#SHE WILL NEVER NAP AGAIN
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my husband, watching our baby monitor: wait-- i think she's out of her crib. from the kitchen, the smallest voice: hi dad!
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sometimes i think that my sadness and grief and frankly anger about being single is about how fucked up that last relationship was, like i'm coming to terms with things in life and trying to be realistic with the fact that i might never be in another relationship even thought i want to be and that's okay! but i think the reason it cuts so deep is because if that does end up being true, i will be absolutely heartbroken that my last love was such a disaster and broke me in so many new ways adn he didn't even have the decency to admit that it was a relationship until he had to confront his own grief over losing it
#personal#personal post#patch rambles#relationships#so angry about it#it was always on his terms#the compromises were always mine#and that has been true in the past but only at the tail end and when my ex was severely mentally ill#but like even just general stuff#never able to do parallel play#not allowed to nap#not allowed to sleep facing away from him despite the fac tthat that's how i sleep best#if i was falling asleep when watching something he'd wake me up#never texting always calling#which like i like to call#but not all the time#and when i stopped texting we just stopped talking#and he could text another person he was dating#the being frankly cruel to me when saying stuff he didn't like about me because “we're close enough i can be honest with you”#when i asked why he'd never say that stuff to his partner#no man you just knew i'd never leave#the calling when i was travelling#which again i hate#ii like music and podcasts on public transport and i despise calling people on public transport#why did i give so much of myself#and why did so much of it take me so long to realise#honestly he's lucky i didn't live with my mum at that point#she loved all my exes and genuinely likes catching up with them#but i am her kid and i will always come first#and if i'd told her even a tenth of what was going on she would've shut that shit down immediately
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let myself have a little nap time after pulling off the most successful all nighter yet this week but forced myself to wake up not even an hour in out of sheer contempt of my sister who's trying to???? get me in trouble ???? for not waking up??? wait till she comes back into the room w our mum and sees me already showered and prepped for the day. jerkwad
#Just a litrle nap bro. and in the deeo crevices of my brain i hear the ever annoying little snitch#'mmuumm she's sleeping on the floor again :(( her schoolwork is everywhere :((((( she has 'allnighter checklist' written on a notepad#:((((((' likr BRO be so fucking forreal#youre activrly snooping to get me introuble GEEETTT OUTTT#ugh. ok. never rhought i'd be making petty sibling fight posts on here but whats another step down into hell
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Day 41!! Mafukasa Yapper × Listener realness
#papr daily#mafukasa#do people actually regularly call people I'm curious#Literally everyone I know is either always busy or in another timezone (irl vs online friends) so I very much Do Not Call People lmao#anyways I need y'all to know how much time I spent trying to find a ref for Tsukasa's room JUST for his mirror#I must've gone through like......10 or more card stories on the wiki to try to find it?#This is how I learn how little we see this guy at home let alone in his room#and Mafuyu we just never got to see the room she stays in because we do know it's not Kanade's room#(3rd White Day event 4th chapter I believe Kanade mentioned Mfy was taking a nap and Mfy was Not In The Room)#So I just slapped a table there man#also off-topic but I love how regardless of the ship#a common bit for Tsukasa ships is that Saki gets to be a witness to her brother being a dork because bro does not have a door 💀#which btw I love the idea of his room being in the balcony(? idk the right word for it) being because he gave his og room to Saki#it's so real so true (at my old home I ended up getting my brother's room and he got moved to another one when I was born)#anyways!! in other news I am officially done with the English portion of my state testing#I have math next week AND THEN I'M FREE FROM FUCKASS BLOCK SCHEDULE!!!!!!!!#2 hour classes is not for the weak bro and I am also not built for the 10 am first lunch 💀 chat that is simply Too Early For Lunch#next week is gonna be a bit hectic tho#I've got a concert on Tuesday (we got the music for it Monday and Wednesday btw band×choir concert moment)#math state testing Tuesday and Thursday#going to see prsk movie with friends on Friday#and also during the week I gotta practice for my audition that's next Monday holy shart time is MOVING#but that is a problem for later!!!!!! for now gn chat :D#oh and also#eyestrain#<- again for the noise filter just in case
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Your koala clinging post is giving cat energy and how when a cat lays on you asleep you're not allowed to move. So cute! But also *opens arms* cling away!
- 🌸 (a willing victim of an adorable koala)
P.S. (in response to your response to my last ask)
I actually googled whether massaging can help painful joints and it did say it can help. Maybe you just need someone else to massage them for you, and I suppose if it doesn't work at least we'll be holding hands.
Also not a barren wasteland 😭 pshh the tags are hidden gems and if your ideas for the cuddle sesh are anything to go off of I bet you'd be standing in a fantastical realm.
