#TH 02. ┊ painful consequences. ( FEILIEN. )

[huyaoxiaozi]

@feilien | PLOTTED STARTER.

       After Matt had disappeared through the window, Zane had simply finished packing his things—along with anything else stored there that could be important—and left the safe house for the last time. Of course he'd needed to designate it as compromised. The heir to the Black Dragon Clan knew about it, after all. Matt may have let Zane go, but he was clearly deepy suseptible to his clan's whims. Considering how bad it had ended up for him the last time he'd trusted Matt blindly, he wasn't about to make a mistake like that again.

       Regardless, after finally seeing him again after all this time, after gaining some certainty in whether or not Matt still felt anything for him ... Zane couldn't get the boy he still he'd once loved out of his head. All the various scenarios, all of the ways things could have ended, for better or worse, plagued his mind, and even his dreams. Matt's rich dark eyes haunted him and it was almost embarrassing how many times he found himself wondering what would've happened if he'd given into temptation. If he'd simply shoved Matt up against that wall again — but this time, to capture his lips with his own rather than pressing a blade to his throat.

       He thought of Matt's laybored breathing, his reactions at the slightest gestures, he thought of Matt's hands in Zane's hair, Matt's fingers curled into his jacket while he kissed like he was starving to death ...

       It would've resulted in getting gutted by those sharp blades of his, Zane often scolded himself. It was the possibility that he could be wrong that always brought the fantasy back with a vengeance.

       Zane kept a close watch on Matt now that he knew where he was and what he was doing. Most of the time, it was strictly business — but after catching just a glimpse of him training fucking shirtless once, he knew it could never be strictly business between them. When they were young, Matt had been skinnier; lean muscled and strong regardless, but at a glance, he'd always seemed a bit scrawny, until you looked closer.

       As an adult, he'd long since grown into his height, grew more muscle. He was still incredibly lean, but there was no chance you'd mistake him as scrawny anymore. Mercifully, he was thoroughly distracted by how that made him feel once he noticed the fresh wounds and bruises that adorned his bare skin, however.

       Zane knew battle wounds and, from what he could see, these were nothing like that. It looked as though Matt had simply let someone hurt him, over and over again — and, in a horrible flash, he thought, was this the consequences of letting him go? Of failing to neutralize the threat? Was he once again the reason for someone else's misery? Despite how hard he tried to convince himself that Matt's personal business was not his problem, he found himself climbing up to the roof of a building, his eyes keen as they swept over his surroundings ... until they settled on the back of a familiar figure.

Zane approached him cautiously, knowing full well that taking Matt by surprise could no doubt be lethal. He was still several feet away when he cleared his throat. ❝Still scaling rooftops, I see,❞ he rasped, his tone conveying a calm and casual demeanor that he very much did not feel.

[huyaoxiaozi]

        ❝It wasn't your fault, Matt,❞ Zane rasped. He knew Matt well enough to expect him to blame himself. After all, how could someone be wrong if every terrible decision they made was your fault? ❝Your grandfather made the decision to try to kill innocent people for no good reason. The only person at fault is him. I didn't tell you what happened to me so you could sit here and blame yourself for someone else's actions. That's what he wants — he can't be held responsible for things he does to make your life a living hell if you're too busy thinking it's all your fault instead. Don't give him that satisfaction.❞

      ❝Besides,❞ he shifted his gaze to settle on Matt's features. Again he gave Matt a nudge with his shoulder, intensional this time. ❝Hey. Look at me. Even if I knew exactly what was going to happen, I'd do it all over again. I wouldn't trade my time spent with you for anything.❞ Zane took another brief glance at the exits before he reached for Matt again.

       To his surprise, Matt didn't flinch away, despite his preparing for it. He didn't much take it as a good thing — it was obvious Matt was overwhelmed, his mind having shut down in some way to cope with everything. He cupped the side of Matt's face like he'd wanted to so badly before. Zane smoothed his thumb over his cheek, relishing in the familiarity, of the warm electric current that traveled through his body with the contact. He found himself desperately wishing he could lean in and kiss Matt again, but ... he knew it would be a hollow thing if he did. A low sigh escaped him.

