#SAY WHATEVER YOU WABT

[iamheretemporarly]

EVERYBODY STFU AND LISTEN TO THE ARABIC DUB IF THE 12 TMNT SONG

@000marie198 MBC3 NOSTALGIA BUDDY, LOOK

[moonastroellie]

“Me and the devil walking side by side”

summary: you lived in a small town in Jackson, you went to a small high school with your best friend Ellie, Dina and Jesse… everything was normal, until it wasn’t.

cw: 18+, no smut but a lot of gore, mentions of substance use (weed and alcohol), usage of alcohol, mentions of schizophrenia and psychosis, mentions of drugging but no drugging, mentions of spiders for all you lil people who are scared of them (don’t worry i am too), mentions of murder, semi demon/vampire.

“y/n?”

…

“y/n?!”

…

y/n” Ellie says, putting her hand on your shoulder to make sure you’re okay “you okay? you look like you’ve just seen a ghost”

Technically, she isn’t wrong. although, it wasn’t a ghost you saw while you were zoned out. it was more of a…. vision? but you didn’t know what to think of it because it was blurry and oh shit you’re lost in thought again.

You shake your head fast and turn to Ellie “yeah. i’m good, you good??” a nervous chuckle left your lips, ellie’s piercing green eyes staring at you—they’re soft yet powerful eyes, it always made you smile.

She smiles back understanding your nervous chuckle, she laughs a bit and then confirms she is doing okay as well.

“you wanna go get something to eat?” Ellie asks in a soft voice, you nod and both go downstairs. Joel, ellie’s father was sitting at the table sipping on coffee (just how he always does) “watcha want?”

“uh, whatever you want” you reply back, her voice more unsteady now “oh i’ve already eaten. i’m full” that’s weird, you had been with ellie all day and hadn’t seen her eat once, maybe she snuck some food into the bathroom when you weren’t looking so you brush it off as nothing…

“I gotta get home, thanks for having me!” you smile and give her a hug, thanking joel for letting you come over—the walk home was how it always was, you lived up the road from ellie and although it was close, it was getting dark.

“hey ma! i’m home!” you shout out as you open the front door, yet another sight to come home to your dad sipping on a beer and watching the tv, it felt odd to see your mom watching the tv so you walk over to see the news…

“a young boy found dead, police have confirmed he was a 14-year-old boy from the high school here in Jackson, his name being James Reed, if there are any witness’s who may have seen something happen please contact the police immediately” the lady on the news explains, leaving you and your mother shocked, your dad just scoffs “probably got drunk and fell over himself”

“the bite marks found on him are not identified by scientists and we recommend everyone stays indoors at night time” the woman explains further, leaving your dad with wide eyes as he realises this is more serious than he thought.

“no more going out at night” your mother says, “but mom?”

“no buts, don’t want to find you dead, no more going to ellie’s late at night otherwise you’ll have to stay home or sleep over at hers” you let out a sigh… “fine”

—

Throughout the night you have trouble sleeping, a constant ringing and talking in your ear— you’ve always experienced these, especially after smoking weed for the first time, a constant assumption it was just psychosis… Eventually these distorted words got louder and louder and you couldn’t handle it anymore, pulling your hands up to your ear and sitting up in bed, back pressing against your headboard…

“t-ehy wabt ta gat you” the voices grew louder and louder, your body covered in sweat as you try to remain calm…

“you- cannot escape this” the one clear voice you’ve gotten, though it didn’t sound like someone you knew- that’s when it all stopped, as soon as the voice realised it had disoriented you and made you beyond paranoid… you could barely function, the fear that someone could be fucking with your head- maybe someone drugged you, maybe i’m insane, maybe something is wrong with you?

these ideas bouncing around your head left and right before you finally fell into a deep sleep, a coma like state, you couldn’t feel your body- it was numb to the world and your senses felt like they were gone, it started with an itch on your neck when you were in such a deep sleep, you scratch it and immediately it went away, but the burning sensation didn’t go away…

Waking up was difficult, getting almost no sleep you head to the bathroom to brush your teeth- you grabbed your toothbrush and started brushing your teeth, it’s when you looked in the mirror and saw two bite marks, they weren’t deep but looked like spider bites almost.

you shrugged and went downstairs to tell your dad there were spiders in your room again.

“brekky?” your mom asks, you nod. “how’d you sleep?” your mothers voice calm and relaxed, you just lie and say it was good.

“fantastic” she butters your toast and gives it to you, you sit down at the table and start eating-

that’s when everything around you looked distorted in a way, you could make out what was around you but it just didn’t feel right- the voices were back.

i

“you enjoying the food?” the voice asks, you look around you confused “no one can hear it” it adds on, you don’t know if you should talk or just talk via your mind, you pull a hair strand behind your ear as you start to sweat up a bit… your mom taking notice and asking if you’re okay, your pupils blown big and your actions erratic “school! now, bye!” your words didn’t make sense but you couldn’t control over what you said, almost like you were being controlled.

