emotions…

RATING: T NOTES/WARNINGS:  Also on AO3 click here

You found out early the next morning why Frigga had been so insistent that you needed to get back to bed. And why she had insisted you needed proper rest.  Loki shook and prodded and pestered you  awake in the morning. He had to fight through the sleeping potion to get you awake and out of bed. He had to threaten to dump you in a pond outside to wake you up before you finally stood on your own. He steered you to the bathroom and told you that you would feel better after a bath. The hot water did help wash the last of the sleep away.

Loki had left an outfit on the counter outside of the bath for you. You smiled at his thoughtfulness and put on the clothes he had provided. You were surprised that the outfit was was much simpler than yesterday’s fancy dress. It was a simple blue tunic and soft black leggings. You ran a bit of magic through your hair to dry it and went to go find your Loki. 

He was waiting for you on the couch in his sittingroom reading a book, as per usual. He looked up when you came in and gave you a beaming smile. “Feeling better?” he asked.  You nodded; the shower really had helped. He motioned for you to join him on the couch. You kissed him first, but then sat next to him. “Turn around,” he told you, taking your shoulders and shifting you so your back was to him. He ran his long thin fingers through your hair and slowly began to braid it, talking as he did. “Mother’s potions pack quite punch even for us. I’m not sure she took into account that you’re human when she prepared the one for you. I’m glad she was at least not too far off in the preparation. I’ll have to let her know she made it a bit too strong for you though. When I was young, I thought it was a punishment for having to be dragged back to bed to have to take one of her sleeping potions. I realized eventually that she intended it as a kindness to make sure I actually got some sleep.” You heard the fond smile in his voice. You also didn’t mind that he was braiding your hair, it seemed to soothe him and he was surprisingly good at it. You ended up with it braided back away from your face with the rest hanging in loose curls down your back. “We have just enough time to get breakfast before your appointment.” He announced when he was finished with your hair.

“What appointment?” you asked, confused. He hadn’t told you about any appointments.

He sighed and hesitated, but finally answered when you wouldn’t give up.  You could stare him into giving up and that was the skill you used not. “I am taking you to see the soul healer,” he finally said. He must have sensed your reluctance to go along with that plan. Smart man.

“Loki, I don’t need a shrink. I’m fine,” you told him heatedly. It wasn’t acceptable to openly see psychiatrists on Earth. It showed weakness.  At least that’s what you’d always believed.  

“Darling, I love you dearly, but you are not ok. There is no shame in not being ok. I feel the wounds on your soul and I feel your heart bleeding. If the wounds were on your flesh instead, you would not deny that you must see a healer.” His tone was gentle and kind. He was coaxing and you knew you were going to fail. “You might complain about having to stay in the hospital, but you would not deny that you needed to be there,” he added with a smirk.  Your hatred of the hospital was legendary.

You sighed. “Fine,” you finally replied. You didn’t have a choice especially since he was right. “But I’m not going to like it,” you grumbled instead of laughing. His face fell and he looked sad. You felt bad instantly, he had only been trying to help. “I’m sor-”

“No, darling. You are correct.  You will not like it,” he said sadly. He pulled you into his arms for his reassurance instead of your. He shook off the mood quickly and stood, pulling you up beside him. “We should go to breakfast before Thor comes looking for us.” 

You laughed and took his hand. “You could stop Thor with magic,” you reminded him, curious as to why he never took that action. 

Loki sighed heavily and looked grumpy.  “I cannot. There are two reasons: firstly, according to Mother and her many lectures of the years, it is against the rules of fair play in brotherly arguments unless he does something truly offensive; secondly and most importantly, my magic does not work against my brothers,” he sounded grumpy. You laughed, but filed that piece of information away.

You had a nice quiet breakfast with Thor and Sif. Odin and Frigga had already eaten and Torun was elsewhere doing toddler things. “Loki, you and Lady Y/N should probably be going soon,” Sif reminded him gently when you had dawdled too long at breakfast. You and Loki both looked away from her. You were dawdling and she was ruining our dawdling.

“You are correct, Sister,” Loki finally answered. You bid them goodbye and promised to see them later. Loki led you through the palace halls, his arm wrapped around you as you walked. “I’m sorry, love, but this is going to be hell on you. It is important healing, but the process shrinks months and years of emotional and psychological healing into a few hours,”

“That sounds awful,” you finally replied, getting scared.

“It will be,” he agreed. “But darling, I can feel your soul bleeding from the wounds there.” You thought you understood what he meant. You had been raped, had your powers blasted open, and killed two people, all fairly recently. You knew you needed this, much as you hated to admit it.

You entered a room in the healing wing. You stopped short, surprised when you saw Frigga waiting for you. Loki just chuckled at you as he pulled you the rest of the way into the room. “Darling, my Mother is the most gifted healer in the world. You should not be surprised that it is she who will be doing the healing,”

“But she’s the Queen,” you hissed in his ear while Frigga was laughing at us. Mostly at you  you was sure. That was too high an honor for a little earth girl.

Loki rolled his eyes and sighed. “Darling, you forget that you are a princess now that you are my soulbond. It would be an insult for you to be seen by anyone less than the best healer in the realm. Now kindly sit down so Mother can heal you,” he steered you into the chair directly in front of Frigga’s chair and held you there with his hands on your shoulders.

“Shall we begin, dear?” Frigga asked, holding out her hands palm up. You were scared, but nodded and placed your hands on top of hers. Loki let go of your shoulders when it was clear you was going to behave. An instant later, Frigga and her healing magic were in your mind. She was no-nonsense in her approach to healing. The first thing she did was heal the part of your mind that had gotten blasted away when the blocks on your powers had gotten ripped away. She was able to heal the control centers there when all of the healers at the compound hadn’t been able to.

The next hours of healing were hell. You visited all of the memories that were making your soul bleed and worked through your psychological issues with things that had happened, all the way back to the death of your parents. It was years of healing, years of learning to deal with the things you had done, and had been done to you, all condensed into a few long torturous hours. The scars on your soul would always be there, but after the healing, you could live with them and not let them eat you  alive.