       ❝So … shut your fucking mouth.❞ Zane said with a teasing, light tenderness, just like he used to. The faintest upward quirk of his lips followed, brows lifting with emphasis. He let his eyes roam over Matt one last time, once again as if he were memorizing his features — then he let his hand drop to Matt's shoulder where he gave it a gentle squeeze. Zane rose to his feet. ❝If you decide to be brave one day and leave this place behind, take your life back, I'll be right by your side ... as long as you want me there, anyway. Try to at least get some sleep after they leave.❞

       He made his way to the fire escape, the ache in his chest unbearable — he hated to leave Matt like this, but … he was right. Their time was nearly up and all of this would've been for nothing if he was caught here. Not to mention, Matt would once again be severely punished for Zane's actions. As he quietly dropped down onto the fire escape, he hoped Matt would eventually take advantage of the folded piece of paper he'd slipped into his pocket.

       Written in Zane's familiar scrawl was his phone number and, just bellow, it read, You're not alone anymore.

 While Zane told his story, Long Zhi just sat there silently, taking it all in. He didn’t react or move in any way, not even when he felt a shoulder bump into his own, once again bringing back memories he had buried deep down a long time ago. ( Would they ever leave him alone? Or was he cursed to carry them with him forever, yearning for times long gone every time something even remotely reminded him of what they used to have? )

 There was, of course, a good chance that Zane was lying. That it was all part of a bigger plan to bring down the clan by using him as a tool. Destroying it from the inside, if you will. Except… Long Zhi knew Zane wasn’t lying. They might’ve been apart for years, their bond broken, but that didn’t mean he had lost the ability to read the other entirely. He still had tells, still gave himself away if one looked closely enough. It had gotten more difficult, but not impossible.

 Whatever Zane was saying was the truth. There was no doubt in his mind.

 Somehow, Long Zhi felt both overwhelmed, and completely numb at the same time. It was almost as though his brain was struggling to process everything he had just learned, while his entire body had just shut down so he didn’t have to feel the pain he should no doubt be feeling right now.

 “I’m the only reason this happened to you, to begin with.” His scars, his father’s death—none of that would’ve happened had it not been for him crossing paths with the clan’s heir. If the clan’s heir had never fallen in love with him. It all could’ve been avoided if Long Zhi hadn’t been so desperate for someone’s attention and affection that he clung to the first person who willingly gave it to him. It all could’ve been avoided if only he had focused on what he was supposed to focus on. Instead, he had to wander off, fall in love and make someone’s life a living hell. Good job.

 “You should probably leave. It can’t be too much longer until they decide to check up on me again. The last thing you want is to be spotted up here. I suppose it would ruin your revenge plans.”

[huyaoxiaozi]

       It was a hollow victory, painful and bittersweet — Zane hated seeing Matt like this. He hadn't come here to break him down, but the only way Zane knew how to help him was to push him to a breaking point. Otherwise, he couldn't see what the reality was, that it wasn't whatever his grandfather or the clan told him. They'd made it nearly impossible for him to actually think, exhausting and practically starving him to keep him compliant. It was all by design.

       Zane let out a long, wavering sigh, his shoulders drooping, before he made his way over to Matt. He settled down beside him, shoulder to shoulder — although he faced the opposite direction, unwilling to let those exits escape his line of sight. In case he needed to bolt. He let their shoulders brush, giving Matt's a gentle nudge without thinking; it was an old habit of his, an attempt to offer even a tiny bit of comfort, maybe even affection, even though he wouldn't be surprised it Matt leaned away from him.

       Matt had asked him, so Zane told him. He started with his suspicion that someone must have seen them together and told Xiao Dan. He told Matt about the job, although all he knew of the details was what his father had told him, which was the bare minimum. He never talked to Zane about the work he'd done for the clan, but he knew his father had done everything that had been asked of him, even if it had taken a heavy toll. They were to relocate to Shanghai and the job required discretion, so they could tell no one. He'd said he'd arranged a flight for them, that they would have somewhere to stay when they arrived. Everything had been taken care of and it was effective immediately. Zane barely had an evening to pack up his entire life.