I know this is short but when i have more inspiration to write i will, promise. I just had this as a draft for wayyy too long.. should i make a part 2 tho? that’s the better question..

[leolaroot]

i dont know anything abt tgis person in particular but i am always so pissed off when i see people who try and claim you Can be lgbt while still holding onto the lds church. like sure i guess you fucking can. be like those gay men who marry women and "avoid temptation" like they wabt. oh or maybe you think you can build a new group where its Really Accepted and have fun with your queerstake or whatever. but there is no good reason to cling to mormonism if all you want is to continue worshiping the christian god but in a gay way. bc Okay lets say you guys win and the prophet gives in and lgbt people ARE welcomed back into the lds church... its still an explicitly antisemitic, anti-indigenous, and anti-black organization. idk. if youre raised with a testimony of christ thats awesome but by trying to align yourself with the latter day saints all i can see is you begging for the acceptance of racists so that you can rejoin their fold.

[msc137]

See, when you say it like that, I can't help but not believe you.

i guess its like, why does my agency onlt mayter when i make a choixe people like? isnt the whole thing with freedom that you can oick whatever you want,

maybe i dont wabt to maje a black and white choice! maybe picking one thigg isnt automatically excluding the otber! maybe i cab have the best of both worlds!

maybe it wad a bad idea to get into thi scotch

[thealogie]

[letterman anon here. again] *deep sigh * so. i just wanted to say that i'm sorry about my last asks girl... ik that you're probably done thinking about it knowing you but still. just wanted to apologize. when i sent the asks i was actually coming down with a bad fever and not thinking very clearly. when i got better i kiiind of remembered sending you something letterman relatdd but absolutely didn't remember my tone or anything. so i was. pretty shocked. to say the least. i just sounded so... the worst part is that i talked about it with a friend and showed the asks and they reacted like that was how i was normally. needless to say that got me thinking... it's just that i don't have that many followers and always respect (or at least think i do) other people's opinion so seeing you like that made me jealous (now that i thought about it you're actually fine, i just don't get tones sometimes and you can absolutely post whatever you want). sooo yeah. lol. just wabted to apologize for how i treated you... you did nothing wrong and i was rude... ngl kind of a wake up call for me. anyway! loving your dt journey

It’s really big of you to apologize! It’s really impossible to have your feelings hurt over an anonymous message from someone who you don’t know and only knows you from your blog, so really no harm. Sweet of you to apologize

[spencerismyfav]

When i asked her "its been years, ive been doing this for years but it hasn't come", she replied to me "so are you having that desire or are you saying you are not". I was confused at first but then i came to the realisation.

You cannot change the mirror but yourself, if you keep saying it just to get it in the mirror ur missing the point. The whole point is to change yourself and the rest is unnecessary even if you didnt see it in the present moment.

You basically change your reality all the time and youll always be in the present moment. In this present moment, is ur parent in the same room as you? No. But do u assume that they sre here? Ofc. Its like that, even if you cant see your desires in 3d, does that mean it doesnt exist? No. But its just like ur parents, youll meet them soon or whenever they wabt but that doesnt mean they dont exist.

In this present moment they dont but once i go their room, they do exist. Just like your desire, for example, you want a magical powers right? If you assume that you can use your magic however you want and in this present moment you cant, does that mean you never be able to use it? No! It means that you have acknowledge that you have it, its just that in this present moment i dont use my powers.

Same goes for shifting, you assume that you can shift realities on command and however you want, in this present moment you are in a current reality, does that mean you never can shift? No! You are just acknowledging what you can do. Its not false or anything. Just like you acknowledge that theres going to be new day or tomorrow or next week and such. In this present moment it doesnt show you can shift but you assume that you can shift and this is why ladies and gentlemen 4d is the real and true reality.

Because how do u know that the sky is blue when u close ur eyes? How do u know u have a laptop when ur not holding it? How do u know that you have ur parents? How do u know u were in college last year? How do u even know that 2022 even exist? Exactly assumption!! Its not that hard lol 😭😭. So this is a reminder because ive been trying to manifest a car (idk why cuz i literally have money), you have a fucking car, you don't have to believe that its here but know that you have a car.

Because if i say its here, youll be like "where?" Lol no. You have a car but in a present moment you just cant see it, you are filthy rich but in this present moment you cant see it, the sky is blue and beautiful but in this present momebt you cant see, you can shift realities on command and however you want but in this present moment you cant see. Literally so much more but does that mean it doesnt exist? No. But in 3d yeah because you exist one at the time but thats why 3d is rubbish lmfao. 4d is a reality because thats where u shift realities, dobt believe me? Whats this then. Exactly, i assumed that ill type that and it came. I dont even need to assume it.

So when she said that, i think she meant, are you actually going identify that you dont have it rn? Because theres no proof in 3d, no proof in 4d, no proof whatsoever and it all lies with your assumption so are u actually going to say you dont have it?

Literally it made me think and shes right, even if i dont see it in 3d, does that mean i dont have it? No!! But u just cant see it thats why 4d exists and how do u know it exists (before you graciously overcomplicate yourself)? Assumption, intention, visualisation, affirmations, and just where subconscious mind lives lol.