You and Frigga both blinked back to reality at the same time when the healing spells ended. Loki was waiting for you, reading a book as per usual. He looked up when you moved. “Is it finished?” he asked Frigga. She nodded.

“It is,” she replied. She looked tired too, but not nearly as much as you felt. Loki came over to you and offered both of you a hand.

“I have a surprise for my two favorite ladies,” he told you both warmly. You both smiled up at him and took his offered hands at nearly the same time. He helped you to our feet, which was necessary as you were both stiff from sitting in the same position for hours. Frigga placed a hand on his arm, apparently used to being escorted by her sons. You took a step back, letting him have the moment with his Mother. He gave you a look, grabbed your hand, and made sure it was on his arm too. “I am escorting both of my favorite ladies,” he repeated himself firmly.

You zoned out during the walk, too exhausted from the hours of hell. Thankfully, the walk wasn’t long and it ended in a private dining room where Loki had an elegant lunch set out for you. He pulled out Frigga’s chair first, and then your. He was looking extra concerned over you. You tried convincing him that you were alright, but stopped before you even started. He would spot the lie. “Do not fear, Y/N. It is perfectly normal to feel fragile after a soul healing. It was also a quite a bit of magic and work, dear. It is also normal to be exhausted. I’m sure Loki has a nice quiet afternoon planned for you,” she explained with a smile. You smiled back at her and managed to eat the delicious meal Loki had acquired for you while they chatted and caught up. You tried hard to pay attention to their conversation and join in, but it was so hard when your brain felt like mush and your very soul was sore.

“Thank you for everything today, Mother,” Loki told her. “Shall I escort you back to the throne room?” he asked. She smiled at him.

“Anything for you, dear, and it was a pleasure to help your soulbond. I, however, am perfectly capable of returning to the rest of my duties without an escort,” 

Loki gave her a look. “Mother…” She held up a hand to stop his protest. He continued anyway. “You raised me to be a gentleman. A gentleman would not leave his mother without an escort,” he added. She smiled at him.

“And you will not,” she agreed. Torun burst into the room.

“Grandma!” she exclaimed, running to meet Frigga. Frigga had gotten up so she could hug the toddler.

“Right on time, Torun,” she told her. “See, my escort has arrived. Thank you for lunch, Loki. I will see you and Y/N at dinner tonight,” she looked at you more softly, more gently. “Feel better, dear. It will get better, you promise,”

“Thank you, Your Majesty,” you replied formally, standing to curtsy to her. You still weren’t sure around her. She was so open and friendly, and obviously loved your affect on her son, but she was also still the queen. The moment she and Torun had left on whatever adventure Torun had planned, Loki swept you up in his arms. You didn’t even protest, just wrapped your arms around his neck.

“Quiet afternoon, right?” you asked him softly.

“Nice quiet afternoon,” he promised. “Just what you need.” He carried you to a quiet nook in a garden surrounded by rose bushes. He summoned the book about Hiccup the Viking for you and you sat in the garden together for the afternoon. “How are you feeling?” he asked, hours later.

“Like my brain is mush and my soul is bruised,” you replied, snuggling closer to him on the bench you were sitting on. 

Loki chuckled.  “That sounds about right,” he agreed. You stayed there until the bells tolled in the evening. “We have to go to dinner. I swear we will escape as soon as is seemly,” Loki promised you. You sighed, but nodded. He held out a hand to you and when you took it, a brief green light of his magic shimmered over you and you were both dressed in formal wear for the dinner. He held out his arm to you in a formal bow. You giggled and placed your hand on his arm, allowing him to escort you  to dinner like a princess, forgetting that here, you actually were one.

Dinner was a long, boring affair and lasted way too long. Especially since Odin kept wanting to steal Loki’s attention all night and hold him there talking forever and ever. Thor came over to save you. “Brother, stay and catch up with Father. I will escort your soulbond back to your suite safely,” he offered. Loki looked over at you and you saw the pure hope in his expression that his father was actually going to give him some proper attention and maybe some praise.

“I’ll see you back at our suite after you’ve caught up with your Father,” you replied. You was trying really hard to be as polite as everyone else in this setting. It was hard when you was so exhausted from the healing earlier. Thor offered you a hand. You took it and let him escort you from the room. “Where’s Sif and Torun?” you asked him once you were safely out of the dining hall.

“They returned to our suite already. Torun was sleepy. I will let Sif know you were concerned for her safety. She will appreciate the sentiment,” he smiled at you.

“You don’t have to walk me home,” you told him. “I’m perfectly capable of walking back to Loki’s suite alone. You should go be with your wife.” 

He just gave you a look. “Sister, that is not how things are done. My brother entrusted me with your safety. I do not take that lightly. Also you are my sister. Your protection is my duty. And I like you, little imp. You are good for Loki and you make him happy. The least I can do is see you home after the healing you went through today,” you smiled up at him, but tugged him to a stop.

“Hold on for a second,” you managed to find enough concentration in your mushy brain to use magic to change your outfit from formal wear to Earth pajamas. You couldn’t concentrate enough to focus on clothes that would fit in on Asgard, so your magic picked what you knew. Flannel pajama pants and a short sleeved pajama top. “Much better,” you commented and took Thor’s arm again.

“My brother has given you the gift of his magic, I see,” Thor commented. 

You nodded. “It came through the soulbond,” you explained. You had a feeling your words were slurring.  Thor looked concerned. You held up a hand before he could get any ideas. “I don’t need you carrying me to bed,” you informed him firmly. 

He pouted. “You’re no fun,” he complained, getting a laugh out of you . He walked you all the way to the door of Loki’s suite. “Stay in the suite tonight? I would rather not have to find you in the middle of the night again”

“We’ll try, but no promises,” you stuck your tongue out at him and ducked into the suite while he was still spluttering.

“Lock the door!” he yelled through the closed door. You sighed, but locked the door as you were bid. You curled up on the couch next to the fireplace with your book to wait for Loki to get back.