       He went on to describe how they'd been abducted in the airport parking garage by four clan members — his voice began to sound tense and ragged again as he spoke about what had happened to his father. A knife to the stomach, how he'd bled to death quickly and Zane had been helpless to do anything but watch … he hadn't freed himself fast enough.

       Zane explained how Matt's training had saved his life — because without it, he wouldn't have stood a chance of surviving their attempt to strangle him with a metal cord next. He'd known all the weak spots to hit, how to use his momentum in his own favor while using theirs against them. Once he'd escaped, all he could find was broken shards of glass and he'd had no choice but to kill all four of them by himself. Zane only remembered bits and pieces through his rage and pain, but he'd managed it. Once he was alone, he'd wondered if Matt had been in on it, but … the training was what had given him hope that it wasn't true.

       Lastly, He told Matt about his long, dangerous journey to Los Angeles where he eventually joined the Red Fox Clan. Zane only touched on his throat trouble — it was difficult to trust anyone with how bad it really could be.

       ❝That's it,❞ he said once he finished. ❝I didn't abandon you, Matt. I didn't betray anyone. Your grandfather tried to kill me. You're the only reason I'm still alive.❞

 Long Zhi just sat there, listening. Why hadn’t he asked? He wasn’t sure. Maybe because it didn’t matter what Zane had to say, because what was he going to do? Take a betrayer’s word over his own grandfather’s? Believe a stranger over his own family? Or was it indeed because he was scared of what he could possibly learn?

 He hadn’t really had the time to even think about the implications of what it would mean if everything he had been told about Zane’s disappearance was a lie. How it would make him feel. About himself, about the clan, about his grandfather and everything that had happened in the wake of it for the past few years. His life had changed drastically, abruptly, and he had never recovered from it, not really. He had just… moved on, nursing the wounds that refused to heal every single day while also making sure to hide them from view. After all, he was never meant to love a boy. So he couldn’t show his grief, his pain, when, in everyone else's eyes, he had never lost more than a simple friend at best who’d occasionally taught him some English.

 If it came out that it all had been a lie, what then? What would he do?

 Nothing, a voice in his head replied. Because what could he do? It wouldn’t change anything, would it? Even if whatever Zane had to say was the truth, and he hadn’t just turned on the clan like Long Zhi was led to believe, what would it change? Everything. But in the end, it wouldn’t matter. Because he would still be Liu Long Zhi, heir to the Black Dragon Clan, and he would still be Min Zi Xin, traitor of the Black Dragon clan. There was no happy ending, no resolution. Their lives were no longer meant to be intertwined, regardless of how much the mere thought of it hurt.

 “I will cope with it the same way I cope with everything else. By burying it deep down and continuing on with a head held high. Because that’s all I can do, that’s all I’ve ever been able to do.” That’s all I’ve ever been allowed to do. His voice was quiet now, calm even. As though a switch had flipped in his mind and all the anger and pain had somehow disappeared. In truth, he was simply too exhausted. Too drained by both physical exertion and mental overload. “Tell me then, Zane. Tell me what happened.”

[huyaoxiaozi]

       ❝You haven't asked me what happened, Matt,❞ Zane insisted with the name, ignoring his words — that wasn't fucking true and they both knew damn well. ❝You told me what Xiao Dan said happened, but you haven't asked me. Not fucking once.❞

       He turned to look back at Matt, further ignoring the unbearable pain in the chest at the sight of him on the ground, his fingers dragging through his hair. It was difficult to remain furious — the corners of his eyes stung and he swallowed thickly, squeezing his eyes shut briefly.

       All this time, Matt had blindly believed that he'd simply abandoned him, that he hadn't loved him so fiercely that he hadn't stopped thinking about him, not once, even after all these years. Zane would be long dead, just as Xiao Dan had wanted, if it weren't for Matt.