Again, you are not your thoughts, nor your feelings, circumstances, body, mind or even soul, you are not your name, you are not the eyes that you can see, or ears that you can hear or hand that you can feel, nothing but an awareness so whatever is unfavorable to you whether is everything that i mentioned or more, instead of identifying it and claim it that its who you are, let it pass, acknowledge and let it go, dont identify it, dont participate in it, just let it pass, feel those feelings, think those thoughts, see those circumstances but dont identify it, dont say its yours.

Example: if you see that you want mcdonalds and you cant see it in this present moment, instead of identifying it and say you dont have it, assume that its going to come, it has already come just cant see it in this present moment or it came, ate and finished. So simple, no feelings involved, no thoughts involved, just assumptions.

Feelings doesnt matter if its not yours, dont identify because you thought that when u feel that, that means you are doing something wrong because you are not, you are not your feelings you are an awareness, a god, pure consciousness and limitless, so all of that does that mean you are your feelings? No. You are nothing but just an observant of your experience so dont worry about your thoughts, if you dont identify them, just let them pass.

Forgot to mention. I swear to god, to me and to everyone, there is no right or wrong, it doesnt exist, if you decide that you would go on strictly robotic affirm and the next day will be visualisation, no wrong with that. Even if you feel disbelief while saying affirm, as long as you decide to identify who u are, you are done!! Finito!! Basta lol. You are not doing anything wrong, like i said as long as you identify who you are like you say in your head "oh i shift realities all the time" for example and you remain loyal to that identification, its done, you are done, finished. Dw abt the rest, dw abt feeling wish fulfilled because you dont need it, u are done!!

[dykeseesgod]

btw in terms of calling my ocs hot like i want to clarify by "being weird about it" i mean you can say theyre hot or babygirl or whatever but please dont tell me you want to fuck them like even jokingly. dont talk about how you want elijah to peg you or how you wabt atticus to stick his fingers in your mouth (BOTH THINGS PEOPLE HAVE DONE) just be Normal. Please

[cloudcountry]

finally getting through the keith route screenshots i have in my gallery this is probably going to be two posts oops

AND WE START WITH APOLOGIES pls sir u do not have to say sorry for breathing ITS OK

OK THIS SCENE WAS REALLY FUCKING FUNNY I REMEMBER THIS HELP ME I CAN SEE SILVIOS PISSED OFF FACE SO CLEARLY

I HATE ALL PF YOU except for u yves and licht ygys always have my back. also that's so pathetic and sad and cute all at once AWWW

HES SUCH A SWEETHEART I NEED TO GO PLAY HIS ROUTE AGAIN FUVK I MISS HIM NOW

EXPLODES HIM WITH MY MIND

AWWWWW :((( HES SO CUTE EVERYBODY SHUT UP

AGGSGAGFAGAFFSFAFFAFSGGSGSGGAJSHJAHXUSHHAHAHHSHAHSGHAFAHSTSUHJSIJDJAJSHJAHSJAHJAHSHAJHSJAJJAHJSHSDADSHSHSHSHHDHDHDHSHHDHSHSHSHHAHSHS?!?!?!??!?!?!?!???!!!?????!!???!?!?!!!

I AJTE IT EHETE THEYRE SO CITE

......both of you are disasters.

i smell a little BITCH!!!!!!!!! oh hey nvm we're back to teasing mc okay HEGDHHDHHD

STOP IM GOING TO PUNCH HIM WHY IS HE SUCH A TEASE IM GONNA DIE HERE

"I LIKE YOUR BODY HEAT" GIRL WHAT

now KISS

uh huh...whatever you say........love how mushrooms is a recurring theme

OK I REMEMBER THIS AND IM SO PROUD OF HIM FOR THIS. TRYING TO GET RID OF A BAD HABIT BECAUSE SOMEONE WORRIES FOR U IS SO. SHHDHDHJDHF

HE WABTS TO LOOK COOL IN FRONT OF HER STILL HELP ME

[bronx-aro]

One thing i think is really interesting with both the Undertale and Deltarune fandom is that even though the characters are quite developped, everyone i see seems to have the felt the same way when they experienced the story. (Alphys and Berdly seems to be the exeption to that for each game, but i will get into that later).

And while it's really cool to see everyone share their feelings and how much they love these stories, i never actually see discuss the way it made them feels outside of in the moment let's play, and maybe a joke about photoshop flowey, the genocide run/snowgrave and killing toriel.

So, and bear with me here, because i'm going to rant a bit about how my experience with both IT and deltarune chapter 2 seem to differ from most people's.

I DID NOT LIKE PAPYRUS AND QUEEN WHEN FIRST PLAYING.

Queen especially, Papyrus i like better now but he's still probably at the bottom of the list of my favorite "main" characters for UT now.

Okay, before you bring out the pitchforks for the Papyrus slander, i want to explain a few things.

When i first played UT, the only thing i knew about it was the "wanna have a bad time" meme, Sans apparence and the fact their was multiple routes deoending on your actions.

