#SAT Live Classes
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
While Edwin’s more than a bit stand-offish and definitely not the most tactful, I never did get the sense that he doesn’t like people - in fact, I think his insistence that he’s “not good with people” and his general emotional detachment/disinterest has a lot more to do with his assumption that they don’t or won’t like him.
And while that’s very sad to think about… it’s not as if his belief here is hard to understand, considering his past experiences. But it’s left him quite guarded and lonely, and of course, the more he isolates himself from people other than Charles (and even here, he allows himself little vulnerability), the more he reinforces this fear that people won’t like him, and the less he allows himself to properly sympathize or empathize with others, which is why his friendships with Crystal and Niko and Monty (short-lived as that was) are so important. Once he started to let some of those walls down, to not be so scared of vulnerability and to be around people who allow themselves to feel and want so readily (to live! who allow themselves to live without fear of loving!), he’s really not nearly as bad with people as he seems to think he is - and, in fact, he’s actually quite good at saying or doing the right thing for them when it really counts.
#he really does mean well :’)#he also LOVES being a sassy petty little show off but these two things can and do coexist and in fact. improve the overall vibe lol#honestly Edwin is so funny. I don’t even find him that mean tbh that level of petty has always been hilarious to me.#if id known him in high school I definitely would’ve sat near him in class. don’t know. I feel teenage me would’ve considered him#‘potential friend’ or at least ‘someone to work on group assignments with’#lol but anyways edwin makes me very sad#that boy lives his (after)life in so much fear#storyrambles#dead boy detectives#this is a bit of a mess but I’m just going to post it as is#edwin payne#random thoughts
100 notes
·
View notes
Text
little bit worried abt the class difference ngl
#my parents r working class and im basically flat broke (this was/isnt the case in iran tho. back then i never even thought abt money)#and like literally i had my first universal credit meeting today bc im not getting student loans to live off of until next sept#...she bought gucci shoes bc she was bored and wanted new shoes . she used to live in Kensington#like im genuinely...idk 😭#do u think it will be an issue#i have told her i cant afford many things but j havent told her of my familys precise socioeconomic status in the UK bc it wasnt necessary#but now im like does she fr want to be w smn who is actually broke. like#i think i didnt notice it until the last time we met up bc i was raised like her . but i stopped being raised like her at the age of 11#when we had to leave iran. but she just kept living like that#idk. anyway#...anyway were meeting on sat to study tgth and then hang out :)#well. im studying shes applying to law firms
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
self portrait with mandolin
#my art#self portrait#this isn't from a picture btw!! actually sat like this in front of a mirror for like three hours#living for this shit honestly#made this for class
21 notes
·
View notes
Text
it is late so I'm going to be a lil too vulnerable on main and then probably bury it so it doesn't get seen
sometimes I still get really upset that when my mental health took (even more of) a dive when I tried college my family mostly left me to deal with it on my own. and I struggled with it really hard for almost a decade. the only thing bringing this up would do is destroy or strain relationships that I rely on to keep myself housed and safe, and I also still love them despite everything.
but it hurts to have lost such a big chunk of my life while repeatedly asking for help, and sometimes being told yes they would help, only for it to rarely materialize. lingering in this only paralyzes me though, so I'm trying to learn to let it go but it's difficult
#there is so much that i did and do want to do and i wonder how much further i would be on those paths or what i would have learned or done#if someone had. like. sat down with me and helped me even just. find a network that could help me more often then they could.#there were some attempts but what i needed was. like. a therapist. a job coach who would keep up with. a support group. something.#being signed up for a self advocacy class that was specific to a state i no longer lived in was. uh. minimally long term helpful.#i also was only back in that state after moving away because of a family issue and it ended up destroying my health even more#a running theme in my life i suppose#dear diary: fml
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
using the school bathroom stealth but pre-t is the scariest fucking thing but thusfar it's always been fine. mostly sucks on my period
#today i had to flush a pad down the toilet 😔😔#which is really bad ik but my only other option was reach into the toilet to fish it out and there was no way in hell#bc it had come loose and so when i sat on the toilet it fell in and. yeah#anyway good lord it's always so nerve-racking using the school bathrooms#period or not#in fact regular pissing may be more scary bc i always have to sit on the toilet whereas changing tampons i can usually stand facing the#toilet and keep my pants up and just switch n wrap the used one in a shitton of toilet paper to put in a bin elsewhere#my main source of anxiety comes from the not super substantial stall privacy#and this cute little things the kids at my old school did where they took photos under the stalls 🥰#which never happened to me thankfully but like. good lord lmao#also never happened at this school as far as i know but it still scares me#also today i sat down on wet grass and i was freaking out all class thinking my underwear and legs were soaked from bleeding through#but no actually it was fine! tampon+toilet paper+pad triple layer barrier juuust kept things under control#fuck my heavy periods man#anyway look i'm so lucky and so much happier being stealth here than cosplaying as a girl at my old school#i am infinitely happier i really can't emphasise how much better i am doing now living as a guy#BUT man some aspects are a pretty tricky