       ❝I'm the one who lived it, survived it, although fucking barely. I think you haven't asked because you're scared about what you'll hear, scared that you'll stare into my eyes and see that I'm telling the truth. What will you do, if you learn that your grandfather, your precious clan, did something unforgivable? How could you cope with that? ❞

       Zane let out another ragged breath — he still kept a close eye on the exits, even though they certainly still had plenty of time before the usual two hours was up. With a painful tenderness, he continued. ❝Ask me what happened and I'll tell you. I didn't leave by choice and Xiao Dan made sure I couldn't say anything to anyone, including you — I couldn't even say goodbye. If you want to keep believing I'd just up and abandon you without so much as a word, then go ahead, but ... if you actually want to know the truth, ask me.❞

       He stood there motionless, waiting. Say something, he begged Matt silently. Ask me what happened. Please, ask me. Zane was exhausted, too — exhausted of this rift between them, this misunderstanding that Xiao Dan had wedged there on purpose. He didn't want to fight anymore, he wanted to tell Matt everything.

       More than anything, he wanted Matt to believe him. Zane dropped his gaze before quietly adding, ❝I would have stayed with you, if I'd been given the choice. No question, no hesitation. That's all I'd ever wanted.❞

 "Congratulations, you've successfully learned how to surveil someone and their surroundings. Yes, all of those things are indeed true and accurate." Not that any of that changed things. His statements still held true—Zane was a fool for remaining in dangerous enemy territory. It didn't matter that he knew where the exits were, or just how many men were tasked with keeping an eye on him. All it took was one brief moment for someone to see him, to recognize him. Things could happen in the blink of an eye, no matter how well prepared you were. Long Zhi knew that one from experience.

 For the entirety of Zane's speech, Long Zhi remained silent. In part, because he was unsure what exactly to say, and in part because it made him seethe internally. Why exactly, he wasn't too sure. Was it because Zane had no right to speak on things he had no idea about, or was it because he could potentially be right with the things he said? 

 No. No, he couldn't be right. He wasn't right. What the hell did he know about anything? He'd never been a part of the clan, never had to live up to—and fail—expectations. Long Zhi knew what awaited him if he'd failed again, and yet he still lied to protect Zane. If he hadn't been such a failure so many times before, the punishment wouldn't have been this severe. He had no one else to thank but himself. That was it. He was the heir to this empire, expectations should be high for him. Why should they be content with an incompetent leader? Why should Xiao Dan be content with handing off his empire he had built from the ground up to someone who didn't deserve it? He didn't need Zane to understand; he didn't need anyone to understand. 

 The sudden coughing fit, or whatever this was, did briefly worry him. But that worry didn't last for long and was instead replaced with anger at Zane's words. Long Zhi was now fighting to keep his calm, to keep up this carefully crafted mask he'd learned to hide behind over the years. It was the only security blanket he had, the only defense to keep him safe. 

 But that mask cracked the second Zane's shoulder met his own. He spun around, shaking with barely contained anger now. "Stop fucking acting as though you care, Zi Xin! You fucking left! You disappeared without a fucking word and left me behind, wondering what I did wrong. Wondering what I did to not only push you away, but betray me as though I never meant anything to you! Now you come back, acting all high and mighty, as though you're better than my own clan, my own family? At least they never abandoned me. Yeah, they might be a bit tough. Yeah, their methods might not be... completely right, but they work. They make me stronger, tougher." Less me. "I don't expect you to understand. But stop acting as though you're better than them when they could never hurt me the way you have."

 Suddenly, he felt tired, exhausted. As though it all came crashing down on him now. Turning around, he once again made his way back to the dummy, even if he wasn't entirely sure how he'd muster the energy to continue. For now, although aware of the possible consequences, he let himself drop on the ground, and ran his hand through his hair. "And stop calling me Matt. Matt died the day you left."

[huyaoxiaozi]

       The kick rightfully knocked the wind out of Zane and he staggered backwards — he'd expected Matt to maybe tear his arm from his grasp, to recoil from the closeness once more, but he hadn't expected the kick. Maybe he should have by now. He said nothing, however; this was the answer he'd been seeking this whole time. Aside from the insistent desire to check on Matt himself, he'd needed to know for sure what had happened when he'd returned to Xiao Dan empty handed.

