#S I G H S

[raayllum]

This ruined my life

[lonelyvomit]

How do you feel about mustached niko?

I'm seeing this ask before I've actually seen whatever presumable horror it's referring to so rn I'm considering just deleting all my social media and never using the interwebs again so I don't need to face it

but lemme go subject myself to the horrors

---

... okay I mean YOUKNOW. it's. it's Niko. and I'm. I know this is gonna come as a massive shock to everyone but like even tho I objectively don't like mustache only look on literally anybody ever, he. gets a pass. listen I am a simple man I see a thing I generally dislike but then it's on him and suddenly it's kinda cute. I know. absolutely unforeseeable turn of events who woulda thunkt. mustache eww but ohhh that's my boy he's cute it's okay he can keep it. this is embarrassing please shoot me now.

[autisticlee]

that feeling of wanting to talk about hyperfixations/special interests to someone but not knowing how to put it into words anymore after a lifetime of being told "shut up no one cares stop talking about the things you like" By literally everyone in your life and learning to completely suppress that part of yourself into numbness

[ofcowardiceandkings]

feeling The Depression sneak up on you at the start of summer ... bad vibes ....

[afniel]

Going into The Fight (trying to sleep without jumpscaring myself awake over nothing (in which 'nothing' is spiders, hornets, or most recently a creepy closet door that opens, I guess? that's what got me last night. twice)) wish me luck

[fantasywritten]

I DESPISE the new layout of the Tumblr app. There’s a whole ass icon for TumblrMart, which I’m NEVER going to use, plus Tumblr Live, which I’m ALSO most likely never going to use. These icons were replaced with the search one, which I frequently use, and the one for YOUR BLOG’S HOME PAGE, which I ALSO use literally every single time I write my replies (since I always write them on mobile). I’m sorry, it’s bullshit and I hate it.

[tumblestonesa]

oh this would be such a bad idea

"team rocket is superior to team plasma. we are but rodents under their boot."

[rocketruled]

would sell rocket out for a cornchip

[inkydinks]

back at it again at Krispy Kreme*

(*having another mental health episode)

[jacensolodjo]

gee thanks.

[raayllum]

me finding out that people only can't see your blog if you've blocked them if it's your Main blog and they can still see and access all your sides (aka here)

[mutsukiss]

I forgot I breaded the chicken for today's lunch differently and I'm about to get yelled at abt it ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

[autisticlee]

when you're so awkwardly autistic and bad at people and talking that no one will even trust you to do a thing that's a special interest/you are passionate about/work harder than anyone else at/are actually really good at 😔 i wish my skills and hard work woukd speak for themselves, but the undesirable autism traits seem to permeate through and overshadows everything.

does this happen to anyone else? is this a common autistic experience? or is this a me thing?

[ofcowardiceandkings]

i would like to stop obsessing about the dumb thing where i was scolded a little for being distracted but its a tangible single thing my brainworms can latch onto instead of the many many other shit things in the background that are objectively way worse or scarier

[scooterscoob]

working together is all we can do.

[huyaoxiaozi]

       It was a hollow victory, painful and bittersweet — Zane hated seeing Matt like this. He hadn't come here to break him down, but the only way Zane knew how to help him was to push him to a breaking point. Otherwise, he couldn't see what the reality was, that it wasn't whatever his grandfather or the clan told him. They'd made it nearly impossible for him to actually think, exhausting and practically starving him to keep him compliant. It was all by design.

       Zane let out a long, wavering sigh, his shoulders drooping, before he made his way over to Matt. He settled down beside him, shoulder to shoulder — although he faced the opposite direction, unwilling to let those exits escape his line of sight. In case he needed to bolt. He let their shoulders brush, giving Matt's a gentle nudge without thinking; it was an old habit of his, an attempt to offer even a tiny bit of comfort, maybe even affection, even though he wouldn't be surprised it Matt leaned away from him.

       Matt had asked him, so Zane told him. He started with his suspicion that someone must have seen them together and told Xiao Dan. He told Matt about the job, although all he knew of the details was what his father had told him, which was the bare minimum. He never talked to Zane about the work he'd done for the clan, but he knew his father had done everything that had been asked of him, even if it had taken a heavy toll. They were to relocate to Shanghai and the job required discretion, so they could tell no one. He'd said he'd arranged a flight for them, that they would have somewhere to stay when they arrived. Everything had been taken care of and it was effective immediately. Zane barely had an evening to pack up his entire life.

       He went on to describe how they'd been abducted in the airport parking garage by four clan members — his voice began to sound tense and ragged again as he spoke about what had happened to his father. A knife to the stomach, how he'd bled to death quickly and Zane had been helpless to do anything but watch … he hadn't freed himself fast enough.

       Zane explained how Matt's training had saved his life — because without it, he wouldn't have stood a chance of surviving their attempt to strangle him with a metal cord next. He'd known all the weak spots to hit, how to use his momentum in his own favor while using theirs against them. Once he'd escaped, all he could find was broken shards of glass and he'd had no choice but to kill all four of them by himself. Zane only remembered bits and pieces through his rage and pain, but he'd managed it. Once he was alone, he'd wondered if Matt had been in on it, but … the training was what had given him hope that it wasn't true.

       Lastly, He told Matt about his long, dangerous journey to Los Angeles where he eventually joined the Red Fox Clan. Zane only touched on his throat trouble — it was difficult to trust anyone with how bad it really could be.

       ❝That's it,❞ he said once he finished. ❝I didn't abandon you, Matt. I didn't betray anyone. Your grandfather tried to kill me. You're the only reason I'm still alive.❞

 Long Zhi just sat there, listening. Why hadn’t he asked? He wasn’t sure. Maybe because it didn’t matter what Zane had to say, because what was he going to do? Take a betrayer’s word over his own grandfather’s? Believe a stranger over his own family? Or was it indeed because he was scared of what he could possibly learn?

 He hadn’t really had the time to even think about the implications of what it would mean if everything he had been told about Zane’s disappearance was a lie. How it would make him feel. About himself, about the clan, about his grandfather and everything that had happened in the wake of it for the past few years. His life had changed drastically, abruptly, and he had never recovered from it, not really. He had just… moved on, nursing the wounds that refused to heal every single day while also making sure to hide them from view. After all, he was never meant to love a boy. So he couldn’t show his grief, his pain, when, in everyone else's eyes, he had never lost more than a simple friend at best who’d occasionally taught him some English.

 If it came out that it all had been a lie, what then? What would he do?

 Nothing, a voice in his head replied. Because what could he do? It wouldn’t change anything, would it? Even if whatever Zane had to say was the truth, and he hadn’t just turned on the clan like Long Zhi was led to believe, what would it change? Everything. But in the end, it wouldn’t matter. Because he would still be Liu Long Zhi, heir to the Black Dragon Clan, and he would still be Min Zi Xin, traitor of the Black Dragon clan. There was no happy ending, no resolution. Their lives were no longer meant to be intertwined, regardless of how much the mere thought of it hurt.

 “I will cope with it the same way I cope with everything else. By burying it deep down and continuing on with a head held high. Because that’s all I can do, that’s all I’ve ever been able to do.” That’s all I’ve ever been allowed to do. His voice was quiet now, calm even. As though a switch had flipped in his mind and all the anger and pain had somehow disappeared. In truth, he was simply too exhausted. Too drained by both physical exertion and mental overload. “Tell me then, Zane. Tell me what happened.”