So i played a bit, killed toriel, felt really bad and reset because there was no way this was part of whatever "good" route i knew existed. Flowey gave me an existantial crisis so bad it made me reconsider my entire life choices and made me aware to my core that everything here actually mattered, that what i did mattered, if not to them, then to me.

Needless to say that was ingrained in me whenever i played UT and afterward DR.

So here i was, freaked out, and then immediatly introduced to the squelbros. I knew there was more to Sans that met the eye but his demeanor was so chill i knew he was a companion i would enjoy to have along.

Do any of you remember meeting Papyrus for the first time? Because it was with him having been described as a human hunting fanatic.

Not a good start to my already nervous ass. To say i was apprehensive was an understatment. Because even if he seemed aloof, you dont need to be smart and collected to hurt someone. Even if it became obvious quite quickly he wabted to capture me and not kill me, it took me until i fought with him to realise that he actually wouldnt hurt me even by accident.

I DID enjoy all the puzzles and interractions before snowdin, but i probably wouldnt have been as relaxed playing it if Sans wasnt out there keeping an eyesocket out for me.

So! First impression of Papyrus? A bit nerve wacking, but it was still funny so it can only go up from there? Right?

Right?

...

Okay, let's go about the date.

I didnt want to be there. At all. I purposfully didnt flirt with him the whole fight because the entire idea made me uncomfortable to my core. I was SO relieved at the end it. The actual date was alright, i guess, but it made me feel bad more than it made me have a fun time.

Okay, a rough patch. What's next?

Him introducing us to Undyne!

And that was when i realised why didnt like him all that much. Yeah, he's good hearted and all, but... He just pulls me everywhere assuming that this fine. He kept projecting his own wants onto me, and everyone around him, and never took the rejection well. Sans being a sentry? Hil and Undyne's whole thing? Clear exemple of that.

And yeah, they might have went along with it because they cared, but the game didnt give me that choice, either. And even outside of that, he clearly had trouble considering other peoples points of view and accepting them.

All of that, combined with the mask of the great papyrus he puts on making it hard to know what is true, exageration, or something he might have deluded himself into thinking was true, made it pretty hard to connect with him.

...

So! That's it with Papyrus! It's a perspective i have wanted to share for a while but seeing how the fandom could fall into the whole "if anyone says anything bad about this character ever i would murder them" thing i wasnt really comfortable doing it unless in longpost format.

...

So now, let's talk about Queen!

Unlike with Papyrus, i was actually really freaking surprised to see that seemingly nobody felt the same way about her than i did. Like, i was downright gobsmacked. So, unlike with UT, i will begin this by the end of the stories: me interracting, ith the fandom after i played.

I started with the classic route of watching let's plays. After switching between a few different people's first episode, i thought the reason why thay didnt seem to take her seriously in any kind of way was because they were, well, youtubers. It is their job to both play games and entertain. Of course they would focus on the jokes if the hundred game they played this year, it made sense.

So i switched to analysis/commentary videos and hanging around on tumblr. And realised that, no, actually i was the outlier here. It felt like getting punched in the gut.

So! Here i was, watching the while fandom proclaim how much they loved queen, how funny she was, ect. As if her entire personnality was just to make bad computer jokes and race tracks.

Because that was NOT what i saw.

I saw an unstable person (who kept drinking so i also assumed drunk/alcoholic) that had kidnapped and was stalking a kid. I saw someone out of touch with reality that could go from being happy and playing a game to trying to kill you. I saw an obsessive, looming figure that was always around the corner.

I saw someone who saw proceeded to, depending on the character, try and entice them by promising them all they wanted, ignore them completly even when they wanted nothing more than a shred of attention, and just generally took advantage of what she perceived to be other peoples emotionnal weakness to try and have them do what she wanted to. Wether that was creating a dark fountain, being her minion or stopping their attempts at stopping her.

She was one of the most menacing villain i ever met. Manipulative, Obsessive, Unpredictable and otherwise seemingly Unstable. Each of her apparenced filled me with dread.

The only time i saw someone acknowledging any of this was a video essay about how she could represent a different kind of mother to each of the charaters (absent, overbearing, negligent, love bombing...). It made me feel SO much better about my experience with it.

...

So yeah, i really wanted to share my perspective on these characters since most of the UT/DR dont seem to have shared that particular kind of analysis before.

Also, since i mentionned in the intro: I feel like Alphys and Berdly suffered from the fact that geekt people are seem as annoying. Like, i saw SO many people get angry/annoyed at seeing Berdly when they only saw less than 10 pieces of dialogue before. He's such a fun character but get immediatly cast asside because he can be a bit prickly. He's ridiculous and over the top, but so are so many characters. He's just a kid who is bad at social interractions and thinks being better than everyone means he will get more love/attention. I wish more people would actually give him a chance instead of writing him off right away.