        ❝You've got three clan members that keep an eye on you in shifts,❞ Zane began with a ragged breath, ignoring the way his heart was pounding away in his chest. He'd suspected Matt had somehow evaded telling them what really happened, who he was, but … it was another thing entirely to hear him admit it. What's more, to hear him openly admit he'd been trying to protect him. 

       ❝They check on you every two hours or so, maybe three if you're lucky. There's two entrances and exits to the rooftop of this building and I've kept both in my line of sight. There's a fire escape,❞ he tilted his head to his right, past Matt towards the edge of the roof that either of them could reach in seconds if they ran to it.  ❝It leads down into the alley bellow. There's another one on the opposite side, there,❞ he gestured across the way with a nod of his head.

        ❝I started surveilling you as soon as possible. I couldn't be sure they wouldn't drag information out of you somehow. Of course, I noticed it was easier than it should've been. That tipped me off to the fact that they must still be in the dark. Then I see you moving like you're in pain a few days layer, the wounds, the bruises … you haven't left this place since. You've been doing the same damn routine over and over. This is the only place you go where you get some privacy for two or three hours, so that was my only window. I can't operate on an assumption without knowing the facts.❞

       Coming here at all was a risk and reckless in its own right — but Zane had taken every precaution he reasonably could to avoid bloodshed. To avoid forcing Matt to make a choice he wasn't ready to make. 

       ❝When was the last time you slept, Matt? When was the last time you ate something, more than just the bare minimum to get by? Have you ever wondered what excessive sleep and food deprivation does to a person and why they've been using it on you? Do you really think it's normal to be stripped of your agency and freedom on a daily fucking basis? ❞

       Zane had used the same tactics himself to extract information from people. It caused their critical thinking skills to deteriorate, made them deeply susceptible to manipulation and control. That was the whole point. Matt was better than this, smarter, and it filled him with rage to see him just laying down and taking it. Had he just let them beat him half to death without a word of protest? How many times had Matt endured this punishment?

        ❝If you—❞ Zane was cut off abruptly with a searing pain and tension in his throat. He briefly lifted his arm to let out a couple battered coughs into his elbow, took another ragged breath that sounded badly strained. When he managed to find his voice again, he spoke as if his throat were coated in razor blades, his sentences fractured with the effort. ❝If you want to stand there … and lie to yourself, lie to me, about how you deserve to get tortured … for having a beating heart in your chest, then … be my fucking guest. Who am I to stop you? ❞

       Zane cleared his throat roughly, exhaled shakily. He shook his head then. ❝Sorry for caring about you in a way that actually fucking matters,❞ he rasped, the dig fully intended for those in Matt's life who either actively tortured him or let it happen. He strode towards Matt once more — but this time it was just to physically shoulder past him, heading for the fire escape behind him. He ignored the electricity that followed every damn time they made any kind of contact, angry that even the slightest touch made him feel like he'd been struck by lightning. Why him? He thought.

 “You are, if you think this rooftop is deserted. You don’t think you just managed to sneak up on me, did you? The only reason you took me by surprise is because I expect to be watched; I just didn’t expect it to be you.” No, Zane certainly wasn’t a sixteen-year-old boy anymore, that much was obvious. But he sure as hell was acting like one, taking unnecessary risks and apparently not thinking things through. Hell, sixteen-year-old Zane had been smarter than this. It was irritating, infuriating even. Zane might be the enemy, but that didn’t mean Long Zhi wanted him harmed, let alone dead.

 I came here for you. He hated the way those words made him feel. How they instantly made him weak all over again, willing to throw caution into the wind and give in to whatever it was they used to have. He wanted it again. More than words could ever describe. But he, too, was no longer a sixteen year old boy. Instead, he was a grown man who still paid for the mistakes he’d made back then. Who still paid for the mistakes he made now. Xiao Dan’s patience would run out eventually, if Long Zhi didn’t wise up and act the way he was supposed to act. He couldn’t keep falling into old habits, even if those old habits had been the best thing that had ever happened to him, and probably ever would. He had top stop falling into this trap. He wasn’t supposed to be prey, he was supposed to be the fucking predator.