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
wow so great to be on a train and be afraid for your life
#unironically#idk if anyone remembers that time i posted about two of our long distance trains being on the same track from opposite directions which#resulted in 50 people most of whom were 20 year olds dying#alongside my friend's girlfriend#so ive been taking the bus instead which takes about 3h more than the train#one bc i didnt want to give them money two bc. i wanna live.#so anyway today i had to take the train bc i had to leave after work and i dont wanna get at my destination at like midnight#and accidentally i had bought the first class ticket in the first coach#for context when the clash happened last year everyone who was in the first two coaches died. in a very bad way.#i sat in the second coach tho and at some point i got up and walked around and the first two coaches are like. empty. total of 5 people.#and i was like huh the train is pretty empty anyway#and i moved down to like coach 6 and actually the train is p full just no one wants to sit in the first two coaches#and theyre right#had full on panic attack when the train started
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
it turns out actually going outside for an hour and walking is good for you. who knew
#james speaks#i haven't exercised since high school gym class so i'm going through the horrors with my bad knee#BUT i sat by a lake and ate oranges i bought from dollar general#and i thought about my partner!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#hiii i know you're gonna see this <3#and i DIDN'T sit in duck shit even though i thought i did on accident#i even talked to one of the workers at the store but i think she thought i was dying#cause i was so. out of breath.#my feet hurt and i know my legs are gonna hurt but it's FINE#i want to go exploring the woods but it's difficult during the week cause i live between two schools#and that would look weird cause i'm a fat man who wears hoodies and has rbf#time to eat so many more oranges#*for more context the woods are right beside one of the schools
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
realised the reason my heart issues freak me out is partly because unlike any of my pain it’s harder to just deal with it or find ways around it and also it could be a lot more dangerous than most of my other day to day medical stuff and also it was one of my cancer symptoms
#we brought down my medication dose and im still having issues#we could bring it down again but my doctor wants it high to decrease any chance of recurrence which is slightly higher for me#i haven’t had any caffeine amounts other than a little bit of chocolate since 10 am this morning#maybe im just tired or overtired or whatever but if i stand up im immediately tachycardic#it’s. like ive never fainted or anything but im recording higher and higher heart rates in response to exertion that shouldn’t be producing#that at all. like i took it manually so maybe i was wrong but i went up a slight hill and some stairs that usually leave me around 120-125#not great but whatever. and i also used to be a runner so i make sure to control my breathing so that doesn’t have a big effects#this week? went to class up that hill and those stairs. sat down. took my pulse. i recorded 148 bpm#i live in a single room and stuff and im a little nervous about this potentially getting worse#plus like. im usually chill abt my cancer bc all they had to do was whip my thyroid out and that’s been it and it hadn’t been an#easy process per se but it wasn’t as intense as it could have been and im very lucky#but there is a chance of recurrence and treatment decisions were less ‘what will make it less likely the cancer returns’ and more ‘which#cancer chances do i wanna take’#it was between radiation induced bone or breast cancer vs recurrence of my cancer (comes back most often as bone or lung)#and i. would not like to have to deal with that el oh el#im mostly fine it’s just been an off day and simply standing and getting an average bpm of 108 (the thing i use averages it out) is weird#not to mention showering was hellish bc I could feel my heart pounding#vent tw#cancer tw
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
I’ve recently picked up splatoon again, and I was doing a buncha turf wars to build up my splatfest tee, and I wound up doing a few matches with this guy going by starlord. First match, no connection, but between matches I went over to hang out on Judd’s bench, and they joined me. Had a great time hopping around. Second match, we’re on the same team! great! Between matches we hang out on Judd’s bench again, pure vibin. Third match, and we’re on opposing teams.
I, of course, can’t do very much in this situation. There’s a very aggressive L3 on their team that keeps hunting me down, and I doubt they’ll let me initiate a party, but I don’t wanna kill my buddy. So, my compromise: they’re the only reef-lux user, so with all the determination in my little octopus body I’m gonna avoid killing them.