As for Alphys, a lot of the people who feel negatively about her do so after playing the pacifist ending and being angry at her actions. But i feel like even before people got to that point, the whole "texting everywhere" in hot land made some people annoyed enough that they disliked her for it. I wasnt in that case and actually quite liked the whole thing but i get where people are coming from. It's honesly the only section i can think off where i saw the fandom being really split in how they felt about the her when first encountering her.

If anyone wants to share their own experiences and how it affected them while playing, PLEASE do so! Especially if you feel like it's not a commun one!

[typewriter-worries]

Hi! Random but I've been wabting to get a record player with speakers, and as you have that....would you recommend the setup you have? I did some research but it got overwhelming and daunting fast, specially as I learned some types can ruin records due to the needle or weight or whatever. I don't need wifi and Bluetooth etc, just simple music and speakers haha. Would appreciate any help!

Hey!

Happy to give some insight.

My set-up is from TurntableLab and it's this specific one. I personally love it, and think it sounds great.

Buying it through TurntableLab was great because it came as a complete unit and that was less searching I had to do for an individual set of speakers. I was the same way when it came to research, just got completely overwhelmed.

I will say, the price has gone up a little since I bought mine (I think I bought mine in 2019) so it might be worth weighing the option of buying an individual quality turntable, and then looking for a set of speakers if that works better for you. Audio-Technica and U-Turn are both turntables either I use or have had friends use. This is the specific turntable I have.

I would avoid Victrola and Crosley as they've been proven to ruin records. My first turntable was a Victrola and you can definitely hear the difference.

Hope this was helpful!

[fieldofdaisiies]

Elucien | Gwynriel | Elriel

No one asked for my two cents on the ships, but still I am going to share my opinion on the whole Elucien, Elriel, Gwynriel thingy. Feel free to read and share your opinions <33

(!!!! I want no rude comments or attacking someone; this is fiction and no real people are involved!!!)

Sooooo, first things first: I hate that people say the bond between Lucien and Elain is fake. Why should a bond all of a sudden be fake? Maybe Feyre & Rhys bond is also fake and she is actually Tarquin‘s mate? Or Nesta is actually Eris‘s mate and her bond with Cassian is fake?

It makes no sense to me, it is described that Elain feels Lucien’s heartbeat and feels him tug on her chest —> there must be a bond otherwise SJM would not have included it if it is anyways totally unnecessary

Secondly: yes, I do believe Azriel fancies Elain (a crush) which is perfectly fine. She is a beautiful female why should he not fancy her. He definitely has feelings for her which surely go beyond physical attraction. But that does not mean that on the long run he cannot fall in love with Gwyn (or Eris, okay I shut up now).

Feyre loved Tamlin before Rhys, so why can Azriel not like or love someone else before.

Gwynriel

Thirdly, I would also be fine with Gwyn and Azriel becoming really good friends (as a tiny part of me also ships her with Balthazar). But to my mind Azriel and Gwyn fit each other perfectly, they sing, they are competitive, Gwyn is a sunshine and Az definitely needs a bit of sunshine in his dark life. They do have a connection in many areas. If they do end up together (which I think will happen), I honestly hope they are not mates but will solely and simply fall for each other and choose each other regardless of a mating bond (not everyone has to be mates!!!)

Elucien

Fourth: Concerning Elain and Lucien. This ship owns my whole heart. Honestly, it is the same for Elain. She can also fancy Az which I believe she does. He is charming, cares for her and is handsome. But that does not mean that on the long run she cannot fall for Lucien (she will fall for him I know it). They have to be given chance to get to know each other and I hope there will be more insight into their lives and minds in the upcoming books. Elain has to get to know Lucien and see the amazing male he is and then there will be no way back for her—she will fall head over heels. Lucien clearly is interested in getting to know her. He cares about her well-being and wabts her to be happy and feel safe. Even though they are mates he stays away from her, which I think neither Rhys nor Cassian really did with their mates. But Lucien gives her all the freedom she wants and lets her make the decision.

And yes, they do not like each other that much yet but it was the same with Rhys and Feyre (Feyre tossed her shoes at his head) and Nesta and Cassian (Nesta insulted Cassian). None of them got along at the beginning and still they found to each other, that is what SJM does and what we like to read.

Elriel

And lastly concerning Elriel. Of course there would be potential and I totally see why people ship them (I did until ACOSF). As stated before Azriel clearly has feelings for her and probably also vice versa (at least until Solstice). They shared lovely moments, moments where Azriel showed he cared and that he likes her and Elain did the same. But I just don’t see it happen anymore, that does not mean the ship is stupid and that it won’t happen.

Considering all points above, ship wars are frustrating. Sometimes they can get harmful and people tend to forget that this is actually fiction and should not matter that much.

So, ship whatever you please and don’t insult other people for not liking your ship or shipping someone else.

It is fiction and everyone should ship who they want if it makes them happy—you do you. It is all fine and good.