 When he felt Zane’s hand around his arm, Long Zhi froze for a second. It felt as though he was struck by lightning, and for a moment he was willing to be struck again. But then he came back to his senses and, after turning back around to face Zane, spartan kicked him with more force than necessary to put distance between them. He needed it to keep a clear head, to stop making stupid decisions that would only make things worse than they already were.

 “What do you fucking think, Zi Xin? Do you think you could ‘keep tabs on me’ if I had told them anything at all? Do you think you could prowl around the way you are if they even had an inkling you’re back? I know you seem to think you’re this big, invincible badass now for some godforsaken reason, but you’re not. You’re one man against a fucking army. We have numbers. And a lot of them are skilled fighters, skilled killers. If they as much as even picked up your scent, you’d be surrounded before you knew what happened.”

 Taking a step towards the other, Long Zhi balled his hands into fists to hide the slight trembling of his hands. Trembling from anger, from pain, from all of the emotions Zane’s reappearance had violently brought back to the surface after Long Zhi had so carefully buried them all as deep down as he could, aware he could never truly get rid of them no matter what.

 “You want to know what I told him? What I told Xiao Dan? Nothing. Because, despite everything, I was stupid enough to want to protect you. I looked him in the eyes and told him I let my target get away. I told him I was incompetent, a failure, and I paid the price for it. I paid the price for nothing at all, because you insist on acting like a fucking fool. You will get yourself killed, Zane. And me right along with you.”

[huyaoxiaozi]

       Matt's scolding was frustrating to listen to and Zane offered nothing but a roll of his eyes. Matt didn't know that Zane had been forced to viciously kill four of the Black Dragon Clan's men alone when he was sixteen, nor did he know of all the people he'd killed since. He wasn't about to tell him, either — Zane had nothing to prove.

       Aside from that, of course he wasn't stupid enough to let himself get caught in enemy territory. Despite how many people he may or may not believe he could hold his ground against, he wouldn't risk it. His death meant he couldn't give his father the vengeance he deserved and that simply wasn't an option.

       He watched Matt closely as he disengaged, seeking a towel and his forgotten shirt. Zane took note of the way he moved, the areas he seemed to favor, every inkling of weakness. He was trying to figure out where the worst of the damage was. Part of it was a habit, a means of survival that he'd learned to hone on the streets. It was in case Zane was forced to use Matt's injuries against him, but ... he was also trying to put together the string of events in his minds eye.

       He felt both relief and disappointment when all that skin was again shrouded from view. However, when their eyes met and Matt saw a flash of what Zane was truly capable of, he'd taken a step back. Good, he thought, ignoring the painful sting in his heart. He should be wary of me. If Matt ended up giving him no other choice but to treat him like an enemy, his fear and weakness would be useful.

       The mere idea of that made Zane sick to his stomach.

        ❝Despite what you think, I'm not an idiot, Matt. That's why I'm standing here, on a deserted rooftop, talking to you. I'm not a fucking sixteen year old kid asking to be taught basic self defense anymore.❞ Zane hadn't intended to argue against Matt's scolding words, or his apparent belief in Zane's percieved incompetence, but ... it was difficult to hold back when Matt kept making the dig.

       No one did anything to me that I didn't deserve. Like hell, Zane wanted to argue. Matt deserved a hell of a lot better than whatever controlling, torturous nightmare he was currently living. A heavy sigh escaped him and he shook his head, eyes briefly closing. ❝I came here for you,❞ he rasped, instantly regretting the way it sounded. I was worried about you. I wanted to make sure you were okay. I know you're not okay and I hate feeling helpless all over again. ❝You found our safehouse, I have to keep tabs on you now. I noticed something was wrong ...❞

       Zane gritted his teeth and closed the distance between them, one hand shooting out to curl around Matt's arm before he could go back to what he'd been doing. Again, he sought Matt's gaze and again he was far too close, closer than strictly necessary, but ... he wanted to be closer still. ❝Listen. I need to know what you told them.❞ Given they hadn't hunted him down yet told Zane that Matt hadn't said much, if anything at all, but ... he had to know for sure. Again it sparked a painful blaze of hope in his chest.