[reckoningss]

Sickday ❤️

Summary: Staying home sick wasn’t a part of your Valentine’s Day. Lucky for you, Eddie & Co. come around to look after you.

Pairing: Eddie Brock x Reader

Warnings: Fluff. Killing Eve Spoilers? (Not really)

Wordcount: 1.5k

A/N: I’m feeling all lovey-dovey and shit so I’m gonna try to put out a few Valentine-themed fics before the big day, starting with this one. Feedback is always welcome.

It takes about a minute for your brain to spur your aching joints and muscles into action after the first knock. Finally managing to pry yourself off of the couch, you hobble to the door - the hem of your comforter dragging the floor behind you like a train. Both deadbolts slide free with a heavy thock and then the gentle click of the mortice lock and you open the door to reveal a sight for sore eyes. 

Eddie stands in your doorway sporting sweatpants slung low around his hips and that familiar beige hoodie beneath a leather jacket. Two plastic bags dangle from one hooked index finger while a backpack swings from the other and a sheepish smile ties the whole display together, complete with sleepy eyes and damp black hair. 

You have to admit, your heart melts a bit.

“Hey.” 

You sniffle, trying for a smile. “Hey.” 

Eddie looks you over and, if you had the energy for shame, you’d probably be burning up with it. Beneath the king-sized comforter you are currently wearing like a cape, you’re in a stained, oversized Morehouse tee - three days old - and scandalously short pajama bottoms. Holed fuzzy socks adorn your feet, a three-day-old twistout adorns your head and a rolled up scrap of tissue hangs from one runny nostril. Fortunately (unfortunately?) you feel too terrible to care much about your appearance. 

Eddie finishes his silent assessment of you. shoulders his backpack and sucks his teeth sympathetically. “Oi.”

You laugh pitifully, pulling him into the apartment by the drawstrings of his hoodie. “Just know that however bad I look right now, I feel ten times worse.”

Eddie kicks the door shut and pulls you in for a hug. “Ohhhhh.” You nestle your forehead into the curve of his neck and let him walk you back through the entrance hallway and into the living room - half carrying you. He sits you on the couch. “That’s why I brought some wellness essentials.”

The living room doesn’t look much better than you do. The couch is a nest of blankets beside which sits a small trashcan brimming with used tissues and microwavable soup cups. The ottoman is scattered with prescription bottles and the empty husks of over the counter medicine capsules. Other household detritus litters the hardwood floor. You remove the tissue from your nose and deposit it into the trashcan, sniffing loudly. “Show me what you’ve got.” 

Eddie exaggerates a look of revulsion before continuing. He digs into the first bag and pulls out a small box. “Mentholatum from that bodega across the street from my apartment.” He returns back to the bag and produces a tall styrofoam takeout bowl. condensation gathering on the plastic lid. “Chicken ramen from that place on Fillmore. Cough drops, more tissue, spa socks and ....” 

He digs into the backpack now with an air of importance. “Last but not least, Killing Eve.” 

The cellophane wrapping still glints on the DVD case - brand new. You gesture to the TV where SportsCenter is muted. “You know we could just watch that on Hulu, right?” 

Eddie shakes his head, holding the Season one set like a holy artifact. “Some things are worth owning. Tangibly.”

You nod in agreement. “Thank you.” 

“No problem.” Eddie stands from the couch and leans over to kiss your forehead. “I’m going to throw this ramen in a pot to heat up. Wanna queue that up?” 

You nod as Eddie leaves the room, taking the trashcan with him. 

You hum contentedly while Eddie gently rubs menthol into your back. His hands are warm. You’re desperately fighting the desire to fall asleep. Eddie presses a thumb into a tense knot near your spine and you nearly groan from the relief.  On the screen, Eve Polastri interrogates a hysteric woman.

“Thanks for coming over.” Your voice is simultaneously nasal and sleepy. “I know you wanted to go do stuff today.” 

Eddie leans forward and kisses your cotton-covered shoulder murmuring something incomprehensible and then, quietly, “just wanna do you.” 

“Oh?” You crane your neck to look back at him, eyebrows raised. 

Eddie blushes - wide-eyed - and stumbles over his words. “This. I just wanted to do this - spend time with you.” 

You laugh but quickly dissolve into a coughing fit that doubles you over. 

Eddie withdraws his hand from beneath your shirt and grabs your shoulders. “You alright?” 

You nod - coughs already beginning to dwindle - and take a few deep breaths. Through the open mouth of Eddie’s backpack, you see something red glimmer.

“What’s that?” You’re already hauling the thing out into the low light. A red, heart-shaped box rests in your hands. ‘Be Mine’ is scrawled on the lid in golden, printed calligraphy. You hug the box to your chest and grin back at Eddie. “Is this for me?” 

Eddie nods and leans back to sling his arm over the back of the couch, looking very pleased with himself. A hand goes over his stubbled chin. “Yeah. Happy Valentine’s day.”

“You open the lid to reveal two dozen artisanal chocolates smiling up at you from between crepe paper sleeves. “Thank you. It’s really sweet.” 

You think about sampling one but your stomach roils a bit at the thought of eating something so sweet. You hold the box out toward Eddie. “Happy Valentine’s day, Venom, from the bottom of my heart.” 

Eddie chuckles and Venom finally makes an appearance. Strings of globulous black matter bubble up between the stitches of Eddie’s hoodie and grow into a distinctly inhuman head over Eddie’s left shoulder - long and cylindrical, oblong eyes completely white, wide grinning mouth replete with rows of yellow teeth. You stifle a shudder and smile instead, you still haven’t gotten completely used to this part. 

“Hi.”

Venom observes you, twisting his snake-like head and stretching closer. “Hello.” 

You hold up the box of chocolates. “I got you something.” 

Behind Venom, Eddie rolls his eyes dramatically. You just shoot him a shit-eating grin. Venom’s tongue slithers out of his mouth - the length of your forearm and dripping - and you very nearly drop the box. You’ve been making an effort to befriend the otherworldly being your boyfriend shares a body with - you really have - and you’ve made some progress too, but that doesn’t make it any less weird or unnerving. Venom selects a piece of chocolate with his tongue and flicks it into his cavernous mouth. 