Thank you for listening to my Ted Talk, have a good day!! <33

[sk-lumen]

Need serious advice about setting boundaries or communicating when dealing with a person who:

Is a parent

Has unhealthy communication methods -- it takes very little for them to start full-blown screaming, shouting out all your 'negative' things/mistakes/past, can continue to scream-criticise you even after you've gone silent, for WHOLE MINUTES even if you've shut up, will not accept anything that even hints at them making a mistake

You can't trust since childhood coz u made the mistake of confiding in them with a serious issue as a young teen --- mental related --- and they belittled and invalidated you, and since then pretended you never confided in them and have NO IDEA how you've been coping without them or ANYone else for years... Yeah thanks, parent, what u said back then made me think I was the one at fault and so I stopped trusting even friends coz yeah, when ur own parent doesn't give a damn, why would anyone else?

Is a master at silent treatments without explaining what EXACTLY they're punishing you for, then when theyre in the mood, will start talking to you as if they hadn't ignored you for days. Lol I'd rather be water boarded I think. Especially for all the damage this caused when I was a child

Won't openly talk about what they want, yet expects ALL FHE TIME others (in the family) to know what they want, then will complain/scream/angry for AGES about how no one cares, no one gives a damn... And when someone asks them what they want, they either say: nothing, or "you should know! Can't u see?"

Upon asking them to please talk normally, will blow a fuse, and lose it --- happened multiple times today

Literally will use me as a scape goat to unleash their frustrations upon. Even when I leave the room, I can hear them b*tch about how much of a failure I am etc. The trigger being anything that bothers them, from a phone call to something other siblings did, bla bla. I limit my time with them... But it's like, it feels impossible to have them treat me normally, without ridiculing or criticising me. I'm already a very low self esteem person... This doesn't help AT ALL

In short, refuse to tell/ask/discuss important stuff, and getting mad randomly that no one read their mind, bcoz everyone's 'old enough to have enough sense' to know what they 'should' do... Eg will not pikc up the phone when we call them from the store to ask when what the needed isn't available, so what other alternative can we get... And then when we get home, will instead blame us for being fussy and not getting the alternative, completelt skirting around the issue they didn't deign to pick up the phone... I mean, I don't get it. In the past I HAVE in fact asked them to just openly tell me what they want/expect from me to make them happy... Got passive aggressive answers like "don't you know? Are you dumb?" Bla bla

Passive aggressive to the max when they've lost it

Expect me to drop anything I'm doing and immediately cater to them, and expect me to help them in their hobbies (while simultaneously, as I learned many years ago to much heartache, not being interested or even pretending to be interested in my hobbies. The disinterest taught me very quickly how much what I wanted meant, leading to years of self-invalidation. Luckily I've learned it really is them, not me. My hobbies are valid)

Will not talk about why they're feeling angry, what causes it. Instead will blame me, who's like the golden scapegoat in our amazing family, by saying :YOU made me negative. They've said it many times now... It hurts a lot, when I'm also struggling with my own issues which I ofc can't confide in them about :)

Today I manned up -- the outburst of hatred happened again! Over a simple thing. It was NIGHTMARE and made me angry/sad/frustrated/triggered---, and so I told them to stop talking like that... Boy was that the wrong thing to say... I don't think I can accurately tell u what happened afterwards...

Usually children learn communication skills from the parents... I at least learned to recognize the unhealthy ones, and what NOT to communicate like lol. Like, other parent is even worse, believe it or not. But that's another complex situation

I'm not bashing on the parent. Lord knows I even have that much of a right huh? I hate myself eveb more when they invalidate me if I try to show how MUCH THEY HURT me after a 'communication session'. As in, heaven forbid me if I BE SILENT afterwards and DON'T wanna listen to their retardation. Nope. Even then they provoke me, rage at me, you know how sometimes enraged people hiss vitriol thru gritted teeth? Yeah, that's what they did today after I stayed silent and tried to ignore them an hour later after the 'session' when they wabted something. It's like they don't even need me to say a word and will carry on and on for minutes 🤢

I feel alone, helpless and at a loss what to do

I want to move out. Due to severe mental issues I can't even move out rn coz it scares me even more. But this has to stop. Things are only okay if I'm absolutely passive, say yes to whatever they want, kill my wants and needs, and become a perfect robot bred to cater to them (parent)

I hope you can help me out, dear

Hi darling,

It sounds like you’re in a considerably toxic environment. I'm sorry you're going through this. Know that this is not normal, nor is it how a parent/child relationship should be. In case there's any doubt, let me start by saying you deserve to be supported, respected, listened to, to have your needs met. You deserve to live in an environment that offers you all of these things.

With that being said, from the many scenarios you’ve mentioned you’ve already tried reasoning and setting boundaries, to no avail. There is only so much you can do on your own, if the other person in the equation is not meeting halfway or at all. After all, a healthy conversation involves two people, not just one.