 “You’ve dealt with plenty of clan members on their own, Za— Zi Xin,” Long Zhi corrected, both Zane’s statement and himself. “If they catch wind of you being here, you won’t just have to deal with one or two. It’s going to be half an army, and you know that.” Not to mention that he himself would be forced to be a part of that army. He couldn’t just stand there and do nothing, let alone fight by Zane’s side—even if he knew that was what he truly wanted to do. In the end, he’d have to choose the clan. Like he always had. Like he always would.

 Once he noticed how Zane’s gaze started to focus on his body, Long Zhi shifted uncomfortably, suddenly reminded of how blatantly obvious some of his injuries were. He knew it was too late now, but he still grabbed a towel to dry himself off, before throwing his shirt back on. The damage was done already, of course, but it still felt easier to explain away if the injuries weren’t on full display. His mind was already trying to come up with excuses, even though he knew it was none of Zane’s business to begin with. And what did he care, anyway?

 ( And why, for fuck’s sake, did it give him a glimmer of unwanted hope? Why did the thought of Zane possibly still caring, however little it may be, make his heart pound inside of his chest? Why did it bring back memories of Zane tending to his wounds after one of their countless sparring matches had turned a little too heated and intense? Why did Long Zhi want him to care? )

 When Zane’s gaze finally met his own again, Long Zhi was startled by the sudden intensity of it. It was almost unsettling, and he involuntarily took a step back in an attempt to escape it. In their time together, Zane had looked at him plenty of ways, but never like that—and it reminded him that he hardly knew the person he had once loved with all of his heart. He was naive then, a teenager head over heels in love with someone he shouldn’t be in love with. A love made all the more tempting and thrilling by the secrecy and sneaking around. Young love. Stupid love. Never meant to last forever. Never meant to be at all.

 Turning away, Long Zhi shrugged his shoulders and grabbed a bottle of water sitting next to the dummy. “No one did anything to me that I didn’t deserve.” After taking a few sips, he set the bottle back down and made his way back to the dummy to resume his training. “Why are you here, Zi Xin? What is it you want, besides getting killed? If it’s my grandfather you’re looking for, I think I’ve already made it clear that I’m the last person to help you enact your revenge, or whatever it is you have going on.”

[huyaoxiaozi]

       Zane pressed his lips together tightly, resisting the urge to smile, to laugh as one of the wooden bars collided with Matt's head. It was a stupid thing to find funny, but ... somehow, he still managed to be deeply, painfully endearing without even trying. He averted his eyes — and, with Matt being shirtless yet again, it was difficult to decide where to look.

       His words, however, drew Zane's eye again and he felt a twinge of annoyance. While Matt had been the one to teach Zane how to fight, he'd long-since evolved since then; he'd learned how to survive through pain, fear and gritted teeth and that was what had truly woken a monster inside him that he hadn't known was there.

       There was a reason he was often referred to as a demon, after all.

       A quiet scoff escaped him as he met Matt's eyes, trying to ignore the way his heart practically stuttered in his chest. ❝I've dealt with plenty of other clan members before they sent you after me and yet, here I stand.❞ Zane tucked his hands into his pockets, the gesture maintaining his casual facade as he purposefully let his gaze slip from Matt's to sweep over his body.

       He studied the wounds and bruises more closely, now that he wasn't so far away. Taking a couple steps closer, Zane began to circle him thoughtfully — he cleared his throat once more, but it was more of a compulsive thing to ease the tension there. The emotion Matt invoked in him challenged the careful control he'd worked so hard to maintain over the muscles in his throat.

       ❝Your movement is slow and stiff,❞ Zane went on to say, the statement not at all sounding like criticism, just ... an observation. An undercurrent of concern lingered there instead and it softened the rough burn of his voice. With his hands in his pockets, it was a little easier to stop himself from falling back into the old habits of casual touch. Still, he yearned for it — Matt had flinched away from his touch before, but ... what if he'd persisted? Would he cave, would he shove him away?