“Good?” 

“MMMM” Venom’s voice is like gravel in a washing machine. You set the chocolates down on the ottoman and let him have at it. 

Four episodes later, you’re spooning broth out of your bowl of ramen while Eddie picks out chicken and clumps of noodles with lightsaber chopsticks. Venom, having finished the chocolates three episodes back, is now content to look around your apartment and float silently over Eddie’s shoulder. 

You yawn. “Thanks for taking care of me today.”

Eddie shrugs. “That’s what I’m built for.” He holds up his hand and clicks the tips of the chopsticks together - Obi-Wan And Darth Vader clashing weapons. “These hands? Made to take care of you.” 

You snort. “Oh yeah?” 

Eddie places the bowl of ramen on the side-table at the end of your couch. “Hell yeah.” He scoops you up and drags you into his lap, burying his face in your neck as he tickles you. 

You squeal and push him away. “Stop! I’m sick and gross.” 

Eddie cradles the back of your head and looks down at you. “You know what?” His voice takes on a whispered, conspiratorial tone. “That’s why I have this thing that keeps me from getting sick and makes me, like, super fast and strong an-”

You whisper too. “Sounds rad. Can I get some of that?”

Eddie’s leaning in again, eyes on your lips. “I’ll have to talk to my guy.”

“Ohhhh, your guy.”

“Yeah.”

Eddie moves to close the gap but you flinch back, cringing.

“Sorry, I just can’t with him watching.” You incline your head to the right in response to Eddie’s quizzical look. Venom hovers off to the side, staring impassively, expression unreadable.

Eddie blinks at the alien, unimpressed. “Bye Venom.”

Venom narrows his eyes - first at Eddie, then at you. Your hands fist possessively in the front of Eddie’s hoodie.

“I gave you chocolate, now give me my boyfriend.”

Venom’s tongue flicks one more time - for your benefit, you think - before he disappears back into Eddie’s shoulder.

Eddie chuckles at something you can’t hear and tisks at you. “You’re making him rethink liking you.”

A playful grin and an “I’ll make it up to him,�� are your only response.

Eddie’s eyes are on your lips again and he presses in to brush his nose against yours. “Now where were we...”

It’s starting to drizzle outside. Eddie strokes your cheek as you lie with your head in his lap. You yawn and snuggle closer. Pausing, Eddie looks down at you and tucks a curl behind your ear.

“Tired?”

You yawn again. “Mhm.”

“Gonna take a nap?”

“Most likely.”

“Ok.” Eddie reaches for the throw hanging in the back of the couch and drapes it over you. “Go to sleep. I’ll be here.”

You catch one final glimpse of Eve staring intently at a picture of the assassin as your eyes flutter closed. “Hmm... you know they’re in love.”

“Eddie resumes running his thumb carefully along your cheek. “Who, us?”

“Eve and Villanelle.” You’re drifting now. “Us too.”

Tagging: @kingniazx

[moody-bloosh]

Ahh, if it's not too much trouble, could I maybe get a matchup for each part of jjba? If not tho, I'd be happy with just part 4. I am pan, very short (61 inches-) and, chubby, and I tend to have a mix between alternative and formal style as far as looks go. I'm very friendly and love to be around other people, but I still tend to be quiet and reserved when it comes to certain parts of myself. I have a bit of a hard time trusting people enough to truly let go around them. - R(1)

I'm very emotional, and while I tend to cry easily, I tend to get angry the most, and I have a hard time hiding it. My love language is definitely physical touch and gifts, so I absolutely adore being affectionate with my s/o and spoiling them when I can (and of course, I love it when my s/o does the same for me). If it helps any, I think I'd probably be most likely to be attracted to people who are more outgoing and expressive, or more dependable. - (R2)

I can get very protective over my loved ones, and while I trust them very much, I can't help getting jealous sometimes. I love doing little things for people, especially partners, whether that being doing chores when they're sick or making a lunch for someone who's especially busy. (R3)

One of my biggest interests is science, especially astronomy and physics. I also love painting, and discovering new, sort of underground music has kinda become a hobby for me. This isn't so unusual, but I also love videoganes. I don't know if it's important, but my favorite music groups are pink Floyd and Massive attack, and my favorite movie is the dark crystal. (R4; final)(sorry for all the asks, it's hard to condense all the info you may need to know 😅😅)

asdnadl i haven’t caught up to the other parts though ;;; im sorry ;;; i’ll do my best to try and match you up with people from parts 1 to 5 though since that’s where i’ve caught up on ;;;; matchups under the cut since this got a little long uwu 

Part 1: I can see you squaring up with Dio whenever he decides to be cruel to Jonathan. Jonathan absolutely loves to spoil you with pretty things, I can see you two having cute little study dates together uwu. HE ALSO ABSOLUTELY DEVOURS THE LUNCHES YOU MAKE FOR HIM. 

Part 2: Kars takes an interest in science when you begin talking to him about it and he also reALLY gets into the music you make him listen to. His favorite thing to do is to have you in his lap while you guys listen to music and you talk about the latest breakthroughs in science. You point out constellations to him too and he likes to tell you things about the stars that have long been lost. 

Part 3: I can see you and Avdol living a nice, quaint life in his farm. You guys tend to his chickens. Every night, you guys sip tea as you watch the stars. When you bring your video games over to his place he’s not really sure how to play so you teach him and whATS THIS WHAT THE HECK HOW IS HE BEATING YOUR ASS IN SMASH WHEN HE BARELY EVEN KNEW HOW TO PLAY ANIMAL CROSSING ???? 

Part 4: Josuke falls for you after you help him pass physics. Something like, after he spends so much time with you his eyes just naturally trail after you. AHHH he’s such a cute puppy in love. I can also see you playing nurse for him whenever he gets injured from his fights ;;;  

Part 5: Fugo! It’s gotta be Fugo, oh boy, you two would be great together. You guys can spend the entire day talking about astronomy and physics and you can tell he really enjoys these conversations. Sometimes, when you guys end up arguing and yelling at each other I can see him taking some time for himself and then suddenly while you’re trying not to cry he wordlessly wraps you in a soft hug and like that’s how you guys make up ;;; <3 

[cockbiteproductions]

primed to scream PRIMES! PRIMES! PRIMES!!

f i just typed the answer to most of these questions and chrome crashed so christ i have to fucking retype all these but much condensed because i am lazy.