And of course boops and sleepy cuddles for you and the cutest kitty (how is she doing?)!
Agsjfkghdj you’re right though😭 apologies to all the cats i judged for doing this to me apparently i get it💀
Hmm i think it varies from case to case🤔 just between all my different joints some do better with heat, some with cold, and some with compression! So who knows! But also you’re right!! It’ll always be nice to spend some relaxing time with someone - joint pain or no :)
Agsjkflgh glad you can vibe with my tags and how i store all my rambling there haha😅
And!! Boop boop!! Kitty is well as always! As clingy as ever😪 and she also somehow managed to stain her neck dirt brown and i’m at an absolute loss for what to do about it🙃🙃 she found out she’s a white cat and HAD to find the dirtiest places in the world to play😒 here’s a very blurry quick picture of her trying to sleep underneath my blankets rn lol (gross neck stains not shown)

#asks#cryptids caught on tape#got the sleepiest most offended blinks in the entire world for lifting that blanket rip#she also just almost got crushed by the dog baby breaking out of his Baby Jail™��#so i didnt want to disturb her long enough for an unblurry picture apologies#will have to try again sometime when her highness is camera ready (never)#ma’am is always asleep which same but—#oh#im seeing the cat comparison now huh#🐨😴 <- koala nap for you!!#🌸
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sharing a bed with this 4 year old is like 'stop talking ' 'stop singing' 'stop moving ' 'dalia. stop talking'
#talk#I'm just trying to finish murderbot two!#so i can start murderbot three in the car tomorrow!#my mom made her take a nap today#she never takes naps and she's usually also by now#and if she fucks up my sleep AGAIN tonight#i am legitimately sending her to bother my mother
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#being in ur 20s core.#thinking abt how much i love living with my roommate and how sad ill be once we have to move away from each other.....#like its fr crazy we first met when i moved in in may and now its like. shes fr one of my closest friends#now shes napping so im gonna go make dinner for us both <33 peace and love on this earth#thots#oh and the other side is because good lord thank god ill never have to go through some of the shit i went through the past 2 years again
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WILL MY FLATMATE FUCKING STOP PUTTING WASHING ON BEFORE 7AM ON A SATURDAY
#im at my fucking limit. good for u girl being up and at it at 6 on a weekend but I wanted to fucking SLEEP IN.#i tried to fall back asleep but its kept waking me back up. and now my sleep has been disturbed im gonna be cranky all day#im not like her i cant sleep whenever nap whenever this is the only time of day i can get some rest. come on man#she woke me up yesterday morning too which rly pissed me off bc i get up at 6:30 for work on weekdays#so waking me up BEFORE THEN when she doesnt even have to go to work for like. another HOUR LATER THAN I DO!!!! pisstake#the fact i didnt sleep well was WHY i had a migraine at work and WHY i had to cancel on her fucking movie night#man i just wanted to sleep thru until 8am. its not even that much to ask please#at least she wont do this the next couple days bc she would never disturb the beauty sleep of our other friend lmao#ill text her and ask her not to do this again. just so annoying bc it sets the tone for the whole day#whatever#.diaries
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hi guys
#rambles#abt to take a nap#anyway i cant believe i survived 8 hrs of agama thats crazy#im never doing that again#worst experience ever but it was actually fun ustazah is so funny and says the most out of pocket things 😭😭😭😭#it was bad bc i was called to answer 2 times…. first she called my name and she second time those sitting in the second row#which turned out to be me (again)#i kinda regret not getting lunch bc now im so hungry but imma get cheese naan tonight idcidcidc#gn
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struggling tonight
#my sister n nephew are over#and shes pregnant again#and everyone is doing so many things#and i did nothing all day and im beat and i took a nap#and my sister is going out rn#and i just feel inadequate again#also im getting sick#i feel like ill never be able to have a family bc of how little i can take#physically and mentally#which depresses me#and yeah#i feel lonely#and empty#and sick#good night
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I wish I had friends near meeeeeee to distract me from my brainnnnnnnnnn



#need to talk to anyone irl who isn’t related to me or dating my mom or my therapist#anyone else near me please I’m losing my mind#nature isn’t healing me sleeping in a fully dark room all day isn’t healing me how do I magically fix this without having to put any work#into it oh I can’t oh u have to do the work okay how do I do that. therapy once a week. oh. okay. yup.#can I speedrun it? oh no? I can’t. oh damn. okay fine whatever. therapy once a week. AND I HAVE TO ACTUALLY LISTEN AND DO WHAT SHE SAYS. bro#what the hell okay fine#well here I am !!!!! where is the fixing where is the feeling better I feel like all I do is stir up all these touch emotions from every#part of my life at once and then she sends me off to rot for week before I come back and talk again#I just feel like I’m losing it!!!!! and ik it’s extra bad bc birthday countdown is on in my brain and im stressed and i feel like a huge#fuck up that can never be fixed and like I will die having done nothing with my life except weigh other people down and so exhausting and my#brain won’t ever shut up like yes I get it years and years and years of built up shit that I never properly dealt with and still hold blame#for constantly and I feel like I will never be fixed like I CANT be fixed like this is a losing battle and I just am struggling today man#idk what I was saying I just took my morning weed hit to try and relax my back a little and now my brain is like scrambled eggs#which is good that means it’s working#I’m gonna try to take a nap maybe cause I only slept four hours and it was like choppy thru the night and then maybe I’ll go to the lake#later I’ve been feeling the need to be in a body of water recently