Here's my advice, in this order:

Calmly and maturely asking the respective parent to have a serious discussion with you and to listen to what you have to say. Share how their actions and behaviour is making you feel, let them know you care, and make sure to mention several solutions for the issue as well. If this doesn’t work…

Bring up the subject of needing help from outside, such as the assistance of a specialist/therapist. Family counselling can shed a lot of light on toxic behaviours that are ingrained from childhood (both in their case and yours), on fears your parent may have, stress from their work, whatever is causing their outbursts and anger - because there is always a reason. Behind anger is sadness, and behind sadness is some need not being met, or an underlying fear, trauma, etc. This is not a justification for their behaviour, they are responsible for it; this is simply the fact of how energy dynamics work. People bottle up their frustrations, fears, etc, and let them out on those closest to them, to whom they feel superior. It’s not fair, and it’s not healthy, but it is frequently how this pattern works. If this solution doesn’t work either…

Then unfortunately, all you can do is focus on yourself. If they refuse to meet you anywhere along the road, you have to pack up your things and go your own way. Literally or metaphorically. They may be your parent and you may love them even in spite of their behaviour, but you cannot hold yourself responsible for anything they say or do; that is on them. In those cases, you have to prioritize your own mental health and wellbeing, and focus on moving out. If your (home) environment is toxic, you have to focus on first changing it. That’s vital. Only afterwards can you start healing, refinding yourself, reclaiming your self-esteem and confidence, your sense of worth. As long as you stay stuck in a toxic environment, you cannot really heal; if there is abuse of any kind (physical, mental, emotional), the causes are still there, leading to re-traumatizing.

If for whatever reason moving out is not (yet) an option, I would emphasize seeking some sort of counselling for yourself, if nothing else. You need an anchor, some sort of support that will help you along your path until you do get out.

Now, I don’t know how old you are. I am going to assume you are over 18 and of age, so only mind my advice if that is the case. (As disclaimer, I don't provide advice to minors as it's not the scope of my blog nor am I specialized/focused on that area.)

I understand moving out seems scary because it is unknown, but with that line of thought you may wait another 10 years in the same situation. Wouldn’t you wake up 10 years later already having done the hard work on moving out, finding your independence, claiming your sense of individuality and moving on from this sort of environment, this phase in your life?

Sooner is better than later, but do so with mindfulness and care over your mental health, of course. I know it’s scary. But being an adult requires some difficult decisions at times, and setting boundaries begins with choosing your wellbeing and doing what needs to be done, even if it is something uncomfortable short-term, but highly rewarding and beneficial long-term.

Hope this helps... and wishing you much luck, clarity, gentle guidance and comfort.✨

PS: Lately I've been receiving longer and longer letters in my inbox. As solution, I was thinking of having longer asks/letters redirected to my blog where there isn't any length limit, and readers can more comfortably browse both my tumblr and blog - and those requesting advice can share and receive a more in-depth response.

-Lumen

[cautiously0ptimistic]

Hi, feel free to ignore thus uf you wabt as its probably just some unwanted advice or whatever. But i feel like you shouldn't be so hard on yourself when it comes to posting/writing. As someone who wants to write a sims story, but does nothing but sit in cas staring at my characters or in build mode, building a house and bulldozing it just because i dont like 1 super minor thing (instead of writing anything down or learning how to edit), i kinda fund people like you and stillgotme super inspiring, because you guys manage to push through things like distractions, bad mental health, procrastination, etc and still get back to your craft. So what if you don't post every day or whatever, you have a life to live and the people who matter will be there to support you regardless of what/how often you post. So there's absolutely no reason to be so hard on yourself because you wanna do a photoshoot with your sims instead of writing, or just go a day without posting anything. Just take your time, do it your way. Take it day by day. Sorry i got a little bit ranty, my edible makes me more chatty 😅

Ya know, you make a really great point. I'm pretty self-deprecating in general, I say it's part of my humor, though, deep down, I know it's a terrible habit to be in, no matter the reason. And most of the time I don't even realize it until it's pointed out to me. I'm my own worst critic and always have been, it's second nature at this point, and it tends to bleed into everything I do, especially creatively. I guess I feel pressure now that I've FINALLYYYYY acquired a bit of my inspiration back, to make the most of it before I lose it again??? If I lose it again??? I'm kinda terrified to, but stressing myself out probably isn't gonna do me any favors. LOL. Note taken.

But trust me, we've all had those days where we just stare at our sims or build, bulldoze, and repeat. Sim stories are no small feat, they require a lot of time, energy, and dedication, and there have been many times, especially in the past few years, where I did not have enough left in me to pour into these hobbies. And that's okay! I think since you gave me such meaningful advice, you should take it as well!!! Bc ultimately, we're just all out here doing our best right now, and just bc your time to storytell isn't now, doesn't mean it won't come!!! I promise to be gentler with myself if you promise to be more patient with yourself!!!

Both myself and @stillgotme are so honored and grateful for the love and support you always show us. 💛 And feel free to drop in my inbox anytime you've had an edible and you've got something on your mind! I really appreciate you taking the time to throw some positivity my way, and I hope the universe throws you some of your own real soon!

[minairentaraa]

I try to get my life together you know?

Well it's an interesting thing because everyone wants to get their life together. I think it's more of a conscious thing than physical.

As everything.

Well as an INTJ there is this so called Ni-Fi loop where you want to be perfect in everything and you plan it all out and that takes so many time and energy in the end you did nothing in real life only in your head. It was hard to understand how this works but after I realised that my Se is the last thing I will automatically work with I knew I need to level up that thing. There is something good in being a maximalist.