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

chocolate bars. but only milk. my mom buys exclusively Very Dark Chocolate though so i usually just stare at those and Wish.

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

well bubblegum or cotton candy flavored stuff neither they both taste nauseating. if we’re talking about the actual stuff then bubblegum because i can pop it. this actually reminded me i have gum in the pantry from the beginning of the semester i havent even opened yet so now my roommates have you to thank for popping noises the next hr or so

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

soda bottles because i dont like to drink soda quickly and so i want to close it and not let the carbon dioxide escape. soda cans a close second because it’s satisfying to open the tab.

7. earbuds or headphones?

wired earbuds because headphones are too big and clunky and you cant easily lay on your side with headphones on. but if my next pair of earbuds break within a month i might consider Switching because ive had 3 break on me in the past month and half and im at my wits end with earbuds.

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

i dont eat much for breakfast cause i want to sleep in until the last possible moment and i get stomachaches when i eat a lot in the morning but ill eat a piece of bread and yogurt maybe.

13. lanyard or key ring?

key ring but that’s just because i havent used a lanyard before. i think i would like a lanyard. im constantly looking for my keys in bags.

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

this pair of black sandals that i have tan lines on my feet from how much ive worn them

19. sleeping position?

ill sleep however... i like sleeping on my left side. on my stomach with my head to the right. on my back with my arms crossover my chest to keep warm. at the end of the bed with my head where my feet should be. i dont move at all when i sleep so freshman year when i had a lofted bed i think my roommate was a bit concerned in the beginning when i refused a bedrail because she thought i might fall. i never fell which was nice.

23. strange habits?

oh man idk i probably have a lot of those but nothing i can think about right now when im being put on the spot.

in elementary school i used to refuse to step on the yellow tiles at school.

29. best way to bond with you?

talk to me about the stuff i love!!!! and watch the stuff i love with me!!!! i am always down to [whatever the rabb.it replacement is these days] stuff with people and just generally both yell at each other and be passionate about stuff. currently what im passionate about is the stuff im screaming over at @winstonbillions​ so talk to me about that stuff!! please. i am always 3 seconds from screaming about ANY of that stuff.

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

idk about outfits to kick ass and take names but i have outfits where i get my ass kicked and name taken aka what i wear to exams. which is my tower of pimps shirt which ive deemed lucky. is it lucky in any way? no, but i’m hoping if i wear it enough to exams it might.

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

duffel bag. suitcases are so large and unwieldily. that reminds me i have a suitcase of winter clothes in my trunk i need to take out.

41. last person you texted?

as in actual texts on my phone? that would be my dad. asking him if i should drop my class im failing. 

as for the last person i instant messaged, that would be one of my mutuals through my musical theater sideblog im currently yelling at about [musical theater related interest]. im not kidding guys talk to me about the stuff i post about on @winstonbillions​ PLEASE

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

2 months ago i would have said hoodie but im kinda becoming a cardigan kind of person now. theyre just Soft and and Long and Casual and i love them. hoodies are too hard to take off.

47. favorite type of cheese?

mild cheddar, american, and mozzarella. i actually only Recently started cataloging cheeses in my brain to their actual names so for my entire life i was like i just like cheese even though there are certain ones i hate like swiss and blue cheese.

53. what is the current state of your hands?

a bit cold and a bit tired from typing all the answers to all these asks tbh. but other than that good. i just cut my nails because they were atrociously long. 

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

“worm” or “fuck” or “no!” according to my roommate

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

oh my ogdokh oym ogdos sd fdospohm to mo edf ucmign fugod mfyo uacant just ask me this im going to absolutely die

in absolutely no order, all from completely from memory, and favorite for a variety of different reasons

“fuck you, math man. if you’re such a genius why can’t you count to loyalty” - mafee in 4x11 lamster billions

“captain, he think, and feels that much more powerful” - luminousbeings in you don’t have to (say yes) the star trek fic

“more than you know, i understand wanting to walk away from the jedi”“i know.” - anakin skywalker and ahsoka tano in 5x12 the wrong jedi star wars the clone wars

“i won’t leave you, not this time.” “then you will die” - ahsoka tano and darth vader in 2x12 twilight of the apprentice star wars rebels

“there is nothing so pure as a man on a mission. when faced with the fire, never quivers or runs. there is nothing so noble as sticking together, for lonely is the life lead when sticking to its guns." - narrator in bloodsong of love by joe iconis

“now i’ve got myself a name and i’m ready to risk it with a battle cry disguised as a sing-along” - never heard nothing by joe iconis

“i’m frickin done with being the loser, the wuss, the underdog. being the misfit, the old school analog. being the oddball, the weakling freak. the failure, the sucker, the please-don’t-speak. oh i can’t hardly wait for the moment when i’m not the loser the geek or whatever, ever again” - jeremy heere in be more chill by joe iconis

“i’m tired of being the person that everyone thinks that i am” - various in be more chill by joe iconis

“q is for quantitative, baby!” - winston in 4x12 extreme sandbox billions

“the cheering is just as important as the song” - lisa and ms. werring in the black suits by joe iconis

“first, best destiny” - spock in star trek ii wrath of khan

“be proud of your place in the cosmos. it is small, and yet it is. how unlikely. how fantastic, and stupid. and excellent.” - cecil in welcome to night vale old oak doors part b

“are we living a life that is safe from harm? of course not. we never are. the questions is are we living a life that is worth the harm?” - cecil in welcome to night vale parade day

“as I turned and my eyes beheld you, i displayed emotion. i beg forgiveness.” - spock somewhere in star trek tos

“the sky collapsed without a sound. these broken pieces hit the ground.  the rain fell down around me and i drowned, but i will save you.” - part of me from dear evan hansen

“this is, after all, the story of how i died” - epsilon in the rvb13 trailer

“and while the law has many punishments for the atrocities we inflict on others, there are no punishments for the terrors we inflict on ourselves.” - the director in the s6 finale of red vs blue

that was in no way an exhaustive list but all i could think of at the moment

67. good luck charms?

not really any tbh. i try to wear my tower of pimps shirt whenever i take an exam but that’s about it.