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Okay last OC post I've already indulged myself enough today with my many many OC essays. Anyways Maggie can't dream </3 Part of her weirdass soul is that like... the reconnection of both halves (It wasn't equal halves, about 2/3rds of her soul went into Margaret, the other third was the ghost-of-a-ghost left behind) didn't really... work... properly. That's the cause of her worsening issues, both portions of her soul are constantly freaking out (Not to mention that souls grow over time when alive, the piece that made up Margaret is bigger than it was when Maggie died). Part of that is in her ability to dream, or lack thereof. She's only able to dream in memories, typically getting either the memory of her murder (Horrifying, violent, and extremely traumatic), or random memories of Margaret's life (While not violent, this is still really horrifying to Maggie, because this essentially proves that Margaret was her own person, and therefore she feels like someone died to bring her back to life)
#my OCs#Maggieeeee maggie my beloved. girl please SLEEP#she had insomnia before (depression + ghosts that pester her + she just. likes being up at night)#but now its even worseeee to the extent shes just. not sleeping. if she stands still for too long she'll literally fall asleep#SHE GETS BETTER this entire thing with Maggie is that She Gets Better.#Her insomnia never like. goes AWAY. but it goes from 'sleeping maybe 1-2 hours each night' to '4-5 hours a night + midday nap'#esp because once her soul heals properly she can have normal dreams again#Part of the reason Jenna moves in with her is because Maggie genuinely cant sleep alone anymore#she NEEDS to have someone in the house with her to sleep#Jenna being there instantly makes it easier- albeit its still not EASY by any means- for her to sleep bc she knows she wont be alone#turns out getting murdered when home alone at night kinda fucks w your ability to feel safe. whoops
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My body: I'm so tired and hungry and thirsty this bitch has been on their phone for ten hours straight someone help me please
My brain: I got this bro *sends the everyone hates you chemicals sends the everyone hates you chemicals sends the everyone hates you chemicals sends the everyone hates you chemicals sends the everyone hates you chemicals*
#in other news it turns out my friend isnt trying to subtly tell me she wants to never speak to me again#she just took longer than 20 seconds to respond to my text#maybe i should take a nap#mental health#i guess#sleepy#jesus im bad at tags#bad brains#bad chemicals#take your meds
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IGNORE ME I'M SORRY I KEEP TALKING ABT IT i'm just so not used to my cat not being around and it kinda kills me inside to not hear him walking around or meowing or sleeping at the bottom of the staircase anymore... it used to be like a nightly routine where i'd go downstairs and make myself a drink and give him some water and now i just. don't even wanna go down there anymore.
#you really underestimate how different things will be when they're gone. 18 years of learning his new routines and favorite places to nap#and it's just all. gone. not like i didn't experience it but just the fact that i will never experience it with him again... it's so hard#& that's like the last vestige of my childhood gone too. i mean i got my current dog when i was around 13/14 and she's gettin' up there too#so it's just like. my life dropped out from under me and i'm desperately clinging to what is left but there's not much#everything feels so hollow and i don't know hoe to vocalize that because my family is always trying so hard to heal and i don't want to#make their grief process any harder by accidentally awakening the same latent feelings in them. or whatever#i just miss him so so much but i know we made the right choice. he was old and we had a lot of good years together and we saved him from#spending his last few days in suffering by ending his pain early and offering him as much love and warmth and comfort as we could#and i know he appreaciated it and i know he loves us all and like that's not the part i have issue with#it's just. his lack of presence. i don't deny that his ghost may be around (my famjly is very spiritual like that and i have heard him) but#physically he's gone forever except for chunks of his fur and whatever else is laying around#loss is just so fucking unfair because it's completely understandable and makes total sense but it will never ever be unable to be felt...#idk. i'm just exhausted and sad and i miss my little guy. hell i still miss my dog and that happened like 5 years ago#love never goes away it just changes shaoe and makes you really really sad and kinda wanna kill youself but that would make THEM sad#so. you gotta live. you gotta be brave.