Half the match passes. I decide to try and make entry into the enemy base, I go up the stairs, and turn to find a reef-lux pointed at me. I raise my sploosh on instinct, but as soon as I register the bow I stop shooting and start going back down the stairs; too late. I’m splatted. ‘Aw,’ I think, ‘oh well, that’s fair.’ The camera, as it does in splatoon, focuses for a moment on my killer. They’re staring at the spot where I died. They enter swim form. They throw themself off the nearest ledge. man, human connection :) good :). I didn’t get to party with them again cause my switch shat itself and disconnected me, but I did send them a friend request which they accepted
#mobbtalks#also in vaguely related splatoon news#I started university and in one of my classes the prof talked for a bit about uhh like himself#just as lie a friendly introduction thing#talked about a book he read over the summer. a tv series he watched. and then a quirky fun fact#…. so he plays splatoon.#specifically he described it as ‘taking a break from apocalyptic media’ <- both the book and tv show were about the apocalypse and also he#said the real world was uh. apocalyptic. so he said splatoon was a breather from all that and I sat there and I thought to myself ‘uh oh. no#it isnt’#and then I spent the rest of the class grappling with the idea that I might have killed him in splatoon#I might have dabbed on him. how do you live with that. how do you look your prof in the eye#anyway. honestly shocked I didn’t kill them at all I went on a few hammer rampages
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
leaving barbie thinking about how badly i want even my most mediocre to be validated. but no! a perfect woman is only tolerated.
#there was a guy in my ap lit class who would never do any of the required reading and talk bullshit out of his ass for ninety minutes.#and yet he still got to be the teachers pet#and have his thoughts taken seriously when he hadnt even READ THE SOURCE MATERIAL#like.#i sat across from him in knots trying to figure out how to formulate my thoughts so theyd seem coherent and understandable.#i wish i coudlve kicked him out of there#barbie 2023#in my feels#ik the point of the movie was that women can never win so its okay to just be but.#i would really like to live n barbieland and be able to accomplish things#no men! ever!!
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
i don't think it's appropriate for me to really speak much as to the current shortages of adderall and other medications associated with treating adhd but i feel like i should.
yes these medications are abused, but no one wants to look into why someone who doesn't have adhd would take it. why do you think some supposedly neurotypical college student elbows another who has adderall and asks for some to study for an exam worth half their grade?
the DEA is out of touch with american society to the point it still thinks marijuana is a C1 drug but doesn't want to declassify it to C2 so that the process can be overseen so people don't get their marijuana accidentally laced with something else. you'd sooner prescribe someone a blood thinner than a medication that would actually help them focus, but i guess that's not up to me.
it's ridiculous. maintenance medications shouldn't be held to this degree of scrutiny.
#kind of off topic but im still pissed about the unit they had in my pharmacy tech program where theyre like#“top ten reasons someone might be swindling the pharmacy for controlled substances! number one will surprise you!”#why the fuck do you think it's happening in the first place#do you think we're that stupid? i mean maybe my whole class was but i just sat there in that unit absolutely baffled#“if they dont have insurance thats suspicious!”#no its fucking not people dont get insurance nowadays thats how it is#do you live in the 1950s or something#this is just a way for adhd people to act like how you want them to why are you making it harder for them#ive never been more furious than i am right now honestly#fucking hate the american healthcare system and i hate the dea#.txt#long post#?#i havent made a post in years on here lmfao sorry
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
tonight i think i've just been jamming to music
#🌙.rambles#SO RELIEVING TO FINALLY BE ABLE TO REST#until monday no classes n then. tues has classes but wed is non-academic#iirc tuesday is also online?#N THEN FAIR FROM THURS TO SAT (but i'm not sure if apollo n i can go on sat. ion think so T_T but i don't really mind ngl)#i love the 1975 so much actually. BUT#i dont have any friends other than apollo that listens to them 😭#the way they preform live is just so.. special too n. i still can't really believe that one day. less than 100 days from now#i'll see one dream come true.#n the idea of it fills my heart with so much love and hope n#it's.. really lovely. bittersweet actually. feeling so. young. amidst all my thoughts lately#i think i mentioned yesterday how it seems like life is both so real & unreal at the same time.#oddly confusing but also comforting.#n i'm rlly not the kind of person to keep all this all to myself. yk#hang on if i think even a little more right now i think i'll be overwhelmed T_T i've been trying not to overthink Too much lately#tonight that's been working well. but i'm beginning to feel rather anxious rn bcs my phone is#it. has a wifi limit so i can't use my phone midnight onwards :c not complaining ngl but it's#i overthink my interactions w others far too often. even very quick ones. but then my mental health sucks when i'm alone for too long#i'm really the kind of person that. i need to relate to the people close in my life. if we can't relate deeply then#i think it gets draining for me. or my energy's just low at times. either works. other stuff too#i get distracted so easily help. AHH IM GNA BE PRODUCTIVE FOR NOW BYE ><
3 notes
·
View notes
Photo
Don’t praise the state Utah too quickly, now. The mormon settlers originally wanted to call the state “Desseret”, but were denied by the federal government. Naming the place after one of the local tribes is cool and all, but *do not forget* that was a secondary decision.
ah, i’m so bad at posting here. acknowledging this Day of Mourning from the lands of Kiikaapoi, Peoria, Potawatomi, Myaamia & Ochethi Sakowin people, aka Chicago, derived from a native word for garlic (mmm…) which is really suitable for me because I live here now 🌱🧄✨
whose.land are you on? talk about it over dinner this weekend with your fam & what it means to give the #landback. considering everything, listening & learning from indigenous people is the least you can do.