71. least favorite pattern?

what does this even fucking mean?????? i will say the observer design pattern in programming because i don’t understand it well despite having used it twice now.

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

oh god idk why are all these questions getting harder. nothing i can think of at the moment.

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

i say school id tentatively, but neither of them looks great. my school id photo was a selfie.

83. writing or drawing?

writing. i wish to GOD i could draw and i probably could if i put in the amount of time i need to to learn how to draw but im a lazy bastard. but i’m not that great at writing either as i’ve found out. everything is way too short and out of character and too venty and i am weird about letting people i know read what i write (sorry @ all the people who keep asking me to let them read my writing.  it’s not that great you’re not missing out at all and i hate the Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known) and i abandon ideas literal minutes after getting them.

89. who would you put before everyone else?

what the fuck kind of question is this?????? i GUESS the answer should be me but uh i am not even putting myself before myself as i am procrastinating on a shitload of homework with this. i guess my “close” friends. they’re pretty chill. but generally ill do anything for anyone all you have to do is ask.

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

4, my own, my home landline, my dad’s cell, and my dad’s work.

[kpopscenarios4u-blog]

Choose Your Own Romance: Series One - BTS (We Got Married) - Intro

Chapters: Start -> Athlete Path -> “The only thing I truly dislike is being in a place with stifling air. If the relationship was stifling, I think that would be the only deal breaker I would have.”

Your name: submit What is this?

Your morning was spent like most mornings. A nutritious breakfast, and then on to training. Since you lived at the Korea National Training Center, you preferred to walk from the dormitories to the training grounds. They were building a new center in Jincheon-gun, but it wouldn’t be opened for another year, so a lot of your seniors lived off-site. You enjoyed living at the Training Center, however. Your only living family member was your grandmother who lived in the countryside, so living in the dormitories was like having a large family. You liked having a family. One day, you wanted a large family with a lot of children. Of course, your dream to win a gold medal came first and there was plenty of time to still have a family.

Part of the reason you were so willing to go on this variety show was to experience what it was like to have a family. You parents had died when you were very young, and you’d lived with your grandparents until you entered the athlete training program on a scholarship. You’d been 11 and at first it had been exciting living away from home, and while you loved living with like-minded people, you did wonder what a real family was like.

Your training program started with some stretching before you moved on to a light jog to warm up. The camera crew began to show up just as you were completing your jog and moving on to your pole vaulting training. You watched them set up for a moment before pushing them from your mind and focusing on your training. If you were going to be someone’s wife, you’d be a wife to make them proud. Halfway through training, your coach called you over. 

“Y/N! Your husband will be coming to watch you train as part of your meeting.” He informed you. Nerves suddenly engulfed your stomach and you paled slightly. It wasn’t often that people came to watch you train. Usually, the other athletes had their own training to worry about. Occasionally your nutritionist or important committee members would stop by to watch you, but that was fine. The whole nation could stop by to watch you and that would be fine. You’d competed on the world stage at the previous Olympics, and that was fine, but knowing that your husband would be coming to watch you train made you nervous. 

You wanted to say that it wasn’t fair. He would have the upper hand and know who you were first. He’d get to see you in action. What if he changed his mind and decided that he didn’t want to marry you after seeing you? What if you weren’t pretty enough for him? You’d been told that you were beautiful. You’d even been in an article for the top 20 most beautiful athletes of the country, but that didn’t mean you appealed to everyone. You’d never cared what other people thought about your looks before, so why did you care now? This was only a fake marriage, so it didn’t matter.

Instead, you nodded and went back to training, unaware that your future husband was currently making his way into the grandstands.

“Hello, I’m V and today, I’m getting married,” Taehyung said, bowing to the camera and flashing his square smile. 

“What sort of marriage do you hope to have with your wife?” The interviewer asked, causing Taehyung to stop and think about it.

“I think I’d like to be good friends with my wife,” He couldn’t help but grin at the word, his ears turning slightly pink. “I’d want things to be like they are with my close friends, but obviously, we’d be married. As I’m quite young, it would be nice to experience a lot of firsts with her and learn how to be a strong couple together.”

“Who would be your dream wife?”

“I think it would be nice to marry someone outside of the music industry, so I can learn more about other industries - maybe a model or an athlete. Having an athlete for a wife would be very interesting.”

You finished off your training session with another run around the track and more stretching. You’d been a little distracted towards the end of your run, trying to spot your husband in the stands. He must have been taken somewhere else to meet you, however, as you hadn’t been able to find him.

Maybe your coach had just told you that he would be there to get you used to competing under pressure.

However, your end-of-training debriefing was condensed as you were sent off to the showers to wash off and prepare for your meeting. Your shower was followed by hair and make-up - something that felt very odd to be having done in the locker room. You were given clothes to change into, much nicer clothes to the skinny jeans and hoodies that you were used to wearing. Thankfully, the short blue spring dress was paired with a comfortable pair of gray vans. At least you wouldn’t have to move your lanky, long limbs around in heels and make a fool of yourself. 

It wasn’t like you weren’t used to dressing up. Occasionally, you’d be invited to a gala dinner or an award show. After the last Olympics, the athletes had been invited to a fancy dinner thrown by the President of South Korea. You’d barely been 16 - having celebrated your 16th birthday the day after your win - so you’d been dressed much more demure than you were able to get away with now. Still, you prefered flats to heels. Besides, you were already uncomfortable without having to worry about heels, as well. 

As you were leaving the locker room, you were met just outside the doorway with a camera. Attached to the bottom of the camera with a wire hanger, was a maroon envelope. You smiled shyly and reached out for it. 

Opening up the letter you read it out loud.