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But of course, Victor and Smiler had to dress up too! So, once they'd completed their pumpkins -- both excellent quality, I'm proud to reveal -- I had them pick their costumes! Victor stayed with Alice's space-related theme and put on an astronaut suit, while Smiler ended up as a cheerleader as I wanted to see what the masculine form of the outfit looked like. Kinda -- dull, honestly. I was expecting something with brighter colors. *shrug* Ah well, at least I'm sure it was comfortable! They headed inside to noodle around on their instruments -- Victor working again on that damn song that's been in his inventory for AGES because songs take TOO LONG TO WRITE; Smiler just singing someone else's song on their guitar -- while Alice headed upstairs to nuzzle Kelly and give her some love --
AND THEN, A POSSESSED CHILD APPEARED. O.O Well, more specifically, a random kid came up on the porch (the game didn't label her a trick-or-treater, and she didn't have a costume, so I guess she was just a random visitor), knocked on the door -- then pulled out a digital sketchpad and started sketching. And I'm guessing that's an item that kids aren't actually supposed to use, as she promptly did that thing where the legs stretch out and the kid starts hovering because the game's trying to use the adult skeleton or something. *facepalm* Sims 4, why are you like this sometimes...
However, something else appeared on the porch as well, as the possessed child finished up her sketching and eventually wandered off -- a specter! I figured that you HAD to give specters a gift on Halloween and had Smiler offer it their latest batch of skin balm. The specter was NOT appreciative -- possibly because it doesn't have skin. Smiler's attempts to communicate didn't pan out either, and I had them head inside to instead do something else Spookfest-related --
Namely, watch a terrible horror movie about a killer bunny-man with a chainsaw. At least, I think that's the intended plot of Moonlight Massacre III in-game. XD It took me a bit to get everyone settled properly on the couch, and there was another interruption from a trick-or-treater midway through(which I didn't mind, as it allowed Smiler to give them some candy and tick the tradition on their list), but they did get through it, and they all seemed to enjoy it well enough. Victor and Alice then had some cake and went to bed while Smiler went to jam on their guitar (getting skill level 9 out of it, yay), all while the jack-o-lanterns burned merrily in the front yard and the fish swam merrily in their little tank. :) It seemed to be the perfect Spookfest...
And then Alice woke up shortly before the 2 AM cut-off time with her Fury RAGING, despite an earlier Somber Howl and the fact that it was a new moon. Once again, I figured it was easier to tip her over the edge than try to bring it down, and so she ended her Spookfest with another brief rampage, marking her territory and digging in the dirt. I mean, at least this time she didn't change uncontrollably under a full moon in the middle of a party full of Smiler's friends? :p Maybe Alice going on a little werewolf fury-fest is gonna be another Spookfest tradition around here...
Anyway -- next week, we have a brief break from the Chill Valicer Save so I can show off another one of my builds here! And then the week AFTER that, it's back to farm chores and store stuff! See you then!
#sims 4#the lazy save#victor van dort#alice liddell#smiler always#yeah I looked at the masc cheerleader outfit and was like#'could have put in a bit more effort maybe?'#but then again maybe I'm just too used to the fem cheerleader outfits and all the ruffles and sparkles and exposed skin#Smiler looked comfy so that's all that matters#and yes I'm not sure who that child was or why they knocked on the door if they weren't a trick-or-treater#but they sure were possessed for a second#you'd think the team would make sure any interaction that kids can't do without stretching would be forbidden to them#including Eco Lifestyle NAP idles and the like#but nooope#oh Sims 4#and yes I was rather surprised to see Alice feeling that furious after I'd done everything I could to keep said fury down#sometimes I wonder if it actually starts going up faster after a certain point if you've suppressed it for a while#to stop you never having a rampage#at least now she's a powerful werewolf with a pretty tight hold on herself#so her rampages last just as long as it takes for me to scavenge the ground once or twice XD#and I suppose it IS appropriate for Spookfest soo#queued
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cali showing off her best catwalk strut.
#this is my grandparents' newish cat. she's almost full grown but she's still quite small#my grandma swore to never have another animal in the house (esp a cat)#but miss kitty here broke into the house enough times and warmed her heart#she's mainly an outdoor cat tho and lives in the shed. she only comes inside the house for naps#and then she wants back out again#anyway i love her and want to catnap her#rilla.txt#cali
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