#things I was taught in history class a child#I live in utah and was taught this by a navajo lady in elementary school#she was one of the secretaries but sometimes sat in when the teachers were teaching local history
96K notes
·
View notes
Text
hey I don’t like being a smart gifted kid anymore. can I please be normal I’d much prefer that
#vents#I felt a lot more strongly about this like an hour ago but I sat around and watched hockey and played sudoku with my dad for a bit now I’m#Better 👍 still need to write this down though#anyways. I do not want to go to special classes. it’s not like I’m not being challenged by my regular ones?? Like they see my grades#it’s not like I’m acing every test.#This would also mean choosing classes to go towards university. that means choosing what I want to do when I’m older now#Which I don’t want to do#I want to be normal like my friends please#I want to be able to live my teenage years and not have to worry about all this#cause this would mean meticulously planning everything around a future career#and if I end up not liking it I would definitely feel too guilty about wasting years of my life and my parents money that got me there#I would go through with that career I hate because 1. I would not let myself change 2. My parents would not let me change#I just wish I could live my life as a fucking kid please#I don’t want to go my whole life never having a sleepover cause I went straight from being super sheltered to too academically focused#Shit I’m crying now#I’m also super indecisive and I DONT KNOW what I want to do. Law seems cool but that’s mostly because of my ace attorney obsession#I would also never personally want to be a real life lawyer. Too much pressure and also paperwork#Why can’t I just be a teenage weirdgirl assistant best friend forever. I’d love that as a career#anyways to brainstorm stuff. Something science could be one but really the only field that fascinates me is space and idk what I’d do there#I’m never being a doctor I don’t care how hard my parents push I’m not doing it ever#anyways I do genuinely think my parents think this is what’s best for me. And they could be right#But right now I hate it I hate it so much#I’ve never even implied I WANT to do this. At least my friend is doing this of her own accord. for me this is all my parents#Augh I wish I could be a normal teenager!! Please!!#I literally went to watch a movie alone with my friend for the first time last week and that’s only cause we didnt tell my mom we were alon#(She wasn’t really mad which I’m super thankful for)#Augh#I guess I am no longer ok#Time to push this to the depths of my mind and not think about it ever again (impossible I will think about it like every day because the#The thought is unavoidable)
0 notes
Text
trying to make a teenage boy have empathy is like trying to smack my head against a wall. hes willing to listen to my points which is really nice actually
#hes not actually related to me but hes like a dumbass little brother in my heart#he cant vote yet so i hope i can give him perspective and make him realize i care abt him and hes not alone with#whatever right wing hole hes fallen into#he means a lot to me even if we live timezones apart now so id like to help him if possible#its a mix of on one hand why didnt he do research before the election gods not noticing your friend going down a rightwing hole is awful#on the other#hes the kid who sat next to me on the bus and let me ramble to him abt my hyperfixations#and would group w me in middle school when i was alone in class#hes was a really sweet guy and i hope he still is#i hope i can help him#hes not white which makes this even more bizzare to me#how do you not notice the disdain that the alt right has for you??????#my guy please
1 note
·
View note
Text
.
#sometimes I genuinely do wonder just how fucked my mental state would be right now if I hadn’t started playing dnd.#like genuinely during the school year (especially the end of spring semester) my mindset is#‘’survive until the weekend so you can play dnd’’#and then Friday comes and I play dnd fri-sat-sun and I’m happy#and then Monday comes around and its ‘’survive until the weekend so you can play dnd’’#like especially Rook’s game bc that’s my longest running one and I am UNHEALTHILY attached to that one.#it’s the highlight of my entire existence and my other two games are pretty high up on the list of ‘’things that make life tolerable’’#idk. maybe I would be suicidal if not for dnd. probably not but maybe.#I’ve always had my cats and my books and my friends as reasons to live but living away from home means no cats and no books#and I don’t really talk to anyone in my college classes so dnd accounts for over half of my social interaction in a week.#and when you take note of that fact maybe it’s not so hard to see why I cling to it with such desperation.#but it’s more than that. it’s because it’s the only kind of storytelling I seem to be capable of right now.#I haven’t written anything nor related to Rook’s game in almost a year and that had been the first time in months.#I need to create and tell stories and share them with people but my brain (adhd and depression ig) will not let me#so dnd is the way I can do that. because it’s not on me to sit down and do it.#it’s a commitment I make to a group.#and it’s not me pulling it all out of my brain from scratch it’s me reacting to a bunch of other stuff#anyways. just crazy to think that this silly little game (and my idiot bastard man) might save/have saved me#morrigan.text#delete later#personal
0 notes