Dear Wife, Y/N

In this sport you can kick a ball Or you can also use your head Try not to do a bad tackle Or you’ll be shown a card that’s red

“Soccer? Do I go to the soccer field?” You asked the man behind the camera. He just looked at you with a tilted head. “Oh, you can’t answer me.” You laughed and held up your hands in a sorry gesture. Deciding that that was a good place to start, you made your way to the soccer field. It wasn’t too far of a walk from the track and field stadium. Arriving at the soccer ground you looked around to see if anyone stood out. The men’s Olympic soccer team was training.

“Is he a soccer player?” You didn’t really know any of the men on the soccer team, but one of them noticed you and jogged up to you with a red envelope. You both bowed awkwardly to one another as you took it before he jogged back to his team.

“Oh gosh, that startled me.” You laughed and opened up the next envelope.

Dear Wife, Y/N

Although I’m not a book I need two stories or more I go straight up and down To go to another floor

Well, that one was easy, but which elevator? Was there one nearby? Biting your bottom lip, you looked around confused. Did you interrupt the coach to ask? Surely they were in on this little hunt, or one of the players wouldn’t have had the next card. Stealing your resolve, you strode up to one of the coaches and bowed.

“Excuse me, are there any elevators nearby?” You asked as you straightened up. He nodded and pointed you in the right direction.

“There are dormitories over the road that have elevators. I think that’s where you need to go. Fighting.” He smiled, cheering you on. You returned the smile and nodded.

“Thank you.” 

Turning around you made your way in the direction that the coach pointed. It wasn’t long before you got to the building, but you stopped when there was an envelope attached to the keycode box. 

Dear Wife, Y/N

Solve this math question for the code and then press #: (5000+631)x2/3

Oh God. Math. You always carried a pencil around in your bag, so you dug around for it and used the card to solve the equation. It wasn’t too hard, you’d had harder questions on the CSAT. Once you had the code, you keyed it in and hit the #. The door beeped so you could push it open and make your way to the elevators. Pressing the button, you step back and wait for the elevator to arrive. Once the doors open, you see a cute mailbox standing in the middle of the elevator floor. 

This little treasure hunt had helped to make your nerves lessen, but you were beginning to grow restless. You quickly opened the envelope and read the riddle.

Dear Wife, Y/N

Well done on this hunt so far, just one more step and you’ll find your star.

A thousand wheels, but move I do not. Call me what I am, call me a lot.

What am I?

Grinning, you pressed the button that would take you down to the carpark. When the door opens, a black van is parked in front of you. You waited for a beat for the door to open but it didn’t. Was this even the right place to go? Hesitantly you stepped forward, maybe you had to open the door. As you took that first timid step, however, the door opened on its own and out stepped a familiar face.

“You.” You replied, slightly in shock. 

“Me.” Kim Taehyung replied with a grin, looking just as shocked but pleased. With a blush, you stepped forward and held out your hand.

“It’s nice to see you again, Taehyung-ssi.” You said politely with a bow. He took your hand and gave it a warm squeeze as he returned the bow, unable to take his eyes off you.

“Y/N-ssi, you look beautiful.” His voice was soft, almost like a whispered prayer, before he blurted out “I’m glad it’s you.”

You both blushed, him at his bold words and you because you were flattered and more than a little pleased it was him standing before you as well - not that you’d let him know that, but you laughed together anyway. 

“So, what would you like to do to celebrate our first day of marriage?”

How will you answer?

Take wedding photos

Have a wedding meal

A/N Each point will become a link when they become available. Thank you for your patience!

[technicolorfamiliar]

The Artist vs Social Media

I have been sharing my feelings about art and its ever-growing relationship to social media with a number of people recently. I wrote a bit about it here some months ago, but that was primarily focused on reactions to different types of art I was posting on different platforms. Without a doubt, it’s been something that’s given me pause for a while, and I have a suspicion I can’t be the only person that feels this way.

To be clear: this is not meant to be an attack on the people who enjoy and excel at being a creative on social media. It is purely an expression of my own frustration, a cry out to others who have struggled with the same issues, because I know I’m not alone.

First of all, my personal style just doesn’t compliment a successful social media presence, I’m such a fan of the long-format, in general. I don’t want anything in my life to be bite-sized, cropped, or condensed. I struggle to convey the concepts teeming in my heart in a limited number of characters and pixels. As I am evolving as an artist, I enjoy incorporating many layers of meaning, drawing on a multitude of sources for inspiration. Social media, for the most part, wants to condense, compartmentalize, limit. It’s short-format, lacks fluidity, and promotes shorter attention spans. It feels counterintuitive to the kind of art I love and the art I want to be making.

For as streamlined and easy as social media has made sharing artwork with the great big world out there, it’s also birthed a lot of additional anxiety and despair. At least that’s been my experience. Some people have taken to social media like ducks to water, they are thriving in an endless stream of posts and pictures and stories. But this particular artmaker finds the rise of social media more like an impossible mountain, and climbing it is a requirement.

I envy the artists and makers who have figured out how to hack social media in order to promote their work and their brand. These people make it look easy, like social media integration with one’s art practice is as simple as breathing. I understand how it is crucial now as any kind of artist to have a big social media presence. But despite that understanding, I still have a lot of issues with it.

I was in art school in the still relatively early days of Instagram. Facebook and Twitter were big, but I didn’t really ever get too deeply involved in either platform. For me, Facebook was mostly for staying in touch with friends and family back home. I didn’t even have a smart phone until some time after I graduated. The school I attended encouraged us to build a website, get a business card, but there was no way to prepare us for the expansion of these apps among others that would emerge later on. This is not a sorry attempt at an excuse for my complicated relationship with social media, because there are a lot of artists in their early 30s right now who are very clearly doing well in that arena.

Circa 2009 – 2011, using social media for networking was beginning to be a real thing to consider. Having a Facebook page and separate Instagram and Twitter accounts devoted to your craft in addition to your website and blog in order to reach all possible professional connections was increasingly important. And now, they are all absolutely essential. People think you must be kidding yourself if you’re making art and don’t have a social media presence. I’ve caught myself being judgmental of young artists who aren’t on social media. But then I’m reminded of my own issues with Facebook and Instagram and all the others and I think maybe I should shut my mouth.