Sooooooooo here we go.

My thoughts on this are related to one mantra I use that "you just need to get started". I learned it hard it took veeeery long time to understand that nobody is perfect no plan is perfect and the mistakes comes out as you do what you want. Because you live in your head you have your filters on the world and there are many possible mistakes you can do but you will onlfy find them out when you do the thing.

So as with losing weight wich is my absolute arch nemesis in life and my main problem in life to be honest I learned that I need to accept those times when I fuck things up. It's even better if I plan the fuck up times. Sounds silly right?

Years ago I didn't have the patience for life and losing weight. It's a mind thing you know. You need to be patient with yourself and after you fuck up your diet or your excersise schedule you can't say that "argh I'm failed niw I won't follow my plans because 8'm miserable". No no no darling you aren't.

You fucked up? You ate cake or sweets or drank soda or you were too tired to do the exercise? That's okay. There is a new day tomorrow and you can start again.

The importatn thing to remember you never start over. You got to a point you rested and you go forward. I bekieve there are people who can maintain diet and excersise and whatever in a straight upgoing line. Of course they will reach their goal before me but who cares? I am me and that's it, I can be cruel to myself and would that help? Absolutely not. So with that energy I can also enjoy life and than return to my plans. Every soul needs resting.

So okay back to the point I made plans to have a decent diet, started home workouts (don't think too big, just 10-15 minutes three times a week) and drinking 2 l of water.

Not big things the only big thing is I cut out cola from my life because it made my skin reaaalllly itchy and yes, it was the soda. I don't drink soda for two weeks now and my skin started to heal also my stomach isn't growling all the time. Probably I'm lowkey allergic to sweeteners.

I also made a plan - you know one of the stars I really like is Emma Watson - if I want to be like her I not only wabt to lose weight I want to be a feiminist advocate and I'm really good at that now (still there are situations where I fuck up remaining silent) but I also want to be that clever like her.

So!

I got ton of books I didn't read and yeah not only books from my field of study but also fanfictions and I decided I will put down my computer until I read them all!

I hope I can finish them in the summer.

Yeah

Little things I know.

My family is struggling lately but I found a second job via a friend and it could help.

I dunno I just wanted to share with you guys.

The important thing is to give yourself time.

You may never know where will you be if you stick to your plan after one year.

I hope I can show you results after one year. That will be a big time in my life.

[xplosiverockro]

Hey so, I saw like some people on twitter saying that Whitty and Ruv aren't similar at all and that that's a stupid reason to ship them and I just wabt to know what you think about this. I am a shipper myself so I obviously have my own ideas and thoughts but I want to know yours as well if it isn't too much trouble for you

It’s no trouble. 

Personally I think that argument is kinda weird. Two characters don’t need to be similar, or have interacted canonically, or whatever else to be shipped together. Shipping is meant to be fun, there’s no reason why people should add meaningless rules to it. Besides, they’re are a little similar, why else would people ship them? They’re tall, loud guys that have an attitude. Sounds similar enough to me

I just think people should be able to ship whatever they want, even if those characters haven’t interacted in canon or something. It’s the same philosophy as people who ship two characters that stood on screen together once, it’s just meant to be fun. (To the people that ship the background characters and make tons of headcanons for them, I admire you lol)

tldr shipping is supposed to be fun, so people shipping two characters that have never interacted before isn’t ruining anything

[defdreamz]

Meanwhile Mark won't be as dependet except for when he's out with his caregiver of course. I personally think that he'd be a pretty independent and obedient little though that certainly doesn't make him any less cuddly or giddy. There however would be days where he'd quietly pull on his his caregivers shutt and quietly say that he wabts the to do whatever for him like:

you had been quite busy with having to handle home-office and all which kind of bothered Mark so much that when he slipped he just wanted your attention and care so he quietly made his way to your office which was situated in your house not bothering to knock. He had brought the breakfast which consisted of apples and a sandwhich with him and silently placed the plate in front of you.

"Feed me please?" He quietly asked a glimmer of hope in his eyes as he gave you a small and unsure smile.

"Of course baby come sit down" you offered, pulling the chair a tiny bit closer to you

Mark wasn't satisfied with that though so he wordlessly climed into your lap wrapping his arms around you and laying his head onto your shoulder. You cooed in response giving him a kiss to the head before getting his plate and feeding him. When you were done you praised him and pecked him all over his face making him giggle and the rest of the day he stayed close to you as you worked.

(I hope that it's okay that I wrote a tiny dialogue thing if it wasn't just tell me and I won't do it anymore!)

it is definitely okay!!

mark being independent in his big headspace would trial into him being mostly independent in his little space !! like u said, there are days where he wants to be pampered and coddled, and normally he’ll shyly for to you for that !!

i love that scenario sm 🥺 mark climbing into your lap and clinging to you and asking you shyly and politely to feed him :( he will stay there for a while bc u comfort him a lot, and make him feel safe and protected :((