       Did it matter when Zane believed he knew better than to try such a thing, after their closeness had nearly cost him his life? Did he truly care, as long as he got to experience it all one more time? He traced the scars on his own palms with his thumbs, the gesture hidden from view. A reminder. ❝You didn't get those wounds from a proper fight, either ...❞

       Zane's gaze snapped back up to meet Matt's as he came to a stop in front of him. There was a blazing heat that resided in those dark eyes of his that had never been there before his life had been torn apart. It was a vicious thing, dangerous, but it wasn't aimed at Matt specifically. It looked as though Zane were ready to rip whoever had laid their hands on him to shreds. It looked like he'd succeed at it, too. ❝What did they do to you? ❞

 Just as Long Zhi had predicted, his failure hadn’t been taken lightly. He didn’t even have to say anything; the moment he stepped through the doors to meet his grandfather in the office, he already knew that Long Zhi had failed. How exactly his grandfather had known, he wasn’t too sure. Perhaps one of his many birds had told him, or maybe it was just something about his posture or behaviour that gave it away. Whatever it was, Xiao Dan wasn’t happy. This wasn’t just any usual target, but someone who had actively caused trouble on their turf, and for the clan. Long Zhi’s failure meant disgrace, and, above all, opened the door for others to do the same while thinking they could get away with it.

 When interrogated about why he had failed, Long Zhi lied. He didn’t know why he lied, he just did. The easy thing to do, one that might’ve saved him some trouble, would’ve been to tell Xiao Dan that Zane was back, intentionally causing trouble on their home turf, rather than just in Shanghai. But Zane’s name never left his lips. Instead, he concocted a story of how the target had simply slipped through his fingers. How he had waited too long to strike and by the time he was ready, there would’ve been too many witnesses. That it had been too dangerous and not worth the risk. That there would be another chance and that he would strike then.

 Xiao Dan’s expression never changed, but Long Zhi could tell he was seething by the way he gripped the arms of his chair.   He was scared.

 The punishment didn’t follow immediately. But he was stripped of all of his duties and privileges for the time being, making him less than a grunt in all but title. It was the humiliation of it that was the true punishment, he knew. No one dared to disrespect the heir to his face, but that didn’t mean Long Zhi didn’t catch them whispering or snickering once he walked past, leaving him to wonder once more how he was expected to lead men who had seen him disgraced so many times before picking up the proverbial crown. It didn’t matter how skilled or deadly he was when he couldn’t retain respect from his own men.

 The physical punishment followed a few days later, when he walked into the room he was meant to train in with his new sifu, but found a handful of the clan’s most skilled fighters instead. This wasn’t the first time, and he knew it wouldn’t be the last time unless he finally stopped failing. He didn’t bother trying to defend himself, knowing damn well that it would only make things worse in the long run.  He wasn’t meant to come out of this unharmed. The goal was to remind him of his failure with every little movement he made for the next few weeks. While he studied, while he trained, even while he walked his fucking dog. And he better not dare slack off because of the pain—it wouldn’t end well for him. A lesson he only had to be taught once.

 There was also no more spare time. Not that he ever had a whole lot, to begin with, but he used to be allowed to take a breather from time to time when he did have some. Now? Now he better not be caught sitting down, let alone getting some sleep. The only compromise that was made was that he was allowed to train on the roof, by himself. It wasn’t much, but being away from everything and everyone even for an hour was like a breath of freedom.

 When he heard footsteps behind him, Long Zhi didn’t think much of it, and figured it was just someone sent by his grandfather to make sure he was indeed keeping busy up here. It wasn’t until he heard Zane’s voice that he froze, and promptly got whacked in the head by one of the wooden branches. Turning around, he rubbed the side of his head and stared incredulously at the other. “It is still the only place that allows me some freedom.” Taking a step towards him, Long Zhi dropped his hand and narrowed his eyes. “Are you fucking insane? Do you want to get killed tonight, showing up in the heart of enemy territory? The second they see you—” All of my lying will have been for nothing.

 “I figured you were stupid, fucking with the clan. But I didn’t think you were this fucking stupid.”