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That’s the background. The real thing I’m trying to say is this:

Social media is exhausting.

I hate it.

For all the good content being generated and shared on FB, IG, etc there are a thousand mentally and emotionally draining posts being shared by people who, by and large, aren’t on social media to promote their craft. And that’s fine, people should have a place to vent their frustrations, laugh at funny or un-funny memes, share recipes and cute animal videos, get 100+ validating reactions to their photos, post thoughts/criticisms/ideas too long for Twitter but too short for a blog…

But to expect an artist generating original content to compete with everything else being blasted on every social media platform is complete and utter unrealistic nonsense.

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My big, huge, major beef with social media is the totally insane decision to stop having posts featured in chronological order on pretty much every major platform. This really hurts creative people who are trying to get exposure, share their work to the world (or at least their friends and followers), and requires them to generate even more content, or share the same post over and over again in the hopes that their painting or photo or video somehow makes it over all the other posts from everybody else that are only just so much noise. Trying to get noticed or share your work with likeminded creatives you don’t already know is like shouting in a canyon full of other people shouting, drowned out by all the other voices and the echoes of the voices.

But that’s not the only thing about social media that keeps me up at night.

There are people on social media who have become experts in making their lives look like perfect, magical journeys of self discovery and growth and good fortune. Seeing their perfectly composed, perfectly lit photos of what is supposedly their daily lives, their brunches, their cocktails, their pets, their clothes, their travels, their significant others, and whatever else makes me want to not even try. Why should I even bother to try to compete with that? Looking at those kinds of posts immediately makes me feel inferior because 1) I’m not living that theoretically beautiful, charmed life, and 2) I’m not generating masses of content like that of my own experience. I look at my weird little life and there’s hardly anything photo- or post-worthy, at least not on a daily basis, not enough to get above everyone else’s noise. When did having a social media presence become an art form in and of itself? One of my very close friends described social media as performance art, which is probably the best description of this phenomenon I’ve ever heard. I’m not saying it’s not hard work — in order to project this perfect life, you have to be a photographer, or at least know and/or have the money to pay for one, be a master of self-marketing, and you have to set aside the time in your day to make the posts (more on that in a bit). But as someone with at least half a brain, I know that the content being gobbled up by glowing, supportive friends and followers is only a version of reality.

I know I’m not the only one who feels utterly alienated by the “perfect lives” being presented on social media, and I know that it’s not most people’s intention to alienate their friends by posting gorgeous photographs and positive affirmations of their own journeys.

And yet, even just thinking about it is exhausting. It’s a destructive and deadly combination of self-loathing and self-doubt inspired by the vast majority of what I see on Facebook and Instagram with knowing full well that those feelings are totally unfounded since the posts are not a true reflection of reality. It doesn’t motivate me, it doesn’t inspire me to follow their lead, it doesn’t get my blood pumping. It just makes me tired.

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By my nature, I am a relatively private person. I have no real desire to share my private life with strangers, and it’s a struggle for me to open up to acquaintances. I have a hard time talking about myself, my dreams and aspirations, my needs and wants with other people. I keep to myself, I have a small circle of close friends and family with whom I share things openly.

There’s nothing like the gut-wrenching feeling you get when you’re talking passionately about your art or your interests or your hopes for the future with someone and seeing the very moment their eyes glaze over with disinterest. It’s a special kind of soul-crushing dismissal that has lead me to live an introvert’s life. Because why, after all, would I share anything with people when that’s the reaction I often got in my youth when sharing with my peers?

The whole grand purpose of social media is to share. Share everything and share often. Artists who hold regular jobs and don’t have an abundance of free time or energy to devote to generating social media content on top of the art they’re already making need to find that magical balance. The Buzzfeed article about burnout that was circulating a few months ago touches on this a bit. Work + Art + Self Promotion. That’s always been the case for artists looking to make a profit off their work, but now it’s on a whole other level and puts creatives in direct competition with social media influencers and everyone else on FB, IG, Twitter, Tumblr, Snapchat, etc. When I say time and energy, I mean the lack of energy I personally have after a working a job that already requires me to use my creativity, strategy, and organizational skills. When I get home or when I finish a job, I want to recharge so I can have the energy and motivation to actually sit in my studio and make new art. I struggle with budgeting out my time and energy for taking photos, writing cute little descriptions, thinking up clever hashtags, and setting timers to remind me when to post in order to get the most views.

I’m over-focused right now on making the art, in finding my voice as an illustrator, in re-vamping my portfolio and considering the future of my practice. I would need a personal assistant to run my social media accounts in an effective and professional way, and I don’t understand how other artists don’t have assistants. Or maybe they do. At the very least it would require me to have my phone in my hand far more than I already do, so another reason to keep it on me, especially in my studio while I’m in the zone, working, makes me feel gross.

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “But Emma… you took all this time to write and edit this long blog post. Surely you could have used that time to work on content for your IG or FB accounts.” And you would be right. However, I’m in a place mentally and emotionally where I see the social media game, I understand it, but I just don’t want to play it. Not the way we’re all expected to if we want to get noticed. I’m not a performance artist, I’m not extroverted enough, my process doesn’t lend itself to this new gold standard of being an artist in the 21st century. Am I making big strides to change my process? Not really, because the very nature of social media feels inauthentic to me and the work I want to be making.

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In the end… I don’t really know how to make social media work for me and my own journey as an artist. It would be great if there was some compromise, some middle path for people like me who are rubbed the wrong way by hashtags and stories and filters. Is there even a possibility for existing any other way as an artist today? Because everyone I know who creates any kind of art seems to have accepted and figured out the key to doing well on social media. It’s almost not even worth airing my grievances since I’m not willing to completely change and conform to something that does not feel right to me.

I’ll just keep plugging along as I have been until I figure it out. Or some kind souls who have been through a similar conundrum swoop in and offer their wisdom and insight.